Sleeping With Your Best Friend

outstretched, hand reaching for me so I could take hold and let him pull me to him.
I looked away.

'You can't stop my fears, Sam. No-one can. It's a matter of trust and I'm losing it for
you big time.'

'That bloody cow, Julia. Why did I listen to her?'

'Yes, why exactly?' I turned to glare at him, 'You must have been curious all this
time to find out what it would be like to sleep with her. She's gorgeous. Men are
always eyeing her up.'

'Men are always looking at you, Lori.'

'But not like that. Not the way they look at Julia. I'm tall and blonde, men like to
look, check out whether this blonde is the full package or not. But Julia is for them.
I see the hard-ons developing the second she walks into a room. She's got the big
eyes, wild hair and I won't even go into that hour glass figure because you've
already had more than your handful of that body.'

'Is this a jealousy thing?'

'You what?' I spat out, amazed that he should ever say a thing like that.

'Jealousy. The green eyed monster. If you thought Julia overshadowed you in the
looks department then me sleeping with her would be more hurtful than had it
been someone else.'

'You're no psychoanalyst, Sam. Not by a long chalk. Julia is my best friend. I love
Julia. I like that she gets lots of attention, I know how good it makes her feel. But I'm
not her. I don't need the attention. Up until recently, all I ever needed was you. And
I thought you felt the same. The fact that you should jump into bed with her so
easily only tells me that you were just another hard-on. A selfish bastard who
wanted to satisfy the need to know how good the sexy siren actually was in bed.'

'Now who's being a psychoanalyst? It was nothing like that. I know I'm not as
educated as you three, but give me some credit for not being so basic. I'm not a
Neanderthal. Matt has all the sophistication but I didn't lust after Julia. It was a one

51

off for fuck's sake. Why can't you see that? Or maybe you don't want to. Maybe you
want us to be over because you never loved me as much as I love you.'

'What the hell does that mean?'

'It means,' he said, walking up close so I could feel his breath in my face, 'that I did
all the running when it came to getting married. I proposed, you had to think about
it. I bought you a ring, you changed it. I found us somewhere to live, you weren't
sure. Were you sure about me? Did you marry the right guy, Lori?'

'I don't know what you mean.' I immediately thought of Matt. 'We dated for two
years. I've never dated that long before. Of course I thought you were the right guy.'

'Well if you thought that then, you should know I haven't changed. I'm the right guy,
Lori. The one you should be with.' I could see then why Sam was head of his Sales
team. He had all the right words. I was falling under his spell and I wanted so much
to hold him and whisk us back to the Caribbean. Maybe I should just have stayed
there and worked it out in the first place, instead of maxing out my credit card to
come back and shag his best friend. What a mess I was in.

'I need time, Sam. I need to think.'

'Take as long as you'd like. I'm right here. I'm waiting for you.' He went and sat on
the sofa, spreading his open arms onto the headrest.

'So, you're just going to sit there and wait for my decision are you?' I said looking
down at him.

'Yep. I'll be right here.'

'It could take forever and it could be bad news. You'll look pretty stupid if it was.'

'It won't be. You'll see, Lori. You'll see it was supposed to be. Matt and Julia didn't
go the distance because there was nothing bonding them. But we're different.
We're strong and you'll see it soon enough, even if you can't see it now.'

52

'I don't know, Sam. I just don't know.' I turned to leave. He didn't get up as I
collected my bag and saw the packet of incense sticks next to them. 'Where did
these come from?' I asked him.
'You were holding them when you got here.'
'Shit, I must have shoplifted these by mistake. I was in a shop before I came here.
Shit.'
'Don't worry. You're not a bad person. Lori. You didn't do it on purpose.'
'No, I didn't accidentally sleep with...' I couldn't finish the sentence but not for the
reasons Sam must have thought. I was thinking about my misadventure with Matt
as slowly but surely it was seeming less so. I needed to see Matt one last time to be
sure about my feelings for Sam and to decide if our marriage was worth saving.

53

11

The next thing I had to do was see Matt. I took the bus to his flat. Saturday was
becoming more and more like a re-make of The Christmas Carol. Only difference
being, all my ghosts were in the present and if I wanted to sort out my future,
I needed to have faced them all.
'Before you say anything, Matt, I have spoken to Sam. Just now in fact.'
'And?'
'And, I'm even more confused and angry than I was before.'
'Come to the kitchen. I was just going to make coffee. You want one?'
'Love one.' I was aware that I was barging in on Matt's weekend but I felt sure he
wanted this situation sorted out once and for all too. His back was to me as he made
the coffee, he was singing something under his breath, I couldn't make it out.
'You don't mind instant?' He reached up to the cupboard and took out some ground
coffee. 'Or there's this if you want fresh.' He turned around and his teeth flashed
white against the dark stubble of his chin.
'Only if you're having it. I'm easy,' I said. 'I mean...'
'It's all right, I know what you mean.' He waited a beat before saying, 'Better find
the cafetière.'
It was in a base level cupboard. He knelt to get it and the back of his jeans gaped
and I could see the smooth skin on his lower back and the line of his underwear.
Not designer, like Sam's, but a lot more appealing somehow.
'Got it,' he said.
'This is so nice of you, Matt. I don't even know why I'm here really.' I lied. I knew
exactly why I was there. I needed to see if the spark I was feeling for him was more

54

than just sexual. I already suspected it was but I also needed to see if Matt felt one
too. He had not let on at all but if I was going to sort my life out I needed to be sure
it was the one I wanted.

What Sam said had rang true. The wedding was all his idea. Marriage was the thing
he talked about until it was what seemed to me to be our next logical step. Maybe
Julia saw that. Maybe that's why she kept asking me if I was sure. But then again,
maybe she just said that to get her hands on Sam because she wanted him for
herself.

Matt handed me a mug of coffee and, as I took it, my fingers touched his and a tingle
ran through me. Our eyes met for a brief moment and he turned away quickly.
I almost let the mug slip out of my hand.

'I've got biscuits. They're home made,' he stuttered. 'Not by me but from when
Mum last came over.'

'Great, thanks.' I watched him empty oat cookies onto a plate and watched his long,
artistic fingers arranging them before he looked up and nodded his head towards
the living room. I went first, wondering if he was checking me out as I walked.
I turned to look at him, just in case. He was smiling at me.

I sat in one corner of the sofa, him at the opposite end. I kept my mug in my hands
and tapped the sides with a ridiculous grin on my face. Then we both spoke at the
same time.

'How was Sam?' 'This coffee is nice.'

'No, you first,' he said.

'Oh, I was just making small talk.' I blushed. 'But, yes... Sam. The subject of Sam.
Well he's sitting at home waiting for me to make a decision. Do I forgive him or do
I give up on our marriage?'

'That's a big decision, Lori. And you're here because...?'

'Because I need help deciding?'

55

'What...me? You need me to help you?'
'Something like that.'
'But that's between the two of you.' He shifted uncomfortably. 'I can't tell you what
to do.'
'But I wanted your take on the whole situation.' I edged closer to him, leaning
towards his corner of the sofa. He put down his mug and sat with his legs wide and
his elbows on his knees, looking down at the floorboards.
'I can't tell you what to do, Lori. That wouldn't be fair.'
'On who?'
He turned to look at me and faced me head on. 'On me,' he said. I put my mug down
and edged closer still.
'Explain.' I gave him an encouraging nod.
'Isn't it obvious?'
'Nothing is obvious to me at the moment, Matt. Except one thing.'
'What's that?'
Out coffee flavoured tongues were entwined in a split second of his face coming an
inch from mine. My hands clasped his cheeks and he wrapped his arms around me,
pushing me onto my back and leaning into me. My head bumped the armrest of the
sofa.
'Sorry,' he said.
'That's all right,' I said, my hands on the tight skin of his upper arms. His eyes
darted towards the bedroom door. I nodded. We walked quickly to the bedroom
just as his phone started to ring. I looked back at it.
'Forget it,' he said.

56

In the bedroom Matt knelt down in front of me. He took hold of my feet and
removed my trainers. I held onto his back for balance and prayed to God all that
stomping here there and everywhere earlier on hadn't made my feet smell. He
looked up and smiled. It could have been him being polite about my feet or maybe
my shower had taken well. I'd never know. Next he lifted the bottom of my t-shirt
to get to the top button of my shorts. He undid it and pulled the zip down, lowering
my shorts to the floor so that I could step out of them.

He looked at the little ribbon heart on the waist band of my knickers and kissed my
lower abdomen. He pulled my underwear further down and let his kisses reach that
bit lower, his tongue up against me and making my knees weak. He was there a
good while and I was close to coming. He looked up with that precious smile of his
and stood, slowly, feeling for the bottom of my t-shirt and pulling it up over my
head. My nipples had already been standing to attention, waiting for inspection and
his hands started doing just that.

My arms draped around him, I pulled at his t-shirt which he obligingly took off
before guiding me to the bed where he sat, open legged. I slotted in between his
legs, his lips were breast level now and his kisses on them were hard and wild, his
teeth coming into play and causing a hot sensation between my legs.

I pushed Matt onto his back and unfastened his jeans, lowering them and his
underwear just enough. I straddled his hips and let myself down onto him until he
was deep inside me. I moved in waves on top of him, my head back, my eyes closed.

My orgasm came and kept on coming. I could hear myself almost singing with
pleasure as Matt grabbed my buttocks and thrust with such exertion we almost fell
off the bed. I flopped onto my back next to Matt. We looked at each other and were
both filled with a need to giggle. We did, uncontrollably, until it became a full blown
laugh. We rolled on the bed and kept on laughing until there was an urgent buzz on
the intercom in the hallway.

'Are you expecting anyone?' I asked him.

'Might be a delivery. I'll check.' Matt fastened his jeans. 'Don't go anywhere.' I shook
my head and crawled under the covers.

57

Only seconds after he left me, I heard Matt say something into the intercom that
made the blood drain from my body.
'Sam? What you doing here? Um... no... I mean...yes you can come up.' Then I heard
him press the buzzer and in seconds my stance on fidelity would be blown; my
decision about going back to Sam would be taken away, and the friendship between
Sam and Matt hinged on what would happen when he walked through that door.
Matt came running into the bedroom with my bag, the stolen incense and my
coffee.
'Stay here. I'll get him to come out to the pub or something and then you can go.' It
was a rushed whisper. I had no time to think. Only my eyes were showing over the
top of the covers.
'Matt, I'm so sorry.'
There was a rapid knock on his front door and Sam shouting: 'What you doing?' on
the other side.
'Just stay very still,' Matt said to me. 'I'll be as quick as I can.'
'Matt,' I whispered when he got to the door.
'What?'
'Put your t-shirt on.'
'Oh yeah.' He did and went to leave.
'Matt,' I whispered again.
'Yes?'
'Shut the door.'
'I will.'
I covered my head. This was not what I had planned. Not any of it.

58

12

The wall separating the bedroom from the living room was just a partition wall. At
normal volume I could hear everything they said, clearly.
'What took you so long?' Sam said. I heard his voice moving around the room, like
he was agitated.
'Sorry, I was just in the middle of... can I get you a coffee?'
'Got anything stronger?'
'Beer?'
'Now you're talking.'
Damn you, Matt, I thought from under the sheets, you were supposed to get him out
of the flat, not get cosy with drinks.
Sam seemed to be on the prowl and I stared hard at the door handle, expecting it to
turn at any moment and for Sam to jump in to the room and say, 'Aha!'
I heard Matt's bare feet pad back to the living room.
'Here,' he said, I heard the click and hiss of the can of lager and nothing from either
of them for a while.
'Sit down, Sam. Or better still, why don't we go down the road. We can have a few
rounds of darts over a beer.'
'No, I don't want to be out.' I heard his weight drop into an armchair. 'Lori might
call and I don't want her thinking I'm out living it up and not worried about her
decision.'
'Her decision?'
'Yeah. She's making her mind up about whether or not to take me back.'

59

All of a sudden I felt exposed. I'm lying under the covers, naked, and I'm being
discussed. Sam was likely to stay and stay. I wondered, should I get dressed, make a
rope out of the sheets, climb out of the bedroom window and run like hell?
'And you want her to take you back?' Matt said, loudly.
'Of course I do. What do you expect?'
'Because you love her?'
Sam paused before answering – far too long for my liking.
'We're married aren't we?' he said.
I carefully threw the covers off and picked up my knickers.
'I know you're married but that didn't answer my question.' Matt was persistent.
'Why are you being philosophical? You think I would have asked Lori to marry me
if I didn't love her?'
'Well no, but I'm just talking about how you show it.'
I pulled my t-shirt on quickly because I didn't want to miss Sam's response.
'What do you mean?' Sam said.
'Well you look at other women, make comments about them – all the time. And
then there was Julia.'
'You're not angry about me pulling your left overs are you?'
'Don't talk about Julia like that. You see? That's what I mean. You have a negative
attitude when it comes to talking about women.'
'What are you – a girl? You sound like a fucking girl, Matt.'
'Fuck you, Sam, you fucking arsehole. I'm talking about common decency.
Something you seem to lack and the reason you and Lori are where you are now.'
I pulled up the zip to my shorts.

60

'What was that?' Sam said.

'What was what?'

'I heard something.'

'I don't know and don't change the subject,' Matt said. 'Why did you do it? Why did
you sleep with Julia?'

'I don't fucking know? Because it was there. Because it was easy. Christ. You were
full of sympathy the other night. You thought Lori was being irrational, you said so
yourself. Why are you taking her side now? Did you talk to her?'

'No.' I thought Matt's answer was so well acted I clapped my hands together.

'Are you sure you didn't hear something?' Sam said.

'Let's just get out of here, Sam. This whole situation is doing my head in and that
was my last beer. I could do with one myself.'

'Look, I didn't come here to stress you out or to start a fight. I'm just killing time.'

'Killing time?' Matt asked.

'Yeah. You should have seen me in action earlier. I was acting out of my skin. I came
across as the heartbroken Romeo. It was brilliant. I told Lori I wasn't going to move
from my spot until she said we'd get back together. It's just a question of time now.'

The bastard. The fat, lying, cheating bastard I thought. My hand was hovering by
the door handle.

'So what are you hoping will happen?' Matt said.

'Well Lori's outgoing, fun loving and a bit crazy at times. But at heart she's a big
romantic softy. I'm sure in no time she'll come around to my way of thinking. Admit
that it was no big deal and come running back to me. Who knows, we might even
get a few days away to make up for the fortune I spent on that honeymoon.'

'Yeah. You kept saying how expensive it was.' Matt sounded pissed off.

61

'Julia was the one who gave me the idea for the Caribbean. She's a classy girl. But
then you know all about that. Yeah – classy, intelligent, great job. And you should
see what she's done to her house. In the bedroom she's got-'

'Spare me. I don't want to know about your pre-marital mess up,' Matt sighed.

'Oh no. I'm not talking about the shag before the wedding. I'm talking about the one
last night. See, the thing is, I didn't think Lori would take me back and I thought,
shit, I might as well be hung for sheep as a lamb.'

I burst into the living room.

'You bastard!'

Sam, who had been guzzling a neck full of lager spat it all out in a phlegmy fountain
onto the floor.

'Where did you come from?' he said getting to his feet and wiping beer off his legs.

'Never mind that. You slept with Julia – again? You said you went there for advice
you big shit!How could you Sam? I mean – God! I don't believe this.' I was walking
around in a circle and pulling at my hair. 'So... what if I'd taken you back? Would
you have admitted you lied to me? Because this time this is adultery. As you kept
reminding me, the first one didn't count. But this counts. This bloody well does.'
I was advancing on Sam now, jabbing a finger at him until I finally reached his chest
and stabbed my finger into it. It bent backwards.

'Why is your t-shirt inside out?' Sam said to me. 'And why is the label facing front?'

I looked at Matt. Matt looked at Sam. Sam's eyes darted from me to Matt.

'Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. Hang on,' Sam said marching towards Matt who quickly
stood up. He was not as broadly built as Sam but he was taller and could handle
himself if things turned ugly. And I knew what Sam was like. He wouldn't harm a
hair on my head but against another man he was always fists first.

Sam positioned his hands on his hips and leant towards Matt.

'What are you doing?' Matt said bending his neck away from Sam.

62

'I'm smelling for signs of sex.'

'Get lost.' Matt dodged his probing nostrils and stepped aside. 'You can't just come
in here accusing everyone of being like you.'

'Oh yes I can.' Sam swung around to me. 'Did you just fuck him?'

I looked down at the coffee table and wrung my hands together. The can Sam had
been drinking from was spilling onto the wooden flooring and I desperately wanted
to grab a towel and mop up the mess, but recognised straight away that there was a
more pressing issue at hand. I still hadn't answered the question.

'You did,' Sam said softly. 'You did just sleep with him.'

I looked at Matt just as Sam swung around to him with a right hook straight into
Matt's jaw. Matt was too late to dodge or block and stumbled back. He put his hands
up. Sam swiped again. This time he jabbed at Matt's eye and caught him hard. Matt
stooped to touch his face and immediately barged forward grabbing hold of Sam
and wrestling him down. I screamed as they landed on the coffee table, sending the
cold coffee in Matt's mug across the floor. Two of the table legs collapsed under
their weight.

They rolled on the floor, fists flying and swear words filling the already tension
filled air.

'Stop it! Stop it both of you! You're fighting over nothing. I said stop!'

Neither listened to me as Sam staggered to his feet and kicked Matt into the chest
causing him to fall backwards. I rushed to Sam and grabbed his arm. He tried to
shrug me off but his elbow caught my chin and sent me flying. I bit into my tongue
and yelped. Sam was wide eyed and apologetic.

'Lori! Oh my God, Lori. I didn't mean...' He put his arms around my shoulders.

'Get off me,' I said. I put my hand to my mouth and there was blood. A lot. It looked
a lot more serious than it actually was.

63

Matt rushed over and hooked Sam by the collar. 'Now look what you've done.' He
pulled back a fist.
'Matt – no!' I put up the blood free hand. 'Enough.'
'Let me get you a cloth,' Matt said heading for the door.
'No, I'm fine. Don't leave. We need to clear this up once and for all.'
The intercom in the hallway sounded again.
'What now?' Matt heaved and left the living room. 'Yes!' I heard him blast into the
intercom. A loud, dramatic voice answered him from outside. I knew who it was
straight away.
'Matt? It's Julia. I need you.'
Sam and I stared at each other. Matt buzzed Julia in. He returned and looked at us
both.
'This should be good,' he said.

64

13

I heard Julia's voice out in the hallway. She sounded tearful.
'I've had such a shit day. Lori attacked me in a shop.'
'You better come in,' Matt said. Her face lost all its colour when she saw me and
Sam, both standing there.
'Are...are you two back together?' She looked from one to the other.
'Hardly,' Sam said. He stomped over to the window, looking outside with such
vigour, you'd think he'd never seen a street before. He was obviously still fuming
and, seeing the root of all of our problems standing in the middle of Matt's living
room as if she were a victim, brought me back to boiling point too.
'Julia, stop lying. I never attacked you,' I said. 'I asked you a simple question. I asked
you why you did it and I know now that there's no answer to that question. Not one
that I want to hear or could be bothered to listen to.'
'Well especially now as you've got your revenge by sleeping with Matt.' Sam
rounded on me.
'You did what?' Julia said. She stared at Matt who sat down and looked at me from
under his eyelashes.
'That's it, isn't it Lori,' Sam said coming a bit closer. 'You did it for revenge. Am I
right? I know I am. I know you. So now you've got it out of your system can we go
home?' He put his hands on my upper arms, his eyes caught the label on my back to
front, inside out t-shirt and I looked at Matt from under my eyelashes too. 'Look,'
Sam continued, blocking Matt from view. 'Can we wipe the slate clean? Start as
though none of this happened? We're all a little too close for comfort. We've lived in
each other's pockets for years. No offence you guys.' He turned to Julia and Matt.

65

'But what Lori and I need right now is some time away from both of you and to get
our marriage back on track.'

'That's rich.' I snorted.

'What?' he said.

'Not five minutes ago I heard you telling Matt how easy it is for you to manipulate
me. That I'm a big softy. You think you can just say the word and I'll come running.
Well I'm not one of your clients. This isn't a sales pitch. You can't sell me you Sam.
Not any more.' I looked over his shoulder at Julia. 'I know you and Sam slept
together last night. And from the way he was bragging it seems he was hoping to
set up a little ménage à trois. Is that what you want?'

'Of course not.' Julia crossed her arms and glared at Sam.

'Don't think for one minute, Sam, that I'm such a push over I'm going to be used like
that,' I said. 'I have my standards.'

'Standards?' he said. I could feel his spittle on my lip. 'Standards? And what kind of
standards did you have coming round here right after giving me the impression you
wanted me back and then shagging him?'

'Don't you dare try to lecture me on standards,' I shouted. 'What did you tell Julia?
That you loved her? That you wanted her? Did she know you just wanted a
mistress? Sam you're a little shit. We've been married two minutes and you're
having an affair.'

'You can talk!'

'I didn't start this,' I said, stamping my foot.

'No, but you didn't waste any time getting into the swing of things. I mean does
Matt know you were only using him to get back at me?'

'It wasn't like that. Not today anyway.' I pressed my lips together.

'Wait a minute.' Sam put his hands to his head and paced the room then came back
towards me. 'What do you mean not today anyway? When else did you fuck him?'

66

I looked at Matt. Matt looked at me. Sam rushed over to Matt squaring up for
another fight and I ran over and got in between them and put my hands out. I saw
the dried blood on the back of my hand from where I'd wiped my face earlier. Matt
was on his feet and staring daggers at his best friend. Sam pushed back his
shoulders. Neither of them spoke.

'Well,' Julia said, sitting on the sofa and putting her feet up on the coffee table.
'Looks like I got here just in time for all the fireworks.'

'And I wish you hadn't shown your smug face, Julia.' I turned to her. 'I was this close
to slapping it today.'

'Maybe you should have done,' she said lifting her shoulders and both hands.
'Maybe there's too much tension between us all. The pot was bound to boil over
one of these days.'

'This only happened because of you, Julia.' Matt finally spoke. 'What the hell were
you thinking?' He sat on the arm of the sofa, one foot on the seat and shaking his
head at Julia. She put her eyes down at first. 'Tell me something,' Matt continued,
'and we might as well all be honest with each other now. That night we all first met,
were you ever interested in me?'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Her eyes darted about.

'Well, I got the impression that getting off with me was the consolation prize. The
one you really wanted was lover boy over here wasn't it? Be honest now. Look us
all in the eye and tell us who you really fancied.'

Julia put her head down. We were all staring down at her now as she sat playing
with her fingers as if they were a new addition to her body. I came and sat on the
coffee table in front of her.

'Jules?'

'Jesus, Lori. Don't you know? That night at Hank's Bar. I saw them come in. I told
you which of the two I was after and you ignored it.'

67

'But Sam got talking to me,' I said. 'I liked him. I asked you in the Ladies if you didn't
mind and you told me to go for it.'
'I was being fucking sarcastic!'
'What's wrong with being honest?' I put my hands up in the air.
There was silence over the room at last. Not even our breathing could be heard but
the tension was palpable. Sam was the first to speak.
'Everyone knows I go for blondes.'
'So what were you doing in Julia's bed?' I asked him. He put his head down.
'I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Lori.' He knelt beside me by the coffee table. 'Are you going to
give me another chance?'
Matt tutted and got off the sofa. It was his turn to pace.
'Why do you think Julia and I didn't last?' he said.
'Well that much is obvious.' Sam said.
'Not to you two, apparently. You two got all loved up and neither Julia nor I got the
person we wanted. Sure we pretended for a good while. We even got on. But as
friends. And that was it. You two were so into each other you didn't even notice us
sleeping with other people and that we'd broken up a whole month before you guys
even realised.'
'Really?' I said, looking at Julia. She nodded. 'So by sleeping with Sam was that you
trying to get him to change his mind about me?'
'No. I knew I couldn't do that,' she said. 'He was blinded by your cutesy, clumsy
blonde bombshell act.'
'It's not an act. I am who I am. I just never knew you were the husband stealing
type.'

68

'That's not what I was trying to do. I don't know what I was doing. Jesus, Sam I've
been in love with you since the day you two walked into that bar. I flirted with you
outrageously but all you saw was Lori.'

'I didn't know.' Sam sat on the floor and crossed his legs.

'Would it have made a difference?' Julia said staring at Sam. 'I couldn't bear to see
you two get married and live happily ever after. I was going to leave the country
right after the wedding. I already knew I had a job lined up. I was going to sell my
house, the lot. But then you came over about that problem I was having with the
bathroom taps and I just wanted you so much.' She turned to look at me. 'I wasn't
thinking, Lori. I never meant to be a bitch like that but I was weak and...'

'Well what ever you had to offer, he was well up for a second helping,' I said looking
round at Sam.

'That's because he's a shit.' Matt said.

'All right, all right.' Sam tried to protest.

'But it's true,' Matt said under his breath.

'Look!' I stood up now. 'Are you in love with Julia, Sam?'

Sam looked down and shook his head. Julia put hers down and tears dripped onto
her fidgeting hands. My heart went out to her. I wanted to hug her but I felt numb.
This was definitely not how the second week of my honeymoon was supposed to
go. But in terms of drama, it had certainly gone up several notches.

'Get up,' I said, pushing Sam away with my foot so I could sit next to Julia. I put my
arm around her. 'What hurts the most is that I don't think I can forgive this. It's not
like you borrowing my new silk top and getting teryaki down the front of it.'

'I know,' she said, putting her hand on mine. 'But I really am so, so, sorry.' I was lost
for words. 'Lori,' Julia said after a beat.

'Yes?'

'Why is your t-shirt inside out and back to front?'

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'Aha!' Sam said leaping to his feet. 'At last we come down to it.'

'Oh calm down, Sam,' Matt said.

'No, I will not calm down. Now we come back to the big one.'

'How can that be the big one?' I shouted at Sam. He positioned his face next to mine
as he leaned over me.

'Because here you are acting high and mighty, the tortured soul, when you're round
here fucking Matt. And let's not forget it was more than once.'

I stood abruptly and matched him for volume, my face contorted with anger. 'Yes
I was here fucking Matt and I loved it. I loved every moment of him fucking my
brains out. Yes I did come round the other night and yes, you're right, it was for
revenge. And Matt knows that, too. He felt guilty and so did I. But I fucked him
today because I liked it the first time round and I felt something for him then, too.'

'You did?' Matt said quietly.

'Yes!' I shouted again. 'I didn't know I had those feelings for you and it turns out
I have. Okay?'

'Okay.'

'And another thing.' I continued to shout. 'I was already falling out of love with you,
Sam. After you and Julia, I was never really sure I could go back to you and now
I know I never ever will.'

'Wait,' Sam said. 'Now you calm down, Lori. You don't mean all that. You can't have
feelings for Matt.'

'But I have.' My voice went back to normal volume. 'I know. I feel them. And it's not
just sex. You know what I wish? I wish we could go back to that night we all first
met. I wish you would have spoken to Julia instead of me. Instead of selling yourself
as a perfect version of you, making me believe you loved me and that marriage was
all I really wanted. You even made me believe I liked that flat. I don't like it Sam.
I don't like you and I don't-'

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'Don't say it.' Sam put his hand up. 'Don't say you don't love me.'
'I love the idea of you and what you and I convinced ourselves was going to be a
great life. But let's face it, Sam, if it was real, you wouldn't have slept with Julia and
I wouldn't have slept with Matt.'
That icy silence fell over us all again. Then a series of looks and stares went out
around the room. I couldn't help but notice the one Matt gave me. It spoke volumes
and I knew I wasn't confused any more. I looked down at the rings on my finger.
The large diamond engagement ring and the platinum wedding band. I began
easing them off.
'No Lori. Don't,' Sam pleaded. 'You can sleep on this. We can work it out. Let's go
home. Or to a hotel if you don't like the flat in Fulham.'
'No, Sam. I'm going back to Riz's place.' I put the rings into his hand and walked
away. I didn't look back, just let myself out and I kept on walking.
I got onto the street, ignoring all three voices calling, 'Lori, Lori, come back.' It was
almost nine o'clock, close to getting dark and I was exhausted.
I got to my old flat and let myself in. The place was deserted. No Riz or Lennox
having the weekend love-in session I thought they were gearing up for. Maybe they
took their act over to his place. I was so thankful. I ran a bath and sank into it, the
sex, the angry words, the confrontations and the ugly truth all slipping off my skin
and into the rose scented water. I sank my head under too. I wasn't brave enough
to stay submerged even if that meant not having to face the mess. And it wasn't
over. Not even close.

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14

I refused to see Matt and Julia during the time Sam and I organised our annulment.
It seemed to take forever. I had to take days off work because my health got so bad
from the stress of it all. My doctor advised me to take a break from everything and
everyone.

With the papers signed I could finally get Sam out of my hair and I let him sort out
the flat. Luckily we hadn't bought it together, only rented. That was something my
dad was thankful for but my mum just couldn't get over the embarrassment of
having to return wedding presents. I promised my parents I'd pay them back for
the fortune they'd spent on my wedding. Dad told me not to be so silly – but if I got
married again, they wouldn't be heartbroken if I decided to elope.

I got a letter from Julia, who was then permanently located in Spain, to say that her
house in Wandsworth was sold and she had no ties in London now apart from me.
Also that she was coming back to sign papers and would love to see me. I said I'd
think about it.

But Riz was a great source of comfort to me. She kept me in man size Kleenex and
red wine during what was the worst period of my life.

One evening I arrived home with lots of shopping bags in both hands and my phone
buzzing away in my handbag which was slung, awkwardly, around my shoulder.
I hurried to drop the shopping onto the floor and started rooting around for my
phone. Finally I found it and looked at the screen. I was shocked to see the name
flashing in front of me. Tentatively I answered.

'Julia?'

'Hi Lori, hope I didn't catch you at a bad time.'

'Er, well, I just walked in the door and I've got a load of shopping and...'

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'Well, I don't want to keep you. It's just I've come back. I'm in London, you know, to
sign the papers for the house.'
'Oh, right.'
'And I was just wondering if you were free tonight.'
'Tonight?'
'Yeah, you don't have to be out long. It's just that my flight back is tomorrow and
I'm a bit time crunched and...I miss you.'
'Really?'
'Of course I do, Lori. What do you think, I went away and forgot my best friend?'
'Well I wouldn't have said we're best friends. Not now anyway.'
'That never changed for me, Lori. No matter how much of a bitch I was, you never
were to me. You cared about me. You were the only one. Ours was the longest
relationship I ever had and I don't want it to be over.'
'Julia it already is.'
'It doesn't have to be. Look, I'm minutes from Hank's Bar. Remember our old
haunt?'
'How could I forget.'
'I'll be there at 7.30. If you can bear to look at me, I'd love to see you. Going to Spain
without a goodbye hurt me. Not having you in my life hurts even more, Lors.'
I didn't know what to say. I should have gotten off the phone so I could get my cold
stuff into the fridge. I had a date with some stir fried noodles and the Suburgatory
box set.
'You there?' Julia said.
'Yes. Look I don't know if it's such a good idea, Jules, I-'

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'I'll be there anyway. If it gets to closing time and you don't show then I guess
I know it's over for us. I won't bother you again. But if you do come, well, I really
hope you do.'

'Bye, Julia.'

I hung up and walked like I was in a zombie trance to the kitchen and packed my
shopping away. Riz came home and asked what was up. I was putting shampoo into
the kitchen cupboard.

'I got a call from Julia. She wants to see me.'

'And?'

'And I think I should go.' I got my tampons out of the fridge and went to change into
something comfortable. I stir fried my dinner and made a decision.

Hank's Bar was busy. It usually was on a Thursday. I saw Julia straight away and
she saw me. She was at one of the tall tables along the side wall and waved like a
mad woman when I walked in.

'I took the liberty of ordering your favourite cocktail.'

'That was presumptuous of you,' I said, not taking a seat on the stool she was
pushing out for me. 'Am I still good old dependable Lori to you?'

'Not at all. If you didn't come I would have drunk it. It's my favourite too
remember?'

'That's true.'

'Take a seat?'

'Thanks.' I took a sip of my cocktail. 'So...how's Spain?'

'Great. I met a guy.'

'Spanish?'

'Dutch, actually. You'll like him.'

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'Is he here?' I looked around.

'No I mean when you come...I mean, if you come. I mean one day when you can
handle spending more than five minutes with me.'

'I've been here more than five minutes haven't I?'

'You know what I mean. Lori, are you going to be this cool all evening?'

'Honestly, Julia. I don't know what you expect from me.'

'Well nothing. I was just hoping for... well, I don't know what I was hoping for.'

'I just too soon. Maybe in time I might consider coming over to Spain. Maybe you
and the Dutch guy will get married and I'll come to your wedding.'

'I'm sorry I wasn't at yours but I suppose, all things considered...'

'Let's not dwell on it. I'm feeling so much better than I was and look I'm here and
I didn't come to fight. I don't really know why I came but I'm sick of being angry
and bitter. It's just not me.'

'I know. I hate what I made you become. It wasn't right, not for someone like you.
You have a good heart Lori and Sam never deserved you. Sorry, I know we said we
weren't talking about the past but I had to say it. I also wanted to say that I know
you won't want me as your best friend any more but I would love to be something
to you. Anything. We could write once in a while and my apartment is big. If you
fancy a trip to Barcelona then...'

'We'll see. I'll get us another round of these shall I?'

'No, tonight's on me.'

I watched Julia make her way to the bar. She'd lost a bit of weight but, as usual, the
men were all looking at her. She turned back to me as she waited to be served and
then got out her phone and made a call. Maybe it was to her Dutch boyfriend. It
would've been great to hear about him. Just like the old days. But I wasn't sure I
would ask.

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Julia came back with our drinks and had a big smile for me. I missed Julia's smile.
I put my head down and smiled at my lap.

'Cheers,' Julia said. I raised my glass and drank. As usual, the cocktail slipped down
quickly and deliciously. I had work the next day so I planned to make that the last.
'So,' Julia sighed, 'did you speak to Matt recently?'

'Recently? No. I haven't spoken to him since the showdown. I wanted to make a
clean break of the whole Awesome Foursome thing.'

'I understand. But of all the people you should have seen again, it should have been
him.'

'Why do you say that?'

'Because he's in love with you, Lori.'

'How do you know?' I screwed up my eyebrows.

'What do you think he and I talked about when we were supposed to be dating? All
he ever did was ask about you. Every time. Until all we'd end up talking about was
you. You were the only thing we had in common. It was obvious to me he was
falling in love. I'm surprised you never caught on. But then, why would you?'

'I wish things had been different. Imagine we could turn back the clock. This was
the place we met them, isn't it?'

'I remember it well.'

'If we had that day back, I would have listened to you when you said you wanted
Sam and I would have gotten to know Matt and maybe...'

'I know. But what if Matt walked in now. No Sam and no me. Would you talk to
him?'

I stopped to think about it. The memories of being in Matt's company, wrapped in
his arms, kissing him, made me feel warm. I blushed and smiled. 'Yes, yes I would
talk to him.'

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'That's good to know,' said a voice from behind me. I swung around.
'Matt!'
'I hope you don't mind if I join you?'
'Er...' I looked at Julia.
'Don't look at me, I have a plane to catch tomorrow. I need to pack.' She picked up
her bag and kissed my cheek. Her lips were cool from the ice in the cocktail and she
was wearing her favourite perfume. 'I'll see you in Barcelona,' she said and
disappeared through the crowd towards the door. I turned to Matt who had taken
her seat.
'I have missed you so much, Lori. I hope you don't mind the set up.'
'No, no I don't. I'm happy to see you Matt. I think that eventually I would have
called you anyway.'
'Really?'
'I missed you too. I missed that feeling I had when you and I... It didn't go away and
I know what it means now.'
'Something good?'
'Something very good.'
Matt smiled and touched his lips to mine. I was in no way confused about how that
kiss made me feel.
'You know what?' I said when I opened my eyes.
'No. What?'
'I think being part of a twosome is going to be a whole lot more fun.'

####

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I hope you enjoyed my novel.
If so, I'd really appreciate you leaving a review at Obooko.
Thank You

Connect with Rosa Temple
Website: https://www.rosatemple.co.uk/
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or email: mailto:[email protected]

More Books by Rosa Temple
Natalie’s Getting Married
Single By Christmas
Playing By The Rules
Playing Her Cards Right
Playing For Keeps

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