Dork Diaries_How to Dork Your Diary

My heart skip ed a beat. Chloe and Zoey froze.

They lo ked at me, and then in the direction of the ap roaching man, with she r terr r in their
ey s. Ther was no way we wer going to make it out of ther alive.

We stared in h rr r as a hairy hand pushed the do r open halfway … and then froze!

“… What do you mean we have only two buses f r the game tom rrow? I specifical y rder d THREE
buses! How are we sup osed to play with only part of our team?! I might as wel just cancel! No, I’m
NOT canceling. I said … What? Can I hold? You have another cal ? No! I can’t hold! I ne d my buses!!
…”

The guy was having a tel phone conversation right ther in the do rway. And lucky f r us, a VERY
long one.

That’s when I noticed the huge cart of dirty fo tbal unif rms and equipment about ten fe t aw y.

“Chloe! Zoey!” I whisper d, and pointed.

The girls i mediately understo d my plan. Within seconds the thre of us wer at that cart.

We grabbed fo tbal jerseys, pants, helmets, and shoes, and we dres ed faster than we ev r had in
our entire lives. And just in time!

Coach “Rowdy” Rowling’s nostrils flared when he saw us standing ther in our fo tbal unif rms
twid ling our thumbs.

“What the Sam Hil is this?” he shouted. “Why do I have thre players in her hangin’ around like
they’re waiting f r the city bus? What’s your excuse, Clayton?”

He pointed at Zoey, who was wearing a jersey that said “Clayton” on the back. She sho k so badly
her helmet rat led.

“Answer me! What’s wrong, Clayton? Cat got your tongue?”

“M-men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds,” she stut er d. “Franklin
D. Ro sev lt.”

Coach Rowling furrowed his brow and stared at Zoey like she had just answer d him in Swedish.

“That don’t ev n make sense! You think you’re fun y? How ’bout y’al doin’ twenty laps around the
track and then hit in’ the showers? Now, THAT’S fun y!”

Someone standing outside the locker ro m do r cleared his throat rather loudly. “Excuse me, Coach
…”

Me, Chloe, Zoey, and Coach Rowling turned to se who it was.

Brandon sto d in the do rway with his camera around his neck.



OMG! I almost FAINTED right ther on the spot!

“I’m her to take your phot f r the Coach of the Year article. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

Coach Rowling sto d up straight and regained his composure. “Not at al , son. I was just goin’ over
the strategy f r our big game tom rrow,” he lied. “Thes boys wil tel you I run a tight ship, which
is why we nev r lose. Nothin’ gets past me. No, sir!” Coach Rowling chuckled and gave me a playful
punch on my shoulder.

“OW!” I whimper d bef re thinking. “I mean, ‘OWW!’” I said in my de pest boyish voice.

Brandon stared at me, then Chloe, and then Zoey f r what se med like f rev r.

Shaking his head, he blinked in disbelief.

WE WERE SO BUSTED!

“Hey, let’s head outside. You can take some pictures of me in action.” Coach Rowling did one of
those c rny poses like he was run ing the bal downfield.

“Actual y … would you mind if I steal thes guys from practice?” Brandon asked, pointing to Chloe,
Zoey, and me. “I, um, want to interview them f r the article so readers wil know just how, um …
awesome you are as a coach.”

“He’s only the most awesomest coach EVER!” I croaked in my h rrible boy voice.

“He’s the man!” grunted Zoey.

“Yeah, bro,” ad ed Chloe. “And he lets us do co l guy stuf , like burp. And hit things. And play in
the bal pit at Queasy Che sy and—”

I gave her a hard kick to zip it. Clearly, the only boy Chloe knows is her lit le brother, Joey.

“Right!” Brandon laughed nervously. “So … anyway, Coach, is that co l with you? Once I interview
Team Rowling, I can take your phot .”

“Team Rowling? I like the sound of that. Take as much time as you ne d. When you’re ready, I’l be
out on the field.”

Coach Rowling winked and then headed out the do r.

We sto d in silence until it shut behind him.

“Nikki, Chloe, Zoey! WHAT are you doing dres ed like fo tbal players in the BOYS’ locker ro m?!”
Brandon asked.

“Actual y, I can explain.” I to k of my helmet. “We wer lo king f r my diary. We thought
MacKenzie might have given it to Brady. So we decided to check his duf el bag.” I hung my head in
shame. “But I was wrong. He didn’t have it.”

“Wel , you guys bet er get out of her ! Bef re Coach rem mbers those laps and comes lo king f r
you.”

“Thanks f r saving our skins,” Zoey said.

“No problem. I hope you find your diary, Nikki.”

Brandon gave me a sincer smile that n rmal y would’ve made me melt like a Popsicle.

But, given the fact that my life was over, I only muster d a half smile. “Thank you, Brandon. We
real y ap reciate you helping us out of this mes !” I said.

But in my heart I felt al hope was lost.

I didn’t want to put my friends r MYSELF through any m re dram .

NOTE TO MY FUTURE SELF:

Dear Future Self,

If you’re reading this, I’ve probably be n publicly humiliated and banished by MacKenzie to an
unknown island in the Pacific.

Even though I am now a freaky hermit person, please let Brian a know she’s stil not al owed to go
into my ro m. I hope things w rked out f r you and Brandon.

Love,
Nikki Maxwel

P.S. Please burn this diary so no one else can read it.

NOTE TO SELF

One of the best parts about a diary is that you can lo k back at al the sil y things you said years,
months, we ks, days, and ev n hours ago. It’s co mon to read entries from the past.
But if you think about it, a diary is almost like a time machine to both your past AND your future!
HOW?
You can write an entry to your future self, then come back and read it later!
Weird, huh?
But VERY COOL!

HOW TO DORK YOUR DIARY TIP #13

BE PEN PALS
WITH YOUR
FUTURE SELF!

What would you say to the eighte n-year-old version of yourself? Write a let er to your eighte n-
year-old self.
Dear Eighte n-Year-Old Me,

Sincer ly,
________________Year-Old Me

NOTE TO SELF

Writing in your diary should be a pleas nt experience. When ver pos ible, try to write in a quiet place
wher you won’t be disturbed r distracted.

HOW TO DORK YOUR DIARY TIP #14

FIND A COMFY
SPOT AND CHILLAX

AS YOU WRITE.

Wher would you cho se f r your secret diary-writing hideout?



Draw a picture of yourself writing in your diary in your secret hideout.

AT HOME, 4:00 P.M.

WHY, WHY, WHY is my life SO h rrendously CRUDDY ?!
I think my diary is LOST FOREVER.
Especial y since MacKenzie is lo king f r it to .
I would have sw rn she had it in her purse in the of ice, but I gues I was wrong.
I think she was only pret nding to have my diary so that I’d give up and stop lo king f r it. Having
me total y out of the picture would’ve greatly improved her chances of actual y finding it.
I know it’s kind of complicated. But MacKenzie makes EVERYTHING complicated.
I am so NOT lo king f rward to having the entire scho l reading al of my personal busines .
But I gues I’l survive it.
Just like I’ve man ged to survive al the other maj r disasters in my pathetic lit le life.
Thank go dnes my BFFs, Chloe and Zoey, have got my back.
I stil can’t believ they wer wil ing to risk going into the boys’ locker ro m like that, just to help
me find my diary.
They’re the best friends EVER!



AT HOME, 4:30 P.M.

Right now I’m a bundle of raw nerves and conflicting emotions.

I FEEL HAPPY, ANGRY, RELIEVED, AND SUPER-
INSECURE ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

WHY?

I was in the mid le of throwing a mas ive pity party f r myself when Brian a came rushing in from
scho l, screaming at the top of her lungs.

“Nikki! Nikki! I have very hap y news! You’l nev r gues what hap en d in scho l today!”

I was drinking a bot le of water, because throwing a pity party is exhausting w rk and can make you
very hot and thirsty.

ME, TAKING A SHORT BREAK FROM MY PITY PARTY TO DRINK A BOTTLED WATER

“BRIANNA! YOU TOOK MY DIARY TO SCHOOL FOR SHOW-AND-TELL??!!” I screamed.

I was so shocked, I didn’t know whether to YELL at her f r taking it r THANK her f r
returning it. But since I no longer had to w rry about MacKenzie plastering pages of my diary
around the scho l, it was actual y a no-brainer.

I gave my brat y lit le sister a humongous bear hug!

Then I made Brian a pinkie-promise to NEVER, EVER touch my stuf ag in without asking f r
permis ion first. Our lit le cer mony was such a bonding experience f r us as sisters, I almost shed a
tear.…

WITH MY PINKIE,
I PROMISE AND PLEDGE
TO NEVER TAKE OR BORROW.

’CAUSE NIKKI WILL BE
SO MAD AT ME,

SHE’LL KNOCK ME INTO TOMORROW!

Of course, being the pathol gical liar that she is, Brian a total y denied taking my diary.

“Mis Pen lope stole your stupid diary, not ME! I told her not to do it, but she didn’t ev n listen to
me!”

That was Brian a’s st ry, and she was sticking to it.

Although, now that I think about it, Mis Pen lope and MacKenzie have a lot in co mon:

1. They are both SUPERan oying.

2. They both have a HUGE MOUTH.

3. They both wear WAY to much lip glos .

4. They both enjoy TORTURING me.

5. They both have NO BRAIN whatsoev r.

OMG! They’re probably identical twins who wer separ ted at birth!!
But I have to admit, I’m not perfect either.
Seriously, folks …

I’M SUCH A DORK !!

NOTE TO SELF

A diary is a great place to get supercreative. Try writing a poem r the lyrics to an riginal song.
Poetry can rhyme r be fre verse (which means it doesn’t rhyme). Although this might se m like a
dif icult r b ring task, it’s actual y EASY and FUN! Think about your fav rite rap er r rap
song. Rap is just another f rm of poetry!

HOW TO DORK YOUR DIARY TIP #15

WRITING POETRY IS A SNAP WHEN YOU THINK
OF IT AS RAP.

First you’re going to ne d a stage name. You can ad “MC” r “LIL” to your own name r make up
something sil y. Write your rap, poem, r song on the next page. Hey! You’re a poet and don’t know
it.



TITLE OF YOUR POEM

by YOUR STAGE NAME

NOTE TO SELF

Your diary belongs to YOU and no one else (no mat er what your brat y lit le sister might think).
So you can write about your day, your crush, your fav rite things, a party you want to throw, r
absolutely anything else you want to write about, anytime you want!

HOW TO DORK YOUR DIARY TIP #16

WRITE ABOUT ANYTHING, EVERYTHING, OR
NOTHING—IT’S YOUR DIARY!