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Published by ashley, 2021-11-04 20:22:40

She Rose Interior Proof

She Rose Interior Proof


From Rejection
to Resilience


she rose


is story is about my personal experience. I do not have
any intention of generalizing. Instead, I talk about how the
surroundings I grew up in in uenced my perception of life and who
I am asa person. Names has been changed to protect identity.

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she rose


She Rose! is a vibrant story of resilience and triumph like only ReCe can tell.
The authenticity that ReCe delivers allows us to see God in the fabric of her
story. It’s through her transparency that we can not only experience her journey,
but we too can pinpoint where He is in ours too.
I remember meeting ReCe for the very first time a little over five years ago. At a
school breakfast that our daughter’s school hosted, we had the opportunity to meet.
I wasn’t aware at the time how much our relationship would flourish. She shared
with me her testimony; when we met, she was walking through a hard timein her life.
But her radiant smile and her animated storytelling had me drawn in. Imentioned to
her that I had a publishing company and walking authors through the process was my
passion. Later, we would find ourselves attending the same church,and the rest is history.
We surpassed friendship; we became sisters.
What I admire most about ReCe isn’t just her strength. We have a fascination and habit
of calling women “strong” as a compliment. Sometimes women are not strong because
they want to be; they are strong because they have to be. I admire ReCe for her faith
and courage to be vulnerable. We talked about this book, the uncomfortable
truths, and the nakedness of it all that would make anyone think twice about
sharing. But when it’s for the glory of God, it makes all of this worth it.Romans 8:18
says, “For I reckon that the su erings of this present time are not worthy to be compared
with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”


she rose
There’s an elevation that you walk into when you are free in God. I guarantee you
that this is a book that you will not want to put down. This book will encourage
conversation, and it will inspire you to rise above where you are now. It will remind
you that your past may have a say, but it doesn’t have the last say. Most of all, itwill
remind you how beautiful you are; whether rejected or abandoned, you werenever
an orphan.
Thank you ReCe, for sharing your story. May you continue to walk in victory with
your cute shoes and your Hollywood smile. You are a world-changer.
Ashley Graham
CEO of Lift Bridge Publishing

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she rose


The boldness that ReCe exhibits in this book is too be admired. Her life has taken many
twists and turns that would have caused others to check out figurative andliterally. In
telling her life story she shows courage strength and the redemptive power of God.
This book is for anyone who is dealing with guilt, shame, blame and regret, just to name
a few. From the chapter beginning with her identity, she begins by setting the tone
and giving the reader a glimpse of who she is and why. The blueprint of the writer’s
decision-making processes of the way her life turned wasexplicitly detailed within this
story. This book is an example to others that are afraid to be open and honest about
what they have gone through in life to help others through it. It will provide healing
for those that have experienced any sexual abuse, especially in childhood. As ReCe’s
coach, I am proud of her courage and creativity in sharing her life’s story.
Dr. Tavis Taylor –
Tavis Taylor Talks, LLC
The Single Mompreneuher Club, LLC
Bloom University, GA Campus

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she rose


In Loving Memory of My MomMother Maybell Wilson

My rock, My heart, My support Mom, I love you with all my heart.
You have always been my backbone Supporting me, loving me,
no matter what I miss you and hope I am making you proud.
Love your Baby Girl, ReCe
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she rose


Deacon Jesse Wilson, Sr. and Mother Maybell Wilson

“‘Honor your father and mother.’ This is the first commandment with a promise:If
you honor your father and mother, ‘Things will go well for you,
and you will have a long life on the earth.’” Ephesians 6:3

Mom and Dad, you raised me, you loved me, you taught me and most of all you
prayed for me. You have shown me strength and showed me how to lean on God,

so no matter what came my way, I would be victorious.
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she rose


Jereese Johnson & Jada Joyner

Jereese – There is no way I would have been able to write any of these words without
your yes. You went through all the ups and downs with me. You never judged me,
nor disrespected me. You have always been my support. Thanks for being my first
heartbeat! Thanks for taking care of your sister.
Jada – I can not imagine doing life without you. In my difficult times you were right
there with me praying. You always make me laugh. I enjoy going grocery shopping with
you and cooking. I am so glad God chose me to be your mother. You are my creative
baby. Keep dancing, drawing, and doing Make-Up. You are an entrepreneur. Thanks
for acting like you are the big sister.
Girls – Thank you both for BLOSSOMING in my life! MY ROSES! We did it!
My future Grands – This book has broken off generational curses. Use this as a guide and
road map to Christ. You do not have to take the wrong road. I already did. God is good.

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Whew! This has been a long time coming and so many have taken this journey with me
providing support, love, words of encouragement, a listening ear and somuch more.
I just want to take this time to thank them for enduring and we are finally here. She
ROSE is Here Y’all!
First giving thanks and honor to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who kept me through
every trauma, hurt, pain, and loss that I went through and allowed me to not die in
my mess. He allowed me to grow and be confident and vulnerable to share my story so
that someone out there can see that God is with you and He elevates you despite what
you have gone through. God does not call the qualified,He qualifies the called. Thank
you, Jesus!
Thank you to my family Thornia “DeeDee” Wilson; Destiny Sanders; Lakiha, Kevinand
KJ Speed; Saundra Wilson; and Leatha Frierson-Hanna. Thank you for always showing up
and being family not just by blood but choosing to stick by my side.
Special thanks to my sister-friends Patreese, Terry, Veronica, Lisa, and Ashley H. who
journey through this thing called life through the good and bad. You each seeme and
still love me, and I am thankful to have you all in my life and never letting me quit.
Special Credits to my editor, make-up artist, and photographer. Stella Hall, thank
you for getting me to my finish line by editing my book and ensuring my voice
was not silenced. Thank you to my cousin and make-up artist, Ty Cobb – Ty Cobb

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she rose

Beauty – ensuring my face and look was A full ALARJ for all
my events and photo shoot. Thank you, Deon Washington, – Kendrick Kaptureswww. – making my vision come to life through photo.

Special thanks to Steve DaCosta for being a supportive friend pushing me throughthe

Heartfelt thanks to Ashley Logan Graham – Founder & CEO of Lift Bridge Publishing, C. Graham for Directive Assistance, CassandraWallace – prayer and
spiritual guidance.

Thank you, Pastor Jacqueline Stevenson, for pulling me through and always
praying for me. Thank you, Pastor Billie Hall, for reminding me of the strength
within me and literally driving me through a very rough time in my life. Special
thanks to my Pastors Demond and Portia Taylor for your covering and being
my spiritual parents delivering me from my bitterness. I am better not bitter.
Eternal gratefulness and thanks to my spiritual counselor Denise Winter for
walking me through facing my broken pieces to healing and wholeness.

Thank you, Prophetess Francina Norman and the Prophetic Intercession room, on
Clubhouse. God sent you at the right time in my life for my next. Elevation!

Thank you Dr. Tavis Taylor and the Single Mompreneuher Club where I was pushed
into purpose and met my Goal Friends. Also, thank you Pastor Stella Hallfor the last
inner healing removing the final residue to complete this book.

Special thanks to my AM and PM battle buddies (prayer partners). Your prayershave
warred on my behalf through obstacles and spiritual attacks against me. I am forever

Thank you to all who I have ever called my sister or brother (insert your name here), I
wish I could name you all, But I would never get this book out if I did. I love you
and thank you all for your part in my journey. God is ascending me to new levels, who’s
going with me. Nothing but up from here. See you in the next…

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she rose

She ROSE – From Rejection
to Resilience

Table of Contents

Part One - Renew
Chapters and Details
Chapter 1 - Cute Booties - Identity................................................................1
Chapter 2 - Buster Brown Shoes - Molestation...............................................5
Chapter 3 - Jellybeans - Early Exposure..........................................................7
Part Two - Rebirth
Chapters and Details
Chapter 4 - Penny Loafers - Rejection..........................................................15
Chapter 5 - Peep Toe - Curiosity..................................................................39
Chapter 6 - Flip Flop - Attraction To Same-Sex............................................43

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Part ree - Redeem
Chapters and Details
Chapter 7 - Flats - The Ceremony.................................................................57
Chapter 8 - Cowboy Boots - Ride On..........................................................67
Chapter 9 - Classic Pump - When I Think Of My Mother............................83
Part Four - Reveal
Chapters and Details
Chapter 10 - Mule - Pardon Me....................................................................91
Chapter 11 - Stiletto - Stand And Still Stand..............................................103
Chapter 12 - Red Bottom - Covered By The Blood (You Can’t Go Under
The Blood)..................................................................................................123

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she rose


I know most of you have heard me say, “It will be in the book.” Well, today is
theday you will finally read it. I kept pushing my release date back for several
reasons. I wasafraid you were going to judge me as I shared my stories. Keyword,
‘WAS.’ I didn’t wantto offend or hurt anyone. It also wasn’t easy reliving all
these stories. I even called someof the people who did things to me, or I did to
them, for me to get closure and ask for forgiveness. I was holding back telling
you how I got married three times! Most people hear me talk about two of my
marriages. The first was legal, while the second marriage was illegal, because it
was to a woman. The third marriage was annulled because he wasstill married
to his third wife!
I have walked in so many shoes, Cinderella has nothing on me. Yes, Ms. ReCe
fromDC. I know you are still trying to catch your breath. Breathe, baby. As you
go on this journey with me, you will be able to identify situations in your life.
Are you willing to remove the mask?
I could have been dealing with generational curses from my family keeping
secrets. I suffered from rejection, lack, identity theft, hurt, and a broken heart
on several occasions.Instead, I’ve taken those experiences and learned from each
one of them. I realized I musttell my truth. I promise you there will not be a

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dull moment. I realize my story is not about me. It is truly to help someone else.
My God has kept me through this mess. I haveno choice but to tell someone or
maybe two people about my crazy life.

She ROSE is a story about a little girl who loved reading the story of Cinderella.
Now, I am a high heel shoe lover with over 200 pairs of shoes. Every chapter in
She ROSEis named after or relates to shoes. You will find it is in chronological
order based on whatwas happening in my life at that time. You will see it goes
by ages and stages of life. Brilliant huh? I know because God gave it to me. He
led me to share with you today. I had to relive and heal in some areas of my life
I assumed were healed already. However,I had only swept it under the rug. We
had to pull the rug up. I had wonderful preachers, teachers, and prayer warriors
around me. I also had professional counseling. Last, and not least, I have the
best friends ever! They were not afraid to call me out on my mess. Make sure
your friends do not let you die in your tragedies. If they allow you to stay there,
maybe you need a new set of friends.

Today, I am the mother of two beautiful daughters and a successful business
owner. I have been fighting for my life for a very long time. I was trying to find
my purpose. I was searching to find out what triggered me and set me off.
Why did I seemto live a life of destruction? Why was I living a life of lack? Why
did I choose to be in relationships with several narcissists? I will take you on my
journey so that you can see how God delivered me and set me free.

I am the youngest of five. My parents are amazing and have been married for 65
years. They did their very best to raise me in a great two-parent Christian home
in Washington, DC aka “Chocolate City.” However, a lot of my life lessons and
issues came from my family, friends, and foes. I know I mentioned God a
few times already, however, this book is not religious. Some of the things
I learned in religious settings were the things that caused me to have a
skewed way of thinking which led to poor choices on my part. I was
able to rise (#SheROSE) when I learned the difference between religion

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and spirituality. I am a spirit from God of God. Let me be clear. I am a
Christian. I do believe in Jesus Christ. He is my Lord and Savior. Growing
up I did have a relationship with God, but it wasn’t the relationship I have
with Him today. I truly did not know who I was then, but I know now.

I am going to take you through a journey of my wild side as well. There will be
some sex mentioned. Do not think too deeply about it. How do you think you
got here? SEX! It is not X-rated. You will read about some drinking, cursing, and
fighting. I do nothave any drug stories. Let one of my favorite male cousins tell
it though. He said I used drugs. NEVER! I tried weed (marijuana), but I was
always too paranoid. It did not become a habit. I did not walk in those shoes.
Keep reading, it only gets better!

You will understand who I used to be and who I am now. Imagine
looking in themirror and not seeing yourself. Looking everywhere else
to gather some sense of whoyou are. Not wanting to come face to face
with the little girl inside. You suppressed somany thoughts, feelings,
and incidents seeking to find a way out. I was a very shy littlegirl, who
started wearing glasses at age seven. For the ones who met me later
in life,would think I am talking about someone else and would never
see me as an introvert.The confidence I have today didn’t come easily. It
took me quite a bit to get here. Simplyput, I did not like that shy girl. It
made me wonder why God made me look like that. Themean children
called me so many cruel names. When I got attention, it usually was not
the right attention. Listen, I could have lost my mind with everything
I’ve gone through,but God is a mind regulator. He has kept me through
all of this. I must give God praise. I give all my thanks to God, for his mighty
power has nally provided a way out through our LordJesus, the Anointed One! So,
if left to myself, the esh is aligned with the law of sin, but now myrenewed mind
is xed on and submitted to God’s righteous principles. Romans 7:25 TPT

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she rose
As you go on this journey with me, you will be able to identify situations in
your life or someone you know. It was not until I stood tall after the motley of
falls that I blossomedinto a beautiful rose.
Do you ever think about how life would have been if you were never molested?
Do you ever blame yourself for the choices you’ve made?
Do you ever feel like you just don’t fit in anywhere?
My answer has been yes to all three of those questions at some point in my life.
But Godhad other plans for me.
Yes, ReCe… She ROSE!

| xxii

she rose

Chapter 1



Wednesday, September 29, 1971, was a gorgeous autumn day. It was
not too warm nor too cold. The air was still. The leaves were slightly
falling off the trees. Someone pushed the panic button. It is time to
go! Everyone was in a frenzy, looking for his or hershoes, and keys. It’s
showtime. ReCe is coming! Everyone dashed into dad’s Cadillac Seville.
Our mother was calm as she always was. She was about to give birth to
her fifthchild after ten years. She still knew how to breathe in and breathe
out. Did you just say tenyears? Was I a mistake? Did they really want more
children? Dad, on the other hand, wasfussing as he always does. I was
just ready to enter the world to change everyone’s life Iwould meet. I
was an appealing mocha complexion baby with big beautiful brown eyes
and lips wide as the world. I was welcomed into this earth but met with


she rose

an overabundance of issues. There was always a longing within me that
needed to know why I was wired the way I was. Why did it seem like trouble
continuously crossed my path?

I was born in Northeast Washington, DC. I am the fifth child. Let me introduce
you to my sister next to me. Her name is Tee. She was the youngest for 10 years
before Icame along. She plays a major part in my life. You will love her just as I
do. She wanteda little sister. If my parents did not plan it, she prayed for me. I
was her baby. Everythingshe did, she took me with her. Tee is 5’7” with a dark
complexion and big juicy lips. Shewears her hair in a snatch back and she loves
to dress nice. She is sweet, most of the time.Do not get her wrong though. She
is my protector.

Next, you have our one and only biological brother. He is Mr. Smooth Operator.
His name is Wesley. Mr. Billy Dee doesn’t have anything on him. He, too, has
those fullWilson lips. When he smiles, all you see is his pearly white teeth. People
say he looks likeWesley Snipes. I personally think my brother looks much better.
I am the youngest, but Ifeel like he is the baby for real. He gets whatever he
wants from our parents.

Next in line, you have Cookie. We can call her a jalapeño pepper, 5’2” and
spicy.She is friendly and mean at the same time. We call it nice nasty. She makes
up so many words, she could have her own dictionary. Her temper is just as tall
as she is, short. If youcome for her, be ready because she is going to come back
for you. I would have to warn my friends before they came around her. All the
parties and family holiday dinners would be at her house. You were sure to leave
her house being entertained.

Cookie and Wesley are very close. As long as there is no money involved, they
aregood-to-go. They were born two years apart, but with their birth dates being
only one day apart, they act like twins.

Last, but not least, meet my mother and father. I only knew them to be God-
fearing people. I’ve only heard stories about them before they were saved
(dedicated their life toChrist), but never witnessed it myself. My mother, I am


she rose

told, was the feisty one. She is 5’7” in stature, medium brown complexion,
with hips set out like a cola bottle. By the time I was born, she was a born-again
Christian. I never saw my mother smoke, drink, party, or curse. I only knew
her to be a woman of God. She wore long skirts every day.

The only jewelry she wore were her wedding rings and her watch. She loved her
big church hats, beautiful suits, purses, and high-heel shoes to match.

My dad, the man she married in 1955, is a family man. He took great care of his
family inmost situations. He was a quiet guy but would fuss when he needed to.
He was also of dark complexion, 5’9”, slender built, very reserved, and dressed
very well. Six days a week you can catch him with a button-up shirt, slacks, and
dress shoes. On Sundays, he has on a three-piece suit, with his suspenders, and
a pair of Stacy Adams. Clean!

I remember one time my mother and father were in the room relaxing with
the door closed. Wesley and Cookie were laughing and playing outside of my
bedroom in the hallway. Tee and I shared a room with twin bunk beds next
door to our parents. Cookie and Wesley told me to come in the hallway with
them. They made me go to my mother’s and father’s bedroom door and knock
on it. Mom and Dad asked, “Who is at the door?” My sister and brother would
make me say, “Open the door Map-ma-it” and “MF.” If I could talk better at
the age of two, my parents would have known I was cursingat them. Eventually,
they started to understand my gibberish. My mother opened the door so fast
and beat my butt. Cookie and Wesley ran to their room laughing too hard. My
dad told them to stop teaching me curse words. He’d say, “Alright you two, I
am going to beat you for having this girl cursing.” They were always stirring up
some trouble.

These two siblings of mine always wanted to fight everyone. No one could
ever tell them anything. Their temper was always hot. I am not sure what
they went through before I was born to make them have such a mean streak in
them. It appeared our parentswere so laid back and cool. How could they have
children with such anger issues? My parents would help any and everybody.


she rose
Now, remember I am so much younger. I only know the God-fearing, born-
again Christians as parents. I knew the dad who never worejeans and the mom
who was conservative. Therefore, I always had unanswered questions. However,
there are a few things I do remember.
Every other Saturday, my mother went to the hair salon located at 18th and
Benning Road. It was a little red brick building on the corner. We waited
for Mr. Townsend to come and open the door for us. Mrs. Townsend was my
mother’s hairstylist.She would be waiting in the back at her booth ready for
her first customer of the day. I would do my daily routine which was to read
Cinderella. I read this same book every time I was there. It is my favorite story
and no wonder why I LOVE SHOES!
I probably should have left a shoe behind after midnight somewhere so my King
could nd me.


she rose

Chapter 2

Buster Brown Shoes


Another thing I remember also involved my sister Cookie. She was friends with
Wilhelmina who was my childhood friend’s adopted mother. They always hung
out together. Wilhelmina had friends who lived in Brandywine, MD, who they
hung out withthem all the time. One day Cookie took me down the street to see
Wilhelmina. They wereupstairs on the top floor. My friend, Jacqueline, and I,
were down in the basement. I wasabout four years old, and she was seven. I can
remember her touching me in my private area. We were playing house and she
touched my genitalia. Next thing I know, her fingersslipped inside of me. She
kept telling me, “Just lay right here.” It was bad enough she hadme laying on
this sofa with the thick plastic covering it. It was cracked and the plastic kept
scratching my thighs. It was a very weird feeling.


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It did not seem like the games we played when all of us were outside together.
Weplayed games like 1-2-3 red light, hopscotch, kickball, dodgeball, and hide
and seek. I didnot know how to play this new game. She said, “I will show
you. Lay right here.” Her fingers continued to seesaw within me. As a four-
year-old, it was difficult to describe. What I remember is a rush to my head,
my body being tense, and then a release. It was over. Then you could hear
footsteps coming down the stairs. “What are you all doing?” someone yelled.
She answered, “Nothing. We are just playing house.” I could not say anything
because I did not know what I was feeling. It was a different game, but it felt
good. I guess. I thought to myself that I would play it at school with my other
friends. Orso I thought.

I went to before and aftercare at Ludlow-Taylor Elementary on 7th and G St.
NE.One of our instructors was a very tall, well dressed, light complexioned,
very handsome male. His name was Mr. Alvin. All the little girls loved him.
Most of the adult women staff did too. He did not pay attention to any of us.
We were put in play groups and my group had to work in the coat area. It was
a nice sized area. It seemed like our daycare had a hundred children in it. We
were playing the house game! I wanted to show them the new house game I
learned from my friend who lived down the street from me. I begantouching
the girls. The boys were trying to do it, too. We all were fully clothed, and no
one was penetrated. Nevertheless, they caught us touching each other and I got
in troublefor teaching them this nasty game. They looked strange as if I did
something wrong. Wewere just playing house. Right? I heard them call me a
freak. The staff had to tell all the parents. I felt like I was scarred red for the rest
of my life. I was so ashamed, but I reallydidn’t understand why. I thought it was
natural. What did she do to me? Why did she do it?


she rose

Chapter 3



I felt like I had been deprived of my childhood. Years later, when I saw my
neighbor again, I was so mad at her. She was living a fun life. I was too busy
trying to find time to be alone, so I could masturbate. One day, I recall having
to go over to my family member’s house. There seemed to always be a party.
The drinks and smoke were flowing. Somehow, people always ended up in the
bedroom. I was so young I did not know what they were doing. My niece,
Ann, and I would sneak to look through the keyhole in the door. They were so
involved in what they were doing they never noticed us. I just saw naked bodies
switching positions and partners. It was too much for us to see at a young age.
I was still trying to figure it all out.


she rose

At the age of thirteen, I was working for a local newspaper company. I was
an inserter. I worked on Friday nights and Saturday mornings. My sister was
my supervisorand was dating one of the nicest looking men at the newspaper
company. Wally drove the forklift to bring over the palette with all the bundles
of the newspaper for us to insertthe advertisements and coupons into the paper.
When Wally came on our side, the women would go crazy. Even the little old
woman felt flustered when he was near. It didn’t help that Wally was so nice; he
made her feel like he was flirting with her. It was cute! She probably would have
given my sister some problems if she knew who was dating him.

Our parents were older, so they always allowed me to hang out with my siblings.
One day my sister let me ride with her to Wally’s house. We jumped in her
Brown ChevyMalibu and touched the hot handle on the door to roll down the
windows. We had the “Computer Love” by Zapp and Roger cassette tape playing
as loud as possible. We finallyarrived at Oakcrest Towers in District Heights.
Wally came outside to meet us; little did I know he had a roommate. We went
upstairs to his apartment on the eighth floor. It wasnice for it to be a bachelor
pad. Wally called his cousin Que to come out to meet me. I didnot know who
was about to turn the corner. I was extremely shy, and I was so nervous. This
tall, chocolate, slender guy came into the living room. “Que, this is Ms. Tee’s
little sister, ReCe.” Que walked to me, shook my hands, and said, “Hello Ms.
ReCe.” I think Ipaused for a long time. I think I said something back to him. I
am not sure.

Que told me he was folding his laundry. “You can come back to my room
and help me. You do not have to sit out here with them. I will not harm you.”
Tee said, “Um girl, do not do anything I would not do. You had better be good.
Keep the door open.” Que had that smooth and fine chocolate skin. The coal-
black waves in his hair made you wantto run your fingers through it. At this
point, I was still a virgin. Mr. Que was almost a grown man! He was seventeen
years old, and I was thirteen. I was always mistaken for being ten years older
because of my curvaceous shape. As nervous as I was, my curiosityfor sex was at
its peak, and I wanted to be with someone I could get some real lessons from.


she rose

My best friend Celeste and I would always hear her older cousins and aunts talk
about it when we hung out at Sherwood Rec in NE, DC. They thought
we weren’t listening to their experiences with the hustlers, but we were taking it
all in. We always wondered which one of us would be first one to have sex. Not,
the church girl, right? Now here I was with Que, and everything was running
rampant through my head.

Que put his clothes neatly in his drawers and closet. He said, “Ms. ReCe,
come tome.” I was shaking in my boots. He said, “What’s wrong? I will
not hurt you! You are sobeautiful. I love the way your body is shaped. It
looks like a silhouette of an hourglass. Ooh! You are so soft. Let me touch
you.” The light from the outside was shining through.You could see our
silhouettes on the wall as the candles across the room flickered. Slow
jams were playing on the radio. He kissed my neck, then touched, and
squeezed my breast. I was as hot and bothered as one could get. Then, I
was naked. When he had sex with me, it hurt so good! I told Celeste, “It
happened! Girl, I am a grown woman now.” Ihad lost my virginity at the
age of thirteen to a grown man.

“ReCe, get up. It is time to go to Sunday school.” Every Sunday, my
mother would get me ready for church. My dad would get up and
fix breakfast, then take me to thechurch in his silver Cadillac Seville. I
was a Sunday School Scholar for several years. Weattended a Pentecostal
Church/Holiness. This particular morning, I could barely walk. I am
in pain from my sexual act. I was dreading going to church. It seemed
like the mothersof the church could smell sin on you. I knew I had to
go to God and repent for my sins.For years, in the church, I wanted to
live holy. I wanted to be saved. I would stand at thealtar to tarry for the
Holy Ghost. I was foaming at the mouth and crying. Unfortunately, all
I heard was, “Nope you do not have it. Keep trying.” I thought I was
the worst kidever. I thought God did not want to give me the gift. I felt
like a sinner, who would neverbe saved. I tried repeatedly with no luck.
Well, guess what? God does not want me to besaved, huh? I am trying to


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live my life, but He does not want to let me in the kingdom. I am trying
to turn my life around!

By this time, I was used to being rejected. I was rejected in school by my so-called
friends. They called me ugly, blackie, tar-baby, monkey, black gum, and any
other meanname they could come up with for a dark-skinned child. But wait…
Que accepted me. Heliked me. He always gave me money because he was a
major dealer in Barry Farms. I knew I was not his main girl. He was always
working, but he would always make timeto celebrate my accomplishments.

Most of my co-workers at the local newspaper company thought I’d already
graduated from high school and was on my way to college. As I told you, I
did not look my age. Tee and I looked like twins, but we were ten years apart.
I was on my way to Eastern High School, The Pride of Capitol Hill. All my
neighborhood friends went to Dunbar. However, it was something special
about The Blue and White Marching Machine and I wanted to join. I had
always felt like a rejected little church girl. I was determined not to be rejected
again. I could remember trying out to be a cheerleader in elementary school.
Although I could cheer, I was not cute enough. I was too dark with black
gums, and could not do flips or splits, so I did not make the squad. I had to
settle with being a crossing guard.

I wanted to be in my high school choir as well. I had been singing
since I was alittle girl. Two of my cousins, who are sisters, Rae and
Patty and I were in the churchchoir as kids. Rae is a year older than
I. Her youngest sister Patty is a year younger than I am. They called us
‘Tiny Tots.’ I joined the choir first at Eastern HS. I wanted to be likemy
big cousins Rae and Rick. They could step high like a welled oil machine.
I asked myfavorite cousin Rae to teach me. We would go to either my
house or hers to practice withthe broom. I wanted to be a Flagette! We
practiced for hours. When it was time for thetryouts, I was stressed. I
had no doubt in my mind I was going to get it. There is no way they

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could reject me! This time for sure I would be in the Blue and White
Marching Machine. When it was time to see the names posted on the
band room door, I saw my lastname. I’d made it! I could not thank my
cousin enough. She knew I had it! I was determined to get it!

Everyone was practicing. The football team, Booster square, the entire band,
and the choir. How am I going to do this? Those of us who wanted to do both
would go to one of the first. Then, go to the other. It was hard work. However,
we did it. We had to know the old people since we were the newbies always on
display. There was one personwho got my attention. Nevertheless, I knew I was
out of his league. He was fine. We exchanged phone numbers. However, every
time I called him, he was never in the house.Then, when I called back, the line
would be busy for hours. He lived with his grandmother who raised him, so I
was not going to leave a message on the answering machine. It was no guarantee
he would be the one to press the rewind button to get the message I left. When
I paged him on his beeper, he would take forever to call back. He would be in
his neighborhood in Simple City, where his uncles showed him the ropes tosell
drugs. You did not want to drive through Simple City unless you lived there
becauseyou may not have made it out alive. You would not know he was a drug
dealer. He was on the football team and in the choir. He was too fast for me. I do
not think I was his typeanyway, the church girl side of me shined through more.

One day Ms. Walker moved me to the end, close to the tenors. I sing alto.
I was next to a tall dark-skinned man who I knew was on the football team.
He made me nervous. I was missing notes. I was shaking like crazy. Why did
she do this? I found outlater he was checking me out. We exchanged phone
numbers. When he got home, he called me. I was so excited; I could not believe
I was talking to one of the finest males inhigh school. Not to mention, he was
a senior and I was a sophomore. We eventually started dating. At first, no one
knew we were a couple. Heck, I wanted to make sure it was real. Next, a thing
you know…

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“Teddy, we need to talk.” He was always attentive to me, so he was ready to listen.
“Babe, um I think I am pregnant.” He was so excited. I was scared as heck. I
knew my parents were going to kill me.

He said, “No I will marry you. I want to marry you.”

“What? We are still in high school. I am only fifteen years old. You do
not have ajob. How are we going to take care of a baby and ourselves? I
have to get an abortion. I do not want to shame my family. My church
family already thinks I am a wild child. I am like the black sheep of the
family. We need to find a doctor and make an appointment.Let’s go to
our sisters for the money. We are going to need an adult to take us.” As
you can imagine, the days were long. I kept hearing that I should not do
it. It will be alright.I thought, God would not be happy with you. You already
cannot get saved now. Now, you areabout to have a baby out of wedlock.

I remembered my siblings telling me when I was born, I almost killed
mom whenshe was delivering me. Now, you are going to have a baby. You
are trying to kill our parents.You will hurt them. My mind was tormenting
me. Get rid of it! Get rid of it! It was louderand louder! Teddy’s sister
brought the money to us. My sister took us. It was so scary. I had the best
boyfriend right by my side. He never left me alone. Then it happened.
The doctor sent me home with birth control pills. All I want to do is go
home and go to sleep.I felt like I did something so bad, but I could not
take it back. I let my best friend down. We put our sisters through this,
the worst decision we ever made.

My mother found birth control pills. “ReCe, ReCe, Ree, Ree!” I was
startled and jumped up. “Ma’am,” I said. “Come here, girl!” I could hear
in her voice; it was not goingto be good. I walked into the kitchen. She
had the pills in her hands. “What is this, girl? Why do you have this? You
should not be doing that nasty stuff!”

“Mom! It has to protect me from having a baby.” If she only knew
where I was a few hours ago; I just took the life of her grandchild. I

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never told my parents what I did. My best secret keeper Tee was the
only one who knew.

God, I need you now! I went to the altar repeatedly. I want to be saved. God,
I stoppeddrinking (I had been drinking California Coolers since the age
of thirteen), cursing, and having sex. I put my focus on you. I was tarrying
around the altar! I was foaming out of mymouth! I clapped my hands.
I stomped my feet. I leaped for it; still nothing. I started to doubt this
was real or wondered if God hated me. I was that bad! I was tired! I
continuedto say, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! I said it as fast as I could, but still no
Holy Ghost. The motherssaid, “You are not saved, sweetheart. You’re not
ready. The Holy Ghost may come to youwhile you are at home. Keep
trying, baby. Keep trying, baby.”

I was sitting home talking to God while reflecting on the things I had
done in my life. Why is it so hard to be saved? I want my name in the
Lamb’s book of life. Somethingtold me to turn on the radio when I heard
John P. Kee was coming to town. I told my sister to take me. It was
1987. They started playing his song on the radio “Yes, Lord.”

Sitting in my room crying, I said, “I told you yes! God! Yes! Yes! Am I too ugly?
You created me! Why would you make me like this and then reject me! I should
take some pills and take my life! No, No, No! I am saved! I do not care what no
one says!” I cried myself to sleep! My soul was saying yes!

My sister took me to the concert which was held at Bible Way Church. We
got there early. It was packed. I saw all my cousins who I went to church with.
John P. Kee and the New Life Community Choir were jamming. They had
this new sound gospel music mixed with R&B funk! We were praising God! I
knew I had praise inside of me.However, I did not want to dance as if I did to
worldly music. Yet, in this moment, I wasfeeling free. I was asking God to let
me feel what it feels like to be saved. I didn’t want todie and not go to heaven;
that is why I did not let that voice make me kill myself. We were sweating from
jamming in church. Then, John P. Kee did an altar call. He asked thequestion.

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He told us to come out into the aisle. I felt a pull. He was drawing me. I did
notwant to go back home the way I came in there. I made my way out into the
aisle. MinisterJohn P. Kee said, “Let me ask you a question. Are you saved? If
you died today, are yougoing to heaven or hell? You must repent, ask God for
forgiveness. Do you believe Jesusdied for you? Do you believe God has raised
Him from the dead? Confess it with your mouth. Believe it in your heart. You
are saved!”
Romans 10:9
that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that
God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
Wait! Wait a minute! That is all I had to do? I AM SAVED! Wait! I AM SAVED.
Hallelujah! I AM SAVED!

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Chapter 4



I always looked down at my feet to make sure my penny was shining bright. I
knew I was going to be successful at making money. When my cousins Rae and
Patty used to spend the weekend at my house when we were little, my parents
used to take us with them to their appointments. I remember we used to get in
my dad’s big Cadillac and ride to the Zayre Store located in New Carrollton,
Maryland. Zayre was a store like Target and Walmart. Inside the Zayre was a
dental office located in the front left side of the store. They had brochures on
the counter with the dentist’s information on it. This gave me a great idea for
making money. I told Rae and Patty to grab them, and we stood in front of
the store and sold them for ten cents. They followed along; I was always the

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ringleader. People were paying for the brochures and giving us ten cents. Some
of them gave us 25 cents while others gave us $1.00 or $3.00. We sold all of
them. We were entrepreneurs!

After making our money we went with my parents to my dad’s favorite restaurant,
The Chesapeake Seafood House which was in the same parking lot as Zayre. It
is an all you can eat smorgasbord. However, when you go there with my father,
you can only go back two times to get more. He used to get mad at us and say,
“It said all you can eat. Not all you can go!” Yes, my dad is corny. He didn’t want
us to eat the entire all you caneat food.

By the time I was seventeen years old, I was making $19,000 a year. You could not
tell me anything. I was a full-time MPD Police Cadet, class 88-2. My new best
friend is Nae, who was also in the band. However, she played an instrument.
We both became MPD Police Cadets. Therefore, we would go to school in the
morning, then, leave for BluePlains at lunchtime. If it were a hot day, you would
hate to go because the water sewer plant was across the highway. The smell you
would get on those hot days was unbearable.

We graduated from Eastern Senior High School in June 1989. On the weekends,
we would ride to the University of Maryland Eastern Shore (UMES). We
would sometimes have carloads of my friends traveling on Route 50 West, to
Salisbury, Maryland. My god-sister, Jennifer, was a student there. She was my
only friend who grewup in the house with both of her parents like me. We used
to spend the night at each other’s house when we were children. Jennifer went
to Ludlow-Taylor as well. We havebeen friends since the age of five. Jennifer is
mocha, 5’7, medium built, and although shewas not flashy, she always dressed
nicely. Jennifer, like me, was the youngest and had a big sister who was her
protector. Her name is Shawn, and she reminded me of my sister Tee. She cared
about Jennifer just like Tee took care of me. Jennifer was in the Eastern band as
well. After we graduated, she moved on to college, while I moved on to the police
academy. It was through Jennifer, that I experienced the college party life. My
best friendSherry attended Norfolk State so on the weekend, we would jump

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in my car and head south to Norfolk, Va. I was sure I made the right decision of
not going to school. I did nothave anyone in my family who had gone to college
before me. I was focusing on makingmoney.

I was living a single life. I was meeting college boys. I did not believe my boyfriend
loved me the way my father and mother love each other. My siblings all had
dysfunctional relationships. They were not married. I decided to break up with
my nice, loving, caring high school boyfriend Tony. I wanted to explore my
options. I believed it would not work.

I wasn’t old enough to be a sworn officer while working at the police academy.
Therefore, my assignment was at the First District Substation police precinct. My
job wasto work in front of the station with Officer Matthew who was an older
man. He looked like Santa in a police uniform. He’s the life of the precinct. He
had a big gray and black beard, and a big stomach with little legs. Our duties
were to give out Zone 6 temporary parking passes to the neighbors who needed
them for their visitors. We answered the phone lines and maintained the status
of the crimes. We had to hand out and check in thepolice radios which is how
I got to know all the officers. I was fresh meat, young and tender and the male
officers were trying to get with me. I may not have been old enoughto be an
officer, but I was definitely grown!

Working in the back office was Tracy who was the secretary for the precinct.
Sergeant Phillips worked in the back office as well. We all worked the morning
shift, Monday through Friday. I finally met Sergeant Howard. She must have
felt sorry for me sitting in the station, so she would take me on rides with her.
We would pull up on crime scenes, and she showed me the ropes of being a
girl cop.

One thing a girl loves is shopping. The first district-covered downtown DC,
which is near the precinct. We went to all the department stores, Hecht’s,
Woodward and Lothrop (Woodies), Lerner, Treasure Trove Jewelry, and Mink
stores on our break. Oneday she took me to a wholesale store where you could
purchase all the items a street vendor would have on their tables. I knew then I

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was about to start my own business. I was going to do house parties, sell out of
my car, and sell at work. I was going to be rich.You had to have a vendor’s license
to get into the stores which was easy because I was hanging out with my police
supervisor who was an Official. I would buy the jewelry for $.50-$1.00 and
sell it for $5. Then, I saved enough money. I was going to New York Cityevery
week to buy knockoff bags and accessories. I was making so much money; my
brother would travel with me. If you remember, Wesley loved to fight
everybodyanyway. He was like my personal bodyguard.

I do not know how, but I mastered the art of sales. I was not pushy. I was told I
had the gift of gab. I did not try to trick people into buying, I just had products
people already wanted or needed. I looked at it as I was supplying their demand.
I was solving their problem. It was an easy sale. Meanwhile, trying to pursue my
career I had to complete the Police Academy to become a DC Police.

To become a DC Police Officer, I had to take the eye exam which I did not pass.
The crazy part was the person who was administering the exam had eyeglasses
that looked like a pair of magnifying glasses, and he was an officer! His eyes
were huge, andthey were crossed. I thought it was a joke when they told me I
did not pass the exam. I had to resign and become a civilian thus landing me in
the position of a Police 911 operator. I was heartbroken (yes, more rejection).
I would lie and tell everyone I did not want to be a DC Police Officer because
I loved wearing my nails long and all my hairstyles. That was far from the truth.
Dang, I was so ashamed! Why can’t I get a break?

I love reggae music. We stayed at the reggae clubs. We went out Tuesday – Sunday
night to every club. We went to Kilimanjaro Restaurant and Nightclub, Ibex,
Chapter, Chapter II, Chapter III, and the Mirage. We went to Oak Tree, Triples,
and many more.

My pastime was hanging with my friends at clubs. I was dancing the night
away at The Ritz nightclub on a beautiful Thursday, hanging with my best friend
Sherry. Sherryand I did everything together; we are sisters. She knew all my
secrets. We went to high school together. I knew her entire family because her

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grandmother went to the same church I attended. Sherry saw me getting my
groove on. It was something about Reggaemusic that had me in a spell. I looked
across the room and saw this very handsome tall chocolate man. He was very
smooth when he was dancing to Buju Banton’s “Champion.” Oh my, he was
walking like a Champion. Sherry walked over to him and said, “Umm my
girlfriend likes you. She wants to dance with you.” He smiled with his white
teeth. I was cute with my very sexy fitted black dress, which showed every curve
I had. My bellywas flat like an ironing board, and I had on 5” heels. He came
over to me and I was so shy.

We laughed for a little while and got to know each other. We wrote our house
phone and beeper numbers on a white napkin. We said our goodbye and ended
that night. The next day, Sherry and I were hanging out at Hains Point Park.
This was the hangout spot for everyone in the DMV. I was driving my cute
Burgundy 1989 Hyundai Excel with the sunroof slid back, and my name
engraved on the side of the door. This place was like a meat market. All the
fellas’ bodies are ripped up. You had all the ‘BallersShot Callers’ riding up and
down cruising in shiny whips. Everyone had their music bumping out of their
cars. It was like a block party. You could hear EU (Experience Unlimited) Go-
Go “Da Butt.” We were jamming! Everyone was giving out house phonesand
beeper numbers. You always needed to keep a roll of quarters. If you got a page
fromsomeone who is special, you had to pull over to the phone booth and call
him or her back.

If your boo was thinking about you, you would get a page with 43ll0 (Hello) or
123 (I loveyou).

After the park, it was time to go home to bathe, rest, and hit the club. When
I walked into my bedroom, the first thing I did was walk over to check my
answering machine and hit play. I had several messages. I had to play one back.
I hit the rewind button. “Hey ReCe, this is Black. Page me when you get this

“Sherry! Sherry! He called me!” Sherry was looking in her bag for
something to eat. She always wanted to eat and sleep. Sherry was not

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paying any attention. “Sherry, Black called me and left a message. OOH!
Girl, he is tall and CHOCOLATE!” I called him on his house phone. The
phone rang and a woman answered the phone. “Hello, can I speak to
Black?” She told me he wasn’t in at this time, so I asked her to tell him I
called.She said okay. I was anxious, so I paged him on his beeper to call
me back. He had one of the expensive pagers with the operator and you
give her the message you want her to type and send to him. He called me
back immediately.

“Hey, Hey this Black, who this?”

“Um, you called me and left a message. Do you have that many women who
pageyou? Anyway, this is ReCe. You called and left me a message.”

“Oh Yes, how are you shorty? I wanted to see if you are hanging out
tonight. We are going to a club. What do you have going on tonight?”

“We are going to hang out at Turntable Nightclub on Georgia Ave.”
TurntableNightclub was known for the best callaloo. Just in case you
do not know what it is, Icompare it to our Collard Greens in America. In
Jamaica, callaloo is often combined withsalt fish and is usually seasoned
with tomatoes, onion, scotch bonnet peppers and margarine/cooking
oil and steamed. It is often eaten with roasted breadfruit, boiled green
bananas, and dumplings and it is a popular breakfast dish. Well, Black
showed up at Turntables and found me getting it in. I love to dance
to reggae. I just knew I was Jamaican. You could not tell me I was not.
When the club was over, he asked me to leavewith him. I could not leave
without Sherry because she rode with me. We came together,so we were
going to leave together.

Black continued to pursue me. He started picking me up to go out
with him to the club. We would go to the Days Inn afterwards, and
before I knew it, we had stayed at thehotel for over a month. I started
calculating the money he was spending night after night.I finally got the
weekends off as soon as they put me in the 911 Dispatcher training. Our

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instructors Sarah and Jimmy were beasts training us. They were hard on
us learning all the police terminologies. It was difficult to catch on to at
first and because my living arrangements were strange; it caused a great
deal of stress in my life. Granted I allowed it to happen to myself. I was
in love with him. I no longer wanted to live in a hotel. We went to my
parents to ask them for their blessing for me to move out of their house
and move in with my boyfriend. I could remember my mother crying
asking me why? My

dad was looking sad. It was an awkward moment. They supported me eventually.
They helped us move all my items from out of my bedroom. They brought our
living room furniture. We moved to Laurel, MD in these beautiful apartments
at the corner of 197 andContee Road, right behind the Giant Food Store and
Shell’s gas station.

I soon noticed a nice guy starting to change. He started driving my car and
dropping me off at work and picking me up from work. Who knew what he
was doing all day? He was teaching me how to cook. I never learned when I was
at home with my parents because they were excellent cooks. They did not want
us in the kitchen. He wouldmake sure I ate well before he hit the streets. I was
going over my homework from Dispatcher training. Learning the 10 Codes was
no joke. It was even harder because we found out I was pregnant. I was carrying
our baby. In between naps, I was learning the difference between a Burglary 1
and Burglary 2, Theft 1 and Theft 2, Traffic Complaints,etc. It was a faster pace
than answering 911. We would listen to tapes of old dispatchers.All calls and
dispatching are recorded. They used the recording for court cases.

Dispatcher 214 was my new name. We had to sign on the air by
conducting the FCC (Federal Communications Commission) Radio
check to stay in compliance. Then, we didRoll Call for air to make sure all
our Officers were accounted for. At any given moment,you would hear,
Dispatcher, Dispatcher I got one running! I stepped on the foot paddle
to open the air so they could hear me speak. Copy, I got one running. All
units standby! Which unit do we have one running and what is your

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location office? Dispatcher: Unit531 going Northbound on Montello
Ave NE, Crossing Oates, headed towards Penn St,Black male, White
T-Shirt, Blue Jeans. I need a Unit to check the corner by Wheatley
Elementary; the suspect dropped a small black duffle bag behind the
bushes. All the otherUnits started yelling across the air, dispatcher I got,
534 I am on the scene. Unit 533 onthe scene. We knew most of their
voices over the air. We begin to operate like one. Dispatcher, I got the
suspect. We are going to need a transport unit to come to the cornerof
Mt. Olivet and Montello. Wagon 539 on the way! Copy, 10-4. It was a
very high-stressjob. My co-workers would complain of their shoulders
and neck in pain. I was led tomassage their neck and back. It became
a regular request for me to give neck, back orhand massages. Working
for 911, we worked so many hours with no weekends off. Our days
off were like Tuesday/Wednesday or Wednesday/Thursday. Only the
Administration Supervisor had Saturday/Sunday for their days off. I
finally got a part of the weekends off only because I was expecting. So,
my days off were Sunday/Mondayuntil I had my baby.

I could remember sitting at home in our cute apartment in Laurel, Maryland
alone. I was waiting for my mister to get into the house. He was driving
my car. I decided to sitin the living room and watch the 11 o’clock
news. News flash! Twelve District of Columbia officers have been
indicted in a drug corruption probe. Wait! What? No! As thenames and
faces came across my TV, I thought it was a joke! I knew ten out of the

These were my friends. We all used to party together as cadets. No, they would
not do that! I cried; I was scared for them. I thank God I was not a part of it.
I never had any ideait was going on. The one female was my girlfriend Sherry’s
god-sister. That is how I knewher. When I was selling my jewelry and accessories,
one of them used to go with me to NYC. I never knew anything about drugs! I
kept saying NO! NO! NO! This is a lie! It cannot be true! I could not imagine
what their life was going to be like for the next few hours, days, nor years. I
prayed for them.

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Meanwhile, I was still waiting every night for this man to come home. He was
going back to the same club, The Ritz where we met. I had to be at work for
Roll Call early every morning. We had to get up at about 4:30 am. Well, I fell
asleep on the sofa and heard the door opening. I jumped up in a panic. He
walked in and went straight to the bathroom. Jumped in the shower and got in
the bed. I am looking at the clock. It is 3:30 am. I asked him where he was all
night? Mind you, he was driving my car, the newused car I bought two weeks
prior because he let the engine blow on the car my mom and dad brought me.
He would not take the car to get the oil changed. One day he decided to get the
oil changed at Jiffy Lube. The body was great. The car engine was goneso I had
to get a new used car.

Because he was not paying our rent on time, my A-1 credit score started coming
down and I could not get approved for a new vehicle without a co-signer. I
was approvedfor a Toyota Tercel. It had low miles on it because it was a demo
vehicle. I put on my clothes to drive myself to work. I stormed out of the house
to jump in my car. Wait a minute! Where is my car?

I ran back into the house to call the police and to wake him up. “Black, where
IS MY CAR? WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?” First, I called my brother
to ask him totake me to work. I was going to call in for the first hour. It was
still early. However, we would run into traffic. My brother had to leave from
SE DC. Nevertheless, he was two minutes from I-295 which turns into BWI
Parkway. I lived five minutes from BWI Parkway. I am sure I was still going to
be able to make it into work.

“911, how can I help you?” “Ma’am my car was stolen!”

“Ma’am, calm down. What is your tag number?”

“Um, Um, I do not know how to…. Hold on. I have paper tags. I just got the
car two weeks ago. Why would someone steal a Toyota Tercel? That is dumb!
Okay, here isthe VIN#.”

“Ms. Wilson, No one stole your vehicle. It has been impounded. We cannot give
you any further information over the phone. You will have to come to District
Heights, MD to pick up your vehicle after you speak with the detectives.”

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“Huh? Wait! What? Detectives? I am confused. I live in Laurel, MD. It is not
closeto District Heights, MD. How did the car get over there? What happened?”

“Ms. Wilson if you have the person who was driving your vehicle, it will
be best if you brought them with you as well.”

“Boy, what have you done? You are so embarrassing! I got my brother on his
wayto pick me up to take me to work. Now, I have to ask him to take us to the
police stationin District Heights.” Well, I told you all before, Wesley loves to
fight. He was going off!

“Bamma! What did you do with my sister’s car?” They are arguing in the car.
Mybrother is boiling to 1000 right now. He kept pulling the car over, so he
could pull him out of the car to fight him. We are now on I-495 going South. He
pulls the car over, jumpsout, and runs around to the other side. Black is saying,
“Man go ahead.” Remember, I ampregnant, still in my first trimester. I am so
angry at him. I started saying, “Okay it cannotbe that bad because they would
have come to our house and locked you up, since they asked me to bring the
person who was driving.” I calmed my brother down enough toget him back
in the car. We drove off to take the Pennsylvania Ave Exit. When we get tothe
police station, the clerks are looking at me as if I am crazy. They called my name
to come to the back to speak with the detective. I looked at Black. I said, “If we
go back hereto the Sex offense officer; you are going to get it!”

They are walking me down these long halls. Then, Detective Wright walked
towards us.

He said, “Ms. Wilson, I am Detective Wright. I will take you into this room.”

Detective Wright told me the reason we were at the Sex Offense Branch. Black
hadsex with a woman in the back of my car, then put her out and told her to
figure out her way home. Apparently, he picked her up from District Heights,
and they rode togetherto Laurel, to go to the Ritz nightclub where he had sex
with her in the parking lot. She was angry to the point that she called the police
and to say she was sexually assaulted. Upon further questioning, she admitted
that she was angry at him for being treated with such disrespect as well as

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wanting his girlfriend to know what he was doing. I could not believe what I
was hearing! It was like loud noises! Why did he do this to me? I gave upa lot
to be with him, and it still was not enough. God, help me! I want to kill him!
Now, Ihave to go out here and look my brother in his eye to tell him what I was
just informed.

The detective said “Ms. Wilson I know I am not supposed to say this, but
you area beautiful woman. You do not deserve this treatment. I know you are
carrying his child,but he does not love or respect you. He is blessed to have you.
Don’t you worry, everything will work out? I need to go make sure my partner
is finished with him. He has the paperwork to go pick up your vehicle.”

“Sis! Sis! Sis! What did that bamma do? He is a bamma nigga! I am going to
hurt him! What did he do?”

“Listen, Wesley, I have to get through this. I am carrying his child.” He walks
through the door to leave. My brother starts yelling and shouting at him! “I
am going to get you! You did this to my little sister. This is baby Sis right here!
Bamma, I got something for you.” My brother was losing it! We were still in
the precinct. He was making threats. Black was saying, “Yeah you do not
want to do that now. You need to goahead. Go ‘head, Bro.”

I am walking like a zombie. I want to go pick up my car, which I realize I don’t
want anymore. The thought of my soon to be husband having sex in the back
seat of my car was sick. I wish I could return it. I continue telling my brother
Wesley to let me work this out. He is angry and tells me, “You do not need
him. We got you! You have a family that loves you.” Then to Black, “You do
not love my sister.”

Going to the lot to pick up my car was another ordeal. The clerk was rude, and
thefee was $285! I know he didn’t expect me to pay for it, and I told him so. We
finally finished this process to settle in for the long ride home. I could not say
a word. I cried allthe way home. I was quiet for hours. I tried to go back to the
normal routine, but it was very difficult. I prayed to God how to forgive and
forget this situation. I was carrying hischild. He was acting like he was sorry.

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He started coming home and being around the house. We were going out on
dates and spending time together when I was not working.I am getting bigger
and bigger. We would go to Gallo’s $10 store to buy outfits. I did notwant to
wear maternity clothes. I would wear clothes only once. When I wanted to wear
the outfit again, I could not find it anywhere. I would be in my walk-in closet
looking high and low like a crazy woman, wondering what happened to it. He
would let me go through the motions. I was going back and forth. He even said
he didn’t know what I didwith it. I was dismayed. I started feeling as if I had
lost my mind!

Finally, I went to look for the receipts, knowing for sure where I put them.
The receipts were gone. We were the only ones in the house, so he took my clothes
back. How?Why? I am sitting in the kitchen looking out the bay window. The
phone rang. It was mymother. I was trying to keep everything from my family.
My mom knew from my voice something was wrong. The phone was mounted
on the wall with the extended cord that kept twisting. It was long so; I was able
to pull it back to my seat on the other side of thetable.

“Hi mom.” She said, “Hi. How are you doing?” I said “Fine.” I was not at all
fine.She said, “I didn’t want anything, I was just checking on you to see how
everything is going?”

“Mom, I am good. The baby is moving.” I am trying to stay calm. “Where is

“He is right here. Do you need him? Do you want to talk to him?”“No, ma’am.
Tell him I said hi.”

Next, here comes Black. “Who are you on the phone with?”“What?”

“You heard me. Who are you on the phone with?”“Boy, if you do not get out
of my face.”

My mother was saying to me. “Who is that?” I get up and walk in the
living roomarea. The cord was long as heck. He started following me. It
was as if he was possessed.I am trying to cover the phone, so my mother

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could not hear us arguing. I got enough strength in me because when he
came closer to me, I took the phone and hit him with it. I kept hitting
him with the phone. We started fighting. I am screaming, “Mom, I am
goingto kill him! He is not going to keep treating me like this.”

He stormed out of the house. I picked the phone up. I said to Mom, “I am
alright. I broke my fingernail and it’s bleeding, but I will be okay.” Hours later,
he comes home in the mood to make up. I told him, “You do not want me to be
around my family and friends. You keep treating me like crap. So, let us not be
together anymore. I do not wantto fight you. I never see my mother and father
fight, fuss, cuss, smoke, or drink. How didwe get here?”

He said, “ReCe I am sorry. I will make it better. We are going to counseling. I
amgoing to marry you. I do love you.”

“No, Black. This is not love. You are treating me so wrong. You act as if you hate


“No baby, it is the Jamaican side of me. It is my father’s side. I do not want
you and my baby girl to go anywhere. I am going to do better, trust me. Let us
go get you some Jamaican food. I know that will make you feel better. You are
my wife. I am goingto take care of you.” We get in the car and go to Turntables
in DC. He knew the owners and was able to get us a seat. As always, it was
crowded. I love Reggae! He knew this would put me in a good space.

The following week when he came to pick me up from work, I noticed
he parked across the street. When I get in the car, he is smiling. Ok, this
is weird. “What is wrong with you?”

He said, “Baby, I love you. I know I hurt you. I promised your father and
motherI was going to do right by you. I want to take care of the mother
of my child. You’ve stuckwith me. You lived with me in a hotel. You left
your parent’s house because you wantedto be with me. I messed up a lot.
I want to know, ReCe, will you marry me?”

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she rose

Wait, Wait, what? I did not expect to hear those words come out of his
mouth. “I know it is fast, but I do not want to wait. I do not want to
lose you. I want to go to counseling. He said I know you do not believe
me. So, let me prove it to you. He reachedin his pocket and pulled out
a box with a beautiful ring in it. Now, let me say it again. ReCe Wilson,
will you be my wife?” I said YES! We started going to church with my
family. We went to counseling one time. Our daughter was one month
old when we got married.

I saw all the red flags and I should have called off the wedding. His
Aunt Hattie was the nicest one in the family. She was right there to
make sure all parties were calmand ensure we got married. She was
always supportive. On my wedding day, my sister Tee and Sherry
helped me get dressed. My other sister did not attend. My brother was a
groomsman, who did not want to be up there. The dress I designed
had an iron burnprint on my trail. Several of my bridesmaids came over
an hour late. My singer, Wendy,was late too. She was a very well-known
gospel singer in Washington, DC. We just happened to be neighbors all
my life. She was supposed to sing two songs. However, I had to get one
of my bridesmaids, Cinnamon, to sing the first song for me. Wendy,
Cinnamon, and I all sang in Eastern High School choir.

I had so many signs not to do it, but I was determined God was going
to work thisout. We got married and I was sure things were going to get
better. We were going to livehappily ever after. We did not have much
money. My parents were old school, so they paid for the reception. We
invited everyone to go to the restaurant. We had a private room on the
side of the smorgasbord. One of Tee’s friends made a beautiful heart-
shapedcake with several tiers. It was starting to turn around. We had this
little baby limo. It waswhite but it was as if a Hyundai Excel converted
into a limo. Sherry knew the owner of the limo. He took us everywhere
we wanted to go all day. It was very spacious in the back of it. No one
rode with us to the reception. We were back there just laughing and

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