The Forgotten Cutchi Memon Customs of Bygone Years

The Forgotten
Cutchi Memon Customs of
Bygone Years

A Quick Review

Dr. J. M. I. Sait

PhD, FBIM, FCS,FCMA, DipMA,
DIOMI, MAAA, MENSA

©COPY RIGHT 2020-2030
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED BY THE AUTHOR

DR. J.M.I. SAIT
E-book: 2020

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2

Cutchi Memons came to Travancore around
1790 on the invitation of Raja Kesavadas, the
then Dewan under the Maharaja Karthika
Thirunal Rama Varma. Naturally, they brought
with them all the customs they were wont
to. They had, until the not very distant past,
very many interesting ritualistic customs.

The Cutchi Memon Customs were partially
derived from the Rajasthan and Punjabi culture
which had a strong influence on the community
before conversion and from the societies where
they lived after migration. The other part was
derived from the Persian culture which had a
base in the Shariah as well as the traditions of
the Arab rulers of Sindh. The customs also got
mutilated and readjusted to the changing times.
An attempt is made in this work to briefly
discuss the ceremonials as were practiced in
Thiruvananthapuram and mostly witnessed by
the author or told him by his parents and
grandparents.

3

Contents Author Profile Page

Copyright Front Cover
Contents 4
Back Cover
PART I
MARRIAGE

Introduction 8 13
Puberty 11 13
Preparations 13 17
18
Proposals 26 23
Engagement 24
33
Jagini 27
Pachchi, Pedo 30
31
Gifts 33
Invitations
Preliminaries 35
Majlises and Lawn 36
Peetthees 38
41
Mehndi 47
Sadqa 50
52
The D-Day 54
Preparing the Bride
4
Preparation of Bridegroom
Circus
Nikah

Mohwattani
Rajaa

Nekheti
Nuptial

Part II FIRST Feasts 65 54
PREGNANCY Sathado 57
Polygamy 96 59
PART III Divorce 118 61
DEATH First Pregnancy
Khoro Bharayno 66
PART IV SOME Labour 68
IMPORTANT After Care 71
OBSERVANCES Baby Care 74
Chatti and Naming 78
Head Tonsure 78
Selecting the Name 80
Announcing the Name 82
Tehneek 83
Aqeeqa 84
40th Day Bath 85
Khitan(Sunnath) 87
Anniversaries 94
Death and Funeral
Sakarath 97
Preparation for Burial 100
The Burial 106
Talqeen 108
112
Kunni 113
Mourning
Some Important Observances 119
Sufi and Shiya Influences 123
Visiting Dargahs
5

PART V Igyarain 150 125
HABITS AND Festivities of Muharram 128
134
HOBBIES The Month of Safar 137
Rabiul Awwal 138
142
Rajab and Sha’ban 146
Ramadan
The Hajj 151
157
Habits and Hobbies 159
Food Habits 160
Chewing Pan 162
Smoking 165
169
Learning Qur’an
Literacy

Tailoring and Embroidery
Forgotten Vessels and
Furniture

6

CUTCHI MEMONS OF BYGONE YEARS

MEN

WOMEN

AND
CHILDREN

7

The Forgotten
Cutchi Memon Customs

of Bygone Years

PART I
MARRIAGE

8

1. 0 INTRODUCTION
The various occasions for the customary rituals
observed by Cutchi Memons can be grouped as
follows:
A. Lifecycle performances such as Marriage, Child
birth, Sunnath, and Death
B. Religious performances during the months of
Muharram, Safar, Rabiul Awwal, Ramadan, Shawwal
and Dhulhajj.
C. Other Social Behaviour

1.1 Some Important Characters
Before we go into the details we must know the role
of certain important characters involved in the
ceremonies concerning life cycle events. They were
Dhami, Hajjam and their wives, Dai and also the
Langhis.

9

The Dhami was an official of the Memon Jamath,
responsible for carrying all communications to the
members from the Jamath Setth (head or President as
known today) as also for delivering marriage related
invitations from the members. All communications
were verbal.

Hajjam (the barber or the 'surgeon') was also an
appointee of the Jamath. He was responsible for the
invitation to and actual operation of the Sunnath
ceremony. He was also required to announce deaths.
Another character associated with Sunnath was the
Jallado (the holder) who assisted the Hajjam. Until
about 1940s we had Cutchi hajjams. Later local
persons were appointed by the Jamath. Dhami and
Jalldo were invariably members of the community.
Langhis were entertainers engaged on various
occasions, mostly comprised of Hijdas.

Dai was a traditional midwife who would assist in child
birth and after care of the mother and the child. The
term Dai originally referred to a wet nurse engaged to
breastfeed infants whose mothers either died or

10

suffered from disease or shortage of milk or refused to
breastfeed. The practice of wet nursing was prevalent
in Cutch, but doesn’t appear to have percolated down
with the migrants, possibly because the Memon
community maintained isolation from local
communities. By the middle of the last century all
these characters have vanished from Memon memory.

It is worth recalling that until about three generations
ago, even though some members of the community
did marry girls from local Muslim communities, they
did not offer their girls to men of those communities
and that the offspring from such intercommunity
marriages were neither considered as Cutchi Memons
nor as members of Cutchi Memon Jamaaths. In fact
those associated with such persons were even
boycotted.

Cutchi Memon marriage had been a prolonged and
laborious process starting from the time a girl attained
puberty. Girls were not permitted to appear before
the boys and men who are not blood relatives, once
they attained the age of 7 years. Pardah from such

11

non-Mehrams was compulsory. Certain blood relatives
like cousins eligible to be married to the particular girl
were also non-Mehrams.
2.0 PUBERTY

Girls attained puberty when 10 to 12
years of age. Cutchi Memons never celebrated
puberty in public. In fact no announcement was made
until seven days later when close relatives were
invited for a bathing ceremony followed by a milad,
known in the common parlour as Moulud. Though
there were different Seeraths used in Moulud, only
Subhana Moulud was adopted.

12

While in periods, the girl would get daily bath as usual
and was provided with plain cloth napkins and she
stayed with the family and never sent to any kind of
isolation, but she would not be allowed to partake in
household work or in any strenuous activity.

During the bathing ceremony it was the duty of the
Hajjam's wife (the Hajjamon) to prepare the girl by
cleansing the pubic hair, for the first time, and
preparing hot water, turmeric paste, green gram
(Mung) paste and dhoopdani - the pot for burning
incense, Sethak-noor (Kunthirikkam), Loban (sambrani)
etc. The girl was bathed by the mother, a
grandmother or an elderly lady of the house to whom
the mother delegated her right. After the bath the girl
would be given new clothes and a sweet, usually
phirni (Semolina- Sooji- cooked in milk and garnished
with pista, almond-badam-and cardamom). The girl
was placed in a corner and invitees sat around. The
important ceremony before lunch was called GOR.
The female members of the house and of the invitees
circulated their right hands, holding silver coins in odd

13

numbers, 1,3,or 5, about the girl's head, and dropped
them on a plate placed in front of her. The entire
collection was gathered by the Hajjamon, without
counting. The ceremony ended with a sumptuous
lunch. The whole process was said to be founded on
Rajasthani practice, excepting that the girl was not
banished during the periods.

3.O Preparations

3.1 Proposals

It was reckoned as the paramount duty of the father,
and other male members of the family in the absence
of the father, to find a suitable spouse for the girl. The
''boy meets the girl" was never practiced. Neverthe-
less, there was no anxiety on the part of the parents
for 'boy hunting'. Once the message of a girl having
matured gets circulated, usually through a grapevine
initiated by the Hajjamon or Dhami's wife, proposals
were brought in by womenfolk making friendly visits
to see the girl. As a rule, even proposals from close
relatives or other acquaintances were not accepted

14

immediately. It used to be said that, slippers would be
torn and heels scorched in repeated visits and
solicitations.

3.2 Engagement

Engagement, known as Sagai or colloquially
Sarbatpeeni, was a purely male affair. The father of
the boy accompanied by one or three male members
of the family would visit the residence of the girl’s
family, with prior appointment, and make the
proposal to the girl’s father in the presence of one or
more members of the girl’s family. The proposal when
accepted became a firm understanding, yet not a
covenant. Once such an understanding was reached
between the two families the next step was to
formalize it. A mutually convenient date for the
ceremony would be decided instantly.

Male members of the family, excluding the
prospective bridegroom, accompanied by other male
relatives and friends, would visit the girl's house.
Usually the Jamath Seth and close male relatives were

15

invited by the girl's side to be present at the function.
A senior member would formally ask for the hand of
the girl specifying his relationship with the boy and
the name of the boy's father and his nukh (clan). He
would also mention the name of the girl sought for
and of her father and the nukh, for clarity in
identification. The proposal would be responded by an
elder from the girl's side, indicating acceptance. The
engagement would be confirmed by the proposer
handing over Mooda to the acceptor. Mooda
essentially comprised of a gift of cash, a set of clothing
for the girl and a pack of sweets, usually 5¼ seers
(approximately five kilograms) of laddu or mysorepak
( mespak). The guests would then be served with
Sherbath, traditionally badamkheer, made of milk and
grated almonds (Hence the name Sarbatpeeni)
followed by tea and Nankhattai or a lunch of biriyani
as may be appropriate of the time. Thereafter started
the preparation for the marriage which took anything
between a few days and a couple of years or even
more.

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3.3 Jagini

There were quite a few formalities while the marriage
was pending. The most important of them was the
Jagini - Jagarini, the Reminder. Immediately after the
engagement the boy's mother or a sister or other
relative, accompanied by close female relatives would
visit the girl's house. The team carried a pack of
sweets, usually mespak. The would be mother-in-law
would put a gold bangle, Kangan, on the right hand of
the girl as a token of the confirmation of the
relationship and her acceptance of the girl as a
member of the family. The girl, in turn, would kiss her
hand as a token of gratitude. The individual members
of the team would give cash gifts in turn when the girl
kisses their right hand. This was known as Hath
Chummani. The protocol was significant in that the
first one to offer her hand must be the would be
mother-in-law or whoever took her place. Then
followed others according to the nearness of
relationship to the boy, and seniority in age.

17

The visits were repeated during the pendency of the
engagement as many times as occasions arose. Similar
visits would take place by the womenfolk of the girl's
household to the boy's to get acquainted with the
boy's relatives. This was the old form of the present
day 'Kitchen Viewing'.

If Ramadan or an Eid intervened, sweets and dresses
were exchanged by both sides by ceremonial visits. In
Ramadan it was mandatory to send food and sharbat
for Iftar by each side. Though no hard and fast rules
were observed, the timings corresponded to 15th and
27th of the month. Dresses or suitable dress material
was also exchanged for Eids, particularly for Eidul Fitr.
Non-observance of this formality was viewed with
contempt and was sufficient ground to break-up an
alliance.

3.4 Pachchi and Pedo

The dowry and the dower. People in those days
considered it utterly shameful to ask for dowry. It was
upto the bride's parents or guardians to decide what

18

they should give the girl as Pachchi, the dowry,
according to their affordability. The Cutchi Memon
women had no right to property until 31st October
1938 as the Memon community was governed by the
Kutchi Memon (Hindu) Act. Yet there was no demand
for any property transfers or gifts by way of dowry. In
fact many families did not even consider land gifts in
terms of Pachchi. Nevertheless, it was a customary
responsibility of the girl’s parents to provide for the
establishment of a household for the newly weds. The
girl's family, therefore, gave her Khat Paathar (bed and
household utensils), originally in kind which later got
reduced to cash as a token. It was a routine custom to
bring special type of Cutchi or Sindhi furniture all the
way from Cutch. In the more recent times it has
reappeared as gifts of residential flats, cars and other
expensive paraphernalia, forcibly demanded as
supplements to dowry. Yet, there are a few families
that religiously stick to no-dowry ideal.

19

The Pachchi basically included one or more sets of
gold ornaments and five, seven, nine or eleven sets of
apparel. Three and thirteen were considered
inauspicious. Similarly plain white and black fabrics
were also never given, unless they were embroidered
with gold or silver thread or furnished with Zari, Badlo,
Chamkis, mirror bits etc. Ornaments, on a minimum,
invariably included a necklace, a forehead tab (LaNi
Teklo) and a pair of bangles.

Bride with Pattori (dupatta) Pedo signifies the
and LaNi Teklo (Mang Tikko) bridegroom's gift to the
bride. Conceptually, the
parents of the girl are
supposed to be giving
away the girl in body and
soul, not in wraps. So,
pedo consisted of the
dress, including under
garments and jewelry
that she shall wear at the
time of solemnization of

20

the marriage and until she is permitted to retire to

bed. During this time she was not allowed to wear

anything other than what was provided to her as pedo.

Interestingly, pedo also contained all the cosmetics,

perfumes and even toiletries needed for and

mandated to be used in bridal preparations. The dress

included two important

things. A Misser (a short

mafta type head scarf) and a

Khombi ( a well decorated

veil usually made of heavy

silk styled as Bandhni, tie and

Misser dye fabric very specific of
Cutchi wardrobe) to cover

from head to knees. Most families possessed the

Missar and Khombi as ancestral property, and made

available, on a returnable basis, for the marriages in

the family.

There weren’t any jewelleries with large collections.
So buying readymade items was not common.
Ornaments were made by goldsmiths who were

21

summoned home. They helped in buying the gold and
the stones. Old jewels available with the family could
also be cleaned and polished for inclusion in Pachchi
or Pedo, as the case may be. Alternatively the old ones
were melted and new pieces fabricated by adding
some virgin gold. The jewels were made at the user’s
residence or the goldsmith’s place of work, under
instructions of the lady of the house and according to
the designs, models and modifications desired by her.
Though there were no ceremonies attached,
goldsmiths insisted on selecting auspicious days
according to their custom for buying gold and
commencing the work, not being a day of Nahs. Friday
after Jum’a was preferred while Wednesdays and
Saturdays were avoided. Gold was never used for the
Jhanjer (anklet) or Metti (toe ring) as it was
considered demeaning the royal metal to wear it on
the feet.

Similarly all clothes were stitched by the tailors and
seamstresses and embroidered by the women at
home or women hired for that purpose, as readymade

22

garments had not yet made their entry in the market.
Fabrics were brought home by vendors and shop
keepers for selection by the ladies. Choice of days for
buying fabrics was also in keeping with the custom
related to gold, with the addition that Tuesdays were
also shunned. There were interesting beliefs in
avoiding these dates. Tuesdays being days of fire, new
clothes bought or even worn, for the first time, on
that day were likely to catch fire. Wednesdays
represented a heavy planet. So any work begun on
that day would tend to be heavy and so tardy,
delaying everything. Saturday was universally believed
to be a day of Nahs, good for nothing, probably arising
from the Jewish concept of Sabath, the day of rest and
no work or the Indian concept of Saturn as one
causing impediments and havoc.

3.5 Gifts to and by close relatives

Common to both sides, it was, and continues to be,
customary to make gifts of new clothes to the near
relatives and members of the household. In turn the
girl's relatives were also expected to make

23

contributions towards pachchi. Two important gifts
came from the grandparents, known as Nanathro and
Dadathro, meaning gifts from mother's parents and
father's parents respectively. If such grandparents
were not alive then a senior uncle from the family
concerned discharged the obligation. The gifts used to
be sets of gold or silver jewelry. In course of time
these mutual gifts became token cash payments in
lieu. Relatives whose hands were to be kissed by the
bride and / or bridegroom were, expected to make
small gifts, Hath Chummani and Gor, Charity.
Collections became the property of the one who
received it and eventually of his / her family; but all
collections after Nikah went to the husband.

3.6 Invitations

Inviting relatives and friends had always been a sticky
affair. Close relatives must, at any cost, be invited by
the father or guardian personally. In the case of
relatives living away from the place, and where the
father or guardian was unable to travel for some
reason, a responsible male member, a son or brother,

24

of the family could be delegated, with offers of
apologies and salaams, to make personal invitation on
his behalf. Where a physical approach was decidedly
impractical personal hand written letters could be
substituted. Printed and incognito invitation cards
were not existent and never accepted. Even a
handwritten postcard was valued higher than an
impersonal printed invitation. With the advent of
invitation cards it became a fanciful extravagance on
one hand while people started demanding cards in
addition to personal invitations, on the other. Close
friends also expected similar personal invitation, from
a member of the family, including the bridegroom.

It was a time when almost all the members of the
Memon community lived close to each other. The
Dhami of the Jamaath concerned was engaged to
invite the members, irrespective of whether related or
not. Two conditions applied. First, personal invitations
should have been completed before Dhami could
commence his work. Second, the Jamaath Setth

25

should have been personally invited and his
permission obtained to engage the Dhami.

Interestingly, the bridegroom, his parents and
members of the household had to be compulsorily
invited by the bride's parents or guardians, if they
were to attend the Nikah, despite the fact that both
sides were involved in deciding on the alliance. The
mother-in-law to be and all the ladies of the house
must be invited personally by a lady having delegated
authority. The usual invitation was addressed to the
senior most person to attend the Nikah, refreshments
and Seerani along with their friends and relatives.

4.0 PRELIMINARIES

The period just prior to the Nikah used to be long,
extending upto one month, though it got reduced to a
week and then to a day in the present time. The long
periods were characterized by a number of events
both at the bride's and bridegroom's residences.
Essentially it was a time to receive friends and
relatives and to entertain them according to the

26

affordability of the parties concerned. Pandals used to
be erected, and decorated tastefully, for the purpose.
There is an old adage saying 'Mhedi todi ne mandwo
addayo' pointing to the extravagance of demolishing
palatial buildings and putting up pandals for marriages
in their place.

4.1 Majlises and Lawns

Month long majlises, where friends, relatives, and
neighbours would come to meet and participate in fun
and merry making marked the order of the day. They
were rather expensive gatherings, held separately at
both the houses. For the rich it was, in a way, show off
while for the not so rich it was a dreadful experience
of being driven to a corner from where there was no
escape. Typically the majlises were held after Isha
prayers, in the pandal, after closure of the day's
business, as Memons in those days were generally
traders or attached to some trading establishments
which worked until late in the evening. There would
be no Majlis once the peetthi started. The girl was
already restrained, and the boy too would be

27

compelled to stay indoors and not to expend his
energies by going out or contacting with outsiders.
The confinement was known as Wannai – the process
of making him a bridegroom. On non-marriage
situations if a boy sat indoors, shying outside contacts,
he was mocked at saying, “Chokro Wannai Vittho Ahe”

(The boy is in a state of Wannai)

Visitors were served with tea and
Nankhattai or biscuits, sarbats and
pan of various descriptions - mittho
(sweet), kharo (spicy), banarasi,
khoprewaro (stuffed with dried
coconut flakes) and khollo (free style,
where the chewer could opt for well laid out
ingredients of his / her choice. Large one foot high
brass or enamelware Thockdanis (spittoons) placed all
around in the pandal were a magnificent sight.

The majlises at the girl's had attractions of fun making
and hilarious songs by Langhis, the traditional singer
dancers. Admission was restricted to women, girls and
boys below 12. Yet the menfolk enjoyed the fun in the

28

lyrics from outside. At times the
songs assumed lewd dimensions
but were relished by one and all.
Burkhas were sparingly used;
ladies arrived well covered, older
ones in Millayos (black wraps),
younger ones in fancy shawls, over highly
embroidered Aabas (ankle deep gowns)

One of the common rituals associated with the
Majlises was Lawn. Lawn had two components. In the
first, platefuls of badam (almond), pistachios, cashew
nuts, elachi (cardamom), laung (cloves), toffees,
lozenges or other sweets (one item per day) were
circulated around the bride / bridegroom’s head and
thrown upwards for the fun loving friends and
children to pick them up. The second part, every
visitor was presented with a plateful of the lawn of the
evening, in silver, brass, ceramic, glass or enameled
plates, sometimes wrapped in silk roomals (kerchiefs).
Visitors also used to bring their own roomals, just in
case they had to the carry plates and the contents.

29

Paper, cloth or jute bags were not used. As the
residences were fairly close to each other there were
no much carrying problems. Bride's Majlises had one
extra item of Mehndi ji Lawn where cups of Mehndi
paste were gifted to the visiting ladies. Some times
women and children would gather early enough to
have the Mehndi applied to their hands and feet, in
situ. My Nanima possessed a small beautiful attar
(perfume) bottle which she had received at an Attar
Lawn, the only one extremely rare lawn she had
witnessed.

4.2 Peetthees

Peetthees were the domestic equivalents of Health
Spa meant to rejuvenate the would-be couple. The
bride and the bridegroom were prepared by the
Hajjamon and the Hajjam respectively at their
respective homes. The two got paid handsomely for
their services which included preparation of material
for various Peetthies, giving body massage and helping
in hot water baths. Peethies were applied only during
the last one week or ten days prior to Nikah. They

30

included Tel ji Peetthi (oil massage), Mongen ji peetthi
(green gram paste), Dawayen ji peetthi (paste made of
an assort of cosmetic herbs followed by bath in hot
water boiled with medicinal barks and leaves), Hyder ji
peetthi (Turmeric paste), and finally Sandal ji peetthi
(Sandal paste). Hyder and Sandal were usually applied
ceremoniously by family members who had to be
specially invited. In the case of the bride the invitation
went from the lady of the house. On the peetthi days
the bride was not permitted to attend any household
work and was made to stay confined to a specific
room or a corner.

4.3 Mehndi

Peetthies concluded with a ceremony of reddening
the middle of palms, tips of fingers and toes, and feet
of the girl with small lumps of ground henna, over and
above the colour now fading after the Mhendi ji lawn,
if held. Decorative artwork or stencils were not in
vogue. While Peetthies were limited to the same sex
members of the respective families, the Mehndi
participation was wider. Both the families joined the

31

functions at each other’s place, attendance at the
girl's residence being confined strictly to women and
children.

A Mhendi ceremony was also held at the boy’s place.
ceremony that used to have a slightly different
character in that the would- be - mother-in-law would
place a small lump of Mehndi in the left hand of the
boy, the right hand being the prerogative of his
mother or an elder sister. Where the boy was still
under-aged, not having attained manhood, more
women relatives could join in decorating his fingers
too. The present day Mehndi function where the boy
and girl are smeared with sandal and Mehndi all over
the face was not known in those days, except as a way
of teasing by intimate friends. The functions were
much orderly and disciplined.

One common factor was the Gor, the proceeds of
which were shared between the Hajjam and Dhami at
the boy’s and Hajjamon and Dhami’s wife at the girl’s.

32

4.4 Sadqa

Sadqa in kind was mandatory for both sides.
Depending on affordability, a goat or a rooster was
given away live as sadqa together with a measure of
rice and a set of new clothing after they are circulated
about the head of the bride / bridegroom, just before
setting out for nikah. The usual recipient was the
Hajjam. Interestingly, only a black beast or black fowl
was given as sadqa.

5.0 THE D-DAY

With the previous evening’s influx of guests and allied
halla-gullas settled, the day started with breakfast for
the guests staying with the hosts. As there was no
system of hotels or third party function halls, guests
used to be accommodated in neighbours' or relatives'
houses nearby as well in the pandal itself. Traditionally
the breakfast would include either mani (roti) or
baked bread (double roti, the predecessor of today’s
sliced bread) served with gravy or soup made of the of
the offal of goats slaughtered for lunch, such as liver

33

and kidneys. If the barat (bride groom's party) came
from outside then it was the responsibility of the
bride's family to provide them with appropriate
accommodation and food from the time of their
arrival until departure back home.

Prior to proceeding with the arrangements for the
Nikah two things were mandatory. One, girl’s father
and the boy’s father should get a clearance from the
Jamath Seth and pay the Lago (Fee for recognizing the
marriage). If the bridegroom belonged to a different
Jamaath, written clearance from the Seth of that
Jamaath was also needed. The clearances were
required as a social security measure to ensure that
the bridegroom was genuinely eligible to marry.

It was the prerogative and privilege of the Qazi of the
bride’s Jamaath to conduct the proceedings of Nikah,
part of which he might, at his sole discretion, delegate
to any other qualified person, who could be a priest or
even an elderly relative. However, he could act only
under instructions from the Setth and on production
of the clearance, written or oral.

34

5.1 Preparing the Bride

The Pedo would be sent to the bride’s place in good
time for her to be prepared, bathed, perfumed,
clothed and decorated. It would be sent either the
previous evening or latest early in the morning. As a
custom the box containing the materials of Pedo were
carried by a contingent of young boys under the
stewardship of a responsible adult. On delivery of the
box the carriers were entertained with sherbath or
sweets. The kids demanded a fee for bringing the box
and the recipients were bound to honour the demand,
of course with some bargaining.

The womenfolk from the boy’s side would go directly
to join the ladies of the bride’s side. They would
normally carry with them a consignment of sweets.
The contingent would be received by the mother or a
senior lady of the house. Separate quarters or
portions of the pandal would have been set apart for
women, properly isolated with pardahs as there was
no question of their mingling with men at any stage.

35

By then the bride should
have offered two rakaats of
Nafil namaz after taking
bath and wearing the dress
and jewels that came as
Pedo and seated with her
face veiled with Khombi.

Bride in Khombi

5.2 Preparing the Bridegroom

The bridegroom assisted by the Hajjam would take
bath, offer two rakaats of Nafil Namaz and change
over to new clothes, a Shervani specially made for the
occasion. It was also customary to wear an Aabo, a
waist coat and Ijar (an improvised pair of pyjamas)
instead.

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Aabo Sadhriyo

Sherwani

The more spectacular items on the costume were a
ceremonial Paag (turban) and Sadhriyo (embroidered
half coat). Some households maintained these items

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as their ancestral treasure to be used by the
bridegrooms and occasionally by the heads of families
as symbols of honour and exaltation. Certain Jamaaths
possessed similar things for use by the Jamaath Setth
on ceremonial occasions and also to be lent to the
bridegrooms who needed them.

5.3 The Circus

Like the Majlises the Nikah was also a late nightly
affair. Occasionally the Nikah used to be performed in
a nearby mosque immediately after Isha prayers. But
mostly this was not possible as the ceremony had to
be postponed hours after the masjid doors were
closed, for two reasons. First, after the shops are
closed people went home for dinner and then only
assembled for the function. Second, as a strong
custom of those days, the bridegroom had to be taken
round the Mohalla, the neighbourhood, of the bride’s
residence for the people to see. This was known as
Gott ji Circus (the bridegroom’s perambulation). It had
a hidden purpose of prompting, as the final social

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security measure, disclosure of any adverse opinion or
earlier marriages or commitments on the part of the
bridegroom that might adversely affect the bride, by
any one having such information or knowledge.
However, very rarely such disclosures had resulted in
the cancellation of the marriage.

The circus was originally with the bridegroom riding
on horseback, a white stallion being the preferred one,
and baratis accompanying on foot. Haji Abdul Sathar
Sait of Talassery came on an elephant to marry my
father’s eldest half sister, Aasi Bai (Ayisha Bai).

The entire procession moved so slowly as if the sun
was not going to rise and they had all the night to
themselves. Another beauty of the circus was the
petromax lights, carried on heads, that illuminated the
entire route so brilliantly. In those days the bride-
groom also wore a Sehro, a flowery veil. Over time the
horse and the Sehro disappeared, and the bridegroom
joined the walkers. With the advent of pleasure cars
the circuses became vehicle mounted, although

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moving at snail’s speed as before. It was, evidently,
hours of pleasure for the children, particularly the
young nephews to ride the car seated majestically
beside the Gott. Soon after 1947 or around early 50s
the ceremony of circus and the petromax lights
disappeared totally.

Petromax Baby Light Petromax Light

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5.4 The Nikah

The procession stopped at a convenient distance from
the pandal where the party was expected to be
formally received. It was the duty and privilege of the
bride’s brother, however young or old he might be, to
garland and receive the bridegroom while the father
or other authorized persons welcomed the baratis
with garlands and sprinkling rosewater from a
Gulabdani. The bridegroom would be presented with
a specially made bouquet of flowers. His garland also
was heavy and specially made for the occasion.

It was an established custom that the bridegroom
should leave his footwear at the entrance. The boys,
cousins and nephews of the girl, waited nearby ready
to steal them. They would, later when he would need
them, bargain for a ransom (Mitthai ja paisa) for their
return, despite being ridiculed as ’Chappal Chor”.

Seating of the guests and certain others had a rigorous
protocol. The bridegroom had a central place, on a
decorated cushion or mattress (gadhlo) or if there was

41

a platform, then a majestic chair. The Qazi sat on his
left and his father, or the senior most barati, on the
right, the Jamaath Setth occupying the seat next on
the right. Then the elders from both sides were seated
in close proximity to these gentlemen as the space
would permit.

The proceedings of the Nikah started with a
ceremonial Eijab and Qubool process. Two men, who
were not closely related to the girl or were not
involved in arranging the alliance, were appointed by
the Qazi, as shawayids-witnesses- to enquire with the
girl and confirm her consent to being married to the
particular person, the bridegroom. Customarily, one of
them used to be the Setth or his nominee and the
second any senior person present, known for his
impartiality. A third person, ostensibly familiar with
the girl’s voice, would lead them to the area set apart
for women, partitioned with opaque pardah. The girl
would be seated close enough to the partition. The
two enquirers approach the girl from outside, one of
the enquirers would declare the name of the

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bridegroom and his father’s name and ask her if she
was willing to be married to him for a stated amount
of Mahar (consideration for the marriage) and if she
would give her free consent for the nikah to be
performed. The girl would normally give her consent,
although in a feeble voice. Some lady from inside
would also announce that the girl has uttered her
consent. The enquirers return to the majlis and
publicly announce the consent.

Cutchi Memons of Thiruvananthapuram observed the
principle of Mahar Fatimi. The amount of Mahar was
uniform and commonly accepted as a token figure.
The earliest known figure was seven Kallis (Fanams,
pronounced as Panam; seven Fanams made a rupee).
It was later increased to two rupees, then five and to
ten rupees which stayed at that figure until 1965.

According to the Shariah only the father of the girl is
the rightful person to perform the nikah if he is alive.
Otherwise it could be a paternal uncle and in his
absence, a male member of the father’s family; in the
absence of any such eligible person it could be a male

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guardian. If none such is available the girl can
nominate any man as her Vakil. In such circumstances
the Setth or the Qazi himself can assume the
responsibility. Any of the above authorized individuals
can delegate the power to yet another person, out of
regard for seniority or respect, as Vakil.
The process continued with the Qazi making a short
speech in which he would announce that Nikah is part
of the Prophet’s Sunnah, how Allah had blessed
various prophets and their wives as virtuous pairs, and
describe the mutual responsibilities of the husband
and wife. The speech made in Cutchi orUrdu was
followed by a qutba in Arabic, more or less to the
same effect. Though its contents were notfully
understood, it did add to the sanctity and solemnity of
the occasion. Thereafter, he would dictate to the girl’s
father, or the Vakil, phrases to be formally uttered by
him, saying that he was giving the girl to him as his
legal wife, in marriage by nikah, for a specified sum of
money, in terms of the currency currently in use, as
Mahar. This was repeated three times. The Qazi then
dictated the phrases of acceptance to the bridegroom

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to the effect that he, the bridegroom, accepted the
named girl as his lawful wife for a consideration of the
stated amount of Mahar in the specified currency. The
bridegroom repeated the words thrice. The utterances
constituting the nikah were given in a loud whisper
good enough for the relatives, one from each side,
designated as witnesses to the Nikah, sitting close by,
to hear. The marriage contract was then solemnized
by rendering an appropriate prayer for the wellbeing
of the newly wedded couple.

It had always been expressed as a solemn wish of
every bride and her mother to hear the vows of nikah
but they had to be satisfied with the sermon and the
concluding Fatiha that were made aloud. No
nikahnama or other document was in use.
Introduction of a marriage register was a later
development around 1935 or so.

Soon after the nikah the bridegroom kissed the elders’
hands in certain order – the Qazi, father, father-in-law,
Jamaath Setth, elders on the dais according to

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seniority – guided by the father or a knowledgeable
elder. Other relatives, friends and guests would greet
him by hugging, no kissing of hands. In the meantime
the audience would be served with a sherbat.

Giving expensive or packaged gifts or presents was not
there in the original schema except the contributions
of Nanathro and Dadathro towards Pachchi.
Sometimes, presents from aunts could be added to
this. However, on ceremonial occasions that follow,
where Hath Chummani was invoked, the bride and the
bridegroom were given small amounts of cash as a
token of blessing, originally two Koris or its equivalent.
A Kori was the smallest denomination of currency of
Cutch. In Travancore it was two two fanams. Odd
number of coins were generally discouraged and
avoided in making such cash gifts. The same custom
prevailed when the new couple would visit elder
relatives, first time after marriage and kissed their
hands in reverence. In some households the visiting
couple were given two whole coconuts tied together,
following an older custom.

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5.5 Mohwatani

The first ceremony following the nikah was the
Mohwatani, showing or seeing the face of the bride,
colloquial Moptani. Soon after the greetings and
salutations at the dais were over, the bridegroom
would be taken by the bother-in-law to the ladies’
enclosure. By then the bride would have been shifted
to a separate room or enclosure where she would sit,
her face still veiled by the Khombi. The bride had all
along, since she put on the dress that came as Pedo,
been sitting veiled by the Khombi. Nobody, male or
female had the right or permission to unveil her, even
for feeding, until the nikah was over and the
bridegroom had lifted the veil and seen her face.
Anybody, knowingly or unknowingly, contravening this
rule was condemned as causing the marriage nullified,
even if it were the bride herself exposing her face
except in perfect seclusion. The bridegroom would be
led by a married sister or cousin to this room.

Now came the turn of young and adolescent girls to
fleece the bridegroom. They blocked his entry to the

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bride’s room asking for a compensation for losing
their sister to him. A bargain would continue until an
older girl or an adult intervened as a mediator to fix
the amount. The bridegroom would accept and pay
before entering.

The door was closed after he entered, the sister
standing guard outside to prevent anyone

inadvertently trying to enter
or to peep into it. Once in the
reserved enclosure the
bridegroom gained the right
and privilege to lift the veil
and see his bride’s face.

He would then adorn her with a gold ring on her third
finger of the right hand (ring finger), which she would
honour and keep on
the finger as a token
of their bounden
relationship and
mutual devotion
forever. The girl, in

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turn, would reciprocate by putting a ring on his ring
finger. The bridegroom would feed her half a glass of
sweetend milk, after he shall have taken a half first.
He should then press a piece of sugarcandy (Kalkandu,
Sakkar) into her mouth. (Incidentally Sakkar in Cutchi
also means a kiss.)

Mohwattani also served as an opportunity of
acquainting for the two who might not have seen each
other earlier; boy seeing the girl before marriage did
not exist as a part of the process.

After finishing mohwattani the bride and the bride-
groom would leave the room to be taken by the lady
on guard to the ladies’ assemblage. They would first
kiss the hands of his mother, if present, his elder
sisters and other elders. He would then kiss the hands
of the mother-in-law and elder relatives present, none
else, under the guidance of his mother or an aunt or a
sister, followed by the bride. It was also customary for
the mother-in-law to present the so-in-law with a ring
or a bracelet and for the other ladies to gift cash, as
Hath Chummani. It was also a practice to make a Gor.

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5.6 Rukhsat or Raja (Farewell)

Invariably the girl would be taken away, after the
ceremonies were done with, to the bridegroom’s
residence. Close relatives and friends were invited to
the ceremonial farewell which involved a formal
handing over of the bride to her newly acquired
mother- in- law by placing her right hand in the
latter’s right hand. A copy of Holy Qur’an and a
Musalla (a prayer mat) were then placed in her hands.
The entourage was provided with a pack of sweets;
food, usually biriyani, in a non-returnable Deg (a large,
specially designed, tin-lined copper vessel for cooking
biriyani), and accompaniments that go with it. The
Peda box, would be the last item to accompany. Both
the boy and the girl kiss the hands of the parents of
the girl, friends and relatives in attendance. No cash
gifts were made on this occasion.

The couple would travel to their residence in a
Rikshaw. It was also a practice to take the bride in a
bullock cart or Judka, single horse drawn cart,
accompanied by the sister or a cousin of the

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