Reader's Digest USA 10.2020

Inspiration OCTOBER 2020
FROM

SOLDIERS

By ANDY SIMMONS

15Worst THINGS
Excuses
Ever! EAT
From RD READERS BETTER

Help the
Planet

From THE NEW YORK TIMES

It’s Good to
Be Bored

By LEAH FESSLER

Saving Henry’s
Last Leg

From PROPUBLICA

The Protestors
and the Cop

From THE COURIER JOURNAL

SILENCE PAIN

SLEEP SOUNDLY

Use as directed. Keep out of reach of children. © Procter & Gamble, Inc. 2020

Reader’s Digest

CONTENTS

Features 74 94

56 best of america national interest

cover story Letters from the Front Saving Henry’s Last Leg

EXTRAORDINARY A collection of war Black patients lose limbs
USES FOR letters, from the Revo- to diabetes at three times
ORDINARY THINGS lution to Iraq, helps us the rate that others do.
all share in the power- One doctor is on a mis-
Save time and money ful dreams and fears of sion to spare them this
with these ingenious our soldiers and their unjust fate.
tips for getting more loved ones.
out of the stuff you by lizzie presser
already have. by andy simmons from propublica

from the book 84 106
extraordinary uses for
ordinary things drama in real life first person

68 The Snake’s Revenge My School Desk—
in a Bar
humor When Jeremy Sutcliffe
decapitated the poison- The characters this boy
Excuses, Excuses, ous rattler threatening met in his dad’s saloon
Excuses! his wife,
he assumed gave him a master class
Forget “The dog ate my that would be in life.
homework.” These in- the end of the
spired whoppers will story. He was by jeffrey sabbag
leave you shaking your wrong.
head—and laughing. 56
by nicholas
by noah gebstadt hune-brown
from newyorker.com
and rd readers

joleen zubek

rd.com | october 2020 1

Reader’s Digest Contents

Departments 18

6 Dear Reader
8 Letters

everyday heroes

10 The Ultimate
Comfort Food

by emily goodman

12 Comrades
in Arms

by michael clevenger
from the louisville
courier journal

i won!

18 The West Coast
Giant Pumpkin
Regatta

how to

20 Eat Better for
the Planet

adapted from the
new york times

quotable quotes

28 Beyoncé,
Bill Murray,
Tom Brady

On the Cover top: john cuneo

Photograph by Joleen Zubek

Extraordinary Uses for Everyday Things ........... 56
Eat Better, Help the Planet.................................... 20
It’s Good to Be Bored ........................................... 114
Saving Henry’s Last Leg ........................................ 94
The Protestors and the Cop .................................. 12
Inspiration from Soldiers ...................................... 74
15 Worst Excuses Ever! .......................................... 68

2 october 2020 | rd.com

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Reader’s Digest Contents

department of wit Humor The Genius
Section
30 My Concession 16
Speech Life in These 114 In Praise of
United States Hitting Repeat
by andy simmons
36 by leah fessler
news from the All in a Day’s Work adapted from the
world of medicine new york times
48
32 Floss for Brain Humor in 118 Brain Games
Health, and More Uniform 121 Word Power
124 Photo Finish
we found a fix 54
Laugh Lines 114
39 Unsend
Unfortunate 92
E-mails, and More Laughter, the Best

your true stories Medicine

42 The Witches of from top: getty images (2). joleen zubek (button),
Sunset Valley noun project (icon). levi brown/trunk archive

the food on
your plate

45 I Am Mushrooms

by kate lowenstein
and daniel gritzer

everyday miracles

50 Superhero with a
Secret

by paul davis from
the moth

45

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Reader’s Digest

DEAR READER of 2,070 adults. Local communities, it matthew cohen
found, are living up to that ideal.
American
Kindness Three in five of us said we feel more
proud of our local communities since
T his strange summer, stuck at both the COVID-19 pandemic and
home, Susan and I did manage protests about racial injustice began.
to get away to nearby moun- Twenty-eight percent of us reported
tain towns for a few long weekends seeing more acts of kindness. One
in rented cabins. We felt so fortunate. third have done something to thank
The change in scenery was electric. It essential workers, and 18 percent feel
wasn’t hard to stay socially distanced more grateful for their neighbors. This
when visiting a farmers’ market or appreciation of local life was shared
signing in at trailheads. And what- equally by urban and rural residents,
ever else you think about masks, they by Democrats and Republicans, and
didn’t hide the welcoming eyes of by people of all races.
pretty much everyone we met.
This was late June, when you
One Monday morning back at my couldn’t look at your TV or social
desk at home, I was greeted by the feeds without truly bitter national ar-
perfect distillation of what we’d ex- guments spoiling your day. And yet
perienced. Reader’s Digest had com- our survey showed that virtually all of
missioned a study to look at how this us (94 percent or more!) agreed with
year has affected Americans’ at- statements of bedrock principle of
titudes toward one another. what America should be about:
✦ We need to treat each other with
The study was conducted with respect.
the nonpartisan group More in ✦ Our system of justice should treat
Common. I love the words everyone equally.
this impressive outfit
uses to describe its ideal ✦ We should be Americans first,
of America: acting in before being Democrats, Repub-
virtue and against divi- licans, or independents.
sion. For this research, This surprising level of unity
it surveyed a sample isn’t as surprising when you
think about it. Those are your
values, my values, values
as timeless and per-
fect as the sky. When
times are hard and we
are eye to eye, they rise
up. As much as we may

6 october 2020

fertnig/getty images Masks don’t hide the consideration that is rd.com/nicest. For a boost in mood,
sustaining us all, More in Common found. I recommend you visit and click the
virtual hands to “clap” for the honor-
legitimately disagree about specific is- ees that move you. Olathe made me
sues, we should notice that cohesion clap a lot.
more, notice the moments and places
where we feel the consideration for Singhal is just one of 1,600 locals
each other built into our collective who volunteer to make sure the 75 chil-
bones—places such as Olathe, Kansas. dren living at KidsTLC feel listened to.
The forced isolation of the pandemic
Olathe sits in the dead center of the has made their recovery from trauma
nation and is home to Neelam Sing- only harder. “They’ve had so many
hal, a chemistry professor, an immi- walls they’ve put up,” says the orga-
grant from India, and the mother of nization’s Elizabeth Hall. The people
an eight-year-old boy. When COVID-19 of Olathe notice walls. “When COVID
hit, her classes were no more. She came, they said, ‘How can we help?’”
wanted something to make her feel
positive again. So she volunteered to Singhal believes supporting KidsTLC
create socially distanced birthday par- has helped her son too. By watching
ties for children who live at KidsTLC, her and her Olathe neighbors work-
an Olathe fixture founded to care for ing to care for these kids, he’s learning
abused and neglected youth.
THE FINDING: LOCAL
I happened to learn about Olathe COMMUNITIES ARE
because it’s one of the 50 Nicest KEEPING AMERICAN
Places in America, now featured at OPTIMISM ALIVE.

what matters most: that we’re all equal
in God’s eyes, no matter our age, race,
culture, or personal situation.

“Don’t make it complicated,” says
Singhal. I imagine smiling eyes above
her mask as she talks. “Just think of us
as one. God is one, and we are one.
And God is watching us.” RD

Bruce Kelley,
editor-in-chief

Write to me at [email protected].

rd.com 7

Reader’s Digest

LETTERS diagnose health
problems. After I took
Notes on the an outdoor job, my
health and strength
July/August issue returned full force. Now
if I’m rained out for a
We Are Grill Nation few days, I notice a dif-
ference in my physical
Having decades of experience owning a and mental vigor.
catering company, I need to issue a caution —M.M. via rd.com
about the pinkish meat on your cover. I ap-
preciate a good burger, but if it’s not cooked I Am Tomatoes
thoroughly, E. coli bacteria can remain
viable—and a threat. Cooking is for the pal- Here’s something
atability, flavor, and safety of any food item. I heard many years
ago about tomatoes:
—Larry Meyers Alexandria, Virginia Knowledge is knowing
that a tomato is a fruit.
Now That’s Funny! sunset. Our son just Wisdom is knowing not rd photo studio
passed unexpectedly to put it in a fruit salad.
One of your light bulb after celebrating his —Barbara Gray
jokes could’ve been: 60th birthday. He was Waycross, Georgia
“How many psychia- a serious fisherman,
trists does it take to and the image really Heroes of the Virus
change a light bulb? touched my heart.
One, but it takes a long, —Patsy Harris My friend and I have
long time, and the bulb Hope, Indiana a thing where we tell
must want to change.” each other one thing
—Barbie Cordier Do We Really Need a day we appreciate,
Dallas, Texas Sun Protection? as opposed to harping
on what we don’t have.
The Power of Family This article about Last week, I told him
making time for healthy I appreciate Reader’s
I was moved by Sara sun exposure could Digest. After reading
Hammond’s “The River save lives. Working in your roundup of people
of Peace” photo of her a windowless facility, who stepped up to
dad fly-fishing on the I developed hard-to- help others during the
Penobscot River at COVID-19 crisis, I got a
comforting feeling that
we can get through this.
Hopefully others feel

8 october 2020

this way, because it is at the DMV to get my PRESSING ALL THE
very true: We can all get handicapped-parking RIGHT BUTTONS
through this together. permit. I couldn’t have
—Yaakov Levine made it through those ✦ I have both my mom’s
Silver Spring, Maryland four months without and my husband’s mom’s
them, and I’m not sure button boxes, like the
We Found a Fix they ever realized how one in “A Life in Buttons.”
much I appreciated it. My husband grew up on
A tip in this collection —Beth Mack a farm, and nothing went
was worth the cost McFarland, Wisconsin to waste. His mom’s box
of my subscription. had garter clips, snaps,
I spilled some medi- Everyday Heroes hooks, and tons of pearl
cine on a bath mat buttons. Excuse me,
and couldn’t wash it Amy Wolff’s yard signs I think I’ll go wander
out. I tried the den- printed with reminders through those boxes now.
ture cleaner and that we matter brought
hot water scrub you tears. I got Don’t Give —Beverly Tedrow Neuroth
recommend—it works! Up bracelets for every-
—Teddi Oppenheimer one at work and car ankeny, iowa
Overland Park, Kansas decals to spread the
message. I told friends ✦ I remember looking
When Mom Broke with teens, and they through our button box
Her Leg ordered items too. Soon with Babcie, my grandma,
there’ll be enough signs and her telling the histo-
I was laid up with a in Omaha that you ries of some: one from
broken leg, but my won’t be able to leave her wedding dress, one
friends stepped up. One the house without from Uncle Billy’s WWII
did laundry, another seeing one. uniform, and a tiny white
the shopping; one drove —Michelle Parsons one from my christening
me to appointments, Omaha, Nebraska gown, which she’d made.
and one stood in line
—Andrea Jeans

harwinton, connecticut

alzay/getty images Small Changes

Little things count. Have you made any micro modifications to
your daily life that have led to macro improvements? Started
buying all the same socks so that sorting laundry is now a snap?
Added a new food to your diet that makes you feel healthier
(or just happier)? Reorganized a cluttered shelf so the mess
doesn’t annoy you anymore? Share your tweak and see terms
at rd.com/smallchanges.

rd.com 9

Reader’s Digest

EVERYDAY HEROES

The Ultimate
Comfort Food

Rose McGee bakes sweet potato pies for
grieving communities all over the country.
This year, she found herself serving sweet

relief in her own backyard.

By Emily Goodman

O n the first night of the police pie, and take it to someone in need sara rubinstein
curfew in Minneapolis last of comfort—or at least, comfort food.
summer, Rose McGee barely
slept. “People I know were out on the In the morning, dozens of neigh-
streets,” says the 69-year-old resident of bors congregated around McGee’s
nearby Golden Valley. “I was worried.” front porch. Many had brought their
own homemade pies to share. “It was
McGee decided to stay up the fol- surreal,” McGee says. Together, they
lowing night and bake sweet potato delivered their baked goods first to
pies. She doesn’t really like to cook, mourners at George Floyd’s memorial
but in times of crisis she often turns site, just 14 miles away, and then to
her kitchen into a pastry factory. This protestors and volunteers at the Min-
time, she also went on Facebook to neapolis branch of the NAACP. The
invite others to swing by, pick up a following weekend, they took dozens

10 october 2020 | rd.com

McGee’s mission is
to “teach people
how to be in
relationship with
one another.”

Reader’s Digest Everyday Heroes

more to a makeshift food distribution Comrades
center in St. Paul, where many grocery in Arms
stores had been destroyed.
Five demonstrators rescue
Sadly, McGee has made Sweet Po- the last person they
tato Comfort Pies, as she calls them,
all too often in recent years. She baked thought would need their
her first batch in 2014, after news broke help: one of the cops they
of unrest in Ferguson, Missouri, follow-
ing the police killing of Michael Brown. were protesting
McGee drove more than 500 miles
to Ferguson to personally deliver the By Michael Clevenger
30 pies she had made. The next year,
she shipped more to Charleston, South from the louisville courier journal
Carolina, where nine worshippers had
been shot dead at the Mother Eman- O fficer Galen Hinshaw heard
uel AME Church. In 2018, she sent a the call over the radio: A fellow
kosher batch to Pittsburgh in the wake officer was in trouble. A crowd
of the Tree of Life synagogue shooting. protesting police violence around
Tragedy also struck closer to home. the country had surrounded a police
McGee’s pies comforted those in and cruiser at Louisville, Kentucky’s Clark
around Minneapolis after police of- Memorial Bridge. The officer inside
ficers fatally shot Jamar Clark in 2015 radioed for help as demonstrators
and Philando Castile in 2016. banged on his hood and windshield.

McGee, who works for the Minne- Hinshaw, part of Louisville Metro
sota Humanities Center, an educational Police Department’s Special Response
council and community resource, also Team, drove to the scene. As he
hosts an annual pie-baking event to got out of his cruiser, he was imme-
celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.—the diately surrounded by protesters.
group made 91 this year, to mark the Some yelled profanities. Others balled
age he would’ve been if he were alive. their fists. As the crowd grew,
In a sense, he is, at least in the partici- Hinshaw, wearing a vest, a helmet,
pants’ discussions of how they can fos- and body armor, made his way to the
ter relationships and social justice. “As front of Bearno’s, a pizzeria, so he
people carry these pies, they’re able to could keep his back to the wall. He
have dialogues, able to listen to each needed to be sure that nobody could
other,” McGee says. “If we don’t start get behind him.
listening more, I don’t know how we’ll
ever be able to move forward. The pies The crowd moved closer, and the
are simply the catalyst for that.” RD

12 october 2020

“A human was
in trouble, and right

is right,” Ricky
McClellan says.

© michael clevenger/usa today network yelling got angrier. “Are you one of the It was then that a man emerged from
good ones?” someone asked. the crowd, wearing a red University of
Louisville mask that covered the lower
“How do you think we feel?” half of his face. He put himself between
shouted another. the closest protester and Hinshaw. Day
care operator Darrin Lee Jr. had also
THE CROWD GREW noticed the crowd advancing on Hin-
LARGER AND LOUDER. shaw. He jumped in and linked arms
with the stranger in the red mask.
THEN LEE YELLED,
“LOCK ARMS!” “Once I saw the guy with the red
mask step up, I said, ‘I gotta step up,’”
“We do care, man, we do care,” says Lee. “I really thought at that mo-
Hinshaw yelled back, trying to make ment, ‘Protect [the cop]. It really isn’t
his voice heard over the din. The his fault.’”
32-year-old was scared. He knew it
could take only one person to esca- Suddenly the protesters turned on
late the situation, and then everyone Lee. One man shouted, “How can you
would jump in. protect him?” Lee got nervous.

Then Ricky McClellan, a factory
worker, stepped up and stood to Lee’s

rd.com 13

Reader’s Digest Everyday Heroes

left. “A human was in trouble, and saviors were. “Those guys, they saved
right is right,” he explains. McClellan me,” he says of the five men who stood
watched as the crowd around them between him and an angry crowd. “It
grew larger and louder. Then he heard was a moment where strangers came
Lee yell, “Lock arms! Lock arms!” together to help another stranger, and
that stranger was me.”
At that point, local businessman
Julian De La Cruz joined in. “I saw the So why would five strangers stick
guys link up, and I saw a weak spot,” he their necks out for Hinshaw? For
says. He took up a position on the end De La Cruz, whose uncle is a police
of the line, feeling nervous and scared. officer, the moment was about ac-
“Things could’ve gotten really bad.” countability. “If I can march with my
brothers and turn against them to say,
Ultimately, five men formed a hu- ‘This isn’t right,’ that’s where the ac-
man shield to protect Hinshaw. All of countability comes in,” he says. “In
them were strangers to one another. the end, that’s all that we are asking
Nobody knew the name of the man for. We need those great cops to hold
to his left or to his right. Three were their brothers and sisters accountable
Black, one was White, and one was at all times.”
Dominican—all linking arms to keep
harm away from Hinshaw, himself Lee’s equally humane explanation
half Pakistani. of his actions: “He’s somebody’s son,”
he says of Hinshaw. “He’s somebody’s
The standoff lasted just two min- loved one.” RD
utes, though it felt much longer to
those who were there. Hinshaw’s the louisville courier journal (june 6, 2020),
squad arrived and whisked him away. copyright © 2020 by usa today network, llc. all
But the officer knows who his real rights reserved.

Abe’s Feline Friends

Sixteen U.S. presidents sat in office before we finally got a cat in the
White House. Abraham Lincoln received his presidential pets, Tabby and Dixie,

as gifts from Secretary of State William Seward. Cats became a source of
comfort for the president: He was often seen petting, playing with, and even
holding one-way conversations with the cats for extended periods of time.
Once, he was caught sneaking Tabby food under the table during a formal White
House dinner. When Mary Todd Lincoln shamed him for feeding a cat from a
golden fork, he replied, “If the gold fork was good enough for [former president

James] Buchanan, I think it is good enough for Tabby.”

mentalfloss.com

14 october 2020 | rd.com

DO YOU LIKE

SAVING MONEY?

-

~GetGEICO.

Reader’s Digest

LIFE

in these

United States

I opened the door on
Halloween to find
a superhero in our
midst. Admiring his
colorful outfit and
mask, I asked, “Are
you Spider-Man?”

Clearly concerned
I’d lost it, he answered,
“I’m a kid. This is a
costume.”
—Cathy Mumaw
Poland, Ohio

“When I’m with my And then she and I can Since it was my first
wife and a thought share a warm moment time in a Las Vegas
enters my head, the together, agreeing on casino, I asked an
first thing I think is, what an idiot that employee to walk me
Well, I know I can’t person must be.” through how the slot
say that. Maybe I —Jerry Seinfeld, machines worked. He
could say I heard comedian showed me how to in-
someone else say it. sert a bill, hit the spin
button, and operate
A cousin recently lamented to my wife, and release the handle.
“It may take a village to raise a child,
but I swear it will take a vineyard to “And where does
homeschool one.” the money come out?”
I asked.
—Bacchus Johnson Charlotte, North Carolina
He pointed to a far

16 october 2020 Cartoon by Scott Masear

wall. “From that ATM, I was shopping with my Seeing my confused
most of the time.” sister when she bought look, she explained,
—Jay Jani a “belated birthday” “I like to think ahead.”
Americus, Georgia card. After a pause, she —Karen Strand
grabbed four more. Lacey, Washington
Home Workout Fails
clockwise from top left: courtesy tamika white. courtesy danielle larkin. courtesy holly putnam. ✦ I signed up for a CHEF BOY-AR-JEEZ!
courtesy karoline smiškova. ruthblack/getty images. istetiana/getty images Zoom workout class
that was too advanced. It looks so easy when the pros do it. So why do your
So when the instructor
said, “Do a plank and versions of baked goods come out looking like this?
bring your knee to the
opposite elbow,” I did the pros’ yours
a modified version
where I turned off my
computer and made
pancakes.
— @morgan_
murphy
✦ A home exercise
video for parents where
all the lunges are just
you going around the
house picking up juice-
box straw wrappers.
— @RodLacroix
✦ We get it, people
on Instagram. You have
enough clear floor
spaces to do yoga.
— @bananafitz

Your funny story
could be worth $$$.
For details, go to
rd.com/submit.

rd.com 17

Reader’s Digest

I WON!

The

WEST COAST
GIANT

PUMPKIN
REGATTA

gary kristensen,
age 42,

Happy Valley, Oregon

The “boats” in this race but not big enough to The more canoe-like,
are giant pumpkins. row. I finally grew one the better. And it helps
How big was yours? big enough for the re- if the skin is smooth.
It was 814 pounds be- gatta in 2013. I’ve done The pumpkin is more
fore I hollowed it out. it every year since. important than the
paddler.
There was enough room What’s the biggest
inside for a grown man? pumpkin you’ve grown? Do you paddle in your
An 800-pound pump- My biggest was 1,234.5 Halloween costume?
kin is a comfortable fit. pounds. Yes, I was Ace Ventura
If you’re cramming into last year, but it wasn’t
one smaller than 700 That sounds like a as popular as the
pounds, it’ll be tight. pumpkin yacht! prior year, when I was
But for the regatta, you Buddy the Elf. RD
How did you get into don’t want it to be that
pumpkin racing? big. You just can’t row The West Coast Giant
In 2011, my wife asked that hard. Pumpkin Regatta is held
me to grow pumpkins in October in Tualatin,
for our kids. That year, There’s an ideal pumpkin Oregon. Kristensen won
I grew a 100-pound one. for racing? in both 2018 and 2019 in
The next year, I got a You want it flat on the pumpkins he grew.
few hundred pounds, bottom so it’s stable.

18 october 2020 | rd.com illustration by John Cuneo

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THE JOURNEY BEGINS NOW.

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HOW TO

Eat Better
for the Planet

You’re environmentally conscious—and hungry. Here
are answers to all your eco-friendly food questions.

By Julia Moskin, Brad Plumer, Rebecca Lieberman, and Eden Weingart

adapted from the new york times

20 october 2020

Reader’s Digest

wolfgang kraus/dreamstime.com Does what I eat have an effect on in Brazil or Argentina. And certain
climate change? cheeses can have a larger greenhouse
gas impact than a lamb chop.
Yes. The world’s food system is re-
sponsible for about one quarter of Is there a simple food choice
the planet-warming greenhouse gases I can make that would reduce
that humans generate each year. That my climate footprint?
includes raising and harvesting all the
plants, animals, and animal products Consuming less red meat and dairy
we eat, as well as processing, packag- will typically have the biggest effect
ing, and shipping food to markets all for most people in wealthy countries.
over the world. A number of studies have concluded
that people who eat a meat-heavy diet
How exactly does food contribute could shrink their food-related foot-
to global warming? print by one third or more by moving
to a vegetarian diet. Giving up dairy
When forests are cleared to make would reduce those emissions even
room for farms and livestock, large further. If you don’t want to go that
stores of carbon are released into far, just eating less meat and dairy can
the atmosphere, which heats up the reduce emissions.
planet. Also, fossil fuels are used to
operate farm machinery, make fertil- Why does meat have such a big
izer, and ship food around the globe, effect on the climate?
all of which generate emissions.
It’s often more efficient to grow crops
Which foods have the largest for humans to eat than it is to grow
impact? crops for animals to eat and then turn
those animals into food for humans.
In general, beef and lamb have the A 2017 study by the United Nations
biggest climate footprint per gram Food and Agriculture Organization
of protein—livestock accounts for concluded that, on average, it takes
roughly the same amount of emis- about three pounds of grain to raise
sions as all the cars, trucks, airplanes, one pound of meat.
and ships in the world today—while
plant-based foods like beans, pulses, Beef and lamb have an especially
grains, and soy tend to have the small- large climate footprint for another
est effect. Pork, chicken, eggs, and reason: The stomachs of cows and
mollusks such as clams, oysters, and sheep contain bacteria that help
scallops are somewhere in the middle. them digest grass and other foods.
But those bacteria create methane
These are only averages. Beef raised that is then released through burps
in the United States produces gener- (and flatulence).
ally fewer emissions than beef raised

rd.com 21

Reader’s Digest

What about chicken? in 1975, even though the total num-
ber of cattle has declined by about
A number of studies have found that one third.
poultry has a lesser climate impact
than other livestock. Modern-day What about “fake meat”?
chickens are bred to be extremely ef-
ficient at converting feed into meat, Plant-based meat substitutes made
though this has prompted major con- from vegetables, starches, oils, and
cerns about animal welfare. synthesized proteins attempt to
mimic the taste and texture of meat.
Should we just stop eating meat? While the jury is out on whether
these products are healthier, they do
Not necessarily. A number of experts likely have the smaller environmental
have argued that a sustainable food footprint they promise: One study
system can and should include plenty estimated that a Beyond Burger had
of animals. Cows and other livestock just one tenth the climate impact of a
beef burger.
WILD FISH OFTEN
HAVE A RELATIVELY What kinds of seafood should I eat?

SMALL CLIMATE Wild fish often have a relatively small
FOOTPRINT. climate footprint, with the main
source of emissions being the fuel
can be raised on pasture that would burned by fishing boats. One recent
otherwise be unsuitable for growing analysis found that a number of pop-
crops, and they eat crop residues that ular wild fish—anchovies, sardines,
would otherwise go to waste. They herring, pollock, cod, haddock—have,
produce manure that we can use as on average, a lower carbon footprint
fertilizer. And animal agriculture pro- than chicken or pork.
vides livelihoods for some 1.3 billion
people worldwide. There is a huge caveat to all wild
seafood, though: Most fisheries are
How else can meat become more being fished at their maximum sus-
climate-friendly? tainable level, while others are being
overexploited. So there’s not a lot of
Advances in animal breeding, vet- room for everyone in the world to in-
erinary care, feed quality, and graz- crease wild fish consumption.
ing systems are helping to shrink the
climate footprint of livestock opera- How much impact do milk and
tions. The United States, for example, cheese have on climate change?
produces more beef today than it did
Milk typically has a smaller climate
footprint than chicken, eggs, or pork

22 october 2020

How to Eat Better for the Planet

per pound. Yogurt, cottage cheese, that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bet-
and cream cheese are similar to milk. ter than conventionally grown pro-
duce from a climate perspective. In
But cheddar and other hard cheeses some cases it can be worse—organic
can have a significantly bigger foot- farms often require more land.
print than chicken or pork, since it
typically takes about ten pounds of Should I buy only produce that is
milk to make one pound of cheese. local and seasonal?
A vegan diet (no meat, dairy, or eggs)
has the smallest climate footprint. In general, what you eat matters a
lot more than where it comes from,
If I can’t go completely vegan, since transportation accounts for
what else can I try? only about 6 percent of food’s total
climate footprint. That said, some
You could go vegetarian: no meat, perishable fruits and vegetables
poultry, or fish, but you can eat dairy shipped by plane can have a hefty
and eggs. Food manufacturers and carbon footprint. By contrast, ap-
restaurants are used to accommodat- ples, oranges, and bananas are often
ing vegetarians. shipped by sea, which is more fuel ef-
ficient. Cold-climate vegetables such
as carrots, potatoes, and squash can
be stored after the fall harvest and
last through the winter.

hidesy/getty images Another option is to try cutting back Can I really make a difference?
to one serving of red meat per week,
replacing the rest with chicken, pork, It’s true that one person alone can
fish, or plant proteins. make only a tiny dent in the global
climate problem. On the other hand,
Is organic produce better for the if many people made changes to their
climate? diets, that could start to add up. As
the world’s population keeps grow-
Organic produce is grown without ing, farmers and ranchers will need
synthetic fertilizers or pesticides, but to curb their emissions and grow
more food on less land to limit de-
forestation. Experts have argued that
it would make a big difference if the
world’s heaviest meat eaters scaled
back—even moderately. RD

adapted from the new york times (april 30, 2019),
copyright © 2019 by the new york times, nytimes.com.

rd.com 23

The first and only overactive bladder (OAB) treatment in its class.

IS YOUR
BLADDER
ALWAYS
TAKING YOU
ON A TRIP
OF ITS OWN?

Urgency
Frequency
Leakage

USE OF MYRBETRIQ (meer-BEH-trick)

In clinical trials, those taking Myrbetriq Myrbetriq® (mirabegron) is a prescription
made fewer trips to the bathroom and medicine for adults used to treat overactive
had fewer leaks than those not taking bladder (OAB) with symptoms of urgency,
Myrbetriq. Your results may vary. frequency and leakage.

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION

Myrbetriq is not for everyone. Do not take

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR Myrbetriq if you have an allergy to mirabegron
OAB SYMPTOMS BY TALKING or any ingredients in Myrbetriq. Myrbetriq may
cause your blood pressure to increase or make
TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT your blood pressure worse if you have a history
MYRBETRIQ TODAY. of high blood pressure. It is recommended

that your doctor check your blood pressure

while you are taking Myrbetriq. Myrbetriq

may increase your chances of not being

able to empty your bladder. Tell your doctor

right away if you have trouble emptying your

bladder or you have a weak urine stream.

Myrbetriq® is a registered trademark of Astellas Pharma Inc.

All other trademarks or registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners.

©2018 Astellas Pharma US, Inc. All rights reserved. 057-2985-PM

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION (continued)

Myrbetriq may cause allergic reactions that increased blood pressure, common cold
may be serious. If you experience swelling of symptoms (nasopharyngitis), dry mouth, flu
the face, lips, throat or tongue, with or without symptoms, urinary tract infection, back pain,
difficulty breathing, stop taking Myrbetriq and dizziness, joint pain, headache, constipation,
tell your doctor right away. sinus irritation, and inflammation of the bladder
(cystitis).
Tell your doctor about all the medicines you take
including medications for overactive bladder or For further information, please talk to your
other medicines such as thioridazine (Mellaril™ healthcare professional and see Brief
and Mellaril-S™), flecainide (Tambocor®), Summary of Prescribing Information for
propafenone (Rythmol®), digoxin (Lanoxin®) or Myrbetriq® (mirabegron) on the following
solifenacin succinate (VESIcare®). Myrbetriq pages.
may affect the way other medicines work, and
other medicines may affect how Myrbetriq You are encouraged to report negative side
works. effects of prescription drugs to the FDA.
Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch
Before taking Myrbetriq, tell your doctor if or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

common side effects of Myrbetriq include

Like us on Facebook

and visit Myrbetriq.com

Myrbetriq® (mirabegron) extended-release tablets 25 mg, 50 mg

Brief Summary based on FDA-approved patient labeling
Read the Patient Information that comes with Myrbetriq® (mirabegron) before you start taking

place of talking with your doctor about your medical condition or treatment.

What is Myrbetriq (meer-BEH-trick)?
Myrbetriq is a prescription medication for adults used to treat the following symptoms due to a
condition called overactive bladder:
• Urge urinary incontinence: a strong need to urinate with leaking or wetting accidents
• Urgency: a strong need to urinate right away
• Frequency: urinating often
It is not known if Myrbetriq is safe and effective in children.

Who should not use Myrbetriq?
Do not take Myrbetriq if you have an allergy to mirabegron or any of the ingredients in Myrbetriq.
See the end of this summary for a complete list of ingredients in Myrbetriq.

What should I tell my doctor before taking Myrbetriq?
Before you take Myrbetriq, tell your doctor about all of your medical conditions, including if you:
• have liver problems or kidney problems
• have very high uncontrolled blood pressure
• have trouble emptying your bladder or you have a weak urine stream
• are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known if Myrbetriq will harm your unborn

baby. Talk to your doctor if you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant.
• are breastfeeding or plan to breastfeed. It is not known if Myrbetriq passes into your breast milk.

Talk to your doctor about the best way to feed your baby if you take Myrbetriq.

Tell your doctor about all the medicines you take, including prescription and over-the-counter
medicines, vitamins, and herbal supplements. Myrbetriq may affect the way other medicines work,
and other medicines may affect how Myrbetriq works.
Tell your doctor if you take:
• thioridazine (Mellaril™ or Mellaril-S™)
• ®)
• propafenone (Rythmol®)
• digoxin (Lanoxin®)

®)

How should I take Myrbetriq?
• Take Myrbetriq exactly as your doctor tells you to take it.
• You should take 1 Myrbetriq tablet 1 time a day.
• You should take Myrbetriq with water and swallow the tablet whole.
• Do not chew, break, or crush the tablet.
• You can take Myrbetriq with or without food.
• If you miss a dose of Myrbetriq, begin taking Myrbetriq again the next day. Do not take 2 doses

of Myrbetriq the same day.
• If you take too much Myrbetriq, call your doctor or go to the nearest hospital emergency room

right away.

What are the possible side effects of Myrbetriq?
Myrbetriq may cause serious side effects including:
• increased blood pressure. Myrbetriq may cause your blood pressure to increase or make your

blood pressure worse if you have a history of high blood pressure. It is recommended that your
doctor check your blood pressure while you are taking Myrbetriq.
• inability to empty your bladder (urinary retention). Myrbetriq may increase your chances of not
being able to empty your bladder if you have bladder outlet obstruction or if you are taking

other medicines to treat overactive bladder. Tell your doctor right away if you are unable to
empty your bladder.
• angioedema. Myrbetriq may cause an allergic reaction with swelling of the lips, face, tongue,

q and tell your doctor right away.

The most common side effects of Myrbetriq include:

• increased blood pressure • dizziness
• common cold symptoms • joint pain

(nasopharyngitis) • headache
• dry mouth • constipation
• sinus (sinus irritation)
• urinary tract infection
• back pain (cystitis)

Tell your doctor if you have any side effect that bothers you or that does not go away or if you have
swelling of the face, lips, tongue, or throat, hives, skin rash or itching while taking Myrbetriq.

These are not all the possible side effects of Myrbetriq.

Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You may report side effects to the FDA
at 1-800-FDA-1088.

How should I store Myrbetriq?
• Store Myrbetriq between 59°F to 86°F (15°C to 30°C). Keep the bottle closed.
• Safely throw away medicine that is out of date or no longer needed.

Keep Myrbetriq and all medicines out of the reach of children.

General information about the safe and effective use of Myrbetriq
Medicines are sometimes prescribed for purposes other than those listed in the Patient Information

ot prescribed. Do not give Myrbetriq
to other people, even if they have the same symptoms you have. It may harm them.

You can ask your doctor or pharmacist for information about Myrbetriq that is written for
health professionals.

For more information, visit www.Myrbetriq.com or call (800) 727-7003.

What are the ingredients in Myrbetriq?
Active ingredient: mirabegron
Inactive ingredients: polyethylene oxide, polyethylene glycol, hydroxypropyl cellulose, butylated
hydroxytoluene, magnesium stearate, hypromellose, yellow ferric oxide and red ferric oxide
(25 mg Myrbetriq tablet only).

What is overactive bladder?
Overactive bladder occurs when you cannot control your bladder contractions. When these muscle
contractions happen too often or cannot be controlled, you can get symptoms of overactive bladder,
which are urinary frequency, urinary urgency, and urinary incontinence (leakage).

Marketed and Distributed by:

Astellas Pharma US, Inc.
Northbrook, Illinois 60062

Myrbetriq® is a registered trademark of Astellas Pharma Inc. All other trademarks or registered
trademarks are the property of their respective owners.

©2012 - 2018 Astellas Pharma US, Inc.

Revised: April 2018
206813-MRVS-BRFS
057-2652-PM

Reader’s Digest

QUOTABLE QUOTES

To all who feel different: Build your stage, make them see you.

—Beyoncé, singer

Discomfort we feel physically when we push ourselves is something
we embrace. Hard conversations are the same discomfort for souls.

—Alexis Ohanian, entrepreneur

I think everybody has a right to happiness and freedom
and health care and education and guitar lessons.

—Bonnie Raitt, musician

What people look at as obstacles, I look at like nitro tanks.

—Darren Criss, actor

Life is fleeting! Don’t waste a single moment of your
precious life! Wake up now! And now! And now!

—Ruth Ozeki, author

beyoncé ohanian raitt

28

Wearing daytime pajamas and then changing into nighttime
pajamas sets a good example for your children.

—Sarah Michelle Gellar, actor

When you pack up, some things fit and others don’t. Leave
behind what no longer fits or make extra effort to make it fit.

—Tom Brady, athlete

The brain is an amazing organ. It starts working in a mother’s
womb and doesn’t stop working till you get elected to Congress.

—Senator John Neely Kennedy, politician

POINT TO PONDER

This pandemic will graduate a new class of war veterans.
Health care, food supply, deliveries, community services.

So many owe so much to these few. How might this
great country take our turn and care for all of them?

—Bill Murray, comedian

getty images (7)

gellar murray brady

DEPARTMENT OF WIT

My Concession
Speech

Though the election for president of his house
ended in defeat, this member of the loyal opposition

prefers to go out with his head held high

By Andy Simmons

Reader’s Digest

M y fellow Americans, earlier But tonight, the votes have been
this year I threw my hat into cast, the ballots tallied, the people of
the political arena and an- this great house have spoken, and I re-
nounced my candidacy for president spect their decision. And while I take
of our house, 347 Elm Street. My goal great pride in how close the election
was simple: unseat the incumbent, my was—two votes to one—it is clear that
wife—Mommy, who I believed had I will not be your next president. Only
grown careless in how she handled minutes ago, I turned to my oppo-
the affairs of our home. nent, sitting next to me on the couch,
and congratulated her. She nodded
I ran on a strict law-and-order plat- graciously before raising the volume
form: Finish one jar of peanut butter on the TV as she continued to watch
before opening another one. No talk- another episode of Succession.
ing to me when the Mets are batting. If
you take a slice of pizza, close the box As contentious as this campaign has
so the rest of the slices stay warm. And been, it is now time to unite our home
no matter how much whining and ca- around the winner. I call for all my
joling, we are not buying a dog. supporters, namely myself, to fall in

My qualifications to take this house- MY QUALIFICATIONS:
hold of three in the right direction I AM THE ONLY ONE IN
were evident. I was and remain the THE FAMILY WHO CAN
only one in the family who can open
pickle jars. I was and remain the only OPEN PICKLE JARS.
one who can remember the Amazon
Prime password. I was and remain the line to ensure a smooth transition from
only one who doesn’t scream when the previous Mommy administration
he sees small bugs. I was and remain to the next Mommy administration,
the Best Dad—see my coffee cup. which will mark her 21st term in office.
Although I will not be serving as your
It was a close contest that saw me president and commander-in-chief,
make many inroads during the de- I will continue to fight for the things
bates, where I pressed my opponent that my campaign stood for, especially
on the hottest topics of the day. On in- that one about the peanut butter.
frastructure spending, I made a bold
stand, insisting, “It’s not broken; you Now, as I prepare to end my cam-
have to jiggle the handle!” On the is- paign and take our new dog for a walk,
sue of transportation, I questioned my I thank each and every voter, no mat-
rival’s refusal to make left-hand turns. ter whom you recklessly voted for. And
And on health care, I fought the lonely may God bless 347 Elm Street. RD
battle against buying a dog, reminding
everyone, “I’m allergic!”

illustration by Jeff Suntala rd.com | october 2020 31

Reader’s Digest

The Gut Bacteria
That Could Help
You Run Longer

News From the In 2015, researchers the voorhes (globe). wattanaphob kappago/getty images (shoes)
at Harvard University
WORLD OF found that in the week
MEDICINE after the Boston Mara-
thon, runners in the
VEGETARIANS MAY HAVE race had a higher con-
HIGHER RISK OF STROKE centration of bacteria
called Veillonella, which
In an 18-year study of 48,188 people with help break down the
no history of heart disease, vegans and lactic acid that forms in
vegetarians had a 22 percent lower risk of muscles. The research-
developing heart disease than meat eaters— ers then took a strain of
but a 20 percent higher risk of suffering a the bacteria from one
stroke. Researchers speculate that this is of the marathoners and
because of their low vitamin B12 levels, injected it into mice,
though there may be other factors. If you and sure enough, the
follow a vegan or vegetarian diet, consider mice ran 13 percent
boosting your intake of B12 through supple- longer than the mice
ments or fortified foods such as cereal. who received a different
type of bacteria. This
suggests that someday
those mice—and those
marathoners—could
help create a probiotic
supplement containing
Veillonella to help you
become a better runner.

32 october 2020

egal/getty images Lyme Disease in GINGIVITIS Dermatological
the Leaves IN THE Conditions More
BRAIN Than Skin-Deep
When you are finished
raking this fall, be sure A University of Louis- Psychological support
to move the leaves a ville study found that isn’t usually part of
good distance away the bacteria behind caring for skin prob-
from your house—or chronic gum disease lems such as acne and
get rid of them com- may migrate to the vitiligo, but it should be,
pletely. A recent study brain. What’s more, according to a survey
found that ticks love to the Porphyromonas by the British Skin
set up shop in leaf gingivalis bacteria then Foundation (BSF).
piles. The researchers release toxins called “Skin conditions can
counted three times gingipains that can at- be burdensome for a
the number of black- tack the areas involved number of reasons,
legged ticks in and in memory and critical such as the pain they
around these piles thinking, which may cause or the long-term
come springtime as eventually lead to de- treatment regimens
they did in areas with- mentia and Alzheimer’s. they require,” says
out leaves, said co- This doesn’t necessarily Andrew Thompson,
author Robert Jordan, mean that gingivitis PhD, a BSF spokes-
PhD, a research scien- causes Alzheimer’s, person and a professor
tist with the Mon- though a Taiwanese of clinical psychology
mouth County Division study has already found at Cardiff University.
of Mosquito Control in that living with gingivitis Psychological treatment
New Jersey. To reduce for more than ten years can address emotional
your risk of contracting increases the risk of and behavioral re-
Lyme disease and Alzheimer’s by as much actions that sometimes
other tick-borne ill- as 70 percent. One key aggravate skin condi-
nesses, deposit leaves takeaway: Floss! tions, such as stress
in low-use areas of and scratching. “It can
your yard or deep in also improve quality
the woods, or employ of life,” Thompson says,
a curbside-pickup “for example, by build-
service. ing confidence to return
to previously avoided
activities.”

rd.com 33

Reader’s Digest News from the World of Medicine julia garan/getty images

THE SURPRISINGLY
FAST-ACTING BENEFITS
OF CLEANER AIR

W e’re accustomed to thinking of environ-
mental change, and its attendant effects
on our health, as being measured in years.
But researchers are now discovering how quickly
and dramatically air quality can improve—and how
big an impact those improvements can make.

For instance, when Atlanta hosted the 1996 Olym-
pic Games, parts of the city were closed to cars for
17 days. In the following four weeks, kids’ medical
visits for asthma decreased by more than 40 percent.
In 1990, when Hong Kong passed stricter regulations
for the content of fuel oil used by power plants and
cars, sulfur dioxide levels immediately fell by 45 per-
cent on average and as much as 80 percent in the
most polluted areas. Within six months, there was
a significant decrease in the number of deaths from
respiratory and cardiovascular diseases.

In March 2020, when businesses shut down be-
cause of the coronavirus pandemic, nitrogen diox-
ide levels were about 30 percent lower on average in
the northeastern United States than they were in the
same month for the years 2015 to 2019. Also, during
the month that China was under quarantine because
of the pandemic, one study estimated that improved
air quality helped to prevent more than 12,000
pollution-related deaths. With a recent study showing

that an increase of just one microgram per cubic
meter of fine particulate matter is associated
with an 8 percent increase in
the COVID-19 death rate,
measures to improve air
quality may be more im-
portant than ever before.

Caffeine Limit for SERVICE DOGS
Migraines CHANGE LIVES

Researchers—and mi- Thanks to extensive training and unconditional devotion,
graine sufferers—have service dogs are able to help military veterans suffering
long known that caf- from PTSD in ways that other therapies cannot. That’s
feine can affect head- why Dog Chow is continuing our Service Dog Salute
aches. Now a study has program to help support the lives and training of
looked closely at the more service dogs — so that all of America’s veterans
triggering quantities
and found that three in need can find canine heroes of their own.
caffeinated beverages—
coffee, tea, or soda—in U.S. MARINE VETERAN, DAVID FULLER,
a day increased the AND HIS SERVICE DOG, KATIE
migraine risk. The risk
is greater for people ®
who typically drink less ®
than that in a given day.
BRAND DOG FOOD
Timing of Opioid
Prescriptions Join us in supporting our military heroes at

An analysis of data dogchow.com/servicedogs
from 678,319 patients
found that physicians Purina trademarks are owned by Société des Produits Nestlé S.A.
were 33 percent more
likely to prescribe opi-
oids during late-day
appointments and
17 percent more likely to
do so if the appointment
was running later than
scheduled. Prescriptions
for nonsteroidal anti-
inflammatory drugs
(NSAIDs) and physical
therapy were not af-
fected by appointment
timing. RD

All ✦ Someone tried to A letter arrived at our
in a Day’s return a defective item post office with the ad-
without a receipt. After dress crossed out and
WORK explaining that I could this message scribbled
not find where she had next to it: “Addressee
This is why it’s called paid for the item, she doesn’t live here any-
“work” ... yelled back, “It’s not more (THANK GOD).”
✦ I tied my hair back my fault you people —Annette Thomas
into a ponytail for work didn’t catch me!” Clarkston, Michigan
before teaching. It kept ✦ I was listening to the
coming undone, so radio at work when a It’s a problem that
I used a rubber band girl near me screamed. the machine I use to
to hold it. Later, I was Then a girl on the radio do my work also has
reprimanded for mis- screamed. The show a function where you
using school supplies. was about bad jobs. It can shop for a new
was her, calling in while duvet cover for three
still at work. hours.
— @caitiedelaney
—dumbemployed.com

36 october 2020 Cartoon by Daniel Walsh

Reader’s Digest

My dad, a pastor, was attending a ✦ The student eval that
national Nazarene convention when I remember to this day:
a woman pointed to an empty seat and “He knows more than
asked, “Is this seat saved?” Dad replied, I do and that makes
“No, but we’re praying for it.” me feel bad.”
— @Normie_
—Cheryl Strickland Pleasant Hope, Missouri Salvador
✦ “She should wear
alexstar/getty images (magnifying glass), courtesy federal office of topography swisstopo At times, student ✦ For a European more green.”
evaluations meant to History to 1500 course, — @Deborah_T7
put professors on the a student was upset ✦ “Professor wanted
firing line reveal more that I didn’t include to be here less than
about the pupils who more about China we did.”
wrote them: during World War II. — @CarlLPalmer
✦ “There was too — @quinnkl
much math expected ✦ “Too many women Your funny work
of us.” Course title: writers.” Course title: story could be worth
Math for Special American Women $$$. For details, go to
Education Teachers. Writers. rd.com/submit.
— @njbailey17 — @maryloeff

TAKE A LEFT AT THE GIANT HIKER ...

Switzerland is a small country with a big sense of humor. Case in point: Swiss

cartographers like to hide figures, such as this hiker and fish, in their maps.

rd.com 37

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fotojagodka/getty images WE Reader’s Digest
FOUND rd.com | october 2020 39
A FIX

8 Tricks to
Improve Your Life*

1

Give Pumpkin to Your Dog
pets You’re not the only
one who might enjoy a little
pumpkin flavor this fall.
Veterinarians often recom-
mend winter squash for an
array of doggy digestive
dilemmas. Be sure to avoid
premade pumpkin-pie mix
in a can, which contains
spices and sugar your pet
doesn’t need. Also check
with your veterinarian to
see how much is recom-
mended for your dog’s
size—too much can cause
diarrhea.

*From RD.com and THEHEALTHY.COM

Reader’s Digest We Found a Fix

2 3

Flush Your Anxieties Shave Away the
Sweater Fuzz
home When the john has a seemingly unplungeable
clog, try quickly dumping a bucket of water directly clothing Just because a
into the bowl’s drainage hole before calling a pricey well-loved sweater is
plumber, recommends Tim Carter, master plumber starting to pill doesn’t
and founder of Ask the Builder. The rapid stream may mean you have to toss it.
break up the blockage and create a suction effect in the To get rid of the fuzz, pull
toilet’s U-shaped bend that’ll send the contents down the sweater taut over a
without so much as a jiggle of the handle. This trick flat surface (such as an
also works as a DIY flush if nature desperately calls ironing board) and run a
while your water is shut off. razor or beard trimmer
delicately along the grain.

4 kseniâ solov’eva/getty images

Make a Plant Greenhouse
gardening Planning that long-
delayed weekend getaway but
worried about your houseplants?
Cover each plant with a plastic
bag with some holes poked in it,
making sure the plastic isn’t
touching the leaves, and place the
pots in shady spots. The plastic
will retain moisture and recapture
some of the plants’ natural tran-
spiration, creating miniature water
cycles for your green things.

40 october 2020

5 7

Your Cutlery De-fat Soups and Stews
Affects Your Diet cooking Want to get some of the
fat out of your homemade soup
health People tend to eat or stew as quickly as possible?
more ice cream with a Fill a metal ladle with ice, gently
fancy spoon than with an skim the bottom of the ladle
ordinary-looking one. across the soup’s surface for a
According to one study, a few seconds, and then remove
whimsical serving spoon it. The fat will cling to and
shaped like a mini person freeze against the metal
with a funny hairdo and come right out
caused participants to with the ladle.
want to have fun and
urfinguss/getty images (ladle), prani teiyng ketu/getty images (ice) scoop more ice cream. 8 sponsored
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rd.com 41

YOUR Who Let the Dogs In?
TRUE
STORIES My wife and I went to a Halloween party
with our daughter, Molly, at her school.
in 100 Words* After we arrived, the security guard called
for the custodian (my wife’s brother, Molly’s
Grandma SquarePants uncle) to come and help her with three dogs
that had gotten into the building. The look
When my granddaughter on his face when he saw us—with the spots
Eva was a toddler, I vis- I had painted all over our sweatshirts and
ited her family on Hallow- pants—was priceless!
een. I’ve been making my
own Halloween costumes —Robert Larson Willmar, Minnesota
to go trick-or-treating
with my grandkids since Merry Halloween! up Christmas displays
1998. I’d made myself a in September and not
SpongeBob SquarePants Every year, my daughter paying any attention to
costume the year I visited and son-in-law host a Halloween. So, of course,
Eva. After I returned Halloween party. They we had to show up at the
home, Eva was at a store decorate their house Halloween party dressed
with her parents when inside and out and have as Christmas trees! We
they saw a poster with a a highly competitive cos- won the prize for “Most
picture of SpongeBob on tume contest. Last year, Embarrassing Costumes.”
it. They asked Eva, “Do my daughter posted a
you know who that is?” complaint on Facebook —Barbara Schultz
She did indeed—she said, that stores were setting perry, utah
“Grandma!”
—Terry Waggle
st. louis, missouri

To read more true
stories or submit one,
go to rd.com/stories.
If we publish yours in
the print magazine, it
could be worth $100.

42 october 2020 Illustrations by Hallie Bateman

Reader’s Digest

The Witches of positive note, so I remained in cos-
Sunset Valley tume even when it was time to leave.
I noticed some buses passing on their
By Bonnie Johnson way to the nearby elementary school.
I waved, they waved back, and so it
north huntingdon, pennsylvania began. Over the next 12 years, a coven
grew. Now it includes mothers, grand-
I t wasn’t a dark and stormy night, mothers, and great-grandmothers. We
but given my mood, it would have gather our broomsticks, cauldron, and
been fitting. It was Halloween, my various other decorations to set the
favorite time of the year, and I was scene in Mom’s front yard. A steady
on my way to visit my mom, who had stream of horns resonates, along with
suffered a debilitating stroke. I arrived waves and smiling faces as cars and
dressed as a witch, not quite sure if it buses drive by. Numerous requests for
was to lift her spirits or my own. Mom pictures, enthusiastic comments on
laughed, and I felt every second of social media, and one very generous
it. I didn’t want to detach from that gift of a bottle of wine were all greatly
appreciated encouragements for us to
*Sometimes 100 words just continue. We “Witches of Sunset Val-
aren’t enough! ley” love what we do and always look
forward to the next year, when we can
wish everyone a happy Halloween. RD

rd.com 43

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Reader’s Digest

levi brown/trunk archive the I am not an animal, a plant, or a
mineral. Take a minute to get your
FOOD head around what a crafty 20 Ques-
ON YOUR tions choice that makes me, infuriat-
PLATE ing little brothers and sisters on car
rides everywhere. “What is it?” they
I Am Mushrooms … shout, to which their torturer finally
answers: I, mushroom, am a fungus.
A Magic, Wild,
Meaty Treat I do keep you humans guessing. I
am both edible and toxic, vegetarian
By Kate Lowenstein yet meaty in flavor, wild and domes-
and Daniel Gritzer ticated, a contemporary health craze
and an ancient remedy. I can send
your mind on a wild hallucinogenic
flight. I can also kill you. And I come
from a mysterious, much larger or-
ganism underfoot that you can barely
comprehend. I am its fruiting body,
in fact, as it spreads invisibly under-
ground or through the fibers of a log.
You can pick me as you do an apple
off a tree, but you will leave almost all
the superorganism behind.

Those rootlike threads you occa-
sionally spy on my stem? They are not
roots but fragments of my spreading
life-form. Those delicate frills sheltered
beneath my shelf or cap? They are
marvels of evolutionary engineering,
gills from which I release my spores by
the billions. I like to think of them as
nature’s origami—if you could lay the
unfolded gills of just one button mush-
room flat, they’d cover a desktop.

I’d wager that when you hear my
name, you imagine the umbrella-
capped toadstool of not only white
button mushrooms but also fairy
tales, fables, Super Mario Bros., and

rd.com | october 2020 45

Reader’s Digest

Smurfs. But that image is falsely nar- MUSHROOM-STUFFED manyakotic/getty images
row. I can grow like shelves on a tree MUSHROOMS
trunk, round like marshmallows,
translucent and gelatinous like jelly- Lightly trim ends of 2 pounds of cremini
fish, and in a cascade of spines that in mushrooms, separate stems from caps,
the case of the lion’s mane mushroom and mince the stems and half the caps.
look like a long white beard. Reserve the remaining caps to stuff.
Melt 3 tablespoons butter in a 10-inch
Even the ubiquitous white button skillet over medium-high heat, and add
mushroom started as a peculiarity, one large (4-ounce) minced shallot and
discovered in Pennsylvania nestled in 1 teaspoon minced thyme leaves. Cook,
a bed of brown cremini mushrooms. stirring until tender, about 2 minutes.
Though it looks different from the cre- Add minced mushrooms and cook,
mini, both are variants of the same stirring until water evaporates and
species. (The portobello, meanwhile, mushrooms thicken and darken, about
is just an extra-large cremini.) 15 minutes. Stir in 1/3 cup panko bread
crumbs and season with salt and pep-
In the kitchen, no matter my per. Toss remaining caps lightly in olive
variety—oyster, shiitake, enoki; there oil and salt, stuff with cooked mushroom
are hundreds of edible ones—I add mixture, and arrange on rimmed sheet.
deep, savory flavor. I am one of na- Cook at 450°F until mushrooms are ten-
ture’s best meat stand-ins for flavor, der, about 20 minutes. Sprinkle grated
texture, and heartiness. I just scratch cheddar cheese on each mushroom,
that itch, making me appeal to return to oven, and cook until cheese is
vegetarians and omnivores alike. To melted and beginning to brown. Serve.
properly bring out all that flavor, cook
off all my water over high heat, then not true. Go ahead and wash me; just
brown me in a pan. Use me in a filling make sure to dry me well so that I
for pastas and dumplings such as ravi- brown properly.
oli and pierogi. Cook me with cream
or tomatoes, and I’ll make a pasta Wild mushrooms—chanterelles,
so rich and filling you won’t miss morels, truffles (an anomaly because
the meat. I’m great on meat though,
including as duxelles, the thick
mixture of minced mushrooms and
shallots that is a key ingredient in beef
Wellington.

There’s some misguided kitchen
folklore about how you should never
wash a mushroom because it strips
away flavor. This is almost always

46 october 2020

The Food on Your Plate

they grow underground)—really can be woods, is remarkably high in vitamin
intoxicatingly tasty, but they are hard D. But caveat emptor on those hyped
to find and therefore more pricey than “adaptogenic” mushroom teas; they’re
their cultivated cousins. (Conversely, if perfectly fine for you but unlikely to
a restaurant touts a “wild” oyster, shii- provide the benefits listed on the label.
take, or cremini special, beware; those
varieties are farmed.) Lore abounds In Northern California in 2017, heavy
about mushroom hunters who sneak rainfall led to a bigger than usual crop
out early in the morning and park their of the death cap, a mild-tasting little
cars stealthily for fear of being followed thing that is responsible for 90  per-
to their shroomy stashes in the woods. cent of human deaths-by-mushroom
worldwide. That year, more than a
Perhaps most valued is the white dozen people got disastrously sick,
truffle from Alba, in the Piedmont sustaining neurological damage and
region of Italy, whose musty aroma requiring liver transplants. Another
shouts when it’s shaved raw over shroom craze afoot is decidedly more
buttered fresh pasta or a fried egg. fun: “Magic mushrooms” that contain
In 2007, a Hong Kong–Macao casino psilocybin are again all the rage. Sev-
magnate spent $330,000 on a three- eral species of me come with this not
pounder—a sign that my prestige has entirely legal hallucinogenic included.
overtaken any rational appraisal of Their surprisingly middle-aged users
value. (Another sign: the premium are often less interested in the trip than
price shoppers pay for “truffle” oil, they are drawn to the promise of re-
almost always made from synthetic ducing anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
flavors and not truffles at all.) Can I do all that? The research suggests
yes. Would you expect anything less
I continue to be credited with health from something as magical as me? RD
benefits, some more legit than others.
Most of the varieties you eat have an Kate Lowenstein is a health journalist
array of antioxidants, vitamins, and and the editor-in-chief at Vice; Daniel
minerals, including all-important vi- Gritzer is the culinary director of the
tamin B and selenium. The maitake cooking site Serious Eats.
mushroom, also called hen-of-the-

JFK to LAX, Stopping at LOL

With airport codes such as BUM (Butler Memorial, in Missouri), WOW (Willow
Airport, in Alaska), and YUM (Yuma International, in Arizona), the United States
has lots of destinations that might just make you LOL (Derby Field, in Nevada).

rd.com

rd.com 47

Reader’s Digest

Humor in

UNIFORM

Officers don’t like to as a marksman. After “It’s guaranteed,”
lose. Exhibit A: One taking a few shots, he reassured me. “If
naval officer’s write-up I asked my sergeant it doesn’t open, just
in the base newspaper how I’d done. bring it back.”
of our unit’s lunchtime —Richard Hoffman
softball game: “In a “Son,” he told me, Toledo, Ohio
spirited end-of-season “you better learn to use
finale, the Khaki Spe- a bayonet real good.” Got a funny story
cial (officers/chiefs) —Edmond Krysz about the military or
team fought hard but Wood-Ridge, New Jersey your military family?
finished the season in It could be worth
second place. Mean- While in paratrooper $$$. For details, see
while, the enlisted training school, I asked page 4 or go to
personnel (the Blues) the instructor, “What rd.com/submit.
won their last game happens if the para-
but finished next to chute doesn’t open?”
last in the standings.”

What he failed to
mention about the
season ... the two
teams played only
one game, against
each other.
—J. Kirby Spencer
Bremerton, Washington

During basic training
at Fort Dix, New Jer-
sey, I was sent to the
firing range to qualify

48 october 2020 | rd.com Cartoon by Bill Thomas