The Ultimate Body Language Book

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences

Emblems: Word Replacement Gestures

Peace or victory? Depends on your audience! Some gestures can be seen as offensive in different
cultures.

Emblems or “quotable gestures” are those gestures that are culturally specific which can be used as
replacement for words. That is, the gestures have a direct verbal translation. Obviously these gestures
will mean different things in different settings and can range from complimentary to offensive. Studies
show us that people lower in socioeconomic status gesticulate, which is the action of using gestures
while talking, more often than those with higher status. Usually this is tied directly to education, and
those who have a higher level of schooling also have a larger vocabulary so instead of using gestures to
express themselves, they use words instead.

The middle finger is an obvious gesture to Westerners and so too is the peace sign (or V-sign) which
can also mean victory. However, George Bush senior was famously ridiculed for “flipping” the V-sign
as he was met with Australian onlookers. In their culture the same gesture is considered an insult. The
V-sign where the palm faces outward has long been an gesture meant to insult but not just in Australia,
also in England and the rest of the United Kingdom, Ireland and parts of France.

This “a-okay” gesture means good things or a rude piece of human anatomy!

The “hook ’em horns” where the index finger and little finger are extended and the remaining fingers
held down with the thumb is poplar to University of Texas Longhorn fans, but when directed to a
married Italian man, means that his wife is having an affair. In North America, the “thumbs-up”
gestures can mean “great” or “I need a ride” but for Greeks the gestures means “up yours” and is
accompanied by a rapid upward and slower downward motion. Another gesture that has multiple
cultural meaning is the “OK” sign where the thumb and index finger come together to make an “O”

shape with the remaining fingers flared out. In Western cultures this means that things are “A-OK” but
in Russia or Turkey, it describes a sexual insult, specifically identifying an orifice. These select few
emblems illustrate the importance of cultural context when it comes to gesturing. Since the signals have
a direct verbal translation that varies from region to region, it is paramount when one travels, to make
note of these differences to avoid a potentially damaging misunderstanding.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences

Some More Examples Of Emblems

The “C” gesture: Used in Mexico to signal a desire to interrupt the speaker or in North America used
by television producers to indicate the need to break for a commercial. It’s origins stem from a Mexican
television presenter Raul Velasco in the program Siempre en Domingo (meaning “Always on Sunday”).
It was first used behind the scenes, but because Velasco, the host, used it on camera, it spread across the
main population and to some extend across the rest of Latin America.

The benediction gesture: Done by raising the right hand with the ring and little finger touching the
palm and the index and middle pointed upwards. It was used in Ancient Roman times during speaking
by emperors to symbolize a charm or blessing. In Sicily it declares that someone is dead.

Payment gestures: In America the payment gesture is performed by placing the index finger and thumb
together then doing a writing motion in the air as if to sign the name on the bill. In Egypt, a request for
the bill is signaled by holding the left hand out palm up and tapping the left hand palm down against
the left wrist. In Thailand payment is indicated by making a circling gesture in the air whereas in the
Philippines one draws rectangles in the air.

Thumbs up: Performed by rolling the fingers together against the palm then extending the thumb up. It
has different meaning across the world. To Europeans, it means “one”, to Australians performed with a
upward motion it is a rude gesture, saying “sit on this”, in Greece it is thrust forward and is equally
rude, and carries equally sexual insults in Africa, Southern Europe and the Middle East, while in Japan
in means “man” and “five”. While the meaning of the thumbs up gesture has been shown to have
changed over time, it was first postulated to have had a Roman origin through a 19th century painting
by artist Jean-Léon Gérôme where a triumphant gladiator stands over a fallen enemy seeking a
“thumbs-up” or “thumbs-down” demanding a verdict, to kill or not. However, author of Manwatching
Desmond Morris claims that the true ‘spare him’ signal was actually made by tucking the thumb inside
the fist.

Fig sign: The fig sign is made by first making a fist then thrusting the thumb up between the middle
and index finger until it pokes through slightly. It can also be done by putting the thumb through the
ring and middle finger. This gesture can mean everything from a good luck charm and fertility as in
ancient Rome to an obscene gesture which is the case for Greece, Indonesia, Turkey, Cyprus and
Russia. Where it is an insult, it is the equivalent of “screw you” where the thumb represents the clitoris.
The sexual connotations dates back to ancient Rome and is referred to in Dante’s Inferno as a curse
against God followed up with the “fig” gesture. Today, Americans will use this gesture to symbolize the
taking of a child’s nose, as in “I got your nose”, with the thumb in this instance representing the nose.

The little finger: Performed by raising just the little finger upward with the remaining fingers clenched
into a fist. In Bali it means “bad”, in Japan “woman”, South America “thin”, France “you can’t fool
me!” and Mediterranean “small penis”.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences

Illustrators: To Colour Language

“Was your fish THIS big?!?”
A second type of gesture, illustrators, are use in cooperation with words to emphasize them. Illustrators

do just that, they illustrate the meaning of words. An example of an illustrator is the motion of throwing
whilst speaking of tossing a ball or a punching motion to emphasize what happened during a fight. We
could describe an trophy fish, as in “It was this long” then spreading the hands apart to show just how
long it was. Other examples include, finger pointing, head bobbing, batoning or slapping the hands
together. Bill Clinton made the batoning motion famous as he emphasized nearly each word in his
denial speech against his involvement with Monica Lewinsky “I did not, have, sexual, relations, with,
that, women.” as his arm pumped up and down. Other examples include Adolf Hitler as he gestured his
followers into submission and television evangelists who forcefully hammer their words onto others.

The type of illustrators used, vary by culture and also vary in frequency. Latin cultures for example,
will use more illustrators than Anglo-Saxon cultures, and they in turn, use more than Asian cultures. In
business, the differences between cultures are especially important since Asian cultures might see the
use of illustrators as a lack of intelligence if used too frequently and in Latin cultures it might be
construed as a lack of interest or involvement to use too few.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences

Affect Or Emotional Displays

A frown affect accompanies a sad story.
Affect displays is subset of nonverbal language that reveal our emotional state. For example, if we are

happy we can show enthusiasm, or if we are telling a sad story, we correspondingly show somber.
Affect display include facial expressions such as smiling, laughing, crying or frowning.

Awareness of various kinds of affect and how it is used in speech will provide vital clues about the
speaker and his or her intent. Affect displays occur in synchrony and within the rhythm of speech. They
emphases certain words or phrases and are an integral part of speech and thought. They can tell us
about the expressiveness of a person and also what they find most important in their speech by which
words they choose to emphasize. Posture can also signal emotion as can a variety of other gestures.

Affect is also different from culture to culture. For example, Russians tend to smile much less than
Americans and therefore an American might come across as overly friendly to a Russian. Conversely
Russians might come across as disinterested or aloof to Americans because they smile less frequently.
In reality, both cultures are neither aloof nor overtly content, they simply appear to be so as they are
viewed through a complimentary cultural norm bias. There is no right or wrong way to display affect,
which is to say that no culture is better or worse because it smiles, frowns or cries less or more than
another during expression.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences

Recognizing Body Affect By Culture

A universal facial expression – Anger.
In 1969 researchers Albert Mehrabian and John Friar found that a person’s state, their mood, and their

emotional state were reflected by changes in body positions. In this context we are referring to affect in
terms of simple gestures like leg crossing and arm crossing to indicate a closed mind or palms up and
arms uncrossed to show openness or a willingness to listen. In fact, most of this book covers body
affect and systematically breaks it down in future chapters. This cultural discussion is therefore
important in that it describes the universality of body language.

While little research has focused specifically on measuring emotion from body positions, it has been
found that the central nervous system is responsible for perception of emotion and this emotion is fed
back into our body’s machinery to produce affect. The ways in which people convey emotion through
body positions (or affect) is mediated by many factors including age, gender and context. Despite these
factors though, body positions due to emotion, also has a cultural component. It is generally agreed that
the face holds particularly universal expressions in terms of emotions as mentioned in the previous
section, but the remaining language spoken by the body seems less obvious.

For example, the Japanese tend to be less expressive with their body language overall and therefore rate
others more intensely on their nonverbal language. In a 2006 study by Andrea Kleinsmith and her
colleagues out of London it was found that even mild expressions were rated as more emotional by the
Japanese subjects over the ratings of other cultures on the same affect. A Westerner in the eye of the
Japanese appears like a flailing uncontrolled windmill with their arms moving about as they gesticulate
while they speak, whereas the Japanese appear rigid and uptight to a Westerner. In the study however,
the meaning behind body language was still rated similarly across all cultures showing that emotion
does have universal traits and crosses cultures. Thus, while the amount of affect does vary across
cultures, the meaning behind the body language crosses boarders.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences

Adaptors

Is he hot under the collar or is the collar simply uncomfortable?
Adaptors are movements or gestures that are used to manage our feelings or control our responses.
Adaptors include movements done to improve comfort or reduce stress and often happen at such a low
level they usually escape awareness. Adaptors include movements such as shifting in a chair or postural
changes, crossing the legs, pulling at a shirt collar, adjusting a tie, loosening clothing and so forth.
What is interesting to researchers is that some adaptors serve a real purpose and others indicate stress.
For example, sometimes our pants really are uncomfortable so we scratch our legs, other times the
stress from outside pressure causes us to scratch in an effort to displace energy and distract us. Crossing
the legs toward your date might be read as an indicator of interest, but might instead serve to alleviate
numbness from loss of circulation. Children will rub their eyes repeatedly when tired, but this is not
because they become itchy!
Scratching the nose is another example of an adaptor and could be misread as an indicator of a lying or
might actually serve to relieve an itch. Another common adaptor used by adults is the head-grooming
gesture where the hand messages the back of the neck or head to relive stress. This gesture is not an
authentic gesture motivated by a physical purpose. Rather it used as a method to achieve comfort when
facing discomfort applied from the outside. Just about every cue related to body language can be an
adaptor. Arm crossing, leg crossing, scratching, fidgeting, twitching, rubbing the eyes, and so on, are all
part of the human repertoire and not all have hidden meaning all of the time.

A gestures that indicates anxiety rather than a targeted scratch.

It is the job of the body language reader to decide which movements are motivated by a real physical
purpose and which are motivated by an underlying emotional purpose. Usually stress release methods
are person specific so once they are detected can be reliable as predictors in future encounters. Some
might pull an ear lobe, rub one’s throat, pull on a collar or scratch the back of the hands. I will say that
it’s usually pretty obvious when a gesture like scratching is real because it is targeted, quick, non-
repetitive and provides instant relief, but when it’s as a response to emotional trauma, it show opposite

characteristics. It is general in nature, perpetual, repetitive and provides no discernable relief (at least
not instantaneously). The context, meaning high or low stress environment provides strong clues to the
purpose of the adaptors. All proper body language reads should take context into consideration.

As we see, movements or adaptors come in two forms. They either have hidden meaning, or they do
not. Plenty of emphasis has been given by researchers on these subconscious clues on the grounds that
they would unlock secrets. However, the importance placed on adaptors is probably overstated and
oversimplified. The real goal of the body language reader is to decipher the difference between
adaptors with no meaning and movements and gestures that have actual meaning. Adaptors in cross-
cultural meetings can also be potential landmines. For example, emblems, specifically because they are
culturally engrained, are emitted without conscious thought. Many Arabic countries see the sole of the
foot or the figure-four-leg cross as offensive and rude (an emblem of sorts to them) so they may
classify a Westerner as something they intent not to be. It is clear to the Westerner that they wish only
to take up a more comfortable seating position. The take-away message is to treat adaptors with the
care they deserve instead of jumping to inaccurate, embarrassing or even disastrous conclusions.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences

Regulators, Regulate Speech

Putting the hand up is a way to show others that we wish to speak – particularly in a large group.
The final type of gestures are called regulators because they are used to modulate and maintain the flow

of the speech during conversation. Essentially, we use regulators to control turn-taking in conversation
and they can take the form of kinesic such as head nods or nonkinesic such as eye movements.
Regulators are different across cultures more so than any other element of body language discussed
thus far.

In a study by Marjorie Vargas in 1986, it was noted that black students in the United States felt insulted
by the white educators. The educators weren’t picking up on cues that the students understood what
was being instructed. For example, the white students would nod and murmur “uh-huh” but the black
students would nod much less and use “mhm” instead. The teachers took this to mean that the students
didn’t fully understand the material, but this wasn’t so, they just expressed their understanding
differently.

In Japan, the up and down nod of the head or “yes motion” is utilized not to show ‘agreement’ but to
show ‘understanding’. Therefore, while pitching a new idea or venture, it would be foolish to think that
the continuous head nodding by the Japanese was do to their willingness to invest. Creating a simple
dos and don’ts list is not feasible for these nonverbal kinesics in speech for the simple fact that there
are far too many to list and the variation of meaning across culture is so varied. With the simple
awareness of emblems, illustrators, affect displays, adaptors and regulators the incidence of
misinterpreting their meaning can be reduced.

Caution is therefore important when dealing with international business so as to avoid any harm in
interpretation. Some other examples of regulators include putting the hand up to signal that you are
ready to speak, putting the finger up to the mouth to bring silence, waiving the hand around in a circle
so as to speed things up, rolling of the eyes showing disapproval, a gasp to show shock, throwing the
hand to someone to include them in the conversation, or shaking the head disapprovingly. All these
gestures control the flow and pattern of speech by directing, disapproving, speeding things up or
slowing them down, and even cutting the speaker short.

Using regulators in speech is necessary to create seamless turn-taking and to avoid appearing rude,
dominating or frustrating the people you are talking with. It prevents having to interrupt, eases the flow
of speech and allows everyone to make the points they wish to make without having to cut each other
off mid-sentence. The net effect of a good conversation is connectivity through the creation of seamless
turn-taking.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences

How To Use Regulators

Regulators, regulate speech and control turn taking. Literally we can increase or decrease the amount of
talking that happens with simple body language. For example, to increase speaking add more nodding.
When people stop and you wish for them to continue simply nod your head, and, more often than not,
this will encourage them to begin speaking again. The use of “mhums” and “yeses” will have the same
effect. To speed speech up, or end a conversation altogether, send frequent looks away or down to your
watch.

Too much nodding, on the other hand, shows indifference which can be a useful tactic depending on the
speaker and your intent. Three nods in quick succession shows that you are ready to speak yourself and
has the net effect of increasing their rate of speech to avoid being cut off. Drawing in air and parting the
lips while tilting the head back slightly also gives the impression that someone is prepared to speak, as
does patting the mouth with two fingers. Looking at your watch or looking to the doorway will make

people talk less or if done excessively stop altogether.

Try this experiment. As your conversation begins nod your head every few seconds or as you see
agreement. Next, increase the rate at which you nod your heard regardless of any agreement. What
happens when you increase your nod frequencies? Most likely, up to about two to three continuous
nods, they will become more excited believing they are building rapport. What if you nod
continuously? I suspect it will stop the conversation altogether. Recall that three quick nods means that
you wish to interject, while continuous nodding comes across as feigned agreement sending the
conversation into a standstill. What happens with appropriate nodding absent of proper eye contact?
This signals to others that their conversation is falling on deaf ears, and will be taken as an insult. The
same goes with random nodding that has lost synchrony with speech. Telephone conversations easily
fall off their rails if one party becomes preoccupied with another task. We immediately sense that their
regulators have become unlinked from the conversation and when it comes time for them to speak, we
hear nothing in return, or there is a delay. Not surprisingly, we find that the person on the other end is
watching television – an obvious insult.

When people near the end of their though, and wish for their partner to speak, they will often lower
their volume and slow their voice down slightly. Other times, the final syllable will be drawn out or
gesturing with the hands will become less frequent or stop altogether. The eyes too are often lowered
along with the head but at the very last moment eye contact will resume indicating that it’s time for the
other person to begin speaking.

Raising the index finger can also signal a desire to speak which we learn early on in grade school
which is normally accompanied by a sharp and deep intake of air. To stifle the “index finger
interjector”, extend your hand across and make light contact with their forearm. This is a polite
nonverbal way to show that you acknowledge their desire to speak, but that you haven’t quite
concluded your point. If you sincerely wish to communicate interest and increase speaking, add a slight
head tilt and a half frown or half-smile. This shows the speaker that what they have said is unclear but
that you otherwise find it fascinating and wish to learn more.

Good communicators will make great partners amongst all types of speakers, even those that seem to
carry on endlessly or those with little to say. They will have a strong arsenal of tools to cut one set of
speaker off nonverbally, or as the case may be, encourage them to speak further. While we may take
regulators for granted, conversations would be awkward and disjointed without them. Experiment a
little for yourself and see how you can modify behaviour with regulators to suite your needs.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences

Culturally Our Bodies Are All Basically The
Same!

Sadness.
Happiness.

Disgust.

A universal facial expression – Anger.

Most researchers agree that the following six emotions are recognized by all cultures: happiness or
enjoyment, distress or sadness, anger, disgust, surprise and fear. However, positions the body takes on
to demonstrate these emotions vary across cultures. Since every person on the planet regardless of race
or creed has the same underlying emotions and our body language is tied to our feelings, it follows that
every person’s nonverbal language has similar roots, but like verbal language we don’t express
ourselves exactly the same. Paul Ekman from the University of California has done extensive research

into facial emotion recognition and has found just that, everyone across the planet is almost the same.

Happiness, sadness, and disgust had the best agreement between cultures, whereas fear and surprise
tended to be confused, especially by the Japanese. Another rural population, the Dani people of West
Iran, who are generally isolated from the rest of the world, showed a similar confusion between fear
and surprise. Surprise is read as a straight upward lift of the forehead whereas fear engages the muscles
between the brows folding them. The French call the area between the brows, the “grief muscle” and is
active to express both pain, as well as when you wish to inflict it. The fearful face carries a momentary
raise in the upper eyelids and a grimace comes across the mouth. Anger appears with a lowering of the
eyebrows, flaring of the eyes and a tightening of the mouth or jaw. Fear, grief and surprise in addition
to other facial expressions can quickly flash across the face in the form of micro expressions. Being
aware of them can rouse opponents and in poker indicate ‘tells.’ As people check their hidden cards, be
sure to watch for split second reactions.

Members of the Fore linguistic-cultural group of the South East Highlands of New Guinea whom had
never seen movies, who did not speak English and had never worked with a Caucasians before were
also able to read facial expressions accurately. Studies show that even blind children score similarly to
sighted children in terms of facial expressions. Further research by Paul Ekman showed that a contempt
expression was also none culturally specific and was recognized by Estonians, Germans, Greeks,
Hongkongese, Italians, Japanese, Scotts, Turks, Americans and West Sumatrans. Ekman traveled to a
remote population in the mountains of Papua New Guinea where there is no television, DVDs or
movies yet found that facial expressions remain universally understood. Once there he filmed the
expressions of the population and found that upon his return were also understood by Westerners.

With very little exception, facial expressions are universally recognized. What does differ from culture
to culture is our surroundings; our habitat and traditions. Greater differences therefore lie in our
territoriality, level of eye contact, and touching norms. These factors tie back into the density in which
we reside, and also into our comfort tolerances and preferences due to our upbringing. Gestures are
mostly learned and passed from one person to another and are thus not universal across cultures.
Gestures are more similar to verbal language. Because language and gestures are transferred over time
they also evolve.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences

Some Gestures Are Universal

I think she wants him to come closer.
Smiles which signify submission and enjoyment to others are a great example of a universal
expression. As mentioned not all gestures, however, have a universal origin, but one that does is the
shoulder shrug. The shrug is done by bringing the shoulders up, drawing the head in, and turning the
palms upwards so as to reveal that nothing is hidden. The shoulder shrug can also demonstrate
submission or that what is being said isn’t understood as in “I don’t know” or “I don’t get it”. Pointing
finds its place all over the world to indicate direction or to emphasis a point. However, even the
pointing gesture shows variation across culture as some will point with the index finger, others will use
the middle finger and yet others still will point with a closed fist and use the thumb to indicate. Most
cultures find pointing rude altogether, but others are more tolerant of its use. Where the middle finger is
seen as a rude gesture, using it to point can be extremely off-putting and should be avoided.
Another gesture that has roots in various cultures is the beckoning signal whereby the index finger is
curled upwards repetitively, with the palm facing up and the remaining fingers clenched. It means
“come here”. In Africa and Spanish speaking countries the entire hand can be used and includes all four
fingers whereas in Sicily the entire hand is waved palm down in a sweeping motion as if to drag the
person in. The Japanese have a similar gesture, but the four fingers are used with the palm facing the
target and is placed at head height. The fingers are then pulled inward toward the palm. To Americans
and Europeans, it might be confused with waving rather than beckoning primarily due to the height of
the hand. This gesture is found in the Maneki Neko which is the “beckoning cat” a symbolic figure.
The beckoning cat also translates to the welcoming cat, lucky cat, money cat or fortune cat.
Most gestures, however, are heavily culturally driven and are therefore learned. They are transferred
through time by their use. Gestures are obvious to locals, but to visitors the gestures often means
something else altogether. With globalization and ubiquitous media the nonverbal gap is shrinking all
the time. If the trend continues gestures will become more and more universal. As regional medias

become more uniform, so too does the body language. Even a country kid knows how to act in a
congested downtown city core from what they’ve seen in movies and on television. Even isolated rural
cultures including native tribes, absent of modern media are seeing more and more visitors via tourism
every year serving to assimilate their gestures.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences

High/Low Context, Culture And Touching

Leaning away is a signal that personal space is being invaded.
The term “personal space” was first used by psychologist Robert Sommer in 1969 to describe the
comfortable zones that people like to keep around them. His observations stemmed from the uneasiness
experienced by hospital patients when he encroached on them. Further research into personal space has
found that closeness tolerances vary by culture, and so too does touch. For example, Americans tend to
prefer large amounts of space whereas Latin Americans, Italians and Middle Easterners require far less.
Americans come from a culture with what is called “low context” and those from the middle-east come
from “high context” cultures. In a high context culture the rules for conduct do not have to be
specifically outlined or verbalized because everyone already knows them. Thus, in a high context
culture the rules are set and the countries demographics doesn’t vary widely from person to person.
High context cultures have a long standing history so practically everyone in the country understands
the rules of touching. In a low context culture, where the individual is valued more than the that of the
whole, touching is far less frequent or tolerated. In a low context culture the content of speech is
delivered through words instead of touching. Examples of low context cultures where touching is
infrequent includes America, Germany, Japan, United Kingdom, and Australia. High context countries
where touching is more frequent includes the Middle East, Asia, Africa, Italy, Latin America and South
America. Middle ground countries include France, China and India.
A business man from Australia visiting Italy or France can be shocked to have a potential business
partner touch over coffee to emphasize a point. Those unaware of their host’s cultural norms could

misrepresent touching as a sexual advance especially if your company is of the opposite sex. Then
again, touch avoidance might also be misconstrued as rude or standoffish to a high context culture. An
attempt should be made to follow cultural norms out of respect so in a high context culture one must
fight the natural urge to pull back to avoid offending and in a low context culture we should respect
their need for privacy and personal space by limiting touching.

Here is a quick breakdown of countries by touch tolerances:

[A] English-speaking countries (Canada, United States), Australia, Japan and northern Europe. Avoid
casual touching.
[B] China, France, India. Accept some casual touching.
[C] Latin America, South America, Africa, the Mediterranean, Middle East, Italy, Russia and parts of
Asia. Freely use casual touching.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences

The Ways Cultures Meet And Greet

Bowing is a courtesy gesture that is performed by bending the waist at about fifteen degrees and occurs
between members of about the same age and status. Bending to a full forty-five degrees is reserved to
show the highest degree of politeness which you might show to someone of particularly high social
status. The general rule applying to bows says that the lower ranking individual bows first, further and
longer. In very casual settings a simple head nod would suffice. Still, in other settings, a handshake
might accompany the bow and this is fast becoming the norm in Chinese society. The bow has origins
related to status since it leaves the head vulnerable to attack showing trust. In Muslim and in Judaism
the bow is seen as a gesture between God and his people, and is therefore frowned up as a gesture
between those of equal status. In European cultures, the bow is used by men alone, whereas women
perform their version, the curtsy, where the leg is tucked behind the other followed by a slight dip.
Bows are traditional in Korea, Japan and to some degree China though not as formalized.

The full salaam is a traditional greeting in Arabic speaking countries and Islamic countries but of which
is losing popularity. It is done by sweeping the right arm upwards from the heart above the head. It
begins by placing the hand in the center of the chest over the heart, palm to chest, then moving upwards
to touch the forehead, then rotating the palm out and up slight above head height in a sweeping motion.
In the abbreviated salaam the head is dropped forward or bowed and the forehead, or mouth, or both, is
touched with the fingertips then swept away. The namaste is a greeting done in India by placing both
hands together palm to palm across the chest and bowing slightly. It’s origins like the handshake and
wave demonstrates that no weapon is present.

Cheek kissing is another greeting gesture common in certain parts of the world. Kissing is common in
Switzerland, Southern Europe, the Mediterranean and Latin America. Italians, Hispanic and French
establishments will also kiss hello even while living in North America. Other pockets of kiss hellos’s
are located in Miami and also Quebec where there is a heavy influence of Latin American and
European immigrants. Others who kiss include Scandinavians who use a single kiss, the French who
use the double kiss, and the Dutch, Belgians and Arabs who use the triple kiss. The kiss hello occurs
when both people lean forward and either lightly touch cheeks together or where the lip partially
touches the check. Generally the person will simply kiss the air rather than the actual cheek. Many
variations exist of who kisses who and how. For example, women would kiss women in Southern
Europe and women would kiss men, but men kissing men varies specifically from country to country.
In Argentina and Uruguay, however, it is fairly common for male friends to kiss.

The handshake is quickly becoming the most popular method that people meet and greet one another.

Fast becoming the most common type of greeting is the handshake as it represents the middle ground
between the kiss and the bow. It contains some intimacy in the form of touching but stops short of
being too intimate for most cultures. Even with respect to the handshake there are differences across
cultures. For example firm handshakes are welcome in the West but in Asia are seen as aggressive. In
parts of East Asia and North America, women and children rarely initiate a handshake, but will usually
oblige if offered, and in Islamic countries men never shake the hands of women. Across the world a
handshake is most commonly done with the right hand, but is far from universal.

The French lead the world in the handshake department and have been shown to shakes hands for up to
thirty minutes a day. Shaking hands is common for the British, Australian, Canadian, American and
German. Variations of the number of pumps also exist with some cultures shaking hands up to seven
times. For example people from Northern Europe pump hands up and down only once and those from
Southern Europe and Latin America pump hands up and down longer and with more vigor. Other
cultures, still, will continue to hold the hand even after the handshake is complete which is common for
Indian, Asian and Arabic cultures. If not prepared, this intimacy can be disconcerting and one might be
driven to pull their hand free.

Hand kissing is another ritualistic greeting, but one that is nearly extinct today. It was common in the
European upper class in the 18th and 19th century. The hand kiss was a form of respect given to
someone of high class by someone of lower class. The palm was presented face down to a subordinate
and he or she would bow forward and kisses the knuckles or ring. It is still observed in Central Europe
such as Austria, Poland, Turkey and Hungary. Other greeting gestures are the kowtow from the Chinese
which happens by kneeling and bowing so low as the head nearly touches the ground, the hongi, a
traditional greeting in New Zealand where the noses are pressed together and hugging which is more
common among friends and family in North America, but more universal in Latin America even
amongst men, and in Russia where we see firm handshakes followed by big hugs called “bear hugs.”
Polynesians can be seen following up hugs with back rubbing. In North America where greeting
gestures are less formal, the fist pound happens where two fists are brought together as if punching
each other. Less intimate greetings include waving, hat tipping or “doff” (which is mostly obsolete) and
hat raising common in the 19th and early 20th centuries.

If you find yourself touring a foreign country who’s culture is very different from yours, but find
someone bringing you in closer to hug, kiss a cheek, or hold a hand, don’t pull back. If someone wants
to hold your hand, don’t wince, or twist it away, or if someone shakes your hand for what seems like far
too long, don’t give up part way. These cultural traditions are no worse than yours and since it is you
who is invading someone else’s territory, it is you who deserves to respect your host’s customs and not
them yours. Being welcomed by native people with their traditional greetings is their way to make you
feel at home, even if it violates your personal space requirements, or makes you uneasy. The same can
be said for greetings from the elderly whom I find routinely hang onto a hand after shaking to keep
close. Remember that an intimate greeting is a sign of respect and it should be honoured from
whomever it comes from, and in what way.

Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences

Summary – Chapter 3

In this third chapter we examined and compared the various influences on body language: genetic,
learned and cultural. We found that in terms of genetics we all show similar roots and so display
similarly across cultures, but that learning does play a role in how we might signal. We also covered
emblems, illustrators, affect displays, adaptors and regulators which all form a part of what is called
kinesics or how nonverbal behaviour relates to movement. Emblems, we found, are quotable gestures
that are culturally specific which can be used as replacement for words and have a direct verbal
translation. Illustrators are a second type of gesture that we use while speaking to help us paint a more
descriptive picture such as talking about a boxing match and using a punching motion. Affect displays
is nonverbal language that reveal our emotional state such as smiling or frowning and adaptors are
movements or gestures that are used to manage our feelings or control our responses such as postural
changes. Sometimes these adaptors have hidden meaning, but other times they do not, so caution is
warranted. Regulators on the other hand control turn taking and flow when people speak with one
another. Finally we covered high and low context cultures as it relates to touching and the ways various
cultures meet and greet one another.

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory

Introduction – Chapter 4

The “luncheon test” is a fun territorial game. To play it, simply advance restaurant artifacts from your
side to the other piece-by-piece over the course of a meal. Start with the condiments (salt, pepper,
ketchup, etc.) then move onto your own personal items such as your drink, an empty salad bowl, use
napkins and so forth. Watch how your guest response. Do they push the items back to reclaim land, or
do they ease back in their chair and let you have the extra space you seem to require?
As a species, we have clear definitions and rules protecting ownership of our possessions for the
purpose of maintaining order and reducing conflict. Territoriality describes the set of rules that govern
the space around our bodies with emphasis on how we communicate ownership. A territory is defined
as the space or area around a person that is claimed as their own, to the exclusion, or inclusion, of all
others as they see fit. Territoriality is a key part of the human condition even though it is rarely thought
about. The land our houses sit upon is owned by us and we prove this to others by way of a deed and
unfortunately by the taxes we pay for the right to keep it. Most of the things inside our houses are also
ours and we prove this through shear possession, unless we save our purchase receipts. There are also
things we own but that occupy space that is shared by our communities, or that neighbouring
communities. Our cars are owned by us, yet move about the territories of others.
Fences around our homes have become commonplace showing a greater need for us to protect what
little space we own, in a rapidly expanding population, that finds itself in a shrinking community.
Apartment style housing and condominiums however, prove that as land availability shrinks, our
tolerance for density is increasing. As we shall see, habitation density controls personal space
tolerances, that is, it controls how much empty space we require around our bodies when near other
people. However we look at property and personal space, one thing is true, everyone fights to defend it.
We see this battle amongst children who fight for the front passenger seat in an automobile or among
college students for the best seat on the sofa. We can also see it with office employees who fight for the
best seats at the conference table, or even the best offices (usually the biggest or with the brightest

window or best view). Once a territory is claimed, ownership is marked. We can mark our territory by
leaving personal artifacts such as a jacket across the back of a chair or a book on a seat to reserve it. We
sometimes even go so far as hiring friends as guards to hold and protect our territories when space is
limited, or hold our cue in line. Status in a hierarchy alone can serve to protect territories. For example,
no one would contest the boss’s or Dad’s seat at the head of the table. Curiously even habit can reserve
a territory. Seating in large auditoriums (several hundred seats) in university settings is rarely assigned,
yet habit says that students sit in the same general areas class after class, while most sit in the very
same seat each lecture. Being usurped of a seat that has been reserved through this repeated claim can
be upsetting even though no written rules exist.

As spaces become more crowded our natural response is to guard our territories with even more fervor.
Cues and lines are a prime example. The longer the line and greater the wait, the more aggression
people will hold against those that jump cue. Disney world has a strict no cue jumping policy for this
reason. Cues are an interesting way of defining territory if you really think about it. Cues are eternally
moving, and changing, yet we guard our relation to others and our nearness to our goal, whatever it
might be. It has been shown that particularly violence-prone individuals such as criminals tend to have
much wider personal space requirements than regular people. What seems like miles to us, might seem
like inches to them. This is why respecting nonverbal body language that indicates aggression related to
space invasion is vitally important so we don’t cause what is called “intrusion panic.” Incidentally,
babies also suffer from panic when strangers get to close so respecting personal space goes across all
people (animals too), and even while driving – hence the term “road rage.” Setting someone off who
has tendencies to react physically can be disastrous and we never really know what type of person we
are interacting with at a given occasion since we deal with so many strangers on a daily basis.

By examining a crowded beach area we can see rules that create territories. Our friends and family will
ban together with towels and other beach artifacts to ward off others. The efficiency of the group due to
its common interest allows it to expand by creating space amongst and between its members producing
even more space for itself, a luxury not experienced by a single person or even a couple. Banding with
others creates strength and when interests align we tend to clump and form pairs, clans, gangs, groups
and so forth. If a new or better stake of land becomes available we quickly motion our troops to action,
we pull up stake, and move quickly. In high stakes environments we might even send a brave
individual from our clan to put up the first claim. Usually we follow first come takes claim because it is
found to be a fair enough rule to abide by. Because we live in a civilized society and we jostle over
generally trivial stakes our rules prohibit physical altercations.

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory

Proxemics

This couple shares personal space because it has developed trust for one another.
Proxemics is the study of how people use space and was first introduced by American anthropologist

Edward T. Hall in the early 1960s to describe the implications distances play between people as they
interact. He summarized the rule as follows: “Like gravity, the influence of two bodies on each other is
inversely proportional not only to the square of their distance, but possibly even to the cube of the
distance between them.” According to researcher Heini Hediger who studied the psychology and
behaviour of captive animals in zoos and circuses in 1955, spacing is governed by how close animals
are to one another, with four possible responses: flight, critical or attack, personal and social. People we
find, are no different. “Personal” and “social” refers to interactions between members of the same
species and is benign and non-confrontational, whereas “flight” and “critical”, usually occurs between
members of different species and represents a direct threat or perceived threat to safety. Hall reasoned
therefore, that with few exceptions, flight and critical distances had been eliminated from human
reactions. This is largely do to the environment by which we all exist as we tolerate mild intrusions of
our personal space on a daily bases.

When people enter our personal space we predict that they are either close friends, making a sexual
advance, or they are hostile and are attempting an attack. Close encounters from strangers produce
visceral reactions. Our hearts beat faster and we become flush as our bodies prepare us to fight or run.
The same reactions are commonplace when our lovers enter our personal space for the first time. Even
a touch of the hand can send the heart into flutter and release pleasure hormones. Except in the case of
a lover the hormones are stress hormones which are naturally bad for us and in all due to all
exhilaration we get a good dose of the “action hormone” adrenaline. This is why it is so important to
respect the personal space around others. Not only will the intrusion make them feel uncomfortable, but
they will also formulate negative judgments about you. The rule of thumb is to always give provide as
much space as possible and allow others to approach you instead of vice versa.

When in public and especially in crowded areas filled with strangers our bodies will follow very
specific silent speech rules. These rules protect our sanity first and foremost. They also convey our
desires to get along with others in harmony, and that we respect them. In close, unavoidable proximity
with strangers, our bodies will tense up or remain motionless so as to avoid contact. If accidental
contact ensues, we will pull in whatever part of the body was touched and if particularly obtrusive we
offer a verbal apology. Even if contact is rare, any part of the body that may result in touching is kept
under heavy tension. We wouldn’t want our bodies to leave our control and move into the space of
someone else. To loosen up or relax our bodies, is to ignore an important rule in congested places. Even
our faces will remain rigid and free from emotion. Our gaze will be fixed or we will glaze over, looking
“through” people instead of making eye contact. We even tend to limit conversations with people we
know as this too violates the unwritten code of conduct. We’ll pick up a newspaper, even though we
might have no interest in it, just to remove ourselves from the situation even further.

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory

Personal Space Distances

There are four distances by which people interact. They are the “intimate distance” where only about
eight inches or less separates two people, the “personal distance” from eighteen inches to five feet, the
“social distance” which is from five to ten feet and the “public distance” which is from ten feet to
twenty-five feet. We tolerate intimate distances for embracing, touching, or whispering from sexual
partners, family members and occasionally, even friends. Personal space is reserved for good friends
and those we have a fairly high level of trust. The social distance is reserved for acquaintances that we
perhaps don’t fully trust yet, but otherwise need to interact with, and the public distance is that which
we use to address large audiences.

An arm is extended to indicate that personal space is being violated and protect a personal space
bubble.

Our personal space, the area next to our bodies, which we protect against intrusion, has been referred to
as a “bubble”, since it encircles us, but it more closely resembles a cylinder. The cylinder encompasses
our entire bodies, from our feet to our head. It is this cylinder that we protect rigorously, and when it is
violated we tense up or back away so as to reduce or prevent additional overlap from the cylinders of
others. Our personal space isn’t totally fixed either. It is constantly expanding and contracting
depending on our environment and company. For example, we permit children, pets, and inanimate
objects into our personal space regularly because we do not perceive them as a threat, but other adults
must earn our trust before entering. Our personal space tolerances are directly related to the strength of
our relationship.

When space is invaded, we pull back.

In basic terms, our personal space zone is the perimeter that we feel is suitable to act as a buffer should
a dangerous situation arise. It provides us with enough time and space, we think, to react and mount a
defensive posture to protect ourselves from an attack. In a busy public area, we might tolerate (although
not prefer) moderate contact due to space limitations, but when space is abundant we see even mild
intrusions as a predictors of an attack. Our personal space zone, therefore, is an early warning system
that we use to help us predict the intensions of others.

These zones and distances are not immutable and universal, but are meant as a guide or rule of thumb.
Everyone has different levels of comfort based upon their upbringing, personality type, gender, age and
so forth. The summary listed below is a guideline that is meant for those living in areas such as
Australia, Canada, United States, Great Britain and New Zealand or other westernized countries such
as Iceland and Singapore or Guam. For other countries not listed, the zones may expand or contract
based on the inverse of their density. For example, Japan and China which have a high density have
smaller intimate zone distances. There is an inverse correlation to each zone, where the greater the
population density, the tighter the zones.

The safest way to test a person’s need for personal space is to move close, lean in, give a hearty but not
overly aggressive handshake, then take a step back to allow the person to either move in closer to
shrink the space between you and them or take a step backward, to suite a larger than average personal
space requirements. Too often people will move in too tight and overshadow someone else only to
make them uncomfortable. If someone requires less space, they won’t feel offended to take up the
space between you, and if you care anything about them, you won’t feel a need to step backwards
either. Shrinking space is a way for people to tell you that they enjoy you, and your company, and one
that you should not take offense to, but rather use as a measure of someone’s level of comfort.

Personal Space Distances

1. Intimate zone – eight inches and less. This is our intimate space which we protect vigorously. We
permit only those we trust emotionally to enter including parents, children, friends, lovers, relatives and
pets. Lovers (and pets) are the only ones we permit to enter for any length of time, the rest we allow
entry for only short instances such as for hugs.

2. Personal zone – eight inches to five feet. This is the distance from which we communicate to
acquaintances; those we have achieved some level of trust. Examples include bosses and fellow
employees, friends of friends, and so forth.

3. Social zone – five feet to ten feet. Normal for people on a first encounter such as people on the street
asking for directions, a clerk at a store, strangers at a supermarket and other people we don’t know very
well. Here we struggle between conflicting needs, one is to maintain enough space for comfort and the
other is to be close enough to communicate effectively.

4. Public zone – ten feet to twenty-five feet. This is the zone at which it is comfortable to address a
large group of people or audience during a presentation or speech. Even if we know all the members of

the group well, we still maintain a greater distance from them so we can easily address all of them and
keep everyone in our field of view. This could be an evolutionary adaptation since a large group could
easily contain rogue defectors. By getting too close to an audience we risk surprise attack which is why
we feel more comfortable with a wider buffer. Then again, it could simply be a function of judging the
efficacy of our speech by measuring the audience’s reaction.

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory

Culture And Personal Space

Personal needs for space are largely based on environment and culture. For example, those in Latin and
Japanese cultures require less space than say Nordic cultures and this is based simply on the raw
density in which the people reside. Personal spaces needs are therefore not inherent, but are instead
cultural and learned. Cultures that require more space than average include Australians and Mongolians
whom are the least densely populated independent country of the world. Cultures that require less space
include: Italians, Japanese and Indians since the generally inhabit greatly populated countries. More to
this, is the fact that those who grew up in more rural settings such as farmers require even more space
than those who grew up in cities.

Here is a breakdown of cultural norms by region:

[A] North Americans and West Europeans. Talk at a distance where outstretched arms might touch at
their fingertips.
[B] Russians. Talk at a distance whereby the wrists of outstretched arms touch.
[C] Latin Americans, Italians and Arabs. Talk at a distance where the elbow could touch the body of the
other.

Just by knowing that these differences occur affords us a greater understanding and tolerance of other
people across cultures which can allow us to treat guests appropriately or give us hints about what we
can expect from our host country when traveling. Another factor that controls personal space
preferences are environment in nature. Crowded pubs or malls, or even elevators, produce a different
set of expectations in all people despite their cultural preferences. Even rural inhabitants know that a
full five foot buffer, or greater, is not always possible. Gender also plays a role where females generally
prefer a larger buffer between themselves and strangers especially when that stranger is male and
conversely tolerate and sometimes even appreciate smaller buffers between close female friends. Some
trains for example are specially designated to only carry female passengers to prevent men from enter
their personal space especially by men. This luxury guarantees women the safety and privacy routinely
enjoyed by men. Men, on the other hand, will generally stand further away from other men then the
norm, and permit women to stand closer.

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory

Personal Space And Country Folk

As mentioned, city people require less space than those living in more rural settings. It’s easy to tell if
someone is from the city or country by how they choose to greet each other. Waving is commonplace in
the country because it can be done at great distance. Neighbours, or passers-by separated by several
hundred yards, or more, cannot afford to extend hands for a handshake, nor do they require it. A simple

wave of the hand in the country is sufficient and even welcomed. Unbeknownst to the city slicker, a
handshake may even raise suspicion or contempt in a rural setting creating all sorts of bad feelings.

Outsiders can often be seen as intruders, as seeming to be selling something or wanting something or
up to no good. Those living in the country infrequently come in contact with people they don’t know
forcing their personal space zones even larger, by as much as three or more feet.

When approaching someone who resides in rural settings, and where a handshake is welcomed, it is
customary to extend your hand forward by bending at the waste and keeping your feet planted.
Extending your hand, but keeping your body as far away as possible shows that you respect their need
for space. How far forward someone prefers to extend their hand is an indicator of their space
requirements. People from the city will often walk forward in attempt to shrink the distance between
their acquaintances and in turn end up bending their elbows as they shake. The opposite is found in
country folk who will keep their arms straight out to maintain distance. Those that shake hands by
thrusting forward are also indicating their need to maintain a larger space buffer. This preference for
space provides a useful bit of information which should be noted.

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory

Status, Context And Personal Space

Status and context affect spatial and proximity rules. For example, bosses are in charge of determining
what level of closeness is appropriate and permitted as it relates to subordinate employees. This isn’t to
say that employees enjoy this arrangement but rather that employees are not permitted to reverse
proximity rules onto employers. Subordinate employees have many roles and one of them is tolerance
of the rules set for them by their seniors. For example, a boss might pat the back of one his employees
or put his or her arm around the new associate as a form of bonding. Reversal of the situation would be
seen as an infringement on the status of the boss. When it comes to touching, a subordinate should
never encroach on the personal space of someone holding a dominant position.

Contextual rules also exist with respect to personal space. In the office, it would be un-acceptable for
sexual partners to touch one another or carry on in front of others. However, in the same office hosting
a year-end business party with all of the same employees and their spouse’s, touching and even kissing
would be common place.
Therefore, status and context are two other factors we should be conscious of as they relate to
proximity and space.

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory

People As Objects

This body doesn’t want to be noticed or disturbed, it has mentally checked out.

This is a comfortable body ready for action.

When invasion of personal space is unavoidable such as crowded elevators, buses, trains, or
amusement parks people tread invaders as inanimate objects in effort to tolerate them.

This is why city streets are flooded with strangers behaving like zombies with expressionless faces as
they hurry about. City folk seem inhuman and unemotional, detached, despondent and more than
anything else, from an outsider’s perspective, they appear unhappy. Contrast this with a small city

where eye contact is met with smiles, nods or waves and where doors are held open for others with
words such as “thank you” provided in exchange.

So why do busily moving city slickers seem as though they are moving about a forest of trees, instead
of a sea of actual living human beings with emotions and feelings? Why do city slickers dehumanize
themselves? The answer lies in phenomenon termed “masking.” Masking is a coping strategy used to
detach ourselves from our bodies so as to avoid negative feelings as we intrude on the personal space of
others and as our personal space is intruded upon. Sometimes we even mask with outwardly aggressive
emotions typified by New York streets. Cussing, yelling and other carrying on is a way to mask
sensitivity and to hide caring. This is not to say that one becomes less human in New York, it just
means that you can’t appear to be a wimp.

Masking helps people protect themselves from their emotions and is so potent that it is difficult
sometimes to snap people from this hypnosis. Sometimes even making eye contact with others can be
seen as offensive and returned only with an expressionless face, a glare, or even a snarl as if implying
that the issue is that of another and not theirs.

Just like country folk expect and appreciate amicable greetings, smiles, waves and nods, city slickers
expect and appreciate emotionless faces, few or no greetings and for people to mind their own business.
Don’t confuse either situation for anything other than a coping mechanism. Taken in similar context,
you might just see how similar each breed of people really is.

Here is a breakdown of ways we act in crowded places like subways and elevators:
[A] We stand or sit still, unmoving. The more crowded the area, the more frozen we remain.
[B] The face becomes blank and expressionless, but it is not due to negative thoughts but rather as a
coping mechanism.
[C] Eye contact is avoided by looking at the floor or ceiling.
[D] Books, newspapers and other devices appear particularly interesting and immersive, serving to
detach the self emotionally from the situation.
[E] Under extremely crowded conditions where touching is unavoidable, bodies appear to jostle to
make space and if possible only allow shoulders and elbows to touch.

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory

Space And Eye Contact

Eye contact avoidance tells others that we aren’t interested in what’s being sold.
You can imagine that strangers walking about in public want to maintain a certain degree of separation
between one another. This can and is achieved through eye contact. Reducing or preventing eye contact
is a way to tell other people that they wish to maintain their space and privacy, and do not wish to
communicate with others. Eye contact is a function of intimacy and has been referred to as part of the
equilibrium state. That is, eye contact is one component that controls the degree of intimacy, the other
is distance. By controlling one or the other, or both, we can control aspects of our equilibrium state, or
intimacy, such as whether it will start at all, and how or when it should end. You can imagine that full
intimacy can not happen at great distances although telephones and web technology attempt to do
otherwise. Each fails miserably and does intimacy no justice.
As distance increases, intimacy decreases so you can imagine that strangers would feel freer to glare at
others from say, across the road, but as they near the point at which they intersect they will drop or
avert their eyes so as to eliminate intimacy. Therefore, that which gives permission for staring is
distance and that which protects intimacy is eye contact. To have real intimacy both proximity and eye
contact must be present. By this argument, city people aren’t rude at all, they are just doing what is
normal, avoiding unwanted intimacy from strangers. Rural settings where there is a real possibility that
you actually know the person on the street, or know a relative of the person is large, so intimacy is not
only permitted by also safe. Eye contact in the city can send the wrong message to the wrong person
inviting unwanted contact.
To illustrate this point imagine a women who is happily married but otherwise attractive to men. Upon
entering a coffee shop, she turns the heads of men. When she notices that she is being watched, she
averts her gaze and instead of making eye contact she ‘looks over the heads of others’ or possibly even
looking down her nose at them by tilting her head backward showing disapproval. She sends a
disinterested message, an “I’m taken.” If startled, she might inadvertently make eye contact with a

stranger but she will instinctively drop her head and avert her gaze sideways, being careful to make no
emotion facial expressions. In doing so, she avoids emitting the wrong message and therefore prevents
unwanted solicitation. Men are often victims of assuming any eye contact is flirtatious, even if it
happens by accident, thus women are generally careful of whom they look at directly. Some women
learn this through a bad experience; others seem to know it instinctively. Men can test this out for
themselves by trying to secure eye contact with women as they pass them on the street. Men are rarely
able to secure eye contact from strangers and it’s usually not for a lack of trying.

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory

Spatial Empathy

This ‘fugitive’ is trying to escape a space invader.
“Spatial empathy” is an informal term used by expatriate workers in Hong Kong and then later in Japan
and China who were typically from Australia, England, France and the United States. The term was use
to describe the awareness that individuals have about how their proximity affects the comfort of the
people around them. Even though cities such as Hong Kong, Japan and China were westernized, the
walkways and public transport system were very crowded by comparison. The expatriates found that
preventing intrusion into their personal space was difficult and at times impossible.
The foreign workers that were not accustomed to physical closeness and physical contact were made to
feel violated by the locals. They felt that their privacy was being infringed upon and that their personal
space requirements weren’t being met. What the workers failed to realize was that it was their
responsibility to adapt to the cultural norms of the locals and not the other way around so while the
locals had no spatial empathy the workers had no cultural empathy.
While spatial empathy was first coined to describe the differences between cultures it also has
application within cultures as some people have different levels of tolerance with regards to their
personal space. Naturally, it is your choice to decide what you will do with someone else’s preference,

be it to respect it by reading their signals and give them space, or ignore it and invade it. I supposed it
would have everything to do with what your goals happens to be. Will you respect the needs of the
people around you and try to make them feel comfortable or will you invade their space to fulfill your
own needs?

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory

The Urinal Game

The urinal game is a thought experiment designed to illustrate what territory and space mean in today’s
modern world. Sure it involves a little bathroom humour, but if you bear with it, so to speak, you’ll be
relieved. The goal of the game is to decide on which urinal is the most appropriate to use given the set
of variables. In the game, there are six upright urinals to choose from, and they are ordered from the
entry or doorway, to the end of the washroom. Urinal 1 is closest to the door and urinal 6 is closest to
the end wall. The ideal urinal, of course, is the one that protects your privacy the most. Specifically it is
the urinal that maximizes the amount of space between you, and the next person. The urinal game is not
much different than what everyone does daily as we navigate crowded areas or chose seating in busy
cafeterias.

1. All 6 urinals are empty. Which do you choose?

2. Now urinal 2 and urinal 4 are occupied. Which is the proper urinal?

3. Urinal 2, 4 and 6 are all occupied. Which is the proper urinal?

4. Urinal 1, 2, 5 and 6 are now all occupied.

Answers: 1) While urinal 1 and 6 are both acceptable answers the most correct answers is urinal 6 since
it prevents anyone needing to pass in behind you while you urinate. Both urinal 1 and 6 are somewhat
correct since the end wall prevents being flanked on either side. 2) Urinal 6 is the answer once again for
similar reasons as in the first scenario. 3) This one is a catch since you are bound to be stuck next to at
least one other guy. However, option 1 is the best since it affords at least some space between you and
the others instead of being right up against another guy. 4) This answer is simple. You don’t use any of
the urinals! Instead, you go to the mirror or pre-wash your hands, fix your hair, adjust your tie or suck
up your pride and use a stall!

Some additional rules to this urinal game which are similar to the games we play in elevators include:
Absolutely no touching permitted other then yourself. No talking or singing unless you are with close
buddies or are heavily intoxicated, and even then, it should be kept to a minimum especially while
urinating. Glances are a one time affair and are simply used to acknowledge the presence of others and
nothing more.

Throw them a curve at the urinals! In rather bizarre experiment, researchers measured the time taken to
micturate (to you and me, this means to pee) either with or without someone standing directly next to
them. Not surprisingly, closer distances led to increases in micturation delay and a decrease in
micturation persistence! With this ground breaking research we can conclude two things: 1) Peeing is
harder to do around strangers because it prevents us from relaxing our external urethral sphincter and
shortens peeing because it increases intravesical pressure once begun; and on a slightly more serious
and applicable note 2) Stranger who invade our personal space increases our arousal and anxiety
preventing us from getting relatively even unimportant things done. Imagine how space invasion
affects more important tasks!

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory

Indicators of Invasion

‘Ventral denial,’ or turning the front of the body away is a sign that there is discomfort.
There are some very simple ways in which people indicate that they are being invaded, and they are
important should one want to avoid offending them. As we have learned in this chapter, personal space
is important to all people and so we want to be cautious not to intrude on others for two reasons: first,
for the sake of the comfort of the people around us, and second, for our own sake, so that people don’t
attach negative ideas to us.
Strangers should be given the most amount of space until we get to know them so we should avoid
breaking the five foot separation mark unless invited to do so. While it might seem rude to keep a new
acquaintance at a distance and five feet might even seem like a huge distance, it’s a clearly defined
ritual and a benchmark that most people find commonplace. For those that use touch to display
connectivity (the touchy-feely ones) should show reservation at least until proper rapport is built and
your acquaintance shows relaxed and open signals. Handshakes are common across most culture and
are acceptable greeting method when meeting new people. The kiss-hello and other more intimate
methods to greet find their place in many cultures, but the handshake is becoming more and more
popular across the globe, so it’s a fairly safe bet it will be well received. After the handshake is
complete, on should take a step back or to the side to converse. Next, you should allow the other person
to define their preferred zone in which to carry on the remainder of the interaction. This is done by
allowing them to move forward or backward if they desire. Eventually you will find a happy medium
between you and them, so do avoid continuously approaching or leaning forward, in other words, plant
your feet and keep an upright body.
Your partner will signal that you are encroaching on them and making them feel uncomfortable by
taking a step backwards. If this isn’t possible due to space restrictions, or while in tight quarters such as
an elevator, or if continuously followed by advancements, your partner will begin to pull their heads
backwards and away. Even when space is not limited, we may find that polite people that don’t wish to

overtly show that they are being infringed upon may also simply pull their heads back versus stepping
backwards. If you find that you are constantly moving forward, then it’s likely because your comfort
distance is less than the comfort distance of others.

Others might just show a bigger smile (possibly showing stress) and simply pretend that nothing is
bothering them, but as soon as eye contact is broken or when their speaking partner is distracted, will
take a step back. Others still, can pull their arms up and out to reserve space or can use their hand on
the sleeve of the other to keep them from advancing. Arm crossing also demonstrates a negative
posture and is used to shield the body so this can also indicate encroachment. Respecting other people’s
intimate zones is extremely important. Invading people’s space can cause anxiety, irritation, anger or
fear. If all else fails, you know you’ve exceeded the general personal space of others when your eyes
begin to fuzz or cross, or you feel the uncomfortable sensation of warm breath on your face. When all
else fails, take a step back and let them close the gap.

Chapter 4 – Space and Territory

Summary – Chapter 4

In this chapter we looked in depth about space or territory and how it influences body language. We
learned that the term applied to how people use space is proxemics and it includes personal space,
distance norms, how cultures and regionality such as rural and urban centers are reflected in personal
space, and how they relate to status and context. We learned why people turn into zombies in crowded
city streets, how eye contact can control intimacy and why we should respect people’s personal space
comforts no matter where they hail. We then played the urinal game and showed how space ties
together with this ritual, and finally we covered indicators of invasion which can help us in respecting
space limitations when in novel situations, or when around new acquaintances.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Introduction – Chapter 5

Lovers gazing adoringly.
The language of the eye has been shown by researchers to be more reliable than other body language
because the movements the eyes make are involuntary and fleeting. This makes it hard for people to
pay as much attention to them as, say the arms, hands or the legs. Eyes straight ahead while considering
an answer, as we will see means that a prospect is passively considering information, the eyes down
means that someone is concentrating or evaluating and the eyes upward means that an idea is being
analyzed. Conversely, eyes looking off into space indicates a loss of interest, and eye contact avoidance
indicates submission or fear. We can also tell a lot about what a person is thinking just by how the eyes
move and then relating it back to context as we shall cover later.
In the seventies, Michael Argyle found that about sixty percent of conversation involved some form of
gazing. He found that only thirty percent involved mutual gazing where the eyes met and held eye
contact directly and that people look twice as often (seventy-five percent) while listening, versus just
forty percent while speaking. The average gaze length was recorded to be about three seconds long
whereas mutual gaze lasted just over one second before being broken. Eye contact has been found to be
related to both cultural and personality differences. For example, Japanese and South Americans use far
less eye contact as it is thought to be aggressive and disrespectful and introverted people make less eye
contact then someone who is extroverted. It has also been shown through research that eye gaze is an
indication of patterns in speech. People will tend to look away as they begin to speak, presumably to
avoid distraction, and will then return their gaze as they near completion of their thought.
Eye contact is also a great way to measure like-mindedness. The more agreement is formed between
individuals, the more eye contact is present. Even under research conditions where strangers were
forced to hold eye contact for extended periods of time, they reported a greater sense of liking. We also
tend to distrust others who make poor eye contact with us because subconsciously we think they are
trying to hide something. The following chapter deals with the complete language of the eyes including

its hidden meaning.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Gazing

Avoiding eye contact shows disagreement.
Eye contact and gaze are some of the most salient nonverbal behaviours in human interaction. It is the
first connection a mother has with her infant and the first interaction that infant has with anyone.
Through gazing forms a very powerful and special bond between mother and infant. However, even
mothers differ in their strength and frequency of gaze with their children. Affectionate mothers will go
out of their way to kneel so as to bring their eyes into level, whereas, less affectionate mothers tend to
lean forward instead and use gaze much less frequently. These experiences from early development
formulate our norms which can persist throughout our lives. Only with conscious effort can we change
them, but first we must understand the purpose and function of gaze and also what good gaze habits
really are.
Over the course of a typical day, eye gaze can reveal cues to interest, attention, affiliation, intimacy,
approval, dominance, aggression and openness to personal involvement. Gaze happens in a much
different way than a stare. Stares are like daggers, shooting invisible arrows into the face of another. A
gaze is inviting and a display of warmth. A gaze includes the attachment of a positive emotion which
men sometimes have difficulty with. Lovers are particularly adept at gazing, with bouts sometimes
lasting for several minutes, other times even much longer. As early as six children seem to pick up that
eye contact and gaze indicate a connection. Young girls tend to realize it sooner than young boys and
women tend to enjoy gaze more than men and so use eye contact and gaze more readily. Additionally,
women will hold eye-gaze for longer periods of time than men, which is most evident when women
gaze at other women.
Gazing is eye language that can take up various meaning depending on how it is done. The “face-gaze”

happens when one person directs their eyes at another person’s face. “Eye-gaze”, on the other hand,
happens when the gaze is directed toward the eyes of another but of which that person might not
reciprocate. “Mutual-gaze” happens when two people look each other’s faces which might include
bouts of eye-gaze and “eye-contact” refers to two people looking directly into each other’s eyes. Other
forms of gaze include “omission”, defined as a failure to look at someone without intending to and
“avoidance”, in which a person purposely prevents eye contact. Most are familiar with “staring”, but to
be sure, we define it as a persistent look that occurs regardless of what another person is doing. Simply
defining the types of gazes and eye contact likely evoke some pretty strong feelings which can be
positive as in the case of mutual gaze or negative as in the stare. Prolonged eye contact early in a
loosely established relationship is almost always taken negatively, or with hostility, and decoded by
others as offensive. We may even think prolonged eye contact is a result of projected dislike or even
disapproval of others, even when it is the result of affection or attraction. Holding gaze for as little as
three seconds longer than normal can come across as over-assertiveness and create contempt. However,
because we aren’t always aware of eye contact consciously, others won’t be able to describe the reason
for their feelings which is why the use of gaze needs to be taken seriously.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

The Friendly Social Gaze

When friends talk to one another they aren’t trying to peer into their souls, rather, they gaze. The gaze
is non-threatening and like the intimate gaze, which follows, the eyes travel over the face in a specific
pattern. In the friendly gaze, the eyes travel in a triangular pattern from eye to eye then to the mouth
with some infrequent looks to the rest of the body. The reason we cast our eyes infrequently over other
parts of the body is simply due to the reason that it is of less interest and of less value in friendship
which is just the opposite of that which happens in the intimate gaze. With friends, gaze is brief, lasting
only about three seconds followed by looking away. The research tells us that about seventy-five
percent of the time eyes travel through the triangular pattern from the eyes to the mouth, ten percent of
the time is spent on forays to the forehead and hair, and five percent to the chin, with the remaining
time split on various other features.

After a period of gaze or mutual eye-contact both people will avert their eyes downward instead of left,
right or upward. But if you are really in a comedic mood and want to put the fright into someone, break
your eye contact by quickly looking up and taking a step backwards! They will most certainly think
that something is about to fall on them which is the likely reason we rarely look up when breaking eye
contact. Looking down, on the other hand is a symbol of submission whereas looking left or right can
imply disinterest (or interest in something else), or a desire to withdraw from the conversation. Looking
past or ‘through’ someone, by having an expressionless face, and unblinking eyes has the same affect, it
places importance on other things aside from the conversation at hand. Of course, and as mentioned
previously, feelings associated with improper eye contact is noted and held subconsciously, since for
most people they are out of the normal range of awareness. That being said, people will attach powerful
feelings and judgments to us based on how we use eye contact during conversation regardless of our
true personalities.

The extreme end of negative thoughts and feelings related to eye contact comes from prolonged periods
of unbroken eye contact – staring!

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

When Men’s Eyes Meet Women’s Eyes – The
Intimate Gaze

The eye’s of lovers.
If the eyes of men and women meet and there is a spark, the eyes will follow specific patterns across
the face to form an intimate gaze. Initially there will be a quick burst to establish interest, than the eyes
will be quickly averted. Women will show interest by breaking eye contact downward versus to the left
or right. Looking left or right is seen as “stealing a look” where one either, wishes not to be caught, or
is simply scanning the room. Stealing looks is what married men do when they notice attractive
women. Since married men have no true intention of pursuing, they look covertly so as to avoid
detection of their spouse and that which has gained their temporary interest. In other words, they steal
looks for their own sake and wish to pay no price for its sake.
This is why interested women will be found to avoid looking left or right so as not to appear to be
stealing looks. Looking down to break eye contact is sexy because it’s coy, submissive and teasing.
Looking down punctuates sexual interest. Looking sideways is a willful indication that one is scanning
the room entirely and is not checking someone else out. Although at times, a sideways look will show
timidity about being caught or that one isn’t ready to reveal their true interests.
If interest is mutual and conversation arises, scanning of the face will take place. The eyes will form a
pattern from a triangular pattern from eye to eye and down to the mouth or chin. The eyes will also
wander briefly to other parts of the face, but the vast majority of time will be spent looking at the eyes
and mouth. Gaze duration during intimacy lasts in bouts of approximately four to five seconds. When
the eyes finally do leave the face they will check out the rest of the body, to examine clothing, overall
build, jewelry and rings. Both sexes, despite social norms, will glance over more intimate areas of the
body such as the crotch and breasts. Men tend to check women out from the ground up, starting from
the legs, then to the crotch, torso, breasts, shoulders, then face. The vast majority of women find being

scanned by men to be a turn-off, however, studies show that women habitually check men out just as
often, they simply do it much more discretely.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

The Business Gaze

When engaging people in business it is important to hold the correct eye contact. Eye contact begins as
soon as you wish to engage someone, but doesn’t happen continuously and in varies with whom you
speak with. In fact, eye contact should be held about eighty to ninety percent of the time when men and
women speak or when women speak to each other, but when men speak to each other, eye contact
should be held only about sixty to seventy percent of the time.

If gaze is held for too long while men and women speak, men will evoke feelings of discomfort in
women whereas women will evoke feelings of sexual interest, context permitting or dominance. If eye
contact between men and women is any less than the eighty to ninety percent benchmark, both sexes
will read disinterest. On the other hand if gaze is held too long amongst men, it is read as aggression, or
if too short, as a lack of confidence or shiftiness. Women who wish to level the field in business can use
gaze to their advantage by holding it longer than normal to increase their dominance or conversely can
invoke protective feelings in men to gain resources by showing less eye contact and hence appearing
more submissive. Women who increase gaze time while speaking with men will make them feel much
more insecure and uneasy than that which would be caused by men against women. Men are not
accustomed to taking on submissive roles especially when in the company of women, thus any women
who wishes to use this tactic should be prepared. Women should always use their discretion and take
their rank into consideration to decide which type of gaze is most appropriate.

As we have seen thus far, eye contact indicates that we have someone’s attention or that we are paying
attention. We also discovered that while eye contact is important, we shouldn’t hold eye contact for too
long lest we appear to be staring or overly dominant and while we are in the company of friends or
lovers we might check out the rest of their overall physic, their clothing, their shoes and so forth, doing
so in a business setting is not recommended. As noted previously, the friendly gaze travels a triangular
pattern from eye to eye and then to the mouth, whereas the intimate gazes travels the same pattern with
forays to the lower regions of the body in order to be “sized up”.

In business, it is important not to cast our gaze below the neckline so as not to appear sexually
interested. Most of the business gaze is spent traveling from eye to eye and down only as far as the
nose. The goal of the business gaze is to show interest and intensity but omit any sexual indicators. To
convey an even greater seriousness, the eyes should travel from eye to eye then to the forehead, but
never any lower. If you note any up and down gaze patterns from an opposite sex employer, you can be
fairly certain they have more than just business on their mind! Also, men with female bosses should
never allow their eyes to travel over their boss’s body unless they wish to convey sexual interest (and
are prepared for the repercussions that might stem from it!). For every other encounter that is undefined
or undetermined use the gaze pattern most likely to yield the response you desire. So if you wish to
create friends, use the friendship gaze pattern or if you fancy someone, create intimacy with the
intimacy gaze pattern and make eye forays across the face, to the lips and down to the crotch or breasts
but if you want to keep it professional, keep all gaze around the eyes, nose and forehead.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Why Sometimes Eye Contact Is Bad

A 2006 study by Stirling University psychologists found that children who were instructed to avoid eye
contact while considering their response to a question had a seventy-two percent chance of answering
correctly but only a fifty percent chance of answered correctly when they had not been told to look
away. One of the theories advanced to explain this finding suggests that looking at human faces, which
are complex and information rich, requires a lot of mental processing and that this might disrupt
thinking. So next time you want a child (or anyone) to provide a correct answer, instead of forcing
them to be polite and maintain eye contact, allow them the freedom to cast their gaze wherever it might
fall so they can better process the information. The research shows that children were justified all along
by avoiding eye contact when posed difficult questions.

Eye aversion during complex thought is just one example of why sometimes eye contact is bad.
Another says that eye aversion controls hierarchy and many species of animals have evolved eye
aversion as a function of appeasement gestures. Primates will use direct stares as part of their threat
display which is a precursor to direct physical aggression. Averting the eyes altogether or looking down
and away with brief glances in the direction of the aggressor can serve to eliminate an attack response.
Eye aversion to reduce physical violence is to the benefit of both parties because it eliminates the
chances of serious injury or even death. In most cases the aggressor, having received the signal that he
is higher in the ranks, will stop in its tracks and turn away.

Eye aversion is a form of submission and submission is usually all that is desired from most attackers.
Simply put, violence is often the byproduct of two individuals who refuse to heed each other’s
dominance displays, and of which are naturally fairly evenly matched. When dominance displays
include things like strutting, stretching, false charges, chest pounding and so forth can not definitively
crown a winner, then the conflict is settled by physical contest. Obviously, the last description could
apply to any one species of animals, but it could also apply to people. When neither person backs
down, a fight ensues.

Children who avoid eye contact can also avoid being physically abused by other students, although it
does nothing to eliminate the problem altogether. It has been said that the only true way to settle a bully
down is to give them a bit of their own medicine. Bullies are always trying to pick easy fights to build
up their dominance and so tend not to want to fight as much as one would be lead to think. Eye contact
between humans and non-humans is also well documented. For example, young children who haven’t
yet learned to avoid eye contact with dogs, tend to be attacked more often as the dog perceives the child
as an aggressor. By most accounts it is recommended that people avoid direct eye contact when
confronted by bears to avoid hostile encounters. Avoiding eye contact switches off the threat response
and tells the bear that you do not wish to end the dispute with a physical contest.

In most animal species unwavering gaze is used to display dominance and aggression when it happens
between members of the same species. When it happens across species it indicates that a prey has been
centered out and the stalk has begun. Looking away and avoiding eye contact is a submissive cue and
the least dominant is usually the first one to look away. Knowing this, you can easily test out your own
dominance. Just pick a victim and stare directly into their eyes for an extended period of time. Whoever
breaks first admits to lower rank. You will see that direct and piercing eye contact lasting any longer
than five seconds will create an intense desire to look away. If you find it difficult to stare someone
down like this then look at the area just above the eyes, as if the person had a third eye. While we know
we aren’t making eye contact, the victim won’t realize the difference. Staring will evoke stress, they

will feel prey-like and under attack. Keeping the eyes unblinking or even narrowing them is akin to a
predator-prey interaction which will make the dominance display even more powerful. However you
decide to experiment, do so at your own risk!

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Putting Your Best Side Forth

We have always been told to put our best foot forward but it might be more advantageous to always put
our best side forward instead. But what side really is our best? Is there really even a best side? You
might be surprised to note that our faces do in fact have a good and bad side and it’s based on
perspectives or how our minds view things. All but the most beautiful of people have some asymmetry
in their faces. Meaning the left side of their face is not an exact mirror image of the right. For example,
the eyes and mouth aren’t usually perfectly parallel, one eye might open wider than the other, we may
have one check bone set higher than the other and so on.

To determine which side of your face is your best, begin by running a line from one eye to the other
and then run a second line across the centre line of the mouth horizontally. Obviously this is best done
with a still print photograph with the face head on. Having drawn our lines we now need to explain our
findings, and to do so we draw from how we view perspective, landscapes in particular. Take any
landscape drawing or photograph and note that as we look “into” the photograph, distant lines converge
on each other, producing the effect of appearing smaller. Objects nearby, that appear larger, have lines
that diverge. Objects that appear close also seem to slop or drop as they near us, again giving us the
impression that they are larger. Obviously, in reality, objects neither increase nor decrease in size as our
distance to them changes, it is merely a function of perspective.

Our best side therefore, is the side which lends itself best according to the rules of perspective. When
we look at a face at any other angle besides head-on, the best view will be that which has the greatest
distance between the edge of the mouth and the corner of the eye since it produces the proper effect in
lieu of distance and perspective. We expect to see a wider gap nearest us which then narrows as it
moves away. Our mind prefers to see the distant eye as actually being further away and one of the ways
it perceives this is for the line created through the center of the mouth and the line created through both
eyes to converge, otherwise it becomes confused. This confusion is perceived as being less attractive.
The greater the angle between the mouth and the eye, the stronger is the effect producing an even
greater difference between a person’s good and bad side, since the effect is amplified. Naturally too,
symmetrical faces will have no best or worst side as it pertains to perspective since either side will
produce this correct effect.

Having this knowledge, take the time to examine your face to determine which side has the greatest
separation from eye to mouth and when in conversations or in photographs be sure to orient that side
toward the camera or toward your company. The effect might be subtle, but if you are posing for an
important photograph or planning an important meeting, or auditioning for a movie role, it just might
make your face that much more memorable.