The Ultimate Body Language Book

palm down, as if to dry them, and you’ve got a cluster signaling that a secret is being covered. If the
feet are pulled under the chair, the message is even more exaggerated. The feet are saying exactly what
the person is thinking, that he or she is closed and withdrawn from the conversation. We should be
watchful of this posture when presenting a controversial opinion to see what degree of disagreement is
present and especially if the posture is held for a significant length of time, particularly by men. When
the ankles cross it is due to a subconscious freeze response due to a threat and the legs are entwined so
as to restrict and restraint movement.
As we saw previously, closing a sale or changing opinions necessitates open minds and since our
bodies and minds are linked should try to open those with the scissor posture when possible. You could
try to have them change positions, as above, by having them stand or relocate to a more comfortable
seating location, or you could take the time to identify and address whatever issue is of concern. This is
important especially if the posture preludes a more intense selling session to follow, since negative
postures early on are a good predictor of the future.

Mixed message – head cocked to the side shows interest coupled with arm and ankle crossing – she’s
uncertain.
In a free-flowing interview or discussion noting the timing of ankle cross’ can prove valuable. With
some research or prodding it might be possible to reveal the true reason for the action. Simply asking
the reason for the reservation can help eliminate this posture as well because it will make the person
feel listened. This is risky, though, because the primary reason for the gesture is to conceal an emotion.
Conversely, giving someone the opportunity to express their thoughts makes people feel heard and
sometimes that is all that is needed to open someone up. The posture after all, is a posture of hidden
disagreement, so it would be hard to hold the posture as one is given the chance to open up. If the
posture returns after some time, it might indicate that the person hasn’t fully disclosed their true
opinion on the matter or that a new issue of contention has been uncovered. Therefore, once again, time
should be taken to address any concerns that might have arisen before moving forward.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Figure Four And Figure Four Hand Lock

The figure four.
This body position occurs as one leg is bent, oriented horizontally and pulled over the opposite knee, to
form the number four. Hence the name, the figure four leg cross. It is more or less an open posture and
should be taken as a mild version of the crotch display which we saw in the section on leg spreading.
This posture is milder because it doesn’t fully expose the crotch because the crossed leg partially
blocks the genitals from view. This again, is another one of the cues that where it’s useful to picture our
targets as being nude. In essence this is the gentleman’s version of the crotch display. Women aren’t
normally seen in this posture, but since pants have become more popular, it does tend to happen more
often lately, than it has in the recent past. The figure four tells us that a person is relaxed, youthful
(mature gentleman are seen with a full leg cross where the legs end up parallel to one another) and
dominant.

The ‘figure four leg’ lock – note the leg forms the 4 shape with hands locking it in.
The figure four seating position can be close off entirely by placing each hand on the shine so as to lock
the leg in place. This posture indicates that someone is extremely stubborn and most likely apt to reject
opinions of others. The person is also highly opinionated in most every way and may lead you into

disagreement at every turn. The figure four hand lock is stronger as a signal if it is accompanied by
negative facial expressions, scowls, or frowns. If selling an idea or product, it might be best to drop the
pitch altogether and seek more agreeable company unless you are comfortable using extreme tact or are
skilled at building relationships quickly.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Fig Leaf Position

The ‘fig leaf’ protects the genitals. Imagine the posture nude for full effect!
The fig leaf by either sex is a closed body position. It blocks the private mid section from view. This

posture occurs by placing one or both hands in front of the midsection and takes its ‘fig leaf’ name
from Adam and Eve’s traditionally portrayed posture in the Garden of Eden artwork. Modest men and
women who find themselves accidentally disrobed will instinctively clasp their hands over their private
areas. Naked women will split their attention from both breasts with one arm and hand, with the other
hand over their genitals. Men will exclusively protect their genitals from view with both hands.

In real life however, will rarely find ourselves nude and exposed in public, but our minds are still
hardwired to harbour feelings of insecurity from overexposure. In day to day situations women won’t
be fund covering their breasts by clasping them and men won’t grab their genitals a-la Micheal
Jackson, but they will claps both hands together either tightly by interlocking their fingers, or loosely
with hand in hand and then casually placing them over their mid-section. Standing is the most obvious
and common way that the fig leaf position shows itself, but it can also find its way in a seated position
as the hands are rested on the lap. Women can and do block their chests from view, as well, but not in
an offensive or obvious way. Rather, women cross their arms in front of their chests as a barrier or
block their breasts from view when threatened with whatever objects they have handy, a textbook, a
jacket or scarf, even bar tops.

These postures, of course, show insecurity and occur when we find ourselves in novel environments or
around people we aren’t familiar with. We will often see this from less confident speakers who find
themselves exposed to large audiences or when a presenter requires a participant (victim) to
demonstrate a concept.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Parallel Legs

Pressing the legs together makes them appear youthful and toned – even when caught being clumsy.
The legs parallel is a sign of femininity because men aren’t easily able to perform this posture for
obvious anatomical reasons and because it makes women’s legs appear toned. Men have much
narrower hips than women, and an extra bit in the way, and so therefore aren’t able to sit in this
fashion! The parallel legs posture occurs with one leg pressed against the other making the legs appear
sexier and more youthful. Women who are trying to draw sexual attention to themselves use this sitting
position. The most overt sitting posture of all is having legs spread and will attract the greatest amount
of sexual attention, but appears much more crude and less feminine.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Pigeon Toes

Pigeon toes or ‘tibial torsion’ is a submissive posture because it forces the body into taking on a smaller
form.

Having the toes pointed inwards, often called pigeon toes or anatomically “tibial torsion” is a
submissive body posture. Children, and women who are smitten, will point their toes inwards to show
their meekness signally their willingness to be lead by more dominant individuals. Pigeon toes makes
the body appear smaller forcing it into a less threatening profile. In a sexual situation, it reflects
subjugation from the women and is an indication to others that they aren’t in charge, nor wish to be.
This claim assumes that most women wish for and choose more dominant men than themselves, which
of course isn’t always the case. However, the dichotomy that exists between the relative sizes of men
and that of women, is one extra clue of the desire women have for men to dominate. If this wasn’t so,
women would consistently choose shorter and weaker men than themselves which is obviously not the
norm.

Young women often subconsciously submit to boys in this way as they take “orders” from someplace
inside them. Some might taken offense to this claim, but our sophisticated minds remain a product of
evolution and for sex to happen, one person must necessarily submit to that of another, making the
submissive process a necessary evil. Submission isn’t a bad thing either, and is present everywhere we
look, be it in the workplace between employee-employer, our homes between spouses-someone has to
wear the pants and within our extended family-since someone must take the head of the table. In all
facets of life there exist power imbalances, and necessarily, someone needs to take charge while others
are left to follow. Peace is impossible on the greater context without submission, and pretending to be,
or actually being equal, only leads to squabbles.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

The Legs and Feet Tell About Where The Mind
Thinks

Our toes point to where our mind thinks. Extending our foot in the direction of another person shows
we’re thinking that way.
The legs and feet are excellent predictors about what our minds and bodies wish to do, but haven’t yet
had the motivation to implement. Just like fingers can and do point when directing the attention of
others, so too, can the feet. As it applies to the feet, however, the signal is leaked by accident, rather
than on purpose. Our feet lead us everywhere we go, but even while seated they tell others the direction
we plan to head once the right circumstances or opportunity presents itself. If you want to know if
someone really likes you and is interested in fully inviting you in for discussion, just watch their feet.
While seated, if they just swivel their hips in your direction, but keep their feet planted facing away
from you, then you know that they aren’t totally immersed. This is likely so because we’ve been
programmed by our culture to be polite, so we do our best to engage other people, even if we do it in
jest. How rude would it be to point our bodies away from someone who wishes to speak with us? No
doubt, this too happens, but is much more obvious and so requires less skill in reading.
This sort of orientation is universal across interactions, the hips up will orient to face whoever is
speaking with us, but what happens below, is subject of true interest. Studies covering courtroom
behaviour has shown that when juries don’t like a particular witness they will orient their feet toward
the door or nearest exit, while the rest of their bodies politely face the witness. As the strength of
conversations wax and wane, feet will engage and disengage. This is why we say that interested people
put their “whole body into the conversation.” If you can engage them in interesting dialogue then you’ll
be able to have them reorient their feet toward you and perhaps even extend a foot in your direction. If
you notice feet being moved toward an exit or away from you, try to decipher the cause, as this will tell
you why they’ve become disinterested. Disinterest can be for any number of factors, including hearing
something offensive, disinterest in the topic or conversation as a whole, or even being late for an
engagement. The feet won’t tell you why someone is disinterested, only that someone is disinterested.

His ventral display says that he’s ready to leave.
As we saw in the previous section, leg crossing predicts relationships since we tend to cross towards
our spouses, and our dates, but legs and feet can also cross toward someone we feel is attractive. While
we might not physically take steps in the direction of our interest due to shyness, or perhaps because

we are already committed, our feet are permitted to do so because it is less obvious to others. Besides,
feet pointing does not always guarantee that anything proactive will ever take place. In other words, the
feet just point to where we wish to be, but won’t necessarily ever get to.

Feet are honest – these feet want to take action.
In stressful situations that people wish to avoid like waiting to see the dentist or doctor, we’ll see toes
pointing to the exit. Other times we see prominent toe pointing is when someone wants to end a

conversation. It can be annoying to have to do multiple good-bye sequences with someone who seems
to have nothing better to do than to ramble on. So instead of reorienting your body toward them,
instead aim your feet and shoulders toward the exit. If that doesn’t speed things up or send a clear
message, make it more obvious by widening the gap by stepping away.

Legs and feet can also become jittery and fidget when a person is bored and wants to leave. Jittery
though can also be due to nervous energy or even the result of happiness such as “happy feet.” It is the
context that will help decide what feet and legs are telling in this type of body language.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Standing Positions And Their Hidden Meaning

There are four main ways in which a person might stand [a] Straight up with their feet together [b] feet
slightly apart, but parallel [c] one foot forward and [d] legs crossed at the ankle.

The first posture with the legs straight and feet together is an attentive pose seen in obedient children
when speaking to their parents. It is a neutral, honest pose and is found in adults of differing status like
a boss and his employees. The second pose, as we saw earlier, where the legs are spread at shoulder
width while standing, is a form of crotch display. This posture says “I’m going nowhere, and fast.” The
standing crotch display can be made even more powerful by adding the thumbs in a belt loop, called
the “cowboy pose.” The cowboy pose was made famous by old Western movies. The third posture
where one foot is moved forward, with respect to the other, indicates subtle interest toward the
direction in which the foot is advanced. To show interest, the foot will be moved toward the speaker,
but it can also be moved away from the speaker toward someone we would rather have speak, or to the
door when we wish to end the conversation. The foot takes the “first step” toward where the mind
wishes it where.

The final pose where the legs are crossed at the ankle is a submissive posture. It reveals that the target
isn’t ready to commit to a proposal, and shows reservation to the situation, but also that he isn’t ready
to leave. The ankle cross is figurative denial of access to the body and mind. Our minds and bodies are
linked so when we uncross our bodies we show others that we are willing to hear them out, which is an
excellent indication that, our opinions either already match, or that there is at least a willingness to
consider the facts.

An open posture while standing shows supreme confidence because it exposes the midsection to attack.
When people meet for the first time, they will show timidity by crossing at the ankle. In fact, this is the
most common way in which people will stand when meeting new people, those exempt will both, carry
a higher status, and be aware of it.
Arm crossing, or tucking the hands in pockets, are two other ways to raise barriers when
uncomfortable. These posture don’t mean negativity per se, they are simply indications that someone
needs more time to acclimatize themselves to new people. Introverts over extroverts, will be found to
hold this posture for much longer and more frequently than extroverts. In fact, extroverts might warm
up to people so fast that they never show timidity at all, they usually jump right into any group and feel
at home. When dealing with an introvert, on the other hand, offer to take them to a quiet and less busy
environment to make them more comfortable. Offering a drink too, can give their hands something to
do to breaking their rigidity. Providing an environment where your ideas might stick, first begins by
removing barriers, even if they are nonverbal.

___________________________________________________________________________________

_______

Feet together – attentive.

Normal standing posture with feet at shoulder width apart – shows calm confidence.

One foot pointed away – shows disinterest.
___________________________________________________________________________________
_______

How does the ‘cowboy posture’ appear fully nude?

Legs crossed at the ankles says I’m not happy – but I’m not going anywhere.

___________________________________________________________________________________
_______

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

How We Sequence The Letting Of Our Guard

Initially when people meet there is apprehension. In today’s day and age this attitude is vestigial since
most people are agreeable and sociable. It wasn’t always like this as our evolutionary past is full of
treachery. Two strangers meeting on foreign territory could have meant war, violence or theft. For
women, the consequences could have been worse and include rape and kidnapping.

Holding a defensive posture, therefore, is a natural innate disposition and when people meet we should
expect them to hold indications of timidity, at least initially. When two low ranking individuals meet
they would naturally hold at least one posture that indicates that they are closed or protective. Having
their arms or legs crossed at the ankles are two of the more common gestures. Those with higher rank
will naturally express fewer closed postures initially when compared to those of lower rank. By the
way, while we might feel rank in society is of no consequence, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
As we are a capitalist society we are all more than aware of our relative standing in the world so our
rank is well known to us.

Even children understand they rank low in the hierarchy of the world. However, in new environments
it’s normal for even adult bodies to tense up and show certain levels of awkwardness. When two
strangers meet, they will have their arms folded across their chest or perhaps in a pocket and their legs
will be crossed at the ankle. This depends entirely on their level of comfort related to the novelty of the
environment and their perceived status in relation to the other people present.

As the discussion continues between stranger, the feet are most likely the first to separate and uncross
at the ankle, which will then be placed “at attention”, meaning together separated by a few inches and
on the same plane. This will occur in unison with common dialogue, if no such rapport is built, the
conversation can turn even more awkward and the bodies may tense and seek methods to exit the
conversation.

Next, the arms will become more animated and be used to colour their language, essentially losing their
rigidity. The palms will be made more visible and be flashed palm-up in conversation showing honesty
and openness. Next, the arms will remain uncrossed and become more active in the conversation
showing comfort, be placed in pockets showing some residual reservation or be placed on the hips
showing dominance if one or the other discovers they have a higher status. Next, and if general
agreement is established, one foot might be extended toward the other person rather than an exit.

If one person fails to open up, usually both wont, as mirroring each other is also part of the natural
process. In rare occasions, one person will open up, and the other will not, showing one-way agreement
or that one person is generally more open minded and easy to please than the and the other. Finally, the
distance between the two might be reduced by taking a step forward, or brief touching might take place
in safe zones such as the forearm or elbow.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Avoiding The Eyes

Avoiding eye contact is usually bad news.
The eyes can also signal that someone is closed-off. We turn our heads when we wish to avoid being
singled out in a lecture hall or boardroom meeting. To represent a closed attitude we might pull our
chins in and tuck our heads down. In theory this is to protect our vulnerable necks from attack so it also
indicates and fearful state. When we wish to scold children we make sure they give us full eye contact
in order to measures their reaction and to ensure they’ve given us their undivided attention. This trait is
culturally specific however, as some parents require that children avoid eye contact precisely for the
same reason other parents require it; to show respect for authority.
That being said, a lack of direct eye contact during a conversation is not always to be taken as a
negative cue or rejection. Research has shown that concentrating on faces takes a lot of effort so we
look away in order to properly analyze what is being said. Looking away is also a signal that we are
comfortable with our company because we can safely look away with no risk of being attacked. In
other words, looking away shows that we trust those around us. As such, looking away is a “comfort
display.” The distinction between rude eye avoidance and a comfort display should be obvious. For
example, dropping the eyes in order to focus on picking the dirt from beneath the nails to “preen”,
removing lint from clothing while avoiding a topic, or glazing over expressionless in boredom is not
the same as looking away during a conversation to focus more deeply.

While this type of eye avoidance is normal and acceptable in casual situations, do avoid it during job
interviews as potential employers have noted they prefer candidates to focus on them rather than
casting their gaze all over their office as if they own it. In a subordinate dominant situation freely
moving eyes leave bad impressions and make potential employees appear disinterested which turn
interviewers off.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

The Fetal Position

We curl up in a ball when we feel upset – as a fetus does in utero.
An extreme form of closed posture is the fetal position. While it might seem far fetched to expect

someone in your company to have this posture, it does occur although in more abbreviated adult
acceptable ways. While at an informal party, for example, a women in might find herself hugging her
knees at the end of a couch. To her, this feels comfortable, which is why she does it, but it reveals her
true emotions. When in a public she is timid and reserved so she curls up in a ball. The abbreviated
form of this position, of course, and one that is more acceptable in public is to pull the limbs in closer
to the body and across the center-line as in the “self hug”. With age, we learn that taking up the fetal
position, like thumb sucking, is not an acceptable way of dealing with our insecurity so we drop the
extreme form of the gesture in favour of more subtle cues. Playing with the hair, rolling it around a
finger, sucking on it, or a pen, or other oral fixations are also juvenile coping behaviours that become
unacceptable, although often still continue, into adulthood.

Sucking on a pen or piece of hair serves as a replacement for a soother.

Nail biting is an oral fixation that replaces thumb sucking and allows the body to burn off nervous
energy.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Openness As It Relates To Status

Taking up space is a display of dominance and authority.
Since openness is a reaction to comfort and being closed relates to fear of attack, it is natural that we

should see more dominant people hold more open postures and subordinate people hold more closed
postures. An employer, for example, being more comfortable in the workplace would be expected to
hold his hands to his sides, rather than have his arms crossed, use a palm down handshake showing
dominance and generally avoid holding himself up against objects or hidden behind objects like coffee
mugs or folders. His subordinate employees, on the other hand, would feel more comfortable with their
hands in their pockets, finding refuge against the back of a chair, leaning against a desk, or hiding
behind a notebook. Employees might also take up an arm cross, either in full, but usually only in part,
by grab their opposite arm or elbow, and tuck one leg behind the other in the ankle cross. Employees
will avoid a full arm cross because they don’t want to appear totally closed to the suggestions of their
employer.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Summary – Chapter 7

In this chapter we looked at how open body positions indicate an open or closed mind. Specifically, we
saw that that by having arms and legs that cross the midpoint of the body we indicate a closed mind,
negative attitude or disposition, and conversely, that open postures indicate an open mind. This is
evident most often through what is called “ventral displays” where the chest and front is exposed. We
saw that the hands can convey honesty by showing that “no weapon is present”, that rubbing the hands
is figuratively a preparation to receive something (or that we’re cold), and that sudden changes in the
hands has real meaning, that pointing is rude and as if throwing a spear, but can and are blocked, by
arm crossing which works as a shield.

Next, we examined techniques to open people when they show closed body positions in an attempt to
close the “closed”, the meaning of leg crossing and how spreading means dominance, and how the
ankle cross indicates a negative, but hidden emotion. The figure-four-leg-position, we found, happens
by pulling one leg over the other knee and represents disagreement, the fig leaf is a shameful posture
since it hides the genitals from view, and parallel legs which happens by pressed one leg against the
other making the legs appear sexier and more youthful. Next we looked at pigeons toes or “tibial
torsion”, a submissive body posture indicating meekness, then how the legs tell where the mind thinks
through pointing and the four main ways a person might stand; straight up and feet together (attentive),
feet apart (a crotch display), one foot forward (shows direction of interest) and legs crossed at the ankle
(a submissive posture). We then examined the progression from closed to open as a sequence when
meeting new people or being in novel situations, how eye aversion or avoidance can indicate a lack of
receptiveness, that the fetal position can be abbreviated by simply pulling limbs to the center of the
body and finally how openness is related to status.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

Introduction – Chapter 8

Dominant and submissive gestures are polar opposites, both by definition, and in terms of the body
language that is used to indicate it. For example, appearing larger by throwing an arm over the back of
the chair and spreading the legs opened is dominant whereas appearing smaller by pulling the limbs
inward or hunching the back is submissive. This phenomenon is a good rule of thumb so keep it in
mind while reading this chapter and the people around you.

In this chapter we will cover an encyclopedia of signs and signals that display status. By the end you
will see how dominance and submissiveness are a common theme in people. So much of what people
do is as a direct consequence of an unevenly divided resource base and how we all fit into society’s
hierarchy. Dominance and the body language that showcases it, is how we decide who has rights over
whom without resorting to physical conflict. Naturally, this chapter also provides methods by which
status can be artificially raised simply by employing suitable body language.

In this chapter we will cover, amongst many others, how our environment can be manipulated to gain
the advantage such as the status achieved by the judge in his highchair, how relaxed body postures can
show dominance, how the head talks even when our mouths are not moving, how the chair straddler is
a coward, how women will appear easy if they spread their legs whereas men will appear more
masculine, how tilting far back in the chair is dangerous and not just because you might fall, how
having the hands on the hips means more than disapproval and how military men leave their bodies
exposed to attack on purpose.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

Reducing Body Size And Avoiding Conflict

Reduction in body size can include anything from curling into a ball to pulling the arms in slightly to
avoid detection. When we submit we show that we aren’t a threat.

There are cues that can eliminate, or significantly reduce the possibility of confrontation. These
“readiness to submit” postures, are found in all animals where fighting could lead to injury or terminal
harm. Unlike humans, animals in the natural world lack hospitals, doctors and medicine so conflict is
risky, not to mention there might be very little upside to engaging in physical violence. Humans, while
we can usually recover from some of the most violent physical altercations, still possess the same
evolutionary hardwiring to avoid conflict when possible. Sometimes though, aggressive postures and
hence posturing can be beneficial to thwart an attack as the opponent decides whether or not physical
or verbal attack will bring them closer to their goals, or whether or not they target will make for an easy
prey. Avoiding conflict can be done using submissive postures too, and an intelligent person will see
that his pride will still remain intact. Submitting to others requires that a person realize that their
interests are better served by achieving their goals, in this case staying injury free, rather than
maintaining status.
To an instigator, the exact opposite goal is their motivation. They wish to torment and bully their way
into positions of authority usually for the exact reason that they have no other skills at their disposal.
The intelligent will use more sophisticated methods to win the arms race instead of physical violence.

Reduction in body size is a sure way to remain anonymous and melt into the background. Submission
in this way includes; “sinking in the chair” or pulling the arms inward, pulling the shoulders down and
rounding them, hunching in, pulling the chin in and pulling the legs or knees closer together. These
positions would be classified as closed body postures, as are most submissive postures. Reducing body
size is the exact opposite from what one would do to indicate dominance. Dominance is displayed by
taking up more space, being loose and free flowing, pushing the chin out, broadening our shoulders and
so forth. Remaining motionless and avoiding eye contact are other key features of a submissive
posture. What all these cues have in common is that they give us a better chance of being overlooked as
a threat, and help to repels attention from us.

Making the body small limits the potential of being hit and covers up vital areas of the body. In today’s
age, it is uncommon to be physically attacked, but the mechanism by which we display can have a big
impact on how people react physiologically to us. In other words, body language plays a big part in
how other’s perceive us even if we don’t know them, and so we can influence them to our advantage
even before a word is spoken. To avoid a speeding ticket, it has been shown that it is important to
immediately admit to being at fault and to do so emphatically. This might be counterintuitive as most
people think that admitting guilt is a sure way to get punished. However, denying culpability only
serves to instigate the officer forcing him to stand his ground even further. The best stance to avoid a
ticket, as we covered earlier, is to apologize, admit doing wrong, and incorporate submissive language
such as head down and palms up. If you still receive a ticket, it will be much less severe.

Many sexual cues are submissive in nature – it evokes a protective response in men.

The extremity of submissive language is being curled up in the fetal position, however as we get older,
we find that these gestures are not acceptable so we abbreviate them. We might therefore take on a
crouched position, bend our knees slightly to appear smaller, or pull a leg in and sit on it. Women can
be seen hugging their knees by pulling them in. We can also take on “baby eyes” by widening the eyes
and appearing more vulnerable. Women and young girls are particularly talented at this posture as
anyone with daughters will no doubt admit. The vast majority of women’s sexual body language

includes submissive gestures so some of them might appear during general submission. Woman might
look up and lick their lips and keep them parted. Emotional tension created by submission can occur in
either sex, such as a pale face, fidgeting, jerky movements, sweating, or displacement behaviours such
as playing with the hair or rubbing the palms.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

The Shrinking Man

People who achieve higher status are seen as taller – even if they aren’t.
Height plays a big role in how we are perceived and even the level of income we might reach. It has

been noted that taller men are significantly more likely to earn higher salaries, and be promoted, then
shorter men of similar experience and qualifications. This is because we attribute more favourable
qualities to taller people, just like we do for attractive women. We can call this the “halo effect”
because taller and more attractive people are treated like angels, even though there is no reason to
believe that they are more deserving than anyone else. Unfortunately, this phenomenon also occurs in
reverse. Shorter and less attractive people are thought to be less intelligent and lazy. Many research
studies looking at the treatment differences of thin people versus those who are obese have shown that
bystanders are significantly more likely to come to the assistance of the more attractive people over
those who are overweight. Overweight people in distress are often outright ignored.

While the facts surrounding the halo effect might not come as a surprise, the fact that those in positions
of power also receive more favourable ratings might. For example, bosses, professors, judges, and
others in positions of authority are perceived to be taller than they really are. Shorter bosses are given a
few extra inches and bosses that are the same height as an employee will be said to be taller than them.
These ratings have everything to do with their relative importance. Because they are leaders, we give
them leadership qualities. Therefore, height perception is due, in part, to the positions held by the
people around us. Even those with quieter personalities will be perceived as shorter than they really are,
and those with more assertive and authoritative attitudes will be perceived as taller.

Height is used as a means of establishing superior-subordinate relationships. These can be real as it is
with short and tall people or circumstantial as in happens by modifying ones environment or posture.
The judge is at a high bench for a reason, he is trying to reign over his courtroom and establish his
importance. The same goes for King’s or the Pope whom take balcony vantage points to address their
followers. The pharmacist on the other hand is a compete mystery!

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

Environment Plays On Height And Dominance

Standing up while others are seated instantly creates dominance.
If your goal is to gain the dominance advantage, but nature dealt you the short stack, there are several
ways to use your environment in your favour. One of which is to create a scenario where it is natural to
present to a seated audience. Obviously this particular example is more suitable to a boardroom
business meeting, but can also be amongst friends by roaming a room, rather than taking a fix seat
while entertaining. When created an artificial scenario it would be wise to include ample comfortable
seating to provide an incentive for people to plop themselves down. A man might use the standing
advantage at a bar to pick up women by waiting for her sit instead of approaching her while she dances.
Present to the seated naturally gives you a large height advantage.

This cop knows his game. By keeping the suspect in his car he gains height-authority over him.

Stages by their nature are designed to give power to the speaker. Fewer interruptions from the audience
is the direct result of being higher than them. It is very unnatural to address someone with any degree
of authority from a lower position and we instinctively know this. If there are height differences and
levels about a room, such as split levels or stairs, and your goal it to intimate or dominant someone,
then use them. For example, standing on an upper step with your target below you will give you the
upper hand every time. Addressing someone taller than you from an elevated position such that their
height is negated will make them feel very uncomfortable and uneasy. They aren’t used to playing short
stacked and they will probably do their best to rebalance the field in their favour when the opportunity
arises. Try this experiment on door-to-door solicitors the next time they interrupt you. First, be sure to
use the door as a barrier never quite opening it fully, and never ever invite them in. If you have a glass
portion of your door, close the door slightly so as to be speaking through the glass. Ideally this will
force them to address you from the next step which will be lower giving you at least a six inch height
advantage. This is usually enough to stifle their pitch or at least annoy them. Next close and re-open the
door at random intervals. This might seem cruel, but remember you never invited them, so they brought
it upon themselves!

While lifts in shoes are out of style for men, there exits shoe brands and inserts that can add up to two
inches of height. If you are 5’8”, then two inches can make a big difference in the height game, and put
you into or above the average. Women know the power of heels all to well, and should use it to their
advantage whenever possible in business and even in dating. The exception though is when the purpose
is to build cooperation rather than asserting competence. Women should use heels in dating to set their
benchmark height. It is universally recognized that women prefer men to be two to three inches taller
than they are. By simply using a heel of that height and eliminating men who don’t stack up, they can
immediately thwart unwanted advances. Most men won’t solicit from women taller than they are.

As we saw, forcing others to sit while we stand can helps neutralize height differences, but so too does
mutually sitting. If both parties are forced to sit, the advantage is given to those that have the biggest
rear ends rather than those with the longest legs. The extra cushion serves to prop them up! The largest
differences in heights is largely due to the biggest bones in our bodies which is our legs, not our spines,
although they do play a part. Sitting down, takes our legs out of commission. Next we should try to
hold good posture and if our company has poor posture, we can negate all or most of the height
difference. Sitting on opposite sides of the table negates height differences even further because
separation makes it difficult to make the height comparison. The same tactic can be used while standing
just by taking a step back.

An advanced, although cruel tactic includes sabotaging others by providing them with lower chairs. It’s
not uncommon in the interview process to give prospects unpadded chairs with short legs. When
multiple people are present, just claim the tallest chair! A chair with an abnormally tall back commonly
used by royalty will make someone appear shorter due to perspective, but will also serve to make them
appear more dominant and authoritative.

If presented with a power player who insists on interrupting and talking over you or others especially
while seated, play their game. Instead of taking it sitting down, stand up, walk about the room, move
away from the situation or move to the opposite side of the desk or table or use misdirection by looking
out a window pretending to ponder his position. Each of these actions will unnerve them forcing them
to up their game or concede. The simplest and most honest tactic is to hold better, more upright posture,
which in and of itself can add inches over people with poor posture. Most people have a bad habit of
slouching, so using better posture on its own makes you appear more confident by comparison.

If your objective is to maintain common ground instead of exploiting it, then the best bet it to try to
level or lessen height differences instead of exploiting them. Tall women know this all to well, and can
be found with poor posture usually because they stand out from the crowd and get teased as teenagers.
Unfortunately, instead of walking tall, they hunch up trying to appear subordinate so they fit into the
crowd unnoticed. Obviously, tall women who slouch are self-conscious of their height.

This not-withstanding reducing height differences fosters cooperation and reduces tension. Tall people
should take notes and reverse all that was said above with respect to exploiting height differences. Most
of what was mentioned was methods to use height to manipulate or create power imbalances. If the
goal is to achieve cooperation, then we should be careful to try to level height differences instead of
maximizing them. We should rarely show submission though, as it can be as disastrous as showing
dominance when trying to build cooperation. We never want to appear weak even as we seek common
ground.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

Relaxed Body Language

We relax when we don’t feel an immediate threat.
Identifying relaxed body language helps us find people that belong, or that feel they belong, in a given
situation. Those that are relaxed do so in environments they “own” and control and the higher is a
persons’ status, the more diverse will be these environments, although situational novelty also plays a
major role in comfort. Even low status people have a variety of locations in which they feel relaxed
because being relaxed is a function of feeling that no threat is present and this is based largely on
experience. Someone ridding a subway for the first time, for example, will be tensed and show rigid
body postures like a coiled spring. They will be looking around at the subway signs and various
indicators, and the people around them. It is impossible to be and look relaxed when the senses are on
alert, when we’re keen to watch for signals of danger suspecting that all noises around us could indicate
imminent danger. Someone that rides the subway daily won’t notice the signs and sounds around them,
just like a highway driver zones out for the majority of the drive only to find out somehow he has
arrived at his destination. Subway riders might even be so relaxed that they doze off on their route or
become engrossed in a newspaper or magazine and miss their stop.
Relaxed body language is any body language that lacks muscle tension, the body is loose and the arms
and legs move freely and naturally swaying with any motion. The torso may sag slightly to one side, or
slump, but is not held by irregular tension. Thus, the body holds regular open body postures, with the
arms and legs uncrossed. A leg might even be tucked under the body, to be sat on, showing that one is
not prepared to leave and doesn’t expect to be caught off-guard. Breathing is steady and slow and can
even become deep showing even more relaxation. Smiles happen in coordination with the eyes and the
lips are not simply stretching across the face. The eyebrows are stable or move along with speech rather
than frowning and the eyes gaze rather than stare and blink at a regular rate. The forehead will have no
tension and we should watch for wrinkles which is an easy give-away to tension. Lines and wrinkles in
the forehead quickly showing fear. Lastly, the skin colour is normal, not red showing embarrassment or

anger, and isn’t pale with fear.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

Raising Status Through Relaxed Body Postures

Leaning back and taking up space is a way to show that we own the joint.
It might seem counter-intuitive, but taking on a relaxed position and postures when around others, such
as slumping in your chair can be a way to increase your status. This might be opposite to what you
would expect given the rules of height and power but slouching shows to everyone that you are
comfortable with yourself and don’t feeling anxious by someone else’s presence. By extension, most
people will find it difficult to relax when in the presence of higher ranking people. Therefore it follows
that if someone shows relaxed body postures, they must be high ranking! Subconsciously, we do think
this, although, when we know definitively that we outrank our slouching counterpart, we find them to
be brazen and ignorant which fosters more negative attitudes. This can go both ways, and it will be up
to you which route you take. Do you want to fit in, or “rock the boat”, so to speak.
Imagine entering your boss’s office because he wants to speak to you about your performance. You
promptly sit down, without permission, and slam your feet on top of his desk taking up an ownership
(comfortable) position. Without question, he will take offense. The rare exceptions can happen though.
Say you are close personal friends on top of your work relationship, or maybe you are of similar rank in
the office, say partners. What would happen if instead of putting your feet up on his desk you instead
slouch over the arm rest and open your legs? While this isn’t equally as offensive, it will come across
as a challenge to your boss’s dominance and put him on edge. In subordinate/dominant relationship
relaxed body language quickly upset whatever hierarchy was thought to have existed setting the tone
for future struggles which may or may not be your ultimate goal.
When competing with those of equal status, relaxed and dominant body language can help, rather than
hinder, your chances of success because it will set you above your competitors without using risky

verbal language.

Let’s take another example where the new boyfriend enters his girlfriend’s house, sits down on the sofa,
and makes himself at home totally oblivious to her father. The boyfriend has set a competitive tone and
if not challenged by Dad, he will continue to experience the upper hand. His relaxed ownership has
said to his girlfriends father that he is willing (but possibly not able – this is yet to play out), to usurp
his daughter’s interest and therefore take over his role as her caregiver. If Dad is a pusher-over, the
boyfriend wins. Smart Dad’s set the rules early and emphatically by polishing their guns in their
rocking chairs on the front porch!

As we see, territoriality means everything to relaxed postures. Where appropriate, such as with close
friends of equal rank, relaxed postures are insignificant, but when they happen within someone else’s
boundaries, they send a powerful message that are especially salient to the person who has laid claimed
to such boundaries. The owner of the property, wherever it might be, would much rather see cautious
and reserved body language from those entering their boundaries as a signal of respect. No matter the
result of the challenge, relaxed body language can help set the stage to achieve higher status. When the
challenge is not met, the user of relaxed body language enjoys his “free lunch”, and with this comes
freedom to choose and control future scenarios.

So far we have examined how relaxed body language can set up nonverbal power struggles between
those of differing rank, however, they can also maintain power rank when used by higher status
individuals in lower ranking person’s territory, or to tip the balance, when use by those in equal rank.
To see those of equal rank struggle for power, carefully examine the body language of leaders when
they meet. One of the best examples is when presidents and prime ministers, leaders of entire countries,
meet and jockey for the upper hand. Which leader appears more at home, relaxed, calm and collected?
Which one fidgets, or pulls at a collar, or tries to keep himself in the picture? You can learn a lot by
how leaders act when confronted with those of equal status.

I have mentioned a few examples thus far depicting relaxed body postures such as slouching in a chair
and tossing the legs up on a desk. They can also include leaning further back far in a chair, sitting deep
inside a comfy sofa (versus sitting at the edge in a ready position) dangling an arm over the back of the
chair, opening up the legs instead of crossing them, generally taking up more space and more open
body positions. A particularly obvious territorial display of confidence, authority and ownership is
achieved by spreading the finger tips on a desk carrying part of the body’s weight while standing
hunched over it. Onlookers will respect that the desk is in full control of the person carrying this
posture. If you want to know exactly how much trouble someone is going to give you, meaning just
how authoritative they are, just watch for how wide they spread themselves out across a surface. For
example, a store clerk might watch just how far the arms are splayed across the top of the counter. The
more spread the arms, the more trouble is coming their way. We see this type of body language most
often when there is a customer service issue where a sale failed to please. The gesture will be
accompanied by verbal demands and displeasure.

Relaxed body postures are really all about spreading out, taking up more space and looking as if you
own your environment so if your goal is to show ownership, picture yourself in your own domain, and
transport this frame of mind wherever you happened to be.

Of course with this type of body language there needs to be a disclaimer about intent. Most people,
especially high ranking people, are normally protective of their property (whatever this happens to be –
their house, office or favourite chair) so usurping their stuff, has the potential to alienate them, which is
why you really should consider what type of battle you are orchestrating. By extension, more
submissive gestures can serve to help gain someone else’s trust and instill in them a desire to help,
which can sometimes be a more effective way to achieve your goals.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

The Language Of The Head

The positions of the head tells us a lot about what feelings are present and readily leaks information to
others. Head language is similar to facial expressions since it can convey a large amount of information
extremely quickly. Heads can shake, nod, bobble, lowered, tilt, duck, or dropped back each having its
own meaning. As we shall see, head language can tells us that someone is negative on a matter, neutral
or in actively in thought.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

Headshake For Negative Thoughts

The head shake signifies a negative thought indicator. It’s as if the person can’t get past an idea. Babies
use the headshake as in innate gesture to signal to their mother that they’ve had enough milk by turning
their head away. The head shake is different from the typical “no type gesture” in that the head is tilted
from side-to-side instead of being pivoted back and forth used to signify “no” in various cultures by
adults. We should be skeptical if the head shake is given while voicing specifically agreeable language
such as “You make a good point.” or “That sounds like a great idea.” These words, accompanied by the
head shake, negates whatever positive words were voiced. It tells us that they were either trying to pull
a fast one on us, or just trying to appease us.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

Head Nod And Bobble

The head nod in western cultures says agreement. In other cultures such as in Bulgaria and Sri Lanka it
means disagreement, although from studies of the deaf and blind, it is apparent that this gesture is also
innate. The nod used as a greeting, performed as a quick drop of the head, may stem from an
abbreviated head bow. As we learned, lowering the body signifies a submissive posture, and so too
does agreement. In Japan the head nod usually signals to the speaker that they are being heard and
doesn’t necessarily indicate agreement. Thus, head nods are particularly specific to cultures so caution
is important.

The head bobble, which is a side to side motion across an arc also means different things to different
cultures. For example, in East Slavic it means disapproval and in India it means “okay”. In Bulgaria,
India and Pakistan the head bobble means “yes.” Other gestures by the head can include the chin point,
in the West, which is a slick way of pointing out other girls to your buddy without getting caught.
Sometimes the chin point is used as a greeting between friends as an informal acknowledgement of
each other’s presence. In Greece, Turkey and Arabic-speaking countries pulling the head back in a
jerking motion signals “no” but in Ethiopia it actually means “yes.”

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

Head Lowered Judgment

Head down means judgement.
The head down shows a judgment or negative internal emotion. In fact, my son who is just nine months

old, will pull his chin in and put his head down so that I can’t see his eyes when I instruct him not to
touch the buttons on my desktop computer tower. He also smirks when he doesn’t want to internalize
and obey me. Next, he raises his left arm (usually) to the back of his neck and either (short) grabs his
ear or the hair at the side of his head, or reaches all the way and scratches the back of his neck showing
restraint. I say short-grab because the real cue is the grab the back of the neck, but his arms, being a
baby are short and inflexible. Scratching the back of the neck is like “holding yourself back” by the
scruff of the neck. This cue cluster has been important for my wife and I as we ascertain what level of
obedience we should expect based on whether or not he has actually internalized our instructions.

As with any head motion it is important to examine the adjoining clusters of body language to
determine it’s true origins. For example, adding arm crossed to head down would signify more
prominently that there was negativity present. Bending the head down, but looking up, can easily be
confused with a lowered head yet means something totally different. The bent head means agreement,
confirmation, or even shame.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

Head Tilted Interest

Head tilt shows interest.
The head tilted at forty-five degrees from the center line of the body indicates interest and intrigue. It

says “I am receptive, comfortable, and friendly.” The head tilt is one of the very significant and
prominent postures that everyone should be aware of, especially educators of any kind. A professor for
example, can gauge his efficacy as an instructor by the degree to which his audience tilts their head.
Head tilting is also very difficult to fake because our minds will resist the posture when we dislike what
we are hearing or the people around us, making it a very honest and reliable gesture.

Head on, means passive listening for example, head slightly tilted shows moderate interest and head at
its maximum forty-five degrees shows full immersion. A teacher might see variations across his
audience, and also across the subject matter. Head tilting is not an all or nothing phenomenon. This
makes it easy to measure the success of a presentation nonverbally and tweak it as necessary.

Dogs also tilt their head, usually by engaging them in human conversations, so the root of this
mechanism could simply be the state of being confusion. The head tilt is also a submissive gesture as it
exposes the neck making it vulnerable to attack. One of the more prominent courtship displays is the
exposed neck, and when done by women, is particularly alluring. This is examined in a later chapter.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

Head Back And Peering Over Glasses

You wouldn’t mess with this chick. Head back spells confidence and authority.
This head position prompts phrases such as “She looked down her nose at him in disapproval.” It is the

classic eye-glass wearing domineering teacher or librarian look when a student has done something she
does not approve of, so she stares him down. The gesture can be done by looking over the glasses or
simply by looking down the bridge of the nose. The posture elicits a prey response in others because it
puts them in an aggressive relationship with the predator peering down on them. Tilting the head back
is a way to adjust the height levels between people because by doing so it raises the level of the eyes by
a few inches. Looking down the nose is indicative of someone that is condescending or pushy and is an
authoritarian posture but is also a gravity defying body language so shows confidence and positivity.
It’s where the phrase “Keep your chin up” come from when we wish others to frame their outlook in a
more constructive light. Conversely the chin down shows negativity and destructive thoughts such as
judgement.

While the cue can be done without glasses, peering over them by slightly pulling them down as if to get
a better view is even stronger. A friend of mine who is a photographer explained to me that he felt
turned off by a client that habitually held this posture. For whatever reason, it was her natural tendency
to tilt her head back and look down the bridge of her nose at the camera. Since the nose and chin move
together they both signal the same sort of high confidence dominant signal. At the time he didn’t know
why but was quick to have the model drop this posture because it didn’t feel right to him. I explained to
him that he likely felt put off by the posture because it made her appear dominant and authoritative
when he was likely looking for a coy pose instead. I was right after all. His reply “Why would anyone
want to look at a domineering model peering down on her subjects?” He then explained that he wasn’t
doing a stock photo for a fluff editorial, rather “She wanted to look attractive for her boyfriend!” We
both found this amusing; he would have received an interesting surprise!

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

The Chair Straddler

The chair straddler is a dominant, yet cowardly sitting position, because for one, the seating position
requires one to spread their legs wide open exposing the genitals, and two, because symbolically it is as
if they were holding a shield against their chest. Crotch displays are typical for dominant people,
especially men. Women can also sometimes display authority in this fashion but if done improperly it
appears like a sexual invitation rather than a dominance display. Figuratively, chair straddlers are spears
throwers or arrows flingers as they toss words at others from behind their barricade. It might not always
be the intention of the staddler to come across this way, so it is our duty as good body language readers,
to reserve judgment until we catalog enough cues in clusters. For every rule there are always
exceptions. The point here though, is that other people will judge us poorly if we become the person
that straddles chairs. Certain dominant body language is acceptable, but this isn’t one of them.

If you find yourself (over) exposed to a straddler, there are a few ways to disarm him from his shield.
The first is to change your seating location so that he no longer faces you directly, exposing his
genitals. You can also stand up altogether and even move behind him making his posture totally
ineffective. By moving behind him, his back will become exposed and unprotected, causing him to
tense up. The height differences will also force him to try to remain more erect and upright, so to speak,
causing him to feel uncomfortable and annoyed in short order. A proficient straddler will then turn his
chair (and his member) to face you, and just like a real-life chess game the pieces move strategically.
This brings about the third technique, which is to overcrowd his personal space by standing over him,
being careful to continuing the conversation. If all these techniques fail, and in most cases they won’t,
you can always call him out on his attitudes and body language. Like calling anyone out for any reason,
this is risky and can easily backfire alienate him altogether. In extreme situations, you might see no risk

at all since all you stand to lose is an arrogant acquaintance.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

Leg Spreading

When leg spreading is overt, it can be a turn-off – especially in the workplace.
Another dominant gesture, where we put our manly prowess on display, women exempted, is the crotch
display. The legs can be spread while sitting or standing and depending on the degree of separation and
context, can mean different things. For example, legs spread at shoulder width while standing is a
dominant and acceptable display. It is seen as normal and is encouraged because it comes across as
confident rather than offensive. Having the legs spread wide open while seated is another story
altogether. If it happens while directly facing others, it is perceived as arrogant.
Seated leg spreading is especially potent to female coworkers in an office setting, since they aren’t able
to imitate the behaviour and retain any class. As a rebuke, women will taking on defensive postures
such as arms crossed and legs crossed; this tells us that they are offended by the posture and see the
body language as chauvinistic. Men can sometimes use this posture effectively to attract the attention
of women, but only in so far as they appreciate the caveman approach. Therefore, the tactic can go both
ways, but a small amount of leg spreading can be used to convey a positive middle ground. Having the
legs tightly pressed together can sometimes appear even worse, since it conveys submissiveness or
being too uptight.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

The Leg Over The Chair

Having one leg over the arm rest of a chair is a full on assault to the rest of his company. I use “his”
because men are much more likely to use this posture than women. The posture shows aggression,
dominance, ownership and an informal attitude. Ownership here can mean simply of the chair, but in a
larger context it also means ownership of the situation as a whole, the ideas in the room, and even the
people. The sitting position is so informal that it means that a person holding it, cares not about what
anyone else thinks.
While, with friends this posture could be acceptable despite its offensiveness, it’s definitely not
acceptable during an interview, in public, or when meeting important people. To send the proper
message with our legs use a comfortable, yet proper sitting position which is a sign of respect for those
around you. Either leave a slight gap between the legs, use the figure-four leg cross (for men only), or
us the English style leg cross where the legs lie parallel one over the other. Women should almost
universally cross their legs so they lie parallel, even if they are wearing pants but especially if they are
not.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

The Full Body Steeple

The full steeple, sometimes called ‘hooding’ or the ‘hooding effect’ is a high confidence/dominance
display.
The full body steeple occurs by placing both hands up and behind the head while seated. The postures
is completed by combining it with the figure-four-leg cross which happens by placing the ankle of the
opposite foot across the knee, or made even more dominant by leaving the legs splayed wide open. As

we saw before, the figure-four-leg position is an abbreviated crotch display that builds status by
drawing other’s attention to the midsection, while the arms behind the head posture shows arrogance
because it openly exposes the body to attack. Remember that dominant people don’t worry about being
attacked and often show this confidence by overexposing themselves and their vulnerable areas to
challengers. The language of the crotch says that “I am safe in displaying because no one would dare
try to attack me”. It also says “I have a big penis and I’m showing it off because I think yours is
probably smaller”. To women, on the other hand, it’s an offering, as in “Here it is, come and get it”.
Just like magicians use sleight of hand to draw attention to or away from the action, men use similar
tricks to draw attention to areas they wish others to admire. Is it a mistake that men’s neckties are large
pieces of cloth in the shape of an arrow? What does the arrow point to? Crotch emphasis, can and is
done, with the help of pointed fingers, by wrapping the thumb around belt loops and dangling the
remaining fingers in their vicinity or through a crotch adjustment. Baseball players are the world’s most
prevalent crotch adjusters! I wonder if they’re trying to get at something.

High ranking women in the workplace might even been seen to carry dominant postures.

The full body steeple can be used to intimidate others, or convey a relaxed, cocky disposition, but as
always, body language needs to be taken in context. The accompanying dialogue will help tell us what
is really going on. Professionals, such as lawyers, accountants, managers, bosses, and others that tend
to take their superiority to higher levels than the rest of us, will be seen using the full body steeple.

To break a steepler, try opening them with honest gestures while leaning forward. Honest gestures

might foster mirroring where they might drop their steeple, while leaning forward will put them on
edge, especially if you near them in a feigned attack. The open, honest gestures, in your cue cluster will
serve to confuse them. You may also try pulling back into a seated and relaxed position, in effect,
joining them in their dominance. Avoiding eye contact to appear aloof by looking over their heads, or
submitting to other’s in the room, will create an edge which is unsettling to those who wish to appear
dominant. Remember, dominant people want to be in control at all times so any signal you create that
leads them to believe that you are capable of acting independently will set them back. Another more
diplomatic gesture is to hand them a sheet of paper or document forcing them to lean forward to take it.
Standing over them is a more brazen technique and one that won’t necessarily yield favourable results.
This type of encroachment onto territorial individuals is likely to instigate a confrontation. Mirroring
the full body steeple gesture will probably have the most profound effect since you are displaying that
you have equal status. This is certain to unnerve them.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

Tilting Far Back In A Chair

Titling in the chair is a casual and therefore dominant gesture and the further back one leans in the
chair, the stronger the message of superiority. It comes has a similar root to the full body steeple as it
creates distance from other’s showing detachment, and also a relaxed or informal attitude. When our
boss’s perform this gesture, it can mean several things, he is indifferent to others and their ideas, he is
simply adopting a relaxed position on the matter. Caution is order, as context and accompanying
dialogue is necessary to verify exactly what this gesture means.

When children are seen doing this in response to being chastised for bad behaviour it is important to
quickly correct it or the attitude can snowball. A simple way to fix it through nonverbal means is to
encroach on their personal space or by taking a flank or a rear position. This will create uneasiness in
them and force them to take a less relaxed authoritative body language stance and might even put them
in a ready position with their hands on their knees in preparations to take action hopefully by resolving
the issue or serving the punishment. When power plays are used by subordinate people, over time they
gain authority, and the last thing you want to do is lose rank with your children as with it goes respect.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

Hands On Hips

Strutting like a peacock. The hands draw attention to our manhood.
Having the hands on the hips or “arms akimbo” is to display like a peacock, even in people! It makes

the body take up more space and hence appear larger so as to assert dominance. All the fingers also curl
inward so that they point toward the crotch drawing attention in that direction which punctuates the
point even further. The thumbs might also be tucked into the belt or into belt loops serving to “frame
the genitals.” The message said is “There are issues here”, “Things are not right”, “I’m standing my
ground” or “I’m a virile male so check me out!” Women can also be seen holding the posture although
more rarely, and when they do, they will hold their hands on their hips and point their fingers to their
buttocks. Pointing therefore, puts emphasis on our best assets while we state our case. Fingers pointed
backwards as women do more often is a more inquisitive posture than an authoritarian one.

She’s displeased and thinks you should know better.

Sexual dimorphism is a word used to describe the differences in form between males and females
within the same species. In other animals, it includes horns and antlers, tusks, waddles, elaborate
coloration and plumage, amongst many, many others. In humans, the dimorphism includes hairiness,
perpetually swollen breasts versus muscular chests, square jaws and manly noses, internal versus
external genitals, muscle mass differences, amount of fatty tissue, and hip to waste ratios (where the
ratio produces an hour glass in women). In most cases, the differences between men and women are not

very pronounced compared to many other animals. But when we do differ, men and women tend to
display (exploit) their differences in effort to attract attention.

Like most of life’s endeavors, attention is competition based. We compete both against our own sex and
for attention from the other sex. This seems like one in the same, but it is not. For example, appearing
larger, heavier, taller or more muscular can serve to pique the interest of women, but also to repel
nearby rivals. This is not to say that our species is cutthroat where everything boils down to
competition. Instead, a large part of life involves cooperation. However, how would we know who best
to cooperate with, if it wasn’t for their advantages in competition!

The hands on hips gesture is one of the ways men puff out to appear more dominant and attractive to
the opposite sex and repel competition from the same sex. The cue cluster accompanying the hands-on-
hips also includes an upright posture, chin up, chest out and the legs at slightly wider than shoulder
width. The hands-on-hips is also a ready posture when it does not accompany more dominant cues in
the cluster. In this case, it appears like a runner at the gate prepared to jump at an opportunity whatever
it might be.

Territoriality and ownership is a part of the hands on hips gestures, just like placing a flag into the soil
indicates a territorial line. Holding the body erect, planted, shows that the pieces of land on which we
stands is ours. We occasionally see this posture in children too, as they assert their point to their adult
counterparts. The referee at a sporting event will be seen holding ground with his hands on his hips as
he’s met with protest from the team’s coach. He’s made a bad call, but instead of admitting it, of which
let’s face it, he can’t, he instead says “I’m not going to leave, I’m the boss, what I say goes.”
Meanwhile the coach will mirror this posture saying “I’m not going anywhere until I’m done doing
what I came here for, so you are just going to hear me out.” Therefore the hands-on-hips body language
also represents defiance. The abbreviation for the hands on hip gesture is to drop one hand, yet it
remains just as potent. The other hand is usually busy gesturing more than colourful language.

Chapter 8 – Dominant and Submissive Gestures

The Cowboy Pose

The cowboy has all fingers “drawn” – so you check ‘it’ out.
The cowboy pose happens by placing the thumbs in the belt loops with the remaining fingers pointed