Cosmopolitan - USA (February 2020)

“ I ’ D L I K E T O O P E N

U P M O R E A B O U T M Y

R E L A T I O N S H I P , B U T
T H I N G S
change

”



Talking to Emma is easy—a no-
pressure situation. But then I ask
where she got her necklaces, and she
politely responds they were a gift
from “Vuitton.” Oh, right, this is a
Cool Girl. Respect must be paid.
Her beginnings as a YouTuber
“ G R O W I N G
are canon at this point, but it’s worth

repeating that her story looks and U P O N
sounds a lot like those of the hun-
dreds of thousands of other young social
girls who try to become vloggers from
their childhood bedrooms: Emma media
started out with a few channels early
on in high school and abandoned
G A V E M E
them when they didn’t get much trac-
E A T I N G
tion. But encouraged by her musi-
cian dad, she decided to try again. I S S U E S . ”
“It was summertime. I didn’t want to
do my summer reading. I had to tap
into other new territories in my brain
because I was so bored. So it was like, awkward, easily excitable self was her “It’s a bloodbath,” Emma says,
every day, I was making videos.” lane. So she stayed in it, leaning in to point-blank, about the aesthetically
After a few more failed experi- harmless mockery of vegan pizza, her obsessed culture she found herself in.
ments (this time with beauty vlog- own zits, and more faux iterations of At this point, we’ve left the nail salon
ging), Emma finally went viral with YouTube staples (makeup tutorials and made our way across the street to

“We all owe the dollar store an apol- but terrible; pumpkin-spice product Dayglow, a hidden shoebox of a coffee
ogy.” In case you somehow missed it, reviews but with choking). shop, where it’s just us and the store’s
think of YouTube’s high-priced-haul Emma is, in other words, fully owner behind the bar. “Living in
videos, but instead of going through in on the joke—the joke being her- L.A., if you’re at an unhealthy weight,
a Sephora or West Elm cart, Emma self: someone who built her capital that’s normal. That’s really, really,
SHOES (CLOCKWISE FROM FLOOR): JIM MY CHOO; FENDI; WANDLER; A MINA MUADDI; JIM MY CHOO; TORY BURCH (2).
enthuses over plastic garbage that “B” Brand by parodying the very really a mindfuck, for sure.”
costs 99 cents apiece. thing she is. “I mean, I make fun of Unlike certain social media stars,
“I just made that video because YouTubers and I am one. I think of Emma refuses to advertise weight-
I was like...I don’t even know what I it as, Why not play into it? If you can’t loss products. “Like, your grind is
was doing. I don’t know what went beat them, join them.” Basically, she your grind, and I’m not going to get
through my head. I was super excited stopped playing the game and came in the way of that. I just think that
about it though, super pumped about up with her own—and that, I real- growing up on social media gave me
it. I was like, This is actually going to ize, is the first ingredient in the “Why eating issues as a kid. I literally have
be fun for me to fake through this haul, her?” recipe: rejecting the standard struggled with that my whole life.
and apparently, other people were YouTube thirst trap for a fuck-it kind Almost every person I’ve met has had
excited about it too. And it was like, of irreverence. some form of an eating disorder. I
All right.” Others started copying her shoot- mean, I’ve had...I don’t want to trig-
The response made Emma realize ing style (quick zoom-ins on the face, ger anyone, but so many.”
something crucial: Being her funny, old-school text captions that pop up She’s spoken before about how her
for a millisecond, deliberately bad all-night video-editing sessions
angles, lots of self-deprecation), so gave her extreme anxiety, but she

T H I S P A G E Emma invented even newer ones. She mentions to me now that staring at
V i v e t t a b l a z e r a n d s h o r t s . F r e d S e g a l t o p .
D r . M a r t e n s s h o e s . S t e l l a M c C a r t n e y dropped out of high school, moved herself for all those hours also led to a
s u n g l a s s e s to L.A., and wound up in an accel- severe case of body dysmorphia. “I’ve

O P P O S I T E P A G E erated Independence 101 class. She been fully not at a healthy weight and
V a l e n t i n o d r e s s a n d b o o t s
started talking to the press and going
to events, mostly because she was
lonely and struggling mentally.





Februar y 2020 Cosmopolitan 93

I thought I was obese multiple times. around like the hashtags they’ve And this is where the third ingre-
It’s awful,” she says. “My whole family become. This foresight = ingredient dient, the true secret sauce, finally
was telling me I looked terrible. They number two. hits me. Turns out, Emma does have
were like, ‘You look like you’re dying.’ something all the other normal
I was like, ‘I think I look great.’” E M M A I S U S E D T O H E A R I N G girls don’t, and it comes across best
This is one of the reasons she’s rumors about herself. Some, like the on video: She truly does not care
vowed never to use Facetune or one about a certain curly-haired boy whether or not she’s cool. Or whether
photo-manipulation software. “I she’s dating, are can’t-confirm-on- people think her necklaces are cool or
refuse to do that because nobody the-record-but-true. Others… her turtleneck, her hair, her life, her

needs to think I look like that,” she “People think I don’t shower,” opinions. She is DGAF incarnate, the
explains. “I look the way I look.” Emma says, sipping an oat-milk personification of all those memes
Seconds later, she’s telling the latte. “I just made a joke about it on involving cartoon characters in
coffee-shop owner that she’s peed in Snapchat and then they took it seri- sunglasses sweeping the horizon for
his other location millions of times ously. I was like, Okay!” nonexistent fucks to give.
and she thanks him for the service. When I was 18, if millions of peo- “I don’t take it too seriously,”
And somewhere in the middle of ple thought there was a chance that Emma says. “It’s like, I have one life.
that pivot, it becomes clear why this maybe I didn’t shower, I would have I’m not going to waste my time being
woman is light-years ahead of decid- immediately booked a one-way ticket all, you know, ‘Take me seriously as
ing between gold and rose gold. back to my parents’ home in the sub- a YouTuber!’ I don’t care, you know
While Instagram is busy forecasting urbs of Chicago and never contacted what I mean? It’s like, watch my vid-
trends for 2020—number one on its the outside world again. Emma just eos—if you hate it, go watch the news
list: “authenticity”—Emma could’ve laughs it off. or something, I don’t know. Like,
taught the master class when she have fun, but I don’t care.”
was 15. She dreamed of becoming a It’s the things she does care
YouTuber—full stop, no gateway-to- “ I H A V E about—her personal life, her roman-
something-bigger—and discovered one life. tic life—that she sees as her next
that “being real” was the ticket to challenge. “I’d like to open up more

success, long before anyone started about my relationship,” she confides.
throwing “raw” and “no filter” W A T C H M Y V I D E O S — “But things change so quickly—if
I F Y O U H A T E I T , I say something now, who knows

G O W A T C H where my life will be in three
T H E N E W S . ” months? I could be pregnant.” (For
the record, Emma has an IUD and
does not plan on getting pregnant.)
Of course, if anyone actually does
know what the world will look like in
three months—or even three years—
it’s probably Emma. The rest of us
are just following along, enjoying the
deeply entertaining ride.















T H I S P A G E
L o u i s V u i t t o n t o p , s k i r t , b o o t s , a n d
e a r r i n g s

O P P O S I T E P A G E
F e n d i j a c k e t , t o p , s k i r t , a n d s o c k s . A n n a
S u i s u n g l a s s e s

H a i r : K r i s t i n E s s . M a k e u p : K e l s e y
D e e n i h a n a t T h e W a l l G r o u p . P r o p s s t y l e d
b y D a n i e l l e v o n B r a u n . P r o d u c t i o n :
C r a w f o r d P r o d u c t i o n s . S e e p a g e 1 1 9 f o r
s h o p p i n g i n f o r m a t i o n .



T H E

A M I S H













K E E P





T O





T H E M S E L V E S .




A N D T H E Y ’ R E




H I D I N G





A





H O R R I F Y I N G
secret























































9 6

C O S M O P O L I T A N
F E B R U A R Y 2 0 2 0

A y e a r o f r e p o r t i n g


r e v e a l s a c u l t u r e o f i n c e s t ,


r a p e , a n d a b u s e .











B y S A R A H M c C L U R E






This stor y is an exc lusive p ar t ne rship b et we en Cosmo and
Ty p e Investigations, an award - winning nonprofit newsro om t hat
works wit h ind e p end ent re p or t e rs to investigat e topics

ranging f rom gend e r issues to criminal justic e to human right s.


























GET T Y IM AGES. THESE PHOTOS ARE USED FOR ILLUSTR ATIVE PURPOSES ONLY.

T H E








M E M O R I E S








C O M E T O








H E R I N








F R A G M E N T S .







The bed creaking late at night after one of her brothers
snuck into her room and pulled her to the edge of her mat-
tress. Her underwear shoved to the side as his body hov-
ered over hers, one of his feet still on the floor.
Her ripped dresses, the clothespins that bent apart on

her apron as another brother grabbed her at dusk by the
hogpen after they finished feeding the pigs. Sometimes So she didn’t.
she’d pry herself free and sprint toward the house, but Even on the day the police showed up on her doorstep
“they were bigger and stronger,” she says. They usually got to question then-12-year-old Sadie’s father about his
what they wanted. alleged abuse of his daughters.
As a child, Sadie* was carefully shielded from outside Even on the day when, almost two years later,
influences, never allowed to watch TV or listen to pop Abner was sentenced by a circuit court judge to just
music or get her learner’s permit. Instead, she attended five years’ probation.
a one-room Amish schoolhouse and rode a horse and And even on the day when, at 14, she says she was cor-
buggy to church—a life designed to be humble and disci- nered in the pantry by one of her brothers and raped on
plined and godly. the sink, and then felt a gush and saw blood running down
By age 9, she says, she’d been raped by one of her older her leg, and cleaned up alone while he walked away,
brothers. By 12, she’d been abused by her father, Abner*, and gingerly placed her underwear in a bucket of cold
a chiropractor who penetrated her with his fingers on water before going back to her chores. A friend helped her
the same table where he saw patients, telling her he was realize years later: While being raped, she had probably
“flipping her uterus” to ensure her fertility. By 14, she suffered a miscarriage.
says, three more brothers had raped her and she was being It wasn’t until now that Sadie decided to speak up, to
attacked in the hayloft or in her own bed multiple times reveal the darkness beneath the bucolic surface of her
a week. She would roll over afterward, ashamed and childhood. She’s tired of keeping quiet.
confused. The sisters who shared Sadie’s room (and even
her bed) never woke up—or if they did, never said any- O V E R T H E P A S T Y E A R , I ’ V E I N T E R V I E W E D N E A R LY
thing, although some later confided that they were being three dozen Amish people, in addition to law enforcement,
raped too. judges, attorneys, outreach workers, and scholars. I’ve
Sadie’s small world was built around adherence to learned that sexual abuse in their communities is an A MY SANCET TA/ASSOCIATED PRESS.

rules—and keeping quiet was one of them. “There was no open secret spanning generations. Victims told me stories
love or support,” she says. “We didn’t feel that we had any-
where to go to say anything.” *Name has been changed.





98 Cosmopolitan Februar y 2020

In Amish Country, victims are
often blamed for their abuse or
seen as consenting partners—
even if they’re children.







In my reporting, I identified 52 official cases of
Amish child sexual assault in seven states over
the past two decades. Chillingly, this number

doesn’t begin to capture the full picture. Virtually
every Amish victim I spoke to—mostly women but
also several men—told me they were dissuaded by
their family or church leaders from reporting their
abuse to police or had been conditioned not to
seek outside help (as Sadie put it, she knew she’d
just be “mocked or blamed”). Some victims said
they were intimidated and threatened with
excommunication. Their stories describe a wide-
spread, decentralized cover-up of child sexual
abuse by Amish clergy.
“We’re told that it’s not Christlike to report,”
explains Esther*, an Amish woman who says she
was abused by her brother and a neighbor boy at
age 9. “It’s so ingrained. There are so many people
who go to church and just endure.”
And yet, as #MeToo has rocked mainstream
culture, Amish women have instigated their own

female-driven movement. “It’s much slower and
less highly visible,” says Linda Crockett, founder
of inappropriate touching, groping, fondling, exposure and director of Safe Communities, an organization that
to genitals, digital penetration, coerced oral sex, anal sex, works to prevent child sexual abuse. “But I have seen a real
and rape, all at the hands of their own family members, uptick over the past 10 years in Amish women coming for-
neighbors, and church leaders. ward. They hear about each other—not on Twitter or
The Amish, who number roughly 342,000 in North Facebook, but there’s a strong communication system
America, are dispersed across rural areas of states like within these communities. They draw courage and
Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky, New York, strength from each other.”
Michigan, and Wisconsin, according to the Young Center “I get phone calls now....There’s a bunch of Amish
for Anabaptist and Pietist Studies at Elizabethtown who have my cell phone number, and they use it. The
College, a leading authority on Amish life. Because of their men call on behalf of the women,” says Judge Craig
high birth rate—and because few members ever leave— Stedman, former district attorney of Lancaster County,
they’re one of the fastest-growing religious groups in Pennsylvania—home to nearly 40,000 Amish—who has
America. Lacking one centralized leader, they live in local served on a task force that connects the Amish to law
congregations or “church districts,” each made up of 20 to enforcement and social services. (Although most don’t
40 families. But the stories I heard were not confined to have cell phones, the Amish might use pay phones or call
any one place. from “English” neighbors’ homes.)
Some victims, like Sadie, have long since left the church
and the Amish way of life, but others, including Esther, are
still on the inside, sending out an alarm to the world
they’ve been taught to reject. “They want to talk,” explains

“ I F E L T B R O K E N A N D Crockett, “so they’re turning outside.”

U S E D A N D D I R T Y. T H E R E ’ S N O O N E R E A S O N F O R T H E S E X U A L A B U S E

I W A S A L R E A D Y B L A M I N G crisis in Amish Country. Instead, there’s a perfect storm of
factors: a patriarchal and isolated lifestyle in which vic-
M Y S E L F. ” tims have little exposure to police, coaches, or anyone else






Februar y 2020 Cosmopolitan 99

who might help them; an education system that ends at them.” Sadie, who had heard from a cousin that her dad
eighth grade and fails to teach children about sex or their was also abusing her sisters, didn’t dare breathe a word in
bodies; a culture of victim shaming and blaming; little their defense.
access to the technology that enables communication or A relative recalls that Sadie’s mother told social workers
broader social awareness; and a religion that prioritizes “to do whatever they could to keep him from going to jail.”
repentance and forgiveness over actual punishment or It worked. A grainy VHS recording from 2001 shows a
rehabilitation. Amish leaders also tend to be wary of law gray-bearded Abner standing with his hat hanging
enforcement, preferring to handle disputes on their own. between his hands before a judge, as an attorney explains
As a child, Sadie was up before dawn every morning to that he is pleading guilty to a reduced charge of sexual

milk her family’s cows, wearing a pleated head covering abuse in the first degree, and not incest, because “the
and long dress, her shoes and socks a dull black, as her family is not desiring that he be incarcerated.” Instead
local church rules, or Ordnung, required. “If you didn’t of serving a sentence that might have been five years or
work as hard as you possibly could, you were considered more, Abner got probation.
lazy,” she says. She never turned on a light switch or Sadie says her father abused her for five more years.
shopped for clothes in a store. She didn’t speak English at When I reached out to her brothers, two confirmed that
home—just Pennsylvania Dutch, the only language she Abner had touched Sadie; one of them also said he himself
knew until first grade. And she never revealed her abuse to “messed around” with her when they were young but that
anyone, except a cousin and her father himself, when he he did not rape her; the other denied raping her. A third
asked her, point-blank, if her brothers were touching her. brother did not respond to a request for comment.
(The next time he asked, she lied, fearful he would beat the
boys, as he often did.) S O M E V I C T I M S A R E N ’ T J U S T S I L E N C E D —T H E Y
But what was happening in her house was a poorly kept suffer something worse. Lizzie Hershberger was 14 when
secret, according to several of Sadie’s relatives. One of she went to work as a “maude,” or hired girl, for a 27-year-
them reported Abner, who has since died, to local church old Amish man named Chriss Stutzman and his wife, tak-
leaders—Sadie remembers her father being “shunned” for ing care of their four children and helping Stutzman in the
six weeks, a common form of discipline in which the barn. One night after they had milked the cows, he pinned
accused is socially ostracized and forbidden from eating her against a wall and kissed her, then pushed her onto the

at the same table as church members. After a shunning, feed bags. Because it was a frigid winter in Minnesota,
the person confesses in church and the community is Lizzie wore pants under her dress, which Stutzman
strongly compelled to forgive and forget that the “sin” ever removed while she tried in vain to fight him off. “Relax,”
happened. In Sadie’s house, she recalls, everything went he whispered into her ear as he raped her. (To this day, that
back to normal—or at least, to how it had been before. word remains a trigger for Lizzie.)
When the police and social workers later showed up on She didn’t know why she felt pain and blood between
her doorstep, most likely after being tipped off by a local her legs. Her parents had never talked to her about sex or
non-Amish person, Abner told authorities that “things even her period. (When Sadie got her period at age 10,
which we were speaking about had been brought up and while playing outside, she remembers stuffing toilet paper
dealt with in the church,” according to a police detective’s in her underwear and pulling one of her sisters into the
notes. He also silenced his daughters. “You say nothing,” outhouse to ask what was going on.)
Sadie and another relative remember him demanding. “Amish victims don’t even know the names of body
Authorities returned a second time, asking him “spe- parts,” confirms Stedman. “To describe a sexual assault
cific questions about having sexual intercourse with his without having any fundamental sex education, it pres-
daughters,” according to the case file. Now Abner con- ents even more challenges.”
fessed to having “sex with two of them,” insisting “he When Lizzie’s abuser finally climbed off her, she was
made love to them at least three times each but didn’t hurt shaking. “I felt broken and used and dirty,” she says.
“I was already blaming myself, thinking, Why
didn’t I leave the barn just, you know, a couple of
minutes earlier?” Stutzman would rape Lizzie
25 more times over roughly five months, according
to court records and Lizzie’s diary. He raped her in
the hayloft, in his house, and on the seat of his
buggy. Once, on the way home from church, he
pulled the buggy off the road and raped her in the

woods. (Through his lawyer, Stutzman declined to
comment.) Twice, male witnesses walked in on the
abuse, but neither man came to Lizzie’s rescue.

As #MeToo changes mainstream culture, Amish women are instigating a quieter movement to tell their own stories of sexual abuse.






Instead, Stutzman himself, perhaps sensing he’d been survivors and law enforcement sources say. This can com-
caught, confessed. pound the trauma of speaking out. “We’ve had cases where
Like Abner, he was shunned for six weeks. And again, no there’ll be 50 Amish people standing up for the offender

one reported him to outside authorities, especially since and no one speaks for the victim,” says Stedman.
the church had already disciplined and forgiven him. In one 2010 case, young female victims were pressured
Instead, the community turned on Lizzie for what they to forgive their father and brother for abusing them, with
FROM LEFT: GET T Y IM AGES; ASHLEY GILBERTSON/VII/REDUX. THESE PHOTOS ARE USED FOR ILLUSTR ATIVE PURPOSES ONLY.
saw as a consensual “affair.” She was bullied and mocked, one writing a pleading letter to the court (“Hello Sir, I’m
spit on and called a “schlud” and “hoodah” (Pennsylvania Melvin’s sister. Please have mercy. Melvin has made a big
Dutch for “slut” and “whore”). “They didn’t ask me how I change to let go of his committed crime in the last year. I’d
felt or my side of the story,” she says. Instead, the commu- like to have our family together.”), recalls former President
nity gossiped that she had “mental issues.” Judge Dennis Reinaker, who has presided over 30-plus
It’s common for Amish victims to be viewed by the Amish sexual assault cases in Lancaster County. In this
community as just as guilty as the abuser—as consenting case, the victims agreed to cooperate only in exchange
partners committing adultery, even if they’re children. for their abusers receiving no jail time. The deal likely
Victims are expected to share responsibility and, after the helped save the defendants from what could have been
church has punished their abuser, to quickly forgive. If 25- to 30-year prison sentences, says Reinaker.
they fail to do so, they’re the problem.
When the rare case does end up in court, the Amish T H I N G S G O T S T R A N G E R F O R L I Z Z I E . S H E R E M E M B E R S
overwhelmingly support the abusers, who tend to appear her mother telling her that she was being taken to a chiro-
with nearly their entire congregations behind them, practic clinic in neighboring South Dakota, and then
boarding a bus full of Amish adults for the 300-mile drive
to a facility where, for a week, “they watched me all the
time,” she says. She received daily deep-tissue massages to
“work through my emotional stuff,” she was told.
Lizzie’s is not the only account of an Amish victim being
“ W H E N A V I C T I M S P E A K S
taken to an alleged “mental health” facility staffed by Amish
O U T , T H E Y G E T S E N T T O or Mennonites (a similar, although typically less strict,

group) that provides Bible-based counseling—and, in many
A F A C I L I T Y A N D D R U G G E D
S O T H A T T H E Y S H U T U P. ” Continued on page 118






Februar y 2020 Cosmopolitan 101

piercings are



nose rn.
Double a thing

percent


hundred



one

B y R U B Y B U D D E M E Y E R
P h o t o g r a p h e d b y J E N N C O L L I N S

S t y l e d b y K A T H Y L E E

I T ’ S
pıer
O F F I C I A L :





cıngs
















And P.S. They’re not just your basic A R E
studs. Say hello to the *curated*
T H E
ear and nose—where more is more.
C O O L E S T


B E A U T Y


A C C E S S O R Y


O F

2 0 2 0 Fe b r u ar y 2020






















Cosmo p o lit an

103

Y O U R E A R BRB, playing connect the dots on my ear.
P I E R C I N G J U S T
4
G R E W T F U P

The key to the most right-
now lewk? Layering, stack-
ing, and arranging your
piercings in unique ways,
like clusters of studs, double
hoops, and ornate rings. It’s
all about you and your vibe,
so customization is key. No
areas are off-limits, but 3
keep in mind that the conch
hoop that looks beyond
cute on your roommate 1
might not work with your
own ear shape. So make
sure you go to a legit
piercer who can guide you
(more on that later), and
test out spots using cuffs or 2
even stickers.
Oh, and a fully curated
ear can’t happen in a single
session—most piercers
recommend two to three at
a time so the area can heal
properly. Also: If you’re a
side sleeper, you should
probs consider doing one
ear at a time to avoid extra
irritation (you aren’t going
to find comfort on either
side of your pillow if you
pierce both at once). So be
patient, bb, and know that
waiting’s only going to help
you in the long run.
















P R E V I O U S S P R E A D
L e f t t o r i g h t :
A d i n a ’ s J e w e l s ,
S t o n e a n d S t r a n d

T H I S P A G E
1 . O t i u m b e r g
2 . H i r o t a k a ( 2 )
3 . A d i n a ’ s J e w e l s
4 . M a i s o n M i r u








104 Cosmopolitan Februar y 2020

D O Y O U R S E L F A C L A I R E ’ S W H O ? H E R E ’ S
F A V O R A N D H O W W E ’ R E G E T T I N G
F O L L O W T H E S E
P I E R C E D I N 2 0 2 0
5 P I E R C E R S F O R
A L L T H E I N S P O Past pickings have been slim when it comes to places
to get pierced (ahem, the mall kiosk you hung around
in middle school; that sketchy-looking tattoo parlor).
1 But that’s all changing. Chic little shops that focus
T R A G U S *only* on piercings are popping up in cities across
Introduce a touch the country (I’m obsessed with Studs in NYC). Prices
of color with a are comparable to what you may have paid back in
jewel-tone stud.
the day (around $35 per piercing), but the experi-
P A I N L E V E L :
For sparkly (and ence is way more personalized. Can’t find or get to a
4 /1 0 super-stacked) earlobes studio near you? Follow these two rules:
Maria Tash
2 (@MariaTash) 1. Before making an appointment with any piercer,
E A R L O B E check out their portfolio—aka Insta feed—to make
The more lobe sure you like their work.
piercings, the better
(I personally have 2. Give your piercer a good once-over IRL. “If you
four already, with go to someone who wants to decorate you and they
room for one more). don’t look like they know how to decorate themselves,
that’s a red flag right there,” says Brian Keith
P A I N L E V E L :
2 /1 0 Thompson, owner of Body Electric Tattoo.
For next-level
3 constellations
Brian Keith Thompson
C O N C H (@BodyElectricTattoo)
O R B I T A L
So this spot is...
tender. But it’s also 3 affordable indie
perfect for a little
FROM TOP: COURTESY M ARIA TASH; COURTESY BRIAN KEITH THOMPSON, BODY ELECTRIC; COURTESY J. COLBY SMITH, 108 STUDIOS;
cuff you can slip on jewelry brands that should
without any piercing be on your radar
COURTESY DEE NOR M AN; COURTESY CASSI LOPEZ- M ARCH, OWNER AND PIERCER AT SO GOLD STUDIOS IN BROOKLYN, NY.
at all.
P A I N L E V E L :
8 /1 0 For ultra-unique
curations and nip-spo
4 J. Colby Smith
(@JColbySmith)
R O O K
An itty-bitty hoop = If you want Insta-worthy hoops
the ideal way to call Astrid & Miyu Teardrop Gem
attention to this Conch Hoop in Gold,
underappreciated $58, astridandmiyu.us
spot.
P A I N L E V E L :
6 /1 0
For a cool approach
to nose studs
Dee Norman
(@OMGPiercingsByDee)
If you want cute gold studs
BTW: Mejuri Star Studs,
You’re gonna $80, mejuri.com
need to show
up to your
appointment
completely sober,
since alcohol can For genius arrangements
thin your blood, and gold jewels
causing more Cassi Lopez-March If you want Bella
bleeding and (@CassiSoClassy) Hadid–approved huggies
bruising. Frasier Sterling Butterfly Huggies,
$44, frasiersterling.com







Februar y 2020 Cosmopolitan 105

Face jewels and white eyeliner > black eyeliner and nothing.






























E V E R Y O N E
C A N P U L L
O F F A N O S E
P I E R C I N G
( Y U P , E V E N
Y O U )
This may sound contrary to
what your mom (or your
bathroom mirror) has always
told you, but “I’ve never seen
a nose that can’t pull off a
stud,” says Thompson.
Clients now ask him for
multiple holes on one nostril,
stud-and-hoop combos, and
even symmetrical pairings.
Septum rings are another
popular choice—and no, it’s
not a coincidence that so
N O S T R I L many celebs have them (hi,
Level up with a ring that’s studded with colorful stones. Zoë Kravitz and Willow
Smith), because they’re easy
P A I N L E V E L : 4 /1 0
to conceal. You can gently
push one up and around your
nostril, just in case (despite it
being a new decade and all)
your old-school boss or
grandma still isn’t totally sold
on piercings.



















T H I S P A G E
M a r i a T a s h

O P P O S I T E P A G E
L e f t t o r i g h t : A d i n a R e y t e r ,
H i r o t a k a , S c o s h a , S h i h a r a ,
T h e L a s t L i n e

The limit does not exist.










































H E L I X
Double rings: So fun! So cute!

P A I N L E V E L : 3 /1 0





And maybe the
best part?
Unlike that tiny tat you
kinda-sorta-maybe already
regret, you can pop out your
jewelry if your aesthetic
changes down the road.
Everyone’s healing process
is different, but in general,
you can expect a piercing
hole to look smaller over
time with minimal scar-
ring—and maybe even
disappear. I had my nose
pierced from 2010 to 2016
and you literally can’t even
tell today. Magic.



H a i r : T h o m a s D u n k i n a t B r i d g e
u s i n g R + C o . M a k e u p : J e n n i f e r
N a m a t H o n e y A r t i s t s .
M a n i c u r e : K e l l y B . a t D e f a c t o
u s i n g Z o y a . S e e p a g e 119 f o r
s h o p p i n g i n f o r m a t i o n .















Februar y 2020 Cosmopolitan 107

B y R A C H E L T O R G E R S O N

P h o t o g r a p h e d b y T Y L E R J O E

T H E H E - H A T E S - S t y l e d b y A Y A K A N A I

D R E S S I N G - U P



E M E R G E N C Y






K I T T M I n s t r u c t i o n s: B re a k g l a s s a n d g ra b t h e s e l a s t - mi n u t e


t i p s c a re o f L o u is To m l i n s o n.





















A fun thing that
happens? You
wanna look cute
but he’s all, “This is
what I’m wearing.”
Problem solved
when he puts on a
matching set. Yeah,
it’s loungewear.
But, like, stylish
loungewear.


On Marlee: Area
sweater and pants.
Zimmermann heels.
Jennifer Fisher earrings.
On Louis: Rag & Bone
shirt and pants. Nike
sneakers


O P P O S I T E P A G E
If he has literally
any jacket in his
closet that isn’t from
a pro sports team
or meant for the ski
slopes, it’s going to
seem super polished
with jeans—and
that sparkly dress
you’ve been mean-
ing to wear.


On Louis: Palm Angels
shirt. Dondup jeans.
On Marlee: La DoubleJ
dress. SVNR earrings.
Fendi bag

in this bag?
fits
What A silent prayer he’ll sh*t. carry






all
my
















































































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So, he doesn’t own a cool coat or a matching shirt and pants? NBD, because THIS PAGE: SHOT AT FORT DEFIANCE IN BROOKLYN, NY.
he definitely has a black blazer, a white button-down, and a tie. Presto chango—
now he’s ready for the same date as you are!


On Marlee: Christian Cowan top and skirt. CosmoStyle Lingerie bra. Aquazzura heels. Tuza earrings.
Gelareh Mizrahi bag. On Louis: Versace jacket, shirt, pants, and tie




110 Cosmopolitan Februar y 2020

Even when he’s super casual and you’re dressed to kill, wearing
the same material makes you look like a cohesive pair. Just like you
two toootally intended.


On Louis: Stella McCartney jacket and pants. Lacoste hat. On Marlee: Self-Portrait top and pants. Jennifer Fisher
earrings. Fendi bag
Hair: Charles McNair at See Management using R+Co. Groomer: Erica Sauer at The Wall Group using
Forest Essentials. Makeup: Katie Jane Hughes. Manicure: Michina Koide at Art Department using Dior Vernis.
Model: Marlee Bell/The Lions NY. See page 119 for shopping information.

food-truck food.
Yummm,

O N A N N A
Marc Jacobs dress, tights,
and necklace. Lele
Sadoughi hair clip.
Adina’s Jewels earrings
and ring
O N M A Y A
Marc Jacobs sweater,
top, necklace, and belt.
Valet Studio hair clip.
Adina’s Jewels earrings.
Sarah Chloe ring School-picture









































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I t ’s a l m o s t s e a s o n 2 o f t h e i r a w k w a r d - g e n i u s s h o w,


a n d c r e a t o r s A n n a K o n k l e a n d M a y a E r s k i n e

( a n d t h e i r p o s e g a m e ) h a v e n e v e r

b e e n m o r e o n p o i n t .







113

C O S M O P O L I T A N
F E B R U A R Y 2 0 2 0

E N D ”

I D E F I N I T I O N S
R W O .


F S T



A Some use it to indicate The flat chests, bushy
H a tier of friendship brows, and orthodon-
T granted to people well enough to spot tics on their Hulu hit


may be fake—not
you’d actually speak
the difference
S to outside of Instagram between your tequila to mention the fact
buzz and your pro-
that they’re grown-
DMs, maybe even
invite to your birthday secco buzz. ass women playing
E brunch. But the lucki- Anna Konkle and 13-year-olds named...
est consider it a title Maya Erskine know Anna and Maya—but
B O N A N N A awarded to one single each other’s buzzes. the obsessively close
friendship between
And go-to take-out
human who knows you
Jonathan Cohen top
and skirt. Ca&Lou orders. And astrologi- their characters is
“ headband. Alison Lou cal compatibility. no joke.
earrings. Heavenly
Vices necklace. The real Anna and
BaubleBar ring
Maya met in Amster-
dam on a junior-year
study-abroad program
and have been tighter
than a Limited Too
built-in cami bra ever
since. They still finish
each other’s sentences
and have sleepovers
after work, staying up
all night sipping wine
and eating Cheez-Its.
They both thrive on
oversharing, so their
tightness builds with
each confession.
“I always want to
talk about more than
what’s appropriate,”
says Anna. “I’d rather
have some kind of
deep conversation
about dark stuff. And I
found a match in
Maya for that. Not
only was that true in







A N N A
Hair: Bryce Scarlett at The Wall Group
using Moroccan Oil. Makeup: Mai Quynh at
Just going to sit here and not think about
what else these mushrooms look like....
The Wall Group for Catrice Cosmetics.
M A Y A
Hair: Gregory Russell at The Wall Group
using Kérastase. Makeup: Christian
McCulloch using RMS Beauty. Manicure:
Emi Kudo at Opus Beauty using Dior Vernis.
Production: Wonder Production. Location:
Tom’s One-Hour Photo

O N M A Y A
Jonathan Cohen
blazer, top, and
friendship, but she skirt. Lele Sadoughi
earrings. Sarah
was also interested in
Chloe ring
putting that in her
work. You know,
things that feel like This umbrella is totally necessary to block out all
admissions of secrets.” the rain and sun inside this indoor studio.
Their collective
word voms have
created a show so
relatable you’d think
FBI agents had been
recording your every
move for the past
decade. Anna and
Maya’s Pen15 (yup,
just your basic penis
joke) characters do all
the things you thought
only you did with your
best friend. The differ-
ence is they don’t
worry if something is
too weird to say out
loud. Their real-life
alter egos just write it
into the script and
cross their fingers that
everyone else will
laugh too.
“We write for each
other,” explains Maya.
“I get excited when
I’m writing and think,
Anna’s going to
read this. It’s almost “ I G E T E X C I T E D W H E N
spiritual. That sounds that I’m an alien. I’m,
I ’ M W R I T I N G A N D
cheesy...” like, trying to wear
T H I N K , ‘ A N N A ’ S G O I N G
“No, it doesn’t!” human clothes and
The show’s new T O R E A D T H I S .’ ” prove I’m a human.” written themselves
season will tackle Adulting feels most back into junior high.
topics slightly more get past that awkward like an extreme sport It may be hell, but
mature than mastur- growing-out phase. in professional set- they’re stuck in it
bating in a bed full of “forever hell,” which is IRL, the women tings, like interviews together.
stuffed animals (see: pretty on the nose have grown up… and photo shoots It’s like that old
character Anna’s when you think about ostensibly. (even this here adult- saying: Nothing helps
parents’ divorce and the fact that under- “I’m trying to be an ish fashion shoot, with grow out your bangs
Maya’s period), but neath it all, everyone adult. It’s just, when its pretty weird vibes). faster than a support-
don’t worry, the is basically just a set of I’m not fully comfort- Which may be why ive friendship. Okay,
tweens will perma- DIY bangs waiting to able, I feel like I have Maya and Anna have nobody has ever said
nently remain in to hide certain parts of that. But it does get
seventh grade. Actual myself,” says Maya. you through pretty
Maya describes it as a “Like, I’m trying to hide much everything else.




Februar y 2020 Cosmopolitan 115

O N M A Y A O N A N N A
Marc Jacobs dress and scarf Jonathan Cohen top and skirt. Ca&Lou headband. Alison Lou earrings. BaubleBar ring




















































“ I ’ m j u s t t r y i n g



























Silky pink leopard print
is a whole mood
for 2020, just saying.

























O N A N N A O N M A Y A
Marc Jacobs dress, tights, and necklace. Lele Sadoughi hair clip. Batsheva top and skirt. Jennifer Behr bow. Mounser earrings
Adina’s Jewels earrings and ring



116 Cosmopolitan Februar y 2020

O N M A Y A O N A N N A
Marc Jacobs dress Batsheva top and pants. Jennifer Behr bow. Alison Lou earrings and ring




is sweet bb Tom, the legend


One-Hour Photo in L.A.
This


Tom’s

behind


































t o b e a n a d u l t . ”







































SEE PAGE 119 FOR SHOPPING INFOR M ATION.

















O N A N N A O N M A Y A
Marc Jacobs dress and necklace. Lele Sadoughi hair clip. Marc Jacobs sweater, top, pants, necklace, and belt. Valet Studio hair clip.
Adina’s Jewels earrings and ring Adina’s Jewels earrings. Sarah Chloe ring



Februar y 2020 Cosmopolitan 117

I n s i d e t h e A m i s h s e x a b u s e c r i s i s Continued from page 101





cases, is not state licensed. Several increasingly eager to go public with Now, Stoltzfoos says, the Lancaster
years ago, Esther was sent to a facility abuse allegations. “When a victim County Amish, at least, “aren’t inter-
for “counseling” after she tried to seek speaks out,” Esther explains, “they get ested in hiding things” and have
help for another Amish woman who sent to a facility and drugged so that “adapted and recognized that we need
was being sexually assaulted. When she they shut up.” to change with some of the education
protested, church leaders threatened that we give to the parents and the
to excommunicate her permanently. S T I L L , A S M O R E A N D M O R E children.” He says they’ve also tried to

No one would tell her why she was women start to come forward, an understand the lasting trauma that can
there. Instead, she was pressured to ecosystem has also risen up to help make quick forgiveness difficult for
sign papers that would allow staff to them. Two years ago, Lizzie, who has victims: “Our community does really
communicate directly with her minis- long since left the Amish, and another care....It just takes time.”
ters, she says (she eventually gave in former Amish woman named Dena In the summer of 2018, Lizzie sought
and signed). “From the first evening, Schrock launched Voices of Hope, a her own justice by reporting her rapes
they wanted to put me on medica- group for abused women. Lizzie met to police, something she never felt
tion,” she recalls. She said no, since “a Sadie at one such gathering, and she could do before. To her surprise,
lot of these people who get stuck in they’re now friends. charges were brought against
these facilities come home drugged Others find solidarity in The Plain Stutzman, who was by then a deacon
and no longer have a life. They’re People’s Podcast, a show launched in in the church. He pleaded guilty to
zombies.” (She’s aware of about 30 2018 that features stories of Amish third degree criminal sexual conduct,
other Amish sexual assault victims, and Mennonite sexual abuse. Jasper and at his sentencing hearing, the
including two of her sisters, who have Hoffman, a former Mennonite and the room was filled with his Amish sup-
been sent away to such facilities.) podcast’s cohost, says she receives porters. But Lizzie was also surrounded
Eventually, Esther says she was told “hundreds of messages” from people by supporters, including Sadie, who
that refusing “sleep medication” wanting to share stories or get help had driven two hours to be there.
would only prolong her stay. When reporting an abuser. Stutzman was ultimately sentenced to

she asked about side effects, a house And especially in Pennsylvania, 45 days in jail and 10 years’ probation,
parent told her, “It doesn’t matter— efforts are being made to reform based on guidelines in place in 1988,
you have to take it.” Amish culture itself. In Lancaster the year before the assaults.
So she did. Except the drugs weren’t County, the task force Stedman serves As for Sadie, she’s now a 32-year-old
for sleep at all: According to her medi- on, comprised of police, attorneys, mother of five living in the Midwest. In
cal records, she was prescribed olan- and social service agencies, has been 2013, she and her husband finally left
zapine, an antipsychotic medication meeting with Amish leaders a few the Amish church. For now, she’s
that treats mental illnesses like times a year, trying to build trust and focused on healing, not pressing
schizophrenia. Every morning and communication. (It’s worth noting, charges. She still speaks with her
night, she and other Amish patients however, that not a single woman has brothers, one of whom has apologized
lined up to receive their drugs. “We’d been included among the group’s “many times,” she says. She knows it
have to go and fill a small container Amish representatives.) sounds “weird,” but she even visits
with water and then go up to this ped- Some Amish have started their own them occasionally.
estal; we’d all take turns,” she says. “It initiatives too. In multiple states, their Sadie has tried to work through her
was gut-wrenching.” Conservative Crisis Intervention com- trauma in couples therapy with her
Esther started having blurry vision mittees liaise with local authorities on husband. And she’d still like to get her
and hallucinations. She wanted to reporting and prosecuting sexual own Christian therapist. She’s pretty
escape—but she knew that defying her assault cases. One Lancaster County sure she’ll never completely trust any
ministers would get her kicked out of member, Amos Stoltzfoos, told me that man around her kids.
the church. She was ultimately on the “a lot of things have changed and There’s been plenty of anger to deal
drug for two weeks of her five-week forced us to comply and not allow with. She used to “fly off the handle,”
stay. Her discharge notes recom- things to be swept under the rug, she says. But now, it feels good to
mended she “be submissive” and that like they had at one point.” (Stricter finally be letting it all out.
she “challenge unhealthy thoughts mandatory reporting requirements
toward ministers and others using were implemented in Pennsylvania Additional research by Darya

positive/good thought.” in 2014 in the aftermath of the high- Marchenkova and Hannah Beckler.
Esther now says Amish leaders use profile Jerry Sandusky child abuse Additional support provided by
lockup stays to silence women who are case, for one.) Investigative Reporters and Editors.





118 Cosmopolitan Februar y 2020

PROMOTION
Shopping Information



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C O S M O P O L I TA N N E W YO R K T O U R F LYAWAY S W E E P S TA K E S .
NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. Cosmopolitan New York Tour Flyaway Sweepstakes. Sponsored by
Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. To enter starting January 7, 2020, at 12:01 a.m. ET and ending February 10, 2020, at
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entry form pursuant to the onscreen instructions. One (1) Winner will win a trip for two (2) people to New York, NY, to P O P G R I P L I P S
see Louis Tomlinson live in concert on June 16, 2020 (the “Prize(s)”). The trip includes: (i) $1,000 for transportation costs;
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Februar y 2020 Cosmopolitan 119
COSMOPOLITAN.COM/PROMOTIONS

t h e l a s t p a g e








In nightstand
my




Um, what nightstand? Katy Keene star Ashleigh Murray

prefers a hatbox, thankyouverymuch.

B y M O L L Y S T O U T

M Y O V E R A L L
N I G H T S T A N D
V I B E
Glow this
No really, it’s...an good takes
actual hatbox. work,
people.
W H A T ’ S O N T O P Y O U S H O U L D
At any given time: R E A L LY A S K M E
a cup of tea, my A B O U T
cell, a lacrosse ball My hair closet!


O N E W H A T I S T O R E
S U R P R I S I N G I N T H E R E
T H I N G I K E E P Too many things
I N S I D E for one head, but
Swimsuits a girl and her scalp
are bougie.
P R O D U C T S I
A L W AY S H A V E H O W I W A K E U P
I N T H E R E My alarm is the sun.
Indie Lee And with it, all my
brightening regrets for not keeping
cleanser and toner, the blackout curtains
Tatcha cleansing when I moved.
oil, Joanna
Vargas anything,
Beauty Bakerie
snickerdoodle
lip gloss


M Y S N A C K
S I T U A T I O N
Lol, snacks are
for the bed.








H E Y !
Text “subscribe”
to 77177

to get this mag
every month.

MESSAGE AND DATA
MURR AY: M AT T DOYLE CONTOUR BY GET T Y. HATBOXES: GET T Y IM AGES.
RATES MAY APPLY.
















120 Cosmopolitan Februar y 2020

BEAUTY SLEEP









C O M E S N AT U R A L LY







Our melatonin gummies help fight free radicals at night,* and include
a unique botanical blend with ginger and grapeseed extract.
Non-habit forming and drug free. Beautiful. Naturally Superior Sleep.


































© Procter & Gamble, Inc. 2019








*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.