Little eBook of How to Listen - Jeffrey Gitomer

JEFFREY GITOMER'S LITTLE EBOOK OF

HOW TO LISTEN

HOW
TO
LISTEN
WITH
THE
INTENT
TO
UNDERSTAND

www.gitomer.com 310 Arlington Ave,
Charlotte, NC 28203
Te l . + 1 7 0 4 3 3 3 1 1 1 2

JEFFREYGITOMER

"Listen
with
the
intent
to

understand."

- Jeffrey Gitomer

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

How well do you listen?....................................................................5
Shhh........................................................................................................7
Here are the fundamental
lessons of learning..............................................................................9
I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.
Could you repeat that?....................................................................15
9.5 Listening building skills you can practice............................20

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LEARN TO LISTEN
IN TWO WORDS…

SHUT UP! 4

It’s amazing how much you can learn by just keeping
quiet. People think you’re smarter if you’re quiet. When
you keep quiet, people will often ask if everything’s okay.

You learn more by listening than by speaking.

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HOW WELL DO YOU LISTEN?

Answer each of the following statements by checking R for
rarely, S for sometimes, or A for always.

1. I allow speakers to complete sentences. RS A
RS A
2. I make sure I understand the other person’s RS A
point of view before responding. A

3. I listen for the important points.

4. I try to understand the speaker’s feelings. RS

5. I visualize my response before speaking. RSA

6. I use listening noises (um, gee, I see, oh). RSA
7. I take notes when someone else is speaking. RSA
8. I listen with an open mind. RSA

9. I listen even if the other person is not interesting. RSA
10. I listen even if the other person is a jerk. RSA

11. I look at the person I’m listening to. RSA

12. I am patient when I listen. RSA

13. I ask questions to be sure I understand. RSA

14. I have no distractions when I listen. RSA
5
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HOW DO YOU RATE AS AN EFFECTIVE LISTENER?

How many always did you get?

14-16 | You’re Excellent!
11-13 | You’re Good. But need help in a few areas.
7 - 10 | You’re Fair. Probably think you know it all, but could
increase your income significantly with skill building help.
4 - 6 | You’re Poor. Not listening at all.
1 - 3 | Take out your ear plugs!

"Turn your listening weaknesses
into listening affirmations by
substituting the words 'I will'
for 'I,' or 'I will be' for 'I am.'"

- Jeffrey Gitomer

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"You can work out anything, SHHH…
if you take the time to
understand the other Effective listening requires regularly practiced skill building
person’s point of view." techniques to improve.
- Jeffrey Gitomer
Here are 7.5 techniques that will help:
"Listen with the intent
to understand before Look right at the person you’re listening to.
you speak, then you can
respond with the full Use occasional listening noises (wow, gosh, then what,
knowledge of what’s been really, that’s horrible, great, that’s too bad, I didn’t know
that, I see, gee).
communicated."
- Jeffrey Gitomer Limit distractions (even change locations to listen
better).

Visualize the situation being described to you.

Visualize your response or solution before responding.

Listen with an open mind. No pre-prejudice.

Listen to the content – not necessarily how it’s being
delivered.

. Focus your attention on the words and their meaning.

How hard is it to listen? For some it’s impossible.

Look for these two symptoms
of lousy listeners:

A person who interrupts, usually isn’t listening (or at
least is not a good listener).

A person who seems to have all the answers, usually
isn’t listening.

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A COURSE IN LISTENING SKILLS

"Listening is arguably the most important part of the selling process, yet it’s
usually the weakest part of a salesperson’s skills."
- Jeffrey Gitomer

Have you ever had a course in listening skills? But if your spouse or child says something to
How to Listen lessons were never offered as you, you say, “What?” or “I didn’t hear you.”
part of any formal education. It’s amazing to me
that the skills you need the most for personal How often do you ask someone to repeat what
success were never taught in school. they said? How often do you hear, “You weren’t
listening to a word I said”?
You listen to TV, radio, iTunes, Spotify and
Pandora, and you can recite chapter and verse There are reasons for poor listening, and thank
the next day, or sing the songs word for word. goodness I’m writing them – otherwise you’d
be forced to listen.

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HERE ARE THE 4.5 FUNDAMENTAL
LESSONS OF LISTENING:

LISTEN LESSON #1

The two biggest impediments to listening are:

You have an opinion (of the person you’re
talking to, or what you’re going to say) before
you begin listening.
You have made up your mind before you begin
listening, or before you hear the full story.

LISTEN LESSON #2

The two important rules of effective listening must be observed in this
order or you will not be an effective listener:

Listen with the intent to understand.
Listen with the intent to respond.

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LISTEN LESSON #3

Think about the way you listen right now:

Are you doing something else when
someone is speaking?
Do you have your mind on something else
when someone is speaking?
Do you fake listening so you can get in your
comments?
Are you waiting for a pause to get in
your response, because you already know
the answer?

LISTEN LESSON #4

At some point you stop listening.
When does that occur?

After you have formulated your response.
After you have been turned off by the speaker.
When you decide to interrupt someone to say
something.
When the person speaking isn’t saying
anything you want to hear.

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LISTEN LESSON #4.5

What causes people not to listen?

You are afraid to hear what is about to be said,
so you block it out. Don’t be afraid to listen.
You take the other person (spouse, parent,
child, boss, coworker) for granted.
You’re mentally preoccupied with other things.
You’re just rude.
You have other things on your mind.
You know the person speaking, and have
prejudged them.
You don’t respect the other person and block
the listening process.
You think you know what is about to be said.
You think you know it all.

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"Listening has nothing to
do with hearing,

it has everything to do
with paying attention."

Jeffrey Gitomer

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JEFFREYGITOMER 13

LISTEN LESSON GUIDELINES:

Here are 14.5 guidelines to observe that will maximize your listening
skills, increase your productivity, reduce errors, gain customer loyalty,

and help you make more sales:

Don’t interrupt. (But…but…but)

Ask questions. Then be (veweey, veweey) quiet.
Concentrate on the other person’s answers, not
your thoughts.

Prejudice will distort what you hear. Listen
without prejudging.

Use eye contact and listening noises (um, gee,
I see, oh) to show the other person you’re
listening.

Don’t jump to the answer before you hear the
ENTIRE situation.

Listen for purpose, details, and conclusions.

Active listening involves interpreting. Interpret
quietly or take notes.

Listen also to what is not said. Implied is often
more important than spoken. HINT: Tone of
speech will often reflect implied meaning.

Think between sentences. Think during quiet
times.

Digest what is said (and not said) before
engaging your mouth.

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Ask questions to be sure you understood what
was said or meant.

Ask questions to be sure the speaker said all he
or she wanted to say.

Demonstrate you are listening by taking action.

If you’re thinking during speaking, think
solution. Don’t embellish the problem.

. Avoid all distractions. Turn off your cell phone.
Put your computer to sleep. Clear your mind and
sit or stand in close proximity of who you are
listening to.

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I’M SORRY, I DIDN’T HEAR YOU.
COULD YOU REPEAT THAT?

“I didn’t hear you.” If you ask most salespeople, they would admit
No, you weren’t listening. that listening is their weakest quality. In part due
to impatience, but mostly because they don’t
“Our people need to listen better.” No, your people know how. Or even deeper, they don’t know the
need to understand WHY they don’t listen. components or factors that make up the “why”
of listening.
REALITY: You quit paying attention for one reason
or another and blame it on the person talking to To complicate the listening process even further,
you. Two rudes don’t make a right. there are manners in which people listen – no,
not “Please pass the salt” manners – attitude and
How do you listen? That’s both a question and mood manners. These manners can affect the
an enigma. Listening is one of the “big three” in listening competence level by more than half.
selling. The other two are asking (engaging), and
being friendly.

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There are 3.5 opposite sets
of manners of listening:

Active or Positive or Open or . Distracted by
passive. negative. closed. other business
or personal
You can get the feeling and meaning of these manners without me matters, or not
explaining them. distracted.

Listening is also broken down into elements. Each representing a “why.”
I have added some additional description to clarify each element, and
defined a few.

THE GOOD ELEMENTS OF LISTENING ARE:

Listening with the intent to understand. Listening with the intent to remember.
A sermon. A movie. In a classroom. Driving directions. A website address. A phone
number.
Listening with the intent to take action.
Someone giving instructions. Who you’re listening to can have a huge impact
on the quality of your listening. Your mother,
Listening with the intent to learn. your boss, your spouse, your kids, your best
A teacher. A trainer. A seminar leader. friend, your favorite celebrity, someone you like,
or someone you dislike can affect the outcome
Listening with the intent to enjoy. of your listening ability. It’s their words, your
Music. Sounds of nature. Waterfalls. A crackling fire. mood, and your level of respect that make up the
listening effectiveness model.

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THE BAD ELEMENTS "Telltale signs of not
OF LISTENING ARE: listening? Asking people

Listening with the intent to respond. to repeat, getting
You start responding before the other person has instructions wrong, making
finished talking. mistakes, getting rejected."

CURE: Just ask the person if they have finished - Jeffrey Gitomer
their thought before you respond.

Listening to figure out an angle (manipulate).
Interacting with a customer during a selling
situation.

Listening because you have to obey.
Parents, teachers, and bosses top the list.

Listening because you are forced to.
A boss, teacher, or parents yelling at, or disciplining
you.

Listening with the intent not to pay
attention.
Tuned out because of your unhappiness or ill
feeling towards the person speaking.

Listening with the intent to argue.
Whenever you’re in an argument or fight, listening
is overpowered by anger and negativity.

There is also the ever popular, pretending to listen,
but in another world. You have other things on your
mind that are more powerful than what is being
said, so you tune out whoever is speaking.

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To enhance your listening skills, write down answers.
It proves you care, preserves your data for follow up, keeps the record straight,

and make the customer feel important.

Have you ever heard someone say, “Now The three best states to be in when listening are:
everybody listen up, this is important!” What does the state of calm, the state of happy, and the
that mean? It means that without that preface state of willing. These are “ear opening” states.
to whatever is being said next, the odds are that (The worst listening states are the state of New
very few, if any, are paying attention to the person Jersey and the state of New York. Many people
speaking. there already know everything.)

Think about it. Does Bill Gates walk into the room I know all of you are looking for the silver bullet
and say, “Okay, everybody listen up”? Billy Graham? that will make you an instant better listener. I’ve
Steven Jobs? Madonna? Michael Jordan? Ted got it for you. Two words. And this time, they’re
Turner? No, they walk into a room and everyone not “Shut up.” The secret words and action of
says, “SShhhhhhhh, it’s……..” A hush falls over the listening are: “Take Notes.” When you take notes,
room like a magic spell, and everyone in the room is you show respect, always “hear,” and have a
“all ears.” reference to help you remember what was said
or promised.

FREE GIT BIT 18

I have a list of things that negatively
affect the listening stream. A self-awareness list to help

you understand why you’re a poor listener. Go to
www.gitomer.com, register if you are a first time visitor,

and enter the word WHAT? in the GitBit box.

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Learn how to be a better listener by asking a question at the
end of a statement. If you make a statement, it’s possible

that you were interrupting. But with a question, you almost
have to wait until they’re finished speaking.

Listen all the way out. Make sure the customer
has told you everything. Don’t interrupt. Ask
questions to understand their problem better,
and to find out what it will take to help them –

the way they want to be helped.

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TEST YOUR LISTENING
SELF-DISCIPLINE

Try being silent for 1 hour. Try not talking in a group of people.
Try not talking at a party.

Here are 9.5 listening building skills you can practice:

Write things down as others are speaking.
Don’t interrupt the other person’s thought.

Verify the situation before giving feedback.

Qualify the situation with questions before
giving feedback or responding.

Don’t interrupt – even if you think you
know the answer.

Go for an hour without speaking.

Next time you eat with a group, don’t
talk for the first half hour.

Ask questions to clarify.

Ask questions to show interest or concern.

Ask questions to get more information or learn.

. Ask yourself if you’re listening the way
you want to be listened to.

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Listening is a tough lesson for me to give.

First, because I am not always a great listener myself. (I can
attribute poor listening and poor questioning to almost every
sale I ever lost.) And second, because it’s likely that I can’t
change in one small booklet what took you twenty (or more)
years to create.

Writing these lessons has helped my listening focus – as I
hope reading these lessons and putting them into practice
will help yours. Be aware that while listening is perceived
to be passive, it is actually active. Listening is an activity,
not a situation.

The more you take an active role in the
process, the more you will understand and
be able to harness the power of this skill.

If you have any thoughts on the subject, e-mail me at
[email protected]. I’d love to listen.

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Gitomer Defined
(git-o-mer) n.

Jeffrey Gitomer is the author of thirteen 1. a creative, on-the-edge, writer and speaker
best-selling books including The Sales whose expertise on sales, customer loyalty, and
Bible, The Little Red Book of Selling, and  personal development is world renowned. 2.
The Little Gold Book of Yes! Attitude. His known for presentations, seminars and keynote
real-world ideas and content are also addresses that are funny, insightful, and in your
available as online courses at face. 3. real world. 4. off the wall. 5. on the
www.GitomerLearningAcademy.com. money. 6. gives audiences information they
For information about training and can take out in the street one minute after the
seminars visit www.Gitomer.com or seminar is over and turn it into money. He is the
email Jeffrey personally at ruling King of Sales. See also: salesman.
[email protected].
AUTHOR. Jeffrey Gitomer is the author of The
New York Times best sellers The Sales Bible, The
Little Red Book of Selling, The Little Black Book
of Connections, and The Little Gold Book of YES!
Attitude. Most of his books have been number
one best sellers on Amazon.com, including
Customer Satisfaction is Worthless, Customer Loyalty
is Priceless, The Patterson Principles of Selling, The
Little Red Book of Sales Answers, The Little Green
Book of Getting Your Way, The Little Platinum Book
of Cha-Ching!, The Little Teal Book of Trust, Social
BOOM!, The Little Book of Leadership, and the 21.5
Unbreakable Laws of Selling. Jeffrey’s books have
appeared on major best-seller lists more than 500
times and have sold millions of copies worldwide.

OVER 50 PRESENTATIONS A YEAR. Jeffrey
gives public and corporate seminars, runs annual

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sales meetings, and conducts live and Internet training programs on selling,
customer loyalty, and personal development.

BIG CORPORATE CUSTOMERS. Jeffrey’s customers include Coca-Cola,
Adecco, Caterpillar, BMW, AT&T Wireless, MacGregor Golf, Ferguson
Enterprises, Microsoft, Kimpton Hotels, Hilton, Enterprise Rent-A-Car,
AmeriPride, NCR, Comcast Cable, Liberty Mutual Insurance, Principal
Financial, BlueCross BlueShield, Hewlett Packard, Northwestern Mutual,
MetLife, Honeywell, Sports Authority, Toyota, GlaxoSmithKline, IBM, The
New York Post, and hundreds of others.

IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF READERS EVERY WEEK. Jeffrey’s syndicated
column, Sales Moves, appears in scores of business journals and newspapers
in the United States and Europe, and is read by more than four million people
every week.

ON THE INTERNET. Jeffrey’s WOW! websites, www.gitomer.com,
www.salesblog.com, and www.GitomerLearningAcademy.com, get more than
100,000 hits per week from readers and seminar attendees. His state-of-the-
art training on the web and e-commerce ability has set the standard among
peers, won national awards, and has won huge praise and acceptance from
his customers.

GITOMER CERTIFIED ADVISORS. Jeffrey is now licensing his classroom
workshop training and virtual training to sales professionals around the globe.
For more information, please visit www.GitomerCertifiedAdvisors.com.

GITOMER VIRTUAL TRAINING. Web-based sales training lessons are
available at www.GitomerLearningAcademy.com. The subscription based
content is pure Jeffrey — fun, pragmatic, real world — and can implemented
immediately.

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SALES CAFFEINE. Jeffrey’s weekly e-zine, Sales Caffeine, is a sales wake-
up call delivered every Tuesday morning to more than 300,000 subscribers,
free of charge. Sales Caffeine allows Jeffrey to communicate valuable sales
information, strategies, and answers to sales professionals on a timely basis.
You can subscribe at www.salescaffeine.com.

SALES ASSESSMENT ONLINE. The world’s first customized sales
assessment, renamed a “successment,” will not only judge your selling skill
level in 12 critical areas of sales knowledge, it will give you a diagnostic
report that includes 50 mini sales lessons. This amazing sales tool will rate
your sales abilities and explain your customized opportunities for sales
knowledge growth.

AWARD FOR PRESENTATION EXCELLENCE. In 1997, Jeffrey was
awarded the designation of Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) by the
National Speakers Association. The CSP award has been given fewer than
500 times in the past 25 years and is the association’s highest earned award.

SPEAKER HALL OF FAME. In August, 2008, Jeffrey was inducted into the
National Speaker Association’s Speaker Hall of Fame. The designation, CPAE
(Counsel of Peers Award for Excellence), honors professional speakers who
have reached the top echelon of performance excellence. Each candidate
must demonstrate mastery in seven categories: originality of material,
uniqueness of style, experience, delivery, image, professionalism, and
communication. To date, 191 of the world’s greatest speakers have been
inducted including Ronald Reagan, Art Linkletter, Colin Powell, Norman
Vincent Peale, Earl Nightingale, and Zig Ziglar.

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Gitomer

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