Fluency Magazine 3rd Edition Autumn 2016

Fluency

The Magazine for Today’s International Student
Autumn 2016 - Issue #3

DUBLIN NEWS ESD 40,000 LIKES

GAA TEAM English Studio Dublin We are very proud of our
recently celebrated another students and it is great to see
ES Dublin has started up achievement – we reached
a Gaelic football team this 40,000 likes on our our relationship with ex-
summer. The team is the Facebook page! students continue, even if
brainchild of ESD teacher Although this is not it is as part of the social
Séamus White, an Irish an official educational media world. Liking
sports enthusiast who has achievement, it means us gives us confidence
many years’ experience a lot to the team here as a school and as a
playing hurling and GAA at English Studio: those company to continue our
football. Together with 40,000 likes are a reflection of
fellow teacher Eoin Lynam, he has managed and coached a team of the support we receive every work as a social media site
approximately 20 students and staff from the school every Thursday day from people of all ages in the future. Thank you, all of
evening from 6pm. around the world. you, from the bottom of our
hearts! Thumbs up to all our
The team has grown steadily over the last couple of months and their 40,000 followers!
goal is to play a match against an Irish team – and win of course!
Seamus and the team are always looking for players to join them; if RECENT
you are interested please speak to Reception or Student Support for ACCREDITATIONS
more information.
With accreditation by ACELS, and Trinity College London, The English
RUNNING FOR A GOOD CAUSE Studio has now gained yet more recognition from two of the main
institutions in the market – Marketing English in Ireland (MEI), and
Dayana Russa, Programme the Association of Language Travel Organisations (ALTO). This is
Advisor and much valued great news for the college and for the English Studio brand, helping
member of our English Studio us to deliver the highest quality English language learning at the
Dublin team, has recently taken most competitive price.
on a huge fundraising project
in association with the global DUBLIN IS THE CHOICE FOR
charity Ethiopiad. Dayana, who THE MATURE STUDENT
is originally from Venezuela, will
travel to Ethiopia this November The team at English Studio Dublin have recently launched a new
to run a sponsored 10km race, as initiative aimed exclusively at mature students looking for something
well as volunteer with the charity while over there. Over the next few different. This has been carefully constructed to accommodate
months, Dayana will be attempting to raise over €3,500 to fund the students over 40 who are wishing to change career, live in a new
project and assist children in need in Ethiopia. Keep an eye out for country and of course, learn a new language! Our team will provide
her various fundraising events and take a look at our Facebook page everything the student needs to have a comfortable lifestyle here in
for Dayana’s video and testimonial. Good luck Dayana, from all of us Ireland, along with high quality English classes daily, and the chance
at English Studio Dublin! for extra practice sessions too. Extra-curricular activities such as
theatre, Irish city breaks and museum tours are also part of the
DUBLIN SOCIAL PROGRAMME initiative, scheduled specially to cater to mature students’ interests.
If you or someone you know would like more information, don’t
hesitate to contact our sales team or email:
courseadvisor@englishstudio-dublin.
Life begins at 40, 50, 60... whenever you want it to happen!

AUGUST 2016 SEPTEMBER 2016 OCTOBER 2016

Glendalough and Powerscourt Gardens Guinness Storehouse Tour Oktoberfest
Galway and Cliffs of Moher Bray and Bowling Halloween Party
Bubble Football Cinema Club – Cast Away
Cinema Club – Ghost Belfast & Giant’s Causeway
OCSenuicmlie–m(TLehereaSrMhnauIkrsieiscshaplDe) aarneciantgDublin Castle Language Exchange Science Gallery
Cinema Club – Saving Private Ryan Visit to Kilmainham Gaol Museum
Howth Cliff Walk

For more information, or to sign up to any of the Social Programme Activities, please see Patricia in Student Support. Events are
subject to change so please check your Social Programme Calendar every month in your classroom.

2

Welcome to WE
Fluency Issue 3,
The Brexit Issue
E.U.
Hello and Dia Daoibh Go Léir!

As ever, we have a mix of news, language tips, competitions and recommendations for ES students in both London and Dublin.
Once again, we’re very grateful to so many of you for your excellent contributions and I hope you continue to send them to me
in London [email protected] and to Sinéad in Dublin [email protected].

With the recent referendum vote having been so close, many people who voted to remain are very unhappy about the result.
To understand why, read Fluency’s own Mr Angry, Vorgon on p.14-15. A more reasonable response and one which best
represents the feelings of the ES family, comes from our Managing Director, Neil Harvey and can be read below.

Mike Mooney, Editor

“Like many in the UK I was saddened and shocked by the result
of the recent referendum, pushing this country to leave the
European Union. History shows us that division does not increase
the sum of human happiness. Nor does separation make any
people stronger.

There is now much talk of what Brexit actually means and even
talk of it never coming properly to be; at least not in the way that
the Leave campaign described. I sincerely hope so. There is talk of
a continued period of uncertainty.

To my mind there is none – the UK is still very much part of the
European Union and I am immensely proud of that. We are
still the open and welcoming nation we have always been, and
we will continue to be. We welcome anyone from any nation to
these islands - our doors are open and if you stay for two weeks,
two years or make a new life here, you will always be welcome.
The British people today are a result of thousands of years of
migration and so much the better for it. There are, for example,
more than 100 different languages spoken in London alone; 9%
of the UK population was born in India and 8% in Poland and
44% of the population in London is from an ethnic minority.

You could not come to London at a more interesting, stimulating
and diverse time. There is still a very large welcome mat at our
front door – Come and be part of one of the most exciting cities
on earth!”

Neil Harvey, Managing Director English Studio London.

LANGUAGE TOOLBOX

CREDITS 1. ‘My parents went to Paris.
Assistant Editor | Sinead Keane
Design | Liz Hill In practising this sentence, we must make
Cover shot | Eliza Lucescu sure we pronounce parents correctly.

Don’t say /’pærents/

Say /’peırәns/ (and yes, it sounds better if you
‘eat’ the /t/ )

3

LONDON NEWS

THE ITALIAN CONNECTION OH INDEED

With achievement being one of ES’s professed and cherished We’ve been very busy this summer in Bloomsbury Square as the
values, we are delighted to announce the awarding of the centre has been given over entirely to our Young English Studio
first English Studio scholarships for outstanding academic programme. It’s been lovely to see and hear young learners from
achievement. all over the world enjoying the programme, devised and overseen
by Valentina Peri Khoo and her team. What is really incredible this
Pictured here with our Head year is the sheer number of students taking part in the programme.
of Sales, Silvia Cupini are This is due in no small part to word of mouth about last year’s
Francesca Giannerini, Giorgia programme, but has been boosted greatly in 2016 by the efforts of
Cesarini, Alessandro Iacolucci our sales department, headed by Silvia Cupini. In 2015, YES had 237
and Claudia Brizzi. All four participants and this year showed a massive 140% increase with 586
are recent graduates from young learners taking part!
different faculties of Rome’s
La Sapienza University and Even more encouraging is that 203 of the students on the YES 2016
will benefit from two weeks’ summer programme were Chinese. All credit to MD Neil Harvey for
free study in Dublin and London. This initiative was organised this successful foray into the Chinese market; one which ES hopes to
in conjunction with La Sapienza’s Alumni Association and the build on.
presentation on June 20th even figured in Rome’s Il Messagerro
newspaper. ALEXIS JOSHUA

That’s not the only good news from Italy either. Thanks to the efforts Massive congratulations to ES London teacher
of the sales team, the English Studio has just formed a relationship Alexis Joshua, whose brilliant movie (Yes! Movie!
with a potentially huge client. Poste Italiane is La Bella Italia’s English Studio teachers write movies now!) 'Set
equivalent of the Royal Mail and employs around 60,000 people and The Thames on Fire' is released this September.
we will now feature on their intranet as their recommended English You can read our interview with Alexis on p.13
language school; and you can see the trailer at:
so one might easily say that just as Visa is the official credit card of www.setthethamesonfire.com.
the Olympic Games, ES is the official English school of the Italian
Postal Service!

TUESDAY WELCOME

We’re delighted to announce the introduction of The ES First Tuesday Club. When you join a large school in a large city, it can take you a
little while to find your feet. We want to make the process easier for you so every Tuesday our Welfare Officer, Lorraine Cooper is organising
a little get-together for people in their first week of classes at ES London. This will include a quick tour of the school, showing you where to
find everything, as well as a personal introduction to Reception and management staff, so that you will know where to go for all your needs
during your stay with us. That will be followed by a trip to a local cafe or pub (we’ll show you where the best ones are!) where you get a
chance to talk to your new schoolmates informally and really feel like you’re settling in.

REVAMP OF THE SOCIAL PROGRAMME

In this smartphone age, it’s not unusual to go into a classroom in the morning and find five or six students with their heads stuck
in their phones rather than talking to each other. While this is common everywhere, it is particularly ironic to see it happening at a
language school, where you would expect to see people grabbing every chance to practise that they get.

Yet in tutorials, many students say that because they often live events in advance, so that you can get tickets for the ones you are
with people who speak the same language as them, they don’t get most interested in.
as many opportunities to speak English as they would like.
• On the 1st of every month, the programme for the month will be
That is why our Social Programme is so important. Obviously, put up on posters around the school and on Facebook.
there are club nights and trips organised by our friends in Lost in
London and others, but these are big pan-London events. What • As individual events approach, we will put up posters and post
we’re trying to do is organise a series of smaller happenings reminders on Facebook 48 hours beforehand.
exclusively for ES students.
• Mike or Valentina will briefly visit classes once every fortnight to
Some of the events we have organised have been phenomenally let you know what’s going on and to personally invite you along.
successful, particularly our summer centrepiece, the ES Boat Party,
which was one of the loveliest nights I’ve had in 16 years working Now comes the part where we need your help. I want to know
for the school. We’ve also organised sing song nights, graffiti, what kind of events you would like us to run. Do you want us to
forest and Beatles walks, football tournaments, picnics, restaurant run events that might be more expensive to organise or do you
visits, speed-dating evenings, cineclub and the ever-popular pub prefer our current model, with most events either free or very
visits. It’s crucial that these events are organised and hosted by cheap? Please remember, it’s your Social Programme, it’s my job
ES teachers themselves and I’m very grateful to the staff for their to organise it for you and if you send your suggestions to me at
enthusiasm in helping the project to succeed so far. [email protected] it will be my pleasure to make them
happen!
Let me tell you how we’re going to make sure that you know of all
Mike Mooney

4

STUDENTS’ STORIES

Gleison’s London A BEAUTIFUL REALITY CALLED LIFE

Hello! My name is Gleison Barbosa Although my first 24 hours in Dublin
and I’m currently living in Curitiba, were challenging, once I’d recovered
Brazil. Last year I had a 40-day from my initial fears, my first mission
vacation in London and I have a lot (after tuning in to the accent, obviously!)
of good memories, which I’d like to was to find a place to live. Fortunately,
share with you. two weeks later I finally moved into the
place that I would call home during my
Arriving in London and going exchange in Ireland.
through customs is the first happy
moment I have to share. Brazilian Pretty soon after that, my love affair with
people have to get a visa to enter Dublin began! While getting used to a
England when they arrive at customs. This means we are not sure new routine in a whole new country I started to observe the beauty
if we’ll even manage to enter the country or not before we leave of the streets, learn about their history and discover astonishing
home. Despite all the tension I was feeling, London received me new places. I can definitely say that three weeks after my arrival
with a beautiful sunny Thursday and everything went well. I was completely in love with Dublin. It was so much more than
what I expected; a stunning city, with lovely people, art, culture and
Taking the subway to the first hostel in which I was going to stay freedom all together in one place.
was the next adventure. I had to get my Oyster card and make my
way to Willesden Green from London City Airport. However, once I was settled, I then faced all the bureaucracy:
opening a bank account, getting a PPS number (for employment)
Willesden Green was very welcoming. Its houses, its streets, its and most importantly, registering my visa with the Irish Immigration
buildings... Everything was so charming and different from what Bureau. And after all that, I needed a job. So I started applying for
we have here in Brazil. By the end of the trip I had visited several all available positions in the city. And after a few weeks, I got one!
neighbourhoods but Willesden Green will forever have a special Working in McDonald's was a great experience, and was definitely a
place in my heart. huge part of my academic and personal development.

Next stop: Camden Town. This place is wonderful. It reminded Anyone who decides to leave their own country and take risks in
me of my hometown, Santa Maria, Southern Brazil, because we another is certainly not choosing the easy option; the experience is
have a market that is similar to the markets in Camden Lock. profound and often painful. Did I think about giving up? Yes, more
many different people, so many styles and so many foods to than once. Mostly when I was missing home, my family and friends,
taste... I miss it very much! which is the hardest part for sure. But my advice for anyone that is
thinking about giving up is this: Don ́t!
I visited many other iconic places such as the London Eye, Big
Ben, Parliament, and so forth, but having some new experiences An exchange is much more than learning a language; it is about self-
is something worth sharing. Spending New Year’s at Primrose knowledge and suddenly knowing or at least trying to discover your
Hill with some friends and a bottle of champagne while singing role in the world. In the end, the ability to accept and be honest with
“Adeus ano velho / feliz ano novo...” (“Goodbye old year, happy yourself is the hardest task of all and sometimes you must just “let it
new year”... a traditional Brazilian song to welcome the New Year) rain” and embrace problems when they come.
was priceless.
You may just discover that all experiences, just like all stories, have
I met people from many different countries in London and this an ending. This is not really important because what really matters
was the most valuable thing for me. The English Studio played an is “how” and “with whom” you get there. You will have the pleasure
important role in this. I had classmates from Japan, Switzerland, of meeting wonderful people and yes, you will cry your heart out
Spain and my neighbouring country, Uruguay, among others. Not missing them every time you remember the special moments you
only did I have the pleasure of meeting those people, but I also spent together.
met an excellent teacher from Ireland, Mike. My English classes
were always fun, making me look forward to them every morning. Now that I am back home, re-adapting to my country and once again
facing the challenges of a whole new life, I look back and I can only
Besides, the environment was inviting and cozy. My period be proud and grateful for the opportunities that I have had. These
studying there was short, but certainly meaningful and I will memories will always be in my heart and I will definitely smile every
remember it forever. time I remember the beautiful Emerald Isle.

Without a doubt, spending time at The English Studio was one of Erika Secolin
the nicest things I did in London.
Former Student at English Studio Dublin
Visiting historical landmarks provided me with lots of stories
to tell and pictures to show my friends back in Brazil. And that
is what travelling is all about: having stories to tell, developing
yourself as a human being and planning your next trip.

If I could give my friends only one piece of advice, I’d say this: go
travelling and return with experiences to tell people about.

Gleison Barbosa

5

DUBLIN’S HIDDEN GEMS

Dublin is a city of secrets – a maze of mysterious alleyways, dark corners and hidden spaces. A man could live in Dublin for ten years and
discover something new every weekend. I myself have only been here three; what could I possibly know about this weird and wonderful city’s
secrets? I may not know much yet, but I have discovered a few hidden wonders during my time here. Let me share a couple of my favourites
with you.

Step back in time with a Shopping Heaven in the heart
of the South Side
1920s Cappuccino
Get your calendars out – the last Sunday of
One of the newest secrets to pop up in every month in Dublin is a special one. Born
Dublin city is located very close to English in 2008, and growing fast, the Dublin Flea
Studio Dublin, but many can miss it as they Market is the brainchild of a small group of
bustle by into the shopping hub of the bargain enthusiasts, and it now has over
northside. The Tram Cafe, located on Wolfe 60 stalls full of undiscovered wonders, fun
Tone Square in Dublin 1, is ‘exactly what it knick-knacks and vintage steals.
says on the tin’ – a vintage style tram that was
originally used as a city tram in Portugal, and This little shopping haven is a must see
was rediscovered and salvaged by the owner for visitors, locals and bargain hunters
Dave, in a field in the Irish countryside. Three wandering the south side of Dublin on
years later, and this wonderful little tram is a Sunday afternoon. There is something
now a busy cafe serving delicious salads and magical about this particular market – it is
sandwiches, fresh nutty coffee and to-die-for as unassuming and humble as they come.
cakes baked in their kitchen down the street The stalls here are not in it for the money
every morning. – or at least it doesn’t appear that way! The
magnet here is the craic; the amazing Irish
The menu, which matches the tram’s atmosphere and positivity that can liven up
miniscule size, is powerful and personal; any soul wandering through the aisles.
it almost feels like the staff have created a
personal lunch buffet just for you! I simply At the Dublin Flea market, the bargains
love this little gem; it is genuine, open and themselves – as exciting as they are – are
luxurious without the high-end price tag. secondary; the thing that draws so many
1920s music and décor add to the experience smiles on a Sunday afternoon is the fact that
and once you try out the Tram, you’ll want to we are all here together to chat, to laugh
come back every Sunday morning for the rest and to pick up memories that no one else
of the year! on earth can replicate.

Sinead Keane

DUBLIN PUBS: A comparison of two popular bars in Dublin City

Dublin city is famous for many things: its beautiful river, its fascinating history and museums and its wonderful friendly atmosphere.
Possibly the most famous aspect of Dublin life is its pub culture. The home of Guinness, traditional music and ‘the craic’, Dublin’s pubs
hold an atmosphere like no other. Unfortunately, students who come to study here often miss out on the real Irish pubs hidden all over
the city. So our team at English Studio Dublin sent BEC student Ernesto Pardo out onto the streets to give us his opinion of two of the
most popular Irish bars in Dublin.

THE MARKET BAR

14A Fade Street, Dublin 2, Ireland.
The Market Bar in the heart of Dublin offers you a whole new experience. From the moment you
arrive the atmosphere is incredible. The Market Bar looks like a huge factory with an old-fashioned
décor, and is full of fun vibes. There were seven of us and it took around 15 minutes to get a table,
but the time you wait is worth it. I have been in Dublin for about 2 years and this place is by far the
best for tapas. Portions are massive and the prices are very low. You also have a huge bar that offers
you all kinds of different drinks, so if you want to enjoy something different, this is the right place to
go.

Söder+Ko

64 South Great Georges Street, Dublin 2, Ireland.
Söder+Ko is a Gastro Pub on South George Street that will blow your mind, which has a fusion of
decor inspired by the Vikings and delicious Asian food - a perfect way to start the night. Söder+Ko
have enough space for customers to feel comfortable and chill out with exclusive and alternative
music in the background. On the second floor you will find another small area with a bar and a
rooftop terrace where you can continue the party as if there was no tomorrow!

Ernesto Pardo

6

PRIME RECRUITMENT

For many ES students, it’s important to have a job to pay the bills while they’re in London. Prime recruitment is one of the agencies that work
in collaboration with The English Studio, arranging jobs for our students. We spoke to head honcho Simon Jones, as well as to one of our
students who found work through Prime, Marco Paris.

1. P rime was founded in 1998. Were you It all depends on hourly rates and number are predicting at least 2 years of discussion,
involved in this and if so, what changes of hours worked - averages for a 40 hour with the possibility of a second referendum.
have you noticed in the 20 odd years since week are from £300 to £350. So let’s remain positive and see how it
its foundation? develops!
6. D oes emergency tax apply to people’s first Amen to that! Thanks to Simon for his time
The main changes since 1998 have been pay cheque? and his advice.
the increase in standards and expectations
for the hospitality sector in London. Lots of No it should not. LANGUAGE TOOLBOX
new hotels and restaurants have opened,
raising the standard to the best in the world. 7. How long do students tend to stay in the 2. ‘The Star is a dirty
Therefore, the requirement for access to jobs they do? newspaper I never ever
good levels of quality staffing is now more purchase, darling’
important than ever. 6 to 12 months is typical.
This helps us practise the /r/ sound. Such
2. W hat are the most common job types 8. Can students easily get jobs that are practice is necessary because in British
done by students from our school? flexible in terms of timetable, thus English the R is not pronounced after a
allowing them to continue their studies vowel /ðәsta /
It includes all positions from waiting and bar uninterrupted? But if it’s followed by another vowel, it is
staff to kitchen staff to housekeeping and pronounced! /ðәsta rız/ By starting with
cleaning and reception and porters. Yes of course – it may take them sometime just ‘The Star’ and adding one word each
to find the right position and shifts, but time (The Star is, The Star is a, The Star
3. C an a student’s level of English have a there are lots of possibilities in London. is a dirty etc.) you can develop a mental
significant impact on the type of job they muscle memory and do this much better.
can get? Can you give any examples? 9. What’s the demographic of the typical ES
Prime recruit (Age/nationality/gender)?
Yes, levels of English are very important
and do have an impact on whether we are We literally have every age group, but
able to help students. Staff working in 4 and the main group is 20 to 40 years old, and
5 star hotels need to be able to engage in again many nationalities, but there’s a high
conversation with guests, so students with percentage of Europeans.
lower levels of English are generally only
able to work in non guest-facing roles, such 10. P erhaps most importantly, what is the
as, kitchen and back of house cleaning. likely effect of Brexit?

4. W hat would be the difference in the We do feel the possibility of the UK leaving
hourly rates be for these jobs? the European Union will have a negative
effect on the hospitality industry, mainly in
Rates start from £6.70 or £7.20- if over 25- terms of the excellent source of candidates
up to £10+ depending on the position. being part of the European Union affords
us. However, business has remained
5. H ow much could the average recruit unaffected and we do feel there is a lot
expect to clear after tax? of conversations to be had before we do
Brexit, indeed if we ever do. Many experts

A student’s because I hadn’t spoken any English for was able to use the language I learned in
three and a half years, but it was great. class in a working environment.
experience of Prime Veronica and another girl from Prime
were really friendly and they had a relaxed Another thing I liked about Prime is that
Marco Paris, 23 is a conversation with me about who I was and they were very precise about payment;
recent mechanical what I wanted to do. I have studied all my there were never any mistakes in my pay
engineering life, so I had no experience in anything, slip and I was always able to call the office
graduate from but there was plenty of work available as with any problems or questions I had.
near Rome. a cleaner or attendant – and in the end I
He came to chose the job of spa attendant. London is expensive and I’m lucky I had
London for a a place to stay with my sister; otherwise,
few months What I liked most was the fact that in nearly I would have to work many more hours,
to brush up his all the jobs I was offered, the managers were because of my lack of experience. Waiting
English before British and the staff came from all over the staff and chefs, for example, can make a lot
starting his Masters. world, so everybody spoke English and it was more money.
good to practise my English in ‘The Real
A friend recommended ES to me and I feel World.’ My experience with Prime has been a very
it’s got a good balance between price and positive one and I would recommend them
quality. Somebody at Reception told me My classes with Sarah Chapman were to other ES students. The hours are flexible.
about the recruitment event in May and I really brilliant because she made sure that
thought, ‘Why not?’ everybody spoke – we were almost forced Working for Prime is perfect for students.
to speak in our Upper-intermediate class
I was a little nervous at the beginning and I noticed a big improvement in my two Marco Paris
that my English wouldn’t be good enough months at ES. Because of the great work
Sarah did and the confidence it gave me, I

7

THE SPOTLIGHT In this issue we would like to introduce you
to some of our team members, new and old,
in Dublin and London.

PATRICK SPILLANE POLIANA FYLYK

Academic Coordinator, Front Office Receptionist,
English Studio Dublin English Studio Dublin

Patrick is responsible for external exams, Poliana is responsible for daily student
and booking and registering students for enquiries, student registration and student
Trinity ISE exams, Cambridge Certificate attendance. She is the first point of contact
in Business English and IELTS. He has for all students and staff entering the
previously worked in Spain where he school. Poliana is originally from Brazil
learned to speak Spanish fluently. Language and Linguistics are big and has been working with the English Studio for six months now.
interests of his and he is just finishing an MA in Applied Linguistics, She is also a Polish citizen and is currently learning Polish (her third
specializing in phonology and pronunciation. His hobbies are language!). She enjoys watching films, walking her dog and tasting
learning languages, cycling, reading, writing, and chess (if you want a her husband’s food! Despite missing Brazilian food, Poliana loves
game, he would be happy to bring a board into school and play with living in Dublin and relishes in the opportunity to practise her English
you!). He also plays guitar and sings blues and folk music. every day.

JEFF COOPER LORRAINE COOPER

Facilities Manager, Operations Director,
English Studio London English Studio London

Native Londoner Jeff ‘Super’ Cooper has It may sound cheesier than a mountain
been with ES for the best part of a decade of Gorgonzola but it is a fact that if the
and is currently Facilities Director. With English Studio were a human being,
a background in construction, Jeff is Lorraine would be its smile…
able to create little wonders of elegant
construction like our Reception desk as well as showing such Lorraine is Operations Director, which
proficiency in the art of repair that we’ve had to adapt the popular means that she will ensure all notices, posters and classroom boards
saying; ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,’ by adding, ‘If it is, call Jeff!’ are up to date so that new students can find their classroom more
easily. However, she is also London’s Designated Safeguarding
In addition, Jeff has been primarily responsible for the introduction, Person, which means that she will take a particular interest in
implementation and maintenance of our door entry systems, the the welfare of both our young learners and our vulnerable adult
trans-centre printing system and - most recently - the new Electronic students. In general, when students first arrive, Lorraine is likely to
Point of Sale (EPOS) system for our book sales. Keeping an eagle eye be their main point of contact and this is going to be more so as she
on attendance, Jeff will often send reminder notes to students who heads up our new ‘First Tuesday Club’ in the coming weeks. (See
miss some classes. He comes about two hours before everyone else London News for more details.) If any of our London students are
each morning, which is great for the smooth running of the school reading this, do say hello to Lorraine when you see her around the
because if, for instance, all the projectors need to be cleaned in all school. She’s always willing to talk and always happy to help!
the classrooms (like on the morning of our interview!) it can all be
done and dusted before anyone else arrives. In his spare time, Jeff Like her hubby, Lorraine loves gardening and having seen their
enjoys socialising, good food, gardening and shooting. He’s also a gorgeous garden for myself, I can testify that she is manure-hot at it.
Chelsea fan, but we’ll forgive him that! She also loves the theatre and music.

‘It’s great to be part of an ever-evolving company,’ smiles the man
who’s been at the centre of our evolution since the noughties.

LANGUAGE TOOLBOX

3. ‘The Star is a dirty newspaper I never normally
purchase, darling’

The same sentence we used in toolbox tip 2, with just one small
change can also be used to practise the vowel sounds that many of
you struggle with:
/a / in Star and Darling;
/3 / in Dirty and Purchase
/ / in Normally.
In trying to get an RP accent, overcoming the tendency to over-
pronounce the letter R is a very important step.

8

THE GOLDEN HIND CHIPPY:

A REVIEW 73, Marylebone Lane, Marylebone, London W1U 2PN

Over the last few months, my husband and I have been on a quest
to find the best fish and chips in town. So when we heard about
The Golden Hind from a trusted friend, we definitely decided to
give it a try. And what a blast!

The Golden Hind was and slightly under-seasoned but NEWGRANGE PORTAL TOMB:
established in 1914 and added a splash of colour to the
nowadays it is well-known for plate. However, this side was An Ancient Piece of History
serving fresh fish daily. This pretty standard and it did not
unpretentious chippy has impress us as much. Don’t get From my very first day as a to 2500 BC), Newgrange is
no need of adornment. It is me wrong; it wasn’t bad, but it Brazilian student in Europe, older than Stonehenge and
pleasantly simple, functional, didn’t blow us away. Everything I have been continuously even older than the Egyptian
modest and still remains utterly was accompanied by the amazed by the amount of pyramids. It is made up of
charming. The retro décor of homemade tartar sauce which history that surrounds us here a large circular mound with
dark oak wooden tables and complemented the fish and in Ireland. On every street in a passageway and interior
chairs, lino tiles and white walls chips perfectly, enhancing the Dublin, we see bits and pieces chambers. It’s the oldest roof
lends a nostalgic air to the place, flavour with its rich and creamy of the different civilizations built by mankind that is still in
reminiscent of the early days of blend of gherkins, capers and that have lived here and made place. After a moment - after
the Great War and it is a firm lime juice. Ireland the amazing place that your eyes get used to the
favourite of both locals and it is today. After almost two darkness - you start to realise
visitors to Marylebone. After trying all these dishes, all years of living here, I never the amount of detail in this
I can say is that the more I eat thought that something could place, preserved down through
Extending beyond the traditional them the more I love them. still surprise me as much as the years. As experts don’t fully
cod, the menu contains a wide Newgrange Portal Tomb did. agree about what the site was
variety of high quality fish, from Meanwhile - and quite actually used for, this is a great
haddock to plaice and also surprisingly (for us) - there is a Even before arriving at this trip for those with enough
dogfish, scampi, calamari and BYOB Policy (Bring Your Own prehistoric monument, I could imagination to ponder what
skate. Halibut, comparatively Beverage) which helps to keep feel that I was in a special happened there over the years.
more expensive, often sells the price of your meal down. place. It is still a mystery
out and for this reason we So it is not unusual to see why that ancient civilization If you are planning to visit
were unable to try it this time. customers coming in with their chose this place for their Ireland, don’t miss the chance
Moreover, if you prefer a lighter own bottle of wine or some religious and spiritual home, to visit this amazing place. You
option you can also order your other booze as The Golden Hind but whatever this magic may even be lucky enough to
fish steamed instead of fried as doesn’t have a license to serve is, it’s still in the air in Co. win the raffle and get a chance
an alternative. alcohol. Meath. The landscape alone to visit the chamber during
is breathtaking. I’m from the winter solstice. On that
Despite the fact they don’t offer Not only was there a steady Brazil myself, and I grew up date every year, the alignment
a wide range of starters, all of stream of regulars and off-duty surrounded by beautiful of the sun illuminates the
them seem appetizing and the business people but we also saw natural scenery, but I’d never chamber and fills the place
king prawns in garlic sauce, the tourists and hungry youngsters, seen the kind of green on with light. It’s a truly amazing
breaded scampi or calamari and who’d popped in looking for a display in the Irish countryside. experience.
the homemade cod fishcakes all quick bite to eat in or take away. It’s unique.
came highly recommended. We Bruno Ribeiro
chose the latter. Smooth and By and large, the vibe is pleasant Built during the Neolithic
tasty inside and crunchy outside; and maintained by the friendly period (around 3000 BC
simply delicious! and attentive young staff who
engage in casual conversation
As a main course, we ordered to with the regular customers
share and opted for the cod and in an unforced and mindful
the plaice with chips with mushy manner. Their brisk service is
peas as a side; the portions were also remarkable and there is no
quite generous. Whilst the cod doubt that their kitchen’s team
was flaky and perfectly cooked in has their craft well-honed.
a thick, grease-free crispy golden
batter, the plaice was utterly The bottom line is that if you
juicy, tender and moist on the are looking for great-tasting and
inside and coated in a crispy good value traditional English
honey-coloured layer on the food, with kind and professional
outside. They were accompanied service in the centre of London,
by irresistible finger-sized look no further than this lovely
hand-cut chunky fried chips chippy.
which were crisp and firm on the
outside and fluffy in the middle. Laura Reyes Rodriguez
The mushy peas were creamy
The Golden Hind
73, Marylebone Lane,
Marylebone, London W1U 2PN.

9

THE ORIGINS OF HALLOWEEN o

Every year, on the last evening of October, children and adults around the world dress up in various costumes and celebrate one of the
most popular holidays of the year – Halloween. This spooky festival has, over the last 50 years, grown in popularity among young and old
alike throughout America, Europe and many other parts of the world. But where did Halloween actually come from? The origins of the
Halloween holiday are, in fact, a little closer to home than you might think...

¢ Let’s go back roughly 2,000 years to burned food, animals and other items as a sacrifice to these
ancient Ireland and Britain. The Celts, spirits. Apples, oranges and nuts were often sacrificed. By doing
¢ an ancient yet highly sophisticated this, the Celts hoped that their harvest would be protected
race who lived in this part of the world through the winter from the cold, the rain and from disease. The
for hundreds of years, celebrated tradition of the bonfire is still a major part of Halloween today.
a festival every October called
The Celts were also behind the idea of dressing up for this
¢ festival. Over the course of Samhain, many people would dress
in costumes, usually in the forms of animals or demons. It
‘Samhain’. This festival was one of was strongly believed at that time that dressing as a demon
the four major festivals in the Celtic would either protect you from them, or would scare them off
calendar, and it was also essentially the completely. Dressing up and walking around the area became a
Celtic New Year. strong tradition for this ancient race, and the custom has been
maintained over hundreds of years. Even the famous Jack o’
The end of the summer harvest in Ireland and Britain usually Lantern pumpkin was originally a Celtic idea.
fell in the last days of October, and the New Year was celebrated
on the 31st as the winter began. There were many beliefs Sadly, the Samhain festival has altered over the years in name
and prophecies associated with the Samhain. On this night, it and in meaning. Today, Halloween is all about sugar, alcohol (at
was believed that the two worlds of life and death would be least for adults!) and dressing up as anybody you like. The original
connected. This connection meant many different things; the spiritual element is long gone and almost completely forgotten.
presence of the dead spirits in our world could damage crops, Many people today do not realise the huge importance Halloween
had for the people of Britain and Ireland, and the holiday is now a
curse living souls and could even send commercial extravaganza the Celts would be ashamed of.
messages to priests and druids.
So how can we ensure that the origins of Halloween are not
This magical time was a forgotten? The only way to keep the original spirit of this
hugely important part wonderful, magical festival alive is to truly take part; dress up, take
of Celtic life, and to the streets and pay homage to the great people that created
many customs and celebrated Samhain: the Celtic New Year.
were celebrated
during Samhain. Sinead Keane
Many people
built huge
fires and

10

TEN WAYS TO BOOST YOUR LANGUAGE LEARNING

Learning a language is more than sitting in a classroom and trying to absorb all the information from the teacher. It also requires extra
effort of you. Doing some additional work is important if you really want to boost your language skills.

I’ve been studying English for ten years now, and here are some of the things I do that have helped me a lot.

1. DISCOVER YOUR PERSONAL 5. READ DIFFERENT GENRES Do not wait for a native speaker to be
LEARNING STYLE around you to start training. You can
Regardless of the subject, reading is a very begin today. Start by talking to yourself in
We are all different and it is the differences beneficial activity. This mental stimulation front of the mirror; later you can be part
that make the world so diverse and will boost your memory, your analytical of a conversation group with non-native
complete. Since every individual is unique, thinking and your writing skills. It will also speakers. You can also practise by repeating
the way each person learns is also unique. expand your vocabulary. the words that are hard for you to reproduce,
We all have different Learning Styles and it is or even tongue twisters. (Try classics like Red
important that you know which one is yours. The way reading helps you to express leather, yellow leather or She sells sea shells on
Knowing the way you learn best will make yourself better in your first language is no the sea shore to start with.)
you understand yourself better and enjoy different with your second one. Studies have
your learning experiences. This is the first shown that reading in a second language can The fact of the matter is that you will only
step towards boosting your language skills! potentially enhance your reading, writing, learn how to speak by speaking. So, as there
listening and speaking skills. Read as much - is no way to get away from that truth, speak
and in as many genres - as you can in another language as much as you can.

2. HAVE A PERSONAL JOURNAL 6. LISTEN TO A VARIETY OF THINGS 9. TRAVEL ABROAD

The extent to which you can write down your For me, listening to a second language can Language is also culture, and many aspects
daily thoughts and ideas and what happens give me almost the same benefit as reading of it you will only understand if you spend
to you in another language is a great it. They both help you to expand your some time in the country where the target
indicator of how fluent you are. Writing in a vocabulary, enhance your knowledge of language is spoken. Being immersed in
journal not only tells you how well you can grammar, speak properly and so forth. But a foreign language also leads to more
express yourself, but also the extent of your there is a slight difference between them; significant and effective learning, since you
vocabulary and second language knowledge. Listening will show you, loud and clear, how can experience it with all your senses: you
If you notice that you do not have enough the words are pronounced. This is the key to see, you touch, you listen, you smell, you
vocabulary to express an idea, that’s when making yourself understood when you speak. taste and, of course, you speak!
the learning starts. Use dictionaries and
Google to help you with that. The more you Listening to a variety of things is also 10. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH
search for new words and expressions, the important. News, radio, movies, songs, THE TARGET LANGUAGE
more your vocabulary will expand. cooking programmes, sports… They will all
help you. Perhaps you are on a tight budget, and
Write everyday, if you can, even if it is just traveling abroad can’t be on your list right
a sentence or a paragraph; but make sure 7. STUDY GRAMMAR now. However, that doesn’t mean that you
you write! Also, the more you write about can’t be immersed in a second language.
different subjects, the better. Many people think that studying grammar is You can surround yourself with the target
boring. I was the first one to say that in my language by doing many things. Here are just
3. HAVE AN OBSERVATIONAL JOURNAL classroom when I was younger, but now I a few things that I recommend:
understand its importance. To communicate
Besides having your personal journal, you and understand things effectively, a good 1. Label objects that you have in your house.
should try writing in an Observational Journal knowledge of the workings of the language
as well. In this journal you can only write is necessary. Also, not everything that is 2.Change the language of your social media
about what you see, being as descriptive commonly heard in our daily lives is 100% and electronic devices.
as possible. To make it a fun activity, it is grammatically accurate. Therefore, some
preferable that you go to places you enjoy grammatical rules will help us understand 3.S top watching TV, movies, and Netflix in
and, once there, try to describe everything why we should say this instead of that. your mother tongue.
you see. This is another way to expand your
vocabulary and enhance your writing skills. 8. SPEAK AS MUCH AS YOU CAN 4. Host a foreign student.

4. CREATE YOUR OWN DICTIONARY Verbal expression can be an obstacle to And you? What do
many non-native speakers when they don’t you do to improve
If you are a visual learner, and can only have good pronunciation, or when they your language
remember things best when you write them, can’t organise their ideas and express what skills? Please,
I think a personalised dictionary could work is in their heads clearly. To avoid shame share with us. We
very well for you. and embarrassment, people tend to keep would love to hear
themselves in their comfort zones and don’t from you!
Have a separate notepad with you and write say much.
down the unknown words you come across. Debora Silva
Under each word, jot down its meaning, as However, the more you speak, the more your
well as a sentence created by you showing speech organs (like lips, teeth, palate, etc) will
that you know how to use it accurately. If you get used to the physical mechanics of making
have a native friend to take a look at it and the sounds of English, thus helping you to
check that it is all right, that would be perfect. pronounce them precisely as time goes by. It
is all a matter of practice and patience.

11

The perfect Lamb for
busy people by Keir Hartley

These days many people tell me they are too busy to prepare that
most quintessential* of British meals, the famous roast lamb with
all our usual British accompaniments - Roast potatoes, Yorkshire
pudding and the rest. However, I say that with a little time and a
few short cuts with the aid of modern technology, you too can
prepare the perfect three course meal. Here’s how:

The meat The finish

Many purists say that a shoulder has a deeper flavour: my advice If you want to be really English why not serve your guests cheddar
is for a whole leg, as it cuts easier, and the bone holds the meat and Stilton cheeses, with simple biscuits and a few grapes? A good
better in the oven. I often buy my leg months before and keep it dessert wine and Port or Madeira always rounds this stage of the
in the freezer, as this seems to tenderise it. 24 hours in the fridge meal off well.
should be enough to defrost it thoroughly.
Useful words in this text:
The method
*quintessential /kwıntә'sen∫әl/
The first stage is to cut small incisions into the edge of the meat- ADJECTIVE
not more than eight or ten. Into these insert very thin slivers** of • representing the most perfect or typical example of a quality
freshly-cut garlic. Don’t overdo it! Next, take some fresh flour and
sprinkle*** in a little salt and pepper. Dust the whole surface of or class.
your joint and sprinkle the top with a light dusting of Provenҫal • “he was the quintessential tough guy—strong, silent, and
herbs. Failing that, rosemary will do, but see below.
self-contained”
Now turn your oven to the maximum it will go. When it is as hot **sliver /'slıvә/
as you can get it, put in the joint for half an hour, this will really NOUN
sear in the flavour. Then turn it down to 190⁰ and give the meat a • a small, thin, narrow piece of something cut or split off a larger
minimum cook of 30 minutes to the pound. (Remember that a kilo
is 2.2 pounds.) piece.
• “a sliver of cheese
Remember, you must stand your meat in a warm place for 30 *** sprinkle /'sprıŋkәl/
minutes after cooking. If you don’t, the carving will be a disaster. VERB
• cover (an object or surface) with small drops or particles of a
This is where modern technology comes in. We have computers
and jet engines so why not do the following? substance.
• “I sprinkled the floor with water”
The sides
CONTACT US:
Potatoes. Those marvellous people at Auntie Bessie do a fantastic
product here. Take them from frozen and sprinkle on a little olive London: +44 (0) 207 404 9759
oil (and some rosemary if you haven’t put it on the lamb) and put Dublin: +353 (01) 514 3789
them in for the half hour while the lamb is standing. They also www.englishstudio.com
make fantastic Yorkshire puddings, but if you put those in for more
than five minutes, they’ll burn! This happened to me one dreadful
Christmas Day, the trauma has been with me ever since and Uncle
Godfrey still refuses to speak to me!

Glazed carrots. Boiled carrots are so dreadfully dull that I have
devised my own little method to sparkle up this neglected
vegetable; but you must use Chanteney carrots. First make a mix of
3 tablespoonfuls of oil, two of vinegar and two of clear honey. Roast
your carrots for half an hour then take them out and drizzle the
mixture over them before putting them in for another half hour.

For your green vegetable I always think fresh peas are best. Don’t
serve too many vegetables as people only eat them because they
feel they have to. The mint sauce is easily sourced from Waitrose,
Tesco's or Sainsbury’s.

The wine

A good red cabernet or cabernet mix will accompany the meal well.
The Australians never let you down and I maintain that throwing
a tenner or so at people like Penfolds or Wolf Blass is buying
insurance. Allow plenty for each guest, unless, of course, they’re
driving.

The start

Your choice of starter will be down to you, something a little
piquant or fishy may serve.

12

LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!

INTERVIEW WITH ALEXIS JOSHUA

The imminent release of his first movie could well begin a process that sees one of ES
London’s best-loved teachers, Alexis Joshua, swap High Holborn for the Hollywood Hills.
This hasn’t come easy. The musician/screenwriter has woken up at 5am every day for 2
years in order to work on scripts and music, before coming in to do a full and fine day’s work
at ES London.

When, what and why did you start writing? (The Morgana Show), and others. And also Not much as it is early days yet. But it’s
me in two small roles. a horror. Kind of. And I’m also finally
I’ve always written; I guess I just love words. recording my first solo album later this
It was nominated for the Loco Discovery year, to be released next year.
But I started screen writing by accident. Award and chosen to open the Comedy
I met a young director who was a fan of Festival at the British Film Institute and has How has being a language teacher
my old band, Orphans and Vandals, and been selected for numerous film festivals. influenced your writing and how hard has
the album we had released, “I am alive and it been to balance the needs of a creative
you are dead”. We got to drinking and the It’s released in September. life with the demands of teaching?
idea came up that I would write a film and
do the music, and he would direct it. And You did the score too, didn’t you? I enjoy the teaching and care about the
we were lucky enough that it eventually students, so that helps me maintain the
happened. It seemed natural for me to do the score balance. But teaching also actually makes
as I am first and foremost a musician. The me more disciplined with my free time. If
Tell us about the movie. Who’s in it? script was a darkly comic, fantasy retelling I didn’t have to go to school each day, I’d
of a part of my life, based around a washed be less inclined to get up at 5am and start
The film is called “Set the Thames on Fire”. up, boozy musician living in a bedsit, which I writing or working on music. And after
It stars Noel Fielding (The Mighty Boosh), thoroughly researched. teaching English for a few years, I’m also
Sally Philips (star and creator of Smack less likely to write a shoddy sentence and
the Pony, also known for the Bridget Jones I seemed a natural choice for the music attribute bad grammar to “personal style”. I
movies, Alan Partridge, Pride and Prejudice - to me at least. The producers however, make myself fix it with the same brutality I
and Zombies, Veep), Sadie Frost (Francis felt differently, and hired two other apply to the students.
Ford Coppola’s Dracula, Pulp’s Common professional, experienced composers first,
People video), Lilly Lovelace (Skins), cult who both failed to capture the spirit of the Any advice for writers?
performance artist David Hoyle (channel 4’s movie, before finally giving in and letting
The Divine David), a cameo from Carl Barât me do it instead. Get a TEFL qualification. You’re going to
from the Libertines, Morgana Robinson need it!
You’re already involved in another project.
Can you tell us anything about it? www.setthethamesonfire.com.

HAIKU COMPETITION

This summer, we asked ES Dublin students to compose a haiku on
the subject of autumn. Here’s the best of the bunch:

1st Place: Asem Suendykova
Winner of a €100 Ticketmaster Voucher

“Grey lady walks through
Red leaves burning on her lips

Cold wind mystery.”

Runners Up:
Verbena Cartaxo and Natana Souza

“Feeling the cold breeze
Close the windows, free the leaves

Colour brown and green.”

Fernanda Seraphim and Jorge Guerra
“Leaves start to fall down

And daylight starts to recede
What was green turns brown.”

Laisa Miqueletto
“Among the seasons
Autumn, spring and summer
Ireland chose winter.”

London, now it’s your turn! This autumn, we’d like you to submit
your haiku (3 lines long, with 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the
second and 5 in the third) on the subject of winter. The winner will
receive a £50 iTunes voucher and we’ll print the best ones in the
winter issue of Fluency, which comes out at the end of November.

13

VORGON’S A TO Z OF BREXIT

Ais for Article 50, the triggering Gis for Michael Gove. Highly- favoured candidate of the right wing of the
of which will start a two year regarded, if not much-liked, Gove’s Conservative party.
countdown to the UK’s exit from role in the leave campaign was to
the EU. This hasn’t happened yet, so be the clever and serious balance Soon, her bid to become PM died when she
there may be hope… to Boris’s clowning. One of the most tried to get away with implying that she was
depressing moments of the campaign was more suited to the role than Teresa May
Bcouldn’t be for anything else but when Gove dismissed the predictions of the because she had children and Mrs May did
Boris. (Alexander Boris de Pfeffle terrible economic consequences of Brexit not. When The Times published this, she
Johnson). The Old Etonian, who as a by everyone from the IMF to the Bank of accused them of ‘Gutter journalism.’ The
boy had declared his intention to be England by saying, ‘I think the public have newspaper then released the recording of
‘World King,” and this year saw his chance to had enough of experts.’ And he got away with the interview - and that was the end for
become prime minister (clearly a good first saying that! Angela Leadsome.
step for anyone bent on being World King).
He took it by betraying his old friend David His for House Prices. The property Mis for Teresa May. Britain’s new
Cameron, only to be coldly assassinated market is what has kept the British PM. Given that the choice boiled
by Michael Gove (See G). The fact that economy strong in recent years. down to her, Michael Gove or
Teresa May has since appointed Johnson Now it looks like house prices are Angela Leadsome, Mrs May was
as Britain’s Foreign Secretary has baffled going to go down. If you’re hoping to buy, undoubtedly the best option. She may give
everyone, given his history of xenophobic that might be good news. If you’re selling, off the air of the girl Dracula left behind, but
gaffes. It’s like learning that after winning that might be very bad news indeed. time will tell - and hey, it’s good to have a
the US presidential election, Hillary Clinton female PM. Won’t it be interesting if Hillary
has appointed Donald Trump as a goodwill Iis for Immigration. the subject at the Clinton wins in November? Germany, the
ambassador to Mexico. heart of this referendum but I is also UK and the US will all have female leaders.
for Irish Passport - The most sought- About time too!
Cis for David Cameron. Mr. Cameron after document in the UK right now.
proposed the referendum to quieten Being Irish has never been so fashionable! Nis for the NHS. ‘We send the EU
the Eurosceptics in his own party £350 Million a week. Let’s fund our
and make UKIP (see U) look less Despite looking like the picture in Dorian NHS instead.’ That was the message
attractive to conservative voters. But he Gray’s attic after two months partying written on the Vote Leave bus. Even
didn’t realise that the referendum would in Amsterdam, I myself have received 11 after it had been proven to be a lie, they
have immigration - rather than the economy marriage proposals from beautiful young refused to remove or retract it. However, the
- at its centre. English women since June 24th, three of day after the referendum, they told us that
Resigning immediately upon his defeat, which I will actively consider if my missus no, there wouldn’t be £350 million a week
the man who once said he’d like to be PM ever ups and leaves. available for the health service. And again,
because he thought he’d ‘Be rather good at they got away with it!!!!
it,’ discovered - to all of our costs - Jis for Jeremy Corbyn. (At the time
that in fact he wasn’t. Cheers Dave, have fun of writing, the leader of the main Sorry, but is it not inconceivable that a
on the lucrative lecture circuit. opposition Labour party.) He was million of the people who voted out did so
damned if he did and damned if he in the belief that more money would go
Dis for The Daily Mail. Editor’s didn’t.The Labour leader wasn’t a huge into the NHS - and if it is the case that they
Note: Vorgon’s entry about the Daily EU fan and didn’t want to stand beside were lied to, doesn’t that call the result into
Mail was fourteen pages long, filled Cameron, so appeared quite lukewarm in his question? When a gold medallist is found
with violent swear words and we presentation of the remain case. As a result, to have cheated, they are stripped of their
have had to withdraw it on the advice of our many Labour voters voted out. This meant medal. Shouldn’t the same rules apply?
lawyers. Let’s just say he isn’t a big fan of the that many people in his own party, who
populist anti-immigration newspaper. never liked him anyway, blamed him for Ois for Operation Fear. This is the
Brexit and as a consequence he is currently name given by the out campaign
Eis for England, which may be fighting for his political life. to the predictions of a spiralling
the new name for the UK in a economic downturn that Brexit
few years. Kis for Karma. ‘What goes around would cause. Given what’s happened since
comes around.’ One of the few rays June 23rd, perhaps they might consider
Fis for Francois Hollande. The of light in this dark chapter of British renaming it “Operation Fact.”
French president is unlikely to be history was watching Boris Johnson
in much of a mood to grant too and Michael Gove discover this deathless Pis for The Pound. Not worthless,
many concessions to his Brexiting truth within a few days of each other. I must but certainly worth less than it was.
neighbours in any upcoming negotiations. have played Bob Dylan’s Like a Rolling Stone Every UK holidaymaker discovered
There’s a general election next year and he 40 times on repeat as both their ill-deserved as much this summer.
will need to look strong. prime ministerial ambitions flopped.
Great hair though…. Qis for Question Time. Anyone living
Lis for Angela Leadsome. ’ and studying in these islands who
Who was she?’ wants to understand the British
In the brief power vacuum should watch this BBC1 programme
immediately after Cameron’s every Thursday evening at 10.40. It was here
unexpected resignation, this relatively on July 7th that the editor of the satirical
unknown and frighteningly right-wing magazine Private Eye, Ian Hislop best
(‘A lot of people felt hurt by the Gay summed up the UK’s situation in the wake of
Marriage Legislation’) MP was briefly the the referendum.

14

Wis for Wilderness. Where
Michael Gove currently resides
and where the UK may well find
itself unless Boris performs
spectacularly in the coming months.

Xis the letter put in the wrong box
on the ballot paper by 17million
people.

Yis the Youth of the UK. Ok, more
of them should have come out and
voted, but one can’t help feeling that
if Brexit does come to pass and their
future opportunities to work in Europe are
restricted as a consequence, there are going
to be even more awkward silences than
usual at Christmas dinner tables all around
the country in future years...

“After a referendum or an election, even if Tis for Trump. Brexit was great Zis for Zebra. The zebra is a black
you lose a vote, you are entitled to go on news for the Republican presidential and white animal. Unfortunately,
nominee. It showed him that his most important political decisions
making the argument. tactic works; when people are angry are not black and white issues.
tell them that it’s somebody else’s fault and What angers me and many other people
When a government in this country wins an promise them the moon. in our school and elsewhere is that in this
election, the opposition does not just say, referendum campaign the people of the
The worrying fact is that Hillary Clinton has UK were constantly told by unscrupulous
‘That’s absolutely right, I’ve got failed to fully seduce America and will only political careerists that the reason they
nothing to say for five years.’ win if enough people decide to hold their have a low-paying job (or no job), have to
noses and vote for her. Logic says that she wait longer at the doctor’s, can’t get council
The leave vote has left those of us who will win, but logic said we would vote to housing or a place in the right school for
were trying fairly hard in the last few weeks remain, so who knows? their kid was all because EU immigrants
were swamping the country. This was an
to follow what on earth is happening in Uis for UKIP. The United Kingdom oversimplification that didn’t just border
this country with a group of leaders who, Independence Party, which was on dishonesty, but brazenly embraced it,
having lit the fire, have all run away saying, led until recently by a man called annexed it and declared itself king of it.
Nigel Farage. Nigel tried and failed (That’s what the power-hungry tend to do.)
‘Someone else can clear up the mess.’ to be elected to Westminster seven times
and spent most of his political life fighting Those who voted Brexit in the belief that
The Prime Minister, who put us in the against the European ‘Elites” who didn’t care they would ‘Get their country back,’ will
mess, has resigned. Everybody has gone. about normal people. soon find that it was never their country to
All the people who put their cross down for begin with.
Leave, saying, ‘This is what we want,’ seem Nigel used to be a stockbroker, trading in
to be getting a group of people telling them, metals; so he was perfectly normal and not Nor will it ever be.
‘We can’t stop immigration, we can’t give 350 part of any elite at all. Immediately after the
million, oh, and by the way, there might be result, when it was clear that some careful
diplomacy between us and our neighbours
quite a lot of austerity. was essential, he went to the European
Sorry. Bye!’ parliament and arrogantly sneered, ‘You
used to laugh at me. I have to say you’re not
www.youtube.com watch? v=uyyOyoeqKfM laughing now.’

Ris for Rupert Murdoch. The Nobody is laughing now, Nigel.
Australian-American media mogul
who owns The Times, The Sun Vis for Sara Vine. The would-be Lady
and many other media outlets Macbeth of this drama. Married to
worldwide. If Rupert doesn’t like you, you’re Michael Gove and a journalist for
never going to be PM and his Euroscepticism the Daily Mail, she ‘accidentally’
should have given the Remain campaign sent a member of the public a private email
more urgent pause for thought. to her husband the day before Johnson
was expected to announce his intention
On a happier note, he recently married to replace Cameron. The next morning,
Jerry Hall, the supermodel ex-wife of Mick to everyone’s shock, Gove announced he
Jagger. She is said to be madly in love with wouldn’t support Johnson and declared
Mr Murdoch, 85, whose estimated net worth that he would like to be Prime Minister
$11.6 billion. instead. Many members of the Conservative
Parliamentary Party thought there was
Sis for Swivel-eyed loons. This is something fishy about all this and refused to
a very common phrase in modern support his bid.
English, used to insultingly describe
people with extreme political beliefs He’s not even in the cabinet now. (ha ha!)
that you violently disagree with. Given
its rudeness, you should try not to use it,
unless, of course you are talking about…

15

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