Friendology 101 Facilitator Guide copy

This is an optional activity, but the girls love it and get so excited about it! Give them a
copy of the “Looking into your Sole” handout and read over the instructions with them.
You should explain that their job this week is to figure out which shoe they are. Remind
them not to bring in their finished product until the very last session. Also, if it’s an
option, let the girls know you’ll be hanging their “Soles” up on the bulletin board.
Suggestion: Create your own to model how you would like the finished product to look.
It also gives them some insight into you as a person, helping them feel closer and more
connected to you.

12

Get them to write what they’re grateful for into their journals every night before bed.
Even if they’ve had the worst day ever, they still have to think of five things. Explain
some days will be so easy (they may have way more than five), while other days it may
be harder to come up with five.
At the beginning of the next sessions, you will discuss the meaning behind the
homework assignments.
You did it…You finished your first GirlPower session! Be sure to take a peek at the end
of the Lesson Plan to see what to do to prepare for the next session.

13

The most important messages to get across include:
•The four Friendship Facts: (1) No friendship (relationship) is perfect, (2) Every friendship
is different, (3) Trust and respect are the two most important qualities of a friendship,
and (4) Friendships change…and that’s okay.
•Thinking about how your friend makes you feel is a good way to evaluate the
friendship.
•Although no friendship is perfect, True Friends are those who make you feel good when
you are with them (and when you’re not with them – you trust them).
•Conflict and conflict-resolution are part of a healthy friendship (The Friend-o-cycle).

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1. Ask the girls how they made out with their True You chart. Ask them if it was easier
to write things they like about themselves or things they don’t like? Explain that this
can sometimes be a clue to a person’s self-esteem. “If you could think of way more
things you do not like about yourself, that tells me you either had a really bad day
when you did this assignment OR you maybe have low self-esteem. Who knows
what self-esteem is?” Connect the girls back to that voice in their head (self-talk)
and the importance of keeping those words in their mind positive. Also, remind
them that they have so much power to be the person they want to be. Emphasize
the importance of letting go of those things that they cannot change and seeing
those qualities in a different light. You want them to look at their ‘negatives’ as
qualities that make them unique and imperfect – which is how they learn and grow.

2. With the Gratitude Journal, ask the girls: “How did it go? Was it easy or hard to think
of five things?” Some girls will say they wrote down way more than five! Encourage
them to continue on with it. The power behind a Gratitude Journal is that it changes
a person’s perspective from dwelling on the negative to actively seeking out positive
things in their life. It helps them to see life through rose-colored glasses and become
a glass-half-full kind of person. Help them to focus on the good things in life!

3. Ask them if they’ve been thinking about their shoe and remind them to bring in their
Shoe Art on the very final day.

15

Ask the girls if they can give examples of people they have a relationship with in their
lives. Assuming they will mainly suggest family members, ask the girls if those
relationships are perfect? Ask if they sometimes have disagreements, fights, or simply
get annoyed at each other? Point out that when we have a “Fire” with our parents or
siblings, we do not end the relationship and go find new parents. Or, we do not whisper
with other moms and get them to gang up on our mom. Give examples of what girls do
to other girls.

Explain how, for some reason, girls seem to forget this important reality when it comes
to their friends. So often girls will get annoyed with a friend, or have a little Friendship
Fire, and they’ll just end the friendship. Sometimes they’ll tell the other girl (“You’re not
my friend anymore!), but most of the time they’ll just decide in their head (“She’s so not
my friend anymore!”) and then act like her ex-friend doesn’t exist (and maybe even tell
other girls about it).

It’s so important for girls to understand that no friendship or relationship is perfect.
(“Even when you meet Prince Charming and he sweeps you off your feet… He, too, will
drive you crazy sometimes!”)

16

Get them to hold out their hand. Say, “This hand represents friends from school. Can you think
of your ‘school friends’?” Get them to hold out their other hand. Say, “This hand represents
friends from sports or activities outside of school. Can you list those friends?” Get them to stick
out one foot. Say, “This foot represents situational friends, friends you are friends with because
of the situation you are in. For example, neighborhood friends, friends of your parents, bus
friends, friends of friends. Can you think of any?” When they stick out the other foot, get them
to think anyone else they’d consider a friend – maybe their dog, their favorite stuffy, their
brother/sister, or a Pen Pal they’ve never met.
From those groups of friends, they might have a fun friend, smart friend, best friend, and
probably even one friendship that is up and down. Let them know that all friendships are
different. “You might work really well on school projects together, but you’d never tell her your
secrets. You might have another friend you know who would cheer you up when you’re down,
but she might not have the same interests as you.”
Explain to the girls that every friendship is different and deserves it’s own special definition. Say
to the girls: “For example, if you have a friend you work well on school projects with but you
don’t trust her with your secrets, does that mean she can’t be your friend? Of course she can be
your friend – but don’t tell her your secrets!” Get the girls to understand that it’s their job to
understand what works and what doesn’t work with a friend – what works with one friend might
not work with another. Each friendship has it’s own dynamic.
Finally, get them to put their hand on their heart and tell them that every friend puts a little
footprint or handprint in their heart. Some prints are bigger than others, but they all have a little
impact on who they are and give them a little something they need.
Note: This is important for girls to understand because they often think that every friend has to
be their BEST friend. We want girls to understand that friendships can be different and you don’t
have to be BEST friends to be great friends!

17

Ask the girls what the word “trust” means? Ask them what “respect” means? Now, ask
them to give you examples of trust and respect in a friendship - what does it mean when
you say that you trust your friend or you respect her? Some examples include:

• You can trust that she won’t tell your secrets and vice-versa.
• You can trust that she won’t talk about you behind your back and vice-versa.
• You can trust that she’ll take care of your stuff and vice-versa. (Common for this age-
group!)

• When she respects you, you can be yourself in front of her and vice-versa.
• You treat her how you would want to be treated and vice-versa.
• She respects your opinions and accepts you for who you are…even if she
disagrees…and vice-versa.

Explain that you notice that girls do not always show their friends respect around
clothing/style and music! Tell the girls that you always get the strangest reaction when
you say these two words in front of girls. “Ready? Justin Bieber.” (or some other popular
musician) Girls will visibly and/or audibly express their love or distaste for popular bands
or musicians. Now, get them to think about this: “What if your friend really loved Justin
Bieber. She has posters of him everywhere, loves his music, and is pretty sure she’s the
future Mrs. Bieber. Well, what if every time she spoke about him you made those awful
faces and sounds? Would she feel respected? Would you be making her feel like she can
be herself?” Reiterate again that respect is about honoring who the other person is
(their sense of style, music preferences, etc.)…even if you’re not the same.

18

Explain that friendships change because people change. Get them to think about what
they were like just two years ago. “Think about the two years ago YOU!” Get them to
think about what they were interested in? What kind of music were they listening to?
What did they play with? What they were learning in school? What did their printing
look like? Ask them: “Raise your hand if you’ve changed a little bit? Raise two hands if
you’ve changed a lot!”

Get them to see how different they are and how much they’ve changed. Explain that it’s
just a natural consequence that friendships change with time as well. Sometimes we
grow apart from some friends, while we grow closer to new friends. Their interests
change, their circumstances change and, as a result, friendships change too. Friendships
are like a dance. In and out, closer and farther, from all sorts of people. It’s a dynamic,
ever-changing movement.

Ask: “So, you know the whole BFF thing? What does BFF stand for?” They’ll tell you, Best
Friends Forever. Explain to them that you’re very sorry to have to tell them this, but it
might not last forever. GirlPower believes more in BFRN (Best Friend Right Now) or BFFN
(Best Friend For Now) or just “Bestie” (no time limit). The only BFF they can guarantee is
themselves: “Treat yourself like a BFF because you’re stuck with yourself forever…that’s
a guarantee!”

19

Quickly review the four Friendship Facts. Get the girls to say them with you!
Suggestion: Turn the Four Friendship Facts into an activity! Get the girls to make an
advertisement listing the Facts, divide them in groups and have them act out each Fact
with examples, or get them to make a video.

20

Hand out the “Great Friend” worksheet. Give the girls a minute or two to write down
qualities of a great friend. Ask them to share their responses and after each one, ask
them if that’s a quality they could live without? If it’s a ‘must have’, tell them to put a
star beside it!
Suggestion: Get the girls in groups and give them a piece of paper (chart paper with
markers, note paper, etc.). Give them a set time (2 minutes should be enough) to write
out the qualities they think a great friend should have. Once done, have them share
their responses and copy their answers on the board. See which qualities were on each
group’s list. Categorize them and make a Must-Haves in Friendship list out of the
qualities that appeared on each group’s list. If you want to take this activity to the next
level (if you’re working with older Tweens), get them to list the qualities of a Toxic
Friend. Again, go through the lists and indicate the ones that are Deal-Breakers.

21

Explain how the Friend-o-meter works. Start by asking the girls what a thermometer is!? They will tell you
that it’s something that measures temperature – tells us if things are hot or cold. Explain to them that a
Friend-o-meter is the same kind of thing, but it measures friendship. The Friend-o-meter was developed
because research shows that girls do not always assess or evaluate their friendships – meaning, they accept
both the good and bad into their world! We want girls thinking about whether or not friendships are healthy
for them. (Note: This is critical for girls to start doing this now, instead of when they’re 15 and in a
relationship with a boy. We want girls asking themselves, “Is this good for me? Does this person treat me
with the respect I deserve?” so that this self-love will be an instinct when considering future relationships.)

Show the girls that from the middle over to the left (i.e. True Friend) is what we consider a healthy
friendship. Ask the girls to tell you about healthy food. What does healthy food do for us or how does it
make us feel? Girls might say: gives us energy, makes us stronger, gives our body what it needs to grow,
makes our thinking sharper, etc. Make the connection for the girls that healthy food is just like healthy
friends. Healthy friends make us stronger, lift us higher, and make us better people. We feel good when
we’re with them!

Show the girls that from the middle over to the right (i.e. Toxic Friend) is what we consider an unhealthy
friendship. Ask the girls to tell you about unhealthy food. They might say things like: drags us down, makes
us feel yucky, makes us sick, etc. Make the connection that unhealthy friends make us feel the same way.
The other connection to make for the girls is how unhealthy food has a way of sucking us in…it’s tempting.
Just like we keep putting our hand into a bag of chips, an unhealthy friend sometimes keeps us coming back
for more.

It’s important for girls to think about their friendships and ensure that they have friends in their life who
rank at least in the middle or higher – in the healthy zone. Let the girls know that sometimes a friendship
will back and forth on the Friend-o-meter. The key is to tune in to those friendships that are sticking in the
unhealthy zone. When a girl has identified a friendship as unhealthy or toxic, the advice is simply: SPEND
LESS TIME WITH HER. Girls get really freaked out when they’re told they should end the friendship and it’s
just not realistic sometimes, so the GirlPower advice is to just spend less time with her (e.g. instead of
hanging out with her every recess, try hanging out every second recess). There is something magical about
girls spending less time with one another!

22

Read the descriptive words for a healthy friendship. Feel free to elaborate on the words.
For example, “I can be myself means that you feel comfortable with her and she won’t
judge you. Happy means you feel good when you’re with her and even when you’re not
with her.” Let the girls know that basically, a healthy friendship is EASY. It just works!

23

Read the words describing an unhealthy friendship. Feel free to elaborate on each
word. For example, “Helpless means you might feel like you can’t escape her and
nothing will make it better. Alone means you feel like nobody else is experiencing what
you’re going through.” These are very important points because girls will often not tell
their parents/teachers if they’re having friendship trouble. Some of the reasons for this
include:
- They’re worried their parents or teacher will make matters worse!
- They’re ashamed/embarrassed.
- They’ve been told, “Just ignore her!” and don’t view that person as a resource.
- They know it sounds silly, especially if the fight is over something small.
- They’re so tuned in to their parents/teachers that they don’t want to add to their

stress.

Explain to the girls that an unhealthy friendship is HARD and very complicated. The other
interesting thing is that the littlest things can drive you crazy with an unhealthy friend.
This is because each of those little things adds fuel to the Friendship Fire so, although it’s
one little thing, it’s all part of one big Fire.

24

Describe how the Friend-o-meter is like a spectrum. You might have friends who fall
along different areas of the Friend-o-meter, with most falling in the middle. If you are
lucky, you will have one really healthy friendship. Let the girls know that some people
do not meet a True Friend until University or College. Most girls have a bunch of friends
who are in the middle – good friends, not great, not terrible. Also, every girl usually has
at least one friend in her life that would be considered unhealthy and sometimes we can
use the term “bullying” if it’s mean-on-purpose.

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In this example, introduce the three girls: Blue Shirt Girl, Green Shirt Girl, and Red Shirt Girl. Ask
the girls to rate the girl in the blue shirt. Using your hand, move it along the Friend-o-meter and
ask the girls to show you a stop-sign (with their hands) when you’re at the point on the meter
where they’d rate her. Most girls will rate her very low or Toxic. Ask them why! Almost every
time the girls will say that she’s gossiping about the girl in the red shirt. Ask the girls, “How many
of you assumed that she was talking about the girl in the red shirt?”

Ask the girls how Red Shirt Girl is feeling. Girls will say: sad, depressed, lonely, excluded, worried,
etc. “How do we know she’s feeling bad?” Get the girls to explain that we can tell through her
facial expression and the way she’s slouching. Tell the girls that this is called BODY LANGUAGE.
Body Language is a way that we can communicate without saying anything at all. Girls are
especially good at ‘speaking’ body language! Get them to use their body language to show you
sad, scared, surprised, bored, etc. Ask the girls what Green Shirt Girl’s body language is telling us.

Now, tell the girls you have a question: “What if I told you that what Blue Shirt Girl was saying to
Green Shirt Girl is, ‘I love that girl’s red shirt!’?” Get them to show you stop-signs where they
would rate her now. You will find that most girls rate her in the healthy zone! If you get one girl
who rated in the unhealthy zone, tell her you agree with her and ask her why she chose that.
Hopefully she will explain that the red shirt girl is still feeling bad and still thinks they’re talking
about her. Sometimes girls will feel it’s okay to whisper as long as they’re whispering something
nice, but it’s important to impress upon them that it’s not okay to whisper at all. Explain that the
girl who is witnessing the whispering will automatically feel left out and feel like they’re talking
about her.

Get the girls to raise their hand if they’ve ever seen other girls whispering and immediately
assumed it was about them. Whispering and telling secrets is only okay when nobody is around
to witness it.

26

Read the GirlPower Quick Tip, or GirlPower Q-tip!
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Describe the impact unhealthy friends can have on a person: the Fires get bigger, you
lose trust and respect, you feel horrible, and (most importantly) your self-esteem can go
down.
Ask the girls: “What is self-esteem?” Get them to understand that self-esteem is the way
you feel about yourself. Like confidence, someone with high self-esteem feels good
about themselves – they think they’re good at some stuff, they accept the way they
look, they feel good about who they are, etc. Someone with low self-esteem feels bad
about themselves – they think they’re bad at stuff, not pretty, not good enough, and
maybe don’t like themselves very much. Research shows that girls with unhealthy
friendships have lower self-esteem than girls with healthy friendships.
Ask the girls, “How could an unhealthy friendship lower your self-esteem?” Get the girls
to make that connection and reiterate the importance of surrounding yourself with
friends who make you feel good!

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The Friend-o-cycle is the normal cycle in a healthy relationship. Go through and explain each of the phases. Things are
fabulous with your friend, then you have a Fire (ask the girls for an example). Then, you need to confront the issue –
which means to bring it up. Then, you talk it out (which is more than a 30 second “Sorry-that’s okay-yay, best friends!”).
This is a good chance to tell the girls that when someone says “Sorry!” you do not have to respond with “That’s okay!” or
“I forgive you!” If you do not feel better about it yet, you should say, “Thank you for apologizing, but I need _______
(time to think, to talk about it more, etc.)!” After you’ve talked it out enough, you can easily move to forgiving and
forgetting. Explain that some girls forgive and forget really quickly, while others take more time. It’s important to respect
your friend’s rate at which she forgives and forgets! Then, you can feel closer and stronger with your friend. Ask the girls
how a Friendship Fire can actually make you feel closer and stronger?
There are all sorts of creative ways to demonstrate the Friend-o-cycle and get girls acting these phases out. See ideas
include:
• Get the girls in a circle and get them to turn the 6 points of the healthy friendship cycle into a clapping/chanting

game (like “Stella-Stella-Oh-La”). Stand in the middle of the circle to represent Trust and Respect. Once they get
rolling, every time it gets to Fire, the two girls who clap have to race around the circle. The first one back gets to say a
situation that could be a Fire. Do this a few times so that you end up with at least 3 or 4 examples. Finally, get the
girls to stop and ask them… “Now, what if these Fires were all with the same girl? How would this friendship rate on
the Friend-o-meter?” Get them to evaluate this friendship and make a decision about what to do. Encourage girls to
look for patterns in their friendship and pay attention to the Fires they’ve been having.
• Get the girls in groups of 8 (6 girls represent each of the phases, while two girls represent Trust & Respect). Get them
in a circle holding hands and ask ‘Trust & Respect’ to stand in the middle. Show that when all phases in the cycle are
working together (i.e. linked) then Trust & Respect cannot get out. Get the girls to imagine they confronted the issue,
but then didn’t talk it out, get the girls connecting ‘Confront the Issue’ and ‘Talk it out’ to let go of their hands. Show
how Trust & Respect can escape from the friendship! ~Thank you to Jennie Marcus of Adelaide, Australia for this
suggestion
• Divide the girls in 6 groups, where each group represents one phase. Giving each group chart paper, get them to
create a word splash relating to their phase. Bring them all together and get them to share their word splashes. (E.g.
Words to go with “Forgive and Forget” might include: let it go, forgiveness, sorry, put it in the past, move forward,
find peace in your heart, etc.)
• Prepare paper heart cut-outs in different shades of pink/red, so that there are a total of 6 hearts per shade and
enough for your entire group. (For example, if you have 42 girls in total, you would have 7 different colored hearts.)
Give each girl a heart. Get the girls to find all the other girls with the same colored heart as them. With their 6 heart
cut-outs, give them a kit containing 6 arrows and a circle with trust and respect. Get them to create their own Friend-
o-cycle using these materials. ~ Thank you to Deb Perich and Di Wilcox of Perth, Australia for this suggestion

29

Hand out the “Friend-o-meter Quiz” and read through it with the girls. It is very
important to explain the importance of keeping this quiz confidential. This quiz was not
designed with the intention of girls rating their friends; the purpose is that they start to
think about each friendship and how it makes them feel. Encourage the girls to do this in
pencil so that they can go through it thinking about all of their friendships.
If you have time, allow them to complete it there, reminding them to keep their eyes on
their own papers. Consider playing music quietly in the background while they’re
working on it.

30

Explain the social experiment to the girls. You will be surprised at how horrified they are
to do this. They will ask all sorts of questions about the “rules” (e.g. “What if someone
comes up and asks me to play with them? What do I do?”). Tell the girls they can let
other people know they’re performing an experiment, but they cannot play with anyone
or near anyone for one whole recess. Give suggestions of things they could do.
Remind the girls that their “Soles” are due on the final session.

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The most important messages to get across include:
•Friendship Fires are normal.
•Girls are naturally afraid to deal with conflict, but no relationship exists without conflict.
Conflict makes relationships stronger and girls need to learn ways to confront their
negative feelings in friendships.
•When Friendship Fires aren’t put out, they get bigger and bigger and result in choosing
inappropriate ways of dealing with negative feelings (e.g. talking behind her back,
creating alliances, ending the friendship, etc.).
•The key to putting out a Friendship Fire is to talk it out while being respectful and
honest.
•Female bullying is when a girl is mean-on-purpose. Thinking about intent is how to
distinguish between a Friendship Fire (a healthy or unhealthy friendship) and bullying.

32

Explain the purpose of the social experiment. The point was to know that they can be
alone and survive! Ask them to point out some positive things about playing alone. Say
to the girls, “Did you know research has shown that most girls would rather play with a
Toxic Friend than be alone?” Emphasize to them that they have the power to change
that statistic. Tell them that they are worth more than that and they should always
choose to be alone over playing with someone who makes them feel bad. This is also an
enlightening experience for the girls, giving them some awareness around how it might
feel to have no friends. This can help girls develop empathy, plus give girls a new
appreciation for their existing friendships.
Ask the girls if they’ve figured out what shoe symbolizes who they are. Remind them to
start working on their “Looking into your Sole” art project.

33

Quickly review the four Friendship Facts. Get the girls to say them with you!
Suggestion: Get the girls to sing them or say them in a funny accent. As us teachers
know, little tricks like this help with memorization!

34

Quickly review the Friend-o-meter. Remind the girls to increase their daily dose of
healthy friendships and limit the amount of time they spend with unhealthy friendships.

35

Review the Friend-o-cycle. Get the girls to clap with you as you say each one.
36

Read the definition and explain that a Fire can be felt by just you, just her, or both of
you. Ask if they can explain what “negative feelings” means. Some examples of
negative feelings include:
•Jealousy
•Frustration
•Anger
•Envy
•Disappointment
•Annoyed

37

Read the statements and really emphasize the word NORMAL. Ask them which
Friendship Fact this connects with, prompting them to say “Friendship Fact #1: No
friendship (relationship) is perfect.”

38

Ask the girls to list inappropriate ways to feel better if they’re in a fight with their friend.
Some examples include:
•End the friendship
•Ignore her (exclusion)
•Hang out with other friends (exclusion)
•Get others mad at her (alliance-building)
•Tell everyone what she did to get girls on your side (alliance-building)
Explain that girls need to get these negative feelings out somehow and if they do not put
the Fire out in a healthy way, they might end up choosing ‘bad’ ways of dealing with
their emotions. Express that it’s normal to have negative feelings, but it’s very
important to have appropriate ways of dealing with these feelings.

39

Read the statement and then remind the girls of the Friend-o-cycle. Fabulous Friend
Fire Confront the situation Talk it out Forgive and forget Feel closer and
stronger Fabulous Friend… Ask them how a Fire can make a relationship stronger?
Get them to explain that Friendship Fires help you learn more about each other and you
end up feeling closer and more connected.
Ask them to think of a time someone has apologized to them. After the dust had settled,
how did they feel?
Get the girls to understand that relationships can survive conflict if it’s dealt with in a
healthy manner.

40

Read the statements and reinforce that it’s important to talk about their Fires as they
arise. Being respectful and honest are paramount when managing conflict.

41

Explain the scenario and ask the girls to spot the Friendship Fire. What is the negative
feeling here? Are both girls experiencing a Fire, or is just one girl? Once they identify
that the Fire in this situation is jealousy only felt by one girl, ask them to share what they
might do in this situation. How would they extinguish this Fire?
Based on the number of girls in your program, you could have them work in small
groups, partners, or as a whole group and just raise their hand with their suggestions.
The next session is about Standing up for Yourself, so this session is really about
identifying and understanding Friendship Fires.
NOTE: If you have time, this is a great opportunity to talk about birthday parties! This is a
very sensitive, emotionally-charged topic for Tween girls and almost all of them have
had a Friendship Fire at some point or another about a birthday party. Tell the girls the
GirlPower approach to birthday party invitations (the GirlPower Q-Tip on the next slide):
Unless you are inviting EVERYONE to your party, invitations must be sent privately and
include a note about who’s invited and the importance of keeping it on the down-low!

42

Read through the GirlPower Q-Tip! Ask the girls what privately means and ensure they
understand that invitations must be sent outside of school!

43

Describe both sides of the diagram, emphasizing that a True Friend will take steps to
extinguish the Fire while a Toxic Friend will do things that spark the Fire! A good strategy
for girls is to ask themselves, “Will what I’m about to do or say make the Fire bigger or
smaller?”

44

Think back to the situations and get the girls to give examples of how girls can be mean. Start
with “Things girls say” and get the girls to give you examples. Some examples include: “You can’t
sit here!”, “You can’t be in our group!”, “You can’t be on our team!” – Ask the girls to touch their
nose if they’ve ever heard these things before. This is a great time to give them this GirlPower
Quick Tip (on the next slide): Use the word “BECAUSE”! A girl saying “You can’t sit here!” sounds
mean, whereas a girl saying “You can’t sit here because Sophie was already sitting here and just
went to the bathroom! Sorry about that!” is a lot more understandable.
Now, for “Things girls DO”, ask the girls to show you examples without saying anything at all. Get
them to stand up and show everyone what they’re doing, whether they’re rolling their eyes,
pointing and laughing, or turning their back on the group. As the girls model these ‘mean’
actions, describe why it is mean. Express that even the non-verbal things are just as bad and
sometimes worse. Both of these ways, however, create Friendship Fires. A simple eye-roll can
create a Fire in someone else!
Emphasize that we communicate a lot about how we’re feeling often without saying anything at
all. Get them to think back to the Red Shirt Girl, Blue Shirt Girl, and Green Shirt Girl example. Get
the girls to really understand what message they’re sending to their friends. If you have time, ask
the girls to, without using words, show you:
- impatient
- sad
- annoyed
- jealous
- hungry
- tired
Explain that their body language can tell a lot about how they’re feeling and it can even
sometimes send the wrong message. Get them to be aware of the messages they send with their
body and facial expressions and how those can create a Friendship Fire within someone else.

45

Reiterate the importance of using the word “because”! Explain yourself and be sure to
be honest. This also forces girls to have a good reason. Ask the question: “What if
someone wants to be my partner and I want to say NO because last time we were
partners she didn’t listen to any of my ideas and we got into a huge Friendship Fire?
What should I say?” In some cases, a girl will put up her hand and say: “I’ll say NO
because I’m going to be someone else’s partner this time.” Then ask her, “Is that the
honest reason? Remember, you have to use the word BECAUSE and be honest!” Advise
her that she should say, “NO because last time we were partners you didn’t listen to any
of my ideas and we got into a huge Friendship Fire.” This will spark an honest
conversation with your friend.
This is what GirlPower is all about: creating friendships that are transparent.

46

Read the definition and ask the girls what “intentionally” means? Explain that it means
on-purpose. Tell the girls that is how they can distinguish between a bully and a normal
friendship. Was she mean to me on purpose, or did she hurt me unintentionally? A
Bully knows she’s being mean, but does it anyways. It’s important that girls understand
the difference between bullying and a ‘normal’ conflict within a friendship; intent is
really the distinguishing characteristic.

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Read through the list and elaborate if necessary. If you have time, get the girls to give
you an example or raise their hand if they’ve ever witnessed/experienced any of these
tactics.

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Make the connection for the girls with the inappropriate ways of dealing with a Fire. Get
them to understand that choosing to react to a Fire by doing one of these things means
they are being mean-on-purpose.

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Explain to the girls that you’re going to read 3 scenarios. After you read them, you want
them to analyze the situation and decide whether it’s a case of a healthy friendship,
unhealthy friendship, or bullying? Ask the girls to put their hand on their heart if they
think it’s a healthy friend, wiggle their fingers in the air (symbolizing ‘alert, alert’) if it’s
unhealthy, and stand up if they think it’s bullying.
Here is the message for this scenario:

Sounds like a normal, healthy relationship. She didn’t do anything that was mean to
you on purpose and the fact that she took ownership was big. Of course, you need
to stand up for what is right and not get pressured into things you’re not supposed
to do. So, it’s really on you that you went along with her suggestion anyways. Ask
the girls: “Who’s the boss of you?”

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Here is the message for this scenario:
Sounds like an unhealthy relationship because she abandoned you at the last
minute with no explanation. A True Friend keeps her commitments with you. She
made you feel really bad and didn’t consider your feelings. Ask the girls: “What if
you found out she was going with someone else now!” or “What if you found out it’s
because her grandmother is really sick and she’s really not up to performing these
days!”

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Here is the message for this scenario:
This is an example of bullying. She’s being mean-on-purpose (she knows it’s wrong
to tell your secrets) and is using your “juicy information” to gain power and
popularity. She’s got the attention of the girls at your expense and is gossiping.

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Remind the girls of what is normal and what key things to think about.
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Hand out the “Toxic Friend-o-meter Quiz” and read over the instructions with the girls.
Ensure they do this privately and encourage them to think about all their friendships to
evaluate if it’s a healthy or unhealthy relationship. It is very important that girls
understand that they have choices when they’re in a Toxic Friendship. If the friendship
is low on the Friend-o-meter, causes them stress, makes them feel bad about
themselves, then it’s important they create distance with that friend. Girls need to
understand that conflict is normal in a friendship. However, relationships are a choice
and they do not or should not maintain a close friendship with someone who makes
them feel bad.

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Hand out the “Interview with Mom” and go over the instructions. Explain that the final
two statements are for them:
1. If there’s something private they’ve been wanting to talk to their mom about, during

this interview is the perfect time.
2. Get them to explain to their mom how they would like her to help when they’re

having friendship troubles. Express to the girls that their moms don’t always know
the best thing to do. “If you’re afraid your mom will call the other girl’s mom or call
the teacher or call the principal, and you don’t want her to, then you have to
communicate that to her.” Explain to them that their moms love them so much and
often react to these situations out of a protective instinct. “If you just want your
mom to give you a hug and tell you it’s okay, then tell her that!”

As an incentive, get the girls to sign the bottom portion when they’ve completed the
interview and hand it in to you to get entered in to win a prize. Be creative with the
prize – it could be a friendship bracelet, GirlPower posters or paraphernalia, a journal, or
they get to present their “Looking into your Sole” project at an assembly. It’s up to you!
Prizes can come in many forms, so choose something that works for you and your group
of girls.

Remind the girls that the “Looking into your Sole” project is optional and due the last
day.

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The most important messages to get across include:
•Standing up for yourself is not being mean. It’s a way of showing love for yourself.
•Standing up for yourself is not necessary every single time something happens.
•Standing up for yourself to a friend is done in a calm, respectful voice where you explain
how the situation made you feel and you talk it out together.
•Quick Comebacks are necessary when a girl does something mean to you on-purpose
(e.g. bullying).

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Ask the girls about their Interview with their Mom: “How did it go? Did you learn
anything interesting about your Mom?” Often girls are surprised that their Mom had
similar experiences with her friends or that their Mom still has conflict with her friends.
Reinforce how important it is that they keep those lines of communication open with
their moms and that she is a great resource for them. Remind them that their moms
have been through all the same things! It is also important to encourage girls to tell
their moms what they need from her during tough times. Often a Mom’s protective
instinct will take over and she may react in a way that is detrimental. Make sure to
remind girls that their moms love them and would do anything for them.
Let them know when their Shoe Art projects are due.

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Quickly review the four Friendship Facts. Get the girls to say them with you!
Suggestion: This time get the girls to rap them!

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Quickly review the Friend-o-meter. Remind the girls to increase their daily dose of
healthy friendships and limit the amount of time they spend with unhealthy friendships.

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Review the Friend-o-cycle and remind them this is the normal cycle of a healthy
relationship.

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It is important to let the girls know when they have to stand up for themselves.
Read through each of the situations and reinforcing that they need to stand up for
themselves when their feelings are hurt or the Fire just won’t go away. Recommend
that if they aren’t sure, take some time to think about it and if they can’t stop
thinking about it and the Fire is getting bigger, then they know they need to
confront the situation. If, after some time, the Fire seems smaller then it means it’s
not something really worth confronting and it’s likely not a big deal.
In the final point, explain that girls have a responsibility to ‘report’ if someone is
being bullied. Explain that some girls do not have the ‘tools’ to stand up for
themselves and they might need to step in and offer support. It’s important,
however, that they do not ‘gang up’ on the bully. Let the bully know her behavior is
not okay, comfort the bullied girl, and report the incident to a teacher or your
parents.

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