Heart Letters to My Brothas 101 My Dear Brotha, I honestly hope u enjoyed another beautiful day....I miss you every minute and today was no different, be encouraged and feel the depth of my continued support for whatever your journey holds. Every time I'm out enjoying myself...I can't help but wish you were with me....I have so much respect and love for you.....I thought that I had found my everything in you years ago when I allowed myself to embark upon this journey. But sometimes I question my certainty. Remember that everything amazing in my life makes me remember how amazing we have been at times. Although I sometimes blame you, it is not your fault that I truly miss your entire presence!!! With that being said never forget that every day that I can count you as a friend, lover, and soul mate I am sure that you are the most amazing part of my future and my day is already the most beautiful day...thank you so much for thinking of me ..... My dear Brotha, when someone feels this completely towards you, it means you bear a great responsibility. The question is what will you do with it? Sincerely, Your Sista who loves you!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 103 I WISH FOR US I wish you'd send me flowers to show me that u care I wish I wish you'd say you miss me first at times when I'm not there.... I wish you would believe that my love will never end I wish you understood on me you can depend I wish there was an easy way to capture time for us I wish we could rewind the days and melt in each one’s lust I wish we’d met and fell in love Before romance was jaded I wish we could declare our love and things weren’t complicated This constant and unending awe of how much time has passed Just shows us that no matter what this love will truly last Just so u know I turn away romantic love advances As long as u live in my heart no man has any chances
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 95 CONSENSUAL RAPE
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 97 CONSENSUAL RAPE I am a willing participant In my own violent rapes Silent screams in protest I eluded escapes Please hear my cries In my head I say stop It’s only my fault On deaf ears my yells drop in silence I committed To self-imposed violation My rapist, tormentor Gave in to temptation In this chapter exposed are The rapes I agreed to Understand each encounter In these pages you read through
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 99 Dear Brotha, I saw the lust in your eyes and the satisfaction when I consented to the act. I was looking intently at you knowing that I agreed only because my mind said, and thought I was supposed to. I was convinced long before that day to submit. Convinced by stereotypes, and false feelings of submission. It may have been the background of my upbringing, being subjected to advances of a grown man when I was five years old. A grown man, with the title of stepparent, deceitfully, sneakily, going to the room of an only female child, for the singular purpose of trying to assault an innocent little girl, who lived in an already broken home. It would be impossible for you to realize, that I was lonely, that I was broken. I needed a friend and had not learned to articulate my needs. Why did I feel sorrier for you wanting sex, than I did for myself? Why did I sympathize with your desires and ignore my own. Would you have still raped me if you were aware of this truth? You ravaged my body, believing I was a willing participant, because I said yes…..did you ever stop to look in my eyes, as I looked in yours? Did you mistakenly believe that I wanted to? I closed my eyes and was disgusted by the act. I hid my real feelings, pushed them way down into my ocean of protection, so that I could stomach what was occurring and what was happening to me. You thought my moans were pleasure, but how could I tell you it was in mental, and emotional pain. How could I say no or stop? How confused you would have been, had I tried to explain that I wanted, needed you to stop and understand. Yes, I said yes!! I consented to intimacy, I consented to rape, but I was never ready, and never wanted to. Dear Brotha, try to understand, that I’m trying to figure out the crack in my soul, that made me say yes. When all was said and done, you had conquered. After months of trying, the rape was complete. You believed that I was pleased by what had transpired. Your pride in “the conquer” would not allow you to see that I wanted to run directly out. You wanted small talk, conversation, and I was mortified that I had allowed a violation. Realize dear Brotha that consent to intimacy in the mind of a broken woman may not always be sexual. Develop your manhood and self-control enough to detect the difference between consent, and resolved acceptance, so that you are not guilty of allowing a damaged woman, to consent to her own rape. Remember you are a Brotha, you are a man!! Sincerely, Your Sista
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 101 Dear Brotha, I am sorry I gave you the wrong impression of me. I apologize that somehow, I caused you to think, to believe that when you met me, a consented rape was inevitable. Please let me know what gave you the wrong impression of me. Was it the way I walked? Was it the way I talked? Was it the way I presented myself? Did my desire to have your attention, make you feel that sex was the next step? When did you decide that you had my consent? Was it when we were talking over drinks? Was it when I answered the phone? Or was it how excited I was when you called? Was it over dinner? Was it the alluring clothes I wore to please your eyes, and to feel like a sexy woman? Please tell me what message I sent you, and when, so that I will not make that mistake again. You see dear Brotha. I fully embrace my womanhood, my sexy, my beauty, my spice. However, I never wanted to consent to my own rape. I want you to understand, that the power of the man, is the power of the woman. Your strength lies in your ability to look deeper than the sexy clothes, the full-figured body the voluptuous breast, and the round supple behind. You will have real power when you can identify a real woman, who is only saying yes, not because of her own lust but because she knows that her rape, is your goal, your desire, your want. A real man will discern when this act is only for him, and he will refrain from participating. Your power will be unstoppable when you can recognize the consent to rape and change the narrative. When you can say I don’t think you are ready, but I still would like to get to know you. Or when you can say we have awesome sexual chemistry, but I really don’t see you in my future. Take hold of your integrity my dear Brotha and exhibit the qualities of great character. I know you can do it! You are a brotha, you are a King you are a man! Sincerely, Your Sista who loves you!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 103 Dear Brotha, Are you aware that men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love? This one fact is the culprit of a woman agreeing to be raped. How awesome if men started to ask for what they wanted, and if it is fully sexual and nothing else, just say. I want sex and nothing else. That will be freeing to women and men. Do you think that women would never give it up if you are truthful? Let me offer you something else. Maybe, if you identify that you only want sex from most women you meet, tell them, and give them the power and the opportunity to make a choice, you may be fulfilled by those who match your desire and match your goal. You will cease to be guilty of consenting to consensual rape. Imagine how many entanglements and situations you can avoid by just being straight forward. My dear Brotha, be aware of the role that you have been cast for in this show called Life. Your response to a woman’s victory, or destruction could define generations you must remember this because you are a Brotha you are a man! Sincerely, Your Sista who loves you!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 105 Dear Brotha, When I wanted you, and made you the center of my world, or more importantly my only world, you did not understand or appreciate. I loved you more than I loved myself. I told you, like every other human who chooses deceit instead of integrity, that if you lose yourself to the ideals of selfishness, there would not be a second chance. I permitted myself to be raped with lies and consented to mistreatment for many years. I wished, and begged, for you to love me the way you pretended to, but in hindsight, more importantly I wish that I had loved myself. The lack of love that I should have had for myself led to the most brutal violation of all. You see dear Brotha, do not be an accessory before the fact or after the fact, to my own self-mutilation. Learn now, no matter how young or old, to be better than you were. Learn the love that the woman who loves and honors you should have for her-self, and if you must be the king that you are teach her how, or respectfully leave her. You can do it because, you are a Brotha you are a man. We have faith in you! Sincerely, Your Sista who loves you!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 107 Dear Brotha, Save me! Stop me from destroying myself! I know it is not your responsibility to me, but it is your duty to the future off-springs to help change the narrative. I know you have a force driving you that is bigger than my need to be saved, but please recognize and give grace to the Sistas of the world who sometimes need to count on someone other than themselves. The strong women of the world will not admit to needing help from anyone, however no matter how weak, or how strong they are, having the right partner, the right friend the right brotha, the right man friend or lover, can only help both of you grow. Make a commitment, to yourself and to the world, not to take advantage of your sista. One day you may possibly have a daughter who needs to see an example of manliness that is only embodied by a man who truly cares. One day your daughter may need to recognize, that there are some men who have traits that can’t serve a noble purpose. Treat every woman like you will one day raise a daughter. Treat every woman like you would want a man to treat your sister or your mother, your aunt or your cousin. You are noble, you are able because you are a Brotha, you are a man. Sincerely, Your Sista who loves you!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 109 Dear Brotha, Your Sista cries out for you and to you. This does not mean that they want to have a sexual encounter. It just means that perhaps they need a male influence because they have never had that in their life. It may mean that they have been forcibly raped by a trusted man in their life, perhaps a father, stepfather, or a relative who took advantage. She longs to be complimented she longs to be held; she longs to be told that she is worthy. However, all the things that she is longing for, does not mean that she wants sex. No remember that she may give sex as a consolation prize, as a way of continuing to get self-affirmation from a man. Should she need that type of attention from a man? The answer to that question is no. However, the abuse by which many little girls have been raised, leads to the need for male affirmation, and attention. Dear Brotha please let this sink in, let it absorb into your soul and live with this knowledge so that you can adjust your behavior accordingly. Some women are still little girls, who are looking for their father who never raised them, or their father who never gave them attention, or their father who violated them to say sorry, this is not the way you should have been or be treated. The attention and affirmation that they need from those who should have been there, may never come. So, in seeking through their journey, supposed they find you. How will you treat them? How will you affirm them? How will you give them attention? Will you be proud of how you show up for them? Will you be in their life for a consensual rape and then instantly out, leaving them lower than when you found them? If this is your goal, be the brotha who walks away. We are asking you to resist the ideas of a greedy man, and be a pillar, a backbone, a strength, even to those that you have no intentions for. I know you can do it because you are a Brotha, you are a man. Sincerely, Your Sista who loves you!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 111 Dear Brotha, When we hugged tightly and I allowed you to remove my clothes, did you know that I only wanted a hug? When you kissed me, and maneuvered your hands over my body, did you feel me resist? Or were you too in tune to the lust of the act to recognize the reality? When you enjoyed the taste of me and the raw unbridled entry into my precious walls, did you have any idea that I was allowing you to rape me? Likely the excitement of the moment and the greatness of the desire to have sex, overcame your ability to see. Has every man in the world decided that when a woman is intimate it is because they are so in lust with the manly persona, that they can’t help themselves? As much as this promotes and stimulates your ego, the sad truth is there is nothing further from the truth. What most of us wants is a friend, what most of us want is a commitment, what most of us wants is a family and unfortunately, we are carrying around an inward obligation that makes us think that giving into a man’s needs is the way to achieve our greatness, how sad! You my Brotha can change this narrative, because you are a Brotha, you are a man! Sincerely, Your Sista
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 113 Dear Brotha, Are you a rapist or am I a slut? Please answer!!!! Before you answer, ponder over the part you may have played in the scenario. Then wonder do you share any fault. Sincerely, Your Sista
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 115 Dear Brotha, Consensual Sex???? Consensual Rape???? Unreturned love???? Taking advantage???? Giving to get???? Getting to give???? Following your body???? Following your heart???? Being selfish???? You decide. Sincerely, Your Sista
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 117 SONS
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 119 MY LOVELY WONDERFUL EXCITING RESPECTFUL SUCCESSFUL LOVING PURE UNWAVERING SONS My sons dear sons I will never forget The first time I saw you The first time we met The greatness in life that you all have achieved Have made me so proud and sometimes relieved You hung with me always Through thick and through thin You have been my foundation You caused me to win I could never have asked For more steady as sons You loved unconditional You loved from day one So always remember in life you’re my all I will always be with you at your beckon call
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 121 JEREMY My first born my pride, the love of my time I never knew a love that could take over my mind When I first looked and saw you, I was worried and feared Would I be able to be a great mother endeared? I was so young and did not know what path we would take I was afraid I would fail and to make a mistake You assured me through tears that together we would be You let it be known that the task was for me Though fearful I knew unconditionally I loved I prayed for strength and for wisdom above As you grew I made so many missteps But you never judged your respect was still kept I thank you for taking this journey with me I couldn’t have become this woman you see Without your great love and your great ways of show Without your true wisdom and the love that has flowed I will always be proud of the man you’ve become Of the children you’ve raised of the life you have run So never forget that you’ll always be first The love of my life the first son whom I birthed
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 123 OLIVER I watched your pain as you grew I wanted to help you to be made anew I sometimes forgot to uncover your pain I left you so empty when relationships gained I apologize for my selfishness tour I am so glad you found the strength to endure Though darkness continued to cast a dark cloud At some point you rose and peace you allowed The father you are will surpass not another In some ways it makes me feel I’m a good mother So carry on my son And be greater in life I’ll always be with you no matter the strife
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 125 STANLEY You have long ago began hiding your great pain At times it has stopped you from peace to reclaim I know there are times when you felt so alone The times when I left when I should have been home I want you to know that you are my inspiration You drive me further that any elation My talented son whom your gifts you did hide Came bursting forth and gave me great pride I wish I could have done more for your mind Out of all my sons you were particularly kind I know it’s been hard to recover from hurt But what you have been through will soon show its worth Forgive me my son for the hurt and the grief I’m hoping true wisdom will bring you relief I will always be near to support your way through I thank you so much for helping me through
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 127 STEPHEN My youngest son who keeps me on my knees You are truly so intelligent it’s hard to take heed I want you to know that each time I pray I wish for your complete happiness On day to great day Your mind is so full of questions and guess I know it’s so hard for you to really take a rest Please know that success is not measured by wealth The key to success is blessings and health So strive not for riches but strive for mind peace Let pass troubles slide off let past pains release You see my dear son you’re blessed, here you stand You make me so proud, you finally a man
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 129 SURROGATE SONS Dedicated to Howie, Jonnie, BB, Jay, Dawud, Smurf, Jerel, Shafton, Bill, Austin, Bey, Q, Bsmith, and all other sons who I have embraced in my lifetime. My dear sons I love, whom I did not birth You have given me so much, Love on this earth I have watched and prayed for, your unending success I have wanted more for you, when at times you want less I have given you love, I have given you jobs I have not allowed you, to let mistakes your life rob You are more than you see You’re the tear in my eyes I am so proud to watch you Succeed and to rise Please do one thing To move forward my child Forgive yourself always Or oppressions will pile You reap what you sow That’s what you been told But GOD gives forgiveness For he is not cold Remember this always My love will not leave I’m here for you always I know you’ll succeed!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 131 Dear Son, I know that many times I was not there when you needed me. I also know that the choices I made in relationships did not make things any easier for your upbringing. I want to apologize because sometimes, unknowingly after deep self-reflection I realize that many times I exhibited more care about finding love, or being in a relationship, than I did about making sure you were ok in every way. Now don’t get me wrong, you were never without a roof over your head, food to eat, and clothes to wear, however I acknowledge that as a mother I could have and should have done better to protect you from the longings of my own loneliness, and to protect you from the demons that I had to fight alone. I want you to know that I was and still am to a certain extent a broken soul. I made decisions that cost you the guidance and nurturing of a father. I made decisions that left you to your own devices while I worked to provide. I want you to know that at the time I did not see another way to survive. I want you to know that I never stopped loving you. I want you to know that at times I could see you spiral because of your life or the life that I provided but that I did not have tools to stop you. I am sorry that you were ever hurt, I am sorry that you were ever afraid. I know I should have done more to provide a stable spiritual environment, and I want you to know that I admit, I was selfish many times, and I did not think about how my choices would affect you. Ultimately my loving sons, I want you to know that I never stopped loving you, and I would only ever choose the 4 sons that I have been blessed with, if I were given the chance to choose others. I want to give you the world even now, and there are many things I would have changed to ensure your happiness. Thank you, my dear sons, for never judging me. Thank you for not wanting to leave me, because you felt I needed protection. If I did not have you beautiful humans, my amazing kings, I know I would have landed in the gutter. You made want to do more, have more and be more. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and your commitment to me. You are my everything, forever. I love you, my sons my brothas, my kings, my strength, my all…. I am so proud!! Sincerely, Mama/Your Sistas who loves you better than any other men on earth!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 133 My Dear Sons/My Brothas, Please practice respect for women, I know that you are human and react to how you are treated many times, however as a brotha as a man, it is important that the first quality you learn, and perfect is control. Control of the tongue, control of your emotions, and control your reflexes. This starts with the way you treat the women in your life. Your mother is the first woman that means something to you, who will chastise you, disagree with you, and be disappointed in you. How your practice and your respect in how you respond to her, even in your adulthood, will go a long way. It is so important to commit to never raising your hand to a female. It is important to show the love to women in your life not just speak it. The trials and tribulation that you have experienced sons go from not having an active father, to having the wrong role models in your life. As you grow and develop you must decide the type of man you want to be. You must decide what is honorable, based on the legacy that has been left to you be it grandparents and great grandparents or the information you have gleaned through growth. I implore you to research your family history before you decide to think that an alternate way of life, that bears no real honor, is the path that you want to take. I implore you to follow the spiritual instinct that has been given to you by one parent or the other or both. Sons, there are so many things in this world that you can’t take back be reflective in the decisions you make. Understand the other side of the decisions you make, not just how it will affect you but how it will affect the people around you, how it will affect the people who may be on the other side of your decision and how the outcome can destroy or enhance your life. You are wise beyond your years my sons, but sometimes you do not understand your own wisdom. Find that deep down wisdom. Reflect upon that deep solid wisdom, and develop your life patterning honor for yourself first, then honor for all women, and most importantly honor for life. You can do it! You are man you are a Brotha! Sincerely, Your Mother and Sista who loves you!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 135 Dear Sons/My Brothas, It is up to you to lead the next generation, and it is up to you groom, the young men properly. Killing each other is not the way. Unbridled anger is not the way. Unrestrained reactions uncover your brokenness. Decide to create and design another way for yourself. Live control, breathe control, demonstrate control, at all costs. Control of physical actions, control of the tongue, control of emotions…. Save yourself! You must show and guide the way for others, who have not had the same grace as you have been given. Your life was not perfect, however there is no doubt that you know that you are loved. Please forgive your parents for times when they did not know the way or just did not show you the way. Open your eyes to understanding that young parents often falter, and to attain happiness, many parents look for peace for themselves, not understanding the effect that their lack of input has on their children. Forgive us dear children and strive for another way. I am sharing with you all, in hopes that you can turn around some other person some other brotha some other soul, who is lost or who knows the way, but is having a hard time staying on the path. My sons, dear brothas you have enough in you to help a generation. Use it! Do not forsake your duty to the human race. Have a distinct understanding that this is your journey your job your commitment. My dear Sons, I am once again apologetic for the choices I have made, the choices that have stifled you, the choices that have made you feel hopeless, the choices that have made you seek family from individuals who may have protected you but did not guide you. I am solely responsible for your early failures; however, I pass the baton for the failures that you will make futuristically. Pray and seek forgiveness, pray and seek guidance, pray and seek direction. The obligation to you is now yours, I can no longer bear the burden of your missteps. I love you with every breath of blood and tears in my soul. I can help you find your path; however, I cannot walk the path for you. You will succeed, you will soar, you are forgiven I am forgiven, you are loved. Sincerely, Your Mother and Sista who loves you!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 137 Dear Sons, In conclusion I pray for you, please pray for me. Remember that you are rich without money because richness comes because of true character, which is something that all of you are full of. Whatever judgement others try to bestow upon you, do not listen. Only listen to those who love you. Do not trust anyone else to give you ideologies about your character. They do not know you. Believe in yourself and believe that those who love you only want to see you succeed. Be an agent of peace, change and honesty. Value the mothers of the world. Value the women of the world. Even when they do not value themselves be a man, a Brotha, and lift them up. Do not take advantage of any situation to further your cause. I know you can do it, because, you are Brotha you are my wonderful sons, you are a man! Sincerely, Your Mother and your Sista who loves you!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 139 YOUR SISTAS ARE WORTHY
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