The Ultimate Body Language Book

undetected lest it cause irreversible damage or negative thoughts. Echoing was compared to mirroring,
with one key difference. That is, we found that echoing happens when similar postures were taken up,
but only after some time had elapsed, rather than immediately as in mirroring. Echoing was therefore
described as a more subtle way to build rapport. We found that mirroring can help find common ground
during negotiations by creating cooperation and empathy instead of deception.
We also talked about what issues can arise to inhibit mirroring which includes resistance from inward
looking people who define themselves by whom they are rather than their associations with others, self
monitors who tend to obey their own internal regulators instead of modifying themselves by
environment, and the final reason was outlined as outright disagreement. We discussed how mirroring
can be matched to create perfect flow through changing dialect, speech rate or tempo, pitch, tonality,
voice inflection, use of words and even accent and is called “communication accommodation theory.”
We defined perfect speech patterns as “pacing” where information flows uninterrupted and in rhythm.
Next we solved the puzzle as to why our pets look like our kids and couples look like each other, how
our bosses and superiors call the shots and we should only sometimes mirror them, and how women
mirror more than men overall.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

Introduction – Chapter 13

He could learn a thing or two from this chapter.
In dating, men are the initiators, or aggressors, right? Wrong! In fact, the vast majority of the time
women are the ones to give off signals first which cue men to approach rather than the other way
around, and men usually don’t approach unless they perceive some form of attraction. I suppose the
problem as women see it, is that the signals they give off are often under subconscious control so they
never realize they are actually compelling men to approach them. This is what makes this chapter so
important for both men and women who are newly entering, still playing, or even those who are re-
entering the dating game. It will help men identify sexual cues from the cues we’ve seen so far which

are non-sexual, and will help women focus on delivering the message they truly wish to communicate,
or don’t wish to communicate, so as to avoid any confusion or unwanted solicitation.

She could learn a thing or two from this chapter.
Dating and courtship is ultimately about testing the willingness of a particular man to invest in a
particular woman, with the net result producing children and hence a family. Sometime we fool
ourselves into thinking there is much more than this involved, or that family creation has nothing to do
with dating and courtship, but in reality there isn’t so. Some feel that dating is just for fun and nothing
serious is at hand, and while some encounters are aimed in that direction, inevitably with brains that are
evolutionarily hardwired to assess and realize the real risk of pregnancy stemming from sexual
encounters, everyone considers and catalogs this risks with each and every partner. Thus, at play are
cues to our fitness, health, vigor, sexiness and attractiveness which we evaluate as spoils which may be
passed onto our children through our sexual partners. Birth control has played an effect on us, and we
do treat sex more casually, but we still don’t choose partners willy-nilly. Women, try to draw courtship
out by putting off sex, so as to solidify her bond with potential mates. Courtship, especially long ones,
give women cues to a man’s ability and desire to invest in her with our form of resource; money. In our
evolutionary history, men would have been good catches if they could build and maintain shelters,
protect women from dangers such as other men and predators, had various skills like fire building, and
of course the ability to regularly predating other animals for meat. The more time he invests initially,
she thinks, the greater investment she will receive from him in the future.
Body language is a fundamental part of courtship. As we have learned, verbal language is risky and not
only because it may lead to embarrassment, but because it often requires a verbal response from others,
which can turn out to be tragically embarrassing. Keeping spoken words out of courtship initiation
process and therefore out of consciousness will save us plenty of grief from being openly rejected, or
perhaps even worse, negative feelings with having to reject. Using and reading nonverbal cues
therefore is important in courtship, so pay particular attention to the following signals so you can judge
interest yourself, without saying a word. Courtship signals are extensive and complex, perhaps
numbering in the thousands, so I will only cover the basics here. For those that want more detail, they
may wish to read my e-book Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language
(2007). Much more emphasis is placed on instruction for men to help them read women better,

although it can be helpful to women who wish to send more appropriate signals of attraction, rejection
or to simply bring from the subconscious the signals they use all the time.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

Why Men Don’t Seem To Get It And Why
Women Are Half The Problem

Some men are naturals – the rest of us need to work at it!
Research conducted in 2008 by Dr. Coreen Farris of Indiana University shows that men just don’t get it
when it comes to sexual signals. Her study had an initial group of both males and females rate images
based on four categories (called affect groupings): friendly, sexually interested, sad, or rejecting. From
that sample they chose an additional set of eighty men and eighty women to rate the final images into
affect groupings once again. A photo was kept if the majority of men and women categorized the
picture into the same affect group. The results showed some interesting findings. Men not only mistook
non-sexual cues for sexual cues, but they also mistook the sexual cues as non-sexual.
The confusion men have when rating women’s nonverbal sexual signals probably has everything to do
with the fact that men have twenty times more testosterone than women and so their perception of the
world is viewed through ‘sex-coloured-glasses’. In terms of evolution and efficacy of spreading their
seed, this makes sense, even though at times it can lead to unwanted or embarrassing confusion.
Because of men’s inability to read cues properly, this chapter is heavily aimed identifying cues that will
help men read the signals more precisely. The subtext of the chapter though, is aimed squarely on
women to turn them into better deliverers of their true intent so as to avoid unwanted solicitation. In
other words, women carry a clear fifty percent share of the fault when it comes to poor courtship cues,
as are men in reading them. If women can improve the clearness of their signals, men can, and will
respond more appropriately. When it comes to men, a precise, direct signal is best.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

It’s A Women’s Job To Attract Attention

Men prefer a direct approach – study the signals, put them out there and men will respond. Simple.
Researcher in 1989 by Dr. Monica Moore of the University of Missouri in St Louis conducted a study
of how women interacted in public. They specifically examined nonverbal language as it pertained to
attracting attention from men. In the study, they followed eighteen to thirty-five year old women in

singles bars. In all, she monitored her subjects for fifty-two different kinds of gestures and behaviours
so she could relate them back to their effects on others. Some of the cues included, smiling, touching,
pouting, skirt hiking, leaning toward males, brushing up against a man with her breasts or body, tossing
her hair, gazing such as lowering eyelids, raising and widening eyes, throwing quick glances, flipping
or tossing the hair or giggling.

Two interesting results stemmed from the research. One, the flirting was location specific. Most of the
flirting happened in singles bars and was virtually non-existent in other locations. The second major
finding was that women who signaled most often, where also most often approached by men. However,
men that sent out signals in this way, fail miserably at receiving attention from women. In another
study, researchers found that up to seventy percent of all courtship is initiated by women and ninety
percent of the time, trained observers were able to accurately predict the outcome of interactions that
stemmed from overt female behaviour. In this study, observes looked for cues such as upward palm
gestures, primping, caressing one’s body with the hand, requesting aid, crossing and uncrossing legs,
and exhibiting solitary dance movements. If you think attractiveness of subjects had anything to do
with approach, think again. In fact, it’s the frequencies with which these behaviours occurred which
had the greatest affect on drawing men in to approach. Attraction is in the eye of the behaviour. More
attractive females showing few signals, attract less attention. If it’s your goal to reduce attention,
eliminate positive body language. It’s not much more complicated than this.

‘Accidental touching’ is a subtle and low risk way women can initiate courtship.

Attractiveness plays little or no beneficial part in solicitation, as mentioned above. It has been said that
men approach women who are near average or slightly above average most frequently and
mathematically this should be obvious. Most men are average looking and it is them who are seeking
out average women. Men might gawk at particularly hot women, but they rarely build up the courage to
cross their “league” for fear of being rejected (or wasting their time). While average men could
approach and possibly succeed in lower leagues, they’d be faced with having to lower their standards.

As sad as it is, men and women seek to best maximize the attractiveness of their partners, and in most
cases it involves dating someone of similar attractiveness.

Researcher Adam Kendon filmed a kissing couple in 1975 and found that it was the woman’s
behaviour, particularly her facial expressions, that regulated and modulated the behaviour of her
partner. Other research shows that women also modulate stages of intimacy through their nonverbal
body language by allowing or disallowing the breach of stages. Women also tend to control the
initiation of conversations between strangers too. For example, when no eye contact is made by the
women, others don’t approach or start conversations. So in summary, there really is no excuse, it’s the
women’s job to solicit, or reject, as the case may be making it vitally important for both women and
men to recognize the signals of sexual solicitation. Next, we do just this!

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

The Most Common Female Sexual Signals

Lip licking can be a cue of sexual interest, but only if other cues are present. No cue, by itself can be
taken to mean any one thing.

Nearly every motion of the body can be construed sexually, but only properly read as sexual within the
right context. Take for example proximity, which can mean interest, but independent of context, means
nothing. Getting stuffed into an elevator may lead to accidental touching but this doesn’t mean a girl
fancies a guy, but in context with other signals, could mean that she does. She might go out of her way
to stand next to him even if the elevator is only partially full, or she might cast intermittent gazes.
Unfortunately, these low key signals are often thought to be clear signals of interest by the women who
send them. Women figure they’re obvious and overt, and when the man she fancies doesn’t reciprocate,
she takes this to mean that he’s disinterested. Even if she gives him the benefit of the doubt she might
“ramp” things up a little bit to get him excited by looking up into his eyes and licking her lips making
them glossy, but even these subtle hints can pass for normal affect. From these cues alone, should he
know what is going on?

The simple answer is, no, he shouldn’t, he needs more obvious clues to discern interest. Maybe she
licks her lips regularly, maybe she’s a natural close talker and ignores the personal space of those
around her as part of her personality explaining her willingness to stand so close or maybe she’s just a
friendly kind of person. Men need concrete reasons to solicit because what women are asking of them
is risky and potentially embarrassing. Without “coming over the top” which can than be risky for
women, they should offer controlled, directed and continuous signals of interest to test his willingness
to pursue. Signals should begin subtly and grow in intensity with the passage of time, especially if the
hint isn’t being picked up and there is a strong interest in creating attraction. Women should not assume
that just because he doesn’t respond to a smile, that he’s completely without interest. He might be
doing his version of being polite, or gentlemanly. Along similar lines, men should resist approaching
any and all women, especially those that only put out mild cues. Men should let women dance a little
too, as this will raise sexual tension, show that they are worthy as a mate because they aren’t
supplicating all over them, and that they have inherent value. This isn’t to say that they should ignore
cues altogether, all cues are important to recall, but it does mean that they should resist acting on vague
ones.

In this chapter we first we cover the most common sexual signals for women, and then we move onto
ways in which men can signal sexually in the pages that follow. For now, let’s look at what women can
do to be clear about their sexual interest to men, so as to reap the results they desire, and in the same
breath we outline the cues that men should be watchful of in women as cues worthy of pursuit.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

She Displays Submissively, Sexually, Gets Closer
And Builds Rapport

Many sexual cues are submissive in nature – it evokes a protective response in men.

Most sexual signals a woman imparts has some component that is rooted in appearing submissive. A
very large part of dating involves relinquishing power to our partners and most often it is the woman
who allows herself to be dominated by men, rather than the other way around. You might think that it
untrue, that women today share equally or tend to “wear the pants in the household”, and that feminism
has equalized the sexes, but if you take the act of sex by itself, absent of whatever else happens in the
couple’s dynamic, it is plainly obvious that men dominate the act. Sex, is done by penetrating the
women’s vagina with the man’s penis. The very act alone requires her to submit to him, and
relationships are no different. Now I do understand that women control the household, some even
control the finances, but women still hold and give birth to children and the brain is still hardwired to
prefer a dominant man who can assist in raising that child. These points, and not withstanding the
myriad of variations with respect to dominance and how it fits into relationships male dominance still
holds true for the “norm” – for the average. There’d be no point in talking specifically to couples that
use sex in more creative ways that what the human body is naturally equipped for, or couples where
women seek the upper hand and wish to be in control at all times, for the exact reason that it is a huge
minority. Almost universally, women prefer men who are larger and more dominant in relation to
themselves. When women select their mates the seek men who they can respect, and part of this is
directly related to his status. When women, and men for that matter, lack respect for their partner, it has
a directly influences on their level of happiness and the amount of conflict they endure in their
relationships.

The “hands on hips” or hands “akimbo” make men appear larger and more dominant and therefore
more sexually attractive.

Body size differences between the sexes are a good indicator of how we come together. The average
man is universally larger and more muscular than the average woman, which gives us predictive
powers of how men and women come together. Nearly in all cases, women choose men who are larger
and taller than them, and the research shows this. People are not alone in the sexual dichotomy, as
many other species where the male is larger on average come together similarly. In a solid relationship

each party is submitting to the needs and desires of the other, which naturally leads into a perpetual
negotiation. However, during the initial stages of intimacy, it is the woman who is nearly universally
required to submit for sexual intimacy to develop. It is my contention that men require women to
submit through their ego and preference, and women crave it in order to set off a visceral response that
eventually produces within them a desire to have sex or submit. If men and women can’t get over this
initial stage of negotiation, no long term relationship will follow and no partnership, equal or unequal
will follow. Therefore, accept it or not, men prefer women that show submissive postures, and as
mentioned, I believe that women if allowed to, actually enjoy the submissive process, no matter how
archaic it sounds. In other words, there’s nothing sexier to a women than “being swept her off her feet.”

Some of the most common ways to display submissively includes turning the toes in called pigeon toes
or “tibial torsion”, shoulder shrugs, exposing the neck or wrists, head tilt, smiling, the forehead bow
and childlike playfulness. The second class of signals relates to making a women appear sexier and
playing up her sexual aspects. Some of those signals include tossing the hair, tilting the pelvis, the
parade, the room encompassing glance, grooming and preening, the leg twine (where the legs are
tightly pressed together) and leg crossing, hiking the skirt and or dressing provocatively. The third way
to indicate interest are proximity related such as moving closer, pointing and eye contact which is
figurative closeness, touching and crossing the legs toward rather than away. The remaining signals are
rapport building and are the ones we find most obvious, although as they relate to interest, aren’t as
significant. These signals include verbal contact and are less significant because by this time we usually
know things are going well, and that interest is present. Echoing and mirroring is also part of sexual
body language and is known within this category as “the nonverbal mating dance.” Now that we have
cues in loose categories, we can look at them in more detail.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

Tibial Torsion And Shoulder Shrugs To Appear
Childlike

Pigeon toes or ‘tibial torsion’ is a submissive posture because it forces the body into taking on a smaller
form.

Another word for “tibial torsion” which is the anatomical term, and one we are more familiar with, is
“pigeon toes”. “Pigeon toes” refers to aiming the toes and feet inward at a slight angle reducing their
outward profile. The opposite of this posture is toes outward called “splay footed” or “duck footed”
which is a military type posture and a signal of dominance, but only relatively speaking. Meaning that
any body movement that is meant to, or leads to, the shrinking of the body’s profile where less space is
taken up is a submissive cue and where more space is taken up is a dominant cue. So relative to having
the toes pointing directly forward, which has no meaning, the toes pointing inward and outward, mean
submissiveness and dominance respectively. Women in courtships displays, as we initially outlined,
take up submissive displays to attract the attention of men. I have classified this in the same department
as shoulder shrugs because they are very similar, perhaps not in their appearance, but in their effect.
With all submission signals, the net effect is to create a less threatening profile and to appear more
childlike.

Interestingly “tibial torsion” is also a childhood condition where there is actual anatomical inward
twisting of the shin bones located between the knee and the ankle causing the feet to turn inward. This
condition arises due to the position of the baby in uterus, but is not at all what we are referring to with
respect to hidden sexual body language. Tibial torsion in a dating context, performed by women who
have no underlying anatomical deformities happens for the purpose of making the body appear smaller
and more submissive, rather than due to a medical condition. Medical deformities can also apply to the
toes as they point outward or duck footed too, and so are not always indicators of dominance per
se.Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

The Forehead Bow, Smiling And Childlike
Playfulness

This interest posture is hard to miss.
The forehead bow is a posture done by artificially lowering the head, then looking up at a man from

under the eyebrows in a “come hither” fashion. It has roots in the full bow done as a greeting gesture
since it exposes the top of the head making it vulnerable to attack. Just like neck and wrist displays, it
indicates that trust is present within courtship. It also comes off as a childlike gesture primarily because
children are shorter than adults and habitually peer up at them. As we age, we recall these gestures and
go back to them when wish to revive juvenile submissive feelings. The opposite to the forehead bow
happens by tilting the head back and looking down one’s nose at someone, which is a judgment posture
and is seen negatively.

Smiling frequently can sometimes be sexual, but accompanying signals must be cataloged to create
certainty. Women will smile for a great variety of reasons and will smile regularly to appease men for
no other reason besides habit. Smiling is a natural part of being a woman and while smiling alone is
submissive, it doesn’t necessarily indicate sexual interest. Accompanying signals must adjoin smiling
for it to be a true sexual signal. If smiling is done over a shoulder, with pouting lips and partly closed
eyes, as in the sideways glance, it should be taken as a sexual cue, but absent, should be construed only
as a regular appeasement gesture and nothing more.

Tickling and other play related actions habitually show up during courtship.

The final most common type of submissive signal is childlike playfulness which isn’t a type of posture
at all, but it is a form of nonverbal behaviour so it is included here. Stealing a hat, playful teasing,
tickling, playing hide and seek or peek-a-boo around objects are forms of play and submission. Acting
like a child shows that a person is ready to let their guard down and feel that no threat is present. Threat
is a recurring theme as it relates to courtship because a big part of submission is trusting that a man will
not abuse the power he is potentially about to be given by a woman. Women begin by providing

submission is small doses to see exactly how it is handled. Should she trust him at great lengths without
prior history, she will have set herself up for hurt or worse, either emotionally or physically. The act of
sex is a risky undertaking for both sexes, but particularly for women, and while we have many ways to
reduce the risks in our current society, we still hold the evolutionary hardwiring to fear all possible
repercussions.

Shoulder shrugs make the outline of the body much narrower.

The shoulder shrug is another childlike posture and happens when a woman let’s her guard down. It is
often subtle and occurs subconsciously as a small raise of the shoulders and sometimes is accompanied
by an eyebrow flash. Other times it is more pronounced and the head lowers or bows in unison with the
shrug and is held for some time. Some other related cues of interest include shoulders up, shoulders
flexed or shoulders back to flex out the breasts. The head tilted at forty-five degrees, as we have seen in
a previous chapter, shows interest in what is being said, but as it relates to courtship also shows sexual
interest. In fact the head turned at forty-five degrees is one of the most universally recognized courtship
signals especially if it is accompanied with a headbow and eyes cast upwards making batty eye contact.

One last cue, and one that is especially potent, is looking over a raised shoulder. Women do this flirty
gesture as they gaze at men of interest. Instead of squaring themselves off and looking straight into his
eyes, her body faces away and she looks over the shoulder which seductively teases him. This posture
emphasizes the curviness of the shoulder and exposes the vulnerable neck. It is particularly alluring
when done by women wearing a strapless outfit!

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

Wrist And Neck Exposures

The wrist is a vulnerable part of the body, so when it is flashed, we know that our company trusts us.
What is sexier than an exposed wrist and neck? Well, almost anything I suppose! While these body

parts aren’t inherently sexy on their own, they have roots as visceral responses linked to
submissiveness. These two areas of our body contain many nerve endings so are very sensitive. A
kissing on the neck can run shivers throughout the body and send a woman into fits. Our wrists, to a
degree, but our neck in particular, is an extremely vulnerable part of our bodies which we defend
rigorously if attacked and the genes we have as a result of eons of evolutionary history supports this.
One well placed bite to the throat by cat like predators instantly immobilizes their prey. In a dating
context, women show their trust and willingness to submit to men, by revealing their necks and wrists.
You can imagine a woman might seductively remove her long hair by bringing it over to one side, or
twisting it around a finger then flexing over flashing her neck. She might tilt her head to the side by
dropping her head and bring her hand up to carefully stroke and caress the skin on her neck just lightly,
so as to draw a man’s eyes on her. In more over cases, woman can even display sexually by coming so
close that the neck invites a kiss.

Stroking the neck is a way women can ramp up sexual flirtation.
Exposed wrists can come in many forms. They might be revealed in an obvious fashion by placing
them on a table with palm up. Added emphasis maybe placed on them by stroking them with a hand or
even with the wrist of the opposite arm. Self touching also shows arousal and shows that someone is
thinking about being touched, only in this case she is using self touching to satisfy the needs that are
currently not being met by the person she fancies. Wrists can be exposed in less obvious ways as well,
and these are called wrist flashes. Whenever the palms come up the wrists can flash. Palm flashes are
also form of submissiveness and also honesty as we have hit on before. The more flashes, the more
interested is delivered. Other incidences of flashes appear as a woman, pulls up a sleeve, plays with her
earlobe, or strokes her hair.
Above: While constructing the photographs for the book Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction
and Sexual Body Language we ask Julie to show female interest through a neck display. Neck are
sensual in dating and attraction because they are full of nerve endings and are vulnerable so when
exposed could lead to certain death. While this might not sound sexy in the least, a neck exposure is a
signal of the desire to appear subordinate to a more dominant suitor. Neck displays are thus a way of
saying that a women is prepared to accept a man. Learn more about sexual body language of women by
picking up a copy of the Ebook Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language

today!

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

Sexual Hair Play

Women’s nearly uniquely long hair is a feature to be exploited in seduction.

Hair tossing is done by women to show off their luxurious hair to men. Hair tosses can be done by
flicking the hair over the shoulder or away from the face. Hair can be removed from a band and twirled
or rolled and placed on top of the head to expose the neck. Other hair signals include running the
fingers through the hair to preen it, wrapping the hair around the neck or curling it around the finger.
Added sexuality can come with a lip lick or moistening of the lips with lip gloss or adding lip stick to
make them appear red and seductive. Having the lips slightly parted as if blowing a small stream of air
through them can escalate the cues even more dramatically.

For hair play to be a sexual cue, it will be done in association with eye contact, absent of which might
just be a form of soothing auto contact. Eye contact turns a fairly random gesture like touching the hair
into one that is directional, meaning the eye contact sends the message to a person of interest. Other
times, women use signals to “fish and lure” where signals happen in a more broadstroke fashion, absent
of eye contact and direction, sent off into the room at large. These types of signals are done by women
out of their conscious awareness by women who are hopefully available, but not always, as a response
to inner thoughts and desires, turned into motivators. Women will deny this last fact, but the results
speak for themselves by increased male attention. Playing victim by stating male come-ones as
unwanted and annoying is naïve at best as the science says that women put out these signals so that
men will see them during peek sexual receptivity. I suppose this does give women a case, for while
they may have subconscious sexual feelings, they may not wish to act on them, but because of their
hardwiring do. However, now that you have read this (as a woman), you are more aware of the
underlying reasoning, and so have no more excuses! If women don’t want to be approached, show a
cold shoulder, if they want not to be approached by specific men, given them no leads or incentives.
Use body language to get the results you want.

Some other examples of hair play in courtship:

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

The Hip Tilt and Parade, The Hip-To-Waist
Radio, Breasts and Buttocks

Puffing out the chest can give the bosom the extra bit of attention needed to seal the deal. Like most
signals, this one happens subconsciously.
Women naturally have wider hips than men in order to accommodate childbirth and it is the
exaggeration of the differences between men and women the makes them sexy. Women emphasize their
hips with a walk called the “parade” which happens when a woman walks with exaggerated swinging
or rolling of the hips, back arched, stomach flat, breasts protruding, and head held high. Studies show
us that women out of committed relationship naturally walk in this manner to attract attention. Out of
consciousness the parade is not overt or striking, but now that you understand the characteristics, you
can watch for it. Women can also roll their hips while standing drawing attention to their pelvic region.
The gesture might be accompanied by a sideways glance and slightly parted wet lips which could be
unconsciously exaggerated by saliva or lipstick.
The hip emphasis posture is pervasive in fashion and advertising. We see women slouching to one side
forcing their hips out to emphasize their curves, or walk in an exaggerated way, bouncing their hips up
and down as if on a pendulum. Picturing this parade or “cat-walk” in the nude and you get the sense
that there is an obviously hypnotic purpose to the method. Because the hips move about a center pivot,
the eye is drawn front and center to the woman’s genitals which act as a beacon.
The little black dress is a perfect example that emphasizes the hip-to-waist-ratio differences in women.
Studies show us over and over again that men prefer a hip-to-waist ratio of about seventy percent. That
is, men prefer women who’s waist is thirty percent smaller than their hips. Women on the other hand,
prefer men’s hip-to-waist ratio to be about ninety percent or in other words, their hips are only ten
percent larger than their waste. This stems from the fact that it makes them better athletes,
evolutionarily linked to their ability to catch food. Female athletes, particularly world class runners,

also tend to carry low hip-to-waist ratios. Research also tells us that the waist is the last place women
tend to add fat so as to preserve the sexiness of their curves. These changes happen rapidly after about
age eighteen, where fat is added to the buttocks and legs but stays off the stomach until much later in
life at around menopause. Only with great diligence are women able to keep their stomachs flat after
their childbearing years. Once again though, after childbirth the area tends to be most resilient to fat
deposits and the legs and butt tend to hold the most amount of fat, serving only to further emphasize the
hip-waste ratio.

Having said this, digitally altered images and women who naturally carry a higher hip-to-waist ratio,
are often seen as even more alluring. It is a play on the minds of men where everything is better if
bigger, and if some is good, more is best. When it comes to men, if something is worth doing at all, it’s
worth overdoing! The size of women’s breast is a prime example, and came about through evolution
specifically to attract and keep the attention of men. Women are rare in the animal kingdom as they
have what scientist refer to as permanently swollen breasts, or breasts that are large outside of lactation,
and seem to have absolutely no desirable function at all, but as a sexual selection characteristic.
Interestingly though, we aren’t alone in terms of exaggeration preferences, for example, mother birds
who’s eggs have been swapped for larger ones (of another species), even freakishly large ones, will
tend to sit on them longer and more frequently, even sometimes abandoning other eggs in their clutch.
So it appears that even mom’s like more of things, especially when some of that things is great, more is
seen as greater. Universally however, men do prefer the golden hip-to-waist ratio of seventy percent
and tend to prefer a c-cup sized breast which amounts to about five percent of women’s total body mass
– if you really want to get technical! The point being that exaggeration tends to mesmerize and sexual
body language is no different.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

The Room Encompassing Glance

Caught in a glance.
The “room encompassing glance” is a body language sequence used to attract the attention of men. It is
done subconsciously, yet in a very specific manner, by women who are available and seeking. To begin
the sequence, woman look or scan the room, which is usually a club, bar, or other social gathering,
containing plenty of likely targets. This first glance serves an assessment purpose to see what is going
on, who is about, and to satisfy her curiousity. In other words, it isn’t anything unique as a sexual cue
but does serve a sort of “shopping” or browsing purpose. More frequent shopping forays where eyes
are cast around the room lasting five to ten seconds begins to have more meaning. This is a woman
who is in a seeking phase and really wishes to find a solid target.
If she spots someone she is interested in she will quickly avert her eyes downward, to show that she
isn’t a threat and to show submission, and then she will take a second look. This second glance is
directed only toward a man of interest and is not cast around the room. It will be short and she will
rotate her head twenty-five to forty degrees to the side then look away (usually downward) within
about three seconds. Women usually continue this behavior until they meet their target’s eyes. At this
point, the target and the woman will hold a mutual gaze lasting about three seconds. If eye contact isn’t
met or the man does not properly receive the signal she will continue to repeat eye contact until he gets
the idea. Sometimes it will require upwards of four to six times ladies, so be prepared! Eye contact of
any kind is usually a signal of interest. On most occasions, this eye contact alone is powerful enough to
entice men to approach, but not always.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

Grooming And Preening

A woman grooming a man is a good sign that she’s trying to keep him looking good for her own
benefit.
Grooming includes smoothing clothing, rearranging attire, rubbing the hands, glancing in a mirror and,
applying lipstick, fixing the hair amongst many others. While not a grooming gesture per se, women
can also provocatively leave buttons unbuttoned, especially a button-up blouse in effort to peek men’s
curiousity. These are all signals of interest within the proper context. We all, men included, groom and
preen ourselves in order to appear more presentable and attractive to others. The more concerned we
are with our looks, the more it indicates our desire to show off and attract and the timing with which
this happens is extremely important because it indicates to us the purpose of the adjustments and whom
the fixes are meant for. For example, if a woman appears relaxed in her attire, perhaps wearing
comfortable jeans and a sloppy sweat shirt rather than something more “put together”, and stumbles
upon someone she feels is attractive, she might begin to panic and hyper groom in effort to minimize
whatever damage she figures she has caused to her image. Grooming tells us that she feels his opinion
matters which is no different from men. Men will smooth out ties or a shirt, button up a jacket to appear
more formal, smooth out their pants or fix their hair.
Grooming gestures become particularly powerful delivered with eye contact too, not just with respect
to proximity and visibility. Eye contact for example is an “anchor” for sexual signals as it hooks the
signal to a particular target. Grooming absent of a target and hence eye contact, might mean, either, the
desire to attract in general as we saw in the “parade” where women are just acting like magnets to see
what sticks, or else a superficial desire to appear put together for it’s own sake. Grooming and preening
can also be done on other people to indicate interest. A woman might pluck some imaginary lint from a
man’s clothing that she fancies, while another she detests might go an entire evening with food stuck to
the side of his face. She might also fix a man’s hair, straighten and adjust clothing or rub his back, all
methods of showing interest. The touching and proximity that comes as a result of grooming is not just

incidental, it’s the driving force. Touching is a strong indicator of interest especially when initiated by a
woman.

Above: Preening gestures indicate that a woman is preparing herself for someone else to touch her but
when a woman plucks some imaginary lint from a man’s clothing she’s probably interested. She might
also fix a man’s hair, straighten and adjust clothing or rub a man’s back to show interest. Back
touching, scratching and massaging is an evolutionary throwback when we used to have totally hairy
bodies and removing tics would have been a major hygienic necessity. It’s where “you scratch my back
and I’ll scratch yours” came from. Regardless, touching and close proximity when done by a woman to
a man, can be taken as a strong sign of sexual interest. Learn how to build a proper foundation for
dating and attraction by reading the Ebook Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual
Body Language!

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

The Leg Twine And Leg Crossing

Open legs can be seen as easy (or willing).
The leg twine is one of the most appealing sitting positions for women. The posture is done by tightly

wrapping one around the other. The result makes the legs appear extremely toned. To produce a sexual
cluster that intensifies signals of interest, a woman can place one hand on her thigh, stroke it, and
engage in eye contact, and even bat her eyes at her object of affection.

Crossing and uncrossing the legs in the presence of men, especially if done slowly also shows interest,
as it exposes the inner thigh which is a very intimate part of the female body. Leaving the legs
uncrossed altogether, while sitting or standing, or massaging them so as to draw attention to them, can
ramp up a sexual invitation even further. Another leg crossing variation happens when the leg is tucked
under the body and sat on with the knee pointing toward her interest. This also leaves the inside of the
thigh exposed and is particularly alluring when wearing a skirt, especially a short one!

Legs are often crossed toward a person of interest although this isn’t a hard fast rule. For example, most
people have a leg cross preference, and so only find sitting one way or the other to be comfortable. The
theory behind leg crossing toward the person we are connecting with stems from the symbolism of the
leg as a barrier preventing outside people from entering. Orienting the body and shoulders toward
someone has the same effect. However, leaning in with a leg cross to shrink the distance can deliver a
much stronger and more reliable message. It is the proximity that produces the real information, rather
than the actual leg cross direction. Having the legs spread while sitting or standing isn’t always a
positive cue of interest, though sometimes it is, but it always tell us something about the sender.

For the sake of being complete, at the risk of sounding obvious, open legs tells us that a woman is
either easy, trying to look that way, or doesn’t realize she’s be improper so is careless about her sitting
postures. In other words, legs wide open says she’s a bit sloppy, regardless of her true intention.
Woman should always hold good leg crossing postures especially in public and even when trying to
attract the attention of men. In most cases, appearing easy or sloppy is not to their benefit, at least to
most. With the recent lax in proper manners, I suspect appearing sloppy, or “casual” to use a more
political term, is the likely culprit, but legs open can still be tested for easiness by men keen on scoring
an easy women. While this all might sound crass, remember that these are the types of signals being
sent when women comport themselves in these ways, so it is up to them to change their body postures,
as changing the nature of subconscious perceptions is impossible. Those that aren’t reading material on
body language, which is a healthy majority, will merely go on instinct, and this instinct will have
“easy” written all over it.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

Hiking The Skirt And Showing Skin

The ‘skirt hike’ happens totally subconsciously. When a woman gets hot and bothered she might begin
to play with the bottom of her skirt to show a bit of extra leg.

The skirt hike is an interesting body language cue because it happens completely subconsciously with
little, and usually no awareness at all. It is so subtle though that only those looking specifically for it
will actually see it.

The “skirt hike” happens by fingering and play with the bottom ridge of the skirt. Other times, the skirt
hike happens in a more pronounced way by grabbing the bottom of the skirt and pulling it up a few
inches or more, to reveal more leg. This motion is usually done toward a man of interest and followed
by eye contact, but other times like the parade, happens as advertisement of the woman’s availability. If
she catches someone else notice this gesture which she isn’t interested in, she will quickly force it back
down and break eye contact.

Any gesture like the skirt hike that exposes more skin can be a sexual signal. We are all familiar with
the cliché scene in movies where the woman suggestively says that she’ll return in something more
comfortable. As always, she reappears in sexy lingerie. Most times, men don’t get such an obvious cue
of interest but women still remove clothing to peek interest. Removing a heavy shirt or jacket to be
more comfortable, or loosening buttons from a shirt, or even removing shoes or dangling the shoes
from the toe, all show comfort at worst, and interest at best. “Shoe play” is also a great indicator of the
level of comfort experienced between a man and women and is a way for a woman to get noticed
because movement draws attention. Movement is the opposite to the fear-freeze response when people
are scared. While in conversation, if the man does something to startle the woman, she’ll pull her shoe
back on in short order! It’s also a good way to measure a cold approach because she’ll slip her shoe
back on immediately if she doesn’t like the approach. She’ll make her displeasure more salient by
slightly or fully turning away, holding a fixed gaze with her friends or across the room or pretend to be
distracted. Her movements will also minimize so as to become less noticeable in the hopes that her
“male predator” moves onto new prey.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

Loving Tight Jeans, Short Skirts And
Ornamentation Means You’re Shopping

Dressing sexy is not a sexual invitation by itself, but it does give us clues to the intensions and attitudes
present. In most cases, overt cleavage, short skirts and heavy make-up tells us that women are available
and shopping. Women who dress sexily all the time appear as non-cues though, because it is just what
they do. Their baseline says that nothing new is happening, although it does tell us something about
their general baseline, doesn’t it. These women appear “dressy” and always put together, but if we
notice extra dressiness, or as we shall see extra frills or “ornamentation” we know she’s probably
feeling receptive. Conversely if we see a lack of dressiness, we know that maybe she’s particularly
down and unreceptive. The research supports this. Women, at around the time of ovulation, will display
more sexually, they will break out their high heels, tend to dance more, talk more suggestively, and
even walk differently near ovulation.

In one such study by Martie Haselton and her colleagues of the University of California in 2006 it was
found that women chose more revealing outfits, and outfits containing more ornamentation when they
were close to their peak fertility. In other words, as women near ovulation, the most fertile phase, they
tended to dress “to impress.” This particular study had a panel of judges rate a pair of couples
throughout the women’s fertility cycle. This allowed the researchers to create a baseline by which
subjects could be compared to themselves. If they noted any differences in dress, they could then

correlate it back to their fertility. They found noticeable differences in terms of overt self-grooming and
ornamentation especially in terms of choice of dress as women approached their most fertile. They
chose tops laced with trim and wore skirts rather than pants. The overall trend was to show more skin.
The study also found that men rated women as more attractive when they were in their ovulation cycle.

Other studies show that women are more apt to find dominant men with square jaws and facial hair
more attractive during ovulation and even find male body odor less pungent and more tolerable. During
their high fertility days, women tend to flirt more often and solicit male attention, or in other words,
tend to be more in tune with overall ‘maleness.’ Women are also found to go out more to parties or
clubs, and other target rich environments, where they might meet men. No doubt there are many factors
that play into how a woman dresses, but when it comes to being seductive, she turns it on when she’s
ready to procreate despite what thoughts come into consciousness. While dress alone isn’t a full on
invitation to pursue, it does tell us a little bit about what frame of mind a woman is in.

Advertising fertility with overt dress makes sense because women, unlike most animals, fail to
advertise their ovulation. This is what scientists call “hidden ovulation” or “concealed ovulation” of
which dozens of competing theories try to explain, but of which all fail to do conclusively. One of them
says that women hide ovulation to keep men around so they will continue to provide her with resources
while she offers sex in exchange. Hidden ovulation is a fascinating topic for discussion, because it is
very complex and will likely never be solved. In other animals ovulation or “heat” is prominently
advertised. Two such examples include swelling and redness of the genitalia in baboons and the release
of pheromones in many animals including cats. However, in humans, even women themselves fail to
consciously realize when they are fertile. To be accurate this last point has been disputed by various
studies, even by this very section, but the point remains that aside from really trying to tune in, it would
go unnoticed by many. The point is that women are rare in the animal kingdom by not prominently
signaling fertility as do many other animals. However, this study and this chapter at large, shows us that
they have other ways to convey this to men, even if in a more discrete manner.

While women might not be aware of the reason for dressing provocatively, most women are aware of
the signals they give off to men, and therefore shouldn’t be surprise to receive additional attention
when they show more skin. From a prowling male perspective therefore, it would pay back in
dividends to make note of which women dress provocatively and deviate from their baseline and which
women wear more frills and glitz. Tight jeans, elaborate decoration and short skirts, not only signal
sexuality, but also interest in sex.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

Proximity, Pointing And Touching

Proximity indicator of interest.
Proximity plays a huge factor in dating and anything done to decrease space between tow people is a

good signal of attraction. Sometimes, closeness is real, for example a woman might get up and
physically move closer to a man, she might move a chair next to him or she might opportunistically
take up a position close-by on a sofa. All cues that are important give alternative options to sit.
Sometimes too, proximity is figurative such as is the case when women point, or when eyes are cast.

The “pointing knee” happens when a woman sites on her foot and aims her knee toward the man of
interest.

If touching was unwelcome, then an accidental touch would result in her hand being pulled away.

Touching escalation.

Pointing, like eyeing, are ways to bring people close together without actually moving. Both are
reliable indicators of where we’d rather be, or who we are thinking about. We can point with our eyes,
our toes or feet, or our knees. The pointing knee happens when a woman sites on her foot and aims her
knee toward the man of interest. This is sometimes also a signal of being relaxed and informal which
extends the meaning of the pointing knee. Escape is difficult in this position so when done by a woman
it means that she is comfortable around whomever she is with at the time. Dangling a shoe is another
informal signal of comfort for the same reason. The pointing knee also shows fleeting glimpses to the
inner thigh which can be arousing to men. Leaning in or toward, standing next to someone or even
isolating oneself from friends all shows interest when done by women.

Touching is another great signal of attraction even if it happens ‘accidentally’. Women will make a
point to brush up against men of interest and as we have seen may groom them if they wish to send a
strong message. Have you ever wondered if he or she really likes you? Try accidentally brushing a knee
or leg up against someone under the table. If they pull away or turn immediately than it’s due to
disinterest, but if it’s embraced and “footsies” ensue then it’s an excellent signal of interest. To make
sure the signal is anchored try casting occasional flirty eye contact. This is a signal that can be used by
either men or women. When outside of a dating context, the same pulling away will be found so this
isn’t limited to courtship. People that hate each other like to maintain as much space as possible and
even accidental touching is unwelcome.

Leaving a tie un-straightened can give women an excuse to touch and is a great way to measure interest
by men. To send a much more subtle signal of touching an object might take the place of a person.
Such is the case with caress the stem of a wine glass, ring, watch or car keys. The back of the hand, the
neck, the shoulders, or side of the face can also show interest. Self touching is a way to prepare the
body for touching by someone else and also indicates what type of touching women wish to receive.
Self-touching is a ‘fix’ that is used to alleviate the symptoms of the desire to be touched, and indicates
where a women’s mind is thinking.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

Echoing And Mirroring Is The Mating Dance

We’re both “the captain!”
So far in this book we have talked about mirroring in terms of building rapport for business and life in

general, but the real excitement comes from mirroring in dating. Mirroring in dating is the original
“mating dance.” It is a complete synchrony of gestures and movements that seems carefully
choreographed, but isn’t. It is so pervasive that it carries through to synchronous breathing and
blinking, tone of voice, inflection and pitch, not to mention more obviously gestures like body position
and movements such as affect and illustrators, regulators and standing postures. Mirroring is the
mechanism that produces fluid dance which is a precursor to the much more intimate dance that
happens between the sheets!

Mirroring isn’t a childish copy-cat game, but it is close. A distinction should be made between
mirroring and echoing. Echoing happens when gestures and positions are duplicated some time after
they first appear, usually within a matter of seconds. Mirroring is done by immediately taking up the
same postures, or if facing one another, its mirror opposite. Picture this next example as if the woman
and man are both facing head-on, where the woman is on the left and the man on the right. Here a
perfect mirror would happen as the inside, or left foot of the woman is up on the foot rest at a bar, with
a drink in her right hand, and her left arm resting on the bar top, the man would have his right foot on
the foot rest, his drink in his left hand, and his right arm on the bar top. This is full mirroring. If the
man pauses in his dialogue and takes a drink and so too does the woman, they will have again mirrored
each other. However, if either one pauses for a second, then follows, they will have echoed each other.
Other examples in the same scenario include playing with a glass or adjusting foot positions or gestures
or touching the face similarly. When complete synchrony is established which can take from minutes to
hours (or not at all), we call this the mating dance. I should note too, that echoing can happen up to a
minute later and not all gestures are duplicated exactly. Common ground between two people can be
extensive, as it is with twins who have a high degree of agreement, or slight when only small
agreement is present, and this is reflected in the strength of the dance.

Testing mirroring can be done by simple observation, that is, by being mindful of any following that is
done by your object. However, mirroring can also be sped up and manipulated by allowing gestures to
be taken up by your partner, then after some time changing them to measure the speed with which the
gestures of your partner follows. This tactic is not much different than what happens on the dance floor.
Fast music really tells us if we’re on the same page together, and when “dancing without music”, the
same effect is present. The more synchrony there is, the stronger the agreement, and the faster positions
are adopted. Men and women can both test this out for themselves and will see that when rapport is
strong, couples will hurry to stay on top of the dance through its postures.

Mirroring postures in other people, by following their lead can also test interest. To do this, just take on
postures similar to your partner and see if they feel comfortable holding them with you. If they change
or adopt new postures quickly or seem agitated, you can be sure that they see the two of you as
different and that little or no attraction is present. When people disagree, they do their best to appear
different, and this is one of the times our guts give us a visceral reaction. When we don’t like someone
we do our best to expose our differences rather than our similarities.

Above: Mirroring is an instant way of building or monitoring the connection people have with one
another. Yawning for example is a way that even complete strangers feel compelled to mimic.
Mirroring-body language helps us gauge what level of agreement is present between people. In our
historical past, mirroring each others gestures served to eliminate aggression between people. We use it
today in much the same way. Two strangers won’t initially hold the same gestures or will hold closed
body language and postures, but as agreements and opinions are expressed the body will show
agreement and common ground. In dating, mirroring plays an even more potent role as couples can
groove in almost complete synchrony which we call the matting dance. Mirroring therefore, says “Look
at me, I’m the same as you, and we both agree”.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

Kiss Test And Stages In Intimacy

Puckered lips means a woman is thinking about her lips – this might mean that she’s interested in a
kiss.
All nonverbal signals begin from the same origin; thoughts. The kiss is no different since it begins with
a desire to take a very intimate and important step in a relationship. As arousal occurs, women will
begin to draw attention to their mouths, but not just to deliver a message, it is to alleviate tension that is
building. Women interested in kissing will release this energy by touching their mouth more frequently,
say with a finger or by mouthing an object. They might pout by compressing their lips or they will
apply lip gloss or lip stick. Escalation of these signals includes direct eye contact or glances toward the
man’s mouth. Remember that looking in the direction of interest is difficult to resist and when a kiss is
envisioned, it is the mouth that gets the looks. While holding hands, a quick kiss-test happens by
measured response of a hand-squeeze; if he squeezes and she squeezes back, there is a good chance a
kiss would be well received.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

How Women Can Avoid Solicitation By Men

She’s just not that into you.
The chapter has a heavy focus on ways that women attract sexual attention, but there were a few hints

dropper here and there with regards to ways women can avoid attention. The problem as women might
view it is that most of the tactics involved dropping cues, or ‘inaction’ rather than actionable body
language. Because there are times when women require the opposite result, I have devoted this section
to ways women can actively send rejection signals. It is far easier and less embarrassing to use
nonverbal language to send negative signals and they can be implemented earlier to reduce escalation
before it’s too late. Women far too often make the mistake of placating others to their own detriment.
When men are bored, they feel no pain, no discomfort, no desire to offer anything other than a barren
despondent look on their face. It might surprise you to hear me say to this, congratulations! Men who
show their true emotions have mastered, all-be-it passively, the use of effective body language and use
it to convey their boredom to others. When men are bored, they say “shape up or ship out”, women
should heed this and follow. So women, please pay careful attention to the tips that follow to avoid
unwanted approaches.

My conclusions are drawn in large part from the research of Dr. Monica Moore in 1998 who looked at
rejection patterns in women. She found seventeen main behaviours in her study that indicated rejection
of potential male partners. They included facial expressions such as yawning, frowning, sneering, gaze
avoidance, upward gaze, hair gaze (looking at one’s own hair), looking away, and staring, as well as
gestures such as negative head shaking, nail cleaning, teeth picking or pocketing hands, and finally,
posture patterns such as arm crossing, holding the trunk rigidly, closed legs, body contact avoidance or
pulling away. Here they are by category in a bit more detail.

___________________________________________________________________________________
__________

Avoiding eye contact shows men that we’re not interested in interacting.

Gaze avoidance happens when the woman refused to make eye contact with the man, despite him
looking directly at her. She will look at other people, make eye contact with someone else, or pretend to
be taken by something else in the room. This can and in fact, should be done while a man is currently
speaking. Buck up women, grow some and spell it out! Look at it this way, you’re saving him time by
being direct and upfront and in the long run, he might even thank you if it gives him the time to pursue
someone else. To display disinterest a women can also look upward by raising the chin only a quarter
inch or look at the ends of her hair which is a strong signal of boredom and detachment. Any
behaviours should include prolonged inattention, lasting at least ten seconds, but more is always better!
Staring is also used, in this case staring lasts multiple seconds or until the man looks away, but when he
does, don’t look him over, start a conversation with someone else or leave altogether without saying
anything. If none of these messages seem to be working, add frowns or sneers to your repertoire. The
sneer happens with furrowed brows and the mouth is compressed and turned downward. The sneer
happens when the mouth is twisted and the nose wrinkled. Next you can use head shaking and yawning
which shows negative thoughts rather than using more affirmative head movements such as nods.

___________________________________________________________________________________
__________

Turning the body away and taking a step amplifies disinterest.
Gestures are nonverbal rejection patterns that involved movement of the hands and arms. Interested
women perform palm displays, however, disinterested women will pocket their hands instead, or cross
their arms over their chest. To further disinterest, an increase in distance would occur by taking steps
backwards or using barriers to reduce closeness. Self grooming can also be used to show disinterest,
but not in a flirtatious way. Instead picking the nails, or teeth is used to turn men off and efficiently
display disinterest.
___________________________________________________________________________________
__________

Crossing the arms denies a man exposure to your torso – an unwelcome signal.
Posture patterns involve movement and positioning of the body. These are tied to closed body positions
and include such items as tightly crossing the legs, legs crossed at the ankles or hidden under a chair.
Other postures include a rigid upright torso and positions that avoided body contact and if contact was
initiated the women would pull away. Leaning back and turning the back to the man is also effective.

___________________________________________________________________________________
__________
Whatever cues you plan on using, be sure of your intent before emitting them. If you are serious about
rejecting someone it is important that you be deliberate, predictable and consistent. If you flip-flop
from positive to negative cues, he’ll just think that you are “moody” which will create a situation that
makes negative cues less effective in the future. It will also prolong pursuit because the positive cues
mixed into the interaction will provide him incentives to continue. Finally, be prepared to be called bad
names like “grumpy” and of course “bitch.” It is unfortunate for women that they aren’t given the same
latitude as men in terms of their ability to display negative emotions in an outward fashion, but this is
the world we live in and no amount of complaining will change it. The research tells us that women are
expected to smile even if unhappy, and be chipper when depressed, but when it comes to rejecting
someone, it’s best done quickly and without remorse. Afterall, when it comes to rejection, do you really
care what their opinion is of you?

If this sort of tactic makes you uncomfortable, you are welcome to use an integrity based, verbal
rejection. “Sorry, I’m not interested” will work just fine in most cases. Whatever method you choose, it
will be you that has to live by it.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

He Displays Dominantly, Sexually, Gets Closer
And Builds Rapport – Introduction

Women prefer men with square jaws as it indicates the level of testosterone and hence
aggression/ambition they might hold.

Men and women display similarly in terms of body language, but there are some key differences when
it comes to what women find attractive in men, versus what men find attractive in women. Men seek
women that are submissive and willing to heed their dominance, whereas women seek men who are
dominant and able to lead them. This is a general rule of course, and as we know there are exceptions
to every rule, but if we are appealing to the majority of the people, which is my goal, than these
generalities are adequate. Women seek out men that have the ability to gain access to resources such as
food and shelter, who are protectors to them now, and in the future their offspring, and who have the
physical traits they think indicate these skills such as health, vigor, and sexually virility.

Men give up plenty of cues to their virility, one of which is a tight round buttocks and lack of stomach
fat. Men with round bums have been shown to be in better health and to maintain that health
throughout their lifetimes. Health reports show that men who add fat to their midsection are much more
prone to disease. Women also seek men with broad strong shoulders, square jaws, muscular arms and
chests. Individual differences still exist as it relates to other features, for some women a hairy chest or
facial hair is everything, while for others clean shaven is a must. However, nearly everyone agrees that
hairy backs rank pretty low!

On average, women prefer men with more dominant features than those with submissive features.
Depending on their intent however, they may at times prefer men who are more ‘feminine’ or sexier,
and this is called the ‘sexy son’ theory. The theory says that women will choose men who are “pretty”
based on looks alone, especially when they what to engage in risky one-night-stands. When they seek
men as full time partners, on the other hand, they look for middle-of-the-road or “softer” men, in other
words, ‘family-men’, since they figure they’ll be able to secure long term care in child rearing.
Evolution favours both conditions where women who have random sex with “sexy fathers” so they in
turn have “sexy sons” as well as women who seek out family-men who will stick around to raise
families with them. In the “sexy son” scenario, the father passes on his genes to his son, but pays no, or
very little effort in child care especially when compared to the family-man. The sexy-father might stick
around for a few years but he’s usually distracted through proposition from other easy women – due to
his sexiness he gets a lot of offers after all! This is balanced though because, while the mother is stuck
raising a son on her own, he will grow up to have more or a similar number of offspring himself as will
a family man. This trade-off produces more, or an equal number of children overall when compared to
the family-man, making both successful strategies. We define successful in terms of making the genes
for the behaviour more common or more popular. In evolutionary terms, popular genes are good genes
no matter what morals are behind the behaviour. The genes merely wish, if they had wishes, to remain
in existence.

He must be wealthy!

Research tells us that men who are middle road are much less likely to stray primarily because they get
fewer outside offers from women. Women who are married or in committed relationships, are more
likely to cheat with men who are better looking than the average, and men who are better looking on
average have more sexual relationships in their lifetime and also tend to cheat more often. A large part
of this is intended to be background knowledge because it obviously doesn’t deal directly with
nonverbal body language, however, it does play into the subconscious aspects and is important to frame
how I view sexual body language. As always, you are welcome to disagree with my postulates and
those of the scientific community, and in reality, won’t change the hidden meaning of the signals. It is
my contention that knowing the ‘how’ and the ‘why’ of behaviours really give us predictive powers.
These powers, in turn, give us the ability to come into novel situations, with little or no prior
knowledge and deduce likely conclusions.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

How Men Display Interest – An Introduction
And Further Reading

Very little focus has been place on how men use nonverbal communication to signal interest. Perhaps
this is rightly so, perhaps not. Women are without question the most efficient users of body language in
courtship. Women are, more often the not, the choosers and initiators in relationship origination, and
men are often left following. The job of women is to signal to men when it’s time to display their

features and “dance” for them. In other words, women are the choosers when it comes to sexual
relationships, and in the body language department, if men employ it properly, they are not much more
than the chosen.

What the research fails to properly address up to date, is how men can use body language after contact
has been established to build attraction with women. I have devoted and entire book to this very topic
in my e-book Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language. It is a very
complex issue so I can not deal with it in its entirety here, so I encourage anyone interested to pick the
book up and read more extensively. In this book, I will hit on all the key features and main topics in
male courtship body language that will be of interest to a general reader such as women and
professionals. The male “pick-up-artist”, or women who wish to thwart male come-ons and pear into
the minds of men, should read further with Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual
Body Language.

Chapter 13 - Courtship Signals

The Male Crotch Display

The western version of the crotch display. Imagine this fella totally nude! Perhaps not attractive to
women, but his assertiveness might be.