CoachingforEI-Ebook

COACHING FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

keystepmedia.com TABLE OF CONTENTS
Coaching for Emotional Intelligence
by Daniel Goleman / Key Step Media Introduction 5
The chapters in this ebook were originally
published on LinkedIn, Korn Ferry, and Key Step Media Emotional Intelligence: How Competent Are You? 9
Copyright © 2018 by More Than Sound, LLC by Daniel Goleman
DBA Key Step Media, All Rights Reserved
Published by More Than Sound, LLC The Best Way to Upgrade Your Emotional Intelligence 17
221 Pine St., Suite 408, Florence MA 01062 by Daniel Goleman

DANIEL GOLEMAN & KEY STEP MEDIA How Do You Coach for Emotional Intelligence? 23
by Key Step Media

3 Takeaways from Research on Executive Coaching 27
by Key Step Media

Coaching for Emotional Intelligence 33
by Daniel Goleman

The Benefits of Coaching…and Being Coached 37
by Daniel Goleman

INTRODUCTION

Research has shown that emotional intelligence (EI) can in personal and professional settings.
positively shape our relationships and our outcomes – at work, and
in life – yet developing the suite of EI competencies in a lasting In this collection we’ll explore the benefits of coaching for
and effective way on one’s own can be a challenge. The support and emotional intelligence, examine research on executive coaching,
guidance of a qualified coach can provide much-needed perspective, and describe how one can learn more about the competencies of
accountability, and a structured approach for learning, self-discovery, emotional intelligence or become a coach.
and transformation.

By understanding the brain’s circuitry when it comes to
emotional regulation, a coach can help a coachee notice habitual
patterns of mindset, beliefs, emotional triggers, and behaviors
that may be limiting growth. Once self-awareness and focus have
been established, a coach can aid in implementing evidence-based
practices and strategies for long-term emotional balance to benefit
not only the coachee him/herself, but also the people around them

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COACHING FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

“Emotional Intelligence has proven the key “I’ve had the opportunity to be exposed to a
skill set for leadership, teamwork, sales and client myriad of leadership, professional, and personal
management – anything where people are crucial. But development frameworks; EI is the one that resonates
to master competencies like empathy and influence it most and has the broadest application across all
helps to have the support and guidance of an expert dimensions of my life, and the lives of my clients.”
and, ideally, a tutorial with personal feedback. That’s –Dot Proux, Meta-Coach for the Daniel Goleman
where coaching can make a big difference, and why I’m Emotional Intelligence Coaching Certification
offering a certification for coaches in how to help clients Program
strengthen their competence in emotional intelligence.”
–Daniel Goleman

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EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
HOW COMPETENT ARE YOU?

by DANIEL GOLEMAN

Emotional Intelligence Isn’t a Trait - It’s Skills many years. Richard and I were in on it at the beginning working
with our professor at Harvard, David McClelland. Companies
When I talk about emotional intelligence, I’m not referring saw this as a method to determine what abilities made their star
to a fixed trait. Emotional intelligence is a set of skills that can performers so effective. This is important, competitive information.
be developed. In my model of emotional intelligence those skills Organizations look at their top performers and average performers
fall into four domains: self-awareness, self-management, social and systematically analyze what they see in the top people that they
awareness, and relationship management. Richard Boyatzis and I don’t see in the average. Then, they seek to help their employees
worked with KF Hay Group to produce a tool for assessing twelve develop these competencies and hire and promote people that look
emotional intelligence competencies nested within each of these like the stars.
four domains that make people stars in the workplace.
In our research, we’ve specified emotional intelligence
Competence: Another Way of Saying Skill competencies used by outstanding leaders that can be assessed
objectively, behaviorally—everyone can see it, you know you’re
Competence is another way of saying skill. It’s learned and doing it. Those are the ones we included in the Emotional and
learnable. The concept of competence itself has been around for Social Competencies Inventory (ESCI). The ESCI is a 360-degree

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COACHING FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

SELF SELF SOCIAL RELATIONSHIP
AWARENESS MANAGEMENT AWARENESS MANAGEMENT

EMOTIONAL EMOTIONAL ADAPTABILITY EMPATHY INFLUENCE COACH
SELF SELF and

AWARENESS CONTROL MENTOR

ACHIEVEMENT POSITIVE ORGANI- CONFLICT TEAMWORK
ORIENTATION OUTLOOK ZATIONAL MANAGEMENT
AWARENESS

INSPIRATIONAL
LEADERSHIP

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COACHING FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

assessment, meaning an individual completes a survey as do people Adaptability
above and below that person in an organization. Then, the individual
receives the information about their own self-assessment as well as Leaders with this skill handle many demands while staying
the anonymous ratings done by the others. focused on their goals. Uncertainty is both expected and comfortable
for these leaders. They flex in response to new challenges and are
Here are the Twelve quick to adjust to sudden changes.
Emotional Intelligence Competencies
Achievement Orientation
Self-Awareness
Leaders who hold themselves and others to high standards.
Emotional Self-Awareness They work toward challenging and measurable goals.They continually
Leaders who are attuned to their feelings and how they affect seek ways to improve their performance and that of their team.
their job performance. They use their values to make decisions.
Emotionally self-aware leaders are authentic and able to speak Positive Outlook
openly about their emotions.
These leaders see every situation as an opportunity, even
Self-Management those that may look like a setback to others. They see other people
positively and expect them to do their best. They expect the changes
Emotional Self-Control in the future to be for the better.
People skilled at managing their emotions. Leaders with this
skill remain calm and clear-thinking in stressful situations and hold
on to their emotional balance.

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COACHING FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Social Awareness Coach and Mentor

Empathy Leaders who take interest in assisting others. They know the
individuals with whom they work, including their strengths and
Leaders who can comprehend an individual or group’s goals. They give constructive feedback to coworkers and help others
unspoken emotions. They listen well and easily grasp other’s focus on growth opportunities.
perspectives. Empathetic leaders explain their ideas in ways other
people understand and work well with people from diverse cultures Conflict Management
and backgrounds.
These leaders make an effort to recognize different perspectives.
Organizational Awareness They focus on helping everyone find the common ground upon
which they can agree. They allow everyone’s opinion and direct
Leaders who understands all aspects of an organization: efforts toward finding an agreeable resolution.
where formal and informal power is held, relationships that provide
opportunities for networking, conflicts, unspoken norms,and guiding Teamwork
values.
These leaders build an atmosphere of cooperation, helpfulness,
Relationship Management and respect. They help others commit to the group’s effort. They help
a team develop an identity, positive relationships, and spirit.
Influence
Inspirational Leadership (Inspiration)
Leaders who are skilled at appealing to others and developing
buy-in from key players in a situation. They are engaging and A leader who inspires can move people. Their articulation of
persuasive with individuals and groups. a shared mission causes others to join them. They show others the
purpose behind their day-to-day work.

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THE BEST WAY TO UPGRADE
YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

by DANIEL GOLEMAN

I’d like to begin with a story I’ve adapted from a real situation. He did some reading about emotional intelligence, and went
to a seminar on the topic, both of which helped his intellectual
Imagine a Leader Who is Struggling understanding of self-awareness and managing disagreements. But
he failed to connect this understanding to how he operated with his
Oren was successful in sales, and ended up heading a regional team – and the same problems continued.
sales team in the investment industry. But while he had done so
well as a salesperson, he was flopping as a team leader. His team Coaching Helps Create Self-and-Social Awareness
consistently fell short of their sales targets, and there was tension.
Then Oren’s company suggested he start working with a coach.
Oren’s emotional intelligence diagnosis: deadly weakness For six months Oren and his coach focused on helping him improve.
in managing conflict and disagreements – he avoided any and all They started with a 360-degree assessment, which made it all too
tough discussions and contentious conversations. Along with this clear that Oren lacked self-awareness, and was poor at managing
avoidance he had a blindspot for this very problem. He also lacked conflict.
self-awareness,which meant he not only did not see how this aversion
to conflict held him back, but also was perplexed by his own failure,
blind to the cause.

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COACHING FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

The coach had Oren keep a journal of key moments in his day, But once you want to improve you need some help. I’m quite
especially when he had to handle disagreements. He and his coach dubious about cookie-cutter EI development programs that treat
role-played how he might intervene to resolve conflicts in ways that everyone the same. We all have a unique personal profile in the EI
were mutually beneficial. His coach watched him in action in “real competencies, stronger in some and limited in others. So cookie-
life,” and gave him further feedback. cutter programs will be off-target for what would actually help any
given person.
Slowly Oren became less anxious and avoidant in the face of
conflict and more adept at helping his team find win-win resolutions. In the HR world, these programs are called “spray and pray” –
And the act of monitoring his actions so he could put them in his you spray people with a weekend about EI, and pray some of it sticks.
journal boosted his self-awareness. It doesn’t.

When Oren did another 360-degree, the feedback from folks The best approach, I’ve found, tailors help to a specific person’s
he worked with day in and day out confirmed that he had boosted needs.We all have our own set of goals, of motives, and of what moves
both his self-awareness and his conflict management skills. An us – what we are passionate about and love doing. So harnessing
indirect benefit: morale, motivation, and sales all went up. this energy, and aligning it with your sense of purpose, gives EI
improvement the optimal boost.
An Integrated Approach to Developing EI

There are a multitude of emotional intelligence programs these
days; the field has grown into a mini-industry. The big question:
What’s the best way to improve on an EI competence?

I’m unenthusiastic about information-only programs (and even
the speeches I give on EI) as a way to cultivate these competencies.
Those programs – and my talks – may be motivational and upgrade
your mindset. That’s a start.

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COACHING FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

For all that, working with a coach will have the most impact. 5. On high-pressure days when you fall back on the old
There are several reasons coaching helps install lasting improvements way of acting – what you’re trying to change – a coach can
in EI competencies (and a thank-you to Michele Nevarez, the be sure you don’t give up. Instead you can use a failure to
seasoned coach who leads my own Emotional Intelligence programs, better prepare mentally for doing the right thing the next
for these points): time around.

1. We don’t know what we don’t know. A coach helps us see 6. A coach can help us take the competencies we need to be
what is not readily apparent to us, and can also help us more successful from the realm of good ideas into practical
learn practices to become more self-aware, like noticing applications targeted to fit our goals and aspirations.
triggers and emotions in our day-to-day interactions.

2. A coach can remind us to continue to apply and
experiment with new mental models and ways of acting
that are outside of our habitual patterns. We can expand
our repertoire.

3. A coach can help us spot when our mindset and actions
are not aligned with our aspirations – and how our thinking
and beliefs can get in the way of executing well toward our
goals.

4. You can have the best development plan in the
world that you understand with great mental clarity,
but if our beliefs or habits derail the tactics and
plans we have, then we remain stuck. A coach can
show you how to “unstick” habits that don’t work.

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HOW DO YOU COACH FOR
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?

by KEY STEP MEDIA

Emotional Intelligence, the ability to tune in to our feelings Already Familiar with EI? Elevate Your Knowledge
and those of others, and to effectively manage emotions in ourselves & Begin Coaching Others
and our relationships, is key to high performance and outstanding
leadership. As it is often difficult to recognize our own weaknesses, Becoming a coach begins with fully understanding emotional
and to take steps for lasting change, the guidance of a coach can and social intelligence (ESI). The twelve Emotional and Social
make a fundamental difference in improving Emotional Intelligence Intelligence Leadership Competencies, developed by Daniel
competencies. Goleman and Richard Boyatzis, are derived from an evidence-
based structure. After analyzing the competency models of nearly
By harnessing the energy of a client’s passions, a coach can 100 organizations, they distilled the fundamental competencies
develop practical applications for achieving specific goals and that distinguish outstanding leaders. This framework is essential to
aspirations. A coach is also in a unique position to notice patterns in enhancing your own knowledge, as well as coaching clients in ESI.
a client’s behavior, and can share these perceptions in a thoughtful Keep in mind that these competencies are never fully achieved or
and non-judgmental way, enabling the client to become more self- mastered, rather they are a part of your overall emotional intelligence
aware and to “unstick” unproductive habits. profile, which fluctuates based on circumstances and how much
attention you provide to developing various skill sets.

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COACHING FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

What Makes a Great Coach? Meta-Coach will be available to provide guidance and observe some
coaching sessions. In this way, student coaches will have the benefit
A great coach fosters a safe and confidential environment for of an outside perspective on areas that need improvement, fully
clients.They bring a clear point of view, offering guidance while being preparing them to pass their certification exam and coach clients for
flexible and responsive to the needs of each individual person. They lasting and effective development of ESI.
are kind, calm, direct, and respectful. They have impeccable listening
skills and perceive patterns in a client’s behaviors that they articulate Next Steps
in a way that helps the client address them with positive intention.
Take a moment to consider which of the above is most prudent
A great coach helps clients discover/rediscover their passions for you to explore.
and values, and channels these in practical applications. Under the
guidance of a great coach, a client realizes the impact of their habits 1. Expanding your personal understanding of the full suite of
and learns how to spot and break unproductive patterns. Long after Emotional Intelligence competencies.
formal coaching is complete, the client of a great coach will be able
to find and channel their own inner coach. 2. Developing your interpersonal capacity as a coach.
3. Gaining the training, experience, and practical application
Practice is Essential
of these skills so that you can make a bigger positive impact
As with any skill, becoming a great coach requires practice. with others.
Coaching clients, reflecting on your progress and effectiveness, and
receiving feedback from a Meta-Coach are the most valuable ways
to practice coaching for Emotional Intelligence. In our Emotional
Intelligence Coaching Certification, students coach clients through
two 12-week blocks of the Emotional Intelligence Training Program:
Foundational Skills and Relationship Skills. During this time, a

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3 TAKEAWAYS FROM RESEARCH
on EXECUTIVE COACHING

by KEY STEP MEDIA

Executive coaching is a relatively recent profession. The first As executive coaching is growing in value and evolving in
established accreditation groups for professional coaches were design, high-quality research has the potential to shape the discipline
founded in the 1990s. Historically, coaching has often been used and move it forward. One of the challenges of arriving at such
remedially, as an organization’s attempt to correct employees’ research is the existence of significant enough control groups, clear
unwelcome behavior or perceived lack of competencies. Many parameters and measurement tools, accounting for variability of data,
conventional programs still use this approach, with few positive or and a coaching framework that fully supports the complete range
lasting results. of ways in which personal and professional development efforts can
materialize – in real time, in the real world. That is one undertaking
Today, more progressive coaching programs focus on career currently in progress at Key Step Media.
advancement and personal development, and are ideally initiated
by a coachee seeking self-improvement. The best and most effective For now, the following studies offer the most meaningful,
programs support the overall growth and wellbeing of the person, evidence-based insights into what we know is effective in executive
taking into account things like habitual patterns of thoughts, coaching.
emotional states, and underlying mental models that may keep
someone stuck.

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COACHING FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

1. Cognitive behavioral interventions for leadership de- Simplicity and personalization lie at the heart of this
velopment methodology. Clear, practical language and models, rather
than complex acronyms and jargon-filled texts, make training
Researchers adapted traditional clinical psychological practices methodologies accessible and more likely to create lasting
into the context of executive coaching in a 2013 study published organizational change. Deep personalization, in which the coach
in Research in Organizational Change and Development. The seeks to understand the coachee’s personal values and goals in a
authors used cognitive behavioral executive coaching (CBEC) in holistic way, is equally vital. As good coaching is fundamentally
both helping to manage maladaptive thoughts and behaviors and a quality conversation based in trust, it follows that authentic,
in establishing a formal platform to support executive skill building, individualized coaching is vital to cultivating genuine organizational
performance, and personal leadership agendas. change and personal development. From an evidence-based
perspective, this kind of personalization has been demonstrated
Findings show that the approach enabled executives to develop as being highly effective in many peer-reviewed studies with
behaviors and competencies aligned with their ideal future state, due randomized control groups.
to the highly-customizable process of the program design. CBCE
was particularly effective in improving adaptability in both thoughts 3. Trust and goal setting are critical to
and actions and has the potential to inform the future of executive coaching effectiveness
coaching.
A strong working alliance from the perspective of the coach
2. Personalization based on values is key and coachee predicted coaching effectiveness in a large-scale study
of executive coaching conducted in 2016. Coachee self-efficacy,
A 2016 study in Coaching: An International Journal of or belief in the benefits of coaching and their own ability to make
Theory, Research and Practice, examines the emerging approach to lasting behavioral changes, was also critical in determining coaching
workplace coaching, which increasingly emphasizes “enhancing both effectiveness.
the performance and the well-being of individuals and organizations
in ways that are sustainable and personally meaningful.”

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COACHING FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
32
Coaches who built a foundation of trust with their clients,
and established clear tasks and goals, were rated most highly for
successful coaching outcomes. Even when the coachee had lower
self-efficacy, a strong working alliance and clear goals were found to
partially compensate for this disparity.

The ability to develop a foundation of trust with a coachee
necessitates that the coach excels in relationship management
competencies. Emotional Intelligence is also critical in the coach’s
ability to identity appropriate tasks and goals for their client, to be
receptive in understanding the coachee’s unique challenges, and to
offer clear guidance in alignment with the coachee’s own values.

More research is needed
Due to a range of factors, including the wide umbrella of
coaching and the absence of a standardized measure for successful
or effective coaching engagements, there are currently few peer-
reviewed research on executive coaching. Some meta-analyses have
established the overall positive effect of coaching on organizational
outcomes,while surveys have sought to evaluate coaching effectiveness
through factors such as coach training and background. Further
efforts to establish universally accepted terms and research criteria
for executive coaching have the potential to positively impact this
growing field, and that’s exactly the aim of our upcoming programs.

DANIEL GOLEMAN & KEY STEP MEDIA

COACHING for EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE

by DANIEL GOLEMAN

“Oh that the gods the gift would gi’e us,” wrote the Scottish Unlike IQ, which can be expressed in a single number, your EI
poet Robert Burns, “To see ourselves as others see us.” profile reflects your varied strengths and room to grow across a range
of competencies
That’s particularly the case with Emotional Intelligence. We
so often have blindspots when it comes to how we manage ourselves Even if you have an accurate EI profile, as well as a desire for
and our relationships. self-improvement, it can be difficult to take steps for lasting change.
That takes time and effort. For this reason, it is highly beneficial to
And so we won’t get an accurate EI profile by simply rating have someone invested in your growth to offer guidance and support.
ourselves, because any blindspots you might have will skew your A coach can give you valuable real-time feedback, enabling you to
perceptions. The best reading – a key impact – of EI is not just in course-correct as problems arise.
how you manage yourself or interact with others, but in how others
perceive you.This is what your EI profile assesses. By combining your
own perspective with anonymous feedback from the people you work
closely with, a 360º assessment offers you a more comprehensive and
objective understanding of your profile.

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COACHING FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Everyone benefits from having strengths in Emotional Emotional Intelligence provides a simple, yet highly-
Intelligence. Let’s start with coaches, those folks we turn personalized profile of your strengths and limits, which in turn
to when we want to develop ourselves in work and life. creates a framework for coaching for developing lasting behavioral
change.
A recent study published in the Journal of Experiential
Psychotherapy found that of 1,138 coaches and their clients from
88 countries, 98% of coaches agreed that having strong Emotional
Intelligence themselves was essential to effectively assist their clients.
And 90% of coaching clients agreed that it is important for clients to
develop EI to work through their challenges.

Why? Take trust. The best coaches establish a foundation of
trust with their coachees. Then there’s rapport and engagement –
coaches know these are essential to cultivate quality conversations
that promote effort and growth. These conversations should be
authentic and individualized, which requires empathy, another
Emotional Intelligence competence.

Cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all, coaching – say that encourages
the memorization of complex acronyms, or learning through
predetermined, jargon-filled language, is much less likely to resonate
with people. These indicate coaches who lack empathy – and likely
also lack the self-awareness that would alert them to this deficit in
the coaching relationship.

DANIEL GOLEMAN & KEY STEP MEDIA 36

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by DANIEL GOLEMAN

Great leaders may seem all knowing if they have been successful Above all, a coach’s ability to provide objective, yet highly
throughout their career and have led teams effectively. They may tailored guidance and feedback makes a critical difference in the
seem to have little room for improvement. long-term development of EI competencies. By identifying the
competencies we need to improve, and harnessing the energy of
Yet unlike “hard” skills, such as mastery of a software program, our passions and goals to guide those improvements, a coach can
the development of emotional intelligence—the heart of outstanding have an enduring influence on a leader. Long after formal coaching
leadership—is an ongoing process. Each of us can improve our is complete, a leader will be able to access their own inner-coach
emotional intelligence (or EI), and great leaders are no exception. through the positive habits and competencies they’ve developed.

Working with a coach is one of the most impactful ways to Great leaders are coaches too. Coach and Mentor, one of the
cultivate further strengths in EI competencies. Leaders at any level twelve EI competencies, creates a mutually beneficial relationship
can benefit from a coach’s feedback. A coach can help us recognize for both coach and coachee. A leader who coaches with compassion,
patterns in our behavior we would otherwise be unaware of, and can by valuing their direct reports’ well-being as well as their future
guide us in developing new ways of handling emotions in ourselves and aspirations (and not just their performance), motivates them to be
in our relationships. A coach can also help us “unstick” unproductive fully engaged and continue learning and improving.
habits and provide motivation as we encounter roadblocks.

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COACHING FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Leaders who excel as a coach foster teams with a solid Enrollment is now open for the Daniel Goleman Emotional
foundation of loyalty and trust. They elevate the career satisfaction Intelligence Coaching Certification.
and productivity of their team. Research published in the Frontiers
in Psychology in 2016 shows that coaching effectively enhances This program seeks to bridge the knowing-doing gap using the
performance, and supports the coachee’s own goal attainment and Emotional & Social Intelligence framework to develop the twelve
satisfaction. competencies known to positively differentiate our overall efficacy,
and to maximize our ability to exercise our personal agency (that
In addition to the personal rewards of coaching, high- over which we have direct control in our lives).
performing leaders enhance their own status within their
organization. The Center for Creative Leadership found that leaders Students will explore evidence-based behavioral change
who support their teams with career-related coaching are rated as theory, positive psychology, unconscious bias, compassion training,
higher performers by their bosses. neuroscience, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
Techniques, and Emotional & Social Intelligence.You will be trained
Whether it is leader-as-coachee, or leader-as-coach, both in these concepts and practices, as well as in a defined coaching
of these relationships help us to develop emotional and social philosophy.
Intelligence competencies, and to engage in lifelong learning
regardless of formal professional role. The majority of the certification will take place online, with two
short residences in which participants and Meta-Coaches can get to
know each other and practice coaching techniques and approaches.
All the details are available at Key Step Media here.

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