U M H GAS KA AY
THE APPRAISER Literary Folio - HUGAS KAMAY Tomo VI Bilang 1 Karapatang-ari © 2021 ng The Appraiser ang opisyal na publikasyon ng College of Business, Economics, and Management ng Bicol University. Ang mga komento at mungkahi ay maaring ipahatid sa: E-mail address: [email protected] Website: issuu.com/theappraiser2007 Facebook: facebook.com/theappraiser2007 Nananatili sa indibidwal na may-akda o may-dibuho ang karapatangari ng bawat piyesang ipinalimbag dito. Hindi maaaring ipalathala muli o gamitin sa anumang paraan ang alin sa mga nilalaman nang walang karampatang pahintulot ng may-akda o may-dibuho. Ang tomong ito ay hindi ipinagbibili. Ang pabalat ay likha ni Frances Bitancur Ang layout ng folio ay gawa ni Arcel James Cruz A 2
THE APPRAISER LITERARY FOLIO AGOSTO 2021 TOMO VI Bilang 1 3
w Ang Opisyal na Kalipunan ng mga Akdang Pampanitikan ng The Appraiser, Tomo VI Bilang 1 Talaan LUPONG PATNUGUTAN 2020 - 2021 Senior Cartoonists: John Owen P. Pamplona Joshua A. Araña Senior Photojournalist: Precious Joy A. Deuda Senior Writer: Jamaica B. Blancaflor Staff Writers: Jude H. Barasona Mary Ann B. Bataller James L. dela Cruz, Mickha Ella Comoda Patricia Michiko Fernandez Crizelle Reniva Cartoonist: Frances Bitancur Photojournalists: Lianne Andrea de Guzman Eliza S. Legazpi Layout Artists: Alyssa Nicole T. Buencamino Arcel James S. Cruz News Editor: Charmaine Hannah B. Torrecampo Feature Editor: Vitus A. Moron Sports and Creative Editor: Jeremiah B. Cordial Literary Editor: Ma. Jemarah Solyn E. Sabio DevComm Editor: Mannylyn V. Cullon Online Content Editor: Arjay R. Bejer Copy Editor: Adrian Gebb B. Bio Chief Layout Artist: Aron N. Anastacio Chief Cartoonist: Maedhyne N. Alim Chief Photojournalist: Solomon Mig S. Bustamante Editor-in-Chief: Niña B. Orido Associate Editor: Mikko M. Panesares Managing Editor: Mae Joy A. Redito 4 Adviser: Prof. Geniva M. Nario
w About the Cover In the stillness of solitude of faltering silence, Many cried for a presence and the present Their spirits could not stand, could not ask, Counting the days were a sad and weary task So, if tomorrow was today, I would drown In all the answers to questions that I've found The rushing of water; a soothing sound The more I drown, more I become. Dirty were the hands, Haunted were the minds Motionless, as I looked behind. If tomorrow was today, How many tomorrows were lost today? Words by Crizielle Reniva 5
hole excavated to completely see what's inside; plunged into the pit of bitterness of society—where writers write and express the shorelines of their mind through the waves of curiosity, through granules of sand in a lost dimension of what our country has (yet) to offer and what's more to come. Hearts and minds are restless, ever wandering.. ever wondering what we deserve, what we still deserve after a series of catastrophe initially disrupted us. So now through this literary collection, writers express, writers demand, and writers feel. Express what they think is right, demand what they think we deserve, and feel what needs to be felt. The words shall be pulled up from the soil, clean them with bare hands, and serve them up for satisfaction. NOTE FROM THE LITERARY EDITOR A 6
Mula sa Patnugot Sa daloy ng tubig, sumabay ang agos ng mga salita. Nang madugtong ang mga kataga, ang maputlang pahina’y pinunan ng tinta. Sa tila pagsikip ng ating ginagalawang mundo, sinong magaakalang gamit ang tubig at sabon ay may maililigtas na buhay. Habang nalalagay sa peligro ang karamihan sa pagtalikod sa tungkuling sinumpaan. Umiikot sa dalawang talinghaga ang kalipunang ito. Sa isang banda, proteksiyon ang hatid: ang paghuhugas ng kamay upang isalba ang kapwa. Habang sa kabila’y banta ang dala: ang panganib ng paghuhugas-kamay sa buhay ng iba. Malinaw kung alin ang kailangan ngayon ng bayan ngunit mayroon pa ring pinipili ang huli kaysa una. Marahil sa pagragasa ng ideyang walang katiyakan ang lahat, dito ka dinala ng iyong mga kamay. Habang hinahanap mo pa ang sariling daloy mula nang mahinto ang nakasanayan, hayaan mong tangayin ka ng mga guhit at sulating nabuksan ng pandemya – mga akdang inspirasyon ang reyalidad at hinasa ng imahinasyon. Pagkatapos mong buklatin ang mga pahina, nawa’y mabatid mo ang mga salitang bubuo sa iyong kwento o ng ibang tao na walang kakayahang isatitik ang mga ito. 7
w INTRODUCTION We've always wondered what's the purest, Dignity, reputation, justice and the rest, Is there a way to keep them pure? And if tarnished, is there any cure?, Everything will boil down to it's core, It's true nature, form and odor, That's a popular saying by human, But we don't fret, 'cause we're not a fan. We always watch unfairness and injustice, We were dispatched to patch those with avarice, We're so weightless, yet also we're weighty, Enough to influence the decisions of many. We've hidden impossible cases, We've erased the most tainting traces, We also created mystifying mysteries, Even played and bended laws and justice. Because as far as we've seen, Even the purest intent can't hide nor stay clean, Nor match our persuasive and tempting skills, For we, we are the blue bills. 8
w MGA Nilalaman 9 Dishwasher Pasada Utang Hudas Kamay Pandemic Realization The red line Dugoang Kamay Auction Dishonest Maskara Sumpang Biyaya The Drought that Haunts Ang Hapag Kainan Kababalaghan Laughter After Laughter 10 12 14 16 22 24 26 28 30 31 32 34 36 37 38 40 41 42 46 48 50 52 54 56 58 60 68 70 72 76 Description of Unfairness Tainted Lapok Bakong Rugo Maiba, Taya Pananaw-agan Tuhog Abysmal Misery Ang Totoong Naiipit E-Struggle Satisfaction SUS Me Sullied Soil Istorya ni Soledad Dalawampung Segundo o Higit Pa Cleansing
Artwork by Frances Bitancur DISHWASHER 10
Alone in this bench, I’d been keeping an eye of this gentleman. He’s just an ordinary dishwasher of your satellite fastfood restaurant, nothing really special. His shift was in the early morning until the store closes early midnight. He scarce in money leading him to consider accepting any extra work he can get in order to sustain his family’s everyday expenses. But in this particular day, something went amiss. After his nocturnal scheduled job, he’s ready to head home not until he noticed some flickering light at the far side from the store. He heard murmurs and sensed tension is afoot. Curiosity hit him and proceeds to get near; he got a quick glance of two men with shovel near a mound. And man said “they won’t buy it… might as well remove all of it or find someone to blame on-“. He felt anxious to what he got into. His instincts tell him to run quickly away as fast as he could, but DISHWASHER he’s too late to notice the third man behind him. He was enclasp by the man and was caught offguard removing the possibility of escape. “Hoy! Caught some rat hanging around here” said the man. The two appeared shortly with an excited and relieved impression, “You got yourself into the right timing at the moment, my boy”. The gentlemen struggled and screamed for help, but it was gloomily night time in the middle of nowhere. He was set free from the tight clasp and turn to run away from these perpetrators. “I’m sorry boy, it was for the job and it needed to be done-“and the sound gunshots echoed. In the Morning, news reports were flooded by a shot-dead young man, said holding a sum of believed drug evidences. Three cops were rewarded for their efforts in this case. Together with this gentleman in this bench, we witness another heroic achievement of the prevailing justice. by John Owen P. Pamplona 11
Description of Unfairness by Jemarah Solyn Sabio People's shoulders slacked, with eyes looking desperate— Desperate to know answers, unveiling the sinister of the abundance of iniquity. The rich are getting richer, the poor are in desperate need to feed their hunger. Now standing, one foot in a platform, while the other one is hanging in anger. The light, lit by void; void of silence set to attack. They say eventually, these injustices and unfairness won’t matter But time will tell of what does and; It will unceasingly seek those who are incapable and powerless. The terror we are to face in the hands of injustices will kill us eventually. It is the description of unfairness, that will eat every ounce of our hope, brutally. Artwork by John Owen Pamplona 12
Artwork by John Owen Pamplona 13
Nang huminto ang gulong At ang bansa’y tila nakulong Nauwi sa pamamalagi sa garahe Nakasanayang milya-milyang biyahe Sa una’y pasasalamat ang nabigkas Makapagpapahinga sa wakas Hanggang mga araw ay naging buwan Di na sasapat ang mga naitabi’t inilaan Nang magbukas muli ang mga pinto Tinanggap ang tsansang makaalis sa pagkahinto Pagkat batid na di ito bakasyon, Di inalintana ang mga limitasyon Mga materyales inihanda Tela, plastic, kahoy at pangmarka Sinukat ang tamang distansya Hanggang permiso’y makuha Pasada Tula ni Niña B. Orido 14
Tunay na nakakapanibago Maluwang ang espasyo Sa pagitan ng mga pasahero Resulta sa pamasahe’y omento Isang taon ang dumaan Heto pa rin ako Nakakabit pa rin ang mga pamagitan Bakas ang mga punit at alikabok na namuo Nasaksihan sa aking byahe Ilang bersyon ng kwarantina Bilang ng mga kaso ang umaabante Habang paatras ang tugon sa pandemya Nang huminto ang gulong Hirap na sumabay sa daluyong Sa ila’y pansamantala Habang naging tiyak para sa iba Kung ang ng mikrobiyo’y di kayang pigilan Ng tagpi-tagping retaso Ano pa ang aasahan sa tagpi-tagping plano? Debuho ni Alyssa Nicole Buencamino 15
It has been in practice for many years now on how workers in the field of medicine should properly wash their hands. Wet your hands, lather soap, rub between the fingers, insides of your nails and top of your hands. Then rinse and repeat. As a nurse myself, it’s impossible to go on a day without washing my hands, but these days I’ve been taking my time to soap, rub and rinse them. Rinse and repeat— “Riley!” Startled, I jolted in my place and turn to look at the person beside me. “Doctor… ‘sorry for spacing out. I’m just thinking about something.” “I’ve called you three times already while you’ve been obsessively rubbing on your palms. Look, they’re irritated—stop it already.” Doctor Blake held his hand over mine as warmth spread through his fingers, calming my nerves down. He always had that effect over me and I could tell he knew just as much. Feeling a slight pressure on his hold, I tilted my head to meet his eyes. He lowered his head, enough for me to hear the words ‘don’t worry about it, it’ll be over soon’ as he stood back and beckon me to follow. At that moment, I believed him. You see, Doctor Blake and I is in a complicated relationship. He’s married to his childhood sweetheart and I was the antagonist leeching off on their happily-ever-after. I tried to hold back—I really did, but he unexpectedly reciprocated my treacherous desires which only grew as time went on. We both just felt the compatibility between us as if we’re meant to be. Just being in each other’s presence felt freeing. But the thing is; his wife was hospitalized two months ago and was assigned under my care. Tainted by Maedhyne Alim 16
A light flickered at the end of the hall as Doctor Blake and I walked towards Room 434 – a private ward for his gravely ill wife. The short walk was filled with calm silence and rhythmic footsteps, but I saw how his shoulders tensed when he reached for the door. A small creaked indicated our presence to the woman lying on the pillows I have propped behind her before I left the ward. A token of kindness from an otherwise sinful creature. “Mallory, how are you feeling?” Doctor Blake sat beside his wife, loosely cradling her hand. “Feeling any better?” She only let out a feeble chuckle and wheezed as she coughed heavily. “I- I feel like hell.” I watched as the Doctor rubbed and tentatively stroked Mallory’s back, trying to hide my satisfaction on how he looked like he’s seeing me through her. His eyes seemed to soften and sparkle as he turned to look at me. “Nurse Riley, would you mind getting her something warm to drink?” My fingers twitched as I felt my palms itch. “Not at all. I’ll be right back.” With one last smile, I turned to fetch the beverage that would surely warm her up. 17
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“Nurse Riley, get a new sheet and rewrite this.” “Yes, Doctor.” As I turned to leave, Doctor Blake took hold of my arm and bent down to whisper. “You can start administering double doses of her medication.” His words ‘don’t worry about it, it’ll be over soon’ echoed in my mind the whole day after that. Night crept by slowly as the halls of the bustling hospital gradually quiet down. I feigned making rounds as I discreetly observed my surroundings. Doctor Blake was caught in the middle of an operation and took a number of assisting nurses along, leaving few of us to check up on the slumbering patients. “Oh, hey Riley. Would you mind taking my place for a bit while I go to the C.R.?” I stared at the nurse in the reception are before arching my lips to a smile. “Go ahead, I don’t mind.” “Thanks! I’ll be quick.” I watched her round the corner, giving it a few seconds and immediately sprang into action after my brief countdown. Locating her file and temporarily disabling Room 434’s monitory for 30 minutes, the first phase of our plans was in action. “I’m back, thanks for your assistance.” “No worries,” I clutched the syringe in my pocket. “I’ll be making my final rounds now, see you tomorrow!” 19 Photo by Jemica Clavillas
The usual deafening tone of the EKG machine was muted as I stood there, watching her succumb to the Abrin I’ve been administering her. Tiny doses at first, until we’ve reached the point where that wasn’t satisfactory anymore. Palming the empty syringe I’ve injected to her IV, I strained my ears for the inevitable. I stayed rooted to my place as her slumbering figure suddenly awoke, wheezing and struggling for air. Mallory clutched her chest painfully as she uncontrollably coughed and hacked droplets of blood; a sign of her dying lifeline. When I was satisfied with how much I saw her suffer, I attempted to made my escape but a slick, burning sensation grasp my hand, stunning me in place. Amidst that, there was a cold material piercing through my skin. Her chilled wedding ring. Like a corpse shocked back into life, I realized that I’ve run out of time. I freed my arm from her clasp that had grown slack and reconnected the EKG back to its terminal. “Shit,” letting out a tense curse, I struck the Nurse Call button and faked the motion of performing a CPR, until attending nurses came bustling in with the defibrator. I rushed towards the bathroom, frantically opening the faucet whilst repeating a mantra to calm my nerves; wet your hands, lather soap, rub between the fingers, insides of your nails and top of your hands. Then rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat— “Riley!” Like deja vu I turned towards to look towards his direction. “Doctor…” “Riley, what’s going on with you these days?” I saw his eyes scanned for possible bystanders or occupants. There was none but I still feel a phantom presence looing over us, mocking our disgraceful existence. “‘It’ll be over soon.’ that’s what you told me before.” I threaded my shaking palms over my tresses, trying to tidy them up from my haggard features. “But isn’t it over now? We’re both free.” “Are we, really?” I stared at our reflection in the vanity mirror. “this does not scream freedom to me.” Doctor Blake wrapped his arms around my torso, resting his chin on my shoulder. “We may never be accepted by the world but as long as I have you, it’s enough for me.” He reached his hand out to me. “Let’s go?” I nodded with a smile, entwining our tainted hands as we both left the men’s bathroom Illustration by Maedhyne Alim 20
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”Pautang naman ng tiwala Mang Juan, Sa karera ay aking kailangan, Huwag ka mag-alala, hindi kita kakalimutan, Pagkatapos, ika'y aking babalikan”, Mga salitang sinabi saakin noon, Ng mga taong naka Americana't Barong, Hinihintay ko na sila ngayon, Maniningil sana ng utang mula kahapon. “Ay manong yun ba yung utang ko?, Nagastos ko na eh! Abunado pa nga ako, Iisa lang naman yun, di naman ganun kahalaga, Kaya pasensya na, yung kapital ko babawiin ko pa” Ganoon ba iyon kabilis kalimutan, Matapos kong itiman ang kanilang pangalan, Sila'y mawawala na parang walang pinagkautangan, Magbabago, gaya ng kanilang pagsasalita't tugmaan. Sayang, ang paligid ay hindi naman putikan, Ngunit madungis ang kanilang mga damit at pangalan, “naghuhugas-kamay” sabi ng karamihan, Para sakin, sila'y sadyang totoo sa kasinungalingan. Utang Tula ni Arjay Bejer 22
Kaya pala maraming politiko nakasuot ng Louis Vuitton, kasi sa balat ng buwaya gawa iyon Debuho ni Jeremiah Cordial 23
Debuho ni Solomon Mig Bsutamante 24
LAPOK BAKONG RUGO Tula ni James de la Cruz Di ko na mabilang, sinapar na aldaw Pownu magkamati, di na maaraman Da boses na silyak, ining mata tigang Kahoron saro lang, malipot na bakal Di maali-ali, lapok sakong kuko Na tigkakaputan, magpun binatilyo Dai naisipan, maski man kinano Na sa sakong kamot, ilalaid rugo Niata sa sintabo, kusog nasusukol Kayang dalaganan, salang gigibohon Kakanon masiram, an turog ararom Ginto an panghugas, kamot malinigon 25
sikmura'y 'di pa kumakalam ngunit heto ka't wari'y galang pusang nag-aabang nakaharap sa orvasan kayo'y nagtititigan sa pag-abot ng alas-tres kayo'y nag-uunahan. wala na ang ingay. kung hindi ka maingat, malamang magigising ang lahat kaya ika'y nagdahan-dahan nagdahan dahan. sa loob ng kalderong minanmanan naroon ang bangus na inaasam inubos nang inubos ngunit baka may maggising kaya't binilisan. nginuya nang nginuya hanggang walang matira at kinalimutan ang bilin ng minamahal na ina Hudas Kamay Tula ni Jamaica B. Blancaflor 26
"totoy iyan ay 'di para saiyo kaya't 'wag maging sakim at magpaampon sa tukso" ngunit anong magagawa ng biling ibinigkas kung laging may paraang sa rehas makatakas kaya't upang langsa'y maiwasan kamay mo'y dali-daling hinugasan bente segundo. bente segundo. kinaumagaha'y walang nakaalam isinisi ang lahat sa pusang napadaan siya ang nabuhusan, siya ang nabinvtangan paulit-ulit paulit ulit. sabi ng ina'y maghugas ng kamay upang 'di magkasakit ngunit totoy ba't tila'y paghugas ng kamay ang iyong naging sakit? kung ikaw ay may kakayanang pabanguhin ang lansa paano naman silang mga "mabahong" walang digta? Debuho ni John Owen Pamplona 27
totoy paano ka kung ang basehan ng 'yong halaga at bigat ng 'yong mga salita ay nakabatay sa linis ng 'yong kuko o sa halimuyak ng mga kamay mo anong puwang mo sa mundo? kung ang sinasabi nilang karapatan ay para lang sa "malilinis" ang kamay sa mga hindi kailangang kumaykay para lamang tiya'y magkalaman sinong magtatanggol sa'yo? kung ang hustisyang pinaglalaban ay para lamang sa mga "malilinis" kung tingnan sapagkat ang gamit nilang pansabon yaong kanilang unipormeng dekolor at "kaayaayang" posisyon Maiba, Taya Tula ni Jamaica B. Blancaflor 28
paano ka kung silang mga kagalang-galang daliri may dumampi sa kasalanan walang digtang maiiwan, walang bakas ng kaganidan walang makakaalam. paano na kung ikaw ang laging taya sa larong 'di naman ikaw ang pakana laging matuturo, laging matatalo sapagkat sa mundong hinubog nila laging may sabong lilinis ng kanilang digta at kung sino pa ang patas ay siyang laging kawawa sa mundong mapagbalat-kayo totoy, paano ka? Larawang kuha ni Precious Joy Deuda 29
w Pandemic Realization by Jenelyn B. Borres Third Place, Black-out Poetry 30
w Pananaw-agan ni Lianne Andrea de Guzman Ako, ikaw, preso ng pandemya Tayo pa rin ang patuloy na nagdurusa Inakala mo rin palang dalawang linggo Lumipas na ang anibersaryo at heto Balisa ka rin pala Tila sunod-sunod na ang mga problema Hirap ka na rin talaga sa araw-araw Pagbabago di mo na rin matanaw Inisip mo na rin pala Kung may pakialam talaga sila Maling-mali na ang sistema Nakukuha pang magpatawa Kilala mo rin pala ang kanilang hulma Alam mo na rin pala kung sino maysala Bakit pa magbubulag-bulagan Kung kitang-kita na ang katotohanan Pansin mo rin pala sa kanilang mga salaysay Lahad ang kanilang mga nagdudumihang kamay Baon na baon sa bawat daliri Pero tayo pa rin talaga ang sinisisi Sa bawat patak ng tubig na dumadaloy Nililinis, binubura nila mga bakas ng pambababoy Dumi man o mikrobyo, dugo’t kasalanan Alin man dito’y patuloy nilang hinuhugasan 31 Larawang kuha ng CNN Philippines
w it was dark that night with only the glistening stars emitting a soft glow two figures emerged from the corner, trying to go unnoticed, but the horrors of their crime were crying louder than ever then all i saw was red from the thick substance dripping on the pavement to the bloodshot eyes of the perpetrator all of which painted such a horrible scene that could've only been seen in films, that is... until now the red line by Michiko Fernandez 32
w tell me, who is at fault? the ones who did the crime or the wallflower that just watched as if it was all a bad dream the next day, the news was on flashbacks of what happened last night teary-eyed, the outlaws cried how the victim's at blame yet he's the one covered in red all i could do was stare in disbelief how one call, one video recording could've made the difference but the hands that did it just washed up while the man in red drowned in it red was the first color i learned and i used to love it dearly but everything's changed. Illustration by Mae Joy Redito 33
TUHOG maikling kwento ni Mikko Panesares Debuho ni John Owen Pamplona 34
"Mark, buntis ako." Dapat ay kakain lang sila ng kwek-kwek ngayong hapon sa may tapat ng simbahan (kung saan raw sila magpapakasal balang araw), ngunit nasabi na niya. Wala sa tiyempo at biglaan ngunit nasabi pa rin niya. Kinakabahan si Joy. Kinakabahan siya sa patutunguhan ng pag-uusap na ito. Ang binata namang si Mark na kanina'y tuloy-tuloy lang sana sa pagnguya ay napatigil, huminga nang pagkahaba-haba, at saka pinunasan ang wala namang pawis na noo. Hindi naman nga mainit. Makulimlim ang langit. Malihim at nagbabadyang umiyak. "Mark—" "Hindi pwede 'yan," mabilis na sambit ng lalaki sabay tingin sa kalsada na animo'y naninigurong walang ibang nakikinig. Hindi na nito pinapansin ang pagkain sa kamay. Pinunasan nitong muli ang noo at bahagyang hininaan ang boses sa muling pagsasalita. "Nag-iingat naman tayo diba? Joy, hindi pwede. Ako ang panganay sa pamilya namin. Dalawang taon na lang gagraduate na ako oh. Gagraduate na tayo." Dean's lister si Mark, matalino at masipag. Responsable. O 'yon ang inakala ni Joy. Gusto sanang magalit ng dalaga ngunit ngumisi na lang siya at nagsalita. "Akala ko susubukan mong panindigan ang bata," mahinang sambit ni Joy habang nakatitig sa mga mata ng kasintahan. Marahan niyang inilapit ang kaniyang mga labi sa tainga ng binata. "Mabuti na lang pala, hindi ikaw ang tatay," bulong ni Joy sabay lakad papaalis. Sa mga kwentong ihahayag ni Joy sa kaniyang mga kaibigan ay sasabihin niyang walang bayag ang binata. Sa mga kwento naman ni Mark ay haliparot ang dalaga at nagpabuntis sa iba. Hindi lahat ng kwento ay may bida. 35
w Dugoang Kamay by France Angellete M. Grageda First Place, Literary Graphics 36
w Abysmal Misery by Russel Marie R. Racal Second Place, Black-out Poetry 37
Cameras started clicking as the spotlight serves as my comfort from the possibility of becoming blind from the bright lights. I did my best to showcase the most authentic smile I could possibly muster in front of millions of viewers. "Ever since I was a kid, I truly wanted to become an actor. I finished my first three years in high school before I took my chances to move here in Manila for the pursuit of bigger opportunities. My leap of fate didn't give me favors in an instant as a promdi seemed to be too uncultured to explore the realms of show business. The number of casting calls equated to the rejections as there were far more handsome and talented aspiring actors who could trample a mediocre high school drop-out," I responded candidly to the host's question. My life was never a walk in the park. My parents shunned me and told me to never return as I'm just a selfish and self-centered jerk who wanted to leave his family for the big city. Being a waiter for a small diner does not totally pay the bills so I slept on convenient stores for two months before I could afford a bed space. "For almost five years, I worked hard to juggle my day job and pursue my acting career. Thankfully, it finally paid off." I added. As determination, hard work, and perseverance are said to be elements for guaranteed success, I aimed to embody those qualities. I slept with directors, producers, actors, and actresses before I landed small roles on television and eventually, grabbing the main role in a hit series. "Wow, I never knew that it was hard for you because you seemed to be well put together. I'm sure everyone wanted to know the people who constantly give you strength to continue your journey. To whom you owe this new-found success?" There was no God to heed my call. Angels didn't grace their divine glory and sing melodiously with their harps to save my sanity. I sold a piece of me to worship every entity who could give me what I wanted. Sacrifices were to be made, which include people in my life to reap wondrous outcomes. And it happened. I finally won. Auction By Vitus A. Moron 38
"First, I would like to thank my supportive family. I love you Ma and Pa. I know you’re watching me proudly from above and justice will reign from your wrongful deaths. I would like to thank the produc - ers and directors who took a chance on this boy from the province, my colleagues who treated me kindly in the industry, but most of all I like to thank God for everything. I also wanted to say to everyone to always wear a mask and wash your hands as the pandemic is still thriving." The desire to scratch the itch I felt after saying those words burned my systems but I kept the confident grin permanently etched on my face. I just needed to say what ev - eryone wanted to hear as I'm tied by my own puppet strings. I'm a hypocrite. But who isn't? I just acted on it like everyone would, but can't because of fear. I went to the hell and back so I have nothing left to be afraid of. So here I am. Tainted but unwavering. Illustration by Frances Bitancur 39
w Ang Totoong Naiipit Tula ni Jude Barasona Sa ilalim ng umaagos na tubig Dama ng kamay, umaapaw na lamig. Salitang bumubuhos sa iyong bibig Tulad ng apoy ng matang umiibig Itangal ang mga duming kumakapit Sino nga ba ang totoong naiipit? Mga salitang patuloy pinipilit hanganan ng ‘yong butil ay aming sakit. Sa anong paraan ako’y tatahamik? Kung pag-ibig kong ito ay umiimik. lamig ng tubig isa sa daming salik. alab ng pag-ibig ‘di mananhimik. Mga pusong mapait na sumisigaw Sakit sa salitang hindi mabitiwan Tulad rin ng mga kamay na iniwan Magisang nakatingala sa ilawan. Ang mga kamay na inyong huhugasan kamay na tumatalikod sa lipunan Tunay na dugong inyong iiiwasan Ang Katotohanang iyong iniiwan. 40
w Dishonest by Abegail D. Lorica First Place, Black-out Poetry 41
Debuho ni Alyssa Nicole Buencamino 42
Nagugutom na ako Kumakalam na ang aking sikmura ´Di pa rin napagtatanto Kung pa’no ibubusog Ang tiyan ng buong pamilya. Walang trabaho, Walang pambili, Walang ibang inaasahan kundi ang sarili Pilit hinahanap ang buhay na matiwasay Ni butil ng bigas, kailangang ihukay. Ubos na ang mga oras Lupaypay na ang mga kalamnan Kailangan ko nang lumabas Para mapakain ang sampung tiyan Nga lang… May gagawin pa pala akong mga assignment. E-Struggle Tula ni Jeremiah Cordial 43
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w Artwork by Alyssa Nicole Buencamino 45
Kilala mo ba sila? Silang mga tinitingala Mga mata’y nakasara’t tiklop ang dila Sa mga kasalanang ginawa sa likod ng madla. Nakasalamuha mo na ba sila? Marahil ay oo, maraming beses na Kabutihan nila, sa isip mo’y nakatala Ngunit pagkukunwari’y hindi mo napuna. Sa mga oras ng pagdadalamhati Ang atensyon ay hati Sa kung sinong walang ginawang mali At sinong nagkukunwari. Kanino ka papanig? Sa kanya na palad ay marumi’t tigang O sa may palad na malinis, hindi magaspang Alalahanin mong minsan ang naghuhugas- kamay ay siyang naglilinis linisan. Maskara Tula ni Mary Ann Bataller 46
Debuho ni Frances Bitancur 47
My love, I wanted to tell you. I enjoyed this life lying next to you. Fast food on the table, Clothes on the worn-out floor. Your loving quenches my fear. My choice. A wicked afterglow. Go to work and say, "See you soon." Bed sheets obscured the horizons, Wrongful but the most beautiful. I can't wait until I got home at sunset, To conquer a forbidden delight On my wry mindset. City lights are witnesses On the most careful tiptoes. The night sky sees me, But does it ever hear me? Wash away my worries. Sundays suddenly became medieval. This rendezvous is the constant, I only attend religiously. Rash decisions, Careless miscalculations. Without warning, A seed has brought forth a fruit. Unexpected. Taboo. "See you soon." Forgive me Father for I have sinned, The ecstasy pacified my inner fiend. Scandalous. Satisfaction by Vitus A. Moron 48
Sinister. Too much pleasure, Could make me moan out my blasphemies to heavens. I thought I already found my holy grail. A life without exaggerations and eccentricities. But contentment killed my mediocrity, In exchange for an abrupt ending, I never really intended. Poor me And my felicity.w My love, I never wanted to leave you, But this is a nightmare in hindsight. Another life is not what I asked for. I guess this romance fell to another mundanity. Goodbye. I'm sure. Probably. I'll be going back To my picture-perfect trophies, My original sunrise And reality to my reverie. Like nothing happened, The only normal I will always embrace. Secrets piling up like stacked rocks. Permanent. Treacherous. Unforgivable. My love, I have always enjoyed lying to you. My darling, Can you ever forgive me? I wouldn't want an answer Either way, So I'll keep it shut, Until this moment pass way. Satisfaction by Vitus A. Moron Cartoon by Solomon Mig S. Bustamante 49
w Normal sa kapanganakan walang kapintasan kumpletong mga daliri iniluwal na una ang ulo bago ang ari. Madalas mang kutyain swerte kung tutuusin nagagamit kong lahat ang ipinagkaloob sa akin. Mata para sa paningin Tainga para sa pandinig Bibig na nagsisiwalat ng nakita ng mga mata at narinig ng tainga mula sa hangin. Biyaya kung sasabihin di lahat may paningin, di lahat may pandinig, di lahat makapagsiwalat ng saloobin sa pamamagitan ng pagbigkas ng mga letrang nabuo sa isipan natin. Ngunit anong silbi? kung pilit pinipiringan ang matang nakasaksi harap-harapang tinatanggi kuha na sa akto, pero nagagawang sumalisi— Pilit tinatanggi, ginagawa nila ito sa umaga't sa gabi, pinoprotektahan ang mga sarili tila nawalan ng saysay ang "TO SERVE & PROTECT" ng ating mga minsa'y naturingang bayani Sumpang Biyaya 50