Limerence Affair Recovery

21 MARCH 2017 AT

Thank For i’ve found this website!
I’m su몭ering of limerence and I thought that I was the only one, because I don’t know anybody
else passing through tais as well! My friends think I’m crazy, and also do I. I am 28 years old and
I am in love with a co-woker since two years ago, it’s completely unrequited! But 1 month ago
he moved away to another city! Now my friends keep telling me that is time to move on, and I
rationally understand this, but emotionally I can’t stop thinking about him every waking hour, I
lost my religion, I’m sick, I can’t eat, or sleep, or even work! How can I move on? Thank you very
much!

Reply

Valencia

2 MAY 2017 AT

It seems like im one of the few on this site on the other end of limerence. I think i must be a
limerent object. Ive been searching for some way to explain my a몭ect on this other person. He
thinks im a magical witch. It was love at 몭rst sight for him. He says we are twin 몭ames. It has
been 8 years and he remains obsessed.
The strangest part is, he has 몭nally dragged me in, too. We recently cut ties, and now I am
obsessed with him. I search his name on google, i leave messages for him on social media
(ones i know only he will understand), i feel paralyzed by intrusive fantasies. I am in the most
wonderful, committed, balanced relationship of my life, and i still feel this connection to this
another guy. I do not admire him. In fact, i feel disgusted and ashamed. I never want to see him
again. I want to reach out to him and pique his interest. I want to mail him anonymous letters. I
want to manipulate his life for better and for worse. I feel insane.

Reply

AnonLim

5 JUNE 2017 AT

Hi,

This must be di몭cult…. Well try to play your fantasies out in your mind- think of how bad and
unsatisfying they would probably be….or how hurt people could get. It might help you kill the
obsession before it gets totally out of control. Keep us posted! Good luck…

Reply

Weeza

13 JUNE 2017 AT

You aren’t insane. So you were his LO, now he is yours. Remember it’s not about them, it’s about
us. Possibly once he sucked you in he realized you weren’t the magical other he objecti몭ed you
to be. You changed the dynamics after 8 years. He reacted by withdrawing? Finding another
LO?

Now you are su몭ering. You are lucky to have a healthy, balanced, relationship. Hang onto that.
In time this ridiculous obsession will cease. It’s not about him. You already know he’s not right
for you. Even if he was over the top crazy about you for 8 years, and you weren’t interested, you
still likely enjoyed the admiration, the attention, reliability, the friendship. Now that he has
withdrawn completely, it’s normal you would miss it and wonder why? Remember, when you
had him,you didn’t want him. So likely you don’t want him now either. You just felt special being
an LO.

It’s possible you are limerent but not sure.

Reply

Thomas

18 MAY 2017 AT

My feelings for her were explosive, the result of deep admiration, attraction, and concern over
the terribly unfair situation her husband put her in. I believed that I saw her only as a friend, and
then it happened. She’s all I think about. The only way I can go to sleep is to either drink myself
there, or to gaze inside my mind at her image until I drift o몭. All the other shiny things in my life
are dull, muted by the dread that she’ll never love me. And if she did it would ruin so many
lives, so many families, so many reputations. The result of any relationship between us would
be poison, yet I want a double dose just to feel the satisfaction and the joy, if only for a moment.
I didn’t ask for this. I’m 몭fty years old and I’ve never felt this way. I’m sick with desire and
sickened by my desire. God please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the di몭erence.

Reply

Kumar

22 JULY 2017 AT

# Thomas. I deeply empathise with your situation and admire your insights. I am in early 몭fties
and in a somewhat similar situation with a co-worker 15 years junior. It started with this deep
empathy for her. Then several things converged. But I dont intend to see it as a neurotic
condition. It makes me touch the far corners of my spirit, deep recesses of my soul. She makes
me sense the nature of my truth – Existence, Consciousness, Bliss. Dorothy Tennov might
exclaim – “I told you so, Limerence !’ . But naming something does not explain it. Life is much

exclaim – “I told you so, Limerence !’ . But naming something does not explain it. Life is much
too complex. Ecstacy and despair might be two sides of a coin. Like light and darkness. One
pays for the other. With all its pain, in the end I regard it as a gift. I only wish happiness for her. It
aches as much as for anyone here. But I know I will never act and wreck lives of my children. It
helps that that situation may never present itself. I am not happy to call her LO. It may be an
object in a scienti몭c paper.

Reply

AnonLim

5 JUNE 2017 AT

I’m in love with a happily married co-worker. Or is it limerence? Not sure. All I know is I can not
stop thinking about her. I fantasize about her a lot…and mostly they are not sexual…mostly they
consist me helping/saving her or impressing her in some way… Anyway, I really admire her
husband and 2 children. I’d never dream of disrupting her marriage (as if I had a chance at that
anyway- she’s way out of my league)…but having said that, I feel like we are getting closer
slowly… she shares intimate family issues with me and I with her. We text sometimes me
recently she suggested about doing some innocuous activity outside of work some time. I think
she really feels relaxed with me be trusts me…. and she’s safe with me….but if she only knew
how much I love and obsess over her, she’d probably freak out….

Reply

Rob

7 JULY 2017 AT

I’ve been obsessed (not in love!) with this guy for 5 years since I was at school school who I

didn’t really even knw, yet I haven’t seen him for almost 4 years as he moved abroad. I have on-
o몭 episodes when I can think about nothing but him lasting several months, when I constantly
search for him on facebook, google etc. (I know I should just stop, but after all this time, and my
pathetic willpower, that seems pointless). Its got to the point that I can’t ‘fall in love’ with anyone
else, no matter how much I’ve tried. I’ve even tried to force myself to fancy others, and whilst
transference works for a bit its not sustainable L-T. The fear of him being with/kissing/sleeping
with anyone tears me apart, making me scour social media for ‘evidence’ to calm my nerves. I
hate that I can’t get over him, and fear that I’ll never ‘love’ someone else to the same intensity,
but properly, because I’ll always negatively compare them to him. Pls help if you can.

Reply

Kumar

24 JULY 2017 AT

I am in mid 몭fties and in a somewhat similar situation with a co-worker 15 years junior. It started
with this deep empathy for her. Then several things converged. But I dont intend to see it as a
neurotic condition. It makes me touch the far corners of my spirit, deep recesses of my soul.
She makes me sense the nature of my truth – Existence, Consciousness, Bliss. Dorothy Tennov
might explain it away as Limerence. But I think very often we assume we know just by naming
something. Life may be much too complex Ecstasy and despair might be two sides of a coin.
Like light and darkness. One pays for the other. With all its pain, in the end I regard it as a gift. I
only wish happiness for her. It aches as much as for anyone here. But I know I will never act and
wreck lives of my children. It helps that the question may never present itself. I am not happy to
call her ‘Limerent Object’. It may be an object in a scienti몭c paper. For me she might be the
Subject itself.

Reply

Anonfree

2 AUGUST 2017 AT

I have been limerent since I was 7 or 8 years old and from there the cycle has never ended. I
never knew what I was su몭ering until I stumbled upon the term: limerence. It has been
liberating to know that what I feel has a name. I have never been in a relationship which I feel is
aggravating my limerence. Right now the cycle is just ending where my LO hasn’t reciprocated
my feelings and on top of that is a friend. I am feeling depressed but I am sure that I will be
over it soon, as it is a cycle. But this time I am committed to not have a new LO. Sorry if this
seems disjointed, just got a lot of thoughts in my head

Reply

John

29 AUGUST 2017 AT

It will destroy your life eventually if u can’t get control it…will take over your life ..simply; it drew
me into an a몭air for many years all I could think about 24/7 was her… I lost years with my
children because all I could think about was the next romantic 몭x… it is worse than a drug
addiction it corrupts your mind body and soul and the person y once were is gone ..cheesy; on
some level I was once anakin skywalker to darth Vader .. Corrupted by this I destroyed my
marriage, friends family all gone … I do not want anyone’s pity or will make choices … however
unless you experience luminance one can’t understand how it takes you over from the inside
out slowly ….and now my marriage, my life as I once new it all gone as I still battle it everyday
longing for my lover, knowing it’s limerence getting the best of me; again!

Reply

Windy1

9 SEPTEMBER 2017 AT

Just discovered this term, and am starting to realize that I have spent nearly my entire life in
limerence. I am married w/ 2 teenagers. Over the last 6 months I have fallen for a married
colleague. She has moved to a new job a month ago and the feelings are just starting to
subside. In my craziness I started doing online searches about my feelings and stumbled upon
this group. I have tried to explain my obsessive thoughts to close friends over the years , they
are sympathetic but cannot empathize. My current LO may have an idea about my feelings, but
nothing overtly physical was ever said or done. Just me living in a sel몭sh fantasy world. I have
not attempted to make contact with her since she left and after reading many of the posts, I
certainly won’t. Thanks to all of you!!

Reply

Cookie

27 SEPTEMBER 2017 AT

So glad to have found this site. I recently learned about limerence after a heart-wrenching
experience with the 5th LO in my adult life. He said I was the girl of his dreams, then essentially
disappeared. It has been a destructive pattern that I’ve kept hidden for years. I am 50, married,
with 3 almost grown children. A good life — perfect from the outside — but for me, there must
always be a limerent a몭air in the shadows for me to enjoy intimacy with my husband. Trying to
unravel the real WHY of it. My guess is early childhood attachment disorder. John is exactly
right: it will destroy you. But you must forgive yourself 몭rst before you can move on. And it is an
addiction, as well as a compulsion.

Reply

Sticks

16 OCTOBER 2017 AT

well…i think my case of limerence is quite…unbelievable, but true. Although it’s like I’m just
obsessing over him. And the worst part is, ME HAVING FEELINGS FOR HIM IS WRONG ON ALL
LEVELS… there is a certain level of limerence for my case but I don’t think it’s just limerence.
there must be something else wrong with me…

Reply

J

29 OCTOBER 2017 AT

Good to give it a name. I’ve been with my wife over 15 years. I had fallen deeply for my 몭rst
serious girlfriend before that and that had been it. I love my wife, I truly do. I would put her
happiness and her life before my own. However it’s been over a year now and my work ‘crush’
is only getting stronger / worse (take your pick). I know it’s not real. I know it’s just a fantasy with
all the good and minus all the reality. But it doesn’t matter. I can’t seem to reason myself out of
this. This girl is amazing, intelligent, lovely and to die for gorgeous, in every way. Of course, she
is not single either, how could a girl like her ever be. Never mind, even if she were, she is
laughably out of my league. Just writing it down, knowin other people out there feel the same
way, makes me feel a bit better. Which is handy, because right now I feel like a total bastard. I
just want it to stop. I want to 몭nd the switch & turn this o몭. Please let me 몭nd the strength to be
the man I want to be

Reply

F

22 NOVEMBER 2017 AT

Whoa… Right after I found this site I was about to write about what is happening to me, then I
read *your* comment. I’m in exactly the same spot, almost to the letter, and is driving me crazy!!
If you 몭nd that damn switch please let me know where is it.

Reply

E

26 NOVEMBER 2017 AT

I am in the same spot as you, J! 15+ year marriage and obsessed with my work colleague for
over a year. I can’t get him out of my mind. It’s awful. I know he likes me too, so it is just
unbearable. I keep telling myself NO CONTACT, but I just can’t bear to lose him from my life.
Working with him brings me joy, and there isn’t much joy in my life otherwise. He makes me so
happy and so sad at the same damn time. Makes no sense at all. I know this is a chemical
addiction to a person- and that I am building a fantasy about him in my mind, but I have never
been drawn to someone like this ever before in my life. I keep telling myself that this is
something special – it’s not like this has happened with anyone else. I wish I had never met him.
On the other hand, I feel like if I can just get past this feeling (limerence ends eventually – from
what I have been told) I will have a lifelong friend/soul mate to the end.

Reply

Ellie

12 NOVEMBER 2017 AT

I have a work crush. It’s INSANE. I have had obsessive crushes ever since i was about 5 and it’s
so hard for anyone to understand because most people can somehow manage their emotions.
I cry stupid amounts and it is a very physical pain of longing. It’s very upsetting that I have let
this happen yet again but no amount of saying “i always do this so the person means nothing,
they’re interchangeable” makes it stop. I feel I want to lose myself in him but this time it’s a step
too far and I am struggling to pull myself back out. It hasn’t given me the good feelings most of
the prior addictions have given me. It hasn’t given me a new lease of life. It has just made me
feel awful. There is also another girl he looks at and I watch them and it makes me feel like my
stomach is in knots. It’s an awful feeling. I want to be over this but part of me wants to sink.

Reply

Sue

16 NOVEMBER 2017 AT

We were friendly acquaintances. Our paths would cross every few weeks and we would spend
a short while talking. We got on well. There was an underlying attraction, soon forgotten after
the event. Then, after about a year, there was a sudden shift for me. One day I was with him and
I experienced this overwhelming sense of magnetic attraction and belonging. The
indescribable joy and lightness lasted for a couple of weeks. Then it was overshadowed by a
dark dawning that we were both unavailable. Months of limerent highs and lows ensued. I’d
never experienced it before and it was seriously a몭ecting my life. As no contact was impractical
due to our circumstances, I initiated a disclosure of sorts. Mutual rejection stopped the
limerence but the disclosure has left a trail of destruction. I have hurt him, his partner and my
own. Friendships are torn. I restored my wellbeing but at the expense of others’ and I feel very
responsible and sorry. Some feelings remain, but no limerence thankfully.

Reply

Victoria

20 DECEMBER 2017 AT

This idea of limerance tears me up inside because I don’t want to believe it. I don’t want to
believe that I’m sel몭sh. But I do know that parents did neglect me and I know that’s why I feel
empty inside. Just recently I wrote a song for someone I had a crush on. It wasn’t romantic, but
it’s about this person in detail. And I sent it to him because he’s going away, before that I
painted him a rock with a bible verse on it. Now I am loathing myself for doing these things. I
wish I hadn’t done them, I wish he could reciprocate, I’m not mad if he doesn’t, but I had a
dream that he wrote a song back to me and I know that’s just a fantasy. But at the same time, I
love the song I wrote and I was proud of it, but now I’m ashamed of it because I think about
how this isn’t Love it’s limerance. Is songwriting a sel몭sh thing to do? I don’t understand it since
everyone loves them so much. But in this view of limerance it’s a completely sel몭sh thing to do.

Reply

HSS

13 FEBRUARY 2018 AT

I met a 49 yr old gorgeous blond while at work. She 몭irted with me even though she had a live-
in bf. We’ve been out a few times and her bf since moved out.
It’s been 8 months, she never texts or calls 몭rst. I’m the only one chasing her. I cannot get her o몭
my mind. I know a relationship between us wiuld be doomed but I’m still holding on. I’m trying
no contact and trying to meet other women. I’m miserable with these obsessive thoughts about
her.

Reply

yr_not_facked_mate

19 APRIL 2018 AT

i am here to tell you IT IS POSSIBLE to get over it…i had a MAJOR depression for 1 year (zoloft
and antipsychotics) then a more subtle one for 3 more years due to my LO’s rejection.
we only had 2 dates, and separated by half the country. it came down to after college, was i
going to move back to my hometown and make my dreams come true with this woman and
live there forever, never going anywhere? or was i going to make my other dreams come true in
california and learn to surf.
well, after inquiring proposing a date of sorts, i was met with the weakest response on her part,
(updating her facebook photo to something relevant about us?) i received no response and
then confessed about my near-obsession (angrily) and just scared her o몭. it was bad.

Reply

OCD girl

21 MAY 2018 AT

Wow. This is me. In the height of limerence after kissing the object of my obsession last week.
I’m married, he’s married. We’re both unhappy in our relationships (at least that’s what he tells
me) and I craved his attention, engineering opportunities to see him, google stalking, being
where I hoped he’d be, checking out astrological compatibility FFS (we’re not BTW). Then we
went out a part of a group (I ensured he’d be there). We chatted (he touched my knee), did
shots, danced, he kissed me on my forehead, my neck, then kissed me on the lips. He said how
sexy I was, more than his wife, how much he wanted to take me elsewhere and fuck me. Dream
come true, sort of, but I’m not that kind of woman. He’s the 몭rst person I’ve kissed apart from

come true, sort of, but I’m not that kind of woman. He’s the 몭rst person I’ve kissed apart from
my husband for the last 20 years and I knew it would break me if I did that, though I realise I’ve
been having an emotional a몭air anyway. I want to be rid of the endless thought cycle whilst
desperate to know his feelings. Please help. So mixed up.

Reply

Edicko몭

24 SEPTEMBER 2018 AT

Excellent topic

Reply

Just-enough

10 OCTOBER 2018 AT

I’m 33 now. Ive been coping with what I now understand as a sex and love addiction, and
primarily a problem with limerence since I was a teen. My dad told me after my 몭rst break up
“time to upgrade from a Ford to a Porsche.” This is the narcissist who took advantage of my
codependent mother their entire relationship. Star role model.

I’m currently married with a batch of children to one of my 몭rst LOs. She ended up with a friend
and had two kids, I went to university and tried my best to forget her. It was years before I 몭nally
cut my ties, and then within six months they were separated. Well, contact resumed and here
we are. Along the way though it seems like alcohol 몭lled some sort of void and now that our
kids are all school aged it feels like there’s something missing. I’ve recently developed another
limerent object and am feeling so lost.

Reply

MJT

18 DECEMBER 2018 AT

I’m ashamed to admit that I deal with limerence towards people who attend the same school
as me. It’s been ongoing for 3 years and no matter how much I try to distance myself, it’s
become a fantasized relationship between me and someone who hasn’t ever known I existed
until I sent them a friend request on Facebook. There’s always that part of me that says ‘maybe
there’s hope’ but I know it’s only over analyzing.

Reply

Danielle

28 DECEMBER 2018 AT

This has been my life for 3 years, almost every waking hour I would think about my LO and
neglect almost every other part of my life. I was in therapy and he dominated my sessions, I
was on Wellbutrin for the utter sadness and loneliness from not being with him. When I read up
on limerence so many professionals mentioned OCD, so I researched OCD meds and begged
my doctor to put me on Lexapro, a go to med for OCD. Within 2 weeks I was a new person, I still
think about him and miss him every day but I do not wake up and immediately think of him, I
still fantasize but it is rare and not as intense, I can concentrate on other things and hours upon
hours go by where I do not think of him. I feel like I have my life back…please don’t be afraid to
medicate.

Reply

Karen

15 JANUARY 2019 AT

HELP PLEASE!!! I FEEL LIKE I’M DYING! I’M PRAYING FOR DEATH TO COME! SEEMS LIKE I’VE
BEEN THROUGH THIS SO MANY TIMES AND I JUST CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE! EACH TIME THE
PAIN IS GREATER AND GREATER. WHERE CAN I GO FOR HELP?????
CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME????

Reply

Franney

5 MARCH 2019 AT

My latest LO I actually dated for a few years. I broke up with him and I believe I was his LO for 2
years. He always wanted me back. After 2 years I started speaking to him more. He was with
someone but always acted like he still wanted to get back. We ran into each other and he told
me that encounter sent him over the edge. It really emotionally threw him. All of a sudden he
got really mean to me and said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. Then his girlfriend texted
me and said not to

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Initial steps - Access our free
content and support

 

THE ORIGINS OF THE LIMERENCE.NET FORUM

Limerence.net originally started out as a forum to help others. At that time
there was only one other forum for limerence su몭ers called

there was only one other forum for limerence su몭ers called
Tribes.limerence.net. Tribes was a community platform where anyone could
easily create a group for any interest that too their fancy. The limerence
community was created in 2008 by Meowbie and we have posted his story

here.

I came across the Tribe community in 2010 and found it a life saver. 
However the reliability of the service began to su몭er and there were
increasing outages. I started to panic wondering what would happen if that
lifeline crashed and that was the motivation to start up a parallel forum. I
took some heat in the early days with people claiming I was trying to draw
away members. 

My intuition which normally serves me well, was correct. In around 2015 the
Tribe system collapsed completely. If you want to read more about Tribe

and its founders, see this article here. 

Since its inception in 2014, the forum has grown to nearly 3,000 members.
we also know that for every person that registers, many more lurk.

Given challenges with the sensitive nature of limerence and the shame
most people feel, we took the step to only allow registered users to see the
forums.  Since the form was formed, we have not charged for access and
self funded the expansion and maintenance.

In 2021 Ruth and I decided to up our game as we had left the forum to drift
whilst we focussed on growing our LoveRelations business  and create a
more secure part of the forum where we will take a more active role in
contributing to member’s posts. 

A signi몭cant part of the forum  is still free to access whilst the more secure

areas require a silver Membership plan. 
 

Click to register for free forum

Over the years David has been writing numerous articles about his
experience with limerence. More latterly he has expanded his writings to
the expereince he has gained through working as a psychotherapist and
coach with clients struggling with their own limerence. 
this has grown into a library of over 100 articles with at least 2 articles a
week being added.  The articles are catalogued by date and searchable.

Click to read articles

Alongside the articles, we are also building a repository of Youtube videos
and podcasts. Our aim is to make this the best free resource available for
understanding and healing from limerence.
Some of the videos and podcasts relate to other relationship issues, as
afterall we are also couple’s counsellors and relationship coaches and have
much to o몭er in these arenas too!

Click to view videos

Click to listen to podcasts

Overcome limerence in my guided
video series

When 몭rst discovered that there is a word that describes what you are likely
experiencing, it can be overwhelming in knowing where to start. There is
now such a wealth of information available, however its not structured in a
systematic way and it can all be confusing. 

If you want a more structured and guided way to work through  recovery
from limerence, I have created a multi-module structures video training
series along with worksheets and links to other relevant information.

This course is based on my thousands of hours of supporting  others with
limerence, on my own clinical experience as a leadership coach, counsellor
and psychotherapist and perhaps most important of all, my own
 limerence. 

It’s a step by step guide to help you develop a deeper understanding of this
condition whilst I hold your hand on the steps to start overcoming your
limerence.

The videos are grouped under 4 separate modules. These do not need to
be followed in the speci몭c order they are presented as all the steps are
important. However, if you can, watch a video a day and re몭ect on what I am
talking about and then to undertake the exercises of they form part of that

video.

For the full course contents, please click here.

And we o몭er a 14 day money back guarantee.  If you are not satis몭ed for any
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Silver and Gold membership - more
tailored support

 

For the cost of just a few co몭ees a month, you can now get direct access to
world class limerence support which includes direct access to one of the
most knowledgeable therapists on the subject.  I will hold your hand as you
take your early steps through limerence recovery. I have walked a similar
path and can relate to the turmoil in the early days.

Silver membership gives access to all the limerence.net forums.  I only
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As a Silver member, you will also receive membership to the limernece.net
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Women’s group by Ruth. 

Gold membership gives you all the bene몭ts of silver and you can also join
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Membership is on a monthly basis and can be cancelled at any time.

Please note it can take upto 24 hours to grant you access to the silver member
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If resources are not an issue, than you may be interested in joining our
Platinum  membership program for individuals or our Premiere membership
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This is for those individuals and couples that really are looking for the best
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With Platinum membership  for individuals you will receive direct private
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With Premiere membership for couples  you will receive joint couple’s
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We also add 몭y on the wall cameras in your common living areas to truly

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monitor and keep track of your progress.

Plus complimentary access to the online video training series with early
access to new content.

We work only 3 days a week and have a busy practice and we only work
with a select number of clients.

If you are interested in understanding more on how we work and to see if
this could be a good 몭t for you, we recommend booking an initial
exploratory session with either myself or Ruth. The link is here.

We also work as a couple with couples through our LoveRelations practice. 

The link here will take you to the booking page for a couple’s exploratory

with both of us.

 
 

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