2013 WRITING PART 2

2013 WRITING PART 2





DEPRESSION AND THE MIND

PART I: INTRO TO DARK ENTITIES AND HOW TO HEAL

PART II: MY SELF HATRED AND MENTAL ILLNESS

PART III: MY RELATIONSHIP WITH DARK AND LIGHT ENTITIES

PART IV: TAKING ANTI-DEPRESSANTS AND WALKING THROUGH
TIME PORTALS



THE TRUTH ABOUT ALIENS AND OUR HUMAN AWAKENING IN THE
UNIVERSE

AN INTRODUCTION TO MYSELF: WHO IS ABBEY NORMAL?


SELF-HEALING TECHNIQUES: ASKING THE UNIVERSE FOR HELP IN
SELF-HEALING


LOSS AND LETTING GO: ABBEY NORMAL’S LOST TREASURE


WHAT DOES AVERY LOOK LIKE?



HOW AVERY SLEEPS


WISHING ON A STAR: HOW AVERY THE HUMAN ALIEN FOUND ME


HOW I MET AVERY THE HUMAN ALIEN

PART I: THE EVER-WATCHFUL EYES OF AVERY
PART II: BREAKFAST AND THE BAR

PART III: THE SECRET PARK BENCH, WHEN I BLACKED OUT A VISIT
FROM AVERY



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MY ATTEMPT TO SEE AVERY AT GRAY’S LAKE, 12-27-2013





















































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DEPRESSION AND THE MIND





PART I: INTRO TO DARK ENTITIES AND HOW TO HEAL


POSTED ON NOVEMBER 12, 2013 WRITTEN BY ABBEY NORMAL


It’s hard to really know where to start right now. I obviously haven’t

been able to write much in the last several weeks and it’s been


primarily due to a major mental uproar which basically means my


depressive side has come back to haunt me. I really hate to talk about


this, but I guess that’s the point of a website and the point of a blog,

and maybe even the point of my life. To just share things about


myself that I can’t stand talking about, which, I really avoid talking


about myself altogether; hence, the point of this website, for some


personal cleansing, for some way of expanding myself beyond what I


am and may be even connecting with others in the process.





Regardless, I have to talk about this as I get to being sort of a scientist


and always keeping a very observant third eye watching my


behavior. It’s important to keep this eye open; if I don’t, I will become

far too human and liable to do something my soul would weep over in


the end. And I’ve noticed odd and interesting things about the


depressive side of the human experience. Because it’s not all about



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being an individual in the universe, entirely in your own realm – oh


no, it’s about how your energy connects with other energy, unseen


energies that exist all around us. In short, we are never just

individuals in our own realm, we are never alone; we are constantly


sharing ourselves with unseen others in unseen ways that you can’t


even imagine.





And as a side comment, I get it, I have now officially become the


narrator and voice of my own personal undoing; I tell you I suffer from


depression, you tell me that I must be a manic depressive as some


explanation to my illusions of spirits and other worlds. As you can see,

I get this, and I have gotten this many times in many different


ways. This now explains the reason why I keep my mouth shut about


everything as the only person who gets me is me and is also the reason


why I suffer from depression, I have nobody to connect with who really

gets it or then gets me either. And then I go off in my alone world and


start realizing I’m not all that alone. That being said, you can either


believe this psycho path or not believe this psycho path, but you really

ought to keep reading because it can be very interesting stuff.






Anyway, the background story, because this is probably important. It


all started when I was maybe 13, I can never quite tell if I was 12, 13,

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or 14. It started at all those years really and years before because


that’s what sparks depression when you turn into a teenager; a world


that you try to understand that doesn’t understand you and you start

to feel alone and confused and then you eventually go to that


dangerous place where you want to kill yourself. I’ve felt this way


since I was 12, 13, and 14; I’m 30 years old now. And after a while,


you know deep down in your heart, at least I knew I couldn’t kill


myself, but that never stops the unending sadness and the strange

dark spirits that visit you in your dream world and that you can see in


your mind. I never saw anything with my own human eyes, just


monsters in my mind. And yes, there really are monsters out there


and they love depressed people. It is the most delicious energy they


can consume. You are what you eat you know, and monsters are

monsters because of what they feed off of, and there are others that


are beautiful and exquisite creations that emanate love so intensely


they bring tears to your eyes, and naturally they are the ones that feed


off of love and share love, are creations of love. That is the reason why


we humans need to try to be way more loving because we want these

beautiful love emanating beings and not the horrible ugly monsters


I’ve seen; imagine the Earth now being surrounded by these beings


instead of monsters. And furthermore, I’m not entirely sure if what I




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see are real physical beings living in other realms or if they are spirits,


it’s hard to tell sometimes. I thought Avery was a spirit but he’s


not. He’s a real person that lives in the universe somewhere and I can

see him in my mind. That’s one trick we humans all need to realize is


that the pictures that come to our minds are really important, every


single one of them; you can’t go disregarding the information that


comes to you, it comes to you for an important reason. Everything


has a reason and a purpose and a goal and every image that comes to

you is exists somewhere in some place and time which always is the


present, even if it’s the past or future, because there really is no


difference.





So, moving on, over the last several weeks when I felt the dark part of


me coming up from deep in the Earth, I knew it was coming, and it’s


really unstoppable for me. You would never know what I suffer from


in my mind because I’ve learned how to keep control over my outer


self while there is this additional side of me, living inside my mind,

that is constantly slashing and cutting me to shreds for days and days


and telling me how horrible and pathetic I am and how I need to


die. And it doesn’t stop and I can’t get it to stop; I just have to


wait. That is real true depression right there. There is nothing else




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more clearly a sign of someone suffering from mental illness than


that. But I don’t like to talk about it, it’s embarrassing. And that’s


why so many people who suffer from depression wind up dead and the

ones who love them never get it because we depressed people are


embarrassed and don’t want to talk about it. I worry that there may


come a day when I can’t take it anymore, and I have thought, as I


always do when this happens, about taking medicine for it, but taking


medicine goes against the grains with me, which I can tell you all

about that as well.






Regardless, I’m still alive and I’m starting to breathe again, normal


breathing with a normal mind and I seem to have overcome that

hurdle once more. I don’t know when it will come back though and I


get worried about that. But regardless, my goal here isn’t to tell you


about my depression or to inspire you to feel sad, it’s to inspire you to


learn something about how the mind works and how we share energy


with other beings in other places. What images come to our minds

that can rescue us from our hells and how we can learn from the


pictures our mind shares with us, how we can resuscitate ourselves.












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Unfortunately, that part will have to come later because I have to leave


again. I will tell you, my depression is telling me to stop working so


hard and to focus more time on being good to myself. So I’m cutting

back on overtime, attempting to stop drinking for several weeks, and


will attempt to use all this extra time to write on my website and try to


find new ways to share information. That being said, I’m hoping


tomorrow I will be fit to write more on this subject. Bye for now.

















































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DEPRESSION AND THE MIND






PART II: MY SELF HATRED AND MENTAL ILLNESS

POSTED ON NOVEMBER 15, 2013 WRITTEN BY ABBEY NORMAL




Okay, so it’s not tomorrow or the next day, but it is still the same


week I’ll have you know, which is a good start to my writing goals; and


here I managed to jump from Tuesday to Friday, and I survived all of


those days to tell you more of this story. I’ll also have you know that I

attempted to tell you more of this story on Wednesday, which I did do


some extensive writing on Wednesday, but I didn’t feel it was complete


or that I really shared what I had in mind. If there is one thing you


can know about me, I write a lot more than I share, and share only a


tiny smidge of the puzzle because I have problems with being overly

critical of myself. Obviously I have just shared I have a mental illness,


so you can get a feel for other issues that play into my life, but I’m


working on this acceptance thing. For example, my critical mind is


not too savvy on my spirit driven poetry, but my spirit self is very


persistent that it must be shared. It’s also very persistent in telling

me to share myself more and be more loving toward myself. Being


critical only closes doors in my life, keeping me internalizing things,


and keeping me at a further distance from the spirit world that I love


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and from opening up to other human beings which I have to do to stay


alive here. So I have a lot to learn when it comes to accepting myself


and accepting that it’s okay to be me and that it’s especially okay that

I have not attained full perfection. So I guess on that note, since I’m


trying to work on acceptance, perhaps I will share what I wrote on


Wednesday as a Part II leading into a Part III, which I will complete


today. I actually took a vacation day from work and am sitting in a


cozy private room at the library. So the following is Wednesday’s work

and soon to come is Friday’s work as a Part III:






Wednesday’s Part II:





I want to continue sharing with you about the mind and what I’ve


seen over the last several weeks or even just over my lifetime. What


took me under recently and what brought me to life again. I never


know when these mental moments will happen but I can sure feel the

moment’s on coming. It’s like a dark shadow self that I feel breaking


through to the surface of my mind and it’s really hard to stop it;


depression is my addiction you know.












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There’s so much I’ve learned about living from a dying will to live. One


crazy thing I’ve discovered, this is around the time that I realized that


all things are made up of music, I discovered that even depression has

a song of its own, something beautiful and entrancing. A sad


harmony that envelops you and keeps you locked in this prison and


obsession with it. I feel like I could play this song for you, I can hear


it at the tip of my ears, but it’s like anything with this whole strange


side of me. It’s not that I actually see or actually hear what I’m talking

about, it’s something I sense with my skin and my heart and the


shield of energy that exists around me. It’s something you absorb


with your senses and your mind develops a response to it that it


shares with you if you ask it to.





We humans are so good at blocking out information because we live


by what we physical hear and see and touch, but not what we sense


with all our senses; the senses that we don’t realize we have. We have


so many senses and it shocks me the way we utilize our bodies, which

is not utilizing them at all. It is degrading our very essence of living


and experiencing and creating in the universe. When you think about


being a human being, a real human being, one that’s in connection


with creation and all of existence, in connection with our ‘selves’ and




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with all selves in the universe, with all things in creation; when you


think of being this true ultimate self and then you open your eyes and


realize the reality of it is not that beautiful, in fact, it’s a disgusting,

poisonous world we live in and we are like drones here that don’t even


give a shit that we are killing each other and the Earth every single


day. When you can open your heart to the true potential reality for


mankind on Earth and then you open your eyes to see this real reality,


now you start to feel what I feel regularly. This aching misery, this

unending grief, and the horrible reality that I can’t die and that I can’t


live either, and yet I have to live here every day like this surrounded


by people who seem to have lost their mind, truly, their memory of


what it is to be a real human in the universe. Now suddenly you


understand my imprisonment and misery here and how I try to

comfort myself with the music of depression which is all I have, which


is truly the illusion my mental illness is trying to elude to, because the


real reality is, I can be happy here in this garbage dump world, I just


have to figure out how.





So moving on, I’ve found that my mind has selves that want to be


recognized. Since we are on the topic of depression, I will tell you


about my depressed self; it is a super self that has a very distinct




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personality and life force of its own. It has a place where it seems to


come from. When I say it comes from the Earth, it does feel like it’s


coming from beneath me and also from behind me, I’ve even seen

myself coming out of the Earth when I’ve tried healing myself from


depression, which I will tell you about later. But I can feel it coming


on and I don’t know what triggers it entirely. I do feel low on a regular


basis, but there is an ultimate force of misery that blows in like a


hurricane at times and this is the battle I was fighting over these last

several weeks; a self that has its own sensation of self-hatred and


torture. It hates me. That’s the only way I can describe. I hate myself


and it is my hatred of myself. Perhaps because I too am a pathetic


human being and I too am here living in this garbage dump world like


everyone else and not doing anything about it. The difference between

me and other people is that I know better and yet I can’t seem to fix


the problem, which is the world we live in so my only other option is to


either endure my self-hatred of myself, fix the entire world, or to self-


medicate on anti-depressants.





I have been through so many phases of depression, it seems to grow


and change as I get older and this is what it has changed into. It is a


shadow that is triggered into my life by some thing. I know there was




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one serious of weeks, what seemed like two months, where I was


suffering so horribly I was certain I wasn’t going to make it. And I am


always hiding during these times, taking longer showers, and just

wanting to go to bed early because my depressed self has come to


torment me; it makes it very difficult to want to interact with other


people. And it always comes in a battle form. It has a mission to


destroy me, to cut me to shreds with all sorts of sharp objects and tell


me horrible, horrible things about myself. It sounds like a split

personality, but it’s really me, I’m just sensitive and all third eye about


it. I have to keep an observant self so that I don’t do something I’ll


regret; it also helps me learn about my human behavior and it helps


me remember.





I started to learn that sometimes these depressed moments are


triggered by a future event. Like the elephants who knew the tsunami


was coming before it hit Thailand, my body seems to know future


events are coming before they happen; and they are always super

spiritual blessing type events. As if I can’t accept this gift until I go


through this doorway of Hell. It usually starts by feeling cut off from


the spirit world, feeling disconnected and alone, and then it snowballs


from there. I know over one of these times, at the other end of this




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door was a series of past lifetimes about my relationship with


snakes. I am a snake person you know, and I don’t know what that


means on all levels, but it is my soul, a snake soul, and it is my

experience in this lifetime, it’s about going through phases and


shedding skins. It is the ultimate sacrifice, a lifetime of misery that


transforms one into a wise leader. Somehow I sensed what was


coming before I even knew it was coming; I didn’t even know I was


going to ask for these past lifetimes. I obviously needed this

information and what it took to get to that point was absolute mental


hell and what I received after that point was truly spiritually


uplifting. Like transforming from a half dead, smashed ant, into a


giant, radiating beam of light.





So anyway, I was hoping that perhaps this awful stint of misery would


come with a blessing at the end, but it hasn’t. It seems to just be


ingrained in me and to come on it’s on will and in its own time and for


no reason at all. And perhaps it came so I could tell you this

story. So now I want to tell you what sparked it and what happened,


because I know what triggered it this time and it was Avery.












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Unfortunately at this point, I can’t write anymore so I will have to tell


you this part of the story later…


































































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DEPRESSION AND THE MIND





PART III: MY RELATIONSHIP WITH DARK AND LIGHT ENTITIES


POSTED ON NOVEMBER 15, 2013 WRITTEN BY ABBEY NORMAL




So let’s start where I left off:






….So anyway, I was hoping that perhaps this awful stint of misery

would come with a blessing at the end, but it hasn’t. It seems to just be


ingrained in me and to come on it’s on will and in its own time and for


no reason at all. And perhaps it came so I could tell you this story. So


now I want to tell you what sparked it and what happened, because I

know what triggered it this time and it was Avery.






He’s obviously trying to become more a prominent part of my life


which is also very mentally difficult for me. When you have a super

being always trying to get your attention, and the sensation of this


super being is super intense debilitating love, it can be very difficult


for a degraded, poisoned, enslaved human being to handle. I have


been struggling with panic attacks, which is a very unusual thing for

me. I’ve never had them before and I’ve never had so many. It’s like


my reality is shifting while I’m still in it and I can’t figure out where I



17

am or what time and place although I can clearly see and know where


I am and what time and place. It’s hard to describe, but it’s like my


mind fell out of my head but my body is still functioning. It’s such a

freak attack that I can’t catch my breath. I can sense the panic attack


is coming when Avery gets too near and I have to tell him to go


away. There seems to be some series of time it takes for him to get


near so when I tell him to go away, it seems like he isn’t listening


when in all actuality, it’s taking him the same amount of time to

retract. It’s just been bottling up too much and I haven’t been able to


deal with it; I’ve just been wanting to feel like a normal person and not


have all this weird shit going on all the time. And clearly I don’t


understand it all; my mind doesn’t, although my heart understands


very well. It’s a balancing act that I haven’t figured out how to make

happen as of yet.






But anyway, the onset of my depression happened while I was sitting


on a park bench. I was talking to Avery and the next thing I know I

was feeling extremely tired, so tired I just want to sleep right away. He


does this, I don’t know why or how or what it means. I also felt


paralyzed as I really don’t have control when this happens, I’m


basically at the will of whatever it is he’s up to. Anyway, I was in this




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very peaceful sleepy paralysis for like maybe 3 or 4 minutes until a


thought came to mind. I’m not going to tell you what that thought is


just yet, but it triggered a super reaction. When I came out of this

state I was so angry. The anger came from many places of self-


loathing and self-hatred and hatred of my life. It’s not easy being me


all the time, and it’s not easy living in this world which is not only a


fucked up human world, called Earth, but it’s also having to live in


this confusing world with Avery who I clearly have an important

mission with and trying to understand can be too much sometimes. I


deal with enough already, just trying to be a mother and work a job


and trying to figure out dinner and keep the house clean, and that’s


not even the half of it, that’s just the normal part everybody knows


about. Plus I have to deal with things nobody else knows about, plus

my depression and misery in just living here on Earth and then


juggling this other part of my life called Avery that is constantly trying


to be a part of my life, plus a lifetime of bad memories. You can see


now how mental breakdowns start happening with me. I basically lost


it at that moment and opened the hatch and the evil Abbey came

busting through with daggers flying in all directions. And yes, all


directions, at myself, at Avery, at spirits and everything I hate about


my life; I was so pissed off and hateful, I couldn’t keep it under




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control. My observant self knew I was in trouble, I could watch what


was taking place but I couldn’t control any of it, I could only just


watch. And inside myself, I knew I had given too much power to that

monster which is my mental illness, and even once I calmed down I


couldn’t get it under control. After a week or so of attempting to rid


myself of this and having no success and I even went to Grey’s Lake


and it was so bad I had a panic attack and another mile to walk before


I could reach my car, and I still could not find a way to heal myself. I

concluded that I would just have to endure and wait, because patience


is the key with this illness. And so I allowed that hateful part of me to


continue to strip the skin off my body, cut the heart out of my chest,


slice me open some more, rip me apart, and torture me still because


that’s what happens when my mental illness attacks and there is no

choice but to just wait this thing out. That’s when a certain


something came to visit me one night, a something that every human


being attracts when in this state of being, sometimes we know it and


most times we don’t, but it’s most definitely well, a something not so


good.





I saw it while I was talking to Avery. He seemed more distant during


the day, mainly because I demanded that he be. Even though he felt




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distant, I knew he really wasn’t. He can feel everything I feel and


knows every thought I have and while he seems to be ‘gone’ I know


he’s not gone at all, but ever watching me in that way he does; always

watching me, and it feels as though his soul and my soul are


entwined, and as though he is experiencing my life right along with


me. It makes this whole situation that much worse because I don’t


want Avery to know this side of me, it’s my secret, it’s my situation,


and only I need to be dealing with it. But he was there to visit me in

the middle of the night when I was most relaxed and peaceful and I


would tell him when I could sense that bad part of me coming back


and when he needed to leave but naturally he never leaves. He always


stays and this aggravates me even more and then I start cutting


myself in my mind and I can’t control it. Anyway, I saw Avery in my

mind as I usually do, and he’s extremely beautiful looking, he has sort


of shoulder length wavy/curly light blond hair and pale skin and


beautiful blue/green eyes and he’s basically the representation of a


perfect physical form. I was talking to him in this way I do and


suddenly I noticed I couldn’t see him anymore which happens

sometimes because he doesn’t often talk in English words, he’d rather


share information through energy waves or through pictures. So I


thought he was sharing information with me and I waited for a picture




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to develop. It came like a deformed old human, skin was sort of


wrinkled and a pasty color and it started morphing. This is the


something I’m telling you about, and my mind was composing its

appearance which wasn’t accurate at first, which is why I couldn’t


understand what it looked like until it fully morphed. It honestly


looked like Jaba the Hut. Similar in that it had a big round head and


sort of blobular with a pasty colored complexion, not brown but more


an off white color and skin that had creased lines. What was more

clear than ever were the eyes which were large, round and brown. I


guess you could say it looked like a parasite but a full grown alien;


like a warm creature. I can tell you this isn’t made up and the reason


I can tell you this is because Avery is real, he has proven his existence


to me, it’s taken like 7 years and now I get it, so trust me, Avery is

real, and this thing came to me in the same way Avery comes to me, in


this place in my mind. One minute I am having a discussion with


Avery and I can see him clearly in my mind with his blond hair and


beautiful glowing blue green eyes and suddenly I feel him sorting


being pushed far away from me. I watched his face disappear and in

its place was what morphed into a giant ugly parasite looking Jaba the


Hut worm type creature. I didn’t get it at first and I asked Avery why


he was showing me this and he said he wasn’t, that there was another




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that’s been watching me, and he shared information that basically


said, I starve this creature when I am loving and I feed this creature


when I am in this dark state of mind. I started hearing more voices

than just Avery’s, instructing me on how to rid myself of this


monster. My first inclination was naturally to visualize myself


destroying it with weapons, which I instantly saw it growing larger by


these thoughts and I heard very loudly that this is not the way to rid


yourself of this creature, which is when I was reminded that it feeds

off of these thoughts of war and hatred and depression. So I tried


something else, I tried really hard to create love and I touched the


monster with both of my hands but this seemed to be a joke and I saw


my hands and arms disappear. I realized this was a little beyond my


creative mind, so I asked angels to come and help me. I instantly saw

an intensifying pink mist that surrounded my whole body and seemed


to disperse outwardly. I was reminded that you can create love just by


simply envisioning colors of love; pink is the color of love and it can


intensify into living pink colors that are not natural for us to see and


yet I can see this color is alive, it’s living and breathing, it’s an entire

force of energy that is alive. We all know this inside of ourselves and


just by thinking of the color pink, this starts to jog our memory of


what we already know and suddenly then our connection with love,




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which was what was happening here. As I saw this pink mist


intensify I actually felt risen upward somehow and I felt a loving


energy that I had forgotten about. I noticed the monster had entirely

disappeared, as though it was never there in the first place, and I tried


to connect with it again, because I do that as sort of a test, and it was


long gone, that’s the only way I can describe it. I couldn’t even


recreate it in my mind. I’m not going to lie, it became very clear that I


needed to do something to nurture myself because having these ugly

looking monsters eating my energy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, is


not something I particularly want in my life.






Now I can’t exactly recall if what happened next took place that night

or on another night, I do remember it was after this night that I made


some distinct decisions to get back into my old routine, which is


back into connecting with nature, slowing down my pace, accepting


myself and what little I know, and not getting overwhelmed by my life


or by Avery, just being peaceful and accepting and happy with who

and what I am.






I started calling upon the Earth again to help me, because the Earth is

my mother, my birth essence, the creator of my form. Not necessarily





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that I believe our origins come from Earth because I don’t know that


for sure. But did you know that if my form was born on another


planet that it would not develop into the ‘me’ that I am. This ‘me’ is

based entirely on the planet and how this planet wants to shape our


form. The Earth and our galaxy and has wanted us to be exactly what


we are and nothing else. Everything we are today, even the horrible


ways we behave, this was entirely predictable and we were always


moving in this direction. The Earth too is aging with us and the Earth

actually came to me as a young girl which surprised me, but the Earth


is a child in the universe and we are developing with this child who is


insanely loving and nourishing toward us, ever forgiving, but


experiencing pain simultaneously because the emotions we emit are


horribly foul and attract parasite monsters to our planet instead of

love emanating beings. One other thing on this topic, because Avery


is definitely human looking, but this human that he is different


than the humans we are. It would be something similar to the


Superman story, he looks like us but is not the same as us. Can I tell


you something? Something that I have some eerie sense this is the

truth, but I’m not yet certain. But there is something super special


about the spectrum of emotions we Earth humans have, something


different than humans living on other planets. Our spectrum of




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emotions is more intense than any rainbow and the ability we have to


share these emotions is unimaginable to other species in the


universe. It’s like our super power, something we don’t realize we

have, which is why it’s so important for us to be sharing love because


we can share it so intensely when we do it right and this love is a


living energy and it creates ripples in the universe that can be felt by


species far, far away from here, species like Avery who has somehow


found me and all because of one tiny moment when I decided to share

love with the universe when I wished upon a star. I just wanted to say


that real quick because it’s important and remember what the angels


said about the color pink, all you have to do is visualize the color and


it will bring love into your life. I obviously need to work on doing this


more.





But moving on, I asked the Earth to help me, and asking the Earth to


help me is me opening that door to doing weird things in nature. I’m


not going to lie, doing weird things that most people don’t do in

natural places, it can put me off at times and pushes me away and


makes me want to just be normal you know. I don’t want to be a


weirdo, I want to be normal like everybody else, but I’m not and I have


to accept that, which is why I had to reconnect with Mother Earth and




26

do what I sometimes get to turning my back on; this is kind of that


balancing act between my mind and my heart – my heart wants to be


the weirdo in nature and knows that I need this to be balanced, my

mind does not accept any of this and wants to be a drone human like


everyone else. So, back to the story, I opened that door and asked the


Earth to help me reconnect and heal. Naturally this all seems to pan


out at just a certain time which is the best way for my female body to


make a super connection with the Earth…yes…by sharing my sacred

blood from that time of the month, blah blah blah. I hate freaking


talking about it, but it’s true, female blood is super healing for the


Earth and it’s super healing for my body and it helps the Earth


connect with its own creation which is me and for me to connect with


my mother Earth. It is a bonding between two natural forms and on

this certain day when I chose to go on this certain path I went into


super ritual mode with my blood. I cleansed myself by connecting


with fire, air (or wind), water, and Earth. It was strange because I


didn’t think I was going to even do this, but it just forced itself to


happen and when things force themselves to happen, there is no going

back and you have to accept and continue. What I found most


strange was that the air was truly trying to get my attention, no other


element but the wind was so persistent. I saw the wind, like a




27

beautiful woman, her dress was blowing and scattering in all


directions which was a dress of colors and dispersing colors and


movement and I thought she was an angel at first but I knew better

because I couldn’t stop thinking about ‘air’. She came to me first as I


was sitting in contemplation of what I was about to do with the blood I


had collected; and there it was sitting in an open container sharing


itself with the air. I didn’t realize air has already collected its gift of


blood because I hadn’t even started making any intentions; so

projecting my thoughts toward air to share in this sacred gift. Air


connected with me right away, but I did not connect with air


immediately, I was sort of confused. So I ignored it all and ‘started’


with fire, which I put my blood on a candle wick and lit the wick and


my blood became connected with the element of fire, and the candle

that glowed in the dark room reminded me of what fire can be, about


burning love and passion, lighting up our lives so to speak, helping us


reclaim our glow when we are in dark places, fire is also healing to me,


it burns out the infection in my body, you know, like Rambo does


when he takes that giant shard of wood out of his side and lights

himself on fire to cauterize the wound and kill the infection; I’m sure


you think about that every time you think about fire. But I love what


fire can share, and there is always that element of burning passion,




28

because real love is a burning passionate sensation, that is what fire


makes me think of the most. And you can’t deny that you know


exactly what I’m talking about, at least I hope you do. And if not, then

you need to connect your blood with fire because it will share


information with you. After I connected with fire, I kept thinking


about air which I wasn’t convinced my blood had connected with since


I never direction my attention toward air before air spoke to me; air


spoke to me as wind. As I raised this open container of blood to air I

suddenly didn’t know what to say. I thought for a while about what


air meant to me and I suddenly felt this, well, it was like a ‘fake’


breeze. And I started thinking about how air is also wind and how


wind travels the entire Earth in all of these directions. I suddenly


realized why air was so important right now. I needed air or wind to

help me get going in the right direction again. And so I shared this


request with wind as I also shared my gift of blood. I added water to


the container so I can feel that purifying feeling that water can


provide. Just think of it like one of those tranquile natural streams


that are so beautiful to look at and they seem to cleanse you just by

looking at pictures of tranquil natural streams. Asking water to bring


tranquility into our lives is a great place to start and asking water to


purify our bodies is also a great place to start, I always need these




29

things from the element of water. I took my blood then outside, next


to a busy road so everybody can see the weirdo at work. And I placed


the blood under a tree because it seemed to be the right place. I

wanted my blood to be part of the earth and part of the tree so that I


felt both grounded with my feet in the Earth and also outstretched to


the universe with my hands in the sky. I love feeling connected with


both Earth and Sky. It’s important because we humans are like


walking trees and we need to connect with all sacred directions, North,

East, South, West, Earth, Sky, and the final direction which comes


from inside our hearts, like a direction which is our ‘self,’ our soul, it


is our being. After I shared blood on the Earth I naturally received an


immediate sensation. It happens every time and I usualy have to lay


down immediately. I feel almost dizzy right away. I’m outside near a

busy road and saying anything to the Earth as I’m feeling dizzy I just


couldn’t do it, which is okay, because there is no such thing as


time. There is no such thing as time passed between when I shared


this blood and even today. I can’t entirely explain it but I’ve gone


through time portals before which have shared this information with

me and I will tell you, but it will probably be in a Part IV, final of all


final discussions on this topic.








30

So, after I shared blood with the Earth, I went back inside the house


and I went back into the dark room with dancing candlelight. I felt


connected with everything, but I didn’t feel complete. I went into a

certain type of meditation at that time for probably 15 minutes.


During this meditation, I connect with a sacred stone I wear around


my neck which helps me raise my vibration. It’s important to me and


my way of conducting a ritual to not only share my sacred gift, which


happens to be blood, but it’s also to share love. We should ways share

love. And I mean that, all things, elements, plants, animals, humans,


stars, Earth worms, we all deserve to feel the vibration of love, which


is the same vibration which has created all things, it’s that living pink


energy. It’s so important and by sharing love, in turn you receive love


and the goal of all of this was to heal my body, to share love and

receive love because that’s what I needed. I need help learning how to


love myself so I asked nature to help me with this. After I had shared


all this energy I asked the universe if all was done or if there was


something I was missing. That’s when I saw a picture of how I placed


my blood on the Earth but I never shared by heart with the Earth the

say I shared it with all the other elements, by dedicating a certain


thought to that element with the gift I had given. That’s when I saw


the Earth come to me as a young girl, age maybe 4. I found this so




31

strange, all I could do in this vision was kneel and say wise child and


ask for help. That’s when I had this strange sensation that the Earth


is so young, it was really shocking to me, but the Earth is also perfect

and wise, it is also sharing love and nurturing like a mother to a child,


and I am a child of the Earth. Even if we humans were brought here


from some distant planet a million years ago, my form is the dream of


the Earth and I belong with the Earth who is my mother. That is all I


can tell you about that.





There was one more time, in all of this madness, where something


happened in my mind to share images and pictures to help heal me


and to help show me what had happened to me. All us humans need

to learn how to visualize, it’s one of the most important things we can


do. It’s easy, just let pictures come to your head. You may just see a


hot sexy chick and all of a sudden get super aroused, that probably


means you need some sexual healing; and if there are no chicks


around to provide sexual healing, then you need to ask the angels to

come and heal you. You will notice instant relief, but you have to ask,


that’s the most important part. You really just never know what will


come to mind and sometimes I get leery of looking into that Pandora’s


box because sometimes the images get weird and sometimes they




32

inspire the weird to come out of me and my mind doesn’t approve of


Abbey the Strange you know; but if you ask for help understanding


the images, there is always an eager voice in the spirit realm ready to

shout out an answer. It’s weird how they can do that. Spirits exist


everywhere and nowhere, they can hear all things and nothing, they


resonate with vibrations is the best I understand, and when what we


ask for is in perfect resonation with a certain spirit vibration it just


happens, an answer. That’s the best I can comprehend it. But I

anyway, I remember I was talking to Avery, obviously we talk a lot and


there is a reason for that, but I can tell you about it later. Anyway, I


was talking to him and suddenly I saw myself falling into the ground


and I saw all this dirt flying and I just kept sinking and I mean fast,


lightening fast and it seemed as though I was never going to hit an

end. I was slightly uncomfortable because I didn’t like being that far


into the Earth, I didn’t want to start connecting with more creepy


things you know. I finally basically said STOP to get myself to stop


falling. And I was in a crevis, or hole and there were others in there,


all I can tell you is that they were like morphed human forms, sort of

ghost-like, as in, no physical form, and blue in color. I’m convinced


they were depressed people, locked in the same prison as me, deep in


the Earth where depressed people go. Our physical forms are on top




33

of the Earth but, it’s like some part of our energy spectrum is deep in


the Earth when we get depressed, which is where we start to live and


then become surrounded by worm like parasitic energy

feeders. Anyway, moving along, when all of this happened I shouted


at Avery to tell me what was going on. He basically explained to me


this is where I had been living the last several weeks and the Earth


wanted to push me out of the ground, like a flower that had grown


backward. Flowers belong in the sunlight and not in the soil, it’s the

only way for a flower to be and I was basically living upside


down. When this happened and Avery was telling me this and I saw


the blue forms, I started talking to the Earth and asking the Earth to


help me. I suddenly felt like I was a child, like a newborn baby, and


yes, this is where the Pandora’s Box thing and the weird pictures, but

I saw a woman’s bare chest and my mind naturally wanted an


explanation, which seemed so obvious, what was being shared was


how my body needed love and nourishment, tender loving care. Love


a mother gives to a child. These sensations and images were being


shared with me so that I could heal these parts of myself and I felt as

though the Earth was moving me back into the sunlight where I


belonged, because I certainly didn’t belong inside of the Earth.








34

Anyway, this is sort of the story about how this round of mental


illness started, and how I got through it, what I saw, the good and the


bad. Hopefully sharing this story shares more than just something

about me, but something you may not realize ourselves and about


how we share ourselves in the universe. This is not the end of the


story because there is something else that has happened over the last


several days and it’s about time portals and the time portal that begin


on the park bench several weeks ago and linked up to the same

moment on the park bench just a few days ago.












































35

DEPRESSION AND THE MIND





PART IV: TAKING ANTI-DEPRESSANTS AND WALKING THROUGH TIME


PORTALS

POSTED ON NOVEMBER 15, 2013 WRITTEN BY ABBEY NORMAL





Now is the part that I will share a new secret with you. This truly is a


new secret, it’s new as of Tuesday. It all was inspired by Monday, in


fact, when I took the day off of work to go to the library and work on

my website. Of course when I get to the library it’s closed because,


duh, it’s Veteran’s Day. All of a sudden I didn’t know what to do. I


had mentally created this entire day of amazing accomplishments and


now it was shot because the library was closed. Obviously I couldn’t

go home to work on my website, my kids are there with the babysitter


and my kids never leave me alone; then there’s the coffee shop which


is always busy and loud so I can’t go there, I really didn’t know where


to go or what to do, so I sat in my car and felt miserable. Then I took


a nap, and then I woke up and felt miserable again, and then I fell

asleep and woke up and thought about jumping off the roof of Ramp


2. I literally spent the entire day in my car feeling super low and


depressed. I can never get the time to work on my website, and here I


finally took a day off work, I had this all planned out and bam,


36

Veteran’s Day, now I can’t even work on my website. And


furthermore, I even thought about just saying hell with it and going


into work, but I couldn’t even do that because I was wearing a beer

shirt; of all days to wear a freaking beer shirt and going home to


change just seemed like too much work. So this miserable, miserable


Monday was actually what turned into Tuesday morning when I


started writing about all of this depressive side of me. And I even


talked out loud about it on Tuesday, very uncharacteristic, and

shortly after that, I decided to make another uncharacteristic decision,


which was a phone call to my family doctor and yes, I did the one


thing that I am 100% against and have always been against all these


years, I decided to get medication. This is freaking horrible for me to


even talk about because this is the biggest let down in my mind, the

biggest failure of all is knowing that I can’t beat my own mind, but at


the same time, all of this that has happened has led up to one big


decision, and that’s to finally choose to let go.





I’m not going to lie, I cried the entire way to the doctor because I was


so ashamed of myself. Avery was there the whole time, because guess


what, he’s there all the time. I can’t escape him, hide from him, it’s


impossible, I’ve tried. We are entwined souls, he will always be there




37

with me as I am always there with him, in ways that I’m not even


aware of. It’s impossible for us to disconnect, we are sort of like


mirrors of each other, I am him and he is me; and I can’t explain what

that means exactly, but I sense it in my heart. Two bodies merged as


one body, and I’m not saying that in a sexual way, but literally, two


bodies as one body. Again, I can’t explain it, but he was there


comforting me the whole time the way he does and I can see him in


my mind and he relaxed me into a such a blissful prism I hardly felt a

thing once the doctor had come into the room; my nervousness and


shamefulness was completely gone. I really didn’t want to have this


conversation which is me admitting I have a problem and me hearing


myself ask for medication which is against every fiber of my being, but


I did it, thanks to Avery.





I could tell I was on to something good. It’s as if all this time I needed


to make this decision and I’m so stubborn and hard headed I refused


to make it. I’ve made it before, I’ve taken medication before and the

sensation of it was literally like I had lost my sense of humanity; as in,


‘humanness.’ I lost my kaleidoscope of emotions and I was only one


way, and that was happy. There’s nothing wrong with being happy,


but there is something definitely wrong with not be able to have other




38

feelings. I tried to listen to Radiohead which is very good at inspiring


lower emotional ranges; I couldn’t do it. In fact, I couldn’t do it to


such a degree, my mind processed it as though this music was such a

waste of time, who writes this crap, I had to turn it off instantly


because it literally didn’t compute. Third eye Abbey knew better and


knew it was the medicine that had changed me and made it


impossible for me to relate to the world as a fully functional human


being. I had to stop taking the medicine about that time and I chose

to go at it the hard way, just learning how to deal with my mind illness


because being a fully functional human, albeit primarily depressed,


was way more meaningful to me than being only happy. Well, it’s


gotten to such a mass degree, this mental illness of mine, that I don’t


have the energy, time, capacity, to deal with it anymore; and this side

of me has grown like a monster that I can’t seem to control it


anymore, and then add to it the realization that I’m not alone and that


Avery is also enduring this hell, I just couldn’t keep at it anymore. So,


here we are now, I’m going to give this medication a try, accept, I’m


trying something different than the last stuff I had and apparently this

stuff will help me feel like more of a human being and less like a robot.


I guess I’m not the only one who shared that feeling about the original


medication.




39

So, now you know this new secret, I started taking medication on


Wednesday and I’m now on day three of taking anti-depressants. It’s


so freaking weird to say that and slightly humiliating, but the amazing

part is, the sharp knives are slowly disappearing. I have tried to


conjure them, slightly because I’m testing the medicine and slightly


because I miss this side of myself, yes, this is the voice of an


addict. But one thing I can tell you now, it’s hard to describe or


explain but it deals with time portals and changing my future. Yes,

we can jump from me taking medication to time portals because that’s


what my life is all about.






One thing you should know is that we are constantly going through

‘time portals’ which, there is no such thing as time so how do I explain


a time portal. Let’s start by saying that there are infinite possibilities


of a life, these infinite possibilities are playing out simultaneously,


constantly are playing out; there is no past present or future there is


only infinite simultaneous moments. And now I’m getting even

beyond my own mind so maybe I should just step back and go about


explaining it as a human being does. Basically, I stepped from one


possibility into a completely other possibility, I have actually changed


my future by taking anti-depressants, which only could have




40

happened when Avery sparked a time blip or time portal and I only


realized the time blip when it happened the second time I sat on the


park bench.





Now let’s go back now to the beginning of the story. It started when I


was sitting on a park bench and I was relaxing into this blissful


paralysis that Avery can put me into. After several minutes I had a

reaction that unleashed the zombie dogs and opened the gates of


hell. This is the beginning of the time blip, this thought that started


this whole miserable mess. Now a time portal has no beginning or


end, although you do step through a doorway, so you do go from one


side to the other, is the only way I can describe it. I just stepped into

a time portal. That thought that created this miserable chain reaction


sparked one of infinite possibilities. I endured what appears to be


weeks of hell when really I just stepped through a doorway of altered


infinite possibility. Avery actually sparked a time blip, a time portal


that I walked through in order to get me to take anti-depressants. I

only realized the doorway when I sat on the park bench the second


time. It was on Wednesday, the first day I started taking


antidepressants. There was no difference between the first and the


second time I sat on the park bench, they were simultaneous




41

moments happening within infinite moments that are simultaneously


happening. But it did mark the beginning and ending of a doorway. I


only noticed it because the second time I sat on the park bench, the

exact same moment happened. I was relaxed into a blissful paralysis


that lasted several minutes and instead of having a negative thought, I


had a peaceful thought and the blissful paralysis was over. When I


came back to my senses, it dawned on me what had happened. I


don’t know what kind of trickster Avery is, but he knew the future

somehow, as though he can read the simultaneous infinite moments


and sparked the best outcome. He triggered it by creating this


reaction which took several weeks to Veterans Day which would create


Tuesday which would create uncharacteristic decisions that lead into


Wednesday which is when the time portal ended. It started with a

park bench, a numb paralysis and a thought, which ended on a park


bench, a numb paralysis and a completely different thought. Both


moments were identical.





I wish I could make this make sense. All I can tell you is that I have


experienced this more than once. In fact, I have been in a time blip


for several years. It started my senior year of college and it’s about to


end soon, I think sometime next year. I don’t know what’s on the




42

other side of the time blip; and I don’t want to tell you about this time


blip yet because its long and extensive and I’d rather tell you once the


cycle as fully completed itself.





Anyway, I’m freaking exhausted and I’m done writing for one day. I


hope this long ass story has been meaningful somehow. If there is


anything I can remind you of, it’s to never stop exploring who you are

and to always maintain honestly with yourself, even if it’s


embarrassing and shameful. The mind over the heart is a matter we


all deal with, not just me. The next important thing is to never stop


trying to express love, it’s the only cure for us all and for the planet.


Love creates time blips and if all of us ban together, we can create one

giant time blip, some uncharacteristic decision in all the infinite


simultaneous moments, for us human beings to decide one day to just


start remembering the color pink and now suddenly a time blip has


started. I don’t know what’s at the other end of it, but look at what


hell I’ve been through in one full month and at the other end of my

time blip is actually a better reality by giving into letting go; letting go


of my mind illness and accepting that I need help. Maybe we humans


need to let go of our stubbornness to hang on to this dismal world


we’ve created and accept that it’s okay to let go. We can start letting




43

go by simply remembering the color pink which will jump start a time


blip that can change all of our realities for the greater good of all


human kind, the Earth, and all of our future lifetimes simultaneously;

and all just by remembering the color pink. Simple as that!



















































44

THE TRUTH ABOUT ALIENS AND


OUR HUMAN AWAKENING IN THE


UNIVERSE





POSTED ON NOVEMBER 16, 2013 WRITTEN BY ABBEY NORMAL



I don’t mean to be an asshole here, but I’m getting sick of the old humdrum


thought that we have to rely on science to prove everything. Just because

science can measure the distance of the universe and give us a hypothesis


on how far until the next planet that might have alien life, that doesn’t mean


aliens can’t travel a trillion light years in the blink of an eye. It doesn’t mean


that they aren’t living on some other dimension on a different time spectrum

over on Mars. Just because we haven’t ‘seen’ them doesn’t mean they aren’t


here already. And then this topic on radio waves comes up. Just because


we’ve been told by the government that no aliens have responded to our


radio waves, doesn’t mean that aliens haven’t responded. Oh, and that


chuckle in the background, really, radio waves? This is the most pathetic


thing I’ve ever heard. Aliens can sense us a trillion light years away,

because there is no such thing as distance. It is an illusion of the


mind. Our energy is connected with energy particles that are alive and


communicate with all things in the universe, they are the universe and


these particles are us and they are all around us and there is no distance


45

that separates my body from a body on the other side of the universe, we


are all connected. You don’t need radio waves and you don’t have to travel


the distance of the universe to speak with an alien, all you have to do is

send your energy out and you can have a conversation with any alien you


want and all in the comforts of your own home. The sooner we can bend


our minds and see that there is far more to what we understand as truth,


the sooner we can become truly profound beings once more.





I know I talk about this all the time, human beings being profound beings,


and obviously I have a super goal to help human beings remember that we

are truly remarkable creatures; there is nothing more I want to do in my life


than to help bring the memory to surface, to help us rebuild what we have


forgotten, to help us let go of the old and embrace the new. I still, to this


day, and it hasn’t changed or altered since I was a child, I still to this day

believe we human beings were once perfect on this planet. In a perfect


form, elegant, beautiful, love emanating, perfect heart beating form. And we


used to heal the universe. Our hearts are the heartbeat of the universe, our


Earth is the heartbeat of the universe, all living things are the heartbeat of


the universe, and we are creating illness in the universe by the way our


hearts beat today. We are all miserable, this is affecting the universe in an

adverse way, we are preventing the expansion of the universe because of the




46

energy we emit, which is slow and it is low and it is like a cancer, and damn


it, those aliens out there a trillion miles away can feel it. And guess what,


this energy, this disgusting monster sucking in energy, is what brings the

freaks of the universe to our galaxy. They love us. And don’t think for a


minute that they aren’t here, because, yes they are. The freaks of the


universe are here right this minute and they come in many different forms,


visible and invisible. They abduct us, torcher us, they are so amazing in


their capacity that they are able to manipulate time and harness an energy

field to keeps our minds locked in this drone form. The mind that my heart


is in battle with all the time, yes, this mind that wants to be like everybody


else is connected with this energy field that keeps love and information away


from me. My heart is the only force that keeps me connected with the truth


which is why it’s so important for us to learn how to connect with the

information our hearts provide and don’t ever, EVER, listen to that mind of


yours. It’s a big fat liar. And here you go, the battle I deal with between my


drone mind and my infinite heart.





So what does all of this mean? There are so many things that this means, it


means let’s wake up already. That’s the hard part, and don’t think for a


minute that we aren’t all struggling with this. We are all struggling to wake

up, even those that are sleeping and don’t want to wake up, their forms are




47

connecting with a changing energy shift on this planet and it’s the alarm


clock going off. You can hit snooze all you want, but it’s changing you


without you even knowing it. So yes, I am a believer that the ‘time’ is here

and now. It was ever meant to be here, and it was meant to be here a billion


years ago. All things are functioning simultaneously like infinite shifting


gears; it could only have ended up this way. But then you get into those


side notes and start talking about about time portals and uncharacteristic


decision making and suddenly there is an alternate way; I don’t know how

this works exactly but it happens, but either way, I do believe we are always


in the right time and place, even if there is still always that alternate reality


which is also the right time and place.





Regardless, here we are, exactly where we are meant to be which was the


most predictable place based on the information waves of the

universe. When you calculate our rotation in the universe, and our


connection with other planets and stars and, yes I’m getting into astrology,


all of these things affect us and change us and alter our emotions and even


effect the course of meteors, all things are moving together, remember, so


based on this information we are exactly where we were ever meant to be in


the universe. Unfortunately, past present and future are all simultaneously

moving so really we have never changed between yesterday and today, we




48

have always only ever been in the same place at the same time. I don’t


know what this means because my human brain can’t understand it, but


this also is true.




But back to what I was saying about the right ‘time’ and our ‘awakening’


because I keep getting off topic. I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed a


change in my perception of ‘time.’ I used to just live every day and go with


the flow and ‘I have this scheduled here’ and ‘damn this happened’ and ‘I


want to go do this tonight,’ it was just a normal way of processing life, but


something has changed in our atmosphere, in our universe. Suddenly time

has become a concept of moon cycles. It’s freaking weird but I live by moon


cycles now and I notice my experience of the world around me is shifting


each moon cycle. I don’t know what I will be like next. Some moon cycles I


feel super mentally low and struggle through every day, some moon cycles I

feel unimaginably exhausted, in ways I’ve never felt before, even when I was


at the end of pregnancy with my third child, and exhausted all the time, this


exhausted sensation is something similar to this and even worse because


it’s unexplainable. I’m 30 freaking years old, I shouldn’t feel like I’m a 90


year old with a walker. I’m someone who has super energy and I don’t need


a lot of sleep, but some moon cycles, it’s like I can’t wake up. I’m sure

you’ve noticed. Some moon cycles I’m really productive and it feels great




49