Yalla Magazine Issue 8

SURF’S UP

HaGal Sheli (meaning “my wave” in Hebrew) is a unique The programme uses the unique “head-body-head” teaching
Israeli non-profit organisation that uses wave-surfing as an method, which consists of a theoretical lesson (head), surf
educational tool to empower youth at risk, take them off the practice in the water (body), and a discussion of conclusions
streets, encourage them to go back to school and turn them and ways to implement and integrate the theoretical
into qualified surf instructors. information experienced in the water (head). In order to
The organisation was founded six years ago by Omer ensure the teens’ success does not only stay in the sea, but
Tulchinsky and Yaron Waksman. Omer and Yaron met continues in their day-to-day lives, HaGal Sheli always works
during their academic studies, where they became the best of in conjunction with the staff and welfare team at each school.
friends. Between surfing waves and studying, they came up HaGal Sheli continues to measure the results of its
with the idea of integrating their two greatest loves – youth at programmes, which shows that 86% of its participants report
risk education and surfing. improvement in self-esteem and 95% of its participants report
an increase in persistence ability.

From Omer and Yaron’s dream to reality; it started with them The main precondition for teens to participate in the
voluntarily teaching 10 teenagers how to surf, to falling in love programme is that they reconnect with the educational
with the project and becoming utterly devoted to it, leaving system. As surfing is such an appealing sport for teenagers,
their jobs and taking loans… today, HaGal Sheli works with and with the support of HaGal Sheli’s dedicated team of
800 at-risk teenagers each year. educators, 95% of participants successfully graduate from
Its success can be measured by the 3 000 programme high school and continue on to complete a full National
graduates who have taken part in its activities at one of its Service programme.
three centres along Israel’s coastline – Bat Yam, Tel Aviv-Jaffa,
and Kfar Galim. Testimony of twin brothers who completed
HaGal Sheli operates various multi-year educational the full cycle of the programme and became
programmes for teenagers between the ages of 13-18 from Young Mentors:
all walks of Israeli society – Jews, Muslims and Christians;
secular and non-secular; immigrants; and boys and girls alike. “When we were younger, we would walk around the
The teens arrive at HaGal Sheli from “last chance” schools, neighborhood with people who had a negative impact on us,
youth boarding schools, youth improvement programmes and who would drag us down after them. Let’s just say that when
institutions for youths with a criminal past. The teenagers we were 13, we used to get into a lot of trouble, things we’re
come from low socioeconomic backgrounds, some with a definitely not proud of today. Then, four years ago, we joined
criminal history who dropped out of the formal education the ‘Al Sam’ program in Lod, and from there we reached
system or were on the verge of dropping out. ‘HaGal Sheli’.
By facing the unique forces of the sea and overcoming the
challenge of learning to surf, the participants are instilled with “Since the first second, we felt we had arrived at home. The
the self-confidence and sense of achievement necessary to instructors who accompanied us back then, and accompany
propel them through equivalent life challenges. us to this day, always made us feel like we were a part of
the family, that they were people we could trust. One of the
mottos we felt most connected to in HaGal Sheli is: ‘Just
like at sea – so it is in life.’ Surfing has changed our way of
thinking – now we are able to recognise when we cross the
limits, and take responsibility for our actions.

Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E 51

“By facing the unique forces of the sea and
overcoming the challenge of learning to

surf, the participants are instilled with the
self-confidence and sense of achievement
necessary to propel them through equivalent

life challenges.”

“One year ago, we joined the ‘Young Mentors’ programme I’ve learned that life doesn’t become any easier, but I become
in order to experience everything we went through, but this better. In one month, I will be enlisted in the IDF as a combat
time, from the other side – as mentors. We wanted to become soldier. I stand here today with full confidence and with my
meaningful figures in the lives of our participants, to let them head up, knowing that I have whom to trust and that my
know we are there for them, to help and guide them, show disciples have whom to trust. I want to instil in them the love
that we respect them and believe in them. of the sea and surf and I want to help them realise what I
“We know we belong here, for the last four years, and have realised in HaGal Sheli – that they are capable! This
forever!” is the essence of the Young Mentors programme and the
essence of HaGal Sheli.”

Testimony of a teenager who completed the In order to enable the operation of HaGal Sheli’s unique
full c yc le o f the p r og r amme, became a Young activity, the organisation proudly holds a variety of funding
Mentor and is now recruiting to the IDF: sources, most notably its self-income, which constitutes a
significant share of the total revenue. Ninety-two percent of
HaGal Sheli’s funding comes from Israel: through private
donors, philanthropy funds, government funds, municipalities,
business collaborations and private donors.

“As a child, I didn’t have an ordinary life. At the age of six, I HaGal Sheli faces an exciting new opportunity that will
moved in with my grandmother. I became a sort of ‘parent’ allow it to spread its impact even further. The Tel Aviv Jaffa
to her. I took care of her while all the other kids in my class Municipality has given the organisation an opportunity to
played soccer, went shopping or did their homework. I was receive a new home in a heritage seafront building next to the
also missing a father figure, someone to cheer me on, give me Jaffa port, which can accommodate up to 200 teens each day.
a pat on the back when needed.

“One year ago, I joined the Young Mentors programme in To understand more about this unique NGO, go to:
Bat-Yam, and now I can say that I have made friends there www. bit . ly/HaGalS he li and view a short video
from all kinds of places, religions and sectors, friends I would article about Miriam, a graduate of the programme, here:
have never met in any other form or setting. www.bit.ly/MiryamHaymovich

“I feel that HaGal Sheli, and my group in particular, have
made me a better person, who believes he can do everything.

YARON WAKSMAN is co-founder and CEO of OMER TULCHINSKY is co-founder and
HaGal Sheli. He has degrees in educational systems pedagogical director of HaGal Sheli. He has
management and democratic education. He is a certified degrees in education studies and democratic
ocean lifeguard and a certified surfing instructor. education. He is also a nature therapy instructor, a
certified surfing instructor and an ocean lifeguard.

Healing

TO HELP

INSPIRING HUMANS

Toni Krok is using her illness to make a difference.

SUSAN ROSENTHAL

This article is about Toni. Every fact and paragraph below Progressive MS, where there is a gradual progression of the
relates to her journey. Yet, this article is not actually about disease with no remissions at all.
Toni. It’s about all people afflicted by illness who carry on Toni has Relapsing MS, but her progression is slow and, in
their lives with brave faces, refusing to let illness dictate how reality, she thinks it is more akin to Secondary Progressive MS.
they live. They do this without asking for help. The strength in the left side of her body has been particularly
Toni was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) 13 years affected, causing her to limp, and the vision in her left eye
ago. Her illness diary had really begun much earlier than is slightly impaired. She carries herself with such grace and
that. At the age of five, Toni was diagnosed with a condition determination, it is hard to detect the struggles she faces daily.
called Hyperkalemic periodic paralysis. The disease caused Toni’s immediate reaction on receiving her diagnosis was not
temporary periods of extreme muscle weakness, when Toni as you would imagine – to surrender to this awful news and
was unable to move her arms or legs. Despite weekly visits let herself grieve. Rather, she focused on those around her,
to the Johannesburg General Hospital, Toni refused to let whose lives would be affected by her illness, and increased the
her illness pull her down with it. Her friends at school rallied volume on her life mantra, which was to ‘fight, fight, fight’,
round and even mischievously used it as an excuse to avoid never surrender and to keep on doing it all with a brave and
lessons. Refusing to be defined by her condition, Toni became positive face.
good at all sports, never allowing her physical limitations to In response, she set up the charity, MS Positive, which has and
preclude her from enjoying a fun and active social life. continues to make a big difference for many people suffering
The life she envisioned for herself was dramatically altered from MS. It was created to inspire people with MS to live
at the age of 30, when Toni developed an incredible burning each day positively, no matter what that day would bring.
pain in her left leg, coupled with intense heat and numbness. Toni has been determined to show her family and other
She recalls being propelled into the jaws of a brightly lit sufferers how to realise their potential without allowing the
MRI tunnel in a freezing room, after which she was dealt illness to get the better of them. There have been many
the dreaded life-altering news of her diagnosis. For most positive outcomes from this approach and Toni has been hell-
people, this would halt them in their tracks and force them bent on using her advantages to provide other sufferers with
to reevaluate the way they were living, but not Toni. She the same access to the help that she has been afforded, and to
continued living even larger than before, pretending nothing provide strategies to cope with the illness.
had changed. To launch the charity in 2017, Toni and 25 supportive friends
MS is a disease that affects the body’s central nervous system. climbed 50km up Mount Etna. In so doing, they raised over
It damages the protective coating (myelin sheath) around £80 000 for the charity. The money has been used to assist
the nerves that transmit messages to all parts of the body, other people with MS and their families in the North London
especially those connected with the control of muscular and area through exercise classes, emotional support and practical
sensory activity. When the myelin becomes damaged, it forms support. MS Positive is focused on looking at the individuals
scar tissue, which makes it difficult to send messages; this is and what they need, instead of focusing on the disease itself.
why MS symptoms can occur in many parts of your body and Another MS charity, called OMS – Overcoming MS – was
also why everybody’s MS is different. founded by Linda Bloom in 2012. It was founded on the
The condition has three forms: Relapsing MS, where research of Professor George Jelinek, who set up a seven-step
people have attacks of symptoms that fade away partially or recovery programme for overcoming MS, which includes
completely but could also return or bring on new symptoms. following a strict plant-based diet, exercise programme,
Secondary Progressive MS, where there is a build-up stress relief techniques and taking vitamin D and other
of disability independent of any relapses. Or Primary

Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E 55

Life happens,
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INSPIRING HUMANS

supplements. The charity is aimed at getting people who are have a place where they can say openly, without judgment:
newly diagnosed on the programme, so they are prepared for “This is tough and I need help.” Making a difference in the
the best path forward. Linda has appealed to Parliament to world is not just about giving, it is as much about asking
include the programme as part of the NHS provision for each others for their help when you need it. And accepting it.
newly diagnosed person, so each one has the best chance of Toni believes she has been dealt this illness so she can help
fighting MS from the outset. others. She has made this expression of help a possibility for
The MS Society, established in the 1950s, is the oldest MS the MS community and, with her incredible spirit, openness
society in the UK. It has been investing in research and and her down-to-earth nature, she is making a difference to
support for MS sufferers for decades. More recent research so many people’s lives. Tomorrow when she wakes up, the
has included stem cell treatments and early intervention sun may be shining, but she will still have MS. She says the
strategies. Being a larger and well-funded charity, its ambit of miracle is in the waking up, and she is grateful for that one
support is substantial and varied, including help with everyday gift. She hit a boulder, and she must now stop and accept
living as well as online, emotional support and financial aid. it. It all began with acceptance. And this acceptance of her
It would be wonderful to end the article here. But we have journey will be how Toni will make a difference to others.
only just touched on the heat of Toni’s burning leg. We are
missing the one crucial piece of what it truly means to do TONI’S STRATEGIES FOR STAYING POSITIVE:
tikkun olam. Healing the world and helping others is not 1. Practising gratitude: Reciting ‘Modei Anei’ each
about pushing their sorry bottoms up a volcano and then morning.
applauding them for overcoming their difficulties in reaching
the summit. No. That kind of positivity may very well boost 2. Counselling: Offloading feelings to a professional.
their inner confidence for a brief moment, but true healing 3. Physical touch: A hug, the warmth of human touch.
can only happen when the sufferers reach acceptance. Until 4. Living just for today: Clapping hands and being in
they look at the mountain and know that they may never the present.
make that journey again, they are not allowing the process
of emotional healing to begin. It took time for Toni to learn 5. Being a human being, not a human doing: Allowing
this. She has been on a lifelong climb of positivity, taking each herself to be still without rushing around.
step with a smile and a can-do attitude. But only now does she
truly feel ready to share her healing with the world. 6. Social interaction: Quality time with good friends, not
With this healing comes a new face for the charity. And it quantity time.
will not be Toni’s. The direction will be steered towards
community, setting up a centre where MS sufferers can meet, 7. Rabbi Yisrael from Village Shul: An incredible
talk to each other on those very low days, take part in classes support to Toni and family, offering insight and wisdom.
that help strengthen the body, and, most importantly, they will

SUSAN ROSENTHAL qualified as a lawyer in South Africa before She now lives in North West London with her family, engaging with
moving to London in 1998, where she worked in both law and asset her passions for writing, yoga and raising her two daughters. Her
management. More recently, she’s worked with Jewish Interactive biggest joy, however, is coming together with good friends for a
organising fundraising events, as well as project work for multiple laugh or travelling to undiscovered places.
tech companies.

FA M I LY M AT T E R S

RAISING KIDS TO BE

GIVERS

IN THE
SELFIE GENERATION

How do you imbue in the next generation the
desire to become givers?
RABBI SANDOR MILUN

FA M I LY M AT T E R S

When you think of the future generations, and if you discuss One respondent said: “I think four.” The average answer
this with adults today, there is a real concern that our world is maybe two or three, and many have said zero or possibly
has turned away from the normative behavioural patterns one. What does this tell us? Recently, I spoke with two of my
that have perpetuated our society since we can remember. 20-somethings and they unashamedly admitted they were
Concern for others, engagement and contribution to only going to a charity dinner in order to meet a girl; they
community – and active involvement in society as a whole – had no clue what that charity did and said that they would
seem to be missing. probably donate on the night “if they feel like it”. We’ve got
Having been involved with young adults for the past 13 years, an issue, we have our work cut out for us, and I believe the
I have seen a constant decline in their involvement in society solutions lie in our hands.
– period. So, what is the chief cause for this state of affairs? KEEP IT SIMPLE
Well, we all know what it is – it’s literally in our hands, and When I left yeshiva, I asked my rabbi, noted historian Rabbi
we as adults provide our children with the tools to disengage, Berel Wein, for some advice; I was heading off into the
from the time that they are barely out of nappies. Midwest, onto a college campus, and wanted to be inspired
Recently, I was asked to speak at a shul lunch – the organisers with some wise words that would help me be focused during
had asked me three months before. The title: ‘Bringing up those long winters. He left me astounded when he looked up
children to be givers in a selfie generation.’ I had ample time from his book, smiled gently and said four words – four words
to prepare, to allow some ideas to percolate. During the that have stuck with me for 14 years: “Keep it simple Sandor.”
three months, a famous smartphone brand released its latest I stared at him incredulously: “Keep it simple Sandor?”
edition, and attempted to coin a new phrase – ‘The Slofie’. That’s it? Seeing my consternation, he kindly expounded:
Let’s just think back for a moment to what a ‘selfie’ means. “Wake up and say Modeh Ani, say Shema before you go to sleep,
Gone are beautiful views, the exotic animals and vibrant and in between, be nice to everyone.” Having allowed those
cultures that people used to capture on their Kodak words to settle within me, they have guided me since the day I
(remember those?). We have changed the focus from heard them.
capturing and enjoying the wonderful world we are blessed Stay connected to your Source, day and night, recognising
to live in, to focusing on ourselves, and if we are not in the Him and appreciating everything you receive from Him…
photo, then it’s not worth taking. and emulate Him – ‘be nice’, which loosely means ‘do acts
Gone is the need to interact with another person to capture of kindness’. Surely I cannot be nice or be good to others if I
that magical moment for eternity, if we do choose to be a part am self-absorbed, lying on my sofa staring into the device that
of the surroundings. We don’t need anyone but ourselves! seems to be glued to my hand. I cannot be focused on me, me
And now, in these three months, we have dropped down and only me. I have to find an outlet to ‘be good’.
another level of engagement with the outside world, with the I indulged these wise words and devised a slogan that I try to
concept of ‘slow motion selfies’ – slofies, with their prolonged live by: “Look to do good.” If you’re actively looking to help
focus on ‘me and only me’. or do acts of kindness for others, in every interaction, then
In the past six months, I have asked over 40 young adults aged by definition you will be engaged in the community, you will
between 20 and 30 a simple question. I believe it is indicative be spreading your love and light, and automatically there will
of our situation. “How many of your closest 20 friends and be knock-on effects, ripples that will encourage others who
acquaintances volunteer for any causes, Jewish or non-Jewish, received your kindness to do the same.
once a month?”

Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E 59

“We have changed the focus from
capturing and enjoying the wonderful

world we are blessed to live in, to
focusing on ourselves, and if we are not
in the photo, then it’s not worth taking.”

Imagine a world where everyone smiles at the bus driver, Yes, they can – Get your kids involved in helping around
where we hold the door open for others, where, if I’m walking the house. Have specific jobs for each, and change it up
past while someone is attempting to park their car, I help by regularly so that everyone gets to experience what it is like to
directing them into their bay. Look to do good, actively… do things. Recently, a friend shared with me that his son sits
constantly. With every interaction I have, I can be a giver on his bed, gadget in hand and messages down to his parents
and help, or a taker – it’s my choice. It’s a mindset – just like for more snacks. The schlep to the kitchen is just too much!
having a healthy mindset, a positive mindset or a winning one (RESPECT)
– we can have a giving mindset too.

P RACT I CA L LY… Stand strong – What’s your purpose? Do you have a cause?
Love attacks – love, love, love, and when you’re concerned What drives you? If you don’t have one, check your values,
you haven’t loved your kids enough, love them some more. and that might give you a hint what could become your cause.
Did I mention that you gotta love them? At least four hugs, Today’s youngsters don’t have a cause (not everyone’s kid
or physical touch and kisses, for your kids a day. Well love- is Greta Thunberg, the 16-year-old environmental activist).
nourished children make better givers, as they have lots of Unfortunately, the vast majority of children today have
love stored up. (LOVE) nothing that drives them, nothing they are passionate about.
They’re plonking on from one app to another, one fad to
another, one selfie to the next – me, me, me. Nothing comes
from doing nothing. What’s your cause? (VOLUNTEERING)

Hands-free – Have at least one meal a week where your hands Challenge them – Children love to prove that they can do
are free, and you speak to each other. (LISTENING) something, so challenge them, in a positive way, to stand up
Eyes open – Go for a walk, and have your kid describe their for something. Take a stand. Why not do it together? Family
surroundings. It’s a great way for the family to spend time time, for a common purpose. (COMMUNITY)
together, while they develop their appreciation of the outside Money in the box – Get them to give charity (amount is
world. (APPRECIATION) completely incidental) every day. Giving is a muscle, don’t
exercise it and it atrophies! (CHARITY)

In family we trust – Have a set of family values. What The future of our world is literally in our hands. Let’s use our
ethos does your family follow? I am sure that when you pen hands for the good.
them down, you’ll be astonished at what comes out of your
children’s mouths. (MORALS)

Born and raised in South Africa, RABBI campus director. After 8.5 years at the JLE, Rabbi Milun’s life vision – developing
SANDOR MILUN graduated with a degree Rabbi Milun needed a new challenge, which opportunities across the community for
in accounting and economics from UNISA. he has found in becoming the MD of GIFT. positive change through social action
Rabbi Milun joined the Jewish Experience – fits perfectly with GIFT’s mission to
of Madison (JEM) in 2007 as programme He is the author of a weekly blog, which inspire giving. His energy, enthusiasm
director, he moved across the pond to help he has written consecutively for over 765 and enterprising nature are a natural fit to
begin Birmingham Genesis for the JLE. weeks in a row. He coaches judo in Golders spearhead the GIFT team.
Four years later, Rabbi Milun became JLE’s Green in his spare time.

JEWS AROUND THE WORLD

D av id EAzebkriaelham & family

The Chinese
referred to him
as “Chin Chin

Joss man”
(Pidgin English
for “praying to

God man”).

An excerpt from MAISIE J MEYER’S Shanghai’s Baghdadi
Jews: A Collection of Biographical Reflections

JEWS AROUND THE WORLD

David Ezekiel Joshua Gubbay (hereafter, D. E. J.) was born in never be devout Jews. Religion was part of the curriculum in
Bombay (1863-1945) and, in 1885 and at the age of twenty- the missionary and there was the threat of missionary activity.
two, he married Mozelle (Mazal-Tov). Three years later, the D. E. J. was also actively involved in promoting the education
Gubbays settled in Shanghai with their son, Reuben Ezekiel. of Chinese children. He was honorary manager and treasurer
In Shanghai, David adopted the surname Abraham, in of the Shanghai Benevolent Industrial Institution, one of the
memory of his great-grandfather. His brother, Aaron, retained largest Chinese free schools, which accommodated some four
his father’s surname Aaron Ezekiel Joshua Gubbay. hundred and fifty pupils. They were trained to become clerks
Leadership of the fledgling Shanghai Baghdadi community and technicians in various industries. He collected funds for
came from the Sassoon family and learned Baghdadis, notably, the school from Chinese merchants.
D. E. J. and his brother, Aaron. They unofficially catered to D. E. J. was totally committed to helping the remnants of
the spiritual needs of the community. D.E.J. provided a special the Kaifeng Jewish Community to return to Judaism. They
scholarship for Yosef Rahamim Elias to become efficient in had come to China largely via the silk route, around the
sheḥita, circumcision and ḥazzanut. He served the community twelfth century, and numbered about 1,500 at their peak. In
for thirty-five years, performing several hundred circumcisions. time, through intermarriage they became indistinguishable
The Sassoons donated the Beth El (House of God) Synagogue from their Chinese neighbours and were reduced to eight
in 1898 but D. E. J. and his brother, Aaron, were concerned families. D. E. J. was one of seventeen men who served on
that some congregants were not strictly Orthodox and the committee of The Society for the Rescue of the Chinese
founded the Shearith Israel Synagogue. It incorporated a Jews. Eight Kaifeng Jews came to Shanghai among them, Li
Talmud Torah where learned Baghdadis taught Hebrew Zongmei.
and religious studies in Arabic to six boys. D. E. J. could have
had no inkling that this was the embryonic, co-educational
Shanghai Jewish School (hereafter SJS). Several were opposed
to the education of girls, but others argued that there was no
valid reason for excluding females, the future mothers of the
community. No school fees were charged, and a free midday
meal was provided. A purpose-built school replaced the SJS’s
dilapidated, unsanitary and cramped conditions.

The curriculum, based on that of the British, included D. E. J. raised him in his home, had him circumcised and
Hebrew, Bible studies, arithmetic, geography, history, named him Shmuel. He was educated in the SJS and worked
shorthand, typewriting, bookkeeping needlework, drawing for almost fifty years as a clerk in D. E. J.’s office. As an
and sports. Pupils did the Cambridge Local Examinations and adult, however, he showed very little interest in Judaism and
were equipped to earn a living in junior posts in mercantile after World War II, returned to Kaifeng. Shmuel’s brother,
firms. The school’s objective was to educate its pupils to earn a Israel, was also circumcised in D. E. J.’s home and the family
livelihood and to be a credit to both the Jewish community and arranged English, Chinese and Hebrew tuition for him. His
the wider society. cousin worked as a watchman in the family home.
D. E. J. was President of the School Committee (1902-1913)
and his wife, Mozelle, was affectionately called the “mother
of the school”. Abraham regarded Jewish participation in
Christian denominational schools degrading, especially as
pupils were compelled to join in the prayers and they would

Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E 63

M

D. E. J. supported the Shanghai Zionist Reuben arranged for Jewish servicemen D. E. J. was on the board of the
Association, which was founded in 1903, to have meals in the Abraham “Committee for the Assistance of
and was chairman of the Palestine l3eaderand other Jewish homes. European Jewish Refugees in Shanghai”
Association of Shanghai in support Sebag Montefiore, a member of the which helped set up the framework to
of the Keren Hayesod and Keren distinguished Sephardi family, was organise funds to house, feed, clothe and
Kayemeth, the central fundraising one of his guests for the Passover rehabilitate the refugees. They organised
organisation for Israel. Seder and several soldiers stayed at his hospital facilities for large numbers.
D. E. J. was elected President of the home during the festivals. When they Mozelle and Maisie Abraham established
Shanghai Jewish Community and his discovered that Montefiore would attend a maternity ward for them. Maisie
family was its nucleus. Reuben was the Seder, the family arranged the table was present at every circumcision and
a natural leader and worked closely according to military protocol and had provided wine and home-baked cakes for
with his father. Reuben was involved a separate table in a different room the traditional reception.
in founding the B’nai B’rith Shanghai for the soldiers. Major General John Laura Jarblum Margolis, a professional
Lodge No. 1102 and served as President Duncan acknowledged: “The way in relief worker sent out to Shanghai by
in 1931 and 1941. The Lodge provided which the Jewish community has come the American State Department and the
a common meeting ground for Shanghai forward to help us is greatly appreciated American Joint Distribution Committee
Jewry and supported various Jewish and will never be forgotten”. The Jewish in May 1941 was critical of the way
institutions including the SJS. Its Boy Daily Bulletin, New York, reported on 20 in which the various committees were
Scouts and Girl Guides competed April 1927: “British Commander thanks organised. In her words: “The only
annually for two silver shields it Shanghai Jews for aid in the pacification bright spot is the maternity ward, which
presented. of China”. is Mrs. R. D. Abraham’s special pet and
The Abraham family’s high profile in D. E. J.’s letter to his family in Bombay, which is cheerful because she takes a
the wider community clearly benefitted written in Judaeo-Arabic, in August personal interest”.1
Baghdadi Jews. In January 1927 1939, describes how utterly overwhelmed Some 120 refugee children had a free
Chinese crowds, incited by the Chinese the community leaders in Shanghai were bus service to the SJS. The community
Communist Party, burst through the by the influx of some eighteen thousand contributed to their tuition fees. Although
barricades of the foreign settlement, Jewish refugees from Nazi Europe. no more than 10-20 percent of the
causing extensive destruction to property. The local Jewish communities assisted refugees were observant, the Abrahams
Reuben Abraham helped to organise them with the help Jewish organisations insisted that only kosher food was served.
the Shanghai Emergency Relief abroad. The Abraham family was among
Committee and a Jewish Protective the volunteers who greeted them. They
Corps. Widespread relief greeted the went daily to the synagogue to serve
British troop ships carrying the Shanghai meals to the refugees and invited them to
Defence Force which sailed up the meals on a regular basis.
Whangpoo River to Shanghai.
1 IM, 16 February 1940, p. 7.
2 Margolis to Robert Pilpel, 11 August 1941, Letter No. 20, AR 33-34, file no. 462, p. 4, 7 of 9 pages, G&EC, JDCCA.

JEWS AROUND THE WORLD

MargMoalrgiolsis nontedo: ted: were advised to reside in their house, before the Chinese
He [Reuben] and Mrs. Abraham are really the Nationalist government arrived to take over this enemy
two kindest people I’ve ever met. They are very property. The family resided for a few days under the same
wealthy and very charitable, but absolutely blind roof as the Germans.
on the subject of their Orthodoxy…. They insist
that the camps be kosher and will give generously The privileges Baghdadi Jews had enjoyed in Shanghai
to causes where the leadership is strongly abruptly came to an end. When the Communists came to
Jewish.... I know that I should never have any power in 1949, Kai-shek triumphantly took over control of
difficulty getting the wholehearted interest and the city. All foreigners in China were classified as “foreign
co-operation of the Abrahams. As long as their entrepreneurs” and “despised imperialist parasites”, making
religion isn’t touched, they’ll help....2 the Abraham’s position untenable.

Economic conditions deteriorated after the Japanese takeover Reuben and Ezekiel Abraham continued their leadership of
of Shanghai on the 8 December 1941. German Gestapo the now-dwindling Baghdadi community. Their main concern
officers Robert Meisinger, the “Executioner of Warsaw”, was the question of resettlement. The passports of Iraqis in
Aldolf Puttkammer and Hans Neumann, had arrived in Shanghai were no longer valid after World War II, as more
Shanghai to give guidance to the Jewish Affairs Bureau, set than five years had elapsed since they were issued. The reality
up by the Japanese military. Rumours circulated that several was that sixty-five registered Iraqis in Shanghai were deprived
measures would be taken to liquidate Shanghai Jewry. Stateless of the fundamental rights of nationality. They were without
refugees were restricted to a designated area, by 18 May any form of diplomatic protection and had no normal means
1943. Their movements were severely restricted, with extreme of travel. Their semi-stateless status was untenable. They
shortages of food and living quarters. Approximately 450 fell into the category of homeless. Reuben Abraham worked
Baghdadi Jews, who were either stateless or Iraqi nationals, closely with the American Joint Distribution Committee to
were categorised as “second-class enemy nationals” and, assist them and was determined not to leave Shanghai until all
although not interned, faced considerable hardship. Some 340, Iraqi Jews had left.
who were British or American subjects were labelled “first-
class enemy nationals” and interned in various camps. The The family finally left all their possessions and moved to Hong
Abraham family, who were British nationals, was interned in Kong to start a new life. Even in Hong Kong, they maintained
the Lunghwa Camp. Reuben and Maisie Abraham appealed a close association with the community, who turned to them
to the Japanese Commandant Hayashi to allow them kosher for assistance. Shanghai Baghdadi Jews esteemed them for
facilities and to permit kosher meat to be brought into the their selfless dedication to the community’s welfare, as this
camp, at their own expense. tribute in the booklet “Council of the Jewish Community of
Shanghai 1956-1957” illustrates:
In 1944 D. E. J. was among the last batch of “enemy civilians”
to be interned in the Lincoln Avenue Camp. The Abraham Following the noble tradition of his forebears,
family in Lunghwa Camp, were given permission to join D. E. Reuben left behind him a record of a life-long
J. He died in the camp, aged eighty-two, on the 26 May 1945. devotion to the interests of the community. Whole-
His body was taken to the Toeg’s home where the funeral heartedly and unobtrusively, he identified himself
rites were performed. Immediate members of the family were with all aspects of our communal activities, so that
permitted to attend the funeral. every Jewish institution, religious, cultural, social
or otherwise, bears the imprint of his work.
The family’s stately home, with a large front lawn was taken
over by the Japanese military and allocated to the German Excepted from Maisie J Meyer Shanghai’s Baghdadi Jews: A
consulate for their use. The day the war was over the family Collection of Biographical Reflections (Blacksmith Books 2015)

DR MAISIE MEYER was born in Calcutta book: From the Rivers of Babylon to the both with honours, and she also obtained
(Kolkata) and grew up in a colonial setting Whangpoo: A Century of Sephardi Jewish an MA degree in international history at the
until adulthood. She pioneered the research Life in Shanghai (Lanham M.D.2003) is widely London School of Economics. The British
of the Baghdadi Jewish community of considered the definitive history of the Academy awarded her a scholarship to do
Shanghai, having appreciated – over 30 Baghdadi Jewish merchants who settled in a PhD. The subject she chose to research
years ago – the unique mix represented by Shanghai in the mid-19th century. Dr Meyer is reflects her personal autobiography.
its various components. Her ground-breaking a double graduate in English and humanities,

LOVING Inspiring our youth with the
CLASS desire to build a world filled
ROOM
with love and respect.

NICCI MENASHE

POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP EDUCATION

Last February, I arrived home to find my 13-year-old son The textbook is currently being used in Israel and South
jumping up and down in excitement because, in his words: Africa, in a variety of schools across the denominational
“I have eliminated 100 people on Fortnite and have won the spectrum. The aim of teaching these principles is to create a
game today!” more loving world and to bolster humanity’s chances for living
in more peaceful, loving and rewarding relationships.

From that moment on, I vowed to him that I was going In recent months, schools in Russia, the United States, United
into competition with Fortnite and was determined to find Kingdom, The Isle of Man, China and Jamaica, which have
or create a platform that teaches children the virtues of caught on to this wave of change, want to incorporate this
kindness, which, in today’s world, can sometimes prove to be a teaching into the curriculum that is being taught to their
challenging endeavour. children.

Shortly afterwards, I came into contact with a textbook Rabbi Geffen, who lives in Israel, has experienced first-hand
called Loving Classroom, which trains teachers to inspire our the challenges that manifest in Israeli society, which can often
youth with the desire to build a world filled with the following be fraught with aggression due to the high-intensity lifestyle
virtues: and religious differences that make up the melting pot that is
Israel. This situation was his motivation behind wanting to
* RESPECT – We have a high regard for ourselves, create a way forward.
people of diverse backgrounds and property.
While teaching the class with all the ‘bad kids’ in Israel,
* COMPASSION – If we can help others in difficulty, Rabbi Geffen was confronted with a hands-on ‘classroom
we help them. conflict situation’, when two students refused to take off their
earphones during training with him.
* LISTENING – we pay attention to the thoughts
and feelings in what people say and do. Despite continually asking (and then begging) them to
work with him, they refused to remove the earphones. He
* KINDNESS – we give understanding and sensitive eventually continued teaching the class, with these two boys
support. covering their ears for an entire six weeks.
After six weeks, one of the two boys approached Rabbi
* GRATITUDE – we appreciate the many great Geffen and said the following: “You know what? You are the
and small things in our lives. only person who has ever cared for me. Nobody else in my life
has ever cared the way you do and my father is abusing me.”
* LOVE – an experience of being one: wanting
and taking pleasure in one another’s well-being From that moment on, the boy really started talking to
and fulfilment. Rabbi Geffen and he realised he had to refer the case to a
professional to ensure that this boy received the real, loving
* FRIENDSHIP – we do our utmost to ensure every one-on-one help that he so desperately needed.
individual has a good, lasting relationship.

* CARE – our actions and projects are concerned
with the well-being of individuals, humanity and
our planet.

The book was authored by Rabbi David Geffen, who has
spent the last 20 years refining this methodology, and I
immediately resonated with its universal truth. In fact, it is
clear that whoever comes into contact with this methodology
finds this same connection to it, particularly those in positive
relationship education.

Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E 67

POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP EDUCATION

Across the continent from Israel, in Africa, a student from The programme also sparked an increase in examination pass
Silver Oak Secondary has said: “We don’t learn values at rates, tolerance, compassion and respect among pupils.
home, so Loving Classroom teaches us just that.” Consequently, the South African Gauteng Department of
Other students from secondary schools around Soweto have Education has signed an agreement with Loving Classroom to
agreed with her: run an official three-year pilot programme.

“Loving Classroom has taught me so much. I had a problem This year, they are working with about 21 000 students. If
with my friends because I had a problem with apologising. they can expand and maintain the success of the programme,
Now I know how to apologise.” Loving Classroom will be incorporated into the official
department state curriculum.

“Loving Classroom has taught us how to treat each other with I was so moved by this that I offered to help, because I
respect.” appreciate the impact of teaching children values that will
“Loving Classroom teaches us about love, gratitude, friendship stay with them for life.
and what love really means.” Rabbi Geffen believes it is important for the world to be
When I first met Rabbi David and Naomi Geffen, they had building on what is being taught in Israel and South Africa,
just finished running a pilot programme for seven schools in because positive relationship education is a natural fit to
Soweto, South Africa to assess whether Loving Classroom could introduce to the United Nations, where he believes Loving
be used to help reduce the violence that is unfortunately rife Classroom can reach all 193 member states. It is a tall order, but
in South African schools. The pilot was run by 71 teachers the fact that it has taken off in two countries where violence is
and 4 590 children. rife proves to the rest of the world that the ultimate dream of
living in loving world is within our reach.

The principals, department heads and teachers – as well Rabbi Geffen gave me a short insight into the root of tikkun
as 42 parents – reported reduced class disruption, bullying, olam: “The root of ‘tikkun’ is the word ‘ken’, meaning a nest.
truancy, drugs and alcohol abuse, racism, violence, fighting So, in its essence, tikkun olam means nesting the world – that
and tribalism (behaviour and attitudes that stem from strong is to say, crafting a safe, healthy, loving, caring, fulfilling
loyalty to one’s own tribe and social group). environment for the world to flourish.”

If you are interested in introducing Loving Classroom (or Loving
Workplace) into your schools and/or places of work, email:
[email protected].

NICCI MENASHE is an attorney, notary and conveyancer (qualified since 1997 in South Africa) and
solicitor (she converted her law degree when she moved to London in 2000 and is currently non-

practising in the UK) by profession. Most importantly, she is a wife, mother, daughter, daughter-in-

law, friend and Loving World Ambassador at heart.



TIKKUN OLAM

lifeL I F E LIFE 4 A

The campaign aims to raise enough money
to pass on to seven fertility charities in
Jewish communities around the world.

RABBI JONNY ROODYN

Almost two years ago, JRoots took a group of South African When I approach these trips, and particularly when I take
Jews on an unforgettable Jewish journey to Poland. Survivor a trip to Poland alongside a survivor, I have no doubt that
Leslie Kleinman, who gave his devastating first-hand they have a significant impact on those who attend. However,
testimony of Auschwitz, from where he survived but where his I could not have imagined that this trip could have resulted
seven siblings were murdered, accompanied the group. From in seven new lives. During the trip, Leslie told his powerful
this trip came one of the proudest campaigns and examples story, moving everyone, but particularly international fertility
of tikkun olam that I have been privileged to be a part of. expert Dr Lawrence Gobetz, who spontaneously pledged
The campaign, called Life 4 a Life, was set up to raise via his work to help facilitate a life in memory of life lost at
enough money to pass on to seven fertility charities in Jewish Auschwitz. This, in turn, led to the creation of our campaign,
communities across the world. a commitment to create life in the face of death. Our hope
was to raise enough money for seven families around the
world to receive funding for fertility treatment, one life for
each of Leslie’s seven siblings murdered in Auschwitz.

TIKKUN OLAM

We were able to raise enough money to send to seven We therefore have to take a view on the bigger picture.
recipient charities as intended, to the UK, New York, Los We are committed to life beyond the Holocaust, rebuilding
Angeles, Montreal, Israel, Australia and South Africa. Each a world with a vibrant Jewish future. Leslie, our inspiration
charity was able to put the funding towards fertility treatment for the campaign, has spent the most recent years of his
for a family who they support. life contributing and giving to the Jewish people, inspiring
thousands of JRoots participants who have heard his story
Many people asked why JRoots, a charity committed to and visited Auschwitz with him. There can be no greater way
educating people on the Holocaust and to honour Leslie and his family, as
Jewish history, would raise money for “We are c o m m i t t e d well as the millions of other Jews who
other organisations. And the answer is to life
tikkun olam, repairing a broken world. perished in the Holocaust, than by
G-d created an imperfect world, one creating life in their memory.
beyond
where humanity in general and the
Jewish people in particular are invited
to partner with the Almighty to perfect the H olocaust, This campaign, and the money raised,

this world. This is the legacy that demonstrate how Jews worldwide are
we have received from our ancestors rebuild i n g a w o r l d committed to trying to improve the
world, and make it into a place where
all the way back to our forefather more good is created than bad. After
Abraham, who expressed his faith with a vibrant visiting Auschwitz with Leslie, who has

in G-d by performing selfless acts of witnessed some of the worst atrocities
kindness. He brought numerous people known to humankind, we created Life
closer to the Almighty through leading Jewis h future.”

by example and being a G-dly person. 4 a Life as a commitment to repairing
a world severely damaged by the Holocaust, through an
G-dliness in Jewish thought does not equal asceticism; innate desire for tikkun olam.
rather, it demands an active involvement in the world,
working as G-d’s partners to create solutions to the challenges
that face humanity.

RABBI YONASAN ROODYN was educated at City of London School, Yeshivat Kerem B’Yavneh,
the London School of Econimics, yeshivas Mir and Rav Yitzchak Berkovits’ Jerusalem Kollel. He is

the Educational Director of Jewish Futures and Klal Chazon. He is the Rabbi of Finchley Federation

Synagogue, a member of the Federation Beis Din’s Shailatext service and the editor of Oneg
Shabbos. He has hundreds of classes online at www.t or ahan y t ime.com

WELLNESS

A PARENT’S

GUIDE TO

eating disorders

IN TEENS

Early intervention is key for a
teenager with anorexia or bulimia,
so know the signs and act in time.

TRACEY BENNETT

WELLNESS

The simple words “eating disorder” are enough to strike fear However, there are warning signs that indicate symptoms
in most parents. It is hard to give accurate figures as many of an eating disorder. These can be difficult to spot because
people suffer in silence, but the latest estimates from the people with eating disorders can be secretive and defensive
Joint Commissioning Panel For Mental Health suggest that about their weight, and the warning signs vary across the
1.6 million people in the UK have an eating disorder and different disorders.
adolescence is the most likely time for this to develop.
Common symptoms include:
With so much hype around healthy eating, the so-called
obesity crisis and social media, many children, particularly • Dramatic fluctuations in weight.
girls, feel pressured to lose weight. Focusing so much attention
on weight issues has led to an increase in unhealthy attempts • Obsessing about calorie counting and portion size.
at weight loss. A survey of 78 000 teenagers carried out by
the Schools Health Education Unit in 2014 found that two in • Sensitivity around body image.
three girls aged 14 to 15 wanted to be thinner, and almost a
quarter were skipping lunch in an effort to slim down. • Going to the toilet after every meal and returning
flushed.
Many people assume that only girls have eating disorders,
but the study showed that nearly a third of boys also wanted • Exercising obsessively.
to lose weight. The number of boys receiving treatment has
doubled in recent years; they account for 25% of cases. This • Sudden mood changes in behaviour.
stereotyping means the risk of mortality is actually higher
in males than females because often their symptoms go • Avoiding eating with others.
undiagnosed.
• Eating very slowly or cutting food into small pieces.
WHAT IS AN EATING DISORDER?
• Lying about food consumption and weight.
At the heart of eating disorders is an unhealthy attitude to
food that can dominate life and seriously damage health. If you think this may be happening to your child, ask for
They are particularly harmful to children as they can support from your doctor as early intervention gives the best
escalate rapidly and permanently stunt growth and normal chance of a full recovery.
development. The most common eating disorders are:
Eating disorders in the Orthodox Jewish community
1. Anorexia – not eating enough, difficulties maintaining
an appropriate weight, distorted body image and often The rise in eating disorders in the Jewish community has
excessive exercise. become of increasing concern, particularly among Orthodox
Jews. It is hard to ascertain how serious the situation really is
2. Bulimia – a cycle of binge eating followed by vomiting because the data is extremely limited. Several studies reported
and laxatives in order not to gain weight. a significantly higher prevalence of eating disorders than in
the general population.
3. Binge eating – compulsive overeating that feels out of
control. There seems to be a great deal of secrecy and embarrassment
in admitting to an eating disorder; some believe it could
4. Other specified feeding or eating disorder – for damage future marriage prospects. This reluctance to
those who do not fit the other categories but still have a acknowledge the disorder could have serious health
significant eating disorder. consequences. Many families only seek help when their child
is on the verge of hospitalisation, which suggests that the true
There are varying degrees of gravity for all the disorders extent of the problem could be far higher.
and it is not always easy to determine when a child tips over
from healthy eating to problem eating and even a full-blown
disorder.

Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E 73

“We need to educate
our children that there

is no such thing as
the perfect body and
that prejudice against

people who are
overweight is wrong.”

There are many suggestions for why Orthodox teenagers are WHAT CAN PARENTS DO?
falling victim to eating disorders. They include:
Neither parents nor culture give children an eating disorder;
• Preoccupation with food – food is a pivotal part of there are a range of influences. However, there is much
Jewish culture. We have a different cake for nearly every parents can do to reduce the chance of their child developing
festival, and even for Yom Kippur, great thought goes one.
into food preparation both before and after.
Parents’ main role is to create a positive home environment
• Kashrut – having to follow strict dietary laws could by:
normalise the idea of eliminating certain foods from one’s
diet. 1. Being a good role model – the biggest influence on
children’s eating habits is what their parents eat and
• Coping mechanism – an eating disorder may be seen their attitude to body image. If you pick at your food,
as more socially acceptable than other behaviours such as criticise your own body and are constantly on a diet,
drug or alcohol abuse. your children are more likely to copy these unhelpful
behaviours. Therefore, be comfortable with your own
Additionally, in the strictly Orthodox world the importance of shape, avoid obsessive calorie counting and don’t label
making a good shidduch imposes its own pressures: foods “good” and “bad”. Steering clear of so-called bad
foods can leave children feeling deprived and increase
• Expectation to marry early – some girls may feel their desire for them. Instead, focus on the importance
unwilling to face the responsibility of marriage or feel of the health benefits of certain foods, such as how lean
able to challenge their parents. Food can become a way protein can help the body to grow muscle and do well in
of rebelling by trying to control their bodies. sports.

• Desire for thinness – is typical in the general 2. Managing the impact of media – we are all exposed
population but its effects are felt even in the strictly to some pretty toxic ideas about body image. This
Orthodox community as a woman’s size, and even particularly applies to social media, which bombards us
that of her mother, is of key importance. with images that can distort our children’s attitude to
body size.

74 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

WELLNESS

We need to educate our children that there is no such Anorexics, however, can discover they are dangerously
thing as the perfect body and that prejudice against good at dieting as they are more likely to have mutations
people who are overweight is wrong. An intervention that allow them to withstand natural hunger.
for women with eating disorders which encouraged
them to criticise negative media images that associated 5. Talking about feelings – eating disorders are often
appearance with self-worth significantly reduced negative a way of coping with difficult feelings, so encourage
feelings about themselves. your children to identify, understand and express their
emotions. This will present an opportunity to teach them
3. Keeping children at a healthy weight – we tend to how to cope when they are feeling frustrated, angry or
view obesity and eating disorders as completely different sad. For example, taking a deep breath, talking the issue
issues. Parents can feel reluctant to tackle a child’s through with an adult or asking for a hug.
weight issue in fear of provoking an eating disorder.
However, they both share an unhealthy attitude to food 6. Being vigilant – of any changes in behaviour about
and underlying emotional problems such as low self- food as this could be the tip of the iceberg. Often an
esteem. Additionally, obesity is now seen as a risk factor: eating disorder develops as a coping mechanism to
two studies showed that overweight adolescents were, deal with underlying emotional issues such as bullying,
on average, almost four times more likely to develop an depression or feeling unloved. Food becomes the
eating disorder. As parents, we need to be more vigilant – replacement for whatever is missing and is used as a way
statistics from the Health Survey for England 2017 show of taking control over what’s happening in life.
that half of the parents of obese children do not even
realise that their children have a weight issue. If your 7. Eating together – with today’s challenges of both
child is overweight, introduce small lifestyle changes that parents working, it is not always easy to sit down together
they won’t even notice, such as: for family meals. Yet compelling new evidence from
analysis of 57 studies worldwide found that eating
• Drinking water before a meal – will make children together had a substantial positive influence on children’s
feel fuller because sometimes we mistake hunger for healthy eating habits and their weight.
thirst.
8. Boosting self-esteem – having low self-esteem is a
• Using smaller plates and bowls – can trick the brain common trait in people who have eating disorders. One
into thinking the portion is bigger than it is. of the best ways to increase children’s self-esteem is to
give them control by letting them serve themselves and
• Sitting at the table to eat – children eat more in front offering choices from an array of healthy options.
of a screen when they are not fully concentrating.
9. Not weight shaming – in one study, nearly two-
4. Avoiding diets – most eating disorders start with a diet. thirds of women said they had been fat shamed by their
Parents who were encouraged to diet as teenagers are mothers making inappropriate remarks about their
more likely to weigh more, have unhealthy eating habits appearance. Some parents misguidedly believe that this
and low self-esteem, and encourage the same behaviours may motivate their children to lose weight. Unfortunately,
in their children. Physical and emotional changes mean the opposite is true as weight shaming often leads to
diets rarely work, with less than 1% of obese dieters weight gain, binge eating and restrictive weight control
managing to keep the weight off 10 years down the line. measures.
Indeed, dieting is more associated with weight gain;
people who went on a crash diet were 18 times more 10. Setting the right goals – ensure that the aspirations
likely to develop an eating disorder. Breaking a diet can you have for children are not based on appearance and
lead to feelings of failure, which encourage binge eating that you don’t say you will love them more if they ate less.
followed by feelings of guilt and shame. This can lead to Pay more attention to what they say and do, rather than
a vicious cycle of becoming trapped in a battle between what they look like.
weight and food.

Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E 75

WELLNESS

Not only will these behaviours help to reduce the chances of “The rise in eating
your children developing an eating disorder, but they are also disorders in the Jewish
great ways for maintaining a healthy attitude towards weight community has become
and food for the whole family. of increasing concern,

TIPS FOR TEENAGERS particularly among
Orthodox Jews.”
• Be kind to yourself – try treating yourself like you
would your best friend.

• Be with people who treat you well – some people act
in ways that can make you feel bad about yourself, which
says more about them than it does about you.

• Set realistic goals and work towards them – this
will give you a sense of achievement.

• Think about what goes well – very often we spend too
much time thinking about the one little thing that went
wrong rather than all the things that went right.

• Help others – will make you feel better about yourself.

• Be aware of the negative effects of media - too
much time spent trying to achieve unattainable beauty or
body shape is only going to lead to feelings of failure and
is limiting your development in more meaningful areas.

TRACEY BENNETT completed an MSc degree in obesity it. She is passionate about encouraging healthy eating
and weight management in 2017 and has worked as a habits in children and gives talks and workshops, conducts
nutritionist in schools and after-school clubs. She also has a research and writes blogs on the subject. She has spent
degree in psychology, which has helped her to understand many years volunteering for different organisations that
the addictive nature of unhealthy eating and how to tackle help children and currently volunteers at Childline.

It’s not me, it’s you
BREAKING UP WITH DIETS

A world that equates being thin
with being healthy is a nightmare
for those who struggle with their
weight. But a surprisingly simple

approach offers hope.

ELIANA CLINE

M I N D F U L H E A LT H

As a small child in nursery school, Kerry* realised there was WHY DIETS DON’T WORK
something wrong with her body. “Kids would ask me why I Tragically, Kerry’s story is what many people experience
was so fat. There was discussion within my family about when constantly. A person earnestly commits to not eating certain
I would lose my ‘puppy fat’. It clearly was something that just things and being “good”, but by the time they get to the
had to go,” she recalls. Shabbat meal or a colleague’s birthday cake at teatime, they
As a seven-year-old, Kerry was sent to Weight Watchers just lose self-control. They are convinced that they are a
with a friend, and as she walked into her first meeting, she failure, and it brings feelings of guilt, shame and poor self-
unwittingly descended into decades of dieting and self- image.
loathing. Her self-worth became inextricably intertwined What few know is that diets, eating plans, cleanses, detoxes
with the number on the scale, as she relentlessly yearned after and any form of caloric restriction, with the intention of
the magic number that would deem her worthy of love and weight loss, are biologically destined to fail.
unconditional acceptance.

Her body size was the only true measure of who she was – Multiple research studies show that 95% of diets fail. While
and if she couldn’t get it right, she could never and would many will lose weight initially, at the five-year mark, people
never deserve nor find joy or love. Despite success in her have either regained their weight or piled on more.
career and many other aspects of her life, she could not stop
feeling like a complete failure.

“I became obsessed with food, restricting, dieting. I eventually Many medical and mental health professionals, as well
diagnosed myself in my 20s as someone with a compulsive as scientists, are beginning to understand that weight is a
eating disorder. I would think constantly of food. I found complex variable that is hard to control in a sustainable way.
it hard to live a normal life. I was set up never to marry – I Diets not only don’t help, but they actually cause harm.
never lost weight so I had no understanding of why any man Linda Bacon is an internationally recognised authority on
would ever want me. nutrition, weight and health. She explains that a person has
“I decided it would be best to die by 40 because I really could a set-point weight range, which is the weight your body likes
not see the point of my life. If I wasn’t thin and I wasn’t best. Weight is determined largely by complex processes in
pretty, no man wanted me. I would have no children and no the brain, and though our pre-set weight ranges rarely go
love,” says Kerry. down, they can permanently go up as a result of trying to
By the time she was nearing 50, Kerry had done it all. Keto, control our eating, an otherwise intuitive process. Our need
banting, paleo, low fat, no fat, CrossFit, low carb, gluten free. for food (energy) is so essential and primal that if we are not
She could count calories with her eyes closed. getting enough energy, our bodies naturally compensate with
But still, her body and mind refused to oblige. No matter how powerful biological and psychological mechanisms.
much willpower she began with, she would inevitably overeat “Dieting activates ‘thrifty genes’ that induce weight gain
and succumb to feelings of guilt and shame. The overeating- both by increasing your hunger drive and decreasing your
restricting cycle would begin, followed by yet another ironclad metabolism, and triggers other weight-gain mechanisms,
decision to do better this time. many of which are beyond your conscious control,” says
Bacon.

78 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

“A diet is essentially a mini-starvation
exercise, and the body does everything it
can to retain the weight in fear of famine.”

The results are increased feelings of hunger, increased craving has to fit into a certain body consumes many people, and
and food preoccupation, and a decreased metabolism, among many people walk around with underlying or overt levels
other things. The resultant overeating is your body’s way of of self-hatred and loathing for their less than perfect body.”
trying to keep you in balance.

Dina Cohen, a practising dietician in New Jersey in the US, The diet industry (which is now synonymous with the terms
says research has demonstrated that dieting, independent of “wellness” and “lifestyle”) rakes in $68 billion globally. That’s
genetics, is significantly correlated to dose-responsive weight a huge investment in convincing us that we can’t be trusted
gain and binge-eating behaviours. “Dieters who lose weight around food and that we need an external force – whether a
typically end up suppressing their metabolism such that, in gym, group, set of food rules or fitness monitor strapped to
order to keep the weight off, they must engage in consistent, us – to externally control what we eat or don’t eat, and how
ongoing dieting, which is of course unsustainable,” she says. much we move.

A diet is essentially a mini-starvation exercise, and the body So, if diets don’t work, what’s left? Can we be healthy without
does everything it can to retain the weight in fear of famine, being the perfect size? Does size actually equal healthy?
and then also ingeniously ensures the body expends less T HE A LT E RNAT IV E : INTUITIVE EATING
energy and can store more fuel. Even the gentlest “eating The centrality of food in Jewish life makes finding a positive
plan” recommends restriction, and any restriction drives an and sustainable model of eating crucial to one’s mental and
increase in food preoccupation. The metabolism slows down physical well-being. Many chronic dieters, or those who
and burning calories becomes even more difficult. There is a struggle with their relationship to food, find the ever-present
small percentage of dieters who do maintain their low body eating in Judaism catastrophic.
weight, but they achieve this success at a huge cost: increased
rates of eating disorders and a huge amount of mental energy
that must be devoted to getting, and staying, thin.

Elisheva Dorfman, a licensed marriage and family therapist Weekly Shabbat rituals alone include lavish spreads and
based in Los Angeles, has recovered from her own eating meals, sometimes up to three times a day. Jewish festivals, bar
disorder. She says a person who doesn’t succeed in achieving mitzvahs, bat mitzvahs, engagements and weddings revolve
their desired body size often feels a pervasive dissatisfaction around food, to start the fast or break the fast, and sometimes
with themselves. “The experience of dieting typically it seems that all we do as Jews is eat.
contributes to alarming rates of disordered eating, weight The focus on food means anyone who is at war with their
obsession, eating disorders and related mental illnesses. appetite finds these occasions torturous. But if dieting is not
Unfortunately, the majority of women have internalised – the answer, does it mean that we should happily eat the entire
without any choice – that being thin means that they are cheesecake at the Kiddush because we can, ignoring health and
successful, valuable and acceptable. Those whose bodies – well-being and throwing nutrition out the window?
and genes – don’t allow for that spend their whole lives in
pursuit of the ideal body, despite the fact that they could be
healthy, active and happy as they are. The notion that one

Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E 79

M I N D F U L H E A LT H

For many, breaking up with the diet culture means just that. “Intuitive eating” is a term coined by Evelyn Tribole and
If dieting and an acceptable body size equate to health, self- Elyse Resch, two dieticians who realised that it was not their
control and success, then giving up external control means clients who were failures, but the diets that set them up to fail.
you have doomed yourself to a life with no movement and They asked a radical question: what if our bodies knew when
no nutritional guidelines. to eat and when to stop? Why do babies know when to eat
and when to stop and grow predictably, and we don’t?

The rhetoric around food and weight is black and white The principles of intuitive eating simply aim to return you to
– either you are constantly controlling what you eat and your birth right of your body’s innate wisdom in guiding your
vigilantly exercise, or else you are a sloth who cares nothing hunger and appetite. Intuitive eating is a philosophy of eating
about your health and has no self-control. that makes you the expert of your body and its hunger signals.
There is no room for people who, despite doing everything It doesn’t impose guidelines about what or when to eat, or
right, cannot stay thin because their bodies simply were never what to avoid. Instead, it teaches that you are the best person
designed to maintain a socially acceptable size. There is no – the only person – to make those choices.
room for pursuing health and fitness independent of weight It allows you unconditional permission to eat as much and
loss and stopping to fear food. what you want, and with that, the deprivation mentality is
avoided, along with the food preoccupation and bingeing
or compulsive overeating. The initial phases often include

80 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

MI N DFU L H EALTH

overeating the forbidden foods, but eventually these foods mother’s homemade cinnamon buns) and leads to a poorer
become habitual and morally equal, and lose their unnatural quality of life, causing your self-esteem to become dependent
pull. You realise that eating “junk” food all day doesn’t make on the scale.
you feel vital or vibrant, and you begin to listen to your body’s Intuitive eating provides many with what they have been
need for balanced nutrition. wanting their whole
Accepting that your appetite is a biological drive that should life: a way to finally feel, and act, normally around food,
be honoured demands giving up control over something that along with huge benefits on a physical, emotional and
has taken on profound significance: your size. psychological level.

Intuitive eating is a weight-neutral paradigm that aims Kerry says intuitive eating has allowed her to make peace
for a stable weight (known as a set point which you can’t with her lifelong enemies: food, her appetite and her body.
manipulate sustainably or healthily) and falls under a broader “If you can eat everything, you may only want to eat certain
framework, known as Health at Every Size, the movement things at certain times. You don’t want to eat so much that
Bacon started. you will explode. That had always been a fear. I largely eat in
“Health at Every Size teaches that one can pursue health a mindful way with the intention of pleasure. I can discern
regardless of weight. It does not, as its critics like to point hunger and fullness. I can even leave food on my plate – that
out, say that one necessarily is healthy at every size. It does, is like a miracle for me.
however, say that actively pursuing weight loss is not only “My relationship to food has improved immeasurably. It’s
ineffective, but actually damaging to one’s overall health,” still not perfect, but it probably never will be. I use food for
says Bacon. emotional support much less than before. I have neutralised
Many of us assume it’s a linear relationship, meaning the trigger foods such as Maltesers and crisps. I can eat a couple
higher your body mass index, the higher your risk of early and leave the packet. That’s extraordinary! I am happy with
death. But research is showing that not to be the case: weight my body. I delinked exercise and weight loss and now I have
and BMI are poor predictors of disease and longevity, and found the type of exercise I love. I go to gym around six times
BMI was never intended to be any measure of health. a week. I am generally fit, strong and healthy. I feel happy and
Since the drivers to lose weight is for “health reasons”, light inside my being every day. It’s like a dark heaviness lifted
the research is clear: dieting is neither sustainable nor from my life – I have been released from a cage.”
healthy. It suppresses your metabolism, causes an unnatural * Not her real name
preoccupation with food (think Yom Kippur fantasies of your

ELIANA CLINE is a content writer and freelance journalist. She also owns "The Feeding Coach"
which helps parents all over the world with feeding and eating challenges using the sDOR feeding
dynamics model. She lives in Johannesburg, South Africa with her husband and children. She can
be reached via www.feedingcoach.co.za

RELATIONSHIPS

LIFE

IS IN

detT aH Eils

When you treat yourself with respect, you
will teach others to treat you with respect.

CHANA DEUTSCH

RELATIONSHIPS

What is the secret to building a home that feels safe, warm your thoughts matter and the way you see the world matters,
and loving? How can you empower yourself to create the even if it’s different from how others perceive it.
marriage you desire? How can you get unstuck from the When you negate your negative feelings and pretend they
constant slighting of one another that numbs your aspiration are not there, they don’t actually go away. They will simply
for the “happily ever after marriage” you once hoped for? be pushed down where they will continue to bother you until
I know for me it was so easy to feel stuck because I was always they find a way to come out when you don’t mean for them to.
pointing a finger. I was constantly focusing on faults – mine And when you try to shut them down and not feel the
and my husband’s. I’d get entrenched in it until that was all I negative feelings, you shut down all of your feelings – your
could see. negative ones as well as your positive ones – leaving you less
This caused me to both blame my husband and see all his able to feel or connect. Alternatively, when you acknowledge
mistakes and faults as the cause of our problems. And to allow and respect your feelings, you can deal with them. You can
myself to feel helpless and hopeless for all of my own failings work through them, channel them and shift them.
and issues.

What I have found is that if you’re lacking in feelings of Similarly, your desires matter. Even if you can’t always have
connection, the first thing to check is the level of respect you whatever it is you want, allowing yourself to want is an
are giving – to yourself and to your significant other. Now, the expression of your desire. You need to respect that aspect of
word respect typically comes with negative connotations and yourself by allowing it to exist without shame or guilt. There
associations. People think of it as servitude. “If I respect my is no righteousness in beating yourself up for wanting things.
husband, then I serve him. I am lower than him. I am ‘less If you deny what you want, it leads you to not even knowing
than’. I must bring him his slippers and serve him three meals what you want, which makes it difficult to make choices and
a day to show my respect.” decisions.

However, this is not what I mean by respect. Respect simply When you put an end to pushing away your feelings and
means that you matter. Showing yourself respect means denying your desires, you can start caring for yourself. You
honouring your desires, and showing your husband respect can start doing things for yourself that fill you up. You can
means honouring his perspective. When you show respect, it’s calmly silence that ridiculing voice that demeans taking time
like water to the relationship and it opens up the possibility for and money for the things that energise you, give you space to
a breakthrough of warmth, care and connection. open up your creativity and actualise your potential.

THE FOUR AREAS OF RESPECT Respecting yourself also means having compassion for
1. Respect yourself yourself. Allow yourself to simply be. This doesn’t mean to
stop striving or growing. But it does mean you can stop trying
to be perfect or pretending that you are perfect. You are
human. Letting go of the load of being perfect allows you to
step into being yourself and who you really are.

Respect begins with you. By honouring your desires, you
are showing yourself love. You are caring for yourself. And
that sets up the opportunity for an intimate relationship with
someone else, because relationships can only occur when you
allow you to be you and them to be them. This means that

Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E 83

RELATIONSHIPS

“Respect simply means that you matter.
Showing yourself respect means honouring

your desires, and showing your husband
respect means honouring his perspective.”

When you treat yourself with respect, you will teach others listening to hear his world and discover his inner world by
to treat you with respect. If you ever feel like others do not empathetically trying to understand his motivations and
appreciate you, value what you do, or give you time for where he is coming from, without judgment or criticism.
yourself, I invite you to take a moment to consider how you Even when someone’s choices lead to mistakes and problems,
are teaching them to treat you based on how they see you remember that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes.
treating yourself. Recognise that your spouse might have a different hierarchy
2. Respect your husband of priorities or risk-reward calculation – and that doesn’t
The second way you can build deeper connections is through make him wrong or invalid. Love him enough to give him the
giving respect. space to fail, as you would want him to do for you.
3. Respect the past

Respecting others is not about servitude. It is not about the The third way to have more vibrant relationships is to respect
other being “better than” or “higher than”. It is about letting the past.
them know they matter. It means that what he thinks or does I don’t mean to live in the past or to allow the past to
carries weight and is valid. Even if it’s not what I want from determine the future. Rather, to acknowledge what happened
him or how I would have done it. in the past, and how easily you can fall prey to that way of
This can be challenging, because it means letting go of living again. Without respecting the patterns and choices that
how you think things should be. It means trusting your got you to the present moment, you are likely to repeat them
spouse to make his decisions in the way he sees fit. It over and over again.
means relinquishing unhealthy control and, instead, really

84 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

RELATIONSHIPS

The only way to choose a different reality, a new way of 4. Intimacy through differences
doing things, is to bring conscious awareness to what has The fourth area where you can insert respect into your
already happened – whether you find yourself in a never- marriage and create true intimacy is by respecting the
ending and recurring fight or dealing with similar negative differences between men and women. Men and women
personality traits (in yourself or others). By shining a light think and act differently. This can create real conflict and
on this reality, you bring it out of the darkness, and you can misunderstanding in relationships and it is important to
recognise respect the challenge.
the pattern for what it is and do something to change it for
the future.

Many women struggle to implement new ideas they have If you invalidate your husband when his approach is different,
learned. This is because your brain will naturally go back to then you can easily lose respect for him and make him feel
what you did in the past. This does not mean that you can’t emasculated. However, when you respect that the male way
change and create new realities. But it means that to do so, of doing things is different, not wrong, this becomes an
you must be present to the old patterns, to learn how they obstacle that can be overcome rather than a barrier towards
were formed, and to find the beliefs on which the old actions connection. You don’t need to fight the differences, you can
are based. Only then can you truly uproot them, let them go use this knowledge as a tool to resolve potential conflict. So
and build the new way you want to be. when these differences show up in your marriage, instead
Respecting the past is about letting go of the old patterns of labelling your husband as “wrong” or his opinion as a
that are not working and then creating new habits that will “mistake”, try and see such differences as something of value.
allow for the connection and intimacy you want. It is about When you look at your husband’s differences as a flaw, you
empowering yourself to create the relationship you want to undermine the potential intimacy that can be created by
have by being the woman you want to be through breaking allowing these differences the space to exist. It’s in these
free of what is no longer serving you. differences that the dance of authentic relationships happen.

CHANA DEUTSCH is a relationship coach and educator who works with women all over the world
to bring forth their authentic, vulnerable, feminine self and to transform their relationships from a

state of disconnect, struggle and lack of understanding to one of mutual respect, communication
and intimate connection. To connect with Chana or receive future articles, email chana@
absolutelyfeminine.com.

THE POLITICAL PUNDIT

G O O D N I G H T,
SWEET PRINCE

Harry and Meghan – out of work before
Brexit has even happened.
RABBI ELI BIRNBAUM

THE POLITICAL PUNDIT

Many of you will no doubt have been following the country’s One way or another, the whole saga got me thinking. You
top stories recently. Oddly enough, our focus isn’t about see, amid the good-humoured and supportive reactions,
Brexit, it isn’t the rampant bushfires ravaging Australia, it isn’t there was an undercurrent – largely propelled by a recently
about controversial VAR interventions in football matches, discovered sub-species of Homo Sapiens known to scientists
nor, for that matter, is it about Ricky Gervais single-handedly only as ‘Keyboardus Warriores’ – which was far more critical
rubbishing the whole of Hollywood at the Golden Globes. in its import. These critiques ranged from accusing the (ex)
It is far more serious. Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Royals of betrayal, high treason and plenty worse, to a
Duchess of Sussex and sixth in line for the throne, returned perhaps slightly more intellectually robust idea: abdication of
from an extended winter break to Canada only to drop an responsibility. The message was clear: Harry and Meghan had
almighty snowball on Her Majesty’s lap in their sudden and chosen to ignore a greater calling in order to pursue a life of
unexpected announcement to step down from their royal relative solitude.
duties with immediate effect.

Actually, that wasn’t quite how it panned out, at least not The notion of fleeing the enormous responsibility almost
initially. Harry and Meghan, widely and rightfully recognised inevitably intertwined within roles of public leadership and
as the modern, cosmopolitan, 21st century face of royalty, influence is a surprisingly common one throughout Jewish
had at first decided to retain their titles and various trappings scripture. Perhaps most famous of all is a story recently read
but cease taking public money. In return, they would on Shabbat in synagogue: Moses’ encounter with the Divine
exercise the right to engage solely with causes and projects Presence at the burning bush. Showing the hallmark Jewish
of their own choosing. The Queen’s response – delicate and trait of curiosity, Moses strays from the path to investigate the
characteristically polite, but at the same time delivered with intriguing phenomenon...
the tone of someone delivering a eulogy at a funeral – made
it clear. As brilliantly coined by one LA-based journalist: “You “And Moses said [to himself]: ‘I will turn aside to see this
can’t have your gateau and eat it.” Being a royal, especially awesome sight! Why isn’t the bush consumed?!”
in an era of economic uncertainty, is a full-time job. As G-d appears to him, revealing that the true metaphor of the
discovered by Richard III: “My kingdom for a horse” doesn’t indestructible burning bush is as a caricature of the Jewish
work, so why on earth should “my kingdom for a bit of peace story – down, but never, ever out, and charges Moses with the
and quiet”? not insignificant task of saving the Jewish people and taking
For some, the avalanche of media coverage scrutinising every them out of slavery in Egypt. Oh, and one more thing: they’re
nuance, every facial expression and every pause simply served Jews, so they don’t travel light. I can promise them manna
to justify Harry and Meghan’s unprecedented decision: a from Heaven, but they’ll still pack enough food for an army.
goldfish bowl is no place to build a marriage and raise a young
family. Or as Meghan herself put it: “It’s not enough to just Moses’ response to this mind-boggling mission is striking for
survive something, that’s not the point of life. You have got to one thing: it is so human. For a moment, we catch a glimpse
thrive.” For others, the story provided a welcome distraction into the very real, very inspiring heart of perhaps the most
from the depressing situation in Australia and alarming famous person in all of Jewish history.
escalation in Iran. And then there were some who simply took
to social media and asked the internet why we were spending “And Moses said to G-d, ‘Who am I, that I will go to
so much time and money discussing it all when there are so Pharaoh? And take the children of Israel out of Egypt?’”
many potholes on our roads in need of urgent attention.

Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E 87

THE POLITICAL PUNDIT

“THE NOTION OF
FLEEING THE ENORMOUS
RESPONSIBILITY ALMOST
I N E V I TA B LY I N T E R T W I N E D
WITHIN ROLES OF PUBLIC
LEADERSHIP AND INFLUENCE
I S A S U R P R I S I N G LY C O M M O N
ONE THROUGHOUT JEWISH

S C R I P T U R E .”

THE POLITICAL PUNDIT

There is adrenaline, fear, almost panic that we can all relate doesn’t see himself as worthy of the attention...
to. The enormity of the task at hand weighs down on him: to “And Samuel said to Jesse: ‘Have you no more sons?’
rescue G-d’s chosen people from the throes of abject suffering And Jesse replied: ‘The youngest remains, but behold – he is
and, in so doing, alter the course of human destiny forever. It shepherding the sheep!”
seems impossible. To the point that when Moses does decide
to return to Egypt, notice the subtle structure of the verse: And, perhaps the most resoundingly moving of them all:
“And Moses took his wife and sons, and he saddled them on When Abraham is adjured by G-d to take up the mantle of
a donkey. And he returned to Egypt. And he took [with him] the Chosen Nation, a mantle that brings with it generations of
the staff of G-d in his hand.” suffering with generations of glory, he abandons the Land of
Canaan (Israel), mulling for five years over the unfathomable
The verse is backwards. Shouldn’t he have taken the staff – responsibility from the relative safe haven of Aram (Syria)
the symbol and tool of G-d’s miraculous Exodus ensemble until, finally ready, he hears that fateful calling: “Go for
– first, before departing for and arriving in Egypt? Perhaps yourself... to the land that I will show you.”
the verse hints at the lingering doubts in his heart as he
confronted his future. Perhaps, at some level, he wished he’d What is so striking and at the same time so empowering
left the staff behind. about all of these narratives is that through conquering that
initial, primal fear, the giants of our history serve as shining
This thread appears over and over again throughout scripture. examples that we can learn from and emulate. It is okay to be
Whereas Spiderman sees great responsibility as a product of afraid. It is even okay to panic and run. But that responsibility
great power, Judaism seems to see great fear as a product of doesn’t go away just because we turn our back on it. It is still
great responsibility. Here it is again, hundreds of years later there, patiently waiting for us to regroup, rally and come back
when the Prophet Samuel went to anoint Saul as King of stronger and braver than before. As Mark Twain once said:
Israel... “Courage is mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”
“And Saul son of Kish was chosen, and they sought him out
– but they could not find him. And they enquired of G-d, And what of Harry? For now, it’s seemingly ‘goodnight, sweet
saying: ‘Has he arrived yet?’ prince’. Your decision couldn’t have been an easy one. It took
And G-d said: ‘He has, but behold – he is hiding among the courage to make it. Courage to face the consequences. But it
vessels’.” will take further courage still to show the world that, although
you may have abdicated your titles, you haven’t turned
The same Prophet encounters the same reaction not quite away from the promise you and Meghan made: to face the
as many years later, when he travels to Bethlehem to anoint enormous responsibility of making the world a better place.
David as King, only to discover that the future monarch

RABBI ELI BIRNBAUM: director of Young Professionals at Aish UK, campuses, as well as creating the ‘Genesis+’ programme, aimed at
studied in Talmudic College in Israel for six years before attaining older students and post-graduates. Following this, Eli taught Jewish
rabbinic ordination from the Jerusalem Kollel. Eli completed a BSc studies at Hasmonean for a year, before moving to Aish to work as
in criminology and social psychology. Together with his wife Naomi, an educator, primarily focused on the burgeoning young professional
Eli moved back to London to take up a position in the JLE’s campus demographic. Eli is a lifelong Spurs fan and an avid reader, citing his
department, setting up Lunch & Learns across London’s major favourite book as Legends of Our Time by Elie Wiesel.

MONEY TALK

Coining
a phrase

GARETH KOBRIN explains the
Bitcoin phenomenon.

When I arrived in London fresh off the boat from the Back in early 2013, The G was still going strong (it has since
‘Old Country’ back in Africa, I somehow landed a job at migrated to a WhatsApp group), and one of the more tech-
an investment bank in the city. During my first year at the savvy participants told us all to buy something called Bitcoin.
company, I had tons of free time. The job was absurdly I love a punt, so I bought three Bitcoin for £100. (It was a
simple, so I had several hours to kill during a regular work painstakingly complex process to execute the purchase, but
day. I filled these hours by emailing mates. I still had enough free time back then to work it out.)
A group of friends in London and South Africa had formed a By November of 2013, my three Bitcoin were worth over £1
Gmail group (known affectionately as “The G”). Every single 000, a staggering 900% return on my investment. I somehow
business day, one of us would create a new email thread (with worked out how to sell them and spent most of the proceeds
a suitable subject line based on current events) and greet our on whisky and steaks (the rest I wasted).
mates at work. We would proceed to engage in ‘reply to all’
banter throughout the day.

MONEY TALK

Four years later, in November 2017, those same 3 Bitcoin Not following? It took me about 100 hours of research before I
would have been worth £33 000. I paid just over £30 for each could even pretend to understand this stuff, so don’t worry, this is
originally and suddenly these things were trading at over £10 only the introduction.
000 each. (I have never told my wife this story, so wish me Most people agree that although the crypto market has gone
luck.) bananas (one Bitcoin is still worth almost £7 000 at the time of
For those of you who have no idea what a Bitcoin is, don’t writing), the blockchain and its hippie-hacker technology will
worry. I presented at a tax conference in early 2018 (at the only realistically take over the world in the relatively distant
height of the Bitcoin hysteria) and I opened with the story I future.
just shared. After the punchline, I surveyed the room – literally The flipside of the Bitcoin, something that is actually already
filled with tax managers, CFOs and finance gurus from actively disrupting the banking industry, is the concept of
Fortune 500 companies – and I asked a simple question: “How “digital-only banks”. Experts believe the current high growth
many of you know what a Bitcoin even is?” in these so-called challenger banks such as Monzo and
I kid you not, about six people raised their hands. Considering Revolut will continue to soar as more people switch away from
that the rest of my presentation dealt with the impact of incumbent banks to these financial technology firms.
crypto-currency on the world of tax, it was not very well London-headquartered company Revolut has already signed
received. up seven million customers, with Monzo at two million, despite
So let me introduce some of the basics of the tech that will only being available in the UK. These “neo banks” provide
be disrupting the way we pay for things in the not-too-distant tech-savvy customers a mobile-first, branchless banking
future. (Disclaimer: I am no expert, I am only a fan. This is the experience.
equivalent of a first-year yeshiva bocher commentating on the Zohar, What are the benefits of these digital banks?
but I am all Yalla could afford.) They are exceptionally easy to set up, the fees are considerably
When considering how the world of banking will evolve in this lower than high-street banks, and there is greater “financial
new decade, there are two camps: the crypto-maniacs and the inclusion”. (Branchless banks have lower operational costs
digital bankers. and can, therefore, afford to accept customers who are unable
Bitcoin was the original crypto-currency, but hundreds to attain traditional financial services due to a lack of credit
have since emerged. The general term crypto refers to an history or poor credit ratings.)
Internet-based medium of exchange that uses very complex They also have a strong focus on security and several fancy
mathematical functions to facilitate financial transactions. Put features: in addition to providing digital banking accounts,
more simply: it is a new form of digital money. many challenger banking apps offer their customers built-in
Consider ‘regular’ money. Government-based currency (like a payment, budgeting and savings tools.
British pound or US dollar) is reserved in banks and you need Even if you are not ready to dabble in the volatile,
an ATM or a connection to a bank to get more of it or transfer decentralised world of crypto, or if you don’t feel the need
it to other people. With crypto-currencies, however, you may to considering making the move to one of these new digital
be able to get rid of banks and other middlemen altogether. banks, it should be obvious that the world of banking is going
That’s because crypto-currencies like Bitcoin rely on a to be changing. Hopefully Yalla can help you stay a little bit in
technology called blockchain, which no one owns – instead the know and the industry gets disrupted in the coming years.
of transactions being approved by a banker or government,
computers on the blockchain do that.

GARETH KOBRIN was born South Africa where he graduated with He is married to Aimee and they have three children. When he is not
a master’s degree in economics from the University of Cape Town. doing VAT stuff, he loves to write and is obsessed with sport.
He moved to London just over a decade ago where he worked in the
banking industry for a few years, and then qualified as a chartered If you need any advice on VAT or just want some sports banter, Gareth
management accountant. He is now the CEO of a tax technology can be contacted at [email protected].
company called VATGlobal, which is part of the VAT IT Group.

SPIRITUALITY

WHAT'S

IN A

name ?

Jewish tradition places a lot of
meaning in someone’s name.

RABBI PINI DUNNER

SPIRITUALITY

Last Wednesday, I crept quietly into a room at my daughter’s
apartment in New York to catch my first glimpse of our first
grandchild, a tiny beautiful baby girl, born to Shoshana and
her husband Zion the Saturday before.

A couple of days earlier, Zion named the baby Miriam
Emunah at his synagogue in Queens, after being called up to
the Torah, as is our tradition.

Miriam was my mother’s name, and the baby was named The importance of a name is not an idea limited to Jewish
after her. My mother passed away quite suddenly just over 12 tradition. Numerous studies have shown how much a name
years ago, at the age of 65. Born in Rotterdam in 1941, while can impact a person’s life. In 2011, the Journal of Experimental
Holland was occupied by the Nazis, she was adopted by a Social Psychology published a paper which included information
gentile couple who masqueraded her as their own baby. This from countless earlier papers proving that a person’s name
incredibly generous act undoubtedly saved my mother’s life. impacts on how they may be perceived even before people
After the Allied victory against Germany in 1945, my mother meet them.
was reunited with her parents, who had miraculously survived The authors also suggest that easily pronounced names “are
the war by hiding in a false closet at the home of a gentile judged more positively than difficult-to-pronounce names”,
friend. which means, in practical terms, that you are more likely to
Only recently I discovered that my grandfather would get a job if your name has one or two syllables, rather than
occasionally sneak out of hiding to visit my mother. three or more.
Although he did not reveal his identity to her, pretending to Meanwhile, a 2009 study by a team from Shippensburg
be a business associate of her foster father, he made sure to University in Pennsylvania shows that “unpopular names
visit so that he could keep up with his baby daughter as she are positively correlated with juvenile delinquency”. After
grew into a little young girl. producing irrefutable proof, the authors propose that
It is a strange feeling to see baby Miri, as she will be called, “adolescents with unpopular names may be more prone to
and to know that she will bear my mother’s name for the crime because they are treated differently by their peers,
rest of her life. Jewish tradition places a lot of meaning in making it more difficult for them to form relationships, [and]
someone’s name, and particularly if they are named after juveniles with unpopular names may also act out because
someone significant – whether it be a departed loved one they… dislike their names”.
or a great historical figure. Somehow their life is expected The flipside of this phenomenon was presented in a 2013
to echo the life of their namesake, or at the very least they German study, which concluded, quite remarkably, that
are expected to emulate the qualities of the person they are Germans with noble-sounding surnames, such as Kaiser
named after. (emperor), König (king), and Fürst (prince) are more likely
And very often, as time unfolds, one may observe the effect to have senior roles at work than those with last names that
this has on people’s lives – often positive, but occasionally indicate everyday occupations, such as Koch (cook), Bauer
negative, as they struggle to match up to the burden of (farmer), and Becker (baker).
expectation which accompanies their name.

Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E 93

“When we carry the name of a

beloved family member, or a

revered biblical figure, or – as is

This is despite the fact that often the case – both, we carry The legendary mussar
the noble-sounding surname luminary, Rabbi Leib
the potential for everything

is not evidence of noble positive that characterised their Chasman, offers a powerful
descent, or any kind of solution to the angel’s
superiority. Simply as a result evasion. By not answering
of “associative cognition, the lives into ours.” Jacob’s question, the angel

status linked to a name may actually answered it. A
spill over to its bearer and name defines a person’s
influence his or her occupational outcomes”. positive essence and potential. The angel who fought with
Jacob embodied the opposite of everything positive; as
Esau’s protector he personified the idea of the yetzer hara
(evil inclination), which has no identity of its own.
The subject of names comes up quite unexpectedly at the
beginning of Vayishlach. On the night before Jacob’s highly
anticipated meeting with his brother Esau, he is suddenly set
upon by a mysterious individual, who wrestles with him until In spiritual terms, the yetzer hara is the epitome of nothing,
dawn. a pyrotechnic display of smoke and mirrors. In the realm
of God and truth, the yetzer hara does not actually exist, and
Before departing, he asks Jacob to reveal his name, and upon therefore has no name. It is as a result of this that one may
hearing it, promptly informs him that from now on he will be find it hard to identify the yetzer hara, and therefore avoid it.
known as Israel – a Hebrew portmanteau which carries the At the same time, it puts everything associated with the yetzer
message that Jacob had “wrestled with the Divine and with hara into perspective – with no real substance, it is capricious,
humans, and prevailed”. ephemeral and ultimately utterly pointless.

In response, Jacob asks his enigmatic adversary – who the When we carry the name of a beloved family member, or
Midrash discloses was Esau’s angel alter-ego – to reveal his a revered biblical figure, or – as is often the case – both, we
name. But the angel replies (Gen. 39:29): “Why are you carry the potential for everything positive that characterised
asking me for my name?” and then abruptly leaves without their lives into ours.
answering the question. The commentaries all puzzle over his My mother was a gentle, generous soul, who lived to do good
elusive response. and to share the goodness she had been given by G-d. Little
Miri is lucky to bear her name, but more than that, she is
lucky to be the vessel of that positive potential.

RABBI PINI DUNNER hails from a prominent European rabbinic family. Following his yeshiva studies
in England, the United States and Israel, Rabbi Dunner majored in Jewish history at University College
London. During the early 1990s, Rabbi Dunner served as assistant rabbi at Moscow Choral Synagogue,
where he initiated groundbreaking projects for Jewish youth, and organised some of the largest public
Jewish events to take place in Moscow for over 70 years. In 1998, Rabbi Dunner set up the trailblazing
Saatchi Synagogue for post-graduate professional singles in London’s West End. In 2011, Rabbi Dunner
moved to Los Angeles, together with his family, to join the faculty at Yeshiva University High School. In
2013, he was appointed Senior Rabbi at Beverly Hills Synagogue.

The
fourth H

HOPE AND HEALING

The fourth H

What my brain tumour taught me.
RIVKA M CONWAY

Headache. Heartbreak. Hospital. Working on this project helped keep my mind off the chemo,
which was already on to its fifth cycle. When I discovered that
These three words summed up my life for almost seven years this dose would take place before Pesach, which meant I’d be
from when I was diagnosed in 2011. But then, there was a chemotherapy-free right through yom tov, I saw it as my own
fourth: Hope. Pesach miracle.

Just a few short years ago, I was one of the crowd, young Although I experienced my fair share of miracles, it was not
and carefree, perfectly healthy. Then I had an innocuous smooth sailing by any means. After a bout of seizures, I was
headache, which turned out to be a symptom of a brain put through brain scans again. I remember sitting and waiting
tumour. And before I knew it, I was undergoing complex for the results. It was 10:30 in the evening when a ward doctor
head scans, then brain surgery and subsequent radiotherapy, came over and asked if there were any relatives with me. My
followed by chemotherapy. parents were not with me at the time, so the doctor asked that
my father come in.
It was an arduous time in my life. As a single girl, I watched
my friends move on in life, getting married and building In due time, I learned that they had seen another brain
families of their own. And all this time, I didn’t know what the tumour mass on the brain. Shocked once again beyond
morrow would bring, didn’t know if I could dream of having measure, I slowly digested the news, silently questioning:
a family. “Why is G-d doing this to me?”

I knew I needed to keep my mind off the heaviness of it all, Every round of chemotherapy meant going through another
needed to hang on tight to the fourth H. And so, I got busy torture session, another bout of side-effects. From the low of
with my writing. I wove pieces of poetry that portrayed the crying when taking each pill to the high of hearing that the
pain of it all, the hope I was clinging to. And, in celebration chemo was working, life was certainly one dizzying merry-go-
of my birthday, I launched a daily kindness campaign, which I round. Finally, finally, it was decreed that my turn on this ride
called ‘To Kindle a Kindness’. was over.

“Have you ever noticed how good you feel after doing And now, when I sit here reflecting with wiser eyes than
something kind and positive for others? This project is the before, I realise what a gift every aspect of life – even
perfect prescription for mental health!” I wrote to my friends. something as ominous as cancer – is.
“So, blow away those cobwebs; keep the blues at bay. Fight
depression the ‘Kindle a Kindness’ way!”

96 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

HOPE AND HEALING

“Prayer is the Jewish

How many times do we daven mechanically, without much people’s battle cry
thought, mindlessly thanking G-d for the gift that is health and strength in all
and even life itself ? When a person’s life is on the line, prayer
takes on a whole new meaning. When illness strikes, we feel situations.”
vulnerable, swept adrift by the turbulent waves. Because I was
blessed to have the storm subside, I have the opportunity to
look back with an enriched perspective.

The operation to remove my tumour left me with a numb leg How did I cope with the uncertainty that the fragility of life
and poor vision. Only now do I see what a gift it is simply to brought me? Intellectually, we know there isn’t a test from
walk without feeling numb. Did I ever stop to appreciate that G-d that we can’t overcome, but how does this translate into
before? Why do we only appreciate what we have lost when it action?
has been taken away?
I constantly remind myself that G-d is the true Source of
Because I realised how healing it was for me to stay positive, healing. He is the Rofei kol bassar, ‘Healer of all flesh’, as we
I decided to count my miracles even in the bleakest of times. say in asher yatzar. Doctors are only the messengers; G-d can
When we’re looking out for miracles, we feel so loved, so bring the salvation at any time, at any place, and through any
taken care of. One of the miracles I appreciated was that means.
after being warned by the doctors of the various side-effects
of chemotherapy, including nausea, I was grateful that they Prayer is the Jewish people’s battle cry and strength in all
did not actually occur after one of the rounds. I was able to situations. Our response is to cry out and proclaim Shema
go about my day while on chemotherapy pills, not feeling too Yisrael. I remember lying on the examination table for my very
bad. The pills made me feel slightly nauseous, but they were first scan, petrified, frantically praying, not knowing what to
bearable when counteracted by an anti-nausea tablet. Chemo expect, crying out “Shema Yisrael” – Almighty, hear my cry,
pills rendered the tumour in my brain dormant without only You can help me. Every time I took my medication, I’d
causing too much damage to the rest of my body. I saw that as remind myself Who cloud truly help me, with a short prayer:
an open neis (miracle). “Sheyehei eisek zeh li l’refuah ki Rofei chinam atah” – May it be Your
will that this activity bring healing to me, for You are the free
Healer.

The human body is an amazing miracle made by the one and
only Designer above. While some only appreciate this once
they’ve had a health-related issue and are in need of healing
or salvation, we can come to this realisation even in a state of
health. Focusing on the fragility of life may frighten us, but it
leads us to appreciate the gift that is health.

Born and bred in the UK, currently residing in talent into writing articles extensively for for Camp Simcha UK. Rivka has an interest
Stamford Hill and educated within the ‘Beis a variety of Jewish publications, including and qualification in law and loves to play
Yaakov’ framework/model, RIVKA CONWAY The Jewish Tribune newspaper in the UK, amateur lawyer. She has a website for
has taken her life experiences along with a Wellspring magazine in Canada www. her musings www.conwaygirlz.simplesite.
natural flair for language and creativity into wellspringmagazine.com and the USA, and com and can be contacted via email
writing poetry and prose. Being a first-time Aish www.aish.com, to mention a few. She [email protected] or on Facebook.
author, she has previously channelled this has also edited and been involved with PR

BRAMPTON BET MEDRASH

Shabbat

PURPOSEFUL
LIVING

When G-d decided to create the
world, everything was deliberate.

RABBI NATAN KAHLANI

One of the first programmes we launched at Brampton “Shabbat addresses
Bet Medrash (BBM) was the early morning learning seder the most primal and
before Shacharit. When we were discussing what to learn, fundamental aspect of
many people were very excited with the idea of learning being a Jew: G-d exists,
Hilchot Shabbat in depth so they could grasp the concepts and He created the universe
principles of Shabbat observance with more clarity. and He did so because
We introduced this learning programme and we are enjoying He has a purpose for it.”
learning it together as a group. Thus the idea of sharing it
with the wider public in the Yalla magazine was the obvious
next step.

Before we enter the halachic realm of Shabbat, it would be We, as Jews, mirror this process by doing, creating and
remiss of me not to scratch the surface of some ideas around growing. But every seventh day, we stop, as He did. We are
the meaning and significance of Shabbat to the Jewish nation. testifying that we are pushing towards a goal. A day where
Shabbat is one of the cornerstones of the Torah. The Gemara the job will be finished. There is an endpoint and therefore
says someone who transgresses Shabbat in public and shows a purpose to all of this. It is not just an endless spiral of
no regard for it at all has the halachic status of a non-Jew. Why existence just for existence’s sake. Life has a much higher and
so severe? It is because Shabbat addresses the most primal and transcendent dimension to it, and that is where we are going.
fundamental aspect of being a Jew, and that is the following: And when we get there, we will stop, because the job will be
G-d exists, He created the universe and He did so because complete.
He has a purpose for it.

When you think about that statement for just a moment, This concept, incredibly, filters down into the halacha itself.
you begin to realise how fundamental, all-encompassing and We know that the actions we are prohibited to do on Shabbat
inspiring it is. It also becomes obvious why this is the root are the 39 melachot. These are the principal actions (usually
of what it means to be a Jew. There is deep meaning and translated as ‘work’, which is painfully inaccurate) that were
purpose to creation. It was all planned from the beginning necessary for the construction of the Mishkan (Tabernacle).
and is unfolding before our eyes, and we, G-d’s nation, have They include ploughing, planting, cooking and slaughtering,
been charged with the glorious task of bringing His plan to etc. One of the central themes of Hilchot Shabbat is that the
fruition. If you fail to understand this, then you are missing Torah prohibition of melachot on Shabbat is specifically a
the essence of Shabbat. To deny this truth is to leave the melechet machshevet. This phrase is difficult to translate because
world pointless, chaotic and hollow. it is so multifaceted. The root of the word ‘machshevet’ means
There is a point that I must stress, which is essentially obvious thought and importance. The principle of melechet machshevet
but often overlooked: When G-d decided to create the could perhaps be put into one line as the following: The
world, everything was deliberate. There was nothing that Torah only prohibits melachot that are thought through, and
just happened. Before creation, there was nothing. Nothing are of primary importance to the doer.
actually means – nothing. He brought it all into being, and This can best be illustrated by example. (Please note before
therefore a conscious decision was made for every aspect and reading further that one cannot apply anything of the
molecule of creation. That can lead to no other conclusion following to practical halacha, as we are not discussing the
than He wanted something from everything in His creation, topic fully. My goal here is to show the beauty and symmetry
for if not, why bother? Then, on the seventh day, He stopped. of the Torah concepts and how they are crystallised in our
When the infinite being – G-d – stops, He doesn’t do so daily lives. We will start to discuss practical halacha in the
because He has run out of ideas or energy. He’s infinite! next insert).
He does so because the creation has reached its endpoint.
The job is done and it is complete.

Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E 99

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