2020 The Homie ISSUE 8

ISSUE VIII

Hello Homies,

This week I was asked how I thought I was most likely to die. I said most likely
getting shot. Someone will have their hand in their pocket and try to rob me. Ill say,
“Show me the gun and Ill give you the money.”, because I am not going to get robbed
by someone who doesn’t have a gun or a sword. Then that person will shoot me and
rob my bleeding out body. So the person who asked the question followed it up with,
“Are you a part of a gang I don’t know about?” And I told them the truth… yes, the
Huntingten Homies.

That is my intro for this week. I thought about drawing a connection between
having a bad football team and also getting shot, but how about you create that
parallel on your own. I do want to break down one stat that I retraced. I hope you
know that kickers make up 50% of DK points. This will be filling in for the DK
awards this week. Consider many segments and missing aesthetic pieces “cut for
time”.

So here is my kicking stat. Points. That’s it. The points we have all gotten from

Team Avg Points our kickers. (left)

Andy 10.6 Look at this S#*t!! Yea a lot of this is a selfish complaint session
Jeffrey 10.6
Chip 10.3 because my teams kicking has been so much worse than everyone
Alec
9.1 else’s. The points are really a steady trickle down until the twelfth

Stephen 9.1 spot. Looking at the numbers that make these numbers, here are

Andre 9.0 the best and worst score everyone has had.(right)

Grant 8.9
Connor
Nick 8.7 Notice the order, particularly the bottom teams, are very similar to
8.4 the chart on the right. Every team, other Team High Low

Matt 7.9 than me, has scored double digits twice, Andy 20 2
Ridge 7.7 and everyone (outside Ridge and Thad) Connor 20 2
Thad 4.3 has scored double digits three times or Alec 17 3
more. Consider how helpful it is for your kicker to get you Chip 16 5
double digits, let alone 20 points in the case of Connor and Stephen 16 4
Andy. The low ends are really the same for everyone pretty Jeffrey 15 5
Nick 15 3

much. Nobody has started a kicker that has missed and Andre 14 4
gotten benched! Yippee!!
Grant 14 3

Matt 13 2

Ridge 11 2

Thad 62

COME BACK NEXT WEEK

This is me addressing the fact that I could not get this to save as a .png and get the gray to go
away. This is just a poorly made newsletter. I wanted this to be a picture of Donkey Kong with

the text wrapped around it, so if you know how to do that hit me up.

GRANT’S GAMBLING GAZEBO

Hello beautiful people. I hope when you read this it finds you doing
well. Last week I went 7-7 so I need to have a winning week this week.
This board is tricky. Lots of moving lines, and injuries. Not to mention this
is a hug week for me in fantasy. I don’t know how my team is as bad as
they are, but they are. I’m hoping I’ll be 3-5, I’ll probably end up 2-6
because I have the worst fantasy luck of all time. Also, I would just like to
say FUCK COVID. I can’t wait till it goes away. It fucking sucks man. I
want to be a normal college kid and go out and have fun, but at the same
time I can’t. Its Halloweekend. The weekend where all the slutty nurses and
schoolgirls come crawling out. My literal heaven. I saw a girl dressed up as
a slutty nurse last night on my snap and I immediately got a boner. Instead
I spent my night watching Wyoming vs Hawaii. It just isn’t fair. Mask up,
wash your hands, and be smart. Love you guys.

Season totals: 51-40 (56%)
Week 8 Picks

Falcons (+2) at Panthers
Yet another TNF loss for me. No surprise here.
Jets (+20.5) at Chiefs
Yes, this an enormous spread, but it’s the Jets. Don’t think about it, just do
it. Chiefs -20.5
Steelers (+4.5) at Ravens
I have no clue why the Ravens are favored in this game. The Steelers are
super bowl contenders. These are always close games, so it only makes
sense to take the points. Steelers +4.5
Cowboys (+10.5) at Eagles
This is another enormous spread. Both of these team’s stink. The Eagles
are getting healthy, and the Cowboys are starting a QB from James
Madison. Eagles -10.5

GRANT’S GAMBLING GAZEBO

Patriots (+4) at Bills
The Bills have to win this game. The Patriots are terrible. I really think they
are. They have no WRs and Gilly Lock might not play either. Josh Allen
needs to step up and have a great game if they want to take this division.
Bills -4
Titans (-6.5) at Bengals
The Titans are horrible ATS this season. Having said that, the Bengals will
be w/o 3 of their 5 starting o line in what was already are terrible o line.
Derrickk Henry should have a field day. Titans -6.5
Raiders (+2.5) at Browns
This is a playoff game for the Raiders if they want to have any chance at
the post season. I’m still not completely sold on the Browns or Baker.
Raiders (+2.5)
Colts (-3) at Lions
The Lions might actually be good. I don’t know what this Colts team is.
This is a hard game to pick. I’ll take the Lions and points at home and
hope for the best. Lions +3
Vikings (+6) at Packers
This seems to obvious. The Packers should absolutely roll in this one,
right? The Vikings have no secondary, and Rodgers is on a tear right now.
The Packers give up the most fantasy points to RB and the Vikings will
welcome back Dalvin Cook, as will I. The Vikings stink, they really do.
That’s why I’m picking them. Vikings +6
Rams (-3.5) at Dolphins
This pick is all about picking against a rookie QB in their first start. McVay
should be able to confuse him enough to win this game and cover. Rams -
3.5

GRANT’S GAMBLING GAZEBO

Chargers (-3.5) at Broncos
Division games are always close, and tough to call. Herbert has looked
great, and Drew Lock hasn’t. I’m beginning to wonder if Lock is the
Broncos future, and probably so is John Elway. Lock has to play better if
he wants to stick around. I’m hoping he does. Broncos +3.5
Saints (-5.5) at Bears
The Saints are w/o Mike Thomas and possibly Emmanuel Saunders as
well. The Bears offense looks anemic. It’s absolutely terrible. Drew Brees
stinks outside, and his noodle arm might not hold up against this Bears
defense, who is really good. I hope this Bears offense has a bounce back
game, because that’s what I’m banking on. Bears +5.5
49ers (+3) at Seahawks
The Seahawks can’t’ stop anybody at all. Absolutely no one. I’m taking the
49ers. 49ers +3
Buccaneers (-12.5) at Giants
I think the Buccaneers roll in this game, but I’m not sure they cover. The
Giants are bad, but seem to play everyone pretty close. I’ll take the Bucs
and hope for the best.

TEAM LUCKINESS LUCK %
Jeffrey 23%
Andre RECORD PRJ WINS 22%
Nick 4-3 2.4 18%
Alec 4-3 2.5 14%
Ridge 6-1 4.7 4%
Matt 5-2 4.0 3%
Thad 4-3 3.7 0%
Connor 4-3 3.8 -6%
Stephen 2-5 2.0 -7%
Chip 4-3 4.5 -14%
Andy 3-4 3.5 -19%
Grant 2-5 3.0 -23%
2-5 3.4
2-5 3.6

THE BOTTOM THREE

Here I am, in the living room of Ridge Hickman’s house staring into the eyes
of his sister that exist inside an old photo on his wall. A gorgeous girl. Last time I sat
in this room I made my bottom three and included Ridge in that ranking. I say that to
make my bottom three feel some comfort. I make bad decisions in this room, as
Ridge is no longer bottom three. I just wish Taylor Hickman would make a bad
decision with me in this room. That’s why I keep coming back. And someday maybe
I’ll be coming onto someone’s back. I hope my mom never reads this.

10th – Jeffrey

I felt brave putting a 4-2 team in my 10th spot last week, and it paid off to the tune of
Jeffrey getting his perineum ripped apart by Connor. Jeffrey has unfortunately not had
Michael Thomas for a full game for soooo long. When he is back he is a game
changer, but Jeffrey has more concerns with his team than his WR1 slot. Jeffrey,
despite losing, remains the luckiest team and the new lowest scoring team in the
league. The Pillow Fight Of The Week is between Jeffrey and Grant.

11th – Grant

This was a swap for me as Chip gutted out a victory over Grant last week. Chip was
my 11 seed last week, and beating Grant really doesn’t do much for you, but it at the
least puts you above the team you beat. The Bottom Three is a cesspool, and more
than three teams belong here. Grant is on a 4 game losing streak and started a QB
with negative points. That is so rare. Grant his shifted his team around so much, he
has both avoided injuries (almost traded for OBJ) and missed out on big point
performances from all his trades.

12th – Thad

I really feel like I am on the verge of getting out of this 12 spot. I am no longer a
lucky team, which means the odds are on me coming back to earth. I am on earth. But
I lost a heartbreaker last week with DK Metcalf getting his 50 yard OT TD called
back. That W may have moved me to 11. The fact is that there are plenty of bad
teams that can take this slot. Thad is bad though. Over the past 2 years I am averaging
just 108 points per week, and the league average is 118 ppg.

Others: Consider Chip the 10a to Jeffrey’s 10b. Chip isn’t good and I he will be back
here soon. Matt continues to evade the bottom three by doing the absolute least. And
I’m not believing in Stephen & Andre despite close wins last week. It’s crowded here.

Running Record: 25-17

A rough week (2-4) but can’t be mad that the Casual Khakis came through with the
W.

Let’s get into some trends.

Trends:

• 6/12 teams had a QB score 20 or more points those teams went 3-3 (Overall
26-24)

• 6 teams started a player that scored 30+ points they were 4-2

• Teams rostering a player that scores 40+ are overall 5-4

• TYLER LOCKET TREND:

o Teams rostering a player that scores 50+ are overall 1-0

• Teams with TWO or more 25-point scores are 18-7

o Week 1: 3-1 o Week 5: 2-1

o Week 2: 3-1 o Week 6: 2-0

o Week 3: 5-1 o Week 7: 1-1

o Week 4: 2-2

• Teams with THREE or more 25-point scores are 3-0

o Week 1: 0-0

o Week 2: 1-0

o Week 3: 1-0

o Week 4: 0-0

o Week 5: 1-0

o Week 6: 0-0

o Week 7: 0-0

Alvin and The Nose Rings vs Casual Khakis (-13.7)
Casual Khakis seem incapable of blowing anyone out.
Pick: The Nose Rings +13.7

Team Nolan(-3.2) vs Richard Sherman
Team Nolan is looking to become Playoff Eligible most likely. Motivation is high.
Pick: Team Nolan -3.2

Tua Good Tua Be True vs Derrick Diggs C Kupps (-9.9)
Tua is trending the wrong way with Zeke unfortunately on the Cowboys and MT out
yet again.
Pick: C Kupps -9.9

Ruffles Have Ridges (-33.3) vs Mos Eisley Han Shot First
Another bad week to be in Mos Eisley. I think this might continue.
Pick: Ruffles Have Ridges -33.3

Huntington Hedgehogs vs Master Ki-Thadi-Mundi (-0.7)
Hedgehogs have won the last two games by less than 10 points combined.
Pick: Master Ki-Thadi-Mundi -0.7

Cheesus Christ vs Daddy’s Darlings (IR) (-21.9)
Daddy’s Darlings (IR) has two straight weeks below 90 points. I like them to break
100 this week but not much more.
Pick: Cheesus Christ +21.9

Hey gang, hope everyone is staying safe on this Halloweekend. I’m writing this in the
dwindling hours of my birthday (shoutout Patty and Bo honestly, they’re the ones
who should be celebrated today. Literally wouldn’t be here without them), so I’m
going to probably keep this kind of short, not unlike anything else in my life. Take
from that what you will.
I appreciate all of your birthday wishes from earlier today also. I said this earlier, but I
am grateful for all 11 of you and for this fantasy league as a way of keeping up with
everyone.
Random Prediction – COVID numbers are going to spike here in about two weeks.
I hope that the girls from Chi Bagel Alpha dressing up as slutty angels and nurses
think it was worth it when they have to see both of them in a few weeks’ time.

Tua Good To Be True (4-3) v. Derrick Diggs C Kupps (2-5)

ESPN Prediction –DDC (-30.2)
Another week, another name change from Grant’s team. Also another week, another
week Michael Thomas absolute hoes Jeffrey’s team. Grant made some massive
upgrades this week at Matt’s expense, so I’m picking him to snap his skid.

Winner – Derrick Diggs C Kupps

Cheesus Christ (4-3) v. Daddy’s Darlings (2-5)

ESPN Prediction –DD (-12.9)
Andy added a new Darling to his team with the addition of Hasty from SF. It was a
much needed addition in the Darlings department. I think Andy wins this week
because Andre’s team is pretty severely beaten up this week.

Winner – Daddy’s Darlings

Ruffles Have Ridges (4-3) v. Mos Eisley Han Shot First (5-2)

ESPN Prediction –Ruffles (40.3)
Between Andy and Alec, injuries have not been kind to four-lettered Homies whose
name start with an A. Both Ridge and Alec have had a few guys play already, but
Ridge to win by 40?? That’s obscene. My old age and wisdom are telling me not to
pick against a spread that large.

Winner – Ruffles Have Ridges

Huntington Hedgehogs (4-3) v. Master Ki-Thadi Mundi (2-5)

ESPN Prediction –MKTM (-12.6)
Through the Thursday night game, it seems like both of these guys had someone
underperform that they would have preferred not underperform. With that said, I’m
taking Thad because of his team’s upside. Surely DK will do more than just hawk a
DB this week, right?

Winner – Master Ki-Thadi Mundi

Alvin and the Nose Rings (2-5) v. Casual Khakis (3-4)

ESPN Prediction –Khakis (-13.8)
Stephen jumped out to an early 10.4 point lead courtesy of former-Raven Hayden
Hurst, but the Nose Rings have been on a heater the past two weeks (1-1 as opposed
to 1-4 in the weeks before). Am I worried? No. Is it because my team is abysmal and
didn’t have much of a chance this week anyway? Bingo. I like Stephen to win because
Carson Wentz is going to thrash Dallas’s defense, probably.

Winner – Casual Khakis

GAME OF THE WEEK

Team Nolan (6-1) v. Richard Sherman (4-3)

ESPN Prediction –Team Nolan (-13.4)

Obvious pick for Game of the Week. Connor’s team got better because some dipshit
gave him Tyler Lockett, which makes this game extremely compelling for playoff
implications. Connor’s running backs laid a couple of eggs already, which has me
thinking Nick gets the job done this week. I doubt his team will slip up, despite
starting Gio Bernard.

Winner – Team Nolan

OVERALL RECORDS

Andre vs Andy: Andy is 3-0 vs Andy including a postseason win. Andy’s 2 regular
season wins over have been by 43 and 47.

Grant vs Jeffrey: Grant and Jeffrey have split their 2 matchups, and Grant has scored
32 more total points in those two games.

Connor vs Nick: Connor and Nick have split their 2 regular season games. Connor
has outscored Nick by 39 points in their two matchups.

Alec vs Ridge: Alec is 1-0 vs Ridge, but won that game by only 1.7 points. I do not
remember the details of that game, but perhaps Ridge does. One of the closer ones
ever.

Chip vs Stephen: Chip and Stephen have split their 2 matchups. The games were
decided by 17 and 15 points, which leaves Stephen with a 2 point advantage in this
matchup.

Matt vs Thad: Matt has won the only matchup between these 2 teams by just 4.1
points.

*None of these rivalries would have received a grade better than C+.