Thoughts

THOUGHTS

Akmal C

Copyright

Copyright © 2017 Akmal C.
All rights reserved.

This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in
any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the
publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.



Dedication

I am dedicating this book to:

 Them, who had taught me great life lessons
 My iPod, laptop, phone and camera that stay loyal
 My mind that never stops thinking even in my sleeps

i

Table of Contents

Prologue iii
Preface iv
From the Author’s Note 1
Of Life 9
Of Imaginations 27
Of Feelings 36
Of Success 54
Of Poetries and Thoughts 67
A Moment of Tapping 93
A Thank You Note 94
About the Author 95

ii

Prologue

It is funny how our brains work. And mine is the funniest. It
never tends to stop thinking when I wish it to. Whenever or
wherever I go, there is always a small voice within me that keeps
nourishing me with thoughts – the thoughts that keep me strong
whenever I am at my lowest and weakest point in my life. The
thoughts that keep holding me from getting drowned in the midst
of life that is full of prejudice and horrifying truths. I am
extending my deepest gratitude to my brain – to the Creator
eventually, for channeling His helps through my little brain.

iii

THOUGHTS

Preface

When you have so many things in your head that you have to spill
them over, thus this e-book.
This e-book is made to inspire people with a thought of making the
world we live in a better place by spreading some loves and positive
vibes. It is made such way so that my thoughts could reach those who
are having difficulties in their lives, those who only see darkness in
every little light. I have written them all (except those as cited in the
e-book) so that we could see the world in new lights – in beautiful
and wonderful manners. I write what I feel – pain, happy, overjoy,
hopes, with honesty, and whatever my imagination drives me to.

Akmal C.
Tuesday, 14th June 2016,

3,50 am.

iv

THOUGHTS

From the Author’s Note

A closer insight on the author.

1

AKMAL C.

Of the Ups and Downs

Life is full of ups and downs. I have tasted its so many flavours in
my life. The bitterness of failure, the sweetness of success, the joy,
the sad, the pain and the list goes on and on. Not many know my
real stories and deals. They are, in fact, the people who only see me
as a person with no pressures, and they look at me as a whole from
the outside but not from the inside. Nevertheless, there are people
who know me well often ask me, ‘How do you deal with all sorts of
feeling – the unhappiness, failures, devastating and even the
desolation?’

And here in this e-book, I have written my answer.
I had fallen to the ground, and deep underneath, after several
mistakes I made that eventually led to some disappointments and
total embarrassments which I thought would last my lifetime and
my life would be at stake.
After so many tears and of broken heart, I had come to my sense
that there is no use of me moping around instead of putting my
shattered pieces back together. I tried to pick myself up – even when
I sometimes stumbled, and move on, slowly, bit by bit, as though the
whole moving on is the hardest part to do. I tried to keep myself
busy by attending to anything and everything else. I stopped
listening to sad songs which are my favourite by the way, because
your mood and feelings are somehow correlated to such trivial
thing. I pretended to not hear all the badmouthing.
The hardest part of moving on is to pretend that you are cool
with everything when you are actually not.
I then started writing, again, as I had done that before as a hobby.
I put down my direct thoughts that came across my mind onto a
piece of paper so that I could feel less burdened, lighter in sense of
the weight that my brain and desolating soul had been carrying on
ever since. Sometimes I felt empty but I tried to not think about it,
really. And through writing, I am able to console my heavy heart.

2

THOUGHTS

The best medication in treating a sick heart is by none other than
taking care of the relationship between you and the Almighty
because He is the Healer.

3

THOUGHTS

Suffocating

When the fresh air I breathe in feeling polluted, taste bitter
I sat down in front of the monitor
Wondering what I am supposed to do after this
It’s been more than a year I have been moping around
Dwelling in the past and failure I have encountered
Perhaps there are reasons for all these to happen
Perhaps I was not good enough to fit the character that I decided to
be
Perhaps I had taken everything I owned for granted
Perhaps this is just another test
My tiny little heart
I had controlled it to be patient
But my brain is not in sync - it does the otherwise
Pain I feel but I try to hide
By telling others that I am okay with all the misfortune
That I am okay will all failures I am facing
That I am okay even when people start to doubt me
Even when people start to badmouth me
But deep inside
No one knows this pain has slowly ruptured my heart
As if I am left with nothing
This feeling is so suffocating
That it is choking me to death.

4

THOUGHTS

Fame

It is not my focal intention of getting fame within the minority
It is far beyond my imagination that I’ve lived this far
Like one lyricist said,
‘Fame is like a bubble. It can pop at any time,’

Fame is a venom in disguise
It sure is exciting but risky

I always dreamed of being famous
In anything I did
Be it on social media or even the real deal
The real deal is when everything you see
Is not merely on the LCD
Soulless virtually and really

I act like I am the nicest person
When the truth is I am no any better than a sinner
I portrayed the purest innocence image of not-me
My intention was all wrong from the beginning
When the fame that I was looking for
The fame that I would get
But not the happiness
Nor the peacefulness

My heart was hardly at ease
I lived my life up to people’s likings
None of mine had been accounted in for
I was like a total loser in disguise
It was not a hypocritical act
It was just a sheer denial of my true self in between
Which only turned the mess into the worst
It was like yearning for something that you do not deserve
Something that was not yours to begin with

It was like a nonreciprocal love
In an infamous fairy tale
Where the Cinderella character who lost her glass stiletto
Started to lose everything
From another pair of the stiletto

5

AKMAL C.

To the dress and to the crown.
It took me awhile to realize
It was not the fame that I have been looking for
For all these time I have been lurking around
I was trying to figure out the way
Of attaining a permanent happiness
Of pursuing an inner peace
The answer has always been there
By staying close to The Creator
And practice the religion

6

THOUGHTS

Better Me

I always incline to think that I am a better me
Whenever I wake up in the morning the next day
When I actually never change even for a bit
The one that only gets better is my judgement
And my mere thoughts that I have been keeping them on track
Well now it is not one but two.

I remember vividly
When people come to me and said,
‘You could do everything and fall on a very far better place,’
But I instead decided to do nothing
As I would say,
‘None of it is my concern. Why should you?’

I decided to just go with the flow
And act in silence
Judge from afar

This is not me in despair
This is not me giving up on life
It’s just my version of the ‘better me’

Someone who is not too obsessed or infatuated
With things that never are permanent
Things that will remain ‘temporary’
Things that eventually will due
Like the living form of me
And everyone else.

7

AKMAL C.

The Sunset and the Silhouette

Someone said, ‘Be the scenery, not the sunset’.
But I would rather be the sunset rather than the scenery.
Why?
People tend to remember the beauty of a scenery whenever it is
captured during the sunset or sunrise. They say the view is
incredibly astonishing. The amount of awesomeness is just too
much to think of. What they sometimes seem to be forgotten is there
might not be such scenic view when the sun is not down or the when
the sun is not up.
A beautiful sunset or sunrise photo is often obtained by silhouetting
the scenery and solely put a focus on the sun and its ray. This
acknowledges the fact that beautiful things do not necessarily have
beautiful stories. The fact that they are sometimes all alone for them
to shine the most is rather a heart-breaking episode, albeit others
gain benefits out of their loneliness.
I chose to be the sunset than the scenery because I am that kind of
personage.

8

THOUGHTS

Of Life

If we are to compare life with anything,
There are just so many things to be compared with.

9

AKMAL C.

The Definition

Life
: The ability to grow, change, etc. that separates plants and animals
from things like water and rocks.

10

THOUGHTS

Life as an Experiment

Life is like carrying out an experiment –sometimes complicated,
time consuming and energy exhausting. We could make mistakes
while conducting it. We may fail for countless times before getting
the final result. One thing for sure, there is no guarantee of us
succeeding on our next attempt.

11

AKMAL C.

Obligation

You are not obliged to live your life under someone else’s
commands. It is your life, you matter.

12

THOUGHTS

Life Is Wind

Life is like wind. It blows in any directions. Sometimes it blows real
hard and sometimes it gives us chill. So are our lives. We walk the
path we are destined to without knowing where we would end up at
eventually. Circumstances and favours as the zing. It is us who have
the right to decide if we were to become breeze over tornado.

13

AKMAL C.

Comfort Zone

Get out of your comfort zone and survive.

14

THOUGHTS

The Bitter Truth

Schools do not teach each one of us how to survive in this
horrifying world in which in some cases, ruthless and/or
evil has become the basic foundation in shaping certain
individuals and in many cases, good people somehow
look bad and are cruelly violated. Let’s raise our hands
and pray for a better future.

15

AKMAL C.

Certain

Nothing, in life, is certain. Ever.

16

THOUGHTS

Life Is Uncertain

Life is uncertain. It is chock-full of surprises. You have no idea what
your future beholds for you. You, however, might sense the potential
but not the whole process you would be going through. You do not
know what would happen to you the second you finish reading
between these lines, what your life would be, whom you are going to
meet or marry, if someone you are fond of would be your nemesis in
later days, if you would probably be dead by tomorrow and never
seized the chance you still stand to apologize or whatever it is. In a
nutshell, life is uncertain that you should seize every precious
moment and breath you are granted for.

17

AKMAL C.

An Earthling

I am nothing but an earthling.
I prone to making mistakes.
And I don’t give a damn at all.

18

THOUGHTS

My Life

It is not my responsibility to live my life up to their expectations,
likings and even hatreds. It is my life that I am talking about. I can
do whatever I want, the way I want.

19

AKMAL C.

The Two Kinds of People

There are two kinds of people in this word; people who do and people
who don’t. It is not necessary for you to DO something when you
ought to say you shouldn’t and for some cases, you have to go against
your ‘DON’T’ in order to work things out.

20

THOUGHTS

Adult

Being an adult doesn’t simply give you the
right to control everything.

21

AKMAL C.

Humans

I don’t get humans.
Sometimes I don’t get myself either.

22

THOUGHTS

Favor

It is hard to satisfy people’s favor.
It is hard even to satisfy mine.

23

AKMAL C.

Judgemental

Do not be judgemental.

24

THOUGHTS

Judge

You cannot judge people by solely
taking one's opinion and resenting
others' because that is not how a story,
or even a chapter is made. Perspectives
are considered as the essences.

25

AKMAL C.

Carpe Diem

Carpe Diem.
Seize the moment.

26

THOUGHTS

Of Imaginations

im·ag·i·na·tion
iˌmajəˈnāSH(ə)n/
Noun
The faculty or action of forming new ideas, or
images or concepts of external objects not
present to the senses.

27

AKMAL C.

Writer

I am a writer of my own stories.

28

THOUGHTS

Unstoppable

My brain can’t stop talking,
Can I take it off for a minute
And have a goodnight sleep?
My mind is so noisy
I have to plug in some earpiece to my ears
But it ain’t fixing anything
My trains of thought keep running wild
I have to pen them down on a piece of paper every once
in a while
Because every single of them is just too valuable to be
missed out.

29

AKMAL C.

Let the Imagination

I let my imagination grow
By dreaming of something that I could not afford of
I let my imagination running wild
By plotting new stories with ridiculous endings
I let my imagination take control
Of my life, my mind and soul
I let my imagination nurture
By spilling them all on a piece of paper
I set my imagination free
So it will not trap beyond the boundary

30

THOUGHTS

That Lady

That lady is used to be thrown away. She is used to be left behind.
The scars from the past keep haunting her present. She once was
loved by many. She once was the subject of compliments. She once
was someone who had everything but nothing. But those situations
are not fit anymore. Once she was a subject of a rumour, everything
changed. Once she was a subject of a rumour, everyone looked down
on her. Once she was a subject of a rumour, everything that related
to her seemed disgusting. She almost ended her life as a result of
despair. The rumour was never true. But to clean her name and
dignity, it almost charged her life. Nobody to be leaned on. Nobody
to be her pillar. Nobody to hear her out.

She decided to part her way. Away from people. Away from the lively
city.

She rather locks herself up in her room than suffocating her breath
with the presence of those who circulated the false rumour, who
gazed her wickedly. She shut her feelings, she shut the door of her
heart from getting involve with people, from receiving deceitful love
and giving out an honest and sincere love.

But everything starts to change the moment she befriended with a
man. The man who choose happiness over sadness, who chooses
tranquillity over hurly-burly. No matter how hard she denies her
sudden changes of feelings, her likeness towards the warm guy, and
the door of her heart starts to widen. Her feelings and heart start to
oppose her mind. They do not act coherently, they do not
correspond to each other. The strange feeling of missing the warm
guy when he is not around is something she never feels before. The
strange feeling of jealousy whenever the guy is around any ladies is
something she never feels before.

She asks herself, ‘is this love?’

31

AKMAL C.

That Man

That man is full of mystery, but not misery. He brings joy to others.
He is their ecstasy. He tells stories that inspire people. He tells
stories that can make people to learn from. He wants to put smiles
on people’s faces. He wants people to not be drowned by any acts of
negativity – because they are poisons.

But he could not do the same to this one girl. The girl who rather
locks herself up in her room forever. The girl who always feels
bashful and who fears over everything. The girl who fears of people,
the sound of a ringing phone, the sound of a knocking door and
such. He pledges that he is going to be the one who changes
everything about the girl –her persona, her interpretation on people
and things and her fear.

Little did he know such vow only leads him into another unexpected
journey – a fate that he falls for the girl instead of accomplishing his
pledge. He soon realizes his feelings for her but trying to deny and
consider it as an act of sympathy. But not a day that he could have
gone through without missing her, missing her face, missing her
everything. He then realizes one more thing.

Not everyone could just be changed within a period of time solely by
going through trainings. In order to open up her heart, he ends up
opening his. He wants to protect her with all his might. He wants
her to be his. Now that she is his number one priority, he wants her
to feel the same about him.

32

THOUGHTS

Ironic Enough

“Leave your social media for a moment. Go socialize
with real people out there”
She updated her Facebook status and scrolled down
her Instagram feed afterwards.
Ironic enough.

33

AKMAL C.

The Suit.

“What do you think about this suit?” he asked.
“Well, it looks good. Yeah. But too good for a robbery I guess,” she
pinched her nose.
“What robbery? This is for our wedding,” he half-shouted.
“Oh well, uh – wow?” her face turned red.

34

THOUGHTS

Pizza

Do you know what the difference
between you and pizza is?
Well, pizza never disappoint me like
you always do.

35

AKMAL C.

Of Feelings

Feelings are just visitors. Let them come and go.
-Guru Mooji

36

THOUGHTS

Feeling and Emotion

Feelings are mental experiences of body states, which
arise as the brain interprets emotions, themselves
physical states arising from the body's responses to
external stimuli. (The order of such events is: I am
threatened, experience fear, and feel horror.)
Source: www.thebestbrainpossible.com

37

AKMAL C.

Feeling

Feeling is a complicated thing.

38

THOUGHTS

Grow or Wilt

Feeling is something that can either grow or wilt.
How you take care of it effects on how it would turn out
eventually.

39

AKMAL C.

Love

If two people are meant to be together,
No matter how hard it is,
Love will eventually find its way back to each other.

40

THOUGHTS

Between Love and Obsession

There is a fine line between love and obsession
Which distinguishes one from another
When you think you love enough but you are actually being too
obsessive
Love does not require the tenure
Owning someone who pleases you and your heart
Love is rather a freedom of joy
And the joy of freedom
It shall not cause any harm to the two persons or more
Love is more than beyond
Obsession is rather a goad
You are being self-centred and selfish
Insisting of whatever you’re preoccupied of to be yours
And only yours
With no self-respect you have
Nor the self-conscience you posses
Disregard other people and their feelings you might
Greedy in making them all yours
Without considering the price you have to pay
And the damage your obsessive-self would do
Read between the fine lines
Like what Luke Skywalker would say,
‘Search your feeling’
And locate yourself
For obsession will not steer away the love you retain

41

AKMAL C.

Longing

Feeling longing is something inevitable, sometimes a bit
irrational and always out of our conscience. Everyone has
experienced such feeling, no exception to just anyone. Like an
orphan who longs for his parents’ love, like a kitten longs for
its mother’s affection, like a student who longs for a good
grade, like a footballer who longs for a goal, like a scientist who
longs for a noble-prize-worthy discovery, like a fisherman who
longs for fish, like a traveller who longs for a good company,
like a photographer who longs for a great shot, like a hunger
who longs for food, like a refugee who longs for a place to stay,
like a war victim who longs for world peace.

42