W riting
lack o f parking spaces, pollution, congestion etc. Use of ‘etc’ is inappropriate in an academ ic essay. It shows
a lack of precision in your writing.
Paragraph 2
In the big cities especially, there is a lack o f parking areas. Word choice m istake - ^ i g U s a little informal
and unacademic.
Paragraph 3
This problem is becom ing increasingly serious, especially in big cities. Repetitive use of vocabulary.
I will m ake som e suggestions to solve this problem . Avoid the use of I in academ ic essays, except in those
circum stances described in Chapter 8, page 96.
Paragraph 4
N o need to separate paragraph 5 from paragraph 4.
Paragraph 5
The government must manage this problem by providing more and better transportation. Incorrect
referencing device. It’s unclear w hat this refers to here.
Paragraph 6
Secondly, more types o f alternative energy should be invented ... Word choice mistake. As energy is a
naturally occurring resource, it is rarely invented - ‘sourced’ would be better here.
Paragraph 7
Congestion is also the problem. Incorrect article use. The problem suggests there is only one problem, whereas
the essay describes many, and deficient am ount o f road ... Word choice mistake. ... and a poor road
netivork is better. Deficient doesn’t collocate with road. A lso, an article is needed before poor.
Fundamental solution on this problem ... article needed. A fundam ental solution... Preposition mistake. ...
to this problem ...
But it can be perform ed with long-range plan ... Wrong w ord choices. Suggest But this can only be
achieved as part o f a long-term plan ...
the m ethods to decrease the num ber o f cars on the road should be contrived ... N o article needed. Instead
of contrived, which has negative connotations, created or invented would work.
For example, it is possible to make people be given the incentives o f taxes, parking fees ... Passive form not
needed. Suggest: For exa?nple, it is possible to incentivize people by reducing their taxes ...
Paragraph 8
It is time that Government should take action s!!! Exclam ation m arks are not normally used in academic
writing.
150
Appendix 1 - Taking your writing up to the next level: Example essays
Example essay 2
The following essay w as the first one written by an international student studying for an M Sc in H R M
(Hum an Resource M anagem ent). She received a merit for it.
Study it, paying particular attention to organization, citations, register and style, academ ic principles, and
other topics that have been covered in this book. There are som e comments, both positive and negative, to
guide you.
When you have read Exam ple essay 2, go back and com pare it with Exam ple essay 1. You will see that the
difference between them is not just about word length and subject matter: the second essay demonstrates a
much higher awareness of the academic genre.
Why are equality an d diversity in the ivorkforce so difficult to achieve? Why have attem pts to enhance
equality and diversity achieved limited success?
Negative comments The international labour force has experienced a Positive comments
dram atic change in its com position, particularly
The studevd: couold have in terms o f dem ographic, age and gender (C assell, J This f ir s t sentence strikes a
expressed herself more 2006). This transition has led to diversity among nice balance between general
lo g ica lly : it Is iA,ot clear .employees in the workforce. Globalization has a n d specific.. For more
whether the dram atic also brought a wide range of opportunities to in fo r m a t io n oh, the b e g in n in g
c h a f e s In the composition economically active people regardless of their < - on, essay, see ch a p te rs._______
o f the Labour force are due nationality, race or culture. However, more
to g lo b a liz a tio n or not. diversity has also meant more instances of The Introduction, consists of
Compare what she wrote with discrimination. Diversity and equality, therefore, three parts, as recom m end ed
the follow ing: have become a matter of debate, attracting In, Chapter 2. "This Is the fir s t
The International la b o u r force the attention of not only governments and one: an, explanation, o f the
has experienced a dram atic corporations, but of the whole o f society. It is sutuatlon.
cha'nge In Its composition, commonly thought that real diversity and equality
particularly In terms of are difficult to achieve, and that despite a number Notice how the stu d en t does
demographic, age, and of initiatives, success in this area has been limited. \ notj u s t sa y that there has
gender (cassell, zooe>). been, debate about these Issues
This tra n s it io n has led to The aim of this essay is to investigate diversity and but uses 'therefore' to refer
d iv e rsity am ong employees equality in the workforce by drawing on theoretical back to the evidence that has
I n the workforce. The d riv in g concepts, empirical findings, policies and key actor been, given, fo r this.
force behind th is process Is interventions. The essay is divided into five m ain
globalization, which has sections. Firstly, brief definitions and explanations "This Is p art 2 o f the
also brought a wide range of o f im portant terms are given. Secondly, two m ajor in tro d u c tio n i n which the
opportunities to econovuica lly reasons why equality and diversity need to be w riter explains w hy the
active In d iv id u a ls regardless taken seriously are explained. N ext, the causes of s itu a tio n Is problematic and
o f their n a tio n a lity , race or the difficulties in attaining equality and diversity im portant.
culture. will be examined, after which possible solutions
For more in fo rm a tio n on are explored. Finally, the essay tries to give possible The title o f the essay ask s
cla rity , see chapter-*. 'w hy', so we w ould expect
the w riter to follow a ca use/
The s tu d e n t chose the passive effect pattern In this essay.
voice In this section. This Is A s we s a id I n chapter 2,
fin e, but there w as no need longer e ssays are lik e ly to
to avoid perso nalpro no un s. use more t h a n one pattern,
in fact, the section w ould be a n d here the w riter has also
more Interestin g I f there was in clu d e d problem/solution.
som e v a riety and she had Notice how the s t u d e n t has
written: chosen a logical structure
'F irstly, I w ill give fo r her essay: she m akes sure
b rief d efin itio n s and that the concepts are c le a rly
explanations. .Secondly, d e fin ed , then d iscusses the
I w ill explain two major Importance o f the topic, the
reasons ...' causes o f the problems, some
For more Inform ation on the possible so lu tio n s , a n d then
use o f personalpronouns, see she evaluates some o f these
Chapter 2. s o lu tio n s .
151
W riting
Negative comments reasons for the disappointing outcomes of equ ality. Positive comments
initiatives.
The block guote w o u ld I ook This Is the third part o f the
better with a H ue sp a cin g o f To begin with, definitions of crucial terms i n t r o d u c t io n i n which the
±, rather th an the ± . s which are given. Equality refers to the idea of ‘equal s tu d e n t states the alm s a n d
Is used throughout the essay. opportunity’ which is defined as ‘the concept ^ the o rg a n iz a tio n o f the essay.
For more in fo rm a t io n on of ensuring fair treatment for all employees
Integrating quotes and (or prospective employees) throughout the The s t u d e n t has decided n o t
paraphrases, see chapter ±o. organization’ (Heery and N oon, 2001). In other to p u t d e f in it io n s i n the
w ords, everyone needs to be treated fairly in the introdu ction, but in part
C au tious la ngua ge w ould workforce no matter what his/her characteristics ± o f the m a in body. This Is
be better here: 'everyone are. a good Idea here, because
w i l l s o u n d s too strong. there are m a n y key concepts
A n Improvement w ould be K andola and Fullerton (1994: 8), cited in Cassell, that need to be defined. For
'employees are lik e ly to more in fo r m a t io n o n the
For more Inform ation on 2006: 346, defined managing diversity as follows: definition o f key terms and
c a u t io u s language, see concepts, see chapter 3.
clnayters 3, 4- a n d 2. The basic concept of m anaging diversity \
accepts that the workforce consists of a N otice how the guote does n o t
diverse population of people. The diversity Interrupt the se n ten ce a n d Is
consists of visible and non-visible differences n a t u ra lly Integrated.
which will include factors such as sex, age,
background, race, disability, personality and The stu d en t w as asked to use
work style. her university's versio n of
A P A re fe re n c in g . F o r more
Put differently, diversity relates to differences in fo rm a tio n on referencing
am ong employees within an organization, whether system s, see ch a p te r^.
they are noticeable or not. Usually these are the f
types of differences that are not of the employees’ Notice that th is Is a long
own choosing. Thom pson (1997), cited in Shen et quotation, so a block guote
al. (2009), stated that managing diversity should needed to be Inserted. For
be recognized as a positive organizational trait that more in fo r m a t io n on
_needs to be attained, rather than a problem atic Integrating guotes and
issue. If diversity is well m anaged, everyone will paraphrases, see chap ter±o .
feel valued, and in that way, productivity and
morale alike will be enhanced; otherwise, it could Notice how the s t u d e n t
lead to discrimination. does notj u s t guote, she
co m m e n ts o n the g uote
Disadvantage refers to the lack of equal a n d d em onstrates that she
opportunities among a group of people compared has u n d e rsto o d it. For more
with others. A ccording to Kirton and Greene -<---- in fo rm a tio n on Integrating
(2005: 5), there are five main social groups that the Ideas o f others, see
are likely to be disadvantaged, namely ‘women, chapter ±0.
minority ethnic people, older people, disabled
people and lesbians and gay men’. Black people, for Notice that when q u o tin g , a
instance, have more limited access to good jobs and page num ber is necessary.
their average income is lower than that of white For more in fo r m a t io n o n
people. c it in g a n d referen cin g , see
Chapter^.
152
Appendix 1 - Taking your writing up to the next level: Example essays
Negative comments Positive comments
The w rite r sh ou ld have Discrimination is described as ‘the process of Notice how this paragraph
in dicated where this judging people according to particular criteria’ starts lu a more geueral way
lu fb rm a tlo u coutes frovu. (Noon, 2010: 197). It refers to prejudice based a u d theu becom es specific..
For m ore luforucatlou ou on unfair assumptions about sex, race, age, For more In fo rm a tio n on
d e c id in g wheu to cite, see religion and sexual orientation, and other factors, essay structure, see
chapter^. such as size or appearance. For exam ple, in chapter z .
2011, Starbucks dismissed Elsa Sallard, who has
dwarfism, arguing that she posed a danger to Notice how the s t u d e n t
customers and co-workers, even though she could m akes a smooth tra n sitio n
have done her job with a stepladder. They were f r o m part ± o f the m a in body,
sued and lost their case. which In c lu d e s d e fin itio n s,
to part z : she auiA.ouiA.ces,
In the following section, the essay investigates two lu m ore specific tervus thau
major reasons why employers need to address above, what that sectlou w ill
unjust treatment, nam ely ‘the social justice case’ '< ~ c o n ta in .
and ‘the business case’ (Noon, 2010: 200).
Note the a c a d e m ic style,
The social justice case rests on the fact that e.g. the seuteiA.ce Is e fflcleu t
the decision-making processes need to exclude - It has uo unnecessary
‘prejudice and stereotyping’, ensuring that h a r d ly ^ \ luforutatlou and uses
anyone feels disadvantaged or discriminated uo uu structures. For more
against (Noon, 2010: 201). Unfortunately, many In fo rm a tio n ou efflcleucy,
companies use employment quota, choosing a see chapter -f.
certain percentage of various groups, such as
women and black people, just to protect their good
image and not because of fairness. However, basing
decisions on social justice can also have a positive
effect on business efficiency. The business case,
therefore, needs to be taken into account.
The business case is that equality and diversity
could create a win-win situation for both
employees and employers and their businesses
(Dickens, 2005). This is due to four main reasons
(Noon, 2010): m anagers have more recruitment
choices; they can attract more talented people;
sales m ay increase because m ore diversity in
the w orkplace can lead to m ore diversity in
the customer base; the com pany is presenting a
positive image to its stakeholders. Moreover, costly
and dam aging discrimination litigation is avoided
(Noon, 2010).
Despite these advantages, equality and diversity are
difficult to achieve. The following section examines
why.
153
W riting
Negative comments Firstly, organizational structures and workplace Positive comments
culture tend to be long established and deeply
There is a c ita tio n m istake embedded. Highly-paid jobs are still likely to be Notice the good use o f
here, w h ich the rea der c-am dominated by men (Kirton and Greene, 2000). cautious language in this
e asily spot: L in d a Is a firs t To illustrate, the CEO s of a large number of big sentence.
nam e. The author's nam e international corporations such as M icrosoft,
Is L in d a t>ic\zens, so this Google and Apple are male, and more women The s t u d e n t Mas -presented
should justsaw : (p ickets, than men have part-time and low-paid jobs. This is the essay well: the lliA.es a ll
related to the traditional pattern in which wom en sta rt at the saiAte poliA,t, aiA.d
1339). raise families and do housework (Smithson and the paragraphs are v is u a lly
Stokoe, 2005). Other deeply-rooted attitudes are d is t in g u is h e d w ith a space.
For more in fo rm a tio n about age: older people are often considered to For m ore in fo rm a tio n o n
o n authors' names,, see be less efficient and young workers are generally ■presentation, see chapter ±±.
C-hapter e>. seen as lacking the necessary experience and
For more in fo rm a tio n on qualifications. It is particularly difficult for people Notice how the w riter maYzes
c it in g , see chapter^. to find jobs or get prom otions between the ages of a poliA.t a n d -provides evid ence
This Idiom, c o u ld be 16 and 21 (Kirton and Greene, ibid.) and a n explanation. For more
considered too in fo rm a l fo r in fo r m a t io n o n the poliA-t-
a n essay. The studemt could Secondly, m anagers are not particularly interested evldeiA.ce-e*plai/uatloiA. pattern.,
have w ritten: in equality and diversity. Although these qualities see chapter £>.
A s the p rio rity o f a my could be beneficial for productivity and morale,
o rg a n iz a t io n is profit (Noom, they require long-term commitment, cannot be
2.010), more im portance Is .quantified financially (Dickens and Linda, 1999)
u s u a lly g iv e n to urgemt and can initially be expensive, e.g. to reach a wide
Issues such as competition., range of potential employees, different media need
ra th erth a n to im plem enting to be used. If a company is small, it could prefer
lo n g -te rm strategies. to use ‘word of m outh’, which may constitute
For more in fo rm a tio n on indirect discrimination but is much faster and
fo rm a lity , see chapter^. cheaper (Dickens, 2005). As the priority of any
organization is profit (Noon, 2010), implementing
-long-term strategies is often put on the back burner
when managers have to deal with more urgent
issues, such as competition.
Thirdly, equality and diversity are inherently
problematic to some extent. Foster and Harris
(2005) argue that not only is a diverse team
difficult to m anage but this also takes a toll on
team coordination. Every m ember differs in
terms of gender, age, ethnicity, schooling or skills; \
hence, it is hard to reach a common consensus
and conflict m ay result. In addition, positive
discrimination, which is often seen as a way to
manage diversity, can lead to resentment from co
workers. For instance, parents have a right to take
time off for childcare whilst those without children
do not have that right, even if they have to care for
elderly relatives.
154
Appendix 1 - Taking your writing up to the next level: Example essays
Negative comments Because of these three reasons, discrimination Positive comments
continues to be evident in the workforce. In
There should re a lly be a the following section, two key initiatives are Notice how th is -paragraph
paragraph breate here, to ^considered: policies and positive action (Noon, Is lin k e d n ic e ly to the
m a ke It also v is u a lly 2010). Policies are undoubtedly essential in guiding ■previous, paragraph. F o r m ore
clear that a new section Is m anagers in decision-m aking and taking action. in fo rm a tio n on connecting
Recently, m any policies have been introduced in paragraphs, see C-hapter 2..
starting. the UK, for instance the Disability Discrimination
Act (1995), The Employment Equality (Religion 155
For more in fo rm a tio n and Belief) Regulations (2003), and The Equality
about the v is u a l aspects o f Act (2006). Also, many organizations have their
pa ragra ph in g, see Chapters own form al policies. In order to ensure policy
2 and ±±. im plem entation, however, positive action is
necessary, for example a recruitment advertisement
in m agazines aimed at gay people or a training
programme for older employees.
Despite the presence of policies and positive
action, there has been limited success in achieving
equality and diversity. In the last section, this essay
considers why this is so.
The first reason is the lack of intervention from
pivotal actors. Dickens (1999) argues that although
m anagers play the m ost crucial part, the roles
of government and trade unions should not be
neglected. Firstly, state intervention by legal
regulation (law and policies) can contribute greatly
to setting equality standards to underpin practices,
regulate employer decision-making and protect
employees who are discriminated against by forcing
their companies to compensate them. Another
actor is the trade unions, who represent employees
and are responsible for protecting employee rights
through collective bargaining. By negotiating with
managers about certain interests or concerns of
employees, collective bargaining could provide a
better match between the needs of the company
and employees, particularly disadvantaged groups
such as ethnic minorities and women.
W hereas D ean and L iff (2010) focus on the
importance of these industrial relations actors,
Foster and H arris (2005) emphasize the
organizational context in which both m anagers and
external environments influence diversity practices.
They give an exam ple o f a store in Leicester which
tried to recruit Asian people but no one applied
because they said that it w as dominated by white
people.
W riting
Negative comments Positive comments
The a u th o r's n a m e ts Another issue is that the policies o f m any
organizations are ‘empty shells’ (Hoque and N oon,
misspelled. 2004). There is a large gap between policies, which
.^are just declarations, and action (Dickens, 2005).
This sh o u ld sa y ‘com panles'. According to Dicken (2005), 27% of company
F o r m ore In f o rm a tio n o n the rwith policies had not implemented them. In
Im portance o f a ccu ra cy , see addition, many m anagers treat everyone the same
Chapter s . without realizing that they differ in many ways,
and those differences need to be valued to improve
individual potential (Foster and Harris, 2005). Notice how the stu d en t
dem onstrates her awareness
To sum up, striving for equality and diversity o f w hat her tu to r waists: she
should be an important consideration for has clearly g iv e n a n answ er
organizations. If this is done well, it will be to the essay q u e s t io n here.
beneficial to both organizations and employees For more In fo rm a tio n about
in terms of productivity and efficiency. However, a n a ly s in g essay titles, see
this is difficult to achieve for a number of chapter ±.
reasons, including deep-rooted prejudice,
m anagerial priorities and the side-effects of The la st sentence focuses o n
positive discrimination. There are two possible possible so lu tio n s, a n d ca n
paths tow ards equality and diversity: policies and be regarded as the overall
positive action. However, without the efforts of c o n c lu s io n . The othertwo
key protagonists such as the government, trade parts o f co n clu sio n s are
unions and employees, any initiatives are likely to also In this paragraph:
have limited success. Other obstacles are a lack of su m m a ries o f the m a in Ideas
m anagerial goodwill and com pany culture. In order an d evidence.
to eradicate disadvantage, a number of factors need-* For more In fo rm a tio n on
to be combined: the social justice approach, the essay structure, see
business approach, national legislation and local
policies and action. chapter 2 .
For In fo rm a tio n abou±
the la n g u a g e u sed I n
co n clu sio n s, see ch apters.
156
Appendix 1 - Taking your writing up to the next level: Example essays
Negative comments REFEREN CE LIST Positive comments
E>lcteens And Lindfl. This C assell, C., ‘M anaging Diversity’, in T. R edm an the reference lis t Is started on
should Sfly: I>lckenS, and A. Wilkinson, Contemporary Hum an Resource a kvewpage, as It show.ld be.
M anagem ent (3rd edn., London: Prentice Hall, A l l the kvflku.es kuekvtlokved lu.
htw.rn.flkv resource. 2006), 343-360. the te*t Are represented I n the
kwflnflgekuentjournfll ... reference lis t And vice versa.
The whole title needs to be Dean, D. and Liff, S., ‘Equality and diversity: The The stu.dent seekws to hflve
capitalized: ultimate industrial relations concern’, in T. Colling followed her un iversity's
htw.ku.flkv Resource and M . Terry, Industrial R elations (O xford: Wiley- style guide flnd hns used
ManagementJou rw A Blackwell, 2010), 422-446. Id e ntlcfll pfltterns fo r the
sflkue types o f sources.
Jflkvet .Skulthson And rDickens and Linda, ‘Beyond the business case: A l l the s o u rce s she hfls used
Elizabeth ht. stoteoe. The f ir s t A three-pronged approach to equality action’, in are flcfldem-lc sources.
nflkwes o f the Authors should Human Resource Management Journal (1999), For kuore Inforkufltlon
kvot be Included: 9(1), 9-19. on academ ic sou rces, see
.SkwlthS O n ,J . flkvd S.to'Rjot, B. chapter Q>.
Dickens, L ., ‘W alking the talk? Equality and F o r kuore Inforkufltlon on
diversity in employment’, in S. Bach, M anaging reference lists, see Chapter^.
Human Resources (Oxford: Blackwell, 2005),
178-203. 157
Foster, C. and Harris, L., ‘Easy to say, difficult to
do: diversity m anagement in retail’, in H uman
kresource m anagem ent Jou rn al (2005), 15 (3), 4 -1 7 .
Heery, E. and Noon, M ., A Dictionary o f Human
Resource Management (Oxford: O xford University
Press, 2001).
Hoque, K. and N oon, M ., ‘Equal Opportunities
Policy and Practice in Britain: Evaluating the
‘empty shell’ hypothesis’, in Work, Em ployment
and Society (2004), 18 (3), 481-506.
Ja n e t Smithson and Elizabeth H. Stokoe, ‘Gender,
Work and O rganization’, in D iscourses o f Work-
L ife Balance: N egotiating ‘G enderblind’ Terms in
O rganizations (2005), 12 (2), 1 4 7 -1 6 8 .
Kirton, G. and Greene, A.,The Dynamics o f
M anaging Diversity: A Critical Approach (Oxford:
Butterworth-Heinemann, 2000).
N o on , M ., ‘M anaging equality and diversity’, in
J. Beardwell and T. Claydon, H um an R esource
Management: A Contemporary Approach (London:
Pearson, 2010), 196-229.
Shen, J., Chanda, A., D ’Netto, B. and M onga,
M ., ‘M anaging diversity through human resource
management: an international perspective and
conceptual fram ew ork’, in The International
Journal o f Human Resource Management, (2009),
20 (2), 235-251.
W riting
A ppendix 2 - R esponding to m arking criteria and feedback
When you receive your essay title, you are often given information about how you should deal with it, for
exam ple ‘Use a variety of sources’, ‘Refer to your lecture notes’, ‘Include at least three theories’. You need
to follow these instructions carefully, as your m ark will depend on your ability to do so.
It is also important to read or print off any other information provided by your department. This could
cover presentation requirements, referencing systems, etc. and m ay be found online (via the university
website or their virtual learning environment) or in a handbook or other document.
You may also be given m arking criteria, which state what the marker will be looking for in your work.
This m ay include wording such as ‘evidence of reading’, ‘the ability to incorporate the ideas of others’, ‘a
demonstration of knowledge’, ‘an ability to apply knowledge’, ‘the ability to consider and discuss different
points o f view’, etc. Again, keep this in mind while you are putting your essay together. When you have
finished your first draft you need to double check that there is evidence of these skills in the essay.
Unfortunately, many students find it difficult to understand what is m eant by some of these criteria. You
will become better at this through practice, but you can speed up this process by examining the feedback
you get on your essays, both the positive and the negative comments. As we saw in Chapter 11, analysing
essay feedback can be considered a stage of the essay writing process. It needs to be seen as guidance for
your next essay.
Have a look at the following paragraph, taken from an essay on relationship and transactional marketing.
L ook at the lecturer’s notes in the m argin. Before you read on, consider w hat the student can do to
understand w hat is w rong in this essay and w hat he should do before writing his next one.
Relationship marketing can be defined as ‘attracting (l) referenceformat
new custom ers, obtaining and m aintaining the
relationships between original customers and (z) is this the authors’ name?
com panies’ (J.A.F. Nicholls, 2000). This strategy focuses (3)page number? exact quote?
on keeping in touch with customers, especially the loyal
customers, rather than concentrating on individual (4) is this the only defnition?
sales. G ronroon’s (1996) definition of relationship (5) good insight, but couldbe developedfurther
marketing strategy is ‘to build, maintain and proceed
the relationships between customers and relative (6) explain
shareholders, while to terminate collaboration when it
is necessary’ . It can be seen that relationship m arketing
is based on the exchange and prom ise between
customers and firms. This strategy incorporates the 4Cs
marketing mix and has long-term benefits.
The student did not follow referencing conventions: he m isspelled an author’s nam e, gave initials in
citation, may have misquoted an author and did not include a page reference for his quote. Although
com ments (1) and (3) do not say exactly w hat is wrong, the student should have m ore inform ation that he
can consult, possibly online, in the form of his departm ent’s guidelines for academ ic writing. If this does
not exist then he would have to m ake an appointment to see his tutor.
Comment (4) suggests that there are more definitions, which means that the student should have read
more and not stopped his research as soon as he found one definition. A library search on the topic of
‘relationship marketing’ would have shown more than one source.
158
Appendix 2 - Responding to marking criteria and feedback
Comment (5) includes positive feedback. N ext time, the student should therefore try to give more
comments about the quotes that he uses. The lecturer seems to appreciate it when the student shows his
personal understanding of the definition, and wants him to keep adding insights like this and developing
them further.
Com m ent (6) suggests that there is m ore to say abou t the 4 C s, and that ‘long-term benefits’ needs an
explanation too.
N ow look at some comments taken from the feedback that the lecturer provided at the end of the essay.
N otice how many of the comments can actually be linked to w hat the lecturer had put in the margin
above. They have been numbered below to make it easier for you to find them.
■ You dem onstrated that you understood (5) the concepts related to relationship m arketing and
transactional m arketing, but this could have been explored in m ore depth (5), by analysing and
synthesizing a number o f different authors’ opinions (4) and drawing your own conclusions (5).
M ake sure you alw ays back up your statements and opinions with clarifications or evidence (6), as
these will strengthen your arguments.
■ Unfortunately, you did not follow referencing conventions (1, 2, 3), which is not acceptable at this
stage.
■ Perhaps in part 2 you could have given m ore exam ples o f how transactional m arketing has been
beneficial to the companies you mention.
In short, don ’t glance over the com m ents that have been put on your essay and then put them away.
Instead, spend time on really trying to understand them. It can be painful to read the com ments if your
results are not what you had hoped for, but it is time well spent if it can help you learn from your m istakes.
Have a look at a paragraph written by a Social Policy student. Read the comments that the tutor made
and decide whether these are positive, neutral or negative comments. Before you read on, think about how
im portant it is to avoid sim ilar issues in the next essay.
One o f Ponzini and R o ssi’s (2010) approaches (l) do they have another approach?
is to critically discuss Florida’s theory and
the problems caused by the application of his ( l) are thepoliticians misunderstood7
theory to urban policy. They explain how an
unclear theory or its incorrect interpretation (3) it mijht have been ajo o d idea to have explainedthe link
by misunderstood politicians could cause
social-spatial injustice. This is because city betweenpoliticians andpolicy models
development is related to the exchange
o f policy m odels aiming to ensure the (4) comprehensiveness?
com prehensiveness and role of each city in the (5) you couldhavejiven some examples ofcities here
world (Sassen, 1994). Ponzini and Rossi look
at specific cities and specifically their urban ((,) This = ?
and spatial restructure and policies. However, (7) perhapsyou couldhave referredhere to some later studies
it could be argued that looking at individual
cases m ay not be appropriate, due to the by the same authors
cities’ diversity. This would mean applying a
multi-case study for finding a paradigm via
exemplary samples (Gibson and Kong, 2005).
159
W riting
In general, when a lecturer uses language such as ‘perhaps you could have’, ‘it might have been a good idea to ’,
or asks questions, they are using polite language to tell you what you should have done. D on’t ignore comments
like these: they are not about possibilities or queries, but tell you what you should have done to get a better
mark. D o not treat any comments as ‘neutral’ comments or small points. Instead, think about the underlying
issues and take them into consideration for your next essay. Let’s have a look at the specific examples.
Comment (1) suggests that there is no other approach, and that the student should have written ‘Ponzini
and R o ssi’s (2010) approach is . . . ’, in which case the underlying problem is a lack o f clarity in the language.
The other possibility is that the problem is with setting up thb^wrong reader expectation: the reader expects
to hear w hat the other approaches are, but the student never picks up that point in the assignment.
Com m ent (2) is not a real question: the tutor know s that the politicians are not m isunderstood: the
politicians m isunderstand the policy and it is the policy that is misunderstood. The question points out to
the student that there is a language problem.
In (3), (5) and (7) polite language is being used to say that the student should have done something
(explain, give exam ples, include more studies). In other w ords, the student has not researched deeply or
widely enough, understood enough of the research or selected the right information.
Comments (4) and (6) can be read as requests for clarification. It can be frustrating for students to see question
m arks in their work without further explanation, but usually it just means that the meaning of a phrase or
sentence has not been made clear enough. It is im portant for the writer to put themselves in the shoes o f the
reader, to see if what has been written makes sense. Here ‘comprehensiveness’ is a concept that needs further
explanation in the context of cities, and ‘this’ does not seem to relate to anything in the previous sentence.
To sum up, you probably receive more information than you realize about how you can achieve higher
grades. The trick is to pay careful attention. If, despite your efforts, you still really don’t understand specific
criteria or feedback, don’t be afraid to say so and ask your lecturer to explain verbally.
Some final words from the author
This book has given you a lot of advice about the different requirements o f essay writing, and you m ay feel
that there is so much that it is not possible for you to follow it all. Luckily, thatisnot necessary. Instead of
worrying about all the guidelines, focus on the bigger picture using the following checklist:
■ Does the essay answer the question?
* Will my reader understand w hat I am trying to do and say?
■ Is it clear w hat my opinion is?
■ Is it clear where I have given the opinion o f others?
■ H ave I expressed myself clearly, formally, efficiently,m odestly and accurately?
■ Have I followed the other academic conventions?
It is also worth remembering that lecturers tend to startyou o ff with the easier essays, that there is
support available from individuals and departments at your institution, and that nobody expects you to
get everything right from the start. Take the results from your first essay as a starting point and, most
importantly, study the feedback to help you improve. Be proud of your hard work, and of every pass, merit
and distinction you receive.
E ls Van Geyte
160
Appendix 3 - Useful phrases
Useful phrases introduced throughout the book are reproduced here for easy reference.
Linkers ■ Secondly,...
Sequencing ■ F in ally ,...
■ Firstly, ... / ■ A lso ,...
■ M oreover,...
First of all, ... ■ H ow ever,...
■ Although ...
Adding ideas
■ In addition, ... ■ As a consequence, ... / Consequently,
* Furthermore, ... ■ As a consequence of ...
Contrasting ideas
■ On the one hand, ...
On the other hand, ...
■ In contrast, ...
■ Whilst
Talking about results
■ Therefore,...
Talking about causes
■ Due to ...
Referring back to a previous point
* This analysis (suggests th a t...)
■ This approach (indicates t h a t...)
■ This concept (illustrates that ...)
■ This context (shows t h a t ...)
■ These data (prove that ...)
■ This definition (has been used to ...)
■ These factors (need to be taken into account when ...)
■ This interpretation (is influenced by ...)
* This period (was characterized by ...)
■ This process (can be seen in ...)
■ This response (was summarized by ...)
W riting
* This sector (was restructured in ...)
■ This theory (was widely debated by ...)
■ These guiding principles (throw light on ...)
■ Another argum ent (in favour o f the privatization ...)
Giving definitions
■ (Synthesis) is (the process of combining objects or ideas into a com plex whole).
■ (Synthesis) is comrponly defined as (the process of combining objects or ideas into a com plex whole).
■ (Synthesis) is generally understood to refer to (the process of com bining objects or ideas into a com plex
whole).
■ (Synthesis) can be described as (the process o f com bining objects or ideas into a com plex whole).
■ (The process of combining objects or ideas into a complex whole)is called (synthesis).
■ (The process of combining objects or ideas into a complex whole)is known as (synthesis).
■ (The process of combining objects or ideas into a complex whole)is referred to as (synthes
Using definitions
■ For the purposes of this essay, I will be using (Kotler’s definition of societal m arketing), because of (its
focus on the organization’s task to meet the need ...)
■ Although m any different definitions (of marketing) have been suggested (over the years), I will be using
(the one by Kotler (1994), because of ...)
■ Throughout this essay, I will be using the w ord (‘cognitive’ ) to refer to (the different types o f intellectual
behaviour).
■ (In this essay), the term (‘reliability’ ) is used to m ean ...
Indicating the im portance of the topic
« (One of) the m ost significant (stages in a child’s development) is ...
■ (One of) the m ost im portant (factors to take into consideration when...) is ...
■ (One of) the m ost essential (conditions for the germ ination o f orchidea)is ...
■ (Some of) the m ost memorable aspects (of the documentary) were ...
Intensifying adjectives ■ a common problem
■ an important part ■ an increasing need/concern
■ a key role/factor ■ heightened awareness
* a great/major problem ■ rapid development
a a central area of
162
Appendix 3 - Useful phrases
■ a dramatic increase * a seriouseffect/impact on
* renewed/unprecedented interest ■ increasing concern
Introducing the aim and the organization of the essay
■ This essay will ...
■ This report attem pts to (examine whether ...)
■ This case study hopes to (determine whether ...)
■ The aims o f this essay are to (determine whether ...)
■ This essay exam ines whether (the effectsof exposure to ...)
■ This essay argues that (the effects o f exposure to ...)
■ In this essay I argue that (the historical influences of ...)
■ In this essay I will discuss (the origins o f ...)
* In this essay it will be argued that (the M iddle A ges were ...)
The language of conclusions
■ This essay discussed (the economic factors that contributed to ...)
■ In this essay, I have argued (that globalization is not a recent phenomenon).
This essay has explored (the causes o f the c o n flic t...)
■ . These findings suggest that (bees are nearing extinction).
* The evidence seems to indicate that (prolonged bouts of laughterlead to ...)
■ A consequence o f this is that (Western lifestyles have become morefashionable).
Co un te r-arg u m e n tatio n
■ One study has em phasized the need for (a change in the w ay custody cases are ...)
■ So far there has been limited agreement only on (three of the proposed laws).
■ Some studies have challenged (this concept).
■ There is continuing debate about the value o f (trialling this vaccine in ...)
* The literature shows some contradictory findings (in this area).
Claim s the author makes
■ There are several draw backs (involved in investing in ...)
* There is not enough reliable evidence that (ingesting valium results in ...)
163
W riting
■ These are the m ost dangerous substances (on the face of the earth, yet ...)
■ One of the m ost significant patterns is (also one of the easiest to disrupt).
The use of ‘I’ and ‘we’ to indicate the writer’s stance
■ M y concern is ...
■ M y definition ... is based on M un son’s but com bines this with ...
■ Experiments have been carried out by N elson and Smith (1993) and Ojha and M azum der (2008). In our
experiment ...
■ We know that ... has consequences ... that are still apparent ... today ...
■ As we have seen ,...
Quoting
W ood (2011: 23) describes their textile industry as “ flourishing” , yet som e analysts are indicating that it is
in decline.
Paraphrasing
Whereas Wood (2011) has a positive view of the current state of their textile industry, some analysts are
indicating that it is in decline.
Reporting verbs
■ They discussed / exam ined (the potential problem s with this type o f test).
■ The authors show / report (how technology is being used to engage students more).
■ They suggest that / how (these data could be interpreted in different ways).
* They suggest (a different interpretation of the data).
■ It w as alleged that (the copyright for the im age w asn ’t cleared).
■ They claimed to have (informed their neighbours of their intention).
■ The head of education proposed (a set of new measures to guard against bullying).
■ The report acknowledges that (the proposed building plot w as not suitable).
* The research dem onstrates that (it is dependent on a low percentage o f im ports).
■ The curator of the exhibition asserts that (M anet w as the founder of modernism).
164
Glossary
C l POWERED BY COBUILD
Some of the more difficult w ords from the chapters are defined here in this Glossary. The definitions
focus on the m eanings of the w ords in the context in which they appear in the text. Definitions are from
COB UILD Advanced Dictionary.
Key adjective N -U N C O U N T uncount noun
adverb N-VAR variable noun
ADJ auxiliary verb NEG negative
ADV colour word NUM number
AUX combining form ORD ordinal
COLOUR conjunction PASSIVE see V-PASSIVE
COMB convention PHRASAL VERB phrasal verb
CONJ determiner PHRASE phrase
C O N V E N T IO N exclam ation PREDET predeterminer
DET fraction PREFIX prefix
EXCLAM see V-LINK PREP preposition
FR A C T IO N m odal verb PRON pronoun
LINK count noun QUANT quantifier
MODAL plural noun QUEST question word
N -C O U N T proper noun SUFFIX suffix
N-PLURAL plural proper noun VERB verb
N-PROPER singular noun V-LINK link verb
N-PROPER-PLURAL title noun V-PASSIVE passive verb
N-SING
N-TITLE
abbreviation (abbreviations) n-count active (actives) n-count
An abbreviation is a short form of a word or An active, active verb, or active form, is the form
phrase, made by leaving out some of the letters or of the verb which is used when the subject refers
by using only the first letter of each word. to a person or thing that does something. For
exam ple, in ‘I saw her yesterday’, the verb is in
accountable adj the active.
If you are accountable to someone for something adverbial adj
that you do, you are responsible for it and must
be prepared to justify your actions to that person. Adverbial means relating to adverbs or like an
adverb.
accuracy n-uncount
allocate (allocates, allocating, allocated) verb
The accuracy of inform ation or m easurements is
their quality of being true or correct, even in If one item or share of something is allocated to a
small details. particular person or for a particular purpose, it is
given to that person or used for that purpose.
acronym (acronyms) n-count
analogy (analogies) n-count
An acronym is a word com posed of the first letters
o f the w ords in a phrase, especially when this is If you make or draw an analogy between two things,
used as a name. An exam ple o f an acronym is you show that they are similar in some way.
NATO which is made up of the first letters o f the
‘North Atlantic Treaty Organization’. anatomically adv
If the body o f a person or an anim al is anatomically
large, it is physically or structurally large.
W riting
anonymous adj bright (brighter, brightest) adj
Something that is anonymous does not reveal who If you describe a person or an animal as bright, you
you are. mean that they are quick at learning things.
anti-discrimination adj c
An anti-discrimination action is an action that caption (captions) n-count
shows that you are opposed to the practice of
treating one person or group of people less fairly A caption is the words printed underneath or
or less well than other people or groups. above a picture or table which explain w hat it is
about.
appendix (appendices) n-count
catwalk( catwalks) n-count
An appendix to a book or essay is extra
information that is placed after the end o f the At a fashion show, the catwalk is a narrow platform
main text. that models walk along to display clothes.
argument (arguments) n-var cautious adj
An argument is a statement or set of statements that If you describe som eone’s attitude, language, or
you use in order to try to convince people that reaction as cautious, you mean that it is limited
your opinion about something is correct. or careful.
assert (asserts, asserting, asserted) verb charity (charities) n-count
If som eone asserts a fact or belief, they state it A charity is an organization which raises m oney in
firmly. order to help people who are ill, disabled, or very
poor.
assignment (assignments) n-count
chronological adj
An assignment is a task or piece of w ork that you
are given to do, especially as part of your job or If things are described or shown in chronological
studies. order, they are described or shown in the order in
which they happened.
attribute to (attributes to, attributing to, attributed
to) VERB cite (cites, citing, cited) verb
If you attribute something to an event or situation, If you cite something, you quote it or mention it,
you think that it w as caused by that event or especially as an example or proof of what you
situation. are saying.
authoritative adj clarity n-uncount
Someone or something that is authoritative has a The clarity of something such as a book or
lot of knowledge of a particular subject. argument is its quality o f being well explained
and easy to understand.
authority n-uncount
classify (classifies, classifying, classified) verb
If someone speaks or writes with authority, people
respect and take notice of what they say because To classify things means to divide them into groups
they have special knowledge of a subject. or types so that things with similar characteristics
are in the same group.
b
balanced adj cohesion n-uncount
A balanced report, book, or other document If you write with cohesion, you use language that
takes into account all the different opinions on shows that the different aspects of your writing
som ething and presents inform ation in a fair and relate to each other, fit together well, and form a
reasonable way. united whole.
blues N-PLURAL collaborative writing n-uncount
If you have got the blues, you feel depressed. Collaborative writing is writing done by two or
more people or groups working together.
166
Glossary
com pile (compiles, compiling, compiled) verb deliberate adj
When you compile something such as a report,
If you do something that is deliberate, you planned
book, or table, you produce it by collecting and or decided to do it beforehand, and so it happens
putting together many pieces of information. on purpose rather than by chance.
complement (complements) n-count demonstrative adjective (demonstrative adjectives)
n-count
The complement o f a link verb is an adjective group
or noun group which comes after the verb and Demonstrative adjectives are the words ‘this’, ‘that’,
describes or identifies the subject. For example, ‘these’, and ‘those’.
in the sentence ‘They felt very tired’, ‘very tired’
is the complement. In ‘They were students’, dense (denser, densest) adj
‘students’ is the complement.
If a text or sentence is dense, it contains a lot of
constitute (constitutes, constituting, constituted) inform ation in a sm all or short space.
V-LINK design specification (design specifications)
n-count
If something constitutes a particular thing, it can be
regarded as being that thing. A design specification is a clearly stated requirement
about the necessary features in the design of
context (contexts) n-var something.
The context of a word, sentence, or text consists of determiner (determiners) n-count
the w ords, sentences, or text before and after it
which help to m ake its m eaning clear. A determiner is a w ord which is used at the
beginning of a noun group to indicate, for
convention (conventions) n-count example, which thing you are referring to or
whether you are referring to one thing or several.
Academic conventions are traditional methods or Common English determiners are ‘a ’, ‘the’, ‘som e’,
styles of academic writing. ‘this’, and ‘each’.
convey (conveys, conveying, conveyed) verb discipline (disciplines) n-count
.To convey information or feelings means to cause A discipline is a particular area o f study, especially a
them to be known or understood by someone. subject o f study in a college or university.
corporate governancen-uncount dissertation (dissertations) n-count
Corporate governance is the way in which a A dissertation is a long formal piece of writing on
business corporation is managed. a particular subject, especially for a university
degree.
creditor (creditors) n-count
distinguish (distinguishes, distinguishing,
Your creditors are the people who you owe
money to. distinguished) verb
criteria (criterion) n - p lu r a l If you distinguish one thing from another or
Criteria are factors on which you decide or judge distinguish between two things, you show, see, or
understand how they are different.
something.
drawback (drawbacks) n-count
critique (critiques) n-count
A drawback is an aspect of something or someone
A critique is a written exam ination and judgment of that makes them less acceptable than they would
a situation or of a person’s w ork or ideas. otherwise be.
d dualist adj
defining relative clause(defining relative clauses) If a person or their w ay of thinking is dualist, they
n-count believe that something has two main parts or
aspects.
A defining relative clause is a subordinate clause
which gives information about a person or thing,
explaining or specifying which person or thing
you are talking about.
W riting
e g
efficiency n-uncount genre (genres) n-count
Efficiency is the quality of being able to do a task A genre is a particular type o f literature, painting,
successfully, without repetition or wasting time or music, film, or other art form which people
energy. consider as a class because it has special
characteristics.
ethical adj
geological adj
Ethical means relating to beliefs about right and
wrong. Geological means relating to geology.
exemplify (exemplifies, exemplifying, exemplified) get into (gets into, getting into, got into) phrasal
VERB VERB
If you exemplify something you are saying or If you get into a particular kind of w ork or activity,
writing, you give an example to make it clearer. you m anage to become involved in it.
expulsion (expulsions) n-var guild (guilds) n-count
Expulsion is when someone is forced to leave a A guild is an organization of people w ho do the
school, university, or organization. same job or activity.
f i
fatigue n-uncount immune response (immune responses)
n-count
Fatigue in m etal or w ood is a w eakness in it that is
caused by repeated stress. Fatigue can cause the Your immune response is the reaction of your body
metal or wood to break. to the presence of substances causing disease or
infection.
feminist empiricismn-uncount
immunity n-uncount
Feminist empiricism is the belief that people should
rely on practical experience and experiments, If you talk about som eone’s immunity to a
rather than theories, as a basis for knowledge, particular disease, you mean that they cannot be
and that these should not favour or be concerned affected by it.
with one gender more than the other.
indent (indents) n-count
figure (figures) n-count
An indent is the space at the beginning o f a line of
In books, journal articles, and essays, the diagram s writing when it starts further away from the edge
which help to show or explain information are of the paper than all the other lines.
referred to as figures.
initiative (initiatives) n-count
flow chart (flow charts) n-count
An initiative is an im portant act or statement that is
A flow chart or a flow diagram is a diagram which intended to solve a problem.
represents the sequence o f actions in a particular
process or activity. innovation n-uncount
footnote (footnotes) n-count Innovation is the introduction o f new ideas,
A footnote isanoteat the bottomof apagein a methods, or things.
book which provides more detailed information inspiration n-uncount
about somethingthat ismentioned onthat page.
Inspiration is a feeling of enthusiasm you get from
fo r m a lity n -u n c o u n t someone or something, which gives you new and
creative ideas.
If you talk about the form ality o f a person’s
language or writing style, you mean that they are integrate (integrates, integrating, integrated) verb
using extremely formal academic language.
If you integrate one thing with another, or one thing
further (furthers, furthering, furthered) verb integrates with another, the two things become
closely linked or form part of a whole idea or
If you further something, you help it to progress, to system. You can also say that two things
be successful, or to be achieved. integrate.
168
Glossary
integrity n-uncount carry out particular actions in order to achieve a
particular result.
If you have integrity in academ ic writing, you are
honest about what is your point of view and metaphor (metaphors) n-var
w hat is the point of view of other people.
A m etaphor is an imaginative way of describing
intent (intents) n-var something by referring to something else which
is the sam e in a particular way. For exam ple, if
If you state your intent in a piece of writing, you you want to say that someone is very shy and
say w hat you intend to do in the writing. frightened of things, you might say that they are
a mouse.
invalidation n-uncount
microfinance n-uncount
The invalidation of som eone’s academic qualifications
is a declaration that they are no longer valid. Microfinance is the lending o f money to
unemployed people or people or groups that have
irrelevant adj a low income, and who may not usually be able
If you describe something such as a fact or remark to borrow money.
as irrelevant, you mean that it is not connected modesty n-uncount
with what you are discussing or dealing with.
If you write with modesty, you use impersonal and
j cautious language in your writing.
justification n-uncount module (modules) n-count
If you use left or right justification when you lay A m odule is one o f the separate parts of a course
out printed text, you begin each line at the same taught at a college or university.
distance from the left-hand or right-hand edge of
the page or column. morality n-uncount
k The morality of something is how right or
acceptable it is.
key word (keywords) n-count
n
Key w ords in a text are the m ost im portant w ords
used in discussing a topic. neutral adj-graded
I If someone uses neutral language, they choose
w ords which do not indicate that they approve or
lab report (labreports ) n-count disapprove of something.
A lab report is a document which you write after o
doing an experiment or investigating a situation
in a laboratory. objective adj
linear adj If someone is objective, they base their opinions on
facts rather than on their personal feelings.
A linear process or development is one in which
something changes or progresses straight from obstacle (obstacles) n-count
one stage to another, and has a starting point and
an ending point. You can refer to anything that m akes it difficult for
you to do something as an obstacle.
literaturereview(literaturereviews) n-count
outline (outlines) n-var
If you do a literature review, you read relevant
literature such as books and journal articles so An outline is a general explanation or description
that you have a good, basic knowledge of a topic. of something.
m P
measure (measures) n-count paraphrasing n-uncount
When someone, usually a government or other Paraphrasing is when you express what
authority, takes measures to do something, they som eone else has said or written in a different
way.
169
W riting
passive (passives) n-count principle (principles) n-count
A passive, passive form, or passive verb is formed The principles of a particular theory or philosophy
using ‘be’ and the past participle of a verb. The are its basic rules or laws.
subject o f a passive clause does not perform the
action expressed by the verb but is affected by it. procrastination n-uncount
For exam ple, in ‘H e’s been m urdered’, the verb is
in the passive. Procrastination is when you keep leaving things you
should do until later, often because you do not
pedagogy n-uncount w ant to do them.
Pedagogy is the study and theory of the methods proofreading n-uncount
and principles of teaching.
Proofreading is the act of reading through a book,
phrasal verb (phrasal verbs) n-count an article, or an essay before it is submitted or
published in order to find and m ark mistakes that
A phrasal verb is a combination of a verb and an need to be corrected.
adverb or preposition, for example ‘shut up’ or
‘look after’, which together have a particular proposal (proposals) n-count
meaning.
A proposal is a plan or an idea, often a form al or
policy (policies) n-var written one, which is suggested for people to
think about and decide upon.
A policy is a set of ideas or plans that is used as a
basis for m aking decisions, especially in politics, provoke (provokes, provoking, provoked) verb
economics, or business.
If something provokes a question, reaction, or
possession n-uncount effect, it causes the question to be asked, causes a
particular reaction, or has a particular effect.
Possession is the state of having something
because you have obtained it or because it r
belongs to you.
referencework (reference works) n-count
possessive (possessives) n-count
A reference w ork is a book, journal, or article that
A possessive is a word such as ‘my’ or ‘his’ which you look at when you need specific information
shows who or w hat something belongs to or is or facts about a subject.
connected with, or the possessive form of a name
or noun which has ‘s added to it, as in ‘Jenny’s’ or reliable adj
‘cat’s’ .
Information that is reliable or that is from a reliable
post-modern adj source is very likely to be correct.
Post-modern is used to describe something or research report (research reports) noun
someone that is influenced by post-modernism.
A research report is a document that you write
post-modernism n-uncount which shows the results of your research.
Post-modernism is a late twentieth century approach respectively adv
in art, architecture, and literature which typically
mixes styles, ideas, and references to modern Respectively m eans in the sam e order as the items
society, often in an ironic way. that you have just mentioned.
PR N-UNCOUNT s
PR is an abbreviation for public relations. Public saying (sayings) n-count
relations is the part o f an organization’s w ork
that is concerned with obtaining the public’s A saying is a sentence that people often say and that
approval for what it does. gives advice or inform ation about hum an life and
experience.
preliminary adj
scandal (scandals) n-count
Preliminary activities or discussions take place at
the beginning of an event, often as a form of A scandal is a situation or event that is thought
preparation. to be shocking and immoral and that everyone
knows about.
170
Glossary
searchterm(search terms) n -c o u n t stance (stances) n-count
A search term is a word or phrase that you put Your stance on a particular matter is your attitude
into a database or search engine in order to to it.
find information, books, or journal articles that
contain or deal with a particular subject. sub-clause (sub-clauses) n-count
sector (sectors) n - c o u n t A sub-clause or subordinate clause is a clause
in a sentence which adds to or completes the
A particular sector of a country’s economy is inform ation given in the m ain clause. It cannot
the part connected with that specified type of usually stand alone as a sentence.
industry.
synonym (synonyms) n-count
seminar (seminars) n -c o u n t
A synonym is a word or expression which means
A sem inar is a class at a college or university in the same as another word or expression.
which the teacher and a small group of students
discuss a topic. synthesis (syntheses) n-count
shareholder (shareholders) n -c o u n t A synthesis of different ideas or styles is a mixture
or combination of these ideas or styles.
A shareholder is a person who owns shares in a
company. t
sophistication n -u n co u n t tentative adj
Sophistication is the quality of being more Tentative answers, plans, or arrangements are not
advanced or complex than other things. definite or certain, but have been given or made
as a first step.
specification (specifications) n -co u n t
tone n-sing
A specification is a requirement which is clearly
stated, for example about the necessary features The tone of a speech or piece of writing is its style
in the design of something. and the opinions or ideas expressed in it.
spidergram (spidergrams) n -c o u n t trial anderror phrase
A spidergram is a drawing to show facts or ideas, If you do something by trial and error, you try
which has the m ain topic in a circle in the centre several different methods of doing it until you
with other important facts on lines drawn out find the method that w orks properly.
from this central circle.
v
stakeholder (stakeholders) n -c o u n t
verify (verifies, verifying, verified) v e rb
Stakeholders are people who have an interest in a
com pany’s or organization’s affairs. If you verify something, you check that it is true by
careful examination or investigation.
171
Answer key
Chapter 1 With reference choose one theory
to one of these explain how this theory
Exercise 1 theories, explain relates to practice by
1 ,4 = give different points of view (and your how they help answering the question:
opinion) us understand ‘How does the theory
the nature of enable an understanding
2, 3 = write about, describe planning practice. of the nature of
planning practice?’
When answering questions 2 and 3 you will
have to describe what (might have) happened. Exercise 4
Questions 1 and 4 are more about opinions about 1C
how far something is true (‘less’, ‘sufficiently’) and
the terminology used is open to interpretation 2B
(‘effective’, ‘advanced’ ).
Exercise 5
Notice how the meaning of a word depends on 1,2,3/
the context. Different disciplines m ay have different
ways of using words, and you need to think ‘appreciation of politics’ ?
about what happens in yours. Looking at example
essays or exam questions from previous years The question says ... X
can help.
There is a danger here that the student is going in
Exercise 2 4 h 5 b 6d the wrong direction.
10 i
1c 2 a 3 The question could be reformulated as follows: ‘Is
it absolutely necessary to understand politics in
7 e 8j 9 order to understand opportunities and constraints
for development? Select a country and analyse their
Exercise 3 understanding (of politics and the opportunities/
a The topic is ‘urban planning theories’. constraints for development). Use development
theory in your analysis and other academ ic sources
b There are three sentences, without m ajor about development.’
subdivisions.
The student does not seem to understand the
Part Instruction What I should do meaning o f ‘appreciation’. The reason for this may
be the fact that the w ord has different meanings.
1 What are the key ■ say what the most H ave a look at the four dictionary definitions and
decide which one is m ost likely here:
urban planning important (= ‘key’ )urban
A Appreciation o f something is the recognition and
theories that have planning theories are, enjoyment of its good qualities.
emerged in the but ONLY mention the B Your appreciation for something that someone
does for you is your gratitude for it.
post-war period? ones that were developed
An appreciation of a situation is an
after the war understanding of w hat it involves.
2 Outline in ■ for each theory, give
summary the main characteristics
their key ONLY, WITHOUT
characteristics. going into detail
172
Answer key Chapters 1 -2
D Appreciation in the value o f something is an Introduction A
increase in its value over a period of time. The writer of Introduction A has demonstrated that
she understands the question: we know that she
The closest meaning here is C, an understanding. understands the meaning o f ‘discuss’ in this context
The best dictionary to use for m ost academic as she immediately starts talking about benefits and
purposes is an Advanced Learner’s Dictionary. drawbacks. She also clearly indicates the structure
We have used the Collins C O B U ILD Advanced of the essay (point 3): ‘fir s t... the role calculators
D ictionary here. play ... benefits ... draw backs ... Then ... argum ent
for ... by exam ining ... before concluding ...’.
The reason that the lecturer uses ‘thinkers’
separately from ‘development theory’ is probably W hat she has not done is explore the situation
because not all thinkers have come up with whole
theories. The student needs to look at what thinkers (point 1) and show why this question is worth
have said about development and that includes
looking at development theory. It is unlikely that discussing (point 2). It m ay be that historically,
‘thinker’ and ‘theory’ are seen as two completely calculators have been used as soon as they were
separate concepts. affordable, or this may have started because of
educational theories that suggested that they were
Chapter 2 necessary, or perhaps this is a cultural issue and
in som e countries they are not allow ed to be used.
Exercise 1 Once this background is provided, the student
Suggested answers: could then have explained why it is an issue that
is w orth discussing: are there different educational
In tro d u ctio n b a c k g ro u n d : u rb a n p lan n in g in th e theories, cultural shifts, studies that suggest
M ain body p o st-w ar p eriod calculatorsjihould not be used? Although she
should not go into these issues in depth, she could
C o n clu sion ■ describ e the m o st im p o rtan t have used them to justify why this topic is worth
p lan n in g th eo ries in th is p e rio d discussing.
(m ain ch aracteristics)
In this particular case, she nearly did this: there is a
■ e x p lain o n e th eo ry in m o re suggestion that the question has to be discussed in
d e ta il the context of the purpose of an educational system
- but she should have said more about this.
* relate th is th eory to p ractice:
ex p lain h o w it h elps us Introduction B
u n d erstan d the n atu re o f p lan n in g This student includes point (2): he is saying why
p ractice this particular question is being raised and is
therefore worthy of discussion. In the last sentence,
su m m arizin g com m en ts ab o u t
u rb an p lan n in g in the p o st-w ar he also says (as student 1 did) whether he agrees or
p erio d an d the lin k b etw een th eo ry
an d p ractice disagrees with the comment.
Exercise 2 It is a good idea to ‘answ er’ the question. N o t
This is what we w ould expect a student to do in an only does it show that you understand w hat the
introduction: question is, but it also tells your reader what you
are going to argue, which guides them through
1 give a description or explanation of the situation your text.
or problem (more general) This student has not really included enough
2 say why this problem (or a more specific aspect for point 1, and there is no comment about
of it) is im portant organization (point 3).
3 say what the organization of your essay will be. We can take the best from both introductions to
write a better one:
173
W riting
Calculators are useful pieces of equipment not seen in a long time. The internet has (4) also
and are commonly used in classroom s all over led to an increase in opportunities for face-to-
the world. Recently, however, a number of face communication and people can talk with
studies (you would insert the details here - see each other at any time and anywhere. (5) At last,
information about references in Chapter 9) people with disabilities can use the internet to
have questioned the role of the calculator in the help overcome obstacles so that they have better
primary school classroom, suggesting that it may access to education and other services.
slow students’ ability to understand mathematical
concepts. This essay will first address the role 1 Furthermore: the reader has just read a sentence
calculators play by examining some established that says what is widely believed (that the
benefits as well as the draw backs mentioned internet makes our lives easier). This linking
in the recent research. It will then discuss the w ord suggests that there is something else that
underlying purpose of all educational systems is widely believed. Instead, the sentence gives an
before concluding that calculators will always exam ple o f how it makes our lives easier.
have a use in learning environments.
2 On the one hand: this is always followed by ‘on
Exercise 3 the other hand’ (which is m issing here), to give
opposing points of view. There are no views
(1) In conclusion, new technologies have expressed here: there are exam ples given here
provided a remarkable breakthrough which about how the internet can solve problems. This
has allowed society itself to become incredibly connects the sentence to the previous sentence,
advanced. (2) They have now become so highly and a linking word was not absolutely necessary.
developed that they have provoked ethical
questions about their morality. One of the main 3 M oreover: this is acceptable as it introduces a
reasons for this is that they can be controlling, second point. The first point was that it helps
but as we have seen, they are liberating at the solve problems, the second that it helps with
same time, with cyborg (mechanical body parts) communication, and both points are evidence
technology even being able to save people’s lives. that the Internet is making our lives easier.
Another area of thought is related to the area
of feminism: despite their large contribution 4 also: this suggests that there is another idea, but
to the fields of science and technology, women actually face-to-face communication was already
still have to struggle with inequality in everyday mentioned in the previous sentence (‘get together
and scientific life. While new technologies have with them ’).
undoubtedly influenced postm odern thinking,
(3) the am ount o f research activity in the field in 5 At last: this is incorrect. ‘At last’ is not used in
recent years suggests that the influence may also academic writing. It suggests that it has taken too
w ork the other way round. long. Instead, you can use ‘last’, ‘lastly’ or ‘finally.’
Exercise 4 The student seems to have used incorrect and
unnecessary linking words to give the impression
It is widely believed that the internet is making that the paragraph is developed well. Unfortunately,
our lives easier than they were in the past. not only will the reader notice immediately that
(1) Furtherm ore, the internet is used as a this is not the case, he or she will also be confused
consultation method for solving many problems. about what the student is trying to say.
(2) On the one hand, many people use the internet
for consulting others who are in a different Exercise 5
location, for example, teachers, physicians and
community researchers. (3) Moreover, there Internet users can get information any time they
are social networking sites such as Facebook to need it via their internet connection. When the
communicate with old friends, and so you can get internet w as first introduced, its feature w as to
together with them and other people you have share inform ation. As time has gone by, more
174 functions and tools have been added. These
include blogs, which allow users to share their
comments and opinions, and social networks,
which enable people to pass on messages quickly.
Answer key Chapters 2 - 4
■ ‘they’ and ‘their’ refer to internet users. If you are repeating exactly what you have already
■ ‘its’ refers to the internet. said, you could use the simple past (These findings
■ ‘These’ refers to functions and tools. suggested t h a t ...). It is very common in conclusions
■ ‘which’ refers to blogs. to use the present simple when discussing the
significance of findings and evidence.
* ‘their’ refers to users. Chapter 4
■ ‘which’ refers to social networks.
The connections between the sentences indicated by Exercise 1
pronouns all suggest that the writer is giving a list, The style in this book is informal. The informal style
which is related to the topic of the internet. has been chosen because this book is giving advice
directly to the readers. The pronouns ‘we’ and ‘you’
Chapter 3 make the text more personal. A friendly style is
appropriate because the text aims to be reassuring.
Exercise 1
Suggested answers: Here are some examples from this section of
Chapter 4:
Comprehension is commonly defined as the act of
understanding. ■ Try to work out w hat the m istakes are and
how you could correct them before you
The act o f understanding is known as read on.
comprehension.
‘Try to w ork ou t’ is a com m and - the writer is
Exercise 2 3 which / that addressing the reader. The use of ‘you’ m akes the
4 who text more personal and direct.
1 which / that 5 which / that
2 which / that, which ■ Idiom s are very rare in academ ic writing, an d it
3 giving cause/effect is better if you don’t use them.
that 4 comparing/contrasting
Contractions are not used in a form al style.
Exercise 3
■ There is a gram m atical m istake here: you
1 exemplifying wouldn’t say ‘every X cannof.
2 listing/classifying A m ore form al way of writing this w ould be ‘it
is w rong to say ...’, but the use of ‘you’ makes
Exercise 4 the style less form al; the use of the contraction in
‘w ouldn’t’ is inform al.
1 a This essay has discussedthe economic factors
Exercise 2
that contributed to ... Suggested answers:
b In this essay, I have arguedthat globalization is 1 Better staff training will increase the com pany’s
efficiency. / With better staff training the
not a recent phenomenon. com pany’s efficiency will increase.
c This essay has explored the causes of the
co n flic t...
2 You could have used a simple past (e.g. this essay 2 In this case, cultural differences necessitate varied
discussed). However, the present perfect, as in the communication strategies.
answers above, is better because the essay is not
finished yet. 3 The adoption of this strategy may lead to cost
reductions.
3 a These findings suggest t h a t ...
4 The creation of such a unit may improve the
b The evidence seems to indicate t h a t ... accessibility of marketing information.
c A consequence of this is t h a t ... 175
W riting
Exercise 3 Chapter 5
Suggested answers:
Exercise 1
1 Non-verbal behaviour has significant effects on 1 Com plex and currently unresolved issues
every living being.
arising in research on innovation in com plex
2 This environment is non-living components like organizations are also to be examined.
rocks, w ater and air.
2 Lastly, a possible solution of the horizon,
3 It is necessary from a social point of view to talk flatness, hom ogeneity and isotropy problem s in
about unimportant topics sometimes. cosm ology is suggested.
4 Giving pupils more responsibilities during an 3 Hundreds of reliable focal-mechanism solutions
already stressful time may not be the wisest for deep and intermediate depth earthquakes
action to take. were analysed.
5 Stress may not be as negative a factor for our Exercise 2
health as previously thought. / Stress m ay not be To begin with, it is essential to understand what the
as negative for our health as previously thought, feminist approach is, why it has emerged and what its
(i.e. simply take ‘thing’ out) positions are. According to Saratankos (2005:71 Lthe
feminist approach is defined as ‘an established type of
Exercise 4 research, which has the specific purpose of studying
Suggested answer: women and their status in the community’. Put
differently, women are the dominant research subject
Schoolchildren m ay be able to improve their o f the feminist approach, which aims at attaining
mathematical knowledge and skills with regular economic, social and political equality between the
practice outside the classroom . This will help sexes, emancipating women and increasing people’s
them avoid an over-reliance on calculators, understanding about blatant sexism.
although those can still be helpful when
checking answers or doing long calculations.
Chapter 6 Spelling mistake The quotation marks are missing.
Exercise 1 _— — "
Student’s notes
Article title: Traum a, Transferrence- This is how the name will appear in the references, so this is fine.
and ‘Working through’ in W riting the- However, it may be safer to keep a note of the full name.
History of the Shoah -- " "
The page numbers have been omitted and are necessary.
Author: Friedlander, S. The name of the publisher is not complete.
This needs to have the same punctuation as in the original.
Jou rn al: H istory arid -Memory, Volume
4, No. 1,1 9 9 2 , Indiana P r e s s - " " ” This needs to have the same capitalization as in the original. |
Book title: The Democratic Ideal and
the Shoah; the unthought in political The author's first name is misspelled. This probably won't be a
modernity problem later as the first name is not necessary in the reference list,
but it is bad practice to make mistakes.
Authors: Samuel Trigano, Eileen
She does not need to be mentioned as she is not an author.
Publisher: State University of N ew York
Press, A lb an y ----------------------------------- The year is missing.
176
Answer key Chapters 4 - 6
Some of these mistakes could have been avoided if the student had a system, e.g. working with columns for
all the inform ation, first nam es, surnam es, dates, etc.
Exercise 2
Here are two ways of presenting the notes.
Solving climate change (Roval Society )
1 Ideas WHY
1.1 giant m irrors — ---------- > reflecttightaway
1.2 particles into atm osphere ------- > blocksm energy
1.3 iron filings into ocean ----- => end.plankton ----- > absorbCOz
2 Criticism
people will not take respy. to reduce C 0 2
Climate change research (Royal Society)
Both representations show the three different ideas and their purpose, and try to integrate a comment
about criticism. The second suggestion works very well visually.
177
W riting
Exercise 3 Chapter 7
Notes
Retailing is changing: Exercise 1
2 a gene / controls / the activity: pattern 2
- becoming leisure, about convenience ->• e.g. 3 the treatment / is discussed / in O ’Connor: pattern 4
more delivery 4 the evidence / is / not conclusive: pattern 3
5 trade / brings / benefits / to all: pattern 5
- recently: independents closing - > empty
shops in tow ns, bee. of ec.s of scale / Exercise 2
supermarkets’ control of supply chain/prices
2 - a (swim) bladder / is / a bladder [main clause]
Useful subject-specific vocabulary:
retailing (the sale of goods from a fixed location) - a swim bladder is found (in bony fish) [sub
independent retailer: opposite = chain store clause] [extra information]
econom ies of scale (it is cheaper to buy stock in
bulk, so big shops can charge lower prices) - the bladder is situated (in the roo f of the
buy in bulk abdominal cavity) [sub-clause] [extra
supply chain information]
Exercise 4 3 explanation N ote: this sentence has been interpreted as ‘A
1 point 2 evidence swim bladder is a bladder which is situated in the
roof of the abdom inal cavity and which is found
(1) Although this approach has been criticized in bony fish.’
by many researchers who argue that it is not
effective enough to teach and learn a second 3 - notation / is / a method (of recording music)
language, it is still useful for teaching spoken [main clause]
English grammar. (2) Firstly, if the teachers
want to use this approach to teach features of - the m ethod is based on nam ing (the notes
spoken grammar, they should clearly know what by letters) / the method includes ways (of
the features of spoken grammar are and have distinguishing the value o f notes in terms of
coursebooks based on spoken English grammar. duration) [sub-clause] [extra information]
(3) Otherwise, it is very difficult to use this
approach in their teaching activity. Note: ‘and’ is used here to separate two parts
that are equally im portant in the sub-clause.
4 - (traditional) models (of urban zones) (such
as the models by Burgess (1920s) or Hoyt
(1930s)) / place / the C B D (in the middle of
town) [main clause]
Exercise 5 this = placing (it in the middle of town) is
1 The writer m akes the following points: unsurprising [extra information]
a the projects were not effective because of N ote: the example (starting with ‘such as’) has
limited budgets and conflicts (between property not been put separately as this is not a sub
owners and later economists/councillors) clause: it has no conjugated verb.
b the projects raised public awareness Exercise 3
2 For point a, four sources are given, including 2 supplies: noun (verb: shows)
three historical ones (strong evidence).
3 increases: noun (verb: are)
Point b seems to be based on the evidence in the 4 contrast: noun (verb: has been developed)
previous sentence. However, an explanation is
missing which explains how the point and the Exercise 4
evidence are linked, e.g. were the conflicts well
known in H alifax? This evidence could be stronger. 1c 2 g 3 h 4 f 5a 6 b 7e Sd
178
Answer key Chapters 6 - 9
Exercise 5 Chapter 9
1 university / concert hall Exercise 1
2 post-traumatic stress / symptoms
1 and 2 are common knowledge and do not need a
3 knowledge management / systems
citation.
4 solid waste / management
3 This could be common knowledge but is actually
5 data stream / systems a dictionary definition (taken from the Cobuild
online dictionary) so it needs a citation.
6 social science / issues
4 This is an interesting and concise way of
7 human resource / management expressing an opinion about history: that
there may be different versions of history
8 economic growth / theory and that the official history is only one
version of w hat really happened, but the
Chapter 8 most popular one. This particular statement
has been attributed to Napoleon Bonaparte,
Exercise 1 so it needs a citation.
This essay is biased (1) because it does not consider
the evidence against the writer’s opinion. There 5 This is a more controversial statement than the
previous one. It has been attributed to Ambrose
are also examples of items 2 , 4 ,5 , 6 and 9 in the essay. Bierce and needs a citation.
(2) Because o f the spread o f the w orld’s Exercise 2
economic crisis, more and more people are 1, 2, 3, and 7 are well-known facts, although 1 and
asking for a single world currency system.
7 perhaps only in certain disciplines.
(6) Therefore, it is a good idea to implement this.
4 This is the opposite o f (3), which is considered a
First, the risks involved in foreign exchange would fact under norm al circum stances, so it will either
no longer exist if we had a single world currency. need explaining (under what circumstances is
In international trade, enterprises (4) always this true?) or you will need to cite the source
face exchange rate risks. The loss caused by the before explaining further.
floating exchange heavily counteracts their profit.
Sometimes trading loss occurs in a very short time. 5 This definition is very specific (‘any paid form
of non-personal presentation’) and sounds
Second, it w ould be very convenient if we had academic. It is different from the general
a single world currency: people would not need definition of advertising which you would find in
to exchange m oney or pay service charges in a dictionary. If you find a definition like this on a
the future. (4) Everybody (2) w ants convenience website and cannot determine the author, check
that the site has not just taken it from elsewhere
above everything else when they travel, (6) so without saying so. It is up to you to determine
its real origin, which actually is a book by Kotler
one currency is better. and Armstrong (2001).
Last but not least, the competitive power of 6 This is a controversial statement that would need
enterprises would improve if the prices for the
goods and service were in sam e currency. It explanation and/or a reference.
would be beneficial to social development.
8 This is not well-known, and does not sound
Some say that it would be difficult to manage
the currency, (5) but these are the usual academic. If you really wanted to make this
(2) pessimistic economists. (9) Given the evidence point, you w ould have to evidence it.
in favour above, it is clear that a single world
currency should be put into practice in the future.
N ote: in the first exam ple o f 2 above, evidence is 179
necessary because the statement which has been
made is so strong.
W riting
Exercise 3 1 In a more academic essay, you would provide
examples of ‘debates’ about cars, or details of a
Essay A source that mentions these.
(1) Cars have been debated for many years. 2 This is a strong statement to make. It really needs
Som e say that they are convenient, whereas evidence, in the form o f a source that has said
other people say that they are expensive, and this. If this is the writer’s own opinion and not
cause problem s for traffic, human beings and the based on a source, and there is no other evidence
environment. As they cause so many problem s, available to back this up, then it needs to be
governments should ban cars. rephrased more cautiously: ‘most important’
instead of ‘only’ or ‘is probably’ instead of ‘is’.
M any people have cars because they are available
when and where they want them. I f they want 3 These statistics cannot be given without evidence.
to go and visit family in a different city, they can
ju st take their car and drive to the right address. 4 There needs to be some sort of evidence, e.g. a
I f they took a train, they woidd still need to mention of newspaper reports about this.
get to the station, and the train m ight not stop
close to the address they want. Trains and buses 5 There has to be a source for the fact that more
do not travel at night, so they w ould not be and more people suffer from asthma.
able to visit family at certain times. Businesses
also rely on road transport. Cars give people Exercise 4
convenience, so they d on ’t usually mind that they 1 This is a saying of unknown origin, but often
are expensive to buy and m aintain (repairs and
petrol) because it is worth it for them. attributed to British Prime Minister Winston
Churchill. It can easily be paraphrased, but a
However, (2) convenience is the only quote would be acceptable because the saying is
advantage that cars offer, and there are many so short and to the point.
disadvantages. Firstly, people die because o f cars.
(3) M ore people die on the road than in other 2 There is no good reason to quote, so this should
types o f accidents and many are children on be paraphrased.
their way to school. (4) People also die in road
3 This is an often quoted sentence by Oscar
rage incidents when people get angry with other Wilde, a British playwright. He made a
drivers for driving badly. (5) They could also die very personal comment here which is quite
or suffer from the pollution that cars cause, e.g. controversial, and he put it in a very interesting
asthm a is increasing. way. This is something that would best be quoted.
Secondly, pollution causes dam age to the Exercise 5
environment. M ost cars still use petrol, The student is trying to indicate that the
which causes damage. Moreover, building term inology is not her own, by putting w ords such
cars and motorways is bad for the environment as ‘explicit’ between quotation marks. However,
too. as she has not mentioned whose words and
definitions (between brackets) these are, it is still
Lastly, these problem s are going to increase plagiarism .
because there are too many cars already and
ownership will keep increasing. H aving more Exercise 6
cars also means more traffic jam s, which will
have a negative influence on business if they 1 Correct.
make business people miss appointments.
2 Correct. As this w as a quote, the page number
In conclusion, the disadvantages outweigh the needed to be added.
advantages, so cars should be banned.
3 N ot correct: full stop needed after et al.
180
4 Correct.
5 N ot correct: lower case a needed.
Answer key Chapters 9 - 1 0
Exercise 7 Exercise 2
The two additional sources are correct, but as the The second paraphrase is better because it
list should be alphabetical, Lapkin would come develops the ideas of the writer better. The
before Rivers. w riter’s first topic sentence talks ab ou t how the
fashion industry has recently been influenced by
Chapter 10 Africa. The paraphrase functions as a second
topic sentence, talking about the m ore long-term
Exercise 1 trend o f Eastern influence. The phrase ‘long-term
Paraphrase 1 trend’ at the beginning of the paraphrase is linked,
This paraphrase is making a claim that the original through contrast, to the w ord ‘recently’ in the first
did not have: the first sentence is too general, sentence of the text.
m aking it sound as if it is about m ore than
fashion. Also, the three countries were only given The first paraphrase also relates to what was said
as examples of places with textile industries, rather in the original text, but it is not integrated in the
than w hat is being said now, i.e. that the textile essay: ‘also’ does not really tell us much, so we
industry is an exam ple o f something bigger. The do not know how the paraphrase supports the
other factual m istake is that the West is influencing writer’s ideas or develops them. The writer has not
the East, as the original text claim ed the opposite. demonstrated an understanding of the original well
enough.
This paraphrase misrepresents the author, which is Exercise 3
completely unacceptable. The essay
Paraphrase 2 Some scientists have suggested that dolphins
Although this paraphrase does not include every are so intelligent that they should be treated as
detail of the original text, remember that it does a person, albeit a non-human one. They found
not need to: this w as part of a larger text anyway, some similarities between dolphins and humans
which will not be paraphrased completely. This in terms o f the anatom y of their brains and what
paraphrase is the best one of the three: it reflects they can do with them, e.g. learning, teaching,
what the original author w as saying but it has been communicating, and thinking about the future
used in a new (but related) argum ent with a slightly (Burns, 2010). This raises questions about how
different emphasis: it is about familiarity rather dolphins are being treated now.
than influence, and perhaps the writer will continue
the topic of the textile industry. N otes about the six steps (FRANCIS):
Paraphrase 3 Step 1 (F) N ote that the inform ation about
This paraphrase is too close to the original. chim panzees w as not selected because it did not fit.
Although the writer has not used many of the You should only select from your source what is
words from the original, he has used synonyms useful for the development of your own ideas.
throughout (fashion - clothing trends, influenced -
affected, for many years - for a long time, Eastern Step 4 (N) dolphins similar to hum ans:
culture - culture from the East, etc.) and has not communication, smarter than three-year-old
demonstrated any real understanding of the original, humans, anatomy of brain, think about future,
which means he has only demonstrated language learn and teach
skills, not academic skills. The pattern is also similar
to the original (see e.g. the first sentence). Exercise 4
This can be considered plagiarism as using le 2d 3c 4 f 5a 6 b
synonyms and changing word order is a technical
exercise. This technique is more about hiding Exercise 5
the original quote, rather than paraphrasing and
integrating it well to show it has been understood I f 2b 3 e 4 d 5a 6 c
and developed into a new argument.
181
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Exercise 6 3 Atkins (2010: 42) said that Burj A1 A rab w as ‘the
Presenting facts Presenting opinion w orld’s m ost luxurious and tallest all-suite hotel
in D u b ai’.
acknowledge indicate allege claim
demonstrate prove argue imply ‘that’ introduces a sub-clause, which needs to
point out assert propose have a verb. We could not add a verb to the
suggest original text, so needed to do this outside of the
quotation marks.
Exercise 7
Exercise 9
What isthewriter’sopinion? The implementation The authors ...
of anti-discrimination actions which have long-term 1 concludedthat all languages have them.
effects is therefore forgotten when m anagers have 2 arguedthat all languages have them.
to deal with other urgent issues. 3 identified that all languages have them. /
Does thewriter agreewith thesources shequotes? identified them in all the languages in the sample.
4 claimed that all languages have them.
Yes. 5 implied that all languages have them.
Do thesources expressthesameidea, or arethey N ote: it is not possible to use ‘how all languages
separatecomponents of theargument? There are have them’ in these sentences.
two different ideas here: ignoring equality actions
(in sm all com panies), and prioritizing profit (in all
companies). Together they lead to the conclusion:
the paragraph ’s last sentence.
Exercise 8 Exercise 10
1 Redmond (2003: 12) defined the low income 1 a reported (what the researchers did is
groups as ‘Low income is defined as $725 or less’.
emphasized)
You would not repeat ‘defined’ and ‘low income’,
but there is not much left in the quote without b indicated (what the researchers did is
this - it may be better not to quote here.
emphasized)
2 A ccording to Grelling (2006: 98), to protect the
construction materials of the bridge they used 2 haverevealed (a number of studies, no named
‘Chemical additives used (...) in the concrete and
waterproofing systems’. authors or dates in the subject)
After ‘they used’ you need the object, a noun 3 a showed (this w as true at that time)
phrase without a verb. If you remove a word
from the original quote, you need to show that showis also possible as you could say that the
there is something m issing by using (...).
data always show this
b were: the inform ation refers to patients that
were a certain age at that time, so this verb
needs to be in the past.
182
Answer key Chapters 1 0 -1 1
Chapter 11 This is stating the obvious and does not need to
be said - it gives the impression that the writer
Exercise 1 wants to make sure the word count is reached.
This is a very weak start.
In this essay I will be using resources such as te x tb o o k s,. .
the internet and scientific journals in order to come to subject-verb agreement: have
a conclusion about how form s of firm organization h a sN spelling: Firstly
changed by particularly focusing on three dominant
models, which are proto-industrialization, factories and word missing: as well as
big business.
word form: choice
The essay is divided into three m ain parts. Fistly,- -..............
historical contexts and characteristics of each model are sentence construction: that follow
given. Secondly, the essay explores advantages as w ell----- This needs to be deleted: it is stating the obvious.
disadvantages of each form. Particular models are looked
at in terms o f timeframe, location, im portant institutions.,
that affect the choose o f location, as well as exam ples of
successful industries or businesses follow ed the .m odel____
Finally, a brief discussion is given to take into account
factors that influence model application, which is followed'
by a conclusion.
Exercise 2
1
Introduction Methods Results Discussion and conclusion
■ relevan ce o f the p ro b lem ■ design /procedu re o f outcom e ■ su m m ary o f th e p ro je ct/research
■ the b ac k g ro u n d o f the su rvey/exp erim en t o f the * su ggestio n s fo r fu rth er read in g
experim en t/ ■ d escrip tio n o f the m ean in g an d
p ro b lem /p ro ject ■ h ow the in fo rm atio n survey/
■ the p u rp o se o f the rep o rt/ w as gath ered / the c o m p a r iso n ... sign ifican ce o f the fin d in gs, e.g. w h eth er
experim en t w as they w ere expected or n ot
research carried ou t * lim itatio n o f m eth o d s, m aterials an d
■ relev an t research a b o u t other asp ects
the to p ic
2 The main part is the Results section.
Exercise 3
1 The writer studies Electrical Engineering / Electronic Engineering. The text is part of a report about
a design project. Her brief w as to develop an electronic product, e.g. a game or mobile phone. This
particular paragraph comes from the evaluation section. Notice the formality of the style.
2 The writer studies International Development/Business/Economics. This is a diary entry from the first
term of his studies, in which students were encouraged to reflect on the differences and similarities with
their previous studies (in other countries). The students were asked to particularly com ment on different
learning situations and form ats, on working with others, on expectations and on learning experiences.
N otice the mixture of styles: in this piece of reflective writing the student writes in a personal way
(‘I th o u g h t...) but still uses an academ ic style. In a personal diary he m ight have expressed his feelings
about the two people in the group in a very different w ay (e.g. ‘Samuel and Angela started to argue
about som ething really stupid, we tried to stop them but they w ould not listen !!!’ ).
183
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This book gives you the skills you need to write well-structured
essays, reports and case studies to succeed at university.
Learn how to interpret the question, structure your w ork, reference
your sources, avoid plagiarism and understand your reader.
Clear inform ation and practical exercises
A step-by-step guide to the writing process including a complete
a 500-word model essay
Information on academic expectations to help you understand
w hat is required
Helpful tips and summaries
Answer key and glossary
Academic Skills Series
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