WEDDING ESSENTIALS AND ESSENTIAL GROOM ISSUE DIGITAL MAGAZINE

Have a look at some wedding vow examples. Maybe go watch a Ryan Gosling film, if that doesn’t
work, The Notebook is your last resort, your go-to when inspiration is lacking (seriously though, it
works every time).
Try to avoid anything to embarrassing or personal, there are some things that should be kept between
just the two of you. These are your vows, your promises for the person you love most in the world, so
unless you both have a healthy passion for practical jokes, maybe tone it down on the embarrassing
stories.
Writing is a creative craft. It’s difficult writing when morale is low, so if you’re feeling uninspired
maybe take a breather or even come back to it the next day. You’d be surprised as to how ideas can
come out of the blue after giving it some time to surface.
These tips should get you started, but remember, this is the time to tell your partner how much they
truly mean to you. It’s a way to express in detail how you feel about the love of your life, so just make
sure it’s meaningful. Throw in some inside jokes, things only the two of you will appreciate, make
these vows significant and special. This is your opportunity to warm some hearts.

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Photographer: Alexander Smith
Venue: Bona Dea

Hair & Make Up: Madeleine Botha- Make up & Hair by MB
Designer: Hugo Boss

152 | Wedding Essentials

Photographer: Alexander Smith
Venue: Bona Dea

Hair & Make Up: Madeleine Botha- Make up & Hair by MB
Designer: Hugo Boss

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HOW TO BE
THE BEST
GROOM EVER

As the groom there is no time to sit back and relax, you will be expected to be involved in the

planning of your wedding whether you like it or not. Whilst most final decisions will inevitably be made by your
wife-to-be, you will be expected to show interest and even offer your opinion from time to time. This is a tough
job and we’re sure you’ll need some help so here are some helpful suggestions to make it more bearable.

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keep your cool Planning a wedding can be a very emotional and stressful time and you will more offload When things get too much for you share how you’re feeling with your mates and
than likely be on the receiving end of your fiancé’s frustrations. Stay calm and tolerant and try to particularly your best man - that’s what his there for. Keep the lines of communication open with
maintain perspective for both of you. A good way of coping is to maintain your ‘normal’ life like your your fiancé but remember that she’s dealing with mountains of stress herself so don’t burden her
gym routine, watching the game with your mates, days on the golf course – this will save you from unnecessarily.
wedding suffocation.
the speech It goes without saying that you will need to memorise your speech but if you’re not
always on your mind Whilst you shouldn’t let planning the wedding take over you should remind very emotive then pay particular attention to memorising the part where you mention your bride,
your fiancé that it’s as important to you as it is to her. Sending her flowers six months before the big this way you can look at her when you say it and say it with sincerity.
day will show her that you care and that it’s also very much on your mind.
honeymoon extra’s See if you can prearrange some special treats for your honeymoon like
be caring and thoughtful Regularly take time out to enjoy each other’s company; romantic dinners massages for two or a romantic day excursion to an intimate deserted island. Speak to your travel
at your favourite restaurant or special weekends away will help. Romance needn’t cost you much; agent or tour operator about upgrades and special honeymoon extra’s.
running her a lovely bath surrounded by flickering candles or making her a scrumptious homemade
dinner is much more thoughtful. scrub up Make an effort to look your best on the big day. Sort out your mono-brow, get a
professional shave and ensure your hair is looking its best. You may even want to consider going
don’t criticise Don’t ever say “I told you so” rather be positive and supportive. Also be proactive by for a facial or even a manicure a few days before so that you’re glowing at the altar. Try The
delegating chores to family members or friends to alleviate the pressure on your fiancé. If she’s having Glasshouse in Green Point who specialise in wet shaves and other manly treatments.
problems looking for the right suppliers or anything wedding related then help out by doing your own
investigating and research - offer solutions not problems. personal touches Be romantic on the big day by wearing cufflinks with her initials engraved on
them or your wedding date or personal message (like “I love you”) embroidered on your socks
do what you can Exploit your strengths. If you’re technical then put your wedding website together and don’t forget to engrave a personal message on the inside of her wedding band.
and manage it’s upkeep with regular updates. If you’re better with numbers then offer to manage the
wedding spreadsheet.

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Photographer: Alexander Smith
Venue: Bona Dea

Hair & Make Up: Madeleine Botha- Make up & Hair by MB
Designer: Hugo Boss

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Photographer: Alexander Smith
Venue: Bona Dea

Hair & Make Up: Madeleine Botha- Make up & Hair by MB
Designer: Hugo Boss

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Photographer: Alexander Smith
Venue: Bona Dea

Hair & Make Up: Madeleine Botha- Make up & Hair by MB
Designer: Hugo Boss

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WORD PERFECT

Making the Perfect Speech

The best speeches are a perfect blend of humour and sincerity. You must find the right words that

reflect the respect, love and gratitude you want to portray but also remember to keep it lighthearted and upbeat –
whilst some consider not having a dry eye in the room a measure of the success of a speech, you don’t necessarily
want to have everyone sobbing into their glasses of bubbly.
Preparation is crucial and unless you’re a seasoned speaker do not even think about winging it. Do your re-
search; make sure you know what you’re saying and get people and place names right – no point making a funny
jibe about the bride’s great-grandmother and getting her name wrong. Wedding speeches are not restricted to the
usual suspects; the bride, maid of honor and even the groom’s parents are all welcome to say something.
Champagne is the traditional drink of choice during the wedding speeches so it’s up to the best man, who is
usually called upon as toastmaster, to ensure that everyone’s glasses are full. The best man should also ensure the
microphone is working and that the speeches are not left too late. It’s a good idea to do the speeches between the
starter and the main meal – that’ll ensure hungry tummies don’t drown out the speeches!
n a i l i n g y o u r n e r v e s Public speaking can be a nail biting ordeal for most people but you must remem-
ber that your wedding guests are there out of love and respect for you not because they are expecting an Oscar
winning speech. They’re a captive and supportive audience wanting to share your special day with you no matter
what. To help with the nerves you should practice, practice, practice… practice does make perfect so make sure
you have committed your speech to memory (and to heart). Don’t forget to breath. This might sound obvious
but breathing deeply will help calm your nerves not to mention improve the delivery. Follow our guidelines for
the perfect toast and you can’t go wrong.
w h o s a y s w h a t a n d w h e n ? The best man, as toastmaster, is usually called upon to introduce each
speaker and in the correct order. Whilst there are no definite rules to who should give a speech here’s our guide
to who traditionally says what and when:
Father of the Bride: Usually speaks first and welcomes the guests on behalf of himself and the mother-of-the-
bride followed by a few words about his daughter and then proposes a toast to the couple.
Groom: He thanks the father-of-the-bride (perhaps even thanking both sets of parents), he says something about
the beautiful day and how ravishing his bride is looking and is usually concluded by a toast to the bridesmaids.
Bride: These days it’s not uncommon for the bride to say a few words and best to get them in now before the best
man’s antics!
Best Man: The best man replies on behalf of the bridesmaids and will conclude his speech by proposing a toast
to the parents of the bride and groom. He should also perhaps add something about how he met the couple, how
well suited they are and wishing them all the best in their life together. If there are two best men they could do a
double act! Finish off with a toast to the couple.

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Tips for the Perfect Toast

•Preparation is vital
•Keep it short - long-winded speeches are a bore!
•Sentimentality and sincerity are fundamental – get your guests feeling fuzzy and
warm inside!
•It’s not about you, it’s about the bride and groom.
•Stand to give a toast - remain seated to receive one.
•A glass of water is handy for a dry mouth and to calm the nerves
•Memorise your speech so you can look at the guests while speaking – write key
phrases on a card if you think you may need reminding.
•Don’t be scared of pauses, they give you time to compose yourself.
•By all means be witty by adding anecdotes where possible but make sure they are in
good taste.
•Speak slowly and ensure everyone can hear you.
•Looking for Dutch courage? Limit yourself to one glass – drunken speech givers are
embarrassing and not very funny.
•Make sure your ending is hearty and includes “please raise your glasses….” and
“cheers!”

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TIPS FOR HANDLING
PARENTS WHO TRY TO
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR
WEDDING PLANNING

W
hen it comes to planning your wedding, everyone has an opinion about
what you should do. If your parents are paying for all or part of your wedding, they may feel
entitled to take over the entire wedding planning process. Here are some tips for how to handle
your parents if this is the case.

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CLARITY OF VISION BE UNDERSTANDING
Communication is key in wedding planning. Make sure you let your choices be known and if you Remember that your parents and in-laws are not trying to exclude you from the planning.
have any objections to certain elements, let it be know. If you unsure on what you want and your Sometimes they may overstep the boundaries and take things a bit too far, but ultimately it
parents see this they may view this as an open invitation to insert their ideas. Manage the discussion comes from a good intention. There are a lot of emotions at play so keeping your cool is key to
so that you are not inundated with unwanted advice. being able to handle your parents in a way that shows that you have things under control.

HEAR OUT THEIR IDEAS WEDDING PLANNER
Even though you may be clear and know what you are looking for, be sure to hear your parents If the thought of dealing with family planning dynamics is too daunting, consider hiring a
ideas and let them know that you have taken their ideas to heart. People have the need to be heard, wedding planner. This may cut out any one party taking over the planning, rather leaving it in
and not ignored. They may have a different angle of looking at planning which you may have not the hands of a professional.
thought of.
Your wedding is an exciting event for you and all involved, your parents just want your
DELIGATE A TASK wedding to be the best day ever. With some patience and understanding you can keep control
A great way to include your parents in your wedding planning is to delegate a couple of tasks to of the planning while making sure all involved feel included. WE
them. Think about your parents strengths and choose a task for them that they would enjoy doing.
If your mom loves DIY, ask her to be in charge of creating some DIY invitations and decor. Giving
each parent an area of the wedding to focus on will help them

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THINGS TO ASK YOUR

VIDEOGRAPHER

H
ow do you plan to capture all the special moments of your wedding day? Will you have a professional
photographer only or will you go for a combination of photography and videography and how do you decide which
videographer to choose? Here are some questions to ask your prospective filmmakers to make sure you get the one who

is best for you.

MEET UP You’ll also want to hear that the equipment isn’t large and heavy, so that it will be easy
Hopefully you’ve already viewed a few wedding highlight films online and know that you like the style to move quickly and not be distracting. Real professionals use lightweight cameras that
and video quality of the videographers you are about to contact. While it is not absolutely necessary are fairly small and compact. These cameras can have a low profile while delivering
to meet in person before your wedding date, it is highly recommended, so you can break the ice and extremely high quality video, and can handle low light situations.
get to know each other a bit before the day. It is especially important to help you decide if you want to
book them. Make sure your choice of videographer uses a variety of stabilisation devices such as
tripods to avoid unsteady shots.
When you first meet with your prospective videographer, do you like their vibe? Do you feel like they
are listening to you? Will their excellent service extend beyond the wedding day? Can you imagine this For capturing great audio, they should be using tiny microphones on the officiant and
videographer at every intimate moment of your wedding day with a camera? Will they be professional the groom during your ceremony. They will also have the ability to record directly
and focused throughout the day? It is very important that you feel at ease and comfortable with the from the DJ’s or venue’s sound system. Find out if they are able to offer you arial drone
person you hire. footage as well.

CAPTURE INSPIRATION
Professionals will have a plan for the best use of their time, to capture as much as possible for you, and The best wedding videographers and filmmakers are in this industry because they love
it will be built around the timeline you’ve provided them, as well as being able to communicate well it. They love their couples and they are passionate about creating the best wedding
with your photographer. films for them.

But when the timeline changes on the day of, or something unexpected happens, they must be able to PAYMENT PLAN
work quickly and spontaneously. That’s where experience comes in. Not everyone does, and that’s typical. Most professionals ask for half the amount to
reserve your date and the rest to be paid off before the wedding.
Your wedding day only happens once and there are no retakes. The professionals know they only have
one opportunity to get it right. They should be able to tell you about their experience, and you’ll come Once you have made your decision, let the videographer do what they do, and know
away from the meeting knowing you are in good hands. you are in good hands. WE

TOOLS OF THE TRADE
“What equipment do you use?” Even if you don’t know anything about video equipment, you’ll be able
to tell if your prospective videographer does by the way they answer this question.

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Mans Guide To
Buying Lingerie

This is an interesting topic i know many guys would love to benefit from. There are so many

shapes and sizes to consider when buying the lingerie that hits all the right straps. Aah! Yes but some don't
have straps... Ok, so you do notice some things. Surprising your baby with some sexy lingerie can, or
most certainly will take your fantasies to the next level. Think Wonder Woman in a Wonderbra.
Surely you feel tingles at the thought of it. If you are anything like the everyday gentleman who
politely looks away when there is an accidental showing of bits popping out, this is your golden
opportunity to go into a store and buy lingerie that fits your lass like a glove.

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Don't ever make insensitive comments on her underwear and then go and buy her new Spending a lot of money on lingerie shouldn't cost you an arm and a leg. But lets not lose focus on the reward.
ones. What I'm trying to say is notice her, pay attention to her, always. Buying her lingerie We know that good quality isn't cheap. Look out for good quality brands like Agent Provocateur, La Zensa,
is such a good way of spicing up your sex lives, imagine her doing laundry in her lingerie, Simone Perele to name a few. Spend wisely. It normally is the french fancy lacy stuff that is really expensive.
or the dishes or ironing your clothes with your tie around her neck. Different strokes for Keep it nice and classy, don't buy the crotchless lingerie, and stay away from anything that's described with
different blokes i suppose. Your imagination is all your own, and if a little hint of skin that words like "spank" or "peek-a-boo", and no stickers, for crying out loud its not a strip show. And if it were you
propels you into realms that makes your heartbeat faster than the latest Skrillex single. Go would like your sexy to be classy. Always.
and buy her lingerie. What do have you have to lose? She didn't marry you because you buy
her lingerie. And most likely she won't divorce you for it either. Go for it! Choosing the store to buy from is pretty simple. Follow your nose and look for the big brands Calvin Klein,
Wonderbra, Triumph, you catch my drift. Buying from online boutique retailers are always a good idea. No
Lingerie is a little bit tricky when it comes to buying it for someone else. But, you are a man awkward males hanging around the lingerie section, please.
with many tricks up your sleeve and you welcome the challenge with glee. Salivating with
glee. Easy tiger, be poised, when in the bedroom with your lady you are welcome to lose The idea of buying her lingerie is not your worst idea you've had. It's tricky for sure, but its not rocket science.
all rationality. Use your ingenuity. Give your relationship some colour and dimensions. Get
But when it comes to buying the perfect lingerie you are going to have to have your wits
about you in pursuit of this mission. Remember that lingerie is a very thoughtful gift, you
would want to nail this one on the head.

I'm pretty sure you know what looks good on her and she is firm on what she likes, but, you
do not know the lingerie lingo very well. You do have a vivid imagination and you get the
picture, which means you can see and you have a heartbeat. This is a good start gents.

Now, you need to get her size. Investigate this, but try to get it without her knowing. If she
has a sister ask her, if she has a brother, don't ask him. Then, maybe her mother. Hopefully
you get on famously. Otherwise, you are gonna have to dig in the dirty laundry. Maybe
this is a time to brush up on your laundering skills, but be stealthy. If you really never do
laundry it might look suspicious but have a good diversion when she catches you with
her bra in your hand. Or whilst she is out take a peak in her drawer. (Close the drawer
afterwards. Cover your tracks, Mr Innocent.)

There are certain cuts you have to consider. Is she a thong girl or a brief girl. I have Sisqo
ringing in my ears.
Ok but seriously, if you haven't seen her in a thong don't buy her a thong. If you decide on
lace, try stick to nylon and nylon-elastene blends instead of polyester. Polyester as you know
is scratchy even though it lasts longer. Go for comfort. The Peruvian pima cotton is the top
shelf stuff. She will notice.

Now, does your partner like underwire or no wire? Or is she more of a pushup, lightly
padded or unlined kind of minx? Important to know. So the cup sizes range from A to
DD generally.(you do get bigger, go boy!) The larger the cup size the larger the lesser the
padding and more underwire support will be needed.

So when it comes to choosing the right colour, i would steer clear from red and pink. Black
is the new black. Neutral is the best way to go, unless you have seen her in red and this is
without a doubt the colour you know both of you like. Use your own discretion here. Look
out for something for a little print on the inside perhaps. Tasteful is the name of the game.

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Photographer: Katie Mayhews
Venue: Bona Dea
Hair & Make Up: Madeleine Botha- Make up
Designer: Jack&Jone’s
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Photographer: Katie Mayhews
Venue: Bona Dea
Hair & Make Up: Madeleine Botha- Make up
Designer: Jack&Jone’s
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“MY WIFE MAKES MORE MONEY THAN ME!”
THE BENEFITS OF HAVING A BREAD WINNING WIFE

T
he world has been in a great state of change over the past few years. We’ve seen blocky
cellphones that doubled up as weapons of self defence turn into a masterpiece of technological
precision. We’ve gone from textbooks to predictive text and gameshow hosts try their hand at running
a country. Our surroundings are evolving around us at such a staggering rate that it can be hard to
adjust to the constant progress happening around us.
One major difference between now and yesteryear is how often we see women out-earning their
husbands. The dynamic is starting to shift as many men are slowly but surely stepping down as the
sole breadwinners for their tribe, and making way for their financially superior counterparts. It’s one
of the most progressive procedures in human history, but how is a man meant to accept the fact that
they are no longer the ultimate source of income for his family? Well, there are worse things in the
world, but there are a few bright sides to having a successful and high-earning lady at your side.
If the thought of your wife making more money than you truly irks you, maybe take a step back and
look at the situation objectively. It is possible that you may be letting your ego get the best of you,
because having a wife who makes more money than you really is better for your family’s financial
stability. In today’s day and age, we can’t tell what will happen in the workplace, so having a wife
who brings home a hefty portion of bacon is a great way to keep you financially stable and
protected.

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Many people feel strongly about their careers, and it’s not uncommon for men to have found themselves in
a job they hate. Speak to your partner and maybe use the opportunity to make a career change to something
you’ve always wanted to do. If what you’re doing now isn’t your passion, then now is a great time to actually
do what you love.
Take the time to explore new opportunities, have a look around for a job, one that is better suited to you.
Perhaps take the time to pick up a hobby or spend more time on the ones you have. This situation is also a
fantastic opportunity to go back to school. Getting a degree, or even a masters’, is actually a possibility now
that your wife is able to take on an extra load. You may even be able to make more money going forward.
If you have more flexible working hours, take the time to maintain your home. Spend some more time with
your kids, take the opportunity to help out around the house while your wife is at work, she’ll love that
you’re using your time to better the home and the family. Being in this position helps you to become a better
husband, father and family-man. It helps turn your relationship into a partnership, which is a must in any
healthy marriage.
Having your wife make more money than you shouldn’t emasculate you, it gives you the chance to be a real
family orientated and supportive husband. Use the opportunity to take your life to the next step and better
yourself as a person in all aspects of your life.

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THE LOWDOWN ON PRENUPS
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT
PRENUPTUAL AGREEMENTS

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Getting married is one of the life’s beautiful journeys. It’s an unforgettable, joyous occasion with There are three main types of prenuptial agreement to choose from:

your beloved friends and family, but with all the excitement from planning and arranging the big day, one 1. GETTING MARRIED IN COMMUNITY OF PROPERTY
tends to overlook the importance of all the paperwork that goes into getting married. A crucial document that
needs to be thoroughly planned and investigated is the prenuptial agreement. If you, like many other soon-to- Often considered somewhat of an “all in!”, this option takes the assets and liabilities of both you and your
be newlyweds, don’t know where to begin when signing a prenup, have no fear! This simple, thorough guide partner and merges them together. Once everything you both own is connected, it’s split 50% between
will break down all the necessities and need-to-knows about these mysterious pieces of paper. the two of you. If you both own property, 50% of your property is exchanged for 50% of your partner’s.
This rule also applies to debt and credit, so if one of who have poor credit rating, it will affect the other’s
The first thing that must be addressed, is what it is and what it means. Many people are under the impression credit rating as well. This is why getting married in community of property is considered a bit of a
that a prenuptial agreement is a “backup plan” in case things don’t quite work out with your new companion, risk. Keep in mind though, if you and your partner do not draw up a prenuptial contract, you will be
a “who gets what” contract in case the D-word is thrown into the equation. This could not be further from the automatically bound by this agreement by law, so be sure to do some proper planning when going about
truth, as a prenup is a vital document which specifies ownership of debt and assets once you’re both officially the prenup process.
married.
2. GETTING MARRIED OUT OF COMMUNITY OF PROPERTY WITHOUT ACCRUAL
Prenups can serve many purposes, and the details of a prenup vary between different couples. For example,
parents with children from previous marriages can use the prenup to specify what happens to their property In this agreement, all assets and liabilities remain under ownership of the respective partner. There’s
if you were to... kick the bucket. If your prenup hasn’t specified what happens to your assets, your spouse may no sharing of any finances, so if one partner incurs a severe amount of debt, it doesn’t affect the other’s
be fully entitled to your property, leaving behind very little or nothing for your children. credit rating. This also applies to income, so in this agreement, neither partner has any right to the other’s
earnings.
Prenups aren’t all in case of emergencies, perhaps you and your partner simply want to specify your financial
rights and responsibilities during your marriage. It doesn’t matter whether or not either of you have children, 3. GETTING MARRIED OUT OF COMMUNITY OF PROPERTY WITH ACCRUAL
and you don’t need to be superbly wealthy either, it’s just helpful to have some clarity on who owns what
throughout the marriage. They’re also used to protect one another from any debt in the relationship. This contract allows you to customize the details of your prenup. You’ll be able to specify who owns what
in your marriage. So if you want to share certain assets or liabilities such as property or debt, this is a far
better option. You’ll be able to outline ownership in detail and have a prenup that suits you both.

To ensure that your prenuptial agreement covers all the necessities thoroughly and carefully, consider
hiring an attorney or a financial advisor. They’ll help you detail the contract correctly and efficiently,
keeping you both secure and happy with the agreement. Be sure to ask your attorney as many questions
as possible, one cannot be too meticulous when going about these situations.

It’s vital that you establish a prenup well before the day of your wedding. This isn’t the type of thing that
should be left to the last minute, make sure that the contract has been fully established at least a month
before your wedding. The sooner the better!

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Beating Them Blues

It’s not that surprising after months of wedding preparations and planning followed by a magical reception

and an utterly romantic honeymoon, you experience feelings of disappointment, disillusion and even depression.
In psychology circles this is referred to as ‘post nuptial depression’ or PND and it’s very common for the bride, and
even the groom, to feel depressed once the honeymoon’s over. Women tend to invest more emotionally in their
weddings so it’s not surprising that one in 10 brides experiences PND at various levels, lasting a few days or even
years if untreated. Reality checks in with a bang and you realise there is no “happily ever after”.

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Adrenalin has kept you going for months prior and during your wedding, so it’s not surprising that GET ON YOUR BIKE! Replace wedding dress fittings with yoga or other physical exercise. It’s
the mental baggage manifests physically as well, inevitably leading to all sorts of illness, aches and important to replace those adrenalin filled pre-wedding days with healthy routines. Better still
pains. Other issues like a drop in your libido and weight gain can also compound this depression. add exercise you can do together to your routine - like tandem cycling.

If you are experiencing PND just think that things could be worse; you could find yourself in LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS: It’s a fact that your expectations increase once you’re married;
Britney Spears’ shoes waking up to your very own Las Vegas wedding hell and filing for a quickie she’ll expect him to help out round the house and he’ll expect to be waited on hand-and-foot.
annulment before brunch the next day! You’ll both need to be aware of this – the rings on your fingers don’t give you the rite to nag,
moan and boss each other about.
It’s not all doom and gloom though, there are a few things to keep in mind to ensure you (and your
marriage) don’t crash and burn: SEEK HELP: Overcome your feelings of guilt and don’t be scared to seek help from a therapist.
Alternatively, an encouraging pep talk from your best friend or a respected family member could
SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCE: Now that you’re married it means you have valuable experience in just do the trick.
tying the knot. This knowledge and experience could be shared with engaged friends, family and
colleagues – sharing your knowledge will also give you purpose. Be careful though not to highjack BOOK A HOLIDAY: As soon as you return from honeymoon book another holiday together so
the moment. you have something to look forward to. The purse strings might be tight but an inexpensive long
weekend away will keep you determined.
GET BUSY: Use the time to pack away your wedding gifts, send out your thank-you cards, put a
wedding scrap book together and get your home in order. Lastly, remember that the secret to a successful marriage is compromise, and we’re not condoning
being submissive but rather honesty and making decisions together, for the betterment of both of
PERSONAL SPACE: Do your own thing. It’s vital that you still have “me” time and don’t get you… through better or worse keep at it!
too caught up in being a couple all of the time. Life is about balance so spend time with your
girlfriends and let him have his days on the golf course.

INTIMACY: Whilst having your own space is important it’s also imperative that you spend special
time together; romantic dinners and walks along the beach will keep the passion alive. If you’re
feeling down then tell each other so you can share the load.

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CONFLICT RESOLUTION TIPS

SCORE KEEPING
When you see that something is really important to your partner, it’s not losing or giving in to let them have their way. It is caring
enough about another’s feelings to support and honour what is important to them. You will find if you compromise some of the
time and they compromise some of the time, everybody wins.
SETTLE MATTERS BEFORE BED
Never go to bed angry. Whatever is bothering you, talk it out before going to sleep so each day, so you wake up with a clean slate
and a fresh perspective in the morning.
FORGIVE AND MOVE FORWARD
Learning how to solve an argument is key. Not holding a grudge makes for a happy marriage. It’s important to keep moving
forward and not dwell on arguments from the past.
COMMUNICATION TIPS
SPEAK YOUR MIND
When you trust that someone loves you and is committed to you, it gives you the freedom to speak your mind. Nobody is walking
out the door simply because you have something to say that is difficult or unpleasant to hear. That said, be truthful, not hurtful.
Even in the heat of an argument, think before you speak. Never say anything you can’t take back.
KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR
A sense of humour is imperative. Many situations can be improved with a generous helping of laughter. It really is the best
medicine.
FUNDIMENTALS
KEEP GOING
Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint and every marriage has its ups and downs, but when you have a meeting of the minds on the
big issues, you know you will be united in your approach to finding solutions.
UNPLUG TO RECONNECT
Listening to each other and really being present when you spend time together is essential. If you are trying have a conversation,
both partners need to put down the phone or iPad, turn off the TV, and really pay attention to each other.
CHANGES
It is important to understand that love has its cycles. No relationship can remain static, change is inevitable. The secret to
maintaining a fulfilling, happy marriage is for both partners to learn to adapt to those changes so that you can continue to grow
together instead of apart.
CHEER EACH OTHER ON
The biggest secret to any marriage is to care for your partner more than you care for yourself. You watch each other’s backs. You
take his side and he takes yours. When you are a strong team and present a united front, you can handle anything.
Most of all, make every day count and remember your blessings. Love each other, respect each other every day of your lives. WE

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TIPS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

The number one key to maintaining a successful and happy marriage is the golden art of communication. Being able to establish an open

line of communication between you and your partner will avoid misunderstandings and complications down the road. Here are some tips for how to
have a happy, successful marriage.

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SIZT LOOKBOOK MAGAZINE

BUYING A
HOME

P
roperty is the cornerstone of wealth creation. If you don’t believe me then try to find a wealthy person or
family that doesn’t own a substantial property portfolio?
Despite the negative press, there has been no better time to purchase property in South Africa, particularly if you’re
looking to buy a family home. Currently about 70% of Sellers in South Africa are not achieving their asking price,
meaning the market has shifted from a sellers market to a buyers market, laying the platform to buy property at below its
true intrinsic value.

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Step 1 - Knowledge Step 4 - Find a property that needs some TLC
Properties that need TLC can often be purchased at prices that are well below the properties
Knowledge is power so arm yourself with as much knowledge as possible. Read books, research the true market value. If you are able to give the property a cosmetic facelift you can add substan-
Internet, browse newsletters and chat to family and friends that are active property investors. You’ll tial value to the property in a short space of time.
soon pick up trends and dos and don’ts that could make you substantial profits on your investment. Please note that by cosmetic facelift I mean painting, carpets, lights, cupboards and landscap-
ing. Given the cost of building materials at present it is best to avoid properties that require
Step 2 - Buy in a slow market major structural renovation.
Step 5 - Take out all the risk
As indicated in my introduction, the timing is perfect to purchase properties on your terms from In my book I dedicate an entire chapter to the agreement of sale which I believe is the most
frustrated sellers. History tells us that the window of opportunity is narrow because the market powerful investment tool ever invented.
always comes back in time much stronger than before. Property is one of the few investment classes that can be purchased subject to the fulfillment of
what is known as suspensive conditions. Knowing how to use these conditions in your favour
Step 3 - Buy in an emerging market area doesn’t only completely de-risk any property transaction, but can even make you money before
you’ve even taken transfer.
Given the stagnation of price increases in affluent suburbs, it’s prudent to buy in emerging market It’s also prudent at this stage of the process to take advice on the pros and cons of owning
areas where properties are still affordable and offer room for substantial capital growth. The areas property in your own name or in a legal entity such as a trust, company or close corporation.
that your parents once frowned upon, below the tracks so to speak, are now the new definition of I highly recommend that you read this chapter of my book before you fill in any offer to
position, position, position. purchaser a property.

Remember, it is better to own a property in a less prestigious suburb than rent a property in a
prestigious suburb.

Step 6 - Financing the deal on your terms

Although banks will bend over backwards to finance property deals, they will first bend you over
backwards to get the best deal for themselves. Most property purchasers are so relieved to be granted
finance from a bank that they forget that everything in the banks letter of grant is negotiable.

Step 7 - Grow your portfolio

Following my steps above your property will eventually be worth much more than what you paid for
it in the banks eyes. On application, the bank will allow you to access these additional funds that can
be used as a down payment on your next property. This process can be repeated over and over until
you have built up a substantial property portfolio.

Jason Lee has a BA LLB degree from the University of Cape Town, and has in recent years acted as
legal and corporate advisor to Cape Town based property financiers in multi-million rand deals
in both South Africa and abroad. Jason is the co-founder of TCB Properties, a dynamic property
investment and development company. For further assistance with buying, developing or investing in
property contact Jason Lee at [email protected]

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Tips for Two – Help, I need you now,
help… I need somebody… Help….

This handy food-for-thought article will help the burning hole in your pocket. So 7)The grudge seats… Do you really have to have them there? Cutting your guest list down
by 10 or 15% can make a massive difference to your budget and give you some extra dosh for
read on. those 2 x have to haves. No insult to them, just say sorry, there is not enough seating or that
the budget is lean (maybe they will offer to pay for their own cost per head) or they are just
Cash (flow) is King and you are in for the price of your life. How do the two of you balance wants not cool enough to crack the list.

and needs against your trusty checklist and the very insistent wedding planner’s suggestions? What 8)Value-add from your suppliers. In this economy, most `un-snobby’ suppliers will throw a
little extra in, in order to secure your booking. Don’t be shy to ask for a little more without
is essential and what is a nice to have- a flamboyant expression of the heart? To impress the guests? insulting their expertise, professionalism and true worth.

A childhood dream? 9)Essential not to forget about feeding the core wedding crew during set-up - from make-up,
to hair, to photographers, to sound crew, to bridesmaids and the `groom handlers’. Who is
The two of you need to agree on the following 15 food-for-thought tips: going to cover the expensive lunch and drinks cost at the venue? Better budget now than cry
to the bank later. After all, it’s not their fault you are getting married.
First up – with your check list decide what is the most important to you – food, venue, dress,
10)It’s all in the cloud. Keep a serious check/ cheque on correspondence, quotes, guarantees
photographer or music? What do you both appreciate the most and then consider the assortment and more from all your suppliers. You never know if you will need a paper trail if things
go awry.
of guests and what they might like in order to make the most of your wedding and dance the 11) So where does all our money go? This is a sure fire way of keeping
night away. Yes Tequila is a great start but not for everyone. So choose the top two in order of yourselves in check…
importance and then reduce your budget by 30% on other items so you can come out tops. •48 to 50% of total budget to reception
•8 to 10% for flowers
1)Think of your guest list before choosing a venue. This will dictate size and requirements which •8 to 10% for attire
will have an impact on your decision making. This is not the Guinness Book of Records of how to •8 to 10% for entertainment/music
fit 3000 of your closest friends into a limo or venue. It’s about needing at least 2.8m2 per person. It •10 to 12% for photo/video
sounds technical however it is the truth – think dancing, think waitrons, think band, think tables, •2 to 3% for invites
and hopefully your gift table unless you are opting for cheques which go straight into your pocket, •2 to 3% for gifts
saving you time, putting the money in your pocket first. •8% for miscellaneous items for surprise expenses like printing extra invites due to printing
errors, additional tailoring needs, umbrellas for a rainy day and ribbons for the wedding
2)Our trusty power service provider, Eishkom, could well make a comeback on your wedding day. programs.
Check for generators at your venue and that they are strong enough to run lighting, sound, music,
cooking, microphones, your new mother in law and so on. 12)Help guests pay attention - if your guests can’t see or hear you, they may switch to their
phones for entertainment. Get up on a perch or podium at your ceremony, get a mic in your
3)Events – yes sorry to say but yours is not the only one that day. Marathons, Harley Davidson hands during speeches or why not go for a big screen so they can see you across the stadium?
charity rides and Parliamentary gatherings could well shut the roads down, interfering with your Whichever way, consider your guests – you are both the celebs of the day. Shine out.
time line and also accessibility to the venue. Be calendar cool and check with your venue what
bookings or potential bookings they may have on your winner day and what is going on in the 13)The clock is a-ticking... tick-tock… 1 month left to go and so much on your to-do list?
area. Delegate, outsource or trash the idea. No-one has time for last minute stress.

4)Mother Nature can prove to be way more irritating and upsetting than your Mother in Law forc- 14)Help – I need somebody… help… I need somebody … it’s an emergency- Check A) Ven-
ing you to Plan B, C and D out of desperation. Make sure you have these plans to fight off snow, ue emergency services and public liability and B) Keep an emergency contact sheet or phone
hurricanes and droughts - and that they are logistically sound. And what about the mosquitoes with your vendor contacts on you (or your wedding planner or best man)—it may come in
taking over the speeches? Give your guests some repellent so they don’t go swimming naked in the handy in case your limo driver gets lost or if a supplier doesn’t pitch. Who you gonna call?
hotel pool to avoid blistery welts.

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LiVING HAPPILY
EVER AFTER

Few marriages are perfect. There are no foolproof answers to a smooth marriage but here are a few

tips to help you avoid any gapping potholes.

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TIPS FOR THE GROOM Don’t correct him in front of other people. Public humiliation is not the way forward and it just leaves him
feeling mortifyingly vulnerable. Try to discuss the issue when you are alone together this way you won’t get
Don’t think that just because you’re married that birthday’s, Valentine’s and other special occasions leave you off the his back up.
hook. You’d better remember the thoughtful flowers, romantic cards and intimate dinners otherwise you’ll be locked Try not to call him at the office unless it’s really necessary. You may be keen to remind him that you’re
out of your own bedroom. Forget your wedding anniversary and you might as well start packing your bags! thinking of him throughout the day, which we’re sure he appreciates, but a man wears his “work” hat when
his in the office and his “married” hat when at home and prefers not to mix the hats up. Remember men
Do surprise her. Send her flowers for no reason (this is actually a delicate subject since most wives associate this can’t multitask!
with “guilt” but if you start early on in your relationship then you’ll be setting a precedence which should get you off Don’t borrow his things like his car and especially not his razor. You can forget about ever using his car again
the guilt hook), also send her love letters and take her on surprise weekends away. Remember that it’s not what you if you ever crashed it or even brought it home with a little scratch. Men are as protective about their razors so
spend that counts but the thought that goes into it. make sure you’re stocked up to avoid any bathroom brawls.
Don’t bad mouth his family. Men are proud beings and any knock on their family is a knock to their pride.
Don’t get sucked into the “do you think I’ve put on weight since we got married?” debate – it’s a definite trap. You’ll Don’t forget you’re married into his family now too so try to be sensitive about annoying mother’s-in-law and
be in the dog box no matter what your response so change the topic or even better start running! especially his embarrassing sister.
There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to sharing your life with your partner but if you both throw in
Forget about nights out with the lads. Before you were married this was seen as a ‘right’, it’s now a social pursuit loads of love, respect, trust, spontaneity, romance and commitment then you’re halfway there.
that requires ‘permission’ and even then don’t expect it to be granted. We suggest you get permission as soon as Here’s wishing you a lifetime of happiness together.
possible – the more notice you give your lovely wife the better. Also, if you are going to be late - even from the
office - let her know.

We suggest you rid yourself of your bad bachelor habits round the house like leaving your clothes lying around and
not lifting the toilet seat. If you want to keep the peace and avoid being taught a hard lesson then remember that
everything has its place and everything should be in its place.

Make sure every reminder and piece of memorabilia from your philandering bachelor days are completely out of
sight – in fact probably best just to trash every remnant as soon as possible to avoid any fracas – especially any
pictures of ex-girlfriends.

Speaking of old girlfriends, you will inevitably bump into one whilst out shopping or socialising with your wife so
be prepared for twenty questions and look forward to comments like “what did you ever see in her?” Whatever
she says you must claim to have been psychotic at the time but have seen the error of your ways now that you have
married her.

Don’t ignore her by picking up the paper or turning on the telly when she’s trying to talk to you - it’s a red flag to
a bull. Appear interested in what she has to say; show concern and a willingness to remedy anything that requires
fixing. Always admit you’re wrong when you’re wrong (sometimes it’s advisable to admit fault even when you’re
not wrong!)

TIPS FOR THE BRIDE

Don’t be a nag! Approach delicate subjects delicately; issues of ‘pee on the toilet seat’ and ‘underwear on the
floor’ should be approached with care. Timing is everything in these cases (don’t speak to him whilst his
watching a big rugby game on TV for example).

Which brings us onto the next subject… take care not to initiate a conversation with him whilst his watching his
favourite sport on telly or reading the newspaper. He requires his space too and he cherishes his rare moments
of self-indulgence. You could always make a dash for the spa for a facial and speak to him later.

If you’re going to threaten to leave him make sure you have somewhere better to go! No point jumping from the
frying pan into the fire. Also, don’t make haphazard threats unless you mean them – as effective as these threats
might be they do leave a bitter taste in his mouth.

Don’t remind him of all the men you could have married – the last thing you want is for him to give you
permission to marry them by slapping you with divorce papers. He doesn’t really need reminding that you’re a
catch and that he could never do any better.

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