Robert Dilts - Sleight of Mouth - The Magic of Conversational Belief Change

116 SLEIGHT OF MOUTH

Limiting Beliefs

The three most common areas of limiting beliefs center
around issues of hopelessness, helplessness and worthless-
ness. These three areas of belief can exert a great deal of
influence with respect to a person's mental and physical
health.

1. Hopelessness: Belief that the desired goal is not achiev-
able regardless of your capabilities.

2. Helplessness: Belief that the desired goal is possible
but that you are not capable of achieving it.

3. Worthlessness: Belief that you do not deserve the
desired goal because of something you are or have (not)
done.

Hopelessness occurs when someone does not believe a
particular desired goal is even possible. It is characterized by
a sense that, aNo matter what I do it won't make a difference.
What I want is not possible to get. It's out of my control. I'm a
victim.''

Helplessness occurs when, even though he or she believes
that the outcome exists and is possible to achieve, a person
does not believe that he or she is capable of attaining it. It
produces a sense that, "It's possible for others to achieve this
goal but not for me. I'm not good enough or capable enough to
accomplish it."

Worthlessness occurs when, even though a person may
believe that the desired goal is possible and that he or she
even has the capability to accomplish it, that individual
believes that he or she doesn't deserve to get what he/she
wants. It is often characterized by a sense that, "/ am a fake.
I don't belong. I don't deserve to be happy or healthy. There is
something basically and fundamentally wrong with me as a

BELIEFS AND EXPECTATIONS x 17

person and I deserve the pain and suffering that I am
experiencing.'

lb be successful, people need to shift these types of
limiting beliefs to beliefs involving hope for the future, a
sense of capability and responsibility, and a sense of
self-worth and belonging.

Obviously, the most pervasive beliefs are those regarding
our identity. Some examples of limiting beliefs about iden-
tity are: "/ am helpless I worthless I a victim." "I don't deserve
to succeed." "If I get what I want I will lose something." "I
don't have permission to succeed."

Limiting beliefs sometimes operate like a "thought virus"
with a destructive capability similar to that of a computer
virus or biological virus. A 'thought virus' is a limiting belief
that can become a 'self-fulfilling prophesy' and interfere with
one's efforts and ability to heal or improve. (The structure
and influence of thought viruses are covered in more depth in
Chapter 8.) Thought viruses contain unspoken assumptions
and presuppositions which make them difficult to identify
and challenge. Frequently, the most influential beliefs are
often out of our awareness.

Limiting beliefs and thought viruses often arise as seem-
ingly insurmountable "impasses" to the process of change. At
such an impasse, a person will feel, "I've tried everything to
change this and nothing works." Dealing effectively with
impasses involves finding the limiting belief that is at their
core, and holding them in place.

Transforming Limiting Beliefs

Ultimately, we transform limiting belief's and become 'im-
munized' to 'thought viruses' by expanding and enriching our
models of the world, and becoming clearer about our identi-
ties and missions. Limiting beliefs, for instance, are often
developed in order to fulfill a positive purpose, such as,
protection, establishing boundaries, feeling a sense of per-

118 SLEIGHT OF MOUTH

sonal power, etc. By acknowledging these deeper intentions
and updating our mental maps to include other, more effec-
tive ways to fulfill those intentions, beliefs can often be
changed with a minimum amount of effort and pain.

Many limiting beliefs arise as a result of unanswered 'how'
questions. That is, if a person does not know how to change
his or her behavior, it is easy for the person to build the
belief, "That behavior can't be changed." If a person does not
know how to accomplish a particular task, the person may
develop the belief, "I am incapable of successfully completing
that task." Thus, it is often also important to provide the
answers for a number of "how to" questions in order to help a
person transform limiting beliefs. For example, in order to
address a belief such as, "It is dangerous to show my
emotions," we must answer the question, "How do I show my
emotions and still stay safe?"

Limiting Beliefs May be Transformed or Updated by
Identifying the Positive Intentions and Presuppositions
which Underlie the Belief and Providing Alternatives and

New Answers to 'How' Questions.

BELIEFS AND EXPECTATIONS \ 19

Beliefs, both empowering and limiting, are often built in
relation to feedback and reinforcement from significant oth-
ers. Our sense of identity and mission, for instance, is
usually defined in relation to significant others, or "mentors,"
who serve as reference points for the larger systems of which
we perceive ourselves as members. Because identity and
mission form the larger framework which surrounds our
beliefs and values, establishing or shifting significant rela-
tionships can exert a strong influence on beliefs. Thus,
clarifying or altering key relationships, and messages re-
ceived in the context of those relationships, often spontane-
ously facilitates changes in beliefs. Establishing new
relationships is often an important part of promoting lasting
belief change, especially relationships which provide positive
support at the level of identity. (This is one of the principles
at the base of the NLP belief change technique of Reimprint-
ing.)

In summary, limiting beliefs can be updated and trans-
formed by:

• Identifying and acknowledging the underlying positive
intention.

• Identifying any unspoken or unconscious presupposi-
tions or assumptions at the base of the belief.

• Widening the perception of the cause-effect chains or
'complex equivalences' related to the belief.

• Providing 'how to' information with respect to alterna-
tives for fulfilling the positive intention or purpose of
the limiting belief.

• Clarifying or updating key relationships which shape
one's sense of mission and purpose, and receiving posi-
tive support at an identity level.

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Expectation

Beliefs, both empowering and limiting, are related to our
expectations. Expectation means "to look forward to" some
event or outcome. According to Webster's dictionary, it
"implies a high degree of certainty to the point of making
preparations or anticipating certain things, actions or feel-
ings." Expectations influence our behavior in different ways,
depending on where they are directed. Sigmund Freud
(1893) pointed out:

Tliere are certain ideas which have an affect of
expectancy attached to them. They are of two kinds:
ideas of my doing this or that—what we call
intentions—and ideas of this or that happening to
me—expectations proper. The affect attached to them
is dependent on two factors, first on the degree of
importance which the outcome has for me, and secondly
on the degree of uncertainty inherent in the expectation
of the outcome.

People's beliefs and expectations about outcomes and their
own personal capabilities play an important role in their
ability to achieve desired states. Freud's distinction between
"intentions" and "expectations" refer to what are known in
modern cognitive psychology (Bandura, 1982) as 'self-effi-
cacy' expectation and 'outcome' expectation. Outcome expect-
ancy is a result of a person's estimate that a given behavior
will lead to certain outcomes. 'Self-efficacy' expectation re-
lates to the conviction that one can personally successfully
execute the behavior required to produce the desired out-
come.

BELIEFS AND EXPECTATIONS 121

The Relationship of 'Self-Efficacy' Expectation to
'Outcome' Expectation

These types of beliefs and expectations often determine
how much effort people will invest, and how long they will
sustain their efforts, in dealing with stressful or challenging
situations. In self-managed activities, for instance, people
who are skeptical about the possibility of the outcome occur-
ring, or about their abilities to perform, tend to undermine
their own efforts when they approach their limits. Typically,
a lack of outcome expectancy leads to a feeling of Tiopeless-
ness' which causes the person to give up out of apathy. The
absence of 'self-efficacy' expectancy, on the other hand, leads
to a sense of inadequacy which makes the person feel
"helplessness'.

Strong positive expectations, on the other hand, can push
people to put out extra effort, and release dormant abilities.
A good example of the influence of strong expectations is the
so-called "placebo effect.'' In the case of the placebo, a person
is given a "fake" drug or pill that has no medically active
ingredients. If the patient believes the pill is "real," however,
and expects to get better, he or she will often begin to
manifest real physical improvements. In fact, some placebo
studies report quite dramatic results. In these instances, the
person's expectation actually triggers behavioral capabilities
that are latent but largely untapped.

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In relationship to learning and change, outcome expect-
ancy relates to the degree to which a person expects that the
skills or behaviors he or she is learning or engaging in will
actually produce the desired benefits within the environmen-
tal system that constitutes his or her reality. Self-efficacy
expectation relates to the degree of confidence one has in his
or her own personal effectiveness or ability to learn the
skills, or enact the behaviors necessary to reach an outcome.

Attaining desired outcomes through effective performance
in challenging situations can help to strengthen a person's
confidence in his or her existing capabilities. This is because
people usually do not perform to their fullest potential, even
though they possess the skills. It is under conditions that
test their limits that people find out what they are able to do.

Expectations relating to the projected outcomes of one's
behavior are the primary source of motivation. From this
view, how people feel, and what they do, depends on the
value that they attach to, and the causes they attribute to,
anticipated consequences. Strong "positive" outcome expec-
tations, for instance, can push people to put out extra effort
in hope of reaching some desired state. Expected conse-
quences that are perceived as "negative," on the other hand,
will lead to either avoidance or apathy.

From an NLP perspective, expectations are a classic ex-
ample of the relationship between map and territory, and the
influence of internal maps on behavior. According to NLP, an
"expectation" is a mental map relating to future actions and
consequences. The map may be of one's own behavior, the
results of one's behavior, or events which may befall us.
When such maps are very strong, they can have more
influence on us than our ongoing reality.

All people create expectations, and hope that the world
will meet them. The slippage between the world at large and
the expectations we form with respect to that world is the
basis of many of our disappointments in life. As NLP co-
founder Richard Bandler points out, "Disappointment re-