Poems 2

Fine

Perhaps I just let the pillow case be for today
Or maybe for the whole week
I put my right cheek there just now
In an attempt to sleep but I smell you instead
That Hugo Boss scent, that scent that signifies you
That itself allows me to smile
I close my eyes, left hand pats the pillow then rubs it
Softly and lovingly…good for the pillow
I pull the comforter to cover my feet
It has similar patterns, twinning the pillow case
You roll yourself up in it last night
Like a cocoon, you have it all
It is no wonder I shiver and awake at 3
But I get another for me and let you be
I turn to my back now
Eyes on the ceiling
My right hand decides to stay on the pillow
I turn my head to my right and meet the scent again
I think I will just let it stay
That scent of yours accompanies my nights
While I have the whole bed to myself
That is quite fair.

Ametis, Sept 20th. 2019.
10.36 a.m.

YOU

How dare you came and shared some love
that I longed for between the stars and the earth of heavenly life,
How could you let me adore the stately being
with eyes so demure, lashes so diffident, shapely visage smothering my
breath.
How dare you came and showered some life to a withered existence,
rocketing hope with hopeful vigor barricading sense, adjusting feelings
to fading lust.
How could you let me touch the brim of your soul,
rummaging through to the deepest space and remedy a heart in vain.
How dare you came and created confusion
that I seized blindly picturing glimmer to shine me all the way.
How could you not see the trace of affection, burning,
leaving encumbered marks only you could rid.
How dare you squeeze this life to comfort
with unpromising insinuation, only to bear the hurtful scar.
How could you stay away when the path is near,
intertwined almost, aloof in desolate cry.

February 8, 2015 PPDR

SCENIC SERENADE

When dusk sets in,
the day may end.
The world sees it ends
in picturesque pride,
stroking the tangerine streaks,
blending the sun rays with purplish sky.
Lovely that the day fades
spreading splendid lights to the night.
Like you, your life, beautiful.
Like the psychedelic beauty
of sunset at dusk.

October 25th, 2014

FOR YOU

There is a sweet corner
of the heart
that is so small it condensed
all the bits and pieces of life,
savoured to an everlasting thread
of the good and the better
It will always be where it is.
Treasured...

SUDDENLY

I’ve got to write this
To clear the chest-pressing need
Of acceptance
Of ideas on TV
Of parallel views
Of truthful words tendered.

Life graces too soon to convene the ripeness of age
Too soon to even be felt, thus once there
It is almost deeper than it should
Stranger than it looks.
Once there, it is full of debt; of health and wealth
It is gorged with scenes of untold tales of hope and trust and lust.

Ways secured, options hindered
Fretting chances of ease, placating vivacity
We are left with nothing much
Nothing that differs from that of others’ who led past
With desires left unveiled.

On the trail yet again

of somehow somewhere someone will turn and say
hopeless pursuit, you are in vain
it's not futile
that someone somewhere somehow will see and sense it
fruitful quest, flawless trial
following the trail, casting apathy
which someone somehow somewhere will track and trace it
only to gain the notion of strive, awaken
and acceptance
It is so and it is done.

REMEMBERING

Ramadhan and the past
blend, disguise, surprise
Ramadhan snatches and offers
Opposites in the same stance in life.
A mark meant to last.

A STRANGER

You will always be a stranger-it won’t change.
Leave it to the moments that painfully drag the sadness,
the sculpted thoughts-one hard enough yet caressing
won’t leave you till the last breath inhaled.

You are a stranger-nothing can change it
nor could it be changed.
In time, you will learn to be one, to feel as one.

I too, am a stranger
in my own life.
True enough.

MUAZ

'twas shiny and awfully bright
the day, yet again
sat throwing a view piercing out through the glass window
halted by the sound of poking raindrops
and the sight of muaz
arranging his steps
almost tiptoeing down the stairs in silence
amidst now the loud rain dashing down the ground
screaming wetness everywhere
there...muaz again in blue azure
gliding smoothly, slowly disappearing
from the corner of the eyes, swerving ever so swiftly
politely beautiful, he.

THE COLOUR

If I am a colour
I am Green
as in new, amazed by going-ons,
Green as in fresh, crisp and crackle,
bouyant by the mist of happenings.
It would be too - Green as is chlorophyll,
mesmerises sources of life.
I am a colour
no more pure blank white.
I am Green
as in new,
you?

THE MOON TRAIL

Glowing down the route I took to survive another empty line of time
The beam shadowed some dark thoughts I brought
along the hollow path; it managed to catch me every time-radiance,
Another lonely moments walked by to trace the sorrow of yet another
memory
of parting and bliss-blending ever so generously to pain the heart, to
crush the soul.
The Moon Trail
Luminously placed the course I took to fight another battle I wish to win
The shine engulfed my yearning for love I lost
amongst the unpredictable freedom.

A VISIT TO A BICYCLE SHOP

Clad in worn-out tees
so overly worn, they embraced to the bones
while skillfull trembling fingers caressing the chromed sticks
of the charcoal black wheels
amidst the rows of biwheelers they perform rituals of life
ever so engrossed, dutifully twisting and turning
assorted screws and bolts
scattered willingly waiting turns
Theirs is a life pacing patiently
no hurry, wary
lest the world is forcing ours
let them be a line to pace and pause.

I WISH TO WALK NAKED

Blink your eyes
It's not what you think
Nakedness conquers soulfully
The bare flesh element caressing mind born free
Walk non gratis, minus boundaries
Towards limitless needs-endless devour of love
Unstoppable life almost dies
Pronto
What next who would know

A MOTHER'S TEARS

Ever seen a mother cries?
And the holy pearls snake down the cheeks
all because of some piercing words
stabbing through her heart, murdering her already dying emotions,
uttered by her utmost hope and reason to move on with life,
which she cradled as a baby, cared for when a teen, crutched when in
need.
Saw it once and seen it all.
Never let her cry.

GONE

A year swifts by today,
Can't tell you how glad I feel
when he's gone
for good.

What's left was enough to last
the whole lifeline of memories
serenading soothing lullabies
of years well lived.

I am glad you were who you were.
I remember you nice
I think of you wise
I sure miss you but
I am glad...

*********************************************
the sense of guilt is there
parading, trailing the life line
with eyes visualizing none
deaf ears mum the lips of sinners

-at midnight, these just appeared in my mind-

OLEEN

A beginning has taken place
In a life
Of a young heart, a deep soul, a true self.
Pearly drops fill the corner of their eyes
In true pride
Of duo quintessence who braved the odds
Bringing to fruition
A heart so dear, a smile so sincere.

A beginning has taken place
In a life
Of a young heart, a deep soul, a true self.
Yours spells the word of eternal bliss
Embedded glee, ceaseless hope
In timeless route
Of life’s grandeur.

Be there, abide, sustain
Grasp the patience, behold the pattern
The beginning will begin
All over again.

Dedicated to a cousin of ours on her wedding day-June 2nd, 2007.

PSYCHEDELIC

Passing through the road heading the ville
Sweet ocre flowers snowing by the side
A kaleidoscope of visions twirling by

You see, Lynn
Ours are psychedelic state of being
Startlingly alive and aloof
Theirs are mono aesthetic verve
Gloomy lives and lies
Passing through again and again
The zen of surviving
Persevere

NIGHT

Night comes drifting down
the colors close their eyes together
fireflies with their poignant
codes of light signal one another

the lovelorn world of frogs and bugs
makes its cacophony
pairs of yellow windows gleam
and tame the darkness

fruitful branches twine together comfortably
rustling unseen
reminding me
my arms are empty
and without you
night is only black.

I want you to miss me

There could be fog
Or maybe just a mist
And inexplicably I'll fade to white
Vanish, and be gone

Or it could be night
And I'll be darkly dressed,
Evading easy definition
And as your eye's distracted
By a falling leaf
I'll merge with restless shadows
And be gone

Then you will discover
What emptiness is
A space so hollow
Even its own walls are swallowed up
A quality of missing
So intense
A lack, a lack

Each hour more bottomless than the last

Until your heart cries out,
A howl of forfeiture
But it will be nothing
Ashen silence where I used to sing
And deafness

The howl must strike the right resonant frequency
A wail that echoes all to the ends of time
To fill the gaping void in whole, looping wavelengths
From the well of your soul, such loneliness
To make Siberian wolves hang heads for shame
In their convivial packs

Then, only then
Might you detect my footprints, indistinct
Marking the morning dew fall
Perhaps glimpse a puff of breathin the cold, dawn air
You must utter
A howl so desolate, it
Jerks you from your sleep
To find me warm beside you on your pillow

And you will know how
Close you were to the brink
Of the abyss
And know what missing is
And hold me.

FOR GRE 1060

Heaven doesn't always make the right man King
But it does sometimes
Hence,
Jubilant
Conquer the cloud nine
Permit joy over sorrow
Emotions flowing through

Stages of excitement long kept aside, withheld
O sweet tunes join me now
Here by me thou rest in vow
Shine and gleam
The heart flickers
Heaven doesn't always make the right man King
It chooses you

IMAGINING

Some graduation it would be
Scrolls, mortar hats, robes, confetti
Sweet faces and flowers aplenty
Streaming galore of grads queueing like bee
Some thousand miles it would be
Screen visions would fail to meet
Symphony of hopes left to break free
Strumming lullaby beneath the heat

Miami 2010

*************************************************************

Such freedom I have, being cuddled by marriage,
being looked after by love, being sought after by
memories.
You sprinkled me with glitters of trust, honoured
me with intact respect,
that seeped through the pores of heart and
dwelled.
Still do.

DEJA VU

History repeats the cycle
waving in oceans of hurts and pains I once denied,
shut.
What is this? Again? What would I call it?
Pain, twinge, ache? Words...mere words!
Ask the feel-sincere, unconditional, rage.

SOMETHING...

Tell me somebody why the sky is bluer
amid the drizzling misty evening.
Tell me somebody why the space is wider
amongst the stacking crispy papers.
Tell me somebody why the day is dazzling
whilst the storm is raging.

While it is nothing it has something,
when you start missing, it is something,
why you began wondering, it has to be caused by something,
what then could heave the inexplicable something?
Come tell me, pinch me, wake me up
from this seemingly eternal phenomenal obsession.

IPOH

What about it?
Seeing, believing, dating, sipping white coffee,
yet again another vain another pain.
Endless everything.
Ipoh after two decades?
What's with it?
Abundant memories cramped, suffocated, encumbered,
rolled down memory lane, released yet unsolved.
Emptiness crept in steadily shifting pages, episodes
of a journey left aside.
Ipoh at 9, mute, erstwhile, silent,
a beginning to another farewell
in Ipoh.

It felt like

adrenalin rushed
flowing through highways of veins
tickling the pores all over the skin
triggering rhythmic beatings of the core matter of the soul
flushing out sweats
t
r
i
c
k
l
i
n
g creepily
the beatings
thumping loosely
awkwardly losing stability
chest mounting, packed, near bursting
somewhere words s
ca
t
te
re
d,
broken to pieces, dissolved
desert lips calling no mirage no wadi oasis
the beautiful painful curse

CLUTTER

Just last night the crowd created some fright
in me when they were all in outfits a little too tight
I was hoping the moment would stop and stark
leaving me staring none too offending wishing it all happened in the dark
somewhere the cleavage could be accepted
as an art God created.

My,what a sight, as they say, let there be light
and as I shook my head, my heart and mind were having a fight
whether they were in place or I should not be spared the space
to view displays of authentic life right in front of my face
but they were green and angelic and cupid would easily be lost
in choosing the match as to where the arrow would be tossed.

If that was not difficult enough try this:
put them in two's and name the link of the mr and miss.
It went passed the others' thought but it hit mine
after a teh tarik and a plate of rice that completed the dine
it was obvious some wives' spouses were there and vice versa
tasting the light of Pelita voraciously with another
loading up the sin unknowing.

FULL MOON

Twice, twice
you went away
during the full moon.
My eyes were fixed on it
throughout the journey to be apart.

Twice, twice
my heart sank
during the full moon.
My mind was wandering with it
throughout the travel to start the hurt.

Twice, twice
it shone down the hope,
long after the journey,
far beneath the pain,
of a short-lived rendezvous.

My mind is still with you,
it is always with you,
especially,
during the full moon.

1.10 a.m. 4th Feb. 2007

WRITE

When I don't,
I dream, I fantasize, I imagine.

Views on the silverscreen of my mind,
varying in modes,
changing brightness, colour and contrast,
with miming characters,mute.

The setting stretches far,
way beyond imaginable distance.
Rewind it as you please,
redirect it as you desire.
It could repeat itself,
clinging to the main theme though,
every time.
Hold it virtually--pause,start appreciating.

They spark my mind
when I don't write.
But no one could find,
no one could grab the sight.

So I wrote them down,
for eyes to devour,for the mind to ponder.

When I don't write,
myriads of lives bustling around me,
but no one could share.

So, I wrote them down.We share.

ABAH

Gone is the legend of my life.
Stabbed through my heart,
slashed open my vein.
Bleeding profusely,
scarring eternally.

6355 EST

She's alone,
facing the white.
Alone in her heart,
that's for her to decide.

She's alone,
none to cuddle.
Alone in the world,that,
she could handle.

She's alone,
with strength that remains.
Alone in absence of dignity nearly gone.

She's alone,
and she's lonely.
Is she?
It could be wrong,
don't judge what you see.

She's alone.
Alone today.
Alone all the way.

I WANT MY DADDY

to be home,
to share my toys,
to read me books upon books,
to share the meals,
to join in laughter,
to sit next to me watching Discovery,
to help me think better, wiser,
to slump in bed,
to stroke the cats,
to view nature,
to hit the keys smoothly, perfectly,
to wipe away my tears,
to tell stories,
to trust with secrets,
to climb on his back,
to sit on his lap,
to brush his beard,
to tap on his hairless head,
to quarrel joyfully,
to be mischief,
to feel his hug,
to peck a kiss.

I want my Daddy
to watch me,
to be proud of me,
to be home,
where he should be.

Written on behalf of JR1
NOV 23rd. 2006

A RAINBOW IN REMBAU

Saw it this morning,
lovely, lonely,
paired with a baby cloud,
picturesque, painted-like.

Saw it this morning,
beautiful, brilliant,
incomplete pallette of colours,
unique unrevealing.

The rainbow,the small town.
blended, ignorant of the weather with pride.
Ahh...such trivial matter,
a facade.

An early loner,
pacing through and disappears.
Wondering as she goes along,
where could it be...
The Pot of Gold.

ANDREW

You were just my palm!
A step was too heavy,
a cry was too silent,
bright in the black coat.

You were trembling in my hand,
if only you could understand
the luck was on your side
when we took you for the ride.

You were the sick one,
and the treatment was done.
Being poured with love,
sometimes was not enough.

Now that you are big,
still with us you sleep and eat.
You are a he and an it,
but as Andrew you perfectly fit.

Written in memory of Andrew 1996-2000