Dork Diaries_How to Dork Your Diary

What kind of party wil it be?

Wher wil it be located?
What fo ds wil be served?

MY PARTY GUEST LIST

FRIENDS
(Make a list of ten friends you’d invite to your party.)

SPECIAL GUESTS

(Make a list of ten people you’d invite to your party who are alive r dead: people from hist ry;
char cters from your fav rite bo ks, movies, r TV shows; cel brities; pro athlet s; etc.)

CAFETERIA, 12:25 P.M.

I slumped over my lunch like a zombie. The rot ing cas erole smel didn’t ev n bother me.

“It’s like my diary disap eared into thin air,” I mut er d. “I have no clue how I lost it. How can I be
so dense?”
Zoey sque zed my shoulder sympathetical y. “Don’t beat yourself up, Nikki. Besides, thre heads are
bet er than one. Let’s al try to rem mber if you had it during lunch yesterday. We’l start with
the moment we sat down to eat.”
“H m.” Chloe scratched her head, cros ed her ey s, and clicked her tongue. She only did this when
she was real y de p in thought. I could almost hear the squeaky cogs in her brain turning. “Yesterday
at lunch?”

“Wel , Zoey open d her ap le juice and to k a sip. Then I said, ‘Nikki, are you going to eat that fry?’
And Nikki said, ‘I was until you picked it up, snif ed it, and asked me if I was going to eat it.’ Then
I said, ‘Thanks f r the fry!’ Then I asked Zoey if I could have a bite of her mom’s famous
blueb rry muf ins, ’cause those things are crazy delicious. And Zoey said—”

“Um, Chloe, how about we just skip al the tiny details?” I said, trying my best to remain calm.

“Wel , to be honest, I don’t exactly rem mber whether r not you had your diary with you at lunch
yesterday,” Chloe admit ed. “But I DO rem mber the time you accidental y threw it in the trash
when you dumped your tray.”

Zoey’s ey s lit up. “Wow! Chloe has a go d point. If it hap en d once, it could hap en ag in. Nikki,
maybe … you tos ed it!”

“OMG! You guys think I threw my diary aw y?! What if I DID?!” I groaned.

ME, ACCIDENTALLY THROWING AWAY MY DIARY AT LUNCH??!!
That’s when I jumped up from the lunch table.
“Come on, guys, we only have thirte n minutes bef re lunch is over.”
“Wher are we going?” Chloe asked.
“To the Dumpster!” I yel ed over my shoulder.

“You’ve got to be kid ing me!” Zoey made an ick face.
“The go d news is that MacKenzie would NEVER think to lo k ther !” I felt hopeful ag in.
Chloe and I sprinted acros the cafet ria toward a back do r that led outside as Zoey lag ed
behind.
“Personal y, I don’t think MacKenzie wants to read your diary THAT badly,” Zoey grumped.
As we ap roached the Dumpster, the stench of thre -day-old fish sticks and spoiled milk almost
knocked me over.
But I was desperate.
So I just grit ed my te th, held my breath, and cautiously pe red inside.
“I’m in my hap y place! I’m in my hap y place! I’m in my hap y place!” Zoey chanted as she climbed in.
She was doing one of her go fy meditation ex rcises, but it was so not w rking.
“You know this garbage is crawling with disease-laden bacteria, right?” nag ed Zoey. “When I get
home, I’m going to take of thes clothes and burn them!”
Chloe was already inside, busily dig ing through the rubbish.
But do you wan a know the real y FREAKY part?
She actual y se med to be enjoying it!

ME, CHLOE, AND ZOEY SEARCHING FOR MY DIARY IN THE DUMPSTER

“If my diary is in her , it wil probably be toward the top,” I said, swat ing at an overly friendly fly.

Unf rtunately, al I could find amid the rot en fo d wer broken hockey sticks and flat basketbal s
from gym clas , and test papers with big fat red Fs on them. None of them wer mine, I swear!

“Hey! Check it out!” Chloe shouted hap ily.

“OMG! You found my diary?!” I asked excitedly.
“Not yet, but isn’t this flop y hat real y cute?” She put on the hat and struck a pose. “Now I lo k
like a cel brity!”
“It’s nice, but we got a ke p lo king,” I huf ed.
A minute later I heard a high-pitched “SQUEEEE!!” It was Chloe. Again!
“What?! What?!” I asked eagerly.
“OMG! It’s the new st is ue of Vampire Hunks Monthly!”
She held the mag zine to her chest and hug ed it.

“How could anyone tos this? Finders ke pers!”

“Come on, Chloe!” Zoey said, rol ing her ey s. “Be serious!”

“I’m searching, already. She sh!” Chloe pushed a garbage bag aside and bent down to pick up
something.

“OH. MY. GAWD!” she scre ched.

I sighed. “Please tel me it’s my diary this time.”

“It’s a Hug-Me-Harry bear!” She gave the dirty ted y bear a sque ze. “I’m ke ping him.”

“Just great!” I mumbled, lo king at my watch, which was cover d in a thick layer of mustard. “Lunch
is almost over, and we’ve barely scratched the surface her . I don’t know if I’l EVER find my diary.”

I crawled out of the Dumpster.

Def ated. And real y, real y smel y.

“Hey! I know just what wil che r you up,” Chloe co ed in a very an oying, high-pitched baby voice.
“How about a big fat HUGGY-WUGGY!”

Then she shoved Dirty Harry right in my face.

I was like, OH. NO. SHE. DIDN’T!!

Chloe must have total y lost her mind.
And Zoey wasn’t helping mat ers by gig ling like a hysterical chipmunk.
But since they are my BFFs, I decided NOT to get an at itude about the whole thing.
So … I just hug ed the stupid bear.
I’m ashamed to actual y admit it, but Hug-Me-Harry DID make me fe l a lit le bit bet er. Once I
got past the od r. !!

NOTE TO SELF

Sometimes the most insignificant things can spark the best mem ries. Save your ticket stub from
that fabulous live concert r that blockbuster movie.

Ke p the hilarious note your BFF pas ed to you during math clas . Hang on to that cute do dle you
did of your crush on the back of your lunch napkin. You can use your diary as a place to ke p lit le
things that you cherish.

HOW TO DORK YOUR DIARY TIP #10

TREASURE YOUR
TRASH.

Find two things that bring back great mem ries. Tape the first one in the space below.

Now make a note about what you taped on the last page and how you got it, so you won’t ev r
f rget.

Now tape the second item her and write about it below.

BIOLOGY CLASS, 1:30 P.M.

Today is turning out to be the longest scho l day EVER.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE

let it end so n.

I don’t know how much m re I can take.

By the time I got to biol gy clas , it se med like the ENTIRE scho l was gos iping about my lost
diary !!

I seriously consider d just faking a head che and going home early.

I tried my best to ign re al the stares and whispers in the clas ro m. But it was real y hard to do
with MacKenzie sit ing acros the ro m gos iping about me right to my face.

I was in such a grumpy mo d, I barely said hi to my crush, Brandon. Even though he gave me a big
smile and told me he had something imp rtant to give me a er clas .



S rry, but the last thing I ne ded right then was another extra-credit project. In spite of the
fact that it usual y meant us spending an extra hour w rking together in the lab.

Even though our scho l has a very strict policy about no cel phones in clas , I watched in ut er
am zem nt (and with slight envy) as MacKenzie sat ther texting aw y like ther was no tom rrow.
Al while our teacher, Ms. Kincaid, drew diagrams of molecules on the board and droned on and on
about the day’s mas ively b ring les on on microbiol gy.

It was very sad but true: MacKenzie could get aw y with murder! And ev ryone at WCD, ev n the
teachers, se med to just lo k the other way.

Or so I thought.

“ADP is a molecule f rmed from ATP by the breaking of of a phosphate group. It results in a
rel ase of en rgy that is used f r biol gical reactions and— Mis Hol ister, you se m real y busy with
your cel phone while I’m up her in front of the clas trying to teach. I hope I’m not disturbing
you?”

I could NOT believ our teacher actual y said that!

It got so quiet in the ro m, you could hear a pin drop. Everyone in the clas , including the teacher,
was staring at MacKenzie.

But girlfriend was so busy texting that she didn’t ev n notice.

Frustrated, Ms. Kincaid raised her voice. “Mis Hol ister! Would you PLEASE put down your phone!
Now!”

Ap arently, MacKenzie didn’t hear a single w rd.

Highly irritated, Ms. Kincaid walked up and sto d right next to her.

But MacKenzie was so abs rbed that she kept right on texting.

That’s when …

OMG! It was SO fun y!
MacKenzie almost jumped out of her seat.
And Ms. Kincaid actual y confiscated her cel phone.
The entire clas cracked up, and f r a split second I felt a lit le s rry f r MacKenzie.
But she total y had it coming!

“MacKenzie, you know the rules. We have zero tolerance f r cel phone use in clas . I’l return it to
you in ten days, AFTER I rec ive a five-page paper on why cel phones should not be al owed in clas .
Do you understand?”

MacKenzie lo ked like she was going to DIE of embarras ment. “I g-gues so!” she sta mer d.

“And since your mes age is SO imp rtant you’ve interrupted our clas time, I think it’s only fit ing
that it be shared with ALL of us.”

MacKenzie lo ked absolutely LIVID.

Ms. Kincaid squinted at the phone and read the last mes age aloud.

“From Brady Grayson: No, that’s way to risky. I have an early fo tbal practice today, but I can
give it back to you a erward. Me t me in the gym at thre o’clock.”

The clas snicker d loudly.

With MacKenzie suf iciently m rtified, the teacher resumed her lecture.

“Now, wher was I? … ADP, I think. ADP is a molecule f rmed from ATP by the breaking of of a
phosphate group.…”

A er clas was over, I had no intention of sticking around.

“Hey, wait! I want to give you something!” Brandon said, reaching f r his bag.

“Actual y, I’m sup osed to be me ting Chloe and Zoey right now.…”

“It’l only take a minute. I heard that you lost your journal. So until you find it, I wanted to give you
this.…”

Brandon handed me a thin, square package wrap ed in notebo k paper.
I open d it and was supersurprised to se it was a spiral notebo k.
“It’s nothing fancy. I just had a couple extra ones lying around in my locker. I figured you’d put it to
go d use.”
I just stared at him, spe chles .
It was one of the swe test gi s anyone has ev r given me. Lately.

“Th-thanks, Brandon!” I sput er d, blushing like crazy. “It’s a real y nice … col r! And it has two
hundred and fi y-six pages and cost thre sev nty-nine. I mean, wow!”
He smiled and blushed to . “I’m glad you like it.”
“Yeah, I do. A lot!”
“Um, I gues I’l se you tom rrow, then.”
“Yep, same her !”
“Bye!”
“Bye! Thanks ag in!”
I placed the notebo k in my backpack and walked out of clas .
But in my head I was doing my Sno py “hap y dance.”

A er which, I had an obligat ry at ack of RCS (rol er-coaster syndrome). OMG! It felt like I had
a thousand but erflies flut ering around in my stomach. WHEEEEEEEEEEEE! !!

NOTE TO SELF

Do you sometimes want to say stuf out loud and speak your mind, but you’re a lit le nervous r
afraid?

Although you don’t want to be rude, it can be go d to tel people exactly what you think and how
you fe l. Otherwise, you end up saying it inside your head so no one else hears it but you. And a er
a while that wil get kind of old.

HOW TO DORK YOUR DIARY TIP #11

WRITE DOWN ALL
THE STUFF YOU
ONLY SAY INSIDE

YOUR HEAD.

WHAT I SAID ALOUD
WHAT I SAID INSIDE MY HEAD …



What are some of the things you’ve only said inside your head, but that you’ve thought about saying
to:
1. Your BFFs?

2. Someone at scho l who isn’t always supernice to you?

3. Your parents?
4. Your siblings?

5. Your crush?

GEOMETRY CLASS, 2:00 P.M.

AAAHHH !!

That was me screaming.
I CANNOT believ I just made a TOTAL FOOL of myself!!
Chloe, Zoey, and I decided to check the lost and found ag in betwe n clas es.
Mainly because Jes ica is now the sixth-hour of ice as istant, and we wanted to get to it bef re
she did.
When we walked in, we saw two girls sit ing on the flo r behind the counter, frantical y tos ing
items back into the lost and found box.
We wer NOT the least bit surprised to se it was MACKENZIE and JESSICA.

They both se med a lit le startled to se us standing ther .

MacKenzie quickly grabbed her purse and zip ed it up. “Jes , thanks f r helping me find … my … um,
lip glos . I’l se you in clas .”

Jes ica walked up to the counter and gave us her big est phony smile. “Hi ther . May I help you?”

Ther was no way I was going to discus my personal busines with HER. “Is Mrs. Pearson in?”

“Actual y, no. She’l be back from a me ting in about ten minutes. Is ther something I can help you
with?” she said, glancing at MacKenzie while trying her best not to snicker.

“I hope you haven’t lost anything real y imp rtant,” MacKenzie snarled. “You know. Like a diary with
a pocket on the cover. Don’t waste your time checking the lost and found, because it’s definitely
NOT her ! Right, Jes ica?”

Chloe, Zoey, and I could NOT believ she actual y said that to our faces.

Ther was now no doubt whatsoev r in my mind that MacKenzie had found my diary. I was sure it
was probably stuf ed in her purse.

“MacKenzie, I want my diary back,” I said, lo king right into her beady lit le ey s.

“Yeah! Hand it over!” Chloe huf ed.

“Right NOW!” Zoey growled.

MacKenzie just flip ed her hair and glared at us.

But I had a fe ling in my gut that she was lying.

“It doesn’t belong to you, so give it back,” I demanded.

“Wel , maybe I have it. Or maybe I don’t! You’l nev r—”

MacKenzie stop ed midsentence, distracted by something behind us. Her frown quickly melted into a
dazzling—but very fake—smile.

I turned around just as Principal Winston came striding into the of ice. “Go d a erno n, girls!” he
said.

“Oh, my! Lo k at the time. Got a run! Se you in geometry, Nikki.” MacKenzie grabbed her purse
and nervously bolted f r the do r.

I traded glances with Chloe and Zoey. They quickly step ed in front of her, blocking her path so
she couldn’t leave.

MacKenzie shot them both a dirty lo k, but it was to late.

I to k a de p breath. “Hi, Principal Winston. I was wondering if you could help us with a smal
problem?”

He stop ed and adjusted his glas es. “Sure! Now, what se ms to be the trouble?”

MacKenzie flut er d her ey lashes in ocently and tried to take control of the situation. “Actual y,
Principal Winston, the problem is that Nikki her se ms to think I have a bo k that belongs to her.”

“I don’t think it. I KNOW it!” I snap ed.

MacKenzie snif ed and pret nded to be on the verge of tears. “I was just tel ing her that I don’t
have her stupid diary. But she doesn’t believ me. I have no idea why she would say such a mean thing
about me a er I’ve be n so nice to her and gave her al that fre fashion advice. And just lo k at
her, Principal Winston. She real y ne ds it. Our mascot, Larry the Lizard, has a bet er wardrobe
than she does—”

“Then how did you ev n know my diary was mis ing? Or that it has a pocket on the cover?” I
demanded.

Everyone in the ro m, including Principal Winston, just stared at her, waiting f r her answer.

MacKenzie bit her lip and started to squirm.

“Wel , actual y … um, the whole scho l knows. Chloe and Zoey an ounced it during gym. And you write
in it ev ry single day. That’s how I know it has a pocket on the cover. But I swear! I don’t have it!”

“Thes types of al egations wil not be taken lightly,” Principal Winston said sternly, and folded his
arms. “I hope you girls can w rk this out, because if I get involved …”

MacKenzie’s face flushed, and she glanced at her purse.

“Okay, Nikki! If you don’t believ me, go ahead! Check my purse!” Then she snif ed and blinked back
m re phony tears f r dram tic ef ect.
She removed four tubes of lip glos , Tic Tacs, and a brush from her purse and placed them on the
counter.
Then she closed her ey s and held out her purse like she was surrendering her new pup y to an
unusual y cruel dog catcher.

MACKENZIE’S PURSE WAS EMPTY!

Al I could do was stare in complet shock.

What had that girl done with my DIARY?!
“Thank you, Mis Hol ister!” Principal Winston said ap rovingly. “I’m VERY impres ed with your
integrity.”
But I was total y baf led! How had she tricked me like that?
“WELL …?!” Winston glared at me and began dru ming his fingers impatiently.
“Um, I gues sh-she doesn’t have my d-diary a er al ,” I mut er d.
I felt so embarras ed. I wanted to grab the of ice wastebasket and wear it to cover up the w rd
“IDIOT” that had just be n stamped on my f rehead.
Chloe, Zoey, and I traded nervous glances.
“Wel , Mis Maxwel , I think you owe Mis Hol ister an apol gy,” Winston said as MacKenzie smiled like
a lit le angel who had just earned her wings.
I was so angry I wanted to … SPIT!
It to k ev ry ounce of my wil power not to slap that SMUG lit le SMIRK right of her face!!
I stared down at my fe t and tried to swal ow the large lump in my throat.
“Um, I—I’m s rry!” I mumbled.
“Huh? What did she say? I couldn’t hear her!” MacKenzie whined like a spoiled brat.
“I said, ‘I’m SORRY’!”
“Now, Mis Maxwel , I hope you’l think twice bef re you wrongly accuse someone like this ag in. Do
you understand, young lady?”
I hung my head. “Yes, sir.…”

Winston glanced at his watch. “Wel , girls, I have a confer nce cal in exactly two minutes. I’m glad we
wer able to resolve this is ue to ev ryone’s satisfaction.”

Then he strode into his of ice and closed the do r.

As Chloe and Zoey walked me back to my locker, my head was spin ing. “I fe l SO stupid! I’m s rry I
drag ed you guys into this,” I mut er d.

“Hey, don’t w rry about it,” Zoey said. “We thought MacKenzie had your diary to .”

“You have to admit, she WAS acting pret y suspicious,” Chloe agre d. “But don’t w rry, Nikki. I’m
sure your diary wil turn up when we least expect it.”

In spite of ev rything that had just hap en d, I stil had this nag ing fe ling in my gut that
MacKenzie was not as in ocent as she was pret nding to be.

And now if my diary ends up plaster d al over the bathro m stal s, Principal Winston wil NOT ev n
consider her a suspect.

MacKenzie is going to get aw y with ruining my life, and ther is nothing I can do to stop her.

I real y hate to admit it, but she total y set me up. AGAIN!! !!

NOTE TO SELF

It’s helpful to have a go d mem ry when ke ping a diary so later you can write about al the stuf
that hap en d to you.

OMG! I almost DIED when I saw Brandon in the cer al aisle. We stared at each other f r what felt
like f rev r. And when we both grabbed the same box of Fruity Pebbles, he actual y smiled at me. I

came home in a complet DAZE. And now that I rem mber what hap en d, I realize …

… I ACCIDENTALLY LEFT BRIANNA AT THE GROCERY STORE!! AAAHHH!!!

HOW TO DORK YOUR DIARY TIP #12

DON’T FORGET TO
REMEMBER.

What did you have f r breakfast this m rning?

What was the cutest outfit you saw, and who was wearing it?
What was the last song you listen d to?
What was the fun iest thing you heard today, and who said it?

Did you dream last night? If so, what did you dream about?
Did you talk to anybody on the phone? What did you talk about?
What was the smartest thing you said al day?

LIBRARY, 2:35 P.M.

I’m SO upset at MacKenzie, I can barely focus on shelving library bo ks.
I just KNOW she has my diary.
But a er that SUPERembarras ing fiasco with Principal Winston, it was quite obvious that
MacKenzie wasn’t stupid enough to hide my diary in her purse and risk get ing caught with it.
But if MacKenzie doesn’t have it,

WHO DOES ?!!

I’m SO th roughly confused! I fe l like I am drowning in a tidal wave of hopel s nes .
Just the thought of my diary being pas ed around and read by ev ryone like the latest edition of
the scho l newspaper makes me fe l sick to my stomach.

Blinking back tears, I sighed and stared out of the library window. Since our fo tbal team has a
game tom rrow, they wer on the field practicing.

I wonder d how many of them would read my diary and then go out of their way to make my life
miserable. Lunchtime is going to be unbear ble!

I was pret y sure Brady, our star quarterback, would be the ringleader. Not only has he be n
crushing on MacKenzie lately, but she got busted in biol gy texting him and—

That’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks!

“OMG! OMG! CHLOE! ZOEY! I THINK I KNOW WHO
HAS MY DIARY …!!!”

IN THE HALL OUTSIDE THE
BOYS’ LOCKER ROOM, 2:45 P.M.

NO WAY! I COULDN’T pos ibly do this!
WHY?! Because someone could end up DEAD, that’s why.
Namely … ME !!
Chloe and Zoey came up with their CRAZIEST schem yet. And I knew f r sure that:
1. Their plan would NEVER w rk.
2. We wer going to get caught.
3. We wer going to get suspended from scho l.
Then my parents are going to

KILL ME !!

And if I’m DEAD, I’l probably NEVER, EVER find my diary!
The thre of us had bathro m pas es, so we wer SUPPOSED to be in the girls’ bathro m.
But NOOOOOOO!!!
We wer slinking around outside the boys’ locker ro m. Mainly because Chloe, Zoey, and I had al
come to the unanimous conclusion that my diary was in ther .
It HAD to be!
We think MacKenzie gave it to Brady and they wer texting each other about it.

Since the fo tbal players are now on the field practicing, Brady’s duf el bag was somewher in the
boys’ locker ro m.

“Al we have to do is simply walk inside, find the locker with Brady’s duf el bag, and grab your
diary!” Zoey whisper d so loudly, her voice se med to be echoing through the hal s and into ev ry
clas ro m on this side of the building.

“Are you KA-RAY-ZEE?!!” I his ed back at her. “What if we get caught?!”

“Don’t w rry!” Chloe as ured me. “Just ask yourself what the heroine of your fav rite novel would
do in this situation.”

“Yeah, right!” I mut er d. “So wher in the w rld am I sup osed to find a prom dres and a pack of
shirtles wer wolf boys on a Friday a erno n? I’m just saying!”

Chloe rol ed her ey s at me.

I real y ap reciated that Chloe and Zoey wer trying to help me find my diary and al . But I have
to admit, some days I seriously w rry about those two.

“No one has gone in r come out in the last few minutes,” Chloe whisper d. “I don’t think anyone’s in
ther !”

“Listen, guys,” I began, “I think we should just go back to the library bef re we—”

“OKAY! Let’s make a run f r it!!” Zoey said excitedly.

Bef re I could say, “What the …!!” Chloe and Zoey rushed the boys’ locker ro m do r and poked
their heads inside.

“OMG! CHLOEEEE!! ZOEEEEY!! NOO!”

I scream-whisper d at the top of my lungs.

But it was to late. I didn’t have any choice but to go a er them.

ME, ZOEY, AND CHLOE PEEKING INSIDE
THE BOYS’ LOCKER ROOM!!

OMG!

I could NOT BELIEVE I was actual y in the boys’ locker ro m!! It’s a large, square ro m with lockers
along thre wal s.

It’s a lot big er than the girls’ locker ro m and has an area with a line of those boy-toilet thingies.

Chloe, Zoey, and I quickly began searching inside each locker, one a er another.

“Hurry!” Zoey yel ed over her shoulder. “It’s posted by the do r that ther ’s a swim team me ting
in her in ten minutes, so we don’t have much time!”

I fought the overwhelming urge to panic and run out of ther screaming.

We had just about made our way around the entire ro m, with no luck. Then, as I was opening the
second-to-last locker, I spot ed Brady’s name on a duf el bag.

“That go d-f r-nothing, meathead cro k,” I mut er d, s rting through the stuf in his bag.

I felt a smal bo k underneath a Spider-Man comic.

I couldn’t contain my excitem nt! “Chloe! Zoey! I found it!” I screamed.

They came rushing over and crowded around me.

“You have to be a real slimebal to steal a girl’s

… Cupcakes f r Every Occasion co kbo k?!” I sput er d. I held the bo k in front of me in shock
and disap ointment.

On the cover wer cupcakes dec rated like pup ies and kit ens. I felt their lic rice smiles mocking
me.

But ther was no time f r me to griev over the fact that my diary was stil out ther somewher .

I heard a man’s bo ming voice and heavy fo tsteps coming toward the locker ro m do r. Did I
mention that it’s the ONLY locker ro m do r?