Vol. 19 Issue 12
All Rights Reserved © 2021
A man wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept re-
fusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you
what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise,
why don't you name the boat?" Being a good
sport, she accepted.
When her husband went to the
dock for his maiden voyage, this
is the name he saw painted on the
side: "For Sale."
BAG ‘EM, DANO
The traveling salesman was a frequent flyer, so he carefully
marked his luggage. First he covered his bags with bright
ribbons, then he took neon colored tape, and criss-crossed
randomly across the outside of each item so that, not only
could easily identify his bags; but no could mistake his bags
So he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well
dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel. He
walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored rib-
bons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent
tape on the sides.
“I believe that luggage is mine,” he
"Thank goodness," the man replied,
"I was wondering why someone
would do that to my luggage."
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THE SON OF MAN SHALL BE BETRAYED UNTO THE CHIEF PRIESTS AND UNTO THE SCRIBES, AND THEY SHALL CONDEMN HIM TO DEATH
A man complained to his doctor,
"I've been to three other doctors
and none of them agreed with
The doctor calmly replied,
"Just wait until the autopsy,
sir, then they'll see I was
While I was dining out with my six children, a man came over
to our table, and we started talking. He asked where my kids
go to school. I told him we home-schooled them.
With a raised eyebrow, he asked if my husband is the sole
breadwinner for our family. I said, "No, I work out of our
Then, noticing our two-month-old
son, he mentioned that his daugh-
ter had just had a baby, and he
wondered what hospital our son
was born in. "He was born at
home," I answered.
The man looked at me, then said,
"Wow, you don't get out much, do
250 LBS HERE ON EARTH IS 94.5 LBS ON MERCURY. I’M NOT FAT, I’M JUST ON THE WRONG PLANET.
ONCE MY LIFE WAS NOT SELF-CENTERED I SAW GOD IN EVERYTHING 1. LITERATURE: Which 19th-century novel begins with the
sentence, "There was no possibility of taking a walk that day"?
2. CHEMISTRY: Which element's Latin name is hydragyrum
and goes by the symbol Hg?
3. HISTORY: Who was the first female detective in the United
States, hired by the Pinkerton Detective Agency in 1856?
4. ADVERTISINGS SLOGANS: What product's 1970s adver-
tising slogan was, "I can't believe I ate the whole thing"?
5. U.S. PRESIDENTS: Only two Catholics have served as
president of the United States. Who are they?
6. MOVIES: The "Star Wars" movie series was partly filmed
in which African country?
7. LANGUAGE: What does the name Boca Raton (Florida)
mean in Spanish?
8. U.S. STATES: The highest and lowest points in the contigu-
ous United States can be found in which state?
9. ENTERTAINERS: Which American actor and comedian
was born Eric Marlon Bishop?
10. TELEVISION: Which 1950s Western series featured the
theme song "Happy Trails"?
rocks where ships docked) Answers
8. California: Mount Whitney 1. "Jane Eyre"
and Death Valley 2. Mercury
9. Jamie Foxx 3. Kate Warne
10. "The Roy Rogers Show" 4. Alka-Seltzer
5. John Kennedy and Joe Biden
(c) 2021 King Features Synd., 6. Tunisia
Inc. 7. Rat's mouth (named for sharp
“ALL THE THINGS I REALLY LIKE TO DO ARE EITHER IMMORAL, ILLEGAL OR FATTENING.”– ALEXANDER WOOLLCOTT
TODAY IS THE TOMORROW YOU WORRIED ABOUT YESTERDAY
NOBODY REALIZES THAT SOME PEOPLE EXPEND TREMENDOUS ENERGY MERELY TO BE NORMAL - ALBERT CAMUS
* On March 22, 1947, President Harry Tru-
man establishes a sweeping loyalty in-
vestigation of federal employees in re-
sponse to public fears of communism
in the U.S. Congress had already
launched investigations of communist
influence in Hollywood.
* On March 23, 1839, the initials "O.K."
are first published, in The Boston Morn-
ing Post. Meant as an abbreviation for "oll korrect," a
popular slang misspelling of "all correct" at
the time, OK steadily made its way
into the everyday speech of Ameri-
* On March 25, 1933, the newly
commissioned USS Sequoia be-
comes the official presidential yacht.
Previously, the Department of Com-
merce had used the Sequoia as a decoy
to catch Prohibition lawbreakers.
"THE EARTH LAUGHS IN FLOWERS" - RALPH WALDO EMERSON
JESUS SAID UNTO HIM, IF THOU WILT BE PERFECT, GO AND SELL EVERYTHING YOU OWN AND GIVE IT TO THE POOR MARK 10:21
* On March 28, 1958, William Christopher
Handy, the famous blues musician known as
W.C., dies in New York City. Jazz
standards "The Memphis Blues" and
"St. Louis Blues" are his most famous
compositions, but his musical legacy can be
heard in works of composers as varied as
George Gershwin and Keith Richards.
* On March 26, 1920, "This Side of Paradise" is published,
immediately launching 23-year-old F. Scott Fitzgerald to
fame and fortune. While in Europe, Fitzgerald finished his
masterpiece, "The Great Gatsby" (1925).
* On March 27, 1973, actor Marlon Brando declines the
Academy Award for Best Actor for his performance in "The
Godfather" as a protest against Hollywood's portrayal of
Native Americans in film. The first performer to turn down
a Best Actor Oscar was George C. Scott, for "Patton" in
* On March 24, 1989, one of the worst oil spills in U.S. ter-
ritory begins when the supertanker Exxon Valdez,
owned and operated by the Exxon Corporation, runs
aground on a reef in Prince William Sound in south-
ern Alaska. An estimated 11 million gallons of oil
eventually spilled into the water, polluting more
than 700 miles of coastline.
(c) 2021 Hearst Communications,
Inc. All Rights Reserved
CAUSE HAPPINESS WHERE YOU GO—NOT WHEN YOU GO
CONSIDERING HOW DANGEROUS EVERYTHING IS, NOTHING IS REALLY VERY FRIGHTENING - GERTRUDE STEIN
EASTER SUNDAY DEFINES EVERYTHING
A MATH BOOK IS ONLY PLACE WHERE IT’S NORMAL TO HAVE 24 APPLES AND SUDDENLY EAT TWELVE OF THEM
DO COPS IN ALASKA HAVE TO ASK THINGS LIKE, “WHAT WERE YOU DOING ON THE NIGHT FROM 15TH DECEMBER TILL 15TH JANUARY?”
ONE OF THE GREATEST GIFTS OF EASTER IS HOPE
“LET THE WIFE MAKE HER HUSBAND GLAD TO COME HOME AND LET HIM MAKE HER SORRY TO SEE HIM LEAVE” - MARTIN LUTHER
THE SPIRITUAL WEALTH OFFERED BY JESUS IS WORTH MORE THAN ALL THE POSSESSIONS OF THIS WORLD
JUDAS HANGS HIMSELF
MATTHEW 27 1-10
Early in the morning, all the chief priests and the elders of the
people made their plans how to have Jesus executed. So they
bound him, led him away and handed him over to Pilate the
When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was con-
demned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty
pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders.
“I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.”
“What is that to us?” they replied. “That’s your responsibil-
ity.” So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then
he went away and hanged himself.
The chief priests picked up the coins and said, “It is against
the law to put this into the treasury, since it is blood
So they decided to use the money to buy the pot-
ter’s field as a burial place for foreigners. That is
why it has been called the Field of Blood to
Then what was spoken by Jeremiah the
prophet was fulfilled: “They took the
thirty pieces of silver, the price set on
him by the people of Israel, and they
used them to buy the potter’s field,
as the Lord commanded me.”
LIFE IS A BIT LIKE SOCCER IN A WAY. YOU CAN EITHER USE YOUR HEAD OR A GOOD, SWIFT KICK
I JUST MET THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS. SHE’S A PROFESSIONAL BABYSITTER. NOW, DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHERE I CAN GET A BABY?
A PIG STANDS IN FRONT OF AN ELECTRIC SOCKET THINKING,: “OH NO, WHO PUT YOU INTO THAT WALL?!”
CHRIST GAVE US THE GREATEST EXAMPLE OF FORGIVENESS POSSIBLE VA EXTENDS LOAN FORBEARANCE PERIOD
I REFUSE TO ANSWER BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER
Some of you are going to breathe a sigh of relief at this news:
The Department of Veterans Affairs moratorium on evictions
and foreclosures was due to end March 31, but it's been ex-
tended to June 30. The extension is designed to keep you in
your home while you sort out the damaging financial effects
of the COVID pandemic.
If you need forbearance (permission to miss payments or send
a reduced amount), your lender is expected to grant you that
for up to six months. During this time there are to be no late
fees or penalties, but interest will accrue. The deadline to ask
for forbearance is June 30, 2021.If you can't make up your
missed payments all at once when you have income again, call
the mortgage company. If you're not comfortable doing that,
call the VA loan people directly at 877-827-3702.
Your missed payments can't just be pushed to the end of the
loan period, but it is possible the loan could be modified. The
VA allows loans to be extended under certain situations.
Your credit score won't take a negative hit during forbearance
(not making payments), but only if you were current at the
time you requested it. If you were already late on payments
when you asked for help, then yes, they'll continue to report
you as delinquent during the whole period. That's why it's im-
portant to stay ahead of the problem by asking for help before
things spin out of control.
You have three ways to keep your home: forbearance, a repay-
ment plan or a loan modification.
To talk to the VA about COVID-related loan payment prob-
lems, call them at 877-827-3702.
If you're a renter and are in danger of being homeless, call the
VA immediately at (877) 424-3838.
You can also go online for additional information: bene-
(c) 2021 King Features Synd., Inc.