Huntingten Homies Week 2 2019

D/K Weekly Power
Awards Rankings

-Page 6 -Page 10

Player Which Breakfast
Profile: Chip Cereal Are You?
Sweeney
-Page 11
-Page 7

2

Hello HuntingTen Homies!

Greetings from your commissioner. This week two was rough for some teams in reality and fantasy. Just to
recap Devante’s Inferno beat the Huntington Hedgehogs in New England like fashion, similarly Ruffles Have
Ridges steamrolled Contract Issues and the Melbourne Sea Urchins got wacked by the Nuktown OBJYNs. The
rest of the games were closer but there still was a clear winner in all the other contest. Master Ki-Thadi-
Mundi took care of business against Richard Sherman. Load of Landry upset Daddy’s Darlings, and our
reigning champion Alvin and The Nose Rings secured a victory against a surprisingly revamped Team Nolan.

As week two is in the books I would like to take this time to share some insights into the league. I’d like to
break this down into sections in like a possible awards prediction section.

Most Improved – Team Nolan

I don’t know how long this will last but I hope it lasts all season. Team Nolan has one injured player that will
most likely play again this season! His past seasons have been plagued by David Johnson’s injury and then by
LeVeon Bell’s holdout. This season is looking up for him!

Newcomer of the Year – Huntington Hedgehogs

This is my sleeper team this year. I think that they will surprise some people this year. I think that when their
receiving core gets healthy, they can be an above .500 team. As long as they don’t sell their players that is.

Most Unimproved – Daddy’s Darling’s

This isn’t a dig at this team or its ownership, just an observation that I think everyone would agree with. Last
year they were a juggernaut. This year though just a super soldier. Again, not a huge loss as I am pretty
positive, they will still be a top 3 team in the league but much more beatable this year than the year before.

I’d like to thank our newsletter founder, writer, figure maker and editor Thad Taylor for his commitment to
the newsletter and the league in general. In conclusion I wish everyone a happy week 3 and I hope your
players remain uninjured.

Score lots of points.

Good Luck Have Fun.

Commissioner Richbart

3

Strength of Schedule

The Hedgehogs have clearly faced the hardest schedule so far. Only four people throughout two weeks would
have won a single game playing his schedule. Meanwhile, Stephen had a cakewalk against the Urchins this
past week which makes his schedule easier.

4

Luckiness

This week, the luckiness curve is at 1. Meaning if your number is above 1 you are lucky and if you are below 1
you are unlucky. This stat will begin to have a predictive quality when looking at who will finish the season
strong or poorly. That is because it is reasonable to expect that every team will have the approximately the
same amount of points scored against them by seasons end.

5

Revisiting Hot Takes so far.
Hot takes with no flame…

Nick Foles is not going to be a top 3 scoring Quarterback.
Connor will not go undefeated with Jacoby Brissett.

Hot takes on the verge of being extinguished…

Andy will go 1-12. (Still technically possible)
The Urchins will make the playoffs. (not looking good)

Not a hot take…

JuJu will outscore Antonio Brown by a wide margin.

6

D/K Awards

Once again this week, every team that had the higher DK score in their respective matchup won their game.
That has happened 2 weeks in a row now when it only happened once all last season. That means it looks like
in our expansion league, getting points from the kicker and defense is more important than ever.

Killer Kong - This is probably the easiest Killer Kong award I have ever
given. Andre of course wins this week breaking the previous league
record of 39 with his 42 point performance. There isn’t much else to say.

Diddy Kong - The Diddy Kong Award this week goes to a person who
outscored 2 winners and scored higher than the average, but still
picked up an L. This man is Jeffrey Richbart. Jeffrey scored 15 DK
fantasy points, just above this weeks average of 14.8, but Diddy win?
No.

Hairless Kong - We had our first negative DK score this week. The Urchins put
up a -4, tied for the second worst DK score of all time. It’s always a
disappointment to see a negative DK, because that’s 2/9 positions on the
team that lowered your overall score.

7

PLAYER PROFILE: CHIP SWEENEY

Chip Sweeney is a Huntington Homies staple in the same way that baseball is an American staple. It’s not
the most watched, most exciting, or richest sport, but it’s still America’s game. Chip has earned this after being
highly fantasy relevant for the past 2 years, and a part of the league for as long as I can remember. Chip’s
conquests were somewhat outlined in last weeks profile of Andy. That’s because they seemed to be tied
together like the wands of Harry Potter and Voldemort. In 2017-2018, Chip came out of nowhere as a
dominant team only to be upset by Andy in the championship game. Last year dominance was not an adjective
used to describe Chip.

The 2018-2019 season saw a tad of controversy in the final weeks as Chip claimed a higher playoff seed
than Ridge. This was suspect because if Ridge had won the 2 seed instead of Chip, he would have won the
championship. Nevertheless, Chip avenged his Championship loss from the year prior, and now he hold the
Huntingten Homies trophy. This is pretty incredible if you think about it. Fantasy Football is a sport where luck
plays a big factor, and we have had some movie-esque storylines in play.

This year Chip is off to a hotter start than last year. 2-0 and a game up on Andy. Additionally, Chip is
ranked #1 in the power rankings which he has never been before. This week he will take on the most
underrated team in the league as he faces the Huntington Hedgehogs. With our expansion teams we lack
narrative. There’s no history to make accurate predictions and there are no previous matchups to add much
suspense. Chip is also in what might be the easiest bubble of his schedule, playing currently winless teams
weeks 3 and 4. If he makes it to 4-0, he’s looking at a potential undefeated matchup against division rival
Ridge.

Versus the Hedgehogs this week, it shouldn’t be stress free at all. Chip has outscored the Hedgehogs
both weeks. The Hedgehogs have some injuries, but rosters aside and only focusing on history and numbers,
this has the makings for an upset. Matt is the baseline for what unluckiness looks like so far this year. Chip has
scored so lights out, but he has scored far above a sustainable level. The Hedgehogs have been unfortunate,
so we don’t see a low scoring win for the Hedgehogs, we should see a higher scoring loss.

Prediction: Huntington Hedgehogs

8

Week 3 Forecast

Matchup: Daddy’s Darlings vs Melbourne Sea Urchins
Information: Last week Andy scored his second fewest points ever documented. That number was 117.8. Through
two weeks the most we’ve seen from the Urchins is 100.7. This battle would only be available to see on ESPN+. Not only
is their no storyline, but there doesn’t appear to be much possibility of an upset. Of course, anything is possible, and an
Urchin win would make for some interesting scenarios, it’s an incredibly long shot.
Prediction: Daddy’s Darlings (by a lot)

Matchup: Davante’s Inferno vs Contract Issues
Information: The past 2 years Jeffrey has had Ezekiel Elliot and Michael Thomas, but he has had a very hard time
getting wins. Last year he looked under rated, and this year his numbers are staggeringly low. Jeffrey is 0-2 vs Andre all
time by a combined margin of 75 points. If they were to play each other every week, then Andre would only be 8-7 vs
Andre. These teams have historically scored similarly. Expect significant DK regression from Andre, and I wouldn’t expect
Chris Godwin to score 26+ again either. It should be time for Jeffrey to reach his projection.
Prediction: Contract Issues

Matchup: Master Ki-Thadi-Mundi vs Load of Landry
Information: This is a rivalry game. These 2 teams have split their regular season matchups, and Thad defeated
Grant in the playoffs last year. Thad has scored 16 more points in the regular season matchups. Grant has outscored
Thad on 8 of the 15 weeks. The game Grant won vs Thad consisted of a last second 75 yard hailmary from Aaron Rodgers
to Randall Cobb for 21.5 points and a win. I haven’t forgotten that, since it also ended up keeping me out of the playoffs.
In this weeks matchup the loss of Antonio Brown can’t be ignored, but it’s not the lone factor. Grant’s team just looks
better. Plus, Thad’s team is the second luckiest team right now.
Prediction: Load of Landry

9

Week 3 Forecast Continued…

Matchup: Team Nolan vs Ruffles Have Ridges
Information: Nick is 0-2 vs Ridge which is no surprise considering Nick was the worst team last year and
Ridge finished #3. Not only is Ridge 2-0 vs Nick, but he has outscored Nick by a total of 127.4 points. Ridge has
outscored Nick 12 of the 15 documented weeks. This game isn’t a must win for either team, but Ridge
probably needs it more to keep pace for the 1 or 2 seed. Nick is more likely to be a wildcard if anything. This
should be a good one.
Prediction: Ruffles Have Ridges

Matchup: NukTown OBJYNs vs Richard Sherman Game of the Week
Information: Connor is 2-0 vs Stephen all time by a combined score of 36 points. Connor has outscored
Stephen on 10 of the 15 documented weeks. Connor and Stephen have won 50 percent of the league’s
championships. Stephen is currently the luckiest team in the league, a long ways away from his “unluckiest”
status last year. Stephen has scored consistently while Connor has scored 134 and 91 points. This game means
more for Stephen believe it or not, because his scoring has been below the average both weeks and winning
that way is not sustainable.
Prediction: Richard Sherman

10

11

Comparisons

This week I am going to be comparing each of your teams to a breakfast cereal/food. This comparison has
been suggested a lot, so let’s see how fun we can make cereal.

Alvin and the Nose Rings: Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Cinnamon Toast Crunch is
one of the best breakfast
cereals out there. There is
one major downside that
all cereal has that is even
more evident in this
cereal. That is the
sogginess that comes
from sitting in the milk.
Chip is the clear #1 team
right now (and I am not
saying CTC is the number
1 cereal) but I don’t think
Chip will weather the
storm. Last year Chip
went 7-6 with a similar
team as this year’s. Why
do we not expect a
similar record this year?
Chip is starting out strong

and crisp, but by years end I think he will just be a soggy limp regular(ish) square.

12

Ruffles Have Ridges: Honey Nut Cheerios

Cheerios is consistently
America’s top cereal
brand. Fun fact, Ridge
has been a top 3 team in
our Power Rankings
every single week there
has been a power
ranking. Who doesn’t
like a good nut?
Cheerios aren’t my think
though. In fact, Cheerios
would have to be the
last thing in my
cupboard in order for
me to eat them. They
are pretty plain. And if
you ask someone what
their favorite cereal is
and they say Cheerios
you should probably
slap them in the face.
It’s not an incredibly
exciting cereal, but it is
incredibly consistent.

13

Daddy’s Darlings: Honey Smacks

There isn’t much logic
behind this
comparison.
Something about this
cereal just spoke to
me for Andy. The truth
is that honey smacks
actually smack, and I
think they are a lot
more bad ass then
they get credit for. I
have very little doubt
that this frog would
not beat all of our
asses if it was real. It
definitely smokes cigs
and has statutory
relations with
consenting females.
Because of those
relations I’d say he’s
been to court a couple
of times. Obviously
there is a lot in
common here with
Andy. Andy rapes a lot
of us, but sometimes
he slows down and has stand trial. I guess this week was one of those weeks for Andy.

14

Davante’s Inferno: Trix

Are Trix good? I don’t
know. Last year Andre
pulled the wool over
everyone’s eyes for a
solid 6 weeks before he
plummeted. This year
he’s showing signs of
repeating that.
Meaning it looks like he
might be an average
team that has
outbursts. So if you put
stock in his 160+ point
performance then HE’S
TRIXING YOU! Andre
ain’t a 160+ point team.
Dude is a straight corn
puff with just enough
natural flavoring to be
able to write it on the
box, but he is primarily
artificial. Andre is just a
big fruity shape.

15

NukTown OBJYNs: Lucky Charms

Stephen is currently
lucky. But also he is
good. His wide
receiving core has
been off to a slow
start , but he has
still managed to go
2-0. And what else
can one say about
Stephen? He’s
ranked #5 and I’d
say he will probably
finish in the middle
tier of teams
(somewhere in the
8th to 4th range).
What is really
incredible is that
Stephen manages to
get lucky without
having any charm.
And that just proves
all girls care about is
the size of your
marshmallow.

16

Team Nolan: Corn Flakes

For Nick I looked for
the most eh cereal
available. Corn flakes
don’t have the
benefit of being
frosted or having
flavor. They are
reliant on additives
like the strawberries
shown in this picture.
I roasted Nick all of
last year, but this
year he has shown
some more positives.
He’s scored well both
weeks, but goodness
looks at his team.
Without Tyreek Hill
he lacks star power.
Also, ranking Nick at
6th just seems
ridiculous given what
we saw him do all last
year. There isn’t
much to understand
on Team Nolan, so a
Simple Grain could be
a good description.

17

Load of Landry: Raisin Bran

This is another one
where the imagery of
the box really made
me think of Grant. It
could be the sun
reflecting his positive
energy or the
emptiness of the
grape that is
reminiscent of his lack
of substance. But
probably it’s how 60%
of his name is in
“Bran”. Here is what
separates Raisin Bran
from Grant’s team.
Grant named his team
after the worst starter
on his team (Jarvis
Landry) and Raisin
Bran primarily named
after its best quality
(Raisins). Maybe it’s
best not to ask
questions about what
makes Grant or Raisin
Bran better than they
should be.

18

Richard Sherman: Apple Jacks

Cinnamon is the winna
man. Connor was ranked
in the top 3 all last
season. Last week he fell
to 4 and this week he is
down to 8. Easily the
lowest he’s ever been.
Here is the thing about
Connor/Apple Jacks
though, no matter how
far behind it seems like
Cinnamon is - he always
wins. And I am not
inferring Connor will win,
but he will undoubtedly
be in the playoff
conversation at the end of
the season. I’m hoping
you all recall these
commercials so my
cinnamon references
make sense.

19

Huntington Hedgehogs: Frosted Flakes

Hedgehogs as we
know is a very
energetic person.
Like take a normal
person then coat it
with sugar and that
is what you get with
Hedgehogs. Frosted
Flakes are
potentially
underrated, or
maybe you have
them rated high
yourself. I think this
is probably the best
cereal to eat dry.
The Hedgehogs are
good and they
should stand the test
of time this season.
They will have to
earn their stripes.

20
Master Ki-Thadi-Mundi: Cookie Crisps

For Thad, a positive
attitude has been a
requirement this
season with a pair
of disappointing
keepers, and then
the Antonio Brown
drama on top of
that. Who is more
positive than the
wolf that says
“Coookie Crisps.
Next time they’re
mine.” That’s how
I’m going to feel
this whole season
going into a new
week. It’s really a
battle not to get
last.

21

Contract Issues: Cap’n Crunch

Cap’n Crunch is the
type of cereal that can
look god until you bite
into it and it cuts the
top of your mouth.
That is what Jeffrey
team feels like right
now. It has great
presentation and looks
like it would be good,
but the production is
horrible. With Zeke and
Michael Thomas there
are expectations and it
seems to be fools gold.
Maybe this is a buy low
situation for Jeffrey
though and he is on the
verge of breaking out. I

guess we will see.

22 This is the only reason I
Melbourne Sea Urchins: Unfrosted Strawberry Poptarts made a clarification on
cereal/food. I knew I
calendar. wanted to give the
worst breakfast item
to Urchins and this is
the worst. I’m
convinced people only
buy these as an
accident. Urchins looks
really bad without a
week scoring a full
point over 100. This
could be a long year.
This essentially naked
poptart could
foreshadow an almost
naked cover boy for
our punishment