Anathema

The Semicolon Project

In the spring of 2013, a picture of a semicolon sharpie’d
onto someone’s inside wrist popped up on my tumblr
dashboard. The caption read:

A semicolon is used when an author could’ve ended a
sentence, but chose not to.

You are the author, and the sentence is your life.

Targeted towards those grappling depression, suicide,
and other mental health issues, the post later went viral and
gained traction among tumblr and other social media
platforms. In explaining the inspiration behind what has now
been dubbed Project Semicolon, founder Amy Bleuel states on
her website: “In my 20 years of struggling with mental health, I
experienced many stigmas associated with it. [But] through
the pain came inspiration and a deeper love for others.” She
contends, “God wants us to love one another despite the label
we wear.” And that stigma-defying posture of love is
particularly applicable within the church. Started with a
Christian perspective, Project Semicolon “envision(s) a
conversation embraced by churches and addressed with love.”
Interestingly enough, when the semicolon tattoo trend went
viral, it gained a following with many who did not understand
or necessarily agree with its faith-based undertones.

But therein lies the beauty of truly effective symbolism—
shared by the spiritual and secular alike. For believers, being
transparent about our struggles through the means of
vulnerable and beautiful tattoo art creates a powerful
testimony of our worth in Christ.

By fall 2015, I’d gotten my own semi colon inked—an
unabashed nod to my own past with depression and suicidal
thoughts. It’s been a handy witnessing tool; many are curious
to know the meaning behind the symbol. I try to explain the
story in the context of God’s Sovereignty: there have been
many times when depression has pushed me to seriously
contemplate suicide; but God in His grace has made evident
his will: that I cannot be obedient to His purposes if I follow
through, and His plan calls for continual perseverance until
the very end. Our sentences don’t end until God alone finishes
them, but this ought never feel like a life sentence—instead, He
has bestowed to us a sentence to everlasting life.

Photo by: Song Kim ANATHEMA 50 Words by: Sara Emiko Nimori

The Wisdom of Weakness

What do we do when the right words are taboo?

Men who show emotion are weak.

This is the ideology that American society has presented
us with. The question is, should we agree? I used to. While
growing up, it did not seem strange that men around me did
not express themselves emotionally. This remained an
accepted behavioral norm, and, as a result, was the outworking
of my own consciousness, until I became a Christian at age
twenty-four.

I can personally recall my father weeping in front of me
maybe four times in my life— usually in instances related to
death. It seems odd to me now, but only because of a reality-
shifting moment that occurred soon after my conversion. I had
moved to Wisconsin to work at a Christian camp, and during
the summer staff training, a friend and mentor got up to share
a very intimate story as part of a lesson he was giving. The
story was about an argument that had ensued between himself
and his son. During its telling, the intensity of the moment
built until the atmosphere of the small auditorium was
palpable. The emotion being displayed through gesture and
inflections in his voice were remarkable, but the tears he shed
while speaking were unforgettable.

This was the first time I had ever witnessed a grown man,
other than my father, express such deeply felt, grueling
emotions openly in front of a room full of strangers. Up until
that point in my life I had just accepted what had been fed to
me unconsciously through culture: "Real men don’t cry; Real
men don’t show pain— especially emotional pain. That is a sign
of weakness." That day, I realized that the belief culture had fed
me in regard to how men are supposed to carry themselves
emotionally was bullshit.

Two problems exist: first, it’s very difficult to articulate
effectively what we feel and experience internally. How do you
speak about something that another person may have never
experienced for themselves? We cannot empathize if we have
never learned to speak in a way that brings an understanding
to the listener. Second, we have yet to recognise the value of
such discourse.

Through play, repetition and correction from those older
than themselves, children learn how to how to articulate a
need. But what happens when the adults that should be

ANATHEMA 51

capable of teaching the youth how to speak have never
learned for themselves how to express a specific need or
emotion? How are the youth supposed to develop the essential
skill of emotional recognition and self voicing? More
unsettling than that, what are we to do when the right words
have become taboo? Even now, this is how we in the church
consider depression: as something that shouldn't be
acknowledged, let alone talked about openly.

Clinical depression is defined as “[a] depression of
sufficient severity to be brought to the attention of a physician
and to require treatment; specifically: major depressive
disorder.” 1 Clinical depression (major depression), has been
recognised as legitimate; but what about minor depression?
What about the the struggles of the everyday life? WebMD
states that “With major depression, it may be difficult to work,
study, sleep, eat, and enjoy friends and activities.” I have
struggled with all of these at some point within my time here
at Moody. I am not alone in this. Neither are you.

Many of us suffer quietly in public, acting as if nothing is
wrong; yet internally we entertain thunderous conversations
of guilt, lament, self hate and loathing, confusion, anxiety,
defeat, anger, and frustration. The all-consuming riots of
internal dialog will, at many points in our lives, reverberate in
heart and mind. Emotions will rage, forcing their mass against
the armed police barricades of our external poise, when all we
need to do in order to appease the thrashing mob is to speak
vulnerably. My hope is to provide a broader perspective on
how and why we behave the way we do. In order to do this,
let's focus on an issue that has correlational value to why men
rarely express themselves, and how the church as a whole
should respond to minor depression.

To witness a outworking of this silence try asking your
grandparents about WWII, or your fathers and uncles about
Vietnam. Why do two generations of adults, millions of people,
not talk about what they felt; about what they are feeling?
Because they were taught, through a collection of cultural
norms, that it is not respectable to speak about such things.

1“Clinical Depression”.Merriam-Webster. http://www.merriam-webster.com/
medical/clinical%20depression (April 16, 2016)

ANATHEMA 52

- Continued from page

Consider the following quote: "General George Patton
(a five-star Military General in WWII), severely tarnished his
distinguished military career after slapping and yelling at two
soldiers. [Patton is quoted as saying], “'Don’t admit this yellow
bastard… There’s nothing the matter with him. I won’t have the
hospitals cluttered up with these [men] who haven’t got the
guts to fight.” Patton was yelling at men who were suffering
from a very severe form of depression called Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder (PTSD). Men were so physically inhibited by
their depression— a result of the atrocities they had witnessed
— that they were overcrowding hospitals. Patton’s comment is
a perfect embodiment of the ideology that was presented to our
grandparents and parents, and thus to us. We have already
been taught the same thing. We are already living out and
perpetuating the same distorted behaviors.

This pervasive lie—that vulnerability is weakness—
affects every facet of our relational lives. Many women—
especially those in marriages— are confused and frustrated by
the fact that the men in their lives “won't talk with them.” A
peer thinks that this frustration has been present for so long
that it has grown into acceptance.

Ladies, please be patient with us men. We may look like,
act like or carry ourselves as mature men, but many of us are
not yet there. We need your support, not your criticism. We
need you to help us learn the value and power of emotion. Your
support is in your voices, your touch, and in your presence. It is
your presence that we crave, because it is soothing to our
restless souls that want to fix and fight. Your tenderness,
caring, empathetic hearts remind us to practice patience. We
will not be properly poised to step into the role of Patriarch
until we have first discovered and begun to practice the
wisdom of showing weakness.

Men, do you believe that your expression of emotional
pain, frustration or dissatisfaction is a sign of weakness? If so,
then I challenge you to practice vulnerability in prayer life, but
also in conversation with those you trust. The current attitude
of apathy does not serve anyone. This cultural ideology

2“Major Depression (CIinical Depression)”: Web MD, http://www.webmd.com/
depression/guide/major-depression (April 16, 2016)
3Dennis Magee: “Only the Name Has Changed”. The Courier. May 15, 2006. April
16, 2016. http://wcfcourier.com/news/metro/ptsd-only-the-name-has-changed/
article_394eabda-6a67-5b42-ab5b-2643c4158f11.html

ANATHEMA 53

needs to die, because the structure of American society is
fractured and deficient in part because our relationships are
lacking. Acknowledge the fear of what it looks like and feels
like to have deep relationships: being vulnerable. It means
showing weakness.

Emotion is not weakness—it is the bellows blowing hard
on the hot coals of our passions. When acknowledged and
harnessed, it stoakes those coals into the flames that ignite
the strength in our hearts needed to stand up and fight. Fight
for our sisters, our wives, and our children; the widow and the
beggar; our friends and our enemies. It empowers us to
fearlessly walk out into the streets of this city and the world to
proclaim the love of Christ to people who are slowly dying
because their hearts are not being fed. Trust that your brothers
have similar longings, and that your hearts ache for the same
justices that can be discussed from a posture of vulnerability.
Vulnerability breeds strength.

I have felt this strength. I have experienced its power
rising from some forgotten depth of me as a surge of
conviction that caused me to speak with such intensity, my
muscles began to shake. I feel it right now as tension builds in
my shoulders while I type this. I feel the strength of this truth
with so much so longing that my eyes are starting to burn as
I furrow my brow in an attempt to harness the tears of
frustration into passion. It is emotion, in every brilliant facet
which God has created us to experience, that inspired King
David to pen the Psalms. It is emotion that caused Jesus to go
willingly to the cross shortly after sweating blood out of
anxiety! It is emotion that drives a man to one knee as he
professes his love in a single question. It is emotion that
protects, provides and nurtures. It is emotion which makes us
realise we are free; unchained from this culture and its lies.
Emotion is powerful and it is infectious! For the sake of
yourself and your relationships, ask Jesus to unleash your
heart!

We, this team, have started a conversation. We hope that
you will join in, so that we might use this discourse to upset
the cultural norm and allow God to anoint our weaknesses as
strengths.

ANATHEMA 54 Words by: Brent Barrett Jr.