188 The day of graduating with the highest degree in the world was the greatest accomplishment that anyone would be grateful for. Doctorial students and graduate students shared the ceremony. After the students obtained their master’s degree, the Dean stated, “Would the Doctorate class of 20__ please stand.” I turned to my sons who were about 30ft away and gave them the thumbs up as a reminder that education is important. Next, I looked at my fiancé with a great big grin and winked my eyes at her internally thinking she had a man with a Ph.D. Once the Dean announced my name, I turned to look for my mother to acknowledge her hard work and realized that she died one month earlier. My stress level was so high that I had an anxiety attack once I left the stage. Members of my cohort thought that I was crying over my accomplishment, but it was for my mom. Graduation Day
189 Doctor of Management Degree
190 Ph.D. Transcripts
191
192 CHAPTER SIXTEEN Leading with a Disability Michael Korda stated, “Success on any major scale requires you to accept responsibility." . . In the final analysis, the one quality that all successful people have is the ability to take on responsibility.” ~ John C. Maxwell
193 Better Late Than Never Schools On average it takes the following number of years to complete these credentials Years I took to complete those credentials * ELEMENTARY 6 9 MIDDLE 2 3 * HIGH SCHOOL 4 5 * A.A. DEGREE 2 4 * B.S. DEGREE 4 8 MASTER’S DEGREE 2 4 DOCTORIAL DEGREE 6 9 I estimated this time from when I started at the Kennedy Krieger Institute in the Special Education Program. From the moment I started school, during K-12 education. I may have missed an astronomical number of days or weeks; I have never missed an entire quarter. I immediately enrolled into college. I have missed a week or two, but never a semester. The table below displays my theory of the time it takes to complete the program. It also displays how long it took me to obtain that credential. I would say I was the Cal Ripen in the education arena. Cal Ripen Sr. has played baseball for the Baltimore Orioles for 37 years. Cal Ripen Sr. has played 2,130 consecutive games (Bailey, 1997). Until this book, I would have never discovered this fact. The star (*) indicates that it takes on average four years to complete a bachelor’s degree. It took me eight years. I started at a community college that took me four years. Once I transferred to a university to complete the last two years to achieve my bachelor’s degree, it took me an additional four years.
194 Leadership Positions
195 Visit from the Mayor of Baltimore City “This is Very Interesting and Creative” It is hard for me to relax. I must be doing something to keep my mind occupied or I would become irritated. One of the things I do to keep me busy is to build model buildings, dollhouses, and work-related materials to make my job entertaining. I decorated boxes with information about job searches on them. One day the mayor of Baltimore City, Martin O’Malley, visited the career center for a press release. He found my area to be creative and entertaining. I asked him if I could take a picture with him next to the display.
196 National Society for Leadership and Success Selection NSLS Induction I received the following announcement in the mail. Six years after receiving doctoral degree. I thought this announcement was junk mail. Since this letter was from the University of Phoenix, I investigated and found the society to be legit. I have completed the application process.
197 I completed the required coursework associated with the induction including a live demonstration and presentation with a group of my peers. Upon the completion of my coursework, I received my credential in the mail along with my shirt. I never attempted to join any fraternities because I knew my grades would disqualify me. Being induction into the National Society of Leadership and Success made me feel that I belonged to an academic organization as important as others.
198 I am my Brand Despite my accomplishments, at times I would feel worthless, or depressed. I often felt this way before my mother died. The feeling worsened after her death. As I stated earlier, it often feels that I have not done enough to make my mother happy, thereby disappointing her. I taught a motivational session during a conference for human service workers on personal branding. I created the idea of having participants create a product of themselves featuring their personalities, characteristics, skills, and abilities. The goal was to convince participants that you are the best candidate for the job. I created a product of myself as an example. This is one of the props that I turn to in addition to my mother’s picture when my self-esteem is low.
199 Strongest Behaviors This Behavioral Pattern is extremely wide, which means that observed behaviors are very strongly expressed and needs are very strongly felt. Raymond will most strongly express the following behaviors: Connecting very quickly to others, strongly motivated to build and leverage relationships to get work done. Openly and easily share information. Strikingly expressive, effusive, and verbal in communicating; talks a lot, and very quickly. Enthusiastically persuades and motivates others by adjusting the message and delivery to the current recipient. Very collaborative, works almost exclusively with and through others. Strong intuitive understanding of team cohesion, dynamics, and interpersonal relations. Socially informal, extroverted, and outgoing; gets familiar quickly. Communicates in an uninhibited, lively, and adaptable manner, drawing others into the conversation. Interested in people, building relationships, and teamwork rather than technical matters. Affable, optimistic, and easily trusting. Focused on goals and the people needed to get there, not details or plans, frequently delegates details. Socially focused, naturally empathizes with people, easily seeing their point of view or understanding their emotions. Positive and non-threatening communication. Teaches and shares; often working collaboratively with others to help in any capacity. Accommodating: most comfortable working with others, often puts team/company goals before personal goals. Promotes teamwork by actively sharing authority. Summary Raymond is an engaging, stimulating communicator, poised and capable of projecting enthusiasm, and warmth, and motivating other people. Has a strong sense of urgency, initiative and competitive drive to get things done, with an emphasis on working with and through people in the process. Understands people well and uses that understanding effectively in influencing and persuading others to act. Impatient for results and particularly impatient with details and routines, Raymond is a confident and venturesome “doer” and decision-maker who will delegate details and can delegate responsibility and authority when necessary. Raymond is a self-starter who can also be skillful at training and developing others. Applies pressure for results, but in doing so, their style is more “selling” than “telling”. At ease and self-assured with groups or in making new contacts, Raymond is gregarious and extraverted, has an invigorating impact on people, and is always “selling” in a general sense. Learns and reacts quickly and works at a faster-than-average pace. Able to adapt quickly to change and variety in the work will become impatient and less effective if required to work primarily with repetitive routines and details. In general terms, Raymond is an ambitious and driven person who is motivated by the opportunity for advancement to levels of responsibility where they can use their skills as team builder, motivator and mover. Management Strategies To maximize effectiveness, productivity, and job satisfaction, consider providing Raymond with the following: Opportunities for involvement and interaction with people. Some independence and edibility in activities Freedom from repetitive routine and details in work which provides variety and change of pace. Opportunities to learn and advance at a fairly fast pace. Recognition and reward for communications and leadership skills demonstrated. Social and status recognition as rewards for achievement. © Predictive Index, LLC 1955 – 2023
200 CHAPTER SEVENTEEN From the Undereducated to the Educator “Educators with disabilities often bring additional expertise to the job: empathy. They understand all too well what students with disabilities and students who struggle in school are going through.” TOMLINSON BAKER
201 Teaching with a Disability An article published in the California Teachers Association found that educators with disabilities often bring additional expertise to the job: empathy. They understand all too well what students with disabilities and students who struggle in school are going through (Baker, 2023). The choice of becoming a teacher can be a way to transform a negative student experience of exclusion or stigmatization in the earlier school career into a future teacher’s strength of empathy with students who experience difficulties (Bellacicco & Demo, 2019). In fact, a study published by the California Teachers Association revealed that often a disabled teacher candidate is more qualified and hired for the job instead of the nondisabled teachers (Baker, 2023). In my experience of teaching in higher education was already challenging as an African American faculty member to demonstrate my expertise in the courses I taught, it was just as challenging to keep my disability hidden because I felt that my disability would have been more damaging to my credibility over my race if I had an episode during class. I called my mother to explain my fear. She would just remind me of the awards and recognitions I have earned for exceeding expectations. While her message resonated with me, my self-esteem was low because I did not want to fail her. I remember coming home from elementary school and attempting to teach Susan what I learned and teach her basic education such as the alphabet, numbers, and, how to write. I was very creative. I would use soda tops I found in the streets, cut letters from food boxes, watch educational shows such as The Electric Company, and listen to the radio to sing songs to see if we could remember the words. My creativity resulted in many spankings and punishments as I cut the food boxes with food still in them. I used the wall behind our long dresser as my classroom chalkboard. I would pull the dresser from the wall and use pencils, markers, and crayons. One day, while writing on the wall extended beyond the dresser point. While my mom was vacuuming our room, she saw the markings on the wall. She pulled the dresser from the wall and saw my work. Oops, as she pulled the dresser out further, she also saw the markings on the back of the dresser as well. I got in trouble for the markings on the wall, this spanking or punishment was not as severe as other situations that I got in trouble for. My mother called me in her room hours later and told me that she was taking me off my week’s punishment and told me to ask for paper. As I ponder over this situation now, I could only assume that my mother recognized that my sister and I were attempting to learn despite our learning disabilities. Teaching Was in My Blood As I reached the final chapters, I realized that from an early age, I was most happy when I played school with my sister. How could this assertion be true for someone like me who hated going to school because I did not learn at the pace of other students, and I was embarrassed that I could not answer questions like other students. Recall, I stayed in fights because students teased and called dumb
202 stupid boy or seizure boy.
203 I argued that the summer program was traditional and not exciting enough to promote buy-in from youth and parents. I proposed that we start a youth business program to teach youth how to create and operate a business. We only had 10 weeks half to operate a youth summer program. Druid Hill Family YMCA Youth Program Crystal Jackson, JD recruited me. Ms. Jackson was the President of the Black Law Student’s Association at the University of Baltimore, School of Law. To help organize a youth summer program. At that time, I was the President of the Black Student Union at the University of Baltimore. Our organizations have collaborated on many activities and events. Ms. Jackson was the Director of the Druid Hill YMCA’s Childcare program. I was introduced to the Executive Director for the Druid Hill YMCA, Donnie Malone, who was quite impressed with my skillsets. However, Mr. Malone informed me that many of the proposals I recommended for the summer camp program were too futuristic. Every time he saw me approaching his office he would say, “Raymond Holmes, we are still not there yet”! RAYMOND HOLMES!! You Better Not Screw This Up. Donnie Malone Executive Director The Y.M.C.A. received a grant to for a youth summer program. The primary stipulation was that there must be an education component. Mr. Malone proposed that we incorporate computer classes along with math and writing activities. Swimming and other sport activities filled the schedule. Mr. Malone’s recommendations were an easy fix since to comply with the grant requirement. I argued that the summer program was traditional and not exciting enough to promote buy-in from youth and parents. I proposed that we start a youth business program to teach youth how to create and operate a business. We only had 10 weeks half to operate a youth summer program. I proposed to Mr. Malone that we could create the program and begin the registration within two weeks. The next day Mr. Malone told me “I’m going to let you do the program.” “RAYMOND HOLMES!! YOU BETTER NOT SCREW THIS UP!”
204
205 Druid Hill Family YMCA After School Accelerated Program One day while working with students in the after-school program, the office manager came to our room to inform me that we had a guest. As usual, I thought it was a parent trying to get their child into the program. As I walked down the stairs, I glanced out the window and saw a tractor-trailer in front of our location. I walked into Mr. Malone’s office and saw Jamal Lewis (31) of the Baltimore Ravens. He commended Mr. Malone on the productive summer program and after-school program. He bought our students bicycles and gave them Raven’s sweatshirts. Jamal Lewis (Running Back) Baltimore Ravens Jamal Lewis and Raymond Holmes RAYMOND!! You Can’t Go Around Firing Everyone Crystal Parker Jackson, JD Director of Childcare Services Ms. Parker-Jackson and I determined that we should use a similar program for the after-school program but are more academically focused. We targeted middle school students who needed additional support with their studies. We received a grant from two grantors. We were again successful in creating a successful after-school program. At the time, we had an after-school program. There were staff members who were not productive. I consider these staff members nonproductive. I wanted to terminate those employees. Ms. Parker-Jackson, informed me, “RAYMOND!! You can’t go around firing everyone”. It is not your job, and you are not the Executive Director.
206 Workforce Development Teaching The Doctor Is Now on Duty There were two workers who worked in our career center named Rosa Young who was a Supervisor and Regina Smith a Department of Labor Licenses and Regulations consultant. These ladies considered me the go to person in the center on workforce development matters such as workshop facilitation and creativity and innovations I bought into the profession. One day Rosa started calling me Doctor. The name spread around the center quickly. Within a week, everyone started calling me Doctor. Two months later, I started wearing a doctor’s jacket. One day I came to work and reporters from the Baltimore Sun were waiting to interview me.
207 Welcome to Business 101 with Professor Holmes This was extremely problematic for students who had a learning disability or learning styles. Once offered the opportunity to teach at a college level, I vowed to make sure that I attempt to bridge this gap. I taught Introduction to Business, Business Ethics, Human Resources Management, Business Law, and Introduction to Computers. I included my teaching philosophy in my syllabus. Higher Education Teaching Statement of Teaching Philosophy In my experience, I have found that organizations possess more managers than leaders. Individuals in top leadership positions must possess both qualities to be effective. I am a transformational leader with over 20 years of management and leadership experience in private, nonprofit, government, and personal ventures. These sectors require a certain mixture of management and leadership qualities to achieve the desired outcome. My inspiration for educating our future leaders was to create effective managers. Learning must be fun and enjoyable for both the instructor and students. Maxwell stated, “Educators take something simple and make it complicated." Communicators take something complicated and make it simple. I have mastered the skills of taking the most rigorous course subject and transforming the lesson into an innovative and interactive model to engage students. I identify my teaching theory as a self-created term called “UNCONSCIOUS LEARNING” Unconscious learning is the process of taking the most rigorous business course and transforming the lesson into an innovative, interactive model where students are engaged without recognizing that they are learning material in course materials that might appear to be intimidating. I have had many conversations with classmates, and students about having professors who were experts in subject matter, however, it was often for some professors to simplify complex situations in an understandable method in their classes. Before teaching in higher-ed, I was masterful at incorporating hands-on experiences in my classes and workshops.
208 Baltimore City Public Schools Teaching Dr. Pedro Noguera, professor of Education at UCLA stated “The continued failure of so many young men not only increase the likelihood that they’ll end up in prison, permanently unemployed, or dead at an early age but their continued failure increases the likelihood that our society will accept such conditions as normal (Maryland department of education, 2023). I have award-winning success working with school age children and youths in different settings. I have served as a liaison for children and youth in childcare, youth services criminal justice, public schools, and workforce development. While working alongside the Department of Rehabilitation Services and foster care services, I learned that most children had experienced some type of trauma in their lives. I found a study conducted on black and Hispanic boys that stated 12% of eighth graders are proficient in reading; 29% are retained; 80% of black/Hispanic students in special education are male; 24% are suspended; 25-53% dropout; and 52% of male inmates are Black/Hispanic (Maryland department of education, 2023). I was always contemplating working in the school system to see if I could impact any I could make. I have applied for many positions with the state Department of Education and BCPS for student support services such as education program manager, program specialist, director of career services, and staff specialist where I have been deemed eligible. I also qualified for specialized teaching positions including a substitute that I qualified for as well. I substitute twice a month rotating to different schools. I worked with all grade levels to experience the classroom from the teacher’s perspective. I saw an article published by WBAL’s Tim Tooten that read that black males make up 11% of the city school teaching force -- that's five times greater than the national average of around 2% (Tooten, 2019). This article inspired me to get involved with the public school’s system. I started accepting longer assignments to see where I might fit. Understanding the bureaucracy and systematic processes relating to the education curriculum, it may be difficult to impact changes. I believe if the school system allowed Black men to educate young males and allow them to be more than just disciplinarians, they could make a significant difference in the lives of children, especially Black children (Kafele, 2022). The system must be willing to incorporate the talents we bring and allow teachers the autonomy to impact the changes that the school system is trying to achieve. Through My Eyes Any teacher who loves their job would tell you that the most rewarding part of the job is educating our future leaders. Like my dissertation study, an overwhelming number of teachers’ stress is due to policies and proceduresthat do not makea teacher’s job easy. As a student with a learning disability and educator, I do not believe in the philosophy of teaching to a test. I do not feel that teachers have much flexibility to deviate from the standard practices. I have also observed that many female teachers do not agree with the ways that male teachers communicate with male students. I believe that if male teachers are in high demand for this female-dominated profession, there needs to be more diversity training.
209 Holmes Labor Market Consulting Inc. It was a tough decision on deciding which way to go to start this business. Since my passion was teaching, I thought that going the nonprofit route would yield more opportunities and funding sources. My targeted customer base was other nonprofits that provided workforce development and related services. My focus was on sharing best practices with other career professionals on servicing their targeted populations. Training includes management and leadership workshops. Once I thought I was ready to move forward, I went into a deep depression grieving over my mom’s death. I kept blaming myself for her death.
210 CHAPTER EIGHTTEEN Meet The Family "A family is a risky venture, because the greater the love, the greater the loss... That's the trade-off. But I'll take it all." Brad Pitt :
211 My Parents Francis Holmes My mother lived in Miami, Florida, succumbed to Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD). At that time, I had just completed my Ph.D. program and was working as an adjunct professor, teaching business courses. I was blessed to have my fiancé and three sons as a support system. We spoke on the phone, listening to her favorite blues tunes B.B, King, I would send her anything she needed or asked for, like when her stove stopped working, and I had a new one delivered promptly. As her health deteriorated, I increased my visits to Florida to support my brothers with our mother’s care. I vividly recall one day when I was at the Baltimore International Airport (B.W.I.) preparing for my flight back to Florida. It was around 3 pm, and I was working on a curriculum for a Business Law class I taught, sitting on the floor. Then, at 4:30 pm, I received a devastating call from my sisterin-law informing me of my mother's passing. Overwhelmed with guilt, I could not help but feel that I should have been there for her more, despite my efforts to support her from a distance.
212 Abel Holmes My father was the first to pass away. He had diabetes and suffered a stroke, and I used to watch him take his insulin. At that time, I was living with him, working as a manager in training at McDonald's, and pursuing my Associates of Arts in Business at college. He was immensely proud of me when I graduated from high school, as he never received his diploma. I developed a fondness for oldies but goodies music because of my father. One of our funniest moments was when we were in separate rooms, and I would sing oldies but goodies unknowingly singing the wrong lyrics to a song. He would shout out the correct lyrics from his room, and I would roll my eyes towards his door because I was embarrassed by my mistake. As his health declined, I had to take on more responsibilities, including bathing him and preparing his meals, for about three months before he was hospitalized due to his stroke. The hospital informed me that he would require 24-hour care and could not return home, so we placed him in a nursing home. About six months later, while I was at home working on a paper, the hospital called me around 2:30pm to ask who was coming to get my father’s dead body. My anxiety engulfed me. I felt guilty, as I was the only one living with him, and wondered if I could have cared for him better. I didn’t know anything about making funeral arrangements. I contacted my uncle Pearlie in Pennsylvania; he assured me he would take care of everything. One day, family members whom I had never met started visiting.
213 Siblings My siblings play an instrumental role in shaping my personality and character. In fact, I have adopted many of their characteristics as part of my brand. Diane Diana was second in command when our parents were not home. She made sure that we continued to follow directions as we would if mom was home. My nurturing characteristics came from her. James James (a.k.a. Juney) served in the military for 20 years. His army uniform fascinated me, and it made me want to join the Army to be like him and travel the world. My leadership skills and wanting to be part of a group that was tough and worked together for one mission was a characteristic I learned from him. Mary Mary (a.k.a. Cookie) was in a nursing program. Seeing her coming home in an all-white nursing uniform was exciting to me. I wanted to be a doctor so I can help people. My aspirations to work in medicine came from her. Roy Roy is a professional drywall finisher. I have never experienced a time when he was out of work. It was fun to see him come home with drywall all over him. I learned from him that not all jobs were in a clean environment. I remember playing with my Tonka dump truck and putting dirt in it. When he came home, I would rub dirt all over me so I could look like him. My interest in construction came from him.
214 Avery Avery (a.k.a. Von) was an auto mechanic. He worked on large trucks. His uniform had his name printed in large letters on his shirt. I thought his name on the shirt meant that he was the boss. I would break items off my toy cars and fix them back to be like him. My work ethic came from him because he was always at work. Anthony Anthony also served in the Army. However, he was an armed security officer. To me he was the good cop catching bad guys and taking them to jail. I would put on my toy police badge and my toy pistol to look like him. My protective characteristics are a result of his line of work. Cordelia Cordelia (a.k.a. Niecy) was the hyperactive sister of them all. She had the ability to energize anyone in the same room. She was always happy and always made me smile when she came around. Being able to entertain, motivate and energize people were the major characteristics I learned from her. Elijah Elijah (a.k.a. Ray) was the protector. He did not let anyone mentally or physically engage with his family. He taught the youngest siblings how to fight and defend us. Protecting oneself and those you love were the characteristics I learned from him. Susan Susan was born with downs syndrome. Her medical condition resulted in her not being able to walk until she was seven years old. She loved listening to the radio and her favorite artist was Michael Jackson. She did not have the intellect to learn in a traditional school setting. My drive to help individuals with intellectual disabilities or other learning disabilities and protect those who could not defend themselves became one of my passions.
215 Raymond My Place in The Line-Up Cynthi Cynthia Cynthia was two years younger than me. She died of crib death. Abel Abel (a.k.a. Junior) is the youngest and named after our father. Since we were the youngest boys, there is no doubt that we were the closest. We did everything together. We even made plans about what our future endeavors were going to be. In times when he got into trouble, I would lie and accept his punishment because I hated to see him cry. Protecting people, I love were the major characteristics I learned from our experience.
216 My Family B.S. Dominik Entrepreneur Digital Artist Essex Community College Gregory Entrepreneur Used Car Salesman Evan Entrepreneur Digital Artist Essex Community College Ph.D. We have them all…. LA Shawn
217 It’s Hard Raising Four Boys All the credit goes to the woman at the house for keeping everyone on track. Any parent would tell you that raising four boys could be challenging. Raymond is a big kid as well. When factoring in the crime rate in our city and the fact that two of our sons have learning disabilities, the stakes are much higher in keeping them on the right path. One of the things we convey to our boys’ is don’t let your disabilities define you. Instead, work to overcome your challenges by working hard. There is no better proof of defying these odds while witnessing their father’s success. LaShawn My Kid’s Grand Ma Mas
218 I never knew any of my grandmothers. I was the last child that gave my mother grandkids. I am so happy that my mother had a chance to see her grandkids. She told me that she was proud of the way that all her children were raising our children. Because my mother lived in Florida, she could not see them often. LaShawn’s mother lives in Baltimore. My New Cousin Ethel Hudson The day of my father’s funeral was very emotional for me. Though my brothers, sisters, and family members from out of town attended the funeral, I still felt like I was on an island alone. There were so many thoughts going through my mind that I did not hear the Preacher. I was thinking about where I was going to live. Whom will I be able to talk to? Will I be able to finish college? As the funeral neared the end, the more stressed I became. The best way to describe that feeling is to imagine your soul slowly leaving my body. Afterwards, my anxiety kicked in.
219 As I was walking out of the funeral home towards the limousine, someone behind me uttered “hey Raymond.” I turned around and looked at a woman who was calling me. She said, “I am your cousin Ethel, Uncle Junior told me so much about you.” I don’t remember anything past that point. The last conversation I remember us having was when she told me that she was from North Carolina. She gave me her phone number and told me to stay connected with her. I contacted her and we have been in contact ever since. I traveled to NC to meet my cousins Tony and Terry. My other cousin Dr. Jeffcoat lived in another part of the Carolinas. It was exciting meeting other people from my father’s side of the family. I visited them and she shared stories with me about my father and took me to see other family members. Ethel is the closest relative to me on my father’s side of the family.
220 Tony Ethel Teri Dr. Jeffcoat It Felt like Home From the time, I arrived at the Greyhound bus station, until I left one week later, they welcomed me, and made me feel comfortable. I played basketball, we went out to eat, and went shopping.
221 CHAPTER NINETEEN Inspirations “Live so that when your children think of love, fairness, integrity, and tenderness they think of you.” ~ Anonymous
222 Educational Inspiration Gladys’s Knight https://gladysknight.com/ The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me I was sitting in the law library working on a paper. I was listening to my earphones. Suddenly, Gladys’s Night & the Pips song played (If Anyone Should Ever Write, My Life Story). As I listened to the words, I said to myself “this song explains my life experiences.” I replayed the song at least 10 times. Each time I listened, I would visualize how each verse reflected on my life.
223 Reminiscing to Gladys Knight Screen Play I thought about the challenges that I had overcome as well as the times when I was most happy in life. I started imagining different points of me that matched the verses in the song. To provide a visual of my thoughts, I did my best to give readers a visual of what I was visualizing using the chart above. The photos used were used throughout the book to demonstrate that the event matched the verse of the song.
224 This One Is for You Sis
225 My sister will always be my educational inspiration. She was always on my mind whenever I felt depressed or had low confidence about achieving my educational goals. I have been protecting the rights of individuals with disabilities who cannot represent themselves. This includes assisting parents with understanding the laws and services that are available to them. My mother and sister are buried in the same cemetery. Roy, my brother had duplicated stones made with both their pictures on them
226 CHAPTER TWENTY Defying the Odds “David Brinlkey stated “A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.” ~ John C. Maxwell
227 It Was My Mother That Defied the Odds This book was part of my grieving process. While 10 years have passed since her death, it still feels like it occurred yesterday. This grief and feeling of guilt have resulted in post-traumatic stress (PTSD) and other mental and physical health issues. I was forced to see a grief counselor and a therapist. I can only assume that for others who have lost their mother or a loved one, their grieving was not short-lived. Even before my mother’s death, I would always tell my boys to always take care of mommy first. I tell them, don’t let anyone do anything to your mother and to protect her at any cost. So, when my mother died it hit home that you only got one mother. I remember once crying in my bedroom and the boys came to comfort me. They would hug me and tell me it would be ok. LaShawn would tell them to leave the room and give me some time alone. I stopped them from leaving and told her that they needed to witness my pain and the impact of losing a mother. All I wanted to do was make my parents proud. While my learning disabilities were a result of a traumatic brain injury, I never knew the impact it had on my mother and the mental and physical impact she experienced. I would often hear parents telling their child in public, to stop acting retarded, calling the child stupid. I have never heard my mother call me, or my sister retarded. I did a research paper on Down syndrome. It was shocking to learn about the medical and educational challenges of my sister. I started feeling worthless that I wasn’t effective when I was trying to teach her. If it weren’t for my mother’s concern for our health and safety, I would not be here to tell my story. Despite my accomplishments, I often fall into a depression where I feel worthless and that I have not done enough to please her. The subtitle of this book is “DEFYING THE ODDS”. I came up with the title because the probability of anyone with a medical diagnosis of “borderline retarded” to achieve what I have is very slim. My mother lived long enough to see and touch my Ph.D. She said to me, “I knew you could do it”. I did not know that phrase was packed with grace and joy for her than it was for me. It is clear to me that my mother is the one who DEFIED THE ODDS. Mom holding my Ph.D. Degree
228 The Finality The finality is. From Kennedy Krieger to Ph.D. I built a 6ft x 6ft display case to place on our living room wall with all my college degrees. I also have a thank you dedication to my parents inside the case. I wanted my accomplishments to be a reminder to my children that their father went all the way and to set an example for them. I must say, it is fulfilling when my children have company, and their friends are commenting on how cool the picture frame is. Listening to my sons telling their friends that their dad got his Ph.D. is more amusing. My message to the world is to not let anyone tell you that you cannot do anything that you set out to do.
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235 You, Cy. Lu, Sw., Fu, Yq. et al. Relationship between admission coagulopathy and prognosis in children with traumatic brain injury: a retrospective study. Scand J Trauma Resusc Emerg Med 29, 67 (2021). https://doi.org/10.1186/s13049- 021-00884-4 Retrieved on January 14, 2021, from https://doi.org/10.1186/s13049-021-00884-4 LORD, Please Help Me. “IT STILL HURTS” FATHER, I thank you for the many seasons that you have granted me in my life. Thank you, FATHER, for my seasons of life and of death. I thank you for blessing me with my beautiful family, and for giving me such a mother who loved and nurtured me until her very last season. May I continue to be a testament of her seasons and may I be healed of the end of her seasons and may I find hope in your days to come. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen Nicole Brown Holmes’s background includes childcare, education, food service, hospitality, retail, recreation, sales, workforce development, and youth services. Dr. Raymond Holmes is the author of a workforce development textbook, Saying I Do to Your Career. His dissertation was a study on Work Participation Specialist Barriers to Customer Services. He has written several articles on workforce development and was recognized in local news publications and college publications. The Mayor of Baltimore, Martin O’Malley, Congressman Elijah Cummings, and other leaders have recognized his creative and innovative talents. Dr. Holmes is entertaining, compassionate, caring, and an advocate for individuals whose rights have been violated or have been wronged, especially individuals with disabilities.
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The most embarrassing part of my education journey was when my mother asked me on the same day I graduated from high school, “Now, are you going to college?” Why would she ask me something like that when I barely survived high school? I did not want to disappoint his mother, so I lied and said “Yes.” John F. Dullen stated, “The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.” As I reflect on the time I found my medical and education records in my mother’s closet is where I assumed that I had caused her lots of pain and trouble. After communicating with several individuals is where I was told to look on the positive side of my life. This information inspired me to share my story. Knowing my mother, I could only assume that because it wasn’t medically impossible my sister would never be able to live independently, she vowed to challenge the doctor’s diagnosis about me. My mother received a copy of his degree one-month prior to her death. It is plausible that my mother witnessing me with the highest education credential in the world was all of the proof she needed to validate she had defied the education and medical odds.