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The
Little
Book

Of

FORGIVENESS

By
Dr. Jayendra Barad

Integrated Clinical Hypnotherapist/Trainer
Past Life Regression Therapist
[email protected]
9974907890

Published
By

Dr. Jayendra Barad‟s Clinical Hypnotherapy
2, Satyam Complex, Near Prernatirth
Satelite, Ahmedabad – 380015

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The Little Book of Forgiveness

By Dr. Jayendra Barad

Copyright @ Dr. Jayendra Barad

All Rights reserved. No Part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any
means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise
without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.

1st edition: 22 August 2018

Rs. 50/-

Translation : Ankit Parghi
Typeset and Designing : Wordooniya Content Services

Printing : Wordooniya Graphics

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Index

1. Life changing questions
2. Why forgiveness is difficult
3. The idea of constructive revenge
4. Why forgiveness is important
5. First, forgive yourself
6. How to forgive others
7. How to forgive each other
8. Forgive and forget

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Chapter 1

Life changing questions.

Let us start with eight important questions that are
going to change your life forever.

Question 1: What is the most difficult task in the world?
Climbing Everest?
Crossing an ocean?
Or
Reaching Mars?
The most of us may find all above-listed tasks difficult.
But the real question is,
“Are they important to us?”
What is their importance in our day to day life?
No importance. And we do things that are important to
us. Definitely, our focus should be on important things rather
than difficult ones.
But do you know that there is one task, both difficult
and important for everyone?

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What is it?
It is forgiveness.
It is the most difficult, but the most important task in the
world for everyone.
Question 2: Why it is difficult?
That we will learn in the second chapter.
Question 3: Why it is important?
That we will learn in the fourth chapter.
Question 4: Who is the person you cannot forgive?
Your parents?
Your friends?
Your spouse?
Your children?
Your neighbor?
Government?
The entire world?
Or God?
Yes, we all have some people in our lives whom we
cannot forgive.

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Question 5: Why we cannot forgive them?
Because they are responsible for our suffering. We have
very strong negative emotions for them. Anger, grudge,
disgust, and hatred. These negative emotions do not let us
forgive them.
We cannot forgive our parents because they are
abusing. We cannot forgive the government because it is
corrupt. We cannot forgive the world because it is so evil. We
cannot forgive God because he allows pain and suffering.
Question 6: Don’t we do the same to them?.
We cheat our clients.
We lie to our parents.
We insult our employees.
We hurt our friends.
We cheat on our spouses.
We abandon our oldies.
Have you done anything from the above list? I know
that no one can escape the evil. Injustice, hurt, cheating,
lies, betrayal, insult, abandonment has become part of our
modern relationship.

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Modern relationships are like games.
Actually, we play a game with each other. The game
of forgiveness and apologizing. First, we harm each other.
When they harm us they don‟t apologize and We don‟t
forgive. When we harm them, we don‟t apologize and they
don‟t forgive.
Question 7: What is forgiveness?
Although deep in our hearts we vaguely know about
forgiveness, we don‟t know the exact definition. We only
know how to forgive and how to apologize. It is in our DNA.
We have learned it throughout the evolution, but we hesitate
or fear to act upon it.
We know that forgiveness means…
To forget their wrong behavior.
To remove anger from mind.
To remove bitterness from heart.
To remove hatred and vengefulness.
However, let‟s see the more precise definition.
“Forgiveness is a conscious decision to release feelings
of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who

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has harmed you, regardless of whether they deserve your
forgiveness.”

Question 8: How will I actually know that I gave
someone forgiveness?

Our feelings will tell us. There are some symptoms which
show how we feel after forgiving someone.

1. Vengefulness will disappear.
2. Bitterness will disappear.
3. You will feel lightness in mind and body.
4. You will think positive about them.
5. You will feel mental freedom.
6. You will feel contentment
7. Your mind will get calm.

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Chapter 2

WHY FORGIVENESS IS DIFFICULT

There are some reasons which make forgiveness
difficult.

Reason 1:
Because the offenders are our near and dear ones.
We trust someone that means the person is trustworthy.
His place in our heart is different from others. But when the
same person breaks our trust, then it is natural to get hurt. It is
difficult to forgive him than forgiving a stranger. It is easy to
forgive a thief than a family member for stealing from your
house.
These ties with our offenders make forgiveness difficult.
Reason 2:
Because we are trained not to forgive.
Someone cheats us, harms us, lies to us or betrays us
and we do nothing? Let them go without punishment?
Impossible. We are trained to punish and not to forgive. We

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cannot think about options other than taking revenge. Our
society has taught us these lessons:

“Take revenge.”
“Teach them a lesson.”
“Force them to apologize.”
So, this preaching makes forgiveness difficult.
Reason 3:
Because we think that forgiveness is a license to harm.
Some offenders have mastered an art. Art of the
apology. They know that if they will apologize, we will forgive
them and let them stay in our lives. After we forgive them,
they invade our lives again and harm them. It becomes their
habit. Our forgiveness becomes a license to harm. They harm
us and melt our hearts by making an apology.
This fear of getting harmed again forgiveness makes
difficult for us.
Reason 4:
Because we don‟t want to go through the same pain
again.
We forgive our offenders and they repeat the same
mistakes. It becomes their habit to offend us again.

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We can forgive them for their first or second mistake,
but as they start repeating them, it becomes difficult for us to
forgive. We don‟t want to give them a license to offend us so
we stop trusting and forgiving them.

No one wants to take the same pain from the same
person again and again. So our effort to avoid this pain
makes forgiveness difficult.

Reason 5:
Because we expect from our offenders to apologize
first.
This is the problem with all of us. We take initiative for
many things, but at the instance of forgiveness, we step
back. We expect from our offenders to take initiative. We
keep waiting for them to come forward and apologize. But
the condition at the opposite end is the same. They are
waiting for us to break the silence. And sometimes this silence
takes years to get broken. This expectation makes
forgiveness difficult for us.

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Reason 6:
Because we believe that punishment is the solution.
By nature, we wish that our offenders should be getting
punished. We find peace and satisfaction only after they
pass through the same pain.
We are taught to get angry. Anger is a mask we hope
makes us stronger and superior to them. We think that our
anger and hatred is a punishment for them. We get angry at
them. We show our hatred. We insult them. We yell at them.
This is our belief that our anger will make our offenders
realize. We use anger as a weapon to punish them.
We cannot digest the fact that forgiveness can
transform our offenders. We don‟t know that Forgiveness is
the best punishment for them.
So, this belief makes forgiveness difficult for us.
Reason 7:
Because we expect from our offenders to take the
responsibility for what happened.
We all are masters of blaming game. We never can see
our own fault. We always consider our offenders responsible

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for what happened and expect from them to take full
responsibility for total damage.

Sometimes, their fault is clearly visible, but we fail to
make them realize. In this case, if we forgive them, then it
means that we are responsible for the damage.

So, this expectation makes forgiveness difficult for us.

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Chapter 3

The idea of constructive revenge.

Have you seen the movie „Manzhi‟? If not, you must see
it. It is a film about a poor laborer who single-handedly
carves a path passing through a hillock using only a hammer
and chisel. It took him 22 years to finish this unbelievable
journey.

Think for a while, how a single man without the help of
any machine, technology or team can carve a path through
a mountain?

The answer lies in the story of the film.
His wife is a toy vendor. To sell her toys she travels to the
only local market on the other side of the mountain. If she
takes the circular route around the mountain, it takes three
to four days to reach. So she always prefers to cross the
mountain to save time.
One day while climbing the mountain her leg slips and
she falls down. Manzhi comes for her rescue. She is severely
injured and must be taken to the hospital. But his village has

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no hospital. The hospital is in the neighboring village on the
other side of the mountain. Manzhi tries to reach the hospital,
but because of the long distance, he cannot reach in time.
She dies and also does her unborn child. Yes, she was
pregnant at the time of her death.

Manzhi is madly in love with her wife. Her death tears
apart his existence. He loses his mind and self-control. After
this tragic incident, he finds no reason to live. He dedicates
his life to only one purpose: Taking revenge from the
mountain. Yes, he believes that the mountain is responsible
for his wife‟s death.

He takes a vow of breaking the mountain‟s ego with his
hammer. This is his personal fight. Other villagers do not have
any reason to hate and to take revenge from the mountain.
So they don‟t come forward to support him. But Manzhi is not
ready to forgive the mountain. And for the next 22 years, he
cannot forgive it.

Manzhi could have forgiven the mountain. Apparently,
there was not its fault. Whatever happened was just an
unfortunate event. But he invests all his energy and time in
this revenge.

How does this story resemble our lives?
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We all are like Manzhi. We all have that one or more
mountains in our lives. We all are trying to break those
mountains with our little hammers. Have you ever invested
your precious time and energy in taking revenge with
someone?

And the real question...
“Does it make any difference to the mountain?”
If you look closely, Manzhi‟s case was different. His
personal revenge gifted villagers a new shorter route to the
neighboring village. Thus, His revenge was constructive.
Whereas ours are destructive and useless.
Manzhi‟s story teaches us a big lesson in life.
“The time, energy and money we invest in taking
revenge can be diverted to some constructive and useful
purpose.”
If forgiveness is next to impossible for you, if you feel that
only revenge can give you peace, then you should divert
your anger to some higher and useful goal.
You cannot forgive the friend who did not help you
when you are in financial trouble?

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Then earn that much money that you can help other
poor people.

You cannot forgive the person who physically attacked
and harmed you?

Then make your body so strong that you can protect
weak people caught in the same situation.

You cannot forgive your landlord who threw you out
because you failed to pay the rent?

Then build your own house in front of his house.
Frank Sinatra, a famous Hollywood actor has said,
“The best revenge is the massive success.”
If you cannot forgive, then take revenge. Not in terms
of harming your offender, but making your life more
successful. If you try to harm your offender and when you see
that he is living the life like before, you will feel sad. You
constantly look for different ways to disturb his life and
nothing happens but you lose your precious time and
energy. To spend life in taking revenge with a single person in
this world of billions of people is nothing but foolishness.
You are not a fool, are you?

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Chapter 4

Why is forgiveness so important?

Reason 1:
Because life is short for revenge.
We all know that life is short. We all have experienced
its pace. Childhood runs like a dear. Youth runs like a
panther. And old age? Like a turtle. Nagging and
complaining turtle.
Do you want to spend your life like Manzhi? If you will
not practice forgiveness, then your mind will remain full of
anger, frustration, hatred, and vengefulness.
In the presence of these negative and toxic emotions,
you will not able to feel peace, satisfaction, and happiness in
life.
So throw all negative emotions out of your mind.
Forgive your offenders because life is short.

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Reason 2:
Forgiveness is our responsibility
Our biggest and frequent complaint with others is that
they don‟t give us enough care and love. That is why we
don‟t feel happiness in relationships.
Ask yourself:
Is it their responsibility?
Can only others make you happy?
Remember, our happiness is in our hands.
In short, our happiness is our responsibility, rather our
duty. And to be happy we must forgive others. Thus,
forgiveness is our first responsibility.
So forgive and be happy.
Reason3:
Because people never change.
As we grow up, we either become strong or weak.
People around us can make us strong or weak. Most of the
time we don‟t have a choice with the surrounding people.
The people we hate most can be our colleagues. The fact is
that we cannot change them. We can only handle them.
Some are easy to handle and some are difficult.

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Most of the people remain the same throughout their
lives. It is in their DNA. They are not like you and will not
become like you for your happiness. So forgive them and
leave them to their fate because how hard you try they will
remain the same.

Because people never change.
Reason 4:
Forgiveness makes you more aware.
Forgive your offenders. Forget what they did to you, but
never forget the lesson you learned from the experiences.
Our every mistake teaches us a lesson. This lesson can make
you more aware. In the future, whenever you will come
across such person or such a situation, this lesson will help you
to tackle it. Even learn something from your own mistakes.
What do we do?
We neither forget them, nor even learn any lesson.
A double loss.
So, forgive, learn and be aware.

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Reason 5:
Because forgiveness attracts forgiveness.
Forgiveness means giving love to your offender even
after what he did to you. Be gentle. Be lovable. Be kind. You
will get lots of love back in some form.
This is nature‟s law:
“What goes around comes around.”
You have options to choose either love or hatred. Either
forgiveness of revenge. Give love and you will get love. Give
hatred and you will get hatred. Forgive people and God will
forgive you for your sins.
Because forgiveness attracts forgiveness.
Reason 6:
Because forgiveness kills bitterness.
Positive emotion kills negative emotion. Forgiveness kills
bitterness. Bitterness vanishes and peace arrives.
We believe that we will get rid of bitterness only when
we take revenge or harm our offenders.
But it‟s not true. Vengefulness only increases frustration
and uneasiness. The bitterness which develops after a fight is
our choice. Sweetness and bitterness cannot stay together.

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Choose either. If you want sweet life or a sweet relationship,
then you have to leave bitterness. Get rid of bitterness.

Forgiveness will help to get rid of bitterness. Because
forgiveness kills bitterness.

Reason 7:
Because forgiveness heals us.
We all hurt each other. Physical wounds heal with time,
but emotional wounds remain forever. Forgiveness helps to
heal. They are very deep. Revenge cannot heal them.
Forgiveness is the only remedy.
Anger can raise our body temperature and blood
pressure whereas forgiveness is a stress buster. It lowers down
blood pressure and prevents the heart attack.
It can benefit our physical health, too. It strengthens our
immunity. It lowers down blood pressure. It removes physical
pain.
Thus, forgiveness heals us not only emotionally but also
physically.

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Chapter 5

First, forgive yourself

Have you ever cheated on your spouse?
Have you ever hit your child in anger?
Have you ever lied to your parents?
Have you ever insulted someone?
We all have our own lists. Small or big ones. Mistakes are
part of our lives. Knowingly or unknowingly we make
mistakes. Most of the times we unknowingly do known
mistakes again and again.
Have you forgiven yourself for them?
No?
Then forget about forgiving others for a moment.
Forgiving our own self is more difficult than forgiving others.
All our past mistakes and sins have now become part of our
permanent memory.
We remember everything.
Whenever we lied, we remember.

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Whenever we cheated someone, we remember.
Whenever we insulted someone, we remember. Whenever
we hurt someone, we remember.

We believe that they are the part of our past and play
no more roles in our present. But we are wrong. Our past
memories and emotions associated with them can disturb
our current mental balance and physical health.

Stanford University ran a research on forgiveness. They
Say,

“Forgiving our own self is essential
for both mental and physical health.”
It is easier to forgive others than our own self. The person
lives 24 hours inside and around us is yourself. You have to
face him every day and every moment. Others will not be
there always and forever. They will come and go. They will
not be there to remind you of your mistakes and sins. But your
conscience will always be there to alarm you. The inner
alarm will ring now and then. Once you stop the alarm, it will
ring again. You cannot throw it away, cannot get rid of it.
So, be aware of your thoughts, your words, and your
actions. Notice what is going on inside your head. Observe

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your speech. Your tone. Meditate on your actions and its
consequences before doing them. Our alertness, our
awareness will help to prevent mistakes.

Now, let us see ten steps to forgive ourselves.
Step 1:
Apply your moral rules to your future.
We feel guilt for the past karmas because of the
difference between our current morals and past morals.
If your current moral is “Killing animals is a sin.”, then
you will feel guilt for whenever you had eaten chicken and
crushed a dog under your car.
Your current ethics are for the future actions, not for the
past actions. So feeling guilt for the past actions is useless.
You were ignorant at that time. So better to forgive yourself
for the past actions. Try your morals on the future.
Step 2:
Past Is Past, Accept It.
The past is past, no one can change it.
It happened what meant to happen.

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If we don‟t accept this fact, then we will suffer. We will
not able to move on. All our mistakes are in our past.
Forgiveness is about letting go of our past mistakes.
Accepting that, past is past will help you to release it.

Release your past.
Step 3:
Redo Technique.
You can redo in Photoshop, but in life, we don‟t have
this option. So watch your words and actions carefully. Think
before you speak. Think before you act.
Always keep this in mind,
“I know that I cannot redo my words, so I will use sweet
words only.”
“I know that I cannot redo my actions, so I will think
every time before acting.”
Once you will set the „redo‟ alarm in your mind,
whenever words or actions seem inappropriate to your mind
it will alarm you,
“Wait. No redo, remember?”

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Step 4:
Accept, whatever you did was your best at that time.
We all try to give our best performance at work and in
relationships. But sometimes pressure is high, time is short and
expectations are big. Under such conditions, whatever we
do should be considered our best. So don‟t worry about your
performance.
It is natural that we cannot help a friend financially
when we have no spare money. So forgive yourself for that.
Just do your best and move on.
Step 5:
Try to avoid the repetition of your mistakes.
Don‟t repeat your past mistakes. You better know what
you did wrong and what was right. But we cannot change
past mistakes. We can only prevent future mistakes. So, now
create a new list of ethics. Practice them regularly. They will
help you to stop making mistakes in the future.
Some situations in our life repeat again and again. You
missed handling them correctly in the past. So now try to
handle them correctly whenever they come in the future.

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Mistakes become habits when repeated. So avoid
repetition.

Tell yourself;
“I will not repeat that mistake in the future.”
“I was unable to stop them at that time.”
Step 6:
Remove repentance.
We cannot move on in life because of repentances of
the past mistakes.
“If I would not have said that.”
“If I would not have behaved like that.”
“If I would have kept patience at that time.”
“If I would have given him one last chance.”
Repentance is a waste of time. Don‟t waste your
current resources on the repentance of the past. Instead,
Plan for the future.
Remove repentance completely.
Step 7: Forgive your own old mistakes.
In childhood, we were not as mature as we are now. So
we did many mistakes. No one was there to guide us. Some

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people live with repentances of their childhood mistakes till
the last breath.

We need to work more on such repentances. Focus on
them.

Don‟t curse yourself for them. Be kind. Forgive yourself.
“I forgive myself for the mistake I made in the past.” ,
say this and move ahead.
Step 8:
Turn the page
Do you read a book page by page or you just keep
reading the same page again and again?
Yes. We read a page and turn it to the next page. This is
how we can progress in reading and complete reading the
book. If we do not turn the page how could we know what is
ahead in the book, what is useful for us in upcoming
chapters.
The book of life is the same as a real book.
Don‟t stick to the same chapter. Turn the page and
keep reading.

Forgiveness is a finger, which will help you to turn the
page.

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Step 9:
It will take time to learn forgiveness.
Can anyone learn to ride a bicycle in the first attempt?
No, we all have taken days to learn bicycling. We have
fallen down. We have got injured. Our bicycles have got
damaged. We have got a cast. We cannot learn bicycling
without these difficulties. Can we?
Learning forgiveness will take time. Don‟t worry if you
fall down or get injured. Have patience. You will learn one
day.
Step 10:
Learn to love yourself.
This is our habit. We meditate on our mistakes. We
always criticize ourselves. We cannot forgive ourselves for our
weaknesses and shortcomings.
We all have flaws in us. We all have weaknesses. We
always feel something missing in us. We always find others
superior to us. We envy them and hate ourselves for not
being like them.
Have mercy on yourself. Behave gently with yourself.
Use sweet and powerful words for yourself.

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Don‟t say, “I am a useless person.”
Say, “People need me for my qualities.”
Loving yourself will make you kind to yourself. So,
forgiveness will become easy.
Love yourself. Forgive yourself.

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Chapter 6

How to forgive others

We learned that forgiveness is difficult, but we can
make it easier by dividing the process into actionable steps.

Friedrich Lusky, professor of Stanford University has
made this difficulty easy for us. He has given 9 steps in the
process of forgiveness. These steps are very practical and
easy to follow. This set of steps works as a tool kit.

If you are confused about the entire process of
forgiveness, then don‟t think too much. Just have faith in this
process and just follow it. Definitely, you will get results.

Step 1:
Identify your emotional state.
Do you feel insulted? Do you get angry? Feeling
hatred? Feeling powerless? Want to take revenge? Feel
disgusted? Feel resentment?
Or you are clueless.

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To find out the answer, do this mental exercise.
Bring your offender‟s face on your mental screen.
Repeat the same incident in your mind. It will play like a
video on your mental screen. While watching the image of
your offender and video of the incident, you will switch to the
same mental state again. That mental state will bring back
the exact emotion in you. Our brain reacts identically both in
an actual situation and imagination of thr situation.
Now note down that emotion. Note down its intensity.
The anger is so much that you want to kill that person?
Feeling so hopeless that you get suicidal thoughts?
Note everything down.
Step 2:
Share it with someone.
Now share this revelation with your well-wisher. He can
be your parent. Can be your sibling. Can be your friend. Can
be your teacher or spiritual guru. Or you can even take the
help of a psychotherapist. It is very crucial to share. Sharing is
more important than the person you share with.
Why share?

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Because the solution becomes more difficult when we
are alone to solve the problem. With different perspectives
and approaches of other people, the problem can be
solved easily.

So, take help of others.
Step 3:
Give a commitment to yourself.
In this step, you are supposed to give a commitment to
yourself. The commitment that you will try your best to
change your emotional state. You will take all necessary
steps given in this process. You will get out of this emotional
cage. Fear, anger, hatred, disgust, grudge or resentment
whatever is in your heart, you will get rid of it as soon as
possible. You will not let your negative and toxic emotions to
conquer your mind.
Any of our emotions is like a wild horse. If trained, it is
useful to us. Either you mount it or it will make you fall down
and you will get injured. It may crush you under its legs.
Before it gets control over you, you need to train it, dominate
it and mount it.

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What do you want? Dominate your emotions or get
dominated by them?

Commit to yourself that you will get this horse of
emotion under control. The commitment should be strong.

Step 4:
Change your belief about forgiveness.
We need to change our biggest wrong belief.
“Forgiveness is for others.”
In real, forgiveness is for your own betterment.
Forgiveness doesn‟t mean that you give license to your
offender to offend you. It doesn‟t mean that you don‟t stop
them harming you or hurting you.
Our concern here is our own mental peace. It should
be our ultimate goal of this process. Just keep in mind that
whatever you are doing is for yourself, not for others.
Your offender has hurt you. He has cheated you. He has
harmed you. He has insulted you. Whatever is done is done
from his side. But the fact is that we are suffering because of
his actions. We are victims. We operate on the damaged
part of the body, not on a healthy organ. Here we are

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damaged emotionally. So, we need to work on our own
emotional body.

If someone stabs you, what will you do? You will go to
the dispensary for treatment. You will not sit there yelling at
him or try to make him realize his mistake. Our priority is our
well- being, not transformation of others.

Step 5:

Try to change your perspective.

We all are somewhat rigid about our perspectives. We
usually try to stick to our own perspectives. Only change in
our perspectives can bring change in our emotions. We see
different people with different perspectives. So we have
different emotions for different people. Our perspectives are
developed from our experiences. We cannot change
experiences, but we can change our perspectives and so
our emotions.

You only have control over your perspective. Change
your perspective and observe your new experiences. How
your thoughts are changing. How your emotions are
changing. How your sensual experiences are changing. How
your behavior is changing. Keep mental track of all the
changes.

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After changing your perspective, try to concentrate on
your present mental, emotional and physical state. Don‟t
bring past memories or future expectation in this state.

Step 6:
Practice stress management
A psychological study says that our mental or physical
suffering is the result of negative emotions we store in our
minds. Anger, grudge, hatred, and anger are such emotions.
They destabilize our peaceful mental state and create
negative waves in the ocean of our minds. Stress is the result
of this disturbance.
Stress is natural after any emotional trauma. Post-
traumatic stress disorder is a mental disorder which develops
after such traumatic incidents. Stress leads to depression.
Self-help will not prove much useful in such serious conditions.
Concern clinical psychiatrist.
You need to manage your stress. You can try
meditation. Try sessions with a mental health specialist.
Forgiveness will help to reduce stress. When its intensity
powers down, it can be easily manageable.

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Forgiving people can stay mentally healthy. Unforgiving
people chose stress instead of forgiveness. Egoist people are
more likely to sleep in depression. Forgiving people are
egoless people.

Step 7:
Leave expectations.
Our expectations from others increase when we are in
trouble.
“He should help me.”
“This is the time when I need them.”
“They should stand by me.”
People don‟t live according to your expectations. They
have their own life and life problems. They are busy with
living their lives and solving their life problems.
The expectation will bring dissatisfaction which will
further lead to pain. If you want mental peace, leave
expectations. Don‟t expect that your offender will realize his
mistake. Don‟t expect that law of karma punishes him. Don‟t
expect that he should not live happily. Don‟t expect much
from people and from life. Don‟t even keep great
expectation from your own self.

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Don‟t try to impose your rules on others.
„They should talk to me like this.‟
„They should behave with me like this.‟
Your rules are just your rules, not universal laws. Forgive if
they don‟t talk or behave as per your expectations.
Hope for the better, but don‟t expect. Hope is
empowering whereas expectation is limiting. Hope will help
you move forward and expectation will drag you back.
Step 8:
Invest your energy in constructive activities.
Where do you invest your time and energy?
In planning revenge? In teaching a lesson?
Mental energy is closely related to physical energy.
Negative thoughts and emotions will drain your physical
energy too. At the end of the revenge, you will remain
nothing but with your own loss.
If you wish, you can divert your energy towards some
constructive activity. You must have other goals in your life
rather than planning a revenge. Try to achieve them using
this energy.

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The same amount of energy needs in taking a goal or
Stopping a goal. The same amount of energy needed in
breaking a wall or constructing a wall. The choice is yours.

Destruction or construction?
Most of our time and mental energy are spent
meditating on the painful incidents. We keep repeating the
speech and behavior of our offenders in our mind.
“How harsh were his words.”
“How rude was his behavior.”
“How much anger was in his eyes.”
Meditating on good things happened in your life will
increase your mental energy.
Meditate on them. Invest your energy to bring more
such good things in your life.
Step 9:
Remove vengefulness from your mind.
You cannot believe, but the biggest revenge is to
forgive. Forgive your offender and live a happy, successful
and constructive life in front of his eyes. If you want to take
revenge, there is no need to harm others. Just raise yourself
and succeed more in life.

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Forgiveness is only possible in the absence of
vengefulness. Revenge changes nothing but its absence
changes everything. To take revenge, we need to harm
others. To disturb their lives. But we have very little control
over the lives of others. We should do what is within our
control. Take control of your own emotions, not others‟.

The absence of vengefulness is the beginning of
forgiveness. Remove vengefulness from your mind.

Step 10:
Chose forgiveness no matter what.
Forgiveness seeks more strength than revenge.
Revenge is for the weak and forgiveness is for the strong one.
Here, strength doesn‟t mean physical strength. It is the
mental strength. The practice of forgiveness will increase your
mental and spiritual strength.
The choice is yours. You want to move on or want to
remain where you are. You want to chain yourself or want to
liberate. You want to become stronger or remain weake?.
Our choice can change our future.
Forgiveness is a choice that can make your future
brighter. Forgiveness is the remedy of all sufferings. I know

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that forgiveness is not our habit. By default, we are habitual
not to forgive. But we have always two options, Forgive or
not to forgive.

If we don‟t choose forgiveness, we will choose
unforgiveness by default. Unforgiveness will not come alone.
It will come with an array of negative emotions. Anger,
grudge, resentment and so on. They will make you weaker
than earlier.

Do you want to become weaker? No. I know that you
want to become stronger. Then chose forgiveness and
practice it regularly.

Chose forgiveness no matter what.

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Chapter 7

How to forgive each other

Have you ever utter statements like…
“How dare you speak to me like that?”
“How could he insult me?”
“She ignored me?”
These statements are now part of our day to day
conversations. They show that how much we are obsessed
with ourselves.
Yes, it‟s all about us, us and us.
We don‟t give much importance to others and their
emotions. We are only concerned about our emotions. We
hurt or harm others, but do we heal each other? No. we
don‟t give a damn to other‟s suffering. It is their problem. We
lack empathy. We cannot understand how they feel, what
they pass through. But when it comes to our own suffering,
we become protective. We become selfish. And selfish
people cannot forgive. Only selfless can.

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Do not be selfish. You are not alone in this world. Our
world is full of people. Good people and bad people. We
need each other. We cannot escape this world and we must
live among them. No choice.

We have to understand our relationships with each
other. Understand the nature of these relationships.

Really, they are strange and contradictory.
We like each other and we hate each other. We praise
each other and we envy each other. Sometimes we like
each other‟s company and sometimes we feel suffocated.
We have complaints about each other. We are angry at
each other. We abuse each other mentally or verbally. We
hurt each other and we harm each other. We lie to each
other and we cheat each other. We make each other cry.
We do all bad things with each other.
We play a game with each other. Game of hurting and
harming each other. Game of abusing and insulting each
other. This game continues until we forgive each other. Until
then we remain stuck. Forgiveness can make us free.
Forgiveness can untangle knots in a relationship. It is easy to
open these knots in the beginnings, but once knots become

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tight, a mere forgiveness cannot untangle them. The time will
come when we will start suffocating.

We will suffer.
Yes, we will suffocate.
Do you want to suffer?
If you do not want to suffer then you need to
understand the fact that we all are connected. It can be a
positive connection or a negative connection. With
someone we have soul connection, love connection or
hatred connection. In a negative connection, we give each
other pain. In a positive connection we give happiness.
Negative connection is a destructive connection. The
positive connection is constructive.
Revenge builds negative connection while forgiveness
builds positive connection. To build strong positive
connections, you need to learn forgiveness and practice it
regularly.

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Chapter 8

Forgive and forget

One thing is sure that forgiveness is difficult, but what is
more difficult than it?

tIt is To forget the entire incident as if it never
happened.

Meditate on your past.
How many people did you forgive?
The second question is more important.
Can you forget whatever happened?
Mostly the answer is „No‟.
Yes, to forget is even more difficult. We cannot forget
their bitter words. We cannot forget the insult they did. We
cannot forget the social or monetary damage they gave us.
We cannot forget the suffering and pain involved. We
cannot forget the loss and trouble involved.
Even after we reconnect with them, we cannot forget
their offenses. This is human nature. We remember the pain

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more than happiness. We remember loss more than benefit.
We remember criticism more than praise.

I know it is difficult. Once forgiveness was difficult for
you. But as you came to know the process, you started
feeling it easy. Practice is needed. Start practicing
forgiveness first. First, forgive yourself. Then start forgiving
others for small mistakes. And then go for bigger ones.
Similarly, practice forgetting. Forget your own painful past
and release it. Now try to forget your offender‟s misconduct.

You have to forget otherwise the memories of it will
make your life hell. You will not able to move on.

You will feel heavy all the time.
You will not able to think about other important things.
If you want to move on with life or relationships, then
you must forgive and then forget.
Forget.
Forget as if it never happened.
It is difficult, but if you want to make life easy, you have
to attempt this difficult task. The second most difficult task.
And the second most important task.
Do it. And see what is ahead in life, in the relationship.

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We all find difficulty in forgetting. Me as well. I can easily
forgive, but forgetting is still difficult for me. But I am trying.

You should also try. Keep trying. Keep practicing. Make
forgiveness your habit.

Forgive and forget.
Because...
The first to apologize is the bravest.
The first to forgive is the strongest.
The first to forget is the happiest.
Now, at the end of this book ask these last three
questions to yourself.
Am I brave?
Am I strong?
Am I happy?

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The most powerful prayer on Earth

By clearing ourselves with love, forgiveness and
gratitude we clear the experiences of the past, present and
future. The words with intention are vibrations that break up
old patterns of fear and negativity.

Ho‟oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian prayer. It is
personal and universal. When we get in touch with our
deepest feelings of compassion, forgiveness and gratitude
for ourselves there is great healing. We then have the
capacity to love and heal others. To forgive ourselves or
those who hurt us opens the heart and allows us to love
more.

These words, “I‟m sorry, I love you, please forgive me,
I thank you” are so powerful. They heal the collective. We
feel or move towards feeling forgiveness, compassion, love
and gratitude for all life and all that has happened.

Use this little prayer as a mantra. Chant it everyday
after waking up and before going to bed. It will give you
miraculous results.

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Ho’oponopono
Prayer

I am sorry.
Please forgive me.

I love you.
Thank you

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