The Birthday Book
of
Limericks
in celebration of John E. Pereira’s 60 years on earth
Contents
A fat happy infant ��������������������������������������������������������������������� 1
Did I really want a little brother? ����������������������������������������������� 2
There once was a wee one named “Teddy” ��������������������������������� 3
John had a special accessory ����������������������������������������������������� 4
Once upon a time in Arlington �������������������������������������������������� 5
I think it was matches ��������������������������������������������������������������� 6
John played third base �������������������������������������������������������������� 7
Kids outside playing ���������������������������������������������������������������� 8
There once was a lad with four sisters ���������������������������������������� 9
There once was a brother named John ��������������������������������������10
It was fun on the days you cut the grass �������������������������������������� 11
Dinner at the table was a family event ��������������������������������������� 12
We slumber partied in his room in the attic ������������������������������� 13
Even when young, John had it all ���������������������������������������������� 14
John once had Louis XIV hair ��������������������������������������������������� 15
Riding the wind ���������������������������������������������������������������������� 16
Most people don’t know that John cooks ����������������������������������� 17
One summer, John had a big truck �������������������������������������������� 18
Handsome Sir Cormac of Manor Green ������������������������������������ 19
When I had a new boyfriend ��������������������������������������������������� 20
John is clever and fun �������������������������������������������������������������� 21
You drove an orange Chevette ������������������������������������������������� 22
There once was a lad from the Square �������������������������������������� 23
The Mustang GTs ������������������������������������������������������������������ 28
As a ginger with braces and charm ������������������������������������������� 29
One day John came home ������������������������������������������������������� 30
On Valentine’s Day ���������������������������������������������������������������� 32
When we first met John ���������������������������������������������������������� 33
I met him when I was 13 ���������������������������������������������������������� 34
To the Johno I married ������������������������������������������������������������ 35
One year for Christmas ���������������������������������������������������������� 36
Red-eye to Heathrow ��������������������������������������������������������������37
There once was a fellow named John ��������������������������������������� 38
The right pup for us ��������������������������������������������������������������� 39
You cared for a special Great Dane ������������������������������������������ 40
John likes his Irish girls ������������������������������������������������������������ 41
Our brother John is so great ���������������������������������������������������� 42
He knew from a very young age ����������������������������������������������� 43
I have a first cousin named John E �������������������������������������������� 44
With all those we love ������������������������������������������������������������ 45
A grand fellow is John ������������������������������������������������������������ 46
Leaving for Luxembourg ��������������������������������������������������������� 47
Fancy coffee to start the day ��������������������������������������������������� 48
My good friend John �������������������������������������������������������������� 49
There once was a father named John ���������������������������������������� 50
Christmas with John is all glitter and glee ���������������������������������� 51
There was a great man ����������������������������������������������������������� 52
Therre once was a man from Sterling ��������������������������������������� 53
An easy and affable guy ���������������������������������������������������������� 54
Some may think it’s just a habit ������������������������������������������������55
There once was a group in Moscow ������������������������������������������ 56
There was a young spook named John �������������������������������������� 58
There once was a man named Pereira I ������������������������������������� 59
There once was a man named Pereira II ������������������������������������ 60
There once was a man named Pereira III ������������������������������������ 61
Forget the Indy and Formula One �������������������������������������������� 62
Our son and our brother turned sixty �������������������������������������� 63
A fat happy infant
A fat happy infant gone listless and pale
Hospital bound, crib looks like a jail
Surgery quick… we needed repair
Three shifts of nurses giving him care
Fixed up and home, for his shift change he wails
q1q
Did I really want a little brother?
Did I really want a little brother?
They never asked me — father or mother
But he was delivered anyway
Then stayed alive (thanks to Auntie Kay)
And now, for sure, I would have no other
q2q
There once was a wee one named “Teddy”
There once was a wee one named “Teddy”
Mischievous, fun, with a smile at the ready
Went to school, became “John”
Jokester, flirt, never pawn
Grown up, he is loving, loyal and steady
q3q
John had a special accessory
John had a special accessory to wear
And even aged 3, he wore it with flair
He sure looked a peach
In harness and leash
Which were red, to go with his hair
q4q
Once upon a time in Arlington
Once upon a time in Arlington
I knew a “Teddy” who was really John
With only three sisters to tease
He asked for another one, please
John and Abi obliged and it was done!
q5q
I think it was matches
I think it was matches that started the fire
Struck with sisters together, happy to conspire
It works like they said
When you lit up the bed
But were told it’s a poor choice for a pyre
q6q
John played third base
John played third base for Wootton High
He could hit ’em low, he could hit ’em high
He was known for his great arm
To go along with his great charm
Nothing short of cool was this guy
q7q
Kids outside playing
Kids outside playing. It’s the end of the week
I’m fixing dinner. Where is that leek?
Call from Paul Yazge
“Don’t panic Mrs. P”
To the hospital to fix up a fall at the creek
q8q
There once was a lad with four sisters
There once was a lad with four sisters
Who had limited association with “misters”
The one bathroom that they shared
Left him redolently impaired
All of those perfumes made his eyes blister
q9q
There once was a brother named John
There once was a brother named John
Whose agreement to do dishes was a con
His sister washed the dishes
His mom got her wishes
And no one minded, because John is the bomb!
q 10 q
It was fun on the days you cut the grass
It was fun on the days you cut the grass
Starting off with a tank full of gas
The paths you would mow
To play tag, friends in tow
And catch the eye of a passing lass
q 11 q
Dinner at the table was a family event
Dinner at the table was a family event
And wait for all is what mom and dad meant
So, when too long you did take
And chomped liver not steak
With protest down your throat it was sent
q 12 q
We slumber partied in his room in the attic
We slumber partied in his room in the attic
John wore a red union suit, which became emblematic
Mom and dad downstairs working
All our pets lurking
The night before Christmas! We were electrostatic
q 13 q
Even when young, John had it all
Even when young, John had it all
He could dance, shoot darts, and play ball
Much admired for his great personality
He showed he was a man of versitality
So show him the respect he deserves y’all
q 14 q
John once had Louis XIV hair
John once had Louis XIV hair
But for sports it required some care
A helmet to dry
A non-girly tie
Straight-haired sisters did not think it fair
q 15 q
Riding the wind
Riding the wind around school
A mad mopedist ignored all the rules
But he was caught by a bobby
Which ended his hobby
Before he could run out of fuel
q 16 q
Most people don’t know that John cooks
Most people don’t know that John cooks
They think he’s just smart with good looks
But give him some buckwheat
He’ll make you a sweet treat
Of pancakes that are “one for the books”
q 17 q
One summer, John had a big truck
One summer, John had a big truck
To sell ice cream and treats for a buck
In the carport at night
It got raided with delight
So for profits he was shear out of luck
q 18 q
Handsome Sir Cormac of Manor Green
Handsome Sir Cormac of Manor Green
Struck your heart in ways unforeseen
Why have just one
When four could be done?
And one forever under a sleeve can be seen
q 19 q
When I had a new boyfriend
When I had a new boyfriend John had to approve
Because when he didn’t things could get rude
There was that time with the door(!)
And certain others before…
He sure made it clear who I had to exclude
q 20 q
John is clever and fun
John is clever and fun, but not sassy
He’ll be cheeky, but always stays classy
With wisdom and wit
He will call out a twit
And make note if you’re Haile Selassie
q 21 q
You drove an orange Chevette
You drove a very cool orange Chevette
With carpet and speakers like I’d never met!
Such a fun ride
With subwoofer applied
And Zeppelin playing in the new tape deck
q 22 q
There once was a lad from the Square
There once was a lad from the Square
Who rode motorcycles beyond compare
He seemed a good chum
So I asked of his mum
He’s nice…but what’s up with that hair!
(This non-traditional mega limerick continues...)
q 23 q
I suggested a sleep-over
but failed to think over
His home was quite the distant affair!
We rode and we balled
We ran and we mauled
For hours we combed
Where only Bambi had roamed!
Our fun soon completed
and our energies depleted
To his attic lair we then duth retreated
q 24 q
In his bedroom we hung
and air guitars we did strum
‘Neath glorious posters of who?
Why the great Neil Young that’s who!
We laughed and we howled
Like dire-wolves we did growled
But something was tuggin’
At my young 10-year-old noggin’
Something was amiss
in all this childlike bliss
Exactly what was just not forthcomin’
q 25 q
Just calm down a bit
and count a few sheep
Before you know it, you’ll be fast asleep
I flipped and I flopped
but without any luck
Sleep would not come to this little duck
Fortunate for me and my best friend to be
Abi stepped in and diagnosed it for free
q 26 q
It wasn’t a cold
or the seasonal flu
It wasn’t a tick
nor that he got hit with a stick
It’s really quite simple
she smiled with a dimple
There’s no great trick
He’s just a tad… home sick!
q 27 q
The Mustang GTs
The Mustang GTs; one black, one white
They were such beauties with 5.0 might!
But hey, lower your voice...
Did you hear that strange noise?
It’s got to be something, though ever so slight!
q 28 q
As a ginger with braces and charm
As a ginger with braces and charm
Sherri chose you to stay on her arm
Three tours, four kids
Many dogs, many digs
And at 60 your gab still disarms
q 29 q
One day John came home
One day John came home with a beauty in tow
He’d gotten engaged without letting us know
This is how we met Sherri
And she must have been wary
Of meeting four sisters and mom, in one go
She bravely sat down on the sofa for three
Which then served for six, as we sat knee to knee
We knew right away
She was here to stay
And we can’t thank John enough, for Sherri
q 30 q
(Gratuitous page: just thought you’d like to see this photo clearly...)
(gratuitous page: just figured
you’d want to see this one clearly)
q 31 q
On Valentine’s Day
On Valentine’s day years ago
John let his sweet fiancé know
That their life together
Whatever the weather
Would turn out to be quite a show
q 32 q
When we first met John
When we first met John oh so many years ago, he was thin.
Unlike most Americans, he is still thin instead of fat.
He should be very proud of his success in his work place,
but we are prouder of his success of being such a good father.
His family all enjoy each other’s company.
Each thrives on all the energy and positive feedback
they receive from one another.
As we celebrate John’s 60th, we wish him continued
good tidings and best wishes.
May it continue forever.
q 33 q
I met him when I was 13
I met him when I was 13
He used to be really quite lean
He’s known to be witty
And as he turns 60
His youth won’t again be seen
(Good thing he’s young at heart)
q 34 q
To the Johno I married
To the Johno I married back then
Who is now a role-model husband, father and friend
It’s exciting to think
That we’re always in sync
Since you’re stuck with me ’til the bitter end!
q 35 q
One year for Christmas
One year for Christmas, John couldn’t come
He was in Guatemala, not having fun
Or so we all thought
Though in fact he was not
He’d flown home with a mission to run
Having planted a treasure under the tree
He moved out of sight as mom made her entry
She saw something wiggle
Which caused her to giggle
Surprise! It was new-baby John B
q 36 q
Red-eye to Heathrow
Red-eye to Heathrow then the tube to the station
Our secret plan unfolding as I stroll to destination
RING—sharp in the misty dawn silence
Door opens with great annoyance
“Happy 40th John!” as smile changes his expression
q 37 q
There once was a fellow named John
There once was a fellow named John
Who lived for a time in London
He coached kids at the Scrubs
And liked going to pubs
With Sherri and pals Joyce & Ron
q 38 q
The right pup for us
Aunt Barbie found the “right pup for us”
But meeting Spirit didn’t inspire trust
Then Roscoe came in
And you knew with a grin
That he would be ours by Christmas!
q 39 q
You cared for a special Great Dane
You cared for a special Great Dane
A task that at times seemed insane
For when missing his mummy
It was hard on his tummy
Yet never once did you complain
q 40q
John likes his Irish girls
John likes his Irish girls hairy and tall
They hike and go swimming, and do not fetch ball
On couches they settle
And sometimes eat metal
But they’ve totally got him enthralled
q 41 q
Our brother John is so great
Our brother John is so great
He is funny and kind, and never late
With a twinkle in his eye
And a wolfhound by his side
He drinks coffee and wine by the crate
q 42 q
He knew from a very young age
He knew from a very young age
That the world was a dangerous stage
So he worked with the best
To take care of the rest
And helped our worse fears to assuage
q 43 q
I have a first cousin named John E
I have first cousin named John E
Who in VA for coffee would meet me
To explicate the government
Which never said what was really meant
So I could look and feel like a Govie
q 44q
With all those we love
With all those we love under the sun
Together to celebrate and have fun
’Til death do us part
Now the party can start
Cheers to John who turned two families to one
q 45 q