The Ultimate Body Language Book

regardless of their emotional state. Men will and can get away without smiling the most as men who
don’t smile are seen as dominant whereas women who don’t smile are seen as unhappy or angry. We
might feel that this is simply a learned or cultural phenomenon but the fact is that smiling differentials
between men and women happen very early in life. Little girls by the age of eight begin to smile much
more whereas little boy lag further behind and they continue to lag behind into adulthood.

Women are obliged to smile to appease men according to researcher Dr. Nancy Henley at UCLA. She
felt that women smiled simply to placate men and that since men normally occupy the dominant roles,
women felt pressure to submit to their dominance. She felt smiling differences had nothing at all to do
with women as nurturers and pacifiers. This might not be the whole story though. The research also
shows us that while women that smile more are taken less authoritatively, women, regardless of their
social status and position tend smile more than men. This is the case even when they hold similar job
positions showing us that they smile more often even when they don’t have to Other research though
confuses these findings and says that sometimes women of equal status to men, tend to use smiles
similarly.

However, this certainly wasn’t the case for my wife, who, I had run a ‘smile boycott’ in light of the
research done on smiles by Marianne La France. A ‘smile boycott’ is fairly simple, I explained to my
wife, all she had to do was smile when she was happy and not smile when she wasn’t. You might try
the same experiment for comparison. At first, she found it difficult to bring to consciousness the
instances when she smiled because it happens subconsciously, but once she got the hang of it, she
found that she smiled a lot.

In fact, at work, she smiled almost continuously, and so it was difficult at first for her to avoid smiling.
She found that as she passed male colleagues in the hallways, she’d feel inclined to smile, even though
they often failed to reciprocate. Men, she found, would merely nod their heads as they passed. When
conversing with other female coworkers, they too tended to smile but if they didn’t, she reported back
that she felt as if they were ‘rude.’ If she held a ‘non-smiling’ face for any prolonged period of time,
she was questioned; “Are you okay?”, “Lighten up” or, “What’s bothering you?” She simply couldn’t
get away with smile avoidance; the world wouldn’t let her. While this is far from scientific, it does
illustrate well the trend we find in the scientific research. Women that don’t smile are reported
negatively whereas women who smile more, tend to be viewed much more positively.

Further research shows us that smiling is in fact an option for the powerful regardless of their sex.
Whereas less powerful people are required to smile more to appease those in higher positions, those
higher up, need not placate those below. Interestingly too, is that women usually feel the need to please
others, whereas men don’t, and they tend to correlate this need to please with smiling. Therefore this
need to please might be at the root of all smiling. Armed with all this information, you can use the
smile for your purpose, be it to placate, appease or neither.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

Smiles Generate Leniency

People really feel that smiles get things done! Research shows that we smile more during interviews,
we smile more when trying to gain approval from others, we smile when we feel someone will be
disapproving of us and we smile more at our bosses. But what does all this extra smiling accomplish?
Well, the science tells us that it really does help us win friends and influence people. When we smile
we are more likely to be rated more honest and trustworthy and we can get out of possible wrongdoings
more readily and with less negative consequences. Smiling therefore, helps us get out harsh

punishments and so smiles generate leniency. Scientists call this the ‘smile-leniency effect’.

In a study by Joseph Forgas of the University of New South Wales in Australia it was found that
smiling reduced punishment, especially on minor issues. In the experiment, over two-hundred
individuals were asked to judge people based on a still photograph alone, by writing a description of
their transgression. The photographs either had positive smiling faces or neutral faces. The smiling
faces where less likely to be held responsible for the transgression and were evaluated more positively.
There are a few theories as to why this is so. Smiles show that we are submissive, which indicates to
others that we understand our wrongdoings. This makes severe punishment less necessary. Smiles make
us more likeable and attractive, making it harder for other to punish us. Smiling also makes us appear
more trustworthy and shows we are more sociable and diplomatic. The exact reason to explain smile-
lenience might include all or none of these factors, but the results for smiling is universal; if you don’t
want to receive the punishment for the crime, put on a big smile and you might just get off easy.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

Origins Of Laughs And Why Laughing Is
Addictive

Some researchers conclude that laughs are a modification of the fear response which they theorize grew
out of an historical warning that danger was near. By this theory, the laugh occurs because our brains
are scared or frightened into laughing. This helps to explain why we often come to tears when laughing
for prolonged periods, why we sometimes laugh when scared, or when we deal with horrific events
such as a death by suddenly laughing, instead of a seemingly more appropriate response.

Strangely as it might sound, laughing is usual for people during periods of stress and uncertainty. We
just laugh it off. Other theories say that laugh came about through a relaxed open play face which is
similarly observed in other primates. Chimpanzees and Barbary macaques, for example, show a similar
breathing sound “ahh ahh ahh.” Laughing in other primates comes from mock fighting, and social play
and in humans, it first appears at one to two months of age and happens during tickling or sudden
appearance of novel stimuli as in the peek-a-boo game. My son’s first laughs came about through fear.
It was the only way we could get him to laugh. Even now, he laughs when startled such as in the peek-
a-boo game.

Researcher Robert Provine describes the laugh as a series of short vowel-like notes or syllables, each
being about seventy-five milliseconds in duration that repeat at regular intervals separated by about two
hundred ten milliseconds. Laughs go something like “ha-ha-ha” or “ho-ho-ho” but never “ha-ho-ha-
ho”. We can see other variations though like “cha-ha-ha” or “ha-ha-ho”. Laughs also tend to punctuate
points or sentences and rarely find themselves mid sentence. His research outlines even more
complexities in the laugh and if you are particularly interested in laugh structure I urge you to seek out
his research, it is quite fascinating.

Laughing can become addictive too, since it releases natural pain killers called endorphins which give
us a natural high. Thrill seekers such as sky divers, or race car drivers and even runners, and those who
exercise regularly, also reap the rewards of the natural endorphin rushes. Endorphins have been shown
to be stronger then morphine as a pain killer so activities like mentioned above can become habit
forming. Being around people that make us laugh and smile gives us a positive outlook on the world.
Similarly, being around people that are consistently frustrated, bring us down, as we empathize with
their emotions. Our autonomic nervous system responds to our environments and the people in it which

is why it is important to surround ourselves with people that make us feel good. Conversely, we can
become the person others seek to initiate positive feelings, so taking the time to make someone laugh
can have a huge payoff.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

Laughing Cycle, Laughing Makes People Laugh

Laughter, it is no surprise, is very contagious. When we hear laughter we often take part, or at the very
least, crack a smile. When we get really caught up in laughter the cycle continues in an open loop
circuit, perpetuating itself until we are unable to breath or are in tears.

Consider the events of 1962 where an outbreak of laughter in Tanganyika Tanzania. It started at a small
boarding school where twelve to eighteen year old school girls started a six month long bout of
laughter. The laughter was so severed the school had to be temporarily closed, but upon its closure, the
children carried the infectious laughter to other parts where it spread to other communities. While
certain logistics makes it impossible to endure such a long bout of laughter, particularly because it
makes eating and sleeping impossible, let alone the acuteness of loss of breath and dizziness which
would occur, it still helps illustrates the infectiousness of the laugh that we have all experienced.

The addition of laugh tracks to television situational comedies is another artifact of our desire to join in
with laughter. If you have ever watched a similar comedy absent of the track or a studio audience, you
will have noticed that it becomes obvious how important laughter is in the jokes effectiveness.
Instinctively during a conversation or joke, we all know exactly the right time to laugh and even laugh,
absent of anything else, still elicits laughter, showing just how pervasive it is.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

Theory Of Jokes, Humour And What Is
Appropriate

The theory of how humour works has been extensively studied. The actual numbers of theories and
reasons for making us laugh is well over eighty but some of the more common reasons we laugh
include irony, slapstick, black humour, satire and farce. Most humour though, has roots in surprise, that
is, the joke or physical stunt has a result that we didn’t expect, and so this un-expected result makes us
excited. Sometimes we laugh at the misfortune, stupidity or clumsiness of someone else, because for
that moment, we feel superior to them.

Jokes must always be situational and contextually appropriate. In the right company, almost anything
goes, but when in the office, or around mixed company, censorship is a must. Self deprecating humour
is almost always a good way to open joking because the only victim is oneself. However, during a job
interview, it would be silly to joke about one’s inadequacies. We definitely need to make ourselves
appear more equal to our peers and self jokes can do this. Amongst a new crowed, self deprecating
humour can show that we aren’t uptight or feel superior to others.

In the workplace, dirty, sexist, racial and religious jokes need to be particularly avoided. Men, more so
than women, will welcome sexist jokes, but there are always exceptions to any norm. Most men will
feel uncomfortable with sexist jokes poking fun at women, especially when women are present. Racial

or sexist jokes that offend others of which the teller isn’t a part, can also tread on shaky ground. For
example, it is generally accepted to make a joke about men, if you are male or likewise a woman if
female but if white, making a black joke will appear racist rather than funny. This has roots in self
deprecating humour, where making fun of yourself is fair game, but making fun of others can be rude
with the wrong audience. While jokes that make fun of the opposite sex or members of other groups
tend to elicit the most positive reaction, they are also the most risky. Jokes that make fun of a shared
identity also tend to go over well. When unsure however, it’s best to use universal jokes or playful
jokes and avoid potentially risky jokes. When on new turf, let your environment predict which jokes
are most welcome.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

The Purpose Of Humour, Bonding And
Laughing

A 1988 study by researcher Holdaway followed British police officers over two years with respect to
humour and how it helps maintain social norms within the workplace and build cohesion between
officers. Stories and jokes between new recruits and existing members helped transfer attitudes and
feelings that were appropriate for the work environment. In essence, humour was use to welcome
people in and also instruct them about how things work and what are the office norms. The research
found that delivering messages with humour helps do it in a nonthreatening way.

Smiles and laughter are often mentioned in the same breath, but their origins and purpose come from
quite different places. The smile stems from an appeasement gesture rather than playfulness as we saw
previously while laughter appears to stem from humour. Some recent research shows that this is only
one facet of the laugh. Dr. Robert Provine a psychologist from the University of Maryland measured
laughs in shopping malls and on sidewalks and found that laughing came at the expense of comments
that were far from humorous. Comments such as “I see your point” and “put those cigarettes away”
caused people to burst into laughter showing that laughter is more of a way to bond and formulate
social relationships then purely as the result of jokes. In fact, only ten to twenty percent of laughter
came from anything that even resembled something funny, showing that it is actually the person that is
humorous rather than the actual comment. In other words, people were laughing to maintain bonds with
the joke teller instead of as a response to the actual joke.

He also found that subordinate people will laugh simply to appease more dominant people, and that
dominant people exclude themselves from the laugh so as to maintain their dominance. Controlling
laughter therefore, can help control our dominance or submission to others, as well as show our
acceptance or rejection of others. Therefore, a polite laugh shows that we are at least “onboard” with a
person even though we might not totally agree that what they have said is in fact funny.

Laughter is a form of mirroring and communicates mutual liking and well-being. It can also be used to
reduce the harshness of comments or even to take comments back. Humour is an innate vocalization
that fosters a sense of community and can help in learning and in creativity. It helps break down walls
between different people and can act like a social lubricant to bind people together. Laughter is thirty
times more likely to happen in a social setting rather than alone and studies have shown that people
don’t really seem to care if the laugh is fake or real, they still tend to like people more when they laugh
versus doing nothing at all. Laughing helps us build bonds and even fake laughs help because at least it
shows that we are trying.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

Is Laughter Unique To Humans?

We aren’t the only ones to laugh. In fact, it might not be a surprise to learn that other primates laugh
such as chimpanzees, gorillas, bonobos and orangutans show laugh-like vocalizations, but you might be
surprised to learn that dogs and rats laugh too! Rats emit short high frequency sounds during play or
when tickled. The vocalization is so high pitched that humans can’t hear it. The rats have been found to
have what is called “tickle skin” which is found on certain prominent areas over the body. Tickling
between the experimenters and rats leads to social bonding and the rats are then conditioned to seek
tickling.

Dogs laugh as well. The laugh sounds very similar to a pant to the human ear, but with the help of
specialized equipment burst of frequencies can be measured to indicate laughing. Just like in humans,
the social laugh in dogs initiates play behaviour and decreases stress hormones. In a 2005 study
conducted by Patricia Simonet, Donna Versteeg and Dan Storie where one- hundred-and-twenty dogs
were measured across stress behaviours including growling, salivation, pacing, barking, panting,
cowering, and lunging. The dogs were compared with each other across a baseline and found that when
the laugh track recording was played, they showed an increase in tail wagging and displays of play
face. They also showed more social behaviour such as approaching and lip licking. It seems therefore
that humans aren’t the only ones to benefit from a good laugh!

Most behavioural psychologists agree that animals and humans laugh in a much different way and
while we both laugh for social reasons, animals still lack the underlying self-awareness to laugh exactly
like we do so in that sense laughter is somewhat unique to humans.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

Laughter Differences Between The Sexes

Women laugh much more at the antics of men then do men at women. This suggests that men use
laughter in courtship and that women use humour to measure a man’s general fitness and suitability as
a partner. Certainly, personal classifieds advertisements suggest that this is so, as men list a good sense
of humour frequently as quality they possess, whereas women advertise as seeking it. The trait is so
pervasive in personal dating advertisements that it even has its own acronym GSOH (good send of
humour). Even across culture and age, men are the laugh-getters whereas women as the laugh seekers.

It has also been suggested that humour is a signal of cognitive fitness and women use it to gauge the
desirability of men or perhaps as a display of their ability to out-compete other men. Humour is a
measure of dominance, a social tool, and women gravitate to the dominant men who possess it. Male
stand up comedians show many dominant traits not the least of which is to hold the attention of large
groups and have them laugh at his jokes, which itself is seen as a submissive act. For this reason, stand
up comedians also show leadership. Comedians such as David Letterman host of the Late Show or
comedians such as Joe Rogan or Dane Cook. These men make their living by telling jokes. Their body
language and the way they control audiences with their humour are testament to their ability to take
control.

Comedians are leaders even when we find them in our daily lives. They routinely stand up to hecklers,
they influence our emotions and framework and at the same time make us laugh. When a strong joker

comes about, we relinquish our control to them, but when two jokers meet, they’ll be found competing
against each other to tell the best joke in an attempt to hog the floor.

Typically men will use humour to joke with and playfully insult other men. Women use humour to
build social bonds and connect with each other. Women rarely pull off practical jokes. Men use humour
to jockey amongst other men for position in the hierarchy and this jockeying is found most prominent
when other women are present. Men unanimously prefer women who laugh at their jokes rather than
those who make them laugh especially when choosing sexual partners. In a study that followed one
hundred five students, it was found that women chose men who produce humour sixty-two percent of
the time whereas men choose women who appreciate their humour sixty-five percent of the time. When
female speakers present to a male audience they tended to laugh themselves seven percent more then
their male audience, whereas male speakers laugh about seven percent less than their female audience.
Neither sex laughs as much with female speakers as they do with male speakers.

No doubt, being a female comedian is one tough nut to crack which is why we see far more male
professional comedians than female. Both sexes are in agreement, women want a humour generator and
men want a humour appreciator. When it comes to friendship, men will seek out women that are funny,
but when it comes to sexual relationships, men tend to fair on the side of women that only laugh at
jokes rather than those who produce them. In fact, women that display strong tendencies to make other
people laugh appear to be a strong turn-off to men. In a 1990 study by Grammer and Eibl-Eibesfeldt
where men and women interacted in a natural conversation, the extent to which woman laughed while
in conversation was related to her desire to date the man. These findings show that laughing by women
is likely an evolutionary signal of sexual attraction. A note of caution though before men get all carried
away and start memorizing knock-knock jokes before heading the pub, is that while men who were
more humorous were rated more attractive they were also rated as less intelligent and trustworthy.
These results weren’t duplicated though as in other studies as humour was linked to other positive
personality traits, one of which includes intelligence. It’s likely though, that humour has a basis in
dating and attraction, but that women still appreciate someone that can be serious if need be.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

Put-Down Humour

Even when we laugh at the expense of others and their misfortunes we create togetherness and
solidarity. Putdown humour is any humour that derives amusement at the expense of others. It can be
demeaning jokes, teasing, sarcasm or even self-deprecating remarks. While putdowns can be effective
to build bonds and friendship there exists certain rules of engagement. For example, a putdown must be
within a friendly framework and we must follow certain agreed upon rules. Taking putdown humour
too far can be hurtful, and particularly harsh putdowns can be used to elevate ourselves at the target’s
expense, or equally, we too we can become victim of putdowns. For example, in a study by Susan
Martin in 1978 out of American University it was shown that police officers who use putdown humour
against female officers tended to use it because they felt uncomfortable with the notion of having
females in a male dominated workplace. However, humour among, say men at a weekly poker night
can foster belonging. Overall, men will use putdown humour more often than women and also tend to
expect it. Practical jokes work similarly, and sporting teams frequently use pranks to welcome new
members.

The real key is to avoid hitting on truisms about a person that can be hurtful. Making fun of someone
for being ugly when in fact it is well known that they are confident beauty pageant winner or making

fun of a sprinter for being slow, is in good fun, and will be well received. However, poking fun at
someone who is rigid or uptight, by including this trait in a joke, it is sure to offend them and while it
might have a leveling effect between two people, it serves no unifying characteristics. In fact, the only
result likely is to outline key differences between people and help others see this disagreement making
everyone involved look bad. Harsh putdowns only serve to disassociate a person from others.

Dr. Terrion of the University of Ottawa who followed a group of police officers through training found
that the development of putdowns followed a rough pattern of progression from putting down oneself,
to putdowns of shared identities or groups, to putdowns of external groups and finally to putdowns of
each other within a group. She also found that officers tended to putdown members of the group that
had higher status, and members tended to poke the most fun at others whom they liked most and that
using putdowns when members were absent was seen as backstabbing so was frowned upon. One of
the cardinal rules of putdown humour, is to only poke fun at people who are present. The study also
showed that members that are willing to laugh at themselves tended to be taken into the group more
readily. Laughing at oneself shows others that we see ourselves as equals and shows that we can be
trusted. Another general putdown rule follows that members that don’t take well to putdowns shouldn’t
be targets because it tends to elicit an uncomfortable feeling within the rest of the group.

Putdown humour, when it is framed properly, indicates belongingness and also a desire by others to
welcome someone in given that all the rules are properly followed. Conversely, a lack of inclusion into
humour, even putdowns, can alienate us just as much as particularly negative humour. The next time
someone pokes fun, roll with it and either laugh heartily or joke back, as humour can help break down
boundaries and create inclusiveness.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

The Types Of Laughs And Why Women
Shouldn’t Snort And Grunt

Psychologist Jo-Anne Bachorowski of Vanderbilt University has discovered and tested various types of
laughs. In the research, listeners rated their interest in meeting people with different sounding laughs.
She found some interesting patterns. For example, “unvoiced laughs” such as snorts, grunt and pants
rather than song like laughs such as the characteristics “ha, ha, ha” were seen as less attractive to both
the opposite sex as well as the same sex. Unvoiced laughers, the snorters and grunters as mentioned,
where the worse and even more poorly rated when done by women. However, women who had
songlike laughs were rated as even more attractive.

The research shows us that the quality of the laugh is important in making us appear more or less
attractive to others. Therefore, if interested in impressing others, use a more vocal song-like laugh
rather than a panting or breathing laugh if male, and if female especially avoid snorting and grunting
laughs.

The types of laughs:

High-pitched, song-like (male) 2

High-pitched, song-like (male)

High-pitched, song-like (female) 2

Unvoiced, snort-like and then cackle (male)

Unvoiced, snort-like (male)

Unvoiced, snort-like (female)

Unvoiced, snort-and then pant-like (male)

Unvoiced, grunt-like (male)

Unvoiced, grunt-like (female)

Song-like with notable pitch modulation (female)

Low-pitched, song-like (female)

Low-pitched, chuckle-like (male)

Long duration, song-like (female)

High-pitched, song-like (female)

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

Laughter And Health

Studies on laughter reveal that it can help protect the health of the heart, reduce incidence of stroke, can
increase tolerance to pain, help boost the immune system through production of antibodies, reduces
blood pressure, reduces overall anxiety and can even extend life. It has been shown that chronically
angry and hostile people tend to have more heart attacks and those who are chronically depressed have
higher incidences of heart disease. Every part of our bodies benefit from laughter and humour and it’s a
wonder we get so caught up in the seriousness of our lives that we forget to take a moment just to have
a good belly laugh.

When we laugh, stress related hormones decrease significantly. Patients with chronic illnesses show
immediate symptom relief with laughter and several programs have been designed around this principle
in hospitals. Doctors and psychiatrists even subscribe to laughter therapy to help patients deal with their
pain and recovery. “Laughter is the best medicine” is the case for therapeutic humour. This type of
therapy encourages discussion of the patient’s humourous experiences in life. Clown therapy has been
implemented in hospitals where a hired clown will make rounds and display magic, tell jokes or
perform slapstick to entertain patients and make them laugh. Where implemented, the need for sedative
is reduced, yet there is an overall decrease in pain reported by patients. Other patients experience an
increase in immune function and healing.

Laugh clubs and laughter meditation groups have also formed all over the world where laugher is used
as preventative medicine. At regular intervals groups of people meet and laugh. Sometimes the laugh is
natural, other times it is forced, however it seems that in either cases the body does not know the
difference, and the body chemistry result is the same for both. Laughter yoga was developed by Dr.
Madan Kataria in the 1990’s to combine breathing, yoga, stretching and laughter. With this technique
no laughing material is necessary as laughing happens without reason. The willingness to laugh is the
biggest prerequisite to the courses.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

Summary – Chapter 6

We saw, in this chapter on smiles and laughter, that smiles are controlled by two sets of muscles called
the zygomatic major muscles, that run down the side of the face to connect the corners of the mouth
and the orbicularis oculi to help pull the eyes back. The orbicularis oculi produces crow’s feet, smiling
eyes or Duchenne smiles, all names meaning the same thing; “real smiles.” The zygomatic muscles, on
the other hand, are consciously controlled and can be a giveaway to a false smile as does asymmetry.

Next we looked at the origins of the smile, be it from fear as in the “fear grin”, or from happiness and
whether happiness creates smiling or vice versa. We concluded that smiles today symbolize submission
and are contagious. We then found that there are five commons smiles, the tight lipped smile with low
intensity (indicating a hidden attitude or thought), tight lipped smile with high intensity (not a full
honest smile but shows openness), the uneven smile (tongue-in-cheek humour or sarcasm), the upper
smile (hidden agenda), the grin or smirk (indicating smugness and arrogance) and the broad smile (a
true smile). We found that smiles generate leniency, release endorphins so can be addictive, and that
women are more likely to smile than men and do so to placate them. We then covered context as it
relates to humour and how humour has many different forms, how humour helps people bond and that
it isn’t unique to humans since rats and gorillas emit similar vocalizations. We then looked at the
differences between the sexes and saw that women laugh much more at men, than do men at women,
suggesting a courtship link to laughter and that men use humour to playfully insult other men whereas
women use it to bond. We then discovered that put-down humour can create belongingness so long as it
is well received and avoids hitting on insulting truisms, that women should avoid snorting since it is
unsexy and that laughter can help people recover from illness.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Introduction – Chapter 7

Open body language creates comfort and welcomes people into our personal space.
Knowing the difference between open postures and closed postures is very important when trying to

determine the thoughts, feelings and disposition of our targets. Open body language has been shown to
be linked to openness of the mind where people are more likely to be receptive to outside view and
having closed postures has been tied to having a closed mind or being unreceptive to new ideas. As in
most cases with body language, there is a strong connection between the gestures we make and our
emotions with each providing valuables clues to the other. In fact, it is often very difficult to separate
the mind and the body language that leaks from it, even with conscious thought, which is especially
true when it comes to primitive emotional language.

Openness can sometimes be confused with simply being relaxed or intense, and to some degree this is
true. For example, being open often means that attire is also relaxed, shirt collars are unbuttoned, ties
removed, the pants might hang loose and certain articles like jackets might be removed. Full openness,
therefore, is not always acceptable. Conversely, we might look at being open as simply a lack of
holding closed cues. That is, having open cues is the exact same as not displaying closed cues and is the
default position of the two. Being closed requires a certain amount of tensing of muscles and therefore
effort so the default of most people is having an open mind. In other words, people are open, unless
they say otherwise! It follows that there are far fewer cues to symbolize openness as opposed to closed,
since being open is more of a passive state.

Closed body language happens whenever a part of our body crosses the center-line. Arms are shields
that protect our torso from harm.

Closed cues generally occur whenever a limb crosses the center line of the body. When a leg, for
example, comes across the center of the body and locks with the opposite leg, or when the arms fully
cross over one another, we have a closed posture. There are more subtle cues of closed body postures
which will cover in the next pages but crossing the center-line of the body is one of the main themes.
Open postures, on the other hand, are postures that maintain the center-line of the body free from

obstruction from any limbs or objects.

When closed postures are combined with other closed postures, the signal intended is made more
obvious. For example, leg crossing in combination with arm crossing is much more potent than either
alone. Add to this an expressionless face, turning away, and one is left to assume that communication is
not welcomed at any level. On the other hand, we might be faced with someone who has their legs
crossed but the arms are opened and honest. In this case, we might assume that it is a deliberate and
conscious attempt to appear relaxed, when in fact the person might not be relaxed at all. It might be the
case too, that someone has mixed feelings and is reserved at one level, but open at another level.
Reading opened and closed body language is tricky business, but all cues are additive. Cues of the
same origin, happening together, serve to strengthen an open or closed reading, but so too does
conflicting cues. Conflicting cues tell us that someone has an internal reservation, made obvious
through their mixed message.

It is fortunate for those of us who wish to modify our body language, that we have control of our
conscious mind, since we then can modify our body language as desired.
Of course, since de-linking of our bodies and minds is difficult, these changes bring about inherent
change in our attitudes as well. For example, it’s fairly easy to consciously carry open postures, such as
palms up, arms and legs uncrossed, and hold active eye contact, however holding these postures
necessarily leeches back into us creating open feelings.

In this chapter we will examine the vast array of open and closed body positions that we can use to
come across as more or less open, as we desire. Naturally too, we will be able to identify this same
body language in other people and use it to our advantage when reading them.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Ventral Displays

When the chest is turned away, this is called “ventral denial.” It says, “I don’t like what you’re saying.”
Torsos house important organs that are vital to keeping us alive. Our heart, lungs, liver, intestines and
so forth are all easily accessible through a thin layer of skin, fat, muscle and sometimes ribs and a
sternum although even these have spaces by which damage may be inflicted. Exposing our ventral side
means that we trust we won’t be attacked. Laying on our backs is something we do only in our own
houses because it exposes our bodies to attack and paralyzes us from defending ourselves.
Women, in the wrong company will feel particularly sensitive about exposing their breasts and both
sexes will avoid displaying their genitals when nervous or timid. This is where arm and leg crossing is
prevalent creating shields so as to reduce threatening exposure. Other times, bodies may turn away
from people with whom we lack trust, or we may distance our torsos to give us a time and space buffer
so that if a threat should be advanced, we have enough of a cushion to escape.

His ventral display says that he’s ready to leave.
When in conversation people will orient their ventral side to those they trust the most and away from
those they trust least. They’ll also favour those with whom they agree with most and away from people
they disagree with or have contempt for. People can be seen changing their orientation more and more
over the course of a conversation as ideas diverge. In dating, as women are turned off by an approach
they will first shift their feet toward the exit, followed by the torso. If they wish to remain polite so as
not to offend, they might keep their faces oriented toward their solicitor, yet the rest of their body, the
important parts, will face away. Even slight disagreement can produce ventral shifts as bodies orient
away from the speaker based on topics of lessor interest or topics we wish not do discuss.

Ventral distancing shows a lack of commonality.

Ventral distancing is also a nonverbal cue that indicates agreement. When people don’t like what they
are hearing, they will slouch or lean backward to indicate that they aren’t seeing eye-to-eye on matters.
On the other hand, when people agree, they will move toward each other to shrink the distance. When
presenting a lecture, it’s easy to measure audience interest because those most keen will be sitting “at
the edge of their seat” hanging onto every word. The bored or disinterested will be slouching or sitting
low in their seats perhaps awkwardly to one side as if ready to take flight.

When we are reunited with loved ones we take part in hugs which is intimate precisely because the
torsos are sandwiched together. We even move our arms away from our fronts so that we can get even
closer. Children love to receive “raspberries” where air is blown onto their stomachs and will permit it
because they trust their parents or family members. However, even with children they’ll “turn their
backs on us” when they are upset with us as we enforce rules. This is a nonverbal way to show
disagreement. Lovers in deep conversations will move closer to each other and face head on indicating
a trust and showing no desire to leave or exit the situation which might happen by turning the torso
away. Orienting the torso forward says that this is the direction in which someone is thinking about
moving and when lovers do this, it means they wish to move into one another; to kiss. In a business
context, people who agree with turn their bodies so they more closely face each other, even while
sitting, and away from those whom they disagree with. This is called “ventral fronting” or “ventral
denial.”

To use ventral language best, lean forward and drop the arms to the side when you wish to project
agreement but when the opposite is desired feel free to side back in a chair or lean back or turn to the
side and cross the arms. Making friends with all people is not always desirable especially when
someone is malicious and unpopular. Being courteous all the time, to all people is a misuse of proper
body language so use the nonverbal language that is most appropriate for the feelings you want to
convey.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Hands And Palms Language

The “offerer” in the rogatory posture wants to give you his thoughts and just doesn’t understand your
point of view.

The human brain has been shown to place a disproportionate amount of attention on the wrists, palms,
fingers and hands compared to the rest of the body. Throughout evolution as we developed the ability
to walk upright, our brains became fixated on what our hands were doing because they became more
expressive in language through gesticulation, became more skilled such as creating fires, catching prey,
collecting berries and building structures and tools to do so. However, our where our hands differ
significantly from our feet is their ability to become extremely dangerous. Hands coupled with
weapons can inflict deadly blows.

Being open means being honest and not hiding anything. In evolutionary terms, the palm display is an
important gesture signifying honesty because it is a way to make evident to others that no threat or
weapon is present. Palm and wrist displays have even been noted to be sexual in nature and more
frequently flashed by women during courtship likely because it is such a vulnerable part of the body.
The wave, as a long distance greeting, probably has roots in showing that we aren’t carrying a spear,
sword, or bow and arrow. Having the hands deep in a pocket or behind the back can be a sign of
aggression or passive threat, and our evolutionary history tells us that someone who is hiding
something is probably not hiding a bouquet of flowers. But if they are, why take the risk! Showing
open palms, facing up, or the “palm flash” is essentially what would have happened thousands of years
ago when two foreign tribes met. Even today we might guess that a stranger approaching us on the
street was up to no good if they hid their hands at their backs or tucked inside a jacket. We’d think they
were harboring a gun and planned to rob us.

Wrists displays shows comfort. I think she likes him.

Having the arms out and extended, palms up, or vertical shows that we are safe and therein lies our
most popular greeting, the handshake. The degree to which this openness occurs represents the degree
of openness. Having the arms completely to the side or up and open with fingers apart is as open as one
can get and it signal as much. We rarely see this form of openness, rather, openness is of degree, so we
therefore must look for more subtle and acceptable cues.

Open gestures are accompanied by phrases such as “Trust me.”, “I wouldn’t lie to you.” and “What,
you don’t believe me?” We also gesture with palms facing upward when we are offering something.
However, the offering, in this context, isn’t a tangible item, rather, it’s an idea. It could be a cell phone
plan coming from a salesman in the mall, or a reorganizing of the company, a downsizing, or new way
to deal with customers or any number of things requiring deal making or selling.

When the arms are completely outstretched with palms up we call it the “rogatory” posture, or prayer-
like. It is as if we are offering dialogue to another and sincerely want to be believed, trusted and
accepted. This posture is not dominant or even confident however, because it lacks conviction. So
while palm flashes show honesty and trustworthiness because they show no threat, they lack sustenance
and power in terms of conviction. Palm down displays though, by placing hands face down on a table
or standing head on and leaning with the fingertips spread to anchor the body shows emphatically that a
position is held confidently. While conversing on a topic, we should therefore expect both palms up and
palms down as opinions are either offered with reservation or presented with conviction. Depending on
your position on the matter you may wish to employ either submission or dominance to your
advantage. For example, on issues you wish to concede or are unsure of, of which making the other
party aware of this fact is acceptable, use palm up, but when you wish not to concede or wish not to be
uncovered as unsure, keep palms face down. The rule of thumb is that palms down “tell”, while palms
up, “offer.” When someone wishes to display honesty, such as declaring “You have to believe me, I
didn’t do it” they should use palm down displays otherwise they may not be telling the truth and expect
not to be believed.

Pockets make great hand-hiding places., but it comes across as dishonest.

So why do we find it comfortable to put our hands in our pockets? Our clothing, especially that of
men’s, is specifically designed with this in mind. The fashion of women rarely permits the luxury of the
same deep pockets, but this isn’t to say they wouldn’t take advantage of them if they could. Curiousity
says that we must reason why this is so. What is it about this hand placement that makes us more at
ease? Are men more reserved to the point of requiring their garments to accommodate their needs or is
it just superfluous? There’s no doubt that form meets function in this case, and putting our hands in our

pockets makes us feel more comfortable and gives us a way to occupy our hands, but what does the
body language convey to others?
When children lie they can be found to place their hands behind their back concealing them. This is a
dishonest gesture. As we grow into adulthood, this gesture becomes more condensed and our hands
find a new place in pockets. Seeming outright dishonest for having your hands buried in pockets is a bit
extreme, but context specific could be a ‘tell.’ Regardless though, hidden hands convey a lack of
confidence especially when the hands would be best served to gesture appropriately in conversation.
The hands are a very effective way to colour our dialogue and make us appear more honest and
intelligent. When delivering important information showing the flesh of the palms, the “palm flash” can
be critical to portray honesty. At a subconscious level, as the palms are made more visible, the more
honest others will find the speaker. Give it a try!

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Sudden Changes In The Hands

Hands that near another person shows agreement.
Hands can show real-time changes in an attitude. Imagine a couple sitting enjoying a romantic meal at
a restaurant, with their hands bridging the gap between them as they sit facing one another hand-in-
hand. The topic of conversation flows freely, but suddenly switches to a contentious issue, what would
you imagine would happen to their hands? When there is disagreement between people, the hands are
pulling inward and away from those we disagree with. This sort of behaviour can happen suddenly
especially on a heated topic, but can also happen over time on issues that gradually show differences.
When total disagreement is present, the body will even be withdrawn where the hands will rest on the
lap. Taking the example of the couple above once again, imagine that only one of the two experiences a
change in thought to the topic, their hands might remain outstretched in the center of the table and turn
palm up as if to offer the idea to their partner as if to try to change their mind. Gradually the other
might re-advance to join their hands once again or move them to their lap. As the argument fails, both

parties hands might graduate away. If disagreement continues, feet might orient toward the door
followed by torsos than finally their heads.

Arms are withdrawn when disagreement is high. These arms are busy protecting the torso in a single
arm closed body posture – an ‘incomplete hug.’
Arms withdraw for a number of reasons but our subconscious mind tunes into our flight response and
pulls hands in when we fear they will be hurt, and especially when they are hurt. When we touch a hot
stove or hear a loud bang, our arms draw quickly into our bodies to protect them. This happens
instantly with no ability to stop it. Likewise, our hands come in when we are worried or threatened
despite a lack of physical threat. When our arms come in, our minds feel that they can block attacks
better even when they are emotional in nature. Hands can be withdrawn for any number of reasons, not
just disagreement, such as dishonesty. Honest hands are palm up, offering something to another person,
or palm down in a confident authoritative position, but when hands are pulled away, they signal hidden
thoughts of disagreement and lack of connectivity.
Hands can also suddenly change in terms of use of illustrators and seem to pause, stop or slow in their
rate of use. Sudden cessation of gesticulation can indicate a freeze response due to being caught in a lie
especially when the context warrants it. This is part of the flight or flight response as liars are trying to
seem less noticeable. They are “hiding in plain sight” and to do this it is necessary to move less as
movement attracts attention. Reducing expressiveness means fewer “tells” or so the lying mind thinks.
When hands that are usually busy while talking according to a baseline, suddenly begin to slow, or
become less expressive, it can signal a lack of enthusiasm or confidence for the topic. Whatever
happens to the hands, when they suddenly change, we know that something internal has changed and it
is usually tied directly to whatever is happening in the moment.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Rubbing The Hands Gestures

Hand rubbing is a primitive throwback – we’re cleaning our hands to get ready to receive.
Rubbing the hands together is a universal signal meaning that someone is preparing to receive

something. Rubbing the hands together is figuratively like washing or cleaning them so that whatever is
about to be received is kept clean. The evolutionary origins likely stemmed from the giving and
receiving of food where we would have wanted loose dirt to stay off our gift.

Hand rubbing today occurs just before closing a deal or a sale, when we win a prize or the expectation
to win is present. There are variations in the degree of intensity to which this hand rubbing occurs, and
this also provides us with information. For example, rubbing the hands slowly often comes across as
devious when accompanied with a smug smile. A used car salesman will slowly rub his hands together
as he cooks up a plan to pocket a larger commission for himself at your expense.

Slow hand rubbing usually means that good is coming to the sender of the message alone, whereas
quick rubbing usually indicates mutual benefit. The slow hand rubber is diminishing and concealing his
signal by slowing it down or even possibly hiding it, whereas the fast rubber is making his gesture
more obvious with his hands in plain view, so both parties can share in the anticipation. A real estate
agent, for example, might have two suitable properties for his client, however, one might yield a higher
payout for him, while the other might be more suitable for his client. If hand rubbing slows while he
shows one property over the other, he might just be telling everyone which he’d rather sell. It would
then be up to the buyer to do his due diligence and be cautious about the agent’s motives. In summary,
we should always be careful when people rub their hands when it implies that we might benefit others
at our expense, and the slower, more concealed the rubbing occurs, the more we should be weary.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

The Spear Throwing Pointer And Other Power
Gestures

Pointing makes your message more poignant, but only because the receiver is being figuratively jabbed
by your spear.
The pointer is akin to a spear thrower. Every time they thrust their finger forward it is as if they are
jabbing their ideas into the kidneys of their audience. Alternately, the finger can be used rhythmically in
an up and down motion seemingly beating down upon their opponent trying to create submission. The
finger pointer makes his appearance during aggressive verbal fights where the accuser is making strong
personal attacks against the other. Very negative emotions are attached to such actions so it’s best to
avoid this gesturing. Finger pointing puts the reflection and responsibility onto the listener, and for this
reason, they attach negative connotations to the speaker. It creates defensive feelings in the listener and
as it persists these defensive feelings grow into aggression. Parents will often use the pointing finger to
scold children but adults will be far less tolerant of other’s authority especially those of equal status so
it is unwise to exercise this gesture with abandon. Even more pronounced than the finger spear is the
hammer fist where the hand is made into a ball serving to repeatedly “hammer” the speech into the
listeners. The hammer fist shows conviction and determination, where neither might be present. When
the fingers are curled lightly not quite making a fist, the intent is to show mild power and a desire to be
taken seriously but lacking the conviction found in the hammer fist.

The “politicians gesture” comes across less threatening, and is more suited to making a point to an
audience.

An alternate, and abbreviated form of the pointing figure, is the thumb in hand gesture where the thumb
lies against the index finger and where the remaining fingers form a ball. The hand then motions as if
pointing, and in a rhythmic motion, emphasize points with conviction. The thumb in hand gestures is
the “politicians gesture” since it is frequently used by various Presidents and world leaders. The thumb
in hand gesture is much less offensive than the pointing finger, but can appear smug when done by

those of lower status. Speakers might also use the “OK” gesture which is done by placing the thumb
against the index finger forming an opening with the remaining fingers flared out.
The thumb in hand and the OK signal are considered to be more thought provoking and honest than
finger pointing and takes the responsibility back from the listeners and places it back on the speech.
The OK signal rotated so the fingers face the audience, with the thumb inward, is used when we want
to show precision and delicacy. Without being careful with the OK gesture it can appear as uncertainty
as is the case when the thumb and index finger come close, but don’t quite touch. In this case, the
gesture is more useful when posing questions rather than making statements.
Additional gestures:
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

It was this big!
[A] The measurer. The hands are moved parallel to one another and juggled up and down as if
measuring an object. This signals a desire to project thoughts onto others.

___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

Accepting the audience.
[B] The finger spreader. The hands are held out and finger splayed apart facing palm to the audience.
This is an attempt to make contact with the entire audience.

___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

The “offerer” wants to give you his thoughts and just doesn’t understand your point of view.
[C] The offered. The hands are palm up as if giving a gift. This is a beggar’s plea where agreement is
desperately sought from the audience.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

Accept me as I accept you.
[D] The hugger. The arms are made into a circle in front of the body with the palms facing inward
toward the speaker. The speaker wishes for the audience to accept his way of thinking or in other cases,
the speaker is trying to grasp his own hypothesis.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________
[E] The traffic cop. The hands are placed palm up in a stop motion. The speaker wishes the audience to
settle or calm so they can continue.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Being Opened And Closed Through The Legs
And Arms

Any time a part of the body crosses over the midpoint, we consider this a closed body position.
Throughout this chapter being “open”, refers to a frame of mind that is willing to accept information, to
hear others out and to consider taking action whereas a closed mind, or being closed indicates the
opposite. As mentioned previously, having an open and receptive mind is indicated in body language
through the absence of closed postures.
It has been shown that frowning requires more muscles and effort than does smiling and so naturally
our default facial expression is the smile. Similarly, openness as it relates to body language is the
default mode because a relaxed body requires less effort than one that is tensed or closed. To take a
negative posture, we must actively close our bodies off requiring effort and to exercise effort we need
motivation. In this case, motivation can come from any fearful or unwanted stimulus that precedes a
fight or flight response. That is to say that, closed body language are the postures we while see as a
negative decision is being analyzed and so is a predictor of a bad outcome.

Taking up space is a confidence indicator and shows that we are honest and open.
Being completely open allows us take our most comfortable position, such as what we might do on a
couch or in bed in our own house. We might lay our arms out and take up space, put our hands above
our heads, spread our legs open or even lay down completely. Having open body postures is akin to
being totally exposed to the word and all the harmful things in it, but possessing no fear of harm. Of
course, we permit ourselves to hold open postures precisely because we expect nothing harmful to
happen. In other words, our bodies are permitted to relax when we are open and contract and tighten
when we are closed.
Thus, it takes muscular effort to close the body off whereas open postures occur without action at all.
When viewing open body language imagine the extremity of the postures, which as mentioned, can be
likened to being on a couch at home. An even more dramatic example is to view open body language as
that language exhibited by someone who is intoxicated. Their language is loose, their arms sway freely,
they stagger, they have no worries about being ridiculed or attacked and they don’t cross their arms or
legs. The cerebral cortex of the drunk, the part of the brain that helps in judgment, amongst other brain
centers, is disrupted producing depressed inhibition, increases talkativeness and makes people feel
more confident. Alcohol also increases pain thresholds, numbs pain, and makes people feel sluggish

because it suppresses the brains ability to function. So for our purpose, the drunk makes a nice example
of open body language since he lacks fear, but even if he did, he’d still lack the coordination and
strength to carry out a defensive posture.
As a rule of thumb, closed body language happens whenever one of our limbs crosses the mid-point of
our bodies. Such is the case during leg and arm crossing. Open postures, on the other hand, happen
when the legs and arms remain un-crossed leaving the torso and groin exposed. Of course there are
various ways in which the legs and arms can be crossed and these all mean different things which we
cover next.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

The Meaning Behind Arm Crossing

Depending on the context, arm crossing might mean someone is physically cold – or emotionally cold.
Arms in the non-verbal world are shields. Folding the arms across the body is like cutting off access to
our core that houses our vital organs, our heart and lungs. Just like putting up a shield, the arms protect
us, not only from physical attack which can elicit closed body language, but it also protects us from
unwanted outside views which we do not agree with. Therefore, having the arms across the chest can
mean that either a physical threat or emotional threat is present. Arms crossed, in meeting or
conversation means that the person is defensive, negative, uncertain and insecure and naturally, what is
being asked of them will be met with disagreement.

An abbreviated arm cross where the hand seems to perform a necessary task. In reality, this person
feels uncomfortable and is shielding themselves.

Arm crossing happens much more frequently in public than anywhere else. We especially see it in
elevators, when exposed to a large group that makes us uncomfortable or when pitched a bad deal from
a door-to-door salesman. When in public, arm crossing is due to the stress of being in a novel
environment rather than due to holding negative thoughts per se. Women who are unreceptive to a pick-
up at a bar or club will also be found holding this posture so as to maintain their personal space and

thwart sexual advances.
As you read body language, you will eventually come across someone that tries to convince you that
their closed language is a function of comfort, as in it just feels right, rather than as a tell to some
underlying stress. However, arm crossing is one of the gestures that proves the body language rule
rather than disproves it. The research makes it clear though, that we adopt positions because there is an
underlying emotion attached to it and that this is the reason which makes the position comfortable and
rather than the other way around. Body language feels right when we express underlying feelings
because it provides us with a release. Conversely, if we wish to avoid closed body postures, or any bad
postures for that matter, we must first attack and cure the root source of the emotion and then open
posture will come naturally.
Arm crossing takes up various forms too besides the recognizable full arm cross. The more evident and
strong the arm crossing, the more seeded the action is in the mind of the person executing it. As body
language senders we should always try to hold opened and honest body language as a default condition
as it will yield the best results under most circumstances.
Here are some examples:
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

A hidden arm cross showing disagreement and withdrawal.

A masked arm cross.
[ONE] Resting one arm straight out onto the table to the front and placing the opposite hand on the
wrist or forearm of the other [images show other variations of this posture].
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

The coffee cup barrier – even drinks can fudge as a shield. To appear open, simply drop the drink to
your side or set it down.
[TWO] Holding a drink in one hand with the arm perpendicular to the body (parallel to the table) with
or without applying weight to the arm [image shows other variation of this posture].
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

The ‘figure four leg’ lock – note the leg forms the 4 shape with hands locking it in.

Figure four leg lock.
[THREE] Crossing one leg over the knee of the other and holding the ankle to lock it in.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

A childhood throwback – making us feel held and protected.

It looks like the conversation is going well, but the arms are being gripped showing negative thoughts.
[FOUR] Full self embrace where the arms are unlocked.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

A partial arm cross.

Replicating Mom holding our arm and protecting us.

Another version of an arm cross for defense.

Cutting off ventral access is a closed body position.

[FIVE] The opposite hand reaches over the body to grab the elbow or shoulder of the opposite arm.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

Covert insecurity.

It reminds us of Mom keeping us safe.
[SIX] Subtle arm crossing where the hand grabs the wrist of the opposite side.
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

The arm crosses and seems to serve a supportive role.
[SEVEN] The arm crosses and seems to serve a supportive role.

___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

Hand seems to alleviate an itch.
[EIGHT] Hand seems to alleviate an itch.

___________________________________________________________________________________
___________

Good things are not on the horizon.

While most closed body language means that a negative attitude is present, context permitting, there
exist varying degrees. For example, full arm crossing accompanied by expressionless faces, a tense,
rigid, or hostile posture with limbs that appear frozen runs the gambit of rejection. Tentative closed
body language where only some blocking is happening will show a semi-relaxed body language,
possible boredom, a neutral face and moderate movement of the arms and hands. In the first case,
where closed language is extreme, getting any kind of agreement is unlikely. The second set of postures
says that there’s a possibility of forming an agreement. So rather than depicting “no”, some closed body
language says “Maybe” or “I’ll think about it.”

The head titled at 45 degrees says that there’s a chance to close this deal.

Opened and closed body language as we have seen is a matter of degree. Language that has no closed
body positions says “yes” some closed means “maybe” and a lot means “no.” This is highly useful
especially if you wish to sway a target. Men who wish to proposition women can read between the
lines. If they see a half arm cross where one arm holds the elbow of the other, then he may still have a
shot as she could just be timid. In this case, she is telling you that she is uneasy with your approach but
might accept your proposal if you can present a better pitch. Because her mind isn’t completely made

up it would be worthwhile to continue. But if she has a hostile expression, with arms tightly folded
across her chest, with her head cocked to the side she probably isn’t willing to hear your pitch, so it
would be a waste of time to continue. Reading negative body language can help us read employers as
we look for pay raise, better deals on a watch or jewelry, getting permission from those in authority and
generally gaining access to resources we ordinarily wouldn’t.
Be careful with the pressure you apply. You may be able to get a better deal from a used car salesmen,
but when dealing with employees, an employer or a client, it’s probably best to keep body language
open and inviting.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Breaking The Mold – How To ‘Close’ The
‘Closed’

Handing someone a drink, papers, anything, can be an excellent way to open someone up for a sale.
The research shows us that a significant amount of information is inhibited from reaching the brain
when our bodies show closed body language. In one such study, two groups of students attended the
same lecture. One group was instructed to hold their arms and legs crossed throughout, while the other
received no such instructions. The group instructed to hold closed body language was found to have
retained forty percent less information than the group that held open body language. The lecturer was
also rated far more critically. Therefore, when presenting to someone with their arms crossed it is
vitally important to use tactics that help them open up and drop negative cues. Not only will the
retention of your message increase significantly, but so too will the probability that any agreement will
take place.
It’s nearly impossible to formulate agreements with others who have their arms crossed or a myriad of
other closed body postures. By simply opening your objective, they will be more receptive to your

thoughts and ideas. This is why is it important, as closed body language arises, to immediately re-
calibrate your tactics. If your target’s legs cross, have them stand up and move to the same side of the
table to get a closer look at the material, or have them reach forward for something, forcing them to
take a ready position with their bodies leaning toward you. If their arms are crossed, have them jot
down notes on a piece of paper which you can express as being important for later, or have them
examine a document which you can hand to them. You will want to carefully monitor their post
position to see if after the item is discarded they return to their original closed body position. If they are
adamant in keeping closed, they probably aren’t receiving the message to your favour.
Other ways to open people include handing them a cup of coffee, or glass of water, show them
photographs of family or pets, handing them model cars or any other office artifact you might have
noticed them examining with some interest. Handing them any object forces them to uncross their arms
to reach for it thereby opening them. The object used isn’t vitally important, it just needs to be
interesting enough to motivate them to reach for it. By doing a bit of research beforehand, you can
probably find a mutual interest that can be exploited during the pitch to build rapport. This will prove
especially useful if the meeting takes a turn for the worst. Being creative to re-open the conversation is
an important tactic for everyone in business.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

The Meaning Of Leg Crossing

These legs are interested – note how they are crossed toward rather than away.
The legs are equally as expressive as the arm in terms of the meaning they convey. This is largely
because the arms are frequently busy doing other task oriented things whereas the legs usually remain
idle free to express hidden thoughts. Of course, the legs also have their share of work to do, but when
sitting or standing still they have a tendency to leak information. We also pay less attention to our legs
because they move less freely putting them further away from our consciousness. Perhaps we feel that
because our legs can only do so much we need not pay them any mind and so reason we ignore them.

The legs therefore, are a great indicator of true thoughts and feelings. For example, we might look to
the legs to verify interest. The legs crossed toward something or someone indicates thoughts and shows
an attraction in the direction. In other words the legs are propelled in the direction in which we think.
Couples that have a strong relationship will cross their legs toward each other, enemies will cross away,
context permitting of course. Lovers sitting on a couch together with their legs crossed toward each
other, bodies leaning inward, with their arms meeting over the backs of the couch are said to be in a
“loving circle.” This is not a term reserved for just intimate couples though, it can also apply to family,
close friends and even associates, both male and female. It represents a likeness of mind – agreement.
Caution is required at this point, since not everyone is equally able or willing to cross their legs in
either direction. Over time, we tend to develop greater flexibility in one direction, or the other, simply
through habit, so it’s not always a valuable signal if a person crosses their legs away from someone
else. If they lean and cross away from each other, then these two clues, in context, might mean
something is worth exploring further.

It has been noted in several studies that the amount of movement that the feet undergo while lying
significantly increases, and that these movements are below the level of consciousness. It’s fairly easy
to monitor our arms and (with limited success), our facial expressions, but it’s something else to
monitor a distant part like our feet. The leg tap, where the hand rhythmically taps the thigh can be done
out of fear or deceit, even out of fear of being caught, uneasiness and even boredom, depending on the
remaining set of cues in a cluster and on the particular context by which they occur. What we do below
the belt is out of sight and out of mind!

Open legs can be seen as easy (or willing).
Legs

Women with legs open are often seen in a negative light – as too aggressive.

uncrossed is a signal of openness, acceptance and signal of being easy going. This is of particular
importance as it pertains to women, as it can taken as a sexual signal or invitation, making women
appear easy, “loose” or at best crass or improper. Sharon Stone in the movie Basic Instinct sent a clear
message as she slowly uncrossed and re-crossed her legs while being interrogated. Women wishing to
appear dominant will find this posture comfortable, but it will be accompanied by other male typical
gestures such as throwing an arm over the back of the chair to take up more space and loud boisterous

behaviour.

Men can use open legs to show dominance more easily than women.
Men, on the other hand, have the benefit of using the uncrossed legs signal for more than one reason.
Men can have their legs uncrossed to display a signal of dominance and authority which is a welcomed
natural signal from men, or it can be used as a signal to appear open. In men, the meaning of the leg
spread is determined by its context and the manner in which it occurs. Men in seated positions spread

their legs as a dominance display as it puts the genitals out for everyone to see. This is one of the
gestures that makes use of the exercise of imagining people fully nude. What would you think of a
guest that sat down in your favourite chair and tossed his leg over the arm rest? Would you think him
any less belligerent if he had done it at his own house? The leg over the chair is as overt a leg spread
message as you will get.

The degree to which leg spreading happens is important in both sexes. Spreading is positively
correlated with dominance display. That is the greater the leg spread, the greater is the dominance
display. The legs cocked, so to speak, at shoulder width while seated, is comfortable and natural even
for both sexes, but once the legs break that distance, appear much less covert. Once the legs meet their
maximum angle, it is as if the genitals are yelling at the top of their lungs through a loudspeaker
begging to be noticed! Legs in the figure four where one ankle is raise and placed on top of the knee
opposite is an abbreviated leg cross which is less dominant. We cover this later in the chapter. The legs
can also be cross tightly with the legs nearly parallel or with the leg over the knee. This is a reserved
posture and shows a respectful, polite and proper attitude.

In a standing position, legs spread at or slightly beyond shoulder width signals dominance in a more
acceptable way. In fact, having the legs uncrossed while standing is the most appropriate way to stand
since it appears open, accepting and confident. Crossing at the ankles, as we will see later, shows a
reserved mind and is therefore a closed posture. We must be careful with reading leg information since
most everyone has a preferred way to cross them, but if we watching their movement across time and
across context we can pattern specific people. We should never assume that any and all signals,
especially leg crossing, has universal meaning across all people.

Chapter 7 - Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

The Ankle Or Scissor Cross

A negative thought is present, but she’s not going anywhere.
The ankle or scissor cross is where the ankles cross each other and is a posture that can happen while

seated or standing. While seated this posture is a hidden form of leg crossing because it occurs
discretely at the bottom of the legs and can be out of sight due to a desk or table. While standing, it is
the only way legs can cross so has a similar meant to a regular full blown seated leg cross. At times the
leg might be raised up the backside of the calve producing the appearance of a flamingo but this
posture is mainly reserved for women. While seated, the legs can also be locked behind the legs of a
chair with essentially the same message being delivered except in this case it is a restraining-freeze-
behaviour. When the legs are wrapped around the chair they can’t move, hence they are locked, and are
also there precisely so they don’t move, and are hence frozen. Women are also seen using the sitting
position more often them men especially if they are wearing skirts, however, it is not a confident
posture so should be avoided. When it does happen in men though, it should be noted since it is an
unnatural position in general for them.

The ankle cross indicates that the person is holding a negative emotion, uncertainty, fear, feels
discomfort or threatened, stress, anxiousness, insecurity or timidity. The ankle or scissor cross also
shows reservation and self-restraint,

Lots of cues in concert. Arms in a partial-cross coupled with crossed ankles – and he’s not doing much
better as he ‘holds himself back!’

due to withholding of a thought or emotion. When being pitched, it shows resistance to the sale and
when being questioned might indicate that lying is taking place. Couple interlocked legs, which is a
freeze response meant to reduce foot movement, with pacifying behaviours such as rubbing the thighs