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Glossophobia, You Don't Say! Pg.4 / Chill at the "Frozen Dead Guy Days" Festival Pg. 12

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Published by The PassTime Paper, 2020-07-30 00:26:22

The PassTime Paper EV V18 I-31

Glossophobia, You Don't Say! Pg.4 / Chill at the "Frozen Dead Guy Days" Festival Pg. 12

Keywords: Stories,Jokes,coupons,comics,puzzles,smiles,shop Local,Shop Small

Vol. 18 Issue 31

All Rights Reserved © 2020

A SMALL FARM IN ARIZONA...

The Arizona State Wage & Hour Department claimed a Ari-
zona farmer was not paying proper wages to his help and
sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay
them," demanded the agent.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's
been with me for 3 years". "I pay him $200 a week plus free
room and board."
"The cook has been here for 18
months, and I pay her $150 per
week plus free room and board".
"Then there's the half-wit who
works about 18 hours every day
and does about 90% of all the work
around here".
"He makes about $10 per week,
pays his own room and board,
and I buy him a steak every
Saturday night".
"He also spends time with my
wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to ---
the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the
farmer.

PUBLISHED AND DISTRIBUTED WEEKLY BY PASSTIMES OF ARIZONA, LLC - [email protected] - 480.983.9143

I WONDER WHETHER OUR COUNTRY IS BEING RUN BY SMART PEOPLE WHO ARE PUTTING US ON, OR BY IMBECILES WHO REALLY MEAN IT

MAY GOD; BY HIS POWER, BRING TO FRUITION YOUR EVERY DESIRE FOR GOODNESS

LET US NOT BE LIKE OTHERS, WHO ARE ASLEEP, BUT LET US BE AWAKE AND SOBER

OUR FELLOWSHIP IS WITH THE FATHER AND WITH HIS SON, JESUS 1. GEOGRAPHY: Which capital city is located on the
Tiber River?

2. LITERATURE: What is the home team of the main
character in the baseball poem "Casey at the Bat"?

3. MOVIES: What is the name of the treelike character
in "Guardians of the Galaxy"?

4. GAMES: How many spaces are in a standard Monop-
oly playing board?

5. U.S. PRESIDENTS: Who are the four presidents
whose likenesses are carved into Mount Rushmore?

6. TELEVISION: What city is the setting for the sitcom
"Laverne & Shirley"?

7. PSYCHOLOGY: What fear is represented in the con-
dition known as glossophobia?

8. SCIENCE: What is the chemical symbol for copper?

9. FOOD & DRINK: What is venison?

10. MEASUREMENTS: How many cubic feet are in a
cubic yard?

mas Jefferson, Theodore Roo- (c) 2020 King Features Synd., Inc.

5. George Washington, Tho- 10. 27

9. Deer meat 4. 40

8. Cu 3. Groot

7. Fear of public speaking 2. Mudville

6. Milwaukee, Wisconsin 1. Rome, Italy

sevelt and Abraham Lincoln Answers

HE KNOWS NOTHING AND THINKS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING. THAT POINTS CLEARLY TO A POLITICAL CAREER - GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
IMAGINATION WAS GIVEN TO MAN TO COMPENSATE HIM FOR WHAT HE IS NOT; A SENSE OF HUMOR TO CONSOLE HIM FOR WHAT HE IS



MY WIFE AND I WENT SHOPPING WITH MASKS ON. GOT HOME AND TOOK OFF OUR MASKS...BROUGHT HOME THE WRONG WIFE

DIRECTION

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This cap-
tain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided
merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or
pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and
fellow captains.

However, there was one thing different about this captain.
Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would
lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In
the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He
would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up.
After, he would go about his daily duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very
curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a
letter from a long lost love? Every-
one speculated the contents of the
strange envelope.

One day the captain died at sea.
After laying the captain's
body to rest, the first mate
led the entire crew into the cap-
tains quarters. He opened the
safe, got the envelope, opened it and...

The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others.
Four words were on the paper:

“Port Left—Starboard Right''

I DON'T RECOGNIZE YOU - I'VE CHANGED A LOT - OSCAR WILDE
REJOICE ALWAYS, PRAY CONTINUALLY, GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES; FOR THIS IS GOD’S WILL FOR YOU IN CHRIST JESUS

THE GREATEST RISK IS TO RISK NOTHING AT ALL

DON’T LET PEOPLE DRIVE YOU CRAZY WHEN YOU KNOW IT’S IN WALKING DISTANCE – ANONYMOUS
HE'S THE KIND OF MAN A WOMAN WOULD HAVE TO MARRY TO GET RID OF - MAE WEST

ANGER IS AN EXPENSIVE LUXURY FEW CAN AFFORD

ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE, SOMEDAY YOU’LL LOOK BACK AND KNOW THEY WERE THE BIG THINGS

A MODERN FAIRY TALE

The Three Bears returned one Sunday from a stroll in the
woods to find the door of their little house
open. Cautiously, they went inside. After a
while, big Daddy Bear's deep voice
boomed out, "Someone's been eating
MY porridge!"

Mommy Bear gave a yelp,
"Someone's been eating MY por-

ridge!", she said.

Then Little Baby Bear rushed in, "Forget the porridge - some-
one's stolen the Nintendo!"

BRAGGING RITES

Husband to wife: “I started with nothing...and I'm
proud to say I made something of myself.”

Wife to husband: “Judging from your stomach,
I"d say you've made two something’s
of yourself.”

LIGHTEN UP

The physics professor, checking to see how
many people had actually read the assignment,
asked "What are the two types of light?"

The lab fell quiet until a small voice came from
the back of the room, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors?"



IF THERE IS SUCH A THING AS A GOOD MARRIAGE, IT IS BECAUSE IT RESEMBLES FRIENDSHIP RATHER THAN LOVE - MICHEL DE MONTAIGNE

COLORADO

 No U.S. President or Vice-
President has been born in Colorado

 The term “cheeseburger” was origi-
nally trademarked by Louis Ballast of
Denver’s ‘Humpty Dumpty Drive-In’ in 1935

 Nederland, Colorado is home to a body that has been fro-
zen cryogenically for decades. It’s the namesake behind
their annual “Frozen Dead Guy Days” festival

GOD’S GRACE BE WITH US ALL  In Aspen, Colorado. It’s illegal to throw snowballs at a
person or building

 Colorado is home to one of the largest preserved sets of
dinosaur tracks in the world at Picketwire Canyon. You
can find more than 1,300 steps across roughly one quarter
mile

 In telluride, Colorado the average Annual Snowfall is
over 13 feet

 The first Teddy Bear was invented in Colorado to give to
a famous visitor – Theodore Roosevelt

 Jolly Ranchers were
invented by a Colo-
rado in 1949

 The first license plate
was issued in 1908 in
Denver, Colorado

IF YOU WANT TO SACRIFICE THE ADMIRATION OF MANY MEN FOR THE CRITICISM OF ONE, GO AHEAD, GET MARRIED - KATHARINE HEPBURN

I’M ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS... PLEASE DON’T USE WORDS LIKE ‘EAST”

WE ARE ALL CHILDREN OF THE LIGHT THE NAME MEERSCHAUM MEANS “SEA FOAM” IN GERMAN
I’M NOT OLD, I’M A CLASSIC
WHAT SALVATION IS NOT

Before clarifying salvation in biblical terms, it will be helpful
to look at ways of “salvation” that are not in line with Chris-
tian theology. Probably the most common approach is works-
based. As the name suggests, this approach to salvation relies
on human works and what we can do in order to save our-
selves. But when it comes to salvation Christianity is Savior-
centered, not self-centered:

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and
this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works,
so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV). Good works
are the natural outcome of following salvation through Christ.

Neither is salvation universal, meaning that not everyone will
be saved. This does not mean that God does not love every-
one. Indeed, He “wants all men to be saved and to come to a
knowledge of the truth” (1 Timothy 2:4 NIV). But only Christ
is “the way and the truth and the life” (John 14:6
NIV).

Salvation is not found in legalism, either. Strict
adherence to a list of do’s and don’ts is not
what Christian salvation is about. Romans
3:20 reads, “no one will be declared right-
eous in his [God’s] sight by observing the
law; rather, through the law we become
conscious of sin.” We all “fall short of
the glory of God” (Romans 3:23 NIV).



IF IGNORANCE GOES FOR FORTY DOLLARS A BARREL, I WANT DRILLING RIGHTS TO CONGRESS
THE LUST OF THE FLESH, THE LUST OF THE EYES, AND THE PRIDE OF LIFE—COMES NOT FROM GOD BUT FROM THE WORLD

"IT WAS ABSOLUTELY INVOLUNTARY. THEY SANK MY BOAT." --PRESIDENT KENNEDY, ON HOW HE BECAME A WAR HERO

CHOOSING NOT TO DECIDE IS A CHOICE TELEHEALTH USE SOARS

GRACE, MERCY AND PEACE FROM GOD THE FATHER Use of the Department of Veterans Affairs telehealth video for
appointments went up 1,000% between February and May.
The VA attributes this massive increase to veterans guarding
against getting or passing along the COVID-19 virus. If you
were one of the veterans who made use of the telehealth video
for appointments instead of going in-person, good for you.
And thank you. For those who don't know, telehealth is a pro-
gram that allows veterans to have a video appointment with
VA care teams (both physical and mental health) right on a
device from home.

Telehealth (known as VA Video Connect) is probably one of
the best ideas that the VA has had. The program is so strong
that it can handle over 25,000 appointments per day and is
hitting other big milestones as well. Two million prescriptions
have been refilled online in one month. Downloads at the
VA's app store went up 259% in one month. Additionally,
over 26,000 tablets have been distributed to veterans who need
a device to access their care, with the major wireless carriers
providing access with no data charges to veterans who need
telehealth. If you're using telehealth and are incurring data
charges, call your carrier and tell them you're a veteran who
needs the service to access your medical team. You might be
able to get those data charges dropped. If you need to know
more about that, go online to mobile.va.gov/app/va-video-
connect. The VA is working on restructuring the program so
no veteran has data charges. If you haven't used telehealth, go
to that same link and scroll down. Read about which devices
can be used -- Apple iPads and iPhones, Windows, macOS
and Android devices all will work.

Read the guide at the link and learn how to how to set up your
device, connect for appointments and much more. For tech
help, you can call 866- 651-3180 Monday through Saturday, 7
a.m. through 11 p.m. EST.

(c) 2020 King Features Synd., Inc.


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