A Musing - isneuchatel.com

Bob Ruud, Principal: [email protected]

“Monthly Letter from the Principal”

A Musing
by Bob Ruud February, 2013

A Montessori Point: Communication

Maria Montessori didn't have much to say about communication in the way that we often talk about it today, that
is, as a kind of business tool, in the context of the workplace. Working on communication in the workplace is an
effort to improve our ability to work together, be more productive, and be comfortable with each other.

Montessori had a lot to say about how we talk to children, and even more about the thinking and attitude that
underlie what we say and what we don't say to children. For a really excellent short overview of how
Montessorians approach, and, especially, talk to and with, children, check this out:
http://www.montessoritraining.net/infant_toddler/courses/supplemental_guide/sample_lessons.pdf

I hope you get a chance to read that, and that we get a chance to talk about it sometime. I think it does a good job
of putting the spontaneity of learning into a comprehensible, predictable context. It struck me as I read it that so
much of it pertains, or should pertain, to communication in general, not just to what adults say to and do with
children. Our words and our actions reveal our principles. Learning to understand people's words and actions to
derive their principles is a challenging, fascinating, nuanced undertaking. We're busy with it all the time.

People's words. Hmmmm. So communication is mostly about language. It's about clear language matching
positively impressive experience. I wonder if anyone thinks the opposite.....

In fact, there are a few people in the world who think that languages as they have evolved actually are incapable of
really pure expressive quality, that the nuance of language is a bad thing, something to be gotten rid of, if possible.
These people either construct their own languages, or follow, avidly, the constructors' efforts. They are called
"conlangers" (short for "constructed language"-ers). The most famous constructed language is no doubt Klingon,
from Star Trek. Shakespeare's Hamlet has been translated into Klingon, and it has its own dictionary with three
hundred thousand copies in print.

John Quijada has written a language called Ithkuil, which is getting a fair amount of attention (there is an article
about it in the December 24/31 issue of The New Yorker). The basic idea of it is that you design an inflection
scheme that virtually eliminates nuance, so you're always saying exactly, and only exactly, what you mean, and
nothing more or less. Follow this design to its end, and you have a very very precise term for everything, even
things that previously didn't have a name. Quijada says (and I'm quoting from The New Yorker article):

"Well, no language, as far as I know, has a single word for that chin-stroking moment you get, often
accompanied by a frown on your face, when someone expresses an idea that you've never thought of and you
have a moment of suddenly seeing possibilities you never saw before." He paused, as if leafing through a
mental dictionary. "In Ithkuil, it's ăstal."

Montessori schools are a little different. And we use some language with and about children which may be
different from other kinds of schools. So to someone who doesn't know about the Montessori approach, there is
something unpredictable, something nuanced, about it. And that can be a little disconcerting, since we are almost

always more comfortable when we know what's going to happen. Communicating about the difference between
our chosen method and others is one of the main functions of this letter. So in a way I'm trying to make it
somewhat predictable. Ironically, one of the things that we embrace and protect, cherish, even, is spontaneity in
learning, that necessary factor of unpredictability that we believe is at the heart of the most profound learning
experience. The key point, which I reiterate maybe too often, is that learning, at least the best, most impressive
learning, is a spontaneous phenomenon. So in a way, through good communication, we're trying to come to a point
where we all can predict that an essential feature of our students' classroom experience will be spontaneous.
Unpredictable.

And natural languages are nuanced, metaphorical in nature. So we have to work hard at communication, tolerate a
bit of ambiguity, understand (in a literal sense of standing supportively under) each other, especially when we are
struggling to express ourselves in a language other than our native one(s).

We are having an In-House Training session on Communication on Tuesday, January 22, 2013 (obviously, it will
already have taken place by the time you read this). The idea is to try to get our minds around communication in
the broadest sense possible, discovering a kind of superordinate communication cosmos that is held together at the
heart with principles that apply equally to communication between and among parents, children, and teachers. I
thought it would be interesting to include the same outline of content in this letter that we will be using (will have
used) in that session. Maybe it will reveal some strong common bonds underlying our whole school community,
and be an enhanced springboard for, well, communication. So, what we are talking about, on staff, is this:
The Ideal, in communication, looks like this: We do well. We speak clearly and truthfully about what we do. The
impression we make is that we are competent and we care: about the quality of our work, and about the people--
children, colleagues, and parents--with whom we work.

Right from the start, and always, let's keep in mind how hard it is to make ourselves clear in our non-native
language. Let's give each other some breaks, and put in a little extra time for repetition and clarification.

In a recent meeting at school, I spoke of what we say and don't say to children, as indicators of what we believe.
The basic principle guiding what we say and don't say may seem obvious: that we accept that we don't control
another person's thoughts and emotions in their internal reality. Knowing this as we do, it feels only natural to ask,
instead of command. I said that we never say to a child: "Say you're sorry!" Why? Because we don't know if the
child really feels sorry or not. So we could be using our authority, our size, our power, to force the child to tell a
lie. There's a better way to handle this situation, which I'll go into in detail another time. We also don't say: "You're
not hurt!" Why? Because we don't know whether the child is hurt or not. We do not feel the child's pain. Even if it
is a child who has a tendency to over-dramatize. This could be the time when they really are hurt. And there's a
better way to handle this, which I'll go into another time. Okay, but what is something we do say? For one thing,
we tell children: "You have a choice." In any situation, the child, in reality, has a choice, and can generally choose
one option from among several or many. Non-Montessori schools tend not to cultivate an appreciation of choice
among students. Does this mean that a child can choose to do nothing, or to work at a level that is far too easy, or
to avoid demonstrating a skill just presented to him by working on other things to the complete exclusion of the
skill he/she was supposed to have just learned in this lesson? Absolutely not. The child may need some guidance,
maybe even a bit of a push toward the appropriately challenging, toward the responsible choice. But the choice
must be real. Because we want to provide the opportunity for the child to take ownership of his/her own education,
and he/she does that by making his/her own choice.

An essential part of communication development is that we each look at ourselves honestly. Here is a matrix of
subscription regarding affiliation with a method-based (Montessori, in our case) school:

 I believe it and I do it. (We all talk the talk and walk the walk together.)
 I believe it but I don't do it. (Begging the questions: Why not? What is the obstacle?)
 I don't believe it but I do it. (If this were true for anyone, probably due to fear of reprisal.)
 I don't believe it and I don't do it. (Incompatible with a method-based school.)

Here are some Communication Troublemakers at ISN:

 Making a mistake (grammatical, spelling, etc.) in writing or speech;
 Not noting mistakes in students' work, or, if that's intentional, not explaining it;
 Communicating with less than optimal (i.e. lousy) timing;
 Avoiding or appearing to avoid an issue, especially if it's via citing Montessori generalizations;
 Forgetting or losing something that someone else thinks is important enough to remember;
 Not knowing something someone expects you to know, e.g. PER facts;
 Contradicting the official claim;
 The official claim contradicting reality.

We want to have a discussion that starts something like this: I did that once / a couple of times; I know of an
instance of that; I don't know of any instance of that happening here......

At the same time as we acknowledge our humanity and the flaws that come with it, we also want to put most of our
attention on things that work, things we do well. Actions that we put words to, and that maximize our ability to
predict the essential spontaneity, and form the very stuff of our communication. Things like :

 Guiding the children's construction of Portfolios of Work;
 Observing and describing eloquently the initial level, interim work, and end/current level in children's

development;
 Enjoying the playground social: making friendly contact at the end of the day;
 Problem solving: Having a question posed, a problem presented, prompting a good-natured offer of a

possible solution;
 Doing a little extra; being observed doing extra; being observed being happy doing extra;
 Greeting people with joy, and parting with warmth;
 Listening as much as talking;
 Communicating directly, diplomatically, and wisely with the person(s) involved when there is a conflict.

Note that all of these things are exactly the same for children in a class as they are for adults - teachers, colleagues,
parents, whoever. To be treated like a child is an honor in the Montessori community. Respect is bound up in our
acceptance--in our embracing, even--the notion that we do not control, we only influence, inspire, guide, observe
and celebrate.

That sounds just about right. I hadn't thought of communication in quite that many dimensions before. Do you see
the look on my face? Do you know the word for it? ăstal.

Remember John Dewey’s claim that “Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.” We have school
to attend, or life to live; I forget which.

Bob