Talk Soon Talk Often book 2014 FLIP

What do young pe
decid

eople need to know to
de about having sex?

45

5. What do young people need to know

Some young people have the skills and the expectation that they will form
Those young people are more likely to have happier experiences of sex
of first-time sex were characterised by feelings of pressure, disappointme

So, what are some messages about sex that young people may
not be hearing anywhere else?

(These ‘messages’ are by way of background music that you
might want to choose from and sing in the background — hey,
it’s your job to be annoying!)

There are lots of different
ways to enjoy sexual
feelings.

There are a lot of messages that suggest that everyone is
having sex. This is not true. By the end of Year 12, 50% of
students will have had sexual intercourse 50% have not.

One reason that people enjoy sexual activity is because
it feels nice, good, great. You can feel excited, beautiful,
powerful. You can feel close, and loving. Sex can also be
uncomfortable, disappointing, boring, a chore. At its worst it
can make you feel lonely, sad, unloved and unvalued.

You have a right to choose not to have sex, or to wait until
you feel really ready.

46

w to decide about having sex?

m a connection with someone before they have sex.
if and when it does happen. Many others’ experiences
ent, regret, and even necessity.14

People have sex for a range of reasons, including to become
closer, to feel loved, to feel good, to get it over and done with,
to be popular, to fit in, or to rebel. Not all these reasons are
ideal.

If getting someone to love you is your goal, then ask yourself
whether you think that person likes you. If you don’t think they
like you, then they are not going to hang around to love you.

There are lots of different ways to enjoy sexual feelings.
Some people do nothing. Some masturbate (and have been,
off and on, since they were babies). Some people decide to
do some sexual behaviours and not others.

Everyone has the right to decide what sexual behaviours they a
happy to engage in, if any. They can also expect their friends a
sexual partners to respect those decisions.

Every young person has a right to information that will help them
safe and healthy, which includes information about avoiding preg
and STIs.

Anyone, female and male, gay and straight, married or not, can
choose not to have sex at any time.

Having sex once does not mean you have to do it again.

Sex can lead to getting or giving an STI, or pregnancy. It’s impo
to protect yourself. Oral sex won’t cause pregnancy but it can
spread STIs such as chlamydia. If a person has vaginal or ana
condoms will stop the spread of most STIs but not others such
genital warts and herpes.

Making good sexual decisions can be nearly impossible if a pe
is drunk or high.

are Kim: When my children start experimenting
and with sexual behaviour, I want them to
really enjoy it, I want them to have
m keep
gnancy positive experiences and I want them to
feel empowered. And, you want to make
n sure that it’s healthy, it’s safe, they’re not
pressured into it, but at the same time you
ortant
al sex, don’t want it to happen too young.
h as
Jo: so it’s about more than just
erson knowing the facts of life.

Kim: It’s about being strong, assertive,
respecting yourself and other people.

— Parents of girls aged 14

‘The age of first sexual experience
continues to get lower, even as the
range of sexual activities widens … High
levels of pregnancy, sexually transmitted
infections (STIs), forced or pressured
sex and sexual assault among young
people suggest that current approaches to
preparing young people for sexually active

lives are limited...’16

47

A checklist for young people: How do you know you a

Some parents would feel comfortable enough to show their children the f
personal list of indicators (everyone is different, after all). Some of the fol
a young person is working out if they are ready to begin having sex. It’s c
ready before someone else decides for them.

You know how to prevent a pregnancy.
You know how to protect yourself and your partner from getting an ST
You will feel OK afterwards about having had sex.
You want to have sex and have said so.
You and your partner are 16 or over.
It feels right.
You feel safe and comfortable with the person you are going to have
You feel you could say no, and that would be OK, but you still want to
You have anxieties but not fear.
Nobody is forcing, pressuring or coercing you.
You’ve agreed you both care for each other and want to take this nex
You both want it for yourselves, not because the other person wants i
You’re not doing it to keep your partner.
You’re not doing it to make you popular or to gain acceptance.

The above statements may not fit your own value system, but they do giv
them as a discussion starter.

48

are ready for sex?15

following checklist. Young people need to have their own
llowing statements make really good starting places when
crucial that the young person decides whether they are

TI: you have condoms and you know how to use them.

sex with.
o do it.

xt step.
it or because you want to please them.

ve you something to go on. You might even like to use

Parenting in the digital age: Texts and
social media

Many of us use the Internet and mobile phones to keep the
bonds strong between friends and family. Young people do
the same. A quick text or tweet lets someone know we are
thinking of them. A bit of time on our social media allows us
to share jokes and photos and moments. Children who have
trouble fitting in at school might find safe ways to connect
with others online. Time on the Internet can help us think
through problems and get information. The Internet and
mobile phones allow us informal, quick and alternative types
of media to what’s on TV, and for all these reasons, many of
us love them.

Our use changes as we get older. Eight to 11 year olds use
the Internet for online games but as children hit high school
they start to use social networking sites. Online life reflects
offline life, so teenagers will flirt, and gossip, and talk about
what happened last night. They will want to belong and
connect with a group. They will look up information about
growing up, sexual development, and/or sex. They may also
have close calls with ‘creeps’ who try to make contact with
them, but most of their contact will be with local friends. For
young people, the point is to be in constant contact with
friends.17

The key thing for young people to remember is that social
networking sites and mobile phone technology creates a
small town effect, where everybody knows your business,
and knows it fast! Not only that, but if you put something
out there, you can’t take it back, because someone else
will have it (whether it’s a photo, a nasty comment, or a
declaration of love) on their phone or computer.
The best way to help your children navigate the online world is
to stay involved. If you use the computer then it’s easier for you
to talk about the pros and cons than if you have never used it.

49

49

Here are some things to do:

Keep your computer in a public place so that you can see at
a glance what they are looking at.

Get your own social media accounts. Let your children teach
you how to set it up, so that you can appreciate what they
are working with. (And remember, don’t write embarrassing
things about your own children, their friends or your family.)
You don’t have to use it all the time, but it might alert you to
any safety issues you need to know.

Make sure you understand the laws that apply to your
children, and know where to find advice when you need it.
For a plain English explanation of laws that apply to children
and young people, go to http://www.lawstuff.org.au/.

Think about how you can best support your child if they
are bullied, or if a picture is taken or shared without their
consent. They may fear being shamed or blamed for their
online mistakes if they tell you about them.

The best way to help
your kids navigate the
online world is to stay

involved.

50

To help young people understand the public nature of some
of their postings, tell them that anything they put online could
either end up on your fridge door, or on the noticeboard in
the school assembly hall. That includes personal information
like an address and phone number.

Ensure your children have privacy settings activated on their
social networking sites (like Facebook).

Respect your children’s privacy, too – don’t intrude on
their social networking sites, or comment on their online
conversations.

You do not want your child to be the one others are
complaining about. Make sure they understand that
cruel jokes about someone in their class become public
comments.

If they trip over something that troubles them on the web, like
pornography, try to remain calm, if and when they tell you. If
you explode and ban all access to the computer, they won’t
tell you next time.

Make sure they understand that sending nude photos of
themselves or of someone else is likely to be illegal.

There are parent-friendly sources of information about how
to safely socialise on the net. Go to cybersmart.gov.au.

There is also the cybersafety contact centre offering callers
information and advice about Internet safety issues and
concerns. Telephone 1800 880 176.18

Managing mobile friendships

1. Control the pace

Mobile phones and the Internet enable young people to get closer, soone
know. Young people need to know that they can take control if they are fe
can text back to say ‘I’ll let you know’. They don’t have to reply straight a
attention.

2. Make clear rules about sending pictures and messages

One in four Australian children aged 6 to 13 years now has a mobile pho
effect of sending messages and photos usually comes when a child is m
about sending pictures and messages.

Make sure your children know that any photos or video taken with their p
someone else — could become public the moment it is sent to someone
They should always ask their friend’s permission before publishing/sendi

While teenagers may think that sending these images to their friends is h
in an indecent manner or engaging in sexual activity is regarded as child
pass on these images are risking criminal charges, whether they are a m

Contraception20

Condoms and the combined oral contraceptive pill (‘the Pill’) remain the m
by Australian young people, although up to 10% report using no contrace

Condoms are an excellent choice for young people as they provide prote
infections (STIs) and are relatively inexpensive, however they are less ef

If young people are going to have sexual intercourse, then ‘double protec
another contraceptive method should be encouraged.

er, with someone they are getting to
eeling hurried into a date, or sex. They
away. They don’t owe anyone their time or

one.19 A mature understanding of the Some rules for mobile
much older, so children need clear rules kids

phones — or a photo taken of them by No unkind messages
e (by being uploaded to the Internet). about friends or other
ing a photo of their friend. kids at school.

harmless, any image that portrays a minor No nude pictures.
d pornography. People who receive or
minor or an adult. No photos taken without
a person’s knowledge.
methods most commonly used
eption in their last sexual encounter. Don’t use your phone
in private spaces, for
example, bathrooms,
changing rooms.

Don’t share or forward
other people’s pictures.

ection against sexually transmitted
ffective than other forms of contraception.

ction’ — condom use in addition to 51

It’s important that all young people who are considering having sexual
intercourse know the following:

A girl can get pregnant any time, including the first time she has sex
A girl can get pregnant even when she has her period, or has just
finished it
Sperm can stay alive in a girl’s body for up to five days after sex
‘Pulling out’ is not a safe form of contraception; sperm can be presen
the pre-cum
Condoms are the only form of contraception that also reduce the risk
getting or passing on an STI
Abstinence is the only 100% effective method of contraception.

Condoms are an excellent
contraceptive choice for

young people.

Common methods of contraception

There are many options for contraception. Here are just a few. More
information is available from your doctor or Family Planning NSW.

‘The Pill’ (The combined pill)

The Pill is taken once a day and prevents the release of an egg from the
ovaries each month. The Pill is more than 99% effective if taken perfectly
but in real life it can be less effective (91%) because it’s easy to forget to
take it. It’s worth coming up with a routine for taking it.

52

nt in Emergency contraception pill (sometimes known
k of as the ‘morning after pill’)

t Emergency Contraception (EC) can be used to prevent
pregnancy when intercourse has occurred without the
use of contraception or when contraception may have
failed (e.g. condom breakage). EC prevents up to 85%
of unexpected pregnancies and is most effective at
preventing pregnancy when taken within 24 hours of
having sex (the sooner it is taken the more effective
it is). There is some effectiveness for up to 120 hours
(five days) after intercourse, however, effectiveness
decreases as time passes and is significantly reduced
72 hours (three days) after sex. EC is available over
the counter at most chemists, so you don’t need to see
a doctor to get a prescription.

Contraceptive implants

The contraceptive implant is a small plastic rod inserted
under the skin on the inside of the arm by a doctor or
nurse. The implant works like the Pill to stop the release
of an egg each month and lasts for up to three years.
Because it is a ‘set and forget’ method it is more effective
than the Pill at preventing pregnancy. The contraceptive
e implant is 99.9% effective.
y,
o

Male condoms

Condoms fit closely over an erect penis. They collect semen
and stop it from entering the vagina. Condoms are up to 98%
effective at preventing pregnancy if used correctly — this
means using a new condom every time you have sex (or when
switching between vaginal and anal sex), putting it on and
taking it off correctly and using water-based lubricants with
condoms. In real life condoms can be less effective because in
the heat of the moment they are not always used correctly.

Pregnant?

If a girl’s period is late or much lighter than usual then she
may be pregnant. Other signs of pregnancy are sore breasts,
breasts getting larger, nipples getting darker, weight gain,
nausea (feeling like vomiting), unusual tiredness and weeing
more often. A girl should have a test if she thinks she might
be pregnant and if her period is more than one week late.
Urine pregnancy tests (often described as ‘weeing on a stick’)
are quick and generally accurate. These are available from
chemists and supermarkets, but results should be confirmed
by a health professional.

Both women and men
can become infertile

from chlamydia.

Meet chlamydia, Australia’s no. 1 STI

High numbers of sexually active young men and women are
becoming infected with a sexually transmitted infection (STI)
called chlamydia. Statistics show it is most common among
young women aged 15–24, and young men aged 20–24.
One of the reasons it’s so common is that often a person has
no symptoms, and so doesn’t seek treatment. A complication
of chlamydia in women is that, if left untreated, it can develop
into pelvic inflammatory disease, which can lead to chronic
pain, internal scarring and infertility. Both women and men
can become infertile from chlamydia.
The good news is that, despite high rates of infection with
chlamydia, pelvic inflammatory disease in young women has
halved in recent years because people are getting tested and
treated earlier; new, easier tests have been developed; and
treatment has improved to just a single dose antibiotic.

53

So, what do we want young people to know
about chlamydia?

People who are having sex should get tested for STIs at
least once a year or when they get a new sexual partner.
Testing usually involves a simple urine test.

Chlamydia and other STIs can be passed on during
oral, vaginal and anal sex with an infected partner.

Choosing not to have vaginal, anal and oral sex will
prevent the transmission of chlamydia.

Up to 75% of women and 50% of men may have no
symptoms.

Both young women and young men can become
infected with, and pass on chlamydia.

Treatment is simple. It is usually just a single-dose
antibiotic.

Condoms will reduce the risk of contracting
chlamydia (but not all STIs).

54

Some things you should know about ALL sexually
transmitted infections

STIs can be passed on through vaginal, oral or anal sex.
Most STIs are transmitted through an exchange of body
fluids (semen, blood and vaginal fluids) but some, such as
genital warts and herpes, can be passed on through skin-
to-skin genital and oral-genital contact too.

Condoms and dams stop body fluids from being
exchanged (a dam is a thin latex square held over the
vaginal or anal area during oral sex). As some STIs can
be passed on through skin-to-skin contact, it’s important
to remember that condoms and dams only protect the
area of skin they cover.

STIs can cause a wide range of health problems, from mild
irritation to serious ongoing illness. some STIs are easily
cured with antibiotics if detected early, but can have long-
term consequences if left untreated. While other STIs can’t
be cured (such as herpes), treatments are available to
ease symptoms.

Most STIs have no symptoms, so it’s possible to have one
and not know it. If you’ve had unprotected sex in the past,
get tested by a doctor.



Sex and the Law

55

6. Sex and The Law Is a one-
lasting h
Uh-oh. Pornography
It may be u
Of the potential causes of harm to our children, than that. It
what role does pornography play? anxious. Ma
Children and young people are often curious about people prod
pornography and may seek it out as part of their healthy kind
self- education.
Their respo
The evidence is hard to find (after all it’s a difficult families inte
subject to research!) but what seems clear is that beliefs are a
boys who watch violent pornography a lot (weekly) know that p
have more aggressive sexual behaviour.21 One
study of 275 Canadian teenagers with an average
age of 14 found a link between boys’ frequent use
of pornography and their agreement with the idea
that it is OK to force a girl to have sex.22 This is an
important finding as it highlights that boys and girls
who watch this regularly need to know that forced
or violent sex is never acceptable, and is illegal.

When it comes to the effects on girls, more
research attention has been paid to the effect on
their self-esteem. It appears that pornography
can affect both girls’ and boys’ self-esteem by
presenting them as sexual types which they feel
they have to live ‘up’ to.23

56

-off exposure to pornography likely to do
harm?

unpleasant and offensive for yourchildren, but of no more effect
t may certainly upset a child, offend a child, or make them feel
any children and young people may already be aware that some
duce this type of material and that it does not represent a happy,
d of sex.

onse can be lessened or heightened by the ways in which
eract and discuss what is seen. Tell your children what your
about porn and what your concerns are, and be sure to let them
porn does not represent all sex or sexual relationships.

So what do we do?

In the first instance it would be good if young people were not exp
pornography, especially violent porn. However, while porn exists in
Internet and mobile phone access to porn is difficult to control and
special concern. Still, many of us have not sat down to figure out h
on our home computers. The Australian Government recommends
‘Family Friendly Filters’ listed by the Internet Industry Association (

Some mobile phone companies provide access to content that is n
children, i.e. content rated MA15+ or R18+. Before this content ca
customers must request access and provide proof that they are 18
a child is given a phone by someone who no longer wants it, you s
your phone company that access to content that is not suitable for
been enabled.

All young people need to k
that there is a difference be
persuading someone to have s

forcing them.

LOVE BITES is a respectful relationships education program
olds, supported by youth-led community campaigns. The pro
in a number of settings and focuses on the supporting young
develop healthy and respectful relationships. See page 64

posed to What I didn’t know was that there was such
n many formats, a huge emotional gap between porn and
d as such is of reality.
how to put filters
s that we download — 17 year old male, after a number of
(http://iia.net.au). negative interactions with women. 24

not suitable for
an be provided,
8 years or older. If
should confirm with
r children has not

know
etween
sex, and

for 14-17 year
ogram is delivered
g people to

57

Forced sex M
w
Almost 13% of the Australian population reports being frightened a
or forced into a sexual experience. Nearly 3% of men and 10%
of women aged 16 or younger have been forced into some form I
of sexual activity.25 Often the partners are known to each other a
and may already have a relationship. h
t
All young people need to know that there is a difference
between persuading or charming someone to have sex, and S
forcing them. If the person feels he or she has restricted or
no choice about having sex because they are frightened or I
pressured or threatened, or are blackmailed into a sexual act, s
then it’s coercion. Sometimes a person may not want to have s
sex but ‘gives in’ because they do not feel they can refuse.

Forcing another person to have sex (ie anything other than
mutual, free agreement) is sexual assault, and may result in a
criminal charge. It is a serious crime.

58

Make sure your children know that they cannot use force in this
way, and that this kind of force is wrong. If there is any doubt
about the other person wanting sex, then they must stop.

No-one ‘owes’ anyone sex.
‘Going outside’ with someone at a party, for example, is not a
contract for sex.
They can change their mind at any time including during
sexual activity.

If a person has been sexually assaulted, they can contact
a sexual assault service, NSW Rape Crisis, or the nearest
hospital or health professional for assistance. Twenty four hour
telephone and online support is available, see page 63.

Sex and the law

In NSW, the legal age for males and females to consent to
sexual activity is 16 years. The law says that if you have sex with
someone who is under 16 years of age it is a crime.

The law also says that it is illegal to have a sexual relationship wit
age if you have a relationship of authority with them.This relations
doctor or guardian. It could also be where there is an established
prevision of religious, sporting, musical or other instructions.

If someone is not able to give consent to sex, regardless of their a

People who cannot give consent regardless of their age include:

a person who is unconscious, asleep or substantially intoxicate

a person with a psychological or physical condition that impact
what they are consenting to.

A person who has a psychological or physical condition that impac
understand what they are consenting to is said to have a cognitive
impairment which means a person can’t consent to sexual activity,
disability, a developmental disorder or a severe mental illness that
supervision or social ‘skills development’ (habilitation) in connectio

Sexual harassment

Sexual harassment includes any sexual actions which make a per
or intimidated. This can include things like unwelcome sexual adva
favours, sexual jokes, staring, leering and wolf-whistling, as well a
(e.g. unwanted touching). Sexual harassment can happen at scho
places.

What is sexual assault?

Sexual assault is where a person has sexual intercourse with ano
consent of the other person and in the knowledge that the other pe
There is no consent if the person committing the act is reckless as
person consents. This means that the person committing the act d
person consents or has no reasonable grounds for believing that t

th people under 18 years of What is indecent assault?
ship could be as a teacher,
personal relationship in the Indecent assault is where
a person assaults another
age, the law says it is a crime. person, and commits an act of
indecency on or in the presence
ed of the other person. The act of
ts on their ability to understand indecency can happen at the
time of, immediately before or
cts on their ability to immediately after the assault.
e impairment. A cognitive Acts of indecency include
y, includes an intellectual touching, or threatening to
t results in the person requiring touch, another person’s body
on with daily life activities. in a sexual manner without the
person’s consent, for example,
unwanted touching of a person’s
breasts or genitals.

rson feel offended, humiliated Sexual assault goes on a lot
ances, requests for sexual in a subtle way where you’ve
as actual physical contact got your 16, 17 year olds, and
ool or work, as well as in other they’re dating, and they’ve all
got drunk, and this kind of thing.
other person without the Its not necessarily an unknown
erson does not consent. predator. It’s like at schoolies’
s to whether the other week they’ve got no idea, and
doesn’t care if the other there are older boys, coming in.
the other person consents.
It’s... an issue.

— Parent of 18 year old girl and

15 year old boy 59

Safety rules for kids Child exploitation on the In

It is never OK for anyone There is new legislation in NS
to touch the private parts of a child for the purposes of se
my body and to ask me to systems. This legislation is fo
keep it a secret, even if it is sending of sexually explicit im
someone I know or like.
It is never OK for anyone to If parents have concerns or q
ask me to keep a secret if it website http://www.police.
makes me uncomfortable, or
I know it’s wrong, even if it is Preventing child sexual ab
someone I know or like.
I can say ‘No’ to any A common concern of parent
unwanted touching or to believe that the world is ful
contact. I can say ‘No,’ people. In fact sexual predato
or ‘Don’t do that,’ or ‘I’m Teaching children straightforw
going to tell.’ strategy that we have. Many
If I have a problem, it is sexual acts that escalates ov
important for me to tell an part of the grooming process.
adult I trust about it.26 young person has consented

60 Encourage children to kno
Teach children they have
Teach about privacy and h
Talk about the difference b
Encourage them to tell so
questions.
Reinforce using the buddy
Try to always know where
Maintain an environment i
problems.

nternet

SW that makes it an offence for someone to groom and procure
exually exploiting them using the Internet or telecommunications
ound in the section 66 EB of the NSW Crimes Act. It includes the
mages over the Internet or arranging to meet a child.

questions about this issue a good place to start is the NSW Police
.nsw.gov.au/community_issues/children/child_exploitation

buse

ts is raising the subject of sexual safety without leading children
ll of predators. Sexual predators are not likely to be scary-looking
ors often use tactics to make the child feel good and special.
ward rules about what’s allowed and what’s not is the best
offenders may engage children or young people in a range of
ver time, including games and other non-abusive behaviour as a
. Participation in these activities does not mean that the child or
d to the abuse.

ow they can decide who touches them.
a right to say no to unwanted touch.
help them identify the private parts of the body.
between good and bad secrets.
omeone if they are confused or upset or if they have concerns or

y system on outings.
e your children are and have them check in with you.
in which children feel safe talking about their feelings and

Services, web

bsites and goodbooks
61

7. Services, websites and goodbooks

Talk to someone Fa
Fa
NSW Sexual Health Infoline an
Free and confidential sexual health support and information. As
Sexual health nurses, doctors and counsellors will answer your Ph
questions on sexual health and STIs. They can also provide w
referrals to sexual health clinics close to you. Li
Mon - Fri 9am-5.30pm Bo
Phone: 1800 451 624
(02) 9221 6515 (TTY service) Fa

NSW Health Sexual Health Clinics A
Location and contact details of sexual health services across an
NSW. 5p
http://www.health.nsw.gov.au/sexualhealth/Pages/sexual-health- Ph
clinics.aspx
Pa
Alcohol and Drug Information Service Su
24-hours information, counselling and advice ga
Phone: 9361-8000 (Sydney Metro Area) C
1800 422 599 (rural NSW) Ph
www.yourroom.com.au w
Em
Family Planning NSW Disability Team
Supporting people with an intellectual disability in human
relationships, protective education and sexuality.
Phone: (02) 8752 4300
Email: [email protected]

62

amily Planning NSW
amily Planning NSW is the state’s leading provider of reproductive
nd sexual health services. They have five fixed clinics in NSW:
shfield, Fairfield, Penrith, Newcastle and Dubbo.
hone: 02 8752 4300
www.fpnsw.org.au
ibrary Phone: 02 8752 4386 Email: [email protected]
ookshop Phone: 02 8752 4307 Email: [email protected]

amily Planning NSW Talkline

confidential telephone service staffed by experts in reproductive
nd sexual health. Family Planning NSW Talkline is open 8.30am to
pm weekdays for information and referral advice.
hone: 1300 658 886.

arents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)
upport system to understand and accept loved ones who are
ay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or intersex with love and pride.
Contact details for local PFLAG groups can be found on this site.
hone: (08) 9228 1005
www.pflagaustralia.org.au
mail: [email protected]

Twenty10
Provides a safe space, information, support and referral for young
gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, transgender and questioning young
people.
Phone: (02) 8594 9555
www.twenty10.org.au

Camp Out
A support organisation for same-sex attracted, gender-diverse and
questioning young people aged 13-17. Their website has a lot of
information for parents.
www.campout.org.au

Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service of NSW (GLCS)
Counselling line (5:30pm – 10:30pm daily)
(02) 8594 9596 (Sydney Metro)
1800 184 527 (State-wide)
www.glcsnsw.org.au

Lesbian Counselling and Information Line
(Mondays 6:30pm to 9:30pm)
(02) 8594 - 9595 (Sydney Metro)
1800 184 527 (State-wide)

Kids Help Line
Free, confidential 24-hour telephone and online counselling
service for 5 to 18 year olds in Australia.
Phone: 1800 55 1800

Relationships Australia
Offers resources to couples, individuals and families to help
enhance and support relationships.
Phone: 1300 364 277

Headspace
g Headspace is the national youth mental health foundation. They

provide support for young people who are having a hard time and
have information for parents and carers. Check the website to find
the centre nearest to you.
www.headspace.org.au

Parent Line NSW
d Telephone service open Monday to Friday 9 am to 9 pm, Saturday

and Sunday 4 pm to 9 pm. Parent Line is a telephone counselling,
information and referral service for parents of children ages 0 to 18
who live in New South Wales.
Phone: 1300 1300 52

Child Protection Helpline
The Child Protection Helpline is a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
If you think a child or young person is at risk of harm from abuse or
neglect, contact Child Protection Helpline.
Phone: 132 111
TTY 1800 212 936

Sexual Assault Services
http://www.sexualassault.nsw.gov.au
NSW Rape Crisis, a 24-hour crisis line free call: 1800 424 017
NSW Rape Crisis online counselling: www.nswrapecrisis.com.au

Lifeline

Anyone across Australia experiencing a personal crisis or thinking

about suicide can contact Lifeline. Regardless of age, gender,

ethnicity, religion or sexual orientation Lifeline’s trained volunteers

are ready to listen, provide support and referrals.

Phone: 13 11 14 63

ACON (Formerly AIDS Council of NSW) Re
ACON is a NSW Organisation focussing on, and advocating for, Re
issues related to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex me
(LGBTI) people’s health, and HIV prevention. ran
Phone: (02) 9206 2000 (Sydney Metro) ww
1800 063 060 (State-wide)
(02) 9283 2088 (Hearing Impaired) Th
www.acon.org.au Th
par
Some Good Websites wri
http
Play Safe
Play Safe has all the information young people need about safe Tea
sex, STIs and getting tested all in the one place. Th
www.playsafe.health.nsw.gov.au to k
in K
Raising Children Network. The Australian Parenting Website thr
Excellent, reliable evidence based information and resources http
for parents to support them in the day-to-day work of raising hea
children and looking after their own needs. Includes sections on
social networking, the media, relationships, disabilities and much Lo
more. Ap
www.raisingchildren.net.au 14-
http
Child and Youth Health Website (South Australian)
Information on health, wellbeing and development of children,
young people and families. Information for parents, kids and
teens.
www.cyh.com

64

each Out
eachOut.com is one of Australia’s leading online youth
ental health services, where you can find information about a
nge of mental health issues facing young people.
ww.reachout.com

he Donor Conception Network (UK)
he Donor Conception Network (UK) booklets are aimed at
rents of children aged 0 to 7, 8 to 11, and 12 to 16. Books
itten for children on conception via donor.
p://www.dcnetwork.org/home

aching Sexual Health
his Department of Education and Communities website aims
keep teachers up to date with ideas for engaging students
K-6 sexuality education and 7-12 sexual health education
rough PDHPE.
p://www.curriculumsupport.education.nsw.gov.au/sexual_
alth/

ove Bites
program about negotiating safe respectful relationships for
-17yrs.
p://napcan.org.au/our-programs/love-bites/

Families Are Talking
This website and newsletter aims to empower parents and
caregivers to communicate with their children about sexuality-
related issues.
www.familiesaretalking.org

Family Planning (QLD)
You can download a lot of useful information from this website,
including descriptions of child sexual development, and puberty.
Information for parents, children and young people.
www.fpq.com.au

National Association for Prevention of Child Abuse
and Neglect
This website offers information on child protection education,
focusing on preventative measures to combat child abuse.
http://napcan.org.au

The Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada
(Canada)
This website includes a focus on information and tools for guiding
your child down the path to becoming a sexually healthy, well-
rounded adult. Information for parents and teens. This website
contains comprehensive information about sex and sexuality for
physically and intellectually disabled young people.
www.sexualityandu.ca

The Victorian Better Health Channel (Victoria)
This excellent website offers a wide range of health and wellbeing
related issues. Some of the topics include: masturbation;
menstrual cycle; puberty; acne; female genital mutilation; and
circumcision.
www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au

Sexual health websites especially for kids or teenagers: 65

Check out these websites and others before showing your
children.

The Hormone Factory
Developed by the Australian Research Centre in Sex,
Health and Society, La Trobe University, this website offers
specific sexual and reproductive development information
for parents and children (10 to 12 years).
www.thehormonefactory.com

Minus18 (Victoria)
Australia’s largest youth-led organisation for Gay, Lesbian,
Bisexual and Transgender youth. Contains information
about sexuality, sexual health, relationships, consent and
tips for same-sex attracted and gender diverse people under
the age of 18.
www.minus18.org.au

Tune In Not Out (TINO)
TINO is Australia’s multi-award winning youth health portal
featuring videos, stories, blogs, music and factsheets from
services across Australia. It includes information on drugs
and alcohol, sexual health, sexuality, mental health, the law
and study. http://www.tuneinnotout.com/

Your Room (ADIS)
The place for a wide range drug and alcohol information
with information - how they can affect people, side effects,
withdrawal, and how to get help for anyone else who needs
it. www.yourroom.com.au

Get the Facts (Western Australia)
Developed by Western Australian Health, this website
provides reliable information and support on sexual health,
blood borne viruses and relationships for young people
aged 14-17 years. http://www.getthefacts.health.wa.gov.au/

Some good books and other written resources Familie
A guide
For parents and carers bisexua
gender
Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About http://w
Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask): The Secrets to and-inte
Surviving Your Child’s Sexual Development from Birth
to the Teens Keepin
Justin Richardson & Mark Schuster PFLAG
Great expertise and an intelligent guide to coping with a Availab
child’s sexual maturation. pflagau

Is This Normal? Understanding Your Child’s Sexual Openin
Behaviour Shelley
Holly Brennan & Judy Graham, Australia 2012 Openin
Children’s sexual behaviours can be embarrassing and interest
confusing and sometimes cause concern. Knowing what’s are gay
considered normal can ease some of the worry of parenting.
Knowing more about sexual behaviours is part of helping When O
protect children from harm. Maria P
Powerfu
100+ Answers... About Puberty on the i
Gaye Dell provide
This is a great resource for educators, practitioners children
and their parents to help understand more about what For child
happens as we grow from children to adults. It is written in
a straight forward manner and supported by sensitive, but It’s Not
fun illustrations. A must read for families with pre-teens and Familie
teens. Robie H
The tex
present

500+ Questions Kids Have About Sex Everyo
Years
Lyndall Caldwell and Gaye Dell Family
This is a
This is a valuable resource for all the family and will help children

66 both children and parents begin talking about a subject that
can sometimes be a little tricky.

es Like Mine
e for parents and families of young people who are lesbian, gay,
al, gender diverse or who are questioning their sexuality and

identity.
www.beyondblue.org.au/resources/for-me/lesbian-gay-bi-trans-
ersex-lgbti-people/families-like-mine

ng Families Together
G and Twenty10
ble in seven languages and can be found at: http://www.
ustralia.org.au/uploadeddocs/PFLAGbookletNew.pdf

ng the Door
y Argent
ng the Door is an Australian book, written for anyone who is
ted in how families react when someone they love discloses they
y or lesbian.

Our Children Come Out
Pallotta-Chiarolli
ul and moving accounts from young people, parents and teachers
important support that families, schools and communities can
e when children come out.

ldren aged 5 to 8

t the Stork: A Book about Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies,
es and Friends
H. Harris & Michael Emberley
xt is straightforward, informative, and personable. Facts are
ted step-by-step, with humour.

one’s Got A Bottom — A Storybook For Children Aged 3–8

Planning Queensland
a tool for parents and carers to gently start a conversation with
n about self-protection.

Who Has What? All About Girls’ Bodies and Boys’ Bodies
Robie H. Harris
Join siblings Nellie and Gus on a day out at the beach as they ask
questions and figure out the similarities and differences between
boys and girls in a humorous and honest way. With charming,
informative words and pictures, this book will reassure children that
whether they have a girl’s body or a boy’s body, their bodies are
truly amazing and totally wonderful!

For children aged 8 to 12

Boys and Puberty: Almost Everything Boys Will Ever Need to
Know About Body Changes and Other Stuff!,
WA Department of Health
Easy to read and informative book for boys going through puberty.
Physical and emotional changes discussed in plain language.
http://www.health.wa.gov.au/docreg/Education/Population/Youth_
Health/HP010368_boys_and_puberty_booklet.pdf

Girls and Puberty: Almost Everything Girls Will Ever Need to
Know About Body Changes and Other Stuff!
WA Department of Health
Easy to read and informative book for girls going through puberty.
Discussion of body changes and the feelings that go with them.
http://www.health.wa.gov.au/docreg/Education/Population/Youth_
Health/HP010367_girls_and_puberty_booklet.pdf

Hair in Funny Places
Babette Cole
In this book Mr and Mrs Hormone, two hairy monsters, mix potions
that turn children into adults. We see some of the changes that
result from these potions. Hair in Funny Places can be a good
conversation starter, easing the way for more detailed discussions
about puberty.

Let’s Talk about Where Babies Come From
Robie H. Harris.
This book includes topics such as How Babies Really Begin, Growing
Up, What’s Love?, Sperm and Egg Meet, Pregnancy, Birth and
Adoption, and ‘good’ and ‘bad’ touches.

What’s the Big Secret? Talking about Sex with Boys and Girls
Laurene Krasny Brown & Marc Brown
This book covers topics such as Are boys and girls different on the
inside? How do you tell girls and boys apart? Do girls and boys have
the same feelings? Is sex a dirty word? What does being pregnant
mean? How do you get a belly button? Tell me about when I was a

baby?

Secret Boys’ Business
Fay Angelo, Heather Pritchard & Rose Stewart; illustrations Julie
Davey
For older primary school children. A book to help boys understand the
changes they go through when reaching puberty.

Secret Girls’ Business
Fay Angelo, Heather Pritchard & Rose Stewart; illustrations Julie
Davey
This attractive book about periods will particularly appeal to younger
girls. Suitable for all girls who are beginning this transition.

More Secret Girls’ Business

Fay Angelo, Heather Pritchard & Rose Stewart.

The whole story about important girls’ business, More Secret Girls’

Business is a companion book to Secret Girls’ Business. More Secret

Girls’ Business celebrates the changes to the female body and aims

to enhance girls’ confidence and self-esteem. It also provides hints for 67

teachers and carers, with special hints for dads.

400+ Questions Kids Have About Relationships W
Gaye Dell L
The questions in this book were raised by some Australian children T
in no particular order and interestingly enough, most were asked h
about the relationships they have with their parents. Though it is s
written by, and for children, it will prove to be a valuble insight for b
parents. s
e
So That’s Where I Came from
G Dawson & B Norling  W
So That s Where I Came From, makes explaining the facts of life L
to children easy. The book is designed for parents and children T
to read together. With accurate, up-to-date information and s
illustrations, this book talks about sexuality, including modern th
family structures, male and female body parts, natural and assisted fe
conception, natural and caesarean birth and why each child is il
unique. a
p
Let’s Talk About Sex: Growing Up, Changing Bodies, Sex and
Sexual Health F
Robie H. Harris
At last! a book that tells pre-teens and teenagers what they actually S
need to know about sex. Informative, interesting, reassuring, A
responsible, warm and charming — with a generous splash of T
humour as well. What a great resource for 9 to 16 year olds. y
w
Puberty Girl p
Shushann Movsessian
This illustrated book lets young teens know what to expect, S
physically and emotionally. L
D
Puberty Boy in
Shushann Movsessian e
This illustrated book lets young people know what to expect, q

68 physically and emotionally.

What’s Happening to My Body? Book For Boys
Lynda Madaras and Area Madaras
The introduction is for the parent, the book for the young man. Contains
honest, sensitive, non-judgmental straight talk on the body’s changing
size and shape, the growth spurt, reproductive organs, voice changes,
body hair, puberty in girls, and much more. Filled with illustrations and
stories of boys’ real-life experiences this is a comprehensive puberty
education and health book for young boys.

What’s Happening to My Body? Book For Girls
Lynda Madaras and Area Madaras
This book gives sensitive straight talk on: the body’s changing size and
shape; the growth spurt; breast development; the reproductive organs;
he menstrual cycle; body hair; diet and exercise; romantic and sexual
eelings; puberty in the opposite sex and much more. Featuring detailed
llustrations and real-life stories throughout, an introduction for parents
and a helpful resource section, this growing-up guide is an essential
puberty education and health book for girls.

For teenagers

Sex And Other Stuff: The A to Z of everything you need to know
Annie Rose
This book is informative, easy-to-read and is an essential reference for
young people , The A to Z facts about sex - honest, sometimes surprising
with no holds barred. At the back of the book there are several pages of
places to go for more information or help.

Sexpectations Girl and Boy. Sex stuff straight up
Leissa Pitts & Craig Murray
Discusses relationships and friends, family, sexual identity and cultural
nfluences. With comments from other girls and guys facing the same
experience, this book talks honestly and respectfully about the hard
questions and gives you some answers you might need. 

Relationships, Sex and Other Stuff: A Few Things Teenagers Will
Need to Know About Relationships, Sex and Other Stuff!
WA Department of Health
Written for teenagers, this answers real questions (What if my heart gets
broken? How do I learn how to kiss?) in a straightforward, helpful way. It
can be obtained at:
http://www.health.wa.gov.au/docreg/Education/{Population/Youth_Health
HP010369_relationships_sex_and_other_stuff_booklet.pdf

Puberty Book: A Guide for Children & Teenagers
Darvill & Powell
This Australian book gives children and teenagers accurate and up-
to-date information about themselves, their bodies and growing up. In
simple, straightforward language the authors discuss the changes that
happen at puberty, sex and sexuality, health and looking after yourself,
relationships, pregnancy and birth.

Boys’ Stuff: Boys Talking About What Matters
Wayne Martino & Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli
What do guys think about friends, sex, sport, drugs and everything else
that matters? In Boys’ Stuff, teenagers write about their lives.

Girl Stuff
Kaz Cooke
Girl Stuff has everything a girl needs to know about things such as
friends, body changes, shopping, pimples, sizes, hair, embarrassment,
what to eat, moods, smoking, handling love and heartbreak, exercise,
guys, school stress, sex, bullies, rights, drinking, cheering up, getting
parents to take you seriously, why diets suck, drugs, earning money,
confidence and being happy with your own true self.’

For parents of children with special needs

An Exceptional Children’s Guide to Touch. Teaching
Social and Physical Boundaries to Kids
s Hunter Manasco
The rules of physical contact can be tricky to grasp. This
friendly picture book explains in simple terms how to tell
h/ the difference between acceptable and inappropriate
touch, helping children with special needs stay safe. This
book is an invaluable teaching resource and discussion
starter for parents, teachers and carers working with
children with special needs.

The article ‘Sex Education for Children with
Intellectual Disabilities’ can be obtained at:
www.betterhealth.vic.gov.gov.au

The article ‘Sexuality Education and Asperger’s
Syndrome: Information for Parents and Carers’ can be
obtained from:
www.fpg.com.au

Special Boys’ Business
Fay Angelo, Heather Pritchard & Rose Stewart.
Supports boys with special needs, their parents and
carers through the changes experienced at puberty.

Special Girls’ Business
Fay Angelo, Heather Pritchard & Rose Stewart.
About managing periods for girls with special needs and
their carers. It includes a handy hints section for mums,
dads and carers, and another section especially for school
staff.

69