Yalla Issue 4 New Beginnings

YA L L AbyCOMMUNITY
MAGAZINE
beNGeiwnninGs ISSUENO.4 CHAZAK

The life of a giant: The A-Z of ADHD:
R A V Ovad i a
Advice from
the experts

THE EXPAT THE 21ST
expe r i e n c e : CENTURY BRAIN:

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Empowering Y O U N EED TO K N O W A B O U T
y o u n g I s ra e l i
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Da n i el Cha i :
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I would like to start by thanking our fantastic
contributors, who have so generously given of
themselves to fill these pages with rich content. We are
also very grateful to our expert team who reside in sunny
South Africa: Heidi – our sub-editor, and Andrea – our
new designer. They are two incredibly hard-working and
talented women who have made this edition a reality
and have worked tirelessly for weeks on end to get every
detail right. A million thanks!

Welcome to our first birthday edition! Would you believe The theme for this edition is New Beginnings, and I have
that Yalla is a year old, just in time for Rosh Hashanah! endeavoured to ensure it’s bursting with superb content
to suit one and all. There are brilliant articles that focus
Happy first birthday to us! on new stages of life, including a moving feature on
motherhood, first-hand accounts of immigration, advice
on how to rebuild life after loss, homework tips for the
New Year, the diary of life as a stepmom, and how
artificial intelligence has catapulted us into a new age.

A year ago, we took a giant leap and started the “The way we choose to
publication, and we are overwhelmed with gratitude start and then proceed
to you, our diverse audience of readers, for how you with our day determines
have welcomed Yalla into your hearts and homes so the kind of life we will
graciously. I have loved walking into your living space lead, and ultimately, the
to see how Yalla has become such a firm feature on your narrative we will create
couches and kitchen tables, and it has been joyous to
listen to how the articles have acted as a catalyst for for ourselves.”
discussions at your Shabbat tables. Every WhatsApp
and email has provided valuable feedback. But, the
real joy is experiencing first-hand how this publication
has provided such an engaging platform for us to
interact with you and for you to interact with the many
exceptional contributors who live in our midst. I hope
you enjoy this bumper birthday edition.

P.S. Please email your feedback to [email protected]

beginnings
Learn about the ins and outs of ADHD, get in touch Our spiritual growth is not only nourished by the big
with your heritage with Rabbi Moshe Levy, and find decisions, but, more importantly, by the seemingly
out about experiential education with Rabbi Yitsy. With insignificant decisions we make daily – 365 days of the
art interviews, a focus on Israeli heroes, spirituality, as year – where we decide to choose life, as the famous
well as the Yalladim pages for the kids and Dear Rachel verse In Deuteronomy says: “I have placed life and
offering guidance to our teens, there’s truly something death before you, the blessing and the curse, and you
for everyone! Plus an all-new décor section, and, of should choose life.” (Deuteronomy 30:19) This verse has
course, mouth-watering recipes – this time from Iraq. always held great meaning for me and has motivated so
many of my daily decisions. I often think of these words
It is at this time of the Jewish calendar that the notion and I say to myself: “Shira, in this situation, where you
of new beginnings is so relevant to every Jewish soul, have a choice, choose the path that will lead you to
as we draw close to Rosh Hashanah – the New Year life… the Torah’s version of life.”
– when our fate will be decided by G-d Himself. It is
indeed a weighty thought to contemplate our future, as It is my fervent prayer for every one of us, and for all
we stand at the precipice of the New Year. I often think Jewish souls, that in this year – 5779 – we choose life
of how G-d has designed every day of our lives with a and connect ourselves to the energy source of authentic
brand new set of opportunities – a generous gesture, spirituality, powered by the circuit that traces its way
most would agree. Every morning, we wake up with 86 back to our Creator, our life force.
400 seconds in our spiritual bank account, a number
unaffected by the reality of yesterday’s regrets or ShiraWithloveandlight
tomorrow’s misgivings. The way we choose to start and
then proceed with our day determines the kind of life
we will lead, and ultimately, the narrative we will create
for ourselves.

Will we start our day connecting and connected to
prayer and to G-d, or will we forgo those sacred
opportunities? Will we wake up with patience and love
to give to our loved ones, or will we be short-fused and
disgruntled with those we care about most? Will we
choose to live our truth and be loyal to our Divine
gifts? It is these fresh, daily opportunities which
compel us to live our best life, so we can reach
our long-term life goals successfully as we grow
strong, drawing energy from individual
spiritual circuits.

6 YALLA MAGAZINE

ISSUE NO.4

YA L L A

Hannah Abrahams C o n tr i b u t o r s
Yehuda Azoulay
Kory Bardash Ed i t o r - i n - c h i e f
Yifat Bardash Shira Druion
Sara Barnett
Anne Baruch Copy editor
Sophia Baruch Heidi Hurwitz
Britt Burstein
Rabbi Yitsy David Gra p h i c d e s i g n e r
Claire Freeman Andrea Neeleman
Ora Goldberg
Charlotte Hotter Lianne Lasry
Jeremy Kanzan Daniel Levy
Gareth Kobrin Rabbi Moshe Levy
Tsippy Kraus Maria Lygnos
Dr Raun Melmed
Maisie Meyer
Mimi Meyer
Elora Ormonde
Rebbetzin Yaffa Palti
Dr Avital Pearlman
Philip Saks
Candice Shulman
Farida Tahan
Rachel Vecht

YA L L A
ISSUE NO.4

FEATURES
0 1 4 The beginning is always today
0 2 0 Ne w be gi n n in g s as a n e x pat
0 9 6 P ol a n d, l e s s o n s f r o m t h e as h e s
1 0 0 V i gn e tt e s f r o m M o r o c c o
0 6 4 Gr owi n g u p u n de r t h e B r it is h R a j
0 7 0 A s pot of m ilk p leas e
0 7 4 E mp owe r in g yo u n g I s r a e li wo m en
0 8 0 Wome n i n t h e wo r k p lac e
0 8 4 H ow to n av igat e t h e r oa d m a p o f
t he sou l
0 8 8 L i fe a ft e r lo s s
0 9 2 Ch r on i cl in g t h e lif e o f a g ia n t
1 4 4 Da n i e l C h a i: A wa lk in g m ir ac le

RELATIONSHIPS
0 1 0 The 10 commandments of marriage

WHAT’S HOT?
0 4 6 The 21st century brain
1 0 6 B e au t i fu l b at h r o o m s
1 1 0 Lon d on . A rt. 2 01 8
1 1 6 Koshe r gets s wa n ky

EDUCATION
0 2 4 The Classroom of 2018
The A to Z of ADHD:
0 3 0 Atte n t i on , m in df u ln es s a n d ADHD
0 3 5 Looki n g f o r atte n t io n
0 4 0 Ri ta l i n : T h e p r o s a n d c o n s

PARENTING 101
E v e r y t h i n g y o u n e e d t o k n o w
a b o u t m o t h m o t h e r h o o d
0 5 0 It ta k e s a v illag e
0 5 2 For a l l t h e m o m s I k n ow
0 5 4 M e e t t h e m idw if e
0 5 6 P sych o lo g ica l p o in t e r s f o r
new mums
0 5 8 The Swiss breathing coach on birth
0 6 1 The dynamic doula duo
1 0 2 D i a ry o f a st ep m o m

FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD
I r a q i C u i s i n e
1 2 2 Sa lon a
1 2 4 M e ch b o u z b’ ta m er
1 2 6 K u b b a s h wa n de r
1 2 8 Tabit

# F or T he C ool K ids ( & T eens )
Ya l l ad i m
1 3 0 The Jewish time machine with Joey
and Jasmine
1 3 2 Cr e at e a R o s h H as h a n a h ca r d
Teens
1 3 4 H ome wo r k m atter s
1 3 8 De a r R ac h e l
1 4 3 C h a za k t ee n ag er r e ac h e s n ew
heights in charity fundraising

YALLA MAGAZINE 9

The
Ten
Commandments

Marriageof

The roadmap to lasting love in 10 sensible steps.
Ya f f a Pa lt i

R e la t i o n s h i p s

“You are playing for
the same team and you
depend on each other’s
trust to win this game.
The only difference is,
in the game of marriage,

there’s no keeping
score.”

I am celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary
this month and if there’s anything I’ve learned in
these two decades, it is that there’s no such thing
as a happy couple.

Now, before you judge me, let me explain. If I am lonely, sad, unfulfilled, unloved and
single, and I expect marriage to change that, I
Happiness cannot be dependent on somebody will be disillusioned and disappointed when I
else. If I rely on my spouse for my happiness discover only one change: I will be lonely, sad,
and fulfilment, no matter how wonderful he is, unfulfilled, unloved and married.
he will always come up short. Because it is an
impossible expectation. There’s no such thing as a happy couple.

My happiness, my satisfaction, my sense of There are only two happy individuals who can
self, my feeling loved, are not his responsibility. then become a happy couple.
They must come from me, alone. I need to know
who I am, how to make myself happy, how to be If being a happy couple is your target, it is a
fulfilled, and how to feel loved on my own, and goal that cannot be reached. But, if you can take
then I can find someone who will appreciate and responsibility for your own happiness, then you
encourage that in me. can experience the most gratifying, thriving,
loving and joyous marriage.

R e la t i o n s h i p s

I ha v e l earne d a l ot d uring these p ast 2 0 years ,
an d a lthough there is sti l l so much more to
l earn , these are , f rom my e x p erience , the T en
C omman d ments o f M arriage .

1 . Marriage is a commitment. When you stand under the chuppah giving or receiving
the ring, you are essentially saying: “I am in this forever.” Words are powerful. Never
ever use the word “divorce” regarding your relationship. Don’t threaten to leave, don’t
intimidate with divorce, and don’t use any kind of cutting off verbiage. You are in this
relationship forever and your job is to fight for it forever.

2 . Be someone who can accept that you made a mistake. It’s natural to do or say something
against your better judgment or to make a faulty decision ruled by emotion, but you also
have the capacity to recognise that and own up to it. It’s crucial to practise these three
sentences that are, admittedly, very hard to say:
“I made a mistake.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You are right.”
And please note that each of these expressions are complete sentences; they are not
followed by a “but…”

3 . Make yourself an easy person to apologise to. When your spouse says: “I’m sorry I
reacted that way,” or: “I’m sorry I forgot to pick up the kids,” don’t take that as an
opening for further reprove or reprehension. “Thank you for that apology,” is all you
need, and if you really want extra brownie points, try: “I forgive you.”

4 . You are not your spouse’s parent, teacher, or rabbi. If you want to help your spouse
rectify a weakness, you will do just the opposite by nagging and pushing and criticising.
That reaction will cause a downward spiral of self-esteem and will diminish his/her self-
confidence. Growth can only occur in a healthy emotional state. Learn to love what your
spouse is doing instead of hating what s/he is not doing. Praise him/her for strengths,
accomplishments and victories, and that will propel your spouse’s self-confidence into a
place where s/he will willingly work on shortcomings.

5 . “Equal” doesn’t mean “same”. Divisions of labour, chores and family responsibilities
should be determined pragmatically and not emotionally. Why should both of you wake
up at night to feed the baby and then the kid will have two zombie parents instead of
one? Split domestic care based on time, availability, capability and efficiency.

12 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

6 . Your spouse was your first relationship in this family unit. Keep it fresh and ongoing.
Don’t prioritise your children over your marriage. They will be happier and healthier
little humans when they see love and respect between their parents. Set date nights, and
don’t always talk about the kids. Just spend time with each other, be in the moment and
enjoy each other’s company.

7 . Don’t ever talk about your marriage to others. You’ll find yourself comparing and
feeling like you lost the marriage lottery, when in actuality you won what’s right for you.
The grass will only be greener on the other side if you stop watering your own.

8 . Never undermine each other’s authority in front of the kids. Support one another
completely. You can talk about it later. Also, never deprecate your spouse in the name
of humour. Not in public and not in private. It’s not funny.

9 . Once you’re married, you become teammates. Teammates in a game of sports each
play a different position and carry a different role in the game, but they all have the
same goal, the same intention, they work for the same cause, and most importantly, they
have each other’s backs and will pick up the slack for and defend one another, no matter
what, because they are playing for the same team and they depend on each other’s trust
to win this game. If one of them misses the catch, another one jumps in to get it. If one
of them falls, they help that person get up. If one of them throws them a curveball, they
trust their teammates enough to try and catch it. But, if a teammates misses, they don’t
blame each other because they know it wasn’t intentional.

Don’t ever test your love for one another, don’t play the blame game, don’t use leverage
against each other, and don’t take criticism as a personal attack. You are teammates and
you trust each other and love each other and have each other’s backs. You will pick up
the slack for and defend one another, no matter what. Even when your spouse disappoints
you. Because you are playing for the same team and you depend on each other’s trust to
win this game. The only difference is, in the game of marriage, there’s no keeping score.

1 0 . Marriage is not 50/50. Divorce is 50/50. Each of you should give 100% without
expectation of the other’s 100%. Wake up every morning and ask yourself what you
can give to your marriage instead of asking what you can get from your marriage. And
consequently, in a healthy relationship, whatever you give will naturally be reciprocated.

Yaffa Palti, has been actively involved
in community affairs, as well as teaching
and lecturing, and has led challah bakes for
thousands of women across the US for many
years. She lectures worldwide on many diverse
topics and is renowned for delivering content
that is enlightening, full of wisdom and humour.

The
Beginning is

always

today

First principles

Gar e t h K o b r i n and his personal journey
of reconnecting to G-d.

They say there are two great days in a person’s life: the So, I am on board, thinking about my lonely tefillin in
day we are born and the day we discover why. The well- the hold below me and it dawned on me: I have been
known Nietzsche quote explains it best: “He who has a wrapping myself in these things almost every day for
why to live for can bear almost any how.” over 20 years. While this isn’t unusual for an observant
Jew in his thirties, the fact is that I did not grow up in
I am writing this from 30 000 feet above the ground, an observant “Orthodox” household.
on a plane en route to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.
Now, I know what you are thinking: a nice Jewish boy C u l tura l connection
has no business being in that country; but unfortunately,
this Jewish boy has business in that country – so that’s Much of South African Jewry had a very unique
where I am currently headed. approach to Judaism. Most of us considered ourselves
Orthodox and truly believed we were “good Jews”,
I travel a lot for business and I make a conscious effort mainly because we didn’t eat bacon (all other unkosher
to fly with carry-on luggage only (in order to make food was fine) or go out on Friday nights. It wasn’t
the process more efficient). But, on this occasion, unorthodox for Jews in SA to drive to shul every Shabbos,
I have checked in a suitcase. You see, for this trip – for or to have Friday night dinner with the family religiously
obvious reasons – I haven’t exactly publicised the fact every week, but go to the rugby on Saturday afternoon.
that I’m from “the Tribe” (actually, the same tribe as
the Saudis, technically). There was a particularly strong cultural connection to
Judaism, but very few of us ever stopped to ask why we
I usually take my tefillin with me, but the thought of were doing these things. And so, after my bar mitzvah,
security in ‘The Kingdom’ searching my carry-on and my dad told me to lay tefillin every morning, and I have
discovering a small bag with Hebrew writing and leather therefore been doing it daily for over two decades.
straps made me a little uneasy. But why?

I actually asked a rabbi if I could leave them at home, I can vividly remember, as a very young child, having
and he told me to put them in a suitcase, since the conversations with G-d. I used to talk to Him (in my
likelihood of it being searched is statistically improbable. head) all day long. Whether it was requesting something,
(It turns out rabbis love maths, which will be relevant a or negotiating some outcome or just asking for my
little bit later.) parents to come home safely after a night out, I used
to have an ongoing dialogue with Hashem.

And then one day that stopped. I can’t remember
exactly when it was and nothing specifically happened
that caused it, but it happened. And life just carried on.
Obviously, I still prayed in shul on Shabbos and chaggim,
and when I put on the phylacteries each morning, but it
was just meaningless Hebrew words. (Or even worse, as
the noun in the previous sentence illustrates, ridiculous
English translations of Lashon HaKodesh.)

I got older, I went to university. I got more and more
distracted by the allure of what one might call the
‘secular’ world. But I still put on the leather straps most
mornings, I still had Shabbos dinner with my family
every Friday night, and I never ate pork. But why?

Of course, I read some philosophy and asked the
obvious theological questions about whether there
exists an Almighty Creator of the World, but my
brain had no space for that mystical mumbo jumbo. I studied actuarial science and did courses in maths
and economics. Logical, reason-based subjects with tools and “first principles” to prove hypotheses. Once
they teach you evolutionary theory and give you the “scientific rules” for evidence-based verification, the
whole religion thing seems borderline absurd. (I imagine this is the greatest challenge for the heroes who
work in kiruv with university students.)

Then, after university I moved to London. My wife (who wasn’t my wife at the time) told me when I arrived:
“Listen, we aren’t eating unkosher meat anymore.” She has always been (and still is) the boss, so I listened to her
and stopped eating treif meat (it was easy enough living in the shtetl of Golders Green). She had moved to London
a year before me while I finished my master’s degree, and a rabbi had challenged her to take on one mitzvah to
keep a connection to her Jewish roots. So she picked kosher meat and instructed me to join her – and we have
kept this small thing ever since.

But, again, it was more of a cultural connection than anything religious (I dislike the word, but you know what
I mean). Even away from home, we continued to have Friday night Shabbos each week (now with kosher meat),
but we watched TV and drove on Saturdays.

We got married, bought a house and had two beautiful, healthy girls. I had a good job and a gorgeous wife.
Life was almost perfect… but I needed a son to complete the set.

16 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

But, before we embarked on the spiritual pilgrimage, we
visited Rabbi Akiva Tatz, who bluntly said: “No one can
tell you why,” and simply suggested we try create some
sort of relationship with Hashem (specifically through
tzedakah and trying to observe some aspects of Shabbat).

At the time it sounded like a preposterous piece of

As ‘fate’ would have it, advice, but during ordeals

we then got pregnant and, you will reach for anything
that might offer solace.
“The most infinitesimallo and behold, it was a boy.

Those of you who have event that occurs at So, we started keeping
Shabbos (although not

read my articles probably the beginning of a fully at first), and more
know what happened next: importantly, I embraced

without any detection process has an the concept of having a
during the pregnancy relationship with G-d.

or even at birth, our indelible imprint on A l ong way

apparently healthy baby
boy was diagnosed with

a rare genetic syndrome the final product.” It’s now four years later

when he was barely 10 and I am by no means

hours old – one with no frum. I try take on a

cure that would render him severely physically and little bit more (religiously) every so often, and I learn

mentally impaired for life. whenever I get the chance – but, I can honestly say I

Game-changer. have never been more at peace with my life. Aaron still
has severe special needs, but I have embraced his special

I’ve said it many times before: I lost both my parents soul. I still do loads of naughty things, but I don’t beat

at a relatively young age and don’t remember crying myself up, and I talk to Hashem and just try to do better
at the funerals. But, after this diagnosis I have an acute
next time.

memory of crying uncontrollably for three days. I was I know the sceptics will say it is easy to cling to some
literally inconsolable.
kind of spiritual truth in a situation like mine. If there

is no deeper meaning, or infinite soul, then Aaron is just
And then on day four, I did something I hadn’t done in a completely random mistake of nature. And maybe
maybe 25 years: I spoke to G-d again. But now I was
that’s true – but I don’t just blindly accept it. Remember,
angry. Why us!? What did we do that was so bad to
deserve this? What must we do now? I studied the sciences. I scrutinise everything from “first
principles”. I have been questioning and doubting

I’ve also told the story a thousand times about Aimee throughout the whole journey. And so far, I am satisfied
wanting to schlep Aaron in a backpack to Tzfat to find
with the answers. So I will keep asking.

a wise mystic to reveal some kind of ‘Greater Truth For me, the “first principles” of Judaism are simple
and Reason’ for it all. We needed the why to deal with (disclaimer: I never went to yeshiva and I am still beginner level
the how. Torah, so don’t quote me).

YALLA MAGAZINE 17

First principles

Believe in Hashem and have a relationship with Him.

That’s the only place to begin. And just like in any normal relationship, don’t
just accept things without knowing them. And don’t do things blindly because
they are expected by society. You cannot have a real relationship with someone
without understanding them completely.

Like one of the great Yids of all time said: “I want to know G-d’s thoughts,
the rest are details.” (Rav Albert Einstein)

We live in a unique time in Jewish history. Jews have always strayed from
Judaism, but never have Jews returned. Only in this last generation has the
concept of a Ba’al Teshuva become a thing. That means we obviously live in a
spiritually powerful time for coming back to the fold.

By the time you read this, hopefully I would have made it home from the
Kingdom safely and it will be close to the Jewish New Year – the spiritual
time of new beginnings. The Sages wrote that this season is significant because
what we do now impacts the rest of the year exponentially. The concept is that
the most infinitesimal event that occurs at the beginning of a process has an
indelible imprint on the final product.

This might sound like mystical jargon, but consider the science of how my
Aaron was made, because it illustrates the point perfectly.

Babies are formed by building blocks called genes. Millions of genes bond
together to form chromosomes. One chromosome from each parent is copied
to create a matched pair. The pair is “matched” because the chromosomes
contain the same genes.
For example, both of your parents contributed a gene for eye colour,
and the colour of your eyes depends on which gene is dominant.

Very often, these genes don’t copy perfectly; so if both parents have blue eyes,
you might get one gene copying with the DNA for blue eyes, but the other
gene mutates into green eye DNA. If this mutated gene is dominant, the baby
will have green eyes (no one has any idea how or why these mutations occur).

In almost all cases, any mutation that occurs when the genes reproduce has
no effect on the baby, aside from causing differences in how a baby looks
compared to its parents.

18 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

First principles

In Aaron’s case, chromosome 16 didn’t copy perfectly. So Aaron has an almost perfect
chromosome 16 pair: one is a 100% replica of either mine or Aimee’s and one has
one out of 90 million DNA blocks that didn’t copy over properly. It copied over, but
just not fully.

Surely, such a microscopic incident has no bearing on the development of
the child?

I think if you take a second to think about how something so life-changing is caused
by such an ostensibly inconsequential event, it should inspire you to make even the
smallest change in your life during this spiritually charged time of year, because you
never know the multiplier effect it may have.

Gareth Kobrin was born South Africa where he He is married to Aimee and they have three children. When
graduated with a master’s degree in economics from the he is not doing VAT stuff, he loves to write and is obsessed
University of Cape Town. He moved to London just over a with sport.
decade ago where he worked in the banking industry for a
few years, and then qualified as a chartered management If you need any advice on VAT or just want some sports
accountant. He is now the CEO of a tax technology company banter, Gareth can be contacted at Gareth.kobrin@
called VATGlobal, which is part of the VAT IT Group. vatglobal.com.

New beginn

Editor S h i ra D r u i o n
tells her immigration story.

Fresh start

ningsa s a n e x p a t

“Go; leave your land, your birthplace and your father’s
house, and go to the land that I will show you.”

It is a narrative that has threaded its way through the At the time, I was teaching in Chief Rabbi Warren
lives of the Jewish people since time immemorial. Goldstein’s Beit Medrash at King David Victory Park.
Indeed, for centuries, Jews the world over have had to As fate would have it, I started teaching Parshat Lech
relocate from the lands they have come to call home. Lecha the week I was notified that my visa had been
From Spain to Poland, Iraq, Portugal, Israel and approved. This obviously meant I would soon be
more, we are a nation that has first-hand knowledge packing my bags to move to London, and it also meant
of what it means to be uprooted – a storyline that has that for the duration of my time in South Africa,
accompanied millions both past and present. I continued to teach the parsha. The test that Abraham
encountered came alive for me with a startling and
We continue to watch as our brothers flee from places tangible resonance, and I was struck by the deep pain
like France, as it vomits anti-Semitism from its crevices. that was involved with extricating oneself from the place
I often think about the journey of the Jewish people one has come to call home – a feeling that all expats can
and how it is one that has been fraught with piercing identify with, as we transport ourselves to foreign lands.
pain. But this compelling tale of extrication and
relocation is precisely what has come to define us, as we B l ank can v as
courageously forge our way forward as a resilient nation
that rises triumphantly in the face of adversity. I recall the obvious synergy that was so evident between
the material I was teaching and how I felt about leaving
I left South Africa for rainy London nearly five years my life in South Africa, which was very dear to me in
ago, a move that also meant leaving my father’s house, so many ways. The explanation on this verse, which
birthplace and country. In April 2012, I was offered a is offered by Rashi, explains the reason G-d asked this
job in London, but the visa process became a lengthy of Abraham was to ensure he would start on a fresh
and arduous one. Finally, after much effort and a rather canvas when he eventually became the lauded father of
large miracle, it came through in October 2013. the Jewish people. G-d had to ensure he was free from
any spiritually contaminated residue, which may have
impacted his soul.

YALLA MAGAZINE 21

Rashi explains these three places (one’s land, one’s
birthplace and one’s father’s house) contribute to
shaping a person’s identity. G-d wanted Abraham
to have an identity that would be moulded afresh
by a pure and holy connection, free from the idol
worshipping ways and experiences to which he had
been witness in his father’s house.

The overwhelming experience of expats is that the But, Shabbos helps to close that gap as, week after week,
initial stages of leaving always carry with them those I integrated more into the community and the chasm of
same feelings that Abraham, our historic forefather, unfamiliar territory closed, bit by bit.
experienced as he trail-blazed his way forward in a
foreign land. We all miss something different, but no G-d knew how dispersed the Jews would be as the eons
one leaves unscathed by that signature yearning. As of time marched on through history. So, as an antidote
the Talmud teaches: “A person always retains a special to the feelings of isolation, he built in Shabbos, the day
endearment for his birthplace.” where we get to connect to everything we know to be
our own – the universal experience we share with our
As I sat in the plane reflecting on the life-changing seemingly foreign brethren, so we begin to see that, in
journey on which I was about to embark, I realised essence, we are not so different, but on a fundamental
that my last Shabbat in South Africa had indeed level, very much the same.
been Parshat Lech Lecha! It could not have been
more of a sign for me! The plane ride was obviously
an emotional one, and I could not help but think this
new journey would offer me a clean canvas, just as it did
for Abraham and Sara thousands of years before me.

"But this compelling

tale of extrication On my journey, I have come to realise that culture
and relocation is does play a significant role in how comfortable we feel
precisely what has in new chapters of our lives, but it is not the only factor
come to define us..." in this equation. Our Jewish heritage is our sacred
inheritance that is all the more defining when we realise
that the common goals of Shabbos, charity and beloved
Jewish values unite us as a nation that is as colourful
as it is Divine.

Little did I realise the challenges involved in recreating The priceless gene we inherited from Abraham is the
an identity, and what it would mean to build from ability to rebuild ourselves by accessing G-d and his holy
scratch as I entered as a stranger from a strange land, Torah to put us on the map. Lech Lecha. Go forth to
naïve and hopeful – bad combo! I recall what it felt like the lands that G-d has shown you!
to walk into shul on my first Shabbat, and how it felt not
knowing a single soul, barring the rabbi. I remember
thinking: “What on earth have I done? What was I
thinking leaving everything I knew to be my reality?”

Shira Druion

BYShiraJ E W E L S

CONTACT:
[email protected] 07585 973 906

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THE CLASSROOM
OF 2018

PART TWO

Education

Following on from part one in the previous issue of
Yalla, this experiential education feature puts the
spotlight on the Black Canyon and facing our fears.

R a b b i y i t s y dav i d

Perhaps the highlight of the year for our school’s The concept of FOMO (fear of missing out) has
programming is the Chazak Year 12 Ematz trip to allowed marketing companies to pounce, and it is this
Israel. Two weeks in the Holy Land, 20 17-year-old that has become the driving force behind the social
boys and the most exciting sports activities you can media mechanism of today. Fear keeps us rooted to the
imagine. Paintballing, quad biking, abseiling and a spot and compels us to remain tuned in, afraid we may
Segway tour of King David’s City. It’s truly an miss out if we are out of the loop.
all-round idyllic experience.
Social media plays on our natural fear of being liked or
Aside from the adrenaline rush and fun, we obviously accepted, and is a proven platform to corroborate this
ensure it is a richly educational experience too. It theory, in real-time. In some ways it lessens our fears,
includes the spiritual zest of Jerusalem’s old city, as as it is safer to meet new people online and we feel less
well as time for meditation and introspection at the vulnerable. It allows us to let people in whom we may
Western Wall. There are many thought-provoking not let in face-to-face. The dark side, however, is that it is
classes on spirituality, morality, Jewish philosophy and easier to be rejected online, and it’s easier for people to
more, and we really focus on building real connections be cruel. Trolling and cyber bullying are proofs of this.
with the boys, hopefully providing a healthy image of
what it means to be a good Jew in 2018. Life is filled with big fears and little fears. But, the
concept of fear remains a mystery. Modern-day
However, as I mentioned in the last article, Chazak psychologists continue to debate the nature of fear, as
makes sure education goes beyond the walls of the to whether actual fears of things like snakes and spiders
classroom, incorporating experiential learning, even are genuine phobias of the object itself, or are just a
when it comes to one of the most paralysing emotions subconscious negative association with something that
of all: fear. once happened.

YALLA MAGAZINE 25

Either way, a fear is a fear and, for some, the reality is Education
so frightening that its foundation is of no importance.
There is a school of thought that believes the only H o w d o they d o it ?
tangible way to overcome a fear is to face it head-on and
almost be “forced” into a situation, to stare your fear in The second they reach the ledge and look down, fear
the face so it has to be overcome. Susan Jeffers, author kicks in. Adrenalin courses through their bodies. All
of: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, suggests this as a method sounds are deafened by the pounding in their heads.
of dealing with the problem. She says once you do an The other boys in the group try to cheer them on, chant
action repeatedly, the subconscious mind will eventually for them and give them countdowns, but nothing works.
learn ‘not to fear’ the particular stimulus at play.
Eventually, after a long time, what actually does work
At Chazak, each of our programmes are thought out is not the cheering or telling them you believe in them.
and well considered and, as an educator responsible for The point where they start to stare their fears right in
each student, I try to ensure the activities we include the eye comes from realising there is no turning back.
in our schedule are pedagogy-based. In this article, the They have to know they have all the time in the world,
stimulus for overcoming our fears is the Black Canyon – but at some point, they are going to have to face their
embarking on an adventurous hike through the stunning fears head-on, and jump into the unknown. What helps
Nahal Yehudia, the Judean Valley in the north of Israel. most is to know that even though what they fear most is
It is a gruelling seven-hour hike, where participants letting go to make the jump, to fly through the air, there
climb deep down into the canyon and jump off rocks is actually some stability and foundation. For starters,
into natural pools of water. We also abseil down a this may sound silly, but it helps loads: “You are standing
20-metre waterfall and then climb back up the other on firm ground. Stand straight and sturdy. Make sure
side. It’s truly an exhilarating experience and is also both feet are firmly on the ground. Understand that
tiring and beautiful. But, for many, it’s terrifying… the ground isn’t going anywhere.” Secondly, they need
to hear the words: “I’m here by your side. I’m not
The valley seems almost designed to lure you in to a going anywhere. You have my support and I won’t
false sense of security. The first one or two jumps are leave without you.” You can hold their hand. You can
somewhat minor compared to what’s coming, and you put your hand on their shoulder. They need to feel a
think “no big deal” or “what was all the fuss about?” physical presence. A secure, reliable support. Suddenly,
However, by that stage, when you have reached the they can breathe again. It’s not instant. It takes time for
point of no return, there is no way back. You have that awareness to seep in. But when it does, when there
to move forward, and the jumps only get higher and is that realisation that somebody is there with you, there
scarier. There is nowhere to turn and you are forced to for you, together – that alone is a lifeline.
make the jumps. Whether you are just slightly scared,
or paralysed with fear, the jumps must be done. The verse in Tehillim says: “Lo ira ra ki ata imadi” –
“do not fear, for I am with you”. David Hamelech,
Once the fear smacks you in the face, countless possible the author of Tehillim, tells us we may not be able
outcomes are slowly revealed. Interestingly, everyone to solve the problem, or make it disappear, but just
develops their own unique way of dealing with fear. For knowing that we have support, in this context, the
some, its panic, their hearts pounding loudly in their support of our Father in Heaven, the Almighty, that
chest; for others, paralysis strikes and they can no longer in itself can help someone through almost any situation.
move as their legs turn to jelly. The boys can’t hear the Armed with the knowledge that Hashem is there for us
people around them, encouraging them. It’s just them at all times is a reassurance and support that can be a
and the jump. Sometimes we have had to wait patiently huge step in moving forward in our lives, especially in
for up to 30 or 40 minutes for a guy to make the jump. the realm of facing our fears.

26 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

Education

There is a celebrated Christian poem called “Footsteps in the Sand”, based on Christian
mythology. It describes a person walking on the beach with G-d. They leave two sets
of footprints in the sand. The footprints represent the path of the speaker’s life and
eventually the two trails become one trail. Believing that G-d has abandoned him during
those times, the speaker questions G-d:

One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,

One belonging to me and one to my Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me,

I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,

Especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
There was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.

But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
There was only one set of footprints.

I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”
He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you.
Never, ever, during your trials and testing.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”

[ A uthor unkno w n ]

YALLA MAGAZINE 27

Education

It’s a beautiful poem and has many
Jewish underpinnings to it, but there’s
one detail missing. It is true that
Hashem is always by our side. And
it’s also true that sometimes there’s
only one set of footsteps in the sand.
But, there are two possible reasons for
this. One is, as the poem explains, that
sometimes during the most difficult
times in life, Hashem is carrying us,
hence the single set of footsteps.
There is, however, another scenario
when there is only a single set of
footsteps. This refers to the
challenging times in our life where it
is not necessary for Hashem to carry us. He is not ‘standing by our side’, but is rather supporting us from behind.
When a person knows and feels supported, it can help that person not to fall apart, because Hashem is behind the
person. This not only gives a person strength to get through the current scenario, but also creates a stronger, more
independent, person who is able to face future challenges too.

People don’t need Hashem to solve their problems; “The point where they
we are capable. The scenario is much like a parent/ start to stare their fears
child scenario, where we have to step back and let our right in the eye comes
children work through their problems on their own. from realising there is
But, one thing we all need is support. Life can be
difficult and challenging, but knowing someone is no turning back.”
there for you, with a listening ear, a shoulder to cry
on or a shoulder to lean on is the elixir to life’s trials
and tribulations. These forms of support do not fix or
cure people’s challenges or struggles, and they are not
a quick-fix solution to our problems, but they certainly
help to ease the burden.

Fears are the same. They can be overcome when they are faced, but having support through the process is essential.
Knowing someone is there for you, making sure you won’t fall, can really help you to face your fears head-on and
ultimately succeed in overcoming them.

RaBBI yitsy david

at Chazak

Join Chazak for a chance to have a meaningful
uplifting family experience and teach your
children the tunes of our heritage.

Sunday morning
17th September at Chazak
9:30am - Followed by breakfast

At t e n

tion

mind

fuln

e s sA t t e n t i o n ,
a n dm i n d f u l n e s s

and

A DA D H D H D

A DHD

Developmental and

behavioural paediatrician
D r R a u n M e l m e d helps

us to better understand They have difficulty filtering out distractions and

A D H seleDcting what is most important to pay attention to.

A D H Dand navigate ADHD. They might see details but miss the big picture. They
AD H may uhnavdDeertsrtoaunbdlerustlaers,titnhgeyormfianyisfhaiinl gtotausskes.thTehrouulegshto
they
Paying attention is all about being mindful – being
able to live in the now and appreciating the wonder guide their behaviour.

of the moment. This is a real challenge for children

with attentional problems or when Attention Deficit/ Others might be restless and have difficulty sitting
Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is diagnosed. still. They appear to be in constant motion. They may

interrupt, blurt out comments and have trouble waiting

What do we mean when we use the term ADHD? their turn. Kids with attentional problems have high
Children with ADHD have trouble paying attention energy levels and are constantly on the go, as if driven
to activities that don’t fully engage their interest. by a motor.

They may act without thinking about consequences

and thus repeat behaviours which have ended up poorly The presence of these symptoms is not enough to nail
before. They act impulsively, with little regard to the down a diagnosis of ADHD. In addition to having the
future (forethought), and rarely do they learn from the symptoms, they must also be hurting or failing because
past (hindsight). of these challenges in at least two settings, such as at

home, at school or with friends.

They are sadly unaware of social cues because of Many children are impulsive and inattentive without
distractibility, and consequently, have a difficult time undue impact on their school performance and social
reading social situations correctly or being cognisant interaction. If that is the case, they might well have
of the behaviour of others in the classroom and on attentional issues, but they do not necessarily have
the playground. Interestingly, children with ADHD ADHD. Let’s not trivialise that diagnosis!
can concentrate on activities of their own choosing.
They can play videogames games for hours.
Repetitive, uninteresting tasks are more challenging!

YALLA MAGAZINE 31

M aking a d iagnosis A DHD

The diagnostic process should entail an assessment of Anticipate problems: if your child has a challenging time
a child’s strengths and weaknesses – basically an in- in any specific situation, pre-learn the skills necessary
depth description of the child. Treatment follows and to succeed socially in that context – such as practising
interventions are prescribed according to each child’s ST4 (which I explain further on)! If something is likely
unique profile. We could call that prescription to bother your child, or if he will be in a novel situation
by description! that might be stressful, again ST4!

Educational accommodations can help with school Children with ADHD often feel rejected by adults and
performance, and behavioural strategies can effectively even peers within the environment. “My teacher is so
manage behaviour at home. In certain circumstances, mean,” a boy might say.
medication might be considered. Dietary interventions
can be helpful, the most important one being the need “My teacher doesn’t like me,” a girl might say.
for a good breakfast, high in protein. A good night’s
rest is imperative. “My friends always pick on me,” kids with impulsivity
might say. The ability to recognise their own power in
Most children do better with routines. Keeping being able to turn things around is a key intervention.
schedules for daily activities, such as meals, homework,
sports and even leisure time, helps. Reward positive What about the child’s role? Including any individual
behaviours rather than punishing negative behaviours. in their own treatment programme will surely enhance
Identify a specific behaviour you want to change and the possibilities of a successful outcome, and the same
come up with the specific positive skill you’d like to is true for children with attentional concerns. Certainly,
replace it with. In that way, you can help your child children need to know what is expected of them. They
replace a negative behaviour with a positive skill. need to learn to read their own signals and impulses,
when to put on the brakes, when to slow down and
Be specific with praise. Avoid platitudes such as: when to let off steam. They basically need to learn
“You are such a good girl, you’re a great kid.” Rather how to be mindful.
be specific! “I like the way you read the room.”
I wrote the book: Marvin’s Monster Dairy: ADHD Attacks
“I like the way you stopped and thought.” That with that goal in mind. It describes tools that children
will provide much needed and very effective themselves can use to address their challenges. First is
positive reinforcement. the ST4 process and then the use of a camera. Both are
designed to enhance mindfulness and self-awareness.
Don ’ t f orget the f un ! Giving children the tools for changing a situation that is
uncomfortable for them engages them in the treatment
Have fun with your child. Incorporate physical process, and assures them we are on their side and we
exercise into afternoon homework routines and do understand the challenges they are having.
take fun breaks from homework. Stay off your
phone and model good listening skills, really
listen to what they have to say. Let children
learn about their problems.

T i p s an d too l s

The ST4 process works as follows: • That’s why we say ST4.

• Let your child know how to take charge of his/her • Draw that formula or code.
body.
• Create stickers with ST4 emblazoned on them.
• Children can learn the power they have to control
their bodies – their arms and legs and what comes • Make badges.
out of their mouths. That is empowering.
• Put them on backpacks, on folders, on the school
• Let your child know you are going to teach him/her desk, on the bathroom mirror!
a special code, which s/he can keep secret if s/he
wants • Sometimes it can be helpful to tell the teacher about
ST4 – it can be used in the classroom as well.
• Explain to the child what a ‘formula’ means. Kids
might have heard of water being H2O or oxygen • The teacher can simply point to the sticker or
being O2. Use those as examples. drawing on the child’s desk.

• Let them know they need to slow down and STOP • Keeping it secret will help the kid develop a positive
what they are doing – that’s the S in ST4. One S. relationship with the teacher, while at the same time
avoiding any unnecessary humiliation.
• Now they need to TAKE TIME TO THINK.

• Count the Ts – that’s 4, right?

• So one S and 4 Ts.

The camera exercise is similarly designed to allow children to develop
perspectives and insights into their own behaviour:
• Explain how we view the world through our eyes.

• Eyes are really very similar to cameras – they both view the world through a lens.

• Just like phone cameras and movie cameras, when we look through the lens of our eyes, we can see things
both near and far.

• We can pretend that by using our eyes like a video camera, we can film the room and the people around us.

• We can zoom in and out – just like the zoom on a video camera.

• Together with the child, look at something very small close at hand – such as a fingernail.

• Now look at a point far way – such as a tree in the distance.

• Practise zooming in and out from each point.

• Let the child pretend to be up on the ceiling filming/observing everything below, for example,
what’s going on in the classroom or at the dinner table. Or even while getting ready in the morning.

• That’s a novel way of learning how to “read the room”, see what other kids are doing
and what the teacher is doing.

• We can watch ourselves in the morning when we are getting ready for school… see what we
are doing in the classroom and how everyone acts around the dinner table.

• Then we can understand what we should be doing.

• Soon we’ll all be doing the right thing!

• Try it and make it fun.

A DHD

To realise and appreciate the inherent beauty of each “To realise and
child is the goal. To lead them gently, not by pulling, appreciate the
but by a gentle nudge of the elbow, along their own path inherent beauty
to the self-realisation that they are beautiful and gifted, of each child is
regardless of any faults or foibles. So how is that done?
By letting them know, with specific praise for specific
actions, that they are accepted unconditionally, while
at the same time teaching them the tools necessary to
navigate the vicissitudes of life.

the goal.”

Let children with attentional problems and ADHD Of course, this will not take place overnight, but
know they are not alone in their struggles. They need learning coping tools early and reinforcing them often
to know they are just as smart as other kids, just as funny will go a long way. If we can do that without being
and creative, just as loveable and likely to succeed. patronising and, all the while, improving self-esteem,
A focus on the positive will go a long way to bolstering then we surely must be on the right path. Tools will
self-esteem and confidence for a group of children foster a sense of competency, an ability to identify
who often suffer enormously because of being strengths, and the development of coping strategies.
constantly berated.

Labels aren’t necessary, but self-awareness and Treatment of attentional problems is a multimodal
awareness of challenges are. If we can name it, endeavour. Learning organisational skills,
we can tame it. Teach kids about the power within managing behaviour, learning social skills, making
them to be able to take charge of their own body! accommodations are all important. But, wouldn’t it be
That’s precisely the point of ST4 and the wonderful to allow the children themselves a modicum
camera activity. of control over their own selves? To become mindful?

Raun D Melmed, MD, FAAP, Tucson. Dr Melmed did his medical the Extended Family; and a series
developmental and behavioural training at the University of Cape of books addressing mindfulness in
paediatrician, is director of the Town, South Africa, and completed children, including Marvin’s Monster
Melmed Center in Scottsdale, Arizona his fellowship at Children’s Hospital Diary – ADHD Attacks and Timmy’s
and co-founder and medical director Medical Center, in Boston, where Monster Diary: Screen Time Attacks!
of the Southwest Autism Research he was an Instructor at Harvard Harriet’s Monster Diary – Anxiety
and Resource Center. He is on faculty Medical School. He is the author of Attacks
at Arizona State University in Phoenix Succeeding with Difficult Children; will be released in the second
and at the University of Arizona in Autism: Early Intervention; Autism and quarter of 2019.

LOO K
G
Looking

IN

Ff o r O R

A T Ta t t e n t i o n

E NOccupational therapist T
Br i tt B u r s t e i n N

explains how OT can help

I Otreat ADHD.

With the increasing awareness of attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) these days and the diagnosis
becoming more common (3.6% of boys and 0.9% of girls in the UK[i]), a greater number of parents are seeking
intervention. Occupational therapy (OT) is one of several interventions.

What is A D H D ?

The Diagnostic Statistic Manual (DSM), published by the American Psychiatric Association,
is an international classification system used to make a diagnosis. The DSM-5 (2013) classifies ADHD as:
• A persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes

with functioning or development:
• For children, six or more of the symptoms (see table) have persisted for at least six months to a degree that is

inconsistent with developmental level, and that negatively impacts directly on social and academic/occupational
activities. Note: the symptoms are not solely a manifestation of oppositional behaviour, defiance,
hostility or failure to understand tasks or instructions.
• Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms present in two or more settings
(e.g., at home, school or work; with friends or relatives; in other activities).
• Clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of, social, academic or
occupational functioning.
• Symptoms do not occur exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder,
and are not better explained by another mental disorder (e.g., mood disorder, anxiety disorder, dissociative
disorder, personality disorder, substance intoxication or withdrawal).

D S M - 5 T M d iagnostic criteria f or A D H D :
sym p toms o f inattention , hy p eracti v ity an d im p u l si v ity

Symptoms of inattention Symptoms of hyperactivity and impulsivity

• Often fails to give close attention to detail • Often fidgets with or taps hands and feet,
or makes mistakes or squirms in seat

• Often has difficulty sustaining attention in • Often leaves seat in situations when
tasks or activities remaining seated is expected

• Often does not seem to listen when spoken • Often runs and climbs in situations where

to directly it is inappropriate

• Often does not follow through on • Often unable to play or engage in leisure
instructions and fails to finish schoolwork activities quietly

• Often has difficulty organising tasks and • Is often ‘on the go’, acting as if ‘driven by a
activities motor’

• Often avoids, dislikes or is reluctant to • Often talks excessively
engage in tasks that require sustained
mental effort • Often blurts out answers before a question
has been completed
• Often loses things necessary for tasks
or activities • Often has difficulty waiting their turn

• Is easily distracted by extraneous stimuli • Often interrupts or intrudes on others

• Is often forgetful in daily activities

A DHD

If parents or the teacher at school feel your child might “One boy told me he
have ADHD, the first step is to see your GP, who will could concentrate
usually refer you on to CAMHS (Child and Adult now because ‘the
Mental Health Service). Once the diagnosis has been bees buzzing in his
made, usually by a team of professionals, a course
of treatment will be recommended. This could be head’ had stopped.”
medication or therapy, but a combination of both is
often best. What is O T ?

In my experience as a children’s occupational therapist, Occupational therapists recognise the importance
having worked with children with ADHD for over 20 of ‘occupations’ for physical and mental health.
years, the right type of medication for the right type ‘Occupation’ is another term for ‘meaningful activity’.
of child can be life-changing. There is often a great All individuals, children and adults need to engage in
deal of resistance and opposition to medication, but meaningful activities in three main areas:
the medication has been tested to be safe and has been
used and monitored for many years. If a child had Self-care: being able to dress, feed and groom oneself,
pneumonia, one would not deny him the medication organise one’s daily life, etc.
if it was going to make him better, even if there were
possible side-effects. I often think of ADHD medication Productivity (or school, for children): being able
in the same way – why would one deny a child to hold the pencil, copy from the board, engage in PE or
something that will make his life and school experience playtime, focus and follow instructions (not the academic
more manageable and positive? However, as I said skills needed).
before, it may not be the solution for all children,
and many factors need to be considered. Leisure (or play, for children): any other activities
which are not self-care or school.
Some of the children I have worked with have described
their experiences to me. One boy told me he could OTs consider what underlying skills are needed to
concentrate now because “the bees buzzing in his participate and achieve (e.g., cognition, perceptual skills,
head” had stopped. Another very bright and articulate sensory skills, motor skills). OTs also consider the impact
boy, who had never been able to sit at his desk for long of the environment (social, cultural, physical, emotional)
enough to produce a whole page of writing, told me on performance of these skills.
that he felt the “cotton wool” had been cleared from his
brain, and for the first time, in year 5, he was able to
produce sufficient amounts of work to demonstrate his
vast knowledge.

YALLA MAGAZINE 37

A DHD

O T treatment For instance, a child without ADHD can sit happily in
In order to address the difficulties the child with ADHD a room playing with a toy while the television is on, two
is experiencing, the OT will consider three main areas: adults talk and a car hoots in the background. A child
with ADHD will probably find this impossible. This
T he task : child’s brain can’t deal with all the different sights and
Does the task need to be simplified? Is the child sounds and decide which is important. The child gets
being given too much information so perhaps he only confused and can’t concentrate and the result will be
performs the last part of the task? It is important to the disorganised and chaotic behaviour.
allow for the child’s success. Children with ADHD
constantly seek novelty, so sometimes presenting the One of the main areas OTs consider is that of the
task in a way which engages them helps them to sensory system and how this affects the child with
acquire the skill. ADHD’s functioning. Most people are familiar with the
five senses of touch, taste, smell, vision and hearing. But,
T he en v ironment : we also have two ‘hidden senses’ which are extremely
The OT will look at where the child is sitting in class, important for determining how we interact with the
if his table is very cluttered, if placing him near a door world and make sense of it. These two hidden senses
is adding to distraction, or are other children distracting are called our proprioception and vestibular senses.
him? Would an adapted pencil or a posture support help
the child perform more effectively? Would a quiet space Proprioception is essentially ‘body awareness’ – it
in the classroom help the child when the classroom informs the brain about the position of the body in
becomes too overwhelming? The OT will often go into space. Receptors are located in the muscles and joints
school to assess/advise on this. and send messages to the brain about where the body
is in space. An example is when you walk up stairs, you
T he chi l d : don’t need to look at your feet to know where you are –
The OT will build up skills through play and activities. your proprioceptors are sending this information to your
There are several therapeutic interventions which the brain on a subconscious level. Children with ADHD
OT may try, such as sensory integration therapy, a often have not developed their proprioception and may
sensory diet, the Alert Programme, therapeutic listening, appear clumsy, walk into things and may not be able
the CO-OP approach, among others. to position themselves correctly on their chair or on
the carpet. Interestingly, proprioceptive input has been
A child with ADHD is unable to process information found to be calming and have an organising effect on
in the same way as other children. This means that for children, which is why it is often used in therapy.
a child with ADHD, the outside world rushes in with a
flood of noise and images, and the child cannot decide Vestibular input informs the brain about the position
what’s important and gets confused. This is why the of the head during movement. Receptors are located
child finds it impossible to organise daily tasks and in canals in the inner ear – children who have suffered
to see activities through to the finish. from glue ear (fluid in the space behind the eardrum)
will frequently have vestibular issues. The vestibular
system is stimulated by the tilting of the head. This
can have either an alerting or calming effect.

[i] Ford T, Goodman R, Meltzer H. The British Child and Adolescent Mental Health Survey 1999: the prevalence of DSM-IV disorders. J Am
Acad Child Psy. 2003;42:1203–1211. doi: 10.1097/00004583-200310000-00011. [PubMed] [Cross Ref]

What is sensory integration ?

One of the most widely used techniques by OTs to treat children with ADHD, Dyspraxia (DCD)
and Autism is Sensory Integration Therapy (there is often an overlap between these conditions
and ADHD. Frequently, a child will have both ADHD with another one of these conditions).
Ayres, who developed sensory integration (SI), described it as “the organisation of sensory
input for use” (1979). SI sorts, orders and eventually puts all of the individual inputs together
in a whole brain function.

When the flow of sensation is disorganised, life can be like a rush-hour traffic jam. Good sensory
processing is like having a policeman to direct the cars. When sensations flow in a well-organised
manner, the brain can use those sensations to form perceptions, behaviours and learning. In order
to have good sensory processing, one must have good discrimination (being able to differentiate
between the different sensory input coming in) and modulation (the organisation of sensory
information so that you can use it). Discrimination and modulation are dependent on thresholds.

Thresholds are the level at which sensory input is detected – the brain registers some type of
sensory input has been encountered.

When a child has a high threshold, it takes a lot/sustained stimulation to meet the threshold, e.g.,
you need to call his name several times before he hears you (but his hearing is fine). Children with
high thresholds may behave in two ways:

1. Sensory seeking – These children seek sensations to reach their high thresholds. They tend
to be active and continuously engaged with the environment. This is the behaviour typically
seen in children with ADHD.

2. Poor registration – Thresholds are never reached. These children therefore appear
uninterested and have a flat or dull affect. They have low energy levels and appear
lethargic and tired.

When a child has a low threshold, very little stimulation causes thresholds to be met. The response
will tend to be quick or intense. Children who are sensory defensive operate under high levels
of anxiety. They are bombarded by sensations they do not like and this may encourage “flight,
fright or fight” reactions. They are often in a hyper-alert state. Some children will seek out certain
sensations as a coping strategy, for example: bumping into objects, bouncing, squeezing between
pillows and furniture, humming and making noises, rocking or rhythmic motions.

OTs recognise these behaviours and provide opportunities for the child to begin to understand
the sensations and respond to them appropriately. By exposing the child to sensory stimulation
in a structured, repetitive way, the theory is that, over time, the brain will adapt and allow the
child to process and react to sensations more efficiently. Sometimes, SI therapy is not sufficient
to treat the child with ADHD and, as mentioned previously, it can be more effective when combined
with medication.

For f urther in f ormation on ho w occu p ationa l thera p y
or sensory integration thera p y may he l p , p l ease l ook at
w w w . sensoryintegration . org . uk .

Britt Burstein (Jacobs) is a paediatric occupational She has a private practice, works for several charities and
therapist. She qualified in South Africa in 1996 with a contracts to local authorities as well as provides training
Bachelor of Occupational Therapy and completed her to teachers and parents. When not working, she loves
Masters at Brunel University in 2006. Britt has lived in spending time with her family, travelling, learning and
London since 2000 and is married to Martyn and taking long walks.
they have two children.

Rit-

Ritalin:

alin:

the pros and

the

cons

pros
To give or not to give? That is the question.

a n dC l a i r e Fr e e m a n

cons

A DHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
currently affects up to 10% of schoolchildren in the UK,
and this number is growing rapidly as more and more
children are being diagnosed with ADHD. According
to the NHS, nearly a million prescriptions for ADHD
medications are handed out each year. This figure has
doubled in the last decade and is constantly rising.

I love children. They are impulsive by nature. They are This disorder can affect their education dramatically.
active by nature. They are inquisitive by nature. In fact, It can also hamper their ability to form lasting
they are a force of nature. But, some children are more friendships. And, in many cases, it can destroy family
impulsive than the ‘norm’ and some really can’t sit still. dynamics. One local mother describes her seven-year-
They find it hard to focus and fall behind at school. old son “like a train driving at a million miles per hour,
just waiting to crash...” The atmosphere in the family
In his book: ADHD home is permanently tense as each moment holds the
and the Nature of Self possibility of chaos.
Control, written by
Dr Russell Barkley, PhD, As a parent, this is frustrating and sometimes heart-
he states: “Acting without breaking. As a family, it can be disastrous. And when
much forethought and your child suffers, you want to help.
responding on impulse
to events that occur H o w to he l p the A D H D chi l d ?
around them… are typical
characteristics of young Before the 1950s, central nervous system (CNS) drugs
children.” Children seek (more commonly known as stimulants) were never
immediate gratification; administered to children. They were considered unsafe
that is their nature. In and we were in the dark about the long-term side-
other words, they lack effects they could cause. Since the 1970s, the use of
self-control. As parents, we these stimulant drugs to control impulse behaviours in
understand this. Toddlers children has risen dramatically.
are not able to control
their bodies, needs or When a child is diagnosed with ADHD, s/he is often
urges. We parent softly, prescribed a CNS drug, known as Methylphenidate
in the hope that they (Ritalin, Medikinet, Equasym XL, Concerta). Stimulant
will grow out of this. Dr drugs are a class of psychoactive drug that works by
Barkley, who is considered increasing activity in the brain, specifically the central
the world’s leading nervous system and the autonomic nervous system. It
authority on ADHD, enhances the effects of dopamine and norepinephrine,
explains that a child which can lead to an immediate increase in blood
whose inability to control pressure, respiratory function and euphoria. More
his impulsivity and/or simply put, the stimulant drug helps the nerves in the
attention to such an extent brain ‘talk to each other’ so the child can function better.
that exceeds the ‘norm’ It enhances the child’s ability to be more aware of his/
has a brain dysfunction her surroundings, which, of course, helps the child to fit
called ADHD. in socially – at home and in the classroom.

YALLA MAGAZINE 41

A DHD

Thus, the observed benefits of using stimulant drugs for ADHD are the following:

· Significant decrease in fidgeting and other signs of restlessness;
· Improved control of fine motor skills, such as handwriting and sports;

and
· Better management of moods and emotions.

With the correct dosage, the stimulant drugs help boost a child’s self-esteem,
create friendships and relationships, while performing better at school.

Won d er d rug

It sounds like a wonder drug. And for many, it is.

One mother from North London was totally opposed to ‘drugging’ her child.
She fought for years with doctors, adamant that this wasn’t going to be her
solution. She tried everything from massage to yoga, occupational therapy to
child psychologists. He was diagnosed with severe ADHD at six years old.
Eventually, at a loss and desperate for some form of intervention, she acquiesced.
He was prescribed Medikinet. She says: “I agreed to try it for a week, but I didn’t
need a week; it changed our lives in four days. He was still his cheeky self, but
calmer and able to sit down and have a conversation. Within two months, his
social life was transformed. He went from having no friends to having playdates
every day. He can listen in class and is now able to play sports as he can manage
the rules. Our homelife is so much better; he can play with his siblings as he is
more able to control his emotions and understand what is happening around
him. Our lives have been transformed; my only regret is that I took too long to
medicate my son.”

Another mother describes her child as angry at the world, aggressive with others
and unpredictable, yet within minutes of taking the drug, he becomes tranquil,
happy and willing to learn. She describes the change quite vividly: “It’s like he is
suddenly comfortable in his own skin, he likes himself, likes people and likes life.”
She believes that mothers who don’t medicate are doing their children
an injustice.

As life-changing as stimulant drugs tend to be, there is a horror that lies beneath
the wonder.

Almost all mothers complain that their children experience a decrease in appetite
and trouble falling asleep at night. Some children suffer with hallucinations
and suicidal urges, and many users suffer with tics for the rest of their lives.
Other mothers find their children become ‘zombie-like’. It can also pose a tragic
outcome: between 1990 and 2000, there were 186 suspected ‘Ritalin deaths’

A DHD

“The stimulant

drug helps the

reported to the FDA Medwatch programme in nerves in the
Heather Smith, mother of Matthew*, who died at aged brain ‘talk to
14 from the long-term use of Methylphenidate, asks each other’ so
on her website: “One toy might be recalled if 1 or 2 the child can
children die from it. How many children have to die
from these drugs before we put an end to the horror?”

CNS drugs are classified as a Schedule II Controlled function better.”
Substance by the US Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA).
This means its medical uses have severe restrictions. The NHS watchdog, the National Institute for Clinical
Doctors should only prescribe stimulant medication Excellence (NICE), urges parents to explore alternative
when a child exhibits severe ADHD symptoms and options such as parenting programmes and behavioural
only when the child is six years or older. It is important therapies before prescribing stimulants to their children.
to note that even if your doctor suggests the use of Tony Lloyd, chief executive of the ADHD Foundation,
ADHD medicine, the decision to use it is still the sole reminds us that the general guideline is that the drugs
responsibility of the parent. If a parent chooses to use should only be dispensed as a last resort.
ADHD medicine, there will be a series of forms that
must be filled out by parents to monitor the side-effects It seems most parents who decide to give their child
of this drug. medication for ADHD do go through an agonising
decision-making process. Most have tried alternative
Some of the known side-effects of Ritalin are: methods and the majority don’t want to medicate their
child. Even after extensive research and an informed
• Headaches decision, they still struggle with the idea of giving their
• Stomach aches child the medication.
• Difficulty sleeping
• Nausea One recovering drug addict, a father, remembers being
• Nervousness given Ritalin as a child. He became zombie-like and
withdrawn. His mother took him off the drugs. Fifteen
Less common side-effects: years later, he gives the same drug to his eight-year-old
son, admitting: “It doesn’t feel right, but I just can’t
• Seizures (mostly in patients with a history) handle it any other way.”
• Irregular heartbeat
• Slower growth in children (height and weight) It seems that once this unbearable decision has been
• Blurred vision or eyesight changes made, and the wonder pill has done its magic, it is
• Dizziness hard to look back. Finally, lives resume some sense
• Dyskinesia (tics) of normality.
• Palpitations
• Blood pressure changes
• Fever
• Skin rash

YALLA MAGAZINE 43

S o , d oes R ita l in w ork ? A DHD

The answer is yes, it works, but it begs the question,
at what cost?

As one relieved mother puts it: “You can’t deny it doesn’t As parents, we must remain vigilant and awake; we
work?” However, it is wise to point out that testing for never must feel we have found a definitive answer.
ADHD is subjective and based on a diagnostic checklist Our children are not products, they are people.
only. The US-based National Institute of Health (NIH) Children change, grow and develop at alarming
reports that, to date: “We do not have an independent, rates. We must accept that, we too, must change
valid test for ADHD, and there is no data to indicate our direction sometimes, grow in knowledge and
that ADHD is a brain malfunction.” Thus, while your continually develop strategies to improve their lives.
child may display a cluster of signs that have been It is not enough to say: “This works for now.”
attributed to this disorder, there is no scientific proof Joyce Maynard, American writer and journalist,
that it is either genetic or a brain disorder. urges us to remember: “It is not only children who
grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to
Although medication provides some wonderful see what our children do with their lives, they are
solutions to navigate the difficulties of an ‘ADHD’ watching us to see what we do with ours. I can’t
child, parents must also stay alert and open to tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is
the fact that pills are not a cure. The ‘natural’ reach for it myself.”
unmedicated child still lies beneath and, once the * It is important to note here that Matthew had
symptoms disappear (through the wonder pill), no history of pre-existing heart conditions or
do we question it anymore or are we so relieved other defects. Matthew suffered from a sudden
that we just go back to our lives, sighing loudly? heart attack caused by prolonged exposure to
Often, the relief is so palpable that parents who do Methylphenidate.
medicate are so amazed at the change that looking Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only
elsewhere is no longer an option. and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or
treatment from a physician or other qualified health provider.
One thing is for certain: if, as a parent, you do Any opinions, findings or recommendations expressed in this
medicate your child, you need to continue to material are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect
research and question both the medicine and your the views of Chazak.
child’s state. “What happens if my child doesn’t
grow out of this? What will he be like without
the drug? Am I pretending the side-effects aren’t
that serious? Or, are the pros keeping me in the
dark?” These are all questions that boggle the
mind. Prominent American psychiatrist, Dr Peter
Breggin, who has been called ‘The Conscience of
Psychiatry’, states: “We are the first adults to handle
the generation gap through the wholesale drugging
of children.”

Claire Freeman is a certified EFT Master Practitioner (Emotional Freedom Technique), more commonly known
and Nurtured Heart Parenting Coach. She is passionate as 'tapping'. This groundbreaking non-invasive therapy
about the emotional health of children and applies much eliminates negative belief patterns that can hinder lives.
of her knowledge in that area to her professional life. She She currently sees clients in her home or at Centennial
currently works with children with debilitating fears and Medical Care, in Elstree, Herts. Claire resides in North
limiting beliefs, through the application of EFT London and is a mother to three lovely children.

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T e c h an d i nn o v a t i o n

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YALLA MAGAZINE 47

T e c h an d i nn o v a t i o n

bThere is much hype about AI and machine learning these days, and for good reason.
Let’s separate the substance from the chatter and provide a brief introduction to
the field. People are often confused about the difference between AI and machine
learning, as the words seem to be used interchangeably in the popular media.

Artificial intelligence is concerned with mimicking the cognitive functions of humans
in computers. Its history goes back to the middle of the last century, and what
constitutes AI has changed over time. Machine learning is a sub-field of AI, where
computers learn from data as opposed to having pre-programmed relationships
and heuristics. As such, it is closely linked with statistical inference.

E x traor d inary a p p l ications

Again, the theory underpinning machine learning dates back decades, but only

rrecently has there been a proliferation of data (e.g., social media), combined with

cheap storage and processing power to enable truly remarkable applications that
impact the world around us. For example, self-driving cars, cancer detection based
on image recognition, speech translation and synthesis, and recommendation systems.

Machine learning can be divided into three types: supervised, unsupervised and
reinforcement learning. Supervised learning requires labelled data for each set of
inputs. Thus, the task is to generate optimal functional mapping inputs and desired
outputs. Supervised learning can be further divided into regression and classification
problems. Broadly speaking, the former is used to predict the magnitude of something,
and the latter is concerned with distinguishing between two or more classes.
In unsupervised learning, no labels or desired outputs are provided, so the task is to
learn something about the structure of the data, e.g., is the data clustered in different
groups.

Reinforcement learning is a paradigm that closely mimics how people actually learn
– through trial and error. It consists of an agent that interacts with an environment.
How the agent perceives the environment is called the state. For a given state, the
agent has to choose between a set of actions available to it. Once it has taken an
action it receives a reward and observes a new state of the environment. Through the
stream of rewards, the agent learns how to optimally interact with the environment.
Google DeepMind used reinforcement learning to achieve super-human performance

ain the complicated strategic board game of Go.

Common for both supervised and reinforcement learning is the search for an optimal
functional mapping between inputs and outputs. This brings us to neural networks
and deep learning, on which much contemporary machine learning centres. Artificial
neural networks were originally inspired by the workings of the biological brain, but in
practice, they simply provide a flexible framework for creating functions.

48 Y A L L A M A G A Z I N E

“Already, we are surrounded by machine learning
– from self-driving cars to personal assistants
and recommendation systems that enhance our
shopping experience.”

Deep learning is basically the use of large T h o r n : Tech Task Force member Microsoft
neural networks for the three learning paradigms recently announced that its PhotoDNA technology, a
described above. service that helps accelerate the identification, removal
and reporting of child abuse imagery, will be available in
Already, we are surrounded by machine learning the cloud. This move will give companies, big and small,
– from self-driving cars to personal assistants and a powerful tool to help remove child abuse imagery from
recommendation systems that enhance our shopping their platform while assisting law enforcement in the
experience and help us choose the next entertainment identification and rescue of victims.
programme to watch. This is just the beginning,
and progress is exponential.

A PwC report estimates 30% of jobs are at risk of being Over 70 companies are already putting PhotoDNA to
automated by the mid-2030s. This might sound bleak,
but at the same time it holds tremendous promise. use, collaborating on the removal of millions of illegal
photos across the Web. With Microsoft leveraging the
Paradoxically, the rise of the machines will force us
become more human. We need to encourage creativity cloud as a way to more easily integrate PhotoDNA,
we’re hopeful that more companies will be interested in
and emotional intelligence, rather than traditional rote
learning. In the not too distant future, parents will not using the technology on their own platforms, and plug
want their children to become doctors and lawyers – into the Industry Hash Sharing Platform, so they can
Shakespeare is a better bet. more rapidly build a shared database of image hashes
and, consequently, more rapidly remove this content
iSome of the incredibly innovative products on the from their systems.

market are: Tech brands are partnering with law enforcement and,
together, they’re getting better at applying emerging

Na n i t : An advanced baby monitor that helps you technologies –  like machine learning-powered cognitive
automation – in innovative ways to stop child sex
figure out your baby’s sleep patterns. The team is a
trafficking and dispersion of child sexual abuse material.
tight-knit collection of scientists, parents and designers –

experts in the first beautiful months of human life. They

have developed advanced computer vision and machine

learning algorithms to help measure human behaviour

and use this knowledge and technology to create

innovative products that are safer and smarter,

for parents and babies everywhere. n

Philip Saks holds a PhD in computational finance (machine learning applied to
financial decision-making). He is the founder of Datalyze Technologies, a start-up that
helps businesses extract value from their data. It provides an end-to-end platform
that enables easy integration of machine learning into business processes; from data
management, to training of the algorithms and making them operational in production.

Prior to this, he developed systematic trading strategies – most recently as a partner in a

top-tier quantitative hedge fund, and before that, as a proprietary trader at various firms.

villageIt takes a