Harvard_Business_Review_OnPoint_Winter_2020

In the first transition that dual-career couples
face, they must move from having parallel, independent careers
and lives to having interdependent ones.

careers and lives to having interdepen- ability to build a strong community. Idea in Brief
dent ones. Basing the decision to move to Mexico
on Jamal’s higher salary meant that he THE PROBLEM
My research shows two common and Emily ignored their other interests, When both members of a couple
traps for couples negotiating their way feeding their discontent. have demanding careers, their
through their first transition: work and personal lives are
Couples who are successful discuss deeply intertwined—and often
Concentrating exclusively on the the foundations and the structure of at odds.
practical. In the first transition in par- their joint path forward. First, they must
come to some agreement on core aspects THE TRANSITIONS
ticular, couples often look for logistical of their relationship: their values, Dual-career couples tend to
solutions to their challenges, as Jamal boundaries, and fears. (See the sidebar go through three phases of
and Emily did when they arranged for “A Guide to Couple Contracting.”) Nego- being particularly vulnerable:
extra child care and negotiated how tiating and finding common ground in when they first learn to work
many weekends Jamal would be home. these areas helps them navigate difficult together as a couple; when they
This focus is understandable—such decisions because they can agree on experience a midlife reinvention;
problems are tangible, and the under- criteria in advance. Doing this together and in the final stages of their
lying psychological and social tensions is important; couples that make this ar- working lives.
are murky and anxiety provoking—but rangement work, I found, make choices
it prolongs the struggle, because those openly and jointly, rather than implicitly THE SOLUTION
tensions remain unresolved. and for each other. The ones I studied Couples who communicate at
who had never addressed their core each transition about values,
Instead of simply negotiating over criteria struggled in later transitions, boundaries, and fears have a
calendars and to-do lists, couples must because those criteria never go away. good chance of being fulfilled
understand, share, and discuss the emo- both in their relationships and
tions, values, and fears underlying their Next, couples must discuss how to in their careers.
decisions. Talking about feelings as well prioritize their careers and divide family
as practicalities can help them mitigate commitments. Striving for 50/50 is not My research shows that couples can
and manage them. always the best option; neither must one feel fulfilled in their careers and rela-
decide to always give the other’s career tionships whichever model they pursue,
Basing decisions primarily on priority. as long as it aligns with their values
money. Many couples focus on eco- and they openly discuss and explicitly
There are three basic models to agree on their options. Couples who
nomic gain as they decide where to live, consider: (1) In primary-secondary, one pursue the third option are often the
whose career to prioritize, and who will partner’s career takes priority over the most successful, although it’s arguably
do the majority of the child care. But as other’s for the duration of their working the most difficult, precisely because
sensible (and sometimes unavoidable) as lives. The primary person dedicates they are forced to address conflicts most
this is, it often means that their decisions more time to work and less to the family, frequently.
end up at odds with their other values and his or her professional commit-
and desires. ments (and geographic requirements)
usually come before the secondary
Few people live for financial gain person’s. (2) In turn taking, the partners
alone. In their careers they are also mo- agree to periodically swap the primary
tivated by continual learning and being and secondary positions. (3) In double-
given greater responsibilities. Outside primary, they continually juggle two
work, they want to spend time with their primary careers.
children and pursue personal interests.
Couples may be attracted to a location
because of proximity to extended family,
the quality of life it affords, or their

99HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

BAL ANCING WORK AND FAMILY
HOW DUAL-CAREER COUPLES MAKE IT WORK

About the Research cities where they felt they could make a example—may need to be reconsidered
home and have two careers. Their con- to allow one partner to quit a job and
I studied 113 dual-career couples. They versations and mapping exercise even- explore alternatives. It may be painful to
ranged in age from 26 to 63, with an tually brought them to a resolution—and question the choices they made together
even distribution among age groups. The a new start in Atlanta, where they would during the previous transition and have
majority of couples—76—were in their first pursue a double-primary model. Three since built their lives around. This can
significant partnership. Participants in years later they are progressing in their be threatening to a relationship; it’s not
the study came from 32 countries on four careers, happy in their family life, and uncommon for one partner to interpret
continents, and their ethnic and religious expecting a second child. the other’s desire to rethink past career
backgrounds reflected this diversity. At the choices as an inclination to rethink the
time of the study, roughly 35% resided in TRANSITION 2 relationship as well, or even to poten-
North America, 40% in Europe, and 25% in tially end it. Couples who handle this
the rest of the world. In 68 of the couples Reinventing Themselves transition well find ways to connect with
at least one partner had children. Eleven and support each other through what
of the couples identified as gay, and the Psychological theory holds that early in can feel like a very solitary process.
rest as straight. Just under 60% of the life many people follow career and per-
participants were pursuing careers in the sonal paths that conform to the expecta- The second transition often begins—
corporate world. The others were spread tions of their parents, friends, peers, and as it did for Camille and Pierre—when
roughly equally among the professions society, whereas in their middle years one partner reexamines a career or
(such as medicine, law, and academia), many feel a pressing need for individu- life path. That person must reflect on
entrepreneurship, government, and the ation, or breaking free of those expec- questions such as: What led me to this
nonprofit sector. tations to become authors of their own impasse? Why did I make the choices I
lives. This tends to happen in people’s made? Who am I? What do I desire from
I interviewed the members of each forties, regardless of their relationship life? Whom do I want to become? He
couple separately, asking them about the status, and is part of a process colloqui- or she should also take time to explore
development of their relationships, their ally known as the midlife crisis. alternative paths, through networking
career paths, their interactions as a couple, events, job shadowing, secondments,
and their family and friend networks. We tend to think of a midlife crisis volunteer work, and so forth. Such
mostly in personal terms (a husband individual reflection and exploration
To work past their deadlock, Emily leaves his wife, for example, and buys a can lead couples to the first trap of the
and Jamal finally discussed what really sports car), but in dual-career couples, second transition:
mattered to them beyond financial the intense focus on professional success
success. They identified pursuit of their means that the partners’ job tracks come Mistrust and defensiveness. Living
chosen careers, proximity to nature, under scrutiny as well. This combined
and a stable home for Aisha where they personal and professional crisis forms with a partner who is absorbed in explor-
could both actively parent her. They the basis of the second transition. ing new paths can feel threatening. Pain-
admitted their fears of growing apart, Camille and Pierre, whose story began ful questions surface: Why is my partner
and in response agreed to an important this article, were in the midst of it. not satisfied? Is this a career problem or
restriction: They would live in the same a relationship problem? Am I to blame?
city and would limit work travel to 25% As each partner wrestles with self- Why does he or she need new people?
of their time. They agreed to place their redefinition, the two often bump up Am I no longer enough? These doubts
geographic boundaries around North against long-settled arrangements they can lead to mistrust and defensiveness,
America, and Jamal suggested that they have made and the identities, relation- which may push the exploring partner to
both draw circles on a map around the ship, and careers they have crafted withdraw further from the relationship,
together. Some of those arrangements— making the other even more mistrust-
whose career takes precedence, for ful and defensive, until eventually the

100 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

Because previous generations retired earlier,
didn’t live as long, and didn’t have access to the gig economy, many
couples lack role models for what reinvention can look like.

relationship itself becomes an obstacle to her exploration and reflection became other. Acknowledging and renegotiating
individuation, rather than a space for it. an impediment to Pierre’s, creating a de- this unspoken arrangement allowed
velopmental and relationship deadlock. James to shoot for his first senior execu-
In such a situation, people should It is important to remember that acting tive position and Matthew to transition
first be open about their concerns and as a secure base does not mean annihi- into the nonprofit sector. The time and
let their partners reassure them that the lating your own wishes, atoning for past care they took to answer their existential
angst is not about them or the relation- selfishness, or being perfect. You can be questions and renegotiate the roles they
ship. Next, they should adopt what lit- a wonderful supporter for your partner played in each other’s lives set them up
erary critics call suspension of disbelief— while requesting support in return and for a renewed period of growth in their
that is, faith that the things they have taking time for yourself. In fact, that will careers and in their relationship.
doubts about will unfold in interesting most likely make you a far better (and
ways and are worth paying attention to. less resentful) supporter. TRANSITION 3
This attitude will both enrich their own
lives and make their partners’ explora- In my research I found that couples Loss and Opportunity
tion easier. who make it through their second transi-
tion are those in which the partners en- Attending her mother’s funeral was
Finally, they should understand their courage each other to do this work—even one of the most difficult experiences of
role as supporters. Psychologists call if it means that one of them is exploring Norah’s life. It was the culmination of
this role in a relationship the secure base and providing support at the same time. two years of immense change for her
and see it as vital to the other partner’s and her husband, Jeremy, who were
growth. Originally identified and de- Once the exploring partner has had in their late fifties. The change began
scribed by the psychologist John Bowlby, a chance to determine what he or she when their fathers unexpectedly passed
the secure base allows us to stretch our- wants in a career, a life, or a relationship, away within five weeks of each other,
selves by stepping outside our comfort the next step is to make it happen—as and they became caregivers for Norah’s
zone while someone by our side soothes a couple. Couples need to renegotiate ailing mother just as their children were
our anxieties about doing so. Without the roles they play in each other’s lives. leaving the nest and their own careers
overly interfering, supporters should Take Matthew and James, another pair were in flux.
encourage their partners’ exploration I spoke with, who had risen through
and reflection, even if it means moving the professional ranks in their 18 years Jeremy is a digital visual artist. His
away from the comfortable relationship together. When Matthew realized that studio’s main projects were ending be-
they’ve already established. he wanted to get off what he called the cause a big client was moving on. Though
success train—on which he felt like a he was sad, he had become confident
Being a secure base for a partner pre- mere passenger—both he and James had enough to feel excited about whatever
sents its own trap, however: to let go of their identity as a power cou- might come next. Norah had been
ple and revisit the career-prioritization working for the same small agricultural
Asymmetric support. In some cou- agreement they had forged during their machinery business for 26 years; she had
first transition. Initially Matthew was re- once wanted to change careers but felt
ples one partner consistently supports luctant to talk to James about his doubts, that she couldn’t do so while Jeremy was
the other without receiving support in because he questioned whether James relying on her for emotional and logistical
return. That’s what happened to Camille would still love him if he changed direc- support. Now she was being asked to take
and Pierre. Pierre’s experience in his for- tion. When they started discussing this, an early retirement deal. She felt thrown
mer marriage, in which his wife gave up however, they realized that their identity on the scrap heap despite her long com-
her career for his, made him determined as a power couple had trapped them mitment to the company. No career, no
to support Camille, and he initially in a dynamic in which both needed to parents, no children to care for—who was
stepped up to be a secure base for her. succeed but neither could outshine the she now? She felt disoriented and adrift.
Their lives were so packed, however, that
Camille had trouble finding the energy
to return the favor. The result was that

101HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

BAL ANCING WORK AND FAMILY
HOW DUAL-CAREER COUPLES MAKE IT WORK

The third transition is typically trig- their life path to support who they want They may be tired from years of taking
gered by shifting roles later in life, which to become. care of others, or just from staying on the
often create a profound sense of loss. treadmill. As their roles shift and doubts
Careers plateau or decline; bodies are no One thing that struck me when I spoke about their identities grow, reinven-
longer what they once were; children, if to couples in their third transition is that tion may be beyond consideration. In
there are any, leave home. Sometimes it’s most powerful when partners rein- addition, because previous generations
one partner’s career is going strong while vent themselves together—not just re- retired earlier, didn’t live as long, and
the other’s begins to ebb. Having raced flecting jointly, as in the other transitions, didn’t have access to the gig economy,
through decades of career growth and but actually taking on a new activity or many couples lack role models for what
child-rearing, couples wake up with project side by side. When one is curious reinvention can look like at this stage of
someone who may have changed since about a partner’s life and work as well life. If they don’t deliberately broaden
the time they fell in love. They may both as one’s own, an immense capacity for their horizons, they miss opportunities
feel that way. These changes again raise mutual revitalization is unlocked. I met to discover themselves anew.
fundamental questions of identity: Who many couples who were charting new
am I now? Who do I want to be for the paths out of this transition that involved So couples must explore again. Even
rest of my life? a merging of their work—launching a new more than in the second transition, they
business together, for example. need to flirt with multiple possibilities.
Although loss usually triggers it, the Like healthy children, who are curious
third transition heralds opportunity. The third transition also has its traps: about the world, themselves, and those
Chances for late-in-life reinvention around them, they can actively seek
abound, especially in today’s world. Life Unfinished business. For better or new experiences and experiment, avoid
expectancy is rising across the globe, taking things for granted, and constantly
and older couples may have several for worse, earlier relational patterns, ask “Why?” Most of us suppress our
decades of reasonably good health approaches, decisions, and assump- childhood curiosity as life progresses
and freedom from intensive parenting tions will influence how a couple’s third and responsibilities pile up. But it is vital
responsibilities. As careers and work be- transition unfolds. I found that the to overcome the fear of leaving behind
come more flexible, especially for those most common challenge in managing a cherished self and allow ambitions and
with experience, people can engage this transition was overcoming regret priorities to diversify. Exploring at this
in multiple activities more easily than about perceived failures in the way the stage is rejuvenating.
previous generations could—combining partners had “worked” as a couple—how
advisory or consulting work with board they had prioritized their careers, or Shifts in people’s roles and identities
service, for example. Their activities how each partner had supported the offer a perfect excuse to question their
often include giving back to the com- other’s development (or not). current work, life, and loves. Many peo-
munity, leaving some kind of legacy, ple associate exploring with looking for
mentoring younger generations, redis- To move through the third transition, new options, which is surely important.
covering passions of their youth, or ded- couples must acknowledge how they got But it’s also about questioning assump-
icating themselves more to friendships. where they are and commit to playing tions and approaches and asking, “Is this
new roles for each other in the future. really how things need to be?”
Their task in the third transition is For example, Norah and Jeremy had be-
to again reinvent themselves—this time come stuck in a pattern in which Norah Having rebalanced their support for
in a way that is both grounded in past was Jeremy’s supporter. By recognizing each other, Norah and Jeremy could
accomplishments and optimistic about this—and both their roles in cementing open up to new possibilities. Having
possibilities for the future. They must it—they were able to become more earned financial security from their
mourn the old, welcome the new, figure mutually supportive. previous work, they sought reinvention
out how the two fit together, and adjust not only in their careers but also in their
Narrow horizons. By the time a wider roles in the world. Encouraging

couple reaches the third transition, they
will probably have suffered their fair
share of disappointments and setbacks.

102 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

A Guide to Couple Contracting

Drawing on my research, I’ve common ground and where your Boundaries family will encroach on your
developed a systematic tool values and boundaries diverge. relationship, that over time the
to help dual-career couples No couple has perfect overlap in Setting clear boundaries two of you will grow apart, that
who are facing any of the those two areas, but if they are together allows you to make big your partner will have an affair,
three transitions described too divergent, negotiate a middle decisions more easily. Consider that you will have to sacrifice
in this article. I call it couple ground. If, for example, one of three types of boundaries: place, your career for your partner’s,
contracting, because to shape you could tolerate living apart for time, and presence. or that you may not be able to
their joint path, partners must a period but the other could not, have children. But sharing these
address three areas—values, you’ll need to shape a boundary Questions to ask each other: Are fears allows you to build greater
boundaries, and fears—and find that works for both of you. there places where you’d love to empathy and support. If you
common ground in each. Values work and live at some point in know that your partner is worried
define the direction of your path, Values your life? Are there places you’d about the role of your parents
boundaries set its borders, and prefer to avoid? Understanding in your lives, for example, you
fears reveal the potential cliffs When our choices and actions that we may sometimes have to are more likely to manage the
to avoid on either side. Sharing a align with our values, we feel put in more hours than we’d like, boundary between them and your
clear view in these three domains content; when they don’t, we feel how much work is too much? partnership sensitively. Likewise,
will make it easier to negotiate stressed and unhappy. Openly How would you feel about our if you are interested in a risky
and overcome the challenges you discussing your values will make taking jobs in different cities and career transition but worried that
encounter together. it easier to make choices that living apart for a period? For how financial commitments would
align with them. For example, if long? How much work travel is prevent it, you might agree to cut
First, take some time on you and your partner know you too much, and how will we juggle back on family spending in order
your own to write down your both greatly value family time, travel between us? to build a buffer.
thoughts about each of the you’ll be clear that neither of you
three areas. Then share your should take a job requiring 70- Fears Questions to ask each other:
reflections with each other. hour workweeks. What are your concerns for the
Listen to and acknowledge each Monitoring each other’s fears can future? What’s your biggest fear
other’s responses, resisting Questions to ask each other: help you spot trouble and take about how our relationship and
any temptation to diminish or What makes you happy preventive action before your careers interact? What do you
discount your partner’s fears. and proud? What gives you relationship enters dangerous dread might happen in our lives?
Next, note where you have satisfaction? What makes for a territory. Many fears are endemic
good life? to relationships and careers: You
may worry that your partner’s

each other, they both transitioned to accommodate to a major life event by that instead of obsessively trying to
portfolio working lives. Jeremy became a negotiating the roles they will play in maintain an even “score,” dual-career
freelance digital visual artist, took a part- each other’s lives. Over time those roles couples are better off being relentlessly
time role teaching young art students at become constraining and spark the curious, communicative, and proactive
a local college, and dedicated more time restlessness and questioning that lead in making choices about combining
to his passion of dinghy sailing. Norah to the second transition. To successfully their lives.
retrained to be a counselor working with navigate the third transition, couples
distressed families and began volunteer- must address regrets and developmental HBR Reprint R1905B
ing at a local agricultural museum. With asymmetries left over from their first
these new opportunities and more time two transitions. Jennifer Petriglieri is an associate
for each other and their friends, they felt professor of organizational behavior at
newfound satisfaction with their work No one right path or solution exists INSEAD and the author of Couples That
and with their relationship. for meeting these challenges. Although Work: How Dual-Career Couples Can Thrive
the 50/50 marriage—in which house- in Love and Work (Harvard Business Review
T H E C H A L L E N G E S C O U P L E S FAC E at work and child care are divided equally Press, 2019). At INSEAD she directs the
each transition are different but linked. between the partners, and their careers Management Acceleration Programme,
In their first transition, the partners are perfectly synched—may seem like the Women Leaders Programme, and the
a noble ideal, my research suggests Gender Diversity Programme.

103HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

BAL ANCING WORK AND FAMILY

Quick Takes

1. How Dual-Career Couples Can Work little or no support because
Through the Coronavirus Crisis of strict social-distance
guidelines.
→ by JENNIFER PETRIGLIERI
Work itself is much more
A L I T T L E M O R E than two a third child, or a divorce,” and their relationships. But stressful than usual—as our IS MY LIFE/GETTY IMAGES
months after the start of Chi- quipped one of my Italian now millions of dual-career face-to-face work moves
na’s coronavirus lockdown, relatives as France, where my couples across the world are, online, our organizations
just as restrictions began to husband and I live, followed like us, finding themselves struggle to serve customers,
ease, a startling new figure Italy into an open-ended in a situation that a month and our job security itself be-
has emerged: The divorce rate lockdown. Four days into it, ago seemed inconceivable comes uncertain—so there is
in the city of Xi’an, the heart I can see why. and are navigating it without plenty of frustration and anx-
of the Shaanxi Province, has a road map: both partners iety to take home. And now
spiked. The numbers from In my work researching forced into working full-time it is home: Our homes have
Italy are not yet available, dual-career couples I’ve from home. Many of these become the spaces where we
but the jokes abound. “You’ll seen how even with a lot couples also have to care deal with these challenges.
either come out of this with on their plates, couples can for children full-time with With no clear division of
thrive in both their careers labor between paid work and
housework, dual-career cou-
ples are facing a host of new
and unfamiliar challenges.
How can both partners work
productively under the same
roof? Who gets to use the
home office, and when? How
can we avoid falling into the
trap of overwork and burnout
that is prevalent among
home workers? How can we
deal with each other’s mildly
annoying habits that, when
lived with 24/7, suddenly
become bones of contention?
And, for those who are also
working parents, how do
we keep the kids occupied
and homeschooled, with no
friends, grandparents, or paid
childcare givers to help?

Most of the advice I’m
seeing in response to these
questions suggests that
couples need to focus on
the practicalities: Schedule

104 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

If you understand why each other’s work needs to take
priority at certain moments, it’s easier to accept the sacrifices you’ll
both have to make.

your days. Never work at the This “crisis deal” is based on this time? Is there a particular best if you decide in advance
kitchen table. Close the door the couples contract that I work project you want to which one you’re following.
to your home office. Divide describe in my book Couples see through to completion? This can give you some logic
the chores. Talk to your boss. That Work as vital for all A relationship you want to to use as you split up each
Alternate shifts between dual-career couples to thrive. foster? Do you want to use day’s working hours between
childcare and work. Take reg- But couples can’t just set a the time at home to map out you. If you understand why
ular breaks. Don’t lose sleep. contract once and be done: your next career transition? each other’s work needs to
Leverage technology. They must adjust the deal Is your kids’ education top take priority at certain mo-
when major changes arrive— of mind? ments, it’s easier to accept the
These practicalities are especially when a crisis hits. sacrifices you’ll both have to
clearly important, and all Understanding and sharing make in this period without
couples—indeed all workers— It doesn’t take long to fig- these goals is important building up resentments.
will need to make serious ure out a crisis deal. You can because it is the best guide to
adjustments. But my six do it tonight with your part- how to divide up your time. What are your parenting
years of research has taught ner. First, take a few minutes Most of us will be less produc- principles during this pe-
me that what determines individually to jot down your tive on any given front during riod? These are extraordinary
which couples will go their thoughts on each of the ques- this period. But imagine
separate ways when the crisis tions set out below. Consider a yourself looking back three times for working parents,
ends and which will have a time horizon of three months months from now: What are and the principles we usually
second honeymoon period (at this point we don’t know the yardsticks you will use to stick to will need to adapt. Do
(and perhaps a third child to how long the situation will measure whether you spent you need to loosen screen-
boot!) will not be how they last, but this is my educated your time wisely? time agreements? How
deal with the practicalities. guess based on China’s expe- involved in homeschooling
It’s not about who will brave rience). Once you’ve gathered What is the relative prior- do you want and need to be?
the pandemic to go out and and written down your own ity of your careers over the What are the aspects of your
buy milk. thoughts, share them with coming months? If you’re children’s lives that are most
your partner point by point important to you? Outdoor
Instead, my research— and work together to find both working from home time, reading time, sports,
for which I’ve interviewed common ground. Write down and simultaneously manag- study? How will you talk
more than 100 couples— what you agree on. This will ing other commitments like about the crisis and contain
shows that the couples who make your crisis deal a living caring for children or older your children’s anxieties?
survive crises with their re- deal that you can revisit every parents, you will need to If you and your partner are
lationship and careers intact week to make sure you are on figure out whose work gets on the same page and can
are those who discuss and track. You can also look to the priority when. Do you have communicate these adjusted
agree on certain principles as agreement as the basis for the a stable deal in which one principles clearly to your
the crisis begins. These should practical problems that you of your careers consistently children, it will make keeping
capture what matters most will need to tackle next. takes priority over the other? the boundaries (and peace) at
to them, what they need Do you try to maintain a home a bit easier.
and want to achieve, what What matters most to you 50/50 split? Or are there cer-
they need from each other, in this period? The easy tain weeks when one of you What do you need from
and what they must give in will need to have priority over each other to make this
return. These principles, once answer for all of us is the working time? all work? We are all craving
set in an agreement, drive health and safety of our loved
the practical solutions they ones. But beyond this, what My research has shown support, but what does that
adopt as the crisis unfolds. are your top three goals for that any one of these arrange- look like for you? Emotional
ments can work—but it works

105HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

Adapting to your partner’s needs demonstrates the
goodwill and love we’ll all need to make it through these times.

or practical? Do you need to Faced with a crisis, our 2. A Guide for Working
know that you’ll have 15 min- focus often narrows to the im- (from Home) Parents
utes of undivided attention mediate tasks at hand. As one
every evening to check in and woman I spoke to remarked: → by AVNI PATEL THOMPSON
debrief the day? Do you need “It’s easy for this situation to
your partner to share some put you in task mode. I’m re- WESTEND61/GETTY IMAGES
of the tasks that you usually alizing, though, that we need
take full responsibility for? to figure out a new deal to
What do you need from your get through it.” My research
partner to help you stick to concurs: Couples that work
your crisis deal? You will are those who put their deal
both probably need differ- first. Only then do they move
ent things from each other. on to the practicalities.
Adapting to your partner’s
needs demonstrates the As long as the principles
goodwill and love we’ll you agreed to in your deal
all need to make it through serve as the logic for your
these times. practicalities, and as long as
you keep that conversation
What concerns you the alive, you’ll get through this
most? The crisis and the real- period—and perhaps your
relationship will be even
ity of working from home for stronger. Wedding bells may
an extended period provoke sound, a second honeymoon
anxiety in most of us. Do you might get booked, or tiny
worry about your job secu- clothes may get knitted—at
rity? Managing the boundar- which point you’ll need to
ies between work and kids? negotiate another deal!
Getting quality couple time?
Is cabin fever setting in? What HBR Reprint H05HWE
will you do if one or both of
you become seriously ill? In Originally published on HBR.org
times of crisis many of us March 27, 2020
adopt a stiff-upper-lip stance
and bottle up our concerns. Jennifer Petriglieri is an associ-
This is not helpful within ate professor of organizational
a couple. Understanding behavior at INSEAD and the
each other’s key concerns is author of Couples That Work:
critical, because it makes us How Dual-Career Couples Can
more attentive and sensitive. Thrive in Love and Work (Har-
And when we understand our vard Business Review Press,
partner’s concerns, we can 2019). Her recent Survival
take practical steps to soothe Series is a free online course to
or mitigate them. help working couples through
the Covid-19 crisis.

106 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

BAL ANCING WORK AND FAMILY
QUICK TAKES

A M I R A N D R I A are working and spending quality time San Francisco, and New mix of educational and craft
professionals living in Seattle: together on the weekends. York City that have already activities before one more
He works at Amazon, and been experiencing this new outdoor time. They ate dinner
she’s the CEO of an early- Things all became more normal. at 5 PM before the parents
stage start-up. They have two complicated this spring with came home at 6 PM. In the
kids, Amara and Aryan, who the outbreak of Covid-19 in Their experiences have evening they read books and
are six and two years old. Seattle and its suburbs. First taught us that inventing new played before bedtime at 7:30
They’re used to managing Amazon asked all employ- ways to preserve old routines or 8 PM.
the usual challenges of dual ees to start working from is key. Maintaining a sense of
working parents—coordinat- home, and then a week later familiarity and consistency I’d advise this family to
ing childcare with schools Amara’s school announced is both comforting and thera- keep their routine. Whether
and activities, managing they would be closing for four peutic in times of upheaval— or not they still have the
meals and household chores, weeks, potentially more. Ria’s and it’s also practical. When nanny, they should try to
office and Aryan’s daycare you’re going to be fighting keep the meals, blocks of
closed soon after. Since then, for every inch of productiv- activity, and outdoor time.
Amir and Ria have been jug- ity, you want each day to (I’ve personally used this
gling full-time childcare for feel like an established habit, approach when traveling
both kids and working from no wasted time on wonder- with the family for extended
home while trying to preserve ing what’s for lunch or periods.) You’ll be creating
as much productivity as when the family is going the actual schedules in the
possible. outside to play. next step, but the key first is
identifying the foundation on
For the first week, they Here are three steps to the basis of what you already
approached the situation bring your old plan into your know.
like a vacation, with little new normal:
structure around schedule or 2. Create modified
duties. This quickly turned 1. Maintain routines. schedules.
into a frustrating situation
for everyone. They weren’t The first step is to keep the Next, build a schedule for
getting work done, they were structure of the day the each week that incorporates
worried about how much same as it has typically these routines at a high level
they were relying on a tablet been. Beyond the benefits but is modified to account for
to keep Amara entertained, of familiarity, maintaining a your work blocks and other
and regular things like meals regular schedule will give you new responsibilities: meals,
and cleaning seemed to be firm guideposts for building chores, and childcare.
just piling up. Being all stuck your work and childcare
together in a closed space just schedules. We’ve modified the
made it worse. “Sunday check-in” planning
For one family we work rundown we created for busy
As a company that builds with, their daily routine working parents specifically
software to help working used to include breakfast at in these chaotic times, when
parents collaboratively run 8:15 AM for the kids and then planning out the week is even
their families, we routinely a day of activities with the more important.
gather the best practices of nanny after the parents left
busy parents and have been for work: an hour of free-play In your plans, make sure
polling families in Seattle, time, an outdoor adventure, you’ve covered:
lunch at home, and then a
• Your kids’ schedules

107HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

We need to find safe and responsible ways to help out one
another while upholding our responsibilities at work and at home.

• What you will have for or doing some heads-down Creative athletic activities responsible ways to help out
each meal work. for the kids. Register your one another while upholding
our responsibilities at work
• Chores (laundry, dishes, It will feel like you need kids for free online classes and at home. Lean on your
tidying, cleaning) to squeeze every ounce of like Cosmic Yoga, Art Hub for village—the other parents in
productivity out of every Kids, or Go Noodle. Schedule your community—to share
• Key work meetings or minute in the day. Many of us these during the times they responsibilities, looking out
times when it’s critical you will have to work early in the might otherwise be doing especially for those who
have someone to cover your morning or after the kids are after-school activities. They might need extra help, such
work while you handle a in bed. But be sure to sched- should get some exercise as health care or hourly work-
household task ule in breaks and unstruc- every day, too—this could ers left without childcare. Ac-
tured times to unwind and even be just going into the cept that things are not going
Put this information into connect with your partner backyard to do some soccer to run completely smoothly
a calendar and assign shifts and kids. This is going to be a drills or play catch. and we aren’t going to all be
and duties to specific family marathon, and it’s important our 100% productive selves.
members. Our family has a to find ways to not burn out. Parent pods. Find a group But with tempered expecta-
Google calendar, and we’ve tions, a flexible approach,
created a simple example 3. Swap in new ways to of three or four other families and resourcefulness, you’ll
that families can use to create do old things. you’re close with and create be amazed at how we can
their kids’ schedules and add a shared pool of resources, all adapt. With any luck, we’ll
shifts on top. Finally, if your kids are used whether it’s meal plans, emerge from this crisis even
to having playdates or weekly activity schedules, or lesson stronger and more collabora-
Finally, create work blocks. activities, find ways to keep plans. tive: a modern take on an age-
Depending on your childcare, those events on the calendar, old approach to parenting.
community, and quarantine just in a new form. Everyone Book club or sports-
situation, here are three ways will appreciate the social viewing nights for you. HBR Reprint H05HN7
to make this work: time, and, as a bonus, it also
can buy you 30 minutes of Staying social, active, and Originally published on HBR.org
A partner swap. Four-hour uninterrupted work time. connected is just as important March 19, 2020
Consider these options: for the adults. If you don’t
shifts in which one partner already have one, create a Avni Patel Thompson is the
works and the other cares Virtual playdates. Choose book club or a sports/TV founder and CEO of Modern
for kids. show viewing club. Put it into Village, whose mission is to
Google Hangouts (or Zoom if people’s calendars and set up lighten the invisible load of rais-
Short shifts. 30-minute to you prefer) and send invites a video call so that everyone ing families through thoughtful,
to the parents of your kids’ can watch together. Make collaborative technology. She
two-hour shifts that rotate friends. For the playdate sure to still get your work- is a third-time founder building
among some number of itself, have a station set up outs in with a run outside, technology solutions for today’s
adults. in your house with a tablet, an indoor circuit, or online parents. Prior to taking the en-
laptop, or Alexa Show/ options. Even a family walk trepreneurial plunge, she spent
Video shifts. While you’ll Facebook Portal ready to go. around the block will do more than a decade building
During the playdate, it can be wonders. consumer businesses at P&G,
still need to be paying some as simple as the kids catching adidas, and Starbucks.
attention, it’s possible, up and coloring together or We need to lean on our
especially with older kids, one of the parents leading an village now more than ever.
to organize virtual playdates activity or reading books. The nature of this crisis
(more on this below) or calls requires that we find safe and
with grandparents that will
keep them entertained while
you’re getting in a phone call

108 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

BAL ANCING WORK AND FAMILY
QUICK TAKES

3. Working Parents, Make Friends matter. We share
Friendships a Part of Your Routine our innermost secrets with
our closest friends, and we
→ by NEAL J. ROESE AND KYLE S.H. DOBSON can count on them in an
emergency. Research shows
VISUALSPACE/GETTY IMAGES M O N I C A G E N T LY T U C KS her to call a friend back first, but while still feeling successful that close friendships are piv-
two-year-old son Hudson into she just doesn’t have the time and committed in both areas. otal to both psychological and
bed. She had just finished up (or energy) tonight. Friendships barely register physical well-being. Close
work as a senior manager at in this balancing act. That’s friendships bring stronger
a global bank. As she quietly For Monica and many a big problem. Basic research emotional well-being. Friends
closes the door to her son’s other parents managing in psychology shows that benefit our basic physiology,
bedroom, her mind flips back challenging careers, a funda- friends are a key contribu- as shown by studies that link
to the documents she still mental struggle is balancing tor to not only the mental social connections to cellular-
needs to review in prepara- work versus family. Whether well-being of working parents level protection against
tion for an early meeting the parenting toddlers or teenag- but their career success disease. For instance, we are
next morning. She had hoped ers, working parents can find as well. less likely to catch a cold if
it difficult to divide their time we have a solid network of
friends. Indeed, having a
solid friendship network can
reduce mortality as much as
50%. Friends also boost work
performance. For one thing,
friends (who do not work
at your company) give you
an “outside view” that can
unlock new insights and open
your eyes to broader perspec-
tives. For another, friends are
a stress reducer. A happy hour
after work with friends after
a challenging workday, even
virtually, may calm the mind
as well as the body.

Even if parents recognize
the importance of their
friends, it’s all too easy to let
those get-togethers fall to the
bottom of the priority list.
In fact, the time spent with
friends drops steadily over
our life span; from its peak in
the teen years, the fastest de-
cline happens in our 20s and

109HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

BAL ANCING WORK AND FAMILY
QUICK TAKES

30s, which is precisely the age FaceTime. Connect on Zoom connecting online, especially focused, and connected
range in which children first when you’re reading a bed- now with so many of us social throughout the workday.
enter our lives. time story to your kids and distancing. As you consider Create a virtual coffee break
let your friend’s kids listen the power of bundling, the with video and your own
So what can we do? in. The special sauce behind following tech options are home brew.
Friendships are nurtured bundling is that you need not just the tip of the iceberg:
by simple shared experiences, be in the same place, just the Parents with careers have
like attending the same same time. • Use Zoom or Skype while an enormous challenge in
class, sweating at the gym cooking. Try cooking or time management, but that
together, or even using the Bundling allows us to baking the same thing as challenge can actually be as-
same elevator in your apart- include friends in our messy your friend in real time while sisted, not worsened, by tak-
ment complex. So it is no lives. Unlike a happy hour, watching each other’s cre- ing the time to connect with
surprise that friendships are bundling doesn’t sacrifice ations unfold. friends. There are many ways
reinforced through focused any of our precious free to keep in touch with your
sharing—think book clubs time—and we don’t even • Use Marco Polo to create friends without sacrificing
and wine-tasting events. But need to leave the house. brief video messages in the who you are. Encourage your
staging these focused get- Rather, bundling allows us to moment that your friend can friends to bundle their tasks
togethers is tough when you leverage our current activities view later in the day. Keep it with you—it may help both of
have children, and tougher as parents to simultaneously short and real. you without adding any extra
still when your best friend strengthen our friendships. effort or stress. Any time you
lives on the other side of the Integrating our friends into • Wear noise-canceling intend to do something alone,
continent—or the planet! the necessary parts of our earbuds to talk on the phone ask yourself if there’s a way
The solution we are explor- lives makes us more authen- (yes, the phone) while doing you can include a friend.
ing in our scholarly research tic by showing them what is housework like emptying the
is one we call bundling. really happening behind the dishwasher, doing laundry, or HBR Reprint H05LGU
Bundling is the creation of scenes (rather than the happy cleaning up.
shared experience by combin- front we display in Facebook Originally published on HBR.org
ing, or bundling together, posts). This kind of intimate • Use FaceTime or Duo May 12, 2020
two friends’ mundane life self-disclosure and vulnera- while grocery shopping. Show
tasks. Rather than carving out bility is a key ingredient for off the odd and esoteric items Neal J. Roese is the SC Johnson
unique time for a book club, maintaining close relation- you buy for your kids. Chair in Global Marketing at the
pick a task that you do any- ships. Bundling can be quick, Kellogg School of Management
way on your own, like shop- too. It may take only a weekly • To simulate the movie at Northwestern University.
ping for groceries, cooking call while you clean your theater experience with your Kyle S.H. Dobson is a post-
dinner, or reading bedtime living room to make you feel family and your friend’s doctoral fellow at the Popu-
stories. Then, connect it with close to a friend who lives in family, click “play” on Hulu lation Research Center of the
a friend who is doing that another city. or Netflix on the phone at the University of Texas at Austin.
same thing by using technol- same time, hang up, and then
ogy. For instance, grocery- The great news about talk about the movie after it’s
shop at the same time as your bundling is that we now live over. If the movie is a comedy,
friend while talking to her on in a time of abundance in tech try adding a voice-only
your AirPods. While cooking solutions to help us share connection to your friend’s
dinner, share your kitchen our moments. Many working house so that you can hear
tricks with your friend on parents are discovering a the reaction to the funny bits;
plethora of tech products for laughter is infectious.

• Use Slack instead of text
messaging to keep each other
up to date with your goals,

110 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

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MANAGING OTHERS

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED JUNE 2016 lives: their role as parents (actual or
anticipated), their personal needs, and
Managing the even their health. This reality is difficult
High-Intensity to talk about, let alone challenge, because
Workplace despite the well-documented personal
and physical costs of these choices, an
An “always available” culture breeds a overwhelming number of people believe
variety of dysfunctional behaviors. that achieving success requires them
and those around them to conform to
→ by ERIN REID and LAKSHMI RAMARAJAN this ideal. That commonplace belief
sometimes even causes people to resist
TA L E S O F T I M E - H U N G RY organizations— depth at tech start-ups, at investment well-planned organizational changes that
from Silicon Valley to Wall Street banks, and in medical organizations. In could reduce the pressure to be available
and from London to Hong Kong— such places, any suggestion of meaning- day and night. When Best Buy, for exam-
abound. Managers routinely overload ful outside interests and commitments ple, attempted to focus on results and
their subordinates, contact them outside can signal a lack of fitness for the job. avoid long work hours, some managers
of business hours, and make last-minute balked, holding tightly to the belief that
requests for additional work. To satisfy That’s what Carla Harris feared when selfless devotion to the job was necessary.
those demands, employees arrive she started at Morgan Stanley, where
early, stay late, pull all-nighters, work she is now a senior executive. She also The pressure to be an ideal worker is
weekends, and remain tied to their happens to be a passionate gospel well established, but how people cope
electronic devices 24/7. And those who singer with three CDs and numerous with it—and with what consequences—is
are unable—or unwilling—to respond concerts to her credit. But early in her too often left unexplored. Is it beneficial
typically get penalized. business career, she kept that part of her to weave ideal-worker expectations into
life private, concerned that being open a company culture? Is it necessary, at an
By operating in this way, organiza- about the time she devoted to singing individual level, to meet those expecta-
tions pressure employees to become would hurt her professionally. Multiple tions? Interviews that we have con-
what sociologists have called ideal work- research studies suggest that she had ducted with hundreds of professionals
ers: people totally dedicated to their jobs good reason to worry. in a variety of fields—including consult-
and always on call. The phenomenon is ing, finance, architecture, entrepreneur-
widespread in professional and mana- To be ideal workers, people must ship, journalism, and teaching—suggest
gerial settings; it’s been documented in choose, again and again, to prioritize that being an ideal worker is often nei-
their jobs ahead of other parts of their ther necessary nor beneficial. A majority
of employees—men and women, parents
and nonparents—find it difficult to stifle
other aspects of themselves and focus
single-mindedly on work. They grapple
painfully with how to manage other
parts of their lives. The solutions they
arrive at may allow them to navigate the
stresses, but they often suffer serious
and dysfunctional consequences.

In the following pages, we describe
strategies that people commonly use

112 HBR Special Issue  Illustration by MUTI/FOLIO ART
Winter 2020



MANAGING OTHERS
MANAGING THE HIGH-INTENSITY WORKPLACE

to manage the pressure to be 100% When work is enjoyable and reward- Passing. The strategy employed by
available and 100% committed to work, ing, an accepting strategy may be benefi-
as well as the effects of those strategies cial, allowing people to succeed and ad- another group of workers is to devote
on the individuals themselves, on those vance in their careers. But a professional time to nonwork activities—but under
they supervise, and on the organizations identity that crowds out everything else the organization’s radar. At the consult-
they work for. Finally, we suggest a route makes people more vulnerable to career ing firm, 27% of the study participants
to a healthier—and ultimately more threats, because they have psycholog- fell into this group. These people were
productive—organizational culture that ically put all their eggs in one basket. “passing”—a term originally used by
can be driven by individual managers’ When job loss or other setbacks occur, sociologist Erving Goffman to describe
small changes. accepters find it particularly difficult to how people try to hide personal char-
cope, as other parts of their lives have acteristics (such as physical disabilities
Three Strategies withered away. For accepters, treating or race) that might stigmatize them and
work as the be-all and end-all may be subject them to discrimination. Con-
In our research we found that people fulfilling when the job is going well, but sultants who were successful in passing
typically rely on one of three strate- it leads to fragility in the long term. as ideal workers received performance
gies: accepting and conforming to the ratings that were just as high as those
demands of a high-pressure workplace; Furthermore, people who buy in to given to peers who genuinely embraced
passing as ideal workers by quietly find- the ideal-worker culture find it difficult to the 24/7 culture, and colleagues
ing ways around the norm; or revealing understand those who do not. As a result, perceived them as being “always on.”
their other commitments and their accepters can become the main drivers
unwillingness to abandon them. of organizational pressure for round- We found that although people across
the-clock availability. They tend to have professions developed ways to pass,
Accepting. Many people manage trouble managing people who have lives their strategies for doing so varied. For
outside the office. One senior consultant, example, some consultants focused on
the pressure to be fully devoted to work describing the kind of employee he pre- local industries, which permitted them
by simply giving in and conforming. fers to work with, said: to develop rosters of clients they could
Indeed, at one consulting firm among serve with minimal travel time, thus
the companies we studied, 43% of the I want someone who’s lying awake opening up space for other parts of their
people interviewed fell into this group. at night thinking, Man, what are we lives. One consultant explained how he
In their quest to succeed on the job, going to do in this meeting tomorrow? was able to carve out time to sustain his
“accepters” prioritize their work Because that’s what I do. romantic partnership and be an amateur
identities and sacrifice or significantly athlete while still appearing to be an
suppress other meaningful aspects of Perhaps surprisingly, accepters aren’t ideal worker:
who they are. People we spoke to across necessarily good mentors even to people
professions told us, somewhat ruefully, who are trying to conform to the organi- Travel comes out of your personal
of giving up dreams of being civically zation’s expectations. It can be difficult time, always. That’s why I work for
engaged, running marathons, or getting for junior colleagues to get these individ- [local businesses]. They are all right
deeply involved in their family lives. One uals’ time and attention, in part because nearby, and I take a car.
architect reported: accepters are so absorbed in the job. In
the words of one consultant, “They can Another consultant also limited
For me, design is 24/7. This project I’m no longer understand how unbelievably himself to working with local clients
designing, my boss emails me at all stressful it is to come in not knowing and often telecommuted to reduce his
hours of the night—midnight, 6 AM. how to play the game.” As a result, they work hours. He used another key tool as
I can never plan my time, and I’m often take a sink-or-swim approach to well: controlling information about his
kind of at his beck and call. junior-colleague development. whereabouts. He reported (with some
pleasure) that he had actually skied

114 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

every day the previous week—without don’t necessarily want to encourage Idea in Brief
claiming any personal time. Yet senior conformance to the ideal-worker image,
colleagues saw him as a rising star who but on the other hand, advising subor- THE CONTEXT
worked much harder than most people dinates to pass—and effectively engage The expectation that people
at the firm. in subterfuge—is also problematic. So will be totally available and
is suggesting open resistance to the de- committed to work has never
For other passers, the ticket to success mands for round-the clock availability, been stronger—but even in
was not staying local but exploiting because (as we shall see) the careers of high-intensity environments,
distance. A journalist we interviewed people who resist are likely to suffer. To most people don’t conform to
described taking a regional reporting complicate matters further, passers may that ideal.
assignment for a prestigious national believe that most people in the organiza-
newspaper, which allowed him to work tion want to work all the time. One senior THE PROBLEM
from home, engage with his family, and leader who himself passed but avoided The strategies employees
file his articles in the evenings after his counseling his employees to do likewise use to cope with unrealistic
children went to bed, all while retain- made this comment: expectations often prove
ing a reputation as an ideal worker. He damaging to them and to the
laughed, saying: I want [my employees] to be happy, organizations they work for.
but if they derive their happiness
No one ever really knew where I was, from working a lot, that’s not for me THE SOLUTION
because I was hundreds of miles from to judge. It’s time to redefine the “ideal”
the home base. I was the only one in worker. People will be more
my region. A subtly destructive aspect of passing engaged and productive—and
is that by failing to openly challenge the organizations more successful—
Although passing enables people to ideal-worker culture, passers allow that if individuals aren’t pressured
survive in demanding cultures without culture to persist. Their track records to suppress their complicated,
giving their all to work, passers pay prove that people don’t need to be work- multilayered identities.
a psychological price for hiding parts aholics to succeed—but the organization
of themselves from their colleagues, continues to design and measure work as consequences. At the consulting firm,
superiors, and subordinates. Human if that were the case. performance reviews and promotion data
beings have a need to express them- showed that revealers paid a substantial
selves and to be known by others. When Revealing. Not everyone wants penalty. For example, one consultant
important aspects of their identities indicated his unwillingness to make
cannot be shared at work, people may to pass—or can—and some who initially work his top priority when he asked
feel insecure and inauthentic—not to pass grow frustrated with this strategy for paternity leave. With his wife eight
mention disengaged. These feelings over time. These people cope by openly months pregnant, the soon-to-be father
have real costs for organizations, too: sharing other parts of their lives and by expected a temporary reprieve. Instead,
Our research indicates that over time, asking for changes to the structure of he faced questions about his dedication:
passers have a relatively high turnover their work, such as reduced schedules
rate. This suggests that although they and other formal accommodations. At One of the partners said to me,
may get by in the short term, hiding key the consulting firm, 30% of those inter- “You have a choice to make. Are
dimensions of themselves from their viewed pursued this strategy. Although you going to be a professional, or
colleagues can be difficult to sustain in it’s often assumed that people who are you going to be just an average
the long run. resist the pressure to be ideal workers person in your field? If you are going
are primarily women with families, to be a professional, then nothing else
Passing as an ideal worker can also we have not encountered enormous can be as important to you as your
make it hard to manage others. Passers gender differences in our research. work. If you want to be world-class,
Data from the consulting firm shows it’s got to be all-consuming.”
that fewer than half of the women were
“revealers,” while more than a quarter
of the men were.

Revealing allows people the validation
of being more fully known by col-
leagues, which is denied to the passers.
However, it can have damaging career

115HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

Surviving a High-Intensity Workplace

There’s no perfect strategy for managing oneself in an organization that values selfless dedication, but it’s useful to know your own
tendencies, understand their risks, and mitigate those risks to the extent possible. To get started, think about this question:

How do you tend to respond to texts and emails from colleagues in the evenings?

RESPONSE STRATEGY MOTIVATION RISKS TO BE AWARE OF WHAT YOU CAN ALTER

Rapid engagement Accepting You devote yourself You may burn out or be slow Set aside blocks of time for other
You always reply and, if completely to work to rebound from setbacks. aspects of your life.
requested, bang out some because it is expected
work (e.g., “I’ll have it for and rewarded. You may have trouble Don’t expect subordinates to make
you in five minutes!”). You mentoring others and work their highest priority.
rarely make evening plans. creating a pipeline of
promotable employees. Be open to different ways of
working.

Feigned attentiveness Passing You seek to protect You may not build close Come out to selected colleagues so
You respond and give the your career while relationships at work. you feel better known and they don’t
impression that you are sustaining other feel compelled to sacrifice their
working (e.g., “Am on it— aspects of your life. You may perpetuate the personal lives.
will take a few hours”). You ideal-worker myth.
tend to make and keep Make it clear that outside activities
evening plans but rarely don’t hurt your performance.
mention them.

Next-day follow-up Revealing You wish to be open in You may damage your career. Emphasize results, not effort, when
Unless it’s urgent, you your relationships and discussing work.
don’t alter your plans (e.g., believe the organization You may sacrifice the
“At a show—will get to this may need to change. credibility needed to Encourage others to be open about
tomorrow”). You may not push for change. their behavior and thus change
even respond that evening. workplace norms.

Over time, being sanctioned for failure There Has to Be a Develop your own multifaceted
to conform can lead to resentment. Better Way identity. People in leadership posi-
Instead of motivating people to devote
themselves first and foremost to their Our research suggests that if employees tions can avoid the fragility that results
work, it may cause them to leave the felt free to draw some lines between their from blind acceptance of ideal-worker
organization in search of a better fit. professional and personal lives, organi- norms by deliberately cultivating their
zations would benefit from greater en- own nonwork identities: a civic self, an
The experience of revealing their gagement, more-open relationships, and athletic self, a family-oriented self. One
nonwork commitments and being penal- more paths to success. We outline three architect told us that when he defined
ized for doing so can make it difficult for steps that managers can take to create a himself solely in terms of his work,
people to manage others. Like passers, richer definition of what it means to be an professional struggles and setbacks
revealers may struggle with encouraging “ideal” worker—without sacrificing high made him miserable. Ironically, as he
their subordinates to accept ideal-worker performance. These changes don’t have broadened his focus, he found more
pressures, but they may shy away from to be pushed by a senior leader within professional fulfillment. As managers
advising resistance because they know the organization; they can be effectively become more resilient, they may also
the costs firsthand. implemented at the team level. learn that employees whose lives are

116 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

MANAGING OTHERS
MANAGING THE HIGH-INTENSITY WORKPLACE

better balanced create value for the work time over work product—which clear direction, many employees simply
organization. motivates people to deceive others about default to the ideal-worker expectation,
how many hours they’re clocking—is an suppressing the need to live more-
Managers can start to change orga- easy trap to fall into, especially for profes- balanced lives.
nizational norms by pointing out the sionals, whose knowledge-based work is
positive things that employees’ outside difficult to evaluate. Managers have the power to change
activities bring to the workplace. One this by flipping the script and actively
consultant whose firm had recently We propose that managers reduce the protecting employees’ nonwork time and
merged with another enterprise ob- incentives for passing (and the costs of identities. They can, for example, institute
served that none of his new colleagues revealing) by encouraging people to focus required vacations, regular leaves, and
ever stayed in the office past 5:30 PM. on achieving their goals and measuring reasonable work hours—for all employ-
When he asked about this pattern, he actual results rather than hours invested. ees, not just some. Making a firm commit-
was told: For example, instead of celebrating a ment to avoid excessive workloads and
high-five factor based on time spent with extreme and unpredictable hours, rather
We don’t want our folks to spend every the client, managers could praise employ- than simply giving people the option to
waking minute at work; we want them ees for the quality of the advice provided request downtime, will help them engage
to be well-rounded individuals, to be or the number of repeat engagements with other parts of their selves.
curious, to see things out in the world, secured. Managers can also move away
and to have all kinds of different from time-based rewards by working to T H E P R E SS U R E T O B E an ideal worker is
experiences that they can then bring set reasonable expectations with clients. at an all-time high, but so are the costs
to bear on their work. to both individuals and their employ-
Other policy changes can be made ers. Moreover, the experiences of those
People who pursue outside activities— even more easily. One employee we who are able to pass as ideal workers
volunteering in local politics, for exam- interviewed remarked that her current suggest that superhuman dedication
ple, or at a child’s school—are exposed boss differed from her old one because may not always be necessary for organi-
to experiences, specialized knowledge, he believed late nights were a sign that zational success. By valuing all aspects
and networks that would be unavailable she was working inefficiently, and he of people’s identities, rewarding work
to them if they had spent that time holed discouraged them. Another employee output instead of work time, and taking
up at the office. stated that her manager simply asked her steps to protect employees’ personal
to set her own deadlines—realistically. lives, leaders can begin to unravel the
Minimize time-based rewards. When given such autonomy, high- ideal-worker myth that has become
performing workers who would other- woven into the fabric of their organiza-
Employees who choose a passing strat- wise pass or reveal are likely to follow tions. And that will enhance employees’
egy do so in part because it’s common to through on their commitments. resilience, their creativity, and their
evaluate how much people work (or seem satisfaction on the job.
to), rather than the quality of their out- Protect employees’ personal lives.
put. This tendency is often reinforced by HBR Reprint R1606G
subtle and not-so-subtle beliefs and prac- Most organizations leave it to their em-
tices. For example, a senior consultant ployees to set boundaries between their Erin Reid is an associate professor and
expressed his conviction that successful work and their nonwork lives—often university scholar at McMaster University’s
consultants must have the “high-five fac- with the best intentions. When Netflix DeGroote School of Business in Ontario.
tor”: They’ve spent so much time on-site offered unlimited time off, for example, Lakshni Ramarajan is the Anna Spangler
with the client that when they enter the managers thought they were treating Nelson and Thomas C. Nelson Associate
client’s building, employees give them their people like “grown-ups.” But pro- Professor of Business Administration at
high fives. One firm we worked with viding complete freedom can heighten Harvard Business School.
awarded a prize to the person who had employees’ fears that their choices will
taken the most flights in a year. Valuing signal a lack of commitment. Without

117HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

118 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

MANAGING
OTHERS

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED JUNE 2014

Manage
Your Team’s
Collective Time

Time management is a group endeavor.
The payoff goes far beyond morale and retention.

→ by LESLIE PERLOW

M O S T P RO F E SS I O N A L S A P P ROAC H time Nearly a decade ago I began working
management the wrong way. People with a team at the Boston Consulting
who fall behind at work are seen to be Group to implement what may sound
personally failing—just as people who like a modest innovation: persuading
give up on diet or exercise plans are each member to designate and spend
seen to be lacking self-control or disci- one weeknight out of the office and com-
pline. In response, countless time man- pletely unplugged from work. The inter-
agement experts focus on individual vention was aimed at improving quality
habits, much as self-help coaches do. of life in an industry that’s notorious for
They offer advice about such things as long hours and a 24/7 culture. The early
keeping better to-do lists, not checking returns were positive; the initiative was
email incessantly, and not procrastin- expanded to four teams of consultants,
ating. Of course, we could all do a better and then to 10. The results, which I
job managing our time. But in the mod- described in a 2009 HBR article, “Making
ern workplace, with its emphasis on Time Off Predictable—and Required,”
connectivity and collaboration, the real and in a 2012 book, Sleeping with Your
problem is not how individuals manage Smartphone, were profound. Consul-
their own time. It’s how we manage our tants on teams with mandatory time off
collective time—how we work together had higher job satisfaction and a better
to get the job done. Here is where the work/life balance, and they felt they
true opportunity for productivity were learning more on the job. It’s no
gains lies. surprise, then, that BCG has continued to

Illustration by CALVIN SPRAGUE 119HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

The Proof Is in the Productivity

More companies are using structured-time-off programs to change how teams work, and they
are realizing significant gains. Some examples:

The Boston A pharmaceutical

Consulting Group company A retailer A technical team assigned the work. Another, in Banga-
lore, was self-managed and specialized,
THE PROGRAM THE PROGRAM THE PROGRAM THE PROGRAM and it assigned work according to tech-
nical expertise. The third, in Budapest,
Predictability, Enhanced Control of Our Lives Predictable Work had the strongest sense of being a team;
Teaming, Productivity Days Days its members were the most versatile and
and Open THE RESULTS interchangeable.
Communication THE RESULTS THE RESULTS
Participants were Although, as noted, the end prod-
THE RESULTS Participants were Participants were ucts were the same, the teams’ varying
38% faster than approaches yielded different results.
Participants were 35% likelier than 62% likelier than For example, the hub-and-spokes team
before at compiling worked fewer hours than the others,
55% likelier than before to report end-of-the-month before to report while the most versatile team had much
that their team financial reports and that their team does greater flexibility and control over its
others to tries to eliminate everything it can to schedule. The teams were completely
report that unnecessary work 25% more engaged be effective and unaware that their counterparts else-
their team does and where in the world were managing their
everything it can to than before. 31% likelier than work differently. My research provided
be efficient and 55% likelier than a vivid reminder that every task can
before to report that be approached in a variety of ways and
74% likelier than before to report their teammates that any given team can often find far
satisfaction with help them with their more efficient ways to get things done.
others to intend to work/life balance. work. This is the real power of team time
stay at BCG for the management: Teams develop the ability
long term. to continually improve the way they co-
ordinate their work, and frequently that
expand the program: As of this spring, it tation and innovation, and ultimately yields new efficiencies.
has been implemented on thousands of function better.
teams in 77 offices in 40 countries. The time-based interventions I use to
Creating “Enhanced catalyze team time management address
During the five years since I first Productivity” Days three distinct (though sometimes over-
reported on this work, I have introduced lapping) problems that frequently arise:
similar time-based interventions at a One of the insights driving this work is
range of companies—and I have come the realization that many teams stick to • Some employees yearn for more
to appreciate the true power of those tried-and-true processes that, although control over their work time—the result
interventions. They put the ownership familiar, are often inefficient. Even of work that stretches across time zones,
of how a team works into the hands of companies that create innovative prod- a 24/7 culture that evolved to meet rigid
team members, who are empowered ucts rarely innovate when it comes to deadlines or demanding client expec-
and incentivized to optimize their col- process. This realization came to the fore tations, or the always-on mentality that
lective time. As a result, teams collabo- when I studied three teams of software stems partly from technology enabling
rate better. They streamline their work. engineers working for the same company people to connect to work at any time. The
They meet deadlines. They are more in different cultural contexts. The teams structured-time-off goal in this case in-
productive and efficient. Teams that had the same assignments and produced volves increasing predictability—typically,
set a goal of structured time off—and, the same amount of work, but they used creating a time when workers know that
crucially, meet regularly to discuss how very different methods. One, in Shenzen,
they’ll work together to ensure that had a hub-and-spokes org chart—a
every member takes it—have more open project manager maintained control and
dialogue, engage in more experimen-

120 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

MANAGING OTHERS
MANAGE YOUR TEAM’S COLLECTIVE TIME

they will be off the clock or establishing of one meeting-free day a week, during Our Lives, or COOL, which allowed work-
more-consistent workday hours. which members worked from home. ers to schedule one afternoon away from
Conference calls and other virtual meet- work during every two-week period.
• Teams that regularly work very long ings were also banned during the des-
hours or that do so during peak periods ignated day. These changes eliminated Since the program began, employee
often are not recognized for their extra ef- office interruptions and impromptu engagement scores have risen sharply.
forts, and high turnover can result. These discussions and also saved commuting Just as important, the team has cut the
teams’ members tend to greatly value time. Team members called it their En- time spent compiling end-of-the-month
some extra time off in return for their hanced Productivity Day, or EPD. reports from four days to two and a half
hard work. In this case, the structured- days. “My team is now more productive,
time-off goal is to designate periods The program worked exceptionally engaged, and collaborative than ever,”
of time off during the normal workweek. well, not only because team members the team manager says—and he reports
could use their EPD to get their real work that other managers have noticed the
• Some teams are plagued by done but also because it served as a forc- change. He explains, “A grassroots
interruptions—the nonstop distrac- ing mechanism. To free up members’ movement has created the buzz needed
tions common in a cubicle culture with schedules, the team had to completely to get leadership buy-in to expand the
constant emailing, an excess of meetings, rethink its need for meetings, along with program.” Other teams in the U.S. as well
and so on. These teams’ members crave their duration, required attendance, and as teams in Brazil and India have become
focused time in order to eliminate the agendas. As a result, meetings became enthusiastic about establishing COOL
stress of unfinished tasks or the need to smaller, shorter, more focused, and less afternoons.
take work home. The structured-time-off frequent. Here’s how one employee
goal in this case is quiet, uninterrupted described the change: “This initiative is To help workers manage their time,
time, including meeting-free time. not just about meetings or working from we should stop telling individuals to
home—though I am usually more pro- change themselves and start empower-
Consider the situation at a midsize ductive at home than I am in the office. ing them to act together to change the
global pharmaceutical company I It’s a change of thinking—it’s thinking way they work. Small steps can make
studied. Employees there generally kept about how we as a team operate.” As the a big difference. By rallying around a
predictable 9-to-5 or 9-to-6 hours at the program spread to other teams, manag- modest time-off goal, teams can develop
office, but they were highly stressed. ers reported that the schedule change a new capability: managing their time
Many complained of an inability to and meeting rethinks helped employees as a team. As a result, people can better
get their jobs done at the office, which become more focused and do higher- manage their lives outside work while
led them to take work home at night or quality work. simultaneously accomplishing more at
on the weekend. work. To put it another way, team time
Building a Grassroots management can mitigate the problem
When I investigated, I found that the Movement of overworked and overstressed employ-
company was inundated with meetings. ees while making the organization better
An overly collaborative culture in the At a major international retail company I at doing its core work. For managers,
division I was studying meant that too studied, an accounting team based in the that’s a big win-win.
many employees were involved in every United States typically worked very long
decision. Meetings were crowded with hours at the end of each month to meet HBR Reprint F1406A
unnecessary people; employees were financial-reporting deadlines. Concerned
double booked; everyone’s Outlook cal- about morale, the manager wanted to Leslie Perlow is the Konosuke Matsushita
endar was packed. The only time people find a way to alleviate the pressure. The Professor of Leadership at Harvard Busi-
could do their actual work was outside result was a program called Control of ness School and the author of Sleeping
normal office hours. with Your Smartphone (Harvard Business
Review Press, 2012).
The team I was studying at this orga-
nization rallied around a time-off goal

121HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

MANAGING OTHERS

Quick Takes

1. The Pandemic Has Exposed the continues, full-time and full
Fallacy of the “Ideal Worker” force, for 40 years straight.
The concept reflects a
→ by JOAN C. WILLIAMS breadwinner–homemaker
model that dates back to the
W I T H M OS T O F us working work of three or more people. working at, or close to, 100%. Industrial Revolution and DMITRI OTIS/GETTY IMAGES
from home these days, They’re doing their own jobs, Why don’t more managers functioned fairly well through
Americans’ workday has their childcare worker’s job, see the problem here? the 1960s, until women began
increased by 40%—roughly and their children’s teachers’ entering the formal work-
three hours a day—the largest jobs. Yet, many employers It’s because there’s still a force in greater numbers.
increase in the world. This seem oblivious. I hear reports widespread reverence for the But the ideal-worker norm
busyness and productivity of companies cheerfully “ideal worker.” We commonly has long exacted a higher
comes at a huge price. Many assuring their employees, and define the ideal worker as toll from women, who not
employees are now doing the themselves, that everyone is someone who starts work- only do their day jobs but
ing in early adulthood and are also expected to deal
with family and household
responsibilities.

However, not only women
suffer under the burden
of the ideal-worker norm.
According to a recent survey,
14% of women are consider-
ing quitting their jobs due to
work-family conflict related
to Covid-19. Perhaps more
surprising, so are 11% of
men. My organization runs
a hotline for workers who
encounter discrimination
based on family care respon-
sibilities, and we hear all
the time from men whose
organizations have outdated
leave policies that give the
“primary caregiver” months
off but far less time off to the
“secondary caregiver.” We’re
all seeing how the pandemic
can serve to level the playing
field as some men take on
more domestic responsibili-
ties than they used to. This is
not to deny that women are

122 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

If there was ever a time to put to rest the old-fashioned
notion of the ideal worker, it’s now.

doing more, but often neither An in-house lawyer at a large to figure it all out. And (3) companies, the challenge will
men nor women are the ideal company told me: “It has supervisors figured out how be to find the right balance of
workers of times past. Today, really humanized our leaders, to supervise people without telework and on-site work.
a key divide is between because they are all sending physically breathing down Many knowledge workers
parents and nonparents. “I’ve messages about how they their necks. The unthinkable need spurts of unstructured
noticed that there is a huge are coping with their kids, has become not just think- interaction, followed by
split among my trial-lawyer dogs, and 72-year-old mother, able but mundane. hours of quiet time to exe-
colleagues. Those without trying to make it clear that we cute—time that’s often more
children are, for the most are all in this together.” But long-term telecom- productive done away from
part, getting a lot done. Those muting is different from the the office. Finding the opti-
of us with kids at home are lit- If there was ever a time to crisis-related working from mal combination of telework
igating as if sinking in quick- put to rest the old-fashioned home that’s now widespread. and on-site work will vary
sand,” says Gordon Knapp, a notion of the ideal worker, Telework requires having from company to company,
lawyer in San Francisco. it’s now. Postpandemic, let’s childcare during work hours job to job, and person to
resculpt workplace ideals so and a setup that allows for person.
To be sure, the ideal of that they reflect people’s lives undistracted attention to
an employee whose family today—not half a century work. For hourly workers in As a smart person once
responsibilities are kept ago. If you are focused on states like California, tele- said, never let a good crisis
tastefully out of sight is employee engagement, this work also requires employers go to waste. Let’s not waste
eroding. Before Covid-19, is the path forward. (If you to ensure statutorily man- this one. Instead, let’s work
many people quietly skulked aren’t, you should be: A dated worker protections like together to ensure that a silver
off to attend their child’s recent study found that meal and rest breaks. Most lining of this vast and frighten-
school play or coach a soccer disengaged employees cost employers will also want to ing pandemic is a new defini-
game, nursed their babies employers 34% of their an- set limits on overtime. tion of the worker as someone
in cars parked outside fac- nual salary.) who’s ambitious, focused, and
tories, or slid away unobtru- At a deeper level, compa- committed—but who must
sively to take their elderly The first step is to insti- nies need to analyze the opti- also balance work obligations
parent to the doctor. Now tutionalize telework. I and mal role of remote work going with caregiving responsibili-
there’s a lot less of a taboo be- other advocates have long forward. Lots of research ties. When 30 million kids are
cause you can’t hide it. In fact, known that the main barrier shows that telecommuting out of school, employers can’t
that taboo has now shifted: to widespread adoption was a typically makes workers more just ignore that.
Men who are old-fashioned failure of imagination. That’s productive—not surprising
enough to be embarrassed over. Under Covid-19, many given the amount of sports HBR Reprint H05LR9
when their kids walk in, jobs that were supposedly chatter around the water-
like the BBC dad, are now impossible to do remotely cooler. Remote work also Originally published on HBR.org
ridiculed (perhaps unfairly went remote with little makes people more engaged May 11, 2020
if he was merely reflecting transition time and modest and satisfied and less likely
others’ expectations of him). outlays. Three things hap- to quit. They also often work Joan C. Williams is a distin-
Covid-19 has made visible pened to make the unthink- longer hours since they don’t guished professor and the
the conflict between an older able doable: (1) Companies have to commute—the aver- founding director of the Center
generation of ideal workers invested the time and money age commute for Americans for WorkLife Law at the Uni-
and younger men who believe necessary for seamless is 54 minutes a day. versity of California’s Hastings
that a good father is involved remote access. (2) Older College of the Law. Her newest
in his children’s daily care. employees who were not as Don’t assume that telework book is White Working Class:
tech-adept invested the time is an all-or-nothing propo- Overcoming Class Cluelessness
sition. For many jobs and in America (Harvard Business
Review Press, 2017).

123HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

MANAGING OTHERS
QUICK TAKES

2. Why the Crisis Is Putting coming book, Glass Half
Companies at Risk of Losing Broken: Shattering the Barri-
Female Talent ers That Still Hold Women
Back at Work) become
→ by COLLEEN AMMERMAN AND BORIS GROYSBERG magnified.

T H E C OV I D - 1 9 C R I S I S has Might the current rev- While we share the authors’ We believe that many TOM WERNER/GETTY IMAGES
reconfigured how we work, olution in how work gets hope, we aren’t convinced leaders may emerge from the
parent, and care for our- done benefit women, who that the sudden expansion crisis with a long-term talent
selves and our communities. traditionally have been more of remote work will end up problem if they don’t incor-
It remains uncertain how likely to take advantage of benefiting women. porate some small but crit-
a postpandemic society flexible work arrangements? ical steps into their current
will function, but already a A recent paper by a group of As we’ve watched the practices. By addressing four
consensus is emerging that economic experts argues that coronavirus crisis unfold, key biases and barriers, you
the global pivot to working yes, the current situation will we see many of the barriers can prevent the careers of
remotely will likely change normalize remote and flexible that stymie women’s careers your women employees from
how many companies think work, making these arrange- and lead companies to becoming collateral damage
about face time and rigid ments available to a broader underutilize and lose their during this crisis and set your
work schedules. segment of working women. female talent (many of which company up to leverage their
we explore in our forth- capabilities today and in the
future.

We aren’t suggesting that
you shift focus from mission-
critical activities: Cash flow,
employee safety, and nego-
tiations with lenders and
clients are rightly your prior-
ities. And we acknowledge
that many leaders in essential
industries are grappling with
a different set of manage-
ment challenges as they try
to run operations that can’t
be done from home. But
for those who are manag-
ing employees who have
transitioned to working from
home, you can take straight-
forward steps to win the
loyalty of your women em-
ployees and keep your
company from losing hard-
won ground on gender
inclusion.

124 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

Leaders can foster an environment where questioning
women’s competence on the basis of their caregiving roles is not accepted.

Pay Extra Mind to earners with fewer childcare environment where ques- During a period of such
the Motherhood options, can’t), it remains tioning women’s competence uncertainty and strain, it’s
Penalty that when women step on the basis of their care- tempting to lean on your
through the office door, they giving roles is not accepted. people to crank out as much
Parents are now managing have some modicum of And leaders who themselves work as possible, especially
round-the-clock childcare control over how to navigate have children at home— if you’re projecting revenue
while trying to meet dead- this bias. whether they are a man or shortfalls and negotiating
lines, keep connected to a woman—can be vocal and with creditors. But not only is
colleagues, and demonstrate Now that home is the transparent about juggling this approach likely to alien-
their value. This has inten- office, even these provisional their responsibilities and the ate your employees regard-
sified the already-outsize strategies are no longer avail- importance of their family less of their gender or family
burden shouldered by work- able. Children can burst into role. Now is not the time to situation, it is guaranteed to
ing mothers, as numerous a room during an important encourage the ideal-worker mean you undervalue and
personal accounts and analy- meeting, audibly and/or norm—not only will you look underrecognize women with
ses have outlined. Being seen visually triggering the bias. A out of touch and callous for children at home.
in a caregiving role tends to call might have to be ended expecting employees to put
boost men’s reputations and abruptly because a child work first at this time, you Before the pandemic,
elicit warmth from others, needs attention. It may not will entrench the gender women’s careers were
but when women’s caregiving be possible to find a space biases that cast women as already vulnerable. Men in
is visible, it triggers doubts free of reminders of parental inherently less competent top management jobs are far
about women’s capabilities. status—children’s toys or and valuable. more likely to have the sup-
Women with children are artwork in the background or port of a spouse who doesn’t
viewed as less competent and interruptions from a spouse Pare Down the work, as we’ve seen in our
less committed than men, about a homeschooling issue. Pressure own research on Harvard
including fathers, as well as Business School alumni and
women without children. Meanwhile, fathers We’re all learning—some- with a global sample of ex-
may actually benefit when times to our pleasant ecutives. And in dual-career
In a typical workplace, colleagues see evidence of surprise—just how much families, women’s careers
women can and do deploy their children (or the children work can be done from tend to take a backseat to
a variety of strategies to themselves). There is a home. This isn’t surprising their male partners’, as
circumvent this bias. Over well-documented “father- to those who’ve researched we’ve observed in our own
the years, numerous women hood premium” when it virtual work. They’ve long research as well as that of
have told us about not comes to men’s earning known that people who work others. When push comes
displaying family photos at power, as well as widespread remotely are actually more to shove, women step back
the office or minimizing the acknowledgment that fathers productive than average. But from work—and what bigger
information they share about tend to be more highly it’s important to remember shove could there be than the
their caregiving responsibil- praised than mothers for that none of the research sudden and total disappear-
ities. Setting aside questions caring for their children. conducted on virtual work ance of childcare options?
about whether women with was conducted during a time Contrary to conventional
children should have to take With your employees’ like this, and it doesn’t follow wisdom, women’s preference
such steps to safeguard their family status and family that the productivity gains to ratchet back their careers
credibility (they shouldn’t) life now highly visible, it’s are available under current is not the primary driver of
or the extent to which they critical to be aware of these conditions. highly educated women’s de-
can (many, particularly lower divergent biases toward cisions to quit their careers.
fathers and mothers. As a
leader, you can foster an

125HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

Companies are on the brink of pushing out waves
of women if they don’t acknowledge and accommodate the
challenges faced by working parents.

Rather, they are pushed out needs to be heard might feel Keep Digital Spaces should be sharing their views
by workplaces that devalue like a luxury. Your impulse Inclusive with the full group and not
their contributions and dis- might be to huddle with carrying on side conversa-
miss their needs. smaller groups, but this in- Research has shown that tions that exclude others. And
stinct will not serve you well. men’s networks benefit if you get wind of problematic
Companies are on the You’re likely to find yourself from tighter, more-personal comments and conversations,
brink of pushing out waves looking at a gallery of faces ties with work colleagues, make it clear that these ex-
of women if they don’t ac- very similar to your own— whereas women’s relation- changes are unacceptable and
knowledge and accommodate those you feel most com- ships with coworkers tend merit serious consequences.
the challenges faced by work- fortable with. We’ve heard to be less close and more
ing parents. Doing so will from women who have found transactional. The virtual Other kinds of virtual
benefit parents of all genders themselves unexpectedly social environment is going to interactions can also create
in your organization but is left out of important calls and exacerbate this disparity, with barriers. Now that all our
especially critical for women who don’t feel valued and women possibly looped in socializing is done online,
with young children. now see their future at the only or primarily to formal, of- coworkers might gather in
company quite differently. ficial channels of information. special Slack channels, Face-
Instead of relying on a Take the extra time to think Time happy hours, and other
level of time and effort that about whether you are in- In fact, virtual meetings digital spaces. And excluding
your employees are simply cluding everyone who should open up a fresh new avenue women from these virtual
unable to give, you need to have input, and direct your of exclusion: the invisible side events, intentionally or not, is
be ruthless about priorities reports who manage others conversation. Managers can frictionless. There’s no risk of
and business needs. Identify to do the same. easily have chats in a different being overheard talking about
what really matters, and window right alongside the an outing and, on the other
ask people to devote their It’s well known that wom- actual meeting, perhaps even side, no awkward realization
best effort, whatever that en’s ideas are more likely to coming up with plans that that you’ve been left out.
means. By setting reason- go unrecognized in meetings, undermine group decisions These types of private digital
able expectations about the and in a virtual setting it’s or making inappropriate re- gatherings can widen the gulf
amount of time employees even easier to glide over their marks about colleagues. Even between men’s and women’s
should spend on work, you’ll contributions if no one is if not actively discriminatory, workplace networks.
get exponentially greater mindful of acknowledging these invisible conversations
engagement. them. As meetings get leaner, cement relationships and are While you can’t dictate
facilitators need to keep impossible to break into. A what employees do with their
Run Virtual track of who participates woman tired of being left out online downtime, you can
Meetings Equitably and solicit input from those of informal but important encourage your employees to
who’ve spoken less. And chats can’t invite herself to be mindful about inclusion
Right now, our computer we all know that it can be the next discussion or ask a when it comes to team-
screens are our workplaces, alarmingly easy to lose focus trusted colleague to clue her building and social events.
and women face the same during a video call and miss in if she doesn’t even know You can also model an inclu-
patterns of exclusion they what someone says. Again, they’re happening. While you sive approach by making sure
did in the office. Make sure pay careful attention to these may not be able to completely you aren’t spending more
that women have a seat moments. Who was asked prevent this kind of behav- time informally chatting with
at the virtual table. With to repeat themselves, and ior, you can make it known certain people. And remind
pressure to make decisions as whose garbled remark was that you expect better from managers that their respon-
efficiently as possible, taking simply ignored? your team. Before meetings, sibility to foster an inclusive
the time to ask whose voice remind people that they culture still stands.

126 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

MANAGING OTHERS
QUICK TAKES

A postpandemic world 3. Your Late-Night Emails Are
will have winners and losers Hurting Your Team
when it comes to female
talent, and it’s not by chance → by MAURA THOMAS
which team you’ll find your-
JEKATERINA NIKITINA/GETTY IMAGES self on. Right now, of course, AROUND 11 PM one night, you that, in turn, chips away at intend for your staff to reply
employees’ basic well-being realize there’s a key step creativity, innovation, and to you immediately? Or are
and safety is the paramount your team needs to take on true productivity. you just sending the email be-
concern, but don’t let gender a current project. So, you cause you’re thinking about
inclusion fall to the wayside. dash off an email to the team If this is a common behav- it at the moment and want to
You run the real risk of a members while you’re think- ior for you, you’re missing get it done before you forget?
female talent drain, losing ing about it. No time like the the opportunity to get some If it’s the former, you’re
capable workers and leaders present, right? distance from work, which is intentionally chaining your
you need to make it through critical to the fresh perspec- employees to the office 24/7.
the present moment and to Wrong. As a productiv- tive you need as the leader. If it’s the latter, you’re unin-
create future success. Instead ity trainer specializing in And, when the boss is work- tentionally chaining your em-
of standing by as women’s attention management, I’ve ing, the team feels like they ployees to the office 24/7. And
careers become casualties seen over the past decade should be working. this isn’t good for you, your
of the crisis, you can cement how after-hours emails speed employees, or your company
your women employees’ up corporate cultures—and Think about the message
commitment and maximize you’d like to send. Do you
their contributions. Not only
will you be helping main-
tain our collective progress
toward gender equality, you’ll
be setting your business up
to leverage its benefits in a
future that will surely need it.

HBR Reprint H05LLW

Originally published on HBR.org
May 5, 2020

Colleen Ammerman is the di-
rector of the Gender Initiative at
Harvard Business School. Boris
Groysberg is the Richard P.
Chapman Professor of Business
Administration at Harvard Busi-
ness School, Faculty Affiliate
at the HBS Gender Initiative,
and the coauthor, with Michael
Slind, of Talk, Inc. (Harvard
Business Review Press, 2012).
Follow him on Twitter:
@bgroysberg.

127HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

Being connected in off-hours during busy times is the sign
of a high performer. Never disconnecting is the sign of a workaholic.

culture. Being connected in them to their emails, texts, tancy in Philadelphia, created also want to keep company
off-hours during busy times is and social media. Your late- a policy it calls “zmail,” where objectives moving forward—
the sign of a high performer. night communication feeds email is discouraged between which seems like it requires
Never disconnecting is the that bad habit. 10 PM and 7 AM during the constant communication.
sign of a workaholic. And week, and all day on week-
there is a difference. Being “always on” hurts ends. The policy doesn’t pre- A frantic environment that
results. When employees are vent work during these times, includes answering emails
Regardless of your intent, constantly monitoring their nor does it prohibit commu- at all hours doesn’t make
I’ve found through my email after work hours— nication. If an after-hours your staff more productive.
experience with hundreds whether because they fear message seems necessary, It just makes them busy and
of companies that there are missing something from you the staff is compelled to distracted. You base your
two reasons late-night email or they are addicted to their assess whether it’s important staff hiring decisions on their
habits spread from the boss devices—they are missing enough to require a phone knowledge, experience, and
to her team: out on essential downtime call. If employees choose to unique talents, not on how
that brains need. Experi- work during off-hours, zmail many tasks they can seem-
1. Ambition. If the boss is ments have shown that to discourages them from put- ingly do at once or how many
deliver our best at work, we ting their habits onto others emails they can answer in
emailing late at night or on require downtime. Time away by sending emails during a day.
weekends, most employees produces new ideas and fresh this time; instead they can
think a late-night response insights. But your employees save the messages as drafts So, demonstrate and
is required—or that they’ll can never disconnect when to be manually sent later or encourage an environment
impress you if they respond they’re always reaching for program their email client where employees can actually
immediately. Even if just a their devices to see if you’ve to automatically send the apply that brain power in a
couple of your employees emailed. Creativity, inspi- messages during work hours. meaningful way:
share this belief, it could ration, and motivation are This policy creates alignment
spread through your whole your competitive advantage, between the stated belief that • Ditch the phrase “time
team. A casual mention in but they are also depletable downtime is important and management” for the more
a meeting, “When we were resources that need to be the behaviors of the staff that relevant “attention manage-
emailing last night…” is all it recharged. Incidentally, this contribute to the culture. ment,” and make training on
takes. After all, everyone is is also true for you, so it’s this crucial skill part of your
looking for an edge in their worthwhile to examine your Also, take a hard look staff development plan.
career. own communication habits. at the attitudes of leaders
regarding an always-on work • Refrain from after-hours
2. Attention. Lots of people Company leaders can help environment. The (often communication.
unhealthy assumptions about unconscious) belief that more
have no intention of “work- email and other communica- work equals more success is • Model and discuss the
ing” when they aren’t at tion from taking root. difficult to overcome, but the benefits of presence by put-
work. But they have poor truth is that this is neither ting away your device when
attention-management skills. Be clear about expecta- beneficial nor sustainable. speaking with your staff and
They’re so accustomed to tions for email and other Long work hours actually de- implementing a no-device
multitasking and to constant communications, and set up crease both productivity and policy in meetings to pro-
distractions that regardless of policies to support a healthy engagement. I’ve seen that mote single-tasking and full
what else they’re doing, they culture that recognizes and often leaders believe theoret- engagement.
find their fingers mindlessly values single-tasking, focus, ically in downtime, but they
tapping the icons on their and downtime. Vynamic, a • Discourage an always-on
smartphones that connect successful health care consul- environment of distraction
that inhibits creative flow by
emphasizing the importance
of focus, balancing an open

128 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

MANAGING OTHERS
QUICK TAKES

floor plan with plenty of quiet
spaces, and creating part-
time remote work options
for high-concentration roles,
tasks, and projects.

These behaviors will
contribute to a higher-quality
output from yourself and
your staff, and a more pro-
ductive corporate culture.

HBR Reprint H01XWP

Originally published on HBR.org
March 16, 2015

Maura Thomas is an award- 4. Help Your Overwhelmed,
winning international speaker Stressed-Out Team
and trainer on individual and
corporate productivity, atten- → by JULIE MOSOW
tion management, and work/
life balance. She is a TEDx
speaker, founder of Regain Your
Time, and author of Personal
Productivity Secrets (Wiley,
2012), Work Without Walls
(Burget Ave Press, 2017), and
Attention Management (Simple
Truths, 2019). She is frequently
featured in major business
outlets and was named a 2018
Top Leadership Speaker in Inc.
magazine. Follow her on Twitter:
@mnthomas.

TIM MACPHERSON/GETTY IMAGES IS YOUR TEAM stressed-out? What the of communication and
These days, everyone seems Experts Say distraction that’s a regular
overwhelmed and way too part of the workplace. Julie
busy. But even when your As a leader, it’s your job Morgenstern, productivity
team members have a lot on to help your people find expert and author of Never
their plates, they don’t have balance. Of course, you need Check E-Mail in the Morn-
to sacrifice their health or results, but you also want a ing: And Other Strategies for
happiness. What can you do team that’s not at constant Making Your Work Life Work
to reduce your team’s stress? risk of being burned-out. (Fireside, 2004), sees this
How can you help them focus Research shows that memory, every day: “Almost everyone
on what really needs to get attention, and concentration struggles to focus at work,”
done? suffer when people try to she says. “We want to think,
manage the constant stream

129HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

MANAGING OTHERS
QUICK TAKES

write, and strategize, but be- should take on and what ruptions unless it’s an emer- work bleeds into evenings
cause these functions require they should let go. gency,” she recommends. By and weekends. But that
deep thinking and uninter- making it a group goal, you can be counterproductive if
rupted time, we stay busy Edit their workload. increase your collective focus your people never feel they
with the tasks, meetings, and prevent backsliding. Also have a break. Morgenstern
and messages that pop up all Evaluate each project on check that your team mem- suggests setting boundaries
day long rather than tackling the basis of whether or not bers know how to break larger on the workday and limiting
really important projects.” it’s in what Davey calls “the projects up into smaller tasks after-hours emails to urgent
Liane Davey, vice president sweet spot”—what you’ve that can be accomplished in issues. “So many people are
of team solutions at Knights- previously identified as your the amount of time you’ve set addicted to their phones,
bridge Human Capital and group’s unique purpose, what aside for strategic work each but over time, most people
author of You First: Inspire they’re good at, and what’s day. “Once they use this time realize that there’s very little
Your Team to Grow Up, Get important to the larger goals effectively,” she says, “their that can’t wait and that it’s far
Along, and Get Stuff Done of the organization. “It’s the productivity will improve.” more important to connect
(Wiley, 2013), agrees, noting manager’s responsibility to to what’s meaningful to us
that an overly busy office develop an action plan that Fix your meetings. “Meet- both personally and profes-
can kill morale and leave allows everyone to be more sionally,” she says. The brain
employees disengaged and productive and to insulate ings can be a huge waste of is actually wired for rest,
less capable of getting every- their teams from low-priority time,” says Davey. To avoid adds Davey. “Without taking
thing done. It’s on you, the work that may trickle down that problem, “every meeting time to recharge, we create
manager, to help your people from senior management,” should include standing unsustainable levels of stress
cut through the chaos, reduce she says. When a new as- agenda items to allow for and anxiety.”
stress, and make sure your signment comes your way, productive discussions and
team can accomplish its most don’t automatically say yes. decision making about the Lead by example. When
important work. “Remember to consider team’s core assignments,” she
each project with an eye to says. Morgenstern suggests setting new norms for your
Focus your team on the whether or not it takes advan- that managers establish no team, you need to walk the
things that matter. The first tage of what your team, and more than three objectives, talk yourself. “The movement
only your team, has to offer,” decide who needs to be there, against busy starts at the top,”
step, says Davey, is to identify Morgenstern says. set limits on the duration of Davey says, pointing to the
the unique contribution your meetings, and use the last way Jeff Weiner of LinkedIn
team makes to the organiza- Schedule uninterrupted 15 minutes to clarify how schedules time for what he
tion. Begin by asking, “What work. “When you get the participants will move calls “nothing.” Talk to your
does the company expect forward. Above all, make sure team about what you’re
from my team that no other distracted by something at a meeting is really neces- doing and why, Morgenstern
group can accomplish?” Don’t work,” says Morgenstern, sary. “Sometimes an email recommends, and if one of
answer this alone in your “it takes at least 20 minutes or memo can accomplish your strategies isn’t working,
office. Involve your team. to refocus on the task at the same goal in a much admit it, try something differ-
Once you all agree on your hand.” Encourage your team shorter amount of time,” she ent, and move on. Show that
team’s purpose, it becomes to set aside an hour or more suggests. you’re committed to making a
the guiding principle for how (Morgenstern’s team gives it change both individually and
everyone should spend their three hours) each morning Set limits on email. as a group. “It takes a while to
time and the litmus test for for quiet, proactive work. “Be break these habits,” she says,
what work team members sure everyone understands Technology has created an “but once you all get used to
that there are to be no inter- always-on culture, where

130 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

An overly busy office can kill morale and leave
employees disengaged.

a deeper sense of accomplish- makes sure they know what to their breaking point. But we also see internally
ment, you’ll never go back.” they’re supposed to deliver Management decided to bring that the rapid adoption of this
and sets clear timelines for in a consultant to help. His practice means that it’s been
Principles to the work. “That way we’re recommendation: implement successful. We respect how
Remember able to meet our daily respon- priority-work time. hard everyone works, and
sibilities and stay focused part of that is simply letting
Do: on our mission of creating Every employee at every people do their jobs.”
innovative ways to deliver level was encouraged to
• Agree on what’s unique information to consumers.” schedule a certain number of HBR Reprint H01TS5
about your group’s skills and hours to complete important Originally published on HBR.org
experience She regularly blocks off projects. “The consultant January 16, 2015
time in her own calendar suggested 15 hours per week,”
• Reduce or eliminate and sets CNET’s internal Steven says, “which was a Julie Mosow is an indepen-
assignments that don’t align instant-messaging system to huge shock.” dent writer and editor and the
with your team’s purpose unavailable when she needs founder of Silverleaf Editorial.
quiet, focused time. And Nevertheless, the leader-
• Schedule time for high- she encourages her team ship team, including Assur-
level, strategic work members to do the same as ance’s CEO, began scheduling
long as they make themselves priority-work time in their
Don't: available at other times and calendars, and employees
coordinate with one another. enthusiastically followed suit.
• Email your employees at “It’s not enough to simply set “It took about six months
all hours—set limits on tech- the limits,” she adds. “You for the entire company to
nology use need to take time to explain get used to the new system,”
what you’re doing and why. Steven says. Most employees
• Call meetings without an It’s my job to make sure the now have eight to 10 hours
explicit purpose—stick to an work gets done and that my on their calendars blocked
agenda staff can walk away at the end off each week, and everyone
of their shifts knowing that is responsible for supporting
• Underestimate the impor- someone else is prepared and their colleagues and em-
tance of your own behavior— ready to take the baton.” ployees in doing the same. If
you set the norms on your Steven sees that his team isn’t
team CASE STUDY 2 planning and using priority-
work time, it’s his responsibil-
CASE STUDY 1 Make Time for Your Most ity to speak to them and find
Important Work out why.
Set a Good Example
“Our employees were really How successful has
“As an organization and an struggling to manage their priority-work time been?
industry, we’re as plugged in workload,” says Steven Hand- “What we know for sure,”
as we can possibly be, so we maker, chief marketing officer says Steven, “is that our em-
have to be deliberate about at Assurance, an independent ployees are happier. We’ve re-
managing the flow of informa- insurance brokerage. Too ceived awards from Fortune,
tion and staying clear about many emails, too many meet- the Chicago Tribune, and
our priorities,” says Lindsey ings, and too many interrup- industry organizations for
Turrentine, vice president and tions had brought everyone being a great place to work.
editor-in-chief of reviews for
CNET. “Otherwise, the work
won’t be as good.”

To protect her staff from
getting overwhelmed, she

131HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

Executive Summaries

TheBest of HBR Identify Your Priorities
Winter 2020
Happiness Traps Manage Your Work,
The NewHBR.org Manage Your Life
Work/Life Annie McKee | page 10
Balance Boris Groysberg and Robin Abrahams
Numerous studies show that close to two- page 18
How to thirds of U.S. employees are bored, detached,
manage or jaded and ready to sabotage plans, projects, Senior executives have discovered through
burnout, and other people. Why so much unhappiness hard experience that prospering at their level is
establish among professionals who have the capacity to a matter of carefully combining work and home
boundaries, shape their work lives? The author highlights so as not to lose themselves, their loved ones,
and find three of the most common reasons—ambition, or their foothold on success. To learn how they
time for both doing what’s expected of us, and overwork— reconcile their professional and personal lives,
work and which seem productive on the surface but are the authors drew on five years’ worth of inter-
family—even harmful when taken to the extreme. views with almost 4,000 executives worldwide,
if you’re conducted by students at Harvard Business
working To break free of these “happiness traps,” School, and a survey of 82 executives in an
you first have to accept that you deserve HBS leadership course. The stories and advice
from happiness at work. Then you can use your of these leaders reflect five main themes:
home emotional intelligence—particularly emotional defining success for yourself, managing tech-
self-awareness, emotional self-control, and nology, building support networks at work and
“In the modern organizational awareness—to understand at home, traveling or relocating selectively, and
workplace, with which trap has ensnared you. Finally, you must collaborating with your partner.
its emphasis on actively seek meaning and purpose in day-
connectivity and to-day activities, foster hope in yourself and Some intriguing gender differences emerged
collaboration, the others, and build friendships at work. in the survey data. For example, men still think
real problem is not of their family responsibilities in terms of
how individuals HBR Reprint R1705D breadwinning, whereas women often see theirs
manage their own as role modeling for their children. And male
time. It’s how executives tend to praise their partners for
we manage our making positive contributions to their careers,
collective time—how whereas women praise theirs for not interfer-
we work together to ing. Executives of both sexes consider the ten-
get the job done.” sion between work and family to be primarily
a woman’s problem, and most of them believe
that one can’t compete in the global market-
place while leading a “balanced” life. “Earnestly
trying to focus,” the authors conclude, “is what
will see them through.”

HBR Reprint R1403C

MANAGE YOUR TEAM’S
COLLECTIVE TIME

PAGE 118

132 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

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Executive Summaries

Identify Your Set Boundaries Do Something
Priorities Besides Work

How Will You Measure Beating Burnout Be a Better Leader,
Your Life? Have a Richer Life
Monique Valcour | page 34
Clayton M. Christensen | page 26 Stewart D. Friedman | page 66
Stress is a fact of professional life, but extreme
Harvard Business School’s Christensen taught and unrelenting pressures can lead to the Work fills most executives’ lives to the brim,
aspiring MBAs how to apply management and debilitating state we call burnout. leaving insufficient time for their families, their
innovation theories to build stronger compa- communities, and themselves. But Wharton
nies. But he also believed that these models Three symptoms characterize burnout: professor Friedman suggests that, rather than
could help people lead better lives. In this exhaustion; cynicism, or distancing oneself view the problem as a set of trade-offs, exec-
article, he explained how, exploring questions from work; and inefficacy, or feelings of incom- utives use their leadership talents to benefit
everyone needs to ask: How can I be happy petence and lack of achievement. Research all four domains at once. The idea is to design
in my career? How can I be sure that my rela- has linked burnout to many health problems, experiments—small, short-term adjustments
tionship with my family is an enduring source including hypertension, sleep disturbances, to their daily routines—that incorporate and
of happiness? And how can I live my life with depression, and substance abuse. Moreover, mutually benefit the various aspects of their
integrity? it can ruin relationships and jeopardize career lives. If an experiment works out, everyone
prospects. wins—employer, employee, family, and commu-
The answer to the first question comes nity; if it doesn’t, it simply becomes a low-cost
from Frederick Herzberg’s assertion that the Resolving burnout often requires changes learning opportunity. Over time, the combina-
most powerful motivator isn’t money; it’s the at the job, team, or organizational level. But tion of small gains and lessons learned can
opportunity to learn, grow in responsibilities, you can also take steps toward recovery and lead to larger-scale transformation.
contribute, and be recognized. That’s why man- prevention on your own: Prioritize your health,
agement, if practiced well, can be the noblest shift your perspective to determine which The “Total Leadership” process involves
of occupations; no others offer as many ways aspects of your situation are fixed and which identifying what’s important to you, identifying
to help people find those opportunities. It isn’t can be changed, reduce exposure to the most what’s important to everyone in your life, using
about buying, selling, and investing in compa- stressful activities and relationships, and seek those insights to creatively explore possibilities
nies, as many think. out helpful interpersonal connections. for experiments, and then selecting and imple-
menting a few at a time. Drawing on decades of
The principles of resource allocation can It’s important to ward off burnout on your experience, Friedman has distilled nine cate-
help people attain happiness at home. If not team as well: Insist on time for rest and gories of experiments that offer a manageable,
managed masterfully, what emerges from a renewal, set realistic work limits, boost your systematic approach to the daunting task of
firm’s resource allocation process can be very team’s sense of control, provide meaningful conceiving projects with four-way benefits.
different from the strategy management in- recognition, and ask people what help or train-
tended to follow. That’s true in life too: If you’re ing they need to succeed. In one such experiment, an executive
not guided by a clear sense of purpose, you’re might raise money for a charity her company
likely to fritter away your time and energy on HBR Reprint R1611H sponsors by running a marathon with her son,
obtaining the most tangible, short-term signs thus simultaneously gaining greater visibility at
of achievement, not what’s really important work, spending more time with her family, giv-
to you. ing back to the community, and improving her
health. To move toward the goal of becoming
And just as a focus on marginal costs can a CEO, another executive might join the board
cause bad corporate decisions, it can lead of a nonprofit agency in his neighborhood
people astray. The marginal cost of doing together with his wife.
something wrong “just this once” always seems
alluringly low. You don’t see the end result to Friedman suspects that there are far more
which that path leads. The key is to define what opportunities for simultaneous benefits than
you stand for and draw the line in a safe place. people realize. They are there for the taking.
You just have to know how to look for them
HBR Reprint R1007B and then find the support and courage to
pursue them.

HBR Reprint R0804H

134 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

Balancing Work and Family NEED TO
TOUGHEN UP
A Working Parent’s What’s Really Holding AT WORK?
Survival Guide Women Back?
special
Daisy Dowling | page 82 Robin J. Ely and Irene Padavic | page 88 collection

If you’re passionate about your career—and Ask people to explain why women remain so It’s impossible to keep
about being a great mom or dad—you’re facing dramatically underrepresented in the senior emotions out of the
an ongoing struggle for at least 18 years. But ranks of most companies, and you will hear workplace. Even the most
you can learn techniques to reduce the stress from the vast majority a lament that goes successful professionals
and successfully balance your professional and something like this: High-level jobs require ex- face situations that
family roles. tremely long hours, women’s devotion to family challenge their strength
makes it impossible to put in those hours, and and resilience.
The author, an executive coach who spe- so their careers inevitably suffer. Build your emotional
cializes in helping working parents, suggests acuity with HBR’s Mental
that you start by identifying the kinds of Not so, say the authors, who spent 18 Toughness Collection.
challenges you’re confronting. There are five months working with a global consulting firm
core types: those involving transitions (such that wanted to know why it had so few women
as returning to work after parental leave, or in positions of power. Although virtually every
hiring a new caregiver); practical challenges employee the authors interviewed related a
(dealing with errands, appointments, and all form of the standard explanation, the firm’s
your other responsibilities); communication data told a different story. Women weren’t
issues (conversations and negotiations about being held back because of trouble balancing
working-parent matters); feelings of loss (fear work and family; men, too, suffered from that
that you’re missing out at work or at home); problem and nevertheless advanced. Women
and identity concerns (uncertainty about your were held back because they were encour-
priorities and how you define yourself). aged to take accommodations, such as going
part-time and shifting to internally facing roles,
To mitigate these challenges, the author which derailed their careers.
recommends five powerful strategies:
Rehearse to prepare for transitions; audit The real culprit in women’s stalled ad-
your commitments and plan your calendar vancement, the authors conclude, is a general
so that practicalities don’t overwhelm you; culture of overwork that hurts both sexes and
frame your working-parent messages effec- locks gender equality in place. To solve this
tively; use “today plus 20 years” thinking to problem, they argue, we must reconsider what
put losses into perspective; and revisit and we’re willing to allow the workplace to demand
recast your professional identity and brand. of all employees.

HBR Reprint R1904L HBR Reprint R2002C

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Executive Summaries

Balancing Work Managing Others
and Family

How Dual-Career Couples Managing the High- Manage Your Team’s
Make It Work Intensity Workplace Collective Time

Jennifer Petriglieri | page 96 Erin Reid and Lakshmi Ramarajan Leslie Perlow | page 118
page 112
In her study of more than 100 couples around To solve time management challenges, experts
the globe, the author found that dual-career People today are under intense pressure to have typically focused on improving individual
couples tend to go through three transitions be “ideal workers”—totally committed to their habits: procrastinate less, form better to-do
when they are particularly vulnerable: when jobs and always on call. But after interviewing lists, limit email checks throughout the day.
they first learn to work together as a couple; hundreds of professionals in many fields, the But the modern workplace is characterized
when they go through a midcareer or a midlife authors have concluded that selfless dedica- by connectivity and collaboration, shifting the
reinvention; and as they reach the final stages tion to work is often unnecessary and harmful. focus from individual players to teams. Now our
of their careers. Those who communicate It has dysfunctional consequences not only for collective time is what needs to be managed.
at each transition about deeper work and individuals but also for their organizations.
personal issues such as values, boundaries, Perlow’s research shows that imposing
and fears have a better chance of emerging The authors discuss three typical strategies time-based interventions for team members
stronger from each one, fulfilled both in their for coping with demanding workplaces, and (like unplugging from the office one weeknight
relationships and in their careers. the risks associated with each: a week; working from home on a meeting-free
day, including conference calls; scheduling
HBR Reprint R1905B Accepting involves prioritizing the job above one afternoon away from work every couple
all else and remaining available 24/7. Because of weeks) improves individuals’ quality of life
accepters fail to cultivate outside interests, and helps the team and business succeed.
they’re often slow to recover from professional Structured time-off programs based on these
setbacks. And they may be too focused on interventions change how teams work, allowing
their own responsibilities to mentor others— them to eliminate unnecessary tasks and look
a drawback for their organizations. for efficiencies. The results include higher re-
tention and engagement, as well as reductions
Passing involves portraying oneself as an in individuals’ stress. Perlow’s work with Boston
ideal worker while quietly pursuing a life be- Consulting Group produced such promising
yond the office. But passers may feel isolated results that the company expanded the pro-
from their colleagues because they are hiding gram to thousands of teams in 77 offices in
parts of themselves, and their perpetuation of 40 countries.
the ideal-worker myth keeps the pressure on
everyone. The interventions Perlow describes also ad-
dress common employee preferences: a desire
Revealing involves openly embracing non- for more control over work time, for reducing
work commitments. Revealers may unwittingly the always-on mentality, and for recognition for
put their careers at risk, however, and bosses extra effort, for example. They also address the
who penalize them may drive away talent. need for fewer interruptions like meetings and
emails, and for more focused time. Tasks can
So how can organizations build a healthier— be approached in a variety of ways, and the real
and more productive—culture? Managers can power of managing team time is that it provides
act as role models by leading multifaceted teams with the ability to enjoy continual
lives themselves. They can reward employees improvement of how to coordinate tasks, often
for the quality and results of their work rather yielding new efficiencies.
than the time put into it. And they can enforce
reasonable work hours, require vacations, and Structured time off empowers and incen-
take other steps to protect employees’ personal tivizes individual team members to optimize
lives. their collective time. By managing how much
work invades employees’ time outside of work,
HBR Reprint R1606G leaders can ensure that they accomplish more
while at work.

HBR Reprint F1406A

136 HBR Special Issue 
Winter 2020

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