Heart Letters to My Brothas 191 The moral of this story MY BROTHA is that YOU MUST ADMIT TO YOURSELF THAT AFTER ONE YEAR FIVE YEARS TEN YEARS OR THIRTYFIVE YEARS OR MORE THE WOMAN YOU SHAME AND LEAD DOWN THE PATH OF SIDE DISH WILL STILL BE WHAT SHE STARTED AS A SIDE DISH. So if you my Brotha are unavailable either emotionally or physically run from the broken woman who may love you to death. You are killing her spirit and you are allowing her to block her own blessings. No matter how pretty, no matter how connected you are to her, think of someone other than yourself and run. You can change a life for the better you are a Brotha you are a man. Sincerely, Your Sista who loves you!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 193 RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 195 There are rules of engagement That go hand in hand It’s woven through character And helps storms to withstand You must study hard Make sure you maintain A goal of the rules To keep and to gain When you agree to Love by these rules Your love will be steady Your heart won’t be cruel I begging you Brotha Seek rules to engage Just finding them out For most unions will save
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 197 RULE NUMBER ONE Remember you are not the main character in everybody’s story. Be intelligent and allow yourself to reach an understanding about your self-image, and your self-importance. Now, this does not mean look down on yourself, but it does mean that in life there are more things, more people, more situations, more ideas, and more futures, to consider besides you. As your family grows, don’t forget that, the main character scenario will forever be shared. Stop stomping through life, as if you are the main character of everyone’s script. Life is not written just for you to enhance the part you play in the story. Face the reality of the fact that it’s not always about you. Look in the mirror and understand that importance many times goes beyond what you think, who you are, and what you want.
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 199 RULE NUMBER TWO Have the courage to be truthful. Remember courage is doing what you know must be done before a situation or a person forces you to act. So often we are allowed to linger in the life of a partner who clearly does not hold us as significant. Even when you are asked, you do not have the courage to be truthful. Your excuse is that you do not want to hurt another’s feelings. So, you allow false hope to linger, and you hope that your actions will show what the truth really is. My dear Brotha…I hate to inform you but that is the cowards’ way out. More tears are shed when they finally realize the truth, than will be shed if you just be truthful. It takes a man to speak his truth lovingly, but boldly, learn the art of this lesson, you will need it at some point in your life I assure you.
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 201 RULE NUMBER THREE Definitively decide what type of relationship you want. Friendship Friend with benefits Long term partner but never a wife Long term partner and then a wife A wife immediately Make a decision and be man enough to act on it!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 203 RULE NUMBER FOUR Be clear in your mind and heart about where your partner stands in your life and in theirs. If you think you are not doing a disservice to another human, ask yourself these questions. Have you been buzzing around the same person for months, even years but keep telling them that you are just friends with benefits? Are you the only person that she is intimate with? Has she told you she loves you? Has she expressed the desire to be your woman? Does she ask you how you feel about her? Are you saying I’m just not ready for a relationship? Have you taken her to meet your family? Do you take her out on dates, but say to yourself we are just hanging out? Do you go long periods of time without contacting her? Did you ask her how she feels about you? Did you ask how she would describe the relationship? You didn’t because you don’t care as long as you can keep getting what you want from your connection. If you have answered yes to more than one of these questions and if the answer to number 5 is known, then you are leading her on and you are purposely being elusive about where she stands in your life. Face it she is just a woman who loves you enough to allow you to use her for your physical needs. When you are looking for variety or when you don’t want a more intense person to dig their heels in to be with you, defer from a relationship. You are using her. Stop It!!!!!! Don’t lead a friend, or someone you know will only ever be a friend to believe that she has a chance to be your only to be your wife. That is not what a Brotha or a man does.
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 205 RULE NUMBER FIVE Don’t become intimate and continue to be intimate with someone you only want as a friend you will lose the level of friendship that you share forever. Stop ruining friendships because of lust. You know what you want, and you understand not wanting someone for anything other than sex. When you cross the line with a friend or with anyone it changes things. Have some self-control. A friend is a friend, don’t ruin it for either of you. Be a man and lead the narrative. Don’t blur the lines be the leader be the man and say no!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 207 RULE NUMBER SIX Take pride in and treat all women with respect. Reassign honor to the position of manhood by respecting all women no matter their status in life, no matter if you meet them on the stripper poll, at the supermarket, or in a church. Honor yourself by honoring them. Teach this to the boys, teach it your brothers, your nephews, your sons. Stop laughing when you hear other men disrespect a woman, stop making the young generation think that it is ok to use a woman to throw her away. Lead by example so that our next generation, will not be lost. Give them a chance to make a difference in how all women are treated, be a real man teach them! I know you can do it, because you are a Brotha. You are a man!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 209 RULE NUMBER SEVEN Be honest! This is the shortest rule. but never forget it is by far the most powerful rule of engagement. It speaks for itself.
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 211 RULE NUMBER EIGHT If you choose to be in a committed partnership, be faithful. When you become intimate you have taken a piece of the person you become intimate with. If you decide that you are not able to be faithful, stay single. But you are selfish, and you want companions, you want to be intimate, but you want that with several and you do not want either of the few to have a say or call you out about this lack of consciousness. Stop telling your partner you are ready to be committed and then go and crawl up in bed, the couch, or the hole, of the next person that looks good. This habit will cost you in the long run. When you are looking for that person to settle with you may have already turned your soulmate into stone with your behavior. Think before you play the commitment card otherwise you will regret it.
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 213 RULE NUMBER NINE Stop and have the conversation no matter how difficult, the clarity conversation. There is a conversation to be had when the person whom you are intimate with does not know where she stands. Your actions, your coldness, your silence, will never tell her the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. You must stop where you are and have the conversation. I know you are afraid that the exotic sex you have been receiving will be cut off, however be fair and allow her to make the choice knowing that you don’t want her. Tell her you love connecting with her intimately, but she will never be your girlfriend and she will never be your wife for sure. Stop leading her on with your haphazard calls and your sometimes kind words. Stop leaving her hoping that if she was intimate enough, freaky enough loving enough, patient enough she can possibly win your entire heart. You don’t want her!!! Say it!!! Be a Brotha be man and………HAVE THE CONVERSATION!!!! Don’t be selfish and hold on to a partner that you know will not be in your future.
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 215 RULE NUMBER TEN Don’t beg for children with a friend, partner or woman that you are not sure about or don’t fully know; you don’t want her in your future. Having children is not a game, just because the sex is good, and you feeling like such a man when you reach the heights of ecstasy, that is not the time to start talking about children. Those children will be here forever, and a woman takes those wants seriously, because she is maternal and looks forward to nurturing the offspring of someone she thinks she is in love with or going to be in love with. This is not a joke my Brotha! Think carefully about when and who you want children with….it could make a whole difference in how your life turns out!
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 217 RULE NUMBER ELEVEN Stop having sex for fun only taking into account your needs. Remember a man gives love to get sex a woman gives sex to get love. Don’t mislead her by giving her the promise of love in your actions, words, or deeds just to have sex. You will find enjoyment in the act when you measure your actions, and actually assign meaning to the act. I am counting on you to change the narrative and place meaning back into the act of making love, all you must do really is think before you act.
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Heart Letters to My Brothas 219 PARTING WORDS The message is clear It has been given directly It is up to each Brotha If they use it correctly Previous secrets from a woman’s true insight Have been given unaltered Preparing you for the fight The fight to be better The fight to be great The fight pent up in you To help you create Creation of family Creation of friends THE WILL TO NOT MAKE SAME MISTAKES ONCE AGAIN
Heart Letters to My Brothas 220 ABOUT THE AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY: Tonia Elmore is a remarkable woman whose story is the embodiment of determination, passion, and the unwavering pursuit of knowledge. Born on June 23rd in Beckley West Virginia, she embarked on a remarkable journey that would ultimately redefine her as an author and a force to be reckoned with. EARLY LIFE AND EDUCATION: From an early age, Tonia exhibited an insatiable curiosity and an unyielding desire for knowledge. Raised in a loving single-parent household, she grabbed from the values of resilience and self-reliance from her mother and the desire to write and create from her grandmother. These principles would guide her through the various challenges she would encounter on her path to becoming an accomplished author. Despite facing numerous obstacles, including financial constraints, Tonia displayed exceptional academic prowess, eventually earning her bachelor’s degree in education from the University of Phoenix. Her academic achievements were just the beginning, as she set her sights on furthering her education. With unwavering determination, she pursued a master’s degree in the field of educational leadership at Lincoln University. This academic achievement not only honed her expertise but also re-ignited her passion for research and writing. WRITING JOURNEY: Tonia's journey into the world of literature is a testament of her desire to make a difference through her words. As a single mother, she navigated the complexities of balancing her career and personal life, often drawing inspiration from her own experiences. Her forever commitment to empowering women and men is a present theme in her writing. Her debut work, “Heart Letters to My Brothas” is a powerful collection of heartfelt lessons that will resonate with readers from all walks of life. PERSONAL LIFE: Tonia’s personal journey as a mother, an educator, an advocate, and a woman has not only been the inspiration for her writing, but also a testament to her strength and independence. Her life serves as a beacon for those who face similar challenges, illustrating that anyone who strives, can break boundaries and redefine societal norms.