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Mama told me that my wedding
dress shouldn’t e la k

·Healing Your Broken Heart in 30 Days · 30 Activities to do
Post Your Breakup

Copyright, Legal Notice and Disclaimer:

MAMA TOLD ME MY WEDDING D‘E““ “HOULDN T BE BLACK: Heali g You B oke Hea t i 0 Da s - 30
Activities to do Post Your Breakup

Copyright © 2013 by Thato Gaboitsiwe. All rights reserved.

Author: Thato Gaboitsiwe
Publisher: Lulu (http://lulu.com)
ISBN: 978-1-304-65614-8

1. Post breakup activities - Relationships 2. Post Breakup Activities I. Title: Mama told me my wedding
d ess should t e la k II. Thato Gaboitsiwe. Healing Your Broken Heart in 30 Days. 30 Activities to do
Post Your Breakup. III. Title.

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CONTENTS

Dedications 5
Acknowledgement 6

1

Intro

2

On your marks…

Day 1 Action: Have your BFF over and Cry, cry, cry 14
Day 2 Action: Be by Yourself 15
Day 3 Action: Clean Up & Apply the No Contact Rule 16
Day 4 Action: Redecorate your House/Apartment 18
Day 5 Action: Keep a Journal 19
Day 6 Action: Gi ls Night Out 0
Day 7 Action: Shake off Toxic Relationships 21
Day 8 Action: Have a Pep Talk with the Guy Next Door 22
Day 9 Action: Spice up Your Style 23
Day 10 Action: Recharge 24

3

Get set…

Day 11 Action: Join the Local Gym 26
Day 12 Action: Start a Fashion Tips Swop Shop 27
Day 13 Action: Go for Cancer Screening 28
Day 14 Action: Go Green 29
Day 15 Action: Go for Professional Makeup Lessons 30
Day 16 Action: Challenge Yourself 31
Day 17 Action: Read a book 32
Day 18 Action: Adopt-A-Pet 33
Day 19 Action: Take a Short Road Trip 34
Day 20 Action: Volunteer 35

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CONTENTS

4

Ready…

Day 21 Action: Test Drive your Dream Car 37
Day 22 Action: Go Hiking, Backpacking or Camping 38
Day 23 Action: Awaken Your Spirit 39
Day 24 Action: Do Good to Others 40
Day 25 Action: Visit a Zoo, Museum or Aquarium 41
Day 26 Action: Spoil Yourself 42
Day 27 Action: Be an Advocate for Women 43
Day 28 Action: “a Cheese
Day 29 Action: Retail Therapy 45
Day 30 Action: Throw a Party 46

3

Go!

Golden Rules of Breakup 48
Credits 50

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Dedications

To all women who have gone through the painful breakups
May your heart find a new leap in life

Open your heart again for the prosperity of love

To my daughter, Ame, I hope one day you find that one true love and when you do,
do not let it go but for now just be my little baby girl - Mom

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Acknowledgement

To all my sisters who came to me and asked for relationship advices, I hope my
advices were of good use to you and helped in you taking noble decisions

regarding your relationships. I hope you found that one person who makes you
giggle…

Edmore
I salute you for believing in me.

Pulane
You are the best friend a girl can asks for.

Diphetogo
Love ya gal…
y high school E glish teacher s gonna ha g e for this Sholanglish

Sholanglish: shorten English mixed with slang

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THATO GABOITSIWE

Image - Rosevita from morguefile.com: For a garden of flowers to
blossom and show off its variety of colours it needs to be taken care
of just like a woman.

“ A well loved woman is like a

well-watered rose - she blossoms

in time. ”
- Edmore Mushure

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Oh, Beautiful Woman

I eautiful i all aspe ts
I a o a of i teg it

I deserved to be loved and respected

I ot the se o d est and I ill e e settle fo less tha hat I o th
I as o to e he ished a d that s the a it ill e
Afte all, a a told e that eddi g d ess should t e la k

To all the girls in the world - with love…

http://xcluzve.blogspot.com

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Introduction

You met through a relative or in the subway or maybe you have grown up
together. It was love at first sight or you took your time to make sure that it was
fo eal . You e e s itte ith ea h othe , ou ould ot sta a a f o ea h
other and when you did you could not wait to be with each other – you could
see your story along the Cinderella themes or even much better, you could not
wait to tell your great-grandchildren how you met. You were well-matched and
everyone said so and then the impossible happened – he told you that he was
breaking up with you. You world Shatters!

In the next days, weeks, months or even years (now you need to move on) you
crave and grieve for that relationship – you are lovesick.

You feel like picking up the phone for that awkward and regrettable phone call,
drinking too much and weeping like there is no tomorrow, you do not listen to
the advice of your close friends after all, what do they know about true love. He
is the one that got away, right? Maybe. You will never find someone like him,
right? Right. Nobody in life is supposed to be a substitute for another person,
yes nobody. You will never find him in the next guy and if you keep on trying to
do that, you are depriving not only the poor guy but yourself too of the
possibility of the love you could ever get.

Or maybe, it was a simple breakup; you both knew it was coming and had
prepared for it or you decided to end things as it was not working for you. First
of all the e is othi g si ple a out a eakup e ause it i di ates the death
of something that you have invested your time in and secondly the expectations
that you entered the relationship with are thrown out of the window.

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Breakups can sometimes be messy and at other times be inevitable, but one thing
certain about most breakups, is that they cause pain if not numbness followed by
ache even if the end of relationship was to be expected. It is usually hard to pick
up the pieces of a broken heart (note the word hard) but with time, all the pieces
if worked on with patience can fall into place. Even if you have initiated the move,
it does not make the stab of the breakup ache any less, just knowing he simply
would not be there for a chat, a rushed cup of tea or the occasional sexy
a gu e ts it s a t i ulatio o its o . Afte the eakup, ou a e pe ie e
roller coaster of emotions which include pain, anger and sadness and this is
normal but it does not mean that you should wallow in them.

No one ever said that relationships are perfect for if they were, then we will all be
living in fairytales. If you get into a romantic relationship, then expect that it will
come with the good and the bad but if you believe that the relationship is of great
value to the both of you then it is important to work more on the good than
focusing on the bad.

Sometimes people throw in the towel in a valuable and significant relationship
e ause the had te ded to put a fo al poi t o ea h othe s fla s. Liste , o o e

is pe fe t a d to tell ou the t uth, the pe fe t ou ill defi itel d i e ost
people to insanity, so just be you and try to enjoy your relationship as best as you
can. Then again, we are not saying show off your repellent behaviour such as
pi ki g ou ose a d sa that s ou ei g ou self – hey, some things you have to
keep them between your eyes and brain. Gross!

No let sa ha e, eithe ei g ou hoi e o so eo e else s fault , ou
find yourself in the singledom paradise or doom , depends on how you see it, then
the previous two passages are of no use to you I mean really, relationship advice

he ou hea t is al ead i pie es? U less ou a e pla i g to go i fo e e
celibacy or you truly have sworn yourself off romantic relationships then you are
goi g to eed those ad i es i futu e. No let s ot e too ha sh he e, afte all,
this book has been written for the darlings that has just either decided to end
their relationships or someone who does not deserve them had their heart broken
into pieces.

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Relationships tend to occupy most of our time and once they are over, you may
seem to have more time in your hands than when you still had someone to make
appointments to go to the movies with, favourite restaurant to eat out or just
taking a walk in the park. This may bring back the haunting memories of your ex,
so this is where this book comes in. This book is dedicated to help you as you deal
with the grief or bitterness you might currently be experiencing. Accept the
sadness and act on it – do not deny it as this will not only delay your heart from
healing but it might affect your future relationships and we do not want that or do
we? Avoid isolating yourself and keep in mind that the pain will go away slowly but
eventually.

Some breakups can be traumatizing, more especially the unexpected ones. Your
shields are down; both your body and emotions experience grief and may show
signs such as insomnia, weight loss or gain, devastating fatigue but if you learn to
control your emotions immediately after the breakup you can manage the impact
the breakup has on your body.

Grief is a normal part of the process to healing but depression is not. Depression is
an extreme level of grief where the victim feels emptiness and sadness. It is always
good to express how you feel and avoid repressing it as this might backfire.
Remember, the breakup does not define you so do not give up on the prosperity of
loving again in future. Do not try and reconstruct your past relationship with your
current or potential relationships as this will frustrate you and hold you back. It is
important to move on otherwise you would get stuck in the past with life passing
you by and if you ever wake from the self-condemnation you might live in regret of
the time you have wasted which you will never get back.

As much as we try by all means to avoid breakups, it is of uttermost importance to
know when to walk away if the relationship is exposing either you or your partner
to danger. Abuse in intimate relationships is real and must never be covered up as
it can have devastating outcomes. Abuse comes in different forms such as physical,
emotional and financial abuse.

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Emotional abuse is hard to detect and difficult to link to other types of abuse. This
type of abuse is usually present with all types of abuse, such as physical and sexual
abuse. It involves the perpetrator demeaning the victim therefore crashing them
from within or isolating them by preventing them from seeing their loved ones.
Sometimes close relatives and/or friends may notice emotional abuse before the
victim even realizes that what they are going through is not acceptable and is
improper.

Other types of abuse include: physical, economical, verbal, mental and sexual
abuses:

• Physical abuse: shoving you around, punching, slapping, pushing you.
• Economical abuse: withholding money from you, forbidding you to work,

pressuring you to quit your job.
• Verbal abuse: yelling, shouting, mocking and swearing at you, talking over you,

calling you names.
• Mental abuse: twisting things around and always finding fault with everything

you do, talking negatively about you, blaming and/or belittling you in public,
playing mind games with you, blaming you for his blunders.
• Sexual abuse: rape, making vulgar and sexual demeaning comments, sexting,
unwanted sexual contacts, pressurising you to have sex either with him or other
people, forcing you to get pregnant or to commit abortion.
• Emotional abuse: ill-treating, humiliating you in public, threatening and bullying
you, isolating you from loved one.

Emotional, mental and verbal abuses if left to prolong can escalate to sexual,
physical and economic abuses. Seek help from organisations that deal with
assisting the victims and/or the perpetrators but above all make sure you are safe
from the harm the abuser can inflict on you. Never ever put superficial, jovial and
well-adjusted front and continue to suffer behind closed doors - know when it is
time to walk away.

Good Luck!

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Day 1

Action: Have your BFF over and Cry, cry, cry

Deal Breaker A close friend that you trust is there for you to laugh with in
good times and there for you to cry with in awful times. The
He dumped me on first day is the best day to call a close girlfriend and confide in
Christmas eve then the her. You do not have to go out rather, stay-in and rent out a
following day, I saw him chick flick movie and do not forget popcorns. Talk to your
friend about everything including the silly things that he used
ith eigh ou s to do that made you smile then gradually move to the reasons
daughter - young enough why you are better off without him. Do not hold anything back,

to be his daughter. e as selfish as ou a e afte all, ou a t to ash hi out
of your head.
- Gail

Remember you are in mourning, a breakup means the end or

simply the death of something of value so allow yourself to cry

so as to let the pain out. Crying does not change anything nor
does it put a k the pie es togethe ut it s a good sta t to
healing a broken heart. You may need lots of tissues.

Do not forget to indulge yourself – eat lot and lot of chocolate,
forget about counting the calories after all, you deserve to

spoil your precious heart.

A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to
have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust
utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and

who loves us in spite of all our faults.

Charles Kingsley

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Deal Breaker Day 2

I walked on him naked Action: Be by Yourself
with another girl after
Now that you have cried your heart out, it is time to move to
he told me that he the next step which is being by yourself. After my extrovert and
ould t ake it to outgoing cousin broke up with her boyfriend whom she
birthday party early thought as the o e , I suggested to he to just spe d a little
that day as he had to bit of time by herself. At first she was skeptical about my advice
but after a couple of weeks she called and told me that the
go and see his time she spent alone allowed her to reflect on many things and
stepfather who was she realised that she eall ould li e ithout the gu .

involved in a car Listen, I am not suggesting that you cut everyone off – at this
accident. As a matter of time in point, you need every close friend and relative that you
can count on, but you need a time by yourself to find your feet.
fact, there was no You need to know that you can count on yourself to hold on
accident. even when things do not fall into your well-laid plan;
sometimes you have to cross the river on your own.
- Angel
On this day, do not invite anyone over, take a long bubble bath
or a walk if you cannot stand sitting on an empty house or
listen to music . I love and I mean LOVE the song By your side
by Sade but I will definitely not listen to it at this time. Do not
be judgmental of yourself; try to focus on the positive and not
the negative.

When one door closes, another opens. 15
But often we look so long, so regretfully,
upon the closed door, that we fail to see

the one that is opened for us.

Helen Keller

Mama told me that my wedding
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Day 3

Deal Breaker Action: Clean Up & Apply the No Contact Rule

He made a resolution for It is time to get rid of old stuff more especially the ones that
the New Year, he was e i d ou of hi . Let s e p a ti al he e, I a ot talki g a out
making a lot of changes only changing the sheets on the bed (yes buy new bedding and

in his life and apparently get rid of that sheet he loved so much), I am talking big time
I was one of the changes.
clean up: Relationship Spring Cleanup!

- Thuto Get rid of anything that might remind you of him, toss away his
toothbrush. Clean the closet and get rid of that tie he was
looking for but you had unintentionally thrown inside with your
clothes and it had since been hiding in the dark corner. This will
help to clear the negative energy in the bedroom and create
space for new things.

Now you do not want to know his every move or to be one of

the first people to know that he has changed his status to
“i gle o that he is i elatio ship a d guess hat, ot ith ou
but someone else. Apart from this being a blow to your ego it is

also a self-torture which is uncalled for; unfriend and unfollow

him on social networks.

Block him on Facebook in the privacy settings so that you do not
keep o seei g ou f ie ds photos ith hi tagged i the .
Delete his photos from your computer, phone and even your

social network profiles.

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