2022-06-01 Reader's Digest

The Healthy

Nuts Benefit GET
Breast Cancer MOVING
Survivors FOR YOUR
MENTAL
Studies have already HEALTH
shown that consuming
from top: EyEEm/GEtty ImaGEs. Istockphoto/GEtty ImaGEs nuts on a regular basis More than 500 million their maximum
reduces your risk for people live with depres­ heart rate.
heart disease and can sion or anxiety, condi­
help control type 2 tions that for many To alleviate
diabetes. Now we’ve were exacerbated by depression, one solu­
learned that eating a the COVID-19 pandemic. tion is to spend less
handful of nuts a day However, two new stud­ time sitting, according
also lowers a woman’s ies show that regular to a study in Frontiers in
chances of breast can­ physical exercise can Psychiatry. Researchers
cer recurring by half— alleviate symptoms. found that people who
and the risk of dying spent more time on
from the disease by one A University of the couch looking at
third, according to a Gothenburg clinical screens early in the pan­
study published in the trial found that most demic were more likely
International Journal patients with anxiety to be depressed than
of Cancer. These health who did 12 weeks of those who got up and
benefits apply to every aerobic and strength moved more frequently.
type of nut, all of which training saw major
are rich in nutrients— improvements—and the Exercise may help
such as unsaturated more vigorously people ease symptoms of
fatty acids and anti­ worked out, the more anxiety and depression
oxidants—that can their anxiety symptoms by releasing feel­good
help prevent or stop lessened. For example, chemicals called
the growth of breast participants who endorphins, stimulating
cancer cells. exercised for an hour the growth of nerve cell
three times a week and connections in brain
reached 75 percent of regions that regulate
their maximum heart mood and take the
rate became more mind off negative
relaxed than those who thoughts. RD
attained 60 percent of

Rd.com 49

Reader’s Digest

LAUGHTER I wish days-of-the-
week underwear were
The best Medicine still a thing so I would
know what day of the
week it is.
— @Lhlodder

A turtle walks into a away. This goes on It’s Nick’s first post-
bar and orders a glass for a few days until college apartment, and
of water. The bartender the bartender finally he is showing it off to a
hands the turtle the asks, “Instead of water, friend. The big attrac-
water and watches it wouldn’t you like a tion: a large brass gong
slowly walk off. The beer? A snack?” in the living room.
next day, the turtle “What’s the gong for?”
returns and orders “Not now!” shouts asks his friend.
another glass of water, the turtle. “My house
then, again, inches is on fire!” “It’s not a gong. It’s
a talking clock,” says
Source: btoktiktok.com Nick.

“A talking clock?
How does it work?”

“Watch,” says Nick.
He picks up a hammer
and gives the gong an
ear-shattering pound.

Suddenly, from the
other side of the wall,
a neighbor screams,
“You @#$%!!! It’s 2:30
in the morning!”

Source: watchuSeek.com

How worried should
a cat owner be if the
neighbor’s dog is
named Curiosity?
—Bob Greenwade
Corvallis, Oregon

50 june 2022 Cartoon by Dave Blazek

The Healthy

And now, some a-dolt ON FATHER’S DAY,
humor: EVERY DAD IS A SUPERHERO
✦✦A dolt wanted to buy
personalized license Deadpool actor Ryan Reynolds has a unique
plates, but he couldn’t perspective on parenthood, which he shares
afford them. So he
changed his name on his Twitter feed, @VancityReynolds.
to JKM345.
✦✦A dolt, walking My daughter No matter
down the street, sees loves being buried which kids book I
a banana peel ahead up to her neck in sand read to my screaming
and says, “Here we at the beach. Her baby on an airplane,
go again.” little face lights up the moral of the story
✦✦A dolt and her father when I come back to is always something
are in their yard when get her the next day. about a vasectomy.
the father says, “Look,
a dead bird.” The dolt Nothing I’d walk
looks up and says, better than the through fire for my
“Where?” simple joys of finding daughter. Well not
5 bucks in an old FIRE, because it’s
I’d like to teach y’all a pair of pants, or dangerous. But a
Southern phrase that discovering my wife super humid room.
will help you get off a and I had a second But not too humid,
phone/Zoom/Facetime daughter over because my hair.
call you don’t want to
be on but don’t have an a year ago.
excuse to leave. Allow
Bruce Glikas/Getty imaGes me to introduce you to A friend tricked me into going
the power of “Well, let to Wimbledon by telling me
me let you go.” it was a men’s singles event.
— @_saracannon
—Comedian Angela Barnes
Got a funny joke?
It could be worth $$$. Rd.com 51
For details, go to
rd.com/submit.



Brian Welker/Getty imaGes Reader’s Digest

WHERE, OH WHERE?

B uilding this stretch of road was
not easy, and neither is hiking the
ten-mile trail that begins here. The
road and trail offer spectacular views
of grassy slopes, glaciers, alpine mead-
ows, and peaks along the Continental
Divide. Located in a national park (for
more on the parks, turn to page 36), the
mountains you see feature contrasting
red and green argillite, a sedimentary
rock formed by the ancient Belt Sea
more than half a billion years ago. But
where are they? (Answer on page 115.)

A Siyeh Pass, Montana
B Grand Teton, Wyoming
C Uinta Range, Utah
D Pegasus Peak, Idaho

Rd.com | june 2022 53

COVER STORY

THE FUTURE OF

From self-driving cars to space travel,
we answer your questions about

where technology is heading

By Chris Stokel-Walker

illustrations by Tavis Coburn

54 june 2022

Rd.com 55

Reader’s Digest Cover Story

very day, it seems, a new techy term
pops up, leaving us non-techies
asking questions in what sounds
like a foreign language. “What is
an NFT?” for example. And “Where,
exactly, is the metaverse?” If you’re
confused, you’re not alone.

While it might feel as if technology

is speeding up, it follows a predictable

formula called Moore’s Law, which

has correctly predicted the pace of WHEN WILL I HAVE

human advancements in technology A SELF-DRIVING CAR?

for nearly six decades. Moore’s Law

suggests that the number of transis- Like the jetpacks sci-fi writers have

tors on a computer chip will double promised us since the 1920s, the vi-

about every two years. This is a reli- sion of a self-driving car that whisks

able indicator of how much and how us to work while we read the news

quickly technology will change. has proved to be more problematic to

And while Moore’s Law has held implement in practice than in theory.

true for all this time, it hasn’t stopped S o - c a l l e d a d v a n c e d d r i v e r-

other key trends in tech from acceler- assistance system (ADAS) features are

ating far faster than computer available in some cars, such

chips can keep pace. China hopes as Tesla’s electric cars, but

From a new space race to increase sales they’re not what would be

pitting billionaires like Elon of self-driving considered self-driving. Tes-

Musk and Jeff Bezos against cars to 20% la’s autopilot tool can help

each other to big advance- by 2030. you stay in your lane while

ments in the artificial intel- driving on the highway, but it’s

ligence, or AI, that powers robots graded only a Level 2 on the five-stage

and self-driving cars, we will answer system of automation developed by

some crucial questions to keep you on SAE International, a driving standards

the cutting edge of the future of tech. organization. Level 5 would be a full

56 june 2022

self-driving experience with hands off or near the wheel—to around 20 per-
the steering wheel. We aren’t there yet. cent of the total by 2030.

But that’s in the United States. What works in China might not
Look farther afield and the future work elsewhere, admits Duden-
is closer. “If you look at China, the höffer—not least because of differing
big cities like Shanghai and Shen- attitudes about how data should be
zhen have self-driving cars do- used. Chinese citizens might accept
ing passenger transportation,” says having the journeys of their vehicles
Ferdinand Dudenhöffer, director of tracked and analyzed to improve traf-
the Center for Automotive Research in fic flows, but Americans may be reluc-
Duisburg, Germany. The self-driving tant to agree to that tracking. Privacy
taxis, which are run by Chinese auto concerns may stymie the promise of
and tech giants, are part of a country- kicking back on your commute. Self-
wide plan to increase the sales of driving cars must constantly generate
Level 4 vehicles—which allow driv- data from their sensors and software
ers to switch off mentally while still to make driving decisions—otherwise
requiring them to keep their hands on they would crash.

Rd.com 57



Cover Story Reader’s Digest

QUESTION NO.2

WHAT IS THE METAVERSE?

You’ve likelY been unable to avoid strongly it believes in the future of the

talk of the metaverse in the past metaverse. Founder Mark Zuckerberg

few months. The term, first coined wants a billion of us to live, work, and

by sci-fi author Neal Stephenson in play in the metaverse by 2030.

a 1992 novel, has become a vision of But Hackl warns people not to view

the future of technology in our lives. the social media giant as the center

And if the hype is to be believed, it’s of the metaverse. “It’s not just one

where we’ll be living the rest of our company,” she says. “No single com-

digital lives. pany can build it, either.” It’s also not

“The metaverse is a further conver- enabled by a single technology, even

gence of our physical and digital lives,” though right now the way to “enter” the

says Cathy Hackl of Futures Intel- metaverse is to strap on a pair of

ligence Group, a consultancy. You could virtual reality goggles.

Put plainly, the metaverse is order food in a While the early running

a 3D virtual space that can virtual McDonald’s may be made by Meta, the

be accessed through virtual and have it momentum will be picked

reality goggles, adding ele- delivered. up by others. And just be-

ments of the digital on top of cause we have an idea of what

our day-to-day lives. You could at- the metaverse will look like now, it

tend concerts and conferences in the doesn’t mean that’s what it’ll end up

metaverse, staged in a 3D digital rep- as, Hackl cautions. “The way I explain

resentation of a nightclub or confer- it is we’re in a high-speed train, desti-

ence center. Elsewhere, you’ll shop for nation metaverse,” she says. “We don’t

shoes in a virtual Nike store or order know the stops, but we kind of know

food in a virtual McDonald’s and have where we’re heading.”

it delivered to your real-world home. “It’s the future of
“It’s the future of the Internet. But

it’s also about further connectivity,” the Internet. But it’s
says Hackl. also about further

So far, most of the attention around

the metaverse has been focused connectivity.”
on the company formerly known

as Facebook, which rebranded last

year as Meta in an indication of how

Rd.com | june 2022 59

Reader’s Digest Cover Story

WILL ROBOTS
TAKE MY JOB?

Science fiction novelS often turn

into a dystopian nightmare partway

through—and for blue-collar work-

ers who are the bedrock of the labor

force, there’s a suspicion about the

way the robot revolution story will

end. By 2035, one in three jobs could

be automated by robots, predicts

PwC, a business consultancy.

“Robotics is traditionally applied to

problems that fall into the categories

‘dirty,’ ‘dull,’ and ‘dangerous,’” says Jon- human, it makes sense to utilize them,

athan Aitken, a robotics expert at the and almost all Wall Street firms do.

University of Sheffield in the United Jobs where workers are less likely to

Kingdom. “Automation of a repetitive be replaced by robots include those

process is always achievable. The lack in health care, although surgical

of variability means that the process is robots, which are controlled by remote

the same, time after time. This is the health-care professionals in order to

reason that robots fell naturally carry out more precise proce-

into automotive production.” By 2035, dures, are already being used

It’s been the case since the one in three in hospitals. However, the

first robots appeared on jobs could be gentle touch and caring re-

production lines. automated by assurance of a well-trained

But it’s not just blue-collar robots. nurse or doctor can’t be repli-

jobs that are feeling the squeeze cated by a robot automaton.

from the rise of the robots. White- “It’s important to ask the ques-

collar roles are also affected, particu- tion of whether we want robots do-

larly those focused on data sorting, ing certain jobs,” says Aitken. “In

a task well-suited for artificial intelli- replacing a human, especially in a

gence. Financial services is one area human-facing role, we’re being asked

that has turned to automated robots to accept the robot. This is something

enacting trades. When a computer can that’ll take time to achieve. People

pick stocks better and quicker than a still like people.”

60 june 2022

WHAT IS AN NFT? and Jimmy Fallon, proudly show off
their NFT collections.
Few things worth $44.2 billion are as
misunderstood as NFTs, but then few Celebrities have often spent hun-
things have captured the zeitgeist like dreds of thousands of dollars to buy
NFTs. The letters stand for the words the right to an NFT from collections
non-fungible tokens, which are one- with themes such as bored apes and
of-a-kind digital objects that can’t be pixelated punks.
exchanged for each other or copied
because of their encryption. But despite the big-name endorse-
ments, NFTs have faced a wave of
“What most people see as an NFT criticism. NFTs have ended up being
is art,” says Nick Donarski, founder of stolen or found to be using images
ORE System, a company that deals in that don’t legally belong to the artists
NFT technology. For example, instead behind them. Other NFT projects have
of owning a physical painting, you been uncovered as get-rich-quick
could buy ownership of an NFT, an scams for the creators, while those
original piece of digital art. Some of who own the artwork are left holding
the world’s biggest celebrities, includ- the bag.
ing Gwyneth Paltrow, Paris Hilton,
If NFTs can overcome the bumps
and bruises of their early nega-
tive publicity, they could become a
commonly used bit of technology. The
key word is “if.”

Rd.com 61



Cover Story Reader’s Digest

QUESTION NO.5

WHAT’S NEXT IN SPACE TRAVEL?

FiFty years ago, astronauts traveled “NASA is using commercial com-

to space in rockets designed, built, panies to build a lot of the hardware

and maintained by NASA and paid for to do a lot of those services of taking

by government funding. Today, the scientific payloads to the surface of

astronauts are often billionaires enjoy- the moon,” says Forczyk.

ing a journey into low orbit on a The hope is that people will

rocket they paid for from their Some see the follow—possibly by 2025,
billion-dollar bank accounts. moon as the but more realistically, says
staging area for Forczyk, by 2030. If you’re
The change feels like a gi- deep-space wondering why we’re go-
ant leap, but it makes sense,

says Laura Seward Forczyk, exploration. ing back to the moon since

founder of Astralytical, a space mankind has already walked

consulting company. “More and its surface, the answer is that we

more of modern civilization relies on explored only part of it.

space,” she says. “We know a lot more, but we also

Huge numbers of satellites orbit the know so very little,” says Forczyk. “So

planet, connecting us to everything we want to go back with people to

from cell phones to GPS to Netflix, learn more, but more importantly, we

and there is big money in maintaining want to go back to live and work there.”

those systems. “This doesn’t get a lot Some even see the moon as an

of headlines, typically, but there are eventual staging area for human

profit reasons why private companies exploration of deep space. Mars is

want to go into space,” says Forczyk. seen as the next stepping-off point

And as private enterprise learns toward the final frontier—though

more about putting rockets and whether we’ll get there in our life-

satellites into space, they’re able to times is another question. RD

help the likes of NASA on their mis-

sions. That’s important because NASA “More and more of
itself has become financially con-

strained. From its 1966 peak, where modern civilization
spending on the space race took up
4.4 percent of the federal budget, that relies on space.”

spending is now less than 0.5 percent

of the country’s total budget.

Rd.com | june 2022 63

DEPARTMENT OF WIT

My Catalog
of Dad Jokes

Once your kid stops laughing at
“Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his
steak dinner? It was Chewie!”

it’s time to move on

By Gary Rudoren

From Mcsweeneys.net
Photographs by Dale May

I still remember the first time I told my then-six-year-
old son, Lev, that a clam makes calls with its “shell
phone.” The laugh of recognition when he first got the
joke was a moment I won’t ever forget. When I told it a
second time in front of his friends Henry and Amir, I could
see how proud he was that I had made his friends laugh.
Excuse the bragging, but I was the cool dad.

64 june 2022 | Rd.com



By Lev’s ninth birthday party, nothing except head shakes and
things had begun to change. After the averted eyes. I’m pretty sure I heard
seventh or eighth time I asked him him say “Sorry about my dad” to his
“What do you call someone with no friends as they all ran off to play on
body and no nose?” he dismissively their phones together.
rolled his eyes. “I get it, Dad ...”
I used to be the life of every kids
“... Nobody knows!” party. When I was only an uncle, all the
“Stop it, Dad!” toddlers loved my “got your nose” bit.
I immediately shifted gears into I was the one who always had a knock-
food puns, reminding him and his knock joke at the ready. (“‘Knock,
friends that melons have weddings knock.’ ‘Who’s there?’ ‘Nobel.’ ‘Nobel
because they “cantaloupe,” but I got who?’ ‘Nobel, so I knock-knocked.’”)

66 june 2022

Department of Wit Reader’s Digest

robynmAc/getty ImAgeS (3) Other parents loved that I could show even borderline inappropriate spit-
up at any event and distract their kids take lines. I’m done with them all,
with age-appropriate, groan-worthy and it feels like the right time to sell
wordplay, such as the ever-popular my legacy to some deserving new dad.
“Did you hear about the guy who froze
to death at the drive-in? He went to PUNS, KNOCK-KNOCK
see Closed for the Winter.” JOKES, GOOFY

Sure, there were other dads with FACES, DOUBLE TAKES
their bits, but I felt as if no one ever ... I’M DONE WITH
stole my crown. My wife long ago THEM ALL.
tuned me out, but she knew that my
never-ending quest for laughter from The catalog includes my most fa-
kids, no matter how unashamedly, mous work—including my killer
was in my blood. I believe as the kids aside at my days-old nephew’s bris,
got older, they took their cues to be “After my bris, I couldn’t walk for like
embarrassed by me from their mom’s a year!” and my faux indignant kinder-
head-shaking disdain. We’re working garten graduation routine, “Well, now
through the issue. he better get himself a job!”

I tell you all this because after a lot I could go on.
of soul-searching, I believe it’s time. As with all great works of art, my col-
My kids aren’t grown and out of the lection is priceless. But I can tell you
house, but I’ve come to realize that that the first time you get your toddler
I’ll never be able to compete with my to laugh at the line “I don’t trust stairs.
past success. I need our relationship They’re always up to something,” you’ll
to grow. I need to be able to talk to my feel it’s worth any price tag. RD
children about topics other than how
a witch’s car goes “broom, broom.” From mcSweeneyS.net. wHy I’m SellIng my cAtAlog oF
DAD JokeS by gAry ruDoren © 2021.
Thus, I’m offering my entire catalog
of jokes for sale on the open market.
Puns, threatening tickling bits, knock-
knock jokes, goofy faces, fart noises
not from my butt, double takes, and

And for My Next Act ...

Did the person who invented the phrase “one-hit wonder”
invent any other popular phrases?

@HoneycuttArt

Rd.com 67

INSPIRATION

Advice
to the

68 june 2022

Reader’s Digest

One of the world’s most celebrated
writers has much to share—though she
sometimes wonders whether she should

keep her thoughts to herself

By Margaret Atwood

From the book burning questions
illustrations by Shout

Rd.com 69

Reader’s Digest

What advice would I give the
young? I have trouble answering

this question. Here’s why.

Just before Christmas I was in cream of tartar and maybe a half tea-
a cheese store, purchasing some spoon of white vinegar, and ...”
cheese, when a very young man of—
oh, say, between 40 and 50—entered, At this point my daughter—who’d
manifesting bewilderment. His wife succeeded in identifying the required
had sent him out to get something cheese—got me in a hammerlock and
called “meringue sugar,” with strict dragged me over to the cash register,
instructions to buy no other kind, and where a line was building.
he didn’t know what the stuff was and
couldn’t find it, and nobody in any of “The white vinegar, not the brown!”
the shops he’d so far wandered into I called in closing. But I was already
had any idea either. appalled at myself. Why had I spewed
out all this unasked-for advice to a
He didn’t say this to me. He said it complete stranger, albeit a helpless
to the cheese shop person. She too and confused one?
appeared to be without a clue as to
the meringue sugar mystery. None
of this was any concern of mine.
I could have—should have—simply
pursued my own personal goal of
cheese acquisition. Instead I found
myself saying: “Don’t buy icing sugar;
that isn’t what your wife wants. What
she probably wants is something like
fruit sugar or berry sugar, which is
sometimes called powdered sugar
but it isn’t really powdered. It’s a
finer grind than ordinary white sugar,
though you’ll have a hard time find-
ing it at this time of year. But really,
ordinary white sugar works just fine
for meringues as long as you beat it in
very slowly. I use it all the time myself,
and it helps if you add just a tiny bit of

70 june 2022

Inspiration

It’s an age thing. There’s a hor- pleasant forms (“Great arrowhead!
mone in the brain that kicks in when Now try it this way!”) or unpleasant
you see a younger person in a state of ones (“You idiot! That’s no way to skin
shell shock over meringue sugar, or a mastodon! Do it like this!”). Since
how to get the lids off jars or the beet we’ve still got the same hardware as
stains out of tablecloths, or the right Cro-Magnon man, or so we’re told, it’s
way of dumping the bad boyfriend merely the details that have changed,
who should be disposed of immedi- not the process. (Hands up, everyone
ately because as anyone with half a who’s ever taped laundry instructions
wit can see the man is a psychopath, to the washer-dryer for the benefit of
or which candidate is the best bet their teenage kids.)
in the local election, or any number
of other things on which you appear HINTS UNSCROLL
to yourself to have an overflowing
fund of useful knowledge that may OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
vanish from the planet unless you
dish it out right and left, on the spot, LIKE A RUNAWAY ROLL
to those in need.
OF TOILET PAPER.
This hormone automatically takes
over—like the hormone in a mother There are mountains of self-help
robin that forces her to cram worms books testifying to the fact that the
and grubs down the gaping maws of young—and not only the young—are
plaintively cheeping nestlings—and fond of securing advice on every pos-
reams of helpful hints unscroll out sible subject, from how to get rid of
of your mouth like a runaway roll of pimples, to the suave way of maneu-
toilet paper falling down the stairs. vering some youth with commitment
You have no way of stopping this pro- issues into marriage, to the manage-
cess. It just happens. ment of colic in infants, to the making
of the perfect waffle, to the nego-
It’s been happening for centuries; tiation of an improved salary, to the
no, for millennia. Ever since we de- purchase of a rewarding retirement
veloped what is loosely called human property, to the planning of a really
culture, the young have been on the knockout funeral.
receiving end of instruction from their
elders whether they liked it or not. The cookbook is one of the earliest
Where are the best roots and berries? forms of self-help book. Mrs. Isabella
How do you make an arrowhead? Beeton’s enormous 19th-century
What fish are plentiful, where and tome, The Book of Household Man-
when? Which mushrooms are poison- agement, expands the tradition and
ous? The instruction must have taken includes not only recipes but advice

Rd.com 71

Reader’s Digest

on everything, from how to tell a real plays have given us a stock character:
fainting fit from a sham one, to the the older female or male—both ver-
proper color choices for blondes sions exist—who’s a voluble inter-
and brunettes, to which topics of fering busybody, deluging the young
conversation are safe for afternoon folk with unasked-for tips on how
visits. (Stay away from religious to conduct their lives, coupled with
controversy. The weather is always sharp-tongued criticisms when the
acceptable.) advice is not heeded.

Martha Stewart, Ann Landers, Mrs. Rachel Lynde in Anne of Green
and Miss Manners are Mrs. Beeton’s Gables is a case in point. Sometimes
great-granddaughters, as is Mrs. Rom- this type of person will have a good
bauer Becker of Joy of Cooking fame heart—Mrs. Lynde does—although,
and every home handyman, interior just as often, he or she will be a sinis-
decorator, and sex expert you’ve ever ter control freak like the Queen of the
watched on television. Night in Mozart’s The Magic Flute. But
good or bad, the meddlesome busy-
WE LIKE OTHER body is seldom entirely sympathetic.
Why? Because we like other people—
PEOPLE TO MIND well-meaning or not—to mind their
own business, not ours. Even helpful
THEIR OWN BUSINESS, advice can be indistinguishable from
bossiness when you’re on the receiv-
NOT OURS. ing end.

Look at the shows and read the My own mother was of the non-
books and authors quickly, in se- interference school unless it was a
quence, and you’ll feel the need of matter of life and death. If we children
some cotton wool to stuff in your were doing something truly danger-
ears as a defense against the endless ous and she knew about it, she would
stream of what would sound like re- stop us. Otherwise she let us learn by
lentless finger-waving, hectoring, and experience. Less work for her, come
nagging if you hadn’t chosen to let to think about it, though there was
these folks in the door yourself. of course the work of self-restraint.
She later said that she had to leave
With how-to books and self-help the kitchen when I was making my
shows, you can absorb the advice if first pie crust, the sight was so pain-
and when you want it, but friends or ful to her.
acquaintances or relatives (especially
mothers) cannot be so easily opened I’ve come to appreciate these si-
and then closed and put back on the lences of my mother’s, though she
shelf. Over the centuries, novels and could always produce a condensed

72 june 2022

pill of sensible advice when asked for Inspiration
it. All the more puzzling, then, that
I have taken to blurting out instruc- and their adoption tried,
tions to strangers in cheese stores. Grapple them unto thy soul
Perhaps I take after my father, who
was relentlessly informative, though with hoops of steel;
he always tempered the force of his But do not dull thy palm with
utterances by beginning, “As I’m sure
you know ...” entertainment
Of each new-hatch’d,
I went to high school at a time when
students were required to learn things unfledg’d comrade. Beware
off by heart. This work formed part Of entrance to a quarrel; but
of the exam: You were expected not
only to recite the set pieces out loud, being in,
but also to regurgitate them onto Bear’t that the opposed may
the page, with marks off for faults in
spelling. One standard item was the beware of thee.
speech made in Hamlet by the old Give every man thine ear, but
court counselor, Polonius, to his son
Laertes, who is departing for a trip to few thy voice;
France. Here’s the speech, in case you Take each man’s censure, but
may have forgotten it, as I found I had
when I tried for total recall. reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse
Yet here, Laertes? Aboard,
aboard, for shame! can buy,
But not express’d in fancy;
The wind sits in the shoulder
of your sail, rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims
And you are stay’d for. There—
my blessing with thee! the man,
And they in France of the best
And these few precepts in thy
memory rank and station
Are most select and generous,
Look thou character. Give thy
thoughts no tongue, chief in that.
Neither a borrower nor a
Nor any unproportion’d
thought his act. lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself
Be thou familiar, but by no
means vulgar: and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge
Those friends thou hast,
of husbandry.
This above all—to thine own

self be true,
And it must follow, as the

night the day,
Thou canst not then be false

to any man.
Farewell. My blessing season

this in thee!

Rd.com 73

The method is aggressive—Polonius One reason is that it would be boring
scolds Laertes because he isn’t on the if done straight, because advice you
ship yet, then holds him back with a haven’t asked for is always boring, and
long list of dos and don’ts—but it’s all it’s especially boring if the person giv-
very good advice. A rational person ing the advice is old and you yourself
can’t disagree with any of it. Yet in are young. It’s like the cartoon with the
every performance of Hamlet I’ve ever caption “What we say to cats ... What
seen, Polonius is played as a comical they hear” and over the head of the
but tedious old pedant and Laertes cat is a voice balloon with nothing in
listens to him with barely concealed it. Our advice to the cat may be per-
impatience, although he himself has fectly good—“Don’t mess with that
just dished out a heaping plateful of big tomcat down the street”—but
his own advice to his younger sis- the cat isn’t receptive. It will follow
ter, Ophelia. Looked at objectively, its own counsel because that’s what
Polonius can’t really have been the cats do. And that’s what young people
boring idiot we’re usually shown: do as well, unless there’s something
He’s chief adviser to Claudius, who’s a specific they want you to tell them.
villain but no fool. Claudius wouldn’t
have kept Polonius around if the latter Which is my way of ducking the
had really been several bricks short of question. What advice would I give
a load. Why then is the scene always the young? None, unless they asked
played this way? for it. Or that’s what would happen in
an ideal world. In the world I actually

74 june 2022

Inspiration Reader’s Digest

inhabit, I break this virtuous rule forest, hang your food from a tree
daily, since at the slightest excuse some distance from your sleeping
I find myself blathering on about all area and don’t wear perfume. This
kinds of things, due to the mother- above all, to thine own self be true.
robin hormone I’ve already men- Eyebrow tweezers are handy for get-
tioned. Thus: ting big wads of glop out of bathroom
sink drains. Every household should
As I’m sure you know, the most contain a windup flashlight. And
eco-friendly toilet is the Caroma. don’t forget about the little touch of
You can state your position and stick vinegar, for the meringues. That’s the
to your guns without being rude. white vinegar, not the brown.
Awnings cut down on summer heat
through your windows by 70 percent However, here’s the best piece
or more. If you want to be a novel- of advice of all: Sometimes young
ist, do back exercises daily—you’ll people don’t want advice from their
elders. They don’t wish you to turn
MAYBE YOU’D HANDLE into Polonia, not as such. They can
do without the main body of the
THE DANGER BETTER speech—the long checklist of instruc-
tions. But they welcome the part at the
THAN THEY WILL— end, which is a kind of benediction:

BUT YOU CAN’T.

need them later. Don’t phone him, Farewell. My blessing season this
let him phone you. Think globally, in thee!
act locally. After having a baby, you
lose your brain and some of your They want you to see them off on
hair, but they both grow back. A their voyage, which is—after all—a
stitch in time saves nine. There’s a voyage they have to make on their
kind of crampon you can strap onto own. Maybe it will be a dangerous
your boots, handy on icy sidewalks. voyage, maybe you’d be able to handle
Don’t stick a fork into a wall socket. the danger better than they will—but
If you don’t clean the lint trap on you can’t do it for them. You’ve got to
the dryer, it may burst into flames. If stay behind, waving encouragingly,
the hair on your arms stands up in a anxiously, a little plaintively: Farewell!
thunderstorm, jump. Don’t step into Fare well!
a canoe when it’s pulled up on the
beach. Never let anyone pour you a But they do want the goodwill from
drink in a bar. Sometimes the only you. They want the blessing. RD
way out is through. In the northern
From the book burning Questions by margaret
atwood, Published by doubleday, CoPyright © 2022
by o.w. toad, ltd.

Rd.com 75

NATIONAL INTEREST

“I NEVER
THOUGHT OF

IT THAT
WAY”

HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE
EVEN IF YOU DISAGREE

By Mónica Guzmán

From the book
I Never ThoughT of IT ThaT Way

76 june 2022

Reader’s Digest

from left: ryan mcVay/getty images, Jetta Productions inc/getty images If there’s one thing most people peace that holiday, begging, “Can’t
can agree on, it’s that the way we we just have a nice family dinner?”
treat and talk to people with op- Instead, some family members wound
posing views is broken. We can’t up leaving early, while at least one
stomach the ideas from across the daughter-in-law ended up in tears.
political divide, let alone the people
who hold them. This goes for other po- Barbara and I connected through
larizing topics, too, not just politics. In our shared determination to find
one 2021 poll, most Americans thought some answer to the challenges these
the biggest threat to our country’s way dangerously divided times present in
of life was “other people in America.” our lives. This is important to me be-
By June 2021, U.S. voters rated “divi- cause I work for a group whose mis-
sion in the country” as the number one sion is to do just that: Braver Angels
issue facing them personally. is the nation’s largest cross-partisan
grassroots organization working to
Whether you consider yourself con- depolarize America. I am also a Mexi-
servative, liberal, something in be- can immigrant and the proud liberal
tween, or something off that spectrum daughter of conservative parents.
altogether, I bet you’ve wondered, as I
have, how long we can hold it together I VOTED FOR JOE BIDEN.
while our differences threaten to wreck
our relationships, our country, and our MOM AND DAD VOTED FOR
ability to share our lives, really, at all.
DONALD TRUMP. WHY ARE WE
Take poor Barbara in Knoxville,
Tennessee, a mother of five grown men STILL SPEAKING?
whose families got so fired up clashing
over politics at her 2017 Thanksgiv- I voted for Joe Biden. Mom and Dad
ing dinner, she told me, it was like a voted for Donald Trump. Each story
bomb went off. One of her sons is very I hear from Americans of all stripes
conservative, another very liberal, a about the ways that our divides are
third and fourth moderately conserva- pulling them apart—the fallings-out,
tive and liberal, respectively, and a fifth the declined invitations, the tweet-
son is more centrist. Yes, really. storms, all the ways that people are no
longer speaking to people—brings me
“I think my family is a microcosm face-to-face with one question: Why
of the country,” said Barbara, who de- am I still speaking to them?
scribes herself as a conservative liber-
tarian Christian. She tried to keep the

Rd.com 77

Reader’s Digest

Even after the tense three-hour kid the day Mom made me march up
conversation about race and law to the cashier at the Burger King and
enforcement with Mom where nei- ask for another packet of salt. What if
ther of us changed our minds. Even I sounded stupid? It took all my cour-
after the two-hour argument with Dad age at my first newspaper internship
about how the White House handled just to pick up the phone and call
the coronavirus pandemic where I strangers. My heart would stop when
definitely went too far and he was I heard their voices.
about as mad as I’d ever seen him.
Even after all that, and more, why am But then I fell in love with what they
I not only speaking to my parents but could show me.
listening to them, learning from them,
and enjoying their company? Why am Given the chance to ask anything
I both eager and afraid to tell my fellow I wanted about who people are, what
Seattle liberals that I not only speak they do, or what they think, I realized
to my parents, but that I understand what for years I’d been too petrified to
them? That if I were them, I would notice: Everybody’s so interesting.
have voted for Donald Trump too?
I stopped being afraid to ask ques-
I hear people say the answer to all tions; I was too impatient to hear the
this division is more education and answers. Soon I developed an incurable
information—but trustworthy in- addiction to people—our stories, our
formation, not that other junk. I hear passions, the totally unique way each
them say the answer is persuasion, of us sees the world—and to conversa-
that no conversation is worth hav- tion itself, that unpredictable meeting
ing with people who disagree with of minds where individuals with wildly
you if you’re not challenging their different lives can surprise, delight,
ideas and trying to show them where and ultimately learn from each other.
they’re wrong. I hear them say the an-
swer is simple action: Stop yammer- One of my favorite questions to
ing and do something to build a more ask in any interview is “Why you?”
sensible world, ignoring or defeating Why did you start a church in a bar,
whoever’s standing in your way. become your community’s most be-
loved nurse, or decide to study crows
I say an answer, though it might for a living, and not, you know, some-
include all these things, won’t give body else? So I guess I should answer
us what we need. What we need are that question for myself. Why did I
more questions. As a journalist, I’ve write a book about how to stay curi-
asked a lot of those. I used to be awful ous across divides, and why should
at it; I still remember my terror as a you listen to what I have to say about
talking to people you disagree with?

If I can sum up the work I’ve done
in my 17 years of listening to people

78 june 2022

National Interest

Klaus Vedfelt/getty images professionally, I’d say it’s been one big react to anything that seems totally
evolving experiment on how we can unnatural or wrong: with disgust and
better understand each other. I don’t repulsion.
do it for fun, though it’s the most fun
I’ve ever had. I do it because connect- “Our life experience is shaped by our
ing with other humans is what makes assumptions, biases, and blind spots,”
our lives rich and meaningful. Espe- Leanse told me. “We think it’s reality,
cially when so much can pull us apart. yet it is only the conditioned percep-
tion we have been taught is truth.”
In her book The Happiness Hack,
my friend, neuroscience educator This is great news for groups that
Ellen Petry Leanse, explains what hap- are battling it out over their beliefs.
pens to your brain when you spend a Nobody wants soldiers to question
lot of time with folks who reflect your whether a threat is a threat. They want
own beliefs back to you. Basically, them in the fray, sure enough of the
you stop thinking about those beliefs cause to hit fast and hard at every op-
at all. Your brain likes to stay efficient, portunity. But if you stop considering
take shortcuts, save cognitive power. other points of view, if even your brain
So as you become entrenched in your wants you locked in where you’re
beliefs, your brain moves them to a comfortable, how can you be sure that
part of itself that’s good at automatic, the group battles you’re waging are
reactive thinking, and away from the justified? And what if you just want
part that reasons things out, ’cause to sit at a table and enjoy your family,
who has the time? As a result, you re- regardless of what they believe?
act to competing beliefs the way you’d
Coming from the field of journal-
ism, I feel as if I’m supposed to be

Rd.com 79

Reader’s Digest

rah-rah for information as the cure for from.” I know where you are. I’m
everything. But I’m not. I’m tired of us there with you.
throwing out links and throwing up our
hands. Ranting to our people, who get T o get from Seattle, Washington,
it, while raging at those people, who to Sherman County, Oregon, you
don’t. I’m done, too, going along with drive east over Lake Washington,
the idea that if we could just rid the up and over Snoqualmie Pass—where
world of “misinformation,” everything your ears might pop—then south,
would be fine. As if mowing down watching mountains give way to quiet
weeds would keep new ones from hills and plains. You cross the Colum-
sprouting. False stories soar because bia River into Oregon, pass Biggs Junc-
good people relate to something in tion and Wasco, then arrive at Moro,
them that’s true: a fear or value or con- the county seat. Population: 353.
cern that’s going unheard, unexplored,
and unacknowledged. Every time. Those 250 miles took about five
hours to cover one Saturday morning
One of the best ways to meet peo- in March 2017, when about 20 of us
ple where they are is to ask them from the Seattle area made our way
where they’ve been. What paths have toward the Oregon State University
they walked to get to where they are? Extension Office. Inside, 16 residents
What have they seen along the way of Sherman County were waiting,
that changes their landscape, shifts a bit uneasy, to meet and talk with
their perspective? Think of the phrase these urban visitors about the political
we use almost automatically when divisions gripping the country. Most of
some piece of understanding lands them had voted for Donald Trump. The
with us: “I see where you’re coming travelers from Seattle’s King County

80 june 2022

National Interest

opposite page: Klaus Vedfelt/getty images also wondered—and worried—about from anything approaching that life-
what the day would hold. Most of them style. He took a deep breath and gazed
had voted for Hillary Clinton. at the bits of sandwich crust scattered
on the tables from lunch.
Our visit would begin with a brief
bus tour. Just 1,705 people lived on “If you knew,” he said in a deep,
Sherman County’s 831 square miles, gruff voice, “what it took to get that
and much of that landscape is wheat simple sandwich on your plate…”
fields—a bright carpet of beige under
the day’s sunny sky. Economic reasons, Padget said, led
him to vote for Trump. His health-
“What would happen here today care costs had jumped 426 percent
that would leave you feeling like this in the past few years, and regulations
was a good investment of your time?” like the Waters of the United States
It was the opening question of the rule were threatening his business.
questionnaire I’d helped prepare
for the event. If I’d closed my eyes, I “THEY VOTED THAT
wouldn’t have been able to tell which
answers came from which county: WAY FOR REASONS

“Having a talk with real people I HADN’T EVEN
instead of all that angry yelling on
Facebook.” CONSIDERED.”

“Getting to know people who don’t “That’s right,” another farmer said.
live like me and don’t think like me.” People from Sherman County nod-
ded while people from King County
“Just learning something that helps thought, What the heck is the Waters
me understand a bit better why we’re of the United States rule?
all so different, because maybe we’re
not as different as we think.” Turns out the rule defines what
bodies of water fall under federal reg-
People from the different counties ulation, and it’s a big deal. Farmers
paired off to ask each other questions for years have been nervous about
and listen, without interruption, to how the rule might be interpreted
the answers. After several rounds of to cover small, seasonal, rain-made
pairings, the room buzzing with tense ponds. The rules are complex and
energy, we brought the big group confusing, and many of the farm-
back together for people to share ers thought they could better trust
their thoughts. I’ll never forget when Republicans—including the busi-
Darren Padget stood up—all six feet, nessman America had elected presi-
nine inches of him. dent—to address their concerns.

Padget is a fourth-generation wheat
farmer at a time when the average
American is four generations removed

Rd.com 81

Reader’s Digest

That detail was an “I never thought “Melting Mountains: An Urban-Rural
of it that way” moment for Seattle resi- Gathering.” Some people kept in
dent Laura Caspi. “It didn’t enter my touch, continuing their conversa-
consciousness that they voted that way tions over e-mail. Liberals and con-
for reasons I hadn’t even considered, servatives from around the country
or for reasons that didn’t matter to me,” would reach out to my partners and
she said. “Our lives are so different.” me about doing something like it in
their states. The trip would be fea-
WE DIDN’T KNOW tured in case studies, conferences,
WHO’D WON. BUT FOR THAT and articles.

MOMENT, AT LEAST, We had started out with a moun-
IT DIDN’T MATTER. tain of assumptions to melt, and while
no one is pretending one afternoon
is all it took, we showed we could
at least get started.

My favorite photo taken that day was A t my parents’ place on Elec-
of Caspi and a Sherman County farmer tion Day 2020, the three of
named Fred. In it, they’re giving each us watched the results of the
other a high five at the end of their presidential race stream in on Fox
conversation—Caspi with blue-tipped News, then CNN, then back and forth
hair, Fred with a cowboy hat. She’d for hours.
been afraid that it would be tough to
make this bridge to people who looked We had our first shouting match,
at the world so differently, even for a about immigration, over sips of the
short couple of hours. The topics were sangrias Mom mixed. We had a big-
difficult and tense. But it wasn’t hard ger one, about race, late into the night
to talk. And that gave her some hope. with me standing cross-armed in front
of the TV, Mom taking my side for a
“I felt like his granddaughter,” she fun, hot second, and usually reserved
said. Dad leaning forward in his recliner,
his voice booming.
When our time together was done,
nobody wanted to leave. People kept “You know, Mónica,” he’d said to me
chatting in the conference room, in Spanish earlier that day, “I’ve heard
the hallways by the reception desk, that some people who don’t share
and outside under a big sky in a bit their parents’ politics … they stop let-
of March sun. People traded contact ting them see their grandkids. And I’ve
information. wondered if that’ll ever happen to us.”

Many good things would follow I have two kids, now eight and
from this event, which we had titled six years old, and they see their

82 june 2022

National Interest

grandparents all the time. My dad’s So here’s your mission, should you
written songs for them. Songs he plays choose to accept it: Surprise yourself.
on his guitar and they memorize, then
launch into singing at full volume Take one step closer to someone
from the back seat of my Altima. who disagrees with you—whether that
means spending time with a friend
I didn’t hesitate. “Jamás,” I told or relative you’ve been drifting apart
Dad. Never. “That’ll never happen, from, reading an opinion from an
Dad. That’ll never, ever happen to us.” earnest voice on the other side, or
sparking a conversation you’ve been
After all the night’s results had both eager and hesitant to have.
been reported and we had one more When you want to explore why they’re
political clash about—well, who wrong, explore instead what you’re
knows what it was about—I was sitting missing. When you want to deter-
at their kitchen island eating butter mine whose view wins, determine
pecan ice cream Mom had served me what makes each view understand-
in the same little gray Tupperware able. When you want to discover why
cups I’d used as a kid. By the last bite, someone believes something that
Mom had changed into her long red confounds you, discover how they
nightshirt. She sat down next to me, came to believe it. When you want
patted my hand, and said she was glad to know what their problem is, try to
I’d come. I was glad I’d come too. know what their concerns are. When
you want to demand why they don’t
Neither of us knew who’d won, care about what you care about, learn
whose views would hold sway in the what they care about more. When you
months and years to come. But I was want to trap them into saying what
grateful that for that moment, at least, you want to hear, free them so they
it didn’t matter. say what they honestly mean.

B uilding a bridge to the other And when you want to stop listen-
side isn’t easy, but it’s also likely ing so you can react or respond or
that it’s not as hard as you think. judge—which will be often!—mind
Take the first step out of your silo, and that gap between what you know and
the gulf you’ve been afraid to span what you most certainly don’t and
might look more like a gap and feel ask one more curious question. More
more like an invitation. often than you probably think, you
might just find yourself saying “I never
I guarantee that when you are thought of it that way.” RD
more—and more genuinely—curious,
it will strengthen all the relationships from the book i never thought of it that way by
that matter to you, whether they’re monica guzman, published by benbella books,
with your relatives, your colleagues, copyright © 2022.
your country, or yourself.

rd.com 83

YOUR TRUE STORIES

Parenting,
Passed
Down

Genes aren’t the only things we
inherit. Readers share the rules and

traditions that made them the
parents they are today.

By Reader’s Digest Readers

84 june 2022 | Rd.com

Reader’s Digest

opposite page: tracy packer photography/getty images. this page: kostins/getty images (2) Winning Hearts I hear it, I feel my dad’s love. I hope my
granddaughter feels my love for her.
Both of my parents chose service pro- —Barbara Fagenbaum
fessions (teaching and nursing) and Penfield, New York
spent nights and weekends volun-
teering. Both taught that a life dedi- Banding Together
cated to helping others is one full of
purpose and meaning. I started band as a high-school fresh-
man with my brother’s baritone horn.
I am a physician and have worked I didn’t have prior lessons as my band-
with the homeless community for mates did, so it was much harder for
11 years. I’m also a mom to two boys me. When I told my mom I was quit-
who dirt bike. At their first race, my ting, she promptly told me I was not.
oldest went first and managed to catch In due time I absolutely loved band.
a little air. My youngest surprised me
even more. Every time a rider fell or Years later, my daughter Sheena
crashed, he’d stop and wait until they was in the band, using the same bari-
got up. He lost the race but won at tone. One day, she, too, said she was
being a good human. Parenting isn’t quitting, and I told her she was not.
easy, but it’ll surprise you. She kept at it and came to love it too.
—Sara Doorley
Tijeras, New Mexico Now Sheena is in her 30s and still
tells me how glad she is I didn’t let her
Just Fishin’ quit. Me too, Mom. Me too.
—Janet Brandes Collins, Wisconsin
My dad was an avid fisherman and
loved taking me with him. We’d wake Like a Champ
early and drive to his favorite hole.
We’d stop for breakfast, and he’d I grew up a very athletic tomboy. My
get steak and eggs. I’d be his helper mother occasionally told me to let the
launching the boat, holding the line boys win, because they wouldn’t like
while he parked the car. Then we’d me if I always beat them, so I did. My
head out to catch “the big one.” daughter is also quite athletic and has
never heard anything even slightly re-
Now I take my granddaughter fish- sembling those words. I tell her she’s
ing. She has caught bullhead and as good as those boys and to do her
bass—what excitement!—and can cast best and win. And she has. She has
her own line. Nana hooks the worms. grown up very confident and is even
more broadly admired for her deter-
The Trace Adkins song “Just Fishin’” mination. What a difference a genera-
goes, “She ain’t even thinkin’ ’bout tion makes.
what’s really goin’ on right now, but I —Klari Frederick
guarantee this memory’s a big’in and Linden, Michigan
she thinks we’re just fishin’.” Every time

Reader’s Digest Your True Stories

Choose Your Battles recitals, sports events, and awards Creative Crop/getty images. kostins/getty images (leaves)
ceremonies. I’m certainly not the only
Many parents talk about video games one who can shatter the air, but every
being bad for kids, but I built an ar- time I hear a grand whistle, I smile
cade machine with my son. I loved ar- and think of my dad: “There he is!”
cades as a kid, and my dad and I are —Mary Jo Ingolia
software developers, so it’s a bit of a Schaumburg, Illinois
legacy. Plus, it’s a good lesson: If you
want something, build it! Buckle Up!

Of course, it’s also just something When I was growing up, many cars
fun to do together. Many think video didn’t have seat belts. Nevertheless,
games are isolating, but arcade games my brother and I were told to buckle
invite others to gather and play. It’s a up on every drive—no exceptions to
nifty bit of bonding when we help the Dad’s rule.
other player get out of a corner the
bad guys have backed them into. Now that I have kids of my own,
—Joe Hocking they also have to wear their seat
Highland Park, Illinois belts on every trip. During my daugh-
ter’s driver’s education lesson, she
The Whistle Effect hopped into the back seat and put
her seat belt on when it was another
My father’s whistle could be heard all student’s turn to drive. An oncoming
over the neighborhood. My friends vehicle hit them head-on. Everyone
recognized it too. They would tell me, was seriously injured. A paramedic
“Your dad is looking for you.” I never said the seat belt had broken my
considered claiming I couldn’t hear it. daughter’s sternum—but that if it
hadn’t been there, she’d have gone
I eventually learned to whistle just through the windshield. My dad’s
as loud as him, and used it to bring rule saved my daughter’s life.
my daughters home too. But now, —Penny Males Lucas, Texas
grandkids are shepherded home via
technology. I reserve the whistle for

PUT ME IN, COACH! Do you have a sports story that’s a total slam dunk—

even if it took place on the field or the rink or in the pool? We’re looking for
bloopers as well as highlights from your glory days in Little League
or high school, or just last weekend on the golf course. Passed
the baton to your little peanuts? If they’ve made you laugh
this season, we’re game to hear about it. See terms and share
stories at rd.com/sports. The ball is in your court!

86 june 2022

Goran BuGar/EyEEm/GEtty ImaGEs. kostIns/GEtty ImaGEs (lEavEs) Snow Time like the Present Following the Clues

My kids have gotten to do some pretty My mama took great joy in having
outrageous things thanks to my mom. fun with her kids. She loved to make
She always prioritized exposing me to up songs and poems for us. She had
new experiences. We visited Canada a Louisiana accent and amused us
when I was 11. My heart was brimming with expressions like fiddlesticks and
with excitement when I saw my first punkin and her pronunciation of Chi-
snow. My grandmother suggested that cago (Chicargo).
it was too late and that I could play
tomorrow. But my mom said, “No, I Holidays were her chance to re-
think I’ll let him play a little now.” ally get creative. One gift began with
a clue. Upon finding that clue, we’d
It was 70 degrees the next morning. find another that would send us after
No snow for the rest of our trip. I got to another clue until we found the gift.
play in it because my mom didn’t want The whole family would help search.
me to miss an opportunity. It’s a phi-
losophy I’ve implemented in my own My children never met my mama,
parenting. Just one exception for my but her memory, humor, and gift-
dear daughter: No skydiving, please! giving idea live on. One of my greatest
—Jonathan Gewirtz joys has been witnessing my sons set
Monsey, New York up gift hunts for their own kids.
—Cindy Stillings Topeka, Kansas RD

Rd.com 87

DRAMA IN REAL LIFE

NIOGN HLATKME SAUPREREIOROne by one,athnegrtFhyrorBwmeyeMJaeeftknfeM’asro.yJoaTaugrkhneearlnstchaepysbizeecdaminetsheepcaorladt,ed.

88 june 2022 | Rd.com ILLUSTRATIONS BY Mark Smith



Reader’s Digest

ITwas meant to On the morning of September 13,
be another 2016, they loaded up on food and
boys’ trip, the camping gear, donned waterproof
latest in a tra- paddling pants and quick-dry T-shirts,
dition that stretched back more than and zipped up their life jackets. The
two decades. Every other year, the forecast called for winds building to
old friends—Jim Farrington, 49, an ten knots and seas rising to one to
electrical lineman in Alden, Michi- three feet by early afternoon, then
gan; Sean Royston, 47, an electri- stronger winds overnight. The friends
cal grid systems manager in Cottage were undeterred. They climbed into
Grove, Wisconsin; and Tolan Annis, their 14- to 16-foot-long sea kayaks
53, the co-owner of a craft distillery in and, at about 10:30, pushed off from
Grand Ledge, Michigan—had kissed the beach at Sand Point, less than
their wives goodbye and headed 100 yards from the park headquarters.
out on an expedition. This time they They planned to return in a week.
decided to kayak Lake Superior’s
Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore, a The trio punched out through small
challenging out-and-back route. waves and headed northeast. Soon
the national lakeshore’s trademark

90 june 2022

Drama in Real Life

of Farrington. Royston trailed another
40 or 50 feet behind Farrington.

Royston was the first to go
overboard.

It was a bad place for a swim. The
water was a chilly 62 degrees, and the
wind and choppy waves were pushing
him toward cliffs 100 yards away. Min-
ers Castle Point was maybe a quarter-
mile upwind, and the closest safe
landing beach was another quarter-
mile beyond that.

SEPARATED

cliffs began to rise on their right. Their After royston tipped, Farrington
next chance to get out of their kay- quickly paddled over to him. He
aks would be some five miles ahead, brought his boat parallel to Royston’s
beyond a tourist overlook called Min- and steadied it as Royston scrambled
ers Castle Point. into his cockpit, which was now full
of water. He began working the small
Away from the shore, the head- plastic hand pump but couldn’t stay
wind grew to the forecasted ten knots ahead of the waves.
and kept rising. The waves grew to
four feet. Still, they never considered “The pumping was just no use,”
turning around. They’d already trav- Royston says. “I’d get close, and
eled around four miles and they had another wave would come over us.”
kayaked in worse conditions.
Meanwhile, the wind pushed them
They’d been paddling maybe closer to the cliffs, where the waves
90 minutes when, suddenly, the waves became even steeper. One wave rolled
grew to six feet and steepened. The both Royston and Farrington into
wind rose to 20 knots. “When it went the water.
bad, it went bad fast,” says Annis, who
was in the lead, about 60 feet ahead Farrington managed to get back
into his boat, as did Royston—his
second re-entry of the day. When
they looked up, they saw Annis in
the water, farther out, clinging to his
boat. Farrington and Royston pressed
their kayaks together for stability,

Rd.com 91

each holding on to the distance was impossible
other’s kayak with one in their waterlogged kay-
hand while paddling with aks, and they began looking
the other. But with the boats
heavy with water, and facing for an alternative.
big swells and 20-knot winds, They allowed the wind
they couldn’t make any prog-
ress. Annis was on his own. and waves to push them
“By then my arms were toward a narrow rocky
giving out,” Royston says. “I ledge at the base of the
looked at Jim and said, ‘I can’t
do this anymore.’ We kept get- cliffs. Maybe they could
ting closer and closer to the land there and drain their
cliffs, and at some point I said, kayaks before continuing
‘We gotta call now.’” around the point. But when
Using a VHF radio clipped to they arrived, they realized
his life jacket, Farrington called: the ledge was an illusion. It
“Mayday, three kayakers stranded at was actually a partially sub-
Miners Rock.” But there was no re- merged strip of sandstone,
sponse, because no one heard the and it was being pummeled
calls. The tall cliffs blocked the radio by head-high waves.
signal from reaching the park’s head- Farrington somehow managed to
quarters or anyone else on land, and get onto the sandstone. He gripped
no vessels were on the lake. A small the plastic T-handle in the bow of
craft advisory had been issued just his kayak, which Royston held tightly
after the kayakers launched, so the against his own kayak. Farrington’s
tour boats that normally ply the lake- grip held, but the handle didn’t. It tore
shore were tied to their piers. clean off. The two boats slid back into
Another wave slammed into the the crashing surf and, in the process,
boats and Farrington capsized a sec- tossed Royston back into the water.
ond time. When he got back into the The waves pushed Royston
kayak, the radio was gone, stripped and the boats along the shoreline
from his life jacket, as were his cell before he disappeared around a small
phone and GPS unit. outcropping.
Throughout the ordeal, Royston “The last time I saw him, he was
and Farrington had been trying to rolling through the waves,” Farrington
make it around Miners Castle Point, says. “And I swore his life jacket
about a quarter-mile upwind. Now was unzipped.”
they realized that even that short It was roughly 12:30. Two hours af-
ter shoving off, all three men were now
separated. As far as Farrington knew,
Royston was likely already dead. And

92 june 2022

Drama in Real Life Reader’s Digest

Annis was nowhere to be seen. Now of car doors closing as families visited
he was stranded on the rocks, and his the scenic attraction. He hollered until
radio and cell phone likely were some- he was hoarse, but no one heard him.
where on the bottom of Lake Superior.
“START KICKING”
Farrington tried walking the narrow
strip of shoreline like a tightrope art- Royston stRuggled in the surf until
ist, but the waves kept knocking him the waves finally spat him away from
off the rocks. As he clawed his way out the shoreline and farther out in the
of the water a third time, Annis came lake. Exhausted, he floated on his
floating by, holding his boat with one back and considered his options.
hand on the cockpit rim. He’d been
kicking toward Miners Castle Point Miners Castle was barely a quarter-
for more than an hour, trying to get mile to the northeast, but with the
around the point to land at Miners

THOUGH HE DIDN’T FEEL COLD,
ROYSTON KNEW IT WAS ONLY

A MATTER OF TIME UNTIL
HYPOTHERMIA SET IN.

Beach, but he had lost ground in the wind and swell coming from that
powerful wind. direction it may as well have been on
the moon. Royston decided to turn
The men yelled to each other, but downwind toward Sand Point, where
communication was hopeless. Soon, they had launched that morning,
Annis disappeared from sight around three and a half miles away.
another small outcropping.
But the distance wasn’t all that
Alone again, Farrington found concerned him. Though he didn’t
a broken tree trunk and used it to feel particularly cold, Royston knew it
scramble off the rocks, eventually was only a matter of time until hypo-
climbing about halfway up the 90-foot thermia set in. He needed to get out of
cliff face. He could climb no farther; it the water, and quickly. “I’m a swim-
was too steep. The Miners Castle Point mer,” he says, “and I thought, Well,
overlook was just above him, close let’s just start kicking.”
enough that he could hear the thump

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Reader’s Digest Drama in Real Life

After about three hours, Royston between Sand Point and Miners
made it most of the way back to Sand Castle. The Coast Guard dispatched a
Point, where the cliffs finally gave way 45-foot patrol boat and scrambled
to a cedar swamp. “I got to a point a rescue helicopter.
where I could actually walk up and
grab some of the branches.” After half STRANDED
an hour of wading through thick foli-
age, he came to the mouth of a creek. Since becoming Separated from
It gave him just enough of an opening Royston, Farrington hadn’t moved
to drag himself out of the water. much from where he was standing
midway up the 90-foot cliff. Wearing
He followed the creek bed into the his bright red paddling top and life
cedar thicket and spotted a dirt hiking jacket, he was like a beacon against
trail. He started down the trail as fast
as his wobbly legs could walk, blowing

THE SEARCH CENTERED
AROUND MINERS CASTLE,
BUT ANNIS WAS ALREADY

MILES TO THE WEST.

past an older couple taking pictures, the tan sandstone wall. Though he’d
until he reached the parking lot. And lost his glasses in the water, he spot-
that’s when dumb luck finally took a ted the Arrowhead’s flashing light bar
shine to Sean Royston. A park ranger coming around a bend.
happened to be driving by. Royston
waved him down. “The biggest relief in my life was
seeing them blue flashing lights that
It was just before 5 p.m. Royston, no one ever wants to see in the rear-
Farrington, and Annis had gone into view mirror,” Farrington says.
the water four and a half hours earlier.
Finally, a search and rescue opera- Using the boat’s loudspeaker, rang-
tion set out to help locate his missing ers told him to stay put. A rescue
friends. The National Park Service was underway.
launched its patrol boat Arrowhead
and began scanning the shoreline The chopper arrived at 6:29 p.m.
It wasn’t going to be an easy rescue.
To pluck Farrington from his spot,

94 june 2022

the pilots would have to hover un- After refueling, the helicopter lifted
comfortably close to the tree-lined off to search for Annis, who by now
sheer cliff. They would have to lower had been in the water for seven hours.
a rescuer from more than five times The search centered around Miners
the preferred height—using 210 feet Castle, where he’d last been seen. But
of cable when they normally use only Annis was already miles to the west.
40—all in swirling 20-knot winds.
Leaves, twigs, and debris rained AN ABANDONED PLAN
down on Farrington as the rescuer
descended. He strapped himself to When Annis cApsized, he was about
Farrington, then the two were hoisted 150 feet from the others—too far away
back into the copter. for them to help or to communicate.
After failing several times to climb
The streetlights were glowing when back into his kayak, he chose to wait
the chopper set down after 7 p.m. in for the others to assist him. But the
the parking lot of Munising Memo- next time he looked for Royston and
rial Hospital, where Farrington was
finally reunited with Royston.

Rd.com 95

Farrington, they me,” he says.
were gone. Annis made
the difficult
Annis resolved decision to let
to stay with his orange kayak
at all costs; it would be eas- the kayak go,
ier for rescuers to spot than a lone along with the provisions it held.
swimmer dressed in blue and gray. He pulled himself up the root to the
The kayak offered flotation and was edge of the thicket atop the low cliff.
packed with the food and dry clothes By the time he got there, the boat had
he’d need if he managed to reach the drifted out of sight.
shore. That was his plan—kick with Annis continued along the ridge-
the kayak around Miners Castle and line, hoping the boat might get caught
land at Miners Beach. The problem: up in the underbrush. And that’s
20-knot winds were whipping around exactly what happened. He scram-
the point, making progress in that bled down the cliff to his kayak and
direction all but impossible. Eventu- recovered a few pieces of essential
ally, Annis abandoned his plan and gear, including a change of clothes.
turned west instead. He swigged water down his parched
throat and ate handfuls of trail mix.
The hours flowed together. Annis Then he grabbed the phone he kept
kept kicking. “Normally when you in a waterproof box.
have a situation go bad on you it hap- There’s very little cell service
pens fast, and adrenaline carries you around Pictured Rocks, but Annis
through it. But after seven hours— caught a signal. “The 911 operator
there is no adrenaline left,” he says. “I knew who I was,” he says. “She told
had no sense of time, but I’d seen the me, ‘We’ve already got the other two.
sun go across the sky. I could start to Stay put.’”
feel myself becoming hypothermic. Soon, the helicopter was circling
I was getting sleepy, my hands were directly above Annis. They couldn’t
shaking, and I thought, You’ve gotta see him in the dusk until a pinprick
get out of this water soon or it’s not of light shone through the under-
going to end well.” brush. It was Annis signaling with
his headlamp.
About a mile from Sand Point, The helicopter held steady to mark
where their journey began, he saw his Annis’s position as a team of National
chance: a low spot in the cliff with a Park Service rangers made their way
thick tree root reaching down. to him. The rangers judged him well
enough to hike out, and they bush-
“The boat was full of water and whacked back to the trail in the
the waves were beating it hard, so as
I was trying to grab this root, the
boat became a weapon against

96 june 2022

Drama in Real Life Reader’s Digest

darkness, then walked a half-mile The resTauranTs were all closed,
back to Sand Point, where his journey but sympathetic workers at a nearby
had begun. casino listened to their story and
reopened the kitchen for them.
The rangers asked Annis if he
wanted to be taken to the hospital. His When the server came over and
response was emphatic. “No way,” he asked what they wanted, Annis, the
said. “My Jeep is a block away. I’d just distillery owner, ordered first: “Whis-
as soon go to the hospital and pick the key.” The three friends toasted their
other guys up.” good fortune and gorged themselves
on fried chicken strips.
When he arrived at the emergency
room, Annis found Farrington and The next day they walked the shore-
Royston. They had changed out of line—Farrington and Royston still in
their wet clothes and into hospital scrubs and women’s sandals—and
scrubs and socks. Annis took them recovered all three boats, as well as
shoe shopping at the only store still wallets, keys, and most of their gear.
open, a supermarket. “All they had
were women’s flip-flops with spar- Their vacation lasted only one day,
kles, so they bought a couple pairs,” but all three were more than ready to
says Annis. return to their families. RD

From men’s Journal (July 2021) © 2021 JeFF moag

Is This Your Password… ?

A mobile security firm called Lookout analyzed passwords that had been
leaked on the dark web, and it published a list of the most common ones.

If you use any of these, try being a little (or a lot) more original:
123456
Qwerty
Iloveyou
Abc123
DEFAULT
111111
Password

CnbC.Com

Rd.com 97

HEALTH

FLIP THE
’SCRIPT

Before dialing your doctor,
try finding relief with
these simple home remedies
that really work

By Lisa Bendall

98 june 2022 | Rd.com