Men's Health - January 2015 AU

Threat Level HER BAGGAGE HER BAGGAGE HER BAGGAGE HER BAGGAGE

HER BAGGAGE SHE’S A BEAUTY BUT HER STI RHYMES YOUR MATE SHE’S ALL SASS AFTER
THINKS SHE’S A BEAST WITH “BURPEES” DATED HER FIRST THE THIRD GLASS
HER EX IS A
BORDERLINE STALKER

ASK YOURSELF Is this ASK YOURSELF How ASK YOURSELF Did you ASK YOURSELF What's the ASK YOURSELF How often
chump really a big deal? serious is it? Sadly, this sleep with her during the real reason you're twisted does Mrs Hyde emerge?
Exes usually lurk on social misconception is common: six-month window after up? Usually, it's jealousy Frequent heavy drinking
media because they can't up to 90 per cent of women she was infected? With – or worse, you're judging could reflect deeper issues,
do it in person, says Dr are dissatisfied with their genital herpes, that's when her, says therapist Dr Paul ones that may require
Brandy Engler, author of appearance, says Paulette the risk of transmission is Hokemeyer. "Don't expect professional help, says
The Men on My Couch. Kouffman-Sherman, greatest, according to STI her to be as virtuous as Dr Marc Kern, co-author
So don't go postal over a a psychologist who specialist Dr Peter Leone. your mum. Dwelling on of Responsible Drinking.
post. "It may have to do specialises in relationships. CONSIDER THIS Genital exes will only make you Otherwise it's mostly a
with simply fostering a Long term, that could herpes is more common angry and insecure – and question of self-awareness
friendship – which is often threaten everything than you think, says Leone; that kills relationships." and her willingness to
all that's left," she says. from your sex life to your it affects roughly one in CONSIDER THIS Believe it adjust, says Mehta.
CONSIDER THIS If she's truly emotional health, she says. six people. But, hey, she or not, this could actually CONSIDER THIS A bad drunk
moved on, she'll be allergic CONSIDER THIS Are her got tested and was honest bode well for you: 19 per is more unpredictable
to nostalgia, Engler says. girlfriends also this hard on with you, Engler says. "It's cent of married couples than Warnie with a phone
Look for signs she's dwelling themselves? The journal a great indicator of her met through friends, in his hand. And if you like
on the past – texting Sex Roles found that maturity." according to a 2013 study in building relationships on
him, meeting for coffee, the way a woman thinks HANDLE IT First, avoid sex Proceedings of the Natural a bedrock of trust, then
accepting his calls. If they about her body is strongly during outbreaks. And Academy of Sciences. you're constructing this
appear, so may problems. influenced by her friends' always use condoms – they HANDLE IT Give your mate one on sand.
HANDLE IT Just bite your feelings about their bodies. cut your risk of contracting a courtesy heads-up, HANDLE IT Time for some
tongue – for now. You may HANDLE IT Go ahead: lay herpes by about 30 per says psychotherapist Dr tough love. Schedule a
feel tempted to confront it on thick. Tell her how cent. Also, if she pops a Vinita Mehta. Then be sit-down – no wine! – and
the guy, but opt for a much you love the dimple suppressive drug, such as clear about what you want ask her to reset her limits,
quieter power move: fill her on her bum and the freckle Valtrex or Famvir, that risk from her. "She might think Kern suggests. Gently
calendar with adventures. on her back, says Dr Robyn plummets further. Take all you're just after another give examples of how she
Relationships thrive on Silverman, author of Good these precautions and "you hook-up," says Mehta. "So crossed the line, then set
novelty, Engler says, and Girls Don't Get Fat. Avoid could be looking at a 97 per if you're serious about new thresholds. If she can't
planning activities provides staring at potential danger cent or better chance of dating her, say so up front resist the bottle, put a cork
you with a strategic zones, like her stomach. never contracting it", says and then follow through." in the relationship.
advantage. "The more Your thoughtful praise Leone. Good odds. Those nagging feelings of WRONG MOVE Expecting
things you give her to look can help her beat back her WRONG MOVE Making hasty jealousy? Just ignore them she'll change on her
forward to, the less likely insecurity and shout down assumptions about her – they’re all ego. own. After all, hangovers
she'll romanticise the past." that relentless inner critic. past. "People have this WRONG MOVE Using her clearly aren't making
WRONG MOVE Going all bad WRONG MOVE Comparing mistaken idea that if you get dating history as ammo her any wiser. "Early in
cop on her. There's a fine her to other people – even an STI, you must have been in the heat of a fight, says relationships, people
line between direct and if it's meant to be positive, promiscuous," Engler says. Hokemeyer. Making her tend to see positives and
accusatory. Cross it, and Silverman says. It shows "In reality, most people have feel guilty about a sexual dismiss red flags," Mehta
you'll appear insecure and you're actively monitoring the same level of risk." choice guarantees you'll be says. "That's a mistake
threatened. That's how her, which can stoke any spending a lonely night on you can't afford to make.
exes win. existing insecurities. the couch. Speak up."

NO PROBLEM NO DEAL

3.5 4.2 6.6 7.2 7.8 7.9 8.1 8.8 9.3

DIVORCED FEW CLOSE A CLINGY EX SLEPT WITH A NEVER FINISHED A WEIRD SEXUAL DEPENDENT ON GENITAL BIG GAMBLING
FRIENDS FRIEND HIGH SCHOOL FETISH PARENTS FOR HERPES DEBTS

CASH

HOW HEAVY IS YOUR BAGGAGE?

We polled Women's Health readers to find out which male issues are deal-breakers

JANUARY 2015 51

PROSPER

25GUYS YOU SHOULD MAKE BORROWING A CINCH ILLUSTRATION: GARY MUSGRAVE
IT PAYS HAVE A Just because your mate’s ute is
TO KNOW GUY WHO . . . bigger than your car doesn’t mean it’s
a monster. Let him know what you
Not even the most resourceful man can make it alone in R Can get you tickets want to haul; he’ll tell you what his
this world. Sometimes it’s essential that you’ve got a guy engine can handle. Then cinch your
R Can get you out load securely, using ratchet straps if
of tickets possible. One tap of the brakes is all
it takes to slam your load into his cab
R Cananswer tricky – and filling his tank is not a sufficient
software-downloading apology for that.
questions Your guy: tradesman John DeSilvia,
host of Rescue My Renovation.
R Owns a ute
ORDER THE OFFAL
R Is willing to meet for Jolting your senses is always smart.
a weeknight beer When you try something new, your
brain expands neurologically and is
R Is overly competitive able to handle tougher challenges.
(just to remind And you’ll learn the answer to this
you how stupid riddle: how enjoyable is a man who
that looks) knows about, likes, listens to, eats,
watches and talks about only one
R Will eat anything thing over and over again?
Your guy: clinical health
R Has a broad psychologist Dr Michael McKee
repertoire of (mostly)
tasteful jokes PULL INTO THE PIT
Now’s the time: bring your ride in for
R Can make great a check-up in early summer, before
conversation the mechanic's slammed by end-
with anyone of-summer-holiday emergencies. In
addition to the usual tyre, filter and
R Is always gracious brake checks, have him load-test the
(just to remind you battery. Just because it starts your
how good that looks) car now doesn’t mean it won’t betray
you in a February heatwave.
R Knows cars Your guy: Joe Zolper, host and lead
mechanic of Garage Squad
R Is your polar
opposite politically, DISTINGUISH YOURSELF
occupationally Style is all about the smaller details
or socially – a bold pocket square, say, or a pair
of cuffed suit trousers. But while you
R Doesn’t drink should choose your clothes with care,
they should always looks effortless
R Is old and tells cool and nonchalant. It's that Italian idea
stories. And feels of sprezzatura – never look like you’re
no need to post trying too hard. Ultimately, the most
about them important thing is to understand your
body shape and dress accordingly. If
R Has the office’s you're a bigger guy, for example, don't
institutional memory dress too skinny.
Your guy: Peter Tran, two-time winner
R Dresses a little of Myer Fashions on the Field
better than you do
SET A FEW ROAD RULES
R Lets you rant, Besides epic snoring, two issues
then calls you on that can ruin a group trip are money
your whining and a lack of control. For the latter,
everyone gets one veto-proof
R Loves gadgets diversion. (Ben needs to see the
Big Avocado.) For the former, have
R Knows how to buy everybody throw in, say, $200 to a
and sell a house slush fund for group expenses – fuel,
dinners, house rent, green fees. That
R Has tools he’ll way there’s no adding stuff up and
let you borrow dividing. You’re not in uni anymore.
Your guy: Travel writer Adam Karlin,
R Is a father and can be Lonely Planet author
your sherpa when you
become a dad, too

R Doesn’t let every call
die in voicemail

R Can tell you if you’re
going to like a movie

R Is organised enough
to turn Barnbougle
talk into Barnbougle
tee times

R Can pick up the story
wherever it left off

52 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth



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COLD CASE WEIGHT LOSS
Dietitian Sian Porter uncovers the
worst offenders against weight loss. AN ORDINARY, HEALTHY FRIDGE . . . or so it would
The line-up might surprise you seem. But no matter how vigilant your nutrition,
weight-loss killers can still give you the slip.
Research by UK health insurance company Aviva
shows most weight-loss plans are dead within a
month of starting. Sugar, hidden kilojoules and
supposedly low-fat foods can deceive you into
thinking you’re following a sensible diet when
you’re just as prone to weight gain as ever. To find
the true culprits, the MH nutrition lab has bagged
and tagged the contents of your fridge. Now to
solve your weight-loss case.

1 MOST WANTED
Treats like cake may be prime suspects, but in
this case they are nothing more than red herrings. A raft
of studies has shown that people who keep weight off
don’t avoid their favourite treats – they simply limit their
intake of them. By denying your urges you’re more likely
to embark on a mid-afternoon crime spree with a packet
of Tim Tams.
CASE SOLVED The key to getting away with it is how
often and how much you allow yourself. Strong flavours
are typically more satiating, so go with dark chocolate or
strong cheese. There are 1100 kilojoules and nine grams
of fat in a wolfed-down-in-five-seconds Mars Bar. But
each square in a 100-gram block of Green & Black’s Dark
85% chocolate contains just 100kJ and 2.1g of fat. Take a
square of dark chocolate after lunch or dinner and avoid
the crime of gluttony.

2 LIQUID HUNCH
You might think fruit juice comes kilojoule-free,
but that would be a case of mistaken identity. Two small
glasses (300ml) gives you around 440kJ and 30g of
sugar (over 40 per cent of your RDI). Increased sugar
leads to more insulin in your body, storing glucose in your
cells that later morphs into fat.
CASE SOLVED Opt for tomato or grapefruit juice, or
switch to the hard stuff to get your five-a-day: a medium
apple provides 200kJ and 12g of sugar, but also 1.6g of
fibre, which slows sugar absorption.

3 A CUT-AND-DRIED CASE
Fruit is one of the usual suspects for low-kilojoule
snacks, but not all of it is innocent. Dried fruit is
incredibly energy dense, with a lot of kilojoules crammed
into a small package.
CASE SOLVED The higher the water content, the lower
the kilojoules. Grapes are 82 per cent water compared
with raisins’ 13 per cent. A handful of grapes provides
240kJ and 15.4g of sugar, whereas a handful of raisins
provides 320kJ and 21g of sugar.

PHOTOGRAPHY: STUDIO 33

1
JANUARY 2015 55

WEIGHT LOSS SNACKING BETWEEN MEALS INCREASES YOUR
OBESITY RISK BY A STUNNING 69 PER CENT
2
43 4 THE REMAINS
Cooking too much food inevitably leads to gluttony
56 in the first degree – and those tempting leftovers in your
7 fridge can lead to a cycle of re-offending. Research from the
University of Navarra found snacking between meals increases
your obesity risk by a stunning 69 per cent.
CASE SOLVED When you have leftovers, try to use them up
in one meal rather than picking at them for days as surplus
snacks. You’ll save an added 1500kJ not snacking on that slice
of pizza or 520kJ not hoovering up those “extra” vegie samosas.

5 NIGHT FRIGHT
Let’s take a shot in the dark: that pack of two-minute
pasta sauce in your hand suggests you plan on eating late.
A study at Northwestern University found eating late affects
your circadian rhythms, slowing weight loss.
CASE SOLVED It takes 15 minutes for your brain to inform you
that you’re full, so slow down – you’ll eat 10 per cent less if you take
half an hour or more to finish a meal. Plus, an early supper gets you
to bed earlier, which is good news: the Annals of Internal Medicine
found less than six hours’ sleep halves fat-burning potential.

6 CEREAL KILLER
The suspect is prone to skipping breakfast. A bad
idea: researchers at Imperial College London found
missing the first meal of the day makes you crave high-
energy foods later. And beware of the cereal bar – sugar
comprises 36 per cent of the ingredients in some cases.
CASE SOLVED Do time at the table with muesli, natural
yoghurt and a tin of peaches. Research from the University
of Nottingham found low-GI fare increases fat oxidisation.
If you really need breakfast on-the-go, try Carman’s
Nut Bars. They provide solid hits of protein and fibre in a
relatively low-GI package.

7 BRINE AND PUNISHMENT
Call in the forensics team for this one. When we eat
excess salt, our bodies hold on to water to dilute it. The 2g of salt
in a 100g serving of olives can make your body retain up to 1.5
litres of fluid – and that equates to 1.5 kilograms of extra weight.
CASE SOLVED Cut salt intake with a new entrée accomplice.
A handful of shelled prawns with a garlic-and-lemon marinade
contains just 400kJ and trace levels of salt. University of
London research found lower-salt diets reduce the likelihood of
obesity, so you won’t be carrying any dead weight.

56 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth

Infused Summer Tacos

For more recipe ideas visit cobramestate.com.au

HERO MUSCLE

LORD OF THE STRONGMAN
THE RINGS Having the strength to maintain
straight arms is key to the
Star of Cirque du Soleil’s rings, explains Torkkel. To
acrobatic-rings team, Olli perform moves like the
Torkkel dazzles audiences with “inverted cross”, he targets
feats of supreme strength. his arms and shoulders
Here’s how he tunes his body for with specific exercises.
show-stopping performance “I try to replicate the

VITAL STATS movement with
AGE: 36 dumbbells. Standing
LIVES: with the circus lateral raises – with arms
FROM: Helsinki, Finland completely straight – are
HEIGHT: 174cm great,” he says. Sounds easy?
WEIGHT: 70kg Try doing them for eight minutes
without rest – the length of
58 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth Torkkel’s performance.

PERFORMANCE DRIVEN
Curators of the show don’t monitor
Torkkel’s training. If his performance
is spot on, they’re happy. So it would be
understandable if his commitment to
training tapered off occasionally. But no.
“Once you have a routine, it’s far easier to
continue doing what you need to do,” he
says. “Do something long enough and it
becomes second nature. You’ll feel like
you need to do it before the rest of your
day can unfold.”

AVOIDING A BIG TOP
Working his body as hard as he does,
Torkkel’s engine needs plenty of fuel.
Regularly tucking into fish, chicken and
red meat guarantees Torkkel’s system is
never short of protein. He needs plenty
of carbs, too, but will restrict these
occasionally when he feels it’s necessary
for aesthetics. “I do enjoy dessert or a
beer with friends, though,” he says. “It’s
good for your mind.”

LOOKS EASY? IT IS. BUT BALANCING ACT WORDS: GRANT TAYLOR: PHOTOGRAPHY: KRISTIAN TAYLOR WOOD, OSA IMAGES
ONLY BECAUSE TORKKEL Performing 10 times a week, Torkkel’s
shoulders and chest are subjected to the
NORMALLY DOES THIS same relentlessly brutal routine, which
WEARING A WEIGHTS BELT. can invite injury and lead to a rounded
posture. “I use a Thera-Band to do
NO CLOWNING AROUND corrective exercises on my thoracic spine,
Having performed more than 1500 shows as well as pilates three times a week.”
in five years, Torkkel has developed Working out for an hour after each show,
tricks to enhance his act. “When I’m Torkkel targets his upper back and lower
performing I need to look like I’m having body to maintain a balanced physique.
fun, even though I’m in the middle of a “Ensuring I don’t get too repetitive in my
demanding routine,” he explains. To give workouts is key to lowering injury risk and
the impression his display is a stroll in having a longer career.”
the park, Torkkel warms up by running
through his routine while wearing a BREATHTAKING MOVES
loaded weights belt. “By continually “My rings act is very intense for eight
doing more than the minimum minutes,” says Torkkel. “I’m out of breath
requirement during training, my time afterwards.” While warm-ups and
on stage becomes the easy part.” after-show workouts are the foundations
of Torkkel’s fitness, he boosts his
conditioning in his leisure time. “I travel
the world with this circus, so often
the best way to see a new city is to go
running or hiking. You could say that even
when I’m not training, I’m still training."



WEALTH

1 HOW TO BE A SOCIAL
MEDIA MILLIONAIRE
FORMAT TWITTER
FAST CASH Smart early adopters are looking beyond #selfies to make
serious cash. Hashtag your way to the top of the tree

BIG MONEY 3
Feed the bird, watch it grow

The right kind of tweeting can FORMAT LINKEDIN
earn you a fulltime wage. David FAST CASH
Levin (@davidlevin123) set up a 2
tongue-in-cheek account for his BIG MONEY
local, @the_dolphin_pub, and Get them hooked, make 'em pay
quickly graduated to campaigns
for The Apprentice and L’Oréal. FORMAT PINTEREST Baffled by LinkedIn? You’re not alone.
“Examine the social spheres FAST CASH But those who bother to learn the ropes
of brands you respect, think of are getting paid. Networking strategist
ideas, then hunt for their digital BIG MONEY Philip Calvert (philipcalvert.com) found
manager, head of social or VP of the secret to making money was a spot of
hashtags on Twitter or LinkedIn,” Followers equals finances fishing. First, get as big a network as you
says Levin. “Send them your can in your area of expertise and create a
ideas and offer to do one for Pinterest hasn’t quite developed LinkedIn group aimed at the industry. “Treat PHOTOGRAPHY: DAN MATTHEWS
free.” It costs them nothing Instagram’s following, which means it like a fish tank: feed your fish daily with
to give you a try, and as many it’s ripe for fiscal exploitation. Jennifer tips, links, resources and questions,” says
companies are just starting to Fishkind (pinterest.com/jfishkind) has Calvert. “After about six months, organise
wake up to the need for a social accrued over 3.6 million followers and a networking evening (use meetup.com).
media manager, the job market makes a fulltime living using the site. Then compile your posts into an eBook
is wide open. Once you’ve done Build your following with regular pinning – only this time make them chargeable.”
the first, ask for a fee in the – she advises 15-25 a day. “They must be Promote the event through your group
region of $1000 per idea. Be first high-quality images (2MB and above) with and use it to advertise the book, calling it
to update your earnings. valid links,” says Fishkind. “Re-pin posts Everything you need to know about [your
that do well. As soon as you get over 1000 industry]. This kind of tag goes to the top of
followers, you will be approached for ads. Google rankings. The likes of Calvert earn
The best to work with are HelloSociety up to $18,000 for networking events and
and rewardStyle.” They are the highest $14 per eBook sale. Thought that might get
payers and most reputable. A second your buy-in.
income stream is but a few pins away.

60 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth

5 6

FORMAT HOOTSUITE FORMAT GOOGLE+
FAST CASH FAST CASH

BIG MONEY BIG MONEY
Link them all together Your rep means money

4 INSTAGRAM If you’re serious about making Wherever your talents lie, making your
FORMAT an income online, your social current skills “web-friendly” means your
FAST CASH media presence needs to be earning potential can grow exponentially.
an all-out assault. Control Joe Saad, a chef of no major regard, created
your empire with Hootsuite, chefhangout.com, a Google Hangout that
which brings Facebook, Twitter, sells online cooking courses from US$20
Instagram and pretty much a throw. Now he’s worth big money – with
every other type of account an industry rep to match. “Once I had
together in one place. Nathan participated in my first few Hangouts, I
Lauder, director of NE Media was convinced that this platform could
Solutions, says: “You want to change the world via face-to-face webcam.
be updating every account It works brilliantly with cooking and
at least five times a day.” You any other visually centred process,” he
need to connect with all your says. The Hangout has not yet been fully
followers at once: “The goal exploited for personal training, personal
with social media marketing is shopping or many other types of one-on-
to create a subscriber list that’s one consultation. Develop your own page
in the same sphere and valued using advice from techrepublic.com or the
by advertisers.” Once you’ve pre-existing software and watch your new
got 5000 across all platforms clients form an orderly queue.
in a particular field, you have a
BIG MONEY sample group that companies
will pay around $900 to hear
Turn snap-happy skills into cash the collective opinion of, on any
given topic.
Many routes lead to cash here – just pick
the one that suits your Instagrammatic
style. Make small sums immediately by
selling your shots. Sign up to Twenty20, set
the price of your shots and get a 20 per cent
cut. Easy money. They sort the logistics
and ship worldwide, sending money your
way via PayPal every month. Photos of
nighttime cityscapes – New York, Paris and
London – sell best. Take it at dusk, from
an angle you haven’t seen before. Now to
let you into the biggest secret on social
media: Snapfluence, a company giving
users with over 1000 followers the chance
to earn serious cash. It puts you in touch
with big brands who’ll pay you to promote
their products. “Influencers are paid to
participate in the campaign,” says CEO
Brian Zuercher. The quickest way to find
followers is to hashtag your posts: #girl,
#forsale and #selfie are the most
searched-for. Get tagging.

“THE GOAL WITH SOCIAL MEDIA MARKETING IS
TO CREATE A SUBSCRIBER LIST THAT'S IN THE
SAME SPHERE AND VALUED BY ADVERTISERS”

JANUARY 2015 61

PULSE

ASFHBROOEAUUKLTDIENYBGOOOULUABT?E
It’spcruotbdaaobsolwmy amstdhaaekyetmhitrootvouiegAshucsWotremaslitinaAg.fAtrrircueaet?ahnodsewill

Ebola Primer WHAT’S DIFFERENT others. Here, quarantining protocols WORDS: DANIEL WILLIAMS
ABOUT THIS OUTBREAK? combined with an optimal medical
ORIGINAL HOST Fruit bats While previous Ebola outbreaks have response should cut that figure to zero.
been confined to villages and produced
FIRST OUTBREAK 1976, in remote parts death tolls ranging from single figures IF I DO GET IT, AM I A GONER?
of Sudan and the Democratic Republic to 280, this one has infiltrated densely Nope. The high fatality rate in West
of Congo populated areas of Guinea, Liberia and Africa reflects “a failure of treatment”,
Sierra Leone, resisting haphazard and argues Hill-Cawthorne, who says many
TRANSMISSION Through contact under-resourced efforts at containment. victims are receiving either no treatment
with the bodily fluids of infected at all or else nothing approaching the
animals or humans HOW BAD IS IT GOING TO GET? eight litres of fluid replacement (daily)
The Centres for Disease Control and that can be required to combat the
SYMPTOMS Initially fever, fatigue, Prevention in the US has forecast that, ravages of Ebola. “You need to replace
headache and muscle pain; then without concerted international action, the sugar, the salt and the water, and if
diarrhoea, eye inflammation, vomiting Ebola cases in West Africa could surpass you do that and make sure people are
and coughing up blood. Death from 1.4 million by mid-January. nourished, then our best estimate
multi-organ failure, typically eight days would be that the fatality rate would
after symptom onset HOW COULD IT be around 10-20 per cent at most.”
REACH AUSTRALIA?
AVERAGE FATALITY RATE 70 per cent Most likely via health-care workers WHAT IF EBOLA MUTATES INTO
returning from the African frontline. AN AIRBOURNE VIRUS?
VACCINE Yes, but experimental only Local experts believe isolated cases In more than 100 years of research,
and in hopelessly short supply will probably pop up. no human virus has ever changed the
way it transmits. “The likelihood of
WHAT’S HAPPENED? IF IT GETS HERE, WHAT THEN? that happening in the case of Ebola is
In case you’ve been marooned on Expect a media frenzy and high public vanishingly small,” says Hill-Cawthorne.
a desert island . . . the largest-ever anxiety, “but I doubt there would be any
outbreak of the Ebola virus is sweeping spread, simply because this is a difficult SO, I SHOULD QUIT WORRYING?
West Africa. When MH went to print the virus to transmit”, says virologist Dr About yourself, yes. But Africa is in the
death toll was 5177 from 14,413 infected, Grant Hill-Cawthorne, a lecturer in midst of a catastrophe that could
according to the Centres for Disease communicable disease epidemiology choke-hold its economies for decades
Control and Prevention. Outside Africa, at the University of Sydney. In Africa, and needs more help than it’s getting,
isolated cases have appeared in the US the average victim is infecting only 1.7 argues Hill-Cawthorne.
and Spain, while here, multiple Ebola
“scares” have proved unfounded.

62 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth

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SUMMERTIMEBLUES STYLE

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and dark, says menswear designer Richard James:
“One to anchor, one to enliven”. Think navy trousers SUNGLASSES, $390
with a faded sky-blue tee, or even a trio of different
tones in your shirt, tie and sweater. JANUARY 2015 65

MARCS SHORT-
SLEEVE SHIRT,
$119

TOMMY HILFIGER
CHINOS, $160

LE COQ SPORTIF
BACKPACK, $59.95

UNEXPECTED ENDORSEMENT

ELECTRIC BLUE!

Blue is a safe colour. It’s probably the
first one you were dressed in. But this
season’s true blue is not that of your navy
suit. Call it cobalt or cerulean, it’s more
impactful, but no harder to wear. Even
the stylistically challenged can pull it
off, especially if you anchor the brighter
item with navy or white. It’s safe to say
you’ll get noticed.

STYLE

BLUE SCHOOL RULES wlobaoiTartkdrmoiturnwrtsooogcaoBtbrnowte-ew“elobSUohofeeluwlureHisadgtStrietsihdghrotaIeyAihhtnn–rNnetaagesrstnDtnino’a–aatEsdhemyvlYo.ka,dvySpeBannebstttSruohnulfstwtuoiahiantiernvfetgi”iyosyla.r,weonasaa,ueict’ehresa

DO

Anything. It’s pretty much
impossible to go wrong with
blue on blue. Unless it’s Jeff
Daniels’ tux in Dumb & Dumber.

DON’T

Worry. We repeat: it’s pretty
much impossible to go wrong.

YOUR CRASH COURSE IN INDIGO DESIGNER STYLE

It’s not what you know, it’s hue you know Fraser Moss,
co-founder of YMC
SO INDIGO’S A COLOUR, RIGHT?
Yes and no. It’s also a kind of dye, sometimes applied by hand, “We’ve loved blue at YMC for years, M.J. BALE SUIT, $995; WITCHERY SHIRT,
which results in a wide array of almost imperceptibly different particularly navy because it conveys $89.95; CALIBRE TIE, $149;
tones. Hence its unique visual texture. And price tag. a sense of sophistication. It’s great for T.M. LEWIN POCKET SQUARE,
BUT BASICALLY IT’S DARK BLUE? summer, when black can age you. The $34.95; CALIBRE BELT, $99; PERSOL
Essentially, yes. But much more interesting. And expensive. secret with blue is to break it up. A navy SUNGLASSES, $370; FLORSHEIM
WHERE CAN I FIND IT? suit with a white T-shirt and plimsolls SHOES, $249.95; TRENERY WALLET,
It used to be just obsessive Japanese denim brands, but the is timeless. Or indigo jeans with a blue $79.95; EMPORIO ARMANI WATCH, $379
real stuff can now be found on everything from J Crew shirts jacket, broken up with a striped, fine-
to Polo Ralph Lauren tees. Don’t feel blue if you can’t afford
gauge knit. It’s simple, but
the real deal, though: more reasonably priced, very effective.”
factory-made facsimiles are everywhere and
on everything, such as Topman BLUE IN THE FACE
sweatshirts. Or you could always
just buy a pocket square. Whatever your budget, add a colourful accent to your wrist with a blue-dial watch
AND HOW DO I WEAR IT?
With other blues,
naturally.

GUESS SHIRT, $99.95;
DENHAM JEANS @

GLUE STORE, $179.99

SWATCH STAR CHIEF BALL MARVELIGHT GIRARD-PERREGAUX PHOTOGRAPHY: EDWARD URRUTIA
$169 $2200 SEA HAWK $13,940

66 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth



MAINTENANCE

KEEP A COOL HEAD

Love summer? Well, it doesn’t love you. In fact, it can make you
look like a basted turkey. But don’t sweat – with the right strategy,
you can conquer the season’s biggest grooming problems

1 ZITS ARE WINNING THE 2 THE SHINE ON YOUR FOREHEAD
LAND GRAB ON YOUR BODY IS BLINDING YOUR FRIENDS

Don’t let body acne detract from When sweat mixes with oil, the

your laser-cut abs. Salicylic acid, result is a high-gloss finish that

a common ingredient in over- reflects sunlight. To fight the

the-counter facial cleansers, is greasy-teen look, Kiehl’s bolsters

the simplest remedy for clearing its moisturiser with a pulverised

pimples, says dermatologist gel called Aerolite, which can

Dr Ray Jalian. Dermalogica adds absorb four times its weight in

the acid to its skin wash to help oil. Apply it in the morning, or as

it penetrate the thicker skin on needed, so people can stop donning

your chest and back. their sunnies at your approach.

DERMALOGICA MEDIBAC CLEARING SKIN WASH KIEHL’S OIL-ELIMINATOR 24-HOUR ANTI-SHINE MOISTURISER
($49.50; DERMALOGICA.COM.AU) ($36; KIEHLS.COM.AU)

3 YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE 4 DAYS IN THE SUN ARE ADDING
IT MOPPED UP AN OIL SPILL YEARS TO YOUR FACE

Your body’s oil-producing Radiation from sunlight

sebaceous glands are most can wear down your skin’s

densely concentrated on collagen, the protein that

your scalp, says Jalian. fights wrinkles. Retaliate

In summer heat, that can with vitamin C, says Jalian.

mean greasy hair, and This antioxidant boosts the

flakes on your head and production of skin-smoothing

shoulders. Fight back with proteins. By adding it to an

clay. Gritty Business uses bentonite clay, SPF 15 moisturiser, The Body

that holds your hair while pulling oil away Shop delivers a product that

from your roots. lets you repair damage and prevent

KEVIN MURPHY GRITTY BUSINESS wrinkles at the same time.
($35.95; MYHAIRCARE.COM.AU)
THE BODY SHOP VITAMIN C DAILY MOISTURISER
($26.95; THEBODYSHOP.COM.AU)

PHOTOGRAPHY: TRAVIS RATHBONE

Smooth turns stubbly Sacha apes Okay, Chewie
BARE his ancestors pulls it off

68 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth At least
Tom wore
it proudly

BUSH

The ideal chest-hair length is around two centimetres, says Jason Schneidman, founder of
themensgroomer.com. To get your fur perfect, use your shaver on a number-six setting



DOWNTIME

FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK YOUR CULTURAL
AC/DC’s new album Rock or Bust could well be the soundtrack of HIT LIST
the summer, making it a good time to read Jesse Fink’s recently
released The Youngs: The Brothers Who Built AC/DC. Need DECEMBER
more Acca Dacca? There’s a song for every occasion Moonlight Cinema
A rug, some wine and a
BacPkUIRISnOHBNIN:laGck classic movie on a hot
summer’s night – it’s on you
DAiWNrPtEHDRyEEOiDDNrBtSeYLCSeOEOhdMUResGTTaDOHIpNToA’Tn: e if you mess it up from here.
moonlightcinema.com.au

GETTING
DOWN AND

DIRTY:

You Shook Me
All Night
Long

PSYCHING RUNNING: ON A DEC 13
UP BEFORE SUMMER SLAM Festival
(sRWsTeoeohcnarouLgdlndonbeodsryvfd-seoabEeotYlemrlefosstdRiutnitmturrerhsunmeueinnsacln)eftfkirhtn’esegr ROAD TRIP: The world's loudest beach
A GAME: volleyball festival hits
Highway Noosa. Balls, babes and
Hells Bells To Hell beers – get the picture?
slamfestival.com

BE THE NORM ACT TOUGH

Normalcy is not as common as You don’t have to be born a tough guy – you can become one.
you might think, according to Guy Look at 62-year-old Liam Neeson, star of this month’s Taken 3
(in cinemas January 8). Once a serious thespian, now a bankable
Browning, author of the newly action star, here’s Neeson’s blueprint for badassness
released How To be Normal:
A Guide For The Perplexed. Taken 1, 2, 3 Lesson 1 Real tough guys don’t flex their JANUARY 8
Covering the basics of human Neeson plays ex-CIA-operative- muscles unless absolutely necessary. Sydney Festival
behaviour, here’s Browning’s cum-regular-Joe Bryan Mills, To the outside world you should appear The Harbour City isn’t
template for filling the bell curve. whose family seems to be a harmless, even neighbourly. Of course, just a beach town come
magnet for nefarious forces. a special-ops background is handy when January. With free gigs
How to . . . Neeson uses his “very particular shit does go down. and boutique shows,
BE NICE skillset” to exact retribution. there’s plenty here to
give your summer a
“Give lifts to people even though A Walk Among Tombstones Lesson 2 More than your fists or your
they are going in the opposite Neeson reportedly spends eight-and- tight-fitting T-shirt, the phone is a tough cultural kick.
direction.” a-half minutes of this film on the guy’s ultimate weapon, allowing you to sydneyfestival.org.au
phone delivering lines with carefully tell your adversaries (or the local council)
DISAGREE calibrated menace. exactly how you plan to take them down. JANUARY 9
“One of the quickest ways of AFC Asian Cup
promoting disagreement is to Non-Stop Lesson 3 Tough guys are invariably The cup kicks off with WORDS: BEN JHOTY
start a sentence with the phrase Neeson stars as an alcoholic US flawed. Got a vice or three? This reservoir Australia facing Kuwait at
‘I think you’ll agree . . . ’ A better Federal Air Marshal who receives of disrepute just needs the right outlet. the oddly named Melbourne
way of saying that you disagree text messages warning that You are a hammer looking for a nail, a drill Rectangular Stadium.
with someone is to say, ‘I don’t someone on his plane will die every looking for a head. afcasiancup.com
20 minutes unless $150 million is
disagree, but . . . ’” transferred to a bank account.

MAKE EXCUSES
“Rules are the best excuses.
When someone asks you to go
to the cinema, you can tell them
your cast-iron rule that you only
go to the cinema on Monday.”

70 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth

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“Every day starts with a “I love running,
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It’s triathlons or more I’m mindful about what
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MELANIE DAVIS
“I want to be a living
example that no matter Readers
how busy your life is, Choice
you can still build 2014
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TARRYN LUCAS

“Stop underestimating “I like to stay
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TODD BREWER

ANNOUNCED IN OUR FEBRUARY ISSUE!

YOUR
DEFINING
MOMENTS

photography by ADAM FLIPP
76 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth

The proposal. The screech of tyres. 1 Your Life Flashes
The ball arcing your way. Before Your Eyes
Can you rise to the challenge? BY ANTHONY DOERR

For most of our adult lives we inch our way A few days after graduating from college
through manhood. Some moments, though, propel I went fly fishing with my dad. At noon he
us forward with such force that we know, in some clambered onto a big midstream boulder
fundamental way, we’ve changed. They arrive in all and waved me over for lunch. As I waded
forms: you decide to pop the question. Your mate towards him, I stumbled and drove my
announces he has weeks to live. Your latest sexual kneecap into a submerged rock. My legs
conquest leaves you wanting more. What you say were a bit wooden from standing in the
and do next clarifies your principles and carves out river all day, and my knee began to fill
your legacy. Or it does the opposite. What will you with a sneaky, underwater pain. I climbed
do when your moment strikes? Succeed wildly or onto the rock, set down my rod, watched
fail instructively, like these guys did. my father put a handful of Doritos into his
mouth – and blacked out.

At some point I was jerked back into this
world. My father’s grip seized my waders
and yanked me out of the river. I coughed
and water came out of my nose. My cap and
fishing rod were gone. My knee ached. My
shirt was soaked. Apparently, I’d tipped
backward off the boulder.

Dad said: “I thought you were cooling off.”
I said: “I think you just saved my life.”
Hours later, in a restaurant, I thought:
Everything you think you’re building can
get wiped out in a second? While you’re
wading across a pretty stream on a sunny
day to eat Doritos with your father?
People die for ideas and countries and
each other. I would have died for what?
A few freshwater trout. A handful of
corn chips. I went to the bathroom and
looked in the mirror and thought: You
aren’t much. That one moment, 17 years
ago, still sends ripples into my hours.
Sometimes you feel the power of your
existence flare in you – through you – with
so much intensity your knees buckle.
And yet a single misstep, some bad luck, a
convergence of instants, and it’s gone.
You aren’t much. And yet you
are everything.

– Anthony Doerr is the author of Memory Wall

You’re About To Crash!RJYEARNEMGYOSFLRIYN,GA

LOCK IN
Look where

1 2 3t“fi“oYIxtota’sauytkrcoioebaunloywl,o”deauFydnrwttythaitselrolgarteyegr.sto”y..
ISNTDURNITVED,RSITVEEERRWSHYOOUDOAUWBALYEFDRFOOMRDANGER

BRAKE! TURN LESS
(OR DON’T) gaatwrnhbahdeibleyittmet’h“vyuIleefsotryownremoe,xgh.utic”rgeheimhepeelt.afdsTsrkeuwokedrinidnalttl;hlheeasirrsd
twwyoooarurnekhtdDiniatorhgveneec1’t0fttrbo0torh.pna“eYektcoertayucurren.e”ntstil

JANUARY 2015 77

YOUR DEFINING MOMENTS

2 YYoouurHFer’sieDnydiTneglls

BY ROGER EBERT Tstthhaee“IytIcfodfeaotuymhnlihlendeoargonwvee’ftcsiosnrtaroimgnnydyogaotuekhi,:seianllgel t Isfut“bwh“KLg““WsoiIhYüreIstpafiioebtelilyii’’utenlrssfloeuelitwnmyuorwato-enoeeRddgaoe,uiysekosrddyrtektstooniahhsblotum’lte’ihhesu’ncrrgaaesr.fikea”eitttwrnvysthtcfe.otara”uriuiuysnipstpettga.e”taihndrcogrerdeogeeo.r,”neasutdtlgohh:hfaenr 5 Dad Takes
m““GIeheektnawroedwlal.”bsooount !” His Last Run
Dfrreeiseppneodnn,dtsiwnegsooagnroeot:hde this cure. . . ” BY PETER MOORE
“Shit!”
“Damn!” December 20, 1996, dawned clear and bright.
My father, a runner for 40 years, woke early,
– Roger Ebert was a Pulitzer Prize-winning film critic who’s since died of cancer laced up his shoes and hit the path near the
house he shared with my mother. Less than an
3 You Set Yourself a 4 You Give hour later, two policemen knocked on the door
Grand Adventure the Big and asked my mum if her husband had been
and Fail BY AARON SCOTT Speech out for a run. At that point she’d been a widow
for 43 minutes, and I was a fatherless son. He’d
Five years ago I found myself in a dark place. First, have an argument. State a barely reached his life expectancy. I can look
I’d broken up with my girlfriend, I was proposition and defend it, “even if back now with a little less emotion, a little more
living alone in my Sydney apartment and I that proposition is, ‘Johnno is the clarity, on that moment. I did some things right
was getting flogged at work. Finally, after most lovable stuff-up I’ve met’,” says and some things wrong. So did my dad.
months of wallowing in self pity and drinking Jay Heinrichs, author of Word Hero.
immoderate amounts of red wine, I decided to WRONG
fly to Argentina and climb Mount Aconcagua. Next, tame your imagination. Exercise doesn’t equal immortality, part 1
“People always say, ‘Picture the My dad and I were out for a run together a
At 6962 metres, Aconcagua is a serious audience naked’,” says comedian month before he died, and he told me he’d
mountain, with an ascent requiring two weeks Nick Kroll. “I don’t get that. I’d recently fainted while running. Neither of us
of solid toil. For me, the first 11 days were be like, ‘Why is that guy’s penis a thought much of it, because, hell, he was in
blissful: crisp air, jaw-dropping vistas, the different colour than the rest of his great shape. He was also in need of immediate
single-minded pursuit of a simple goal. When I body?’ Instead, picture a person medical intervention. Death is an adversary
left the high camp at 3am on summit morning who thinks you’re funny – like your worth respecting and fighting. But first you
I was confident of reaching the peak. mum. And don’t picture her naked.” have to open your eyes.
If you don’t have an autopsy, you’ll never
But by mid-afternoon, as I inched up a As you build to your big finale, know
giant’s staircase of jumbled boulders reamed keep in mind how you want to In those first gut-wrenching days when my
with ice, the summit a bare 50m above, I portray yourself. Funny guy? father’s body lay in the morgue, my three
suddenly buckled. I couldn’t talk. I didn’t know Sincere friend? “Clarify your brothers and I wanted him to rest in peace,
where I was. I took a step and fell. I got up and relationship with your subject. not pieces – to let the crematorium flames
fell again. I had high-altitude cerebral oedema Then get into the storytelling,” complete the journey from ashes to ashes,
– a potentially fatal swelling of the brain. Heinrichs says. “Be clear and dust to dust. We didn’t ask for an autopsy, so
succinct. Acknowledge counter- we still don’t know what killed him – heart
My memories from this point onward arguments, and then overcome attack, stroke, aneurysm? – nor do we know
become patchy, but I’m told a guide was forced them with logic. Save the emotion the extent of our own vulnerabilities.
to tether me to a rope and drag me down the for last. Make your audience laugh
rocks until I regained the ability to walk. or cry or, ideally, both.” RIGHT
Harvest the stories
When I reached base camp I was devastated. At the memorial service, I asked my dad’s
I’d missed the summit. Another failure. colleagues what they remembered about him.
I learned things about my old man that day.
It was only when I returned home and Life is a narrative. Fill in the storyline so you
saw the expressions on my mates’ faces as I understand it – whether the ending is good
told them the story, that the hurt faded. The or bad.
realisation: life’s an accumulation of memories, Exercise doesn’t equal immortality, part 2
not a tally of successes and failures. And in this Not long before my dad’s last run, he showed
accumulation of memories, a glorious failure me a chart by his hero, the running guru
will always trump bland success. George Sheehan. The graphed lines showed
two paths – one for exercisers, one for the
sedentary. Both ended at roughly the same
point, but the active people soared to their
end. They weren’t immortal, but they were
more vibrant, engaged, energetic, alive. My
dad lived every minute. I intend to as well.

78 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth

LOGIC WILL ONLY GET
YOU SO FAR. NOW
YOU HAVE TO LEAD
WITH YOUR HEART

6 You’re Ready For
Marriage. Maybe

BY TRACEY STEINBERG

Before you buy the ring and pick the spot, ask yourself these questions:

have you lost interest in meeting other women? If your ex reached out to

you, would that do nothing for you? Are you no longer interested in one-night

stands? Do you miss her when she’s away? Do you think about planning a

life with her? Do you see her as the potential mother of your children? Has

she met your friends and family? Do they accept her? Do you appreciate her

not-so-attractive qualities? Are you ready to embrace them? Are your lives

already intertwined? Have you discussed finances? Have you had deeper

conversations about what you want out of life? Where do you see yourself

in the future? Do you know her goals? Her wants? Her needs? Do you know

yours? Do you know exactly what you have to offer? Finally: have you

answered yes to everything? Because logic will get you only so far. Now you

have to lead with your heart. – Tracey Steinberg is a dating coach

JANUARY 2015 79

YOUR DEFINING MOMENTS SHIRT AVAILABLE FROM CRICKETWORLDCUP.COM

7 You Just
Got a Huge
Promotion

Take the time to make introductions,
because some of your new colleagues
will barely know you. “The people you
lead will now be watching your every
move,” says Dr Robert Sutton, author
of Good Boss, Bad Boss. Ten minutes
of face time will help ease anxiety and
quash rumours.

You’ll have to draw new boundaries
with your work mates. “Creating social
distance is wise,” Sutton says. You need
to be able to dole out praise and
promotions without being seen as
playing favourites. You’ll also
have to fire people.

Don’t push; lead. “The
best leaders constantly
ask the people they lead,
‘What can I do to help
you succeed?’,” says
Sutton. “Ironically, if
they think only, ‘How
can I succeed?’ they’re
undermining their
chances of success.”

8 You Want
to Skip Your
Workout – Again

BY DAVID JACK

Training is too often vanity-based.
We need to tap into something bigger.
Do another set not because you have
to but because you can. Take that
action for someone or something else.
Dedicate your workout. You’ve seen
it: the guy who runs the marathon
for his dad who’s battling cancer. Do
it with intention and purpose, and to
the best of your ability. If you train
only for visible abs or a bigger bench,
then that’s all you’ll get. But when you
train for something greater, something
higher, you will be capable of more
than you thought possible – and you’ll
get the abs and the strength as well.
This unlocks the true power of fitness.

– David Jack is co-creator of the
MH Spartacus Workout

80 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth

IF THE BALL FALLS BELOW YOUR
EYELINE, YOUR CHANCES OF
CATCHING IT GO FROM
MIDDLING TO NEGLIGIBLE

9 AHeTaodweedrYinogurSWixaiysTidWnyhyoooyeo?uouroGc“reWurwdCYsoot’RrIcshhopecaofh-edhaoaithuananyelawiahnrlroacrtsmb,sdneednueliatfiyrdiiccsoicnncuawdegeeoteraganbmlohriniiasodtrssdettwwieitni,tpoeobdnwbhtacaaf-naesgshlebirantictsftoenaicrnoitcbaouantnindotrmkterthngyfeeacogeteaeodmdcohgrftlrbproleahioisobetnooelnrab.fraoysagfvdg“vytlydtttteAtehiifleihw,nmhottt”aeydbeohhgfeegtosmerpeesrhsaoauhselaptcerhMoylurobfriyyirrsresrnnmeaoeafothoer.Wyiguulp”agomendabenlslah?otoaiihwd.lts.tmo”beFunay“–iddnavordAl.nilhnrdesoylsodgilieldeotvolws.otblluegSwI.h.iffanoa“tzdaotLlWganieotlrnherrdntmbogtesoto’hsaotebtByieuntldowsoalBtdehculsdiaLtdglnilrtoloneflelfaomia’atrytnsgrnlahntotlialtbyonesuysictplcoarebigabetshusheta.essirtcatmolsfidoohasnergeewed,ed.yhsm,aFin-”oucytetosusiamoe.nyurarkWuneggr’yegsrteohsfieesytroyaTluoyytroftreeurorbuedelisddrneiognyetnootruoyeanndao,urt’bnytthuraoinkuger

JANUARY 2015 81

10 You End It with a
Long-Term Girlfriend

She’ll always remember how you did it. So, do it in person in a public
place “with nothing emotional attached to it,” says Whitney Casey, a
relationship consultant for match.com. And don’t make it a bar – alcohol
is a fight accelerant.

Keep your reasons vague, because specifics cause “delicious pain”
– stuff people repeat to friends later to stay upset longer. You can list
your feelings because you can’t fight feelings. They aren’t right or wrong,
says Casey, they just are.

If you’ve been living together and she’s moving out, schedule a pick-up
of her stuff when you’re not around; or help her if she wants. Then cut the
cord. Don’t call her, don’t text her, don’t comment on her Facebook posts,
says dating coach Patti Feinstein. “That’ll give her false hope, and she’ll
think she has a chance to fix it.”

CUT THE CORD.
DON’T CALL HER,
DON’T TEXT HER,
DON’T COMMENT ON HER
FACEBOOK POSTS

82 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth

YOUR DEFINING MOMENTS

You’re Forced You’re You Have Your
to Defend Heartened Final One-Night
Yourself by Humanity Stand

BY QUINTON JACKSON BY KEVIN SITES BY STEVE ALMOND

One time I’m at a club and this guy comes A forward operating base near Tal Afar, Iraq. She arrived at my apartment straight from
up to my best friend’s sister – a girl I treat November 2003. Nobody’s in a good mood. the gym and asked if she could take a shower.
like my own sister – and asks if he can buy A patrol was ambushed the night before. A I can still remember – with a clarity that
her a drink. She points to me and says, popular staff sergeant lost his leg to a rocket- sends a dumb thrill through my blood – how
“Well, you’ve got to ask my brother”, which propelled grenade and may die. she stood on one leg in my living room to peel
seems ridiculous, because she’s Asian. The off her yoga pants.
guy doesn’t take it well. He says derogatory The next night, the battalion commander
things. I tell him to just walk away. And leads a raid against a suspected insurgent This was a new moment. It was one of
that’s when the dude winds up and hits me leader. His soldiers swarm a multi-house the first times in my life that I wasn’t going
in the face. compound in the pre-dawn chill. Doors to grovel for sex, that I could relax into the
are kicked in. The family’s roused. In one experience, knowing she was as eager for
Now, I was a professional fighter at the bedroom a specialist peels back a blanket, uncomplicated pleasure as I was.
time. At first, I was hesitant to defend myself. revealing two boys. The way they’re curled
I was shocked. Then the guy hit me again. around each other, they look like puppies. And she was. God bless her – she was. She
That’s when I lost it. Survival mode kicked may have been the only woman I’ve ever
in. Suddenly I had the strength of 10 men. I The soldiers force the head of the house to been with who didn’t fake her enthusiasm
hit him with my elbows and took him down his stomach on the concrete. One man puts for fellatio. Her arse was so beautiful in the
to the floor. The fight was a boot between his shoulderblades, another moonlight I wanted to take a photo of it. We
over in seconds. clips his wrists behind his back. They point had sex and whisky and lewd banter and
I wasn’t trying a machine gun at his chest. His wife and more sex.
to hurt children huddle under blankets while the
him, but it Then it was morning. I made her breakfast
took four house is searched. and brought it into the bedroom – where
bouncers Bad intel. Nothing found. A knife I discovered her fully dressed. “That was
to pull me slices the cuffs, releasing the man as awesome,” she said, “but I gotta jet.”
off the guy. the sun begins to rise. This is the holy
I wanted to month of Ramadan. The family won’t Jet? I stood in silent devastation. I wanted
dominate him, to say: what’s the hurry? Why leave at all? It’s
to let him know: eat or drink anything until sundown. the weekend. Can’t we just cuddle? But she had
don’t be a bully. Apologies are made, and the soldiers her phone out and was calling a cab.
You never know
what kind of man load up to head back to the base. The And it occurred to me at this precise
you might run into. man who moments before had been moment, as I watched her lovely mouth feed
my address to the dispatcher, that something
– Quinton held at gunpoint approaches the had changed. I simply didn’t have the heart
“Rampage” commander. He places his for any more one-night stands.
Jackson is hand on his heart and
a former asks the officer Sure, I was horny. That was never going
UFC light- to bring his away. But more than that, I was lonely. I
heavyweight men back to wanted someone to scratch my back and eat
champion his home so my French toast and, you know, talk to me.
his family
STYLING: MAIA LIAKOS; MODELS: GEORGIA @ SCOOP, MILAN @ CHADWICKS may prepare It was a humiliating revelation for a rogue
them bachelor to face at age 35, but the frantic
breakfast cycle of pursuit and conquest had come to
before they go. feel hollow.

– Kevin Sites is Was I suddenly ready for a lifelong
the author of The commitment? Not exactly.
Things They But I was open, at last, to
Cannot Say the possibility of such
a thing.
When He TakIF YOU
es a SwingBUT IF – Steve Almond is the
YCOAUNHHAEVLEP TITO,,DDOONA’TSSJWACINKGSBOANCDKO. ES author of Rock and
Roll Will Save Your
Life and nine other
books

1 2 3p“hyNu“aoTnonuucwdrchPYPskcyuhOhuoRyteeupoUOdts,uc”RehTtrasfrSaEceanonhEnCywcdicsLnTasegJFt.i”encfiathtcrosykatosn.uoyrn.
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D–bTToyahinolmal’utsie.phwIStlitmaaot’sniylgraltaeinigrbttoohadotutrivrnsifientudgrybt..”hfhd“atMeusetu.da?y

JANUARY 2015 83

Add Inches PHOTOGRAPHY: MARTHAPAVLIDOU AT STUDIO 33, ADRIAN WEINBRECHT
to Your

Entire Body
(Except your gut, of course!)

84 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth

Add four inches to your
back and shoulders

Prepare to stand on the shoulders of giants. Strength and fitness
PT Ray Klerck has compiled the most effective width-boosting
moves used by athletes with the widest backs in sport

Add ’em up Create a circuit from the moves. Do it 1-2 times a week, with 1-2 days’ rest between each bout

EXERCISE SETS REPS REST
Weighted chin-ups 4 6-8 2-3 minutes
Medicine-ball wall throws 4 5
TRX inverted row 4 8 2 minutes
Seated rows 3 12 1 minute
45 seconds

the rugby player: michael hooper the swimmer: james magnussen

Medicine-ball wall throws (4 x 5 reps) Weighted chin-ups (4 x 6-8 reps)
Explosive movements add size and power to the muscles One of the toughest but most effective moves is about
around your shoulders. Stand a metre away from a wall to get tougher. Holding a dumbbell between your feet (or
with your feet shoulder-width apart. Hold a medicine ball wearing a weighted vest), grab the bar with an overhand
with both hands against your chest. Bend your knees, then grip and hoist yourself up until your chin crosses the
rise up and explosively throw the ball against the wall, as plane of the bar. Lower yourself, safe in the knowledge
hard and as high as possible. Catch it, then go again. that you’ll soon have a back to rival Magnussen’s.

The paddleboarder: laird hamilton The Olympic rower: drew ginn

TRX inverted row (4 x 8 reps) Seated rows (3 x 12 reps)
Hang from a TRX with your arms straight and body Grab the D handles on the seated row machine, your
forming a straight line from head to ankles. Pull your palms facing each other. Pull the handles to a point
chest to the handles and hold for a second, then lower just below your chest, squeezing your shoulderblades
with control. Too easy? Place your feet on a Swiss ball together to activate your lats. Pause, then return to
to add some instability to the movement. the starting position. Stroke!

JANUARY 2015 85

Add Inches to Your Entire Body

Grow two inches taller

Listen up, pipsqueak: these moves will make you stand taller
(no medieval torture racks required). “Pilates corrects poor
posture,” says Anne-Marie Thomas, from the Pilates Foundation.
“It also lengthens your lower spine, the curve of which can become
exaggerated when you hunch too much.” Do each move for 30
seconds and repeat 1-2 times a week

The Spine Curl

Lie on your back, knees bent, arms
alongside your body, palms flat on the
floor. Exhale and curl your pelvis up; begin
peeling your spine off the mat. Inhale at
the top, then exhale to return your spine
to the floor. This will loosen the back
muscles that cause you to hunch.

The Roll Up

Lie on your back with your arms
extended above your head. Inhale as you
lift them above your shoulders. Now
lift your head and use your abs to roll
your upper body off the floor. This move
stretches out the curve in your spine.

The Dart

Lie on your stomach, your arms by your
sides. Inhale as you extend your arms in
front of you. Exhale and lift your chest.
Don’t arch your lower back. Inhale once
more, then stand up and walk tall.

86 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth

Add three inches
to your chest

Perform each stage of this move without pausing, using the rep guide
below. Complete three sets, resting for 60 seconds between each

Beginner: 12 reps using light weights
Intermediate: 10 reps using moderate weights
Advanced: 8 reps using heavy weights; slow pace

Press start

You’re about to build your war
chest, so expect a battle. Lie on a bench
holding dumbbells with your arms
extended above you. Lower your left arm
to your chest, drive back to the starting
position, then repeat with the right
arm. “Feel the stretch in your chest and
squeeze at the top,” says personal trainer
James Daly, who designed this move.

Final push Flying high

It ends as it began. As with Hold both weights above your
phase one of the move, first press the chest with a slight bend in your elbows.
dumbbell in one hand up from your Lower the weights one at a time until
chest, then the other. “Focus on the they’re in line with your shoulders. Feel
chest muscles you are working and the stretch? “By working your pecs
tense with every push,” says Daly. individually like this, you can focus more
Congratulations, you’ve shown plenty on your technique and build a fuller
of front. You’ll be rewarded with more chest,” says Daly.
of the same.

The squeeze Pull strength

You’re past the halfway mark With the dumbbells above your
now. Time to repeat the fly: lower chest, twist your wrists to face each
the weights to your sides one by one. other. Now lower them behind your
Squeeze your chest at the top of the head until your arms are outstretched,
move to build definition between your then return. “Arnie credits dumbbell
pecs. “By repeating the fly and press, pullovers with helping him create his
your time under tension is longer so monstrous glass-balancing chest
you’ll add more muscle,” says Daly. development,” says Daly.

JANUARY 2015 87

Add Inches to Your Entire Body

Cut two inches
from your waist

What follows is hell on legs. This fat-burning circuit, created by
former-British Marine Rob Blair, uses nothing but your own body
weight (and a skipping rope). After serving for eight years everywhere
from the Middle East to the Arctic, Blair’s expertise lies in getting big
results with the minimum of equipment. This session keeps your heart
rate up and your body-fat percentage down. Get ready

The Bastard Skipping rope Run
(PERFORM FOR 20 SECONDS) (PERFORM FOR 20 SECONDS)
Sure, you want to collapse,
Feel free to shout the name of this Now the focus switches to your legs, but finish off your fat stores by using
exercise at any point during the activating both fast- and slow-twitch whatever energy you can muster to
exercise. Squat down until your muscle fibres to maximise fat loss. run 1500 metres as fast as possible.
fingertips touch the ground. Kick With the rope behind your legs After this much sustained exercise,
your legs back into a push-up position and your arms at your sides, your body will now use a greater
and lower your chest to the ground. twist your wrists to lift the rope percentage of your fat stores for
Now reverse the movement and over your head. Keep your energy, meaning your run is far more
explode up, jumping as high as y ou grip on the handles light effective than usual.
can. This killer move ropes in every and land on the balls of Thank us when you can
major muscle group, hammering your feet with your knees talk again. Complete
your metabolism. slightly bent. this circuit 2-3
If schoolgirls can do times a week
this for an entire for 4-6
lunchbreak, you have weeks.
no excuse for tripping.
Complete 10-15 cycles
of bastards and skipping
before finishing off with a
“gentle” run that maximises
the fat burnt in each session.

Add two inches to your legs 10KM

Use this equation to add size and power to your legs. Sprint cycling coach Iain Dyer EASYPEDALLING
reveals exactly how you can replicate a day in the saddle of an elite sprinter such as
Shane Perkins or Robbie McEwen. Prepare for the ride with squats, leg presses and
deadlifts in the gym, then deploy your power on the bike using the intervals here
to steadily build your top speed. Do three sessions a week.

y a h o o7. c o m . a u / m e n s h e a l t h

The bulk-up / WARDRoBE CHEATS
slim-down menu
If you need to modify your look in a
Nutritionist Drew Price reconstructs four hurry, the right suit will do the heavy
man-food staples to support your training lifting for you. Use these shortcuts
goals. Want to trim your waist? Follow the from Savile Row tailor Thom Widdett.
slim-down recipes. Looking to stack on
brawn? Get active on the bulk-up recipes. Look slimmer

SAUSAGE SINGAPORE FISH DONER Ask for a mid eight- to
ANDMASH NOODLES ANDCHIPS KEBAB nine-ounce material to avoid
adding unnecessary width.
DISH Don’t have your suit jacket
shortened, as it can bunch up
PROBLEM Hearty and Despite plenty of A typical serve A typical takeaway around your belly. And wear
delicious it lean protein and of the deep-fried kebab contains your trousers under your gut;
may be, but the healthy vegies, up to 80g of fat, your shirt will help hide it.
standard recipe your wok is also stuff nets you as well as a day’s
is high in fats harbouring 50 almost 3000 worth of salt. Look broader
and carbs grams of carbs kilojoules, most
from the noodles. of which is fat. If you have drainpipe legs,
pleats at the front of your
BULK UP Swap your usual Add a single cup Tuna has about Trade in the trousers will add volume.
beef snags for of peas to your 6g more protein fat-laden garlic As for the cut of your suit, ask
turkey sausages, stir-fry for a more- sauce for hummus for a bit more chest and less
than-useful 16g than ling or and you’ll get an tapering to the waist. This
which have of extra protein barramundi per extra 5-10g of will give your upper
around 30 per in your post-gym 100g. Instead protein. Serve with body breadth.
muscle-building of traditional wholemeal pita for
cent more recovery meal. Look taller
muscle-building chips go for lean growth.
sweet potatoes, Your jacket needs to be a
protein with a centimetre shorter than
quarter of the fat. which are full usual, just reaching the
of recovery- base of your bum. Have your
sleeves taken up if they go
boosting past your wrists. Ask for your
vitamins. trousers to be tapered to
elongate your legs, too.
SLIM DOWN Swap instant Cook with Slash your meal’s Reduce the fat
gravy granules for shirataki yam fat content content by around
the jarred, liquid noodles rather by swapping
variety and you’ll than the standard 75 per cent by
save 50 per cent wheat. These traditional batter making homemade
of the trans fats contain more fibre, for a fine dusting
while packing a kofta. Mix 150g
on your plate. lower carb count. of polenta to of lean lamb
They’ll curb your cover your fish mince with half
hunger and keep fillet. Fry your a teaspoon each
you lean without tuna in a nonstick of garlic powder,
sacrificing flavour. paprika and dried
pan in two parsley. Form
tablespoons of into flat sausage
shapes and grill.
olive oil.

(15SECONDSX8) (4X150M) 10MINUTES
AT 200RPM AT 160-170RPM EASY PEDALLING

JANUARY 2015

90 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth

Secrets:
Are Yours
Slowly
Killing You?

TAKING A SECRET TO YOUR GRAVE COULD ACTUALLY HASTEN YOUR ARRIVAL AT THE
CEMETERY. SO STOP HOLDING IT IN – UNBURDEN YOURSELF TO BOOST YOUR HEALTH

BY BRYAN SMITH PHOTOGRAPHY BY TRAVIS RATHBONE

JANUARY 2015 91

Technically, he hadn’t cheated on her.

Jason had seen Stephanie only a and amygdala,” he says. “When your I let a
few times. And even then, the “dates” brain is working at cross-purposes, the few days pass
were more like nights out with a good conflict creates stress.” without mentioning my
friend, sometimes ending with a kiss clandestine purchase,
on the cheek, other times a hug, and Not only does stress erode your hiding the camera until I
occasionally, feeling silly, a high five. physical health, but it also takes an worked up the nerve. After
During this period, an old girlfriend emotional toll that can affect all of two weeks of stomach aches and
came to town one weekend and Jason your relationships. “That’s because guilt-induced anxiety, I finally decided
slept with her. How could he have we’re holding on to something that’s to come clean.
known that Stephanie would wind up a lie, that’s misleading, or that elicits
being the love of his life, the mother negative energy,” says Karim. “Our My wife was only mildly miffed (and
of his children, the person he would internal sense of guilt, feelings for would have been less so, she said, if I’d
never dream of keeping secrets from? the person we are keeping the secret told her up front). I, on the other hand,
from, or feelings about ourselves will felt like I could finally take a deep
“I felt horribly guilty about it,” says cause us to feel disconnected in some breath. What’s more, I was at last able
Jason, 42, who was 27 at the time. way. Often, we don’t realise this is to use the damn thing.
“Especially when it became clear we happening, but it eventually catches
had a future together.” up to us.”

He wanted – and needed – to tell The notion of secrets as toxic
Steph about that weekend, but first it reaches back to the days of sandal-
felt too soon and then it felt too late. wearing thinkers in ancient forums.
“I built it up in my mind as the worst The scholar and theologian Origen
thing ever, and the longer I waited, considered secrets to be poison
the harder it became to tell her.” The – literally – and insisted the only way
torment he experienced was more to suck out the toxins was to draw
than mental. He felt physically awful, them into the open. Early Christian
teeth always on edge, a low dull ache literature refers to confession as
behind the eyes. “It was like a hole medicine for the soul, the priest as
eating through my stomach,” he says. a physician for the soul. And in the
Thirties, a predecessor of Alcoholics
We’ll let you in on a little secret: Anonymous, the Oxford Group, turned
vowing to keep certain things in the notion of confession as healing
your life hidden – harmful lies into one of its most enduring slogans
you’ve told and never admitted to, hurt and the very key to recovery: “You’re
that you’ve caused others and haven’t only as sick as your secrets”.
acknowledged, embarrassing or
traumatic experiences buried in your We all have our skeletons.
brain – may eat away at you in ways In fact, according to
and to a degree you never realised. researchers at the University
“Unless you’re a sociopath, keeping of Iowa, about 95 per cent of
negative secrets absolutely impacts people are hiding at least a few
your health,” says Dr Reef Karim, bones in their closets.
an assistant clinical professor of I’m not harbouring anything
psychiatry at UCLA. remotely scandalous (and even if I
“No question,” agrees psychologist were, I certainly wouldn’t confess it to
Dr James Pennebaker. “Each year the very many Men’s Health readers).
brings fresh evidence about the health But based on how I’ve suffered from
risks of keeping dark secrets.” keeping a small secret, I can only
Researchers have discovered, for imagine what a whopper would do
instance, that harbouring secrets to a man.
can set off a chronic surge of stress Late last year, my wife and I went
hormones – specifically cortisol – that shopping to prepare for Christmas.
can lead to all types of nasty health It promised to be a veritable
issues, including gastrointestinal extravaganza – we had a dozen family
problems, a weakened immune members flying in.
system, high blood pressure and We snagged some great deals but
memory loss. still dropped a lot of cash. To my
Why? Because your brain struggles eternal shame, while my wife was off
to perform normal functions while hunting for serviettes, a cashier was
diverting the resources necessary sliding my credit card for a new GoPro
to maintain the secret, explains camera that was on sale. Knowing
neurosurgeon Dr Gopal Chopra. “To how much my wife hates it when I
manage a mismatch between reality frivolously buy electronic gadgets, I
and the world around you requires the slipped it into the back seat of the car
additional use of the prefrontal cortex without saying anything.

92 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth

Secrets: Are Yours
Slowly Killing You?

When I shared this story with Dr Dale the secret they brought to mind, mouth (and pants) zipped, suggests Dr
Larson, a psychologist who has spent the steeper the hill appeared. Bruce Stevens, an associate professor
much of his career delving into the impact of clinical psychology at the University
of secrets, his reaction made me wince. A second group of participants of Canberra. “When there is a very high
“This is a classic example of the kind of thought of either “meaningful” or likelihood of it being a final blow to the
secret that can be harmful,” he told me. “trivial” secrets while tossing a small marriage, I think keeping it secret is best
“The obsessing over it leads to shame and beanbag at a target three metres – if the affair is over, past tense,” he says.
rumination, and then, when the secret away. People with the meaningful
is eventually revealed, it can undermine secrets overthrew, suggesting to the But what about the corrosive effects
trust in the romantic relationship.” researchers that they perceived the of keeping quiet? Those can still be
target as being further away. addressed if you confide in someone
And, boy, do we obsess. Researchers else, such as a therapist, who can help
at the University of Virginia have found The third experiment involved you work through the guilt and shame
that keeping secrets, even seemingly people who’d cheated on their partner as well as address any underlying issues
inconsequential ones, can crowd out but had never confessed. Asked to guess that may have led to the cheating in the
other thoughts to the point of how much effort and energy it would first place.
“provoking psychopathology”. take to complete six tasks, the people
who dwelled on their straying found the Pennebaker has spent two decades
The word “secret” means “withdrawn, tasks more physically burdensome. experimenting with “writing to heal”,
set apart, concealed, private”. It should a program that has participants bare
be no surprise, then, that shedding the None of this surprises Dr Deborah their souls on paper for 15-20 minutes
burden of concealment can bring people Corley, co-author of Disclosing Secrets: a day for four straight days. Putting the
together. It was precisely that metaphor When, to Whom, & How Much to experience into language, Pennebaker
– the burden of secrets – that spurred Reveal. She says she’s had plenty of says, imposes “some organisation on it,
researchers at Tufts University to find clients tell her they’re really anxious, some structure, something that is just
out if people felt a literal weight from can’t sleep or feel depressed. “After very difficult to do without words”.
withholding information. To answer that asking more questions, I find their
question, the scientists crafted a set of symptoms stem from being unable “People sleep better after they
ingenious experiments. to share something serious they’ve write,” he continues. “Students’ grades
In the first experiment, 40 subjects been withholding.” improve. People go to the doctor less.
were asked to think of either a “major” or Their immune function improves.
a “small” secret and then to estimate the If all this is true – if clinging to People will tell us months after the
steepness of a hill. The result: the bigger secrets is hurting us physically, program that it was a genuinely
emotionally and spiritually – then life-changing experience.”
the answer to our problems should be
simple: we need to man up and admit to Jason recalls when the weight of his
what we’re hiding. own secret finally became too much
And, yes, it can be that simple. In to bear. He and Stephanie were still in
2013, Stanford University researchers the lounging-in-bed-on-Sundays phase,
tested whether coming clean would deeply in love and spending almost every
bring relief. The answer: a resounding day and night together. It was then,
yes. In each case, participants felt tangled up in the sheets, that Stephanie
their psychological load lifted, giving looked at him and said, “I’m so glad we
them the very real sense that an actual don’t keep secrets from each other”.
physical weight had been lifted from That was it. “I knew it was now or
their shoulders. never,” he says. “The guilt bubbled over,
There is, however, the danger that and I told her. Simple as that. She wasn’t
in unburdening yourself, you drop an exactly pleased, but the whole thing was
emotional anvil on someone else. Take a pretty anticlimactic.”
one-time instance of marital infidelity. His conscience clear, he asked her to
If you want to spill your guts just to marry him soon after. Not only that, but
soothe your conscience – knowing he’s still friends with his old girlfriend
you’ll never cheat again – keep your – “and Stephanie really likes her”.

YOUR BIG REVEAL WRITE IT OFF BEND A GO TO UNLOAD
MATE’S EAR CONFESSION ON A PRO
FINALLY READY TO CONFESS Spill your secret on paper
THAT SECRET BUT CAN’T and you won’t censor The upside of unloading God-fearing kinda guy? A therapist isn’t your
TELL THE PERSON YOU’VE yourself as you might if on a mate is that you trust “You can feel more pal – and that might be
HURT? HERE ARE SOME you were sharing it with him – and you’ve probably accepted if you’re exactly what you need.
OTHER CONSCIENCE- another person, says Dr also heard his dirt. “It communicating with The couch is a confidential
CLEARING OPTIONS Tamara Afifi,a professor means a lot if you tell a a higher power through and judgment-free zone to
of communication close friend and he still the clergy,” says open up in, says Larson.
studies at the University respects you,” says Afifi. psychologist Dr Dale You’ll also be encouraged
of Iowa. The drawback? But his acceptance may Larson. One danger: your to explore the root of
If you don’t take the risk have limits, especially if fear of disappointing a your secret and how it’s
and’fessupto someone he holds strong personal person you revere could affecting your life.
else, you limit the relief opinions about the cause you to be less open.
you’ll feel. subject of the secret. — Christa Sgobba

JANUARY 2015 93

THE

COOKBOOK

Alcohol can turn late-night eating into a
blurry maze where all manner of nutritional

horrors await. Our menu is your salvation
from takeaway hell and morning-after misery

Regrets? We’ve had a few. Usually preceded by three too many after units compromises connections in your brain for up to 14 hours – a PHOTOGRAPHY: JOHANNA PARKIN
work, the subsequently scuppered dinner plans and an inevitable fast- process memorably described by novelist (and noted imbiber) Kingsley
food detour. But not tonight – MH is on hand to prop (and sober) you Amis as “the metaphysical hangover”. For that reason, the following
up. We asked top chefs for their best drunken dinners, with nutritional recipes are also devised to complement and revive your failing motor
tweaks that offset the damage done by alcohol. skills. They’re quick, they’re easy and they’re safe – even if you are
seeing triple. Take our quiz (see right) to find out just how boozed up
You don’t need us to tell you that as the empties mount up, so do you really are, then stumble to a recipe tailor-made to make you a
the morning-after horrors. But beyond the standard headache and better man in the morning. Or at least feel like one.
lingering nausea, the journal Alcohol reports that any more than six

94 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth

01 03

Have you drunk Can you
more than one run through
drink an hour for the alphabet
backwards?
more than Y: 0 units
three hours? N: 1 units
Y: 4 units
N: 0 units 04

02 Lift one foot
15 centimetres off
Can you touch the ground. Can you
the end of your nose balance for 30 seconds?
with your index finger
Y: 0 units
at the first try? N: 2 units
Y: 0 units
N: 2 units

QUIZ

HOW
DRUNK
ARE YOU?

Take our test, devised by
sports scientist Dr Greg
Whyte, to determine how

much strife you’re in

06 05

Would you Wanna fight?
introduce Kim
Kardashian to Y: 4 units
your mother? N: 0 units

Y: 3 units
N: 0 units

SCORE

1-2 GO TO STAGE ONE 3- 4 GO TO STAGE TWO 5-7 GO TO STAGE THREE
8-10 GO TO STAGE FOUR 11-13 GO TO STAGE FIVE 14+ GO TO STAGE SIX

JANUARY 2015 95

STAGE 01 CROQUE MONSIEUR

(MERRY) 2 slices white bread
3 tbsp béchamel sauce
SOBER 3 slices ham
UP AT 2 handfuls grated cheddar
SPEED
By Vincent Menager of The Balcon
When a “quick beer”
after work makes you CHEESY DOES IT

late for a date, this Before being interrogated, destroy
recovery meal will the evidence with this pimped-up
cheese toastie. Alcohol makes
restore sobriety you crave the umami goodness
of melted cheese, which is handy
because it also clears your head. THE GIGGLES
Research at the University of The functioning of
Maine found dairy foods prevent your frontal lobe, which
cognitive impairment, disguising controls inhibitions, has been
any telltale slurring. Toast the suppressed. You’re louder
bread, spread on the béchamel, than you think. To remedy
and add the ham and cheese. it, the University of Indiana
suggests eating around
MELT YOUR MEAL
2000 kilojoules.
Pop your cheesy salvation in the
oven at 200°C for eight minutes.
As it cooks, have a few extra
shreds of ham and a glass of
lemonade – this gives you a dose
of re-energising glucose and helps
your stomach process the alcohol.
As a bonus, the ham’s protein
lowers your risk of a headache
the next morning, say Newcastle
University researchers.

96 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth

THE
COOKBOOK

STAGE 02

(SLOWING
DOWN)

KEEP
YOUR
HEAD

Your brain is
literally shrinking
– rescue a neuron or
two and cancel your
headache with a slice
of bright thinking

PITA PIZZA A TIME TO GRILL ROCKET SCIENCE

1 wholegrain pita The average takeaway pizza Once the cheese has melted
8 slices chorizo delivers 12g of brain-shrinking and the chorizo’s crispy, take it
Handful parmesan salt. It’s the last thing your body out and plate up. Dump on the
Handful rocket needs, as it dehydrates you rocket, drizzle the pesto and
1 tbsp pesto further, even if your taste buds smear on your secret weapon,
1 dollop low-salt tomato purée are in denial. At home, make the hummus. Its huge vitamin
1 dollop hummus your own low-salt version with C, iron, folate and vitamin B6
By Charlie Nelson toppings that pre-empt your content is exactly what you
of Fundi Pizza hangover. It’s also much simpler need to start repairing the
than your average homemade damage. Vitamin C rehydrates
THE pizza, so your ailing grey matter you, while research in the
BRAIN DRAIN should manage. Lay an open American Journal of Clinical
After 2-3 drinks, your pita on a grill rack. Spread Nutrition suggests that the
hippocampus is disrupted, the tomato purée and scatter folate will help restore your
says the journal Alcohol on the chorizo – its amino cognitive function. Now do the
Research & Health. New acids will restore depleted smart thing: scoff it down and
memories won’t be fully neurotransmitters. Add the go to sleep.
encoded, so expect a few black parmesan and grill for four
spots. Eat promptly to minutes. Try not to nod off.
rescue brain function.

JANUARY 2015 97

THE
COOKBOOK

STAGE 03 BE THE FUNGI SHROOM SHROOM

(HORNY) Sure, it has a fancy name, Add the mushrooms to the
but even your cocktail-addled dishes, crack an egg into each,
SEDUCE brain can tackle this dish. And then sprinkle cheese on top.
OVER if you have procured a house Bake for eight minutes for an
guest, she’s guaranteed to irresistible hangover one-
SUPPER love it too. Grab a couple of two. Eggs are loaded with
Stumble home with small oven-proof dishes, butter cysteine, which helps your
somebody special and the bottoms and throw in the liver remove one of the key
boost your late-night spinach. Set your oven to 180°C toxins produced after drinking,
and, while it heats, fry the while the mushrooms contain
performance mushrooms in a pan with the pantothenic acid, which the
EGG EN COCOTTE garlic and white wine for five Journal of Food Science found
minutes. Mushrooms are loaded reduces hangover symptoms.
2 eggs with B vitamins, including niacin, Ask her how she likes her eggs
Handful mushrooms which improves bloodflow, (yes, she’s heard the joke) and
2 handfuls cheese according to the University of add a minute if she prefers
(ideally gruyère) Maryland. That’s not only good them well done. We’ll leave
Handful spinach for your mental faculties – it can dessert up to you.
100ml cream also combat the, um, droopier
½ glass white wine effects of alcohol.
1 garlic clove
By Daniel Doherty THE HORN
of Duck & Waffle Goggles on: the
University of Bristol
98 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth found alcohol does
make others appear more
attractive. But beware:
while your libido will rise,
booze has a bad effect
on performance.

STAGE 04 ENTER SANDMAN THE WOBBLE
Booze is affecting your
(CLUMSY) Bake for 35 minutes – do occipital lobe. Hand-eye
not fall asleep – then bring co-ordination and vision are
SWEET the dish out of the oven. deteriorating, but a hangover
DREAMS The skin will be crispy and isn’t inevitable. A high-protein
better than anything you meal will take the sting out
If you can’t afford a boozy were going to pick up from
aftermath, dilute the alcohol the bacteria trap otherwise of tomorrow.
known as your local kebab
in your system and enjoy joint. Fresh meat is a great
a restful sleep source of tryptophan,
which University of
COCA-COLA CHICKEN Maastricht researchers
found aids sleep, ensuring
6 chicken thighs you wake up alert. Drunk
1 can of Coke logic that works.
60ml soy sauce
2 tbsp five spice powder
1 onion, roughly chopped
4 garlic cloves, smashed
By Thomasina Miers
of Wahaca

SUGAR HIT

Heat the oven to 200°C
and put the chicken in an
ovenproof dish. Have a swig
from the Coke if you’re
seeing double. Fructose
isn’t normally MH-approved,
but right now it’s just what
you need. The American
Medical Association found
it can lower the alcohol
concentration in your blood
by 43 per cent. This will
drastically cut your hangover
symptoms and start the
sobering-up process. Even
if you’re stumbling, all you
have to do is splash the Coke
on the chicken with the other
ingredients and cover the
dish with foil. You can handle
that, right?

JANUARY 2015 99

STAGE 05 ON THE LAMB SETTLE DOWN

(NAUSEOUS) You wanted a kebab, so here Add the spices to the mince and
it is. If you’re worried about shape it into sausages, then grill
GO keeping your drinks down, take for five minutes on either side.
WITH heart: this comes without the Tear up the lettuce with your
YOUR side of guilt and 2am nausea. hands (probably best to steer
GUT Lamb is the best meat to quell clear of knives at this point)
queasiness (although that and mix the mint through the
Stomach a peaceful doesn’t go for the elephant yoghurt. This is your porcelain
night’s sleep with the leg in the takeaway shop). The protection: mint sauce calms
only kebab that quells protein means it’s digested stomach acid, according to the
slowly, while research from University of Maryland, reducing
nausea and settles Iowa University found that the risk of a midnight dash. Stuff
your constitution the meat’s B vitamins prevent the lettuce in the pita bread,
nausea. Lamb also comes with layer the lamb and douse in
LAMB KEBABS amino acids that help fight minty yoghurt. Intoxicated eating
acetaldehyde, the chemical doesn’t have to be a retch.
1 pack minced lamb that’s causing all your trouble.
Any spice (cumin, paprika, chilli
powder, oregano, tarragon) THE NAUSEA
1 tbsp mint sauce By now acid reflux is
1 small tub yoghurt making you feel ill. Worse,
¼ lettuce a toxin called acetaldehyde
1 pita bread builds up as you process your
By Nicky Foley of Rotunda eighth beer. This increases
the risk of vomiting. The
fix: down this kebab.

100 yahoo7.com.au/menshealth