Sin Issue - Phi Magazine

STEP 2: TAKE ACTION

During the Covid age, you may not be able to protest in the traditional way.
Be it due to lockdown restrictions, health reasons or fear of catching the virus.
However, there are many things you can still do to take action from home,
including:

SIGN PETITIONS
WRITE TO YOUR MP
DONATE TO BLM CAUSES

Over on phimag.org we've compiled a list of links and resources where you can
find out more about how to each of the above. Including a handy template to
help you write to your political representatives.

STEP 3: SUPPORT

Once you've done a bit of watching, reading and petition signing, it’s easy to
feel as if your job is done and you can pat yourself on the back and continue
on with your life as before. Yet much like the pandemic that surrounds us
today, a few weeks of care and awareness are not enough. To stop racism, one
of the most enduring and insidious epidemics, we have to change how we live
our day to day lives.
There are many small but significant changes you can make to do this:

BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES
BLACK ARTISTS, MUSICIANS, & WRITERS
USE YOUR PRIVILEGE TO CALL OTHERS TO ACTION

49

ALL VICE AND NO VIRTUE
A REVIEW OF STEAL SUFFERING
by Devraat Awasthi

Anton Ego, of the masterpiece film Ratatouille, this could also be attributed to a technologically
once wrote that critics “thrive on negative proficient set up. Considering the sheer
criticism, which is fun to write and to read.” shallowness of the rest of the film, I am willing
Negative criticism is certainly the most common to grant its creators the benefit of the doubt in
task of critics or reviewers. Few creators are this aspect. Additionally, there are a few standout
capable of achieving universal acclaim, and characters, such as Barman 1 and 2 (portrayed by
indeed most are incapable of achieving more than George Reid and Charles Beaven), whose banter
a single good review. In the interest of sincerity, and self-awareness are funny and quite literally
however, it must be said that negative criticism, the only bright spots in viewing Steal Suffering.
though simple and necessary, is hard work, if only They stand out for their admirable skill in
because it takes enormous effort to put pen to acting, and a few others, such as the Girlfriend of
paper for the purpose of a few unfriendly words. Trumpeter and Drug Addict Boyfriend, display a
If a piece of art is reviewed negatively, please more credible understanding of subtle nuance and
know that something must have been wrong to restraint that the director and writer are clearly
summon such animosity, because most people do incapable of. These two qualities are the only
not have time to punish artists arbitrarily or freely. redeemable qualities as far as I can see.
It is with this in mind that I must sadly deliver an The film’s plot twists down multiple paths and
unpalatable verdict for the film Steal Suffering and characters, and one hopes that these paths will
relieve readers of the burden of watching what is, eventually be connected or resolved in some way
at essence, a vanity project that thinks it is about – one hopes in vain. Centred around a jazz café
Jesus and jazz but is ultimately about nothing. managed by a delightfully delusional bartender,
The Phi Mag team had high hopes for the film, are three lost souls whose stories are apparently
having interviewed fellow student, director and of supreme interest to the bartender. The first is
screenwriter James Hattam in 2019 regarding the a flamboyant trumpet player who steadily cheats
film’s successful Kickstarter campaign amassing on his ever-patient and ever-loving girlfriend, a
over £19,000 for the film’s production. The film, as model of Christian purity who polices his drug use
a concept, seemed to be a passion project for him: and party behaviour with a zeal only a horse girl
“We felt that God told us to make a film”, James could muster. The second is a burnt-out City man
said, at the same time, promising us that this who probably works in a steel and glass building
was far from a “Sunday school film project”, the somewhere near Whitechapel or Bank and who
viewer would be free to make up their own mind suffers from bouts of anxiety and panic attacks as
about the film’s message: “Bad directors tell their a result of his job – a generic narrative, to say the
audiences what to think. I don’t need to do that.” least. And the last is the runaway, a girl who used
In theory, the film seemed to have a captivating to frequent the club before meeting a seductive
and important premise “Suffering connects all young man who led her down the dark journey
of us [...] we often look for hope in places where to drug addiction and subsequent homelessness.
it doesn’t exist [...] but we only end up being Inexplicably, perhaps by the hand of God or by
more aware of our own fragility and our need some other miracle we’re meant to presume, that
for something bigger.” Sat at the premiere of the the delusional bartender hands her his debit card,
film in a sold out Peckhamplex Studio, we didn’t saving her from the damnation of the streets and
really know what the film would be like, but allowing her to get a bus back home to her mother
given James’ philosophical training we expected a – who apparently had never turned her out in the
nuanced presentation of the themes he had set out first place. Hers is the only story resolved with a
to explore, suffering, jazz and, yes, even divinity. conclusive ending. The trumpeter was last seen
Boy o boy, were we wrong. doing drugs and chatting up girls at a party. The
There are a few points to be made before delving City man was last seen drowning his sorrows in
“deeper" into the film. Firstly, for a student film, an old-fashioned. These stories, we are to believe,
its camerawork is more than adequate, although are the grand narrative of the divine connection
between jazz and the Lord. If it seems confusing,
that’s because it is.

The Sin Issue | Φ 50

Let us ignore, for just a moment, the absolutely fatal
flaw of casting the sole black actor as a homeless
drug addict in a film about jazz, a thoroughly
Black-originated form of music – although in
a post-George-Floyd world, that in itself may
demand a separate piece of review altogether.
There are a host of profound misjudgements made
at the basic conceptual level that render this short
film a nonstarter. It is, in a word, ambitious. If it was
really too much to ask to resolve or even include
the stories of the trumpeter or the City man for
more than just their symbolic condemnation of
modern excess, the director or writer might have
thought to get rid of them altogether; they would
not be missed. Instead, more time could have been
devoted to fleshing out a single storyline for the
runaway, whose narrative could have benefitted
enormously from more detail and elaboration.
Additionally, it is a problematic framework for
divinity that offers up a debit card (from some
random white guy) as salvation – particularly
when it is not clear why that debit card was
necessary in the first place or how that money
changes her circumstances or why it wasn’t offered
earlier, or why she even ran away from home if
someone handing her a card full of money was all
it took to get her back home. There is an attempt,
at the end, to connect it more concretely to the
Word of God with a recitation of the parable of
the prodigal son. But who, if anyone, is redeemed?
The runaway girl? If so, there should be a separate
conversation about how drug addiction is treated
more as personal choice than a treatable illness by
the film’s producers, a generally retrograde view
that leads to higher rates of drug addiction.
I digress. If what is written here is unclear are
unbelievable to readers, watching it for themselves
will make apparent that this film is ultimately
not advocacy for social reordering or an honest
discussion about divinity or even a good analysis
of jazz. It is a testament to the self-righteousness
and vanity of a group of students who attend one
of the wealthiest schools in Europe who raised
over £19,000 to make a bad 30-minute short
film about redemption instead of donating it to a
charity or even an actual homeless person’s cup.
Even this might have been excusable had the effort
been convincing, but it simply lacks the insight
necessary. The circumstances recall a quote by
Banksy. “All artists are willing to suffer for their
work. But why are so few prepared to learn to
draw?” Φ
Watch the film and make your mind up for youself
over at vimeo.com/stealsuffering.

51

BECAUSE YOU HAVE BLUE EYES
by Viola Ugolini

ART by Wayan Chan 52

The Sin Issue | Φ

Cliché is my favourite word disclaimer.
synaesthesia is my favourite concept.

Your face scares me
I try not to think about it.

A person without a face
is a body, any body.

I think I’m attracted to your body.
when you raised your left hand
to take off your sweater
I glimpsed a triangle of skin.

the thought of your skin
stirred water inside me,
between my guts and my lungs
a deep, rooted sadness,
five shades bluer than your eyes.

It takes the form of a false syllogism;
lust makes me cry
porn makes me sad
lust is ultramarine not crimson.

for now you are cerulean
kind of like your eyes –
this is dangerous thinking
the Idea that I have in mind.

But your teeth are lovely… so, I am
attracted to the Idea ((of) you).

Because you are the Idea now
your face scares me gutless.

Because it is unattainable
lust is five shades bluer than your eyes.

Because you have blue eyes proclaimer.
I fear I will never touch your skin.

53

NO GAME, NO LIFE

by Diana Craciun

We love post-apocalyptic scenarios. Zombie as if they were right at the epicentre. And no, not
stories are thriving, and so are survival because they were irrational. How can you stay
games. Not that I ever paid any attention to them calm when you know the reality of a situation, yet
– I just assumed they were a trend like any other. be surrounded by people who see it as nothing
But now I see why they are so gripping, and why more than a mild flu spreading about? That’s when
people can’t help but get sucked in: they’re about I decided to take the game seriously; and I was
our values. What do we value most when we strip going to win.
everything away? When our very existence is I slowly started buying more and more of the
threatened? Certainly not status or money. What’s essentials: rice, pasta, soap, toilet rolls, canned
the point of surviving, if you’re the only one left? foods. Within a month I was prepared to last
What’s the point of carrying on, if there is nobody for a year. Obviously, I also got masks and
to share it with? I didn’t use to think this way. Much disinfectant before they sold out – lucky for me,
like the dad told his daughter at the beginning of my competition was still only people from Bienan
‘Train to Busan’, I was convinced it’s every man for and other surrounding countries.
themselves.

And so, I went into quarantine, ready to win this Simply walking down the street became an intense
pandemic battle. Frankly, it was nothing more than test of attention, an exercise of hyper-awareness.
a video game to me. All I had to do was deploy Keep 2 metres apart from others, avoid touching
my reasoning skills, pick the best option in every anything, don’t talk to anybody. But what about
situation, and I’ll be sure to see the end of it. I still smokers, their white smoke still lingering
believe I could’ve done it the way I envisioned it ominously through the air? Does the virus live in
– only there’s something so human about falling it? There’s no way I’d take the risk, so I ended up
short of perfect. crossing the street every time I saw people puffing
I realised quite early on that the situation would at their cigarettes. I guess paranoia has no limits
get like this. When the virus started spreading in when the stakes are so high.
Bienan, most people here didn’t see it as real. They And then, the virus officially hit my region. Only
carried on with their lives, as if they were isolated then did some finally start to worry – a bit late,
on a safe planet of their own. But those people are don’t you think? We all know people can spread
not who I cared about – instead, I talked to and the virus without even knowing they have it, so
observed what people from Bienan thought about obviously it will have been here, wreaking havoc,
it, and that gave me all the answers I needed. To a while before it starts “officially.” It was hard to
them, even if they were here, the matter was as real not laugh at the news of people hoarding toilet

ART by Aneta Swianiewicz

paper and food – yes, I was one of them, but you ask you for help and refusing because it’s a risk to
could say my approach was a bit more elegant. your perfect gameplay.
The abundance I got to choose from is the reward Yes, a friend of mine who lives in a high-risk
for properly learning about and preparing for the area, with infected neighbours and little to no
situation before it got serious. You could say I was stored food, asked if he can quarantine at mine.
already at max-level by the time most people were That I have all the goods necessary, I’ve already
barely logging in and learning about the game. established. But I also had plenty of space to
They must have thought they wouldn’t have to share, and he knew it. His voice was soft, pleading.
play it. “Please,” he said. “I have asthma and I’m really
I guess I can count myself as truly lucky. As a afraid of staying here any longer. I know you’re
freelance translator, my job is not office dependent. well prepared, I could even pay rent and for the
So, as you can imagine, as soon as the cases were food.”
fairly widespread, I confined myself to my house. Frankly, I don’t think I can point to a distinct train
Every gamer knows that health is crucial, so I of thought going through my mind at the time. I
went out for exercise and to get fresh fruit and think I simply listened to what he had to say, and
vegetables. If by some catastrophe even my fortress then proceeded to throw my “sorry, can’t take the
of a house got infected, then my fortress of a body risk” and hang up on him. He was my friend. Now
could easily fight it off. I realise I would have rather cared for him myself,
It was all a game to me. A game with stats, tried my best to make sure he powers through.
strategies, and foolish other players. And I was the Since the hospitals were full, they didn’t take him
over-powered protagonist who could take on the in. He died all alone in his apartment.
threatening villains on his own. I started looking I wish I could say I had my reasons, but I didn’t. I
down on others; after all, those headless chickens knew full well that the risk to me was small, but the
either went around in panic, throwing themselves help to him invaluable. Even if he was to die here,
at the first semblance of anything medical, or in my room, we would have both been happier.
they were in complete denial of the gravity of the I’d have taken care of him, and he’d have had
situation. You’d think that given all the apocalyptic somebody by his side. As much as I don’t want to
scenarios we watch on TV, we’d default t to say it, as much as it pains me to admit, I only said
approaching matters in a more calculated way, “no” because I wanted a perfect game. Taking him
but perhaps not. I seemed to be one of the only in was the less-rational choice from a survivalist’s
ones worthy of being the protagonist of a zombie point of view, and so the “no” came out without
movie. hesitation. The metaphors I used to make sense
And that was my sin. In ‘Train to Busan’ there of life, to give a shape and context to my actions,
is this character who would sacrifice anybody to became more important than life itself.
survive – the epitome of selfishness. I never saw Sartre said hell is other people, and I still agree
myself that way, I never thought I’d push a person with him. I guess I’d add “when they’re no longer
towards a zombie if it meant I had a chance to run there.” Φ
away. But, of course, now I know there are equally
terrible, real-life equivalents. Like having a friend

PHOTO by Yağiz Alp Tekin 56

The Sin Issue | Φ

LUST MEETS FEAR

by Laura Empson

Hinge and Bumble and Tinder and HER and Grindr

Too many notifications to keep track of, aren’t there?

How about this: I’ll just suppress my desires forever and be alone like you always thought I would be.

Actually, no thanks, I would rather sext strangers, make them think I’m interested.

When they realise I’m not they go away and I cry because I never got to

Feel their hands on my body or have them make me cry out in the way we all want.

There are women in you local area who want to meet you!

They’re single mums who will probably make me develop a complex.

Play this sexy game, free on the app store, in app purchases available.

Actively encouraged. What would I be purchasing?
Fake orgasms like the ones I give myself at 3 in the afternoon when
I have nothing else to do except let the hot wave own me.


I am an animal and I cannot control my urges.
Think about the effect that what you are saying will have on this young man’s future.


He still has one.

57

The Sin Issue | Φ PHOTO by Yağiz Alp Tekin

58

PHOTO by Yağiz Alp Tekin

59

THE PHI MAGAZINE TEAM

EDITORS IN CHIEF
Ariel De La Garza Davidoff

Chiara Zucchelli

CONTENT EDITORS
Devraat Awasthi
Teresa Mignolli

VISUAL EDITORS
Gamel Oki

Chiara Zucchelli

ARTISTS IN RESIDENCE
Renée Bertini
Wayan Chan
Cveta Gotovats
Amelia Steane

Aneta Swianiewicz

The Sin Issue | Φ 60



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MAGAZINE