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Published by amanda.khan1985, 2019-09-05 18:22:43

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He’s tall and athletic and he never wears clothing, ever. I can’t even try to

put clothes on him, my mind rejects the idea because the truth is, he really

isn’t wearing clothes and no amount of pretending will change that. He has

curly blond hair and it hits his shoulders. I’m not convinced whether or not

he has blue or green eyes. He lives in a forest. It’s rocky in some places,

like, very large stones and there is a mountainous feel to this place. There

are tall old trees there, lots of them. There is also a large lake. He lives in a

round wooden house on the lake. It’s not a large home, and it seems to only

possess a bed and a fireplace, and I’m not even convinced it possesses a

bed, but I’ve seen a fire burning before. He seems to be the only one who

lives there. I’ve never seen anyone else there but him.

In my mind, I can project myself to this place. I can feel the sand in my toes

and the cool water. The air seems crisp. When I project myself to this place

I have to concentrate really hard on feeling fully present there, present with

all the elements and at all moments simultaneously, this isn’t particularly

easy for me. In the beginning, I used to project myself there but my face


and body were never that of my own. I’m not sure why, it seemed easier

this way. It’s quite amazing how many faces and forms my mind can think

up in a split moment, but the hardest form to be is myself. I don’t know

why that was so difficult, but once I was able to project myself there he

seems to appreciate that better so I always try to only ever be me.

I don’t think I entirely understood what this was at first, I just figured it was

an imaginary place and the whole of what I was seeing was entirely made

up. I really didn’t know what I was seeing, but the more times I have visited

this place in my mind, the scene is always the same and never

changing. The only difference is sometimes it’s day and sometimes it’s

night. This has proven to me that this place is more than imaginary and is

entirely real in some space and time. Sometimes I’ve seen this man doing

things near the lake, I’ve even caught him peeing off a ledge before – now

don’t tell me that my mind wants to see some guy pee, that was what

convinced me even more that this is not just imaginary; sometimes I project

myself there and I can’t find him anywhere near the lake, but he seems to

always notice when I visit him in my mind. Maybe not right away, but I

have called his name before and ran from the beach to his house, late one

night, and he came out the door and hugged me.


Comprehending this has only come recently, in the last year or so. His

spirit came to visit me many times and the energy was undeniable. He told

me his name was Avery. This is the same spirit that I saw in my living room

when I first gave blood to the Earth. His spirit visited me often at first and

then it slowly transformed and I started to see this man and that lake and

the house. There was a long period of time where Avery, the spirit, did not

visit me and I wondered what had happened. It was probably 3 months

that went by and nothing and during this time it felt like the closest way I

could be to his spirit was through this man I saw in my mind. From that

point forward the energy has slowly changed and my experience of Avery is

changing and I’m noticing that I’m becoming confused as to who is visiting

me, Avery spirit or Avery man?

This does get very confusing, especially when it’s difficult to put all the

pieces of the puzzle together and all these moments and times and places

when I noticed Avery, Avery spirit or Avery man I don’t know know. My

story of knowing Avery does not just begin over the last year, it begins many

years ago when I first noticed him. I’d say I was 14 and I was swimming at

my grandparent’s house and I was alone at their pool which rested on top of

a hill and this home was surrounded by a forest of trees so it felt very

secluded there. I remember I was on the diving board when I suddenly


noticed I was being watched. From my mind’s eye I could see a teenage boy

standing behind me on the other side of the fence watching me very

closely. I was so taken aback by this, I tried to pretend I didn’t notice and

when I attempted to dive into the pool I did a perfect belly flop and actually

bruised my lungs. There was a bruise on my chest for several weeks. I felt

so stupid I wanted to cry. He didn’t seem to think I was stupid and his

reaction never changed toward me. The only way I can describe it is as if he

was captivated by me. I couldn’t bare to swim any longer with what just

happened between being so surprised, noticing someone there watching me,

then being embarrassed and feeling like I made a fool out of myself, to

feeling overwhelmed and confused as to why this boy wasn’t laughing

hysterically at me. I felt like crying and I wanted to hide and I left the pool


I’ve always felt as though there was someone out there who knew about me

and loved me very much who lived in the stars. I remember it being my last

year of college, after many years of feeling like I was being watched by a tall

handsome man. You can say what you want but I found it to be very

annoying and rude. I could tell when he was there because the air’s energy

had suddenly transformed and become manlike and had eyes. I would tell

him he was rude to come here and watch me and stay hidden behind the


air and I would consider him ungentlemanly and a coward. As you can

imagine, I hated changing clothes or getting showers or going to the

bathroom cause I could feel his eyes on me often. I hated feeling watching

by someone that I couldn’t see. And I couldn’t see him at all then, only

sensed his presence very clearly and for whatever reason, I knew he was a

tall handsome man.

I know much more, now that time has passed and now in the present day

he has become clearer and clearer in my mind and in my daily life. His

mental capacity is clearly much greater than my own as he is always able to

welcome my visits to his forest home, however, when he comes to visit me, I

can sense his energy so well that it is almost overwhelming and often times

my mind instantly rejects it. The mind is very good at rejecting things and

keeping our human selves contained and imprisoned into a world that is

safe and that the mind understands and can relate to. My mind can’t

understand this although my heart understands very well and I know I can

trust him. As you can see, I’m often in a constant battle between a human

mind and a spiritual heart. Unfortunately, I’m still practicing allowing my

mind not to put up an instant red flag and develop a self-conscious reaction

that usually turns into anger and me telling him to go away and stop

visiting me when I’m trying to take a shower. One thing you probably don’t


realize is that it’s very natural for our human species to not wear clothing in

all places where we exist in the universe. Wearing clothes is part of the

enslavement of our species, a gift of the third dimension, but that’s a whole

other story.

So, in the last several months, I’ve noticed something different in his

approach toward visiting me. Since my mind is so good at rejecting his

visits he is trying to avoid alerting this response so instead he has been

relaxing me into an almost catatonic unmoving state; I’m so relaxed I’m

almost sleepy, my mind does not resist this as much as when he doesn’t

relax me first. I can’t say that I quite enjoy being instantly relaxed like this,

especially while I’m driving or while I’m busy at work and suddenly I have

stopped moving and can only just stare and I worry that someone will notice

and think I’m insane. I have tried to break this relaxed state. I can

certainly break it but I feel this horrible sensation inside when I do. Like, I

want to cry. Whatever he is using to relax me is obviously some profound

surge of love that makes me feel instantly peaceful and like resting. It is a

pleasant sensation and much easier to embrace than a tall handsome man

staring at me while I’m on the toilet.


So this is part of my life story. This is only a part and there is much more to

this particular story than I can tell, its so much more complicated than this

very basic part of the story. But I do know that I need to start sharing

myself more with the world. I’m very good and containing who I really am

and pretending to be so very normal when my life experience has been far

from explanatory. No amount of trying to fit in will ever hide the fact that

I’m different and my experience has been different. If there is one thing I

can say about the purpose of my life, it’s about embracing who I truly am

and learning how to share that person with the world. I have worked very

hard in my life to hide my true identity so that I could fit in and be

normal. I’m at a point now where it doesn’t seem to make sense anymore, I

just want to be myself. Coming to this point has been a huge step for me

and to share this giant secret is an even bigger step. I’m working on

opening up to sharing these big secrets, but also learning how to capture a

voice that I relate to and that helps me share my story in a way that feels

right to me. You may not notice that about yourself, but you and I and

everyone are filled with a million different voices. One voice may be funny,

one voice may be very judgmental, one voice may be very professional and

we use different voices in different situations where they make the most

amount of sense. Since I am not accustomed to sharing the true side of

myself, it’s hard to figure out what voice is my own. Again, this is the mind


at work, trying to create an illusion that I must find a ‘right’ voice to share

my story. I can tell you that I am also a super perfectionist and that is

another challenge with sharing my story because my mind has worked so

hard at concluding that to be ‘perfect’ in this world, you have to be like

everybody else, so me not being like everybody else is really conflicting, and I

think a natural response to most humans. We all want to be loved and

appreciated, even for our differences.

Anyway, I can at least go about my day knowing that I have shared

something about my ‘Normal’ life. Hopefully I will be able to share more

again soon enough. What you may not be aware of is that my hours are

between 3:30 am and 8:30 pm: 1 hour of that time is getting ready for work,

1 hour of that time is my drive to and from work. 12 hours of that time is

working, and the remainder of that time is spent with my kids, figuring out

dinner, and making sure everybody is bathed and ‘jamied up and ready for

bed. It feels almost impossible to continue with my website but I have to at

least try. So please be patient with me as I try to develop something here.




In my years of search and discovery, one thing I am constantly combating is

my never-ending thought making brain. Have you ever tried to

comprehend, just by thinking about it, what it is to be human? Part of what

I have discovered is that, to be completely and utterly human, is to think,

and think constantly. I feel quite certain that humans are the only species

in the universe that can think this much, that want to think this much, that

insist on thinking this much. This, to me, is actually a sign of an

underdeveloped species. Now, that being said, I do believe it also shows

sign of a manipulating outer species that is enhancing our minds to create

thought prisons. When you are constantly in a deep world of thought, you

are actually in a thought prison. When you can learn to quite the mind and

connect with the universe, you will find information absorbs into your

body. You don’t have to think to discover it, it becomes infused within you

and you suddenly already know the answer. I can’t deny that I feel very

confident that our species has profound capabilities that have been

degraded and repressed over the years to a point that our minds are telling

us that we are underdeveloped but yet our minds also tell us that we are an

advancing species and advancing society. And we have become so


accustomed to thought prisons that we now feel this constant thinking is a

natural part of our species and that this constant thinking can have good

components and has opened the doorway to wonderful scientific

discoveries. This is a lie. What human beings have created today, this

world that is today, this world that is so degrading and disgusting, yes, this

world was created by billions and billions of thought prisons. Don’t you find

it interesting how human beings today have drifted from the old fashioned

porch and lemonade scene to the cellphone addiction scene? What has

become of our species that we can’t sit and relax anymore? What has

become of our species that we must be constantly entertaining ourselves

through devices that actually provide no sustenance to our physical and

mental forms. These devices are only helping us ignore time and pass the

time without actually living ‘in time.’ How about your last breath and

looking back on your life and seeing how good you were at ignoring your

family while you played on your cellphone, and ignoring your family while

you watched TV, and ignoring your family because you had to do this one

more thing on the computer; but the reality is, you probably won’t notice

how good you were at ignoring anybody, because you were so busy

immersing yourself in this world that became natural to you, and your

closest companion is probably busy doing the same thing, and then all of

your children who were once natural forms became unnatural forms,


obsessed with devices and ignoring the world and each other until

suddenly, on your last breath, you actually felt like you accomplished

something beautiful in life when really the only thing you accomplished was

further degrading yourself, and degrading your sacred creations which will

pass on the degradation until all of humanity and the planet Earth is

dead. I’m not certain what all of this means, other than the reality that we

need to wake up and start observing ourselves and observing each

other. Taking one step forward and deciding to be different. Taking one step

forward and deciding to take notice of something peculiar. Every day of my

life and as much time as I can muster, I spend connecting with my body,

with my mind, with my soul, with nature, with the universe, with the energy

of life, the energy of all that is, was, and ever will be. If there is anything I

can tell you, once you discover it, this energy is way more appealing, way

more enjoyable, way more inspiring, beautiful, amazing, profound, and life

altering than any app you can find on your cellphone. When you can go

into the forest and find a peaceful place and feel your body connecting to

every large and every small form of life, and you feel your vibration shifting

and you feel this stream of light and love flowing into your heart and it

brings tears to your eyes, when you can do this every day, making love to

life itself by just finding peace and quietness in mind, body, and soul, you

will find true ecstasy beyond anything these devices can provide. Then you


will start to realize what it is to truly be a human being in the universe and

then you will start to take notice of something that often times goes

unnoticed and that is the reality that there is something ‘bigger’ going on

behind the scenes. Something that is creating an illusion for us all that has

created billions and billions of thought prisons that will forever keep us

locked in this disturbing world that is today. The only way to break free

from this is to accept your mind and the thought prison, and then to choose

a different way of being which is to open the prison cell and walk through

that door to the rays of light that exist all around us and that are ready to

raise billions and billions of vibrations so far that they reach the endless

universe and take our species to an everyday experience of infinity.




This is important for me to share, and important for me to make sure every

human being knows this truth, and the truth is that each and every human

being on this planet is not on Earth because we are all young souls. Earth

is not the beginning of our soul destination and once we have gotten to

some point in our soul development, we finally get to move on to alien life

experiences. No, this is not true. The reason I’m bringing this up is

because this has become a repetitive ‘discovery’ that I have read and heard

throughout my life. Remember, I’m only 30 and I’ve heard it more than

once and more than twice and the interaction and response to this lie

seemed favorable, that it seemed to make sense that our souls would start

here and then go elsewhere. It is mind boggling to me that our minds can

be so simple that this fact would make sense. Just because this world of

today is a complete and utter mess, it was not created by billions of young

souls who don’t know any better. Absolutely not. There are other factors

than just humans that have created this world of today. So please know

that just because you live on Earth, you aren’t living here because Earth is

step one. Know that you are living on Earth because you have a tough soul

who wanted to start in the pits of hell verse starting in a beautiful and


reverberating love body like that of the Pleiadeans. It’s not about the body

you inhabit or the place you inhabit that determines the age of your soul,

it’s about how you love in a world of hell and that and only that will

determine who and what you are.





I’ve decided I probably should write down what I wake up to in the middle of

the night; usually anywhere between 1 and 5 am. My life is so full of

constant distractions, I never just write it down first thing when I get up in

the morning and next thing you know a few days have passed and I don’t

really relate to the information in the same way or I can’t remember the

words exactly and there are so many reasons why. So, I’ve decided to

change my ways and start writing things down, and the first thing I’m going

to write down is what a spirit shared with me a week ago, in fact, it might

have been two weeks ago, I can’t remember.

So, it was around 1 in the morning. It was a strange series of dreams I’d

been having over the past few days, and I had been feeling for several

months somewhat disconnected from the universe. I hate feeling

disconnected and the feeling is really just noticing that I don’t hear from the

spirit world as often as I’d like to. My life just feels dull in some

unexplainable way; something I love feels further away from me than I’d like

and it creates an empty feeling. I have a very special relationship with a


spirit that my soul knows very well. His name is Avery and I wrote about

him in a previous entry. I know his spirit well but his physical form is quite

distant still and confusing. Regardless, Avery spirit visited me a few weeks

ago in the night and when he visits me in this way, it fills my heart with

joy. I absolutely love learning new things from him. He shared several

pictures with me and what happened in the end was extremely strange and

hard to make sense of.

The first thing I remember him showing me was a beautiful woman, she

seemed somewhat Asian and somewhat looked like Jasmine from Aladdin,

but not a cartoon image an image of a real person. Her hair was black and

extraordinarily thick, and it had extraordinary braids in it. Unlike any

braids I had ever seen, they were intricate. Not all of her hair was braided. I

saw that she was holding something; I can’t seem to recall what it

was. Regardless I know it was a gift. This woman had walked into a tunnel

underground and there was a stream there of illuminated water. The light

seemed to come from the ground. I know that she gave this gift to the

water. I don’t know where it went or why she was doing this. There was

more information shared about the image but I can’t remember. This is the

first picture.


The next picture I remember clearly was the memory of another lifetime. I

was a woman lying on a bed. I wasn’t older than 40, for certain I wasn’t. I

was very, very sick. Avery was there as a man who was taking care of

me. We were certainly together, married. I remember feeling so sad because

I was weak and I knew I was going to die from this sickness and that I was

going to leave Avery alone. It was extremely odd because I remember seeing

how broken hearted he was and I desperately didn’t want to leave him

alone. I passed away in the vision and I could even feel my soul escaping

my body as I left him alone. It was just a sensation of ‘lightness’, like

detaching from a crust and drifting away like air.

The final thing I remember seeing was very unusual and I felt I was in an

altered state of being. As though I was in my body and I was myself but I

wasn’t entirely surrounded by our dimension as we know it. All I can tell

you is that there was a strange man that had no face and it would be the

equivalent of wearing a black spider man mask. Just a black face, not like

African American black skin, but black salamander like skin with no

distinguishable eyes or mouth or ears but a face no doubt and it was

attached to a body of some kind. I could only see the face and neck and I

thought the rest of its form was like a snake, but I can’t be sure. I suddenly

saw the walls disappear and it seemed as though I was in a barren dessert,


and it was desolate and dead there. There was an extreme wind and sand

blowing everywhere. I really have no clue what any of this means but it was

a very clear image and I was in a real place. This face was right next to

mine and with unknown hands I was able to feel its sturdy structure and I

did all of this as I was lying in bed in my bedroom but also surrounded by

this other world I could see so clearly in my mind that it was projected

around me and it literally was around me. I asked Avery what this was and

all I could understand of it was that this creature was real and this place

was real.

I really can’t explain half the things I see but what I can tell you is that I can

recognize a distinct difference between falling asleep and recognizing a

dream world, the difference between being completely and utterly awake in

the real world, and the difference between feeling my ‘self’ in an altered state

of being. It appears to be easy to pull me into an altered state of being

between 1 and 5 am and I’m almost certain I’m not the only human being

on the planet that has experienced strange things between these hours. I

would say 4 am is the kicker time for weird spiritual experiences but since

my hours are getting earlier and earlier to rise it seems the spirit world has

to catch me a little earlier as well.


Anyway, I’m sharing this with you. I asked the universe to open that door

again and give me a second chance. I need to make an honest effort to write

down what I’m shown in the middle of the night. Maybe it doesn’t make

sense to anyone and maybe this website has no meaning but for myself, but

at least I’m making a concerted effort for me and my choice to enhance my

relationship with the spirit world and anyone else who might relate or find

this interesting.







So I’ve spent the last few days feeling sensitive to some unknown and

overwhelming energy fluctuations. I don’t know about you, but Monday

was a very bad day for me. I’ve gone through so many years of my life

knowing a great deal about depression but I’ve never felt any kind of

suffering like I did on Monday. It was completely out of mind and it was like

a large ball of energy that was welling around my midsection. Not even in

my heart but below that. Over the last few days I have finally perceived

what a chakra actually looks like and it looks like an incredible flower that

exists outside of the body. It’s sort of like all human beings exist inside of a

bubble and somewhere attached and not attached to this bubble is a

floating flower. The flower I saw was a yellowish orange color, with sharp

distinguished petals, and it was extraordinary and beautiful.

But back to what I was saying, this sensation I’ve been feeling is like an

intense pain. Like a deep sorrow coming from the Earth and coming from


inside of me. I’ve been feeling like I can’t be a normal human anymore. I

haven’t even mentioned what happened to me on 6/8/12 but I haven’t been

the same person since. I feel like someone who went through some

Spiderman science experiment and now I’m not human anymore. Do you

know what it feels like to not feel like you are human? I never knew what it

felt like until recently. The person that is inside of me is not the person I

used to be. I don’t feel connected to other people or connected to anything

that has been created by mankind today. It is a terrible thing because I still

have to live in this world and yet I belong in a different world. I feel like if I

don’t leave this reality and find myself removed deep into a forest my soul

my actually die. That is the pain I’ve been feeling. Like I miss my home,

which is a home I never had, a home in the forest. As you can see, this is a

very odd predicament because this isn’t normal, and yet it is more normal

than any human can possibly know.

But moving along, weirdness to the nth degree starting around 1 am when I

woke up and noticed something peculiar. The memories are all very vague

because I woke up several times and tried to remember what had happened

only to find that I was experiencing some new information and then I would

fall asleep again only to repeat this sluggish recall several times throughout

the early morning. I finally woke up at 4:30 with a distinct message to go


to a forest area I had recently found. Naturally, I can’t say no to the

universe, but I warned the messenger that my mind would try to battle this

instruction and tell me to just go to work so I asked for extra help to make

sure I followed through which I did.

When I got to my forest place I felt that uncomfortable feeling when I got out

of my car, like I’m a naked person trying to sneak through the county fair

and everyone can see me. I hate being in the light when I’m sneaking to do

something weird that I don’t want anybody to notice; not that anybody is up

or anywhere even near this forest area at 4:30 in the morning, but just in

case, I still have to be sneaky.

I can’t deny that I felt off about being there this morning. When I go there

this early and it’s all dark, I sometimes worry that there will be a homeless

person in the forest one of these times that I go there. Then I’m always

reminded that this place was chosen for me because it is safe and I’m

reminded that it is far too rocky and uncomfortable for anyone to want to

come here to sleep. I had a strange moment as well with a shadow and I

actually thought a wild animal was sitting right next to me and even then I

was told that the animals know I am here and will not come near me. You

don’t understand what it is to ‘hear’ a voice in your head and know it’s not


your own voice until you start to take notice of how that voice is different

from your own and detached from your own mind. Once you can start

recognizing this you will start to have a very good communication with the

spirit world. You may be surprised or not surprised to know that there are

a good portion of thoughts within you that are not your own. But this is a

topic for another time.

So I found myself safe in my forest home this morning, as I was called to do

by so many vague memories and conversations with spirits and strange

looking people. I can’t tell you if they are real people that know about me

but exist in another dimension or if they are spirits that I pick up on that

take on a form of some kind. I can tell when it’s a spirits because I can see

them in my reality with my real world in the background but I do see forms

that come from an entirely different background. For instance, my son has

been sick with a bad cold so I was using some Reiki symbols on him before I

left the house and I saw a large man in a forest put his hand on mine and

tell me not to be afraid. And when I say large man, I mean like 12 feet tall

and proportionate in size and height, a real live giant. I saw many

extraordinary trees behind him when he touched my hand.


I’m not going to lie, the energy fluctuations through the night were

insane. My energy field felt pulled in many different directions by many

different voices. Say what you want, tell me I need to go to a mental

institution, trust me, I get it, but the reality is, the more I ignore who I am

the further I go back to the person I used to be, trying really hard to fit in

when I knew I was different all along. Trying really hard to ignore my

differences and change them so I could be like everybody else. The reality

is, the universe is not having it and whatever has happened to me happened

because of an enormous energy shift and I just so happened to be at the

right place at the right time, present to receive energy that changed me from

human to some form of alien human…but back on topic again. So much

has been very, very weird lately and I know I have to keep writing this

down. The more I write down, the more I am proving to the universe my

willingness to pay attention and to share what information I receive, even if

it doesn’t make sense and even if it makes me look like a freaking fruit

cake. The moment we humans can all walk away from our egos and

embrace the weird side of the universe, the sooner we will transform into

our most natural and amazing selves.

So, back to topic, I waited in the forest, as I usually do, because nothing

happens the moment I get there. I have to relax and tell the universe that I


am open and ready to receive information. Then I will notice an energy

fluctuation that alters me and my mind and then a portal opens between

me and a messenger of some kind. This morning it was the voice of Mother

Earth and this morning it was the voice of the elementals, the tiny beings

who make things grow, who heal all creations, who exist in another realm

that is ours and not ours. I heard their voice tell me that Mother Earth

needed me today. They showed me an image of something I don’t even

think I can tell you. In fact, I will keep this one to myself. Anyway, it was a

gift that was created from inside of me that they brought to life outside of

me and I was shown what it was and how it came from one place within me

to outside of me. They told me this was a gift for the Earth. I was shown

my new forest place and I saw the gift sitting on a dirt mound. I often bury

gifts to the Earth so that they can be absorbed back and reborn. To bury a

gift for the Earth, it’s literally like the equivalent of an orgasm for the Earth

so burying gifts are extremely essential for the life and health of the Earth. I

know it sounds weird, but trust me, it’s very true. When you give a gift from

your heart to the Earth, you are giving love energy; love energy and sexual

energy are the same, and when you give love energy to the inside of the

Earth, the Earth feels this gift the same way you feel the gift of an orgasm

with someone you deeply adore. It’s all the same thing. So I showed the

elementals how I will bury this energy gift and they told me no, that it was


buried inside of me at one time and now it must stay in the open and that it

would be taken care of by the air. I don’t know what any of this means and

I couldn’t hear any answers very well so I just accepted this

information. And as I sat in the forest I thought about this and as I let go of

my fears of homeless people and wild animals and as I opened a portal to

the universe I began to hear the Earth speak to me. The voice is female for

sure and I even contemplated if I was incorrect that maybe it was a nature

spirit or some other spirit that is connected with the Earth that is speaking

to me. Either way, it represents the Earth so it was the voice of the Earth

for me. I went about a sacred ritual I do in nature in which I was shown

pictures of what my energy was doing and how the Earth and I were

interacting and how I was connecting with the Earth. I knew everything I

was doing has an importance to me and to my mission here in this

lifetime. Now I can’t tell you that when all was said and done, I walked

away from this spot feeling as though everything made sense or feeling

completely elated, no, in fact, I felt very proud of myself for doing as I was

asked to do, but then feeling confused as usual and trying to go about a

normal day again that doesn’t relate at all to my existence.

This sorrowful pain is a feeling as though I miss my connection with the

Earth. I’ve been feeling a suffering feeling. I just want to live in the forest. I


recently requested a past life reading. These past lifetimes keep me sane in

my insane world and they keep me constantly uncovering clues about

myself and about life and what it is to be human. I know this reading will

come soon but I am hoping it will reveal clues to who and what I’m

becoming. A natural human in an unnatural world. Maybe at one time I

lived on Earth as a natural human, before human beings went through

energy shifts and mind control into what the world has become today. And

don’t think that it isn’t true because it is. The less you believe the further

away from the truth you’ll always be. The more you can expand your mind

and allow the creative side of you to come forward, the closer you’ll be to

your natural self and to understanding the universe which is completely

and utterly different and full of weirdness that even the weirdest

contemplations can’t even depict. Imagine having a conversation with

Adam and Eve in their sacred home and convincing them how important

today’s world of living is and how they need to change their ways and start

eating McDonalds and getting wasted and doing some blow on occasion and

then going to work for 12 hours a day so that you might have the extra

money to supercharge your engine and buy some new speakers to bump

some angry rap music about blowing peoples brains out. Now you want to

talk about weird, let’s talk about us human being today and how fucking


weird we are.

Anyway, I can’t type forever and I’ve managed to spit out some new life

experiences of the strange and normal life of myself. As soon as I have my

new past life reading I will be very willing and excited to share it. So be

ready for more.






I can’t say many strange events have been in the works lately, other than

Avery the Human Alien. I don’t like talking much about Avery, but I can

definitely say I have felt an extreme disconnection, to the point that my

brain tries to tell me that it was all make believe, and then back to an

extreme reconnection, to the point that I can’t deny what I’ve always

sensed. It’s the same sensation I’ve had all my life, as though someone

knows about me in the universe, from some place far away from here, some

boy my age that loves and care about me, a best friend over all else in all

time and space and in all eternity, and hiding under every rock and hiding

in every crevasse and in the dark places and in the light, no other soul can

mean this much to me.

When my life gets to spinning back to a normal pace, where I don’t feel the

Earth and the Stars, and I don’t feel Avery’s intense energy relaxing me into

a vegetative state, and when I don’t get weird voices in my head, I actually

get to feeling quite content in it all. My life feels normal and my mind is so


quick to tell me that it was some weird creative fantasy that never existed all

along. I know better, my heart knows better, and my memories know

better, but I can’t deny life becomes so much easier this way. I can go to

work and put my nose to the grindstone, I can come home and focus on my

family, I can go to bed at night with the passion to get up and do it all over

again. I can’t say that I necessary dislike work, I don’t agree with the

working world, but it creates a goal for me that I’m used to. I’m used to life

today, and who isn’t? And who doesn’t find anything but life today normal

and what makes sense? But in saying all of this, on the same token, I can’t

deny that I find this other world very, very fascinating. And when it comes

back to me in intense waves of undeniable energy and when I get called to

do something absolutely weird and extraordinary at the same time,

it makes me feel like I’m a part of something grander and it helps me to see

the reality we live in is completely and utterly false.

I can’t deny that Avery’s energy is entirely addictive, when it is in full force

and I can feel it passing through my heart. It is as if his heart and my heart

are beating exactly the same. Yes, I know, it sounds stupid, but it’s true; I

can feel his heart actually beating in my chest and for a moment I feel like

we are identical persons, I can sense his form as like a shadow over mine; in

this shadow I can see his eyes and his smile and his amazing energy is felt


throughout my body and in the same turn he senses the same in me. We

both connect in our hearts and with our minds creating worlds that we can

share together. But regardless of the Avery situation, the hardest part

about all of this, it’s much easier to live in the real world when the ‘other’

stuff isn’t present, but the ‘other’ stuff is becoming present more and more

often which can be extremely distracting to a point that it makes it very

difficult to be fully present in what I’m trying to accomplish in my real world

life and then makes me wonder what it is that I am supposed to be


Anyway, that’s the story of today and my experience with the week, just

feeling one day normal and as though everything is what I remember most

about life, it just being normal; and then it turning again and being full of

intense Earth energy, spirit energy, and Avery energy. These energy shifts

are like ocean waves, they come and go and sometimes they go for a few

weeks, but mostly they go for maybe two days and then come back. My

conclusions with this are that it must have something to do with astrology

and something to do with me. That’s the best I can share for now.





Love is an electric energy; I can see it like pink lightning bolts. Sometimes

it’s different; sometimes it has a soft pink glow. Love lives unseen but it

exists in all things. It is the very matter that is you and I. It is our bodies

and our souls. It is light and even dark. It exists in everything. There is

nothing in existence, seen or unseen, that does not possess love. Love is

what builds and creates all things, good things and bad things. What is a

hurricane over a beautiful rainbow? There is destruction and beauty found

in all things and it is the nature and law of the universe. Sometimes these

destructive energies become condensed into actual forms and expressions of

the universe; forms that want to take and destroy; physical forms and spirit

forms. My form is the expression of light energy and what feeds my soul is

not the destructive side of creation but the creative side. With every lifetime,

my soul becomes more condensed and radiates even more powerfully the

expression of purest and ultimate love. This is what empowers my soul to

remain present in the physical plane; to experience love in all of its

expressions, even the dark expressions of love. It may be very difficult to

understand, and even my own mind tries to reprimand me for saying such

things, that dark things could be things of love. The dark can feel very


condensed in the death and destructive side of matter, but we need both

dark and light to survive and exist. Only those who can comprehend love to

its fullest can understand this, and despite my own mind trying to tell me

otherwise, my heart is connected to a very wise and ancient energy that

knows the truth, full and well.





** This is a past lifetime that Anthony (

provided me, but I lost the copy entirely, and can only relay the information

now from my memory, and in my own words. I feel especially compelled to

share this lost lifetime because the information contained within it is so

important. It certainly shares a strategy for how to get rid of the Greys, but

it also shares something more than that, a secret about our human

emotions and what we humans are truly capable of in the universe.**

In this lifetime, my family lived in a stone home that was passed down

through many generations. After I married, my husband and I raised our

children in this very same home. Nothing was amiss, except in the

mornings, when I would wake with faint recollections that someone was in

the home at night, doing things to myself and our children. I would discuss

it with my husband, but he would not understand. He was also not a part

of what happened at night, which made even more sense that he would not

understand. It began to get so bad, these faint memories of being

experimented on like a lab rat, that I demanded that we leave the home and


move elsewhere. Obviously, that was out of the question, since the home

was passed down for many generations. I felt defeated.

A night comes, no different than most nights with the Greys. I am frozen

still, the same as they freeze all humans they abduct and experiment on. I

watch as a long instrument is stuck up my daughter’s nose. There was

nothing I could do to stop this nightmare, I was paralyzed. When all was

done, my memories were erased. You’d think the story would be over, but

the next day, I noticed my daughter had a horrible nose-bleed. For some

reason, this triggered enough memory of the previous night that I mentally


From that point forward, I no longer felt defeated. I felt consumed by a

surge of rage that enveloped my body. I became filled with this

unimaginable hatred, and I wanted nothing more than to share it with these

unwelcome outsiders. I unleashed every terrifying thought I could imagine,

and I did this every night before bed and every morning I woke up, and even

throughout the day. I started envisioning their world filled with dark and

twisted chaos. I started protecting my home and children with my energy of

hatred toward them, and I never let it stop flowing. This dark energy I

shared with the Greys forced them to leave and never come back. And that


is my memory of this lost lifetime.

** All that being said, I don’t think many of us realize how intense our

emotions can be, or even how disturbing they can be for other species. If

our purest expressions of anger and hatred are enough to rid ourselves of

the Greys, what exactly does that mean for us, since these are the same

emotions we are often using on each other?

We have to remember, our emotions, although invisible, are alive and

thriving, and they don’t just travel from person to person, they travel

throughout the entire universe. Emotions create inspirations that manifest

themselves into reality. They are powerful beyond our current

recognition. If we can harness our purest expressions of love, just think

what we can do for each other, for this planet, and for the universe.

I know this lifetime is about getting rid of the Greys, but it is more than that

to me. It is about reminding humanity of our power and control in the

universe, and all of this comes from the simple expression of our






Avery visited me early this morning, he’s the alien I know, check out my

other Avery posts for more background story. He seems to watch me while I

sleep at night and I wonder if he ever sleeps. I can tell he watches me, I can

sense it, I’m almost certain he can even watch my dreams, and each time I

wake up in the night, he greets me with his energy. It’s like waves of

relaxing sunshine and I can see an outline of him, like he was sitting there

watching me all night long. It is very strange to think about, I can’t imagine

never sleeping, but I often wonder if he does sleep?

He visited me last night while I was getting out of the shower and yes, I can

find this very irritating because I hate being naked in front of him, however,

his response toward nudity is on a completely different level than mine so I

really need to get over it already. But moving on, I was so busy all day

yesterday that my time in the bathroom was really all he had to get my

attention. He literally was just happy to catch me at a moment where he

could get me to notice him, where he could get me to respond to him.

Unfortunately, it was a little too much for me. It was as if his shadow came


out of the wallpaper and I felt him before me like a tall statue, watching me

get dressed. I was so overwhelmed by his energy and his presence, I just

wanted to cry and cower under a rock; his presence can make me feel

extremely shy and even ashamed of myself. Avery watches me all day and

all night it seems, but only sometimes does he come so far forward from the

background that it’s as if he is standing right before me, here on Earth and

not on a distant planet; I can almost see him.

I was remembering this when I woke up this morning and since I was so

relaxed and calm, I asked if he could become more present to me so that I

could practice not feeling so overwhelmed by his energy and naturally he

did, and what I felt was like the equivalent of a blinding light, piercing utter

darkness. But not just light, energy, and the sensation of it was like such

ultimate love, if I were standing, I would instantly fall to the ground and be

unable to rise. It was like rays of radiating light and intense love and I could

feel it in my heart and all around me. When his energy hit me, I not only

felt something extraordinary, I also realized something about our species in

comparison to other species in the universe. I realized for the first time how

dark our world is. We don’t notice because we are so used to it, but other

species in the universe feel a completely alternate experience which is so

high up in vibration, it would be like standing before an angel, but not an


angel, a real live person; a soul inhabiting a body that is absolutely

sensational. It would be like the equivalent of me being a zombie coming

out of a grave deep inside of the Earth and he, inhabited a body that floats

in the sky and is like the power of the universe radiating forth in tsunami

size waves of energy. That is the difference between Avery and I; that is the

difference between our species and another species in the universe.

I can’t deny that I was shocked and amazed by this, and I could tell it was

not even close to a full-strength introduction. I’m almost convinced I could

never stand in his presence because I literally could never stand in his

presence. I would be on the ground in tears, it is that powerful. Because of

this, I often wonder if that is why he will not walk through the air and

appear before me because I literally couldn’t handle it. Even practicing

sensing his presence more fully this morning, it became very clear what

kind obstacle I am up against if I am ever to see him with my open eyes.






I don’t mean to be an asshole here, but I’m getting sick of the old humdrum

thought that we have to rely on science to prove everything. Just because

science can measure the distance of the universe and give us a hypothesis

on how far until the next planet that might have alien life, that doesn’t mean

aliens can’t travel a trillion light years in the blink of an eye. It doesn’t mean

that they aren’t living on some other dimension on a different time spectrum

over on Mars. Just because we haven’t ‘seen’ them doesn’t mean they aren’t

here already. And then this topic on radio waves comes up. Just because

we’ve been told by the government that no aliens have responded to our

radio waves, doesn’t mean that aliens haven’t responded. Oh, and that

chuckle in the background, really, radio waves? This is the most pathetic

thing I’ve ever heard. Aliens can sense us a trillion light years away,

because there is no such thing as distance. It is an illusion of the

mind. Our energy is connected with energy particles that are alive and

communicate with all things in the universe, they are the universe and

these particles are us and they are all around us and there is no distance


that separates my body from a body on the other side of the universe, we

are all connected. You don’t need radio waves and you don’t have to travel

the distance of the universe to speak with an alien, all you have to do is

send your energy out and you can have a conversation with any alien you

want and all in the comforts of your own home. The sooner we can bend

our minds and see that there is far more to what we understand as truth,

the sooner we can become truly profound beings once more.

I know I talk about this all the time, human beings being profound beings,

and obviously I have a super goal to help human beings remember that we

are truly remarkable creatures; there is nothing more I want to do in my life

than to help bring the memory to surface, to help us rebuild what we have

forgotten, to help us let go of the old and embrace the new. I still, to this

day, and it hasn’t changed or altered since I was a child, I still to this day

believe we human beings were once perfect on this planet. In a perfect

form, elegant, beautiful, love emanating, perfect heart beating form. And we

used to heal the universe. Our hearts are the heartbeat of the universe, our

Earth is the heartbeat of the universe, all living things are the heartbeat of

the universe, and we are creating illness in the universe by the way our

hearts beat today. We are all miserable, this is affecting the universe in an

adverse way, we are preventing the expansion of the universe because of the


energy we emit, which is slow and it is low and it is like a cancer, and damn

it, those aliens out there a trillion miles away can feel it. And guess what,

this energy, this disgusting monster sucking in energy, is what brings the

freaks of the universe to our galaxy. They love us. And don’t think for a

minute that they aren’t here, because, yes they are. The freaks of the

universe are here right this minute and they come in many different forms,

visible and invisible. They abduct us, torcher us, they are so amazing in

their capacity that they are able to manipulate time and harness an energy

field to keeps our minds locked in this drone form. The mind that my heart

is in battle with all the time, yes, this mind that wants to be like everybody

else is connected with this energy field that keeps love and information away

from me. My heart is the only force that keeps me connected with the truth

which is why it’s so important for us to learn how to connect with the

information our hearts provide and don’t ever, EVER, listen to that mind of

yours. It’s a big fat liar. And here you go, the battle I deal with between my

drone mind and my infinite heart.

So what does all of this mean? There are so many things that this means, it

means let’s wake up already. That’s the hard part, and don’t think for a

minute that we aren’t all struggling with this. We are all struggling to wake

up, even those that are sleeping and don’t want to wake up, their forms are


connecting with a changing energy shift on this planet and it’s the alarm

clock going off. You can hit snooze all you want, but it’s changing you

without you even knowing it. So yes, I am a believer that the ‘time’ is here

and now. It was ever meant to be here, and it was meant to be here a billion

years ago. All things are functioning simultaneously like infinite shifting

gears; it could only have ended up this way. But then you get into those

side notes and start talking about about time portals and uncharacteristic

decision making and suddenly there is an alternate way; I don’t know how

this works exactly but it happens, but either way, I do believe we are always

in the right time and place, even if there is still always that alternate reality

which is also the right time and place.

Regardless, here we are, exactly where we are meant to be which was the

most predictable place based on the information waves of the

universe. When you calculate our rotation in the universe, and our

connection with other planets and stars and, yes I’m getting into astrology,

all of these things affect us and change us and alter our emotions and even

effect the course of meteors, all things are moving together, remember, so

based on this information we are exactly where we were ever meant to be in

the universe. Unfortunately, past present and future are all simultaneously

moving so really we have never changed between yesterday and today, we


have always only ever been in the same place at the same time. I don’t

know what this means because my human brain can’t understand it, but

this also is true.

But back to what I was saying about the right ‘time’ and our ‘awakening’

because I keep getting off topic. I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed a

change in my perception of ‘time.’ I used to just live every day and go with

the flow and ‘I have this scheduled here’ and ‘damn this happened’ and ‘I

want to go do this tonight,’ it was just a normal way of processing life, but

something has changed in our atmosphere, in our universe. Suddenly time

has become a concept of moon cycles. It’s freaking weird but I live by moon

cycles now and I notice my experience of the world around me is shifting

each moon cycle. I don’t know what I will be like next. Some moon cycles I

feel super mentally low and struggle through every day, some moon cycles I

feel unimaginably exhausted, in ways I’ve never felt before, even when I was

at the end of pregnancy with my third child, and exhausted all the time, this

exhausted sensation is something similar to this and even worse because

it’s unexplainable. I’m 30 freaking years old, I shouldn’t feel like I’m a 90

year old with a walker. I’m someone who has super energy and I don’t need

a lot of sleep, but some moon cycles, it’s like I can’t wake up. I’m sure

you’ve noticed. Some moon cycles I’m really productive and it feels great


and then the next moon cycle I hit a brick wall and wonder what the hell

happened. You have to have noticed this experience of ‘time’ has

changed. This is a sign that we are all moving toward a new direction, a

new epoch for humanity.

Anyway, It’s refreshing to know that the freaks of the universe won’t last

forever, and that our enslavement to their master minding is on the brink of

an end. The natural part about being a human being is starting to surface

and we still start to see the energy of love start to take over. It heals all

things, love does. It takes our spinning eyes and mindlessness away and it

raises our vibrations so we can remember again, and be the healers of the

universe again. These memories are coming back to us and we will reclaim

our previous glory once more. And damn it, if it doesn’t happen in this

lifetime, at least I can say my soul did everything it could to pave a way for

my future human self because I want to live in a better Earth world, and

you better believe my soul will be coming back. My soul is engrained here

in this planet, my soul is like a keeper of the planet. I will always be here,

like a watcher, a helper, a healer. That’s what my soul is up to here on



So this is what I wanted to share this morning, love it, hate it, share it, never

visit my website again, whatever you want. But I hope something I said will

stay with you like an echo, and if anything I say stays with you, I hope it will

be that loud, shouting, demanding voice reminding you that we are all in

this together, we are all on the low end right now, but there is a better way

out there and we are waking up to it, and the sooner we can start building,

sharing, remembering love, the faster we can speed up our ascension

process. The faster we can become that healing heartbeat of the universe

again and share our world with the most beautiful, love emanating beings

and rid ourselves of the freaks who don’t belong here anymore.





Okay, I’m going to attempt to share something normal and true about my

life. I don’t feel like I am very good at telling anybody about the real

me. Obviously the real me can be like everybody else and can most

definitely be unlike most everybody else. But I guess the point of my site is

about sharing myself, my ideas, and my experiences. The point of all of this

is we all have something to share and we can all learn from each

other. That’s also why learning and sharing my past lifetimes is so

important to me, it’s sharing the wisdom and stories of the past for us to all

learn and grow from in the present. So, I think it’s time I shared some true

history about my past.

So, let’s see here. I’m 30 years old, and in a nut shell, I’ve lived an extremely

lonely life. Every moment and memory seems to be a difficult challenge of

dealing with people not relating to me and me not relating to people; I’ve

basically felt alone forever and at the most difficult moments I’ve had to find

some way to deal with it by myself. That’s a long time of dealing with an

Earth lifetime alone; trust me, we all need each other and we all need to


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