HeartLetters TO MY BROTHAS TONIA ELMORE
HEART LETTERS TO MY BROTHAS Copyright © 2023 by Tonia Elmore Published by J&L Publishing Group LLC Broomall, Pennsylvania [email protected] ISBN: 0000000000 (printed) All rights reserved. This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review, embodied in church related publications, without the written consent and verbal permission of the author and publisher. The title, cover format, contents, concepts, and design of this book are protected by United States of America Copywrite law. Rights inquiries should contact the publisher at [email protected] Cover design: Charles Berry Interior design and formatting: J&L Publishing Group LLC PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
DEFINITION OF A BROTHA A Brotha is: A son A husband A father A friend A young man A boyfriend A yellow man A brown man A light man An olive man A Black Man This book contains letters from the heart OF A WOMAN, giving non-conventional insight to My Kings, My Sons, My Fathers, My Husbands, My Friends, and My Brothas. Understand that these sentiments are precious, treasure them, and use them for a better journey in life. I love you all!
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Blessings to the ALMIGHTY first! Gratefulness to my 6 children, Jeremy, Oliver, Olivia, Julia, Stanley Jr., & Stephen. They are my source of everything good in me, they are my energy, they are why I exist. Without them, my life would have been a waste. They have made me proud, they have made me soar! I can never thank them enough for their support, their caring, their individualism, and their pure hearts. I am awed by their presence and am so inspired to have them in my life. To my late Grandmother Ellen Hill, you ignited my desire to write and I will humbly continue the legacy that you have given us all. Thank you! You are the queen of queens. I love you! To my brothers who fought so hard to make me see my worth, I finally got the message! I love you all! To my mother who at 89 years of age continues to show me encouragement and self-drive. I love you so completely! Thank you! To all those, whose doubt touched and inspired me….I completed in spite of…. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
CONTENTS Definition of a Brotha ................................................................................... 3 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ............................................................................ 4 Forward......................................................................................................... 6 Message To My Brothas!.............................................................................. 7 Fathers......................................................................................................... 33 Husbands..................................................................................................... 53 A Real Deep Problem ................................................................................. 75 Consensual Rape......................................................................................... 95 Sons........................................................................................................... 117 Your Sistas Are Worthy............................................................................ 139 Nasty Naughty Narcissist.......................................................................... 159 Your Side Woman’s Journey.................................................................... 171 Rules of Engagement ................................................................................ 193
Heart Letters to My Brothas 6 FORWARD Throughout history, people of color have been ridiculed, demeaned, and left behind to find their own identity, resources, and successes in life. This is especially true as it pertains to Black men and men of color. American society has placed drugs, alcohol, and a lack of jobs in communities in order to breakdown the heart and spirit of men of color. The brunt of responsibility fell in the hands of Black women and other women of color to try to keep the family unit together. The author understands the struggle that has been and is still a part of an oppressed people. She notes and remedies solutions to this brokenness and suggests ways of how men of color should present themselves to women, their children, and to society. She also notes how important their strong presence and will as men should mentor and lead others to be their best in the home and in relationships. The author focuses on the view and perspective of how most women feel when they are used and abused by men of color. She wants men to know that women are supportive and do want a partnership as opposed to a “do as I say not as I do” or ownership. Women do have knowledge, opinions, and should be respected. She portrays her thoughts through a series of beautiful poems and letters. She wants my Brothas to be responsible. She wants my Brothas to be loving. She wants my Brothas to overcome obstacles and hurt. She wants my Brothas to be the ROCK in families. She wants ALL Brothas to read these Love letters that are dedicated to them. Dr. Wanda Carter
Heart Letters to My Brothas 7 MESSAGE TO MY BROTHAS!
Heart Letters to My Brothas 8
Heart Letters to My Brothas 9 Brothas my Brothas So important you are How you treat all queens Has an impact by far The actions that you On women bestow Has far reaching power We want you to know These intimate letters In this chapter you’ll find Will give Brothas the insight To generations define So read and take notice Without malice or scorn And know that these messages From deep heart have been born
Heart Letters to My Brothas 10
Heart Letters to My Brothas 11 Dear Brotha, As a strong woman I do not want to admit how important you are to my natural security. In my quest to show strength I pretend not to need you in my life. However, I crumble when I am alone. I feel that I need my strength to raise my children without you, because I fear that you will not be there to assist me. When we disagree, I rise up strong like a bear because I fear that you will overpower me and extinguish the fire that I need to make it through the maze called life. I am afraid to say that I need you, because I feel you will use this against me. Let me tell you why I feel this way. Your desires cause you to put you first at all times. Sometimes your logic causes you to miss the feelings of the women you enter. Many times you create intimacy for physical satisfaction. Once you are satisfied, it is very easy for you to throw the precious creature called woman to the side. If in your travels, you are not able to find a match to the sexual satisfaction, you rise again and create intimacy with a false sense of commitment. Please understand this my dear Brotha, men only give love to get sex and it is only when they transcend this feeling or thought that they truly begin to evolve as a real man. There is no greater driving force than the desire to explode inside of the soft warm inviting walls of the secret place of a woman. However, doing so comes with a measure of emotional physical and spiritual responsibility. No matter what you believe, what you are led to believe or what any woman tells you, each time you crawl into her bed, or she crawls into yours, there is where the hopes and the dreams begin. A woman goes from the bed to their head. In their head they are thinking of future dates with you, future adventures with you, and future dinners with you, movie nights, and the meals she will cook for you, meeting your family, wearing your ring, her wedding dress, her wedding date, taking your name, bearing your children and being your wife. You may say that this is on the woman, however you bear the responsibility of making your intentions clear before, you take the step called intimacy. Your logic and your greedy desire led you to think that you do not care what they think, as long as your needs are satisfied, however, to remain the king that you are meant to be you must decide to care about the gender that brought you into this world. You must make it your aim to pursue women with knowledge, purpose and caution. You must raise all women, no matter their walk-in life. Some will be good girls some will be bad girls, some will be quiet, some will be loud, some will love hard, some will be vocal, and some will be quiet respect them all. No matter what their presentation, be sure that you my brotha treat them like queens. Remember you are a Brotha, you are a man! Sincerely, Your Sista
Heart Letters to My Brothas 12
Heart Letters to My Brothas 13 Dear Brotha, To fulfill your purpose, you must arrive at a place of self-awareness and self-honesty. You must value the only gender that could gift you to the world (a woman). Brothas, you have the innate ability to observe and know when a precious woman does not love herself. Resist the temptation to take advantage of this scenario. You must understand that her past experiences have devalued her, and as hard as she may try, she has not overcome the sadness of selfloathing. My Brothas, you can see her from miles away, in your perfect world, you actually look for her, so that you can conquer for just a moment. You are keenly aware that she has not overcome, however that does not stop you from saying soothing words or looking lovingly and desperately into her eyes. It does not stop you from allowing her to see you in her future, it also does not stop you from giving her false hope just to get the prize of sexual gratification. In case you have not been told, your choice to see her weakness and capitalize does not increase your manly value. If your manhood has not developed enough to assist a broken tattered torn woman reach the goal of confidence, then be man enough to leave her alone and walk away! In doing so you will add layers of worth and wisdom to your manly closet. Having the pride to know that you have at least left a woman either, better than when you met, or at least to know you have not devalued her any further is a credit to the woman who gifted you to the world, a credit to the sisters you call siblings and a credit to the woman you will one day call daughter. Do not let greed and desire for sexual satisfaction allow you to disgrace the gender that gifted you to this world. Remember you are the Real King only if you are able to conquer the characteristics of self control, integrity and honesty. A real man is able to be trusted by all. Women should be able to trust that you will not mislead her. Resist the temptation to overlook her as a person, resist temptation to dismiss her emotions and feelings. You will know in your first interaction with the woman whether she is friend, foe, lover or soulmate. Take time to believe the true identity that she holds in your life and treat her accordingly. Gratification lasts for only a minute and comes with consequences no matter the outcome. Pride in your actions and in your male development lasts for a lifetime. You must continue to nurture the part of you that is true and kingly. You must praise and protect the gender that has gifted you to us. You must remember that the crown you bestow upon her will enhance your kingship. Never forget this wisdom you are a Brotha, you are a man!! Sincerely, Your Sista
Heart Letters to My Brothas 14
Heart Letters to My Brothas 15 My Dearest Brotha, You are a father of a son, congratulations!!! I know you are so proud, I am so disappointed that you think that if your son is born to a great woman, great sista, great soul, that your duties are lessened. I am so disappointed that because the woman you chose to have a baby with is stable you falsely believe that your financial, emotional, strong guidance and fatherly input is not needed. I am so disappointed that you think, oh well he will be alright. These sentiments are far from the truth. Your son needs you, the financial input will enhance his life, but your presence will be mean his life. I know you are afraid that you will not be good enough, you may even be afraid that you will lose him to an accident or to the streets or to drugs. You may be afraid that he has to go through the same things that you went through and you dread that being a reality. However, my dear Brotha stand tall, you are his rock, his confidant, his light through the dark path. Unforeseen occurrences befall us all, however you have the power to oversee many of your son’s outcomes simply by being there. Your strong manly presence will teach him. Your strong manly presence will guide him. Your strong guidance, will have him look to you for advice. My Brotha, you must commit to being there, you must decide to never turn him away, you must decide to know him as a baby, as a child, as a teenager as an adult. You must decide to be there for every success but also support him through every failure. You must develop within him the confidence that he can always come to you no matter what. He must know that he does not ever have to fear retribution, in order to make him ready to receive your advice. Your son will make mistakes. You must be vulnerable enough to let him in on some of your mistakes. When he falls you must catch, do not let stereotypes of strength and tearless conversations overtake your messages. Allow him to be himself, vulnerable, empathetic, nurturing, loving and kind without judgement. Let him know that you, also, are human, vulnerable, empathetic, nurturing, loving and kind. Allow him to see all sides of your coin, and every wave of your sea. Only then will your precious son be ready for friendships, relationships, careers, successes, and failures. Only then will your precious son be ready for life. It is up to you dear Brotha, to accept the title father in the most figurative manner. The title is symbolic, but the actions of the title are so much more. I am proud to know that you have already risen to the occasion. I am ecstatic to know that you will not fail. I am honored to know that you will change generations. Thank you my dear Brotha. I love you. Remember you are a Brotha, you are a man!! Sincerely, Your Sista
Heart Letters to My Brothas 16
Heart Letters to My Brothas 17 Dear Brotha, This is fact…..your little man will depend on you whether you are present or not. You must train yourself whatever your upbringing. You must educate yourself no matter how you have been raised. You must recognize, then admit when you are broken and be willing to fix you to affect change in your son. If you do not repair your broken rage, your defined coldness, your egregious spirit, your shattered life, you will either start a generation of broken males or continue a generation of broken men. Cease to be a victim of your circumstances, your surroundings and your taught insecurities. Please know what I am telling you next, you are the center of the balance in life cycles. You, my dear brother, are the supporter and the leader of your relationships, your commitment, your fatherhood. Never fail to honor and value this position…. you have the power to lead your sons to excellence in career in relationships in life, use it! Your input in the life of your son will either empower the male child or make him powerless. You are your Brothas keeper. The lessons you learn, the development you add to your character and the work you put into your being, will extend for generations and must be passed on. Although it is so important to guide the male child, the male teenager, and the male adult, you must be careful not to chart the course of an impressionable man young or old in a negative manner. Freely give advice based on experiences however, do not overpower the men seeking advice by strongly dictating what they should or should not do. If they respect you they will follow your every word, and to truly graduate into manhood, each man must decide their own course for themselves. This enables them to believe in themselves by knowing that course of life is their choice and their choice only. You can lead by example by still allowing your inexperienced Brotha the freedom to choose. The only way that your power to lead will be effective is if you identify your flaws, your insecurities, your desires, and your powers and then strategically and honestly dismiss the bad to develop the good that is in you. You can’t assist empower or lead the next generation unless you are self-aware and self-leading. My dear brother the character of a generation of men is in your hands. Do not let them down do not let yourself down. Rise to the occasion as I know that you can. You are mighty, you are powerful. We are just waiting patiently for you to take the reins. Never forget you are a Brotha, you are a man!! Sincerely, Your Sista
Heart Letters to My Brothas 18
Heart Letters to My Brothas 19 Dear Brotha, Congratulations!!!! You are the father to a wonderful, sweet baby girl. Look into her eyes, she already is depending on you to protect her. Decide now that you will show her the first lessons of what a deserving man must give her. Decide now that you will teach her to value herself. Decide now that you will not send her into the world without knowing how to choose a partner who is worthy of her. Promise to see your baby girl at all times, promise to show your love for her always. Promise to listen to her although sometimes what she says will not make sense to you. Even when her words are unspoken, be man enough to read between the lines. Promise to be patient with her. Promise never to abuse her mentally, physically or sexually. She is your baby, your princess, your queen. Promise to never give up on her even if she gives up on herself. She is a girl, she will become a woman, and a young female adult who is unsure about, her looks her decisions, her fashion and her desires. Please stand with her. She needs you. Do not leave her side until you are sure that she can stand on her own. Her feet may remain unsteady for many years to come but allow her to trust that you will not let her fall. You are her father, her daddy, her poppa. You are her everything, and she needs you. Your baby, your princess, your love. She will watch your every move, she will observe how you treat her mother and will base her value on how you value the woman that gifted her to you. If you treasure the woman that birthed her she will definitely see worth in and treasure herself. Take care never to allow her to hear or see you devalue her mother. Take care to honor the woman who brought her into this world, whether you remain in a traditional relationship or not. Remember your baby girl is watching. Do not allow your dissatisfaction with the terms of her birth to make you neglect her or leave her. Trust me, she will not understand and inwardly she will not thrive. No matter who the mother is, remember that your daughter is so precious and is born vulnerable to the world. The relationship that you forge with her momma will either strengthen your daughter or weaken her. You are the stable force that your daughter needs to succeed. As life goes on your daughter will meet other male influences, be determined to make sure that of all the influences she meets, none of them can rise above you and the love and support you have shown. Your commitment to your daughter will add value and stability to this generation and generations to come. You bear a heavy load as a father of a daughter, but I know you will not fail. Remember you are a Brotha, you are a man!! Sincerely, Your Sista
Heart Letters to My Brothas 20
Heart Letters to My Brothas 21 My Dearest Brotha, The mission continues, you must right the wrongs of generations before you, your daughter is the apple of your eye. You must guide her to lead the next generation, you must guide her to excellence. She will not be able to reach this goal easily unless you pour into her. Start your teachable moments when she is a baby. Do not let it be so easy for the manly pride and manly logical reasoning to allow you to leave. Leaving her by the wayside, leaves your daughter so unprepared for relationships, for motherhood, for self-value and for life. There are so many successful women, they have found their success without having the benefit of a father validating them, accepting them, guiding them. However, envision the level of success that they may uncover sooner, with your strong guiding hand. If only you dear Brotha would just be there. Dear Brotha, your daughter hangs on to your every word she adores and even idolizes you. She hangs on your constant validation. If you tell her she is beautiful, she will believe this over any other’s word. If you tell her that she is able…. she will always believe that she can. If you treat her mother with respect, she will believe that she should be respected. If you treat her mother with dishonor, she will accept being dishonored. If you are thankful that her mother gifted you a daughter to this world, she will know that she is a prize. Take special care to embody the gift of a daughter, no matter the circumstances, understand that she is a gift from the creator. Envision how you should treat a precious gift. The gift comes to you wrapped in glory. The excitement and anticipation that precedes the opening of a gift is almost unbearable. When you finally are holding the gift in hand, the preciousness, the thoughtfulness, the beauty does not escape your presence and you are so thankful. The thing about a gift is, often after you have had it for a while, it loses its luster, the excitement of having it fades and sometimes the gift is placed on a shelf and forgotten. You must remember that this is a living gift, a baby girl a daughter born of your loins, and can never be placed on a shelf. This gift must be watered with adoration, guidance, words of sunshine, respect, and must always be shown worthy examples of love. My dear Brotha, you are not perfect, and therefore at times you may fail or fall. If you fail at times, be determined to jump up immediately and start where you leave off. If you fall jump up immediately and dust yourself off. This will be the example that will give your precious daughter strength, self-love, endurance and guidance. This will give your baby permission to fall and get back up. This will cause her to know you, respect you, and listen to voice and heed your advice. She will know that in your human form you love her the most. Believe it or not she needs that validation to believe in herself. Do not deprive her of your presence. Remember you are a Brotha! You are a man! Sincerely, Your Sista
Heart Letters to My Brothas 22
Heart Letters to My Brothas 23 Dear Brotha, Are you aware that you have been given the role of provider? This role requires that you provide for yourself, then you provide for any children that come into this world through your passion or through your lust. It does not end there, you must provide for your mate, you are worthless if you do not. Also, if the time comes that your mother can’t provide for herself, it is your responsibility to protect, assist and provide for her as well. This is the duty of a brotha, this is the duty of a man. So many of my Brothas are waiting for a woman to rescue them from the responsibility of true manhood. You feel you have hit the jackpot because the woman pays for everything then cares for the home and raises you to a kingly throne in the bedroom. Unfortunately, although you may find the woman who is willing to take care of you. You will not be truly happy until you accept the responsibility of the throne and take care of yourself. It is consistently puzzling, when sistas end up in relationships where the responsibility of the entire household becomes hers and hers alone. Have you found that she is accepting the rescuer personality? Does it seem that if I you do not have this role, you are lost in your bid to nurture a relationship. Has your sista often asked herself what is wrong with me? Do you…brotha understand why she believes that her giving soul is taken advantage of? My dear brothas you must come to the realization that we must all rewrite the female narrative to include self love, and self confidence, without self-pity. Although the narrative is re-written. Stop seeking her out. Have the strength, the respect and the love for the gender who gifted you into the world to leave her where she stands even if she is a willing participant. I am relying on you to do your part. Do not disappoint your mothers, your daughters or your queens. Do not disappoint the other rescuers of the world. Only have a giving soul to those who have a giving soul. Unfortunately, after the narrative is re-written, by the queens in your life, your mindless selfish intentions leave women in the position of caution. Those looking for a meal ticket to satisfy their needs without lifting a finger, have created a script to pull the recuing women into their web. If you put the same time and effort into being self-sufficient and into providing for yourself and those in your presence, you may stumble into endless happiness. So, I am asking you dear Brotha to also rewrite your narrative. Conquer the realm of being responsible for you and everyone in your space. The blessings will flow, and you will never have a want. I know you are capable, just do it! Realize how much love, respect and joy you will get from realizing your purpose by the natural actions of providing. It appears as though, the beings calling themselves men, have forgotten to pursue their dreams their legacy and their self-worth. You will never feel that you have arrived at your purpose as long as you do not rise to the level of manhood. Providing is something that when a man does it he feels strong, fit and worthy of the goodness that comes to his life. When you decide to go against the natural order of caring for yourself, you remain lost. Value us! Value you! I know you can do it. Remember you are a Brotha! You are a man! Sincerely, Your Sista
Heart Letters to My Brothas 24
Heart Letters to My Brothas 25 My Dearest Brotha, I need you; I need you to provide for our unborn child and our children who have been here for years. I need you to provide stability for our household. I need you to provide mental strength and guidance for our children. Please my Brotha, do not leave me to accomplish this on my own. I will surely not be able to complete this God-given assignment to the level that you are capable of for I am not a man. I am not a king. Why have you ignored that I need you for this task. Do not punish me for having our children. They are your loves as well as mine. When you walk away don’t assume that I can provide what a man can give. Do not leave it up to another man to finish your job. No matter how well he does, he is not you, and he will surely not put the level of care that you envision into your children. Please, please do not forget about us, although we may separate, I still need your help with our children. I will work with you not against you in raising ours. I know this is the only way that you can see our shared rearing as a safe place for you and our children. My dear Brotha, give our children the best chance possible by being there for them. I will hold our children in the highest regard and rear them until you can address your issues and deficiencies, but don’t forget that we need you. Don’t ever forget that we are waiting for you. Although we have parted as lovers as wife and husband, I will never not need you. You will always be family. Strive to move distractions and to see the honor in being there for your babies. I will never deny you the opportunity to see them, to raise them, to guide them. Although you no longer are considered my provider, you will always be their provider. So, work to provide for them financially, mentally, physically, and emotionally. When you are not with them envision that they are crying out for you because inwardly they are. They are looking for you to provide praise for their accomplishment big or small. They need you to tell them they are great, however before you can tell them that they are great and make them believe it, you must believe this about yourself. In my eyes you are great, you are worthy, and you are able to be the father that they need to succeed in this world. Many times, in your secret part of your heart you may not see yourself as worthy, however as the mother of your children, I am telling you that you are, you can, and you will be the great father that they need, the awesome father that your children deserve. I will support you every step of the way. I will never make them think that you don’t deserve their respect. As your co-parent partner I am here for you. Whatever you set out to provide for them will come to pass. Remember you are a Brotha!! You are a man! Sincerely, Your Sista
Heart Letters to My Brothas 26
Heart Letters to My Brothas 27 Dear Brothas, Are you confused about what a woman needs? Do you care? Are you confused about what a woman wants, or do you really care. So often, you see the outward beauty in a woman, her thick thighs, her voluptuous breast, her round backside, and her inviting lips. You feel so confident that you think if I can just get in her presence for a short time, I can conquer the most intimate parts of her being. You have given no thought to what she is beyond the description of your desired lust. When she turns you down, you absolutely feel that, now I must have her. The innocence the challenge of winning becomes greater than the wisdom that a man should naturally possess. At the point when you accept your self-made challenge, nothing else matters; you will stop at nothing to win. If you find that she likes flowers you will fill her life with flowers. If she loves good meals, you will take her to the fanciest restaurants. If she likes adventure, you will fill her life with adventure. If she loves sports, her team will become your team for the moment. There is absolutely nothing you won’t do to have her. Eventually she falls hard, believing that you must be the one for her. Believing that you are her person, she gives in. Once she sees that her heart has melted, you pounce, like a wild hungry animal you attack your prey. She, however, does not see it as an attack, she sees it as an eventual love, she already believes in you. Remember you have gone to great lengths to prove yourself. You have begged her through your actions to listen to understand to believe that you are sincere. You have shown her that you have chosen her and forsaken all others. You have assured her that she is the one, through word, deed and action. Then you wonder why she is confused and does not understand your silence. You act like she should not question the change in your behavior. You tell your mind that she is delusional and crazy. Let’s face it, you create this narrative so that you do not have to face the fact, that you suddenly changed your mind and that for the moment you don’t want her, or for the moment you have started the chase and the challenge with someone new. Why is it that, when you conquer, you no longer see the beauty in the woman whom you had previously placed on a pedestal as valuable? Why is it so very easy to throw her away? When you were chasing her, you valued her, she was the good woman for you. Why have you allowed unstable and non-committed behavior to derail your future and devastate hers? Remember forever my Brotha reciprocity is real. Sincerely, Your Sista
Heart Letters to My Brothas 28
Heart Letters to My Brothas 29 Dear Brotha, Do you realize that a moment of honesty can prevent a lifetime of pain? Why is it so hard for you to say to us that I have lost interest? Why do you insist on stringing us along? Sometimes I realize that you are deceiving us along so that you can continue to be intimate, sometimes you are stringing us along because your cover story is that you don’t want to hurt our feelings. However, do you realize that if you would just be transparent and honest and then leave us alone, we would only hurt once? Hurting only once is far better than hurting hundreds, maybe thousands of times over the years that you lie to us. You will place this as the fault of a woman. You believe that she should know the signs. However, a woman is emotional and the logic that the male species carries with them daily and naturally is not a part of our DNA. Do us both a favor, us and you, and speak your truth. Allow your tongue to speak what is truly in your heart. Free us from the nights of hoping, days of wondering and years of believing. Just tell us. My dear Brotha, I am not sure why it is so hard for you to speak your truth, I am not sure why you start a relationship so strong and then pull away choosing to begin with someone else, but what I do know is that the actions you choose to exhibit has scarred countless potential partners and has made them feel that they are in some way inadequate. It is important to believe that this is not your original intention, however the coldness by which you carry out the separation the ghosting the total change in the way you smile at us the way you talk to us, the way you consider us, and the way you love us is heart wrenching. We may not show you the battle scars, but the deep scarring exists. Give us insight, tell us the truth, whether you know it or not by doing this, you are absolutely freeing yourself, because whether you understand, believe or know it or not, what goes around comes around. Stop pursuing women just for the sex act. This is cruel and, in some cases, it begins years of healing for our precious, fragile young inexperienced or our seasoned relationship hopeful women. My dear Brotha, start today to understand all of us do not have confidence. The scarring that you thrash upon us is often cruel, and non-healing. Do you really walk around not caring about hurting a fellow human being? Are you really that logical and cold? If you are, remember these words, your time will come, and you will remember every infraction small or large that you have placed on the broken hearts of the ones who love you. However, I know you can be better, because you are a Brotha, you are a man! Sincerely, Your Sista
Heart Letters to My Brothas 30
Heart Letters to My Brothas 31 Dear Brotha, I love you! You either are or have the potential to be the greatest father, the greatest husband, the greatest friend, and the greatest man. Please do not cloud your existence and unbridled potential with any lies. Not lies to protect the person or lies to protect yourself. Each time that you are not authentic with the individuals whom you allow to be part of your life, you are doing a great disservice to yourself. You are also chipping away at your own present and future greatness. I am sure that you believe at times that lies protect the person who you deem as good. Cease the non-authentic choices. Please be true to the people in your life who are and have every intention of being true to you. Please be the greatest as a man, a father, a lover, a husband, a mentor, an advisor, a leader, or anything that life and instinct has told you that a man should and can be. Do not run from the lessons that are evident in everyday life and be the most present father that you can be. If you lack the skills to achieve the greatness of a man listen to other that have already walked the path. Never be too good to listen to an older or maybe even a younger, wiser, more experienced person. For you are a brotha…you are a man
Heart Letters to My Brothas 32
Heart Letters to My Brothas 33 FATHERS
Heart Letters to My Brothas 34
Heart Letters to My Brothas 35 My father I desired that I be your heart This was instilled in me right from the start I did not know you when I adopted that feeling But I loved you so much from the door to the ceiling Why were you not there to guide me my way Why couldn’t you keep your family together Why couldn’t you stay In some way you ruined my unstable life In other ways I’m strong though I’ve been through much strife My fathers be there for the children I pray They need you more than you know I must say
Heart Letters to My Brothas 36
Heart Letters to My Brothas 37 Father dear father How miserably you failed The unspoken truth have memories unveiled As children we needed on you to depend The absence of your presence Might have well spelled our end You decided real early that we’d be alright Your selfish intentions Gave you almost no insight You left us with fathers Not fit for the work And sometimes with no-one Which truly did hurt We had no protection We wished you were there We knew you would have given us much better care I’ve written these letters To document sadness So that others may not Take the same course of madness So read in these pages Without scorn or strife I hope these revelations Help save someone’s life
Heart Letters to My Brothas 38
Heart Letters to My Brothas 39 Dear Father, If you had been there and loved me unconditionally, I would not have been violated. I would not have become an orphan to a new father who did not have the capacity to love. Some would say it’s the mother’s fault and in many cases they could be true, however tell me when did you fight for me? When did you strive to see me? When did you decide that I was worth you being there? Why did you think that it was enough for my mother to take the role of mother and father? Although she may have done a great job of raising us did you forget that I still needed you.You never praised me. You never told me I was good enough. As a result, I did not think that I was good enough. I short changed myself with the self-loathing of my guilt so many times. I often needed your guidance but did not know how to ask for it or even know that it was an option for me to ask. Why my father did you abandon me? You should have taught me how to love, you should have guided me about who to love but instead you left a void that was never filled. Be careful, my Brotha that you do not make the same mistake with your next child, with your new child or with your only child. You can turn this around you can change what the next child will say, you can change what the next child will write because….you are a Brotha, you are a man. Sincerely, Your Sista who loves you!
Heart Letters to My Brothas 40
Heart Letters to My Brothas 41 Dear Father, My life is still reeling from the absence of your guidance. Your fatherhood was lost in our family. You left your little girl to fend for herself, and you left your sons to fight for themselves. When you abandoned your family did it ever occur to you that we were in danger? When you left your family did you think about anyone besides yourself? Have you figured out that we needed you? Why did your selfishness span over our entire childhood and ultimately our entire life. It hurts that until we were grown you never even tried. It hurts that we were the ones who latched on to you in adulthood and would not let you leave us again. I stop to acknowledge a thank you that you accepted us. But shouldn’t it have been the other way around? Are you aware of the pain that took over our lives, our character, and our wellbeing? In case you did not know I am telling you directly. I am also telling all of my Brothas those who are fathers and those who will become fathers please do not make this mistake. Don’t believe that your children will not suffer because they will. Sincerely, Your Sista
Heart Letters to My Brothas 42
Heart Letters to My Brothas 43 My Dear Father, Did you have any idea that? It started when I was 4 years old it seemed that for some reason men decided that I was the perfect prey. My mother in her desire to find happiness decided to get into a relationship with a man that I hoped he would take your place. However, his presence loomed large and scary. As a child I wanted to be accepted, praised and fathered, so I tried to trust him. His abuse started early when he violently threw my brother (your son) down a flight of steps just because my brother cried when his team lost a game. He was very cruel to all of us and because of fear there were some things we never told my mother. Where were you? Why didn’t you protect your children? (Other Brothas read and decide now to never put your children’s life in the hands of another stay close and be protective. It is your job to be there for them). I want you to know that this error and this lack of judgement did not change my love for you. I absolutely just wanted you to make it right at some point in your life. Finally, you did but in so many ways my life was already destroyed. My dear Brothas who have a chance to change the future, do not be the person who waited till the end to find a way with your children. Sincerely, Your Sista who loves you!
Heart Letters to My Brothas 44
Heart Letters to My Brothas 45 Dear Father, Mom left us home with this unidentified pedophile, she trusted him, and he betrayed her trust and our each and every time. Pedophiles immediately teach children fear. So we lived in a household where we feared to speak our truth so because we were eerily quiet and mom had no way to know the truth and because she did not ask us and you were not around to ask us, my mom the woman who you proclaimed love for until your death, married this man because you were not present ever to take on the responsibility of raising your own flesh and blood your sweet innocent children. She married him because he gave a false presentation of himself. He was also a provider when you were not. You would not keep jobs and you would not keep in touch with your children. How was she to know that he had and was hurting your children? You, my dear father, should have been there. My dear Brotha, have you ever felt badly about the course our lives took? In fact, do you even know how horribly we suffered at times? Dear Brothas, THINK before you leave, THINK before you act. Ask your children questions to help them trust you. Be present not just physically but mentally. You can do it you are a Brotha you are a man. Sincerely, Your Sista who loves you!
Heart Letters to My Brothas 46
Heart Letters to My Brothas 47 Dear Father (Our Brotha), Did you know that…..? We were sometimes hungry, we were sometimes cold, and all the while you carried on with your life as if we did not exist. Did you know that I was in danger from the age of 5 until I was 12 years? How could you not check on me during that time. I dreamed that you would come and take me away. I dreamed that you would hold the man who assaulted me,and treated us so cruel accountable. You never showed up. Why did you leave us in the hands of anyone without checking on us? Why did you run from your responsibility? Your children were abused, suppressed, and ignored, but you never came to the rescue. I want you to know that in my darkest days I still loved you. In my darkest days I did not hold you responsible, and sometimes in my darkest of darkest days I blamed my mother instead of you. How wrong I was. Your values continued to be silent in my life and even years later I am not able to explain what you stand for and what your values are. You are the one who lost. You lost the chance to further your legacy, you lost the chance spread your values though the lives of your children. (My dear Brothas do not make the same mistake with your precious off springs). Sincerely, Your Sista who loves you!
Heart Letters to My Brothas 48
Heart Letters to My Brothas 49 My Dear Father (Our Brotha), Although her husband is the one who touched me, harmed me, and violated me, you are the one who should bear the guilt. Your infidelity and your dismissal of the marriage vows and especially the dismissal of your children leaves you convicted of a crime against humanity. The jury has spoken, and you are guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. You failed to build the men who were your sons, you failed to uphold the dignity of the only girl who carried your name. You left me lost and turned out. I never quite learned how to receive a good man into my life, because I did not know what a good man looked like. My dear Brotha I hope that your mistake serves as a cautionary tale for men who decide that their children will be alright without them. I hope that in some forum you were able to assist or lift up another family by admitting to your mistakes, but as for me and as for my family, know that from now until eternity you deeply failed us. Know that my mother stood strong but sometimes too strong. Know that I was not able to accept true love because it was never given to me. Know that I chose men who used and abused me because you never showed me how to seek anything different. Know that it was your job to be my first love. Know that I cried more nights and days than I laughed. Although we lived a nightmare know that your sons grew to be strong good men and your daughter found her way and raised successful children. Know that in spite of you, the sons learned how to be good fathers. Know that the legacies of my brothers loom large in their families. Know that their daughters chose good men. Know that we made it and know that for my own healing I forgive you. (My dear Brothas do not make the same mistake with your precious offsprings). Sincerely, Your Daughter and Sista who love you!
Heart Letters to My Brothas 50