Parents Magazine (December 2019)

Raise Kids Who Love, Care, and Give




SPEC IAL
HOLI DAY
I SSUE















IMAGINE





















































































Leading by example,
activist musicians Dan Reynolds
(Imagine Dragons) and
Aja Volkman, with daughters
Coco, Gia, and Arrow

DECEMBER 2019 PARENTS.COM



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CONTENTS














IN EVERY ISSUE
14 Editor’s Note
17 Let’s Get Real
22 You’re Welcome
120 Giggles













25 44 93




KIDS 64 80 98
Easiest Ornaments Ever The Cover Interview: “I Had to Do Something.”
Spark tree-trimming Imagine Kindness These determined moms and
25 excitement with a DIY Dan Reynolds, the dads started nonprofits
News + Ideas project for beginners. front man of Imagine that have helped thousands
Expert advice on instilling Dragons, and his wife, of families.
compassion, reading at 66 musician Aja Volkman,
Animal House! 104
grade level, holiday safety, talk about family values
Meet Charlotte and her Brunch for Your
and much more and more.
Persian cat, Chantilly. Holiday Bunch
30 86 Feast your eyes on six
The Eczema Effect YOU My Parenting Motto Is ... recipes, like sweet potato
Discover the latest research Read the heartfelt and hash and chia pudding
on treating and preventing humorous stories parfaits, that feed a crowd.
this itchy skin condition. 69 that won our annual reader
Beauty Gifts That essay contest. 112
36 Make an Impact Cook for a Neighbor in Need
Raise Kind People These pretty products all Your foolproof guide to
Make the world a better benefit charities, so you LIFE organizing a meal train,
place by fostering empathy can match your friends to including entrée picks
and caring at home. the causes they care about.
93
44 78 A Month of Magical AGES + STAGES
Bake. Wrap. Give! Women’s Health News Memories
Spread holiday cheer with Get more out of your foam We’ve got 25 whimsical 115
five festive cookie recipes, roller, and a postpartum ways to make the holidays 0–12 Months
plus crafty ways to package kit that brings relief. more jolly and joyful. Combat the first cold.
them as gifts.
56 115
It’s Never Too Early 1–2 Years
to Volunteer Ditch the crib.
O N T H E C O V E R
These community- Dan Reynolds and Aja Volkman and their 116
service ideas will make daughters, Coco and Gia, 2, and Arrow, 7.
Photograph by Ari Michelson. Adults’ 3–4 Years
giving back second wardrobe styling by Sarah Schussheim for
The Wall Group. Children’s wardrobe styling Teach listening skills.
nature for your children. by Veronica Alvericci for Art Department.
Hair and makeup by Tracy Moyer for the 117
60 Rex Agency. Manicures by Saundrea Griffin for
the One Luv Agency. Prop and set styling 5–6 Years
Help Kids Understand Hate by Naomi Goss. Child wrangling by Ian McDavid.
On Dan: Shirt, Vince. Pants, Dickie’s Construct Deal with embarrassment.
How to talk about the truly at Barneys New York. Boots, Balmain. On Aja:
hard stuff—bias incidents, Dress, Amur, from Bloomingdale’s. Earrings, 118
Eriness. On Coco: Shirt, Tucker & Tate.
racism—that is all too Jeans, H&M. Boots, Dr. Martens. On Gia: Shirt, 7+ Years
Crewcuts. Jeans, H&M. Boots, Dr. Martens.
common today On Arrow: Jacket, Velveteen. Jeans, H&M. Bring spelling home.
Lettering by Claudia de Almeida.



P A R E N T S 9 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9

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LET’S GET Real.

What’s
one kind thing
My cousin always
someone did accompanies
for you that you’ll me when I take a
sick cat to the
never forget? vet. She knows
it’s traumatic!
LIZ VACCARIELLO MARK JOSEPHSON
Vice President, Editor-in-Chief Senior Vice President, Group Publisher
Executive Creative Director AGNETHE GLATVED Associate Publisher, Meredith Parents Network TRACY HADEL
Executive Editor JULIA EDELSTEIN
Managing Editor PATRICK MOFFITT A DV E RT I S I N G SA L E S
A random woman Northwest Director JULIE BANFIELD
ran up to me Deputy Editor DIANE DEBROVNER
on the street to tell Beauty Director KATE SANDOVAL BOX Southwest Director WENDY SEELIG-WALKER
me my Spanx Lifestyle Director LAURA FENTON Advertising Sales Staff ALYSSA CRAMER COHEN,
were showing. Food Director JENNA HELWIG CATHERINE DAUN, ANNE GILHOOL,
That’s true kindness Senior Editor, Features KATIE ARNOLD-RATLIFF MOLLY THOMPSON, MARIA TOCCO,
right there. NADINE WAXENBERG
Senior Editor, Nutrition and Travel KAREN CICERO Assistants BRIDGET CORRY, MICHELLE KWAN,
Entertainment Editor JESSICA HARTSHORN KIM SCHWARTZ, MAGGIE THELEN
Associate Editor, Beauty SHANNON M. BAUER Parents.com Advertising Director ALISA JANOWITZ GOLUB
Associate Editor, Features EMILY ELVERU Manager, Direct Media TYLER HUB
Editorial Assistants KYLEIGH LEDDY, KARA THOMPSON
National Travel Director MELISSA LUEBBE
A RT & P RO D U CT I O N Senior Research Manager ALISON JAYE My mom moved
to within 2 miles of our
Art Director EMILY FURLANI M A R K E T I N G
Associate Art Director JAMIE LEE home to be a closer
A group of Senior Designer MARIA FERNANDEZ-DAVILA Group Marketing Director SUSAN JOYCE part of our family after
wonderful moms Art Assistant AVA BRAMSON Senior Marketing Manager JUDY SCHIFFMAN we announced
at my son’s Production Director VINCENT M. SPINA Marketing Manager MARNIE DOWLER baby #3. She comes
day care set up a Marketing Coordinator DIANA ZULUAGA by every day to
meal train for P H OTO Group Creative Director JEANETTE CHOW help give stay-at-home
me after the birth Art Director TRACY D’AGOSTINO Daddy a break!
of my second Executive Photo Director LILY FRANCESCA ALT Associate Art Director DAVID L. TRACY
boy. It was Photo Director DAVID COOPER
touching, helpful, Photo Editor JOANNA MUENZ A D M I N I ST R AT I O N
and delicious! Photo Coordinator MAGGIE BLATTEL Executive Business Director JANICE CROAT
Assistant Photo Editor ERIKA THOMPSON
Business Manager MATTHEW PROBST
R E S E A RC H & C O PY Advertising Business Manager BOB PARLAPIANO
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Test Kitchen Project Manager LINDA BREWER, R.D.N.
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I was carrying a paper Deputy Managing Editor TARA LUSTBERG Quality Analyst BEN ANDERSON
bag full of stuff on a Executive Operations Coordinator, Prepress Desktop Specialist GREG FAIRHOLM
rainy day, and it got wet Office of Editor-in-Chief ADRIENNE FARR
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so thankful! President, Meredith Magazines DOUG OLSON
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Executive Editor JULIA DENNISON President, Chief Digital Officer CATHERINE LEVENE
Deputy Editor MELISSA BYKOFSKY SEO Editor LIZ LASHWAY Chief Revenue Officer MICHAEL BROWNSTEIN
Senior Photo Editor SARINA FINKELSTEIN Chief Marketing and Data Officer ALYSIA BORSA
Marketing and Integrated Communications NANCY WEBER
Features Editor ANNA HALKIDIS Social Media Editor GILLIAN NIGRO
SEO Writer NICOLE HARRIS Associate Editor LIBBY RYAN Senior Vice Presidents
Consumer Revenue ANDY WILSON
A DV I S O RY B OA R D
Corporate Sales BRIAN KIGHTLINGER
Pediatrics ARI BROWN, M.D., DAVID L. HILL, M.D., Direct Media PATTI FOLLO
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A flight attendant JANE MORTON, M.D., IRWIN REDLENER, M.D., Strategic Sourcing, Newsstand, Production CHUCK HOWELL
carried my baby MICHAEL RICH, M.D., M.P.H., HARLEY A. ROTBART, M.D., Digital Sales MARLA NEWMAN
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through the airport WENDY SUE SWANSON, M.D., M.B.E. Product and Technology JUSTIN LAW
when the
Plane Train was Nutrition JILL CASTLE, R.D.N., CONNIE DIEKMAN, R.D. Vice Presidents
broken. Mental Health ROBIN BERMAN, M.D., DAVID FASSLER, M.D., Finance CHRIS SUSIL
HAROLD S. KOPLEWICZ, M.D., REBECCA LANDA, Ph.D. Business Planning and Analysis ROB SILVERSTONE
Dentistry LEZLI LEVENE HARVELL, D.M.D. Consumer Marketing STEVE CROWE
Child Development and Behavior LISA DAMOUR, Ph.D., Shopper Marketing CAROL CAMPBELL
WAYNE FLEISIG, Ph.D., EILEEN KENNEDY-MOORE, Ph.D., Brand Licensing STEVE GRUNE
WENDY MOGEL, Ph.D., MICHAEL THOMPSON, Ph.D.
Women’s Health ALICE D. DOMAR, Ph.D., Vice President, Group Editorial Director LIZ VACCARIELLO
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Education and Child Care DEBORAH STIPEK, Ph.D., MEREDITH CORPORATION
CATHY VATTEROTT, Ph.D. President and Chief Executive Officer TOM HARTY
Allergy WILLIAM E. BERGER, M.D., HUGH SAMPSON, M.D. Chief Financial Officer JOSEPH CERYANEC
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Sleep JODI MINDELL, Ph.D., JUDITH OWENS, M.D. Senior Vice President, Human Resources DINA NATHANSON
Dermatology LAWRENCE F. EICHENFIELD, M.D., Chairman STEPHEN M. LACY
JODY ALPERT LEVINE, M.D. Vice Chairman MELL MEREDITH FRAZIER


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LEAK & ODOR-FREE

EDITOR’S NOTE






especially proud of our guide that they’ve worked so hard
to orchestrating a meal train to spread and to instill in
for a friend in need (page 112) their children?
and the age-by-age ideas for As this issue was going to
volunteering with your kids press, Ellen DeGeneres was
(page 56). Even our holiday criticized by the Twittersphere
stories focus more on ways to for sharing a laugh with
create warmth and memories President George W. Bush
this season than on things at a football game. On her
to buy. And since you can’t show, she read one supportive
envision a world that’s loving response: “Ellen and George
without acknowledging the Bush together makes me have
divisiveness that also exists, faith in America again.” That’s
I point you to senior features exactly the point, DeGeneres
editor Katie Arnold-Ratliff’s said: “I’m friends with George
graceful essay, “Help Kids Bush. In fact, I’m friends with
Understand Hate” (page 60). a lot of people who don’t share
Executive editor Julia the same beliefs that I have.”
Edelstein sent me this quote by Dan and Aja echo her
Pope Francis, which her rabbi, perspective. In my long
Rachel Ain, shared at Rosh conversation with the couple
Hashanah services: “The (page 80), they went deep
enemy against which we fight quickly, explaining how their
is not only hatred in all of advocacy and their religion
its forms, but even more can coexist. To heal and
fundamentally, indifference; unite, we must be willing to
for it is indifference that listen to, and live alongside,
How Parents Can paralyzes and impedes us from people we disagree with.
doing what is right even when
In this special issue,
Change the World we know that it is right.” I’m not telling anyone which
values are right or wrong.
I chose our cover parents,
Dan Reynolds, of Imagine I am just hoping that, like
HAVE YOU EVER met a parent to shift the balance in my Dragons, and his wife, me, you can imagine a world
who, when asked if they want home, and I’ll bet you do too. musician Aja Volkman, that is kind and full of people
their children to be kind, said That’s why our December because of their work as allies who love, give, and care. I
no? Of course not. As mothers issue is devoted to raising of the LGBTQ+ community believe that our best shot is to
and fathers, we know it’s our children who are kind, within the Mormon church. raise young people who do.
job to teach our children to be thoughtful, and bighearted. Before I interviewed them, LIZ: ARI MICHELSON. WARDROBE STYLING BY JEN SMITH FOR ELYSE CONNOLLY INC. HAIRSTYLING BY RHEANNA WHITE FOR TRACEY MATTINGLY. MAKEUP BY LINDSEY WILLIAMS FOR KATE RYAN INC. PROP STYLING BY JOJO LI FOR HELLO ARTISTS. ON LIZ: DRESS, KAREN MILLEN. EARRINGS, VINTAGE PRADA FROM PILGRIM NEW YORK. GROUP PHOTO: ARI MICHELSON. DAN AND FAMILY: LIZ VACCARIELLO.
generous and caring. But The centerpiece, Catherine I wondered about things from
our message can get muddled Newman’s manifesto on a parenting perspective.
as they grow. I was shocked modeling empathy (page 36), How did they reconcile their
when Harvard researcher should inspire all of us to church’s views with the
Richard Weissbourd, Ed.D., make that a priority. I am values of inclusion and love
told me that in his study of
more than 40,000 high-school Sweetness all around!
students, about 80 percent Our crew flew to
Las Vegas to photograph
thought their parents were
our cover family. F O L L O W M E O N
more concerned about their
I N S TA G R A M
achievements or happiness
than their caring for others.
Yet when I reflected on the
conversations I have with my
own ninth-graders, I realized
that I’m usually asking about I took this Scan this code with your
shot of Dan and phone’s camera for
homework, test scores, teacher
Aja’s daughter more behind-the-scenes
reactions, and highlights from Arrow during my access (no app needed).
their sports and clubs. I want interview.




P A R E N T S 14 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9

©2019 P&G




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R E L A T E . R E J O I C E . R E A C T . R E M I N I S C E .

• CELEB
Words for

All of Us “Perhaps it’s the newfound


These famous parents clarity I have as a father, knowing
that my son will be mimicking
are all about
my behavior ... From small acts of
thoughtfulness, and
kindness to large measures of
we’re here for it. character, each move that we make
matters. Especially when we
don’t think anyone is watching.”
—Prince Harry, at the
National Youth Mentoring Summit

“Friendships between
women, as any woman will
tell you, are built of a
thousand small kindnesses ... 
swapped back and forth
and over again.”
—Michelle Obama, in Becoming
“I’ve been thinking a lot
about kindness lately,
about where it starts and
what keeps it moving
CLOCKWISE FROM TOP: KEVIN WINTER/GETTY; RICK FINDLER - PA IMAGES/GETTY; DESIREE NAVARRO/GETTY; SAMIR HUSSEIN/GETTY; CINDY ORD/GETTY.
from one person
to the next. I believe that
we are all made in
likeness, and because of
that, our hearts are
naturally drawn toward
one another. But the
“When you thing about kindness is,
respect the idea it’s a choice.”
that you are —Chip Gaines, in a
sharing the earth blog post on Magnolia
.com titled “We Believe
with other
humans, and in Human Kindness”
when you lead
with your
nice foot forward,
you’ll win,
every time.”
—Kristen Bell, to
the University of
Southern California
School of Dramatic
Arts graduates









“Let’s all be a bit kinder,
huh? Let’s show our children
that it’s cool to be kind.”
—Pink, on Twitter












P A R E N T S 17 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9

LET’S GET REAL





• AT LEAST
THER E’S THIS
Meditations for Parents KUDOS TO

Let’s zen out, shall we? INCLUSIVE KIDS’

SHOWS!
SCHOOL DROP- OFF IN THE CAR, HIS
Breathe in, breathe out. LOVEY LEFT BEHIND
Release the tension in Bring your attention to the
your body, which has all wailing in the backseat,
coalesced in your wrestling as you have no choice.
grip on the steering Notice your partner
wheel. Redirect your driving while smiling a Molly of Denali
thoughts from the one car strange smile, having (PBS Kids) Ten-year-old
that needs to pull up already mentally relocated Molly Mabray, from
just 2 feet so everyone to a swim-up bar in Tahiti. Alaska’s Gwich’in,
behind it can let their kids Every time your mind Koyukon, and Dena’ina
out but doesn’t. Notice strays to self-blame, focus tribes, stars in
the mom double-parked at instead on the now. this first-ever national
the front of the drop-off This is the moment to children’s show to
line, blocking the exit for choose between having a feature Native American • LESSON FROM M Y
all other vehicles, applying forlorn child for the next leads. When she LITTLE ONE
mascara. Open your mind. 48 hours or taking a isn’t helping her parents
Think:“Perhaps she has detour back to Cleveland. at the trading post, In the Garden With
a very tiny bathroom with Molly vlogs for kids in
no mirrors.” STUCK IN ONE ROOM the “lower 48” about Grandma
AT THE CHILDREN’S things like Alaskan ice
TARGET ON A MUSEUM cream, called nivagi. THERE’S SOMETHING extra special about the
SATURDAY Keep thinking, “It’s Ages 4 to 8
Take a moment to consider educational,” even if it relationship between a grandmother and a
how this situation came looks like a playroom with grandchild. Grandparents don’t necessarily
about, then stuff these acoustics that make have to deal with the hard stuff that parents
thoughts into an imaginary it seem as if the kids are
reusable bag in your mind screaming in your own do, but they love you just as fiercely. Or at
because you forgot to head. Watch your least, mine did. So when my grandmother
bring any real ones. Form daughter stick her hands Bluey passed away a little less than two years ago,
a game plan, knowing it into a stream of running (Disney Junior)
will completely fall apart water with 17 other Sisters Bluey and Bingo grief hit me hard. She lived down the street
when you walk in and children to grab a well- pretend they’re from me when I was a kid, she came to every
see a pack of Chewbacca worn rubber duck. Exhale. everything from hotel one of my school events (she had a box of
notebooks for $1. Have Say: “Germs are necessary managers to butterflies. saved programs to prove it), and we always
your family repeat the to build immunity.” Sit on Their dad, Bandit,
mantra: “We just need what you think is a normal bucks traditional celebrated our day-apart birthdays together.
lightbulbs.” When that stool until a 3-year-old gender norms as the In the weeks that followed her death, our
mantra becomes “We need spins the seat, making family’s master family grieved by keeping each other as close
lightbulbs. And a blender you rise unsteadily toward laundry folder who
and an inflatable pool and the rafters. Let a smile fill isn’t afraid to as possible. That meant my own mom, my
that funny Minion T-shirt,” your face. Shout, “We’re admit when he’s wrong. toddler son, Weston, and I spent a lot of time
channel your acceptance learning physics!” Ages 4 to 6 together. One afternoon, I watched from BOTTOM LEFT: PRISCILLA GRAGG. MIDDLE, FROM TOP: EVERETT COLLECTION; COURTESY OF THE SHOW; EVERETT COLLECTION. TOP RIGHT: COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT.
that this will cost you.
—Sarah Schmelling inside my house as my mom, an avid gardener,
1
worked in the yard with her 1 / 2-year-old
grandson beside her. She helped him push
little plants into the ground, and they crinkled
Steven Universe up their noses as they smelled the different
(Cartoon Network)
As a half-human, potted herbs together. She patiently let
half-Gem superhero Weston take the reins on watering the new
whose powers emanate buds. I smiled, as I knew this scene all too
from his belly button, well. My grandma had shared many of her
Steven knows what it’s
like to feel different. own special little hobbies with me.
Acceptance is a theme Watching Weston, I knew things would
of this action comedy never be the same, but they would be okay.
that features inclusive
characters like Ruby He, in all his innocence, would move our
and Sapphire, whose family forward. I’ll still get to experience the
2018 marriage was the relationship between a grandparent and a
first same-gender
wedding on children’s grandchild, but now it will be by watching
television. Ages 6 to 11 my son and my mom.
—Leslie Goldman —Liz Schnabolk




P A R E N T S 18 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9

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LET’S GET REAL







WE NEED TO TALK.


Taking the High Road, just like my own. To show her

anything other than empathy
Even If It Kills Me would be antithetical to
everything I try to model for
my own kids.
by JENNY MOLLEN
Baz’s sister rushed up
to my sister, and they began
A WRITER friend shared this chatting. I stayed about a
classic saying with me: Fate block away until Lazlo broke
leads those who follow it and free from my arms and went
drags those who resist it. The charging in their direction.
same is true of motherhood. Jason appeared just in
We can fight it, but it will time, swooping up Lazlo and
change us nonetheless. making awkward small talk
In my life before kids, there with Baz and her parents.
weren’t many consequences Eventually, I had no choice
for the things I did and said. but to join them. I could tell
As long as I was able to weave she didn’t want to speak to
my antics into a wacky me, and I tried to honor that.
adventure, I was typically The truth was that I didn’t
rewarded for them. This deserve to be spoken to, and I
was especially true in my understood her feelings fully.
relationship with my I never thought I’d feel
husband’s ex-girlfriend, Baz. comfortable being an adult.
My obsession with Baz Maturity seemed boring
was the foundation for most and the high road too arduous
of my comedy on Twitter and to trek. But kicking and
the inspiration for not one screaming, I’ve changed.
but two chapters in my first A week later, I sent Baz this
book. In my younger years email: “Baz, I know I can’t
(read: most of my 30s), I did take back the past. But I want
drive-bys down her block, kids, making the two of them,” my sister assured me. you to know that I’ve grown
posted pics of myself in cute them “mom friends.” And shortly after, there she up a lot since we knew each
outfits I hoped she’d stumble It was our second-to-last was, standing on an adjacent other. As a woman and
across while googling me, and day on the island and the corner looking back at me. a mother, I only want to lead
reeled her into interacting older boys wanted to see a I was Captain Ahab and she with kindness, and the girl
with me by finding things of movie in town. I waited out was my Moby Dick. that I once was, was not kind.
hers around our house and Lazlo’s nap and arrived at My heart started racing I know that I hurt you, and
gifting them back to her. the theater about a half hour as I tried to think of the best for that I am deeply sorry.”
Though cautious, Baz always after my sister. Once I’d way to handle the situation.
seemed to respond to my high parked my car, she ran over Unlike the old Jenny, who
jinks, which only egged me and banged on my window. would have stopped at
on. But this is not that story. “Jenny! It’s your lucky nothing to harpoon Jason’s
Just before the start of day!” she exclaimed. “Guess former flame, I felt guilt
this school year, Jason and I who I just bumped into? Baz! and shame over the chaos I’d
rented a house on Nantucket And her entire family!” previously caused.
for a week and invited my I hadn’t seen Baz for a good Baz held hands with her
sister, Samantha, and her six years. I knew she was daughter, a little girl roughly
family to join us. Samantha married and had heard she’d the same age as Lazlo, as they
has three boys, two of whom had a baby, but I was no cautiously crossed toward me.
READ MORE JENNY
are the same ages as my sons, longer up-to-date on her life Her past involvement with Jenny Mollen has two sons COURTESY OF JENNY MOLLEN.
and an avid Instagram
Sid, 5, and Lazlo, 2. Her the way I’d once been. my husband was instantly following @jennymollen.
She’s the author of two
eldest, coincidentally, goes “They’re walking around irrelevant. She was a mother best-sellers, including I Like
to school with Baz’s sister’s Main Street. You’re gonna see now, with responsibilities You Just the Way I Am.




P A R E N T S 20 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9

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LET’S GET REAL











You’re 1. Healing Service Project
The Mini Box of Hope contains
five wooden stars plus supplies
Welcome for decorating. Go to the website
to find a community dealing
with a tragedy, then mail your
1 creations to those affected to
6 G I F T S FO R KI D S be hung as symbols of strength.
$45; starsofhopeusa.org
TH AT S PAR K KI N D N ES S
2. A Game to
Teach Empathy
Friends and Neighbors: The
Helping Game emphasizes the
importance of altruism. Players
work together to lend a hand to
2 as many characters as possible.
A fun antidote to Monopoly!
Ages 3+, $18.50; amazon.com


3 3. Heartfelt Ornaments
Artwork made by patients at
St. Jude Children’s Research
Hospital inspired these Pottery
Barn Kids ornaments. (Half the
proceeds go to the incredible
Former St. Jude organization.) Put one on your
patient Coraliz, now tree for a nice reminder of what
18, designed really matters in life. $10.50;
the reindeer and potterybarnkids.com
the cupcake.
4. One to Give, One to Keep
When a 7-year-old boy told his
parents he wanted to combine
stuffed animals and blankets
to “make the world smile,”
Happy Blankie was born. When
you order one for your child, the
company sends another to
4 a person in need. $42 and up;
happyblankie.com

5. A Craft That Spreads Joy
The Random Acts of Flowers kit
comes with all the materials
to create a dozen blooms, with
cards that read, “I made this
for you. Do something nice for
someone today.” After your kid
5 6 does the crafting, bundle the
bouquet together and leave
Consider sending your it out for the taking in town or
profits to Alex’s Lemonade at school. $21; amazon.com
Stand Foundation!
6. Stand for a Cause
This 3-foot-tall Creatology
lemonade stand is an enticing
coloring project. When it’s done,
Preprinted cards
make it easy your child can set up shop and
to distribute your donate the cash to a charity of
blooms. his choice. $30; Michaels stores

PETER ARDITO.







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Compassion


for Others

Starts Young
Even 6-month-olds can
demonstrate empathy, says
a study in the British Journal of
Psychology. Researchers
showed infants two videos.
In one, a square character
climbs a hill and meets a
circular friend; they happily
go down the hill together. In
the other, a circular figure hits
a square character, making it
cry and double over. When
researchers presented the
squares to the babies, more
than 80 percent chose the one
that had been hit, showing that
the infants were empathetic
to the bullied shape.
You can help your baby
develop this tendency. “Her
brain grows with love and
connection, so gaze into her
eyes as you feed her and coo
back when she coos at you,”
says Robin Berman, M.D., a
Parents advisor and author of
Permission to Parent. “If she’s
crying, say, ‘I know you’re
hungry. Dad’s getting a bottle.‘
Being present and attuned
is an act of kindness and a
building block of empathy.”
—Emily Elveru
photograph by
PRISCILLA GRAGG P A R E N T S 25 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9

KIDSÑNews + Ideas






S H O U L D I B E W O R R I E D ?

My 8-year-old isn’t reading at
her grade level. What can I do?

It’s easy to panic when your child seems to be falling behind in school.
But you can calm your concern and help her at the
same time, says Parents advisor Cathy Vatterott, Ph.D., professor
emeritus at the University of Missouri–St. Louis and author
of Rethinking Homework. Ask yourself these three questions.




Go Ahead,
Let Him Jump Into
the Ball Pit!

Think that giant vat of rainbow
orbs is really just a huge petri dish
of germs? Not quite, according to
a recent study. Researchers at the
University of North Georgia found
31 types of bacteria in the ball pits of
six physical-therapy clinics. That
might seem like a high ick factor,
but it’s a very low risk for kids, says
Adam Ratner, M.D., director of
the Division of Pediatric Infectious
Diseases in Hassenfeld Children’s
Hospital at NYU Langone. “Your
child can come into contact with
these bacteria anywhere,” says
Dr. Ratner. Those like Streptococcus
oralis and Staphylococcus hominis
may sound scary, but they’re not
just crawling in ball pits; they also
live on virtually every kid’s skin
and tongue. Unless your child has
1 Who says your child could point to several book you can about them!) skin lesions or a compromised
is struggling? possible causes, like word- Your child’s teacher and immune system, playing in a germy
If the problem was revealed recognition or decoding reading specialist might ball pit shouldn’t put him at any
through school testing or issues or even vision or also suggest ways to higher risk for infections.
her teacher’s concern, then hearing problems (each of support her improvement,
you should figure out which which requires a different such as having you read However, do keep in mind that
assessment was used and type of intervention). Once to her, having her read to cleaning standards and schedules
ask what issues it found. you learn which reading you (and the dog!), talking vary widely from one pit to another.
But opinions of other parents behaviors might be factors, with her about what she’s Ask when the balls were last sanitized.
and comparisons with rest assured that her teacher reading, getting her to If the attendant doesn’t know (or you
what other children in her and reading specialist have reread a book she liked, or smell something funky), it’s best to
grade are reading aren’t many tools available to help letting her write her own stay out. As always, common-sense
valid reasons to worry. her get to the next level. story to read. precautions apply: Your kid should
Finally, relax. You don’t wash his hands before and after he
2 Why is she not reading 3 What can you do
at grade level? together at home? want your worries to affect jumps in, and you should make sure
Reading is a complex Allow your kid’s interests your child’s confidence. he’s up to date on his vaccinations.
process. If your child tests to drive what she reads. Reading is supposed to be —Kaitlin Lowe
below grade level, this (She loves dogs? Find every fun, not an anxious chore.
—E.E. CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: PRISCILLA GRAGG; BOANA/GETTY; PETER ARDITO.




Y E T A N O T H E R WAY T O S AY “ I L OV E YO U ”
Give your child a boost midway through her day. Lunch Box Letters, by
Carol Sperandeo and Bill Zimmerman, contains 100 different tear-out notes
like “Have an awesome day!” and “Keep smiling, because …” with room
for you to write, plus a joke or a riddle so your kid and her friends can LOL
at lunchtime. $10; amazon.com
—E.E.




P A R E N T S 26 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9

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KIDSÑNews + Ideas





























Natural



Training Treats


for Dogs



Brush Up on Holiday Fire Safety

A crackling blaze in the fireplace and twinkly lights on the
Christmas tree brighten any dreary winter day. But home
fires are most likely to occur during the winter from causes like
A tasty treat you’ll feel good candles, heat sources, and lighting equipment. These tips from

about giving Philip Landrigan, M.D., a Parents advisor and coauthor of Children
& Environmental Toxins, will help protect your family.

1 C A R E . You don’t 3 F I R E PL AC E . It’s fine out any deadly CO. Before
MAI NTAI N TH E
U S E
WITH
CAN D LE S
closing the damper, leaving
have to banish them, but to have 2 or 3 inches of ash the house, or going to bed,
be cautious. Make sure on the firebox floor, but be sure the fire is almost out
they’re in a sturdy holder any more may push the logs (it’s okay to leave an ember
that won’t tip over. Place forward and cause flames, or two). If your fireplace
them up and away from sparks, or smoke to billow or stove has a chimney or
your kid’s grasp—and into the room. Use a shovel a vent, call in a certified
where your dog can’t to remove it, and toss it into chimney sweep every year
reach them. Try to keep a noncombustible garbage to evaluate its condition.
them off the dinner table; can with a sealable lid or
a tablecloth or a napkin your compost pile. To help TEND TO YOUR
could easily catch fire. reduce built-up soot, ash, 4 TREE . If you’re getting
When you leave the room, and creosote (tar that a real Christmas tree, try
blow the candles out. comes from wood smoke), to pick one that’s fresh (this
use only dry, well-seasoned might mean chopping it
I N S PE C T C O R D S . firewood. Green or wet down yourself or asking the
2 When you take your wood can cause excessive tree-lot attendant when the
string lights and extension smoke, creosote, and ones available were cut).
cords out of storage, look dangerous chimney fires; Once it’s at home, keep it
at where the plugs and wrapping paper and moist by placing the base
cords meet. If a connection plastic contain chemicals in a stand that holds water
is pulling apart or you can that can harm us and and refilling it daily. And
see wires, throw the cord the environment; and as pretty as a lit, ornament-
out; loose wires can spark cardboard is highly laden tree looks, get rid of
on tree needles or wrapped combustible and can it once the holidays pass.
presents. Unplug lights greatly increase the risk A tree that’s dry (it’ll have
and cords when you’re of a fire. needles that break easily
not using them, especially Check the batteries in or fall off in your hand) is CAIAIMAGE/PAUL BRADBURY/GETTY.
at night, and pop on an your carbon monoxide more likely to catch fire
outlet cover to protect detector twice a year, and from lights, cords, or plugs.
curious little fingers from crack a window when —Riyana Straetker
getting shocked. you light a fire to help let and Emily Elveru


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P A R E N T S 28 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9

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KIDSÑHea lth
































THE








ECZEMA









EFFECT








As if itchy, flaky skin—and the

teasing it often evokes—weren’t bad enough,
this chronic rash often ushers in food

allergies, asthma, and other conditions, according
to new research. Here’s everything

we know about how to keep these troubles at bay.

by HOLLY PEVZNER / illustrations by JAMES YANG















ALEXANDRA FUNG, a mom of three in scratching. But the red and pink patches lips, which was far more worrisome).
Chicago, thought she had her baby’s on his cheeks, which arrived when he She took her son to an allergist. “He was
eczema under control. After all, her was a few months old, only worsened. diagnosed with several food allergies,
older kids, ages 10 and 12, have the Then other sensitivities began to appear. including a life-threatening one to nuts,”
skin condition (like nearly 10 million Eating dairy exacerbated his rash and says Fung. “And that’s when I first
kids in the U.S.), and so does she. Fung made him fussy. He had a reaction to eggs learned that eczema is closely related to
knew to use gentle detergents and at 10 months (a bout of vomiting, which those allergies.”
moisturizers. She put tiny mittens on Fung wasn’t too concerned about), then Research has shown that kids with
her baby’s hands at night to curb his another to peanuts at 1 year (swollen eczema are vulnerable to a phenomenon




P A R E N T S 30 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9



KIDSÑHea lth






called the atopic march, in which Unfortunately, misunderstandings
eczema’s trademark raw, open skin helps about the condition—and who is at
bring about any or all of the following greater risk—appear to be widespread
conditions: food allergies, asthma, and among physicians. More than 50 percent
hay fever (also known as allergic rhinitis). of parents whose child has eczema have
It can also result in bullying, and does seen up to five doctors before their child
for many kids. That all sounds alarming, was diagnosed and treated, according
of course. But even if your child is to a 2016 survey by the National Eczema
already acquainted with the skin ailment, Association. That delay can have
there’s no need to panic. New insights long-lasting negative consequences.
about preventive care, early intervention, “Early diagnosis and intervention might
and diligent maintenance are revealing help prevent certain aspects of the
that eczema may be more treatable—and atopic march, and it certainly can ease
the allergic progression less inevitable— severity,” says Neeta Ogden, M.D., a
than previously thought. pediatric allergist and spokesperson for
the American College of Allergy, Asthma
The Gateway Rash & Immunology.
Eczema is a chronic condition in which Picture eczema, food allergies, asthma,
patches of skin become red, scaly, and and hay fever as dominoes. Each one
itchy. It usually appears on the face, can fall down on its own, but they are all
scalp, and/or trunk, first arriving more likely to be knocked over if the
What to Look
anywhere from several weeks to several first domino—eczema—falls. According
months after birth. It typically creeps to For in a to a review of studies in the Journal of
the elbows and knees when the child Moisturizer Allergy and Clinical Immunology,
is around 6 months old, though it can 81 percent of kids with eczema go on to
affect any part of the body. Using a dye- and develop at least one food allergy. If this
The thing is, every baby is a little fragrance-free emollient is occurs, they are then seven times more
bundle of highly sensitive skin, which likely to be diagnosed with asthma and
key to controlling
makes it difficult to know whether you’re nearly 12 times more likely to develop
eczema. The problem? Eighty-
dealing with eczema or just garden- seasonal allergies.
three percent of the best-
variety irritation. But there are some Why is this so? “It’s a hard concept
selling moisturizers featuring
clues to watch for. “If you, your partner, to understand,” says Dr. Skotnicki.
a “hypoallergenic” label
or your other children have ever “Essentially, atopic eczema is a skin-
suffered from eczema or allergies, it’s include at least one potentially barrier disruption—leaky skin, if you will.”
especially important to bring any skin allergenic chemical, The skin is supposed to keep water in and
issues to your pediatrician’s attention,” and 45 percent that claim to be irritants and allergens out. But eczema-
says Sandy Skotnicki, M.D., assistant “fragrance free” are not, affected skin fails to provide such a
professor of dermatology at the found a 2017 study barrier, and its susceptibility to dryness
University of Toronto and coauthor of in JAMA Dermatology. Your and irritation can cause microtears that
Beyond Soap. These factors put kids allow even tiny amounts of allergens
best bet is to choose
at a high risk for developing eczema, and to enter the body. Think peanut dust on
“greasy” ointments and creams
thus, the atopic march. a bakery table that hasn’t been wiped
(high oil content more
Even if you’re fairly confident that your down thoroughly enough, on which your
effectively keeps moisture in
child has eczema, you may need to be little one rests her forearm. Think
and irritants out) that
persistent with your pediatrician to get a pollen floating through the air (and into
diagnosis. Ayren Jackson-Cannady, of feature the National Eczema your child’s sinuses) or chemicals
Arlington, Virginia, whose oldest child, Association Seal of in your laundry detergent, which touch
Trey, suffers from eczema, knew what Acceptance, such as CeraVe your baby’s face when he rests his cheek
the condition looked like because her Baby Healing Ointment and on your shoulder. When these invaders
husband is also a lifelong sufferer. Yet Aveeno Baby Eczema make contact with skin affected by
that information, coupled with Trey’s Therapy Moisturizing Cream. eczema, “the immune system freaks out
itchy rash, didn’t ring any warning bells and mounts a response,” says Peter Lio,
You can also search
for his doctor. “I think she just M.D., clinical assistant professor of
for products on
assumed it would be a temporary thing,” dermatology and pediatrics at
the association’s website
says Jackson-Cannady. “I know that Northwestern University Feinberg
(nationaleczema.org).
some kids outgrow it with a little extra School of Medicine, in Chicago.
moisturizing. But some don’t.” That response can lead to an allergy




P A R E N T S 32 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9

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KIDSÑHea lth






to those foods or irritants—one that with rich, oily emollients such as
can last for the rest of the child’s life. Vaseline or sunflower-seed oil can
reduce the risk of eczema by up to
Acting Early 50 percent,” says Dr. Lio. Emollients can

The good news is that parents of little create a physical barrier when the skin
ones at high risk for eczema (meaning can’t provide its own, he explains. There
their parents or siblings have the have been conflicting studies about
condition or have food allergies) are not this practice—it’s an emerging avenue
powerless. Step one: Limit baths. of research, with new findings being
“The first thing we need to do is stop published frequently—but Dr. Lio
washing children so much and for so still encourages families of high-risk
long,” says Dr. Skotnicki. “Water and babies to follow it daily from birth
soap actually break down the skin barrier through 6 months in order to prevent
we want to strengthen.” According to or delay eczema.
the American Academy of Pediatrics, Ashleigh Bouselli, of St. Charles,
three short baths a week during a baby’s Missouri, whose two oldest children
first year is likely plenty. They should have eczema, knew about the atopic
last only five to ten minutes, and you march and covered her third child with
should use a mild cleanser without Vaseline for months. Bouselli can’t
additives. Dr. Skotnicki adds that no swear to it, but she suspects that this
small child requires more than that helped keep her son, now 22 months,
unless he’s truly dirty or sweaty, or if eczema-free. “He’s yet to have anything
he’s already been diagnosed with eczema. more than a couple of random patches
In the latter case, you should bathe your of dry skin. I’m so relieved,” she says.
child daily during flare-ups, but for no
more than ten to 15 minutes in lukewarm Treatment Advances
water and with no soap. “Patting, not Parents of kids with eczema have
rubbing, your child dry and moisturizing traditionally been given the same
within three minutes after the bath is advice because it does help: Moisturize
also key,” says Dr. Skotnicki. often, limit exposure to triggers
Another counterintuitive—but (irritants such as secondhand smoke
clinically proven—strategy for halting and scented detergents), and use
the atopic march: early exposure to hydrocortisone creams and/or topical
peanuts. When children at high risk for corticosteroids to stop the itching that
eczema start consuming peanut comes with the rash. As Dr. Skotnicki
products between 4 and 6 months old, says, “Daily moisturizing and proper
their chance of developing peanut cleansing are the cornerstones of
allergies plummets by 74 percent, a
major study concluded. Of course, this
should happen with a pediatrician’s
okay; for babies who already have
severe eczema or a family history of the
condition, nuts need to be introduced
only under an allergist’s guidance. T H E G O A L I S T O
“You want a child’s first exposure to G E T C O M M O N
common allergic foods to occur via the A L L E R G I C F O O D S I N T O
gastrointestinal tract, not the skin,”
Y O U R B A B Y ’ S
says Dr. Lio. “When a baby ingests a food,
B E L LY B E F O R E T H E Y
the gut has special systems designed
C A N W R E A K A L L E R G I C
to induce tolerance so he won’t become
allergic. That doesn’t happen with skin H A V O C B Y B E I N G
exposure.” In short: The goal is to get A B S O R B E D T H R O U G H
common allergic foods into your baby’s T H E S K I N .
belly before they can wreak allergic havoc
by being absorbed through the skin.
“Some studies have also shown that
moisturizing high-risk infants daily




P A R E N T S 34 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9

They’re All Connected!


Not every kid with eczema hits each stop on the atopic
march. In fact, there are children with
eczema who never develop any of the other related conditions,
says Dr. Neeta Ogden. Although not all
journeys progress in this order, here are some of
the diagnoses that can follow eczema.

FOOD ALLERGIES
Common ones associated with eczema are egg, peanut,
soy, and dairy, with symptoms including hives, itching, swelling of lips,
face, tongue, and/or throat, and nausea or vomiting.



ASTHMA
Kids often make a whistling or wheezing sound
when they exhale; cough when triggered by exercise, cold air, Experience the ultimate in
or sleep; and experience congestion, trouble breathing,
shortness of breath, and a tight or uncomfortable feeling in the chest. versatility with the Cuisinart ®
Most doctors prefer not to make a definitive diagnosis Coffee Center, ® featuring
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With these seasonal allergies, children are often
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which have the same symptoms as allergic rhinitis. with the HomeBarista ®
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eczema therapy, and they do result in Currently, babies and children with carafe brewer prepares
better outcomes.” mild-to-moderate eczema have another 12 cups of coffee with options
However, some parents are reluctant steroid-free option: Eucrisa, an ointment
like adjustable brew strength
to use corticosteroids on their children that reduces symptoms by blocking the
because of possible side effects, like production of pro-inflammatory proteins control, auto on and off and
thinning skin. Even if parents feel called cytokines. When it debuted in
™
Brew Pause. Featuring the
comfortable using the creams, doctors 2016, more than a decade had passed
advise using them only during severe since the FDA had approved any new legendary quality, design
flare-ups, and only for seven days at a topical treatments for eczema. and functionality you expect
time. That’s why there’s excitement Alexandra Fung is expecting
from Cuisinart. Enjoy the best
about Dupixent, a steroid-free injectable baby #4 now, and is already focusing
approved earlier this year for kids on ways to help her infant sidestep of both worlds with the new
12 and up with moderate-to-severe eczema. “This baby is going to be so
®
®
Cuisinart Coffee Center.
eczema, and which is likely to be FDA- moisturized,” she says. “It’s empowering
approved for younger kids soon too. After to know that I may be able to help
16 weeks of monthly treatments, more stop this from happening again.”
than 40 percent of patients showed a Dr. Ogden agrees, adding that there’s
75 percent improvement. “Even though a lot that parents can do right now:
it’s a shot, the fact that it’s safe and “Catch eczema early, stay on top of it,
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this a game changer,” says Dr. Ogden. don’t hesitate to be proactive.”




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KIDSÑVa lues









R AI S E















KIND




















PE O PLE












The best thing you can do to make the world a better place is to

create a culture of kindness in your own home.
Consider these ways to show your children why the Golden Rule rules.


by CATHERINE NEWMAN / photograph by PRISCILLA GRAGG










I RECENTLY ASKED my friends and Life-Changing Power of Giving and daunting these days, but fostering
family, “When you think about instilling Receiving and cocreator of Daniel Tiger’s compassion in your family is entirely
kindness in your kids, what do you mean Neighborhood. For our littlest kids, doable. Just focus on the considerate
by kindness?” They had many different this might mean patting the back of a habits of daily life, a few concrete
responses: compassion, generosity, worried friend, waving to an elderly actions, and a little reflection thrown
empathy, justice, alleviating suffering. neighbor, or breaking a cookie in half in for good measure. Here’s how to
But every answer involved an underlying to share with a younger brother. For step up and commit to raising the next
consideration for others, rather than older kids, kindness might be inviting generation of truly good people.
acting only out of self-interest. It makes a lonely classmate to join their lunch
sense that this is also the definition of table, comforting someone who’s sad or Help them understand what
humane, because kindness is the most scared, or donating some of their kindness means.
fundamental expression of what it allowance to a cause they care about. Even before your kids are old enough to
means to be a human being. Whatever it means to you, it’s act kindly, you can start talking about it.
Kindness is about “seeing with your important to help nurture it in your Empathy is hardwired in us from birth
heart,” explains Angela C. Santomero, children from a young age. Making our through what’s known as the mirror-
author of Radical Kindness: The country a kinder place may seem neuron system, and we intuitively feel




P A R E N T S 36 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9

MAKE TIME
FOR PRETEND
PL AY!
Having an active
imagination
opens the door to
empathy.

KIDSÑVa lues






what others feel, explains psychiatrist forms,” says Dr. Harding. “Toddlers mosquito bites, so you shouldn’t tease
Kelli Harding, M.D., author of The are very focused on me and mine, but you your cousin.” Once she seems to grasp
Rabbit Effect: Live Longer, Happier, and can gradually help your child think this, you can move on to the Platinum
Healthier With the Groundbreaking about we and us by using inclusive we Rule, which is that we treat people the
Science of Kindness. It’s why your language yourself,” says developmental way that’s best for them, even if that’s
2-year-old may burst into tears when pediatrician Damon Korb, M.D. “For different from what’s best for us.
she sees another toddler fall at the example, you might say, ‘What can we To show what that means in real life,
playground, and it’s a perfect opportunity do today that will be fun for all of us?’ ” you might say to your 5-year-old, “Your
to articulate that experience for her: When kids are 3, 4, and 5, it’s a good brother’s going to be tired after a whole
“You feel sad because you care about time to start having discussions day of second grade. Should we bring
your friend and she hurt herself.” about kindness, suggests Dr. Korb, him a special snack?” When she says,
If empathy is understanding, then and the Golden Rule is a perfect “Yes! Raisins!” you can remind her that’s
compassion is acting on that conversational launchpad. “We treat her favorite snack and encourage her to
understanding. Kids’ ability to do that other people the way we would hope to remember his. She’ll feel both kind
develops a bit later. “As a child’s be treated ourselves,” you can explain and proud to hand him a bag of cheese
brain develops, he can better separate to your preschooler. “You wouldn’t crackers, even though she herself is not
you from I, and that’s when compassion want someone to tease you about your a fan. At the beach, you can say to your
kindergartner: “We know you like to be
buried up to your neck in sand, but your
sister cries when she gets sand in her
sandal. Do you think she’ll like getting a
bucket of it dumped over her bare legs?”
To a child who’s using the baby’s foot
as a microphone while shouting the
alphabet song, you can point out, “Look
at your brother’s face. Does he look
like he’s having fun?”


Inspire their imagination.
Thinking “What would that feel like?” is
one of the most powerful habits we can
instill in our children. “You can’t be a
compassionate person unless you have an
active imagination—you have to be able
to step into someone else’s shoes,” says
Katherine Applegate, author of award-
winning children’s books, including
The One and Only Ivan and Wishtree.
Pretend play is a great way for young
kids to practice empathy. You could say
to your child, “Your doll fell down and
bumped her head! What do you think
we should do for her?” As your kids get
older, you can ask them to imagine
more complicated real-life scenarios
as you encounter them. “I point out
differences to my kids without making
any judgment, so they’re able to form
their own opinions,” says Dr. Korb,
a father of five. “I might say, ’I wonder
what it would be like to sleep outside
when it’s cold.’ ” You can offer all sorts
of similar opportunities for reflection:
“Imagine being a kitten that was stuck
up in a tree and wasn’t able to climb CHEYENNE ELLIS.
down.” “Imagine how hard it must be
to get on the bus in a wheelchair—and




P A R E N T S 38 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9



KIDSÑVa lues






how grateful you would feel that son is crying, although he is, but
a smart engineer invented the lift to because you genuinely hadn’t realized
make that possible!” how important it was to him. Kindness
Over time, this type of thinking also means giving your children,
becomes automatic, and so does a especially when there are siblings in
child’s response to it. When she sees a the mix, a feeling of abundance—that
kid who forgot his lunch, she knows there is enough love, praise, laughter,
he’s hungry, and she offers to share hers. and attention to go around.
She volunteers at a soup kitchen. She It’s also valuable for your kids to see
writes a letter to the firehouse, you being kind to yourself, says Carla
thanking firefighters for rescuing Naumburg, Ph.D., author of How to
kittens. She makes eye contact Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your
with people in a wheelchair, and she Kids. This means traditional sorts of
offers them a smile. self-care, such as getting enough sleep
Reading a book together is another and seeking out support so that you’re
easy way to connect with your child and not parenting from a depleted place. But
experience someone else’s life that it also means giving yourself the benefit
might be very different from your own. of the doubt, the same way you’d offer
“When we read, we imagine with our it to anyone else. If you make a mistake,
heart and soul and not just our brain,” instead of berating yourself, say, “Oh,
says Applegate. “Characters in a book well, it’s okay—we all make mistakes.”
often share their feelings in an even HOW TO EXPLAIN WHY
deeper way than they might if they were SOME PEOPLE Encourage kind habits.
sitting right in front of you.” Help your children match the somewhat
ARE LESS FORTUNATE abstract concept of kindness with the
Model kindness THAN YOU ARE many concrete verbs that enact it:
everywhere you go. sharing, volunteering, giving, including,
When it comes to raising thoughtful At this time of year, we often express comforting, supporting, championing,
kids, this is the most important thing we kindness by giving to those in need. compromising, listening, and noticing
Donating to a toy drive can inspire kids
can do, says Dr. Harding. “We can’t when someone could use help—a
but also confuse them. Depending
control their behavior, but we can look on the age or maturity of your child, try classmate with a math problem, a family
for ways to demonstrate kind behavior one of these explanations. member with a chore, an older person
ourselves.” Fortunately, kids are who needs a seat on the bus. These
TO A YOUNG CHILD
eager to copy us from a young age, so habits intersect with etiquette, since
“We’re really lucky and we have
you can model kindness from the time enough money to buy you toys. But gracious actions like saying please and
they’re babies. “After all, you want your every family is different and some thanking the school-bus driver also help
18-month-old to imitate hugging families don’t have money for cultivate kindness and make the world
someone who’s sad,” says Dr. Korb. As gifts. Let’s help out by buying a few a happier place. Dr. Harding calls these
toys for them. Can you help me
they get older, your kids will watch how small practices microkindnesses and
pick something out?” (If Santa comes
you treat people, from subtle interactions, to your house, then you might say: says they add up to something enormous.
such as putting your phone down to make “Santa gives some of the presents, but Your kids can always ask themselves,
eye contact and say thank you, to more parents are responsible for the rest.”) “What can I do at this moment that
tangible acts of kindness, like inviting a could add kindness to the situation?”
TO AN OLDER CHILD
lonely person to share a holiday, bringing “People have different amounts of Ideally, we want to develop a positive
a meal to a sick neighbor, comforting money for different reasons. vibe around the practice of kindness,
the bereaved, and donating time and It’s not just about how hard you work rather than scolding our kids when they
or how valuable your skills are.
money to take care of people in need. make inevitable mistakes. So when your
But all kids deserve to get something
Of course, it matters how we treat special, and we’re so lucky to kids are kind, catch them at it—and
our children too. As Dr. Harding puts be able to help.” reinforce their behavior: “What a kind
it, “Our intuition tells us a lot about thing to do! You gave your cupcake to
TO A CHILD OVER 10
kindness.” This means trusting empathy When your child is able to grasp your sister to make her happy!”
over whatever parenting “shoulds” are the bigger picture, you can talk about
in your head. That might look like keeping systems of injustice and economic Understand that kindness
your baby in your arms because she just inequality so they see their own isn’t always easy.
relative privilege in the scheme of a
wants to be held or like returning to the We should remind ourselves and our
world that does not offer the CHEYENNE ELLIS.
store to buy a little someone that Lion same opportunities to everyone. kids that kindness is hard sometimes,
King pencil after all—not because your says Dr. Naumburg. “It doesn’t always




P A R E N T S 40 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9

HELPS YOUR CHILD





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KIDSÑVa lues






flow out of you naturally—but that
doesn’t mean that you’re not kind.”
BOOKS THAT SEND THE RIGHT MESSAGE
It can be challenging to be generous
with a sibling who’s annoying you. It can Your kids can read these by themselves, but
reading out loud gives you a wonderful opportunity to reflect
be scary to stick up for a friend or a
on the meaning of the stories together.
classmate who isn’t being treated right.
It can feel awkward to offer condolences
to a grieving person. It can be confusing
to know how to act with a person who’s JUST ASK! BE DIFFERENT,
differently abled, either neurologically BE BRAVE, BE YOU
By Sonia Sotomayor, illustrated
or physically.
by Rafael López
All we can do is gently coach our kids
Looking back on her experience
to remember how other people might
as a child with diabetes, Supreme
be feeling—and then encourage them to Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor
take responsibility for whatever ways writes about kids who have many
they might screw up, since apologizing different kinds of challenges. It
reminds readers that “each of us
is itself a form of kindness. Plus, the
grows in our own way, so if you’re
more that children get in the habit of curious about other kids, just
behaving kindly, the more natural ask!” Ages 4 to 8
it will become. “Kindness really is
like a muscle,” Dr. Naumburg explains. THE SOMEONE NEW
By Jill Twigg and EG Keller
“The more you practice saying kind
When a snail’s garden floods, he
things, the easier it’s going to be when
escapes to another part of the
it’s hard.”
forest to look for a new home. A
chipmunk isn’t welcoming at first
Pay attention to the effects but then learns that “kindness is
of kindness. stronger than fear. And sometimes
it takes very special friends to
Help your children notice how it feels to
be brave enough to tell you that
be kind—and how other people respond. you’re wrong.” Ages 4 to 8
My own teenagers still remember a
time long ago when they were given free AN INVISIBLE THREAD,
Munchkins at Dunkin’ Donuts because YOUNG READERS EDITION
By Laura Schroff and
our server was so touched by their
Alex Tresniowski
friendly politeness. “Kindness doesn’t
In this heartwarming true story,
only have to be altruistic,” my 19-year-
a homeless 11-year-old boy
old son said to me recently, and he’s asks an ad-sales exec for spare
right. You can practice it for the change and ends up finding a
rewards and because it feels good. true friend. Ages 8+
Similarly, you want your kids to notice
LLAMA LLAMA AND
when people are being kind to them,
THE BULLY GOAT
which will, in turn, engender gratitude. By Anna Dewdney
Think of kindness and gratitude as This is a classic rhyming story that
two strands that twist together into promotes forgiveness: Gilroy Goat
the helix of your child’s happiness. teases Llama Llama and other
animal classmates. But with a little
In the long run, kindness will benefit
help from the teacher, everyone
everyone—the practitioners and the
plays together nicely by the end
recipients—in a million different ways. of the school day. Ages 2 to 5
That’s what Santomero calls “the
kindness ripple effect,” and it couldn’t WISHTREE
By Katherine Applegate
matter more.
When a boy carves a hateful
message about a Muslim refugee
family into an old oak tree, the
GIFT THESE READS!
Scan this code tree asks the birds and animals for
with your phone’s help spreading kindness. Ages 8+
camera to find
PETER ARDITO.
these books in our
Amazon shop
(no app needed).




P A R E N T S 42 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9







KIDSÑ Cookies








BAKE. WRAP. GIVE!



Your kids will take pride in helping make and package
these simple yet stunning sweets for all the special people in their life.

After all, everyone loves to receive homemade cookies.

recipes by ANNA HELM BAXTER / photographs by TED + CHELSEA CAVANAUGH











PACK & GIVE:
Tuck these cutout
cookies into wax-paper
bags topped with folded
cupcake liners. Push
a brad fastener through
the liner and bag and
secure at back. Flat
Glassine Wax Paper Bags
Lemon-
(4½x6¾ in.), $9 for 100;
Glazed Sugar amazon.com. Silver Star
Cookies Brads and Multicolor
Medium Brads, $3.50
For recipe, see
per pack; michaels.com.
page 54.
Nestle the meringues
(opposite) in a box lined
with bright tissue paper.
Kraft Frame Box by
Celebrate It (7x9 in.), $3,
and Pink Ombre Tissue
Paper, $3; Michaels stores





















































P A R E N T S 44 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9

Peppermint
Meringues
For recipe, see
page 54.

KIDSÑ Cookies







Rainbow Rocky
Road

Active Time 20 minutes
Total Time 20 minutes,
plus chilling
Makes 16 servings
INGR EDIENTS
14 oz. white baking
chocolate, chopped
3 cups add-ins, any
combination of the
following: colored
marshmallows
(chopped if large), dried
apricots (quartered),
roasted skin-on
almonds, cookies
(broken into small
pieces), candy-coated
chocolates, dried
cranberries, yogurt-
covered pretzels
M A K E IT
1. Line an 8- or 9-in. square
pan with wax or parchment
paper, leaving extra on two
sides to serve as handles.
2. Microwave chocolate in
a large bowl in 30-second
increments at 50% power,
stirring in between, until
smooth. Fold in 2 cups
of the toppings. Transfer
mixture to the pan,
pressing lightly until even.
3. Scatter over remaining
toppings and refrigerate
until set, about 30 minutes.
Let sit at room temperature
for 10 minutes, then slice
into sixteen 2-in. squares.
Store in the refrigerator
for up to 2 weeks.














PACK & GIVE:
Lucky recipients will
be thrilled to open a reusable FOOD STYLING BY SUSAN SPUNGEN FOR EDGE REPS. PROP STYLING BY CARLA GONZALEZ-HART. CRAFTING BY ASHLEY TOTH.
cookie tin to sample what’s
inside. Your child can
decorate it with stickers or
a paint pen to make this
gift extra personal. Large
Round Tin in white,
$5; containerstore.com

















P A R E N T S 46 D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9