AD&D - WG7 - Castle Greyhawk (13 adventures) (1e)

counter that would follow next in se- a second Dexterity Check to avoid falling. Area 13: Slime Slide
quence after the encounter they use the The back-lit glass panels depict
rope to avoid. lf they climbed the rope in The opening is an access into a five-
area 16D, they come out of a closet in the dungeon scenes. The left-most window foot-wide, five-foot-high, 25-foot-long
back of Upfitter 's in area 16E. shows living food menacing victims. The passageway that ends in a locked wooden
center window is a huge blob in the cen- door. A brass plaque on the door says
The PCs may also retrace their steps ter of a web of pipes surrounded by "Diamond Key Repository." The door
through Eternal Autumn (area 4), if they smaller blobs and spiders. The right- can be picked, forced, or knocked at nor-
so desire. most window depicts a fat orange-and- mal chances. Beyond the door, read the
following:
Area 12: Flying Buttresses black striped cat with bulging eyes sitting
on a black book, surrounded by a dozen The door opens onto a 10-by-15 foot
You seem to be standing next to the multicolored keys. room in which every surface is cov-
walls of a great cathedral. The black- ered in damp moss. Ten feet away on
ness here is pushed back only slightly lf the PCs examine this glass panel the opposite wall is another moss-
by the harsh light from the Upfitter's closely (within 10 feet), they see that one covered wooden door. Near the cen-
sign and the warm glow that filters of the keys is not a picture, but is actually ter of the room is a moss-covered,
down from the stained glass windows a Tome key made of fire opal (2,000 gp). box-shaped lump.
above. Looking up even farther, be-
yond the multi-colored glass is the To remove the key, the party must Any attempt to open the door (which is
faint shimmering rectangular outline break the window. During the attempt, false) or the box causes the entry door to
shadowy forms gather on the far side of slam shut and the floor to swing down like
beneath the shining letters E, X, I, the glass. When the glass breaks, six a trap door, dumping all in the room down
and T. bony hands on the ends of armored tenta- a slimey, mossy slide to an arena on the
cles clutch and grab at anything nearby fifth dungeon level-room 9.
There are three places to go here. Up- for two rounds. If they hit they pull in
fitter's (area 10), up the cathedral walls with an effective Strength of 21. Any hit Carefully read the encounter key de-
to the exit door, and out into the intense to a tentacle causes it to retreat, but it in- scription for this room on level 5 and tell
darkness, away from cathedral. the players what their characters see go-
flicts 2d6 damage to the attacker. ing on in the arena, then read the follow-
The darkness is flecked with pairs of 6 Tentacles: AC -2; MV Nil; HD 10; ing:
pinpoint glows, like eyes. Their location
is indistinct, and they cannot be reached. hp NIA; HAT 6; Dmg special: THACO As you peer past the pyrotechnic may-
Light of any kind only functions within 50 10; SA grab, SD hitting it causes attacker hem surrounding the golem and its
feet of the cathedral. lf the PCs head into damage; MR 50% foe, you glimpse a glowing red Exit
the darkness, it is like walking downhill. sign above a faintly shimmering door.
Each round the PCs spend in the dark roll Anything or anyone pulled through You also hear a magically mouthed
l d.20. On a roll of 10 or more, an en- must roll a successful saving throw vs. message, "Warning to scarlet clear-
counter with a monster created by the death ray or be shriveled down to charred ance intruders. The abacus has deter-
Random Monster Generator occurs. mined that you do not have proper
Monsters that attack the PCs always at- bones and melted metal and then spat security clearance for this area. Leave
tack with surprise. If the party wants to back out. Those who are dragged immediately or you risk premature
go back to the cathedral, roll ld8 for the through but make their save are spat termination. Thank you. The abacus is
direction they walk each round. Only a back after taking 5d10 points of eJectrical, your friend. Have a nice day."
result of 5 will return them to the lighted fire, cold. and acid damage and another
area again. 6d6 points of falling damage if they hit the II the PCs look behind them, the en-
ground. The glass then melts together lo trance is (of course) gone. The marked
Climbing or flying up through the flying seal the hole. exit they see takes the place of one of
buttresses that support the cathedral room 9's normal entrances. To reach it,
wall is a challenge. Climbing characters Complicating matters here are the vi- the party must either cross or circle
treat the walls as smooth but cracked. A cious gargoyles who guard the Exit. around the arena, risking fallout from the
thlef must lead the way and set ropes. They attack once the characters reach battle.
Flying characters must make a Dexterity the stained-glass window level.
Check each round of flight to avoid collid- The golem and its foe completely ig-
ing with the three-dimensional maze of Gargoyles (2 per PC): AC 5; MV 9" I nore the PCs. However, the destruction
buttresses and pillars. A collision does
ld3 damage and the character must make 15"; HD 4; hp 20 each: #AT 4; Dmg ld3/ they hurl like rain will affect any caught

ld3/ld6/ld4; THACO 10; SD magical
weapons needed to hit

The Exit door here is very small. In
fact, any character larger than a halfling

must drink of potion of diminution before

entering. The cathedral exit opens onto
the lobby of the Hellivator (area 14).

50

within it (refer to the room 9 description The opalescent panel is a gate from the Room 10, Level 6: The doors open
for details).
Random Monster Generator. Each time onto a library and cool dusty air replaces
Once the PCs reach the exit, it is the PCs enter the Hellivator lobby, roll an
locked, completely unopenable. How- encounter check on l d20. If the result is the parched heat of the Hellivator. As the
ever, the small sign spray-stenciled on 17 or greater, a monster walks through doors open, the ghost reappears and
the door gives a hint of what is required: the panel. whispers, "Sixth floor. Books, gastropod
poetry, egos. and really bad dead things.
"Emergency exit only. If either button is pressed, a loud ding Enjoy your stay." The back wall slides
Use diamond key. sounds and the red and gold doors slide forward to force the PCs out and the Hel-
open to reveal a well-lit, 5-by-4 foot cubi- livator door seals tight. Only a keyhole
- House Hacknslashi:' cle, also immaculately decorated. There re mains.
are three buttons inside, one up and two
If the PCs watch the iron golem, they The room's other exits are also sealed.
see that a diamond Tome key (worth down. To get out, the PCs must find the ame-
around 10,000 gp) is inserted about eight The doors close once the party enters thyst Tume key. It is between the pages
feet up its right leg. If they can manage to of a book of poetry labeled Ode to the
get to the golem and grab the key, it (or after 30 seconds). If the party Ground Snails ofGreyhawk, \.blume 7by
comes out easily. Unfortunately, it also pressed the down arrow, the Hellivator Snagly Hairtooth. Only the amethyst key
turns the golem off. The angry ore inside immediately drops downward so fast that will reopen the Hellivator door. However,
the golem bails out and the attention of the party is knocked to the floor. The Hel- the door opens onto the Hellivator lobby
his titanic foe is turned toward him and livator does not stop until it reaches room again, as if they had just stepped out of
the other tiny humanoids in the arena. 10 on the 6th level. the cathedral exit.

Should the PCs survive to reach the If they pressed the up button, there is a Goi ng up: Should the PCs manage to
exit door, it opens onto an unseen closet brief pause and then a ghostly face and do this, the Hellivator door dings open at
in Upfitter's Emporium, which at this torso pops out of the woodwork and encounter 16.
point is located just off whatever en- spectrally whispers, "Going down?" as it
counter would have been logically next in reaches for the down arrow buttons. Area 16: You and Your Little Dog
sequence had the party not explored the Toto Too!
passage leading to the slime slide. At this point both the DM and one of
the players roll l d6. Subtract 1 Crom the The Hellivator doors open into a
By the time the party returns to player's roll. lf the player's modified roll shabby, drab little room in what seems
dungeon level 5, the iron golem is back in beats the DM's, the PC presses the but- to be a shabby, drab little farmhouse.
operation, but without the diamond key ton of his choice before the ghost can That is, except for the fact that a biting
problem. You can also be sure that the ore press one. li the DM 's roll beats the play- wind is howling through the open win-
in the golem will pay a little more atten- er's modified roll, the ghost presses one dows, the house seems to be spinning
tion to teeny humanoids in the arena. of the down buttons. If the difference is about madly and a green-skinned
only 1 to 2 points, the Hellivator goes to woman in black clothing is flying
Area 14: Hellivator room 9 on the 5th level. If the difference around the house on a broom stick and
is 3 or greater, the Hellivator goes to throwing balls of flame into the house
The door opens onto a smartly deco- room 10 on the 6th level. and cackling at you. Otherwise, eve-
rated room with a polished granite rything appears to be normal.
floor. gold trim everywhere, a ceiling As the Hellivator drops, it becomes in-
painted to look like open sky and a pair tensely hot and seems to drop forever. Miss Gulch, the woman on the broom
of ornate red and gold sliding doors on When it stops, the doors slide open with a ofDying, is a green hag who has the spe-
the opposite wall. Adjacent to the ding. cial ability to hurl an unlimited number of
doors are two buttons. The one with Melfs minute meteors at the rate of
an arrow pointing up is labeled "Ye Se- Room 9, Level 5: If the party has three per round (ld4 points of damage
crete Tome of Inestimable Knowl- never been here before, go to encounter each) as she circles the house. This is in
edges." The other with an arrow 13 at the point the PCs enter the arena. addition to her other innate powers.
pointing down is labeled " Diamond The back wall slides forward to force the
and Amethyst Keys." However, what PCs out. If they have the diamond Tome Green Hag: AC -2; MV 12"//12";
you thought to be a mirror is actually key already, the arena is heavily scarred HD 9; hp 44; #AT 2; Dmg ld2 + 6/
an opalescent panel set into the wall. and cratered. A giant iron golem lies ld2 + 6; THACO 12; SA spell powers;
prone on the floor. If the PCs wish, they MR 35%. She can fire into any room once
may try to pry magical devices Crom it. per round.
However, l dlO rounds after they enter,
the iron golem's foe returns and begins to The house seems to be spinning and
attack. The exit on the opposite wall is
still the only way out and it opens onto the
Hellivator lobby again.

51

whirling in a gray misty area (actually the Area 18: Through the Air with the vault , read the following:
border area of the Ethereal plane).
the Greatest of Unease The heavy vault door creaks open to
Four of the five rooms of the house reveal...a cat-a large, fat, orange-
each have ld4 ogres lounging around on Encounter 17 flings the PCs upward and-black striped cat with bulging,
its shabby, drab furnishings and laughing into a 1,000-foot-diameter spherical half-lidded eyes. It blinks at the light,
at the party's attempts to attack the arena. The opening of the shaft then scratches the key holes in its belly and
green hag or avoid her attacks. The closes to a mere five feet across. The says '' Hi, I'm Ye Secret Tom. What's
ogres move about in all the rooms as if PCs fall for 3d6 damage if they cannot to eat?"
gravity pulled toward the floor. stop themselves in some way. There is
gravity on the walls of the sphere up to The X.P. value for each Tom key re-
Ogres (4-16): AC 5; MV 911 ; HD 4+1; the "equator line." Opposite the entry
shaft is a small five-foot opening with a trieved is equal to 25% of the gp value of
hp 21 each; I/KI 1; Dmg ldl O; T HACO ladder hanging down. This is the exit. the key.
15
Located around the equator are three Encounter 21: T he Game is Up!
The house consists of five rooms: equally spaced opalescent random mon-
A. He llivator Room : Contains the ster gates. Three rounds after the party If the party has rented anything from
red and gold Hellivator doors, l d4 ogres, enters, a group of levitraitors (see area Upfitter's and not returned it, Garbug
and gravity toward floor. 19) enters through a gate and swoops Upphitter returns to collect, along with
B. Dining Room : The room appears down to attack the PCs. Every five six trolls.
to have a level floor. However. the grav- rounds thereafter, make an encounter
ity pulls toward the east wall. Another check (1-3 on ldlO) for more random 6 Trolls: AC 4; MV 12"; HD 6 +6; hp
ld4 ogres are on the east wall. The floor monsters to come through the gates). 32 each; #/IT 3; Dmg ld4+l/ld4+1/
feels like a steep slope.
C. Be droom : Gravity pulls toward the The way out is up (to area 20). 2d4; T HACO 13; SD regeneration
north wall. The floor is like a vertical wall If Garbug Upphitter is not paid here, he
to the PCs. A rope lies on the floor from a Encounter 19: Levitraitors
door in the north wall; ld4 ogres are returns later in the adventure (usually the
lounging around on the north wall. If the The levitraitors are adventurers who castle) to plague the adventurers with
party climbs the rope through the door, even larger groups of monsters.
go to encounter 11. have chosen to serve the wizard Voyeux
D. Up fitte r 's Empo rium Re dux,
Too: Yes, it's Upfitter's again. No ogres (see level 12). Their mission here is to
here.
E . T he room with no ceiling: The prevent characters from reaching the
small, drab room has no ceiling. Instead,
a wide shaft extends upward as far as the Tome. Use the adventurers from the cas-
PCs can see. In the center of the room is
tle section of this module (the ones who
a fiery orange gemstone Tome key (made
compete against the party). Modify their
of jacinth, 4,000 gp). If the party at-
tempts to retrieve the key, go to en- statistics as necessary to make them all
counter 17. There are ld4 ogres here.
7th- and 8th-level characters. Although
Area 17: Updraft
they are dutiful, they will not fight to the
Beneath the shaft, gravity is reversed.
Anyone under here who is not restrained death if the situation turns ugly. Each
in some way is automatically sucked up-
ward. Anyone holding onto something levitraitor possesses one of the following
must make a Strength Check to resist be-
ing sucked upward and then flung into the magical items: wings of Dying, broom of
spherical arena (area 18).
flying, winged boots, ring of levitation,

and fan-like swim fins (MV 9 11
).

One levitraitor possesses a gemstone

Tome key, a crimson coral key (800 gp).

Area 20: T here's No Place Like
Tome

The ladder up from the spherical arena
ascends a 60-foot-long, five-foot-diam-
eter shaft that ends in a locked trap door.
Any one of the Tome keys will open this
door. The trap door comes up beneath
the welcome mat in area 2. 1f the charac-
ters use the seven keys needed to open

52

Appendix Tom' Clues Level 6: " If you hope to make your

Ye Secret Tom of The keyhole number the key is in- mark, you'd better trademark it first!"
Inestimable Knowledges serted into corresponds to the levels
within the dungeon. Some levels have no Le,·eJ 7: No clue
No, it's not a typographical error. If you clues.
Level 8: No clue
read encounter 20 you'll see that this is Level 1: No clue.
indeed a tom, a tomcat that is. Tom is an Level 9: "Look before you leap"
Level 2: "The fun begins at midnight.
intelligent, perrsonable, gem-encrusted, The Boys are gonna party ·til they hit Level 10: "Slime and bugs, ick and
animated magical construct in the form of bigtime." goo. They're pals of something bigger
a normal-sized, male house cat. On Tom's than you."
Level 3: No clue
tummy are 12 keyholes. numbered 1 Level 11: No clue
through 12. When any of the Level 4: "The way out is up. But hey,
Tome.. .er.. .1bm gemstone keys is in- you guys already know that , right?" Level 12: " Look before you cast," and

serted into a numbered keyhole and Level 5: " He's watching."
turned (and Tom's belly has been "The game never stops.
The game never ends.
scratched to his satisfaction). Tom re- Some you meet are enemies,
cites the clue r elating to the correspond- And some you meet are friends.

ing keyhole. As he recites, the key "Play by the rules,
crumbles into dust (although if asked, he Whichever you may find,
Then drive away The Six,
will recite the clue a second time without And the madness stays behind."
a key).

Tom acts in most ways like a normal cat

(demands petting, likes to play with
string, chases mice, rubs legs, purrs.
meows when startled, etc.). However,
he also talks and wisecracks about char-
acters' appearances or the quality of their

skills. The last comment he may ever
make may weU be " Hey, watch it! Re-
member, no Tom... no Inestimable
Knowledges!"

Still, if treated like a member of the

party, he will use his other skills and
powers to aid them.

Ye Secret Tom: AC -1; MV 15"; HD
3; hp 18; //AT 1 combination claw/claw/
bite/ rip; Dmg ld6 + special; THACO
13•; SA attacks as a 7-HD monster, suc-

cessful hit causes flesh and blood foe to

lose one level of attack skill per r ound un-

til poison is negated or one hour, which-

ever is sooner; SD same immunities as a
stone golem; MR 15%, immune to all
mental spells; gp value 40,000 gp; XP
6,000

Tom's special powers: In addition to
those described above and his question-
answering powers, Tom can hide in
shadows, move silently, and climb like a
15th-level thief. He can also use magical
spells like a 9th-level illusionist {but must
have access to an illusionist's spell books
to learn any).

53

Greyhawk Dungeon-Level 5

Scale: 1 Square = 10 FeeJ ~

24

~0

"

This level is designed for six to 10 charac- Imagine their disappointment when, in· cal appearances to enable the games to
ters of 9th to 10th level. stead of massive armies, they were be played on a level-wide scale. T he
showered with brightly colored boxes games then returned to the wizards'
Setting made of strangely textured paper. Open· room, to stay close to their source of
ing these boxes revealed odd books and new-found life. Every attempt the wiz·
Among the uninvited guests that have dice of strange shapes. ards made to· drive them away failed.
moved into the lord's dungeons are a However, they noticed that the games
group of wizards. Whether or not the Ran- Possibly thinking that these were did no harm to them, so they let them be
dom Monster Generator brought them is tomes of power, the wizards began trans· and resumed their quest for power.
anyone's guess. Since multilevel, subter· lating the odd books using unsafe, forbid·
ranean dungeons are every wizard's den spells of unpredictable results. Their l n order to properly play this level,
dream, this group has made itselfat home. hopes were shattered when they discov- bear the following things in mind. All
ered the books were rules for things creatures have been empowered to
Of course, no wizard could be satisfied called " role-playing games." Disgusted, speak Common, whether or not they had
by merely being an occupant. Aware that they tossed the books to the monsters the brains or even the vocal cords to do
there are other realities and parallel for them to eat. so in the first place. Tihis does not mean
worlds, the wizards got together and at· that their intellects have been raised. All
tempted to conjure forth representatives Ah, but here is where the unpredicta- game systems are in competition with
from innumerable time periods and reali· ble magics came in to play! Enhanced by each other, but will probably not chase
ties. the forbidden ancient magics, the rule the PCs into another territory unless es·
books took on a life of their own, trans- pecially irritated.
forming the creatures' minds and physi·

54

Encounter Key " The abacus is your friend , serve the ab- bed, work bench. desk, and wardrobe.
acus. traitors are everywhere, trust no
After the adventurers descend the one!" Atop the desk is a cryst.a.I ball, which is
stair s from level four. they come up to a somehow connected to the four wizard
set of 10-foot-high double doors made of The imps. bugbears, gnolls, and trolls eyes in the pr evious room.
iron. The doors are unlocked. and the carry hand-held crossbows. The giants
party can hear harmonious singing from carry ballistae. They all fire upon the Fr om here Wes Tund, the game wizard,
wi thin. The stairs continue down to level party, the dragon using his lightning programs the abacus and oversees his
charmed followers as they root out trai-
6. breath with no regard for bis companions. tor s. He uses his wizard eyes to see that
Oddly enough, all the monsters except they do not slip up.
Area 1 the dragon use only their hand-held
weapons. Wes Tend: ST 9, IN 18, WI 14, DE 16,
This 40'-by-40' chamber is devoid of CO 10, CH 9; MU 11 ; AL CN; AC 2; MV
detail except for the brass door s on the They cannot be r easoned with. They 12"; hp 26. Select spells for the wizard.
east wall. Huddled in a circle in the middle He wears bracers of defense, AC 6 and
of the room are 10 bearded men wearing shout "Traitors!" to the party and con-
tight blue pants with mall rivets on the tinue firing. In each comer of the room. carries a staffof power with 16 charges.
pockets. They also wear odd short- where the ceiling meets the walls, there While exploring this level, Wes found a
sleeve shirts of bright colors and flimsy is a small golden orb which upon inspec- copy of a game and was charmed, and
fabric. These shirts are donned by pulling tion is found to be a wizard eye. consequently charmed some monsters to
them over one's head. Emblazoned on help him play. He is dressed in white and
their chests are odd words ending wi th Imps: AC 2; MV 6" / 18"; HD 2 + 2: hp
the letters "CON ." Ther e are odd- is quite paranoid. His treasure is under
shaped dice scattered at their feet . and 16; KAT 1; Dmg l d4 (bolt); THACO 16; his bed in a wizard locked chest. It con-
swords and axes in their hands.
AL LE; SD only magic weapons can hit, tains 500 pp, two diamonds worth 500 gp
When the PCs enter. the men stop regenerates one hp per round, save as 7-
singing, and warn the character s away, HD creature. each, a pair of golden lion figurines. and a
fear evident on t heir grizzled faces. They decanter of endless water.
babble on and on about "monsters not ac- Bugbears: AC 5; MV 9"; HD 3 +1 ; hp
tin' like they should." Area 4: Antechamber
20; IAT 1; Dmg ld4; THACO 16; AL
These men were once proud adventur- The stone doors to this 40'-by-60'
ers now reduced to the mental level of CE. chamber are locked. Freshly carved on
berserkers because of lhe horrifying Gnolls: AC 5; MV 9"; HD 2; hp 14 ;
the walls, close to the .ceiling. are the
things they saw. If the party refuses to go IAT l; Omg l d4; THACO 16; AL CE.
words ''The room of many marvels.
away, they attack in berserker fashion. Trolls: AC 4: ~fV ]2H; HD6 + 6; hp34 ; Tarry at your own risk." Closer inspec-
Berserkers: A C 7: MV 12"; HD 7; hp tion show s that the carvings are recent.
IAT 1: Dmg ld4; T HACO 13; AL CE; The room is nicely decorated with expen-
50; IAT 2; Dmg l d8. ld6; THACO 13; sive tapestries and soft, comfy sofas. An
AL N; They may attack once at + 2 or SD Regenerate 3 hp per round , three
rounds after being damaged. expensive platinum um worth 5,000 gp
twice at no bonus. They have no trea- sits atop an ebony stand. If touched, a
sure. Blue Dragon: AC 2; MV 9" 124"; HD
10; hp 50; IAT 3; Dmg l d6/ld6/3d8: magic mouth screams out " I t's clobberin'
Area 2 time! " repeatedly. This brings forth the
T HACO 10: AL LE; SA Breath weapon: occupants from the adjoining rooms.
Anyone who listens al this door hears a lightning.
grand commotion. with no recognizable Area 5: The Amazing Driderman
words. The chamber is 100 feet by 60 C!oud Giant: AC 2; MV 15"; HD 12 +
feet and filled with ruined furniture. A 1-7; hp 67; IAT l ; Dmg 3d6 (ballista): A huge male drider lives in this sparse
white drape is hung over a 10-foot section chamber littered with corpses. He wears
of the east wall. THACO 9; AL NE. a red hood that covers his face from view.
Storm Giant: AC 1: MV 15"; HD 15 + As he fights the party, he drones on and
In this room are five red imps, four or- on about his sick aunt and fini ck y
ange bugbears, three yellow gnolls, two 2-7; hp 77: NAT 1; Dmg 3d6; T HACO 8:
green trolls, a blue dragon, an indigo girlfriend. All who hear this must roll a
cloud giant, and a blue storm giant. All AL CN; SD Immune to electricity. Note
have glassy eyes and chant in unison, that this giant is unable to cast spells. saving throw vs. speU, allowing no bo-
nuses except Wisdom. If failed. the PC
All these creatures are charmed by the screams in disgust and r ecklessly
high wizard who programs the abacus. charges Driderman and tries to strangle
They will defend the abacus to the death,
and may even chase the party down the him, screaming ''shut up, shut up!" re-
halls. peatedly. Such PCs lose Dexterity bo-

Area 3: The Abacus Room

The most dominant feature of this 50'
x 60' room is the 60-foot-long abacus
propped up against the south wall . This

r oom is comfortably furnished with a soft

55

nuses to Armor Class and cannot use crossbows, nozzles and spearheads. A chests. One contains 5,000 gp, the other
spells. The drider has no treasure. successful Wisdom Check (on ld20) by a contains an arrow of demon slaying, a
party member means that he notices a doak +2, a ring of wizardry levels one
Dridennan: AC 3; MV 12"; HD 6 + 6; humanoid form inside the head of the go-
hp 40; #AT l ; Dmg ld8 long sword: lem. and two. and a shield +3.
THACO 13; AL CE: SA spells as a 7th-
level MU If the party enters, the combatants no- Characters who wish to control the go-
tice them but are too busy fighting to lem must roll a successful Intelligence
Area 6: The Inedible BWk worry about the PCs very much. Check (on ld20) each round. Failure
causes the golem to move and fire in a
A huge, green-tinted clay golem Iron Golem: AC 3; MV 6"; HD 18; hp random direction.
charges at the party. lt has a mop of 80: NAT 8; Dmg see below; THACO 8;
green hair and wears ugly purple pants SA see below; AL N; SD + 3 or better Area 10
that look shredded. It has no treasure. IL weapon to hit, affected only by electrical
is permanently hasted. Through this set of sturdy iron double
spells. doors, the party sees a 20-foot-wide cor-
Clay Golem: AC 7; MV 7": HID 11; hp The golem has two wands: fireballs and ridor extending 60 feet to the east and
50; #AT 2; Dmg 3dl 0; THACO 10: AL trailing off into darkness.. Once they get
N; SD struck only by blunt magical weap- lightning bolts. Each inflicts 6d6 points of to the " X," the corridor, which is illusory,
ons damage. The two crossbows are heavy vanishes, revealing an arena much like
and automatically self-loading; they cause the one to the west.
Area 7: Da Ting 2-5 points of damage. Two spear
launchers are also self-loading and cause ln the northeast comer there is an odd-
Da Tmg is an orange-colored stone go- ld6 damage. The nozzle shoots flaming looking, steam-powered vehicle manned
lem that looks as if he was made of bricks. oil in a 40-foot-long jet, inflicting :&:16 by four dwarves wearing odd-looking
He wears a pair of stupid-looking blue points of damage, a saving throw vs. white helmets. In the southeast corner
shorts. As he hits his victims, he yells breath weapon cuts the damage in half. there is a similar vehide manned by
such intelligent phrases as "Thoom!" This can fire every other round. The final gnomes in red helmets. Both vehicles
"Pow!" "Whom!" He has no treasure. have armor plates hammered onto them.
attack is the golem's fist, which causes
Da Tmg: AC 5; MV 6"; HD 14; hp 60; 3d8 points of damage. as well as the exact same sort of arma-
#AT l ; Dmg 3d8; THACO 8; AL N; SA
The golem has a control center inside ment that the golem and Apparatus had in
cast slow speU; SD +2 or better weapon its head, arrayed with levers and buttons. room 9. The cars are AC 2, can take 100
There is room for one operator, in this points of damage before breaking down,
to hit case an ore by the name of Fahzah. and can move at a rate of 18" .

Area 8: The Non-Human Scorch Fahzah: AC 7; MV 9"; F3; hp 23; IAT The gnomes and dwarves are fighting
l; Dmg ld6 short sword; THACO 16; AL over a pile of emeralds and gold ingots,
Scorch is a fire elemental who was the gold valued at 10,000 gp and the em-
summoned a while back and decided to LE eralds at 30.000 gp. This pile sits out in
stay (OK, so he's an odd fire elemental, The Apparatus is armed with the exact the open in the southeast comer. A fe-
so sue him.) He runs around yelling male dwarf (bearded) and a female
"Flame on!," wlhich is sort of stupid con- same inventory except the golem's gnome, wearing blonde wigs, bikinis and
sidering his flame is always on. He has no punch. Instead, it has two pincers that do big smiles, are to present the awards to
treasure. the victors. The sight ofthese two in biki-
2d6 each. 25% chance to hit. nis should be enough to cause any male
Scorch: AC 2; MV 12"; HO 16; hp 90; The driver is a Type V demon named human to roll a Constitution Check (on
IJAT l; Dmg 3d8; THACO 7; AL N; SD ld20); those failing become violently and
+2 or better weapon to hit Katrina, who hijacked the Apparatus for copiously ill.

Area 9: Arena its cargo of treasure! OCcourse. both contenders stop their
Katrina: AC -71-5; MV 12": HD fighting and attack the players, yelling at
This vast 80'-by-160' chamber has a them to get away from the loot.
sandy floor and a vaulted ceiling 40 feet 7 + 7; hp 55: IJKf 7: Dmg2d4 + 6x ld8
high. Along the north and south walls are Dwarves: AC 5 chain mail, crash hel-
vast stone benches for spectators. swords; THACO 12; AL CE; SA con- mets; MV 6"; FS; hp 45; NAT l ; Dmg
striction; SD + 1 or better weapon to hit; ld4+1 hammer s/ld8 battle axes;
The most unusual feature is the 30- THACO 15; AL CN
foot-tall iron golem squaring off against an 80% MR
Apparatus of Kwalish. Both combatants Gnomes: AC 7 leather. crash helmets;
are bristling with wand tips, self-loading Ji the PCs attack either combatant, MV 6"; f4/IU ; hp 20; IKf 1; Dmg ld6
both stop their fight and attack the PCs. lf short swords: THACO 15: AL CN; SA ii-
the PCs try to sneak through the arena
without bothering the behemoths, they
are inadvertantly caught in the crossfire
of one of the combatants' weapons each
round (roll randomly for which weapon

and which PCs are affected by it).
Inside the Apparatus are two locked

56

lusion spell use ing to do unbelievably stupid things for his Area 13
Note that neither vehicle will give sake, even betray their party.
The door to this four-room complex is
chase, since they don't trust each other Mees Taspark (elO : ST 15, IN 18, WI unlocked, but bears the sign: "Danger!
alone with the gold and the (shudder) 18, DE 18, CO 13, CH 12; Monk 9; AL DO NOT ENTER! Go away! Vamoose!
girls. LN; AC 3; MV 23"; hp 28; See Players Amscray! Beat it! Take off. eh! Scat!
Handbook for monk abilities of this level. Shoo! " Uthe party enters, a chorus of 10
Area 11: Beam Me Up Mees is a scholar devoted to logic. He magic mouths say, "You'll be sooorrrrr-
has his emotions under tight control. ryyyy!" in sing-song voices.
This wooden door is locked. Beyond it Mees is also a sage, specializing in the
stands an odd scene. An ogre lies face Physical Universes. The complex consists of four rooms,
down on the floor. A skeleton kneels beside each 30 feet by 30 feeit and interconnect-
him, while a six-foot-tall green elf looks Bones (skeleton): AC 7; MV 12"; HD ing via doors in the middle of the appro-
aloofly about the room, and a djinn wearing 1; hp 8; #AT 1; Dmg ld6+1 mace; priate wall. Odd music at a fast tempo
a gold shirt looks heroic. At their feet are a T HACO 19; AL N: Level 1 cleric. Bones blares continuously, featuring horns, xy-
drum, a lute, a flute, and pipes. They are was a normal human cleric wandering lophones and kazoos, and every noise the
playing a very discordant tune of their own down on this level, when the wave of party makes is exaggerated and comes
accord. The room is otherwise made up as magic washed over him and turned him out almost phonetically (i.e. when a door
a very comfortable looking parlor. into this. He's a bit emotional about it, is closed, the party hears "Slam!" or
and gets these urges to say " I' m a cleric, when an arrow is loosed, they hear
" He's dead, djinn,'' the skeleton says not a (insert noun here)." " Twang! ")
as the party enters. "You did all you
could, Bones,'' the djinn replies. "Dam- None of the group has any treasure or The rooms are all empty, with gaily col-
mit, djinn, I'm a cleric, not a serving magical items. and as a bit of advice they ored murals on the walls depicting coun-
wench!·· the skeleton sputters for no warn the party away from the north door. tryside landscapes, village squares, the
good reason. They claim there are ''cling-ons·· behind open sea, the Abyss, and the polar re-
it. Kork then yells "energize!" and all gions.
"Captain." the green elf intones, "our three disappear.
instruments indicate the presence of There are six denizens of this complex,
other life forms.'' The elf points to the Area 12: VargouiUe Lair with ld6 of them appearing in any of the
wildly playing musical instruments, then four rooms at any given time, even if en-
to the party. This 40'-by-60' room is gloomy with its countered in the previous room. When
arches and flying buttresses casting met, they always have full hit points and
The trio introduce themselves as the shadows all about. Great cobwebs hang look fine even if killed in an earlier en-
djinn Kork. a Captain of the guard at the menacingly from the ceiling, obscuring counter. Party members who were
palace of the djinn viziers, his elfin monk/ vision. There appear lo be no living crea- killed, maimed, or otherwise injured are
sage companion Mees Taspark and the tures in here. instantly brought to life and good health
skeleton cleric Bones. Kork and Mees when the party enters another room.
were plane traveling when they decided One round after the door has been
to rest here. A wave of magic went opened, two dozen vargouilles i;WOop The murals themselves act as gates
through them, then they met Bones. down and attack the party, clinging onto into their environmen ts. One can also
Now they are trying to piece together them as they repeatedly bite them. travel into an adjacent r oom by going into
what happened and what the exact nature one mural and coming out another one.
of this level is. Vargouille: AC 8; MV / 12"; HD 1 + l; The murals are as follows:
hp 9; 6KT l; Dmg ld4; THACO 18; AL
All three are pleasam. They are not NE; SA save vs poison or damage is per- A: The west wall has a mural of a vil-
hostile. If asked about the drums, etc., manent lage. One can make out asmithy, an inn, a
Mees will explain that these are his in- stable, a tailor, and a !butcher. The PCs
struments used in gathering data. They Under a particularly large pile of cob- can avail themselves of these NPCs'
are 100% reliable and honest, for they do webs are the remains of two humans. services and even bring non-living things
not have a single lyre in their midst. back with them into "reality.'.
One has field plate + 1. shield +2, and
Captain Kork (djinn): AC 4: MV 9" / carries a ilametongue long sword + 1. B: The west wall has a mural of polar
24": HD 7 + 3: hp 56; /IAT l; Dmg 2d8: landscape, with a howling blizzard and
THACO 12: AL CG: SA whirlwind plus the command word being " Kriket." The large snowdrifts. Sadistic DMs may roll
see below. Kork is a very handsome other has nothing of value. By the way. for wandering monsters using the Arctic
djinn. So much so that any female who the robed corpse was Fubar the Continu- subtable in the DMG.
sees him must roll a successful saving ously Unfortunate Wizard, and the war-
throw vs. spell or fall in love with him. So rior was Phydeaux the Stubbornly Loyal C: The north wall contains a mural of a
enamored are they that they will be will- Even Unto Painful Death. pleasant field with a road running to the
horizon. The weather is spring like, with

57

lush green trees and chirping birds. If the and portrays what is clearly the Abyss, • A fat, stuttering or e with very pro-
party persists on using the road, let them the 663rd layer to be exact. Roll for ran-
dom abyssal (see Manual of the Planes) nounced pig-like features waves at the
stay on it for a turn, then hint that it con- party. He appears to be friendly.
tinues to the horizon. lf they still con- encounters once a round.
Note that in all cases, intelligent mon- Porky Ore: AC 6: MV 9" ; HD 1; hp 8;
tinue, have five talking heads of stone
come bouncing down the road singing sters will not give chase outside their mu- IAT 1; Dmg ld6 club; THACO 19; AL
" We're on a road to nowhere!" If they re- ral. Travel from one mural to another
main stubborn, then let them keep going LE
for an hour; eventually they come upon takes one round, and is done simply by • A stench kow with fake moose ant-
the remains of a lion, a tin golem, and a willing it so. The denizens of the rooms
scarecrow, all having died horribly. are as follows: lers stares balefully at the party. This is a
bull. Slowly it advances upon the party,
If even this does not deter them, then • A bugbear with buckteeth, wearing a and says, in a silly voice, " Hey, Rotty,
tell them the road is now paved with odd pair of fake rabbit ears. He talks as if he's watch me pull a tarrasque out of this hel-
bricks. Anyone who checks them out will from Brooklyn or the Bronx. He wields a met!"
find that they all have writing on them
saying "Good intentions" in Common. carrot + 2, which he chews but never A giant black flying squirrel wearing a
leather cap with two lenses on it pops into
Anyone who continues for another hour seems to be able to finish, since it replen- view and says "Aw. that trick never
lands smack in the middle of the ninth works!"
plane of Hell. If this sounds harsh, re- ishes itself.
member that they had their chances. Bugsbear Bunny: AC 5; MV 9"; HD The kow grabs the nearest PC helmet,
mutters "Nothin' up muh sleeve ..." and
D. This room bas two murals. The east 3 + l ; hp 25; IAT l; Dmg ld4 ( +2) car- reaches into the helmet. 1f the kow is not
wall shows the open sea, a strong breeze stopped, he has a 30% chance of pulling
creating waves as sea gulls fly by. Anyon e rot; THACO 15; AL CE out a tarrasque, who will proceed to go
in ar mor who steps through sinks like a • A dao wearing a fake duck bill. This berserk. The other 70% of the time, the
rock. Seaborne encounter s may be rolled kow pulls out a far worse creature.
dao is quite insane, bouncing off walls and
randomly. yelling "Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo!" He speaks If the PCs interfere with the trick or if
The second mural is on the south wall, with a lisp. they express their dislike of it, the kow
and squirrel attack.
Daffy Dao: AC 3; MV 9" /15"; HD
8 + 3; hp 64; llAT l ; Dmg 3d6; THACO Bullstinkle the Stench Kow: AC 2; MV
12; AL NE; SA spell use; SD immune to
earth-affecting spells

58

15"; HD 3+3; hp 23; KAT l; Dmg 2d4; tached by a tube to an odd box strapped Slaad, and Seezar Slaad. Their compan-
THACO 15; AL NE: SA bad breath, to their backs. ion in the com er, they say, is Lohkal
charge damage; SD immune to cold, fire, Slaad, dressing.
poison They explain that they are
"Ghostbreakers," and have heard that Green Slaad: AC 3; MV 9"; HD 9 + 3;
Rotty the Giant Flying Black Carnivo- there are ghosts in here, and seeing as hp 60; llAT 3: Omg 2d8/ld6 + 2/ ld6+2;
rous Squirrel: AC 6; MV 9" /15"; HD they "ain't 'fraid of no ghost;' they de- THACO 12; AL CN; SA spell use; SD
1 + l ; hp 9; IAT 1; Dmg ld3; THACO 18; cided to come in here and wipe them out. + 1 or better weapon to hit. MR 50%
ALNE. If questioned about their backs, they
pridefully declare that these are "spirit Before any further conve rsation can be
• The last denizen is a flind wielding a weapons" used to kill ghosts, but will not attempted, a thump is heard from the
double-barreled heavy crossbow. He divulge their exact nature. easte rn door. The slaad rush to the door
wears an odd cap with ear flaps, which and break it down.
covers his bald pate. When he sees the Any further questions are interrupted
party, he puts a finger up to his mouth and by an unearthly howling as a ghost mate- Area 16: Office
says, "Shhh. Be vewy, vewy quiet. r m rializes at the north end of the crypt and
hunting wascally wabbits." In fact, any- advances at the party. This 40'-by-40' room is just as com-
thing he says is tainted by his pronounc- fortable and lavish as the study, but in-
ing all r 's and l's as w's. If the PCs tell him The three kobolds bravely advance for- stead of bookcases, there is a massive
that there's a bugbear imitating a wab- ward and spray the ghost with strange oak desk. This apparently is where the
bit...er, rabbit, his face lights up with joy, liquids. The PCs smell wine, mead, and lord of the castle conducts business.
and he demands to know where it 's lo- brandy, and well they s hould because
cated. He'll dash off, muttering , " At last these idiotic kobolds are using spirits Clustered around the desk, picking the
I got you, you wascal, you!" against this spirit, the only result being a lock, are three red slaad, attired similar
wet, angry ghost. The furious spirit ma- to the green slaad, with a fourth in the
Elmer Flind: AC 5; MV 12"; HD 2 + 3; terializes, and in one swell foop kills all southeast com er, put ting on a tuxedo.
three kobolds, this taking one round. They look up and say, "Curses. com-
hp 15; KAT 2; Dmg l d4+1 heavy cross- Then it advances on the party. rades, the imperialists have found us!"
They pull out hand-held crossbows and
bow; THACO 16; AL LE Ghost: AC 0 (or 8); MV 9": HD 10; hp begin firing.
57: llAT l ; Dmg age 10-40 years;
As the party d eparts this suite of THACO 10; AL CE; SA magicjar, fear by These slaad are me mbers of the GRU,
rooms, the ore's face magically appears sight; SD semi-material ghosts unaf- Great Reds United. Their names are,
on the door and says, "Th-th-th-that's fected by nonsilver and nonmagical weap- Froot Slaad , Makaronee Slaad, Poh
all, folks!" ons. Tayto Slaad, and the one in the com er is
Ruhshin Slaad, dressing. T hese slaad
Area 14: Crypt There is no treasure in here except were apparently breaking into the lord's
what was buried with the corpses. The desk to acquire information.
The ponderous door is made of steel, kobolds' wine, mead, and brandy are
and feels very, very cold. Moisture con- each worth 500 gp. After a furious crossbow battle , the
denses on its rusty surface. Engraved in reds gate back to Limbo. Of course, if the
stark letters is the word "Crypt." An iron Area 15: Study party fights them, the slaad may end up
ring, twisted to the right, opens the door dead before they can escape.
easily, as it squeals on rust hinges. This richly-decorated 30'-by-40' room
has a plush red carpet, overstuffed chairs Red Slaad: AC 6; MV 6"; HD 7; hp 35;
The crypt is cold and damp. The ceiling and sofa, and shelves of books. There is a
is vaulted, and extends 60 feet and even wooden door on the east wall. IAT 3; Dmg l d4/ld4/2d8; T HACO 13;
farther into darkness. Rows upon rows of
stone tombs, with carved effigie s atop Poring through the books are three AL CN; SA poison pellets and spell use;
them, extend along the floor into the far green slaad, plus a fourth off in the far SD re generate, MR 35%
comers of the room. Shelves containing southeast comer putting on a black tur-
yet more coffins are recessed into the tleneck sweater. The three studious lf the red slaad are r·epulsed , the green
west and east walls. slaad are dressed in odd tan coals with slaad begin investigating the desk. They
many pockets. They each wear a Fedora find dead roaches in the desk and under
Suddenly, three kobolds leap out from hat and dark glasses, and are armed with the rug ("Just as I thought. they planted
behind a sarcophagus and say, "Are you hand-held crossbows. bugs."). Documents in the desk give evi-
ghosts?" These kobolds are dressed in dence of the existence of a Random Mon-
coveralls with their names stitched on They explain that they are agents for ster Generator and Magical Ite m
their left breasts. Their names are the NSA, Nice Slaad Agency, and are Coin-Operated Dis penser. The only
"Gurk," "Woohag," and " Pattoie." Each hunting "those dirty Reds." They intro- other document of interest is an order
holds a nozzle of some sort that is at- duce themselves as Shef Slaad, Toonah form for a " Ranger Pooler" and a
" Dungeon Cleaner," whatever they are.

If the party helped the green slaad. the

59

slaad express tlrleir gratitude and give ant chicken feet materializes next to the Area 19: Indiana Gnome
each member a 500-gp gem. They will CU RD!S. "Oops! It's her!! Oh, well,
also allow the party to take the slaad sym- must pop off! Cheerio!," the Professor When the party arrives at the " X,"
bols out of any dead red slaad's skull. says as he ushers his lovelies back into they hear a low rumbling, which in-
the CURDJS. Male PCs still affected may cr eases in volume. Three segments
Area 17 attempt to follow, but if they do, they'll later, they hear heroic, upbeat music. ln
never be heard from again, since the Pro- another three segments, they see a
T his 50'-by-50' chamber appears to fessor cannot control this thing properly gnome running toward them wearing a
have recently survived an explosion. and won' t materialize here again for ages leather jacket and batter ed fedora hat.
There is nothing identifiable in here, but to come.
as the characters l ook around, an oblong The gnome has a whip attached to his
blue box slowly materializes in the room, However, the hut's door opens. to re-
making loud wheezing and rattling veal an absolutely horrendous hag. This belt, and he appears to be running with
noises. is Baba Yaga. Ifyou do not have the good much urgency. Tucked under his arm is a
fortune of owning DRAGON magazine golden idol worth 1,000 gp.
Before the startled party can react. out #83. which features this powerful witch
bounds a ballling with thick, curly. brown and Door plans for her hut, then play her Seeing the party doesn't slow his
hair. A large, floppy hat covers most of as a short-temper ed, 25th-level neutral stride. Gripping his fedora so it won't
his hair, and a long, multicolored scarf is evil wizard. blow off, he says, "Sorry I can't stop and
talk. You'd better go too if you know
wrapped around his neck. Flanking rum She juts her head out and says, ''Al- what's good for you." He dashes down
right, where is he? Where's that furry the hall to area l , enters it, and is not
are two absolutely gorgeous women in footed fruitcake?" If the party asks seen again.
llimsy mini-dresses. They appear to have "Who?" or " Y.'hat," she shakes her head
no romantic interest in the halfilng. All and says, " No! Why!" This could obvi- Indiana Gnome: ST 16. IN 12, WI 14,
males must roll a successful Wisdom ously start a rather confusing dialogue.
Check (on ld20) , or start to salivate un- DE 17, CO 18, CH 10; Fighter 5; AL CG;
controllably and do stupid, attention- Consider her to be under 90% cover, AC 7; MV 12"; hp 50; Dmg ld2, whip
getting things for the women, who, of making her virtually impossible to hit. Af-
course, appear oblivious to this. ter about two rounds of pointless conver- The rumbling is now ominously loud.
and a massive boulder comes rumbling
The last thing to emerge is a suit of sation, she'll leave in pursuit of Professor down the hall at 12" per round. Any poor
canine-shaped armor, with some sort of soul overtaken gets hit for 6dl0 points of
dog obviously in it. It introduces itself as Why, her hut fading into the netherworlds damage, and all items must save vs.
B-9. a friendly an:d helpful blink dog. It re- as it clucks ominously. crushing blow.
fers to the halfling as Master, and seems
Ito be quite intelligent, even more so than Area 18: Trashed Room One round later, a dozen kobolds in
the halfling himself. black uniionns and red armbands come
T his 40'-by-50' room is similar to area up to the party. The leader, who has a
The halfling introduces himself as Pro- 17, in that it is scorched and ruined. The monocle, interrogates the party.
fessor Why. If asked about his device, he cause is still here, too. Eight or es.
shrugs and says that it is his CURDIS, "Vere ist der Indiana Gnome?" he de-
which is an acronym for Chronically Un- sheathed in steel cones with a stick-like mands. "Do not remain silent. Ve haf
able to Reach Destination In Silence. vays of making you talk!" Each kobold is
projections at eye-Jevel, are running armed with a hand-held cr ossbow.
Prof. Why: ST 9, IN 11, WI 18, DE 17, about the room shouting " Exterminate!"
CO 14, CH 15; Cleric 5; AL CG : AC 7; The ores are speaking in Common. Kobolds: AC 7; MV 6"; hp 4; IAT 1;
MV 12": hp20 Dmg ld4 hand-held crossbow; THACO
The stick-like projections are wands of 20; AL LE. They have no treasure.
Absolutely Gorgeous \.\b men: ST 7, IN lightning bolts. The ores, from inside
18, WI 10, DE 18, CO 10, CH 18; Fighter their cones, fire the wands at anything Area 20
1: AL CG: AC 6: MV 12": hp 10 that moves-sometimes at things that
don' t move. too! When they see the The cyclopean iron portals that face the
Any who enter the CU RDIS find it is party, one ore shouts, '' Look! Adventur-
much more spacious inside (the size of a ers! Let's dust 'em! " Another ore will frail party are awash in the primordial
large mansion) lhan outside (a 10'-by-10' say. "Shh! Stick to the script! " The first
ore will whisper, "Sorry." Then shout slime of the ages. The rusty iron is cold
cube). 11 asked about this, he says he out , •·Exterminate!" as will the others. as the grave to the touch. The skull-
They have no treasure, and each wand is
stole the technique from some female conveniently expended by the time t he shaped door handle squeals in protest
witch by the name of Bobbi Yogurt, Barbi party eliminates the ores.
Yuckka, Babababa barbara-ann, or some- when turned, and centuries-old hinges
thing like that. groan under their burden.

Suddenly, a hut mounted on a pair of gj- The air is dank, filled with the odor of
something that nature never wished
alive, and never had a hand in creating.
Shouts echo from the chamber beyond.

60

The stalwart heroes go m. their eyes of the walls. In the center of the chamber speed, stridmg and springing, winged, or
widening in horror al the \'l ion of insanity is a pool 30 feet in diameter. The room is north. Allow no more than one pair of
that looms before them. A great human· ominously quiet. each type to be found.
oid. 20 feet high. with great bat-like
wings and blood-caked claws stands in Suddenly, out of the pool, a half dozen Also in area 22, two manticores are
defiance like some accursed statue. Its six-foot·tall turtles come leaping out. face to face. Both human heads are wear·
bulbous head trails horrid tentacles from They are attired in samurai armor and ing cowboy hats, and one chews for a
its mouth. It's homble. it's maddening. \\~eld katana. Before the party realizes while then spits out some disgusting
it's.. .it's.... what the heck is happening. they are at· brown juice.
tacked. All six turtles holler " Banzai!'' as
ll°s a mind Oayer who drank one too they charge. Perched on a cactus are two harpies,
many wineskins laced with potions of watching the manticores with malign an·
growth. It fashioned a pair of bat-wings Adult Samurai Mutated Turtles: AC 2: ticipation. They are drooling, and mum·
out of thin wood and vellum, and now it MV 6''; HD 8; NAT 2: Dmg ldl Okatana; bling things like, "Dibs on the fat one,"
runs around drunkenly scaring the day· AL N. Detail-loving DMs may wish lo "Sure wish they'd hurry up. I' m Cam·
Lights out ofany hapless creature it finds. flesh out the turtles \~th samurai abilities ished."
from the OrieDLal Adventures book.
Mind Flayer: AC 5: MV 12"; HD 8 +4: "You low-down, philanderin' polecat!"
hp 66: #AT 4: Dmg 2 points each; These turtles cannot be bargained the first manticore growls, "I told yuh ta
with. Furthermore. they only speakJapa· get outta town by sundew down."
THACO 12: AL LE: SA mind blast: SD nese. The party has invaded their turf,
MR 90% and honor demands that the turtles either Indeed, if the party looks to the north·
kill the PCs or drive them off. Since killing west, one can see a sundew on the wall,
All PCs who see this thing roU a suc· is much more fun. the}· attempt that first. looking very depressed.
cessful Wisdom Check (on ld20) or go in· They will not pursue fleeing opponents.
sane for ld4 hours. ln any case, the party ··Ah don·t take no orders from some
is paralyzed into inaction for ld3 rounds. Should the turtles be defeated. the tin-plated lawmanticore. Draw!" the
lucky victors will find treasure hidden on other growls. Both tails rise up over their
One round after the party enters, a a shelf one foot under the surface of the heads and prepare to fire.
group of six halflingi. talking in British pool. The treasure is made up of 20
accents push their way in. "'Out of our pearls worth 500 gp each, two potions of Before the manticores unleash their
way, we know the ancient ways to put water breathing, a jade statue of Su Shi volleys, the harpies sight the party (un·
down this foul abomination!·• the one who (the goddess of raw fish) worth 2,500 gp.
is obviously the leader grumbles. less the PCs came in invisibly or other·
and an arcane book that teaches the wise concealed). "Look!" they screech,
He has a thick book called the Metro· reader the proper way to wash a car "Interlopers! Humans! Lunch!"
gnomicon, commonly known as the Field ("Wax on, wax off!").
Guide of City-Dwelling Gnomes. This The manticores tum and face the PCs,
hal(Jing begjns to chant deep, arcane The crystals in the waUs are valuable. and each unleashes a spike volley. then
phrases of banishment: A party of six digging for 2d4 turns will attempts to melee, while the harpies be-
free 3d6 crystals wonh 5d4 x 20 gp each. gin singing. The sundew remains in the
''Ti od em edam draeh ecurb! Siht rof comer, Looking depressed.
em emalb l'nod1" Area 22
Manticores: AC 4; MV 12" /18"; HD
One halfling burns a candle at both This massive chamber contains a 6+3; hp 48: IAT 3: Dmg ld31ld3/ld8;
ends. Another picks his nose with a dag· vaulted ceiling painted sky blue with an TllACO 13; AL LE; SA tail spikes
ger. Yet another stands on his head and occasional painted cloud. The air is arid
blows a razzberry at the mind flayer. and hot, and the Ooor is covered in brown Harpies: AC 7; MV 6" /15"; HD 3; hp
Even another makes hand gestures at the dust. To the northeast lies a small hill. 30 24; NAT 3; Omg ld3/ld31ld6; THACO
beast, while the last one takes out se· feet high at its apex. It is dotted with 15; AL CE; SA singing & charm
lected pieces of fruit and dashes them boots. To the west lies a large wooden
against his forehead while chanting, structure. The walls are murals of desert U the party approaches the sundew.
"Oogah Boogah!" repeatedly. landscape. They are nonmagical, but a the PCs nouce it still looks quite de·
cruel D~1 can hint that they are similar to pressed. Suddenly, a canine figure mate·
The mind flayer looks amused. waits the ones found earlier. rializes between it and the party.
around, then blows their little minds out
of their little heads with a rrund blast. Anyone smart enough to explore the The canine is a moon dog, and it po-
hill finds dozens of pairs of boots. For litely explains that it is eclipsing the sun·
Area 21 every round spent looking around , dew. so that it will die and not be a threat
there's a 5% chance of finding a pair of
This 60-foot-diameter chamber is more boots of elvenkind, dancing. levitalion. LO any living thing. If asked why he didn't
like a cave, with stalactites on lhe ceiling
and unusual crystal formations jutting out help fight the manticores, he explains
that the eclipsing takes all his energy. U
left unmolested, the sundew will be dead

in one turn.
Armstrong (moon dog): AC 2101-2;

MV 30H; HD 8+16; hp 80; NAT l ; Dmg

61

3d4; THACO 12: ALNG; SA spell usage, liquid in a red and white metal canister, gers +2. Each has one of the following
howl; SD + 2 or better weapons to hit, and begins pressing buttons on a box in
spell use wands: fire, conjuration, wonder, poly-
front of him. A second box with a green- morph, paralyzation, lightning. The first
The building has a sign over the en- one has a staffof the magi. Their names
trance that says "Saloon." The sound of a ish glowing face lights up with odd sigils
piano playing can be heard. The entrance and runes. are Randalf, Berlin, Morty K anen, El
has swinging doors.
The man does a doubletake at the party Finster, Timmy, and Harry.
I nside, an elf wearing flashy clothes and scowls. "All right , very funny! Now As for spell selection, give them the
and gem-studded eye glasses plays piano why don't you jokers just get out of here
while a voluptuous woman wearing a low- and let me finish my work in peace? I'm normal amount of spells, trying to avoid
cut dress and large hat and veil belts out a past the deadline and they'll have my hide excessive duplication. Their spell books
tune. if it's any later. Now go on, get out of are tucked away in the northeast corner,
here!"
Elfin John (high elO: AC 6; MV 12": so they will not cast area-effect devasta-
HD l ; hp 8: AL CG. Don't kill him, he's If the party refuses to budge, he grins tion spells in this room. If they are
evilly and begins typing furiously. Sud- gravely injured they will try to te/eport
just the piano player. denly, a titan appears, and lifts the floor
Mae Doosah (medusa): AC 5; MV 9": up, dumping the party back through the out or bargain with the PCs.
door and into the hallway. The sound of
HD 6; hp 45; #AT l; Dmg l d4; T HACO more furious typing is heard, and the They have no treasure. They will ex-
13; AL LE; SA petrifying gaze + poison. door vanishes.
M ae is the chanteuse who gets the cus- plain why this level is as it is. Their depar-
tomers stoned. Author: AC -10; MV Unlimited; HD
25; hp200 + ; NAT unlimited; Dmgunlim- ture will cause the games to lose their
Among the customer s, suitable for ited; AL N; SA Can alter reality at will, power, and the creatures will begin acting
fleshing out by the DM : themselves again. All the props that
whatever he says or writes goes; SD can-
• A 10th-level ranger who wears a not be hit would normally not be found in a fantasy
black mask and travels alone. He also
loans people money if they need it. Area 24 : The Answer to it All setting will vanish.

• A group of three deva who wear yel- This vast r oom measures 60 feet by 90 The big metal box is a magical item dis-
low cover alls and welders' goggles. penser. A PC need only deposit a gold
Every five minutes, they rise in unison, feet. The door is locked and trapped with piece, pull the lever, and out pops a ran-
salute, and chant , " Are we not men? We explosive runes. Through the door, dom magjcal item. Use the Unearthed
are deva! " Arcana random treasure charts to deter-
chanting can be heard. If a magic-user mine what comes out. T his only works
• A poker game between a needleman, once per PC.
succeeds in listening, he can tell it's de-
a drow, an erinyes, and ogre. and a wiz- finitely a spell being cast by six people. Area 25
ard. There is a total of 934 pp, 1,472 gp
and eight gems worth 250 gp on the table. Entering the room, the party finds six The door to this 30-foot square room is
wizards sitting cross-legged around a wizard locked at 11th level.
Feel free to also include any still-living cauldron belching forth prismatic smoke.
NPCs whom the party has already met. Strewn about the floor are brightly col- In the room lies a friend of the lord of
ored boxes, all glowing with an evil light. the castle, Sir Cumference, a man with a
At some point, a brawl breaks out Many odd-shaped dice are whirling r oundabout way of talking. If released, he
when a stench kow wanders in and around the room like insane ioun stones.
breathes on the card-playing wizard. Ev- will thank the party profusely in a round-
eryone in the saloon joins in, smashing An odd, metallic box 10 feet square sits
each other with furniture (treat as aclub). in the northwest comer. It has a small about sort of way.
slit, a lever. and a chute.
Area 23 Sir Cumference: ST 16120, IN 11, WI
T he sound of the party entering shakes
This door is locked. If it is unlocked and the wizards out of their spell casting. 13, DE 17176, CO 18112, CH 10; Cava-
opened, the party finds a 30-foot square These six are the ones who conjured all lier level 10; AL LG; MV 12" unarmor ed;
room, with someone sitting at a desk. these games here in the first place. AC 7; hp 88. Sir Cumference is a friendly
The person is a man with brown hair and They' re still trying to conjure true power man who was waylaid by the wizards.
eyes. He is wearing one of those odd from other worlds and dimensions. Natu-
shirts found in area 1. Pinned on his chest rally, when they see the party, they at- Area 26
is a disk with the letters " Author." tack with spells.
A stairway heads downward. On the
The man takes a bite of a strange bread Evil Wizards: MU 11; AL NE; AC 3; wall is carved, in Common, " You are leav-
covered with cheese, tomatoes, and MV 12"; hp 35. All of them have bracers ing Level 5. Please have a nice day."
mushrooms, washes it down with some
AC 6, rings of protection +2, and dag-

62

level 6: the temple or

eally sab beab th1n4s

Greyhawk Dungeon Level 6

Glowing Wall

Scale: 1 Square = 10 Feet

This adventure is recommended for vious level to soft robin's-egg blue, crys- It wasn't quite so joyous for the priests.
four to six characters of 11th to 12th talline veins the color of amethyst After hours of fighting priests who were
level. The scenario should be played after running throughout the walls, floors, and mind-numbingly alike, it wasn't so much
the adventure on the preceding pages ceilings. The air is mild, but humid fun for the minions either.
and before the next one. Of course. if you enough to cloy uncomfortably to the skin.
Just as the attackers were about to suc-
want to ignore our instructions, fine, go The Lemple is dedicated to the god cumb to the boredom of the temple, the
ahead, play this scenario whenever you Genericus Brant the Univer sally Bland. minions overwhelmed the defenders.
want, you won't catch us pouting. Much. At one time Genericus was worshiped by putting the priests to the sword. The final
a medium-sized horde of average fol- defender, the Faceless One, was trapped
DM Information lower s, served by a bunch of undistin- in the Reasonably Inner Sanctum. There

The adventure begins at the entrance guished Priests of the M ediocr e. all of he was confronted by the Evil Presence.
to the Temple of Really Bad Dead Things. whom served under the Faceless One, who still had faint hope of wringing some
While descending the staircase the party who was renowned for his bottomless drama from this confrontation. The Evil
will have to wade through parchment barrel of cliches. Presence stood before the Faceless One.
sheafs of errata and addenda from the Its aspect grew, arms thrown wide, tow-
previous level. The stairway soon clears. Alas, the good old days are no more. ering over the Faceless One. Laughter
An Evil Presence invaded the temple, ig- rumbled from the walls as if the room it-
The party will have noticed that the stone noring repeated requests that it leave. Its self were laughing. The Faceless One
minions enthusiastically slew the horde of cocked his head, crossed his arms, and
has changed from the color of the pre- average follower s, and engaged in joyous said.
combat with the Priests of the .\-l ediocre.

63

"Yeah? Well, he who laughs las t laughs Area 1: The Not-Too-Bad Foyer Things, including most monsters, are la-
best:' beled with a UPC. In the monster de-
The landing is lit by the soft glow emit- scriptions there will be a line that will read
That did it; the Evil Presence could not ted by the crystalline veins in tbe wall. somethirng like "UPC: Fuzzy Cuddly
take any more. It vented its rage in a There is a large ebony door in an arch- Flesh-Eating Dungeon Denizens." T he
curse upon the Faceless One, a curse full way flanked with ivory gargoyles. iln UPC descriptions are used when the
of polysyllabic horrors and short grue- the center of the archway is a pattern party finds the code reader; they are par-
some words such as "flense." It was of vertical black and white lines. with ticularly important in the Trademark
quite an original curse. the words "Genericus Brant" under- Room.
neath. There is a bronze plaque on the
By committing originality, the Evil north wall. Area 2: An Atrium
Presence had fallen for a completely pre-
dictable plot twist. Genericus Brant Tine gargoyles are worth 8,900 gp, but The ceiling is domed, supported by
blasted the Evil Presence and its min- they weight 450 pounds each. Just imag- eight pillars. Each pillar has a mantle,
ions, stripping them all of their individual- ine what the elephant looked like.... and on each mantle is a bust of a
ity and of their lives. Cursed, they are hooded figure.
trapped in the Temple of Really Bad Dead The plaque reads " Bessamo Under-
Things, generic creatures unable to en- earth Construction Co. Our MA- As soon as the party e nters the atrium,
gage in more than the most hackneyed G lFLECTlON construction and appear- the image of Rostros the Well-Robed ap-
plots, hanging around in rooms waiting ing waJI traps are the best in all pears, issuing from a cracked agate
for adventurers to come and kill them. Greyhawk." broach in the northeast comer. Rostros is
a rotund man dressed in a robe of translu-
Ernst Magor As soon as the party either reads the cent material, nose and cheeks contain-
plaque or opens the ebony doors, a blue ing a bit too much color. The image is
Genericus Brant is not a cruel god. In wall appears to block access the the stair- grainy and gets worse as Rostros's
fact he is a decent enough guy. He saved way. As soon as the wall appears, the speech goes on.
the Faceless One from his curse. Not be- crystalline veins begin to energize, and
fore the Faceless One had died, but hey, after 60 seconds the veins have the same "Ah, I am glad to see you have made it
even a god has his limits . He reincarnated amethyst glow of all of the other walls. As this far. You will find that this level has
the Faceless One as Ernst Magor, Bu- soon as the glow matches that of the FRATZ can be mastered with
reaucrat Ordinaire Second Class and put other walls, the Magiflection construc- FLICKER, WAVER reader (the image
him in charge of the Trademark Office in tion is complete. The appearing wall is 10 of Rostros holds up a truncated oval
the temple. feet thick. about two thirds again the size of his
hand, the truncated edge covered with
Ernst Magor is a man io his middle 30s, Magiilection construction is indeed the a gray-tinted crystal). Once the code
greatest achievement of Bessamo BLATZZZZZBUZZZ on the creature,
with close-cropped brown hair, dark take the DISTORTION to the Trade-
eyes, a pleasant smile, firm handshake, Underearth Construction Co. Magifiec-
and a nearly inexhaustible supply of mark Off-CRACKLE, WAVER AND
sports shirts. He will always cite the Cy- tion reilects all magic cast at it. Nol just
clopedia of Proper Procedure, by vol- lighlning bolts and fireballs, but all magic. BUZZZ and you can send them
ume, section number, and paragraph as A character using spider climb would be straight to-SQUAWKING FIZZLE
reason for not doing anything: helpful repulsed by the wall. Disintegrate spells SPARKS AND BOOM!!! "
other than run the party through the pa- wo11ld reflect back. Acharacter who tried
perwork maze of trademark application. to ielepor t through Magiflection con- The cracked agate broach lies smolder-
struction would simply bounce about until ing in the comer, its magic gone.
Ernst Major (15th level-cleric, but no the energy of the spell dissipated. Ma-
spells): AC 2 (very tough hide and thick giflection construction extends through The busts are made of alabaster, each
several dimensions; spells that are classi- portraying a man. The features of each
skull); MV 12" , Cleric 15; hp 65; #KT l ; fied as "conjuration/summoning" do not statue look as if they have been thor-
work unless the target of the summoning oughly sanded, eliminating the unique fa-
Drng by weapon; T HACO 12: ST 12, IN is within the Temple of Really Bad Dead cial feature of each bust. Each bust is
11 , WS 17, DX 11 , CN 11 , CH 14 Things. labeled with a UPC on a brass plate. Uthe
players get the code reader, they can
Ernst is arme d with a diamond-tipped The symbol on the archway is a Uni- read the names of the eight Faceless
stylus, good enough to do ld6 points of versal Product Code, or UPC. Look at Ones who have so blandly led the temple:
damage, although he prefers to be rude the back of this book if you want to know
rather than violent. the sort of thing the PCs see. Many
things in the Temple of Really Bad Dead

64

Almandbar, Strepticus, Ayded'n'abeded, and try to strike a bargain with the play- mate the following script using your
Corfus, Eeniegh, Meeniegh, Mynee, and ers (" Look buddy, we know where there worst British accent.
Moe. Moe was the Faceless One who is a really good random treasure ta-
was reincarnated into Ernst Magor. ble...."), or quail in terror. Maybe they First Ghast: Sorry mate, you and your
will try to reason with the PCs ("Look blokes will just have to come back later.
Area 3: The Hallway of the buddy, if you kill us we just wait around We aren't ready for you yet.
Design Glitch for another roll of the Dice Cosmic, but if
you buy the farm you are nothing but fer- If the players demonstrate any curios-
The ever-present amethyst glow is tilizer. Let's forget the whole thing, ity as to why they are not ready, the ghast
strong here, the fluted columns cast- okay?"). continues.
ing complex, muted shadows on the
walls. Without warning harsh orange 2. Build the drama, then have Generi- First Ghast: See mate, this is one of
writing appears in the air not six feet cus Brant deflate it: "You see the orange them " rescue rooms" so popular in
from you. It appears to be a gigantic glowing letters erupt into a fiery line. You dungeons of this type, you know the
printed table of some kind, filled with can make out the number... (roll dice) kind.. .
columns of numbers and names. You '104' and the words 'A Tremendously In-
hear the sound of dice being rolled, teresting and Enriching Encounter.' Sud- Ghast Number Two: The kind with the
and the view of the table lurches and denly a symbol like the one on the damsel in distress who, when you rescue
then zooms in on a single entry in the archway appears ... (roll dice) ...Uh oh, it her, turns out to be a succubus or an evil
table. passes over the words and they dim. sorceress or.. .
Now they read 'Same Old Monsters.' "
The party bas just seen portions of the First Ghast: Other form of nastiness.
Random Monster Generator in action. Refer to 1 above. Well mate, our bird has flown the coop,
Choose some undead monsters from the
table, and have them attack the party. Area 4: Room of the refusing to be manacled or otherwise go
The magic of tbe Random Monster Gen- Provocatively Clad with the gig.
erator has summoned them. Prisoner
Ghast Number Two: Said she wasn't
But...wait...isn't the entire Temple of As you enter the room you see a pair going to do it anymore, she did. Said she
Really Bad Dead Things constructed of of sturdy manacles on the back wall. In was tired of dungeons filled with such
Magiflection material? Yes, it is. Then the middle of the room are a randomly sexist sh-(First ghast slugs ghast num-
how can the monsters be summoned generated number of corporeal un- ber two, sending him spinning into a
when summoning monsters from outside dead creatures. They are dressed in wall).
the temple is specifically forbidden? What spiffy spiked metal collars and quartz
if some player points this out? studded brass knuckles, drinking pints First Ghast (snarling, loose flesh wig-
of bitters and smoking home-rolled gling in indignation): This is a family publi-
You would think that Highly Paid Game cigarettes. The rolling papers are
Design Professionals could avoid glitches stuck on their ermine-colored spiked cation!
like this. Apparently we cannot; the best hairdos. Ghast Number Two: Anyways, she
advice we can give you is to have you tell
your players, "Look it's called the Hall- 3d6 Ghasts: AC 4 ; MV 15"; HD 4; hp says why not just rip them right away,
way of the Design Glitch, so, like maybe 20,15, 15, 15,15,10,20, 15, 15, 15, 15, open like? Why not just sneak up behind
the designer meant this to happen?" This 10, 20, 15. 15, 15, 15, 10; #Kf 3; Dmg them and...
may fool your players, but don't you be- ld6/ld6/ld8; THACO 15; SA Paralyzing
lieve it for a second. touch; AL CE; UPC: Disgusting Bad At this point the Lady Vampire whacks
Smelling Punk Undead. ln addition, a PC, preferably a cleric. She just
The players will probably have to travel ghasts have a terrible odor that will cause seemed to appear out of thin air, gaining
through this hallway again. If you want to opponents to attack them at a - 2 penalty + 2 to hit for the first round. She is wear-
tinker with the encounters a bit, we have unless a saving throw vs. poison is made. ing a tight-fitting red satin bodice. the lac-
the following suggestions: The brass knuckles not only look spiffy, ing of which threatens to give way any
they allow the ghasts to do ld6 points of second, black hip boots and black
1. If you roll the same type of monster. damage rather than 1d4. cocktail-length gloves. She is not at all
let them really be the same monsters the happy about the hack's (area 13) choice of
characters faced before. Maybe the mon- When the party opens the door, the clothing.
sters are out for blood, better armed and ghasts attempt to speak with them, ask-
prepared than the first time. Perhaps the ing the party to come back later. Approxi- The ghasts join the attack.
monsters can see the writing on the wall Vampire: AC l; MV 12" / 18"; HD
8 + 3; hp 44; #AT 1; Damage ld6+4;
THACO 10 ( +2 Strength Bonus) UPC:
Seductive Lady Vampire Mad As Hell
About Her Role And Not Going To Take It
Anymore. Vampires are affected only by
magical weapons. Vampires may use
their gaze to charm their victims, the vic-
tim taking a - 2 penalty to the saving

throw vs. spell. Vampires can drain two

65

experience levels with their touch: this cheekbones, wearing a black beret. The Area 6: The Code Reader Room
Lady Vampire is wearing gloves, and the beret bas a patch labeled "Fiends For-
drain is not effective as long as she wears ever." On each hand is a large brass and The doorway opens onto a room filled
her gloves. glass ring that looks a lot like class rings. with rows of dark-stained pews. The
The revenant appears with a dagger in its ceiling of the vaulted dome rises to ob-
She is very angry. She will not take off teeth, although it will immediately drop scurity beyond the range of your light
her gloves the first time she is very an- the dagger as revenants never resort to sources. On a dais sits a peculiar
gry. While she is very angry her blows. in the use of weapons. The revenant is im- stone, glass, and metal altar, behind
addition to doing ld6 +4 points of dam- mune to all weapons, including magical which there are dozens of shelves
age, will stun the victim for ld4 rounds of weapons. It cannot be turned and is not filled with white objects with green
combat. Stunned characters can do noth- affected by holy symbols, holy water, or stripes.
ing but make silly sound effects. any other religious paraphernalia. A re-
venant can regenerate 3 hit points per The altar looks like the checkout line at
The PCs might try to calm the Lady round, unless it has been destroyed by your local supermarket, with the con-
Vampire. 1f they are completely success- burning. It is immune to gas and acid. veyor belt leading to the optical plate that
ful, the Lady Vampire will stop her at- reads UPC codes. Beneath this plate is a
tacks and the attacks of the ghasts. If the It attacks by locking its claw-like hands truncated oval about two thirds again the
players role play the negotiation well, size of a hand, the truncated edge cov-
they should be successful. If they offer around its victim's throat to strangle him, ered with a gray-tinted crystal; the code
the Lady Vampire something decent to not letting go until the victim or the reve- reader mentioned by the built-in display
wear, they have a 40% chance of calming nant is destroyed. It has the saving that shows the result of a UPC. Currently
her even if they have not role played well. throws and fighting ability of a 15th-level it is hooked up so that it also shows the
But if they insult her or make fun of her, fighter. result of its scan on the screen above a
she will again become very angry. And cash register.
this time the gloves are coming off. The ring on its left hand is a ring offire
resistance that adds + 3 to the revenant's Removing the code reader without
When calm, the Lady Vampire tells the saving throw vs. fire attacks. taking one- damaging it requires the characters to
history of the Temple of Really Bad Dead quarter damage if it makes the saving make two Dexterity Checks on ld20s. 1f
Things. unless the PCs show absolutely throw, one-half damage otherwise. The two consecutive rolls are less than or
no interest. She knows the Code Reader ring on its right hand is a class ring from equal to the removing character's Dex-
exists and she knows of its powers. but Eastern Negative Material Plane Univer- terity, the reader is removed. Ua charac-
as she is cursed by Genericus Brant, she sity, class of 721. ter fails a roll, he must add 3 to his next
has never been able to find it. roll if he wishes to continue to remove the
If the adventurers are still in the room code reader. If two consecutive rolls are
Area 5: T he Room of Death when the revenant forms, the vile crea- failed, the code reader is ruined. Each roll
ture will ask them "Are any of you my takes one round, and a character may
Warmed Over stop after a Dexterity check in order to
killers?" If any of the PCs answers yes, let another character have a crack at it.
The blue walls are covered with or if they attack the revenant, the crea-
threadbare tapestries of a darker blue. ture will attack them with a rusty shriek, The code reader can decode the UPC
ln the center of one tapestry is a red not to mention its devastating grip. symbols found throughout the Temple of
heraldic shield illustrated with a black- Really Bad Dead Things. To decode the
bereted skull gripping a dagger in its If the party answers no, and leaves the UPC on a monster, the wielder of the
teeth. The motto ribbon reads "Death revenant alone, the revenant will pause. code reader must declare that he is trying
from Everywhere." then ask the question again, explaining to decode the monster's UPC and make a
that he really cannot attack the party un- successful attack roll against the mon-
Once the party enters the room 7 a re- ster. If the player character is successful,
venant will begin to materialize, taking less at least one of them claims to be his read him the UPC description. Read it to
three phases to fonn completely. killer or else attacks him. Continuing in a him slowly, but only read it to him once
voice which is both creepy and calm. the per successful hit.
Revenant: AC 10; MV: 9": FTR 15: revenant will mention that if he does not
HD 8 hp 37: #AT l: Dmg 2d8: THACO attack the party there is nothing else that In addition to decoding the UPCs, the
12; AL N: UPC: Extremely Tough Un- can happen in this encounter; wouldn't code reader gives its owner the power of
dead Misused By Designer Who Gave It that be boring? If the party decides to tan- command over the decoded creatures.
Far Too Much Stuff And Then Placed It ln gle with the revenant. ..well. good luck to Tu command a creature, the possessor of
A Poorly Designed Encounter. the code reader must address the crea-
them.
The revenant is a gaunt corpse with If the party leaves the room before the
pallid skin drawn tightly over hollow
creature forms, it will wait in the room
until the adventurers return to ask them
the question.

66

ture by its full UPC description. For ex- While they attack, the wraiths hiss lf the party enters the room they will
ample, if the code reader wielder were phrases such as "Crime does not pay, hear the sounds of a keyboard clacking
attempting to order the wraiths in this young man," and "You are going to have away. As they examine the featureless
room to leave his party alone he would to live with this for the rest of your life," room they will hear the keyboard pound-
have to command them by saying, "Fly- and "Shoplifting is stealing." lf the char- ing away furiously. As they watch, wet
ing Undead Stupid Enough To Attack A acters pay for the goods, the wraiths let dripping stalactites and stalagmites ap-
Party Far Tougher Than They, leave my them go, at least this time. pear, and a small shining pool of a silvery
party alone! " liquid wells up from the floor, and...
Area 7: The Empty Room
lf a character messes up the name of a and...the party then hears a vigorolis
creature he has not yet commanded, it ig- The sturdy wooden door to this room scratching sound , followed by a tearing
nores the command. If the creature had is locked. Hung on the door is a sign and a crumpling of paper. The features of
been previously commanded, the wield- reading "Positively No Admittance the room fade and disappear. There is the
er's hold on the creature is broken. The For Adventurers . Go Away." Painted rapid, rhythmic sound of fingers rapping
creature may now do as it wishes until it in large sloppy letters all around the on a desktop. The hack (area 13) speaks.
is again read by the code reader. sign are the phrases "This means
you," " Go Away," " Kill someone "So...you are here. How exciting for
The shelves are lined with generic gro- else's monsters," "Don't even me. Deadline is really close, guys. You
cery products: dishwashing liquid, peas, THINK about going in." know what a deadline is, right? It's the
com Oakes, bat.IU'ioom tissue, creamed line beyond which something dies. Prob-
com, beer, disinfectant, greeting cards, The room inside is empty. The party ably me. So if you bright, resourceful ad-
com chips...you know the sort of stuff. The can hear the sound of a typewriter key- venturers could leave me alone in my
shelves display a sign that reads "You are board clacking away. If they enter the predicament...wait a second! Maybe you
being watched. Shoplifters will be prose- room, the sound of the keyboard slows could help me out! "
cuted to the fullest extent of the law:• down, becomes more sporadic, and then
stops. After a few moments of silence, The hack will ask the PCs to describe a
Scanning the generic goods across the the party hears a strained, distant voice, really exciting room setting, one full of at-
as if the speaker were at the end of a long
code reader causes their description and brass speaking tube. mosphere and visual detail. He will also
price to be displayed on the code reader, ask for a fabulous treasure and a hideous
and if not disconneded, on the cash reg- "Great, just great, you guys have broken monster. The hack will cajole, wheedle,
ister display. The goods range in price my concentration. How am I supposed to and otherwise egg on the creative juices
make deadline if some squamous ... no of the players to come up with something
from one to 20 silver pieces. sorry, I mean famous, adventurers come really nasty.
If the party talces goods off the shelves storming through before I can finish the
blasted dungeon?" The voice is that of the As the party comes to a consensus, the
and does not pay for them, they will be at- hack in area 13. He will impatiently explain room will begin to appear. The hack will
tacked by the 30 wraiths hiding in the that he just hasn't had the time to fill in take the monster description given him
shadows of the dome. every detail yet, that tl1e editor wants it by the party, make it undead (this is the
turned in tonight, and would they please Temple of Really Bad Dead Things, after
30 Wraiths: AC 4; MV 12" /24"; HD leave him alone. If the party outstays its all), and unleash it on the players. You will
5+3; hp 28, 25, 24, 22, 22, 22, 22, 22, welcome, the hack will write in a whirlwind have to create the monster's characteris-
22,21,20,20, 20,20, 19, 19, 18, 17, 16 which dumps them back in a random room. tics from your players' descriptions. If
15, 15, 15, 15, 15, 14, 14, 14, 12, 12, 11; Roll ld6 and place the party in the appropri- they describe a really wimpy monster,
llAT 1; Dmg ld6; THACO 15; AL LE; ately numbered room. have the hack say something like "hey,
UPC: Flying Undead Stupid Enough To yeah and then the critter turns out to be
Attack A Party Far Tougher Than They. Area 8: The Other Empty Room filled with enough anti-matter, that the
destruction of the thing blows the whole
Wraiths are vulnerable only to silver The strong iron door into this room is dungeon apart!" and let the players try to
weapons (which do half damage) or magi- locked. On the door is a plaque that subdue it without killing it. Of course, the
cal weapons. Wraiths are powerless in says "Stay Out." Scrawled over the editors would never allow a single entry
full sunlight. The touch of a wraith will door are the words, " I really mean it in an anthology have the capacity to de-
drain the target oJf one level of experi- this time, guys." stroy all of the other levels in the anthol-
ence. ogy, but your players don't have to know
that.
The wraiths will descend in groups of
10 per round. If the party happens to As for the treasure, the hack will say he
have a clerical continual light going, the wanted something more original, like 2d6
wraiths lose their ability to drain levels, x 1,000 gold pieces and a sword +1, +3
and attack at - 3 modifier on their attack against all monsters whose type-names
rolls. A lesser light spell will penalize the
wraiths by - 2 to attack, but will not af-
fect their ability to drain levels.

67

being with an 'E', 'M', or ' X'. The trea- is needed to trademark the creatures: dungeon level.
sure appears after the party has handled 1. The name of the creatures. In the U the party chooses to send the crea-
the monster.
Temple of Really Bad Dead Things this is tures to marketing, a shining green portal
Area 9: The Trademark Room the name given in the UPC code. opens in front of the roll-top desk. A deep
groaning noise will issue from the portal,
There is a door made of Magiflection 2. Ernst's "soul signature," an un- and then a wind will rise. Loose papers
material with two large nickel-plated forgetable piece of identification on each and forms will Oy into the portal. The
loop handles attached near the bot- form. swirling vortex appears to grow, but it
tom. Carved into the door is a sign, exerts only a mild pull on non-trade-
"Trademark Room." 3. The following procedure forms: marked creatures. The creatures whose
27-ABK on yellow parchment trademarking is now complete will be
The Magiflection door can be raised by FIL-Xl4 on blue parchment dragged in from whatever spot they oc-
pulling on the loop handles, the same mo- 1K721.1A on purple parchment with cupy in the temple. Scireeching and howl-
tion as lifting a garage door. The door lifts gold thread ing they will be dragged off to marketing.
with a crackle like that of static electric- REQUISITION 80 on orange parch-
ity. When the door reaches the top, a ment If these characters continue on to
sharp pop is heard; the Magiflection bar- 4. Destination Form Q313 on white lower levels of the dungeon, you might
rier has been broken at this spot. parchment want to have them encounter merchan-
dized monsters. Cuddly Seductive Lady
Behind the Magiilection door is a door If asked to explain the use of these Vampire Mad As Hell About He r Role
made of mahogany, a disconcerting shade forms, Ernst will claim ignorance. lf con- And Not Going To Take It Anymore dolls
of purple in the light of the walls. The fronted with the book he wrote from the and T-shirts; Disgusting Bad Smelling
door is set in an archway. The keystone hbrary (area 10), his memory will become Punk Undead room fresheners, lunch
of the arch is wbite marble, the only white considerably better. He will acknowledge boxes, and role-playing games; Flying
stone you have seen in this temple. The that all the forms are basically the same Undead Stupid Enough To Attack A Party
keystone is inscribed with the words as the Q313, but that all forms must be Far Tougher Than They party favors and
"Reasonably Inner Sanctum." filled out to trademark a creature. Before sewing kits-the possibilities are
their use all forms must be requisitioned endless. The player characters will re-
The party enters a room filled with on a REQUISITION 80 form . ceive royalties based on 15% of the
cheap metal filing cabinets lined up in wholesale price of the items, first royal-
rows. There are upper storeys, balco- Ernst has hundreds of Q313s. Unfortu- ties due three months after the items hit
nies, mezzanines , basements, and sub- nately, he seems to be out of all of the the market. Of course, probably no one
basements. AJJ are filled with filing others. In fact none of the others have will ever bother to buy the stuff.
cabinets, row upon row of them. While ever been through his office in years; a
each filing cabinet has files in alphabetical shame really. U the players send the trademarked
order, there is no logical ordering of the creatures to the next dungeon level, a
cabinets themselves. Each time the party A Q313 is white piece of paper on portal opens in front of Ernst Magor's
enters they will find that the ordering of which is scribed the following: desk. This portal is an incandescent yel-
the cabinets has changed, even if they low, encrusted with pollen. The portal is
step outside for only a second. Q313 an entrance to a twisting tubular slide that
e,Ots at the next level.
fn an open space amongst the rows of Name of Creature
cabinets is a huge roll-top desk illumi- If the adventurers tr.ademark any crea-
nated by three oil lamps suspended from Name of Trademark Holder ture, all of that type of creature disappear
the ceiling by a baffling series of cables from the Temple of Really Bad Dead
and pulleys. Behind the desk sits Ernst Soul Signature of Bureaucrat Ordinaire Things. The hack in area 13 can no longer
Magor. Ernst will look up at the adventur- Second Class write about them, as doing so would be a
ers in obvious distaste, and ask them if trademark violation.
they have filled out all the necessary pa- Destination of Trademarked Creature
perwork for the trademarking of the Next Dungeon Level () Note: The heroes should trademark
creatures in the Temple of Really Bad Marketing ( ) themselves in order to leave the temple.
Dead Things. If the playe rs haven't, play They can send themselves to the next
Ernst as an extremely obnoxious bureau- If the player characters manage to find level, in which case the game continues.
crat. Eventually he will adopt his most all of the necessary components, they If they just have to send themselves to
condescending manner and explain what may trademark the monsters of the tem-
ple. When they trademark the monsters marketing, let them. Take that character
they may send the creatures to one of sheet and retire it from the game. If the
two places: marketing or the next player characters continue their descent,
make sure there is plenty of licensed

68

merchandise centering around the char- representation of a lyre. up books!"
acter sent to marketing. Bubble bath, pa- 4. Euterpe, UPC: Music and Lyric Po- "At last! At last we can play 'book
per towels, diet soft drinks, hats, shoes,
pencil sets, three-ringed binders, break- etry. lmpressed in the column supporting hunt' ."
fast cereal. monthly fan magazines, cos- the statue is the image of a flute. "Come on guys, will you play with us,
tumes...anything you can think of is fair
game. Sales of the player character line 5. Melpomene, UPC: Tragedy. Em- pretty please?"
should be superior to those of other crea- bossed on the base is a mask caught in an "Yeah, we haven't been able to play
tures from the Temple of Really Bad expression of extreme sadness (tragic
Dead Things. mask) and a thick-soled high boot (bus- 'book hunt' in years."
kin) that was worn by actors in ancient
Area 10: The Library times. The will-o-wisps will not attack unless
their lives are threatened. They will be
Large double doors of polished birch 6. Polyhymnia, UPC: Sacred Songs shocked and hurt if the adventurers do
open onto a short hallway of the ever- and Rhetoric. The base of the statue has not wish to play with them. Do your best
present blue stone. The floor is cov- a bas relief of a veil. cheerful-but-spoiled-rotten kid imitation
ered with finely woven rugs showing when playing the will-o-wisps. They re-
people reading intently in uncomforta- 7. Terpsichore, UPC: Dance. Sculpted ally want to play.
ble cubicles . from the base are a crown of laurel and a
pair of cymbals. To conduct the book hunt, the party and
In case they must know, the rugs are the will-o-wisps divide up into two teams.
worth 1,150 gp apiece and there are 8. Thalia, UPC: Comedy. Etched on The ghostly voice of the chief librarian (an
three of them. They weigh 15 pounds the base of the statue are a shepherd's entity who exists in sound only) tells the
apiece. staff and a comic mask-a mask that ap- teams the title of the book to look for, and
pears to be laughing. the first team back with the correct book
The library proper begins under the wins. There are three rounds, with a dif-
huge dome marked by the 10. The dome 9. Urania, UPC: Astronomy. Emplaced ferent book each round. The will-o-wisps
rises over eight storeys, intricate iron in the base are a small brass globe and a need the player characters because they
and silver work containing hundreds of pair of compasses. cannot pick up the books.
panels of stained glass that depict scenes
of men and women painting, singing, The statues indicate what topics may The wiU-o-wisps will head in a random
sculpting, writing, engaging in every be found in the sections of the library to direction (roll ldlO), going through the
form of creative art. The stained glass which their exits lead. If your players are
murals are stunning when sunlight interested in technical manuals, they are numbered exit. They are just too excited
streams through them; of course, since just out of luck. to think clearly, and they cannot read
the temple was built underground, your Common, which puts them at a rustinct
players will just have to take your word Now you may be asking yourself,
for it. The murals look sickly with the uni- "Why Greek muses in a temple dedicated rusadvantage when it comes to finding
form blue glow behind them. to an imaginary deity named Genericus books. If the party members are not fol-
Brant?" Well, um...truth is, every hack lowing them, they will rejoin the heroes in
T here are 10 exits from the dome. The knows that if you want to add some class
entrance from the hallway is unmarked, to an adventure, you reach for some clas- ld4 rounds, darting in and out of the book
but each of the other nine have a statue of sical mythology. The hack in area 13 is no shelves trying to find the proper book, be-
a woman built into a niche beside the exit. exception. ing very vocaJ about their search.
The statues are labeled with a name writ-
ten in common and a UPC code. The nine In the center of the domed area is a To find a book, a character may either
statues are: large circulation desk. About the desk are use his Intelligence or his Dexterity. The
flitting four will-o-wisps. player rolls ld20 every tum. If the roll is
1. Calliope, UPC: Heroic or Epic Po- less than or equal to his chosen character-
etry. Engraved in the base of the statue 4 WiU-o-wisps: AC - 8; MV 18"; HD istic the character gains points equal to the
are pictures of a plumed pen and a lute. 9; hp68, 53, 44,40,37; #ATl; Dmg2d8; difference. For example, a magician de-
THACO 12; AL CE; UPC: Icky Monster cides to use his Intelligence to discover
2. Clio, UPC: History. Pictured in the Made Cutesy By The Hack, With Per- the organization of the library shelves. His
base of the statue are a laurel wreath and mission Of The Designer. intelligence is 17, and the player rolls a 12.
a scroll. The character has gained five points that
WiU-o-wisps are immune to all spells tum. To find a book a team must have at
3. Erato, UPC: Love and Marriage Po- except protection from evil, magic mis- least two characters with at least 25
etry. Carved in the base of the statue is a sile, and maze. They cannot be turned. points, one character's total gained
through Dexterity, the other's through In-
These will-o-wisps are involved in a telligence. A single character might be
book hunt. When the party enters the able to gain at least 25 points twice and get
dome, the creatures stop moving for a the books, but in that case the Intelligence
moment. In thin, quavery voices the will-
o-wisps begin to speak. points must come first.
If a team uses the UPC code or their
"Corporeals! Someone who can pick

69

own knowledge of the muses to pick the the Clio (history) section. Retrieving the These forms are for record keeping
correct corridor in which to begin their book of forms is worth three points. The purposes only. Applicants must provide
search, modify their characters' rolls by their own forms, except Q313. Have a
prize is a teleport scroll, a scroll with five nice day.
- 3, making it easier to find the book. linked word of recall spells. When read,
Now racing around the library with the scroll casts five simultaneous word of Area 11: The Gate to the Rest of
recall spells, sending the party back to the Place
loony will-o-wisps may be exciting
enough... nah, we didn't think so either. the Citadel Union on the surface. This There is a gate that completely blocks
Don't forget you have the wonderful scroll is readable by all characters except the passageway. The gate is con-
Random Monster Generator with which thieves. structed of the same blue-amethyst
to spice things up. The monsters might stone as the walls, and its four-inch-
have several reasons for being there: Whichever team has the most points at thick bars are set just two inches
the end of the three rounds is the grand apart. There is a steel box with lots of
1. Perhaps they are having a serious champion. The will-o-wisps had not buttons on the north wall.
discussion on the philosophies of Generi- thought of a grand prize, so they will offer
cus Brant. They would not appreciate be- the winning players the book on bureau- The box has red, yellow, green, and
ing interrupted by a group of adventurers cratic forms. If there is a tie, the will-o- gold buttons, 10 of each. Each set of but-
rampaging through the book shelves. wisps will crown as champions the team tons is numbered from 0 through 9. The
that won two of the hunts, and give the readout on the display has room for five
2. The chief librarian has checked, and book to the team that found it as a conso- digits. When a button is pushed the num-
"according to our records," the adven- lation prize. ber of the appropriate color lights up on
turers have been long overdue. The the display. Underneath the box is a long
monsters have been sent to collect the The book contains an explanation of the UPC code, which when decoded says,
fine and reshelve the party. various forms requested by Ernst Magor
in the trademark room (area 9); "With "The hack writer has introduced a red
3. Are the adventurers making a lot of the modernization of the Civil Service of
herring. The buttons have nothing to do
noise as they ransack the stacks? Every- the Worshipers of Genericus Brant. a with opening the gate. Just say 'Generi-
one knows you are not allowed to make move that was long overdue in the mod- cus Brant is an okay guy,' and enter:'
noise in a library. The creatures have est opinion of this author, although I must
been sent to escort the PCs from the li- When the party says the phrase the
brary. admit I am qualified to speak to such a gate will open to the labored grinding of
metal gears. The gate cannot be lifted,
4. Oh No! The hack (area 13) made a topic, the forms were standardized. The but it can be broken. It has AC 0 and 120
mistake; the adventurers hear the sound following forms are identical except for hit points (remember the wall is of Ma-
of clacking keys. and then a number of their names and colorations: giflection construction).
displaced beasties arrive to harass the
party. Maybe the hack will get it right 27-ABK on yellow parchment Area 12: Knight of the Living
FIJ.,X14 on blue parchment Dead and Spare Parts
next time. IK721. 1A on purple parchment with
gold thread The door to this room is sealed with
Th e Books And The Prizes Q313 on white parchment intricate runes. T he runes are compli-
Round One: "Ode to the Ground Snails cated patterns of twisting lines that in-
ln compliance with the Cyclopedia of tertwine and connect with one another
of Greyhawk, Volume VIII " by Snagly P roper Procedure, volume 17A, Section to completely surround the door. On
Hairtooth. This most tedious poem is lo- 2113, Paragraph 8.8.11, all forms must the copper surface of the door are four
cated in the Euterpe (lyric poetry) sec- still be filed to obtain a trademark. Of sets of etched lines. Each set of
tion. Retrieving the book is worth one course. all forms must be requisitioned etched lines forms the holy symbol of
before they may be filled out." Genericus Brant. The runes are con-
point. The prize is a scroll with three cure nected to the holy symbol by finely
serious wound spells. In the back of the book are three REQ- traced lines in the copper. The pol-
UISITION 80 forms on orange parch- ished copper is given an extra sheen
Round Two: Popular Dervish Whirling ment. by a coating of ice.
Blade Tangoes of the Northern Deserts
REQUISIT ION 80
by Horace Oneleg. The book is located in
the Terpsichore (dance) section. Retriev- Required Forms Quantity
ing this book is worth two points. The (please circle) (please print)
27-ABK
prize is a wand of digging containing 25 FJJ.,X14
charges of the dig spell, and a matching
IK721.1A
set of earrings (500 gp). Q313

Round Three: A Complete Illustrated
History ofBureaucratic Forms, lnduding
the Recenl Conversions Utilizing the
Q313 by Ernst Magor. This is located in

70

The holy symbols are UPC codes. powers of detect magic and detect invisi- purple parchment with gold thread).
They may be read with the code reader. bility. Twice a day it can gate in demon Each spool has 2,000 gp worth of gold
Al the OM 's discretion a few of the words
may be blurry due to the effect or the ice. type I (20%). type II (25%), type III thread, enough for sever al hundred
(30%), cype IV (20%), or type VI (5%), IK72 1.IA's.
Symbol One: " Beyond this door waits the gate working 75% of the time (we bet
a death knight. Beware , for his powers your players will think it's a dam shame Area 13: The Hack and Slash
are greater than any you have seen in this the Magiflection construction prevents
temple . If not . what are you complaining The cheap wooden door opens easily,
about?" the gate from working). It can dispel revealing a room strewn with rubbish.
magic twice a day. Once a day it can use There are paper cups and styr ofoam
Symbol Two: " In yon chamber lies the sandwich containers, crushed alumi-
Holy Wire of Genericus Brant. spun from any one of the power word spells, a sym- num cans and empty bottles of every
gold. The wire has no efficacy against un- size. A piece of rope hangs from the
dead, but it doth look impressive." bol of pain/fear. and generate a 20-die
fireball. For purposes of effect, a death air in the middle of the room. The
Symbol Three: " Besides the designer
believeths you might have some use for knight's magic use is that of a 20th-level room has the half-smell, half-taste of
gold wire elsewhere in this adventure, burnt coffee. The incessant sound of
and so had to put it in somewher e:· wiiard. A holy word spell will stun the rapidly dicking keys reverberates off
the walls. To one side is a large sieve-
Symbol Four: " Oh yes, we almost for- death knight rather than dispel him, as like device, and behind that huge black
got. The door is apowerful ward that pre- this death knight is of this plane.
vents the death knight from leaving the wooden vat full of a pulpy mush. In
The death knight is immune to the front or the vat is a pit full of murky wa-
chamber. In addition it will allow any commanding power of the code reader.
but for all his contempt he is not immune ter. There is a rack of oversized tools
cleric or paladin to utter a holy word spell and pieces of cloth as well as shelved
once every 10 minutes, as long as the to being trademarked. beakers on the wall opposite the
speUcaster is in the chamber. The 10- The icy coating on the door is from the sieve.
minute count starts from the first holy
word uttered." wall of ice the death knight keeps up as a The beakers contain colored dyes that
may be u sed to color the paper created by
AU of the information is correct. The barrier. Slash (see below). There are beakers of
death knight awaits them inside. Be The room has murals depicting the his- red, yellow, blue, green, orange, and
aware that this encounter is deadly: if the purple dye. If the heroes have the gold
death knight gets to act for even one tory of the construction of the temple. thread, they may add the thread to the
round after combat is started, many of The north wall shows dwarves carving pulp used by Slash to create paper. They
your players can mail their character out fine white marble from a huge moun- can then create the forms necessary for
sheets to Paraguay: they won 't be need- trademarking creatures or themselves.
ing them anymore. Some quick thinking tain quarry. The east wall shows several
and a little bit or luck is necessary to dis- As the heroes enter the room, they will
patch the death knight. dwar\'eS surrounding a shimmering field hear a voice shout. "Slash! Slash, I am
running low on paper!" From behind the
Death Knight: AC O; MV 12": HD 9 that holds the death knight. One of the vat, an index finger the "'idth of a strong
(10 sided); hp 70: NAT 1. Dmg ldl0+6 dwarves, whose smock has the name man's thigh appears over the rim of the
" Bessamo" stitched on it, is holding a vat. It moves in a manner that suggests it
(Strength bonus): THACO: 9: AL CE: beaker of blue liquid in his right hand. and is looking around, and then all five digits
UPC: Horrid M agic-Resisting Undead thin gold wire in his left. Some of the of a huge hand can be seen beyond the
Who Is Immune To The Power Of The other dwarves are looking at the death rim of the vat. The hand flexe s and
Code Reader. knight, but most are regarding Bessamo. str etches as it wakes from its sleep, mak-
ing a loud yawning sound.
The death knight has a magic r esist- The southern panel shows spools of
ance of 75% , and if an 11 or lower is gold thread, the thr ead passing around Slash: AC 2: MV 12"; MU 20; hp 50:
rolled on percentage dice, any magical and through the field holding the death //AT l: Dmg As per Bigby's hand spells:
spell cast is r eflected back at its caster. knight. The other end of the thread is THACO Always Hits: AL N; UPC: Loyal
The death knight cannot be turned or dis- wrapped around a large block of white Servant Of The Hack Who Is Included In
pelled and has the power over undead of a marble. Alchemists are covering the This Adventure For Reasons Of Humor
6th-level cleric. The death knight has block with the blue liquid of Bessamo. So Weak They Scarcely Deserve M en-
18(00) Strength , and is armed with a two- Where they have treated the block it has tion.
handed sword. The death knight contin- transformed into the familiar blue stone
ually generates fe;u- in a 5' radius, can
of the temple.
create a wall of ice at will and has innate Beneath this last panel are six spools of

gold thread, each spool being one foot in
diameter. The spools rest on capped rods
of the blue stone: the spools may be spun
but they cannot be removed without con-
sider able effort, and they tum quite

slowly. It takes three rounds to acquire
enough thread for a single IK721. lA (on

71

Slash is a customized permanent ver- four and a half feet tall, with an ample tire that occurred in the "Temple of Really
around his middle. He wears small wire- Bad Dead Things." If you are feeling par-
sion of the Bigby s hand series of spells. rimmed glasses. The hack Lives in a ticularly generous, you might allow the
cramped little space atop a permanent players to rewrite other scenes in this
He is capable of operating in the modes of rope trick. There is a sleeping pallet, a dungeon as well. Don't worry, The Edi-
any of the spells. He has a low Intelli- desk and desk lamp, a chair, and a pecu- tors can always disallow any grandiose
gence of his own, and can be counted on liar typewriter of dwarven construction. changes the party tries to make, scratch-
to carry out orde rs that do not require too ing out the new scene with a ghostly red
much initiative. Slash cannot cast any The hack is immune to the code reader pen.
spells; his level is that of the magician (" Look, you think I could get hurt by my
who created him. own material?"), although he may be
trademarked. U attacked he will leap to
Slash can sub-vocalize, making sounds his typewriter and write the attackers out
of the adventure. Poof. Gone.
but not words. Have Slash whimper,
snarl, moan, quaver, whistle- just do not The hack is cursed to continue to write
allow him to speak. " The Temple of RealJy Bad Dead
Things" again and again. Every time an
Slash will fiercely protect the hack. adventuring party comes through and
Other than that he is just an 850-pound changes something, even killing a mon-
friendJy, playful bundJe of energy.
ste r. he has to rewrite it so it returns to
Once Slash is fully awake he will grab a its original form. He lives in constant fear
handful of the goop in the vat and throw it of deadJines and "The Editors ." beings of
against the sieve. T hen he grabs the great power he has never seen but who
s ieve, shakes it a bit, and lowers it into oversee all of his work. He sometimes
gets to write other adventures, but they
the pit. He sloshes the sieve around, are always derivative of someone else's.
raises the dipping frame every few such as his rejected manuscript "Spar-
rowloft." Maybe if he wrote something
sloshes, and then removes the sieve en- about rescuing a princess before a horde
tirely. Grabbing two press cloths and a of undead stormed the land...
roller from the pulp, he then props the
sieve against the wall, and while hum- The hack will apologize for not writing
ming a simple tune he fans the paper until
it is dry enough to handJe. Slash then gets in an exit to this level (the hack has not
a spear-sized cutting blade from the rack,
and props it against the wall. Picking up thoUJghl through how to use the trade-
the new paper, Slash twists from side to mark room), and if bribed, might be able
side as if examining his work, making to write in an exit that was not originally
thoughtful "bmmm" noises. Finally, be there, although he will be sure that The
drifts over to the cutting tool, throws the Editors will delete it, and perhaps him-
paper into the air, grabs the tool, and with self, if he is not careful.
a Ourry ofde ft mo tions cuts the paper into
pieces. Slash drops the tool. picks up the The best way for a party to ingratfate
paper, and beads to the rope. If the party itself with the hack is to praise his work
has not announced themselves before on " The Temple of Really Bad Dead
now, Slash notices them, and whistles Things." If the praise is not obvious, bla-
excitedJy up the rope. tant hoo-ha (well, maybe even if it is),
then the hack would be willing to alter
The sound of clacking keys becomes ir- small portions of the temple.
regular, slows, a nd then halts e ntirely.
The hack is irritated at be ing interrupted. The hack will moan about his fall from
greatness. rue the day he set fool in this
The Hack: AC 4 Oeather and - 4 Dex temple, and offer the adventurers any-
adjustme nt); MV 24" (" Gotta be fast to thing they may want if they can think of a
make a living in this business"); HD 12; way to get him out of here. If the charac-
ters think to trademark the hack. the
hp64 ; IKf l ; Dmg l d4; T HAC09; SA & hack will leave them his typewriter and
three pieces of paper. With this type-
SD: Gains + 3 to his initiative roll, plus writer and those three sheets of paper,
see below; AL N; UPC: The Evil Pres- the party may rewrite any three scenes
e nce Who Became A Hack As A Result
Of A Curse From Genericus Brant.

The hack appears to be a balding thin-
faced man of thirty. He is no more than

72

level 7: queen or the

Ioneysee hive

~~~~~..G1 reyhawk Dungeon-Level 7

~

-: ~ 1~f1~t~ 9~~.~!~1 ~

~~1,',~

~~ ~'U

'~ y

-9

if

~

Scale: 1 Hex • 10 Feet

Encounter Setting calls it. a number of now-ardent sup- on the map. The OM may also releport
por ters were coerced into joining the them here if they swat a bee or wasp any-
L ong ago a certain demon queen of spi- club. Her dreadful plots and schemes are where in the vicinity of !the castle.
ders (who shall remain namefess) har- close to fruition and her wretched hive's
assed a certain region of Greyhawk (also stingers are poised lo pollinate the world. Their goal is to recover the candle key
nameless) using many varied and sundry from ar ea 4 and journey throughout the
creatures (likewise unmentionable) to do The party may have been led here by hive until they find a way to use it. They
her dirty wor k. Her web of intrigue and the massive increase in killer bee attacks can then meet and defeat the queen of the
deceit was renowned and feared-it was around the world, the global shonages of honeybees herself (in ar ea 24)!
rumored that she even had her own demi- honey (caused by striking bee colo.nies.
plane to play with! Not wishing to be out- agitated to insurrection by agents of the Walls within the compl ex resemble wax
done in front of their mutual friends bee queen). or the fates (read: blind bum-
(outer planar society is quite elitist after bling or stupidity). In any case. the ueat but are impervious to all at tacks or spells
all), a certain overweight bee queen is critical and millions of grubby little chil- (including passwall). They are diffusely lit
started her own following and rented dren are depending on the return of their from deep within. AU doors are simpl}•
some space below lhe castle (the unfor- hone~· as soon as possible, and millions of
tunate broker is currently "resting" equally grubby parents are tired of their sliding panels of wall material.
somewhere within the lair). After she'd whining. T here ar e no random encounters with
redecorated her little demi-hive, as she
The party should anive here via a silly monslers within l he hive or ridicu-
lous spell allerations. All monsters attack
sweetly scented wax chute. which will intruders immediately because of their
uptight and stressed-out condition (there
unceremoniously deposit them at point A are very few females within the hive).

73

Area 1: B-Men Headquarters or I'll shoot"), a single charge from the Such a beast will be grabbed up quickly
gun fires a glob of gooey, sticky, sweet and thrown into an e mpty cell.
This chambe r is the central headquar- honey up to 6" away. The gooey glob
te rs of the hive's secret police, the B- covers a circular area about five feet in di- 1f the party is obviously unimpressed
Men. These half man/half bee creatures ameter. Those things within that area are with the B-man's ravings, he will attack.
are fully trained iin all investigative tech- permanently bonded to each other (hands The werebears, if released, will aid the
niques. They wear heavy black trench to weapons, arms to shields, armor to party until any large pool of honey is en-
coats (with holes in the back for wings bodies, codpieces to cods, etc.). countered, whereupon the bears will sit
and stingers), big dark sunglasses, and down and gorge themselves until they
black hats pulled down over their hideous A successful saving throw vs. wands blow up and die.
features. They always "follow the book" indicates lhat the target dodges and
even though they can never find it. avoids the glob, but the glob will land Captain Cheer Eo the B-man jailer
somewhere-either behind the original (hornet half-breed): AC 0 in flight, 2
Beings entering this chamber will be target, or on the floor 10d6 feet beyond when settled; MV 12" /24"; HD 7; hp 50;
asked to "show tlheir hall passes" (availa- Oeaving a sticky mass that will solidify in I Kr 2, gun and stinge r; Dmg see below
ble at most high schools throughout the 10 rounds). and ld4 plus poisons; THACO 13; AL
country). Characters without a hall pass NE; XP 500; SA poison and incapacita-
are attacked. Any hall pass will do, since The bond created by this glob is ex-
none of these bees have ever really seen tremely strong. Strong monsters and in- tion as per giant hornet. Captain Eo has a
one to begin with. They are therefore dividuals will tear their own bodies ap:art
very unpopular with everybody and have before breaking the seal. Creatures with hall pass in his pocket, a jar of honey and
earned a reputation for obnoxiousness. Intelligence of 7 or higher will be aware of some almonds in his hands, a gun olhon-
All bees in this adventure will be found this, but those of 2-6 Intelligence should eyed globs beneath his trench coat , and
carrying little slips of paper signed by the get a saving throw to avoid tearing them- one sequined glove that makes him look
mysterious Mrs. Abby Hoffman. Coun- selves apart. The glo'bs can be dissolved very stupid .
te rfeit hall passes are big business within by alcohol (or water). The amount found
the hive. in ordinary wine is sufficient to free two 2 We re'bear prisoners: AC 2; MV 9";
glued areas (painfully if llesb is involved). HD 7 + 3; hp 50, 46; IIAT 3; Dmg ld3/
10 8 -Men agents (hornet half-breeds) : ld3/2d4; THACO 12; AL CG; XP 1,325,
AC 0 in flight, 2 when settled; MV 12" I The wand may be recharged by a 1,285; SA hug (2d8); SD hit only by silver
24" ; HD 7; hp 50 each; llPJ 2, gun and magic-user of 7th or higher level. A full or magical weapons.
s tinger: Dmg see below and l d4 plus poi- gun is worth 4,000 xp and 20,000 gp.
sons; THACO 13; AL NE; XP 500 each; Besides the food items, there is noth-
SA poison and incapacitation as per giant Each agent has 4d40 pp in his pockets, ing of value in here.
hornet. Each agent has a hall pass in his is fond of singing the blues, and loves dry
hand and a gun of honeyed globs promi- white toast, whole fried chickens, and a Area 3: Company B
nently bulging from beneath his trench Coke.
The main militia of the B-men is sta-
coat. Area 2: Honeybear Lockup tioned here. They will attack anyone who
The preferred attack form of the B- enters unless he is wearing the hat, coat,
When the party enters here they will and sunglasses of an authorized agent.
ruen is to Oy over their prey, stinging and be attacked by a mad B-man who is frus-
shooting their guns ol honeyed globs. trated in his attempts to exact confes- Green Hornet, captain of the B-men
T he famed wand of viscid globs employed sions from the criminals held within. In soldiers (hornet half-breed): AC 0 in
by the demon queen of spiders and her each of two cells is a werebear (in bear flight , 2 when settled; MV 12" /24"; HD
minions was actually stolen from the de- form). They are pleading mercifully for 8; hp 64; IAT 3, two guns and stinger;
sign employed here. The gun of honeyed their jailer to give them some of the food Dmg see below and ld4 plus poisons;
globs is identical in function to the afore- he is carrying. THACO 12; AL NE; XP 600; SA poison
mentioned wand (a patent suit has been and incapacitation as per giant hornet.
taken up with lnterplanar Spell-Users As soon as the B-man sees the party he The green hornet has a hall pass and two
Congress, or l.S. U.C.). The gun resem- will boldly display a jar of sweet honey guns of honeyed globs that he can wield
bles a german luger, circa 194-0 (pat- and a handful of roasted almonds, omi- simultaneously. He wears a green trench
terned from a war souvenir found in the nously (great DM control required here) coat and a green hat of fire resistance.
wreckage of areas 23-29). Each has 100 proclaiming that "I'm gonna tempt your
charges before combat begins (as Big tummy with the taste of nuts and honey. 40 B-me n soldie rs (hornet half-
Bee always keeps them fully charged). lC werebears!" If any member of the party breeds): AC 0 in flight, 2 when settled;
aimed and the command words spoken just happens to be a werebear. he must MV 12"/24"; HD 7; hp 48 each; IPJ 2,
(usually "bang, bang," "pow;· or "stop make a saving throw ·vs. speU (at -4) to gun and s tinger; Dmg see below and ld4
avoid being forced into werebear form. plus poisons; THACO 13; AL NE; XP
530 each; SA poison and incapacitation as
per giant hornet. Each agent has a hall
pass in his hand and a gun of honeyed

74

globs prominently bulging from beneath handily by the Bad Guys and the party will Area 5,: Gooey Guard Room
his trench coat. be fosers.
The walls of this room are covered with
The only treasure here is a yellow During the last round, the DM should sticky animated honey. The effects are
jacket ofprotection from rain. roll a secret Intelligence Check for each identica1 to an ent411g/e s pell cast at 20th
party me mber. Successful characters will level of ability. Any creatures other than
Area 4: The Room That Lets the notice that their opponents have been bees that enter the chamber will be at-
Party Make It to the looking at their laps during this line of tacked. Magic resistance does not apply,
Next Set of Rooms questioning. A protest by the party will since this is a living, but unintelligent sub-
reveal a large number of Unearthed Ar- stance. The party must either wait out
The party will enter this room to see cana volumes secreted underneath the the effects if held or proceed onward
just enough seats for them to sit in, be- enemy table (conveniently open to the while slowed.
hind a long table. Directly across from Pole arms chapters). They will be dis-
these are a like number of famous celebri- qualified and the party will get to go to the Area 6: Otto's Irresistible Dance
ties and evil villains from within the hive . final round in order to win the grand
A large ovoid-shaped man with a graying prizes. Their foes will vow vengeance be- Studio
beard and poor eyesight will tell the fore they teleport away.
"gentle contestants" to take a seat for A dreadful ritual dance marathon is go-
the game. An audience of 300 cheering The party will be asked three ques- ing on in this large chamber. Hundreds of
spectators is on hand for the event. tions. Each correct answer gets them a dexterous bees are performing the irre-
prize. They have 30 seconds to answer sistible dance. Their leader, Otto the
300 Spectators: AC body 4, eyes 7; each question. Bee-Holder. keeps the rhythm going and
MV 10"; HD 4 +4; hp 35 each ; llAT 1; severely chastises anyone who gets out
Dmg ld4 + l ; THACO 15; AL LN; XP Question 11: "What is your favorite of step. The party will be attacked by the
665 each; SA central eye reflect s spells, color? " Any answer is correct, as long as bees and Otto when they enter.
four s maller eyes cast create food and they don't yell out more than one. "Un-
water; cause serious wounds, paralyza- 200 Samba Bees (trained giant bumble·
tion ray, and telepathy; SD senses psionic der Box n is a (tacky) hexagonal shaped bees): AC 5; MV 6" /24"; HD 6 +4; hp 50
disciplines, better initiative rolls; MR each; llAT 1; Dmg ld6 plus poison;
5%. The spectators are guarding their wax candle, made of 10 different shades THACO 13; AL N; XP 1,000 each; SA
seats (as treasure) and won't re linquish ofgreen and orange!" This is the true ob- poison stinger does 5d4 points of damage
them without a fight. ject of their quest and will allow the lucky (save for 2d4 hp), characters are -1 to
pany the opportunity to reach the upper save (strong poison)
Egg. master of ceremonies: AC 10;
MV l " roll; HD 1 hp; I AT O; Dmg 0; level of the hive. Otto (beholder): AC 0/ 217; MV 3"; HD
THACO 21; AL LN; XP 5. The Egg is Question 112: " What is your quest?" 75 hp {about 18 HD); #AT l ; Dmg 2d4;
simply a rather wordy egg-shaped gen- THACO 6; AL LE ; XP 14,400; SA
tleman hired by the bee queen to amuse Again, any answer will do. "Behind Cur- magic; S D anti-magic ray. Otto wears one
her followers and confuse the party. He is tain 112 is a new chariot! The latest from large dark sunglass over his eye and talks
a retired toy designer. Apollo Industries. Horses not included." with lisp. The shades don't affect his spell
What the characters do with this fine ve- casting in any way.
The Bad Guys include Sting. Buzzy Al- hicle is up to them. [tis worth 20,000 gp
drin, Steven Biko, Big Bee (area 10). andl runs like a dream. This is one of the most dangerous
Aunt Bee (queen of the hive) and B.B. rooms in the hive. Every round, a party
King (her consort, both Crom area 24). Question 113: "What is the best way to member will be affected by an Otto's irre-
The Good Guys are the party (statistics defeat a flumph?" The correct answer is sistible dance spell (at 20th-level effect),
found on character sheets). " tum it upside down," or something to while Otto kills these helpless characters
that effect. If the party manages this one, with death and Desh to stone spells. Ini-
The game consists of three sets of they get what's behind Door 113. Door 13 tiative and a quick cleaving of Otto are
questions . One side must win two of the is a portal to area 18 and leads directly to necessary here.
three sets to win the grand prizes. The the uppe r levels of the dungeon.
first category deals with the anatomy of Otto almost has his latest chorus line
bees. The second round investigates the Since it is unlikely that the party will get ready (a bee line if you will), and has re-
many habits ofbees. The last round is de- question 13, they will have five rounds to ceived his first payment in weeks. Fifty
voted exclusively to the study of pole gatlher up their treasure before Egg rubies worth 250 gp each are hidden be-
arms, their nomenclature. and relevance waves them goodbye. The characters neath some pink legless leotards in the
to all aspects of gaming (including eating, will hear a buzzing sound in their ears and southeast comer of the room.
personal hygiene. and planetary explora- will find themselves at point B on the
tion) . All three categories should be won map .

75

Area 7: The Not-So-Funny Area 9: W.A.S.P. eter when in lobster form. Rock lobsters
Funhouse Mirror are fond of rock music (especially new
The priests of the hive are part of the wave).
This is just another one of those nasty organization known only as W.A.S.P.
mirrors of opposition parties love so The rock lobster is a rare type of sea
dearly, except that it was made some ("We Are So Powerful"). These are the creature that arrived with the new wave
time ago by a rather chaotic old soul who of crustacean-like monsters jamming the
put a little twist in it. only human followers of the bee queen oceans.
(three men and two women) and the}' are
Characters will meet their doubles as unique in a number of respects. Of course. areas 10 and 11 will be al-
usual, except that they will be randomly erted immediately to any intrusion.
distorted some way. They might be twice 5 Human bee-following priests: AC 4,
as tall and skinny, or short and fat. A long banded mail; MV 6"; Cl 10; hp 80 each: Area 10: Attack of the Killer
neck or legs is also humorous. In addi- I AT l; Dmg 1-8, stinger sword plus spe- Bees
tion, the party member will be equally
mutated for the duration of the battle. In cial; THACO 4; AL NE; XP 2,000 e:ach; The door to this room is labeled "Bee
any case, there will be no change on the Mine." Within are giant worker honey-
effects of combat on the participants. SA spells, stinger swords; SD spells. bees. giant homets, giant wasps, and one

When the character wins against his Each has a long sword ofstinging +2 that leader, (very) slowly building an expan-
double, award full experience and return
him to his normal shape . If the mirror is paralyzes any being hit for l d4 + l rounds sion room to the east. The leader is none
inspected, an inscription that reads "Al- unless a successful saving throw vs. other than Big Bee. dreaded bee mage of
ways Be Yourself' is engra\•ed along the wands is rolled (at a -4 penalty), and power.
wears painted banded armor, silly spring-
top. The mirror can be removed if the Big Bee (bumble bee cross-breed): AC
like antennae and painted sunglasses. 0 (-1w/ armorspell):MV12" /24": .\1U
party wants it. Spells:
14 : hp 60 (82 wl armor spell); IKI 1
Area 8: Great Honey Chamber Level 1: cure light wounds. purify
hone)~ penetrate disguise, sanctuary (sting); Dmg ld4 plus poison; THACO
This massive room 1s filled with honey,
U!,·el 2: hold person (x2). silence 15' 16: AL NE: XP 4,000: SA spells, sting
being purified b}' some ancient and un-
radius. chant once with poison; SD spells. Big Bee has
known process (strainers). Hundreds of Level 3: create royal jelly (for the a Zagyg ·s spell component a1se. the larg-
honey bees are guarding this area to keep est bag of holding (with his spell books
their treasure pure and uncontaminated. queen), dispel magic. feign deaLh
Three clear hex:agonal tubes hang verti- Level 4: improved giant insect (also and 500 pp inside), bracers AC 3. ring of
cally from the ceiling and the bees send proteccion +3. shades of charming (as
garbage up these suction pipes every works on already giant bees to further in- per eyes), gun of honeyed globs (100
round. The party must enter these tubes crease size). spell immunity (fireball),
protection from good 10' radius shots), and a potion offire resistance. He
to reach point C on the map. has an annorspell and a contingency spell
Level 5: Dame strike, animate dead (fireball upon his person if slain) cast on
150 Giant Worker Honeybees: AC 6: monsters his person. Spells:
MV 9" /30": HD 3+ 1; hp 20 each; #AT
1: Dmg ld3 plus poison: THACO 16; AL Each priestess wears her hair in a bee- Level 1: charm person, magic missile
N; XP 230 each; SA sting once with poi- (x3), enlarge
son that does Sd4 points ofdamage (2d4 if hive and all of the priests have a pair of
Level 2: invisibility, mirror image, vo-
save is successful). decorative antennae {platinum, worth calize. stinking cloud. delect invisibility
The tubes are made of the same mate- 1.000 per set). They all wear banded mail
(painted in yellow and black stripes) with Level 3: hasce. hold person, fireball.
rial as the walls and if examined closely a the detachable sword ofstingingattached slow
small silver plaque can be found on each to the rears. Usually the priests are re-
one. The inscription on the plaque reads sponsible for purifying the honey and Level 4: fire shield. polymorph olher.
"Another fine product of \.\-~e E. Wonk- healing boo-boos. but they can fight if polymorph self
Ah (broker and inventor). Inc." There is forced to do so. When combat begins,
no creasure in this room. The bees will they will retreat to the rear of the cham- Level 5: Big Bee 's interposing stinger,
not pursue into the tubes. Ifa char acter is teleport
killed or knocked unconscious, the bees ber, past a large rock in the center of the
will throw him up the tube . Level 6: Big Bee's forceful stinger.
room. globe of in\'Ulnerabilicy

Rock Lobster: AC O: MV 20" shuffle: Level 7: forcecage
HD 10; hp 80; IAT 3. claw/claw/bite;
40 Giant \\brker Honeybees: AC 6:
Dmg 2dl0/2dl0/ ldl0; THACO 10: AL
MV 9" /30" : HD 3 + l: hp 20 each; KAT
N: XP 1.200: SD camouflages as large
rock. Usually found at the bottom of the l ; Dmg ld3 plus poison; THACO 16: AL
sea. this large specimen is living it up with N; XP 230 each; SA sting once with poi-
Cree food, "just for sitting around ." He is son that does Sd4 points of damage (2d4 if
semi-intelligent and about 15 feet in diam-

76

save is successful) and the Crickets. and Iron Butterfly. as Area 15: " Look Ma , No Hands!"
20 Giant Hornets: AC 2 in flight, 4 well as other famous insect titles.
This door is unmarked and opens into
when settled; MV 24": HD 5; hp 35 each; Dozens of small, noncombatant bees air. As far as the eye can see there is
llAT l; Dmg ld4 plus poisons; THACO mill through the air here. Some are wear- nothing !but sky. A large sign hangs sus-
15; AL N; XP 330 each; SA poison, inca- ing little cone-shaped hats on their heads pended in mid-air. labeled ''Watch the
pacitation thal say "bumble bee," ''stumble bee," first step-it's a doozy:·
"tumble bee." "rumble bee," as well as
20 Giant Wasps: AC4: MV 6" /2 1"; HD other silly phrases. Any characters prone to showing off
4; hp 30 each; /AT 2; Dmg 2d4/ ld4 plus are likely to get their just desserts here.
poison; THACO 15: AL N: XP 440 each: One of the hip-bees is carrying 100 pp No Cying magical devices or spells will
SA paralyzing poison in a small hooka ofholding(250 lbs. max). operate on this plane (only polymorph po-
There is no other treasure here. tions and spells, etc.), s<> Cying wizards
Big Bee is responsible for most of the will drop out of sight with a puzzled look
construction of the hive through magic Area 12: Beam Me Up Scotty on their features.
and labor. Like any good leader, he's al-
ways the first to leave when the going A large slanted table stands just within A character stupid enough to jump out
gets tough (or even mildly difficult). the doorway to this chamber. A hex- deserves to fall for eternity.
shaped depression rests squarely in the
There is no treasure in here except for middle. Seven hex-shaped silver plates lf the DM is feeling particularlr nasty. a
that on the participants. Any combat in lie on the Coor to the west. copper coin should be suspended some
here will be noticed immediately in areas 100 yards out (seen only as a glint of gold
9 and 11. If the candle Crom area 4 is placed in the in lhe distance).
depression in the table, anyone stancling
Area 11: The San Francisco on the silver pads (after two rounds have Area 16: Demi-Plane of Flowers
Bay- Bee s elapsed) will begin to shimmer and shake
and awaken to find himself at area D on Opening this door reveals one of the
These mellow beings are constantly the map. bee queen's few success stories. A gi-
buzzed on the scent of honeyed incense. gantic plain covered with every imagina-
The entire rear of the giant chamber is Any character who says the magic ble type of Cower and plant stretches on
filled with the smoke. Originally from an- words "Jim, I can't push her any Caster to the horizon. Aunt Bee opened a gate to
other world and another time (San Fran- than thal" or "Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor the demi-plane of Flowers and Other
cisco Bay, 1967). these ex-school not an engineer (or magician)'' gets 5,000 Green Things. This is where most of the
teachers still believe they are on "one xp for being a Star Trek fan. bees do their dirty work. The only intelli-
heck of a bad trip." They have painted gent inhabitants of this region are a large
themselves in yellow and black stripes The following two chambers are filled giant. his son, and a rather slow-witted
and constantly talk with a low buzz to with the results of the bee queen's at- gardener.
their voices. One of them is responsible tempts to open up the hive to other
for the fake hall passes throughout the worlds and bring in new followers. Joliet Green (stonn giant): AC 1: MV
complex. These hip-bees teach young 15"; HD 15 + ld6+1; hp 127; NAT 1
hivelings what they need to become adult Area 13: To Bee... (club); Dmg 7d6; THACO 7; AL CG; XP
bees and how to tie-die the trench coats
of the B-men as well. The door is labeled in gold numerals 8,370; SA lightning bolts, can lightning,
"28" (worth 10 gp per letter), If it is
3 Hip-bees (human school teachers): opened. a long corridor with a door at the weather summoning: SD levitation. pre-
AC 6 (high Dex); MY 12"; HD l; hp 8 end will be revealed. Any character pro- dict weather. control winds, immune to
each; IAT 0 (peaceniks); Dmg O: ceeding down the corridor and opening electricity. Joliet is a jolly green giant who
THACO 19; AL N Buzzed; XP 100 each. the door at the end will arrive outside the has no treasure and wears only a large
Each hip-bee bee is wearing a button that door to area 14. green ratty tunic.
says "make love, not war" and a silver
peace symbol worth five gp. Area 14: ...Or Not To Bee Green Sproul (young storm giant): AC
l ;MV 15"; HD15 + ld6+l:hp60;1AT
The walls of the area are painted in This door is similar to the one above, 1 (club); Dmg 4d6: THACO 7; AL CG;
bright. swirling colors and have phrases but has the words "Not 2B'' affixed to it. XP 7050; SA see above; SD see above.
like "Let it bee" and "We all live in a yel- Following the corridor leads back to area Sprout's only treasure is a small bird's
low submarine" scribbled all c>Ver the 13. It is possible for both doors to be eye opal worth 500 gp.
walls. Apile of black Cexible plates stands open at the same time, allowing charac-
in one comer. Small pieces of paper glued ters to see themselves down the passage Chauncey the Gardener: AC 10; MV
to the centers of each are labeled with and across the room. 12"; HD l ; hp 8; IAT 0 (noncombatant);
The Beatles, the Bugaloos. Buddy Holly Dmg 0: THACO 19; AL NG; XP 10; SA
The corridor serves no useful purpose. easily misunderstood: SD high charisma.
Chance retired here after a successful

77

term as president of the United States of Area 18: Deja Vu Areas 20 & 21: Boarded-Up
America. Nobody ever noticed his very Doors
low Intelligence because he 's so pleasant This door is the flip side of Door 13
to be with and looks so good on TV. ?.'orld from area 4. lf opened, the sign saying Both of the door s have been boarded
peace was finaUy achieved under his " Door 13" will be seen hanging from a up with signs saying "Closed because it's
steady hand. nail on the inside. Beyond the doorway is just plane Silly."
Egg, just waiting for some new contest-
The three peaceful beings will not at- ants. lf the party enters, they will be Area 22: A Raisin in the Sun.
tack unless provoked. Provocation in- shuffled immediately into their seats and
cludes picking any flowers, relieving will have to start aU over again. The party will set their sights on a
oneself on a hedlge or tree, making ridicu- beautiful tropical island, covered in lush,
Area 19: "Silly, Positively Silly." green palm trees and fine white sand. A
lous jokes about Mr. Green, etc. burning yellow sun rests in clear blue sky.
Beyond this door lies the most dreaded lf these ,colors don't look right to you, ad-
In one nearby clearing are the· remains land ever discovered, the plane of Silly and just the tint control knob on your left ear.
of three men, wearing tight satin clothing Unused M onsters. This is nerd monster A wooden sign on the bench near the
and piles of gaudy jewelry. A spear has doorway reads " Bee Ware." Beside the
been driven through each of their hearts, central. The achaierai, almi'raj's, asco- sign, in a big reclining multi-colored fabric
with a flag stating that " Disco is dead!" chair, is a large black blob wearing dark
flying in the breeze. One of thenn is hold- moids, atomies, axe beaks, basidironds, sunglasses. Its skin is wrinkled and it is
ing the remains of a smaU black plate. T he beribalangs, boggarts (not Humphrey, holding a taU glass fiUed with pieces of
stiU-legible writing says simply "Staying fruit and ice. It will not say anything un-
Alive!' The normaUy peaceful hip-bees though), boggles, boobries, bookas, brain less the party greets the strange crea-
are responsible for this attack, but will moles, brownies, bullywugs, bunyips, car- ture. Then it will tell them this, " I heard
it through the grapevine that you cats
claimthat it was in the best interest of the buncles, cerebral parasites, clubneks, den- were looking for the big queen. Look no
more. She's just behind those trees in
human race. zelians, diakka, dire corbies, ear seekers, her giant bee ship." It will not join the
In any case, !there are 16 gold chains party.
eblis (storkmen), envelopers, etter caps,
and amulets each worth 500-2,000 gp (if Marvin Grape (giant raisin): AC 8; MV
sold to people with tastes equally appaU- flail snails (m abundance), flumphs (prime 3", slow groove; HD 1 hp; KAT 2; Dmg
ing). If tastefully smelted down, the food source here), foo creatures. forlar- 4dl0/4dl0 (martial arts expert); THACO
items are worth 75% the previous value. 20; AL N; XP 300; SA martial arts
rens, fungi, galltrits, gibbering mouthers, punches if annoyed; SD mellow attitude.
At this point the DM should pick out gorbels, elemental grues, gryphs, generic M arvin has an aU-natural cool-dude drink
one character with a random die roll and herd animals, hoUyphants, intellect devour- in his hand.
increase the magical plus of one randomly
ers, jellies, jennlaine, khargras, killmoulis, The characters might believe they
chosen item on their person. U the play- have stepped into another world, on
ers ask why, tell them "because it's writ- larvas, luck eaters, mephits, minimals some mysterious desert isle. ActuaUy,
(make the party bigger), mites, modrons the trees are plastic, the sun is a perma-
ten in the module." nent customized continual light speU, and
As implied earlier, the beautiful field is a (except Primus), morkoths, myconids (fun- the balmy breezes and ocean smells

favorite place of the hip-bees and they are gus heads), norkers, opinicus, oozes, os- come from gust ofwind and illusion spells
usuaUy accompanied by hundreds of nor- quips, pech, pedipalpi, puddings, rust
monsters (who can respect acreature with cast by Big Bee.
mal, peace-loving bees flying harmlessly a propeller?), scarecrows, screaming The plane-shaped structure hidden be-
devilkins,slimes,snyads,solifugids,stench
about the flowers. kows, tasloi, thorks, thought eater s, hind the palm trees is in fact a plane. It is a
tiraphegs, triUochs, tweens, unplebies, ve-
Area 17: Nut ' n' Honey gepygmies, vulchlings, witherstenches, renovated B-52 bomber {B-52G to be
and xvarts all infest the oceans and lands of specific) now used as the secret head-
This door when opened will reveal a this seemingly endless plane. They are led quarters of the colony ~eadership. The
beautiful, finely crafted, blood-red brick body of It.he plane has been painted with
waU. As far as the character s dig, disinte- by a fat little nilbog. yellow and black stripes, while the nose
grate, or passwall through this waU, of the craft has t wo big bee-like eyes
there'll still be more bricks, in aU direc- M ost of these creatures have retired adorning it. A non-operational set of rear-
tions. This backfired experiment opens here due to lack of inter est, lack of seri- mounted guns has been modified to look
into the elemental plane of I nferior Con- ous fear portrayed by their enemies, or
struction Materials (B rick Department). outright contempt and humiliation. They
Since bees dislike bricks immensely, it eat rutabagas ( "the vanishing vegeta-
hasn't proved very useful. ble") and flumphs. They have the usual
chances for equally wimpy treasure
should the party be tthat desper ate.

78

like a stinger affixed to the tail of the fuse- party will be allowed in. dius, giant insect (x2, •even works on
lage. The B-52 has no landing gear and its The women carry no treasure and will large forms). cloak offear. spell immunity
belly is resting in the sand. The only en- (to lightning bolt), spell immunity (to
trance to the craft is at area 23. and the only squeal loudly if attacked. cone ofcold) , poison
DM should magically ward the walls of
the ship to prevent the party from enter- Area 24: Aunt Bee's Kitchen Level 5: animate dead monsters (x2),
ing anywhere other than here. Dame strike, insect plague, magic font,
The majority of the B-52's fuselage has
The DM should award 5,000 xp to the been stripped of all decks and equipment quest
first player who mentions that B-52s and now serves as the lair of Aunt Bee, Level 6: bee barrier (bees instead of
never flew in WWII (double it if discov- queen of bees. She rests in the north end
ered by a civilian). of the chamber constantly gorging herself blades), word of recall, heal (x2)
on royal jelly, pumped in from the wing Leve.I 7: unholy word
Area 23: "Smoking or tanks (see area 28). The smaller. almost
human form of Aunt Bee (as seen by the Royal Jelly Food Sac: AC 10; MV O";
Non-Smoking?" party in area 4) is attached lo a massive HD 100 hp; #AT 0: AL N; XP 500; SD
bloated yellow and black sac suspended
A large metal ramp leads up into the by cargo nets and connected to the royal royal jelly regenerates 12-135 (3d8 +3
rear of the strange metal bee-ship. Two jelly tanks via rubber hoses. She can de-
tightly clad wasp-women wearing silly lit- tach herself but loses the healing benefits times l d4+ 1) hit points per round on it-
tle hats are waiting at the top of the ramp. of the symbiosis if she does so (see be- self and Aunt Bee (when attached).
low). When complete, she looks like a gi-
Bar Bee and Bar Bee Cue (wasp- gantic bumblebee with a human head and Six black rubber tubes attach this semi-
women stewardesses): AC 4; MV 12"/ arms, beehive hairdo, small bee wings, intelligent blob to the royal jelly tanks in
21"; HD 4; hp 24, 21; #AT 0; Dmg 0: large bee eyes, and two antennae. the wing. Each tube is AC 6 and requires
THACO 15; AL N; XP 200 each~ SA high 20 points ofdamage to sever (blunt weap-
Charisma: SD high Charisma . These Aunt Bee: AC -8 (-5 w/o apron);
beauties serve Aunt Bee as handmaid- MV 12'' /24"; C18; hp99 (16 + HD); #AT ons do no damage, thrusting weapons do
ens. 1, staff; Dmg ld6; THACO 7; AL CE·; XP 10% damage). When all of the tubes have
14. 890 (148,900 if deity options used and been cut or the sac destroyed, the heal-
IJ the party climbs to the top of the killed on home plane); SA clerical spells. ing effects of the food sac will end after
ramp, the two creatures will greet the summon giant insects/bees (at will). tele-
party, take their hall passes, rip them in port (no error) once per day; SD spells. two rounds, leaving Aunt Bee vulnera-
half, give one half back to the party, point + 2 or better weapon to hit (or any ble. Until then, it is impossible to kill her
to the front of the plane and say, "Take weapon dipped in honey), regeneration with mere physical damage alone (as-
your seats, the captain will be with you in whe n attached to food sac, super- sume instant regeneration). Other spells
a moment. Thank you for flying Bee sensory antennae act like true seeing could still end her reign though.
Line." spell in 120"-radius sphere. impossible to
surprise. immunity to fire ; MR 60%. Aunt Bee was once a slightly batty, but
The party will enter to see eight Aunt Bee always wears a white apron of lovable, housekeeper for a famous sher-
leather-covered uncomfortable seats protection +3 (vs. fronlal attacks only). iff, Andy Taylor. One dlay the sheriffs
mounted along the walls, with a large DM 's option: give Aunt Bee full lesser son, Opey, showed his Aunt the descrip-
metal door in the northern wall. The door deity abilities (see Manual of the Planes tion of the royal jelly found in his Monster
is barred with a wall of force spell on the or Legends and Lore volumes), assigning Manual II (which he had just purchased
other side. During the party's wait, Aunt the Prime Material plane or the demi- with lunch money secretly extorted from
Bee will prepare for battle (if she has not plane of Flowers and Other Green Things other students).
already done so) and put on some lipstick (see area 16) as her home plane. Spells:
and rouge. Being rather naive about such things,
Level 1: command (x3). sanctuary, she believed that it would restore her al-
On a small table in the middle of the cure light wounds (x4) ready faded youth. She quickly became
room are 10 assorted magazines (circa addicted to the expensive substance and
1940) of the type found in doctors' of- Level 2: enthrall. withdraw, silence 15' ran away with a wealthy honey baron
fices. They are uninformative and use- radius, hold person (x3). chant, messen- from Texas. The slow transformation
less to the party. Antennae-like turned her into the creature she is now,
headphones have been provided for their ger doing anything for that "one quick fix."
listening enjoyment. Muzak versions of She killed the Texas baron, took over his
such completely anachronous tunes as Level 3: continual light, animate dead, hives, and began to draw a following.
"Let it Bee," " Be my Little Bay-Bee," cause blindness, cause disease, death 's Soon, she transported herself to this
and "Bay-Bee Love" are playing over plane where her activities would be less
and over again. After one boring tum, the door, dispel TT111gic (:x2) . curse noticed. After renting this property from
Level 4: protection from good, 10' ra- Mr. Wonk-Ah (see area 29) and disposing
of his body, she set about to rule the

world. or at least comer the market on
honey. The party is the only thing be-

79

lween her and a total monopoly. Bee's guardians, the enemies will lead plane. The gun shoots 60 little crimson
Aunt Bee is accompanied by her pet the rash characters right over the trap stingers every round. Treat this as a
breath w eapon attack that causes 60
and chief male conson. B .B . King. Both doors (area 27). Aunt Bee will then pull points of damage per round (save for half
are always protected by four drones (who damage) to any within its effect. It can
always lie to her about how beautiful she the leverjust to the right of her great bulk fire for five continuous rounds before re-
is) and an army of B-men soldiers. giant and send the party right back where they loading.
soldier honeybees, giant hornets, and gi- started from, loudly laughing at them as
ant wasps. As long as Striper remains alive, there
they fall away.
B.B. King (giant rare black hornet): is a 10% chance that any magical item
AC -2 in flight, 0 on ground; MV 24"; The immense amount of treasur e to be used, spell cast, or saving throw made by
HD 10; hp 80; #AT l; Dmg 2d6 plus poi- found here is not in the form of gold or the party will fail. All battles within 50
son; THACO 10; AL NE; XP 900: SA jewels, but in the form of the royal jelly.
poison, incapacitation. B.B. King is a Access to the jelly is through the rubber feet of the plane will be so affected . The
double-sized hornet.
tubes. Much of it will have drained out villains are not subject to the gremlin 's
Larry, Curly, Shep. and Moe drones unluck.
into the chamber (contaminated and ru-
(sturdy bumblebee cross-breeds): AC 2 ined), but tons of the stuff still fills the !fuel Striper speaks in meaningless phrases
with shields; MV 12" 124•; HD 7+4 ; hp tanks. Therefore, the treasure takes the like " Baker. Baker, 1. 9" and " This is
form of cosmetic value, or a lifetime sup- Roger. Do you copy?" which he picked up
60 each; IKf 2, sword and stinger; Dmg ply of extra-healing potions, as long as from the ex-crew members.
the party has space to carry them all.
l d8Jld4 plus poison: THACO 12: AL Area 26: Ceiling Pizza
NE; XP 1,000 each: SA long s word of After a careful search, the party will
find the remains of a body gooed to the This is what used to be the upper deck
stinging, +2 (see area 9). sting once with wall and filled with dozens of stinger holes of the cockpit for the craft (the lower
deck is filled with junk). Two B-men
poison. Each of these four stooges of and bites. Examination will reveal that it stand on lookout in here, through the lit-
Aunt Bee has a shield and a gold necklace tle holes in the giant insect eyes mounted
worth 5,000 gp. is the corpse of a middle-aged woman
with shon, permed brown hair. Metal to the nose of the plane. If the party fails
20 B-men soldiers (hornet half- plates on a chain around her neck (no
breeds): AC 0 in flight, 2 on ground; MV value) have the name Ripley engraved on to take adequate precautions. the B-men
12"/24"; HD 7; hp 56 each; IAT 2, gun them.
and stinger; Dmg see below and ld4 plus will alert the gunner in area 25 and the en-
poisons: THACO 13; AL NE: XP 530 Area 25: Red Rain tire force of the bee queen in area 24. An
each; SA poison and incapacitation as per ambush will be laid involving spells and
giant hornet. Each agent has a hall pass Atop the bomber is a turret emplace-
and a gun of honeyed globs (100). ment, manned by the only surviving crea- honey globs, while the gunner fires on
ture of the crash that brought the B-52 to
40 Giant Soldier Honeybees: AC 5; the already besieged party members.
MV 12" /30"; HD 4 +2; hp 34 each; KAT rest in this time (before it was physically There is no treasure in the cockpit.
l ; Dmg ld4 plus poison; T HACO 15; AL
N ; XP 370 each; SA sting once with poi- brought here). He is Striper, a strange lit- If the two B-men are attacked Crom
son that does 5d4 points of damage (2d4 if tle r eptilian cr eature known to modem within the ship and wounded , they will
save is successful} - victims are at -1 to science as a gremlin. Created by Japa- snicker loudly about their secret escape
save. nese alchemists early in the 20th century, chairs and then each will press a hidden
these litlle devils were respon sible for button-explosively launching them-
40 Giant Hornets: AC 2 in flight, 4 selves upward via two ejection seats.
more casualties than the entire Japanese However, the system is not completely
when setlled; MV24 " ; HD 5: hp40each; operational. as the roof will not open to
army during WWII. Most were killed in accommodate their egress. The sneaky
IAT 1: Dmg ld4 plus poisons; THACO the crashes they caused, but this little spies will be splattered upon the ceiling
15; AL N; XP 365 each: SA poison, inca- creep sent the entire plane through a like "street pizza" except in reverse.
pacitation time warp by sneezing during a bombing
run. The crew either died in the crash, 2 B-men (hornet half-breeds): AC 0 in
40 Giant Wasps: AC 4; MV 6" /21 " ; HD were killed by norkers (a great victory flight, 2 when settled: .MV 12" /24"; HD
4: hp 32 each: IAT 2: Omg 2d4/ l d4 plus celebrated every year), or went on to in- 7; hp 50 each; //AT 2, gun and stinger;
poison: T HACO 15; AL N; XP 448 each: vent disposable diapers. Dmg see below and ld4 plus poisons;
SA paralyzing poison
Striper the Gremlin: AC 4; MV 12" ; T HACO 13: AL NE; XP 500 each; SA
The great battle may be fought in here, HO 1: hp 4 each; #AT 3; Omg ld3/ ld3/ poison and incapacitation as per giant hor-
or out on the beach (if the party alerted ld6: THACO 19: AL C E: XP 300; SA un-
the whole place). The DM is encouraged luck power. net. Each agent has a hall pass and a gun
of honeyedglobs beneath his trench coat.
to barrage the party with aerial combat. He mans a convened machine gun,
flying spells, and blobs of goo.
with a full view of the area around the
If the party attempts to rush past Aunt

80

Area 27: Bomb Bay Area 29: Obligatory Secret per, one of the inventor 's many wonderful
Treasure Guarded By confections. It is a sweet piece of candy
This is the group of bomb bay doors The Equally Obligatory that changes fruity flavors once per tum
(treat as secr et trap doors) in the Ooor of New Monster and lasts forever. rt is made with Nutra-
sweet and does not promote cavities.
the main hold (area 24). If the lever in This is your typical secret treasure
area. 24 is pulled, they will drop open. re- vault hidden behind your typical secret Mr. \yonk-Ah sold strange properties

vealing a magnificent view of Bombay ?oor. It contains typical random magical on the side to support his habit for invent-
ing. He was killed because he knew too
from 20,000 feet in the air (circa 1940). items (to make up for the ridiculous lack much. He knew the bee queen's plans
of treasure the party has been subjected and where she was based-after all he
The plane appear s to be circling over this had rented her the property. There is a
landscape at over 600 mph and winds and to~. The DM should choose items appro- group o,f litUe orange men staying near
sweet scents will rush up through the the castle who have offered a r eward of
open bay doors. pnate to the performance of the party. three golden tickets for ·the return of his
There are two atypical things in here. body. After a little starch and a bubble
The party might believe that this is an bath, he'll be as good as new, and offer
illusion, but is another one of Aunt Bee's The always expected obligatory new the party a tour of his candy factory (no
monster and a mysterious body. free samples) as a reward .
failed gate spells. lf the party jtumps (or
falls) through here, they will ex.it this Obligatory New M onster: The statis- Area 30: Bare Aspiring.
tics for this creature depends on the won-
dungeon level (editor 's choice as to finaJ Three haJf nude and starving men are
destination, bul best to make it some- derful AD&D® game monster to be lying here, close to death. T hey are
where in or near Greyhawk Castle or mutated here. The DM should chose a fa- grossly dehydrated and cannot speak.
dungeon). Unknown to the party, Aunt
Bee, or the residents of Bombay, a gate vorite hostile monster (or roll randomly Death will come in 1d4 turns to each man
centered above the city leads directly on . whateve~ table he wishes-aJways
back to this world. This is indeed the only trying to avoid any of the stupid monsters .1!unless the party helps them.
way out of the hive except through the in- listed in area 19), and then decide which healed, each man claims to be a phy-
terplanar doorways of this level. trait or traits have been changed (ld4 s1c1an stranded on this desert isle by
variations possible). Bandwagon, god of truth in advertising.
The bomb bay doors can be closed Indeed, each man can bind wounds on
again by returning the lever to its pre- 1. Color (stripes, etc.) others and set sprains and broken bones,
vious position. Because of the enchant- 2. Size ( + /-1-100%) ~ut none of the men have any real cura-
3. Hom s (yes/no) tive spells or even bloodletting tools
ments placed upon the region. there will 4 . Casts a random magic-user spell (marks of true healers) . They have no
treasure, but each carries a small bottle
be no explosive decompression when the once per round ofwhite tablets which they will try toped-
door s ar e opened. dle as "wonder drugs." l1f swallowed, the
5. Immune to physical damage (made
Area 28: The Flight of the pills can relieve the minor muscle aches
Bumblebees of rubber)
6. Armor Class ( + /-2) felt by fighter-types after a good hack-
These two wings are still strongly at- and so on.... and-slash, or the throbbing head of a
tached to the fuselage and in relatively rnage after casting any spell over fifth
good condition. Instead of fuel in their in- T he monster s ar,e in all respects the
temaJ tanks. they contain gallons upon level. There are 100 tablets in each light-
gallons of royal jelly. The jelly has been same as those found in the AD&D
deposited here regularly by the queen's weight container. Because of their unu-
followers and is constantly purified by game. but are often used to replace crea- sual properties, the tablets are worth 10
spells. It is extremely valuable for cos- tivity in role playing tried and true mon- gp each to an interested alchemist.
metic purposes and for its medk inaJ
sters. The OM should have a red neon 3 Ph}•sicians: AC 10; MV l " crawl; Cl
properties (see area 24 and Monster O; hp 4 (max). 1 due to depleted condi-
Manual II, p. 17). The jelly is fed to the sign attached to the back of the cr eature tion; llA.T 1, knives only: Dmg variable;
wh.ich reads ''I'm this adventure's obliga: THACO 21; AL NG: XP 10; SA big
queen via metal pipes and rubber hoses.
.Each of the fo~r sets of two engines tory new monster. Kick me!" Obligatory words ca~se confusion, high Dexterity,
new monsters have no treasure in this and Intelligence: SD healing proficiency.
(eight total) hanging benealh the wings
contains 10 baby bumblebees. They con- adventure.
stantly pretend the plane is in the air and The mysterious body is that of a man
hum the melody of Rimsky K orsakov's
" Flight of the Bumblebees." They are dressed in a purple tuxedo with acrushed
noncombatant and have no treasure.
top hat. He was stung repeatedly and has
been dead for months. A business card in

his upper shirt pocket reads ''Wile E.

Wonk-Ah. lnc.. broker and inventor." In
his left pants pocket is a small multi-

colored rock. It is an everlastinggobstop-

81



oriMMllPnleovceol l8o: nelks1nqs

Encounter Setting inevitable domination of the Market by further. There are six regular orders and
King Burger, and they serve that cause. two extra crispy.
In this level of the Greyhawk Dungeon, The Countertops, in trying to disrupt that
the intrepid adventurers find themselves service, have several strategies. The lat- 6 Cockatrices: AC 6; MV 6" /18"; HD
in the midst of a covert war between est ones are to infiltrate King Burger's 5; hp 24; llAT 1; Dmg ld3; THACO 15;
Colonel Sandpaper and King Burger. ranks with Chicken Tenders trained by SA Petrification; AL N.
Colonel Sandpaper, and to flood the Mar-
The situation may be summarized as ket with free-willed soft drink refill ele- 2 Pyrolisks: AC 6; HD 4 + 3; hp 26
follows: mentals. each; llAT l; Dmg ld4; THACO 15; SA
Gaze causes victim to explode into flames
Colonel Sandpaper has been using his Again, the player characters are ad- (instant death)-successful saving throw
terroristic cockatrice minions (available vised to simply watch out for their own vs. petrification reduces this to ldl2+1
in extra crispy as well as traditional rec- skins. Taking sides in the conflict is not points of damage; SD immune to fire; AL
ipe) to make sandstone statues of inno- recommended, as most intellectuals and NE.
cent passers-by. These are then ground gourmets agree that the Countertops are
up and made into sandpaper. The sandpa- at least as greasy and unappetizing as These beasts' primary task is to make
per is then diverted to supply the Coun- King Burger himself. statues that may then be ground up and
tertop Rebels, who are struggling against made into sandpaper; therefore the pyro-
Encounter Key lisks refrain from using their gaze attack.
the autocratic regime of King Burger by If however, they seem to be faced with a
wearing away at Iris Profits. Web of Intrigue powerful group (this means going two
consecutive rounds of combat without
But there are dangers for Colonel This magical curtain of sticky strands turning a PC to stone), the pyrolisks will
Sandpaper. General Public has been surrounds the operations of Colonel make full use of their incinerating gazes.
pleasantly oblivious, beyond the Veil of Sandpaper. It is a permanent, specially
Secrecy that hides from him the Web of modified web (as the spell). Any charac- Area 2: Secretary
'Intrigue, passing the time eating pop- ter who is in direct physical contact with it
corn. But if a leak is made and a kernel of for more than one round must roll a suc- In the center of this brightly-lit room is
truth is slipped through the curtain, the cessful saving throw vs. spell or develop a desk. Behind it sits a comely young
General , angered by the deception, woman, perhaps in her mid-20s. She
might seek a more truthful colonel to re- paranoia (see DMG, p. 84). The Web is introduces herself: "Hello, I'm Tela
place Sandpaper. In the words of Col. Vision, the Colonel's secretary and re-
Sandpaper to his secretary and appren- partially resistant to fire; if set aflame, ap- ceptionist. Do you have an appoint-
tice, Tela Vision, " It would not be finger- proximately 10 feet of it burns before the ment?"
lickin' good." The Colonel would then fire dies out. It can, of course, be relit.
have to have his cooks generate some The Web's enchantments prevent view- Light in this room. as in others on the
sympathy to regain the General's favor. ing by Astral color pool of the area inside; level (except the maze, area 8), is pro-
(Sympathy is a type of dinner roll, the pri- however, ethereal creatures can pass vided by glass tubes attached to the ceil-
through. ing, upon which have been cast
mary ingredients of which are shredded permanent continual light spells. Tela,
player characters and kernel of truth.) Besides crossing areas 1and4, the ~b the Colonel's protege, is loyal and dili-
fills a narrow passage that runs around gent. Nonetheless, she's having second
The player characters' objective is most of this level. The height of the pas- thoughts about the Sandpaper Affair. The
simply to get through this level alive. sage varies between 3 1/2 and 12 feet. Any- business about the Countertop Rebels
This is best accomplished by not getting one traveling through the area has a 1 in 20 also concerns her.
entangled in the Web of Intrigue. They'll chance per 10 feet traveled of being at-
have enough trouble with the Colonel try- tacked by a pair of phase spiders. She chats with the characters, and idly
ing to shred them into coleslaw, cocka- toys with the beans on her abacus. She
trices trying to get them stoned, and 2 Phase Spiders: AC 7; MV 611 •15"; asks whether they'd prefer a morning or
cooks trying to gert them baked into din- HD 5+5; hp 45 each; llKf 1; Dmg l d6; afternoon hearing with the colonel, and
ner rolls. (Despite the references to get- THACO 13; SA poison (save at -2); SD should General Public be there? Are they
ting "stoned" and "baked;' it is generally shift out of phase; AL N. interested perhaps in commissioning a
believed that the Colonel isn't involved in tower, since the Colonel has access to a
the drug trade.) Area 1: And You Thought lot of stone for construction? The barrage
Salmonella Was Bad of such shop talk willl probably go way
The realm of King Burger makes up over the heads of the bewildered adven-
dungeon level 8. Here the player charac- Just beyond the Web is a contingent of turers.
ters encounter the Countertop Rebels, the Colonel's crack troops, cockatrices
who struggle against King Burger and his waiting to ambush any who would pass
mystical Profits. The Profits predict the

83

Scale: 1 Square = 10 Feet

Then she'll spill the beans. The abacus second time, Tela will have been re- Area 4: The Veil of Secrecy
falls, shattering and making an awful clat- placed. The Colonel learned of her
treachery and decided to have her petri- This normal-looking curtain ofcloth is a
ter, as Tela sobs her confession and begs fied and brought to the sandpaper pro- powerful magical cloaking device. When
for the characters' assistance. duction room (area 10) to await use in the functioning, it creates a magical curtain
next batch. around a prescribed area. This barrier's
A few hours ago, she made a leak to effects apply to those oo both sides of it.
General Public. With the Veil of Secrecy To fill Tela's post until a permanent sec- Scrying devices, spells and effects, such
thus broken, it's only a matter of time be- retary can be found, Sandpaper will have as clairaudience, clairvoyance, crystal
fore trouble comes. What must be done. hired Bunny. She is tall, gorgeous, scant- balls, ESP, telepathy, and x-ray vision
she explains, is the kernel of truc.h must ily clad, bat-winged, and has the most al- cannot penetrate the barrier. Neither can
be slipped to General Public. luring, delicate litUe horns and fangs; she the area protected be viewed by astral or
is, in a word, a succubus. Bunny was, in
She then takes out that magical com fact, Tela's predecessor, but she was re- ethereal beings, nor can such beings pass
kernel from a desk drawer, presents it to lieved of the post because she kept se- the Veil to materialize beyond it. (This
a PC, and hurries the party through the ducing the Colonel's business partners
and clients-with disastrous financial and means, of course, that characters who
south door (using her suggestion spell to personal results. Bunny has a special tal- enter those planes from within the Veil's
encourage them, if necessary). "You'll ent for helping visitors pass the time plea- area would not be able to move else-
have to fight your way past the guards surably while waiting for an appointment where in those planes until the Veil was
and through the Web of Intrigue first,'' with the colonel. lifted.) In a similar vein, spells such as
Tela comments as she slams and locks the blink, dimension door. gate. and teleport
door behind them. Bunny (succubus): AC O; MV 12" /18"; cannot transport beings or objects across
HD 6; hp 48: NAT 2; Dmg ld3/ld3: the curtain . Finally, the Veil itself is
The kernel of truth is the size and ap· THACO 13; SA energy drain. darkness soundproof and totally opaque.
pearance of a normal com kernel. It
glows bright red whenever a lie is told 5' r. , charm person, ESP, clairaudience. Beyond the 'kil lives General Public.
within 30 feet of it. If the proper com- the official ruler ofthis level. The General
mand words are known, the kernel can suggestion. shapechange (to humanoid leaves all the administrative details to his
also be used to store information or carry form of roughly same size only), gate assistant, Colonel Sandpaper, and spends
messages: The user speaks the correct (40% chance of success, type IV (70%) , his time relaxing. eating popcorn , and
incantation, then states the information type VI (25%) or lord/prince (5%): SD watching programmed illusions. Insu-
into it, and says another command to turn + l or better weapon to hit, ethereal- lated by the Veil ofSecrecy, he is blissfully
it off. Still other commands cause the ker- ness, releport no error: MR 70%; AL oblivious to what has been happening be-
nel to recite the information it carries. CE. yond the Web of Intrigue.
The kernel will oot record any statement
that is false at the time it is spoken. The Area 3: Guards But only a few hours before the charac-
kernel can retain up to 90 minutes of in- ters' arrival, Sandpaper's secretary (see
formation, and currently holds (in Tela 's A trio of extra crispies have orders to area 2) came and cut a hole in the Veil.
voice) details of Colonel Sandpaper's op- keep everyone away from the living room disrupting its magic. lf the characters
erations. of General Public. (Tela was able to get met her and received the kernel of truth,
past the guards and the Web by using oil they might slip it through the tear in the
Ifassaulted, Tela defends herself to the cloth. In this way, all of the drama will
best of her abilities. o f etherealness.) have been brought right into the living

Tela Vision (human illusionist): AC O; 3 Pyrolisks: AC 6; HD 4 + 3; hp 35 room of the General Public, by Tela Vi-
MV 12"; I 7; hp 30; NAT 1; Dmg ld4 + 3; each; NAT l ; Dmg ld4; THACO 15; SA sion.
gaze causes victim to explode into flames
THACO 16; SA & SD Spells, ring; AL (instant death)- successful saving throw Public will pick up the kernel, learn in-
LN; ST 11; IN 17; WI 12; DE 18; CO 15; vs. petrification reduces this to ldl2 +1 stantly of Sandpaper's covert operation,
CH 17; Possessions: bracers of defense points of damage; SD immune to fire: AL and fly into a rage over the deception.
AC 4, dagger +3, ring offire resistance; He'll tear down the Veil, stomp past the
Spells and cantrips memorized: blur. NE characters, and fly to lhe Colonel to have
a little man-to-ogre mage chat.
chromatic orb, color spray, fascinate, Wrapped up in the Web just beyond this
area is some treasure: a backpack full of In order to regain the General 's favor,
haze, mask, mirage, mirror image, para- platinum (300 pp) and a beautiful necklace the colonel will have lo cook up some
(gold decorated with platinum wire and sympathy-and the PCs are the primary
lyzation, rainbow . spook. 15 emeralds of various sizes and shapes, ingredient. For the full recipe, see area 7.
Tela's spell books are kept in her desk depicting fl owers and leaves) worth
15,750 gp.
(locked, of course). The spell books con-
tain those spells memorized. plus contin-
ual light, hypnotism, and read illusionist

magic.

If the characters come to this room a

85

Area 5: Living Room Area 6: Hall of the Faun trices and pyrolisks, and the sociology
and unique powers of the Countertop off-
This large chamber is comfortably and This is a normal-looking hallway, 50 shoot of the svirfneblin race. He explains
luxuriously furnished with plush carpet- feet long with a door at the end. Half- that this information was only accessible
ing, soft couches. reclining chairs, foot- way along is a perfectly-sculpted, life- through covert operations, and protests
stools. an oak cabinet, and several small sized statue of a satyr. that, appearances aside, all Profits were
tables made of exotic wood. On the tables used for humanitarian purposes only, and
are oil lamps, bowls of popcorn, half- The hapless satyr stumbled out of a he was chiefly concerned in observing
drained mugs of warm beer, and back is- plane-shifting wardrobe one day, right and recording the situation.
sues of such magazines as Town & into the reach of Sandpaper's sandstoning
Castle, lnterdimensional Geographic, solicitors. Following their pecking or- Clerics (the Devout Believer ap-
Wars lllustrated, and Better Lairs & ders, the cockatrices petrified the bewil- proach): The room is adorned as the
Dungeons. Various tapestries, rugs, and dered fellow. To commemorate the odd shrine of a deity worshiped by party
paintings hang on the walls. These depict occasion. the Colonel decided to use the
General Public. his family, and relatives. new faun statue as a hall decoration. members. Sandpaper, in priestly garb,
e xplains that he has been bringing faith
Jn the center of the room is a huge If returned to flesh, the satyr will bab- and hope to the Countertops, and waging
(100-pound) glass cube. By mental com- ble about how four thrones must have a holy war against the infidel King Burger.
mand, the cube can depict any of several been filled, sing about the loveliness of
dozen programmed illusions. As charac- springtime and some lion being back in Thieves (the Economic Pioneer ap-
ters enter, the one playing is " The town, and then run off in search of the proach): The room appears to be an afflu-
nearest interdimensional wardrobe. e nt merchant's office. The .merchant
Brownie Bunch"- a light-hearted docu- himself, Sandpaper, explains that the ec-
drama depicting dragons devouring di- Area 7: Headquarters onomic effects of the Countertop Affair
minutive demi-humans. have been profoundly advantageous to
This room is, of course, Colonel Sand- the General Public. As to the ethical side
Unless the kernel of truth was slipped paper's headquarters. of the Burge r Wars-well, this is all free
to him (see areas 2 and 4), General Public enterprise. As a corporate raider, Sand-
will be here, and will engage intruders in The true form of this room is plain and paper is of course a necessary part of the
combat. virtually unadorned. (The only real ob- capitalistic system.
jects to be found here are Sandpaper's
General Public (extra-strength non- spell books; these are kept in a wall niche The PCs most likely will have abso-
aspirin ogre mage): AC 2; MV 9" /15"; hidden by a permanent illusion). lutely no idea of what Sandpaper is talking
HD 10 +4; hp 84; llAT l ; Dmg 2dl2 ; about, but that's OK. The objective is to
T HACO 10; SA Fly, invisibility, darkness The room is enchanted to respond to confuse them and get them off their
Sandpaper's will and appear as the Colo- guard, so Sandpaper can face them in
1n r., polymorph seU to humanoid form, nel desires. The appearance that the
Colonel chooses will depend on the com- combat on his own terms.
charm person, sleep, cone of cold (Dmg position of the party. Since he wants to Colonel Sandpaper (human illusionist):
8d8); SD assume gaseous form. regener- choose a decor that will appeal to the ma-
ate 2 hp/round; AL LE jority. the general class that the party AC -3; MV 12"; D 26; hp 51; llAT l;
composition leans toward most deter- Dmg; THACO 11; SA & SD Spells, de-
The room's furnishings are valuable. mines the room's appearance and the vices; AL LE; ST 16; IN 18; WI 13; DE
but also extremely bulky (they 're ogre colonel's actions: 18; CO 15; CH 17; Possessions: bracers
mage-s ized). If somehow transported of defense AC 3, ring of protection + 2;
and sold , perhaps 50,000 gp could be gar- Fighter (the Loyal Soldier approach): Spells memorized: alter self, chaos,
nered. The 12 tapestries, rugs, and The room appears as spartan barracks, chromatic orb, continual darkness, con-
paintings are each worth 2d4 x 100 gp. and Sandpaper seems to be a warrior in tinua/ light, dancing lights, darkness,
full battle dress. He describes his opera- deafness, delude, demi-shadow magic,
Inside the oak cabinet are treasures tions as a quest to serve the greater glory demi-shadow monsters, dispel exhaus-
more suited to the mobility of player of the General Public, and besides that. tion, dispel magic, hallucinatory terrain,
characters: 27 assorted gems (five are he was only following orders. hypnotic pattern, hypnotism, major crea-
base 10 gp value, three are base 50. tion. mass suggestion, maze, misdirec-
seven are base 100, six are base 500, Magic-Users (the Seeker of Knowl- tion, permanent illusion, phantasmal
four are base 1,000, and two are base edge approach): The room appears to be killer, phantom armor, phantom wind,
5,000). 17 flasks (six oil, three unholy a combination alchemy laboratory and re- prismatic spray, prismatic wan, pro-
search library. Wearing a white apron grammed illusion, projected image, rain-
water. one oil of slipperiness, and seven over a professor's gown, Sandpaper be- bow pattern , shades, shadow monsters.
poLions : extra-healing, giant control. gins a lecture on the ecology of cocka- shadow walk, solid fog, spectral force,
growth. healing (2). and poison). and an summon shadow, ultravision, ventrilo-

efreeti bottle.

86

quism, vision, wall of fog. weird, whis- to them in l dlO rounds. fog, wraithform.
pering wind. 3 Berbalangs: AC 6; MV 6" /24"; HD Paperwork carries no treasure and is

If at all possible, Sandpaper will seek to l + 1; hp 9 each; KAT 3; Dmg ld4/ ld4/ really concerned with nothing but main-
neutralize party members. He can then ld6; THACO 18; AL CE taining the maze and producing sandpa-
make them into sympathy, General Pub- per. He fights only to defend himself, and
lic's favorite dish. The recipe consists of 4. Criminally insane-one beholder: even then prefers to Oee or hide. Other-
shredded paper and player character, AC 0/2/7: MV 3": hp 75: IKf 1: Dmg wise, he ignores all passers-by.
sawdust, and kernel of truth. 2d4: THACO 7: SA charm person. charm
monster. sleep, telekinesis, petrificac.ion. Area 10: Sandpaper Production
Area 8: Maze of Paperwork disintegration, fe;u; slow, cause serious
wounds, death ray; SD anti-magic ray; This is a very cluttered room. A most
Actually, Paperwork lives in the Shred- AL LE
ding Room (area 9), but he is in charge of bizarre creature is in the center. It
maintaining the maze. Here in the maze The OM should check for these en- consists of two main parts: one is a cu-
one has random encounters with the counters whenever he feels like it, having bic metal box. 10 feet on each side.
Irate, Confused, Comatose and Crimi- the party run into one of them on a roll of
nally Insane-each dealing with the maze 1 on ld6. Each should be used only once. This box is featureless, except for a
thin horizontal slit across the middle of
in their own manner. A sample encounter Area 9: Shredding Room one face. A tangle of slime-dripping
tubes connects the box to a giant, de-
list follows: This room is dominated by a giant, monic head, which is supported by a
metal monster that puffs steam and metal tripod. The head is covered with
1. Irate: Tronsuth the pit fiend is. lo makes hideous. screeching noises. knobs and horns. glistening with ooze.
Out of what appears to be a mouth and has a vast. gaping maw. I ts slitted.
say the least, irked to have recently been comes a stream of shredded rubbish, serpentine eyes blink at you suspi-
placed in this deYil-forsaken dungeon as a which falls into a large vat. The mon- ciously.
prank, and he'd like to express his feel- ster seems to have another mouth on
ings in a most graphic and violent manner top of it; a gnome is dumping a bucket Scattered around the room are
to anyone he meets. of paper into this. The gnome seems many sandstone statues of people and
oblivious to your presence, since he monsters. There are also sever al
Pit Fiend: AC - 3; MV 6" / 15" ; HD 13; pays you no attention as he runs small stacks of sandpaper.
hp 85; llAT 2; Dmg ld4 +41ld6 +6; around, examining knobs and protru-
THACO 9; SA constriction, pyrotech- sions of the metal behemoth. The monster/machine is simply called
nics. produce Oame. wall of fire. poly- the Sandpaper Producer, for lack of a bet-
morph self. hold person. gate (70% The monster is a shredding machine- ter name. It is very stupid and of uncer-
success: ld3 barbed devils (60%) or one purely mechanical, steam-operated, and tain ancestry. The Colonel finds it useful,
pit fiend (40%). symbol of pain, radiate non-sentient. The gnome is named Pa- however, because of its curious diet and
perwork. Paperwork feeds raw materials excrement. U fed a correct diet (and it
fear in 20'r.: SD detect magic & invisible. into the shredder, which reduces them to must be fed: though possessing a vora-
thin strips that are then used for sandpa- cious appetite, the monster is unable to
regenerate 2 hp/ round: MR 65%; AL LE per production (see area 10). The shred- move and acquire its own food) of sand-
2. Confused: This is a gr oup of five fire der can also be used on PCs (it does SdlO
points of damage per round to any cr ea- stone and shredded paper, it will digest
giants who had been fighting a pleasant ture placed in it). in preparation for mak-
little war in Gladsheim when POOF! they ing sympathy. those substances and. after ld4 hours,
found themselves miniaturized to the excrete a magical waste product (from
height of four feet and transported across Paperwork (gnome thief/illusionist): the box) that in appearance most closely
the planes to this dungeon. Needless to AC -1 ; MV 6"; T 15/18; hp 65; IAT l ; resembles sandpaper. Ucrumpled up into
say, they are quite bewildered. and would Dmg ld6+2 ; THACO 14; SA & SD a ball, this can be used as a weapon- if
like very much lo physically express their Spells. thieves' abilities: AL LN : ST 14 , hurled against something (it can be
confusion and frustrations to anything LN 19, WI , 13, DE 18, CO 17, CH 10; thrown up to 30 feel). it explodes in a
that comes their way. Despite their size, Possessions: leather armor +3, ring of cloud of tiny mineral particles. The con-
they fight as normal fire giants. Each car- cussion of the explosion <loes 2d8 points
ries a total of approximately 3,000 gp in protection +2, dagger +2 longtooth;
coins, gems. jewelry. furs. etc. of damage to those within 10 feet of the
Spells: blur. color spray, dancing lights,
5 Fire giants: AC 3: MV 12": HD fog doud, gaze reflection, invisibility, point of impact (successful saving throw
11 +5; hp 62 each; #AT 1: Dmg 5d6; rainbow pattern, spectral force, wall of vs. petrification for half damage). The
THACO 10; SD immune to fire; AL LE. cloud of particles obscures vision (as if a

3. Comatose: Three berbalangs, in as- "ralJ offog20 feet on a side) until it settles
tral trances, are found leaning against a

wall in yoga positions. If their bodies are

disturbed, the creatures' psyches return

87

(in 2d4 rounds). lar organization, there are tables, ov- Most of the room's 52 rats are of the
Sandpaper producer: AC 0; MV Nil; ens, stoves, pots, pans, kettles, bar-
rels and crates of food and drink. racks normal variety; but seven are giant rats
(head)/5 (tubes)/-10 (box); HD 30: hp of various utensils (mostly for cook-
ing), a couple of maces and flails. meat and three more are wererats. The were-
240 (head: 80, tubes: 40, box: 120); NAT cleavers (including a halberd), forks
l ; Dmg: 10d6; THAC02, butcanonlyat- (not military). and a bastard sword. rats infiltrated the level only recently;
around which is laced a string of pop- they are spies for King Burger.
tack something that comes within three pies.
feet of its mouth; SD corrosive ooze on 42 Ordinary Rats: AC 7; HD 1/4: hp 2
head and tubes inflicts 3d8 damage to Strewn all about are such foods as each; #AT l; Dmg 1; THACO 21; SA dis-
flesh that touches it and ruins nonmagical worm-infested meat, moldy bread,
object s. regenerates 5 hp/round (even if and overripe fruit. There's also plenty ease (30 % chance to be carrier); AL N
reduced to 0 hp or lower, like a troll) ex- of sawdust, various partially-emptied
cept electrical damage; MR 50%; AL N containers of alcoholic beverages, and 7 Giant Rats: AC 7; HD 112; hp 4 each;
an occasional page tom from a recipe
The Sandpaper Producer cannot initi- book and decorated with scribbled ob- IAT l; Dmg ld3; THACO 21; SA disease
ate hostilities, since it is immobile. How- scenities. Everything is covered with
ever, it will not hesitate to bite something grime, and many rats scurry around, (60% chance to be carrier); AL N(E)
that comes too close. eyeing newcomers warily.
3 Wererats: AC 6: HD 3+1; hp 25
There are a total of 40 sheets of sand- I nside the cauldron. which is being each; /ltrr l; Dmg l d8; THACO 16; SA
paper stored here, awaiting shipment to used as a primitive hot tub, are the cooks:
the Countertops. Nothing else here is of three annis and a night hag. These evil surprise on 1-4, control rats; SD silver or
significant value. she-monsters actually can prepare good
meals for Colonel Sandpaper and his + 1 or better magical weapon to hit; AL
Area 11: Treasure Cache staff, but they are less than tidy house-
keepers. They feed the cockatrices (area LE
For those determined (or stupid) 13) whatever they sweep up off the floor.
enough to hack their way through the which occasionally includes a rat or two. In all likelihood, the party will engage in
Web of Intrigue. here's a prize. A special thrill for the cooks is to bake
such delicacies as sympathy, one of Gen- melee with the cooks soon after entering
Outside the Web. as if a bubble of air eral Public's favorites. They also like to
cook for themselves any nonresident the kitchen. The wererats will observe
blown in the solid rock, is this r oughly creature that they find on this level.
on the sjde: if it seems that the PCs are
spherical, 24-foot-diameter room. It is 3 Annis: AC 0; 110 7+12; hp 60 each; destined to win, the wererats will com-
NAT 3; Omg ld8+8/ ld8+812d4+1 : mand the giant and ordinary rats to fight
filled with a huge pile of rich treasure: THACO 12: SA grappling; SD fog cloud, on the cooks' side, because powerful ad-
the sight of gold. silver. gems and change self, -1 dmg from edged
finely crafted jewelry delights your weapons/ + 1 dmg from blunt weapons. venturers are a threat worse than cooks
wonder-filled gazes. MR 100% vs. illusion/phantasm only: AL
CE who were under surveillance anyway.
The treasure consists of 5,000 cp, The wererats will themselves avoid com-
6,000 sp, 3,000 ep. 4.000 gp. six base Night Hag: AC 9; HD 8; hp 64; IAT 1; bat if at all possible, preferring to follow
500 gp gems, eight pieces of jewelry the party as it progresses through the
worth a total of 15.6 14 gp, a potion ofex- Dmg 2d6; THACO 12; SA magic missile
tra healing, and a scroll of protection from (3/day; Dmg 2d8), ray of enfeeblement dungeon. Then. at some opportune time
petrification. (3/day), know alignment. polymorph sell.
gate type I demon or barbed devil (50%/ (on this level or elsewhere) they will
lf the phase spiders haven't been en· 50%; 50% chance of success); SD ethe·
countered (see Web of Intrigue) they will realness, project astrally, silver or iron or spring an ambush.
come here to attack characters sorting + 3 or better weapon to hit, immune to
through the hoard. sleep , charm. fear. fire. cold; MR 65%; The halberd among the utensils is a + 2
AL NE; carries a penapt for astral travel
Area 12: Kitchen (see M onster Manual, p. 73). magical weapon. The en1lowered sword

This SO-foot-square room is appar· is a specially cursed/enchanted weapon:
ently a kitchen. though a terribly
messy one. What grabs your attention Its magic is meant to keep it from ever
most is a huge cauldron in the center hitting a target, but if a particularly able
of the room. Also. without any particu- and lucky character uses it, it may hit.
and for devastating effects. lf the ad-

justed hit roll (i .e., with Strength bo-

nuses and so on) is 22 or higher, the

sword will hit a target of any Armor

Class, and will inflict 5d6 hit points of

damage. On any lower roll, the sword will
miss (even if the target is AC 10!). For
purposes of characters requiring magical

weapons to be hit, the en1lowered sword

is treated as a + 5 weapon, though it has

no bonuses for hit rolls or damage.

Additional treasure is to be found in one

of the ovens: 3,000 pp, 20 base 500 gp

gems, and three flasks of oil (Nystul's
magic aura has been placed on one).

88

Area 13: Flying the Coop Area 14: Chicken Tender The Profits, on the one hand, claim to
Training Ground
On the door LO this room is posted the be the manifestation of progress. They
following notice. This room is very large- 70 feet by 50 believe progress is inevitable, and there-
fore they will emerge victorious by virtue
WARNING: This room contains pyro- feet-and entirely empty. It is part of Sand- of the inexorable process of history.
lisks and cockatrices, which may make Many Profits are spellcasters, since their
you smoke, stone you, and otherwise paper's latest scheme to aid the Counter- ideology favors the cerebral and arcane.
be hazardous to your health. top insurrection. He is working on creating They symbolize civilization and progress,
but at the price of innocence and purity;
(Signed) C. Everett, Coop Surgeon, "chicken tenders," special cockatrices who
General Public's friend the gain of organization comes \\~th the
will infiltrate the ranks of King Burger's
The room beyond is indeed filled with Profits. The tenders are trained in this loss of individuality. This is illustrated by
the bird-monsters and their nests. There room, but it is not in use at the moment. the fact that, though of diverse racial ori-
are presently 12 cockatrices and eighl gins, all become little more than numbers
pyrolisks here. The Market when grouped as Profits.

12 Cockatrices: AC 6; HD 5; hp 23 This is the vast, natural cavern of this On the other hand. Countertops are
level. Most of it is covered with thick for- long-lived and virtually unchanging, al-
each; IAT 1; Dmg ld3; THACO 15; SA ests of fungi. There are many and varied most part of the Market itself; they are
species, from slime molds to tall, stalk- closer to material things (hence their dru-
petrification; AL N like growths, as well as giant and normal idic power s). Disorganized, brutal, and
8 Pyrolisks: AC 6; HD 4 +3; hp 21 mushrooms. Characters may be tempted impulsive, civilization and culture are
to ingest some of the fungi; if they do. roll alien concepts to them. They represent
each; #AT l ; Dmg 2d4; THACO 15; SA l d12 to deLermine the effects (which ap- the darker side of nature: violence,
chaos. and uncontrolled power.
gaze causes victim to explode into names pear after 2d4 rounds):
(instant death)-successful saving throw 1. Curative: Will restore ld4 hit points It is perhaps ironic that Colonel Sand-
vs. petrification reduces to ldl2+1 paper. who is so like the Profits. is aiding
to a wounded character. the Countertops, but such are the quirks
points of damage; SD immune to fire; AL 2-9. Edible: No special effecls. of politics.
10. Poisonous: Causes 2d8 points of
NE Countertop Rebels
damage (save for half).
The monsters are not immediately 11. Laxative: Character effectively in- These insurgents are in fact a peculiar
hostile to intruders-they usually know offshoot of the deep gnome, or svirfneblin,
better than to indiscriminately slay those capacitated for ld8 turns. race. They are to be treated as svirfneblin
who feed and care for them , but they 12. Hallucinogenic: For possible ef-
don't know enough to tell a party of ad- (see FCEND FOLIO • tome for descrip-
fects. see basidirond (MM2. p. 15).
venturers from their caretakers. U char- tion), with the following modifications:
The fungi forests provide a haven for Alignment is neutral with chaotic ten-
acters attack the pyrolisks and the Countertops. and for this reason King
cockatrices or try to take any of their Burger is having them cut down. dencies.
treasure, however, they will be assaulted Countertops may not be illusionists;
without hesitation. The landscape is also adorned with
stalagmites of all sizes. Some huge ones they may, however. be druids, and they
The monsters' treasure is kept in their actually connect with stalactites. forming excel in this field as well as their
nests. Gathered together. it totals 1,318 limestone pillars that rise from Ooor to
pp, 4.673 gp, 3.801 ep, 2,548 sp. 5,487 ceiling; these ar e noted on the map. svirfneblin cousins do i:n the other.
cp, and 34 pieces of jewelry totalling
14,118 gp value. Many feathers are of Except where pits and plateaus are Instead of summoning earth elemen-
course found in the nests; detect magic shown, the floor has a more or less gentle tals. the higher-level Countertops are
would reveal that three feather s are slope from the walls down to the Pool of able to summon soft drink refill elemen-
magical-Quaal 's feather tokens. in fact Resources (area 19). tals from the demi-plane of Soft Drinks
(fan, swan boat, and whip). (which is located near the demi-planes of
I deological Struggles: The struggle Gelatin, Chocolate Milk. and Crankcase
Also of possible interest is a petrified Oil). Countertops of 6th level or higher
human-C. Everett, the monsters· between the Countertops and Profits is may attempt Lhe summoning once per
former caretaker, who made the mistake more than a mere territorial dispute. It is day. The specific t ype of elemental is de-
of thinking they wouldn't mind his taking the clash of two opposing philosophies, termined by rolling ld20:
a little necklace. irreconcilable ideologies. In most wars a
truce can be negotiated; but the rift be- l . Extracaffeinated Cola Elemental
tween Countertops and Profits is so pro- (AC 1; MV 12 ": HD 24; hp 108; KAT l;
found that only annihilation of one side Dmg 5d6; T HACO 7: SD straw (Dmg 1
can provide a resolution.

89

hp) or + 2 or better weapon to hit; AL N) blur, non-detection, + 3 on all savings command, protection from good, wyvem
A side effect of this colossal being is to throws except poison (which is +2), poi- watch
negate any sleep spells or effects within a
30-yard radius. son gas crystals, immune to illusions; MR The DM is e ncouraged to alter the
spell choices as he wishes. Profits do not
2-6. Diet Soft D rink Elemental (AC 1; 25% ; AL CN usually carry treasure.
MV 18": HD 16; hp 72; llAT 1; Dmg 5d6; 5th-level Coun tertops : Stats as
THACO 7; SA Those struck must roll a Random Encounters
successful saving throw vs. poison or suf- above, exceptACO; HD 5+8; hp40: MR
fer nausea [incapacitation for ld4 melee 30% Since this level is so large, and space for
rounds]; SD straw or + 2 or better
weapon to hit; AL N) 6th -leve l Cou nterto ps: Stats as description is limited, it is recommended
that the DM utilize random encounters to
7-10. Lemon-Lime Soft Drink Elemen- above , except AC -1; HD 6 +9: hp 47; add interest to its exploration. On a roll of 1
tal (AC 1; MV 15"; HD 12; hp 54; llAT l ; T HACO 13; SA summon soft drink refill on ldlO (check for each hex entered),
Dmg 5d6; THACO 9; SD straw or + 2 or
better weapon to hit; AL N) elementals; MR 35% there will be a random encounter. Roll again
Countertop Druid: Stats as 6th-level
11-15. Orange Soft Drink Elemental to determine what the PCs encounter (all
(AC l; MV 24"; HD 8; hp 36; llAT l; Countertop, plus the abilities of a 7th-level
druid (typical spell selection: cure light creatures can be assumed to be hostile un-
Dmg 5d6; T HACO 12; SD straw or +2 wounds, detect snares and pits, dispel
or better weapon to hit ; AL N) magic, entangle, faerie fire, heEt metal, less otherwise noted):
neutralize poison, pass without trace. 1-3. Corporate Raiders: A party of
16-18. Swamp Water Elemental. T his snare, spike growth, trip, warp wood.
Countertops in search of Profits. It con-
creature is a mixt ure of the other soft Each Countertop carries 2d6 base 100 sists of ld4+1 4th-level, ld4 5th-level,
drink elementals. The chemical reactions gp gems and four sheets of magical sand- ld3 6th-level, and 0-2 druid Countertops.
paper (see area 10).
of all those unnat ural elements makes 4. ld4+1 spirit nagas.
this an unsightly and fearsome creature. P rofits 5. ld4+1 kuo-toans.
In addition to its normal attack, the mon- 6. Profit Sharing: Characters stumble
ster can spit carbonic acid each round, This is the general term for any being upon a skirmish between Profits and
splashing one target for damage equal to that supports King Burger. Some specific Countertops; on the P rofit side are ld2
the swamp water elementaJ's current hit varieties are as follows: spirit nagas and ld3 kuo-toans. They face
point total (saving throw vs. breath l d4 4th-level Countertops, ld3 5th-level
Gross Profi ts (abo le ths): AC 4 ; HD Countertops. ld2 6th-level Countertops,
weapon for half damage). The elemen- 8; hp 49 each; llAT 4; Dmg ld6 (x4); and a Countertop druid.
taJ's stats are AC -2; MV 18"; HD 10; T HACO 12; SA slime transformation, il- 7. Ascomoid: AC 3; HD 6 + 6; hp 54;
hp 50; l!U 1 + breath weapon; Dmg lusion, charm; SD mucus cloud (in wa- llAT 1: Dmg special; THACO; SA spore
5d6; T HACO 10; SA Acid spit; SD straw ter); AL LE jet: SD not harmed by blunt weapons, 1
point damage from slashing and cutting
or + 1 or better weapon to hit ; AL N . Net Pro fi ts (ku o-toan priest- weapons (but double damage from pierc-
princes): AC 4; HD 10; hp 70 each; llAT ing weapons more than six feec long),
19-20. Summoning fails. 1: Dmg by weapon + 1 (armed with dag- save at + 4 and take 50% damage from
ger, spear, and weighted throwing net); magical attacks except cold, immune to
Watery and usually Oat. soft drink refill THACO 9; SA lightning stroke. abilities
elementals are very similar to water ele- of 10th-level cleric and assassin; SD skin mind-influencing magic; AL N(E)
mentals. T he ice found in them provides secretion, detect invisible; AL LE; Typi-
them with the lower Armor Class. cal spell selection: curse, bless, cloak of 8. 2 Basidironds: AC4; HD5 + 5; hp40
fear, command, cure light wounds, cure each; llAT 1; Dmg 2d4; T HACO; SA
The Countertops found on this (or cause) serious wounds, dispel magic, smothering, hallucinatory spores; SD im-
dungeon level are fairly high level, having flame strike, hold per son, magic stone, mune to mind-influencing magic, cold-
been trained extensively by Colonel meld into stone, protection from good 1O' based attacks do no damage, but they
Sandpaper. They are a fairly crude lot, r., silence 15' r., spiritual hammer. true slow the basidironds and prevent spore
however. and are as likely (and as happy) seeing, withdraw attacks: AL N(E)
to attack strangers as minions of King
Burger. Standard stats are provided here Profits of Doom (spirit nagas): AC 4 ; 9. ld4 Violet Fungi: AC 7; HD 3; hp
for simplicity: HD 10; bp 65 each; l!U 1; Dmg l d3; 24 each; IAT 4 ; Dmg special; T HACO 16
T HACO 10; SA poison, charm gaze; AL (can only attack creatures within four feet
4th-level Coun t e rtops : AC l; MV LE; Typical spell selection (magic-user):
12": HD 4 + 7: hp 32 each; llAT 1 or 2: magic missile, Melfs acid arrow, Melfs of it): SA rot flesh; AL N
Dmg by weapon (carry non-magical dag- minute meteors, ray of enfeeblement, 10. ld3 Ustilagors: AC 5; HD 3 + 3; hp
ger + 1. pick + 1. and darts); THACO 15
( +2 to hit with darts); SA blindness. shocking grasp, unseen servant; (cleric): 26 each; llAT 1; Dmg ld4+1; THACO;
change self, surprise 90% of the time: SD SA alkaline Ouids. psionics; SD immune
to mind-influencing magic; AL N(E).

90

Area 15: Rebe] Encampments Area 18: Car Pool NKT l ; Dmg 2d8; SA corrode metal; SD
impervious to heat, cold; MR immune to
Though the Countertops are generally This pool is named after Car, a Coun- spells (except electricity); AL N
on the move, they do occasionally make tertop who drowned in it several years
ago. It is sometimes called the "transpor- Area 20C- King Burger's Cham·
large encampments such as these to launch tation pool," because of the patch of
pearly opalescence on the bottom, her: The only thing in this room is King
big attacks. In an encampment are found through which monsters from the Ran- Burger-if "only" can apply to him. He is
2d6 4th-level Countertops, 2d4 5th-level, dom Monster Generator enter this level. a close relative of the demon Juiblex, in
ld6 6th-level, and ld4 druids. They are au- fact, and has almost identical characteris-
tomatically hostile. since all strangers are Area 19: Pool of Resources tics and statistics.
assumed to be agents of King Burger.
This is the home of four Gross Profits. King Burger: AC -7; hp 88; NAT l;
Area 16: Profit Outpost Since they are not very mobile on land, Dmg 4d10; THACO 7; SA spew ochre-
they spend most of their time in the Re- slime, magic use (darkness 15' r. , cause
These are round towers, 40 feet in di- source Pool. Countertops know better fear, cirde ofcold 10' r., detect invisible,
ameter and painted nauseating green than to go near the pool; more than one locate object, ESP, Dy, dispel magic, in-
with gray trim, from which the Profits ob- careless gnome has fallen into the abo- visibility 10' r., charm monster, hold mon-
serve King Burger 's domain. Each tower leths' slimy clutches. ster, telekinese 15,000 gp weight,
has four floors, plus a dungeon/
basement, and is staffed by seven Profits At the bottom of the resource pool are project image, phase door, putrefy food
of Doom and five Net Profits. stone ruins, the remnants of an ancient
race that preceded King Burger and the and water, cause disease, speak with
In the dungeon is kept the outpost's Countertops. There the aboleths have monsters, unholy word), psionics; SD
treasure: ld6x200 pp and 3d4 gems of stored their treasure: 4,000 gp, 700 pp, a + 2 or better weapon to hit, regenerates
base 100 gp value. There is also a 25% potion of polymorph self, and a suit of 2 hp/round, half damage from cold, elec-
chance of the dungeon holding a Counter- gnome-sized chain mail + 1. tricity, fire , gas; MR 65%; AL CE
top prisoner who has not yet been inter-
Area 20: Palace of King Burger Area 200-Just Desserts: This
=rogated and executed (roll l d4: 1 room is locked, with a poison needJe trap
=4th-level Countertop, 2 = 5th-level, 3 = Atop a hill in the southeastern part of
the Market is the palace of King Burger. (saving throw vs. poison or dissolve into
6th-level, 4 druid). This Countertop It is a windowless building with one a mass of protoplasm; successful save re-
gladJy assists in destroying the outpost, entrance-huge double doors facing sults in only 2d6 points of damage), since
but afterward disappears into the fungi southwest. The charred walls drip with it contains King Burger's most precious
forest as soon as possible. unwholesome substances: red, white and things: his treasure and his pets.
yellow slimes (non-monster), and scat-
Area 17: Illithid Camp tered chunks of green and white solids. 2 Black Puddings: AC 6; HD 10; hp 55
Anyone foolish e nough to touch this hor- each; NKT 1; Dmg 3d8; THACO 10; SA
This level of the dungeon was just re- rid, caustic material will suffer ld4+1 dissolve wood & metal; SD lightning and
cently discovered by mind flayers. Their points of damage from chemical bums. blows divide it into smaller puddings, im-
tentative plan is to enslave the Counter- mune to acid, cold, poison; AL N
tops, and either destroy King Burger or Beyond the doors is King Burger 's au-
make an alliance with him. Studying the dience hall. The interior walls are identi- Ochre jelly: AC 8; HD 6; hp48; NAT 1;
situation are four powerful illithids; and cal in nature to those outside. Dmg 3d4; THACO 13; SD lightning bolts
their camp is this pit. divide it into s maller jellies: AL N
Area 20A- Audience HaU: ln this
4 Mind Flayers: AC 5; HD 8 +4; hp 66, room King Burger speaks with his Profits King Burger's treasure is kept in huge
64, 62, 60; llAT 4; Dmg 2 each; THACO and anyone else who can tolerate his stone coffers, protecting it from his cor-
12; SA mind blast, brain eating; Psionic presence. The room is furnished only rosive pets. The hoard consists of 50,000
abilities: astral projection, body equilib- with stone benches along the walls and, cp, 30,000 sp, 10,000 ep, 10,000 gp,
rium, domination, ESP, levitation, proba- 10 feet in front of the door to his room, 3,000 pp, 316 gems and pieces of jewelry
bility travel; MR 90%; AL LE King Burger's throne (sculpted from (worth a total of 78,915 gp), a suit of elf-
salt). A guard of four Net Profits is always sized plate mail +2, a wand of paralyza-
A large, locked chest, with contact poi- to be found here. tion (with 75 charges) , and a rod of
son on the lock (save for 2d8 damage or resurrection (29 charges).
die), contains the iUithids' treasure: Area 20B-Stairs to Level 9: A gi-
1,000 gp, six gems (worth 50 gp, 1,000 gantic gray ooze covers these.
gp (2), l, 100 gp, 1,200 gp, and 2,000 gp),
a scimitar of speed, two scrolls (protec- Gray Ooze: AC 8; HD 15+15; hp 80;
tion from petrification, possession), and a
potion ofextra-healing.

91

l€V€l 9:
1C€S 'n V1RtU€S

TT Key

pp ESBooor

TT BQ3secret Door
9
~ Po rtal

p p
T T

I I/

This dungeon level was created to stimu- dispellable shadowy light (thieves hide in Roll ld8 and consult the following list
late thought about some of the important when checking for traps.
themes in life, from violent conflict to shadows at + 10%). 1) 30-foot-deep pit trap opens up, inflict-
love. Of course. the methods used to Divination-type spells, such as divina- ing 6d6 damage, and the victim(s) must
stimulate thought are highly chaotic in make a Constitution Check at - 2 or be
nature. tion, detect magic, detect evil, augury. stunned for ld12 rounds.
and find traps, have a 75% chance of fail-
On this level are a number of important ure on this level. Every square inch of 2) Dispel magic (at 25th level of magic-
personages: the shade demi-deity this level radiates with a Leomund's trap.
DarkJock is imprisoned in a block of black use) on all magical items and active spells
malachite, the demon prince Graz'zt may On the map key, two special phenom- on the victim.
make an appearance, and there are a ena are listed: "P" refers to Portals. All 3) Acid cloud causes 12d6 damage (save
large number of high level characters and random monste rs created by the Random vs. dragon breath for half damage)-
creatures in the Limbo Arena area, some Monster Generator that appear on this affects all in a 20' radius.
of whom are seeking clues to the nature 4) Ceiling falls on victim, save vs. dragon
of the Random Monster Generator or are level materialize on a teleportal square. breath or die, otherwise take 12d6 dam-
out to steal the device. This is a danger- The chance of a random monster appear- age.
ous level. 5) Arrows hit all creatures within a 20-
ing is 1 in 4 per hour, for each leleportal.
The ceiling of this level are 20 feel T he map designation "T" refers to a foot radius of the trap, causing ld6 dam-
high. and covered with long, sharp steel age. Damage from these arrows must
spikes. All corridors are lit with non- magical trap that is activated when the heal naturally. as a sword of wounding.
trapped square is stepped on. The trap is 6) Reverse gravity into ceiling, doing 3d6
determined at random, and each time the

trap is activated. there is the possibility of
a different effect.

92

damage, plus 2d6 x 6 points of damage two stanzas of a poem will be recited by discord), gate (Type I, II, ill, IV (25%
from the ceiling's many spikes. the same voice that greeted the charac-
7) Character must save vs. petrification ters when they entered the level. When each), 60% chance of success); SD dark-
or be turned to stone, and even if saving the verse is concluded, an action will take
throw is made, he receives a curse, as in place. Characters have one round to de- ness (10' radius), + 1 or better weapon
the bestow curse spell. cide whether they should leave the room
8) Two random monsters, as created by or face the consequences of the next to hit; MR 65%; XP 3,976
the Random Monster Generator, appear verse. If they attempt to use dispel magic Type VI Demon: AC -2; MV 6" I
and attack. to counter any of the room's effects,
(i.e., prevent a vision from forming or lS"(D); HD 8+8; hp 62; lfAT l; Dmg
Stairway from Level 8 creatures from being summoned), the
room should be treated as 25th level for ldl2 + l; THACO 12 +; SA whip and
At the bottom of the stairway is a trap; purpose of dispel magic.
the last stair is an illusion, the first person Dame (4d6) fear, detect magic, dispel
stepping off the stair must make a Dex- Harken to that word of words,
terity Check at -4 or fall on his face. He magic, read magic/languages, pyrotech-
will not take any damage, but as soon as 0 Love, of all songs most absurd,
he hits the floor, a magic mouth ofhideous nics, suggestion, telekinesis (6,000 gp),
laughter will be triggered, followed by a Worshiped by youth, longed for by the symbol (fear/discord/sleep/stun ing),
message: aged; gate (Type III (80%) , IV (20%), 70%
chance of success); SD darkness (10' ra-
" Welcome to the ninth level of my That neverending battle in which we're
dungeon. You will find this a restful engaged. dius) , + 1 or better weapon to hit; MR
place, perhaps even your final restful
place! Ha, ha , ha, now you just I'll show you Love, And let you see, 75%; XP 4 ,324
couldn't resist a little humor now, A charming couple; in grea.test ecstasy. Nabassu: AC -4 ; MV 15" /15" (C);
could you? Anyhow, this level is the- In throes of passion, lggwilv and
matic, designed to be informative and Graz'zt. HD 5+18; hp 43; lfKf 3; Dmg 2d4/2d4/
instructive, to help you ponder the im- Before came luz, that pint-sized brat.
portant things in life, which are often 3d4 ; THACO 13; SA death stealing(save
ignored by you brutes who spend your Suddenly, a vision appears of a demo-
stupid lives hacking and slaying. Why ness and a beautiful witch. "Graz'zt dar- vs. death magic or become aghast), be-
do you do it, anyway? Never mind, if ling," she coos, and the black-skinned
you survive, I'll s peak to you about it demon nearly melts. "Can I ask you for stow death (must successfully steal death
later, just enjoy yourselves. There's something?"
lots to kill on this level, so you should first, save vs. death magic or become a
be very happy here." "Anything, most loved." Graz'zt re-
plies. shadow); SD shadowy light (20' radius),
Area 1: Room of Love darkness (5' radius), thiefabilities, + 1 or
" I, well, I.. .I'd really like a party of ad-
This room is painted in pinkish tones venturers, darling..." better weapon to hit; MR 45%; XP 2,316
and covered with statuary of lovers . 6 Babau: AC -3; MV 15"; HD 7+14;
Three columns, adorned with carved " Is that all?" Graz'zt waves his fist.
male and female figures, support the Suddenly, a dozen demons appear in the hp 63, 60, 51, 47, 43 , 41; #AT 1 or 3;
room. An overbearing perfume lingers, a room: two type UI, two type IV, a type
sweet fragrance that is 10 times stronger VI, a nabassu , and six babau. Dmg By Weapon ( + 7) or ld4+1 /
than it needs to be. On the walls, if you ld4+1/2d4; THACO 12; SA fear, levi-
examine closely, is graffiti saying: "Mor- 2 Type Ill Demons: AC -4; MV 9 ";
denkainen loves Istus" (in a heart, of HD 10; hp 56, 51; #AT 5; Dmg 2d6/2d6/ tate, Dy, dispel magic, polymorph self,
course), and "Robilar loves Robilar." ld3/ld3/ld4 + l; THACO 10; SA fear,
heat metal, ray of enfeeblement, gate
The statues and the columns are not levitate, pyrotechnics, polymorph self,
magjcal, but everything else in this room (babau, 25% chance of success); SD cut-
is; this room is very nasty. Upon entry, telekinesis (4 ,000 gp), gate (Type I, n,
ting weapons do half damage; MR 50%;
111 (33% each), 30% chance of success);
SD darkness (10' radius) ; MR 60%; XP XP 2,756
3,184)
These demons are a very unorganized
2 Type IV Demons: AC -1; MV 9" I attack force; they will not coordinate
12"(E); HD 11; hp 66, 60; lfKf 3; Dmg their attacks, but lash out with as much
ld4/ld4/2d4; THACO 8; SA create illu- raw power as possible. The Type VI De-
sion, detect magic, dispel magic, fear, mon will attempt to sit back and gate as
levitate, polymorph self, project image,
telekinesis (5,000 gp), symbol (fear or many demons as it can, getting involved
in the fight only if a fighter chooses to en-

gage it in melee combat.
If a party member is killed in this fight,

he will vanish, only to reappear in the vi-
sion as a tiny creature in the palm of lg-

gwilv's hand. lggwilv will swallow the

party member three rounds after death,
causing permanent destruction; a wish or

limited wish is required to rescue the
character.

If the party members defeat the de-
mons, Iggwilv will gjve Graz'zt a very an-
gry stare.

93

Despite this setback, all is set aright, The course of true Love ne 'er runs So end my thoughts on Love, now you
Or awrong, if you hate these fiends of s mooth, know ,
Night.
But in the Abyss, there was great cele- As this Demon Prince and witch cer- And knowing is half the battle, so
bration, tainly prove, Perhaps you didn't find a fortune in
Fiends and banes comprised the gold,
Damned congregation; They loved other creatures, their lust At least you weren't turned into cattle,
was an itch. I' m told.
To the Loving pair, on whom black for-
tune smiled; luz loved a succubus, and Iggwilv a Don't fall in Love, be an optimist,
lich. I'm sorry if this was a difficult jest.
Came many cheers and whoops of a This poet's lament was really quite
party most wild. Then they learned the truth; long the hard,
Abyss shook, But then again, whoever said I'm a
On the proud couple, many gifts were bard?
bestowed. Great were the fires and demons did
cook. Area 2: Room of Tolerance
But did they forget about all the blood
that has flowed? Ask Graz 'zt of the details. if he doesn't The door to this room is wizard locked.
lie. In the center of the room are three gob-
A vision of great wealth will appear; lins holding baskets. The room has a ran-
these are the wedding presents of lg- He'll be here any second, good-bye! cid s mell, like rotting garbage, although
gwilv and Graz'zt. lf the characters reach except for a few discarded fruit peels, the
into the hoard, they find that they are able Suddenly, Graz'zt will materialize in room is barren. The goblins begin pelting
to grab some gems (two rubies worth the chamber. He will be angry. The char- the characters with rotten vegetables
5,000 gp each), some platinum ingots acters will have to flee or fight off the de- (they are otherwise unarmed) .
(worth 15,000 gp), and a bright gold mon prince.
statue. If they grab it and examine it, they One of the goblins will cry out as soon
will find inscribed on its base: " From Or- Graz' zt: AC - 6; MV 12"; HD 41 ; hp as he sees the adventurers: " We are the
cus With Love." 186; lfAT 4; Dmg 2d4 + 7/2d4 + 71 goblins of Ghu!" (followed by the other
3d4+10/3d4+10; THACO 3; SA alter goblins chiming in " Ghu!") "And we
Suddenly, Orcus's gift will explode, reality (for others), chaos, continual know what to do! " " Do!" Then they will
causing 20d6 damage to everyone in the darkness, disintegrate (1/day), dispel begin shouting nasty insults such as:
room (save vs. death magic for half dam- magic, duo-dimension, emotion, fear (60' "Your father was a suit of armor, and your
age). Then the poem will continue. radius), magic missile (five missiles), mother was an air elemental," or " Why
mirror image, polymorph any object (11 do barbarians hate magic-users? They're
Love is in spirit, Love is in flesh, day), polymorph other, polymorph sell, jealous of anyone stupider than they are,"
And from flesh's Love, can come quite read magic, telekinesis (15,000 gp), tele- or " Is that your face, or does Juiblex use
a mess, port, trap the soul (1/week, vanish, veil it for a spitoon?"
So it was with them, they had a son, (1/day), water breathing, gate (ld.2 Type
His father's son, born to be scum. The goblins aren't goblins at all; in ac-
VI Demons (60%), ld4+1 Babau tuality, they are nilbogs. They consider
Iuz, the Powerful (and long-winded themselves to be invincible, and live only
too). (40%)); SD + 1 or better weapon to hit; to humiliate people; they will not attack to
inflict physical damage. They survive by
luz, the Delicious, whom daddy would MR 70%; XP 60,000 eating from their ever-full baskets ofrot-
chew, ten food. They are extremely happy to
Graz'zt is angry, but prefers not to get get a chance to insult people, after such a
He licked his foul lips, and lifted the tot. involved in a fight if his back isn't against long time. When they can no longer think
But Iuz was hungry, daddy's thumb got the wall. If he recognizes any of the party of suitable insults, they will begin throw-
caught. members (from reputation or previous ing rotten food again at the characters,
(In baby's fangs, that is ...) encounters) he will not blindly lash out, chanting: "Ghu! Ghu! Ghu!" in an obnox-
but gate creatures to do his bidding, and ious high-pitched squeal.
then teleport back to the Abyss, making a
mental note that he should rid himself of
these irritants (so many things for a de-
mon prince to do!) If he does not recog-
nize the party, he will attack, but will
retreat regardless if he sustains more
than 50 hit points of damage in a round, or
is brought below 100 hp.

94

3 Nilbogs: AC 6; MV 6"; HD 1-1; hp ter the room. the crowd cheers hysteri- 'Steal A Fortune' ")
6,5,4; llAT l ; Dmg ld6; THACO 20; SA cally, and a nasal voice shouts: " Welcome 5) A scimitM of speed, +3 ("You'll
nil; SD gain hit points per strike; XP 59) to 'Steal A Fortune,' the Multiverse's
most exciting hour of fun and prizes. And never believe how fast this sword can
These nilbogs ar e a very special sort, here's your host. Jack Shade-pat, and his strike until you try it. Ne wly forged from
and are not affected by healing spells and beautiful assistant, Zanna the Wight!" the furnaces of Ket, this mastercrafted
potions. However. if the party is frus- steel blade is made for the discerning
trated by their inability to kill them, one of Jack Shade-Pat, and Zanna are both il- slayer of monste rs.")
the nilbogs will shout: "You cannot kill us. lusions; if either are attacked , they disap-
silly adventurers, we have no weakness. pear and another illusion takes their 6) Arandom monster from the Random
Actually, we have a weakness, but we place. The effects of their deals, how-
aren't going to tell you!" If the characters ever, are quite real. Some of these games Monster Generator appears and attacks.
ask what it is, they will laugh and say: are as follows: All items must be handed over to Jack
"Well, it isn't saying our name forward-
ooops!" The weakness is saying their Game Ill : "Trivial Trades." Jack will of- Shade-pat before the trade takes place.
names backward: pronouncing the word fer a character 50 gold pieces for every They vanish instantly and cannot be re-
does 1 point of damage to each Goblin of torch that he has on his person, or "if you
Ghu within a 20-foot radius. The nilbogs have a tinder box, I'll give you 1,000 gp!" covered.
have no treasure.
Game 112: " What Will You Do For Game 14: " Doorway." There are three
Area 3: Room of Foolhardiness Bucks." Jack will offer the character 500 doors. One door is the only access (from
gp ifhe sings " Happy Birthday" to Zanna this level) to the 10th level. The other
This room is adorned with tapestries (tell the player to role-play the singing, or two doors contain random monsters.
showing heroic disasters: dragons slay- no gold pieces). There are seven keys, each with a gem-
ing knights, mages' experiments going studded handle . They have to guess at
awry, children's crusades ending with the Game 113: "Not-so Trivial Trades." the value of each ge m, within 10% of its
children being sold into slavery. Upon en- Jack will come up to the character and price, without going over. If they guess
try in the room, the characters will see a say: "That looks like a pretty nice magi- correctly, then they get to keep the key
young man, a farmboy. tied to a block of cal sword. I'll give you 500 gold pieces for and try it in the door to the next level. If
black granite, as an axe-bladed pendulum it, and trade you what's in the box." (At
slowly descends. lt will touch down in a which poin t the audience will shout: they guess incorrectly, then Zanna will
few minutes. He is screaming in terror. " Thke the box! ") Roll ld6 to determine
what's in the box. try to see if the key unlocks either of the
This is actually a programmed illusion. doors that contain the random monsters.
The illusion hides a sphere ofannihilation. 1) A Ye.ar's Supply of Dragon Turtle Characters with the jeweler's secondary
If the player characters rush in to save Swordshining Polish ("To give your skill may make an Intelligence Check to
him, the first PC will be instantly annihi- sword the Dragon Turtle gleam, which determine their value. Obviously, four of
lated. If the PCs carefully examine the will put fear into your enemies in battle.") the keys are duds; they don' t fit any of
room in the few minutes remaining be- the locks. (Note to the DM: Prices are
fore the axe-blade Calls, they will discover 2) + 3 Dagger (" Beautifully crafted by
that is an illusion. If a character falls into the grey elf smith Aldenor Masterforge, based on those given in the DMG; if your
the trap, a new image will appear the tap- this dagger has a ruby-studded gold hilt,
estry, showing the PC jumping into the and is guaranteed to pierce even the campaign uses a different economic sys-
sphere, as the tapestry adds to its gallery strongest armor, sure to be an heirloom tem, then change the prices accordingly.)
of foolish deeds. for generations to come!'')
Gem True Unlocks
Area 4: Room o f Chance 3) A wand of wonder ("Yes, this wand 1) Diamond Nothing
can do anything, and usually will. Created Value Monste r
This room is garishly lit and covered by the arch-mage Xagig the Mad. and 2) Emerald 5,221 gp 10th Level
with suits of armor, large statues, wielded by some of the greatest adven- 3) Amethyst 1,050 gp Nothing
wooden boxes, and curtains. To the right turers in the Wtld Coast.") 4) Ruby 108 gp Nothing
hand side of the entrance is a small 5) Sapphire 5,315 gp Monster
stepped area with seats, which hold 4) A sword + 5. defender("You'll have 6) Malachite 1,000 gp Nothing
about 100 phantasmal people, dressed in hours of fun with this superbly crafted 7) Black Pe arl 11 gp
weird costumes, like a masquerade for long sword, one of the heirlooms of the 531 gp
the insane. As soon as the characters en- House of Baddikis, of Flotsom Island,
this sword has slain everything from de- If the characte rs fail to get to the exit
mons to roes and much more, and is still this time, then, there is the " Big Steal.''
in flawless condition. Your s courtesy of Two characte rs are eligible; the charac-
ter must trade any prize they have won
(those who have been attacked by mon-
sters are also eligible) to become eligible
for the Grand Prize. They get to choose
either what's behind Tapestry Ill, Tapes-
try 112, or Tapestry 113 .

95

Tapestry #1: T he party may proceed to deus appear, and offer to let them go in The monster the characters must face
the next level, ("Where you are in for lus- exchange for future favors. He will agree is Greed. The two doors lead to the same
cious pleasures and spinetingling de- not to ask anything that will violate their room (5A); those who enter through the
lights!") beliefs (perhaps a demon lord has been left-hand door will perceive those who
bothering Asmodeus's servants. or one entered by the right-hand door as horri-
Thpestry 12: T he character gets a helm of his rival devils has a troublesome fol- bly evil monsters. Those who enter
of brilliance and plate mail of ethereal- lower somewhere in Greyhawk whom he through the right-hand door will see
wants removed); use this as a platform to those who entered via the left-hand door
ness. future adventures. as greedy monsters out to steal their
wealth. In the room is 200,000 gold
Tapestry 13: Of the characters leave lf the characters enter this room after pieces. completely covering the floor,
the game show is over, they will find it and making all combat at - 2 to attacks
through the secret door behind Tapestry empty. If they search carefully enough, due to unsteady footing . Under the gold
Nl, they will not be subject to this they will find a wizard Jocked secret door are three decks of m.any things. When
"prize," even if they choose Tapestry (at 25th level) leading to the next level. one group of characters is victorious, the
#3.) The characters win an all expenses illusions will vanish, and the party will see
paid (one-way) trip to the Ninth Plane of Area 5: Room of Greed their opposition for what it really was.
Hell! ("Where after a wild trip courtesy
of Plane Shift Spell-Lines, you will stay (if This oddly shaped room is empty, ex- OM Note: 1f the characters split up, it's
you' re lucky) for 13 unforgettable nights cept for two doors on the wall. As soon as
at the Asmodeus Interdimensional Grand someone enters this room. a voice says: going to be easy for the players to figure
Hotel, to have the hottest time of your " You have done well to come. You have a out what's going on. Some players won't
life, and be served with style by Pit choice. Behind the left-hand door is a hor- use this knowledge to their advantage.
F iends! The Asmodeus Inte rdimen- rible monster, one which must be slain, or Others will. If you can get a second OM ,
sional, in the heart of Nessus, one of the it will destroy all goodness. Behind the and have a DM run each party from a sep-
most exotic places now!" (•poof*, char- right-hand door is incredible riches. You arate room (use notes or run out and hold
acters disappear to Asmodeus's plane). may only enter one door. Make your
choice." conferences to coordinate the ac-
If the characters are unfor tunate tions), this will make it more of a chal-
enough to end up in Nessus, you can ei-
ther play it out (if you think you're ready lenge for the characters.
for the challenge) or you can have Asmo-

96

Area 6: Room of Mercy Zol Dark.lock (Shade Prince): AC -6; If Zol is released, he will be berserk
MV 12" ; FTR 16/M-U 16; hp 180 (100 in with rage , thinking the PCs are responsi-
The door to this room is wizard locked normal light); llAT 2; Dmg ld8+10; ble for his imprisonment. He will shout
(25th level). and is marked with glyphs THACO 2 +; ST 18(00) IN 17 WS 11 DX words in Suloise (''Death to the friends of
saying: " Ancient Darkness Imprisoned- 19 CN 17 CH 15 CM 15; SA shadow darkness!") and attack. !Each round, Zol
Let It Rest Longer Yet." If the door is walk; SD shadow images; MR 80% ; AL should make a Wisdom Check. If the roll
touched, a glyph of warding will be trig- N. Zol is protected by a stoneskin spell succeeds, he will realize that these aren't
and has bracers ofdefense AC 2, ring of Xodast's minions and stop fighting. If he
gered that causes 50 points of e lectrical is attacked by magic of an evil nature
protection +3, cloak of displacement,
damage (save vs. spell for half damage). sword ofshadows +4 (sword drains one (i.e.. death spells, disintegrate, or with-
Upon entry, they will find that the room is ering) or a subversive nature (command,
full point of Strength on a natural roll of charm) , he will continue fighting.
barren and featureless, save for ancient 17-20), ring ofshadowy light (20' radius)
dust, which heavily coats the floor. The waad of force, winged boots (15", Zol is in an unstable mental state fol-
air is incredibly musty, like a tomb after MC:A) He knows the following spells: lowing his imprisonment. Even if he
the stench of death has faded; all that is calms down, any sudden shocks could
left is antiquity. Level 1: magic missile, feather la11, drive him berserk again. If Zol stole any
points of Strength during !the fight, he will
II the characters try, they will !find that hold portal, mount, shield apologize and shrug his shoulders, stat-
neither light nor darkness spells will ing, "Life and shadowhood is not always
chase away the shadows of this room Level 2: ESP, knock, ray of enfeeble- pleasant." Zol is willing to discuss all that
(i.e., the lighting of the room cannot be happened to him, but will not join the
changed). In the center of the room, levi- ment. vocalize, web party; he will retire for a millennium or so
tating in mid-air, apparently untouched by Level 3: detect illusion, dispel magic to his fortress in Shadow, if his sister
dust, is a three-inch-square black cube, hasn't already destroyed it with her ex-
apparently made from malachite. (x3), haste travagant parties.
Level 4 : dimension door. fire shield,, ice
As soon as the characters step into the Under the dust in the floor is a secret
room, they should make Intelligence storm, polymorph self, stoneskin panel that contains a ladder descending
Checks, at a -4 penalty. If the check is Level 5: cone ofcold, feeblemind, hold
made, then the character will hear a faint into pitch darkness. An inscription in the
whisper, in an archaic dialect: "Who are monster. passwall, telekinesis
you? Where are you? What are you? Why Level 6: death spell, legend lore. pro- floor says, ''To the 13th level." It is really
are you? Who am I? Where am I? What a never-ending ladder; once anyone has
am I? Why am E?'' The whispers repeat ject image stepped onto it, they can only get off by
the same words endlessly, sometimes in Level 7: power word: stun, teleport skipping into another plane, such as with
the same language, other times in a lan- a plane shift spell.
guage that is completely unknown (un- wl o error
less the characters are proficient in Old Level 8: binding Area 7: Room of Time
Suloise) .
Zol was a shadow prince who also lived The door to this room is coppe r,
The cube is the prison for Zol for a time as a noble or the Suloise Em- stained green from age. This door is not
Dark.lock. a Power of Shadow, a high pire. He was trying to investigate a ru- trapped, but feels warm (about human
mor about Xodast, an Suel arch-mage body temperature), and appears to have
level shade magic-user/fighter. 1f dispe1 who experimented with powers that a heartbeat. When the door is touched, a
most said were better left undisturbed. magic mouth appears, saying, " Haste is
magic is successfully cast against the Xodast, it was said, had created the waste," and then the heartbeat fades and
cube (treat it as 23d-level magic), then Bringer or Doom. an artifact that later
the entity will be released. played some pan in the Invoked Devasta- the door cools. ·
tion that destroyed tli!e Suel (which would When the door is opened, the charac-
not occur for two centuries after Zol's im-
prisonment.) Xodast .imprisoned Zol in ters will gaze into a room that is e mpty,
"The Darkness That Holds All Shadows" except for a lectern on which a huge tome
(the cube), which was found shortly after rests, and a strange arcane device hang-
the Devastation by a group of adventur- ing on the wall. The device resembles a
ers exploring the ruins of the Suel city circle with 12 numbers on its edge and
Sue111drako. The cube eventually came two thin arrows of unequal length point-
into the hands of the master of the ing at the numbers. The arrows are mov-
dungeon, who placed it in an appropriate
place. ing around the circle quite rapidly. The
room is as silent as it is deserted.

97

However the characters choose to en- Area 8: Room of Travel " I am B'sot Ramm, Viceroy of the
ter the room , the doors will not close; mighty Slaad Master Zgotar, Dread of
they will be left open to the outside On the wall outside this room is a set of Limbo. IL is unusual for that entrance
world. As soon as the characters enter strange runes. If a read magic spell is to be used, but we are instructed to
the room, they will notice the longer ar- used on them. the character can read greet all who come here with hospital-
r ow does not appear to be moving at all. them . They say, ''Beyond the wall is a ity. Welcome to our games, humanics,
They will also hear a loud "tick -tock "
noise that should have been audible out- place of challenge, a trial of mind. body, if that term does not offend."
side the room.
and spirit It is a place of great peril. Let He cr oaks and continues: " This
In actuality, this room is a time trap; only the bravest and most able meet the place was created by the master of
time here moves very slowly compared challenge. To get to this realm, you must your dungeon and cursed. We hold
to that in lhe outside world. One round in pass through the wall." these games to keep the monster s of
this room equals a half hour outside it. your dungeon at bay, and also to test
The wall is quite sold . If a character
The tome is Secrets ofImmortality by X. tries to walk through the wall, he will get our skill . It is the law of this place that
nowhere. If he tries to walk through the
Gig, Magus Paragon, Regum Rex, etc., Border Ethereal, he will be thrown back, all who enter here must engage in at
etc. The book is tied to the lectern by stunned for ld3 r ounds. The only means least one contest before they are per-
to get through this wall is a passwall spell.
strange silver threads, as thin as gossa- mitted to leave. It is a law that even
Once the passwallis used , the area will the slaad find necessary to enforce, as
mer. These are strands from l stus's web shine with a glorious blue light. The
in the plane of lime. They cannot be bro- passwall creates a 10'-by-10' room. At repugnant as it is to us. The contest
ken b}' any force save Istus herself. Nor the far end is a curtain of sizzling energy. need not be lethal; there are many
When the characters enter, a voice will ways to compete. You are free to en-
can any force move or break the lectern. say. " Th.is is the room of transport. To gage in any contest you desire, to
get t o the surface. you must say, challenge and to be challenged. U you
Secrets of I mmortality is readable (al- 'There's no place like there ' as you walk choose lethal competitions, the slaad
though highly technical in its use of lan- through the curtain. If you wish to go far- will take all property of the losers. un-
guage) , but it is incomprehensible lo all ther on, into the place of trials, you must less you make arrangements with
creatures with Intelligences below 21. say, 'There's no place like where.' From your competitors to the contrary. Fur-
For magic-user s who have intelligences either of those places, you may return
here by casting the passwall spell at the thermore . we are your hosts. Tu at-
of21 who would read it, it would take 10 place where you materialize, and then
saying, 'There's no place like here'." tack others. except in the arena, is a
years of careful study to understand its deadly crime. If any creature attacks
principles. (A nonweapon proficiency The surface exit is close to the en-
taken in the study of the abstract theories trance to the Castle and is easily marked. us, you will defend your hosts." He
The exit in " The place of trial s" is one of
of magic will reduce the time of study to the wall areas of the Limbo Arena. then motions to the wrestlers to re-
only three years.) If the book is mas- sume.
tered, characters will know how to create Area 9: Limbo Arena
an elixir of youch, become a shade or a This room is designed to test a charac-
Upon entry into this room, the charac- ter's competitive spirit. The arena is ad·
lich, and understand " general principles jacent to a portion of Limbo ruled by a
of life force extension." ters will find themselves in a huge arena. powerful Death Slaad, Zgotar. Originally.
The ceiling is 100 feet high; the room is random monsters generated by the Ran·
The nastiest feature of this room is that dom Monster Generator were jumping
the time delay between inside and out- very well lit by magical lights and spells. through a portal to Limbo. To prevent his
side will allow random monsters to ap- There are stairways leading to bleachers, realm from being overcome by even
pear on the two teleportaJs outside, and where a few character s and creatures of more chaos than it already endured
they will immediately rush into the room great power are watching. Two men (some types of chaos are more desirable
and attack. The longer the characters re- wearing loose clothing are currently than other s to slaad), Zgot.ar sealed off
wrestling. Limbo from the area, and built an arena
main inside, the more monsters will at- around it. He then invited some of the
Suddenly, a grey frog-like creature, six most powerful combatants in the multi-
tack them. feet tall, who appears to be officiating the verse to come to his arena to test their
T he clock, which is three feet in diame- contest, rises from his chair, and raises skills against the random monsters and, if
they desire, each other.
ter, is worth 2,000 gp if resold, although his arm. Everyone's attention focuses on
technology is shunned by most buyers in Zgotar pays 500 gp per monster slain in
the Flanaess, who consider these de- th.e characters. The frog-thing addresses the arena, a mere pittance, but most of
vices to be strange and therefore evil. them. the characters who come to the arena are
Certain high-level plane-wanderers who
do not share this phobia will be glad to
buy it.

98

so rich that they don't care about money. (such as modem day freestyle wrestling, nent into a quick pin, or a wrestler who is
Zgotar, who wishes to become the third or judo}, which is referred to as dexterity in a Nearfall Disadvantage tries to get
great slaad, has used the arena to expand wrestling. Each contest has its own for- back to a Neutral position.) The modifiers
his contacts with high-level beings. In mula:
this way, he has made many allies and are found on the following chart:
useful acquaintances. Strength Wrestling Rating = Strength +
(Level x 2) NFD NFD DIS NEU ADV NRF
All guests of Zgotar are served by red DIS x
slaad. ln areas behind the arena, there Dexterity Wrestling Rating = Strength NEU xxxx
+ Dexterity + (Level x 2) ADV 0
are barracks where the guests can rest. NRF -4 xxxx
These barracks are secluded, blocked by Ifa character is a monk or barbarian, he PIN
force walls with alarm spells triggered is treated as if he had twice as many -8 0xxx
when they are dispelled; characters may levels (a 10th-level monk is 20th level for -4 0 x x
not go into their opponent's barracks, but the purposes of wrestling). A magic-user -12
may leave their rooms at any time by ask- or cavalier is treated as if he had half his - 16 -8 -4 x x
ing the slaad. If the player characters ac- levels (a 10th-level magic-user is 5th - 12 -8 -4 0
cept the hospitality of Zgotar, they will be level for purposes of wrestling). If your
staying with other guests: the wrestler campaign uses nonweapon proficiencies, T he horizontal axis indicates the cur-
then characters with a wrestling profi- rent predicament, the vertical axis indi-
Jak Briddon, the archer Hasophel, the ciency are considered to be three levels cates the desired position. Thus a
higher when figuring out their wrestling wrestler who is at a Disadvantage (sec-
fallen paladin Percival, and the poly- ratings.
ond column from the left) who wishes to
morphed red dragon, Fearforge. There are five fighting positions in reverse the situation and put his oppo-
The characters will soon realize that wrestling: Nearfall Disadvantage (NFD): nent in a Near Fall gets a - 8 penalty to
where the wrestler is about to be pinned; his roll. If he wins, he succeeds. If he
there is more than one gate to this place. Disadvantaged (DIS), where a wrestler
If the characters mention the dungeon is at a serious disadvantage; Neutral fails, he'll be put into a Near Fall Disad-
from which they came, Fearforge, who is (NEU) where neither competitor has a vantage.
disguised as a human female magic-user, disadvantage; Advantage (ADV) where
will be very interested, and try to find out the wrestler has an advantage over an op- Currently the top wrestlers in the
ponent; and Nearfall (NRF) where the
everything she can about the Random wrestler is on the verge of winning. arena are the following:
Monster Generator. (She is currently Bergh (half-ore): AC -1 ; FTR 11; hp
working for a group of adventurers, in the The match begins with both contest-
service of Demogorgon, who call them- ants in the Neutral position. Each iinpulse 69; NAT 312; Dmg ld8+4; STR 18(62)
selves the Colossus of Chaos.) of the match consists of each wrestler
rolling 1d12 and adding the result to his DEX 15; AL LE; plate mail +2, +1
If the characters try to follow the slaad, wrestling rating. Highest total wins the
they will find that there is a secret exist iinpulse. The winner moves to the next sword of wounding. Bergh is from the
that leads to a portal into Limbo, in the most advantageous position and the loser Flanaess and is rumored to be associated
heart of Zgotar's realm. moves to the next lower position. In with the infamous Lord Robilar (the ru-
other words, the winner of the first im- mors are false). He is the son of a rene-
In the arena, there are a number of dif- pulse is at the Advantage position while gade lord from the Bandit Kingdoms,
ferent contests that can be run. Charac- the loser moves to the Disadvantage po- who found a portal to the arena in the
ters may fight the random monsters, sition. Then the players roll again. Kron Hills. Bergh is e xtremely sullen; he
challenge each other to insult duels or rid- will not willingly talk to anyone, nor will
dling contests, wrestle, dance, debate If one wrestler is already in the Nearfall he wager on his matches, nor will he is-
various important issues of the multi- position and he wins the next impulse, he sue challenges.
verse, argue about whose religion is bet- pins his opponent and the match is over.
te r, e tc. The possibilities are endless. Kayden (human): AC 2; FTR 15; hp
Here are a few of them: If you wish for a more realistic and in- 103; IAT 2; Dmg ldlO + 12; THACO 2;
teresting system, you can have wrestlers STR 19 DEX 19; Special powers: im-
Wrestling: Currently, a wrestling take penalties to their rolls in order to try mune to hold, sleep, and slow, heal (1/
tournament is taking place. Here is a siin- to improve their lot by more than one po- week); AL CN; leather armor +2,
ple but fairly comprehensive system for sition in an iinpulse (e.g., a wrestler who two-handed sword + 2. Kayden is also
running these events. has an Advantage tries to throw his oppo- from the Flanaess, from Lendore Island;
he is actually one of the many sons of the
There are two types of wrestling in the Suel deity Kord. Kayden has been un-
tournament: wrestling involving mostly beatable so far, and does not believe any
strength (modern day Graeco-Roman mortal can defeat him. If he is pinned, he
will fly into a rage and immediately chal-
wrestling, Sumo, etc.) , which is referred lenge the character to an unarmed com-
to as strength wrestling, and there is bat fight to the death. Kayden is not
wrestling involving strength and spee d interested in power or wealth, his exist-
ence on Lendore Island is a siinple one.

99