In the Eve of the Fading Sunshine

≈CON TENT≈

Index Page

THE PROLOGUE 2

CHAPTER - I

A Dawn to Remember 3 - 5

CHAPTER - II
A Shower in the Odd Hours 6 - 9

CHAPTER - III
A Rainbow After a Long Time 10 -12

CHAPTER - IV
An Emerging Sunshine in the Late Afternoon 13 - 17

CHAPTER - V

A Fading Sunshine 18 - 22

CHAPTER - VI
In the Moonlight of the Hidden Sun 23 - 27

CHAPTER - VII
Song of the Midnight Melancholy 28 - 33

THE EPILOGUE 34

1

The Prologue

Getting immersed in a pool of beloved memories,
Always makes us feel so refreshing,

But remembering our last days of joyful meeting,
There flows a river of tears down the cheeks.
Until a few days ago, it was more or less a normal

life for me. All of a sudden, in the eve of the fading
sunshine, a stormy wind blew across me that changed
the course of my life forever. It made me turn the pages
of my bygone days, sitting beside someone special. It
eventually led me to re-discover the feelings of love once
lost in the sands of time.

For the last 10 years, I had been crying for my first
teenage crush. And now, for the rest of my life, I shall be
crying for my first love. But in between all these, I found
the true meaning of love.

2

Chapter – I

A Dawn to Remember

Love life aside, let's move back to 2003, when I
was in my teens during 10+2. In my whole 1st year, my
eyes focused on someone special more than the
blackboard. Ankita Hazarika was her name - a beautiful
girl with long wavy hair & glowing eyes, whose sweet
smile had already melted the hearts of many, including
those of my seniors. It was as if we got the privilege to
see a Fairy in real life - such was the aura she possessed.

It was almost impossible to get my eyes off her,
until she would turn towards my side. It was when I
needed to act like someone watching outside, out of
boredom. However, it didn't last long. She could
gradually sense my secret activities, but with a doubtful
mind. So, I had to wait for some particular moments.
Whenever the Lecturer used to move towards her side, it
was time to witness the most blissful moment of the
class! Slowly and gradually, there had been instances of
looking each other at the same time. For a second, it
would tremble my heart away.

A few months elapsed with eye contacts only.
Never dared to introduce myself or even say a "Hello" to

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her. The closer I used to get towards her, the faster my
heart beat. And ultimately my brain would go into Sleep
Mode with my mouth getting Shut Down before I could
speak out anything. All that my mind would instruct was
to get away from her & take a safe position to perceive
her alluring beauty from a distant.

As days passed by, I began to feel at ease staying
closer to her, all due to the fact that we happened to be
in the same private tutorial group of hardly 20 students.
This was also when we began to share each other's note
books. However, there was not much personal
conversation between us, just official & formal talks
related to studies only. In true sense, I didn't want to
reveal my weakness towards her. But from deep inside, I
was dying to talk to her & engage in some long, deep
conversations.

It was my constant fear & nervousness that made
me hide my true feelings for her, even when I had all the
opportunities to do so. While talking to her, I always
tried to be a different person, as if I had no interest on
her. In between all, it was my heart that had to bear the
pain of hiding the real me & my feelings. Sometimes, I
would blame myself for being so timid from my heart &
yet so arrogant in front of her. It was as if I had a deep
urge to cry out aloud & release all my agony, yet unable
to do so.

My act of hide-and-seek continued till the
announcement of 1st year exam routine. It was when I
realized that I had spent my 10 precious months just by
peeping at my crush. Neither my notes were ready nor
my brain had retained anything since my first class! I

4

could feel my throat being choked out of frustration &
regrets. What worried me more was not the coming
exam, but the fact that I had just 1 year in hand to
prepare for the final exam of 10+2!

With great hesitation, I tried to approach Ankita
for lending her notes to get photocopied. In no time, she
handed over the notes to me, smilingly saying, "Get
prepared, mate & don't forget to show me during exam.
I'll be sitting right next to you." Ironically, she was the
reason for whom I had ruined my studies & then it was
her from whom I had been seeking help to compensate
everything. With late realization & sense of guilty feeling,
I could at least pass the exam with some respectable
marks. However, I must also confess that she did help
me in earning a few extra marks, although it was me who
was supposed to help her as per agreement.

However, my determination added with mental
shock finally burnt the inner lovable spirit in me. Not
even for a second, I felt distracted, despite the fact that
my love interest Ankita was sitting beside me during the
exam. But I must clarify that she didn't sit intentionally
but according to Roll Number as her name comes after
me. So, it would be foolish to assume that she was also
interested in me! Since then, all I had in my mind was to
make my family proud. She was just a normal classmate
for me then, without any kind of bonding and
attachment. But, I had always been grateful to her for
helping me in one of the most horrifying moments of my
life.

Love remains an attraction,
If our feelings have no expression.

5

Chapter - II

A Shower in the Odd Hours

My chapter with Ankita didn't end in 1st year itself.
In fact, my 2nd year acted as the testing times of my
career. I was then well aware of the fact that one small
mistake could bring my future at stake. Hailing from a
middle-class family with great financial instability,
building a good career was my prime focus. Finally, I
made up my mind to achieve the goal at any cost, leaving
all my fantasies and worldly pleasures behind.

Being a 100% attendance record holder, my
teachers had a great expectation from me. But who
would make them understand that a cent percent
attendance record does not necessarily indicate sincerity.
Only I knew that it was so just for the sake of keeping an
eye on my crush, not for listening to their monotonous
lectures. Seeing an average result, all the professors
were greatly displeased with me. But for me, it was the
best performance of my life, considering the enormous
effort invested in little time. It was more like making the
impossible possible, rising from the ashes.

With the start of the new session, a new Ankan
was born. A hardworking & sincere student, who just
promoted himself to the first bench from the corner last
bench. It had to be done just to keep my eyes off from
her. However, it wasn't easy for me in the first place. My

6

mind would constantly compel me to look at her. I felt
myself to be a drug addict, trying hard to stay away from
drugs, yet unable to convince my mind. Decreasing the
rate of starring at her day by day, I finally got rid of my
distraction within two months.

However, despite being a first bencher, it wasn't
easy for me to get along the class lectures. For me, it was
more like promoting directly from Class 10 to Class 12,
skipping Class 11. So, in parallel, I also had to refer back
to my previous year's books to understand the concepts.
Meanwhile, I got transformed into a studious boy. My
time used to fly away in a blink of an eye. Back then, I had
no time even to think about Ankita. Even if I meet her
during tuition, I usually become emotionless, giving my
full attention to studies only. Ankita was my past then.
My heart would no longer melt for her. In fact, it
transformed into a rock solid!

As usual, we would talk regarding studies during
private tuition. But, she had become more friendly
towards me than she was ever. She also preferred to sit
beside me. She would even crack a joke on me
sometimes. It was very difficult for me to handle such a
situation. I always tried to make my mind not to get
distracted from my goal. I would usually try to stop such
conversations as soon as possible.

Sometimes, I would feel depressed, seeing the
injustice being happened in my life. Whatever I wished
for during my 1st year seemed to have come alive in 2nd
year. But as a matter of fact, I was no longer in a position
to accept it. It was as if till my message reached God to
act upon, it was too late already.

7

There had been many instances where Ankita
would show great interest in me. Sadly, I was on the
loosing end to give a flat response to her. Whenever she
would see me outside, she used to call out my name with
great zeal. In return, my response failed to match the
energy she had invested. Sometimes, I used to wonder if
I was being cruel to her or the Universe was cruel to me. I
felt really sorry for her. Probably she was going through
the same phase I had just passed during my 1st year. It
was the time that was to blame, for the timeline of love &
romance was not simultaneously placed in our fate.

In this way, my days passed on with several trials
of life. And finally the day arrived for which I had
sacrificed so many things. I got my Admit card for the
final exam. While going to the Xerox center for
lamination, the shop owner handed me a postcard-sized
photograph of mine, saying: “Bro, it has been lying here
since a long time. Is it yours?" Realizing that it was my
Facebook profile picture, I asked: "May I know if it was
printed here?"

The shop owner called upon his assistant, who
replied: "Yes, last year, probably. A girl got it printed
here." Everything was clear for me then. The photo
might have popped out of Ankita’s Notebook which I had
borrowed from her to get photocopied just before 1st
year exam. By then, I realized that it was me who was to
blame for overlooking her signs & indications since 1st
year itself!

With only a few days left for the final show, I
found myself drowned in an ocean of distraction. With
the ushering of memories from the past, it was almost

8

impossible to concentrate on my studies. I was more
tensed thinking about her than preparing for the exam.
Amidst so many thought processes, suddenly one
thought brought me back to the reality, i.e., my concern
for family. There cannot be a new member in your family
when the existing ones are struggling to make both ends
meet. So, being the only male member, I had the huge
responsibility of serving my family first. Finally, after two
days of building castle in the air, I positioned myself to
study at my table.

As in the 1st year, Ankita was sitting beside me in
the examination hall. But, this time, I tried my best to
assist her during exam, thus repaying all my liabilities. It
was during the day of result, when I realized that Ankita
sitting beside me during exam was the last time I saw her
before leaving the college. I waited till dusk, but she
didn't show up that day. Perhaps, some of her family
members collected the result sheet! Since then, Ankita
remained an illusion for me. She was nowhere to be
found. Neither I knew her home address, nor the era of
mobile, internet or social media had touched our lives
then.

Ankita was the Patakha (firecracker) of my life,
who illuminated my life to the fullest for a moment and
then vanished forever. All I was left with were the ashes
of her memories, which I treasured in a special corner of
my heart with utmost care. Thinking that there was no
point of crying over spilled milk, I gradually tried to move
on, chasing my dream.

One may not stay with us forever,
But may leave a lasting impression for future.

9

Chapter - III

A Rainbow After a Long Time

We may come across different persons at
different point of time. But, there's a reason why they are
introduced into our lives. At the first impression, I felt
that Ankita came into my life to ignite the spark of love in
me. But my theory went wrong, as she left me mid-way,
and I got more focused on building my career. So,
whatever I had achieved since then, Ankita was one of
the reasons behind.

As an accountant of a Govt. school, sticking
around bills, fees, salaries all day long was what my
occupation was. A monotonous job though, I was well-
contented with it. The school was just a few miles away
from my home and the salary was decent enough to run
my family with ease. So, I had become a complete family
man, looking after my mother along with my dear Sumi.
My relationship with Sumi was somewhat complicated to
describe. It would require a long story to tell. In short,
she was my sister-friend.

My life was not so easy before settling with the
Govt. job. From being a salesman to a receptionist, I had
worked under different companies. Within a span of 5
years, I had changed around 12-13 private jobs, owing to
their hectic work mechanism. In contrast, the existing job

10

was more leisurely, with an office duration of just 5
hours, usually from 9 am to 2 pm. So, basically I was
well-settled in my own place, with no more interest to
try for other jobs. But, as pressurized by my friends and
relatives, I opted to try my luck for the toughest exam of
the country, i.e., the UPSC examination, for the first and
last time. Though not interested, I finally went to appear
for it, just to prove them that I was not worthy of it. But
my intention was to prove it genuinely which would also
help me in assessing my own knowledge.

That I was not worthy of such positions had been
proven even before sitting in the exam. Everything was
fine till I reach the venue, that also much ahead of
scheduled time. Around 15–20 candidates were waiting
outside the main gate of the venue. We were told that
we would be allowed to go inside 1 hour before the start
of the exam. So, when the gate opened, all were asked to
show their Admit card along with a photo-ID proof, one
by one before entering. When my turn came, the security
personnel told me, ”Sorry, you’re on the wrong address.
There is no ATM inside the campus!” A few of the
candidates laughed aloud and an embarrassing moment
arose. I fled from the scene at once.

When I returned, it was late by 10 minutes
already. Hurriedly I searched for my seat and found the
Question paper along with the OMR sheet lying on the
desk already. I started giving a thorough reading of the
question paper. Unlike other examinees, with the turning
of each page, I was feeling relaxed despite knowing that
80% of the questions were going over my head!

Throughout the exam, I was wondering how

11

foolishly I had wasted my day appearing in an exam I was
least interested. Besides, thinking that I would have to
come again for Paper-II in the second half, almost made
me feel dizzy.

“Tonggg…” - there rang the school bell.
“Candidates, your time’s up. Please stop writing.
Kindly don't move from your place. Let us finish
collecting all the papers”, the invigilator warned.
That two hours’ duration felt like 12 hours for me.
I was in no mood of going out and have my lunch, even
though my stomach gave the signal already. I wished I
could take a nap somewhere before getting ready for the
next.
“Ankan…”, someone poked me on my back. With
my eyes almost in drowsy mood, I slowly turned my
back. It was as if an electric shock jolted my entire body,
making me active in seconds and my eyes widened.
There sat the long-lost Fairy Queen of the bygone days –
Miss Ankita Hazarika.
With her new pair of glasses, she apparently
looked somewhat different. In fact, she looked smarter &
elegant than before. She was still as beautiful as ever.
Thousands of memories rushed through my mind and I
paused for a moment.

Life may grant your wish,
But at a time when you expect the least.

12

Chapter - IV

An Emerging Sunshine
in the Late Afternoon

“Did you recognize me?”, Ankita asked with a mild
tone, seeing me stand still.

“Ankita, right?”, I replied promptly, breaking away
from the memory lane.

She nodded with a smile blended with a bit of
shyness. In an instant, all my tiredness vanished and felt
energetic from nowhere. I was no longer feeling dizzy.
Perhaps, that is the beauty of falling in love, that
strengthens us to confront all sorts of struggles in our
life.

Getting to see her during an exam that too behind
me, just like the olden times, was beyond expectation.
What gave me goosebumps was recalling the last time I
saw her during my final year exam, where she was sitting
behind me exactly the same! For a moment, I felt like
waking up from a long dream sequence, with the dream
being the last 10 years of my life spent without her.

Subconsciously, I was taken aback to 2005, as if
sitting in the examination hall of our college. But in

13

reality, both of us grew older by 10 years, amassing a lot
of sweet and bitter experiences of life. The situation &
set-up might be relevant to one of our past moments,
but we were no longer the same persons. Time and
experience had a toll on our crazy and carefree
adolescent behavior, making us matured and stronger
than ever.

But however much we try to change ourselves to
adapt to different phases of life, our heart remains the
same. It was because of this, that all my memories,
despite being treasured for a long time in my heart, felt
very much lively and refreshing, on seeing her. The only
thing that got changed was the way I react. I had been
trying hard to control all the deepest emotions running
through my veins. Also, from her end, there seemed to
be a depth in her expression and showed great maturity
while speaking. The chatty and jovial nature was
somewhere missing in her, perhaps lost in the mists of
time while struggling through the journey of life.

:“So, Ankita, what are you up to?”

:“I'm working as a teacher. In a private school.”

:“And you?”

:”Not much. An accountant in a school.”

Exchanging a few more words with her, I could
sense some kind of unexpressed wounds through her
weary eyes. Even her smile had lost its charm. To
evaluate her more deeply, I tried to recall and share some
funny moments of our college days. Although she
laughed, but not to the fullest as she normally used to

14

do. In fact, it looked like she was laughing forcefully.

My heart gradually dampened a bit, as she was not
the one I fell for. However, it also could not be denied
that her new introvert kind of avatar had increased my
interest on her manifold. Perhaps, this was the reason
why I had been so concerned about her, constantly trying
to talk to her like never before.

“Good afternoon! Welcome to the second shift…”,
the invigilator addressed.

Just then, we realized that we had been so much
involved in our own world that we forgot to have lunch or
even get refreshed. But we were relaxed in our own
ways!

Unlike Paper-I, the Paper-II didn’t bore me to
death. The time flew away in no time, as I was
completely lost in our memories. It was when the hourly
bell rang, I regained my sense, only to find the invigilator
gazing at me. I hurriedly went through the question
paper. Being a qualifying paper, I tried to solve the
minimum questions required to be qualified. With the
kind of terrible performance I gave in Paper-I, even if I
qualify in Paper-II, it would not have made any
difference. But if I fail to qualify in my love life, despite
getting a second chance, it would be my greatest
resentment ever. So, I made up my mind to express all
my suppressed emotions to her at the end of the exam.

When the final bell rang, there rang the call of my
inner voice: “Isn’t it too early to tell her everything? It’s
just 3 hours since talking to her. Also, she is no longer
the one she used to be. And I'm yet to assess her present

15

conditions fully. If I could suppress my feelings for 12
long years, doing the same for another few days or
months won’t make any difference.” At the last moment,
I decided to take my own time to know her well before
taking the final call.

:”How was the paper, Ankita?”

:”Relatively easy this time.”

:”So, you’ve attempted earlier also?”

:”Ya, this was my 3rd.”

:”Ankita, if you don’t mind, can we have a cup of
coffee outside?”

:”I would love to, Ankan. But I’m sorry I have kept
my little daughter with …….”

And I didn’t hear whatever she said afterwards.
My ears were not in a position to listen anything beyond.
All my unfulfilled dreams and the unexpressed feelings
were nipped in the bud. But none other than me was to
blame for all such rubbish thoughts. Perhaps, we, the
introverts, spend more time in thinking than expressing,
thus bearing the consequence for the rest of the life.

With a broken heart, I asked with a low tone, “So,
when did you get married?”

“Three years ago.”, Ankita continued with a low
voice, “But… unfortunately, lost him in a terminal illness
last year.”, she said with utmost grief.

The teary eyes of otherwise cheerful Ankita made

16

my heart feel really heavy. I realized that my pain of
losing her was nothing as compared to her losing the
man with whom she dreamt of spending the rest of her
life. I could fully get a glimpse of her conditions by then.
It was the agony and suffering at such a tender age that
carried away all the charm from her. But the way she had
been fighting back while carrying the burden of
responsibilities towards her daughter was
commendable. It reminded me of my mother who also
struggled to bring me up, as a single parent.

Delicate dreams and high expectations usually
lead to a distressful life. Both are like narcotics that give
us a momentary bliss, but in the long run, we all have to
pay the price. However much we try to make our life as
perfect as our dream, it is the fate that decides
everything. Our barren lives with shattered dreams were
distinctly visible through the eyes of each other. But we
were helpless. We were meant to pass through the
thorns of life. Still she had a reason to smile in her
daughter, and for me, it was my loving mother.

Life becomes less painful,
When you know it’s unpredictable.

17

Chapter - V

A Fading Sunshine

With the departure of Ankita, I could feel the
emptiness in my heart. It gave me a notion of
weightlessness. Ankita was freed from the cage of my
heart. Thoughts on seeing Ankita as my bride would no
longer linger in my mind. I was happy for the fact that I
would be able to focus on other aspects of my life. Yet I
felt a little worthless, wasting my long ten years in the
name of a disguised love.

Throughout my life I had waited for a perfect
moment to speak out my mind. In the process, I waited
so long that the thoughts didn't get a chance to become
a voice. In reality, the perfect moment lies either in the
present or has already passed away, but never in the
future.

Losing my dream Angel felt like losing everything.
Even I lost my faith on so-called love, as portrayed in
movies or stories. I wish I had the option to revert my
life. With such random thoughts, I felt dizzy halfway
through the road. I parked my bicycle near a roadside tea
stall.

The Chaiwala said, “Saheb, the shop is closed.”

18

:“That's fine. May I use your bench? I'm not feeling
well.”

:”Sure. But keep it over the table while leaving.”

The Chaiwala left for his home.

I laid down over the bench, with my feet touching
the ground, and slowly closed my eyelids. In no time, I
fell asleep, with my soul waking up in dreamland. In my
dream, I could hazily see Ankita and me bowing down in
front of my mother touching her feet. My mother was
about to leave home, perhaps travelling somewhere,
with bag and baggage. Then I saw my father watching us
from a distance, perhaps waiting for my mother. All of a
sudden, I woke up sweating heavily and felt relaxed only
after realising that it was just a dream. Going by my
watch, I realised that I slept for nearly an hour. I slowly
got up from the bench. By then, I was no longer feeling
dizzy.

Recalling the dream, I was greatly disturbed at
seeing my mother getting separated from me, which was
quite unimaginable for me. In my initial days of
schooling, my mother leaving me at school happened to
be the most ghastly experience of my life. I felt totally
insecure in the absence of her. Sobbing and yelling at
school authorities to see her once were all I could do, but
in vain. When my classes were over, getting to see her
waiting at the main entrance was the most
heartwarming scene I had ever experienced. With the
passage of time, I became accustomed to the fact that I
shall be able to see her again after spending a few hours
in the school.

19

In my childhood, some of my neighbours would
tease me saying that I was found lying in a dustbin and
my mother rescued me from there. Perhaps this might
have affected me internally. I was always under constant
fear of being discarded. It was because of this I used to
suspect my mother if she would come again to take me
back from school.

Even while sleeping with my mother, I used to
hold her, with one of my legs rested upon her body. Then
again, as soon as I wake up in the morning, I usually find
myself holding on to a few pillows. This often used to be
a reason of panic attack for me. I hurriedly used to get up
and look for her everywhere till I find her. So, my
morning was incomplete without seeing my mother.
Whatever be the reason, this had a positive influence on
me, developing the habit of getting up as soon as I wake
up, without any sluggishness!

Till I attained the age of 8 years, I was like a
shadow to my mother. Wherever she would go, I used to
follow and stick around her. Gradually I started to focus
more on studies and love to spend time with my friend
circle. Still then, my habit of coming back to home as
soon as the classes were over didn’t change. Never did I
ever go out after school to play or gossip with my friends
in the evening. In fact, I was a total Momma’s Boy back
then.

However, it didn’t mean that I was an obedient
son. I used to carry out a lot of mischievous activities,
that would often end up getting my ears twisted by my
mother. Still then, it was quite normal for me. In fact, I
would rather enjoy her punishment. Getting to see the

20

arrogant side of an otherwise calm woman would give
me a great pleasure.

My life went on smoothly till I passed my 10th
standard. This was when I had to stay in hostel during my
11th, away from my sweet home, my dear mother and
from everyone I used to know. Despite making new
friends, I usually felt very lonely, especially at night. I
missed the company of my mother badly in my initial
hostel days.

I always used to wait for the regular phone call
from my mother, who would call from Aunt Lalita's
home, usually at 6:30 in the evening. After completion of
the Prayer session at around 6:10 pm, I used to wait in
the prayer hall to receive the call. Everyone used to
disperse into their own rooms, except me, sitting beside
the telephone in the corner of the hall. For others, study
hours began soon after prayer, but for me, it used to
begin only after hearing the voice of my mother.

However, with the passage of a few days, my
feelings towards my mother gradually seemed to
decline. I hardly used to miss her as before. All such
transformation began soon after Ankita caught my eye.
All day and night, it was only Ankita and Ankita for me
thereafter. It was as if constant staring at the beauty of
Ankita made my eyes go blind. Ankita was my everything
back then.

However, I must confess that it was due to those
regular advices from my mother that had helped me
hooked into study and passed my exams. Had she not
asked me about my preparation for exam, perhaps the

21

fear of exam would have never strike my mind. Had she
not discussed about her dying handloom business, the
sense of responsibility towards my family would have
never woke up.

But it was too late for me to realise her
importance and the sacrifices she had made for my
upbringing. It is well said that the worth of a person is
realised only after they leave us. Yes, she too left for her
heavenly abode a few days earlier! That evening when I
returned home from exam, her silence ripped my heart
away. It was Sumi who first realised that my mother
didn't wake up after her regular nap in the afternoon. It
was a case of cardiac arrest, as confirmed by the doctor.

Finally, the day arrived for which I had been scared
of since my childhood. Someone who had been so active
in the morning, suddenly became idle for ever. Hard to
believe that the breakfast I had in a hurry in the morning
was the last meal prepared by her. How cruel is the One
who writes our destiny! May be not. All blame goes to
me, for taking our lives to be granted. While seeking for
true love, I overlooked the care and affection of the most
beautiful lady of my life - my first love - the one who
loved me unconditionally in every phase of my life.
Perhaps, this is what love is all about, definitely not the
one I had with Ankita.

We all are born with a lover,
But hardly we realise it's our mother.

22

Chapter - VI

In the Moonlight of the Hidden Sun

I lost my father before I could remember his face.
And now my mother leaving me alone before I could give
her a tight hug. Still then, the demise had a more serious
effect on Sumi than me. After all, she had been much
closer with my mother since a long time. In fact, she had
been equally raised up along with me.

As far as I remember, when I was around 8 years
old, an old lady with a little girl of my age came to our
home in search of work. With my mother already
struggling to make both ends meet, we were not in a
position to keep them at work. They were the survivors
of a violent flood in a remote tribal village. Both the son
& daughter-in-law of the old lady lost their lives in the
flood, leaving behind their only child. Out of pity, my
mother decided to provide them a place to stay in our
home. With this, my mother got a good company to get
rid of loneliness. In fact, we began to feel like a family in
a very short period.

I gradually developed a good friendly relationship
with the little girl. She was named Sumi by my mother,
after finding difficulty to pronounce her actual name.

23

However, the real challenge lied in interacting with her.
She was a differently abled mute girl by birth. She could
not hear either, but she had a great sense of
understanding. Within a few years, I could perfectly
interact with her in her own sign language.

In the company of Sumi, the pampered child in me
too got lost in the midst of merry-making. I no longer
used to linger around my mother. After returning from
school, I was more eager to spend time with Sumi than
my friends from our locality. Consequently, I was
isolated from their group, as I hardly go out to play with
them.

In the initial days, fighting with Sumi for silly
reasons was a part of my daily routine. Due to my
constant teasing habit, I used to get beaten from my
mother almost every day. Making her cry or scream was,
however, not my intent. Perhaps, my childish and
mischievous nature failed to match her straightforward
and matured character.

Few months past, she became accustomed to my
playful behaviour. She would no longer get irritated. In
fact, she learned to apply my wicked tactics at me. She
would sometimes scream out, just to get me beaten up
by my mother. Afterwards, she would burst out with
laughter. With an intent to see her laugh heartily, I would
happily surrender in front of my mother, without proving
my innocence. As she laughed, her reddened face with
her tiny eyes almost closed & the mouth revealing her
teeth-less upper jaw would make my day.

With the passage of days, our bonding grew much

24

stronger. We could understand each other through our
eyes only. Most importantly, we could easily make each
other feel at ease when one of us is in distress. No
words, just a few gestures with some facial expression
and we are lighten up to tackle the hurdles!

No matter what, we would always stand by each
other. It was as if our souls were divinely fused through
the interconnection of hearts. Back then, I hardly
witnessed our relationship from that perspective. I
simply ran with the flow of life without giving a second
thought.

While her granny would go out in search of work
and me going to school, she would then provide a good
company to my mother. She would assist my mother in
carrying out different household chores. In a short span
of time, she became an expert homemaker.

Sumi was more than a daughter to my mother.
Sumi was liked by everybody for her sincerity and
innocence. She might not have a voice, but she had a
gifted pair of eyes. The smile reflected through her eyes
had the power to fascinate even a heartless fellow.
Perhaps, it was for this reason I was aways keen to make
her smile with my most stupid tactics.

However, her smile almost disappeared after the
demise of her granny. It was when I was preparing for my
10th board exam. All I could do was to regain her mood &
lead the life as normal as it was ever. Yet, I failed to bring
back her lively smile as before.

Ever since I left for the hostel, my relation with
Sumi began to fade away with time. It was much

25

aggravated by the fact that she could not communicate
over the telephone. So, we would have to wait till the
arrival of vacation. Till the completion of my graduation,
it meant a gap of 5 long years. We were not as close as
before. Mingling with new friends, added with the entry
of Ankita into my life, I somewhere lost my best
comrade!

At such a lonely period of Sumi, it was my mother
who didn't let her feel my voidness. My mother taught
her the art of weaving cloths in her handloom. Being a
tribal girl, she had the skill rushing through her veins. So,
it didn't take longer for her to master. With this, Sumi
got a new way to make herself busy. This also helped my
ageing mother to relax her tiring hands.

By the time I passed my 10+2, she also emerged
out as an expert weaver. She could weave beautiful
designs over the cloth, that boosted my mother's
handloom business to a greater height. In the meantime,
it also helped in restoring her lost smile of joy.

A person is usually judged by what he is today,
more than what he was before. Perhaps, this was the
reason why I had been sitting beside Sumi, travelling
down the memory lane. I was praying for Sumi to open
her eyes!

Soon after the demise of my mother, a realm of
silence occupied our home for the days to come. With
both Sumi and me equally disturbed, we could hardly
console each other. There wasn't much interaction
between us. We both would get lost in our own worlds.

It was when one day, I sensed a smell of burnt

26

ashes and went out, it took my heart away. My mother's
hand-loom was gutted to fire, with Sumi lying nearby,
totally senseless! Fortunately, she was rescued in time
with her pulse still beating. Hurriedly, I put off the fire
before it spread further.

With a loud scream, Sumi regained her sense,
shivering with folded hands. I tightly hold her hand and
slowly patted her head to calm down. I made her believe
that she was not alone and I was still alive to fight for
her. She slowly looked at my eyes, rubbed her palm
against my cheek and then cried looking aside instantly,
with her mouth stuck against the pillow. It was for the
first time she cried since my mother passed away. I left
her alone, knowing that the tears would help her unleash
all the pain inside her.

Whatever happens in life is for the good. If not for
her suicidal attempt, I would have never thought so
deeply about her feelings and our past relationship. The
horrific act was an eye opener for me. It made me realize
what was Sumi to me and how should I treat her.

We may be made for each other,
Only when we support one another.

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Chapter - VII

Song of the Midnight Melancholy

The most colourful days of a person's life lies in
their childhood. Sadly, by the time we realise its value,
we are adults already. All that is left with are its
memories. Such fond memories often help us to get lost
in the past, giving a temporary relief from our existing
worries.

As Sumi was in no mood to talk, I took out a big
dusty and rusted trunk, lying in the store room for a long
time. It was a treasure trove of our childhood memories!
Each of the items, be it a broken wheel of a toy or even a
rope, had a sweet memory attached.

Watching me drag the trunk, Sumi didn't react at
all. But when I started to take out the items one by one,
she jumped out of the bed and took her favorite doll from
it. It was made by my mother out of wool.

While she was busy with her doll, hugging and
kissing, I put on my mask replicating Lord Hanuman.
When I stood in front of her taking the Gada (Mace), she
screamed at me, throwing the doll. Then she laughed out
aloud and started beating me with both hands out of fun,
as if we are back to our childhood days. The Gada was
made by her Granny from a pile of clothes tied and

28

attached to a plastic pipe. I used it once during a fancy
dress competition held in school. Later, the whole get-
up, including the mask, was frequently used to scare and
tease Sumi.

In terms of timeline, the most recent item was the
white shirt, worn during my farewell function of 10+2. It
was no longer a white shirt, not because of dust, but
because of the names and messages signed by our
classmates.

Out of all the items, the most precious item
happened to be the Photo Album. It helped both of us in
reminiscing each of the moments captured in the
photographs therein. A few made us smile, a few gave us
laughter but a few comprising those of Granny and Mom
was a little heartbreaking to see. We were missing them
badly. Above all, realizing that Sumi had gathered the
strength to accept and face the harsh reality was the
most satisfying thing for me.

While flipping the photo albums one by one, I
finally got to see a group photograph of my 10+2 batch.
As usual, it made me recall that particular day. It was a
bright sunny afternoon. Ankita was standing in the first
row and me in the second, just behind her, standing on a
bench. That day too, I was looking at Ankita instead of
the camera. Just then, the cameraman shouted at me,
“Hello, look in the camera. Just for a second. The sun is
rather bright today.” The bright sunshine saved me from
an embarrassing situation that day.

But as I focused on the face of Ankita, the one
standing just in front of me, my eyes widened with a

29

feeling of dizzyness. I instantly closed my eyes and tried
to recall if Ankita was really positioned in front of me. I
even rubbed my eyes and massage my forehead. But, I
was done. My brain could clearly remember myself
looking below towards Ankita that day. But the
photograph had something else to say. Ankita, as seen in
the photograph, was standing in the middle of the first
row!

Seeing me tensed, sweating heavily and beating
my head to recall, Sumi pleaded me to relax. She was
even more nervous. She then brought me a glass of
water to drink. After that, although I felt a little better,
Sumi’s reaction towards my health seemed to be more
shocking than the mystery behind the photograph.

Initially, I thought it to be normal, considering her
coming out of such a trauma. After a while, when she
brought an old prescription and insisted to call that
neurosurgeon, I was totally baffled. I had several
questions surrounding me by then. Although the
handwriting was hard to read, but all I could know was
that it was once prescribed to me.

“Where-did-you-get-it?”, I asked Sumi.

“Your-mother-gave-me-to-keep-it-safely”, she
responded.

: “Do-you-know-anything-about-this?”

: “Your-mother-told-me-your-brain-is-not-OK.
Once-you-had-an-accident. You-remained-senseless-
for-two-days. We-thought-you-are-dead”, with this,
Sumi cried her heart out.

30

I hold by her shoulder and asked, “Do-you-have-
any-more-papers?”

She nodded and brought a file containing several
documents, including a few X-ray films. Although it is
never easy to understand the medical reports, yet I tried
my best to understand the terms mentioned, with due
help from the internet.

Going by the different reports, including a police
report, I could discover that a disorder named
“Prosopagnosia” had resulted from an acute damage in
my brain. On the day of declaration of my 10+2 result,
while returning home by bus, the driver had to take a
sharp brake to prevent an accident. The misfortune
occurred when my grip over the handrail slipped. I fell
down with a severe stroke on my head, as I was a
standing passenger. The bus owner was heavily fined
and agreed to bear all my medical expenses.

With the unveil of my unknown past, it was quite
clear that my brain is to blame for the mystery behind
our group photo. The so called “Prosopagnosia” was
related to a mental condition whereby the victim is
unable to recognize familiar faces. Since I was normal at
the time of taking the photograph, the memory of my
brain could not be questioned.

After a deep thought, a case of suspicion clicked
my mind. I searched for my UPSC question paper
whereby Ankita wrote her contact number. Without any
delay, I rang the number twice but she didn't pick up.
Looking at the clock, I found that it was a late night of
2:39 AM. Sumi was already in her dreams. Didn't know

31

how time flew while investigating over the hidden corner
of my dark past.

With the bunch of random thoughts hovering over
my mind, I could hardly sleep. At around 6:00 in the early
morning, the much awaited call from Ankita came. I was
already panting heavily, with my heartbeat being so
rapid.

: “Hello, Ankita speaking. Sorry, I couldn't receive
your call last night.”

: “Hey, Ankita, it's Ankan here.”

: “Oh, I am so sorry, Ankan. How are you?
Anything serious?”

: “Yeah… to some extent… but I seriously need to
clarify something from you.”

: “Yes, please.”

: “Ankita, I may sound ridiculous. But, may be,
someday I will explain you everything.”

: “That's fine, Ankan. But what's the matter?”

: “Aren't you that Ankita with whom I passed out
my 10+2?”

: “Yes, Ankan, we were in the same section right
from 1st year. But, why are you asking this?”

With this, I became more clueless as to what to
ask her next. So, I replied with a low frustrated voice,
“Sorry Ankita, an old photo reminded me of something.”

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Just then, a question came to my mind and
interrupted immediately, “Hold on a second, aren't you
that Ankita who would always sit on the first bench?”

: Sorry, I was definitely not a first bencher.
Perhaps, you're talking about Ankita Hazarika and I am
Ankita Saikia. In exam, I used to be just one bench away
from you, behind our Ankee. How can you confuse?”, she
replied on a lighter note. Then she added with a mild
tone, “But I really miss her. Such a nice person but what
an ill fate!”

: “Ill fate? What happened to her?”

: “Oh No! You are still unaware? Remember the
day when we all were waiting to meet Ankee on the day
of result declaration? But she never ever showed up
again.” She continued with a quavering voice, “Along
with her parents and her 13 year old brother, she left us
all forever, in a tragic road accident.” Ankita started
sobbing her heart out before I ended the call.

I sat down on the floor, holding my knees and
leaning on the wall, with my eyes gazing at the wall
clock. I was overwhelmed with intense grief. The world
seemed to have come a long way, while I was asleep.
But, had I been awake at that point of time, my little
heart might have preferred to sleep forever. And now,
coming across so many set-backs, this felt like a part and
parcel of life. Also, I had someone as dearly as my
mother, whose life was solely dependent on me.

Some truths are better not revealed,
The wounds that arise are hard to heal.

33

The Epilogue

The news of Ankita made me almost dead at
heart. Just then, Sumi popped out of nowhere with bag
and baggage. I instantly stood up with sheer shock,
regaining all my senses back. She at once dropped her
bag and hugged me tightly, with tears in her eyes.

She intimated that she can't afford to lose me and
this place doesn't suit both of us. So, she wanted me to
accompany her in travelling to a distant land, perhaps the
one from where she belonged.

With Sumi being my only world, my life shall
follow her whereby she goes. Don't know where she'll
head me to, but at least there shall be more peace and
tranquility. And this is what I’m well assured of.

Our life itself is a journey,
It shall go on until we reach our destiny -
Some may reach early, some may face delay,

But everyone is set to reach one day.

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