Khuluma December 2018

FOR SIZE QUEENS

Curators at the Natural History Museum of Zimbabwe in Bulawayo boast theirs
is the best in Southern Africa. They display a coelacanth, the world’s second-biggest
mounted elephant, and an ‘elephant bird’ egg, belonging to a giant, flightless
creature that once roamed Madagascar. Plus, they have Zimbabwe’s very own
dinosaur, Megapnosaurus rhodesiensis, a lightweight at around 32kg (size queens
should know Cape Town’s Iziko South African Museum boasts the biggest
African dinosaur – Carcharodontosaurus – which outsized even its cousin, T-Rex).
naturalhistorymuseumzimbabwe.com, iziko.org.za

DISORDERLY DISPLAYS with the tattered life jacket pegged to crabs, a Sedgwick’s Old Brown Sherry
the door frame and an anchor from the label and an advert for Captain Morgan
At the edge of the Green Kalahari, the Gertrud Woermann which was wrecked Dark Rum. Plastic diver figurines are glued
Northern Cape town of Port Nolloth hereabouts in 1903. onto a hand-drawn map of Kleinzee. An
isn’t a place too many people get to. The antique notice entitled ‘Public Hanging-
Namaqualand seaport is 144km from The museum is run by George Moyses Execution’ reads: ‘The execution will take
Springbok and apart from its fishing who calls himself ‘a tough oke, a humble place at midday/noon at 12pm on the
industry and proximity to mines, doesn’t ou, a diamond diver and boat builder, a said date, after which the gallows will be
have a reputation as a destination. But writer, photographer, videographer, actor dismantled and stored at the Magistrates
it does have the Port Nolloth Museum. and producer, all in one’. He claims that Court premises’. Charming.
Officially, the museum – housed in a he ‘used to be a good-looking guy, until a
cottage with a corrugated iron roof – is boat propeller altered my features’. And Elsewhere, a Barbie mermaid with blue
focused on the town’s history, its people, he talks the hind leg off a donkey once he locks is perched on diving goggles.
its copper ore and diamond mining, its gets started.
fishing industry and shipwrecks. Christmas cards on a string adorn the
Inside the museum that Moyses fireplace – in front of it, an arrangement of
But step inside, past the fishing boat watches over, there are shipwreck very old dried flowers.
that lies like a wreck in front of the photographs interspersed with desiccated
cottage, and it’s a bizarre trip that starts Ten Lyle’s Golden Syrup tins are
huddled together with a note explaining
that the brand’s logo – featuring a lion
with a swarm of bees – is a reference
to the Biblical story in which Samson
travelled to the land of the Philistines.
A postcard depicting vygies keeps dusty
fossils and assorted shells company. A
poster proclaims, ‘James R de Wet – The
only man in Port Nolloth to ever finish the
Comrades. A Tribute – The shoes with
which he did it’. There is so much to see
you might miss the shoes, though.

It’s worth a visit if you appreciate chaos,
not so much if you have a tendency
to organise your books alphabetically.
Order is unheard of here; artefacts –
loosely defined – are added to the sprawl
randomly, it seems. portnolloth.co.za

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BRAIN GAIN EXPLORE

A WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE

In Philadelphia (the charming hamlet near Cape
Town, not Pennsylvania), De Malle Meul is a
restaurant and art gallery inside what used to be
a working flour mill. Much of the original machinery
inside the building – now partly a museum – is still
intact. Modern children who no doubt assume bread
comes out of the earth fully formed, can see how a
flour mill once worked.

Fidgety youngsters can play on the old Vaaljapie
tractor (a Ferguson TE20) parked next to the
entrance, provided they are not as naughty as
previous little guests who managed to push the
vehicle all the way into the garden. If they are
inclined to misbehave, you can perhaps introduce
them to curry tripe, on the menu in the restaurant
on Sundays as part of a boerekos buffet.

Having spent their energy, take them back inside
to view the mandala art exhibition by musician and
artist Lize Beekman – a new range of mandalas will
be unveiled on 1 December. demallemeul.co.za

ALL THE BETTER TO SEE YOU WITH Nevertheless, Gandhi did actually live in the original thatched
rondavel-style farmhouse here back in 1908 and 1909. A few
In March 2009, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi’s
glasses – together with his leather sandals, a years ago, it was restored by a team comprising a historian and
pocket watch and a metal bowl and plate a curator, amongst others, and turned into a museum and
– were sold, after much controversy, guesthouse in one. Ensconced in tranquil gardens with
for about $1.8 million. A billionaire its nooks for contemplation and meditation, it feels far
businessman from India bought the removed from Jozi’s familiar bustle. The atmosphere
items at a New York auction. recalls a less-complicated era, with simple antiques,
Although the UK’s Telegraph beautiful furniture and raw textiles evoking the
newspaper reported that mood of a living museum. A new wing with rustic-
Gandhi’s spectacles went missing swish suites was added during the conversion
from the ashram where they’d into a modern guesthouse, but the spirit of the
been on display in a cabinet, the pair Mahatma lingers. All dining here is vegetarian (and
of glasses at The Satyagraha House organic), keeping with Gandhi’s preferences, and no
in Joburg are undisputedly a replica. alcohol is permitted. satyagrahahouse.com

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BRAIN GAIN EXPLORE

Additional text: Keith Bain, Pictures: Ilse Zietsman, Craig Howes, Supplied IT’S ALL GEEK TO ME A BEVY OF BACKYARD BEAUTIES

e word ‘geek’ comes from English Most folks who end up in Steytlerville back, a fleet of restored cars – with a
dialect meaning a ‘fool’ or ‘freak’. In
18th-century Austria, geeks were are presumably lost, on their way focus on Fords – and plenty of strange
freaks who were displayed in circuses;
in 19th-century America geeks were to long-forgotten family or they are motor memorabilia awaits gearheads,
performers in geek shows in circuses,
travelling carnivals or funfairs. Skip spending the night at the Karroo geeky or not.
forward 100-odd years and geeks are
not even the nerds we knew in the Theatrical Hotel for a burlesque Over school holidays, you might
1980s. In today’s world, in fact, geeks
have a serious cool factor. To be a cabaret show that defies description. be surprised by a motor club arriving
‘geek’ means you are intelligent and
interested – intensely and passionately Inevitably, everyone stumbles upon the with gleaming vintage cars or even by
– in a variety of topics. Geeks have a
strong sense of curiosity and there’s Pegasus Early Motoring Museum a gaggle of travelling Splitties (highly
every chance that curiosity will one
day earn them a place at the table. on Sarel Cilliers Street, the main road sought-after Volkswagen Kombis
A er all, as the saying goes, ‘Geek
through town. Here, Jurie and Michele with split windshields dating from the
today, boss tomorrow’.
Prinsloo run the Verandah Coffee Shop 1950s). 073 909 5904,
MAURITIUS’S TINIEST
TREASURES on the stoep of their house; at the facebook.com

Ironically, the biggest treasure at Port A GHOST OF A TOWN
Louis’ Blue Penny Museum at the Le
Caudan Waterfront is a duo of tiny stamps, Near Lüderitz in Namibia, wind-haunted Kolmanskop was abandoned
supposedly amongst the world’s rarest. in 1956, not even 50 years after a diamond rush brought a slew of
The red one-penny and blue two-pence fortune seekers. In its brief heyday, the small Germanic village had
stamps are exemplars of the first issued infrastructure well beyond its needs – there was a casino, a theatre,
in Mauritius – in 1847. Said to be the most swimming pool, and skittle-alley, not to mention Africa’s first tram.
valuable objects in Mauritius, they’re so Now it’s a kooky, disquieting ghost town, knee deep in Namib desert
precious that (besides having an entire sand, and steadily being reclaimed by encroaching dunes. Which is why
museum built in their honour) they’re it occasionally gets to star in horror movies. kolmanskop.net
only lit up for 10 minutes every hour (on
the half-hour), which helps preserve their
colour. bluepennymuseum.com

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THE KING OF FOOK And, of course, Battiss proclaimed CHECK UNDER
himself King Ferd III of Fook Island. THE BED
Walter Battiss, surely Mzansi’s godfather
of sublime quirk, was born in the Eastern He loved to boast that his Fookian At the Graskop Hotel in the
Cape town of Somerset East in 1906. driver’s licence was accepted in America eponymous Mpumalanga town close
Apart from a breathtaking and important and that his Fookian passport had official to Kruger National Park, you can
body of artistic works, he created ‘Fook stamps from several countries. sleep in unusually designed rooms
Island’, a fantastical, utopian place conjured decorated by a bunch of artists. In
up entirely by his imagination. Rather than At the Walter Battiss Art Museum orange-themed room 14, on top
leave it locked up in his mind, though, he in the town of his birth, many of these of the cupboard, there’s an orange
breathed life into it by creating a map of fake artefacts – including his Fookian suitcase – inside are the orange
it, designing a currency, a set of postage driver’s licence, bank notes and coins, and overalls worn by the artist when he
stamps and the Fookian language which cartographical ‘evidence’ of the island – are created his fiery installation. And
had its own alphabet. He peopled the on display. There’s also an engrossing video in room 15, a pleather dachshund,
island with imaginary characters, plants that tells the story of Battiss’s life. And you the colour of unhealthy gums, lies
and animals. can view – but not try on – King Ferd III’s at the foot of your bed. Glass plates
colourful royal cloaks. somerset-east.co.za reminiscent of jellyfish serve as wall
decor in room 20, while room 21 has
WILD ASS SALOON walls in a gooey candyfloss pink.
Beware of the makeup stretch mirror
The weirdest thing about Ramsgate’s Pistols Saloon & Wild West in room 22 – if you don't close the
Museum is that the adjoining bar is patronised by a donkey named concertina-like arm carefully, it will
Huckleberry. Once you’ve personally witnessed him drinking Coca-Cola bite your fingers.
from the can, check out the museum’s cowboy memorabilia including
an original Jesse James wanted poster and valuable Western paintings. BEST (MAN)HOOD
Oddest of its exhibits is an authentic Kansas City brothel inspector ORNAMENT

badge – stupefying by today’s standards, the wearer’s job was to ensure Visitors to Durban’s Phansi Museum
prostitutes weren’t overcharging their clients. pistolssaloon.co.za in Glenwood are guided by Princess
Phumzile, a real Swazi princess – she’s
not only the curator, but occasionally
breaks into song. She’ll show you a
non-detachable hat made from human
hair, and a doll carried by 21-year-old
virgins to let guys know they’re
available. Ask about the
‘passion killers’ – grass
sheaths worn after
circumcision to
signify manhood.
Apparently Shaka
made his impis wear
them to help maintain
their focus in battle.
phansi.com

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EXPLORE MASSIVE PARTIES

stompTHE BIG

You’ve made the effort to get to kulula.com
some of the planet’s most incredible
music events, now the trick is to
dance like no-one is watching

156 DECEMBER 2018

MASSIVE PARTIES EXPLORE

DANCE YOURSELF INTO CONSCIOUSNESS

It wasn’t swimming into consciousness smaller stage near the river, where I’d dancing masses until I was front
so much as falling from a great height been swaying gently to some stripped- and centre. Sensing my presence,
into an icy pool thereof… The forest was back, soothing trance, to the main the music began to peak, the screeching
like a tunnel of interwoven, tentacle- stage. I rounded a corner and there it melody edging ever higher before
like trunks and branches. Foolishly, was: the roaring, pulsating heart of the climaxing in a heart-stopping drop
I didn’t have a torch or cellphone, festival, a seething mass of swirling that landed on the crowd like a sonic
and the moon, hidden by the twisted lights and lasers and dust and BOOM- bomb, detonating amidst the heaving
canopy, offered no assistance in my BOOM-BOOM, simply the most radical satyrs and nymphs in an explosion of
quest. I had to follow my ears – which bass being dispensed by a long and Bacchanalian excess. It was destined to
was fortunately pretty easy. There’s curious line-up of DJs assembled from continue for days and days… heartfelt
no escaping the boom of the bass at various corners of the planet, many of dancing, cutting-edge psytrance
Vortex Open Source, even in the vast, them from right here in Cape Town. The music, and an infinitude of new
beautiful space of the Circle of Dreams trick to dealing with sensory overload friendships stoked and cemented on
just outside Riviersonderend, easily the like this is not to be intimidated by the a dancefloor filled with the collective
most magical of the Western Cape’s apparent frenzy, but simply to dive right wonder of humans in their element.
selection of incredible psytrance party in and join the throng. And so I did, and Riviersonderend, 13–17 December,
venues. I was making my way from the was soon weaving my way through the vortextranceadventures.co.za

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DANCE LIKE YOU’RE DANCE INTO THE NEW YEAR
MAGNETICALLY
CHARGED Let’s be straight about this: not many people look good in white. Sure, it’s understandable
if you’re a Kundalini yogi, attending a Voodoo initiation, mourning in Sri Lanka, getting
In the northeastern corner of the Thar married or making the pilgrimage to Mecca. Or, we suppose, heading to Rio de Janeiro’s
Desert lies the little Rajasthani village famous Copacabana Beach for New Year’s Eve. Wearing white is supposed to bring
of Alsisar, where temperatures range a year of peace and prosperity – although you’re unlikely to find much peace on or near
from nearly 50°C in summer to below the beach, as two million-odd revellers dance before a multitude of stages waiting for
freezing in the depths of winter. It is midnight, when a constellation of fireworks is launched from barges moored out in the
to this village that, each December, bay. No, your clothes will not be white the following morning. Rio de Janeiro, Brazil,
in-the-know revellers from across 31 December
India and the world are drawn like iron
filings to, well, a magnet. Magnetic
Fields is an opulent, thumping
festival set in and around the Alsisar
Mahal, originally an Indo-Islamic fort
dating from the 17th century and
now a heritage hotel. Expect to hear
everything from techno, house and
dubstep to rock, indie and reggae.
Just go prepared: the desert is an
unforgiving mistress on a hungover
Sunday morning. Rajasthan, India,
14–16 December, magneticfields.in

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DANCE WONDERFULLY talent in the electronic music spectrum. DANCE
Last year’s transition to Atlantic Film YOURSELF
Beautiful things happen at the Cape Town Studios outside of the city centre went WARM
Electronic Music Festival . Beautiful, smoothly, and the 2019 edition promises
very loud things. It doesn’t have the same 60 artists over four stages and three Everyone loves a
unhinged vibe as the trance and electro days, which more than justifies all cool party. Igloofest
parties that take place in the Western those Uber rides. Cape Town, 8–10 is a little shindig in Montréal
Cape countryside, but what it lacks in February, ctemf.com which takes that to the extreme
weird it makes up for in wonderful, acting – being midwinter in Canada,
as a showcase for an enormous variety of temperatures can quite easily
plunge to –20°C, meaning
DANCE AND LEARN AND DANCE SOME MORE everyone is bundled up in
ski gear and extreme winter
Fancy being intellectual in-between sweaty all-nighters of sonic assault? Want clothing. Sexy? Perhaps not.
to learn about digital culture when you’ve been up until dawn Distinctly Canadian? You bet.
pumping your fists and throwing your hands up? Keen to Kinda fun? Oh yes. Don’t worry:
do so in one of the world’s most culturally trendsetting there’s an indoor dance floor
cities? Well, you’re in luck. CTM Festival is a 10-day too, campfires for you to roast
showcase of electronic, digital and experimental marshmallows and thaw your
music that brings together artists of international fingers, bucket loads of poutine
renown, adventurous audiovisual performances, (chips slathered with cheese
and a whole programme of talks, screenings, and gravy), and a line-up of
exhibitions and more. If you’ve always felt like electronic musicians so hot
partying should have a higher purpose, this is the they could probably be blamed
one for you. Berlin, Germany, 25 January–3 January, for global warming. Montréal,
ctm-festival.de Canada, weekends from
17 January to 2 February,
igloofest.ca

pictures: xxxxxxx

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DANCE ON WATER

You’re floating in a river, lashed to a small archipelago of inflatable devices.
You’re drinking watered-down whisky from a five-litre water bottle tethered
to a nearby raft. There are beautiful people everywhere in bikinis and shorts.
There’s a band playing on the shore. You’re at Up the Creek – a truly hedonistic
and resolutely intimate (not to mention South Africa’s second-oldest) festival
that plays out over four days and three stages on the banks of the Breede River
in Swellendam. Artists confirmed for next year’s ripper include Koos Kombuis,
Zengeance and Diamond Thug. Pack your lilo and plenty of sunblock. Near
Swellendam, 7–10 February, upthecreek.co.za

DANCE IN THE ALLEY

The tale of St Jerome’s Laneway Festival is
a fairly ridiculous one. It started in 2005 in a filthy
alley behind a bar in Melbourne, where a pair
of friends invited Australian indie bands to play
Sunday concerts. The concerts grew into a tiny
festival, which proved so popular it happened
again and again, expanding across Australia,
into New Zealand and thence to Singapore. It’s
since proved to be the stomping ground of choice
for discerning music lovers keen to discover
the Next Big Thing. The fact that it happens
across three countries and seven cities just
makes it a little easier to do so. Australia, New
Zealand, Singapore, 28 January–10 February,
lanewayfestival.com

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DANCE AGAINST ALL ODDS

It seems odd that last year saw the first time an Afropunk festival was held in, well,
an African city. But despite the odds (headliner Solange Knowles bailing, pelting
summer rain), it served up an absolute belter of a way to celebrate New Year’s Eve.
This year’s line-up is looking quite tasty, with Flying Lotus, The Internet, Thundercat
and Thandiswa Mazwai. Oh, and Public Enemy. That’s right: one of the most influential
hip-hop outfits of all time will be tearing it up at what is quickly becoming one of the
most influential black music festivals in the world. And, also headlining is Katrayanda
(pictured), the Haitian-born Canadian producer-cum-DJ who has been making
cross-genre dance music since he was 15 and knows how to get a crowd moving. You
can read more about some of Mzansi’s finest divas who’ll be performing on page 58.
Joburg, 30–31 December, afropunkfest.com/johannesburg

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Pictures: Supplied DANCE WITH YOUR PEOPLE DANCE TO AN
AFRICAN BEAT
Mention partying on Mexico’s Yucatán Peninsula and you’ll probably think ‘spring break’,
that heady time when America’s colleges open their floodgates and release tens of A UNESCO World Heritage Site
thousands of drunk, horny college students to descend on towns like Cancún and Playa and all-round atmospheric spot,
del Carmen. What you should think about, instead, is Comunité, a 100% local-run festival Zanzibar’s Stone Town is also the
designed as an antidote to modern festival culture. Set on a ranch in paradisical Tulum, locale for legendary music festival
the festival’s three stages are linked by jungle paths that wind to cenotes – natural Sauti za Busara, centred around the
sinkholes in the limestone, considered in Mayan mythology to be doors to the underworld. Old Fort with fringe events around
But with dozens of international artists, amazing food and paradise in which to party, you town. The name means ‘sounds of
might consider staying in the land of the living a little longer... Tulum, Mexico, 2019 dates wisdom’ in Swahili, and you’d be wise
unconfirmed, comunite.mx not to miss this celebration of music
from Tanzania and across Africa and
the diaspora. On top of incredible
music, the festival also promotes
collaborations between artists, offers
skills-development workshops for
the East African music industry, and
networking events. It’s all pretty
kushangaza. Stone Town, Zanzibar,
7–10 February, busaramusic.org

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NOT YOUR AVERAGE SHOPPING SPREE EXPLORE

TILL YOU DROP

Joburg may be known for its malls,
but there are plenty more exciting
places to shop in the City of Gold.

Nicci Collier goes exploring

AKLUHTLUETRLIUMNMAATTAIE’VSE
JOZI

SHOPPING
GUIDE

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SUBURBAN BLISS IN
LINDEN

These days, Linden’s municipal swimming
pool (kept at a constant 26 degrees) is not
the only drawcard to this leafy suburb.
Putting it on the foodie map was The
Whippet in Linden (thewhippetcoffee.
com) coffee shop, and in 2016 the Brian
Lara Rum Eatery (facebook.com/
thebrianlara) moved in and soon became
a cult classic for those who love all things
West Indies – or just love a good time.

But there are plenty of unusual gems
for shoppers too. The Linden Co-op
(co-op-shop.com) is a personal favourite.
Be warned: if you have a penchant for
beauty, it may send your pulse racing
and credit card into overdraft. Started by
Zita Muller, this stylish boutique stocks
everything from Skin Creamery beauty
products to Ora earrings and salted
caramel sauce. A pair of pointed-toe
bronze leather shoes? A 100% cotton,
fine-art printed bug tea towel from Owl in
the Moss? You’ll find ’em here.

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Around the corner is Re-Trend (arthurbales.co.za). The family-run is Sandton City. Skip all that and head to
(facebook.com/ReTrendLinden), for Mad haberdashery has been around since 1902 the adjacent district of Kramerville. Once
Men-esque mid-century modern furniture: and remains a go-to for knitting yarns and industrial, it’s been transformed into a
wooden sideboards, dreamy armchairs patterns, dressmaking fabrics and cotton bustling district where homeware is hero.
or perhaps even a retro cheese grater if prints for quilting. Think Weylandts and Spilhaus, curtaining
that’s what they’ve sourced. Quality coffee and flooring specialists, Persian
can be found next door at Yield (facebook. CURATED TREASURES IN carpet wholesalers.
com/yieldcoffeebar), which is open from KRAMERVILLE
6.15am and has perfected the art of The pick of the bunch though is Amatuli
takeaway coffee. Wasteland (wasteland. Sandton… Big business has settled in, the (amatuli.co.za), a treasure trove of
biz) is another Linden favourite for Gautrain hums with commuting humans artefacts sourced from all over Africa and
mid-century furniture enthusiasts, while and, yes, a six-metre, 2.5 ton bronze beyond. As you wander wide-eyed through
vinyl-lovers should head to Record Mad Mandela presides over the mega mall that this cavernous otherworldly space, you’ll
(recordmad.co.za) on 4th Avenue. find enormous wooden mokoros piled in
the driveway and Kuba cloth woven from
Also on 4th Avenue is Rialheim raffia – the way it was woven centuries
(rialheim.co.za), whose artistic ceramic ago when it adorned the throne of the king.
pieces are crafted on a family farm in Explore the basement (and you should),
Clairvaux, Robertson and sold around and you may discover antique trunks
the world, from France to the Philippines. from China, hand-beaded Yoruba chairs
Founded in 2012, Rialheim currently from Nigeria, and wood-carved Bamileke
employs 22 fulltime staff members and or Ashanti stools. If you can resist all
their new collection includes décor, serve- that, it could be a Graham Springer print
ware, tiles and lighting with their signature that you fall for, or a colourful Juju hat
brand of quirky. from Cameroon. Find out what’s on the
go upstairs at the Sir James
And let’s not forget Arthur Bales van der Merwe bar
and Katy’s Palace
pictures: xxxxxxx (katyspalacebar.
co.za) venue, too.
With sweeping
views, they host
Wednesday Bar

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TO MARKET, TO MARKET Nights, occasional Fiesta Fridays and other OUT THE BOX SHOPPING
themed parties. IN MELVILLE
The Keyes Pantry Market (keyesartmile.
co.za) is a monthly newbie on the Joburg If glamping is your getaway of Developed in 2015, 27 Boxes
market scene. Expect small-batch artisanal choice, stop in at Melvill and Moon (27boxes.co.za) in Melville was inspired
products (like honey, charcuterie, cheeses (melvillandmoon.com) next door. The by global retail trends for sustainable,
Melvill family expresses their passion for community-driven retail centres, and by
and cut flowers), foodie talks the safari life with all manner of hand- similar developments like Box Park in
by experts (everything crafted accessories for style-conscious London’s Shoreditch. A stand-out feature
from ethical eating to adventurers… leather duffel bags, camping on the Jozi shopping trail, it occupies an
reducing plastic usage) chairs, and binocular cases inspired by old disused park and is constructed from –
and workshops (such those doing the rounds back in the days of you guessed it – shipping container ‘boxes’.
as food fermentation the 19th-century colonial explorers. More than just a shopping emporium,
and bread making). it now includes a thriving succulent
Stalwarts on the Joburg Refreshment – because shopping is garden and state-of-the-art kids
market scene include the stressful – can be found in the form of playground with an irresistible (Splish!
a caffeine kick at Flynn Coffee at the Splash!) water feature, thanks to a
Bryanston Organic Market Coricraft store, or at Munch Café upstairs recent makeover.
(bryanstonorganicmarketco.za) for crafts at Hertex.
and wholesome food, the rooftop Rosebank
Sunday Market (rosebanksundaymarket.
co.za) and the trendy Neighbourgoods
Market in Braamfontein
(neighbourgoodsmarket.co.za).

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Pictures: Supplied, Page & Holmes Photography, Robyn Davie Photography, Chris Saunders, @solderingironconcepts ORIENTAL AWESOMENESS Kids can also Kidchen Concepts.
get their hands Inspired by a stroll
In 1971, the Indian traders of dirty at Tinker
Pageview were moved into School which offers through the succulents?
Fordsburg – their home was to be creative sessions of The No Name Nursery
a ‘White area’, said the apartheid painting, baking, sculpting, is Melville’s first and only
government. They received singing and dancing – or get nursery, which, um, ‘grew’ out
inadequate compensation for started on launching a culinary career at of the garden of owner Rodrick after
their premises, in relation to the he started selling his plants at weekends.
overheads at the new Oriental Plaza Happily, he’s on hand to offer advice for
(orientalplaza.co.za), and those happy, healthy gardens.
survivors who achieved prosperity Food options include gourmet chicken
against all odds deserve huge credit wings from Have Wingz and wholesome
for their tenacity. Stepping into fare at Table. Stylistas will love Palesa
the Oriental Plaza is stepping into Mokubung’s Mantsho – an African couture
another world, where spices hang label of garments handmade from fabric
in the air and wide-eyed teens shop sourced from around the continent. For
for their dream Matric-dance dress men, Tresor is a concept store offering
fabrics. A mega-bazaar for bargains, dapper threads plus tailoring, grooming
it trades in saris and samosas, and delicious Bantu coffee. At Book Circle
wedding wear and watches, fashion Capital, book-lovers will discover a literary
and fleece blankets. Look out for space paying homage to African authors
hand-stitched Indian cotton quilts, with a curated selection of literature
well-priced gold jewellery and and non-fiction books. Monthly readings
cookware. And bring your phone if it and events, too. Krag Drag sells quirky
needs fixing. gifts from recycled bags to beard oils;
Microgram Music Traders sells

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vinyls; at X & O you’ll fall in love with the THRIFTING IN THE CITY
mighty cronut (the cream-filled love child
of a croissant and donut); and Melville ‘Where’s Talisa?’ ‘She’s buying pineapples over there, but the seller has gone off to get her
landmark Reminiscene takes you to change.’ ‘What do you guys think of this jacket?’ ‘Maybe don’t take out your phones, you
another era with covetable vintage pieces don’t want to stand out as a target.’ ‘Guys! I just found a pair of Alexander McQueen jeans,
from coats and hats to flapper dresses. for R100!’

In line with worldwide trends, 27 Boxes Well, I did take out my phone, because you can’t witness the ‘dunusa’ markets of De
also hosts pop-up stores and other events Villiers Street and not capture the moment. There are parts of inner-city Joburg that are
such as a monthly Indian cooking class not for the fainthearted. And yet, they are vibrant and colourful and offer endless reward
run by Flavour’z of India and taught by for having ventured out of your comfort zone. And yes, I bought that pair of Alexander
Sonita and Aneesh, who hail from Kerala in McQueen jeans.
India. Wednesday nights are for late-night
trading, with different offerings each week ‘Dunusa’ is a Zulu word meaning to bend down with your rear in the air – an accurate
– guest street food vendors, pop-up gin description of the shoppers who pack out several inner-city blocks as they dig through
bars or art exhibitions. barrels of secondhand gear. Perhaps a bit smaller than a double bed, each barrel carries
a different category of clothing: from coats or skirts to shoes and even underwear. It’s a
chaotic scene – at first sight – but this thriving part of the informal economy is in fact
managed meticulously by the African Traders Organisation. This is where many Joburgers
– those who can’t afford to shop at Sandton City – buy their clothing, and where those in
the know come to thrift.

On the other side of town, on Miriam Makeba Street, is Brenda Matshoba’s carefully
curated vintage store. ‘Everything that I collect is something that I would wear,’ she says.
And the prices are right for student budgets – ‘I always have my client in mind when I am
out collecting clothes.’

City slickers Lou and Lau offer bespoke thrifting tours through Joburg’s CBD on
demand. Starting at Work Shop New Town, and into the Newtown precinct, the tour
delves into central Joburg for a hands-on experience of the city. Follow @Lou_and_Lau on
Instagram for more about their tours and Jozi experiences.

174 DECEMBER 2018 kulula.com

NOT YOUR AVERAGE SHOPPING SPREE EXPLORE

pictures: xxxxxxx DESIGNER
DREAMS IN
NEWTOWN

Work Shop New Town (workshopnewtown.
com) was dreamt up and developed by
design heavyweights Trevyn and Julian
McGowan of Southern Guild fame. This
unique, three-year-old shopping concept
in Newtown occupies Joburg’s historic
Potato Sheds which were established in
1911 as part of the city’s original fruit and
veggie market.

Inside the roomy heritage space,
emerging creatives sit alongside the
likes of Maxhosa by Laduma – PE-born
Laduma Ngxokolo’s label which has
earned international fashion acclaim with
its bold, Xhosa-inspired knitwear designs.

With an ‘open-plan’ feel, the layout
lends itself to browsing, market-style.
You’ll find ultra-desirable vintage
treasures at Ivintage Yakho and Retro
Zing, the perfect cut at Legend’s
Barbershop and streetwear at Cassper
Nyovest’s fashion label Family Tree. I Run
JHB does colourful shirts, tracksuits and
hoodies for men, mixing Xhosa, Xitsonga
and Ghanaian prints for a 21st-century
update on traditional clothing that reflects
local street sub-cultures. There’s also
a nail bar, craft and gift stalls and Old
School Coffee.

The communal space at the back plays
host to Bite Club every second month in
summer: a daytime event with Astroturf,
deckchairs, good food and drinks, plus
a DJ set.

kulula.com DECEMBER 2018 175



MZANSI’S QUIRKIEST ATTRACTIONS EXPLORE

boMgIND gling
Ilse Zietsman seeks out the
biggest, the baddest, and the
downright weirdest

BIG BIRD

Perched outside the SANCCOB seabird rehabilitation centre at the Seal
Point Lighthouse in Cape St Francis, this penguin balanced on a large white
concrete ball is much bigger than it seems – larger than a human, in fact.
Inside the rehab centre, treatment and temporary care are provided for oiled,
sick and dehydrated or otherwise injured African penguins in the hopes that
they’ll be returned to the wild. Visitors (and donations) are welcomed inside
the centre – and the oversized penguin is ideally positioned for selfies and
photographic optical illusions.

pictures: xxxxxxx

kulula.com DECEMBER 2018 177

O, KOEKSISTER!

Some places defy reason. Like Orania, that bastion of
exclusionism that’s so far gone, we’re not even sure it’s
worth finding on a map. A tricky bunch the Oranians. With
weird ideas about public art. Take their giant koeksister
monument, which they proudly unveiled in their Afrikaner
enclave in 2003. The plaited sculpture was the brainchild of
a local women’s organisation called Kaalvoet. One of their
members sent a koeksister to a sculpture foundry and tasked
the artisans there to produce a large-scale model but – liewe
aarde! – unfortunately the version that came out was
plaited incorrectly.

The kaalvoet culinary queens decided to take matters into
their own hands and created a clay koeksister which was then
digitally mapped by a design workshop in order to produce
a second model.

Kaalvoet’s chairwoman happily remarked, ‘It’s not like
a proper koeksister, but it’s nice to look at.’ As they say, only
in South Africa…

BATHURST BAFFLES BRAINS kulula.com

On the outskirts of Bathurst in the Eastern Cape stands the
world’s largest pineapple, also the headquarters of the
Pineapple Growers’ Association.

The pineapple building was constructed in 1990 from
fibreglass, stainless steel and concrete. It has four storeys and
is 17m high. Once inside, the walls bulge like those of an
oversized egg carton.

At the gift shop on the ground floor, there are pineapple-themed
placemats, coasters, light-switch covers, fridge magnets, drawing
pins, stationery, T-shirts and battery operated lanterns. Also:
pineapple jam, curd, mustard and relish. On the next two floors,
Sam the Big Pineapple Man tells you more about the pineapple
industry by way of faded posters and amateurish displays. Below
a hankie, a letter from Hotel Niagara, New York, dated 19 June
1957, reads, ‘Dear Mr Meyer, My husband has asked me to send
you this hankie made of pineapple fibre in Manilla (sic). Sure you
will be interested! Kind regards from Helen Snow.’

From the observation deck at the top of the Big Pineapple you
have a view stretching from the yellow and green edge of the deck
over kilometres of farm lands to the Indian Ocean.

178 DECEMBER 2018

MZANSI’S QUIRKIEST ATTRACTIONS EXPLORE

JOU MA SE POSTBOX

As one TripAdvisor entry points out, there is not much to do in the Northern Cape
town of Calvinia. It does, however, have what locals claim is the biggest postbox in
the world. Standing 6.17m tall with a circumference of 9.42m, it might very well be.
This mother of all postboxes used to be a water tank on the grounds of the Dutch
Reformed Church. The local business chamber converted it into its present form in
the 1990s. The post office supplied the red paint and a sign writer applied his skill.
An official opening was held. And just like that, it became the most photographed
object in Calvinia. Letters posted here get a hand-stamped flower emblem.

Also worth a glance is one of the odder displays at the Calvinia Museum: a stuffed
merino sheep with a fleece that grew to 38cm in length. The unfortunate sheep
went missing for a few years and thus was not sheared for a long time.

THERE WAS AN OLD WOMAN WHO LIVED IN DECEMBER 2018 179
A SHOE

The Shoe, 20km north of Ohrigstad on the R36 to Tzaneen in Limpopo,
is a guesthouse, curio shop, tea garden, art gallery and museum. It’s
an eerie destination if ever there was one. The museum claims to
display Iron-Age artefacts amid artworks by the owner, Ron van Zyl.
There are also caves onsite which can be entered from the shoe which,
incidentally, is 12m tall.

The old woman who used to live in the shoe seems to have
disappeared but some of her furniture – and a crocheted blanket and
shawl – can still be seen at ankle-high level. Climb the rickety stairs to
catch a glimpse of this.

A quick walk through the shoe will cost you R3. A 20-minute ‘guided
experience into artistic Christ cave’ will set you back R50 but a brief
foray into the shoe should suffice. theshoe.org

kulula.com

EXPLORE MZANSI’S QUIRKIEST ATTRACTIONS

GO WITH THE GNOME MY SCARECROW IS BIGGER THAN YOURS

According to Wikipedia, a gnome is a Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was outstanding in its field.
diminutive spirit in Renaissance magic and As you approach Mooiberge Farmstall on the R44 between Stellenbosch and
alchemy. In Agulhas, the southernmost Somerset West, a strawberry as large as a lorry catches your eye, followed by tall
gnome in Africa has no such illusions scarecrow animals ranging from a zebra mounting a (blue) bull – explain that one
of grandeur. He seems to be totally to your kids – to two purple giraffes in the parking lot. When you cast your eyes,
comfortable with being a garden gnome you see colourful tractors, a tin plane the size of a sedan with ‘Strawberry Airways’
or lawn ornament figurine – in other words, painted on the side, penny farthings built out of scrap, a boytjie riding an ostrich and a
a small humanoid creature with a pointy helicopter that seems to have landed in the trees. Mooiberge has its own restaurant,
red hat, blue overalls and a bright The Thirsty Scarecrow, which serves craft beers and bistro food. You can pick your
yellow beard. own strawberries – you pay by weight – in season.

Once you’ve turned onto the R319 from For more unconventional, oversized scarecrows, head to Affie Plaas on the R60
Bredasdorp, the road is long and straight. between Worcester and Robertson. There, the giant straw-bale scarecrows are
After passing through Struisbaai and excessively rotund, they wear a pile of tyres on their heads and they seem to eye
entering Cape Agulhas, the road makes each other in a lascivious way. Affie Plaas has an array of fresh produce and there is
a turn at Spookdraai (or ‘Ghost Corner’). a lawn and play area for the kids.
Once you reach the last house on the
left, look out for a tiny sign that reads
‘Southernmost Gnome in Africa’.

Beyond the sign, in the garden itself,
there are a few more gnomes. The one
with the blue hat sticks his bum out at
an aloe. ‘To gnome me is to love me,’ he
seems to be saying.

In a flower bed another sign proclaims,
‘Oom Koos is the Southernmost Gnome in
South Africa. He wants R5 for storybooks
for the children of Struisbaai North’. A
tortoise moneybox awaits your donation
for this charitable project.

JOU MA SE VOET IN ’N VISBLIK

Jou ma se voet in ’n visblik is an The fishing trawlers are named after

Afrikaans saying that basically means species of wild geese (like Vleigans,

‘bugger off’. You can listen to this Sneeugans and Berggans) that used

and other more derogatory insults at to be found here.

Gansbaai harbour when the fishermen The factory cans sardines and Pictures: Ilse Zietsman, Supplied

get off the boats while checking out pilchards and produces fish meal

what is arguably the world’s for livestock farmers. The

biggest pilchard can. Boat House Restaurant

The whiff of fish in and Pub has a view

the air is an indication over the harbour

that this traditional and serves good

harbour is still active. seafood.

180 DECEMBER 2018 kulula.com



EXPLORE CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN

Get high

Strap on your crampons, check
your ropes, and get the finger
powder ready. You’re about
to venture into the mountains
with a handful of South African
legends who know all about
having their heads in
the clouds

182 DECEMBER 2018 kulula.com

CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN EXPLORE

HOW HIGH CAN YOU GO?

Stretching for more than 1 000km,
the Drakensberg escarpment is a
playground of paradisical proportions
for hikers, mountaineers and climbers
of all levels. Of course, within its lofty
crags and folds, there are dozens
of adventures to be had, but the
Drakensberg Grand Traverse is the
Big Daddy – a 230-odd-km ramble,
at an average elevation of 3 000m. It
stretches across the entirety of the
KZN Drakensberg and takes around
12 days to complete. There’s no set
route, but it’s commonly accepted that
any Grand Traverse should include
climbing the chain ladders at Sentinel
Peak, summiting six peaks including
Madafi (at 3 450m, it’s the highest
point in South Africa), and passing
through the Thamathu Pass.

The fastest execution of the Traverse
was by Ryan Sandes (pictured) and
Ryno Griesel, who ran it in 2014 and
covered a total of 207km in 41 hours
and 49 minutes, clocking a mere
hour’s sleep while slicing over 18 hours
off existing records. ‘The route was
hardcore and super-challenging,’ says
Sandes, ‘and I was really stretched
both physically and mentally.’

Interviews: Anthony Sharpe, Pictures: XXXXX

kulula.com DECEMBER 2018 183

EXPLORE CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN

THE RELUCTANT CLIMBER world, was incredible – a humbling and a couple of years, I realised that many
transforming feeling. I was very proud and people, young and old, were looking up to
On 26 May 2003, Sibusiso Vilane became still am. me as an example and then I thought, ‘well,
the first black person to stand atop you might as well keep on inspiring people
Everest, the world’s highest mountain. I was left for dead while descending by climbing more mountains and doing
The former game ranger, now adventurer from the summit of Mount Everest in other adventures’.
and motivational speaker, is one of only 63 2005. I say ‘left for dead’ because my
people to have completed the Explorers teammates, guides and leaders left me My most thrilling expedition would
Grand Slam – climbing the Seven Summits at above 8 000m, known as the death have to be Mount Kenya in 2016. It has
and reaching the North and South Poles. zone, all on my own with a serious chest three summits, the highest of which is the
Not bad for a man who, until 1996, had no infection, no water and oxygen. I fought second-highest peak in Africa, the other
interest in mountaineering. for my life because it was clear that if two over 4 000m. I wanted to challenge
To stand on top of Everest is a feeling I didn’t I would lose it and I did not want to myself by summiting all three within two
that can never be articulated in words for die. I pushed myself down the mountain, days, so I used the very lowest as my
any human being to comprehend fully. I crawled, shuffled along, slid down until acclimatisation peak. On the second day,
It became extremely emotional for me. a Sherpa came to help me farther down, I told my guide that I was ready to go for
Seeing the world at my feet and being able and I survived. the highest two peaks. It took us a long,
to stand tall and look at the entire world hard 17 hours of nonstop bouldering and
was magic, and will remain so as long as Climbing the Seven Summits was never technical climbing. I’ve never done anything
I live. Knowing that my message – that my intention as I had no interest in climbing like that again and doubt I ever will.
Africa can do it too – was now all over the other mountains after Everest. But after

Top spot? kulula.com
‘For anybody who wants
to climb mountains, the
Drakensberg Mountains are a very
good start – that’s where I developed
my love for climbing. They are
accessible and not too expensive to
explore. My favourite local mountain
is Cathedral Peak, because of

the scenery.’
–Sibusisu Vilane

184 DECEMBER 2018





CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN EXPLORE

Interviews: Anthony Sharpe, Pictures: Kelvin Trautman/Red Bull Content Pool, Supplied Top spot? AXES AND CRAMPONS
'The Magaliesberg is my soul
food. I go there more than anywhere Marianne Schwankhart is a
else, and after 20 years, I still discover photojournalist and rock climber of note
more routes. I never get bored of it. The – she was the first woman to climb the
Drakensberg is probably the closest we have east face of Torres del Paine in Chilean
to mountaineering in a global comparison. Even Patagonia and the third woman to summit
though it doesn’t have any snow or glaciers, it has Trango Tower in Pakistan. With Mike Blyth
the weather patterns of big mountains where it can and James Pitman, she also created the
get scary and real very quickly, so you mustn’t be extraordinary documentary, No Need for
naive when you go. However, if you’re prepared Parking – An African Rock Adventure.
and make good calls, it’s a fantastic place I live for big-wall climbing. This means you
have a vertical rock face and it will require
for long days on the hills.’ several rope lengths to get to the top. It
–Marianne Schwankhart often takes all day to climb, depending
on size and difficulty. Sometimes it even
kulula.com requires spending the night on a vertical
rock face.

It took us about three weeks to climb
the central Torres del Paine in Chile, but
we often abseiled down when bad weather
came in, so maybe only three consecutive
nights [on the face] at a time.

Once, we were traversing a near-vertical
ice wall with axes and crampons on
Cerro Torre, about 700m up. My climbing
partner and I were about 15m apart when
a big chunk of ice, the size of a car, fell
from above and passed right between us.
Luckily it didn’t cut our rope or hit us, but
it was a close call. At the time, it was best
not to analyse what could have happened,
but afterwards it was terrifying.

The problem with long climbs is that
we take quick snapshots but never spend
time documenting them. I was keen to do
a climbing trip where the purpose was
to document the journey of climbing, so
we took two light aircraft and flew to the
three biggest rock faces in the southern
hemisphere – Blouberg (a 400m face
north of Polokwane), Spitzkoppe (a 450m
face in Namibia), and the Klein Winterhoek
(a 500m face outside Tulbagh). James
and I did the climbing while Mike would fly
around filming us from the air.

DECEMBER 2018 187

EXPLORE CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN Top spot?
‘After Table Mountain,
STRANGE GAME the Cederberg is my favourite
place. I find true peace there.
Edmund February, an associate professor I go there often, I hike everywhere
at UCT, is one of our country’s most famed and know the place really well,
climbers, having opened more than 500 and there are still bits I haven’t
routes across Africa (the majority of which visited. It’s amazing.’
he claims not to remember). He was –Edmund February
also part of the South African group that
summited Everest during the tragic 1996 kulula.com
trip, but along with four other members
he departed early due to differences with
expedition leader Ian Woodall.
My most memorable moment was
being high up in the upper dihedrals of
El Capitan, in the Yosemite Valley. The
place is mind-boggling; it takes your
breath away. You’re in this corner with this
massive roof above your head, 1 000m
above the ground, with this incredible
vista stretching out forever, hanging onto
whatever you can, and the smooth wall
just drops below you onto the valley floor.

My first trip to the Alps was a steep
learning curve. We had no idea what we
were doing. I got a pair of crampons and
an ice axe that must’ve been 40 years old.
Walking out onto the ice for the first time,
it still sticks with me: ‘I’m about to go down
onto the Bossons Glacier, and I have no
idea what I’m doing.’

Everest brings out the worst in people.
It’s a big mountain, it looks good on
your CV, if you’ve climbed Everest then
theoretically you’re a big-name climber.
We were all there [in 1996] for different
reasons, and those reasons collided. I
was there to promote a new South Africa,
diversity coming together to climb a
mountain, but that isn’t really what others
were all there for. I’ve always been into
everyone there getting together, enjoying
themselves and contributing. Ian Woodall
felt he was the person in charge; he laid
down the rules and all of us had to listen.
I don’t work like that. We had a difference
of opinion in how to run the show.

188 DECEMBER 2018





THE BIG UNWIND EXPLORE

m ostCOAST WITH THE
Biénne Huisman discovers that the wildest
coast is also the most laidback

T he Cool Bananas spaza
shop sits etched against a
gorgeous blue-sky winter
day. It’s the only shop in Tshani village, a
cluster of huts overlooking the Mdumbi
River on the Wild Coast. Two tyres weigh
down its roof; the front door is open and
flanked by shoulder-high Nguni cattle,
nibbling grass. There are chickens too and
a fat black sow sprawled on her side,
a handful of piglets scattered about.
Behind the shop, sea views sweep the
horizon; mad perpendicular cliffs plunging
into the ocean, wide and hazy in the
distance. The breeze smells of earth and
dust, a salty tinge.

kulula.com DECEMBER 2018 191

Looking down ‘Molo, sisi,’ says Warren inside, grey eyes
onto the estuary where crinkled over his smile. Warren stocks fruit,
the Mdumbi River spills fishing tackle and chunks of his mother-
into the ocean; and (below) in-law’s Xhosa bread – but what I really
Notshana, founder of Mdumbi needed was a fresh bag of adjectives.
River Kayaks, posing in
front of his 11-year-old The scenery here would make a good
thesaurus sweat. How many ways are
business there to say ‘blue’, ‘lush’ and ‘impossibly
green’? The Mdumbi estuary curves past
192 DECEMBER 2018 mangrove-lined forests, bright coral trees
and milkwoods, finally spilling mirror
smooth into the sea. Waves froth over
rocks and lap never-ending beaches,
untarnished but for early morning
footprints left by anglers and the odd
surfer or two.

Striding back down the hill, I pass
a man in a suit leaning on a stick. He tips
his hat and I wave. It’s Sunday and folk are
returning from church. Around me, huts sit
in vegetable gardens; maize, cabbages and
pumpkins in rows, string bean and tomato
vines strung over low fences.

Ahead, a wooden sign reads ‘Mdumbi
Backpackers’, pointing up a gravel track
to thatched huts under trees. There’s
a hedge around Mdumbi to keep out cattle,
but there are no gates. On the grounds,
dogs and free-range children cavort next
to shrubs and aloes way past twilight;
chasing fairies, playing hide-and-seek. The
main house has a large stoep where one
guy is slumped in a hammock, reading
Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind.
Another is smoking a rollie, staring out
over the bay. ‘Dude,’ he says, gesturing with
his cigarette. ‘Look at the whales.’ Indeed,
just off the coast, a giant tail is dipping and
frothing above the sea’s surface.

I take a seat next to him. His name is
Kevin, Kevin from Belgium; all lanky limbs
and salt-and-pepper stubble. ‘In the rubber
duck earlier,’ he continues, ‘the whales,
they were like 20 metres away. Dolphins
too.’ Kevin is taking time out after quitting

kulula.com

THE BIG UNWIND EXPLORE

his job in music, organising concerts Marijke is now ambling to our table, with is speaking from the kitchen. She’s come
around Europe. He’s been roaming South a plunger of coffee. Marijke just sold her to deliver bread – a hit with backpackers
Africa in a rental hatchback for seven house in Amsterdam. The Wild Coast is at R60 a large loaf. The story of Mama
weeks, and got stuck at Mdumbi some a halfway stop before she moves on to Nowethu’s adopted son, Moots, is laced
time earlier. rural Portugal, to start a permaculture with mystery. Moots is known to decorate
tourist farm. ‘I was just tired of the city, visitors with beautiful tribal henna tattoos.
During his stay, Kevin got a nasty thorn you know,’ she says, sipping from her With a pearly smile, she recalls how Moots
lodged in his foot. He visited Tshani’s mug. She’s been taking surfing lessons once disappeared as a little boy. When
clinic the previous day to have it removed; with local coach Khayalethu, the ‘dolphin he returned, he couldn’t speak or hear
evidently a remarkable experience, relayed of Mdumbi’. The water here is balmy for anymore, but he could paint.
with much enthusiasm. ‘The doctor, he swimming, with a point break described by
wasn’t even in doctor’s clothes but in many as ‘epic’. Behind us, Mama Nowethu The sun is sinking, refracting in
overalls! A very efficient man, yes.’ Blonde candyfloss clouds dappling the sky;

Pictures: XXXTBC ON LAYOUTXXXXX

kulula.com DECEMBER 2018 193

EXPLORE THE BIG UNWIND Shack up
If you fancy a crowd-free beach
food smells are pouring from the kitchen. where there’s good surf, a sandy length
More guests are making their way to the to explore, and gorgeously unspoilt terrain,
stoep, carrying beer quarts bought in the Mdumbi is a quaint and special place to drop
village. Mdumbi Backpackers doesn’t sell anchor for a while. You can camp for just R95
alcohol, their show of support to the local a night, share a dorm for R165, or shack up with
shebeen. They also don’t take cuts from a loved one in a room of your own for R380 per
entrepreneurs – like Khayalethu and Mama couple per night (or have a tent to yourselves for
Nowethu – who are free to ply their trade R360). It won’t suit anyone who demands the
to guests, pocketing all their own profit. standardised comforts of a city, but if you’re
looking to unplug properly, this’ll do the trick.
After dinner, I veer under dazzling Just don’t make the mistake of coming for
stars to the ablutions for a solar-powered only one or two nights – you’ll regret
hot shower, then to my hut for bed. The
windows are open – there are no burglar ever having to leave.
bars at Mdumbi – and my dreams swirl mdumbi.co.za
between sky and sea, over green plains
bristling with magic. kulula.com

The next morning we’re up early to meet
Notshana, another keen businessman
from the village. Notshana founded
Mdumbi River Kayaks in 2007 and today
owns 22 light boats. The air is crisp and
he’s huddled in a hoodie, hands deep in his
pockets as he leads us past fishermen on
rocks – angling for shad, or bluefish – over
the beach to the river. The conversation
turns to Cyril Ramaphosa’s February visit
to Coffee Bay, three hours walk south.
It was a big event. ‘A great party,’ says
Notshana. ‘Marquee tents and so much
food. Cyril likes organic food. He loved our
tomatoes and lettuce, the kind of stuff we
grow here.’

Rowing up the river behind Notshana,
tall trees lean close. It’s quiet but for the
whisper of water. With his paddle, he
points out oysters lining the banks and
a blue kingfisher struggling to eat a fish,
flashing silver in the sun. ‘Bit off more
than he can chew, right?’ Notshana says,
grinning over his shoulder. Further up,
a couple of fish eagles circle overhead,
calling to each other, then they disappear
among the treetops.

Back at Mdumbi, over a lunch of
falafel wraps, we discuss the

194 DECEMBER 2018





THE BIG UNWIND EXPLORE

Pictures: Supplied, Aqua Image/shutterstock.com, Wild Coast’s roads, notoriously rutted and West Africa on a surfing trip, he’d told Belgium is pouring another glass of
Charles HB Mercer/shutterstock.com unmarked, with jaywalking animals and us. Johann, son of a missionary, grew wine, flirting with a retrenched maître d’
cars pulling to stealthy halts behind up around Mdumbi and matriculated in from Cape Town as the candles burn low.
blind hills. Mthatha in 1967. Apparently, he lost the
keys to the lodge’s main door 13 years ago, Outside, darkness rolls to all sides,
‘Tarred roads bring crime, though,’ says and has never locked it since. but for the stars. Nature may have
Notshana. ‘We never want a tarred road been around for billions of years, yet
to Mdumbi.’ Soon after, the electricity fails That night around a candlelit table, here on the Wild Coast it feels different,
and our isolation is complete. No Wi-Fi. ‘Oh Johann tells us about starting the raw and utterly primal. A place for city
yes, another Eskom glitch,’ shrugs Johann, backpackers in 2002. ‘It doesn’t feel like stragglers to throw off their shackles,
owner of the backpackers. work, man,’ he says. ‘I am the luckiest to find that secret part of their being,
person I know. I love getting up in the the one that often gets lost in the
Later, I stroll the beach picking up morning. I surf whenever I want to. And maelstrom of life. It’s a place for
shells. Returning, I catch sight of Johann’s creating jobs and income here, well, that’s recalibrating; for pondering life, the
shapely surfer’s legs protruding from one hell of a thing.’ universe and everything. Or perhaps
beneath a Land Rover, where he lies fixing nothing at all.
the engine. He’d driven it all the way along The electricity is still out. Kevin from

Pictures: XXXTBC ON LAYOUTXXXXX He lost the keys to the lodge’s main door 13 years ago,
and has never locked it since

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