The Ultimate Body Language Book

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

How To Avoid An Attack Or Speeding Ticket

A backward facing cap with open body language means ticket all day long.
If you wish to avoid an attack, quickly avert your eyes, pull your head and chin down and draw your
shoulders and body inward to make it appear smaller. Submissive postures, like this one, switches off
the aggressive attack response in other people. A large part of what provides motivation for those in
power, is the power itself and it has been said that those in positions of power want nothing else but
more power. So to avoid an attack all we need to do is give them that power, ideally it is in the form of
less physical methods. Taking up a submissive posture and admitting guilt is usually enough of a payoff
to avoid a speeding ticket at best, or at worst, lessening the amount of punishment that will be received.
If asked to step out of the vehicle, keep slouched so as to never reach your full height and don’t
completely avoid eye contact, but don’t stare either. Keep reserved, hold your arms and hands across
your mid section or in your pockets, but never cross your arms in effort to confront.

A submissive child-like posture leads to protective feelings in others.

Only rarely does a direct confrontation between subordinate and superior individuals lead to a positive
outcome for the subordinate since the aim of each must align and only rarely does this happen. Your
goal is therefore to produce a situation where the dominant person receives an equal or better outcome,
or a weak payout (such as making them feel guilty for giving a nice person a ticket). Affirming ones
position against another only leads them to affirm their position further. This completes a never ending
cycle that can escalate in short order. By admitting that you are wrong it forces people to mirror this

stance causing them to drop their aggression.

If you don’t plan on fighting the ticket in court your best course of action is to vehemently admit your
mistakes, and do it repeatedly for effect. The side of the road is not the place to start an argument, that’s
what the courts are for, so save it for then. Right now your job is to make the officer feel bad for giving
a nice person a ticket so what you want to do is act as if you are an honest, well respected member of
the community. Even if you do plan to fight it, you still want to be forgotten so the officer doesn’t go
back to his cruiser to jot down notes and begin to mount his court case. If he can’t remember you in
court he won’t be able to defend his ticket.

When asked for information, provide it quickly and without hesitation. Avoid “humming” and “haaing”
and be as helpful and short as possible, he’s heard all the excuses already so don’t bother getting
emotional. The worst you can do is to appear as a threat to his safety by being shifty and moving
erratically. When asked for your driver’s license and registration be sure to tell him where they are
located and in what order you will give them to him. When reaching in an enclosed compartment like
the glove box be sure not to hold eye contact since most attackers look directly into their victims eyes
before they assault them. Statistics say that officers are very likely to be assaulted or even killed while
on routine traffic stops.

Once you’ve given all the correct body language signals watch for the moment where the officer finally
judges that you aren’t a threat. The officer’s body language will become more relaxed and loose and
you can begin to address them in a less rigid and formal manner. Cracking jokes is risky, at this point
though, since you may put them back into an authoritative position by appearing to belittling the
situation. If they seem bent on issuing a ticket though, you may have nothing to lose and easing up
might have them lower the fine even at the last moment. If you are persuasive enough and can
efficiently built rapport, you may be able to walk the thin line between presenting your case which can
be taken as an insult and setting off his dominance triggers.

You wouldn’t mess with this chick. Head back spells confidence and authority.

There are other times altogether when showing submission just won’t work to avoid attack. Walking in
the city at night is one of them especially for women. Postures such as slumped shoulders, drooping
head and a worried face are the postures attackers use to identify easy victims. While placating some
attackers might sometimes be appropriate, it won’t work in every situation since every attacker has
different motives and while submission postures will help reduce punishment from someone with
morals and ethics, it will do nothing to reduce an attack from a criminal who is interested in your

pocket money, looking for someone to abduct, or worse. The same has been said for bear attacks. It just
so happens that bears, just like people, have different motives depending on their disposition, mood,
hunger, sex. Female bears are particularly aggressive when their cubs are present. Therefore, your
natural inclination should always be to hold dominant postures first, to fight and run if possible, and
only show submission to people whose punishment you are willing to accept. The last thing you want
to do is appear as though you’d be easily taken advantage of especially when faced by a stranger. So
the default street posture is to keep your head up, shoulders back and a loose body. If someone is going
to attack a confident looking person, they’d most likely attack you regardless of your posture, so taking
on a confident posture is always the most appropriate in questionable circumstances.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Dilated Pupils

Big pupils means big interest. Our eyes open up to the world to take in all the good things it sees.
In a classic study by Eckhard Hess in 1965, it was shown that pupil size was related to attractiveness in

females. The men in the study were shown drawings of women’s faces, ones with normal sized pupils
and ones with larger sized pupils. The men found that the larger pupil size was more attractive. This
finding lead researchers to coin the term “pupillometry” referring to the measurement of the size of the
pupil and its effect on others. Pupillometrics, on the other hand, refers to the evaluation of the pupil’s
size in relation to interest and emotion.

The pupil is measured with the help of infrared cameras or sensors since visible light would throw off
readings. The pupils are affected by light and open and close to allow more or less light in which assists
in proper vision. In low light conditions the pupils will dilate or open to allow more light in and in
bright conditions, the pupils will constrict to restrict the amount of light let it. Cameras are equipped
with apertures which serve the same function. The bigger the hole, the more light comes through and
the eye needs just the right amount of light to see properly.

Various studies show that our pupils also respond to positive stimuli by dilating or constricting when a
person sees unpleasant or uninteresting stimuli. For example, pupils dilate more when heterosexual
viewers see nude images of the opposite sex and constrict when viewing same sex images. Viewing
unpleasant images such as crippled children, war scenes, or torture, leads to the constriction of the
pupils. Hess and his colleagues found that an increase in pupil size was positively correlated with
mental activity and problem solving and that people reached maximum dilation as they neared a
solution. Further to this, images that were modified to contain female models with larger pupils tended
to be rated more attractive and friendlier then images where the pupils were modified to be smaller or
unmodified.

Pupil sizes can therefore be used to read people because it gives us a reliable tool for measuring interest
and arousal even if in a subtle way. Subconsciously we are all aware of other’s pupil sizes as indicated
by the study. Men were not able to consciously describe why they felt certain images were more
attractive than others, but they did so anyway. Increased pupil size can be an indication of any positive
stimuli such as food when hungry, or when seeking companionship, other potential suitors in a room.
Paying at least some conscious attention to the pupil sizes of others can give us information about the
overall state the people around us are in. One of the reasons pupil size is so powerful is because we are
not able to consciously control the size of our pupils which means that pupils will always naturally
react to stimuli we find attractive. Wearing sunglasses by professional poker players is partially
explained with these findings since dilated pupils might provide a ‘tell’ to their opponents.

If you think pupils aren’t hardwired, then take the pupil test. Have someone look at the drawing in
“image B” while covering “image A” then after some time have them look at “image A” while covering
“image B”. You will notice that the eyes dilate in response as the brain naturally thinks it is looking at a
set of eyes. Italian women in the 18th century would place eye drops called belladonna containing
atropine to chemically induce their eyes to dilate in order to elicit attention from men. Today, marketing
does the work for us, as images are commonly doctored by image modifying software to appeal to our
innate biology. Turning the lights down or a candle lit dinner can have the same effect. Even artificially
modifying pupil size by dimming the lights subconsciously produces arousal. Through their eyes they
tell us that they are interested in us and so we become interested in them!

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

The Room Encompassing Glance

There’s no mystery in these eyes.
The room encompassing glance is a sexual signal performed by women interested in being pursued.
More specifically, it is done by women who are “checking out” potential suitors and it is done totally
unconsciously as is most all other body language. It is very subtle and also very specific. The glance
occurs by first casting her eyes around the room for five to ten seconds. If she spots someone she is
interested in, she will take a second look. This second glance is not directed at the entire room, but
rather in the direction of a specific man. It will be short, and she will rotate her head twenty-five to
forty degrees to the side then look away, usually downward, within about three seconds. Women
usually continue this behavior until they meet their target’s eyes. At this point, the target and the
woman will hold a mutual gaze lasting about three seconds which is normally broken by the woman. It
should be noted also that most men are fairly clueless in reading this signal and usually miss it. If
women wish to make it more powerful and obvious they should add a slight smile. The light bulb
usually goes off with this more overt signal.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Eye Blink Rate

Eye Blink Rate, Extended Eye Blinking, Eye Blocking And The Double Wink
Eye Blink Rate
Studies have linked arousal with increased eye blink rate. When we blink we add moisture to the eye
with the help of tears and oil secreted by small glands that line the inner edge of our eyelids.
Researchers have theorized that an increased eye blink rate helps us moisten and clean our eyes in

preparation for action so we won’t miss a thing.

Pronounced eye blinking can happen during sexual arousal and attraction, while under pressure, or any
other time we feel particularly excited. A rapid series of eye blinks can also indicate an inner struggle
or distress which may happen when we hear something we don’t particularly agree with, or when we
can’t find the right words to express ourselves. Other times our eyes flutter when we’re troubled with
our performance on an issue, befuddled, or simply struggling outright. Women that have thick, dark,
long lashes can even use a high blink rate to seduce men. Applying mascara helps draw emphasis to a
women’s eyes even further and when she “bat’s her eyes” can bring a grown man to his knees. We
should also be careful not to jump to conclusions since a high blink rate can also be attributed to dry
air, stress, having something trapped on the eye itself or any multitude of other reasons. Therefore, high
eye blink rate is particularly context sensitive.

Higher blink rate is also subject to mimicry. For example, speaking excitedly about a topic and
increasing eye blink rate will induce others to follow and blink at similar rates. This can come in handy,
not only in a dating situation, but also while pitching ideas because if people mimic a high blink rate,
they will subconsciously perceive that they are excited, which can move them to action.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Extended Eye Blinking

The opposite to the high blinker is the extended blinker, and whether by accident or by purpose, the
extended blinker puts other’s off by showing disinterest and a smug attitude. A normal blink lasts only
about a tenth of a second and at a rate of about six to eight blinks per minute. An extended blink can
last from two to three seconds or even longer. Try one right now just as an experiment. Close your eyes
at a normal rate but hold them closed momentarily and then quickly reopen them. Now try extending
the time they remain closed. And finally, image this is done either while speaking or listening to
someone else. Naturally, the longer the blink the more salient the message, with several seconds not
being out of the question. The extended eye blink will be perceived by others as arrogant and pompous
since it comes across as temporarily shutting out the outside world, especially the immediate company.
The extended blinker is sending the message to others that what others are doing or saying isn’t worth
their energy and thought.

There are two main ways to thwart the extended blinker. The first is to reduce your blink rate or widen
your eyes as if staring, and hold more eye contact to try to have them mirror you or put them on edge.
The second method is a tiny bit underhanded, but sends a much stronger message. When your partner
has their eyes closed, quickly jump to the right or left or move closer. This will have the effect of
startling them as they reopen their eyes and found that you have slightly moved! If done well enough,
you should expect to have achieved a fear response in them which will naturally create a need for them
to hold better eye contact.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Eye Blocking

A childlike response to fearful stimuli is to block the eyes from seeing. Adults will use more subtle
forms of eye blocking such as squinting.

A second related nonverbal behavior to the extended blinker is “eye-blocking” which is a term given to
eyes that squint, shield or are covered by the hands or other objects. People cover their eyes when they
feel threatened or don’t like what they see. My wife has a habit of covering her eyes (and blocking her
ears) when horror movie previews suddenly appear on the television screen! Pupil size also related
back to arousal and aggression. When we see things we like, our pupils dilate to allow the maximum
amount of light in, but when we see something we don’t like, they immediately constrict. The same
effect occurs when eyelids are constricted or squinted as they serve to reduce light hitting the eye. This
brings objects into tighter focus allowing us to more clearly defend ourselves against an attack. Eye
squinting related to tight focus is why we see people with less than perfect vision squinting to read
when they are without their glasses. Incidentally, the same effect can be done by making a small hole in
a piece of paper and reading through it, the effect will be to bring it back into focus by assisting the
eye. Eye blocking can manifest itself in other ways too, sometimes just by accident. Restaurants that
see it fit to place large center pieces in the middle of tables can present an interesting experiment. Does
your company remove the item to get a better look at you so they can “take you all in” or to they keep
it there to stifle the flow of conversations? I have a habit of discarding the center island especially if it’s
useless and tall (or an ad to sell me expensive drinks!). I’ll even place it on a neighbouring table if
convenient or on the seat next to me. I want to see my company, but do they want to see you?

Eye squinting or covering can be related back to a baseline to produce predictive powers. For example,
while questioning someone about theft or vandalism, or any other event that brings back images that
someone wishes not to recall, note when eyes become constricted. This will tell you which aspects of
your recount makes them most uncomfortable. When vital information is struck, eye blocking in one
form or another will surface. From there, it will be up to you to deduce the exact reason for eye
blocking. Squinting can also flash as a microexpression in accompaniment of inconsistent body
language to reveal true feelings. For example, smiling and waving to an acquaintance at a distance
while squinting, shows that there is a poor connection and perhaps a subsurface distaste for them.
Squinting can also be done while reading material that is disagreeable and will arise instantaneously
without awareness. This is obviously a very useful ‘tell’ when negotiating contracts or devising plans.
Other times eyebrows will lower instead of eye squinting, but the meaning is the same. Conversely,
raised or arched eyebrows show positive feelings and high confidence.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Double Wink

Most of us are familiar with the connotations of a single wink which to Westerners implies cheekiness
or when between men and women a low key sexual invitation. When done by men to unfamiliar
women though, it can be off-putting, but by women onto men a welcomed sexual invitation! However,
to avoid coming off too strong, men can use the “double wink”. The double wink is done by blinking
both eyes at the same time and holding them closed for a slightly longer period of time than that which
is found in a natural blink. This wink lasts about one third of a second or slightly longer and the eyelids
can be re-opened slowly for added effect. Men that add a smile as they reopen their eyes can double the
effect.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Eye Flashes, Eye Widening And Flashbulb Eyes

Flashbulb eyes – it’s how the eyes show excitement.
The eye flash is similar to the eyebrow flash in that they both occur very quickly. In the case of the eye

flash it lasts on average for only 0.75 seconds but is easily perceived and is quite obvious. The eye
flash is a momentary widening of the eyelids during a conversation to reveal the sclera, or whites of the
eyes, with no involvement of the eyelids. Humans are the only primates that have whites around their
eyes whereas other ape’s eyes are completely dark. It has been theorized that the whites of the eyes
evolved as a means of communication helping indicate eye direction.

The eyeflash when given by a speaker, emphasizes specific words being spoken. The eyeflash can
serve to change the meaning of a given word or phrase by putting emphasis on one word over another.
It normally accompanies adjectives rather than any other parts of speech, and women use it more often
them men. I did however notice Brad Pitt perform the eyeflash repeatedly while in a speaking scene in
a movie. I’m not sure exactly sure what his intent of the flash entailed, as it accompanied no talking
and it occurred once every few seconds while listening, and to me, it seemed odd. Never-the- less he
must have thought it added emphasized to his part in the scene. Of note is when eyebrows start and stop
flashing as they indicate attachment and excitement with whatever content is being presented. If eyes
suddenly stop flashing then it’s likely that a person is lacking in enthusiasms and commitment for the
topic at hand. The eyeflash is also association with raised eyebrows to signal submission. Lowering the
eyebrows of course, signals the opposite, that is dominance.

On the other hand, a loving mother will widen her eyes when viewing her newborn baby indicating that
she cares for them and within seventy-two hours of birth her child will do the same when she enters the
room. Eye widening is a positive nonverbal cue indicating that someone is observing positive stimuli
that bring them joy and happiness. Eye widening is another form of gravity defying behaviour that is
ubiquitous in showing positive emotions and joy. When true contentment is present the eyes will lack
any tension at all and will appear relaxed. The size of the eyes directly indicates how positive someone
is about a topic. While making eyes bigger and flashing them means that good thoughts are held,
squinting where the eyes are compressed means negative thought are held. The same goes for lowered
eyebrows!

The final eye cue is flashbulb eyes, which is done by dramatically opening the eyes as big and wide as
possible. The eyebrows usually arch in unison as well to make the eyes appear even larger. The cue is
usually done to indicate surprise and positive emotions such as being excited to see someone, or have
been given a promotion.

[help! - Brad Pitt’s filmology shows over sixty movies and I can’t figure out which movie he was in
when he did the eye flash. I do recall it was an older movie and don’t think he was actively speaking at
the time, more listening, and in an alley/dark area of some sort. If you know the movie send it my
way!]

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Looking Up Through The Forehead

Head titled at 45 degrees coupled with the looking-up-through-the-forehead is a cue cluster of interest.
Looking up through the forehead is done by tilted the head at a forty-five degree angle and looking
upwards. The posture is a reflection back into early childhood as children look up at us as seeking our
approval or permission. Children might even add a big pouty lip as icing on the cake! This is a
submissive posture and is included here in the chapter on eye language because the eyes play such an
important role. When used by women it comes across as a “come-hither look.” It makes women appear
more childlike and evokes protective feelings in men. The posture can be used to gain sympathy from
others as well. Take for example, the asking of directions in a foreign environment. Adding a head tilt
shows that you are no threat and also shows that you are in need of help. Subconsciously, people will
see that you sincerely need and deserve the help, and will be more willing to assist you. It might even
help reduce punishment should the context warrant it.

This interest posture is hard to miss.

A study conducted in 2006 headed by Eva Krumhuber of the United Kingdom presented subjects with
male and female computerized characters differing in types of smiles and head tilting. They found that
a “slow onset smile”, a smile that gradually forms versus one that quickly flashes across the face, was
not only more attractive, more trustworthy and more flirtatious but also less fake and less dominant.
This held true for both men and women. The head tilt added an extra positive dimension as well. In the
study they rated people as being even more attractive and trustworthy when they canted their head

rather than kept it upright. The lesson here is that both men and women can use head tilt coupled with
an honest slow growing smile to positively influence people.

The head tilt can also be helpful in creating cooperative arrangements or even favourable impressions,
empathy and warmth, with just about everyone. Women are traditionally the most effective users of this
gesture and for children, it comes naturally. Children are keen to use this ploy on us as they beg for
sweets or for a sleep-over party or permission to join extra curricular activities. They pout their lips, tilt
their head, and look up at us through sad eyes. If done properly, it makes us want to care for them and
meet their needs but if overused, it makes us revolt, not unlike what we might see if overused by adults.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Eye Size And Neoteny

Science shows that women who have neotenous characteristics like big eyes tend to illicit protective
feelings in others.

All children are born with a small nose, round chubby cheeks, soft skin, big eyes that are set low on
their faces, and a big round face. We call these features “neotenous” as they remind us of characteristics
found near birth. As early as the 1940’s it was found by researchers that these features make infants
appear cute and lovable and increase the likelihood of eliciting care behaviour from parents. Even
cartoon characters directed at children take up similar morphology. If you’ve ever compared Mickey
the famous mouse to a real life mouse, you will note the difference in ratios their eyes hold. Real mice
have very tiny eyes when compared to a creature that is much more beloved.

Studies show that women who have big round eyes are seen as more attractive a trait that goes across
cultures and ethnicities. Thus, the preference for the neotenic condition also persists throughout
adulthood. The studies also found that a “halo effect” surrounds women with big eyes and that we
naturally feel that they are warm, caring, honest, naïve, kind, agreeable, sociable and trustworthy.
Mature faces with small facial features, on the other hand, elicit the opposite set of characteristics. We
see people holding these more adult-like traits as physically strong, dominant, competent, experienced,
independent, shrewd, and in control. Obviously, either condition can be advantageous depending on
whether one wishes to be lead, or one wishes to lead. However, what the study does reveal is that
neither condition is up to our willful choice, but rather has been decided for us through our inherent
traits.

A very popular surgery for Asian women is to create the double eyelid which is called “blepharoplasty.”
Asian people lack the fold or eyelid crease and so their eyes are narrowed and oval in appearance. The
surgery adds a second fold or crease in the eyelid from an eyelid without a crease, producing a rounder
westernized eye. This cosmetic surgery is the most popular among Asian women, even more so then
breast augmentation showing just how strong neoteny is rooted in our nature.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Shifty Eyes

Eyes that dart are associated with lying. In reality, eyes that shift are a sign of emotional discomfort,
which may be due to any stress, not just the stress of lying.

Paul Ekman’s research into lying says that people often attribute shifty or darting eyes to liars,
however, as a predictor of a lie it actually falls short. Looking away from complicated human faces
helps us concentrate and so it doesn’t really tell us much more than that thought is taking place. Human
lie detectors may suppose that no thought needs to take place when truth telling, so they eyes need not
be diverted. In reality however, the eyes can wander due to a variety of reasons not the least of which
are connected to the thought of being mistrusted, labeled a liar, or being punished.

Therefore the stress and nervousness of being put on the spot is enough to cause the eyes to exhibit
patterns that seem dishonest. Experienced poker players, wishing to disguise a strong hand, can careful
craft misleading “eye tells” fooling other players. For example, wincing at a card that is actually a good
card, or using darting eyes when telling the truth, or best yet, producing cues at random, can really
confuse opponents. The research also notes that pathological liars are particularly adept at maintaining
eye contact even more so then people who are honest. Researchers have theorized that liars want to
track the success of their lies and so by watching the face of their victims, they can gauge their
effectiveness accordingly and adjust if necessary. Therefore, the real give-away to lying might, in fact
be an increase in eye contact rather than a decrease in eye contact. However, as it turns out, even this
clue is sometimes misleading as it can be adjusted accordingly as we saw in the poker example above.

Another reason we might see poor eye contact is as an indication of the desire to exit an undesirable
situations. At social events or parties, this is especially the case. We might catch eyes moving about the
room as the minds of guests wander for more stimulating interactions. So to gauge interest you can note
where their eyes wander and how much eye contact they use. Our eyes go to where our minds already
are, and of which our bodies want to be. We of course think it to be rude to just up and leave whilst
speaking to a fellow guest, however by casting our gaze randomly or specifically to our object of
interest we send the same message. While too much eye contact can also be rude and unnatural, so too
is extended periods spent looking away, or looking all about the room in a distracted fashion. Eye
patterns, therefore, need to be carefully constructed to send the message we intend.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Looking Askance And Eye Rolling

When the eyes roll they say – I can’t be expected to focus on such a ridiculous statement.
Looking askance is a nonverbal cue that is done with the eyes and head in combination. It is done by
tilting the head slightly to the side but stopping short of facing head on where the eyes roll the rest of
the way forming a scowl. This face shows disapproval, distrust and suspicion. This cue is commonly
associated with a disapproving mother type although this is usually in its exaggerated form. Other times
the gesture happens quickly as if to say “You didn’t just say that, you better start backpedaling” or
“I’ve heard what you said loud and clear, but I’m not buying what you’re selling.” Eye rolling, on the
other hand spells disbelief as in “I can’t believe you just said this, you are a fool.”

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Stealing Looks

We’ve all done it. We’ve all checked someone out without them being aware. Even girls do it to check
our rival females or a particularly hunky guy. Women think men are the only ones, but that is only
because science has show us that men’s peripheral vision is so much less broad then women’s. Since
women can see much more of what is going on without other’s being aware, they appear less obvious
and get caught less easily. When men look, they zero in as if they are tracking a prey animal and so
appear to stare. As a sexy women walks past, men’s eyes almost universally drop down to the women’s
behind. However, if men could sacrifice just one gaze and keep it affixed to the women they are with,
they will notice that they too have noticed the other women’s behind. The only point of difference is
that while men only notice the rear end, women noticed both the rear end and also that her man’s eyes
dropped to check it out! If women didn’t really notice both, how would they know what men were

actually looking at!

Stealing looks can happen more discretely too. Out of the corner of our eye, we spot a sexy blonde or
tall handsome man so our eyes look to the side quickly while our head remains motionless. Without
skipping a beat we continue in our conversation because we don’t want to acknowledge our shallow
curiousity. We might even drop our heads to inspect our hands (a slight of hand in magic) or our meal
in order to divert witnesses. Then, if desired we cast our eyes back if we feel particularly compelled to
act sneaky. More often though, we steal looks in an effort not to be noticed by the ones we steal from.

What is the hidden meaning behind stealing a look? The answer is simple, it’s context specific!
Performed by a married man checking out attractive woman, for example, it can indicate sexual interest
under secrecy. In this case, the interest is normally benign; the look is concealed such that he wants no
one to know because he does not intend to pursue his interest. In other words, it’s just an idle curiosity.
For a woman checking out another woman, it might indicate jealousy or competitiveness as she is seen
as a rival. If it occurs in combination with down-turned eyebrows, furrowed brows, or a frown it could
mean hostility, suspicion or a critical attitude. With the combination of the lips pressed firmly together
it might indicate a suspicious or questioning attitude. The eyes might also be used to subtly draw the
attention of our company onto the others without them being aware so we might include them in
negative conversation or gossip. As in, “I heard about the new girl Julie (in a whispering voice)” then
motioning twice in succession with the eyes in the direction of Julie to indicate exactly who is being
spoken about. Finally, stealing looks might be simply used to satisfy a flat out curiousity of which we
don’t want others from which we steal from to notice. In this case, we don’t want them to have the
satisfaction of knowing that they peak our interest so it might build their confidence even further while
making us appear desperate or of lower status. Obviously this is just a small list of the possible reasons
for look stealing, each one being context specific and requiring additional cues to properly solve.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Audience Eye Contact

When presenting to an audience it can be intimidating to hold eye contact, but it’s a necessary condition
for delivering a message effectively. Eye contact need not be met with each individual person in an
extremely large audience because most people won’t be able to distinguish specific eye direction
anyway. Depending on the size of the crowd and the distance at which the presenter speaks, eye contact
made at one person might seem to be directed at as many as five or even fifteen people surrounding
them.

To make eye contact easier when addressing a crowd, you should centre out someone that you find less
intimidating as the first person to make eye contact with. As people make their way into the room and
as you organize, you’ll have plenty of time to centre someone out. Generally, this person should be at
the center of the audience. Next you should choose at least one person in every corner of the room from
which you can jump back in forth over the course of the presentation. If you find this intimidating, you
can choose inanimate objects such as an exit sign or an empty chair to focus on or you can direct your
gaze above their eyes such as to their foreheads or their hair instead. Your introduction is your first
impression and is therefore the most crucial time during the presentation to make eye contact.

As the size of the group grows, it becomes more difficult to make a solid connection, making eye
contact even more important. The nature of addressing larger groups says that we generally address
them from further away than we would a smaller group. This is especially the case for groups larger
than fifty. Groups with two, to about fifteen, should make it easy to make eye contact with everyone, so

a good solid attempt should be made to do just that. If you accomplish this, the impression will be the
strongest possible. You never really know which people will yield the most constructive interactions at
the end of your presentation, so you will want to keep all avenues open.

While answering a question be sure to hold eye contact with the inquirer directly, rather than the
audience at larger, especially when you first begin to respond. If the material turns into something that
is of general audience interest, feel free to resume eye contact with the rest of the people. Eye contact
should be held with each audience member momentarily instead of shifting from person to person
hastily. Ideally, you will shift your view from person to person to emphasis points or transitions in your
speech. Your rate of speech should be slower than the rate at which you would speak to a friend since
any missed information can’t be easily or quickly clarified with questions. Also be sure to vary the rate
of your speech, the tone and the pitch thereby avoiding monotony.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Eye Direction, Thought And NLP

Eye movements are well known in neuro-linguistic programming abbreviated NLP, a system developed
to help induce behavioural changes and improve communication between colleagues as well as to
retrain thinking in business. It was developed in the 1970s by two researches in California, Richard
Bandler and John Grinder who noted that the predominant research into human behaviour focused on
problems rather than on solutions. NLP rather, focuses on the behaviour of successful people and is
thought that by copying them, others too, can be successful. “Neuro” refers to the fives senses (hearing,
touch, smell, sight, taste) “Linguistic” refers to the use of language to order thought and behaviour and
“Programming” reflects the way ideas and thought are organized into actions. NLP is driven by
defining positive outcomes, understanding how other’s perceive particular circumstances, and in
identifying the roots by which thoughts affect images, sound or feelings.

It was discovered through experiment that eye movement is related to that part of the brain people
where accessing. It began when researches noticed that the brain processed different information in
different hemispheres. It was found that right handed people tended to shift their heads and eyes to the
right during “left hemisphere” tasks such as logical and verbal processing and left handed people had
entirely opposite patterns.

A typical left-handed person would have the opposite meanings for their eye-directions. Therefore,
people tended to look to the opposite sides of the brains for the answers. Eye movements in this way, is
one of the most well known but also the most controversial discoveries of NLP. It might also be one of
the most valuable. The researches attached electrodes to subjects to track eye movement and brain
wave characteristics. They were then asked questions related to sight, hearing or feeling tasks that
involved memory or right brain processing and mental construction or left brain processing. Eye
movement was shown to be related to how people process information. For example, upward eye
movements reflected visual processing, lateral eye movements reflected auditory processing and
downward movements reflected either kinesthetic (touch) or an inner thought or feeling.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Using The Eye Trick To Predict Things

What’s she thinking?
To apply the psychic NLP eye trick examine where people look as they attempt to recollect or express

their thoughts. For most right-handed people, eye movement up and to the left is a signal that one is
accessing a visual memory whereas movement up and right means that a person is trying to construct a
visual image. Eyes either right or left, but still level, indicate an auditory process such as remembering
sounds and words. Eyes down and left indicate internal dialogue or self talk, and down and right
indicate a tactile or visceral feeling. When the eyes are straight ahead, unfocused or dilated, they signal
that visual or sensory information is being accessed.

These eye patterns appear to be consistent for all right handed people throughout the world except for a
few minor exceptions. Many left handed people though tend to reverse from left to right and access
information opposite to right handed people. Therefore, they tend to look down and left to access
feelings instead of up and left.

These patterns can provide us with information that have predictive powers. By watching and reading
the eye direction of other people we can draw inferences about how they are accessing the information
which can be particularly helpful when trying to determine their intentions. Lie detection comes first to
mind, but we can also deduce how one is internalizing thought by what their eyes are doing. As it
pertains to lying, for example, right and up (constructed visual) and right and level (constructed
auditory) both show that a person is trying to create or imagine new details about something whereas
left and up (visual remembered) and left and level (auditory remembered) indicating that a person is
remembering something that had actually happened.

A word of caution though is that it is not all that easy to follow someone’s eyes and some of the
expressions last just fractions of seconds. Not only this, but people can access multiple parts of their
brain to recall the similar ideas. Some people also have habitual eye movements that have developed
over time so a person that is highly visual might look up and left, or right, regardless of the type of
question being asked. Someone who is kinesthetically oriented might look down and right all the time
even in reference to a thought about music or sound. However, even these cues can give us indications
of the
types of mind they have and therefore the type of person they are. By using eye gaze in NLP we can
better tailor presentations to key in on more visual or auditory elements as required by our listeners.

Here is a list of questions to help determine what type of learner you are working with in order to better
help you tailor information:

Eye Access Cues.

1) Visual Remembered: Think of the colour of your first bicycle. Think of the first person you saw as
you entered the office this morning.
2) Visual Construction: Imagine what it would be like to fly. Imagine your dream home and pretend
you are entering through the front door, what do you see?
3) Auditory Remembered: What was one of your most favourite things your parents have ever said to
you? What types of sounds do you most enjoy?
4) Auditory Constructed: What would a rabbit sound like it if could talk? What would your boss say if
he knew you were stealing office supplies?
5) Auditory Digital (Internal Self Talk): What does the sound of your inner voice make? What kind of
dialogue happens when you think of your spouse and children? When do you find you talk to yourself
the most?

6) Kinesthetic Remembered (Tactile and Emotional): Imagine what sandpaper feels like against your
skin. Imagine what a cat feels like as you pet it. Think of a time in your life when you felt you had
accomplished something that made you proud. When was the last time you were completely exhausted?
7) Kinesthetic Construction (Tactile and Emotional): Imagine the feeling of sand between your fingers
that gradually turned sticky instead of rough. Imagine the feeling of helplessness turned into
empowerment.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

How People Learn

Turn the music down, she’s a visual learner!
There are three main ways in which people process new information. They are auditory (spoken

words), kinesthetic (touch) and visual (images). When presenting information it is important to identify
which methods are most suitable because every person absorbs information in a different way and so
prefers to learn through specific mediums. It is also important to realize your own unique tastes so you
can satisfy your own needs and learn more effectively.

Auditory learners, those who learn primarily through spoken words make up about twenty five percent
of the population. This group of people prefers to hear the information through oral presentation,
lectures and speeches. Oral learners will be found playing music frequently, or will leave a television or
radio in the background to stimulate them. Other oral learners will be distracted by sound so they
instead run white noise machines or play nature or ocean sounds to sooth themselves. You can also
identify auditory learners because they will say things like “That rings a bell”, “I hear you” or “That
doesn’t sound right”.

Visual learners account for around thirty five percent of the population. They will prefer charts, maps,
graphs, images and photographs. You can identify a visual learner because they will say things like “I
can see that”, “I just don’t see how that’s possible” or “yes, I see, that makes perfect sense”. Obviously
having at least some visual props will assist any presentation but if you are looking to impress a visual
learner, the more the better.

Kinesthetic learners represent the remaining forty percent and they prefer to learn mainly by touch.
They prefer to learn by doing rather than simply watching and so they take poorly to lecture situations
and can exhibit a desire to move. They often want to take action before learning, and jump right in, so
to speak. Kinesthetic learners can be restless or hyperactive when under-stimulated physically. These
types of learner will prefer dioramas, physical models, role-playing, or reenactments. Kinesthetic
learners prefer test driving ideas or building things as they learn about them. We can identify
kinesthetic learners as they will often say things like “Let’s bounce that idea around”, “I can’t quite
grasp that idea”, “I’m having trouble feeling that” or “Yeah I can warp my fingers around that one.”
More often than not, people will learn through every channel, despite having a more preferred method.
Therefore, to teach effectively, it’s important to use as many of the teaching techniques as possible, not
only so you can involve the greatest percentage of people, but so that you can use more of everyone’s
senses making a much more diverse and powerful presentation.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Eye Contact In Business

This isn’t going well – she looks right through him.
Eye language is important in business as it can often be more indicative of intent then other body
language. It can also significantly improve the chances of a sale at best, and at worst, can simply help
convey better meaning and understanding. The most effective use of eye contact is in fleeting glances,
which at first might seem counter-intuitive. However, prolonged eye contact can be seen as rude,
untrustworthy, threatening or even aggressive. When seen in a client, it can mean that a sale is being
resisted, where he or she is “staring” you down trying to find flaws in your sales pitch. Poor eye contact
or prolonged periods of looking away can mean the reverse; indifference or outright disinterest. This is
why brief glances followed by looking away, or at the material at hand, is most appropriate in a sale,
and when done by a client, the best indication that a sales call is being well received.
The way eyes are positioned can give us indications of what a person is thinking. Generally, a person is
passively receiving information if they are simply looking straight ahead and when conscientiously
processing the information clients will look upward.
Here is a break-down for the complete set of eye movement patterns and what they mean as they relate
to business:
1. Eyes focused straight ahead – passive receiving of information
2. Prolonged eye contact – threat and aggression or disinterest in sales pitch
3. Eyes to the right – message is being considered
4. Eyes to the left – person is relating to a past experience.
5. Eyes down – emotional concentration from an emotional thinker.
6. Extended looks away – desire to withdraw or vacate.
7. Eyes at ceiling – conscious analyzing.
By being aware of the manner in which the eyes focus, one can gauge the success or failure of the

meeting, so as to either, remedy the pitch in the future or rework the meeting on the fly.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Eye Contact During A Job Interview

Eye contact during an interview has been repeatedly found to have a powerful influence on the
interviewer. Interviewees who hold good eye contact tend to receive more favourable hiring decisions,
to be rated more positively and to be rated more suitable for jobs requiring self confidence.

The most appropriate types of eye contact in an interview have been shown through research to be
about two to three second bursts of eye contact followed by looking away. Looking down continuously
or avoiding eye contact altogether, or conversely, holding extended eye contact can all result in poor
judgment. Continuous shifting of the eyes around the room can come off as dishonest and can make
people think that you are expecting to be bust at anytime. For what, the interviewee doesn’t know, but
he will remain suspicious nonetheless. Looking toward the door or appearing distracted by what is
going on outside a window will only serve to demonstrate your lack of interest in the job position and
negative feelings will be attached to you personally. Poor eye contact might also be taken by the
interviewer personally and he may become offended. As interviewees, we must pay particular attention
to good eye contact while listening and while speaking. Most of us are good at one, but not both, but
being aware of our shortcomings is at least a good first step. So don’t dismiss good eye language in an
interview and follow the patterns described above: two to three second bursts of eye contact followed
by looking away.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

When And How To Use The Eyebrow Flash

Some recent research has shown that the eyebrow flash is most effective when it takes place between
people who are already acquainted, but it can also be effective amongst potential suitors. Over a
crowded room, the eyebrow flash can express interest and curiosity in someone of the opposite sex and
can even make someone believe that you have already met and so create familiarity. That being the
case, the eyebrow flash can also be taken as offensive, create anxiety or even hostility, and put people
off if no natural attraction is present. Therefore, the eyebrow flash can be risky, but with someone with
nothing to lose, can be neatly rewarded.

In a study by John Martin conducted in 1997 which he titled “Slaughtering a sacred cow: The eyebrow
flash is not a universal social greeting” he found that the eyebrow flash was totally ineffective between
strangers and sometimes even produced negative emotions. He found that people who were eye flashed
keep more personal space between themselves and the flashers. The head nod and smile, he found,
elicited a much better result, but a smile added to an eyebrow flash performed just as poorly. The
eyebrow flash, however, was well received by those already acquainted to the flasher highlighting the
importance of having a previous history with someone and reaffirming the likelihood that the greeting
is a gesture amongst the familiar. Eyebrow flashes were also better received across the sexes then
within the sexes. Therefore, it follows that a head nod and smile is appropriate for stranger, whereas an
eyebrow flash is more effective to acquaintances.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Catching People Who Fail To Recognize You

It’s your twenty-five year class reunion and you’ve shed over thirty pounds and dropped your geeky
look. From across the room you recognize an old crush so you make your way over. You give her an
eyebrow flash at a few paces and she flashes back but then draws her brow into a wrinkle. She’s shown
that she recognizes you, through the eyebrow flash, but isn’t sure how, hence the flexing of the grief
muscle between the eyes.

When the eyebrow flash is done outside of a class reunion, it can be even more confusing because a
person has many more variables to consider when trying to place you. Chance meetings happen all the
time, but the further they happen from a context in which we expect, the more difficult it is to place
people. Sometimes we get stuck hanging because we eyebrow flash and the person doesn’t flash us
back. But even then, and usually subconsciously, their mind will begin to fire and they will
automatically try to place you. In the meantime we naturally feel embarrassed for not being recognized,
even though we haven’t verbally acknowledged them. Trying to start a conversation with an ex-
classmate who hasn’t returned an eyebrow flash can be risky and embarrassing producing an awkward
conversation. The eyebrow flash, therefore, is an excellent tool to help us avoid even more pronounced
embarrassment than necessary. Simply put, if you don’t get a flash back, don’t bother starting a
conversation because they don’t remember you!

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

The Eyebrows In Communication

The eyebrow cock – something you said was interesting.
The eyebrows are very active in conversation. They can furrow to show anger or be turned inward and

down to show disgust or a crucial view. Even still, the eyebrows can be raised fully to express surprise
or be singly raised and lower to indicate suspicion. One eyebrow raised and the other level or neutral is
a widespread sign of skepticism or displeasure and is called the eyebrow cock but if done subtly with a
slightly cocked head and a cheeky smile means “interesting”.

Disappointingly, very few actors have control over their eyebrows, and if you don’t believe me just
watch for yourself. I’m not sure they could use their faces very efficiently even if they tried, as the use
of eyebrows is not something that is easily consciously controlled. I have noticed that female television
news anchors will flash away during most of their reports but men won’t. This is also the case with
male actors who favour control, presumably to appear more dominant especially in lead roles.

Placement, size, and shape of the eyebrows also portray different meaning. Lower eyebrows appear
more dominant whereas high eyebrows make for a more subordinate yet perpetually surprised look.
Eyebrows that are turned in near the outside of the face also called “medially downturned” make the
face appear more concerned or empathetic. Bushy eyebrows signal dominance, and thin brows remind
us of children so appear more neotenous whereas the uni-brow where the eyebrow forms one single
brow across both eyes appears archaic, unsophisticated and un-groomed.

The eyebrows also have a language all to themselves. The eyebrow raise, where the eyebrows come
straight up and then back down in one motion, happens in speech to emphasis certain words, to
punctuate a point or in accompaniment with questions. The eyebrows raise can also appear as a request
for approval when unsure how our thoughts stand with others, or can even be meant as a measure to
verify if what we have said is being understood. In this case, the eyebrows will come up and pause for a
second and seek some sort of gesture of approval such as a head nod or vocal agreement before being
lowered. If there is no approval, then we might see the “eyebrow hold” which is akin to the shrugging
of the shoulders, indicating a lack of knowledge or even helplessness. Politicians and children do this
often when they seek approval, it says “So, what do you think, have I don’t a good job?”

Other times the eyebrows will move almost continuously throughout a conversation when we really
want to impress someone, flirt with them, or act particularly animated. If eyebrows are raised with a
slight tilt of the head at the end of the sentence it is to check to see if the message was understood but if
it is done with a slow raise of the head, it means disapproval saying “What you have just said, surprises
me”. Disapproval is even stronger if the head is lowered with the lips pursed tightly accompanied by
raised eyebrows. This signals a desire to end communication altogether.

Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Summary – Chapter 5

It was all about the eyes in this chapter. We covered the friendly gaze where the eyes travel in a
triangular pattern from eye to eye then to the mouth, the intimate gaze where the vast majority of time
is spend looking at the eyes and mouth and the business gaze where eighty to ninety percent of the time
is spent with direct eye contact and where the eyes never go below the neckline.

Next we covered how certain eye contact can be threatening, how to put your best side forward and
how to avoid an attack by switching off the attack response. When looked at pupillometrics, or the
study of pupil size in relation to emotion and we saw that larger pupils both signal attractiveness and
interest. Having covered the basics it was time to put eye language into practice with the room
encompassing glance, a clear signal of female interest, how blink rate can signal stress, an extended
blink can be offputting and how the double wink can be sexy. Eye blocking was emphasized as a

negative cue done to avoid harmful images or thoughts, and hit on eye flashes, eye widening and
flashbulb eyes all carrying their own unique nonverbal message.

We found that by tilting the head at forty five degrees and looking upwards women can display the
come-hither look invoking feelings of protectiveness in men. We also found that eye size was related to
attractiveness and this was measured through research. Next we looked at shifty eyes and how they can
predict stress, but not necessarily lying per se, looking askance to send “the look”, stealing looks and
what it means, and how to properly address an audience through eye contact. NLP, we saw, refers to
neuro-linguistic programming which is a system developed to induce behavioural changes and improve
communication and derives its value by reaching for defined positive outcomes through identifying the
roots by which thoughts affect images and sound or feelings. We then learned that NLP can help us
predict things. For example, we saw that for most right-handed people, eye movement up and to the left
is a signal of accessing a visual memory, movement up and right means that a person is trying to
construct a visual image. Eyes either right or left, but still level, indicate an auditory process such as
remembering sounds and words. Down and left indicate internal dialogue or self talk and down and
right indicate a tactile or visceral feeling. When the eyes are straight ahead, unfocused or dilated they
signal visual or any sensory information.

We also learned that there are three main ways in which people learn new information; auditory
(spoken words) twenty five percent, kinesthetic (touch) forty percent and visual (images) thirty five
percent. We also saw that eye direction has meaning where eyes focused straight ahead means passive
receiving of information and eyes down means emotionally concentrating. From there we hit on
appropriate eye contact during an interview and while communicating, the eyebrow and eye flash and
what they mean and how they can be used.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

Introduction – Chapter 6

Laughing is a primitive fear response – so to elicit laughter just surprise people with wit.
The word humour comes from the Greek humoral referring to medicine (humours) that was thought to
control human health and emotion whereas a sense of humour is the ability to experience humour.
Humour depends on culture, education, intelligence and also context. Humour also has many variations
such as slapstick thought to be a rudimentary form, and satire which was thought to be a more educated
version. Laughter, on the other hand, is what results from humour and helps clarify emotional context
(by defining amusement) between people.
Humour is deeply rooted in human evolution and is thought to be centered in two regions of the brain
containing von Economo neurons which help us move though a complex social environment. Since
laughter is universal it is thought to be a tool used to break down boundaries between people and
cultures and create bonds. Laughter, as we shall see, is contagious and releases a host of pleasurable
hormones throughout the body. An entire branch of therapy exists devoted to laughter as medicine.
In this chapter we will examine the different types of smiles including the Duchenne smile, the tight
lipped smile (high and low intensity), uneven smile, the upper smile, the grin or smirk and the broad
smile. We also cover the origination of smiles and laughter, their contagion, how they generate leniency
and who smiles more, men or women. We will also hit on laughing cycles, the theory of jokes and
when to avoid telling dirty jokes, why women should not grunt when they laugh and how laughter is
linked to health.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

The Origins Of The Smile And The Honest
Smile

The orbicularis muscles
contract to form wrinkles in the corners of the eyes called crows feet – “smiling eyes”. When we see
crows feet, we have true happiness.

Smiles are controlled by two sets of muscles which are the zygomatic major muscles, that run down the
side of the face to connect to the corners of the mouth, and the orbicularis oculi muscles that pull the
eyes back. The orbicularis muscles are particularly important as they are used to cause what’s called
“smiling eyes”. Smiling eyes, also called “crow’s feet”, where a classic wrinkling appears in the corner
of the eyes is an indication of true happiness. The zygomatic muscles, on the other hand, are
consciously controlled and are the ones that normally flex when we smile for the camera. Therefore,
the appearance of crow’s feet is a great way of determining genuine enjoyment. Insincere smiles appear
as exposed teeth and stretched lips across the face with no wrinkles in the eyes. Crow’s feet however,
can be faked with extreme smiles when the full face ends up really squished, but what separates the two
is that in the real smile the corner of the eyes will turn downwards and the eyebrows will dip as well.
The honest smile has also been called the “Duchenne smile”, after the French researcher Guillaume
Duchenne who was first to research smiles using electrodiagnostics and electrical stimulation to
distinguish between real and fake smiles.

The uneven smile. This one is a fake!

Symmetry is also important in a real smile. Natural smilers will have more even smiles as both sides of
their brain respond to pleasure. Smiles that are not genuine are more pronounced on the left side of the
face since they are consciously being controlled. Interestingly uneven shoulder shrugs are also
dishonest. Shoulder shrugs indicate when someone doesn’t know something, and if they are being
truthful, their shoulders will come up in unison and sharply, however, if just one shoulder comes up and
only slightly then they are following their statement with uncertainty. In other words, dishonesty shows

through when the body language to support an emotion lacks full symmetry and follow through.
Shoulder shrugs is a “gravity defying” body language, meaning it requires energy and commitment, so
it should happen emphatically and completely for it to have its full honest value otherwise it is just
feigned serving only to appease. When you see weak smiles or shoulders that only partially come up
then you know that someone is trying to be misleading about their true thoughts and feelings.

When the lips stretch across the face, we know we’re being fed a load (of fake happiness).

Liars also find it difficult to smile, instead preferring a straight face, but when they do smile, it appears
forced and especially strained showing their underlying stress. Smiling is a subconsciously submissive
gesture and liars often worry about being caught so they feel that smiling might give them away.
Therefore instead of appearing natural to the person they are lying to, they instead tense up and try to
appear expressionless instead. Smiling can therefore be an effective way to come across as honest,
although smiling too big, for too long or at inappropriate times will have the reverse effect.

Regardless, fake smiles are difficult to distinguish from real smiles and only experts and those reading
this book will know what to look for! That’s why smiling, even if phony, can be effective in influencing
other’s thoughts, emotions and opinions of you so in reality it doesn’t hurt to smile often. If you smile
big, and frequently, those around you might just wonder about what sort of pleasant things are
happening in your life and want some of those good things to rub off on them!

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

Where Do Smiles Come From?

The polite smile is used with people we only know in passing or not at all. The teeth are shown and the
lips are curved upward modestly.

Research on smiles has been a hot topic since its one of the facial features that is so prominent and
important day-to-day. But what purpose do facial expressions serve overall if only to make others
aware of our inner thoughts and feelings and perhaps betray us to our enemies? Surely our expressions
could be used against us, for the benefit of others, especially given the fact that we often paint our faces
with emotion easily and sometimes with abandon.

One theory says that facial expressions are a bit of a chicken and the egg type of situation where it is
the expressions we make that in fact control our moods, rather than having our moods influence our
expressions. In other words it might be that we give off facial expressions not because we feel happier,
but because it helps us to feel happy. This implies that facial expressions are more gear to help those
that hold them instead of those who view them and that smiling rather than indicate happiness actually
creates happiness. Some of the research does tend to support this finding. When subjects were asked to
fake smiles in research studies they tended to be more able to hold positive emotions rather than
negative emotions so it seems that our minds are emotionally hardwired to mirror expressions that
show up on our face.

We can see how a fearful expression might evolve into a full grin in this image.

Many biologists think smiles have roots as a fearful gesture, as a sort of “fear grin.” Today though,
human smiles are a universally submissive gesture but they can also symbolize pleasure, amusement,
aggression, or anxiety (grimace). These other emotions never truly supersede the most common
purpose of the smile which is to show submission. We will see this occur over and over again as it
applies to smiling. Even pleasure must happen with or around people we feel we can submit to. Smiles
are our way we to show that we are non-threatening and wish to maintain peace.

Chimpanzees, like humans have two common sets of smiles. One is a playful smile and the other is an
aggressive smile. Humans, when aggressive, will display with a smile by pushing forward their lower
lip and baring their lower teeth. This is turn induces either an appeasement or submissive smile in our
counterparts or more aggressive body language possibly leading to a battle.

A genuine smile puts us at ease and builds trust.
A friendly smile, on the other hand, occurs by pulling the corners of the mouth upward which may or

may not include crow’s feet as we have seen. Those that lack smiles altogether or who smile
infrequently are much more dominant and want to be seen as such. The grimace happens in situations
where one is forced to talk or debate under a stressful situation. You will find that this sly face appears
almost universally even though no pleasure is felt. The grimace is a disarming gesture meant to appease
others, but it usually comes off as insincere and smug. We will see this face under high stress situations.
To see this face authentically, pay close attention while watching courtroom television shows. Usually
the defendant who is under stress will seem to beam with light from their teeth. The judge will often
see him or her as being defiant, and often requests for them to remove their smug look whereas, in fact,
no smugness is present at all. In this context a big smile is linked to stress from outside forces, and does
not indicate either happiness or smugness. Regardless of the meaning of the specific smile, researchers
have concluded that the smile is innate and not learned since even people born blind smile to display
happiness.

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

Perpetuating The Smile: On Mirroring And
Smiling

Smiling is contagious and often just by holding a smile others feel compelled to smile as well. Try an
experiment for yourself and see just how hard it is to frown when viewing smiles or smile when
viewing frowning. You will see that mirroring is a much more natural response whereas holding
opposite expressions requires conscious thought. Flashing a smile at random strangers can flood their
bodies with positive hormones and brighten their day. Even just holding a smile despite feeling down
can help elevate your mood and make you feel better.

We see this exact same contagion with attitudes of those surrounding us. A famous skit on Saturday
Night Live involves a character called “Debbie Downer.” The scene is set in a social gathering where
the character, at each opportunity, offers a contrarian’s view to what is an otherwise a positive or
neutral statement. The effect it has is potent and brings those around her down, hence her name.
Persistent negative attitudes in others around us tend to drag down our moods, while optimistic
attitudes tend to make us feel better. Although overly optimistic attitudes, just like overly pessimistic
attitudes can lead to negative feelings about others as well.

Research has shown that our facial muscles tend to mirror what we see in others and that this reaction
is subconscious. While it is possible to control our facial muscles by consciously over-ridding this
tendency, most others will simply, by nature, imitate what they see in us. This is why it is so important
to, both imitate smiles when seen, and to also avoid holding sour faces especially on initial meetings.

Let’s take the stereotypical example of a married couple; a wife and husband. After a long days work
taking care of the children, the husband comes home from his long day with a scowl on his face and
plops himself on the couch. He’s had a bad day, and so too has she. Their expressions feed of one
another and their attitudes remains negative. What if the husband came home with good news and a big
smile? Naturally, his wife would follow and they’d share a nice welcome, both parties willing. If one or
the other fails to follow the lead, the entire mood would be soured by the frowning party. Both parties
are therefore responsible for deciding the mood.

We often get caught up in daily rituals, especially at home, that we forget to put on a fake smile which
is otherwise required at work. We know that we can’t get away with such crass behaviour while away
from home and around strangers, so we put on a fake smile despite our mood, but once home we give

our faces a break. We know instinctively that we can’t get away with a sour face in public because
others will think poorly of us and won’t want to be around us. The freedom to express moods naturally
in our own homes can be a blessing, but can also be a drag. Sometimes taking the extra effort can be
rewarded so it’s worth a try, especially if the mood has been sour perpetually. So the advice follows that
when people around you are in a bad mood, even at home, initiate the smile, hold it persistently and see
what happens!

Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

The Most Common Types Of Smiles

The following is a comprehensive list, with accompanying description, outlining the various smiles you
might encounter.
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The tight lipped smile with low intensity.
ONE. The tight lipped smile with low intensity. This smile happens as the lips are stretched across
the face and no teeth are showing. The tight lipped smile can vary with intensity as well, and it is
directly related to the amount the lips are raise in the corners of the mouth. The low intensity smile has
very little upward curl in the corner of the mouth and indicates a hidden attitude or thought,
uncertainty, hesitation or lack of confidence. In this smile the lips are stretched toward the ears with no
curl using muscles called the risorius. The risorius muscles are unable to raise the corner of the lips.
Small babies have been shown to use this smile for all others except their mothers whom they reserve
the use of the true smile. This smile is used to placate others or to pose for photographs when we aren’t
in the mood. Strangers passing on the street might also use this shallow smile as a form of greeting or
acknowledgement. The smile is a feigned or dishonest smile so that others don’t catch on that we
actually don’t like them. It might also appear out of nervousness or stressed, so it can appear when
meeting new people. For this reason we can call the tight lipped smile the “polite smile.” When the
tight lipped smile with low intensity happens in conversation in can serve to negate the previous
statement. For example, a man might say about his boss “He’s a great boss, I’d switch companies and
follow him anywhere if he left.” and this might be followed by a tight lipped smile serving to negate
the comment.
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TWO. Tight lipped smile with high intensity. This is a variation on the smile above, yet the corners
of the lips rise even further with some teeth showing. The lips are slightly separated, the corners of the
mouth are upturned, gaze is steady and warm and the posture is relaxed. We find this smile appearing

when meeting new acquaintances, so it’s not a full honest smile, but does show openness to others. The
tight lipped smile with high intensity is more appropriate for acquaintances because a full smile is
reserved for our friends and family and would only come off as insincere with new company. A full
smile around new people would lead them to think “What’s that guy’s problem, he’s grinning like we
were the best of friends, yet we just met.”
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The uneven smile. This one is a fake!
THREE. The uneven smile. We might see this smile associated with tongue-in-cheek humour or
sarcasm. The smile happens when only one side of the face sports a smile and the other side does not.
The opposite side may even be down turned or frowning. The uneven smile depicts a frame of mind in
which opposite emotions are present. The uneven smile would accompany cheeky humour amongst
friends and would crack to show others that sarcasm was intended. We rarely see this expression aside
from in the West, since sarcasm is much less common around the world.
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FOUR. The upper smile. In this smile, the upper lid is raised to expose only the top row of teeth, but
the true significance is that the lower teeth remain hidden. In the upper smile the jaw and teeth remain
closed and the message conveyed is of medium pleasure and comes off as insecure. Used car salesman,
who beam light from their teeth in this way, will seem to have a hidden agenda.
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The grin or smirk.
FIVE. The grin or smirk. The smirk indicates smugness and arrogance. It is a tight lipped smile with
the addition of a degree self satisfaction for good measure. A nervous smile often appears like a smirk
but they are not to be confused. The smirk has accompanying dominant body language such as head
back, shoulders back, open postures along with dialogue riddle with exuberant pride. The smirk will
happen too when someone is under direct verbal attack. It’s the sort of face that makes you want to say

“Wipe that grin off your face”. Sometimes though the smirk is due to the stress of being put under fire
and isn’t always an attempt at questioning authority.
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The broad smile.
SIX. Broad smile. In this smile the upper and lower teeth are made visible. The gaze is relaxed and the
smile is intended to convey joy and pleasure. This is a true smile and not one that is easily faked. The
tell tale sign of an honest smile, is the appearance of crow’s feet in the corners of the eyes. Crow feet
make it seem as though the eyes are smiling. It is difficult to replicate these smiles without being truly
amused or in good company as the muscles are usually out of our conscious control. We should be
careful to use this smile, as with all smiles, when most appropriate, as in the wrong context will simply
appear insincere.
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The down-turned smile.
SEVEN. Down-turned smile or reverse smile. Happens when the mouth is inverted into a down-
facing “u” shape. It indicates high stress, unhappiness, anger, tension and depression.

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Chapter 6 - Smiles and Laughter

Who Smiles More, Men Or Women, And Why?

Women smile more than men to appease them.
The research on smiling shows us that women tend to smile the most and that they also tend to smile