Reader's Digest

Storm DRAMA IN REAL LIFE

Seven fishermen, adrift
in a small boat, had

given up all hope. Would
they live to tell the tale?

BY Chitra Subramanyam
ILLUSTRATION BY ATRI

Captain Radhika Menon
hadn’t slept all night. The
oil tanker she was com-
manding, MT Sampurna
Swarajya, had been tossed
about like a toy, pitch-
ing and rolling, as it made its way
through the turbulent Bay of Bengal.
Menon had been on the bridge mon-
itoring the ship’s course.

The following morning, June 22,
2015, was just as grey as the one be-
fore, with waves over seven metres
high and winds blowing at more than
60 knots. Lashing rain added to the
darkening skies. They were now off
the coast of Gopalpur in Odisha, on
India’s east coast. Menon sent an up-
date to headquarters before stepping
down to the cabin below to freshen
up, leaving the ship in second officer
Manoj Chauhan’s capable hands.

readersdigest.com.au 49

READER’S DIGEST

It was past noon as Chauhan, also FORT Y-Y EAR-OLD CHINNA R AO
the duty officer, stood next to the ra-
dar, peering through his binoculars, had absolutely no intention of go-
trying to look past the rain and the ing fishing. He was still recovering
swelling sea. He had to maintain the from an injury. But his friends, Done
course, while steering the ship. That’s Narasimha Murty, 55, and Dasa-
when he first spotted the boat in the ri Danayya, 48, had managed to
distance as it bounced about, on the convince him otherwise.
verge of being sucked in by the waves.
The monsoon had arrived on Mon-
Chauhan looked carefully – the day June 15, but it looked like a good
boat was about 1.8 kilometres away. day for fishing. Dawn broke and the
Squinting, he spotted an orange cloth sun started its transit across the az-
flapping in the wind. This wasn’t a ure sky in Kakinada, about 400 kilo-
deep-sea fishing boat, but one that metres south of Gopalpur.
should have been closer to the shore-
line. Then he saw something that Chinna Rao checked his phone for
made him catch his breath – hands, weather updates before climbing into
raised and waving frantically, beg- Durgamma, their boat. There were
ging for help. six others, all fishers by trade, among
them, his nephew, Mahesh (then 15
Chauhan alerted Menon who years old). The men lifted anchor as
rushed to the navigation bridge and another boat joined them, and they
sounded the alarm – seven short and set out to sea. They had a little water
one prolonged burst – this was an and food and blocks of ice to preserve
emergency. She peered through the the fish they would catch. The other
binoculars and could tell they were boat was stocked with food, but the
fishermen, one of whom looked like men weren’t really planning on being
a teenager. out for too many days.

They need to be rescued right away. The fishermen on both boats
They won’t survive for long, she worked in tandem through the day,
thought. a rhythm built over years of fishing
together, breaking only for the night.
The fishing boat, she would later As always, if the catch was good they
recall, had no cabin and no anchor, would turn back early next morning
just seven fishermen huddled togeth- and head to market.
er. They were injured, their bodies
were white with skin peeling – ac- A deep depression had been build-
cording to Chauhan, a result of con- ing up meanwhile and the wind had
stant contact with salt water. They picked up by the following morning.
had been at sea for seven days, lost As morning turned to afternoon, the
and battered, and had given up hope. sky changed colour, the sun hid be-
hind the clouds and the waves turned

50 october 2022

The Perfect Storm

rough. Soon, it became dark, as fishing experience and tried steering

though it was night, and then it start- the boat through the angry waves.

ed raining. Durgamma slowed down Twice, they nearly lost friends to the

and dropped anchor. Perhaps it was sea – Narasimha Murthy first and

best to wait for the weather to settle later Arjala Appa Rao, 48 – but some-

before returning. But it only got worse how, with his heart in his mouth,

– the waves grew higher, relentlessly while motivating them, Chinna Rao

slamming the boat, finally damaging managed to pull them back in.

one of the engines. The fishermen still The days started merging into

didn’t panic, quickly repairing what one big storm that could only mean

was possible to fix. Then, early on a single end. They sat in silence,

Tuesday morning, the sometimes break-

radar broke, as did the THE COMPANION ing into sobs, crying
anchor. A barrel car- BOAT in despair, sure that
rying spare diesel fell they would not pull
into the sea. The sec- DISAPPEARED through. Their skin
ond boat threw them a FROM VIEW, started peeling, from
rope, anchoring them, TAKING WITH IT being exposed to salt
but on Wednesday, the THE FOOD AND water, until finally
storm turned infinitely on Sunday, a week af-
fiercer and the rope WATER ter they had left their
broke, setting them home, the men gave in

adrift. The companion to thirst and, ignoring

boat disappeared from view, headed the fishy smell, turned to the ice used

to shore and safety, taking with it the to preserve their catch.

food and water. Then, on Monday June 22, they

Exhausted and petrified, the seven spotted the MT Sampurna Swarajya.

men huddled together as the violent Narasimha Murthy’s orange towel was

sea tried to devour them. Lacking tied to a two-metre pole and the des-

shelter, they soon lost whatever food perate men waved it wildly. Then they

and water they had. They tried cre- stood as close to the edge as possible,

ating a makeshift anchor by placing waving, some with their hands folded,

stones and a stove into a fishing net, hoping that someone would see them.

but it didn’t help.

Despair engulfed Chinna Rao, but MENON WASTED NO TIME assessing

he refused to give in. We must fight the risks and putting a plan in place.

back, protect ourselves somehow. As There was no time for fear, just a steely

the boat threatened to capsize for determination to save the fishermen.

the tenth time, he drew on years of With wild seas and relentless rain, the

readersdigest.com.au 51

READER’S DIGEST

crew prepared for the most challeng- pulled up the pilot ladder as well.

ing rescue operation of their lives. By 1.07pm, two of the fishermen had

Menon positioned herself on the managed to make their way across

bridge, giving instructions to the team the sea into the safety of the tanker.

below. Chief officer Gursimrandeep But the weather did not show any

Singh was on the main deck, which signs of letting up. The line gave way,

was windy and slippery, keeping an breaking and separating the boat and

eye on the crew. The emergency team the ship. As the fishing boat threat-

he was monitoring had readied a pilot ened to drift away, the tanker swung

ladder, scrambling net, life buoys and around a third time, positioning itself

life jackets. Chauhan asked the engine so it could offer better shelter. This

room to reduce the ship’s RPM [revo- time Singh passed two lines for add-

lutions per minute] for ed support, while also

better manoeuvrabil- THE WEATHER lowering the buoys
ity. Menon knew that DID NOT LET UP. and life jackets. By
the most important THEN THE LINE 1.18pm, all seven men
thing was to stop the were safely aboard
boat from drifting out BROKE, and Durgamma was
of sight. So, the MT SEPARATING left to drift away. The
Sampurna Swarajya BOAT AND whole rescue opera-
slowly swung around tion had taken about
to create a lee or shel- TANKER 40 minutes, through
ter from the wind and beating rain and an

the rain. unforgiving sea.

A gantline, or rope for hoisting, was

tied around a jerrycan and thrown AS CHINNA RAO and the remain-

into the water. Singh signalled to ing six fishermen climbed into the

Chinna Rao, instructing him to grab ship, they fell on their knees, sob-

the line, pick up the slack and bring bing. Their clothes were torn and

Durgamma alongside the tanker. But they couldn’t walk. Chauhan helped

the sea was way too rough and the with the first aid, cleaning their lac-

men too weak from hunger and thirst. erations with antiseptic. After some

The boat drifted towards the stern. time, the crew offered them water

Menon did not give up. At 12.40pm, and then, much later, coffee, sand-

the tanker swung around once again wiches and clothes. The crew also

for a second approach. Chinna Rao managed to find someone fluent in

and the other fishermen managed Telugu to communicate with the men

to pick up the gantline using a boat who spoke only the local dialect and

hook and secured it properly. They broken English. Menon kept an eye

52 october 2022

The Perfect Storm

TELUGU TRANSLATIONS COURTESY: BALAJI SINGH, CARE TODAY FUND on them, checking to make sure they Indian Merchant Navy and the first
were alright. woman to receive the IMO Award for
Exceptional Bravery at Sea.
Once they had recovered a little,
Menon offered Chinna Rao the sat- “It is every seafarer’s and master’s
ellite phone. “Call your families. You solemn duty and obligation to save
have been away for too long.” souls in distress at sea,” she said after
the award. “I only did what a seafarer
Calling home, he was horrified to should do for a fellow soul in distress
find the families had started prepar- at sea. Yes, it was an instant decision,
ing for their funeral. but not without assessing the risks
involved. I just did my duty.”
“Fishermen’s families believe that
if the men have gone missing for sev- Dasari Danayya choked with emo-
en days, they are lost at sea,” Menon tion while speaking for a video broad-
says. “They had even set up the tents cast at the ceremony. “We could do
for the last rites outside their homes.” nothing except wipe the tears from
our eyes. Madam appeared like a
The families could not believe what goddess, and saved our lives,” he told
happened. “We told them that every- the Shipping Corporation of India.
one was safe,” she says.
Watching the video for the first
Chinna Rao still remembers every time, Menon felt a shiver of fear. “Sit-
little detail. “We were on death’s ting there on the dais, watching the
doorstep,” he says, “I am living a sec- documentary, I realised the scope of
ond life.” the rescue operation. Various scenar-
ios started playing in my mind and I
And then he says with a chuckle, wondered, What if? I think that was
“I was a 1.5 metre man in a boat full the only time I felt fear,” she recalls.
of really tall men, but everyone else
seemed to have given up. I ended up “When one is in a seafaring profes-
steering the boat and rescuing two sion, we are taught to tackle all kinds
of my friends. Now, the entire village of emergencies, from storms and fires
thinks I am a hero.” to floods. I had the team and they had
my back. This was our first rescue op-
SIXTEEN MONTHS LATER, on Novem- eration but, at the time, there was no
ber 22, 2016, Radhika Menon, the first space for nervousness. I didn’t think
female captain in the Indian Merchant about failure or what would happen if
Navy, was given a standing ovation at my crew had been injured or washed
a distinguished gathering in London. away. At that moment, all I could fo-
She was at the International Maritime cus on was how to steer the tanker so
Organization (IMO), a UN specialised that I could rescue the fishermen
agency responsible for the safety and while keeping my crew safe.”
security of shipping. Menon had be-
come the first female captain in the

readersdigest.com.au 53

FOOD FOR
THOUGHT

Wontons

A quintessential Chinese dish,

wontons are like swallowing a cloud

BY Diane Godley

For Simon Li, wontons are was the case when Simon took time PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES
a simple hearty meal that out from a conference in Hong Kong
all his family enjoys at any to visit his cousin, Liu Yee, in neigh-
time of day. “As people like bouring Guangzhou.
to enjoy something warm
and soft in the morning, it’s an ideal “She served up large bowls of broth
breakfast”, says the magazine edi- brimming with wontons, and a huge
tor. The Chinese dumpling is also smile on her face,” says Simon. There
a nice way to welcome guests who was something familiar about the
visit without advance warning – as aroma wafting from the soup.

Dripping sesame oil in a bowl – a

54 october 2022

signal to start eating – Simon took a pouch to the triangle to the rectan-

wonton in a spoon and lifted it into gular ingot; and it can be served in a

his mouth. This is not just familiar, it broth, steamed or deep fried.

is the real deal, he thought. “So deli- For Rosheen Kaul, who grew up

cious. Just like Mum’s,” he mumbled in Singapore, wontons were enjoyed

through a mouthful of swirling ‘cloud.’ in the form of wantan mee – a hawk-

“You remember the taste?” his er-st yle dish of thin egg noodles

cousin asked. “It’s your mother’s tossed in dark soy sauce and garlic

recipe. That’s how we make wontons oil, a handful of wontons, green leafy

now.” vegetables and slices of char siew

There is a lot to love about this (barbecued pork).

humble food. Wontons have been de-

scribed as a ‘hug to the mouth’, while AROUND THE WORLD t here a re

the authors of cookbook Chinese-ish: many variations of the dumplings,

Home Cooking Not Quite Authen- all offering their own special fillings

tic, Rosheen Kaul and and coming in differ-
Joanna Hu, describe WITH A VARIETY ent shapes and sizes.
them as ‘pretty clouds OF FILLINGS, In Nepal you have mo-
floating in a fragrant WONTONS CAN BE mos, Japan gyoza, India
broth’. samosa, Korea mandu,
SERVED IN A Italy ravioli, Uzbekistan
In Mandarin, the

word for wonton is ‘hun samsa, Russia pelmeni,
Germany knödel … you
BROTH, STEAMEDdun’, which sounds the get the drift. They can
OR DEEP FRIEDsame as ‘primeval cha-

os’. But thanks to the be eaten as a side dish,

predominance of Cantonese restau- as a main meal, in soup, and some-

rants outside of China, in the West the times as a sweet dessert.

Cantonese word wonton stuck: ‘won’ So w ith so many variations of

meaning cloud and ‘ton’ meaning a theme, where does the humble

swallow – roughly translating to ‘swal- stuffed dough dumpling originate?

low a cloud’. A more appetising name. The simple answer is, no one knows

A staple in Chinese cuisine for for sure, although some sources sug-

thousands of years, there are now gest they actually hail from Central

hundreds if not thousands of varia- Asia – a region where Mongolia, Chi-

tions of this juicy, chewy ball of meat na and Russia meet – and spread both

or vegetarian filling wrapped in a thin East and West during the migration

sheet of dough. Fillings include pork, of the Turkic people, creating parallel

prawns, mushrooms and bok choy; food cultures.

folding techniques range from the Without any firm agreement on

readersdigest.com.au 55

READER’S DIGEST

the origin of wontons, sceptics exist. offering to the spirits of deceased an-
According to anthropologist Eugene cestors in the Han dynasty. Religious
Anderson, the precise origin of this ceremony aside, during the Tang Dy-
delicious morsel remains elusive, nasty (618-907CE) restaurants serving
but suggests certain historical facts wontons began springing up all over
cast doubt on some origin theories. the country, with some believing they
“I doubt if the Chinese orig-
inated them, because they had healing powers because
didn’t have good flour mill- of the medicinal herb and
ing technology till the Han plant fillings.
Dynasty [202-220CE].”
Regardless where in the
Regardless, Northern Chi- world or how they are
na is generally believed to served, eating wontons will
be the wonton’s birthplace, put you on cloud nine.
with some sources suggest-
ing they were prepared as an RECIPE AND IMAGE FROM CHINESE-ISH
BY ROSHEEN KAUL AND JOANNA HU,
PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARMELLE HABIB.
MURDOCH BOOKS RRP $39.99.’

PORK AND Ingredients fridge for 30 minutes.
PRAWN 40 wonton wrappers 2. Place 1 tsp of filling in
WONTONS the centre of a wrapper.
•200g pork mince 3. Using your fingertip,
56 october 2022 ••70g raw prawns, moisten the edges with
a little water, fold the
peeled, deveined and wrapper to enclose the
chopped filling, and pinch to seal.
4. Repeat with the
1 egg remaining filling.
5. Bring a large
••2 spring onions, saucepan of water to the
boil and add the
finely chopped wontons in batches of
ten. Return to the boil.
•1 tsp finely chopped Once the wontons float
to the surface, continue
ginger to cook for a further 3
1 tsp sesame oil minutes, then remove
using a slotted spoon to
•2 tsp light soy sauce a serving bowl.
•2 tsp salt
••¼ tsp ground white

pepper
Method
1. Mix all ingredients,
except wrappers, in a
bowl until combined.
Leave to rest in the

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READER’S DIGEST

58 october 2022

SEE THE WORLD...
Turn the page ››
readersdigest.com.au 59

READER’S DIGEST

...DIFFERENTLY

A ‘New’ Bridge In Rome
In the early 16th century,
Cardinal Alessandro Farnese
wanted a bridge built to
connect Palazzo Farnese
(Farnese Palace) with the
gardens of Villa Farnesina
on the Tiber River’s banks.
The man who would become
Pope Paul III commissioned
Michelangelo for the job.
However, Michelangelo’s
designs were never realised
– at least not for nearly five
centuries. Last year, French
artist Olivier Grossetête finally
made the cardinal’s wish a
temporary reality when, using
balloons, he suspended this
partial cardboard model above

the river.

PHOTOS: INDEPENDENT PHOTO AGENCY
SRL / ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

60 october 2022

readersdigest.com.au 61

READER’S DIGEST

LAUGHTER

The Best Medicine

“A talking clock?
How does it work?”

“Watch,” says Nick.
He picks up a hammer
and gives the gong
an ear-shattering
pounding. Suddenly,
from the other side of
the wall, a neighbour
screams, “You idiot! It’s
2.30 in the morning!”

SOURCE: WATCHUSEEK.CO

Clock This Qualified Success CARTOON: DAVE BL A ZEK. ILLUSTR ATION: VECTEEZY.COM

It’s Nick’s first post-university According to a British
apartment, and he is showing it off poll, you’ve only got
to a friend. The big attraction: a large a one in five chance
brass gong in the living room. of achieving your
childhood career
“What’s the gong for?” asks his ambition. Which
friend. probably explains
why you don’t run into
“It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,” that many cowboys,
says Nick. princesses or space rangers.

JAY LENO, TV HOST

Seas The Day

An optimist and a pessimist spend a
week together on a tropical island.
“Isn’t this ocean just amazing?” the
optimist says. “The endless horizon,
the crashing waves, the soft sand ... it

62 october 2022

makes you appreciate the beauty Laughter
of our planet.”
WAND-ERFULLY
The pessimist says, “I don’t think FUNNY
that rescue plane saw us.”
Did you hear about the
SUBMITTED BY CALEB YORK sickly magician with blisters

Big Cat Diary and bad breath?
He’s a super calloused fragile
Why can’t a leopard hide?
Because he’s always spotted. mystic hexed by halitosis.

Which cat is the least loyal? A good magician’s assistant
A cheetah. is hard to find.

Knock, knock. They’re highly sawed after.

Who’s there? My cousin, a magician,
Kanga. decided to incorporate the use
Kanga who?
Actually, it’s pronounced kangaroo. of trapdoors in his shows.
I think it’s just a stage he’s
@YESYESYO13
going through.
UNDER THE PUMP
What do you call a magician
Petrol pumps are so much who loses his magic?
faster than they used to be. Ian.
It used to take me two minutes
to reach $50 but now I can What do you call a magician
who never stays in one place?
do it in 30 seconds.
Well done, garages! A wand-erer.

The bloke next to me on What do you call a dog that
Pump 2 just put $10 worth of can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
petrol into his car.
Where does he think he is going? SOURCES: UPJOKE; LAFFGAFF

Pump 3?

SEEN ONLINE; KEEPLAUGHINGFOREVER

readersdigest.com.au 63

READER’S DIGEST

PAIN,

SHAKE

IT OFF

64 october 2022

HEALTH
A set of six simple exercises may be all

you need to offset that chronic pain

BY Helen Foster

readersdigest.com.au 65

READER’S DIGEST

ould lying on the floor wobbling
your legs really be the key to less
pain, less stress and lower anxiety?
A growing number of experts in

C Australia, New Zealand, Singapore,
Malaysia (and beyond) seem to think
so. Here’s how 1.5 million people worldwide are
shaking off their problems with a technique
called Trauma Release Exercise.

One minute you’re lying still on the children weren’t as traumatised
the floor, feet pushed together, knees by what they had been through as
apart, wondering what that splodge the adults were. He began to wonder
is on the ceiling, then suddenly, with if the shaking motion our body natu-
no obvious input from you, your legs rally generates as a response to fear
start to wobble. It’s rather discom- wasn’t a symptom of being afraid,
bobulating, especially when a gentle as we normally believe, but a way of
tremor turns into a violent judder coping with it.
that makes your knees knock. But it’s
when you get up off the floor and the He developed a routine involv-
muscle in your back that’s been driv- ing a series of six moving exercises.
ing you mad all morning no longer They included simple moves – like
sends a shock of pain up your spine toe touches and a final resting pose
that you realise Trauma Release Ex- known as butterfly, or frog pose – that
ercise (aka TRE) is really strange! activated the tremoring response and
trialled it in those experiencing PTSD
Those leg wobbles are officially to see if it helped them release stress
known as neurogenic tremors and and recover from their trauma. And
their potential role in helping health it worked to the extent that the tech-
was first proposed over ten years ago nique is now even being used in some
by Dr David Berceli, a social worker military regiments to help soldiers
working in war zones and refugee reduce trauma from combat.
camps. He noticed that when ex-
posed to trauma, children would Admittedly, it’s a bit of a leap from
shake and shiver while adults usual- handling battlefields and warzones
ly suppressed the response. But what to tackling bad backs and worry, but
he also noticed was that afterwards once you understand how chron-

ic pain, stress and anxiety are >>

66 october 2022

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READER’S DIGEST

>> generated in the body, it makes by triggering more pain to stop you
if you move in a way it deems dan-
sense – and it all hinges on the fact gerous – immobilisation.
that the body doesn’t define trauma in
the same way as the dictionary does. A similar thing happens with stress
or anxiety; when you’re stressed,
“That definition of trauma is your muscles tense and your pupils
something that has a life or death fix in place – in other words, your
threat attached to it, but your body body immobilises. Normally this
just sees trauma as any situation disappears when the stress does,
where it immobilises itself in order but in acute stress the body’s fight
to survive a perceived threat,” says or flight system is constantly turned
physiotherapist and TRE practitioner on, leading to low level tension and
Richmond Heath from TRE Austral- a heightened sense of arousal that
ia. “And that can happen in a num- makes it quickly overreact the next
ber of conditions.” time it feels threatened.

Let’s look at pain. Acute pain is What TRE does is help your body
normally a sensation created to let go of this held tension and as
stimulate you to move – for exam- that’s released, so are the emotional
ple, you’re too close to something and physical symptoms associated
hot and should move before you with it.
get burnt – however chronic pain
evolves when your body remembers It sounds very simple, and maybe
a past acute injury and tries to pro- it is. “Shaking is a response that all
tect you against it happening again other mammals use, but humans

The butterfly or frog
pose is the final resting
position in the series of
six exercises developed

to help chronic pain

ILLUSTRATIONS: GETTY IMAGES

68 october 2022

Pain, Shake It Off

have generally suppressed,” says want to investigate the effects in a

Richmond. “But if the human body more clinical setting. Dr Jill Beattie

has evolved with unconscious re- from Monash University is one such

flexes to create arousal and muscu- researcher.

lar tension in response to trauma, “I first came across TRE when I

wouldn’t it make sense that it would was working on a research project

also evolve similarly unconscious re- on Vietnam veterans. I thought it

flexes to release it afterwards? All the was interesting, but it didn’t fit that

TRE exercises are doing is activating project so I had to let it go. A while

that response in a way that bypasses later though, I saw a workshop on it

conscious control.” and decided to attend. At that point

The theory makes sense to Austral- I had a situation with my leg from a

ian psychologist Kerry past fracture but after

Howard, author of the TRE EXERCISES the three days of that
book The Trouble With ACTIVATE A workshop, I noticed a
Trauma. “Our brain is RESPONSE dramatic difference in
wired to protect itself how it felt.”

from trauma through THAT She has since pub-
a variety of systems – BYPASSES lished three papers on
including our muscle CONSCIOUS the technique, includ-
network. And there are CONTROL ing a study on firefight-
a number of trauma ers which showed a

treatments that ask our clear reduction in feel-

body to react in a way ings of depression and

that is opposite to what it would ‘nat- stress after four weeks of practice.

urally’ do in order to release it.  “We do need more good quality

“For example, in EMDR Therapy, work in the area but we are now see-

an approach that is very successful- ing trials using gold standard tech-

ly used to tackle PTSD, we get the niques like randomised controlled

eyes moving when the brain would trials, or active controls, adding to

normally be making our eyes fix- the evidence,” she says.

ate. It sounds as if TRE works in the One recent study from South Af-

same way.” rica, for example, compared the

But while it might make sense, you stress-relieving effects of using the

might be asking, is it proven? And, tremors alone versus using them

the answer to that is, it’s getting alongside the exercises and found

there. Right now, most TRE research that both groups got benefits, adding

is initiated by academics who have weight to the theory that it is actually

tried the technique themselves and the tremors, not just moving the >>

readersdigest.com.au 69

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READER’S DIGEST

>> body, causing the STUDIES people, particularly
those who have been
response. Other stud-

ies have also shown HAVE SHOWN exposed to major trau-
clear benefits for stress, CLEAR ma in their past, TRE
sleep, fatigue associat- tremoring can trigger
ed with certain illness- BENEFITS some quite dramatic
es and pain. FOR STRESS, emotional release and

So, if you’re interest- SLEEP AND should only be carried
ed, what should you FATIGUE out with a teacher there
do? Well here’s the to support you through

good news. For most the process.

people TRE doesn’t To try TRE safely

need you to spend a lot of money to therefore, you should only pick an on-

access it, or to visit a special gym or line course that starts with a screening

even have a special teacher. For most process that ensures it’s safe for you to

people, TRE can be learned for free access alone (there’s one at TRE-

online and easily carried out at home Course.com) or, have your first lesson

once you’ve learnt the techniques. with a qualified trainer (find your

However, this isn’t the case for every- nearest at traumaprevention.com).

one (which is why we haven’t print- Perhaps it’s time to shake up your

ed the actual routine here). In some life.

X-Ray Uncovers Secret Artwork

Conservators at the National Galleries of Scotland have stumbled
upon a notable find: a self-portrait of Vincent van Gogh underneath

a modest artwork of a peasant woman that he had painted over
a century ago. The artwork shows a bearded sitter in a brimmed
hat with a neckerchief loosely tied at the throat and is notable for
depicting the left ear he notoriously sliced off three years after the
portrait of the peasant woman was painted in 1885. Even more
remarkable is the fact that the self-portrait may be the earliest Van
Gogh ever painted. The previously invisible picture was concealed
by layers of glue and cardboard, likely hidden in part due to the
thriftiness Van Gogh was forced to abide by due to a lifetime of
financial hardship. The sketch was found on the back of the canvas
after an X-ray was taken of another of Van Gogh’s works, Head Of A

Peasant Woman. NEWS.ARTNET.COM

72 october 2022

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READER’S DIGEST

HUMOUR

What’s Your

WEIRD PHOBIA?

BY Patricia Pearson

I t has always interested me what Phobias’, and invited people to share ILLUSTRATION: SAM ISLAND
people are afraid of versus what their worst fears.
they should be afraid of, such as
complications from their diabe- Did they express being terrified
tes. (Ahem, husband, I am looking of cancer and tigers and car crash-
at you.) So, several years ago to pro- es? No. I heard from grown men and
mote a book I had written about anx- women admitting that they ran hys-
iety, I built a website called ‘Hall of terically from pigeons, shrieked at
loose bits of string, or arranged their

74 october 2022

What’s Your Weird Phobia?

whole lives around avoiding jars of actual clinical term for that particu-

mayonnaise. Actually, that last one is lar fear: peladophobia. Someone,

my husband Ambrose’s phobia. I can somewhere in the world, was suffi-

wave a spoonful of mayo at him and ciently aware of people being terri-

he will dart away as if I’m threaten- fied of hairless heads that they came

ing him with a fiery torch. It’s a use- up with a clinical term for it. On the

ful weapon in my arsenal, if I should other hand, one man wrote on the

ever need it. website that he was fine with bald

Up to 15 per cent of the world’s pop- heads, but terrified of sitting in the

ulation suffers from phobias, with the barber’s chair.

most common being heights, small Phobias can make us do ridicu-

spaces and flying. But MY COUSIN lous things. I had one
aside from those, wow, friend who couldn’t

do they var y. “I am WAS ASHAMED swim, yet she ran into
deathly afraid of water the Atlantic Ocean in
I cannot see through,” TO ADMIT order to avoid a birth-
one woman wrote. “I day-party clown she’d
need to know what HIS FEAR encountered on the
could be approaching, OF COTTON beach. Shouldn’t she
like the Loch Ness mon- have been more afraid
BALLS

ster or a shark, even though that is just of drowning? Isn’t the sea about one

ridiculous.” million times more menacing to her

Offered another: “I had always wellbeing than a man with a red rub-

been quite proud to only have one ber ball on his nose?

phobia: crabs, which in the middle of I was discussing this strange feature

England isn’t much of an issue.” But, of human psychology with my cousins

she shared, “I’ve recently developed recently. One of them, David – a tall,

a phobia of opening and closing cur- strong man who lives in a forest full of

tains.” Huh? bears – was ashamed to admit he has

A third woman admitted that, “I an unspeakable fear of cotton balls.

cannot stand coins in my hand and Yes, those little wispy tufts of fluff. “It’s

will not carry change in my pocket making me queasy just thinking about

or purse. The thought makes me feel it,” he said, taking a slug of beer.

sick; I can barely write about it.” She Meanwhile, my cousin John vol-

must have been relieved when debit unteered that he’s afraid of groups of

cards came along. circles, like a cluster of mushrooms, or

People wrote that they were afraid the holes in a wasp’s nest. He shud-

of sailing boats, suspension bridges, dered when he told me. I remembered

bald people. Bald people! There’s an someone else who had written to me

readersdigest.com.au 75

READER’S DIGEST

of a similar fear: “I’m fine with one, its website cheerfully declares that,

two or three ants. But if I see a swarm “There’s simply no thrill like step-

of them I freeze. Just the image of a ping out on glass thousands of feet

collection of tiny little dots is horrify- in the air …”

ing to me.” As it happens, my cousin Are you kidding me? You would

John knows exactly what he means. have to shoot me with a tranquilliser

There’s a new treatment for pho- dart and drag me by my ankles to get

bias. Apparently some scientists me anywhere near that. The way I see

have developed ‘augmented reality’ it, fear of heights is not a bad thing.

goggles that can safe- THE WAY I It keeps me from fall-
ly expose you to im- ing off cliff edges and

ages of your deepest SEE IT, FEAR OF apartment balconies.
fear until you begin And I’d rather have ac-
to feel less inclined to HEIGHTS KEEPS rophobia than the fear
scream and run away that one man wrote to
from it. I can see the ME FROM me about: an “extreme
merit of this approach. phobia of when people
We know that gradual FALLING OFF tent their fingers, like
CLIFF EDGES

exposure therapy really does cure Montgomery Burns in The Simpsons.

people of their phobias. But the trou- I actually slap people’s hands to make

ble with this device is that the sheer them stop.” That has to be awkward.

number of random things people get The moral of the story is that we’re

phobic about – from cotton balls to all a little bit weird. Maybe you have

ants to condiments – could limit the an odd phobia; maybe your friends

technology’s scope. do, too. Why not ask them? Inquire,

My own issue is a fear of heights. for instance, whether they have a fear

A friend once told me about her vis- such as this one, sent to my Hall of

it to the Grand Canyon, where she Phobias: “I fear that the veins in my

had what she considered the excit- feet will burst. If feet ever come up

ing pleasure of walking on a 1200- in conversation, I always have to sit

metre-high glass platform jutting down so I don’t start freaking out.”

20 metres out from the canyon’s And after you laugh, give them an

wall. It’s called the SkyWalk, and empathetic hug.

False Start

I’m on a strict running programme. I started yesterday.
I’ve missed only one day so far.

KEVIN NEALON, COMEDIAN

76 october 2022



PHOTO FEATUREPHOTO: ALAMY STOCK PHOTO

PUMPK

78 october 2022

INS A homage
to what must
be the most
versatile fruit
on the planet

BY Markus Ward

readersdigest.com.au 79

SAs A Jack-O-Lantern: This PHOTOS: (TOP) PICTURE ALLIANCE/REUTERS/STEVE MARCUS; (BOTTOM)
tradition dates back to 19th century AL AMY STOCK PHOTO/DEBORAH VERNON
Ireland but has since spread across
the globe and is commonly
associated with Halloween. You can
find the Kürbisgeist in Germany,
Pumpalykta in Sweden, and Dèn bí
ngô in Vietnam. Pictured is US
sculptor Ray Villafane with two of the
pumpkin carvings he creates at
festivals around the world.

W As A Bird Feeder: Cleaning bird
feeders after a season of use is never
fun, especially with all the parasites
and bacteria the little critters can
carry. An easy solution is to use a
disposable, fully biodegradable
pumpkin-half, as seen here.

80 october 2022

Pumpkins

PHOTOS (TOP): GETTY IMAGES/WESTEND61; (BOTTOM) ALAMY XAs A Drink: Believe it or
STOCK PHOTO/BRENT HOFACKER not there are over 700 types
of sweet pumpkin ales
around the world, with
alcohol contents ranging
from zero to over 16 per cent.

TAs A Food: Pumpkins
stem from a flowering plant,
therefore they are actually a
fruit, not a vegetable. They
are rich in vitamins, minerals
and antioxidants, and can be
eaten as a bread, soup, salad
or even dessert. There is
simply a pumpkin dish for
(nearly) everyone.

readersdigest.com.au 81

READER’S DIGEST PHOTOS: (TOP) © ALAMY STOCK PHOTO / PA IMAGES; (BOTTOM) NURPHOTO VIA
GETT Y IMAGES; (RIGHT) PICTURE ALLIANCE / DPA / CHRISTOPH SCHMIDT.
SAs A Soccer Stadium: Designed to emulate amber, the managers of the PGE
Arena in Gdansk, Poland, noticed the architecture of their arena also strongly
resembled a pumpkin. So in October 2013, just in time for Halloween, they decided
to embrace the coincidence and add this jack-o-lantern face.

82 october 2022

Pumpkins

W As A Boat: In 2018, Tom
Pearcy from England’s ‘York
Maze’ amusement park had this
619kg dug-out carved from a
giant pumpkin and as a marketing
gag, rowed right into the record
books with his ‘World’s Largest
Pumpkin Boat’.
TAs The Largest Pumpkin
Ever: Experienced grower
Stefano Cutrupi set yet another
World Record last year with this
pumpkin weighing an
unbelievable 1226 kilograms.
The Italian farmer, no stranger to
pumpkin prizes, also won second
and third place in 2021, all from
the same breed, the aptly named
‘Atlantic Giant’.

readersdigest.com.au 83

BANDING

84 october 2022

RELATIONSHIPS

THERE WAS
SO MUCH
MORE TO

THIS
UNLIKELY
FRIENDSHIP
THAN A
COMMON

NAME

BY Emma
Taubenfeld

WITH ADDITIONAL
REPORTING BY

Paul Robert

TOGETHER
readersdigest.com.au 85

READER’S DIGEST

Paul O’Sullivan lounged around his apartment

in Baltimore in the US one evening in 2014, feeling
bored. So, like a lot of people with nothing better to
do, he logged on to Facebook. Just for fun, he decided
to try to find out how many other people on the social
network shared his name. Moments later, dozens of Paul
O’Sullivans from around the world filled his screen. On
a whim, the then-27-year-old human resources worker
sent friend requests to them all.

Many of his fellow Paul O’Sulli- time zones – the Netherlands, the
vans ignored him, but a few felt too United Kingdom and the US – proved
curious to pass up his invitation. Says to be tricky. “We decided to try to
Paul O’Sullivan from Rotterdam in write a song, but it was impossible for
the Netherlands, “My first reaction us to play together live from four dif-
was, ‘Who is this guy and what does ferent places,” says Rotterdam Paul.
he want from me?’ So I thought about They would have been out of sync,
it for a while.” Ultimately, he couldn’t and being even half a second off from
resist the unusual friend request. one another would have wrecked the
sound.
As Baltimore Paul scrolled through
the profiles of the Paul O’Sullivans Fortunately, Manchester Paul, a
who accepted his invitation, he no- 59-year-old former professional mu-
ticed something four of them had in sician, knew how to fix that: They
common: they were all either ama- would create a kind of musical as-
teur or professional musicians. There sembly line. “I have done a lot of
was Rotterdam Paul, a singer and studio work, including some online
guitarist; Manchester Paul, a bass sessions,” he says. “It’s not that unu-
player; and Paul from Pennsylvania, sual. Even Stevie Wonder has worked
a drummer. Four men with the same that way.”
name who all love making music.
Baltimore Paul had an idea. THE PRODUCTION LINE starts in
the US. “Baltimore Paul comes
Wouldn’t it be funny, he asked the up with the musical ideas,” says
other three musical Pauls, if they 54-year-old Rotterdam Paul, a
formed a band called The Paul O’Sul- counsellor in a mental health clinic.
livans? They all agreed that, yes, it “I’ve written songs before, so I help
would be. And so they did. with the lyrics.”

Starting a band across multiple

86 october 2022

Banding Together

Baltimore Paul and Rotterdam The other Pauls made sure Baltimore

Paul then record a basic track with Paul never felt alone, even with the

guitars and vocals, and email it to long distances between them. They

Manchester Paul, who, in addition to shared family pictures, chatted on-

the electric bass, plays guitar, wind line, and checked in on Baltimore

instruments and the double bass. Paul and on one another. “We devel-

“I listen to the song over a few days oped a lasting friendship, despite the

to get a feel for what bass arrange- fact that we’ve never met,” says Man-

ment seems most appropriate,” he chester Paul. “I honestly don’t think

says. “It’s not my usual way to re- that we could get any closer.”

cord, but the technology does make Rotterdam Paul wholeheartedly

it very easy.” Once he records a bass agrees: “We share our lives through

track, he emails it back to Baltimore group chats on Facebook Messenger

Paul, who then builds it into the main and on Instagram. We always cheer

song. Later, Pennsylvania Paul adds each other up when we hear that

the drumbeat. Round THE PAULS things aren’t going so
and round the track SHARED PHOTOS, well. Sometimes I’m in
goes, with each mem- CHATTED ONLINE, touch with them more
ber adding on his own AND CHECKED IN than with my friends in
layer until they achieve ON ONE ANOTHER the Netherlands.”
the sound they want.
Adds Pennsylvania
The Paul O’Sullivan Paul, 58, “The other
Band released its first Pauls are gentle, dear,

original song, ‘Name- caring people. They are

sake’, in March 2016. It’s an upbeat a fountain of joy.” Even their age dif-

pop-rock track about long-distance ference – Baltimore Paul is two dec-

relationships – not romantic ones, ades younger than the others – was of

but friendships like those they had no consequence.

begun to develop. “At first the only thing we had in

But just months after the song’s re- common was that we shared a name,

lease, Baltimore Paul began experi- but friendship took over,” says Man-

encing health issues that forced him chester Paul. “It is probably because

to take time off from making music. of the music. Musicians tend to grav-

The other Pauls also decided to take a itate together and age doesn’t matter.

break from the band. But they didn’t In my work I play with people who

press pause on their friendship. are anywhere from 30 to over 60.”

Instead of supporting each other Finally, after a four-year break,

in the recording studio, they sup- Baltimore Paul was well enough to

ported one another more generally. start making music again. The first

readersdigest.com.au 87

thing the band did was create a mu- COV I D-19 Sol ida r it y Respon se

sic video for ‘Namesake’, which de- Fund, which supports the World

buted on YouTube in February 2020. Health Organization’s work in fight-

In its first two weeks online, the vid- ing the pandemic.

eo pulled in more than 20,000 views. “Life is tough sometimes,” says

It has now been watched more than Pennsylvania Paul. “When you have

50,000 times. an opportunity to generate joy, you

And when COVID-19 “IT HAS BEEN A have to put aside the
slowly shut down the LOVELY JOURNEY other stuff.”
world just weeks later,
the Pauls didn’t miss a THAT HAS Amid the pandem-
beat. After all, the band LASTED SEVEN ic and the lockdowns,
already had the hang YEARS SO FAR” the four Pauls were dis-
of remote work. But covered by the media.
now their international They appeared on TV PHOTOS: COURTESY THE PAUL O’SULLIVAN BAND
and have been inter-

connection took on new viewed by high-profile

meaning. media outlets such as The Washing-

“Writing a song w ith someone ton Post, CBS News, and Forbes mag-

across the ocean makes you feel less azine – not so much about the music,

trapped,” says Baltimore Paul. They but about the unique way the Pauls

used their time during the pandemic met and the feel-good story behind

to record their first EP. Titled Inter- the band. Some media incorrectly

net Famous: A Retrospective, it was presented The Paul O’Sullivans as a

released in April 2021. project that started during lockdown,

Half of the proceeds from Inter- when in fact the band came together

net Famous were donated to the five years before the pandemic.

88 october 2022

Four friends named Paul O'Sullivan “It would be great to meet and
(left to right): Baltimore Paul, perform with the band,” says Rotter-
dam Paul. “We talk about it a lot. I do
Rotterdam Paul, Manchester Paul, want to take my family to the United
and Pennsylvania Paul States for a holiday and meet the oth-
er Pauls.”
Although he enjoys the publicity,
Manchester Paul bristles at the por- So far, personal commitments and
trayal of the band as a gimmick. pandemic restrictions have stopped
them from making specific plans.
“The music that Baltimore Paul
writes is in fact really excellent,” he Manchester Paul, who already
says. “It would be interesting to take plays in two professional bands and
it further.” is involved with numerous recording
projects, agrees. “It has been a lovely
After so many years of getting to- journey that has lasted seven years so
gether remotely, they would love to far. Where it will go, I don’t know. A
meet in person one day, but so far, world tour would be great.”
only two of the Pauls have done so.
That is exactly what Baltimore Paul
In early 2020, Baltimore Paul dreams of: a whirlwind four-stop in-
surprised Pennsylvania Paul at his ternational tour – one concert in each
home after coordinating the visit of their hometowns.
with his fiancée. It was the first time
any of them had met face-to-face “What are the odds,” he says, that a
without a computer screen in the random Facebook request would lead
way. The two saw each other again not only to new music but to lasting
the following summer and they hope friendships as well?
to add the other two Pauls to the mix
soon. “Some things are just meant to
be.”

readersdigest.com.au 89

NATURE

The climbing cactus
Hylocereus undatus
can grow up to
ten metres high

90 october 2022

BeTheauty
Of Night-Blooming

Flowers

Plants that unfurl their petals only in

darkness are like poetry in blossom

By Ligaya Mishan F R O M T H E N E W YO R K T I M E S M AG A Z I N E

PHOTO: GETTY IMAGES By day, Hylocereus undatus All year it sprawls, a spiked barri-
resists friendship. A climb- cade – and then, one night, the flow-
ing cactus, it can grow up to ers come.
ten metres high, colonising
trees and rock walls with Starting around dusk (depending
extended, fleshy stems, massed like on where in the world you are, how
the arms of an octopus. Once native warm the day is, the ponderousness
to Mexico and Central America, it of clouds), the pale, wax y buds –
now thrives in tropical and temperate which resemble elongated artichokes
regions around the world. – start to open, the pink-tipped
sepals peeling back millimetre by

readersdigest.com.au 91

READER’S DIGEST

millimetre until, by midnight, the OF COURSE, IT MAY BE this very

secret is told: the blossom announc- indifference that attracts us, makes

ing itself, so white it seems to glow, us want to reject sleep and propri-

w ith sk inny yellow streamers at ety and stay up all night (when all

its throat. Its lifespan is a matter of the most interesting things happen).

hours; in the light of day, it retreats During the hard-scrabble years of the

and shrivels, a ball gown turned Great Depression, people held vigils

to rags. for the coming of the flowers, putting

The pageantry of flowering that notices in newspapers to proclaim

for many plants arcs over days and that blooming in their backyards

weeks in spring and summer – what was imminent, should anyone care

we read as resurrection, the earth to swing by after nightfall.

coming back to life after a hard Often the manifestation had the

winter – is for the night bloom com- quality of a miracle: in the 2010 book

pressed into a single The Warmth Of Other

wanton evening. All The blooms Suns: The Epic Story
that is left to greet Of America’s Great

the waking is a twist put on a show Migration, writer Isa-
of spent petals: you while other bel Wilkerson recalls
missed the party. how, “once a year on

But this is a projec- plants sleep. a midsummer night
tion of our own sense We just that could not be
of loss, for we are not foretold,” her grand-

the flowers’ chosen hope to get a mother would invite
audience. By design, glimpse neighbours over to
night bloomers are her porch in Georgia

beacons, their moon- to sip sweet tea and

light-ref lecting blos- eat ice cream until the

soms making a theatre for moths night-blooming cereus cacti flowers

and in turn their predators, bats, yawned wide.

who collect and scatter pollen to These days, at the Tohono Chul

keep the plants alive. botanical garden in Tucson, Arizona,

Nocturnal blooming is all strate- staff monitor America’s largest pri-

gy rather than poetry, purposefully vate collection of Peniocereus greggii,

putting on a show while other plants another night-blooming cactus that is

sleep, when there’s less competition known as queen of the night, although

for pollinators. We are just the un- it spends much of its life resembling

bidden suitors hoping for a glimpse nothing more than dead twigs.

of their glory. Once buds appear, they’re carefully

92 october 2022

PHOTO: SHUTTERSTOCK measured until they reach The cactus Peniocereus greggii is also
12 centimetres. Then, the known as queen of the night
countdown begins and the
public is welcomed to wander amounts gives the most delicate of
low-lit trails and spy on the flowers an almost animal opulence.
flowers-to-be.
Other nocturnal blossoms deploy
The rarity and difficulty scents like siren calls: the creamy
of predicting the event – of whorls of the moonflower vine hint
catching the flowers in the at vanilla and sunscreen, while the
act – can make witnessing it a heavy bells of brugmansia are frank-
mark of status. Indeed, there is er and muskier, verging on narcotic.
a scene in Kevin Kwan’s 2013
novel, Crazy Rich Asians, in I still remember, as a teenager,
which a Singaporean family the sudden loucheness of honey-
of ungodly wealth amasses a suckle in the late spring dark, stop-
crowd to pay homage to an- ping me barefoot in the wet grass. It
other night-blooming cereus smelt of ripeness, of knowledge, and
species, known as tan hua in Chi- all I’d never been told. “How can I
nese and part of the idiomatic term rest?” the American poet Louise
tan hua yi xian: “fleeting glory”. Glück once wrote of a night beset by
the insistent exhalations of mock
In China, after wilting, such flow- orange blossoms. “How can I be
ers are dried and added to soup, and content when there is still that
reportedly offer detoxifying benefits. odour in the world?”

But the plant, and its dinner-plate- THE NEW YORK TIMES MAGAZINE (OCTOBER 11,
sized flower, couldn’t care less about 2021), © NEW YORK TIMES, NYTIMES.COM
the glamorous guests and their desire
for spectacle; it follows no timetable
and deigns to open only at the time
of its choosing.

Not all night-loving flowers have
such brief lives. Some, like tuberose
and gardenia, open in the day but
grow more potent and explicit after
sundown, exuding a heavy-lidded
fragrance of sweetness teetering on
decay. This is in part the work of in-
dole, an aromatic compound pres-
ent in foul-smelling substances like
coal tar and faeces, which in trace

readersdigest.com.au 93

READER’S DIGEST

ALL IN A DAY’S WORK

Humour On The Job

Don’t Know Beans Eloquent Silence CARTOON: MICK STEVENS. ILLUSTR ATION: VECTEEZY.COM

I’ve never been interested in food Jonny Greenwood composed the
and drink and definitely don’t know music for the film The Power Of
as much as the average person The Dog. But in the 1980s, when the
about it. Everyone thought it was rock group Radiohead was looking
hilarious when I got my first job in a for an electric keyboard player,
café. Within the first week my boss lead singer Thom Yorke hired
asked me why I was taking so long to Greenwood. Greenwood knew that
make a customer a white coffee and the keyboardist in Yorke’s previous
I explained it was because I couldn’t band was fired for playing too
find the white beans. loudly, so he came up with a novel
way to stay employed: he turned
I didn’t last long in the café and off his keyboard.
thankfully found a job much more
suited to me. I still get teased about it “I must have done months of
over 20 years later. rehearsals with them ... and they
didn’t know that I’d already turned
SUBMITTED BY YVONNE LANG

94 october 2022

[the keyboard] off,” Greenwood told HOW TO APPEAR
US radio station NPR recently. “I SMART IN BUSINESS
would pretend to play ... and Thom
would say, ‘I can’t quite hear what Put sticky notes
you’re doing, but I think you’re all over your laptop.
adding a really interesting texture’.” What do those sticky notes
say? What do those bullet
SOURCE: NPR points mean? It means
you’re important.
First Job Blues
Alternate
Once as a teenager at a new job, I got between agreeing
my hand smacked by the owner on and disagreeing with
the first day because I was writing everything.
with my left hand. I walked out.
Say ‘that’s obvious’
SARCASTIC_BARD FROM BUZZFEED to things that aren’t
obvious.
Loud And Proud Of It
Anytime you hear a
There was a carpenter renovating multi-word phrase,
the office next to ours. My boss went turn that phrase into an
next door and shouted at him. “You acronym on the fly (OTF)
should do this after hours! Do you and repeat it back to them.
like listening to hammering and This works best with
sawing all day while you’re at work?!” three-word phrases,
such as ‘point of contact’
The carpenter replied, “Actually, (POC), ‘public relations
yes, I do.” nightmare’ (PRN) or
‘product management
@ C A P TA I N M AG I C T R O U S E R S system’ (PMS).

THAT FROM THE COOPER REVIEW
TAKES
THE CAKE readersdigest.com.au 95

When I recently left my last
job, the cake they got me said
‘Fair well’ rather than
‘Farewell’.

@NAKEDREADER_GA

How To Learn PHOTO: MARCO MONTALTI/GETTY IMAGES
From Your

Regrets

96 october 2022

ART OF LIVING

If you never pine for a different past,
you’ll stay trapped in a cycle of mistakes

BY Arthur C. Brooks F R O M T H E AT L A N T I C

R egrets, I’ve had a few. But that isn’t the case. True, letting
But then again, too few yourself be overwhelmed by regret is
to mention, Frank Sina- indeed bad for you. But going to the
tra crooned in his 1969 other extreme may be even worse.
hit ‘My Way’. The song’s Extinguishing your regrets doesn’t
idea is seductive: that free you from shame or sorrow; it
anyone can just declare that what’s consigns you to make the same mis-
done is done and move on. Some takes again and again. To truly get
take the declaration a step further over our guilt requires that we put
and claim that they have no regrets at regret in its proper place.
all. Whether an aspiration or an actual
philosophy, ‘no regrets’ suggests that As uncomfortable as it is, regret is
life can and should be lived without an amazing cognitive feat. It requires
looking through the rear-view mirror. that you go back to a past scenario,
imagine that you acted differently, and
Easier said than done, though. In with that new scenario in mind, arrive
2020, author Daniel H. Pink launched at a different present – and then, com-
the World Regret Survey, the largest pare that fictional present with the
survey on the topic ever undertaken. one you are experiencing in reality.
More than 15,000 people in 105 coun- For example, if your relationship with
tries were asked: ‘How often do you your partner has soured, your regret
look back on your life and wish you might mentally take you back to last
had done things differently?’ year. You would remember your own
pettiness and irritability, and then
Eighty-two per cent said regret is at imagine yourself being kind instead
least an occasional part of their life; of hurtful at key moments. Then you
roughly 21 per cent said they feel re- would fast-forward to today and see
gret ‘all the time’. Only one per cent how your relationship could be flour-
said they never feel regret. ishing instead of languishing.

If you are of the ‘no regrets’ school Not all regrets are the same. Pink
of life, you might think that all this says they come in four basic varieties,
regret is a recipe for unhappiness.

readersdigest.com.au 97

READER’S DIGEST

and an instance of regret may involve studied further. Meanwhile, boldness
just one or a combination. Wishing regrets are the opposite: they’re all
you’d been kinder to your partner is about inaction and forgone opportu-
an example of a connection regret, nities. This is what you feel when you
in which you lament behaviour that kick yourself for not taking a chance,
harmed an important relationship, as in wishing you had just gone up to
such as neglecting your bond with that attractive person and introduced
relatives before they died. yourself.

Many connection regrets overlap Unanalysed and unmanaged, any
with moral regrets, which can come variety of regret can be poison for
about after you violate your own val- your wellbeing. Regret is implicated
ues. For example, you may pride your- in depression and anxiety, and exces-
self on being a loving person, and thus sive regret can adversely affect your
regret not living up to this image in hormones and immune system. For
the relationship you harmed. Moral me, it’s anathema to sleep. I am not
regrets can also involve just yourself. alone in this: in 2013, researchers
Maybe you regret not living up to your asked one group of participants in
commitment to your health when you an experiment to describe ‘your most
skipped the gym. burdensome regret’ right before go-
ing to bed; this group took 61 per cent
Pink’s other two categories of re- longer to get to sleep than a group
grets involve life choices. Foundation told to think about a typical day.
regrets are those in which you did
something that affected the course But regret doesn’t have to be left
of your life in a way you don’t like. A unmanaged. The trick is not to banish
classic example is wishing you had the bad feeling; it’s to acknowledge it

YOUR REGRET CAN TEACH YOU PHOTO: MARCO MONTALTI/GETTY IMAGES
TO BECOME SMARTER – IF YOU LET IT.

98 october 2022